This is a guest post by John Dulworth, Coach, Speaker & Facilitator. He is currently my Life Coach and the journey I am taking with him is already changing my life. He’s bright, caring, and an incredibly intuitive coach–and he’s fun!

For the purposes of this post, we’ll be thinking of play as:

* Anything spontaneously done for its own sake.
* Disconnected from time; a timeless state.
* Something that can be infused into any activity or can have specific time blocked off for.
* Something that pertains to a light hearted attitude or frame of mind rather than about an activity.
* An altered state.
* Being of curiosity and exploration.

Here are some of the powerful effects that play and an accompanying playful mindset can have on us.

Play,

* Connects us with possibility.
* Establishes trust between individuals.
* Helps us get ‘unstuck’ or shift problems.
* Empowers us.
* Is as important as sleep.
* Reduces stress.
* Cultivates creativity and innovation.
* Makes living more fun. Duh.
* Supports brain and heart function.

Did you know?

* Humans are biologically programmed to play our entire lives?
* The first play act often times is the laughing, happy gaze between a mother and her baby?
* Humans can suffer from play deprivation?
* Play that involves movement helps the learning process?
* The opposite of play is not work but depression? (Well, ok, not technically, but it’s a quote I heard recently and it got my attention).

What gets in the way of play:

* Beliefs. Yikes, folks, this was a biggie. Yes indeed as we’ve seen before that little narrative in our head and the beliefs we hold, dictate how we live.  Where play is concerned, many of us have tightly held beliefs that we can’t or we shouldn’t or we couldn’t possibly – not until this is done or that is done  or we become more of this and less of that. We don’t get to play until we finish our work. We don’t get to play because we have to be productive. Adults don’t play – play is for children. Life is serious. We can’t afford to … blah, blah, blah. You get the point. Boring, right?
* We have a limited definition of play (for an expansion on yours see above). We think of it as something to be earned and then scheduled but because  we’re never done, we never earn it.
* Everything we do have to have a purpose attached to it so even if we are playing, we’ve turned it into something that is supposed to produce a result for us. Hmmm … feels a little    less like play to me.
* We’re simply out of practice, we’ve lost our play mojo; we’ve acquiesced to the circumstances of our life letting them close us down to rather than open us up to our playful selves.

Tips to get you playing:

* Infuse play into your day. Remember, it’s all about your attitude not about your schedule. In fact, what if instead of calling work, ‘work’ you called it  ‘play?’ (thank you Donna) Radical, I know. I can hear your inner Puritan calling b.s. but give it a shot. A simple change in your narrative can have a powerful impact.
* If you’re feeling out of practice, get a play mentor. I have a pal (Hi, Jane!) who asked her 12 year old son to be hers. If you have a dog, he or she might just be perfect. Or perhaps you need an ambassador of play; someone whose job it is to help you cultivate a light heart.
* Take frequent breaks (push backs) during your day. Get up and shake what your mama gave you as a way to break up the energy.
* Use music to lighten your mood. I play music while I am working. I love it. It always helps me to stay light.
* Smile your booty off. This one is huge. “Sometimes your joy can be the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy,” says Thich Nhat Hanh. Feeling stressed or upset or wobbly or depressed or anxious? Experiment with smiling. I recently realized that in intense exercise classes, I tended to smile really big especially when things got truly difficult. For me, it was a way to make it through the class without collapsing. I’ve had instructors comment on it. It got me thinking, what if I smiled anytime I was really stressed or confused? Guess what, it works. (There’s even science that supports it.)
* Do the funky chicken in front of the mirror first thing in the morning or do like my pal, Kelly, and when you catch your first morning reflection, make hilarious faces at yourself. Just remember that if part of your funny morning routine is to also give yourself crazy hairstyles that you brush them out before taking out the trash. Or not..
* When you’re out in the world, engage with people. Turn it into a game of connection; try not to let one single contact go by without a greeting or a smile or a ‘howdy.’ Talk about a funk buster! This gets you out of your drama and into the world where you belong.
* Start asking people what the funniest thing was that happened to them that day. Talk about a game changer at the dinner table.
* Keep a list of moments of hilarity.
* Reclaim Mondays. Monday gets such a bad rap and guess what, if we tell ourselves it’s gunna suck, then it’s gunna suck. Yippee! You’re right again.
* Set play dates with pals. No work conversation, no bitching allowed, just plain light hearted connection.
* Have a fun night with your hubby or wife.
* If you’re stuck in a pattern of fighting with someone, try setting up a new rule that when you fight you can only fight in your underwear or with sombreros on or while doing the Hokey Pokey. Using playfulness in tense moments can connect you to possibility and build trust. At a minimum, it’ll make it less painful!

Resources (click on links):

* The Monday night call: The Power of Play
* My blog post: Got Play?
* New York Times: Taking Play Seriously
* Dr. Stuart Brown’s book called, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.
* Dr. Stuart Brown’s Talk on TED.com And don’t be fooled by Dr. Brown’s demeanor, I’ve had the opportunity to see him in other interviews and he’s a light hearted, hilarious guy.

Finally, I want to help! Feeling stuck or not sure how to get this party going?

Give me a shout. We’ll come up with your personalized play plan designed to crack you up, bust a move and have you laughing through everyday.

You can connect with John at his blog, www.johndulworth.com.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

Recently I began to wonder why I was so damn tired, so unmotivated, so bored, so ready to sleep late, so ready to merely watch mindless television, so ready to hibernate and watch the rest of the world go by. Then I got up enough energy to attend the three day Whole Life Experience Retreat with Jane Deuber and John Dulworth. That was the beginning of my wake up call, my AHA! moment, and my journey back to myself. To say it was life changing is an understatement.

Being a part of creating a successful business was exhilarating but tiring, and while I bought into the vision and mission of Alive! (and I still do) it never provided me with the number of coaching clients I had wanted. My dream and passion was, and is, coaching people to have rich, fulfilling, successful, and most of all happy, lives where they contribute positively to our world. When the economic downturn hit, I gave up on my dreams of coaching to put all my energies into saving the business we had. I cut expenses–our bookkeeper, virtual assistant; anything and everything I could do, I did. Once we had ridden out the worst of it , I felt it had become time for me to let go of some of the Alive! duties, hire back help , and re-start my coaching practice. I had some success before, so I was confident it would be fairly easy to do.

For months I have been trying to get my Change the Way You Age group coaching program to take off. It was like pushing a boulder up a hill– 2 inches up, 2 feet back. I could never get the momentum I had previously been able to get when I helped create Alive! Whole Life Fitness Studio with my husband. Creating and building Alive! took us six years and lots of 80-hour work weeks with no vacations, very little fun built in, and finally I was left with a burned out feeling I couldn’t shake.

So, why was it so hard to do that? Why did I sink deeper and deeper into exhaustion? The Whole Life Experience Retreat opened my eyes, my mind, and my heart to what was wrong with this picture, and what was right.

I discovered I was no longer interested in building a big business, an all-consuming business where I had to devote almost my entire life to building it. And the biggest discovery was that I had been running away from my mortality. Yes, I said “mortality” as in death. All my efforts had been to age naturally and powerfully, to put a lot of effort into living longer, healthier, and better. Now that’s an admirable goal–it truly is. I was just using it to avoid seeing I was entering the last quarter of my current life, and acknowledging that my motivations and interests had changed.

I am becoming an elderwoman, a crone, a sage, a wise woman; someone who values balancing “being” with “doing”. I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge my desire for slowing down, for seeing what is present in this moment, for taking time to contemplate and reflect, for sitting quietly and listening to the birds outside my bedroom window. I was afraid my younger, entrepreneurial friends would reject me and see me as merely an old lady who had given up on her dreams. But I had to speak it; I had to start living it.

When I shared my revelation with the participants during the Retreat, I was given love, and caring, and an even deeper connection began. I was supported, accepted, and most of all, included. My fear of rejection was just that, my fear. Jane stepped in and did her magic to help me see what new path there was for me, and where my accumulated wisdom from a lifetime of transitions could best be used. I left the Retreat with renewed energy and a new focus for my coaching. Now I can see the road ahead, and who I will serve with my coaching practice. It is with women in transition; empty nesters looking for new meaning in addition to motherhood; women who are retiring, whether by choice or job loss, who want to design a new life, and women like myself who are entering elderwomanhood and want to chart a path that’s appropriate for them.

There is going to be another Whole Life Experience Retreat at the end of October, and I hope to be there. I’m certain some of my entrepreneurial friends will decide to be there, too. It will change your life — if you let it. Come, be, do!

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

I recently noticed that whenever I look at my email, the sheer volume of it is making me nauseated — I dread reading it and having to respond. It feels like a never-ending cascade of words, entreaties to buy some service or product, or things I previously subscribed to which no longer seem relevant. Yet, open it I must for who knows what gems it may contain. Perhaps an old friend might actually write to me, and I don’t want to miss that. That’s if I can actually find it amidst the deluge. And somehow I seem addicted to checking all three (yes — three!) of my email addresses several times a day. And the work that would propel me in the direction I want to go, just doesn’t get done.

I need a new strategy for email! Anyone out there have some suggestions?

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

Catchy title, no? Did the “virgin” attract you to this blog? Well, I’m sorry to say this is not as risque as it sounds. I finally took the leap and created a very short test video. I had started Elizabeth Potts Weinstein’s great 4 Weeks to Video course, got sidetracked (duh!), didn’t finish, and had used that as an excuse to postpone doing My Perfect First Video.

Lucky for me, I started working with a remarkable coach, Davina Haisell, who got my butt in gear by instilling in me the idea that it could actually be FUN. She also helped me recognize that for most of my long life I have been way too serious, and have trouble figuring out how to have fun.

I left my coaching session with her, sat in front of my iMac with the built-in iSight camera and just did it. It felt so good to stop thinking about it and DO IT. It was a big stretch beyond my typical need for perfection, and it was really fun and easy.

Now, I know absolutely there were glaring flaws in it — lighting, no makeup, clutter in my office, no editing, and my attempt to figure out where to look at the camera (resulting in my googly eyed look). And, when I look at it, I get a bit embarrassed. But my sense of accomplishment is undiminished and my momentum to do more is activated.

I couldn’t figure out how to imbed it — that comes later, so click here .

I welcome all comments and questions — REALLY. I want to know what you think about this first attempt, so any and all respectful comments are welcomed. Of course, if a comment is too mean and not helpful, it probably won’t make it through.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

I’m a long time member of BNI (Business Networking International) and in our chapter, we have someone who writes the introductions for members who are doing their 10-minute presentation. Our resident Member Experience person is none other than the fabulous Susan Schwartz, Brand Strategist, Speaker and the Queen of Branding.

I was doing my presentation on January 27, so Susan and I spent quite a long time on the telephone where I regaled her with stories of my life. Because I’m 67, I have quit a few stories to tell. What Susan came up with follows, and I have some questions for you after you read it.

“Bawdy. Naughty. Dangerous. Wild.
Spiritual. Centered. Profoundly reverential.
Passionate. Purposeful.
Physically challenged. Tired.
All of them — at one point, or many, in her life, have described our resident Oracle of Aging with grit and grace, Taru Fisher.

And that is exactly who Taru has grown to be —
Strong. Centered. Wise. Wonderful — unshakable.”

OK, I had no idea what she was going to say and I was floored by this introduction. I wondered who she was talking about–and then I realized it was ME.
Is this what she’d gotten from our conversation? If so, how could I possibly deserve it? It was that old “self-worth” thing again. Part of me absolutely loved it and another part cringed in embarrassment.

So, to people who know me, I’ve got the following questions:

1-        Do I warrant the title, The Oracle of Aging?
2-         If I do, for what reasons?
3-         What do you expect from an Oracle of Aging?

The Oracle is off to do the dishes now.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

The lyrics of American Idol runner-up, Danny Gokey’s new release, My Best Days Are Ahead of Me are very inspiring. And the song as Danny sings it is simply outstanding. We’ve chosen it as our Alive! Whole Life Fitness Studio’s theme song — and it’s now my song to get me up and moving forward with inspiration. I love this song so much, I purchased it on iTunes. That’s a lot for me as I buy very few songs.

So, here are Danny’s lyrics:

My Best Days are Ahead of Me

Blowing out the candles
on another birthday cake
Old enough to look back and laugh at my mistakes
Young enough to look at the future and like what I see
My best days are ahead of me

Life hasn’t always been a party
but mostly it’s been good
There’s only one or two things that I’d change if I could
I don’t get lost in the past or get stuck in some sad memory, yah
My best days are ahead of me

Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I’m still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me

Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I’m still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me

I’ve got sunsets to witness
dreams to dance with
beaches to walk on
and lovers to kiss
there’s a whole lot of world out there
that I can’t wait to see
My best days are ahead of me
My best days are ahead of me

I really love the line “age is just a number” because that’s been my experience of aging. When I remember that my best days are ahead of me, the possibilities seem endless.

Thanks, Danny, for a really great and inspirational song.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

“Short, Gray Hair makes you Ugly, Unloveable, and Worthless…” is the title of this amazing video by Matthew Blom that I saw on YouTube. I share it here because it underscores a message I want all aging women to get. It’s a message that’s central to my mission for my Change the Way You Age Group Coaching Program.

I found myself moved to tears as I watched it. It is beautifully done with such love and compassion — Thank you Matthew Blom.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

As an Apple lover, I had waited with anticipation for the rumored Apple “tablet”. Yesterday my wait was over; the iPad had arrived. I went to a lot of web sites where some of the younger geeks tended to bash it for its’ apparent limitations, some of which were:

• No multitasking
• No Adobe Flash
• No camera or iChat capabilities
• Still limited to AT&T’s 3G service

First, I didn’t expect the iPad to replace my iPhone, or my MacBook Pro, or my iMac 27,” or my digital camera. I would have liked a carrier other than AT&T because of their abysmal service, but I’m saying a prayer that situation will change in the near future.

Steve Wozniak was unhappy that it didn’t allow him to edit movies or fool around with music. Steve, don’t you have a real Mac for that? I do.

Mashable has a great article about the purpose of the iPad. It proposed that the iPad is a device for consuming content, not creating it.
As such it is uniquely suited to this task. If I want to create content like this blog post, for instance, I sure as heck will use my 27“ iMac–not an iPad.

What do I find so valuable about it?

• It will save trees, millions of them. Right now I have literally hundreds of books lining the shelves of several book cases. I tend to read several at a time, and have to carry at least two with me–just in case. With the iPad, I can have all the books I’m currently interested in with me when I go to Cafe La Tartine for tea. I can de-clutter my house by passing along my unused book cases to someone who needs them.
• It has a much larger screen (9.7inches) than my iPhone. As we age, our eyes need help reading small print. I’ve tried reading some books on my iPhone, and it’s darn difficult! I’ll be able to read bigger text and enjoy it rather than struggling. We have a client who is trying to read a 600 page novel on his iPhone, and it takes 13,000 pages. On the iPad, it will take 600.

• At a mere 1.5 pounds, it’s light weight, and only 1/2” thick (that’s actually “thin”). My laptop is increasingly difficult for me to carry, and when I take it somewhere it’s usually to surf the web, check email, look at Facebook, or post to Twitter. I hardly need a laptop for those tasks if I have an iPad.
• It’s small enough to fit in a woman’s tote bag or large purse without having to carry yet another case. Men will have to figure out their own preferred method of transport.

How will I use it?

• As a book reader. I love reading but the arthritis in my hands sometimes interferes with holding the books pages open. No such problem exists with the iPad. I can have my current books with me wherever I go, meaning I’ll actually read more — what a concept.
• To get email while I‘m away from my real computers. I’m CEO of Alive! Whole Life Fitness Studio and I need to be able to access my email wherever I am — OK, except at the movies or maybe the bathroom.
• To browse the internet (of course). I’ll be able to look up the latest Onion articles and laugh my a** off. Laughing is good.
• I’ll finally be able to actually see the Facebook app and post updates; Twitter will be easier to see as well. It’s those eyes again!
• To keep my favorite photos of my family and friends so I can share them with people I meet. I promise I won’t force them to look!
• To access some of my favorite YouTube videos; the ones that either make me laugh or inspire me.
• I’ll use the Maps feature to find my way to a new restaurant or a business.

I hope Apple extends the iBook store to publishing eBooks created by us folks; what a concept! A friend of ours also had a great suggestion. Some of the publishers could subsidize the cost of the iPad in return for a long term subscription to their content. It could work kind of like the old book club model, only on steroids.

If Apple is smart (and I think they are really, really smart), they’ll market this to my demographic; the 50-pluser’s and above. As DTNick said in a comment in a PC World article :

“As I mentioned …, we geeks sometimes lose touch of what real people use computers for: http://bit.ly/cLtQUy
My mom, for example, isn’t going to care about multitasking, the aspect ratio, the lack of an HDMI port, or any of that spec stuff. All she’ll care about is whether it’s easy to use, and whether it’ll get her online.”

DTNick, I’m not your Mom–but I could be. Thanks for thinking of me!

So, geeks who want more than what the iPad offers, please don’t buy one; obviously it’s not for you. Leave it for us, the 78 million plus Boomers and beyond (I’m a bit beyond) who will find it an extremely valuable piece of technology.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

It’s been awhile since I sat down to write a post. Stuff like tax preparation, and a zillion other things I decided were more important than blogging (silly me) kept me from writing. Well, no more excuses. Here I am again.

Today I’m sitting in my home office with a ceramic heater at my knees, huddled in a turtleneck trying to stay warm. According to my husband, the barometric pressure is supposed to be lower than it’s ever been which is probably why my arthritic joints are so achy.
It’s been raining, windy and cold for days — it seems like weeks — here in sunny northern California. Four storms all stacked up in a pretty little row, waiting to jump on land and feed the earth.

Now, I love the rain, and the thunder, and even the lightning. Ok, even those freezing cold little bits of hail made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time; I’m happy to report it was so small that no damage was done to my car. When we lived in New Mexico, I reveled in the daily afternoon autumn thunderstorms that swept across our four acre property outside Lamy. I even dared to go outside and stand under our tin-roofed porch, kind of daring the lightning to strike me. Of course, it never did so I am here now to merely remember that incredible feeling of aliveness, and power and vulnerability that overcame me during these storms.

I’ve found that the stuff nature has thrown at me so far in my life has been bearable and even exhilarating. I do not know how I would respond to a natural disaster as devastating as the one to hit Haiti. I watch news accounts, see the unbearable suffering and feel ashamed that I have complained about our home and it’s “defects”, or how food wasn’t cooked the way I wanted it so I sent it back. Or how incredibly ungrateful I can be when things aren’t going my way. Or how my dog eats better than the Haitians. I feel ashamed.

We donated money to AmeriCares and that helped my state of mind – a little bit – but there is so much more that needs to be done. Several of the people who send me email newsletters included the following links in them so I would have the opportunity to give to the Haitian people. I include them, below, so you can also have the opportunity to give if your heart is touched as mine was.

Robert Middleton of Action Plan Marketing had this to say in his newsletter:

“I don’t know about you, but with the earthquake in Hatiti
I found myself glued to the television and feeling rather helpless
in the face of all that devastation.

It’s really hard to comprehend, not just that tens of thousands
have lost their lives, but that the living have virtually lost their
whole city. It will literally take generations to rebuild.

Care
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=N.Jja&m=1ary0h20yaOQIo&b=NLOAGsZuHufet.QZmYsV1g

Habitat for Humanity
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=N.Jja&m=1ary0h20yaOQIo&b=xW7fDYytLBP2eHlYYjvKlQ

World Concern
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=N.Jja&m=1ary0h20yaOQIo&b=oPNPDXDVljHdct4tpQiU4w

AmeriCares
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=N.Jja&m=1ary0h20yaOQIo&b=iQjZnu7O5g2d5QXFWaRT3A

Avavaz
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=N.Jja&m=1ary0h20yaOQIo&b=O7q13ME4iy9dlO4xRgbqEA

Robert is someone I trust and whose integrity is without question. I couldn’t have said it better, and I am happy to pass this along as he requested.

Look around you, be grateful for what you have, and see what is possible for you to share.

© 2010, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.

My son, Matt

Have you ever received a gift from someone you love that absolutely takes your breath away?
Has this gift helped to ease years of the pain you felt over something you had to do, but has haunted you ever since you did it?
Have you ever received the gift of absolute love and understanding?

This Christmas I received a gift that did all that and more, and moved me to tears. My youngest son, Matt, gave me a scrapbook he had made, a scrapbook filled with pictures of me, my sons, and my husband. It was filled with quotes and one in particular brought home to me just how much he understands my pain:

“Children and Mothers never truly part – Bound in the beating of each other’s heart” — Charlotte Gray

I keep re-reading this book of love and acceptance, and each time I do, I am moved once again to tears. Many, many years ago, my then spiritual teacher told me as I cried upon sitting in front of him, “Don’t hold back the tears; tears open your heart”. My heart is bursting open with love and gratitude for the gift this scrapbook has brought to me.

Thank you, Matthew, for showing me such love and understanding.

© 2009, Taru Fisher. All rights reserved.