EXPECTANT

An interview with author Julie Sanders

Tell us what we can expect from EXPECTANT.

EXPECTANT is a collection of 40 devotions for new and expectant moms that uses transparent stories and biblical truth to offer hope and wisdom to women transitioning into motherhood. If you have dreams and hopes of what mothering will be, your heart is already Expectant.

Women enter motherhood in a variety of ways, so EXPECTANT shares encouragement for every mom as she grows into being a mother. That may mean she grows a pregnant belly or a home study for adoption, but she will grow. By talking about real issues like changes in your body, your marriage, your work, and your schedule, EXPECTANT helps new moms think through necessary transitions to find hope and confidence right there on the changing table or playground.

Like spending time with a loving, honest mentor over coffee, EXPECTANT uplifts women. The devotions are organized into sections about you, other grown-ups, the baby, and your new normal. Each one includes words from scripture to grow your heart, as well as questions to get the conversation started with a friend, mentor, or dad-to-be. It’s formatted so that it would be easy to do with a partner or small group of moms.

Each journey into motherhood is unique, but every mother’s heart is expectant.

How is motherhood different than you expected?

I knew I would love our children, but I never imagined how much I would enjoy our children. Every season has been amazing, but moving through the changes of childhood, along with the accidents and surprises, has kept me prayerful. Being a mom is great for your prayer life!

Being a mom has stretched me more personally than I ever expected. God uses motherhood to expose my weaknesses, my failures, and my sin. While I’ve been watching our kids grow, God has been growing my heart and life.

What are some of your favorite motherhood books?

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp is foundational. Sharon Jaynes’ book Being a Great Mom, Raising Great Kids really challenged me when I was deep in the elementary years. I was so inspired to make the most of time with our kids. Vicki Courtney’s 5 Conversations books for boys and for girls gave me direction as JoHanna and Jacob were growing, especially since I never had a brother. I needed the wisdom from those authors!

One thing I’ve learned as a mom is that I should never stop learning, so I’m always excited to find a new book or resource to make me a better mom. If I ever think I’ve got all the bases covered, something changes and I’m sent to my knees, searching for wisdom!

Your website is called Come have a Peace. How do you find peace as a mother?

I’m convinced God means for us to live out our days experiencing His peace in the practical, real life, relational stuff of our days. For a mom, it seems impossible sometimes, but we aren’t meant to stay in heavy, discouraged places on our mothering journey. We’re meant to find peace, and Jesus said we find it in Him, (John 16:33). Mamas need that message all day, every day, and often through the night.

God has used major transitions, distance from family, and multiple crises in our lives to show me my “peaceful mom’s heart” does not depend on my circumstances. I’ve become a “pray all day” kinda mom who cries out often and openly to the only perfect Parent we know, God Himself. I’ve learned to give myself a lot of grace and let myself off the hook of expecting perfection, refusing to compare myself to moms around me. (Remind me of that, will you?) And I give our kids a lot of grace, trying to keep the “big picture” in mind as God unfolds His plans for them. He’s doing a great job with them!

The greatest compliment I receive is when our kids have friends over and they say, “Your house is so … peaceful.”  Love that!

What was most difficult for you during the “young years?”  How did you grow as a mother?

When I delivered our first baby, it was quite a finale to our pregnancy! Nothing happened the way we anticipated. I was left with fear and disappointment, and it took a long time for me to feel whole again. Feeling fragile was not only hard, it wasn’t what I expected.

I always wanted to have children, but I also loved being a teacher. Making a transition to spending the day with the baby at home was not as easy as I thought it would be, and before long I found myself overcommitted and worn out. I was challenged to take a close look at where I found my identity and where I placed my trust. Motherhood turned out to be as much about growing me as growing our children.

It seems like women in their early twenties are discouraged these days to become a mother so young. What type of encouragement do you have for young couples ready to become parents?

No one is every fully prepared to be a mom, but giving yourself a chance to grow and mature in wisdom helps you be the best mom you can be and want to be. God is able to do extraordinary things with moms who start as ordinary women. If you wait until you’re perfect and have a well-padded portfolio and house with a fence, you might wait a long time.

A wise mentor once encouraged me not to rush through the sweet years of just being a couple. Strengthen your oneness during your pre-child season, and you’ll be better parents when the time comes. As you enter parenthood, you’ll find that it’s a lot about growing yourselves while growing your family.

I’m thankful my mentor slowed us down; God’s timing is unique for everyone. Seek Him together. The most important part of the decision about when to start a family is unity between the mom and dad-to-be. It’s never worth it for one anxious spouse to push the other forward. Your hearts must be longing and expectant together.

Will you be overwhelmed if you start young? Every mom is overwhelmed at times, regardless of age, but God will be there to Father you lovingly into an experience more amazing than you ever imagined. He has a tender place in His heart for moms, and He knows all you hope and all you anticipate, (Isaiah 40:11). He is the one who has grown your mama’s heart to be so EXPECTANT.

Stop by the EXPECTANT page to find out more and to purchase your copy for $4.99 on Kindle or for use on the Kindle App.

Julie’s first baby has grown up and gone off to college and the second is close behind. Having a baby looked different than she expected, but the motherhood journey has exceeded all she imagined. As a pastor’s wife, Bible teacher, and women’s ministry leader, Julie enjoys walking the path of motherhood with moms in all seasons. Connect with Julie at her website Come Have a Peace, where she offers peace for your days by sharing God’s truth for the things of life, marriage, and motherhood. As you grow your family, she will help you grow your Expectant heart on the journey of motherhood.

Find Julie on Twitter at @JulieSanders_ and join in the conversations about EXPECTANT on Facebook.

…Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…..James 4:8

I admit it…we own goats.  There.  I said it.  I love makeup, teapots, fun shoes, fancy things….and goats.  I grew up in the huge city of Phoenix, and now live on a small hobby farm in East Tennessee.  I appreciate the slower pace, lots of open space and all the miracles of  God’s creation I  witness on my doorstep (literally).

Gabby, our shaggy white-haired goat, is my daughter’s favorite.  Gabby loves my daughter, responds to her voice, and loves her with the affection of a dog. Me, on the other hand, Gabby could care less about.  She juts her nose in the air and treats me with contempt every time I come close. This silly goat’s snobbish attitude lets me know she has no need for me and does not choose me as her master (until her basic need of food needs met).

All this changed three days ago.  My daughter breathlessly rushed inside to tell me Gabby was giving birth.  I ran out and found her wide-eyed backed up into a dark corner of the barn.  Instantly her eyes spoke volumes of profound pain and fear of the situation she was in.  Without hesitation she drew near to me for support and reassurance, and pressed into my firm hands for comfort while crying out in pain.

As part of God’s creation I know what it is like to carry my own “snobbish attitude” and desire total self-reliance.  Life is good, predictable…I’m in control….then wham–life happens and I find myself in a dark corner, paralyzed in pain and fear from an unwanted situation.  This is when I scream out to God, usually stomping my feet asking “Where are you, Lord?!”

And just like Jesus said to his friend Philip, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?” (John 14:9), He also says to all of us who call Him friend, “I am here, been here all along.”

Too often we make the choice to wait until the pain-filled corner to allow the comfort of Christ to become real. Our stubborn self-reliance hinders the daily relationship made possible to God through Jesus Christ. The Creator of the world wants us to, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”

Have you suddenly found yourself in a painful corner, crying out to God?  Do you walk with God and still not really know Him? I would love to hear from you!!

The day my husband’s struggle with porn came to light, a new, unwanted battle twisted to life inside me.

The wicked pictures that once held my husband hostage now try to shove me under their suffocating wake.

Each moment of the day painful reminders of my husband’s unfaithfulness surface through:

• Billboards along the roads flaunting airbrushed bodies causing my heart and stomach to sink.
• Living room- turned harsh environment- as I tensely wait for the next perfect body flashed at just the right angle (over and over) on our family TV making my skin crawl.
• Church services…  I learned years ago to dread Easter Sunday. The live bodies with skin-tight dresses, not enough fabric, sitting all around my husband and teenage son make worship difficult at best.
• Newspaper ads…the list goes on and on….

Faster than my eyes capture these forms, my mind goes to where it should not.  Thoughts flood my mind comparing myself to the pictures, then I imagine my husband’s lustful thoughts…then his actions… Bitterness, hate and fear towards my repentant husband, who is now whole-heartedly following the Lord, overtake my mind.

This is no longer my husband’s sin issue attacking our marriage, but mine.  Each of my condemning thoughts hand the devil an opportunity to overthrow the hard-won healing of our marriage.

So now what?

• First, I go to God’s word daily to seek His help and realize this is a spiritual battle:

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4

• Second, I realize this is my own personal sin issue.  I am embracing negative thoughts instead of destroying them:

“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:5

• Lastly, I resolve to make all my thoughts obedient to Christ through Philippians 4:8

What ever is true about my husband, whatever is honorable about my husband, whatever is right about my husband, whatever is pure about my husband, whatever is lovely about my husband, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

And what supernaturally flows out of obedience to these verses?

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

Is this journey easy?  No.

Is my God faithful to, “do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or think,” due to diligent obedience to His word?  Yes!

Lord, there is no one besides You to help me in this battle. I have no strength; so help me, O Lord my God, for I trust in You, and in Your name have come against this overwhelming situation.  O Lord, You are my God; let not anything prevail against you.  -2 Chron 14:11

 

Are you struggling with this same battle, or one like it? How can I encourage you to be obedient to God’s word today? I would love to hear from you!

A great, wonderful, powerful book that is helping me in this battle is, “Shattered Vows”, by Debra Laaser.  Since writing this post, the realization I need more healing has brought me to my knees. To say that God is pruning me in this area is an understatement…but God is showing our marriage GREAT victory through trusting Him!  My husband traveled to Las Vegas (ummm huge fear on my part…talk about a battle of my mind….yikes….) and God is showing me where more healing needs to take place. This book is helping me get to the next level, and I’m so excited what surrendering to His work is accomplishing.

Will keep you posted….

See more  of my journey here, or visit me on Facebook!

….and what does my super-sweet-totally-amazing-hunk-of-love-husband think of me writing about this? He wants you to know that even though this journey is very sensitive and hard to share, it is worth us telling to lead others to freedom in Christ.  -And they overcame him (the enemy) because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony. Rev12:11

…or in any other fairy tale I’ve read.  The prince and princess who  overcome every obstacle,  finally swept together in rapturous “love”, then wham.  Every force available in the kingdom seems to shove them apart.

The prince works a stressful fifty-plus hour work week, travels, leaves before the sun goes up, comes home right in time to tuck the little ones in bed, nods off then speeds off again. His once stately shoulders sag under the burden of his workplace and striving to be a husband and father.

Once surrounded in glass slippers, the princess’ toes are now worn and calloused from her full time responsibilities. As soon as her feet hit the cold floor she is overseeing school and schoolwork, running to doctor appointments, managing medications, buying and preparing food, digging through mounds of laundry, all at the speed of light.   Daily maintenance and upkeep also fall into her once smooth hands, and the demands of the household press down like a vise.

Was their love just a fairy tale?

 In the book, “What Did You Expect??”, Paul Tripp helps answer our question. “…real love doesn’t live only in these grand, affectionate moments.

No, real love lives at street level.  It lives when no violin is playing or bird is singing. It lives when life is busy, boring, or hard.

Real love doesn’t demand that life is easy or exciting.  Real love loves as much in the dark of the night as it does in the warmth of the sun.  Real love loves when love isn’t much fun and isn’t very fulfilling.  Real love doesn’t quit when things are hard and doesn’t check out in the face of disappointment.

So, there is no such thing as real love that does not require real, willing, and daily sacrifices. There is no way to escape it-real love is costly. Real love calls each of us to be willing to suffer.”*

Is your marriage surrounded with fairy tale expectations that daily disappoint you?  Or do you know that real life is more like a jungle than a kingdom?

Start today by really loving your spouse despite your surroundings.  Get rid of the fairy tale expectations that will only lead to disappointment.   Surround yourself with the truth of God’s word and pray for the strength to really love  your spouse  while navigating through the jungle.

If you are no longer married to your child’s father, it is very important to be respectful of him in front of your children.  Despite the hardships, what three positive things can you mention to your children about their dad?

What are three things that you love about your spouse? Find a creative way to express them to him today.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

By Tara Dovenbarger  Come visit me on facebook!

*A MUST read!!!  Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2010. 198-99. Print.

The pictures on the ultrasound screen spoke two different messages: one to the doctors of deformity, illness, malady, dysfunction; the other to me of a precious silhouette with hiccups, clinched fists, cute crossed legs, sweet nose.

The professionals started urging me to take the “best road”, to terminate the pregnancy and get on with life.  A baby with Edward’s Syndrome has no hope for survival.  They assured me abortion was the best option.

The doctors called my house.  The geneticists called my house. Well meaning family called my house.  Calling to tell me to take this “best road”.

A doctor told me that it would be hard on hospital staff  emotionally to deal with my stillborn baby.

All this pressure was astounding.   Married to a husband with a great job, in no medical danger but overrun with pressure to abort my baby.  What must the pressure be like for the woman without all my comforts?

Why do I love the ministry of Deeper Still?  My heart breaks for those who found themselves  in a tighter corner than mine and decided to abort.  I know the grief of losing a baby that society gives no worth and the silence  and empty arms that follow the pregnancy.  I can relate to the pressure felt from those most respected in our culture.

I do not know, though, the weight of pain and condemnation carried day after day following in the wake of an abortion. But, I do know that this is Christ’s speciality….setting the prisoner free, complete healing and wholeness found through Christ alone.

Deeper Still is here to help your abortion-wounded heart.  They will help you find healing, true joy, and lasting freedom through Christ.

Please, take the first step, go to their website and consider signing up for a retreat. You will heal alongside others and leave with your own before/after testimony like these:

Silenced & Shamed/ Joyous & Forgiven!  Life Taker/ Life Protector!

Rejected & Undeserving/ Found Acceptance in Jesus!

Shame-Filled/ Shamelessly Serving Christ!

Limited by Past/Sky’s the Limit! Broken & Splintered/Healed&Whole

In Christ alone,

Tara Dovenbarger

Time stopped as I sprinted towards our medical drawer for her emergency glucose. The moment my frantic fingers slammed the drawer open, a high-pitched scream filled the air from the next room. My eyes shot up at the clock, “Yep…five o’clock… time for her afternoon fit.”

My anxious gaze went back to the emergency situation at hand while blocking out the shrieking and banging noises coming from my child with developmental disabilities. I had to get Lynnie’s blood sugar stabilized before dealing with my eight year olds daily bathroom phobia. I braced Lynnie’s ridged body and forced the glucose in her cheek as the kitchen door slammed behind my two boys. “Hey mom! What’s for dinner?”, they said in unison, undaunted by tense scene at hand.

Raising children and children with special needs is difficult at best. Without diligence, life’s demands can swallow up our entire focus, and the stress of life becomes the centerpiece of our home. Is it possible to live life with God and our husbands taking center stage instead?

We can zigzag God throughout our day in different, simple ways. Chose praise and worship music while driving or cleaning. Listen to sermons while folding laundry, and strive to carve out time for scripture study. Our children must see us living for the Lord with our eyes focused on Him.

By the time our sweet husbands come home we can easily resemble a peeled onion…stinky with all our tidy layers stripped off. The Bible wisely instructs us to bring our husbands good, not harm, all the days of our life, (Proverbs 31:12). How can we bring them good amidst daily chaos? Date your husband as much as possible. The time away will refresh your spirits as well as your marriage. Make a daily habit of instructing the children to get the home in order before your groom arrives. While the kids spruce-up the house, tidy your husband’s “playground” by looking and smelling nice then greet him at the door with excitement and a kiss. Make the kid’s bedtime early enough for some alone time. Our children will thrive and be secure when we actively put their daddy first.

Is stress from parenting forcing you to neglect the Lord and your husband? Draw near to Christ who will give you strength. “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13.

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Salvaging my marriage along with caring for three young children during the suffocating pain seemed impossible.  I no longer wanted to be a mom or wife in my new unpredictable world.

I had “friends” tell me to leave, to quit, and to wrap the pain around me like a thick blanket because the details were so bad.

Then God gave me a friend who pointed me to God’s unchanging truth.  Her wisdom from God’s word allowed me to be the wife and mom God intended during this painful time.  Satan wanted me to give up my role as a mom and wife, and for us to be another defeated family.

Because of God’s work through this friend, our family survived a deathblow from our godless culture.  She supported my role as a wife and mom by being a true friend:

F—Forward and honest. She spoke the truth in love, reminding me to focus on my failures, which helped me forgive.

R—Realistic.  She never sugar-coated the pain or allowed me to wallow in it.  She reminded me of the importance of taking care of my kids despite my personal pain.

I—Involved.  She became involved emotionally, and took my pain as her own.  Knowing I was not alone helped give me the strength to meet my children’s needs.

E—Encourager.  Some days I needed to be encouraged just to get out of bed.  A friend encourages us to do that which is not always comfortable. She also encouraged me to love and respect my husband, which gave the kids security and a peaceful home.

N—Nourish.  She knew my needs were spiritual. Nourishment from Christ and His unchanging word were the answer to our families deepest needs.

D—Devoted.  During trials the “ugly” ripples to the surface.  My friend saw my ugliness, along with my husbands, but remained devoted to our relationship.  She saw past our failures and pointed us to Christ.

S–Silly.  She has an amazing sense of humor.  Knowing when and how to laugh makes hard days easier.

H–Hardworking.  Her hard work for her family and husband reflects the woman in Proverbs 31, and is a great example for me.

I–Invests in God’s word, and all her advise comes from scripture.

P–Prayerful.  Great friends pray for each other.

Do you have a friendship that has encouraged and supported your role as a mom in our godless culture? How are your “F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P-S”? Do you need to weed out the harmful ones?

Thank you, Sheree, for being my Proverbs 31 friend!!

LOOKS SAFE

Six legs dashed across the rust-colored lawn as cheerful voices rang through the fall air. Each boy paused briefly before hiking himself over the wooden fence that encircled the drowsy farm animals. Plopping down on the other side, each youngster shot out with open arms towards a different animal standing wide-eyed in shock nearby.

This was it! Time to enjoy all the farm life had to offer. Out of the rush of the city, surrounded by all these peaceful animals!  It was time for fun!

Little did they know what real danger they jumped into. 

 STRIKES WHEN YOU’RE UNAWARE

There was a four-year-old boy, however, still standing on the safe, opposite side of the fence.  Fear was painted across his face for the other boys because he did know the danger.  He lived here and had personally felt the stinging pain these other boys were ignorant of.  One unforeseen, painful blow by the stealthy strike of the innocent looking rooster is not easily forgotten.

SUBTLE BUT DEADLY STRATEGY 

Proverbs 22:3 tells us, “The prudent see danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”  What danger is Satan drawing our families into while we relax, unaware?  Here are twelve subtle tactics used by the enemy to acquire victory in our family’s lives; he wants to:

• Keep us busy with non-essentials.
• Tempt us to overspend and go into debt.
• Make us work long hours to maintain empty lifestyles.
• Discourage us from spending family time, for when homes disintegrate there’s no refuge from work.
• Over stimulate our minds with TV and computers so that we can’t hear God speaking to us.
• Fill our coffee tables and nightstands with newspapers and magazines (Face-book)  so we have no time for Bible reading.
• Flood our mailboxes with sweepstakes, promotions and get-rich-schemes; keep us chasing material things.
• Put glamorous models on TV, magazine covers, and billboards to keep us focused on outward appearances; that way we will be dissatisfied with ourselves and our mates.
• Make sure couples are too exhausted for physical intimacy; that way we will be tempted to look elsewhere.
• Emphasize Santa and the Easter bunny; that way we will divert them from the real meaning of the holidays.
• Involve our families in “good” causes so we won’t have time for “eternal” ones.
• Make us self-sufficient.  Satan wants us so busy working in our own strength that we will never know the joy of God’s power working through us. *

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

We don’t have to be like the little boy on the outside of the fence who knew the sting through painful experience, or the ignorant children about to learn.  God’s word is our guide that opens our eyes up to the danger and provides us with safe, loving boundaries that protect us from needless pain born from sin.  Through the knowledge of God’s word we can know the dangers of this world and teach our children the same.

Psalm 119:105   Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.

2 Peter 1:2-3    Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Mom, are you guided by God’s word each day? Are you teaching your children or grandchildren about the hidden pain in sin?

www.taradovenbarger.com

*12 tactics  adapted from: Bob Gass, The Word forYou Today, September/October/November 2010 (Alphareta, GA: Bob Gass Ministries),21. As read in: Dr. David Jeremiah,  I Never Thought I’d See the Day! (New York:FaithWords,2011), 56-57.

The M.O.M team was able to share their vision today on Lisa Shaw’s radio ministry! I hope you take a moment and listen to what God is doing and be encouraged as I was. Thank you Lisa!

“Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.”  -Frederick Buechner

Are you on the path of sorting through your loss?  If so, I wanted to share some of my favorite books to help you on your journey. Along with reading the Bible, here are some great resources to help:

• “A Grace Disguised” by Jerry Sittser.  This man lost his mom, wife, and daughter in a car crash.  He does a wonderful job leading us through the dark days of grief.

• “Through the Shadowlands” by C.S. Lewis. Wonderful, full of open truth by our beloved C.S. Lewis. He is honest about his shaken faith when he was striken with grief.

• “Experiencing Grief” by H. Norman Wright. Great book to encourage your faith.

• “I’ll Hold You in Heaven” by Jack Hayford.  This is my personal favorite and speaks directly about stillbirth.

We all experience grief during our lives. I pray you press into the Lord to find His wisdom and strength at this time.