Taras Tidbits

If You Looked.....

2012-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

If you looked into my home, you'd see a cozy place full of love, 2 teenaged kids, and 4 spoiled dogs.

You would see at least 50 lamps on, as well as every light in every room.

Am I scared…NO, I just really love lamps and my kids don’t know how to turn off a light. J

The first thing you would lay eyes on is an antique telephone booth with a working telephone. Why? Because I love it.

You would see furniture inside the house of what “I thought I was supposed to have” in a certain kind of home, but in the garage you would find all kinds of furniture “I want living inside my home”.

Most of it found thrown in the trash, or given away to goodwill, just waiting for a person like me to turn it from their trash to my treasure.

Down a long hallway you would see a huge wall full of pictures of everything from my kids, family, my aunt and uncle (the real life notebook love story) to complete strangers, old headstones, and walking trails. Basically anything that catches my eye and I see art. If you were looking closely you would see remnants of a wall that had just been plastered from a pipe that busted, and a closet with no carpet, due to water damage. (Concrete is not so comfy, or warm to get dressed on)

If you looked into my office, You would see a place set up for which I thought I would spend most of my time; instead it has become a catchall room. “ My office” is actually the entire upstairs which I have transformed into my sewing, crafting, journaling, quiet Bible time, life coaching, blogging J, antique dish storage, TV watching, coffee drinking retreat. I seriously live upstairs.

You'd see 4 laptops, several glasses (remember I won’t drink out of the same glass twice), lots of blankets, too many throw pillows, my old antique phonograph with my collection of 78 records that takes me back to another time, a empty frig, waiting for me to restock for the kiddos, movie watching junk food, yes more lamps, and always close by, my cell phone, laptop charger and phone charger. But if you looked past all of that you would see me, or the me, I want to be. You would see that my mind is racing all day with incredible ideas, goals, and dreams that I am constantly trying to put together. You would see all my passions, loves, and things that make me smile. You would see piles of hobbies, which is a lot because my hobbies change hourly, and sometimes you would see a “life is awesome, I want to live every second as it is my last” me, and sometimes an “emotional, lonely, when is this world going to end” me. But that is ok, because life is a roller coaster, sometimes there are ups and sometimes downs, just be sure you know when to get off that roller coaster.

If you looked into my email, you'd see thousands of unopened emails, because I only read the one’s that are from people I know, or things that would interest me. I have NO idea why I don’t delete the others. Maybe I feel important with 3845 unread messages. You would see exactly how many people have become close to me that I have never met in person.

You would see by what I Google, where I’m going to vacation, retreat, or shop all by the ads. You would see that I have 2 emails, one for my personal use and one for my clients. You would see people’s deepest secrets, biggest challenges, and saddest moments that would all make you weep. But for me they make me smile, because I am so glad they look to me to try and motivate them and make them see the life God has created for them. What you wouldn’t see anymore are forwards, funny jokes, pictures, or little messages from a friend, because who in the world would send an email when there is Facebook!

If you looked into my phone, you'd find messages and calls from the people I love most.

You'd see many pictures that my daughter takes of herself, inspirations of things I want to make, and of course my little Bella. You would see that face time is used a lot since my husband travels and

even though we are just in other rooms my daughter and I love to face chat before bed.

You'd gush about the flirtatious texts my husband sends,

and wonder if I think it's normal that I talk to my mom and sister at least 5 times a day.

You'd find that I text my kids at school all day and then wonder why they get in trouble for having their phone out. You would see most of my communication is through text with everyone I know. Then you would think, like I do quite often, what happened to the days when we actually took time to talk to someone for hours. Why are we spending so much time hiding behind a phone screen, or is less of hiding and more of the,

“ I am to busy to sit down and have a conversation with you”? Cell phones are great, in fact I don’t even have a landline, but I worry that eventually the entire world will be socially illiterate. I kind of miss the long swirly cord plugged into the wall, maybe I’ll just start going into my phone booth where I have no choice but to sit and talk.

You would also see many apps my kids have put on my phone that I have no idea how to use, but you would also see the one they wish I would delete…the Find My IPhone App….it is awesome. I can track all my loved ones anytime of the day…hehe.

If you looked into my head, you'd think I was crazy.

You'd be sure that no normal person could have as many ideas at one time like I do.

You'd see a lot of logical choices being tossed around,

and wonder why I don't listen to anything logical at all. You see the inner battle within, that little voice that speaks to you, that keeps your mind second guessing yourself, telling you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, talented enough, tall enough, skinny enough, (you get the idea). All those insecurities that love to pop in your head, to keep you down. You would see confusion at first, of what on earth is she trying to accomplish,

But it all would make sense, because then

You'd look into my heart.

And you'd see that any fear I have, is outweighed by what I feel is right, and what God is calling me to do. You see a person who loves deeply, longs to solve everyone’s problems, is lead everyday by listening to the Holy Spirit, and wants to be an open book for all to see.

You'd see compassion, empathy, passion and you'd know that what I put my time into

really becomes who I am.

You'd wonder if it was healthy to be so wrapped up in other people's emotions, problems and insecurities

and I'd say I don't know, but God is leading me down this path and I will be obedient even when I can’t see the outcome.

But that I couldn't imagine living any other way.

And you'd see that I mean it every time that I say,

I am happy.

What does Christmas mean to you?

2011-12-15T11:24:00.000-08:00

Wow! It seems like I have been missing from the Blog World for a while! I have missed you guys and I have had plenty to say, I have just been crazy busy, in a little bit of a funk, not feeling creative, and had plain old writers block. When I share with you guys, I try to be upbeat or at the very least some what inspiring, and lately I just haven't felt it. SO...I took some time off, and now I'm back. I still don't have a lot to say, I'm still in a semi funk, I'm still not feeling all that creative and my writers brain isn't ticking very well, but I have some things on my heart and I thought I'd go ahead and share.

We are all very aware that it is Christmas (I can't believe it is already December 2011. Crazy how fast time is going). Usually, this is my favorite time of year. But for some reason this year I am feeling blah. I have listened to Christmas music all day, decorated my house, baked our favorite goodies, and nothing works, I still feel more like scrooge than Mrs. Clause. Finally, after spending a solid week going back and forth to malls, shoe stores, flower shops, and getting alterations for my kids winter formal. It hit me, why I'm sad. I'm sad because Christmas has gotten so incredibly commercialized. I don't know if it has always been or if it is just that I am older and I am seeing it more clearly. The entire holiday is centered on what everyone wants, how much you can spend, where to find the perfect gift, long lists, long lines, and lots of debt.

When my kids were little, we had all the normal Christmas traditions, we took time to enjoy all the little things, and we celebrated the reason for the season...JESUS! My kids are much older and wiser, and are very aware of the real reason we celebrate Christmas, but it did not stop them from making a very long list of over the top materialistic items. After reading their lists, I was sick to my stomach. Did I make them this way? Is this what they are exposed to everyday? How in the world do they even know these brands? And why would I spend $800.00 for a pair of boots just because it has a "famous" label on it. RIDICULOUS! Kids today, feel way too much pressure to keep up, whether from peers at school or magazines and television shows they are exposed to. Society is teaching our children in order to be “somebody” you need to wear a certain label, live in a certain home in a certain neighborhood, drive a certain car, or be able to vacation in these certain areas.

What happened to simplicity? I know society has always pushed sales down our throats during Christmas, and I know that kids have always wanted to keep up with what everyone else has, but it seems that it is now defining “who” they are. I want my kids to refocus their thoughts and realize things do not make a person, and getting a large amount of expensive items does not mean you had a successful Christmas. I will admit I have always bought my kids way to many things for Christmas, it was easy to do when they only wanted toys. I heard a lady on KLOVE sharing her Christmas traditions, she said her kids have always only gotten four gifts, one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear, and one thing to read. She said her children are very appreciative and they are able to spend more money on making memories, instead of buying more stuff. WE are a society consumed with too much stuff! I have decided not only to minimalize the commerciality of Christmas this year, but also to also try and buy only things that will help to benefit others in some way. That meaning I will buy gifts from other bloggers, websites where the proceeds go to charity, St. Jude’s (I love their little drawings), or small ma and paw stores. My kids are blessed, they do not need anything, they may have things they want but there are people out there who want a home to live in, food to eat, a warm coat to wear, or to have their loved one with them during this time of year. Many people are fighting for their lives this holiday season, many have given their lives to protect us and left their loved one’s to be fatherless or husbandless at Christmas. So let’s think about them, pray for them, bless them in some way, and help people we love and people we come in contact with to realize what it means to truly celebrate Christmas. Starting new traditions will help the future generations realize that it is not all about “the stuff”. Jesus and his love for us is all we need. It is the reason we celebrate the best gift we could possible get. HIS BIRTH. We all come into this world with nothing, and we will all leave with nothing. Bless someone else this Christmas, give up the stuff.

I was reading an article from a hospice nurse who said that out of all the hundreds of people she has sat with during their last moments on earth, they all made the same comments about the things they had wished they had done before they died. The number one thing….LIVED..... Lived a purpose filled life, spent more time enjoying the blessings around them, worked less, and loved deeper. A good thing for all of us to think about. Let's not wait till we are dying to LIVE....Take a few minutes to reevaluate your Christmas this year...give up a little now to gain a lifetime of memories for later.

I AM.....

2011-11-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

I’m weird because…

I can't drink out of the same glass in a day. (hence the reason we have 20 glasses dirty each day).

I don't eat meat.

I wear the same outfit multiple days in a row (if it's clean!)

I like to dip my crackers in chocolate ice cream.

I prefer butter cream icing cake over any meal.

I can not sit with my back to a door.

I prefer to NOT cuddle when I sleep.

I treat my dog like she is a real baby.

I am a creature of habit.

I can’t sleep without a loud box fan.

I’m scared of cats and petrified of frogs.

I love the smell of old libraries.

I have watched the notebook at least 200 times.

I get excited during the holidays so I can watch Charlie Brown.

If I need something the first place I look is a thrift store. (I am truly a thrift-a-holic)

I believe I can make "everything"...

I hate drying my hair, I will go 4 days between washings, LOVE dry shampoo!

I am an English major and the worst speller ever.

I'm addicted to reality T.V.

I change "what I want to be when I grow up" at least 2 times a year.

I have to brush my teeth before I drink my orange juice.

I have a very strong sense of smell.

My car is always a mess.

I am a terrible driver (However, those wrecks REALLY were not my fault).

I am my biggest critic.

I can not say NO.

I never, ever iron....HATE IT!

I love to listen to swing/big band music all day.

I can not parallel park.

I will try anything once.

I am not afraid to talk to anyone.

I would rather be outside with nature, in a tent, than anywhere else in the world.

I love to read....love love love Nicholas Sparks.

I hate to go to the grocery store, I would rather have a root canal with no Novocain.

I am VERY sentimental....( probably the reason I look like a hoarder )

I’m a bad friend because…

I sometimes take days to check my voice mails.

I am terrible at returning phone calls and emails.

I will choose time with my family over a shopping/lunch date with them.

I have a really bad filter, I don't always think before I speak.

I’m a good friend because…

I will drop everything for a friend in need.

If you are my friend you have a place in my heart for life.

I love their kids like they are my own.

You can show up at my house at midnight to talk about your bad day.

I will always have a shoulder for you to cry on.

I always say what I’m thinking, I will not sugar coat it.

I’m sad because…

I know soon my son will be going off to college.

I too often get consumed with Momma/wife guilt.

I take everything personal.

I wish there were more hours in the day so I could slow down and enjoy the little things.

I wish we had more family of 4 time, instead of everyone going in different directions.

I’m happy because…

I am truly blessed.

It is holiday time....

I am finally having some time to learn new hobbies.

We are headed out of town which means hours locked in a car just the 4 of us!

I’m excited for…

My son and his time in this new journey.

My sewing machine is coming.....

Christmas Break...

Christmas music 24 hours a day.

Being with family.

Fireplaces and roasting marshmallows.

Christmas Eve game night.

Watching Christmas vacation...a Christmas Eve tradition.

Snow!

Just thought I'd share a little bit about who I am...

Love to hear who you are?!?

Challenge number ??????

2011-11-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

OK, So I have NO idea where I have left off on this challenge thing.

I have been totally busy, there is just a lot of things I haven't

actually posted, because it is either day to day nonsense or

unfinished projects!

Could have sworn the reason for this challenge was to NOT have

unfinished projects!

However, next time I do a challenge it will be when it's not so

close to any holiday and a child graduating!

But here is what I have done...Oh and FYI, to top things off

I'm just finishing a wonderful cycle of the stomach flu!

My pics won't be that great because quite honestly today I just

don't have the energy.

I finally finished my burlap table runner....yeah!

I have wanted to do this for a while since I saw it on a post

(props to littlemissmomma.com)

So here is my version...it will look quite simple,

but the fact is, for a newbie sewer like myself it

took a little longer than I thought.

Believe it or not the hardest part was all that fraying!

Not great pictures, it looks alot better in person.

Now if I could just find my farm table to make it pop!

And......

YES....My house is decorated for Christmas. I actually

got most of it done last weekend. I have 4 trees done

and 2 more to go. Then I'll hopefully get all

the outside done by tomorrow.

YEAH! Nothing like an early start....

So there you have it! That is what I've been doing,

that, and Bible study, Photo group outreach, Connect groups,

one-one mentorships, feeding the missions, sewing class, Lifecoaching,

LifeCoach training, making crafts for the craft show, talking to insurance companies, and all the other

day to day chores.....blah, blah, blah.

NOT to show you what all I do in a day, because we are all

terribly busy, I just wanted to show you, I wasn't purposely

putting off my blog.

I've missed you guys!

You are never to old to start new hobbies and new adventures,

but you may start to feel old if you do to many at once.

Challenge Day 5-10.....

2011-11-10T18:49:00.000-08:00

OK seriously, where is time going? I can' seem to keep up.

I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to

do everything I want to do.

Anyone else feel that way?

I will try to give you the "highlights" of what I have

accomplished these last 5 days.

I know, I promised you something "extraordinary", but

some days are just "ordinary" and busy with

normal day to day stuff.

So not a lot of "fun" to report, but a promise is a promise

so I'll give you what I got!

On Saturday Nov. 5th, I got to go with my photography group and take pictures of

"Gods Creation"

Sounds easy, but it was a bit tougher than I thought, because the place we

went was BEAUTIFUL...and all around me was

God's miraculous creations.

I wanted to bottle it all up and capture every moment.

Here a are a few of the shots....

Fall leaves and colors are so amazing to me.

Streams of natural water is not only peaceful but tranquil.

I love paths, and this place had many beautiful, winding paths.

This shot made me think of the journey I've been on and the

journey that lies ahead. But with God guiding my path

how can I ever go in the wrong direction.

It is when I am in surroundings like this and see the beauty of everything God created,

that I wonder how could someone NOT believe?

Sunday, wasn't such a good day I had a migraine all day, so I missed church,

that always makes me sad.

But I did get my carpets cleaned, so that was one more thing checked off my list.

My poor husband had to get everything ready and moved, so appreciate him!

Monday, YEAH...it was my sewing class day. Have I told you how much

I. Love. That. Class?

I have an awesome machine, that even embroideries, and we are making

our second bag.

I am learning so much, and realizing sewing is an expensive

little hobby.

Tuesday, I went to my Bible study group where we are studying Beth Moore's

REVELATIONS

it is awesome, real, and makes you really think.

Doesn't help when you are doing the study and you had a tornado, earthquake and flooding

all in one night.

I was starting to wonder what went wrong...Had I been LEFT BEHIND?!?

After Bible study, I had the privilege of teaching women how

to THRIFT.

These women had NEVER been to a thrift store, they felt a little overwhelmed at

first, but with a little guidance, in no time they started loading

their carts.....SHOCKED at all the great finds.

For those of you who do not know....Thrift stores are pretty much

all I shop at. I get asked all the time "where did you get that, it is so cute"

I smile, and say GW for 1.00!

We had so much fun and here are a few items I picked up for myself.

Cute little tailored ticking jacket.

Notice...it still has a tag on it, $59.50!

However see that little red tag....yep! That means 1.99!

Awesome lightweight sweater, pictures do not do these justice. Light Paris Blue with brown stitching.

Boutique style.

Great Corral

Bohemian style shirt.

Notice where it is from, Ann Taylor Loft, oh and the YELLOW tag, that meant 1/2 off,

so how much did I pay? .50 cents!

Loved this vintage, butterfly, fun, flirty skirt.

The vintage glass buttons gives it a boutique feel.

Oh, and what is this? Well I collect these old vintage Thermos. WHY? Because

I like them, and I have cute fun party ideas with them.

I think that was the smallest amount of items I've ever left a thrift store with, but I wasn't there for me

I was there to help others.

Wednesday, Well I organized! It all started with waking up at 5:30 a.m. and cleaning

out my refrigerator and kids snack pantry, getting it ready

for the food I was heading to purchase at the grocery store.

I am so anal about my grocery shopping, however

I HATE grocery shopping.

I have to write a menu, make a list, drive to the store (which now takes forever), usually I have to go to more than one store.

Put the groceries in the cart, wait in line, put the groceries on the belt to ring up, take the sacks

and put in my car, drive back home, unload the groceries into the house, and put them all

a way!

EXHAUSTING!

But to make things more difficult for me that day, I decided to redo my kids snack cabinet and

one of my spice cabinets.

Here are some pictures, of the final result. Not exactly what I was going for, but

financially right now, it was all I could do. Containers are expensive!

Labeled with chalk vinyl paper, cut them into oval shapes, and used a chalk marker to write.

Hopefully, this will keep us from having 1/2 eaten snack foods, because the bag has been left open and the food became stale.

Now lets see how long it takes the kids to mess up their pantry?!?

So that has been it for the last few days, I feel like I at least got some things done.

If God calls you to it, or you wake up breathing, remember you have a

purpose that day! So don't put things off or be lazy, use your

time wisely.

Day 3 and 4

2011-11-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

So...What did I do Day 3???

Well, I was on the phone with insurance agencies ALL DAY...

repeating, over and over, our testimonies for Landon's wreck

and trying to finalize and wrap up mine.

This is NOT fun....

Not exactly what I planned on doing when I started this challenge,

I was hoping to report fun things, exciting things, encouraging things,

for all of you!

One thing I have decided through all of this chaos is that

I DO NOT LIKE AUTOMATED PHONE

SYSTEMS....

But enough of that boring junk....

DAY 4....

YEAH! Finally a day to offer you guys something really fun to look at and read...

I added something to my blog that I have been working on

for awhile.

MY ETSY SHOP....

Check out my jewelry and accessories.

Click on "shop my store" and enjoy more awesome finds.

I'm so excited I got another one of my goals completed! Thanks for helping hold me

accountable.

For all you who join my blog and comment in the blog spot, your name

will be placed into a drawing for a

FREE

item from my fun little vintage shop!

Another day, another blessing....God is good!

Day 2....

2011-11-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

OK! So what did I do for today's Challenge?

Well....I cried!

Yep...all day long....

Doesn't that sound encouraging?

WHY?

Because today, I had to finalize my son's

Senior Salute

I went through piles of baby pictures.

Realizing through each picture how much time has really passed.

I know our kids have to grow up, and I know they have to leave us.

But looking back on all the pictures, it really makes you

hope and pray you gave them enough love, memories,

and good advice to carry forward.

My baby went from this (which seems like yesterday BTW)

AHHH...so cute!

To this.... :(

A grown MAN!

I still feel like I can put him in my arms and hold him...

And trust me, I still try.

I have literally put this Senior Salute off until the absolute last day

to turn it in.

It has been really hard, letting go.

So today, while crying, I prayed the same prayer I pray

everyday

over my children...

God, please guide them physically, morally, spiritually, and emotionally. Cover them

with your blood of protection.

I know God only gave us our children to raise for a little while, they are HIS not ours.

I thank God he choose me to be Landon's mom.

All I can do now, is set him free, trust him, respect the man he has become, and let

him know that if and when he falls, I'll always be there to lift him back up.

I know as a parent you always second guess yourself, and wonder if you

did enough, set enough good examples, taught them enough values, encouraged them enough,

and even loved them enough.

I want to believe I did, but I know I wasn't perfect, I know I made mistakes,

whoever said raising kids was easy...is crazy!

Landon is my little miracle baby. I believe God has big plans for him.

So Landon this is to you....

I will soon be saluting you off into this great big world,

I want you to know that from the moment you came

into this world, my life has never been the same.

You bring me so much joy

You taught me how to love more deeply than I knew possible.

You showed me that you do not know pain until you experience the pain of your child hurting.

You make me laugh everyday

You showed me that you never understand the meaning of "worry" until you have a child

There is never have a dull moment with you around

You have made me proud

I love you son.....

Challenge #1 DONE!

2011-11-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of Challenge

COMPLETE!

Yes, even though my last post a few minutes ago, should have kept me from completing my goal, I still managed to get it done.

OK!

Here are before and after pics....

Remember-DON'T JUDGE!

Especially with the before pic.

Seriously looks like I need an intervention...How in the world does someones

closet get this way?

YIKES!

I am really keeping it REAL with you people!

This is so embarrassing...

AND NOW....

Colored coordinated and everything....

Now with a teen aged daughter, lets see how long it lasts...

Thanks for holding me accountable.

I'll let you know what tomorrow

holds!

Got A Little More Rain Today....

2011-11-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

These are my babies....My life! I think everyday, even on the worst days, what would I do without them?

I am so thankful and grateful to God for blessing my life and entrusting me to be their mom.

While taking my son's senior pictures I realized how time flies. They grow up so fast.

No do overs, what ever you have taught them or not taught them in the small window of time you had them with you, is over.

I have so many "I wish I would have".....you know how it goes, I wish I would have snuggled longer,

said yes more often, played harder, and not wished them to get to the next stage so fast.

My do over.....SLOW DOWN! Embrace every second, and enjoy every single stage, even the stages where you think you won't survive.

But nothing makes you realize how precious life is and how fast it goes by or how quickly it can be taken away, then when your phone rings and your child has been in an auto accident.

At 3:00 p.m. today, I get a call that Landon has totaled his truck. He is ok, Praise God!, just a little sore.

When I arrived to the accident there were so many flashing lights my heart stopped.

There were several cars involved and two different wrecks just minutes apart, and thank God no one was seriously hurt.

I must admit my second reaction after I realized my son was ok, was frustration, and one angry momma.

If you have read my past blogs, we are still in the process of battling out my wreck with the insurance companies that just happened a few weeks ago.

So now we are officially down to one car, which is headed to the shop because it is broken.

So that means.....3 drivers in the house, and no cars!

Guess I shouldn't have complained about the cost of gas so much.

We exchanged all the info., watched my sons car being towed a way, and left the scene of the accident.

I felt like crying, screaming, and then laughing. I just could not believe these past few weeks!

Then we had to go to the tow yard to pick up my sons bag out of his car. Only to be told we would have to pay 45.00 to get it. WHAT? WHY?

Oh, because they close at 4 and the car just got there, so it's 45.00.....YEAH!

Now I'm really not happy.

We get to his car, and as I am carrying a arm full of his stuff, all my emotions hit me at once! I loose it!

Because I was overwhelmed with gratitude, while being gripped with fear, that Thank God, I'm not carrying the belongings out of my son's car who was just killed in that accident.

The loss of transportation is an inconvenience...yes, but the loss of his life would have been unbearable.

I have always empathized with people who have had to deal with the loss of their children.

I can not imagine how deep their pain must be.

I know many people have gone through what I went through today, and the outcome was not good.

Please take a moment to say a prayer for those people.

It is in moments like these, that we have to be grateful for the people in our lives, appreciative of what God gives us, and thankful for a new day.

I don't know why so much is coming our way right now, but like I have said before, I will be strong and remain in Faith that God has a plan. Everything will work out like it is supposed to, and what doesn't break us down, makes us stronger.

This too shall pass, as my grandma would say.

Today, you are getting a big dose of TarasTidbits!

I will be posting the closet outcome shortly....I did make the goal. Even through all this!

Let's Do This....

2011-11-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

OK, so I am having a bad day! I need to talk, cry, pray and just get it all out. So I guess what better place to do it then right here with you guys!
This is going to be "REAL" and "RAW"... so don't judge. I'm really putting myself out here.
Why? I don't know...I guess because I love you guys, and I guess because that is who I am.
I don't have anything to hide, if you are going to follow my blogs, you might as well see all of me, the
Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!
As you have seen in my past blogs...it has been a little rough in the Nichols house. A lot of "stuff".
Mostly all of it is just stressful. Money, is not fun to balance with teenagers, a husband starting a new business, me in the "finding myself" stage, and all the hospital visits, wrecks, etc in the past few weeks.
Ever feel like you are robbing Peter to pay Paul? Well that is it in a nut shell, right here!
I have always been a stay at home mom, Praise the Lord, he blessed us in that area. But I have also always had an income of some kind coming in. I've never not contributed in some form or fashion, sometimes having multiple jobs at once.
All juggled around my family.
My priorities I feel have always been balanced, but right now I am doubting myself. And by doubting myself I feel like I am doubting God.
God put me on a journey several months ago, and although I didn't understand it, I made a promise to be totally obedient in whatever path he took me on. I have followed that path faithfully!
But now, I'm confused. I know the path isn't always supposed to be smooth, but I keep wondering if I
am hearing him right.
So many financial obligations have come up since I've started this journey. I have gone through all of my savings, and we are literally living paycheck to paycheck.
I know God gives us tests all the time, and I want to pass the test. I want to stand strong in what I feel God is calling me to do, but I want to do it with a pure, peaceful heart.
Right now, I'm full of anxiety and trying to pull things back into my own hands.
You know how it is....we always think we know what is better for us then God does!
I'm not sure if I'm holding up my end of the bargain lately. When I made God the promise, I was very busy doing His work, and allowing him to work through me. But somewhere on this journey, I got a bit lazy and although I am still doing His works, I don't think I am doing them at my 100 percent best.
It is funny how your flesh can be so strong. It make you feel like you need rest, or you can do that tomorrow, or you have to much on your plate. When reality is, I get plenty of rest, tomorrow may not come, and you can never have to much on your plate if you balance it all properly.
So it is time for me to dust myself off and pull myself back up, ( I should be a pro at this by now), get out of this funk and refocus.
I'm going to give myself a challenge. A challenge that I'm going to have you guys hold me accountable too. I'm going to take the whole month of Nov. and during that month each day, I have to commit to something and finish it. EVERYDAY!
I always have tons I want to do, need to do, and I always say I have tomorrow! Why not TODAY?!?!
So for today's challenge.....I'm going to tackle my closet! I will take scary before pics and after pics that way you know I did what I said I was going to do! Wish me luck!

A Life Changing Retreat....

2011-10-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments when you are surrounded by such beauty and peace that you feel God's presence so intense, that you want to soak up every moment?

My daughter attended a weekend retreat over fall break, at Camp Celebration.

The camp was in a canyon, so far from any kind of civilization, filled with hundreds of teens, no cell phones (which is HUGE for teens), and God's presence was undeniable.

The moment we arrived at the camp and we were coming down the winding roads into the canyon, there was literally nothing surrounding us, no noise, no traffic, no "everyday distractions".

It was full of nature, God's beauty and silence....PEACE!

As you looked up onto the mountain top there was a large cross which lit up at night.

I did not want to leave, I wanted to get out and set up camp, right there in the middle of the canyon.

I would walk away from everything I have, and stay, no hot water, no connections to the outside world, no comfy bed, and would have been completely fulfilled!

We get so wrapped up in all the "stuff", the problems we are facing day to day, trying to keep up with what society tells us we are to be or do, the kids, our jobs, money, all the daily stuff that causes us to loose sight of what is really important.

TIME...

All we really need is time, peace, a place to connect with ourselves and our creator, time to breathe, appreciate, give thanks.

TIME to feel nothing else but God's presence, and seek his will for our lives. A TIME to be content in what God has blessed us with.

I sat and watched high schools students, stand up and speak in front of their peers, and parents, during a closing ceremony, crying out, praising God, and confessing their fears, struggles, and mistakes.

Each and everyone of them, repeated time after time, how this place was "life changing", that the canyon was "Magical".

As I sat there watching, crying, and listening, I was so proud of how many of the kids stepped up to the plate, to proclaim their love for God. They were not ashamed, embarrassed, or afraid, they were proud.

These are the kids they face everyday at school. Some at different schools, some from great homes, some from not so great homes, some rich, some poor....and ALL face the day to day struggles of growing up in this generation.

A mother, stood up and cried out, stating that she had no idea what these kids faced on a day to day bases, their struggles, the peer pressure, their need to feel or be perfect.

We had pressures, but I do believe that what our kids are exposed to and have to deal with today, can not compare.

Parents I don't think we realize, or at least I didn't, how much pressure we put on our children, without even realizing it. When they were born, we were already picking out the best preschools, we had them in dance, tee-ball, gymnastics, soccer, all by the time they were three, as they grew older we focused on health,weight, exercise, or foods that were not "organic", then we pushed for them to take AP classes, start taking the ACT in 8th grade, push to be on the honor roll, tryout for any and all clubs, keep straight A's, be in college classes by the time they are seniors, have the right boyfriend/girlfriend/friends, and by the time they do become a senior, they need to have their entire future well planned.

Seriously? I do agree that we need to guide our children, teach them values, teach them to be successful, and healthy. But at what cost? Some of these kids stated they are so filled with activities and schedules that they don't ever remember a time setting down for a family meal.

Our kids are tired, scared of not living up to OUR standards, afraid of not being the best,or worse failing.

Reality is...God gave us these children to nurture, and lead them to Him. Everything else is just extra!

I know one thing, if we let our kids breathe, take away some of their activities, and allow them to connect with themselves, and God, they will have a much more grounded future, and family life.

God is the only one who knows the plans for these children.

We should be proud of these kids who can stand firm in their belief, reach out for God when they feel they have no one else, and grab the hand of their peers and ask them to join them.

Because these are the KIDS that will be running this country someday!

I had to ask myself, how many adults would have had the courage to stand up and do what each of these kids did. How many would have taken time to retreat, take off work, change schedules, just to have 48 hours to bond with God?

I was in awe and so proud of these kids, and their open hearts to love others, have grace, praise and worship God, and be completely vulnerable and selfless.

I think we all need a RETREAT.... a time to REFOCUS, stand up, stay strong, and REFRESH our

relationship with Christ. Not just for ourselves, our own sanity, but for our families.

If you are living for your self, then you are not living.

We all set around and complain about our schedules, and hectic lives, but honestly, we create it.

So take time to prioritize. Your kids will be gone soon and starting their own families, what legacy will they carry on? What have you really taught them? Have you shown them what is REALLY important in life? And most importantly did you spend enough "quality' time with them?

Just some tidbits from Tara's soapbox...

(I'll come down now :) )

Time To Stop Raining.....

2011-10-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Do you every feel like when it "Rains in Pours"?

Ever wake up and have those days when you just feel like something isn't right,

but you just can't explain it? Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you still

sometimes feel lost?

My kids are on Fall Break, and to say it has been eventful would be putting it mildly.

For several nights, I have been having trouble sleeping, and large amounts of anxiety during the day.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, and I spent a lot of time in prayer.

But no matter how much I prayed, I still felt anxious, sad, worried, and fearful.

And as I'm writing this to you now, I still feel uneasy.

Well after 18 years of being a mom, I've learned, like many of you moms, listen to your gut.

If mama feels it, then it is probably right on the money.

Sure enough, Thursday evening my son decided he was going to meet up with a bunch

of friends from school and go to a midnight showing of an opening movie in brick town.

I really didn't feel good about this, I do not like him in brick town, even if he is 18. BUT against my gut feelings, I allowed him to go.

My daughter, also in high school, decided she and her friends wanted to go to the same movie.

Of course there was no way, they were going to brick town or alone. So I decided to go ahead and take her and 4 of her friends.

So we head out. We stop to get something to eat, and then as we are heading to the movie, a car pulls out right in front of me. I was going 45 miles an hour through a green light and she turned in front of me and said she had a green arrow. So you can see where this is going...yes we crashed into each other.

The driver was a teenager, and I was responsible for 4 other kids.

My car was totaled and we had some minor bumps and bruises and major aches and pains, but thank the Lord we were not seriously hurt.

As the police arrived, I was completely certain I had a green light, and she was completely certain she had a green arrow...so now the insurance adjusters have to hash it out. We had one witness that came forward and said he saw green but wasn't 100 percent sure it was a ball or an arrow....

As we are writing up the logistics and exchanging of information, my phone rings.

It is my son saying he is headed to the hospital.

So now I am sitting on a curb with 4 achey kids, and no car, waiting on someone to pick us up and my son is heading to the hospital!

I put my head down, and all I could say was "You can't be serious"?

So we tow the car, get my husband, drop off all the kids and head to the hospital.

My son leaves with a cast and orders to see a orthopedic surgeon to reset his elbow and forearm.

Anyone reading this, if you know my son, you know that he is addicted to lifting weights, and working out. It is his life. So now not only is he in pain, has a cast, can't workout, nauseated from the medication, but he has to take the ACT tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m.!
Not good timing!
Also, he has his senior pics on wed. and he can't reschedule. So there goes all the clothes he picked out. He will be sporting a cast!
How did he do it? Are you ready for this? He, 18 years old, was playing around with a bunch of people in the middle of brick town, playing leap frog...yes leap frog, trying to be stupid.
Oh yes, I saved the best for last....we have no health insurance. Our new insurance doesn't take effect until Dec. 1st....yeah!
My daughter had to leave for church camp early the next morning, and her back and neck hurt. I feel like I've been hit my a mack truck.
We get a call from the bank today, saying that our account is showing charges from China...haven't been to China!
So now we get to battle that one out.
We get the mail, and someone used our pike pass on their car? Who? We have no idea, so we get to pay a fine.
The driver who was taking my son to the hospital was driving his truck, and he got 2 tickets on the way to the hospital.
I am still dealing with all of my health issues.
My son charged over a 1000.00 in charges on his cell phone, while he was using it out of the country.
Oh...and how could I forget the best one, he got a tattoo without permission...YEAH!
So in a nutshell, this has been the last two days for us.
And BELIEVE me, that is only 1/2 of it.
So all day, I have been blah, blah, blah.
But I think God is OK with that. He can handle my tears, fears, and cranky days.
He still loves me!
The way I see it, is yes, all of this stuff really stinks. But it really is so small in comparison to so many other stories of tragedy. It is mostly all just inconvenience. And we, as humans, hate to be inconvenienced.
I still believe God is teaching me everyday. I still believe you always have room for growth, and right now I'm being tested on my patience, and my faith to put it all in H
is hands.
My flesh of course is exhausted, but I know God is strong enough to lift me back up, and remind me that he promised us a wonderful life but not a perfect life.
So when you have those days when EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong, remember it is okay to scream, cry, and be angry. Just don't stay there. Get it out, and move on.
I know that tomorrow the sun will rise, and a new day will begin. How it goes will all be determined on how I approach it.
It is when you feel so alone, or lost, and your days seem dark, that God holds you even tighter.
I'm sure someday, I will look back at this crazy day and laugh....isn't that what they say?
I'm ready to start laughing!
I hope this can brighten someones day, to where they say, WOW and I thought I had a rough day.
Good night friends.....
Keep Praying!
P.S. I'm making it look like my son is a little turd, but honestly he is a good kid, just trying to find himself. We all make mistakes as teenagers, I'm just blessed God has protected him
from making MAJOR mistakes.

It's Not About You

2011-10-18T19:59:00.000-07:00

I want you to write the words UNITED/UNTIED. Tell me what you see.

Same word? Read again!

I very wise person showed me this, and it was such an eye opener. As I have said

in my past blogs, my life has done a complete turn around. But not without the grace of God.

I haven't shared all of my story with you, but in time I will. For now I will share this little "TIDBIT"that hopefully will help you or someone you know.

We all know relationships can be difficult, especially marriage. It takes ALOT of work.

For my husband and I, we have gone through almost every marriage breaker there is.

Most people wrote us off long ago. But we are still going, and actually better than ever.

Why?

Because I let go and let GOD! Like literally!

I put on my God goggles, and saw him through God's eyes instead of my own!

Trust me there were many, many times I wanted to give up, walk away, and find peace.

Instead, I put on my big girl boots, and decided it was time for a change.

A change in me, a change in my heart.

I could not forgive. Oh I said I had, but trust me, you will know when you have truly FORGIVEN!

It is a release and a peace that only God can give.

Remember unforgiveness is not hurting the person you haven't forgiven it is hurting you by keeping

YOU in bondage. Release it. Life is too short and it is not worth it.

Every issue I had, every hurt feeling, lack of respect, unforgiveness, anger, regret, EVERYTHING. I blamed on him.

But you know what it was MY choice to feel this way. It was MY choice to allow him and the issues the power to make me feel this way.

So what did I do...I got REAL! God and I took a little journey. It was ugly at times and hard to truly look at myself, release old pain, and be happy with my life, my struggles and where God had placed me.

But,it was the best decisison and journey I have ever taken!

So where does the words come in I gave you...well look closely.

What makes these two words different?

The "I".

They are the same word just the "I" is in a different place. But what a difference that

little "I" makes.

If you are united...you are joined...right? If you are untied...you are apart!

See where this is going?

YOU are the "I", when you make everything about you, then you are not "united"with someone else.

You are selfish, and untied.

For me, everything was about how the issues affected me ("I"). So I couldn't connect.

God wants us united, and the only way to stay united is to live a selfless life and not be untied by our own needs and selfishness.

For me, I'm a very giving person, but unforgiveness was trapping me in a world of "woe is me".

NO MORE!

MOVE ON....UNITE PEOPLE!

The best thing that could have happened to me and I thank God for everyday, is my struggles and challenges he has placed in my path. Because without those, I would not be the person I am today, and I could not help others who are going through similar issues.

So take that step...start letting go, forgiving, and living!

This makes me smile :)......

2011-10-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

What makes you smile? Don't think about it, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

An assignment for you...3 things that make you smile?

It is crazy but you will be surprised at how many times a day little things

will bring a smile to your face.

For me I had a BIG smile on Oct.11th when Nicholas Sparks new book came out!

Yes, I was at the bookstore, early, picking it up!

I also added a couple of my other favorites....decorating mags! Oh ya!

I love a large glass of ice tea, in my vintage mason jars of course, sitting on my back porch, surrounded by trees, roses bushes, and watching the geese float on the water.

Breathtaking, relaxing, PEACEFUL!

I am blessed!

I love curling up in my vintage rocking chair, reading my books, and enjoying some

"me" time. Yes, this makes me smile!

So many times, we are so hurried in our life and always looking for something more,

that we forget that we can find happiness in even the small things.

Notice the sunset, the sunrise, the smell of rain, or sweet puppy kisses, all of

these can make you smile.

So when you are in a hurry, having a bad day, or just plain feeling like you

are unfilled. Open your eyes, take a deep breath, and look around you.

I promise God has given you plenty to be thankful for and plenty to make

you smile. Just take the time to notice.

So again I ask you....what are your 3 things?

Sewing Fun!

2011-10-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

I am taking my very first sewing class! I love it! It is so much fun!

I made my first project, a bag, with a zipper and all! YEAH!

This is another one of my midlife hobbies, I have taken on. If you only knew

how many hobbies I have up my sleeve. Pretty sure I'm driving everyone crazy

turning our house into a permanent hobby/craft house. So what would you like for

Christmas?

I told my daughter that I was going to be so good at this sewing thing that I

am going to sew her winter formal dress! She didn't like that too much.

On a serious note, I am super excited about all the soon to come

items that I will have for sale on this blog. OH and best part about

my sewing machine....it embroideries...yes it does!

And it is all digital....the last time I sewed I had to thread my own needle, crank the handle

and had a foot pedal...not anymore!

For those of you who sew regularly you are probably thinking, really where has she been the last

20 years?

So as of now I'm blogging, making crafts to sale, taking pics, sewing, painting, turning trash to treasure, and working on my kids scrapbook albums.

My son is graduating and I will admit it....His album hasn't been updated since he was 2 years old....bad mom!

Do you think I have enough "hobbies" on my plate. At least I'm never bored!

You should join me....how about a artsy fartsy day?

Oh FYI, Bee Sew Inn, is where I am taking my class, it is a 9 week class and you get a

brand new sewing machine when you complete the class!

Hobbies....lots and lots of hobbies!!!!

2011-10-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

One of my many hobbies....PHOTOGRAPHY! I love, love, love

taking pictures. I have loved it for many years, but I must admit

it was much more fun when my kids were younger.

Have you ever tried to get an 18 year teenaged BOY to pose for

pics...nope not happening!

Now I just take pics of anything and everything, seriously, very seldom will

see me without my camera around my neck.

This is why I'm so excited to get my new "camera strap" I ordered from

Gussy Sews...you have to check out her blog and all of her talent.

I love the fact that now that I blog, I have a place to document

all my pictures. Sorry if they bore you, but I promise for me they all

have some sort of personal connection, and meaning.

Lately, I have found great joy in taking photos of things that make me smile.

You know, those things that God just happens to put in your path, and you think

WOW! That is a God moment!

So I encourage you, keep your camera with you at all times,

because you never know when something will catch your eye and you will see God in that moment

and you will SMILE!

It's ok if people think you are crazy parking on the side of the road, and taking pics, or sitting in a restaurant zooming in on a stranger. Just be careful, to not look like a creeper.

Have fun, and please post your God moments that make you smile!

More to come from me, I'm sure of it.

Real life "Notebook" kind of love....

2011-10-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Meeting this sweet couple was a life changing experience for me. I met them when I was a child, but have very little memory of them. One night I was awakened with this urging feeling that I needed to meet these people as an adult. I told my mom that I felt God has put this on my heart and when can we go and visit. She sat everything up and off we went to Wichita. I had no idea why I was getting this God nudge, but I knew I wanted to be obedient. And I'm so glad I did, this is my real life "notebook" story...

Something about turning 40 has made me do more soul searching, and I have started seeing life in a different perspective. Years ago I had made a "bucket list" and meeting my Aunt Juanima and Uncle Aubrey was on that list.

My aunt and uncle have been married for 75 years, they are in their early 90's. They have the sweetest love story and amazing life. They met when they were 15 years old, and at 17 they ran off and eloped.

The night of their wedding they attended church and to this day they are still attending that same church. Not one Sunday have they ever missed in 75 years. Not one! Amazing!

If that isn't amazing enough, they have also never slept apart, not even for one night, in 75 years!

They made their living has farmers and worked hard. They have two children who have been raised with great values and morals. While visiting, I asked my aunt how they made their marriage be such a success. It is so obvious they are still so much in love. My uncle said, they always put God first, each other second, then their children. He said she is and was the love of my life. Many times during our visit, he would touch her face and tell her she is the most beautiful woman in the world. They never went to bed angry, and kissed passionately everyday, actually they still do. She also reminded me that it is easy to have a successful marriage if you follow the commandments of the Lord. Of course they had struggles, all marriages do. It is how you handle those struggles is what makes the difference. We talked about the things that drive a wedge in marriages today, and she said finances. God provided shelter, clothes, and food for them, and what more could she need. My uncle said a man with a wandering eye can also cause a wedge in a marriage. He said there were two things he felt strongly about, one, God was the center of their marriage, and two, never allow yourself to be tempted my another person of the opposite sex. If you are strong in your marriage and so in love even after 75 years you can not keep your hands off each other, then you will have no need for a wandering eye. They both knew their roles within the family unit. My uncle worked and provided financially for the family and led the home spiritually and my aunt took care of her husband, her kids and her home. Never once in 75 years did she ask nor expect him to cook, clean, or help out inside the home. She says that is her job, he worked hard and when he got home things were always taken care of. She did admit she spoiled him, but in the same breath said he spoiled her as well. That is what it is about she would say, give and take. I always made sure dinner was on the table when he arrived home, the kids were settled, and I had "my face on" as she put it. She respected and honored him and how hard he worked and he did the same for her. Never once did she feel taken for granted. She said the reason the world and relationships are so messed up today is because everyone has their priorities out of whack. Most families don't live by the commandments of the Bible. If everyone would go back and live like the Bible says, then the man would be the head of the home in all areas, he would take care of providing for his family, while the woman stayed home and tended to the kids, her husband, and the home. Aunt Juanima is delivering meals on wheels for people younger than she is, and my uncle Aubrey is starting to become forgetful, but she is always by his side rubbing his hand and agreeing with whatever his version of reality is at that moment. She said there is no need in upsetting him. When she left the room for a moment, he said exactly the same thing about her. It amazed me how much they looked out for each other. He would say over and over, I knew since elementary school when I saw her on the playground the first time, I was going to marry her. She is my sweetheart!

Spending time with them made me really stop and think about my own marriage and marriages of friends and family and the legacy we are setting up for generations to come. It seems that in today's society it is almost written in the vows, I promise to love, when I feel like it, respect you, when I feel you deserve it, until one of us decides we want a divorce. The word submission is left out completely most of the time.

They are right, if we lived like God commands then we wouldn't have divorce. It is so simple, yet we make it so hard.

So all that to say, for those of you who have to work, don't feel guilty, you can still apply most of these principals to your own life. And for those of you who don't work, remember this, it is your job to care for your husband and your family, it is his job to provide, and both jobs are equally hard. Respect each other and everyday kiss passionately, don't go to bed mad, and keep God as your center.

I want someday to say I made it to my 75th wedding anniversary. Don't you?

Life Coaching-Dream Board

2011-10-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Can you remember your dreams?

How about who you were before you became a mommy or wife?

Being a Christian Life Coach that is one of the main issues that repeatedly comes up.

Many women feel they have lost themselves,forgot their dreams, and forgot what it is they used to

be passionate about.

When we become wives and mommies, somehow through all the chaos, although worth it, we

tend to put ourselves on the back burner for all the needs, dreams, hopes, and future

of our children. Our husbands and kids dreams, and passions somehow become ours dreams and passions.

So what is my advice to these woman?

FIND YOURSELF...

The "YOU" God created you to be!

When you were born you were born with a passion, that passion continued to burn inside you

as your grew older. It is a passion that God placed inside you, your Holy Spirit.

Do you ever find yourself, on fire about a certain issue, a certain cause, a fun hobby?

Those are passions. God given Passions!

Many times, we get so wrapped up in the role we are supposed to play in this crazy world

that we don't take time to play the role God intended us to play.

I want to help you, like I

help my clients, to find yourself again!

We will start by creating a DREAM BOARD.....

First, to find our more about finding your passion, or your purpose, I recommend

two incredible reads

THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE by RICK WARREN

and

HOLY DISCONTENT by BILL HYBELS

OK now on to our project.

What you will need:

Poster Board

Glue

Pictures, quotes, songs, etc.

I want you to start by cutting out pictures, or printing from the web dreams you would like to accomplish.

You can have long term dreams, say like 10 years all the way to short term dreams, maybe to complete in a week.

It is important to put everything and anything on that board that you would like to accomplish

before you die.

Kinda like a "Bucket List".

You may even have photos of people you need to connect with or forgive, verses that inspire and motivate you, or maybe countries you want to visit.

Whatever it is remember they are YOUR dreams, no one else! YOUR goals to complete!

Once you have the items, start gluing them onto your board. You can add things at anytime, and

be sure and cross off a dream once it has came true, so you can see the

benefits!

Also, the most important thing.....Place the Dream Board in a place where you will

have to see it EVERYDAY!

Then to hold you even more accountable....I would love for you to submit

pictures of your dream boards right here on the blog. We together, can help each other

find ourselves and be accountable to complete our goals.

I'm so excited about doing this with you guys. I promise it is SO worth it.

You will be so surprised about rediscovering the little things you forgot about yourself

that make you, YOU!

Have fun! Dream Big! God loves passionate people, and he wants you to be happy and fulfilled with the life he has blessed you with.

Just a little "TIDBIT" since I have started my Dream Board...

I have learned to make a pie, from SCRATCH, even the crust!

Took a sewing class.

Started this Blog! :)

Purchased my dream camera!

and

Got my Life Coach Certification...

YEAH!

Happy Dreaming....

God Has a Sense of Humor!

2011-10-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks in the Nichols house has been quite eventful and a bit shocking! I realized that God will do anything to get our attention and He definitely has a sense of humor. I wasn't going to share this story but I thought it might help someone else and I did say I would be open and honest!

So here it goes....For the past several weeks my body has had a mind of it's own. I have had some subtle things that just didn't seem right. Being 40 and pre-menopausal, I didn't really think much about it. First headaches, almost everyday, off and on nausea, all day long, fatigue, weird cramps, back pain, a bloated stomach, and an abnormal cycle. But, we have had strep and stomach flu in our house multiple times. So naturally I blamed Logan for making me feel yucky! Then one evening, before bed, during my shower I noticed that I had extreme sensitive (actually down right PAIN) in my breasts. I thought to myself, the last time I felt this I was pregnant. PREGNANT? What? That is silly I'm old and my tubes are clamped. The next morning I woke up with a strange feeling that I needed to take this serious.I told Billy, ok listen, I am 40 years old, my tubes have been clamped for 13 years and I think I am pregnant. Naturally, he thought I was crazy. I felt crazy just saying it! I knew it was impossible, but I have been pregnant before and I knew that the way I was feeling felt exactly the same way. The next several days I had all kinds of emotions, and just keeping it real here, excited was not one of them. I have a son going to college, the last thing I thought I would be doing would be buying dorm items and a crib at the same time. Finally, I went to Walgreens and purchased the EPT test...yep, haven't bought one of those in 14 years! I was amazed at all the new types, you can now know if you are pregnant about 20 minutes after intercourse (that is an exaggeration, but not by much). I took the test (secretly) and guess what...YEAH negative!

Felt relief, but then felt fear, because of course the google search under "pregnant with tubes clamped" wasn't exactly comforting. Did you know that thousands, not hundreds, thousands of woman get pregnant with their tubes tied, cut, and burned! My were only clamped and the clamp is generally not "reliable" after 5 years. ( I don't EVER remember my doctor telling me that), and of course there was story after story of woman getting pregnant during the "change of life". Talk about a change of life, kids in college and one on the way....that would be a change in your life! So with my anxiety on overload and the cramps getting worse, I decided to go to the doctor for a blood test. The test showed my levels to be positive for pregnancy but very low, meaning a probable tubal. I had a choice to either go back in a few days for more blood work to see if the levels were going up, or go ahead and go to the E.R. and get an ultrasound and further testing. I opted to wait, and come back in for blood work in a few days. Yeah, that plan lasted for about 8 hours and then I went ahead to the E.R.

When I was filling out the paperwork and I had to put reason for visit, I felt like everyone was staring at me, like how could you be pregnant...you are old! Then I thought, if I was in California, this would be normal!

As, I sit in the E.R waiting on results and listening to the nurses tell me time and time again how they see this type of thing all the time. I just started laughing and I said ok God you really do have a sense of humor. I just wrote a blog telling everyone about how I was going to be a "empty nester" and how I was excited for the future with it being just me and my husband. But as I've told most of you before, I wake up every morning telling God to use me in any way he needs me and I will be completely obedient to his plans. Didn't think it would be this, but I did say "anything, and in anyway". I've learned from past experience, God is very literal!

After, many hours and many tests, the doctor concluded that I may or may not have gotten pregnant and it aborted itself in the tube, but one thing was diagnosed and that was that I had a hemorrhagic tumor on my left ovary, that was bleeding and my abdomen was full of blood. (hence the reason my stomach had been so bloated). They wanted to run one more test to conclude whether to do surgery immediately or if it could wait until the next morning. FYI....I had the BEST experience I have ever had in an ER, my doctor was incredible, the nursing staff amazing, and the care and bedside manners was like nothing I have ever experienced. I will never go anywhere else other than OU

So ALL that said to make a few points:

1. You CAN get pregnant if your tubes are tied

2. You CAN get pregnant, even during premenopause

3. And the best part of all....is God knows me, he knows me better than anyone, and he knows, like most of you, that I HATE to go to the doctor. So had he not got my attention, In a BIG way, I would never follow up to see what was going on with me. So what turned out as being the most freaked out, I've been in a long time, ended up being a true blessing, a blessing that literally could have saved my life.

But then again...aren't ALL children blessings, no matter how long God gives them to you.

So thank you God for giving me this story to share, thank you for putting the doctors in my path to protect my body, and most of all thank you for your incredible sense of humor!

I will keep everyone updated on surgery info and biopsy results. Prayers welcomed!

One more thing....for all of you reading this who have had a child unexpectedly at an older age or while husband or you were "fixed", I would love to hear your stories. I admire you, and I want everyone to know that although shocked, my husband and I would have been blessed and happy to be parents all over again.

Things that make you go...HMMM???

2011-09-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

First, of all thanks to all of you who are enjoying my blogs, I'm loving the feedback....however, I'd really love it more if you would be a follower and comment below the blog...not that I don't love Facebook and all (even if I'm quite frustrated with them right now.) It is just that if you aren't a follower and you don't leave comments I can't direct you to other awesome blogs, and fun giveaways. So follow! Ok, now that I got that out of the way. Here are a few tidbits for you to chew on today.

We (the hubs and I) were cleaning out the garage all weekend in preparation for a garage sale (the one thing I hate more than anything). I usually try to avoid doing garage sales, and just giving my stuff away to goodwill, then I realized that wasn't such a good idea because when I go on my thrifting sprees, I end up buying my stuff back!

First, let me explain to those who do not know my husband and I, we are the most opposite any two people could ever be. For example, he is very quiet, and I am very loud; he is shy, I'm out going; he does not want to be noticed, I want everybody to notice me; he usually doesn't have much to say, and I usually have too much to say; I am a get things done now and done right girl, he is a I'll get to them sometime and do them h/a, but cleaning out the garage together, made me really realize just how opposite we truly are. I am, I haven't used it in a year, so get rid of it, he on the other hand had papers, files, and unopened mail from 1994! No lie! 1994! To make things worse, he had to go through, sort and read each piece, piece by piece, word for word! As if it would make any difference after 17 years. Seriously, who holds on to stuff like that? Oh yes, a hoarder (lol)! Then after whining and complaining for him to just throw it away, I found a box that had old pics, kids art work, cards, notes, etc. So guess who found herself going through things piece by piece, reading word for word?!? Of course, mine was different because it was mementos right? We ended up sitting in the middle of the garage floor surrounded by junk, laughing and crying, and laughing some more. It is moments like this that it hits you, where does time go? Our life has flown by, our kids grown up too fast, and what we thought were huge problems at the time, seem so small to us now. Life changes, style changes (thank the Lord), and people change. We are not the same two people in those pictures, some for the good, some not so good. But everything changes. We realized we are heading into a new season of our lives, it will soon just be the two of us living under one roof. We have spent our entire marriage raising kids, so this will be an adventure. An adventure we are excited about, but also a bit nervous. The mind starts wondering and the what if's start setting in. I spend ALOT of time being a mom, so for me the transition will be a bit harder. The empty nest will hit me the hardest, as I think it does for all mom's, men are just ready to get their "girls' back all to themselves. Many people divorce during this time, but we are hopefully taking the steps necessary now to make it about us. We have had many things that have come up in 20 years that most people would have divorced over, so if we made it through those things, then surely we can make it through as empty nesters! I laid in bed last night replaying all the letters and journals I came across and all the memories good and bad. I realized had we always just put God first, and relied on him to lead the direction for our lives, then most of our troubles, worries, and heartache would have been easier to deal with. NOT obsolete, because God doesn't promise we won't have struggles or heartache, he just promises to get us through them. So much time has been wasted on anger, unforgiveness, selfishness, and resentment. Life is too short to harbor all these feelings, let go and let God, and start living.
We can't go back and change our past, who we were, or what we did, but we can move forward into the future with a fresh new outlook, an excitement for adventure, and a trust that God is paving the road ahead.

Time....

2011-09-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

Thoughts and tidbits for today.....I read a blog today about a lady and her 2 young children, they were at a park when it started pouring down rain, as she was trying to gather everything up, and run to the car, both children were laughing hysterically at being jostled in their mothers arms and pelted with rain. At that very moment she went from being completely frazzled to completely calm, standing as the rain soaked every part of their bodies, she dropped her stuff, placed the kids on the ground, and together they began laughing, and dancing in the rain. Some people thought she was crazy, but she realized at that very moment that this was a treasured moment. A moment that doesn't come around very often. A moment where she had a choice to take shelter from the storm, or enjoy the innocence of her children and rejoice in the rain. It made me think of how many missed opportunities have came across in my life. Moments I should have stopped and took the time, to just be in the moment. A moment in time when my children were small and it was the little things that brought joy to them. We get so wrapped up in raising our children according to what society tells us, keeping up with Mrs. Jones (super mom), keeping a perfect home, providing all the best materialistic items, and making sure our children can recite every president in order by the time they are in kindergarden, that we just forget to let them be kids. I could not wait for each new transition, couldn't wait for them to crawl, walk, hold their own bottle, sleep through the night, buckle themselves in their car seats, go to school, clean up after them selves, and wash their own bodies. I was ready for them to grow up, and now that they are grown up, I feel sad, because those transitions, milestones, should have been seasons, exciting seasons, that I treasured and made time to enjoy every second.

Many of you reading this have little one's and you feel exhausted by the end of the day. You feel you can never get your house work done, laundry, meals cooked, kids shuffled, etc. I would like to say one thing, your house will never be completely perfect, laundry will always pile up, chicken nuggets are ok, and they have the rest of their lives to be scheduled. So take time to read, color, play barbies/trucks, roll in the leaves, play in the rain, make snow angels, swing. Because it will be nights like this when the house is empty and quiet, no one to tuck in, that you would have wished you would have treasured, enjoyed every moment and made the most of the day by just being a mommy. The clock does not stop, time goes by too quickly, it is what you do with that time that is important. Make the most of the 24 hours God has given you with your family, you never know when the moments will end. In life storms come our way, will you seek shelter and hide, or will you open your eyes like the innocence of a child and rejoice in the moment in front of you?

Turning 40

2011-09-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! I hit the BIG 40! As most of you know I have been referring to myself as 40 for the past 5 years. I figure once you hit 35 you are almost there anyway. I get told quite often that I don't look 40, well thank you very much you kind people, but I do have a mirror that magnifies 4xx and honey the sun has not been my friend. Thanks to growing up in the 80's where it was rooftops and baby oil with iodine, I am paying the price. I remember spending hours trying to get a tan and now I am spending lots of money trying to remove the damage. If only my kids would take my advice. Anyway, enough about the brown spots and wrinkles, lets move on to my REVELATION about being 40. (Those of you in my Bible study group, notice how I used Revelation like that) My grandmother used to say you don't have any sense until you turn 40. Well, I do believe she was correct. The journey to 40 has came with a lot of ups and downs, many struggles, and a deep need for acceptance. On my 39th birthday, I sat some goals to be completed by the time I turned 40, simple goals, finish my book, and have a better body at 40 than I did at 16. Simple, ha! Should have thought about those goals a little deeper, can't finish a book about life when you haven't been actually "living" your life, and no matter how many sit ups you do, you will never have a 16 year old stomach. As I was processing my life and where I wanted to be, and what I wanted to stand for at 40, (as if this is some major mild stone)I realized that it wasn't what "I" wanted for me, it was what "God" wanted for my life that was the most important. I took a little trip with my Pastor and co workers to visit a very special lady, who changed my purpose and outlook on my life forever. It is amazing how God can use a brief encounter with a stranger to show you how to start truly living. So after that, I began a journey of self discovery. WOW! Is all I have to say. When you ask God to reveal yourself to you,(see yourself as others see you) hang on, it will be a bumpy ride, but so worth it. I was standing in a 3 way mirror, washing my hands when I looked up and saw myself, I mean really saw myself, the reflection of the flesh of me staring back at me. I didn't like what I saw. I lost it right there in front of that mirror, crying my eyes out, and realized I was just a shell, a empty, angry, hardened shell. No substance. I don't know the exact moment I lost the person God created me to be, but I do know the exact moment I found her, and that was in that mirror. From that day forward, I have spent everyday, making my life not about me but about everyone else. I love others like I love
myself, and for those of you who know me, for me to say I LOVE MYSELF....that is a huge feat within itself. But I do, I love the person God has made me. I love that he uses me as a vessel to help others, I love that he gave me all the struggles in my life so I could learn from them and bare witness to God's grace to others, I love that I love every detail about life, I love that I wake up in the mornings telling God, good morning and how can you use me today, I love having God moments all through out the day.I love life! The way I see it, if you are awake and breathing then God has a purpose for you today....what is yours? Don't waste your time, being wrapped up in unforgiveness, or making it about you, because I promise if you do, you will be a walking robot just going through the motions of life. Wake up, breath in the word, and count your blessings. Live your LIFE! God blessed you with it, so make the most of it. Be a blessing to those around you. We can't sit around worrying about today, tomorrow, or the past, because we control nothing, it is a waste of emotional energy, God was, He is, and He will be, which means he has your past covered, your present in his hands, and your future under control. Does all this mean my life is peachy perfect, absolutely not, but it is a journey,it is up to me to decide with what mind set I want to take that journey. It will take a lot of time and effort to try and erase the damage the sun did to my outside , just like it will take a lot of time and energy to erase the damage we do to our soul. Make it a priority and your life will begin. Just a tidbit of information, I'm sure I will be on my soapbox again soon, thanks for reading....

If this post has some random highlights...I have no idea why! Told you I'm not computer savvy!

Blogging-Yeah!

2011-09-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

Oh, I am so excited! I am officially going to be a blogger! I have wanted to do this for many years, but somewhere between being computer illiterate, not feeling like I had much to say, and young children, blogging was put on hold! I'm still not computer savvy, I have plenty to say, just might not be important to everyone, and my kids are grown and leaving me :( that means it is time for momma to blog.

I first want to thank www.pinterest.com, for getting me started. Yes, I am a pinterestaholic! I begin and end my day scrolling through pages of DIY and Crafts, which then takes me to all these awesome blogs, which of course then means following them, and the people they are following. Yes, in a nutshell, there goes my day. So for those of you who have not discovered pinterest, you have been warned.

This will be a fun journey, we will laugh together, cry together, we might even get mad together. My blogs will hopefully be helpful, encouraging, motivational, spiritual, and filled with truth, and honesty. What you read is what you will get. I will be as open and real with you as I can be. I hope you stick around, follow me for a bit and see where this journey takes us. Happy Blogging......