It’s been about a month since I last wrote about my garden and it’s time to give you an update.

Between the last time and now, I’ve managed to kill several plants but keep most of them alive. I’ve started looking at more seeds since my goal is to keep growing through the seasons.

Tucker says I should focus on keeping the plants I have alive. I told him to shut up.

The garden as of a couple of hours ago:

Red Runner Bean Flowers

Radishes and Rainbow Swiss Chard

Radishes and Lettuce

Purple Basil

Purple Okra

Onions

Carrots

Peppers and Tomatoes

Bed of everything else

My peas and scarlet runner beans have shamed me into admitting that, when the package says to “direct sow”, I shouldn’t ignore the instructions and start the seeds inside.

The reason? Cause the fuckers will TAKE OVER.

Every day, I’d take the seed container down and check if more seeds had sprouted and the kids would get so excited. Finally, on the day the first two pictures below were taken, I needed to pull some of the seedlings. I picked each little pack of nonsoil up and weeded the seedlings down to one per pod.

Then I got to the peas and the scarlet runner beans.

The first two pictures were taken on March 21st.

They tried to eat the other plants.

I have three pea plants and three scarlet runner beans and all six plants had started to encroach upon their neighbors. As I started extracting the plants, I had to break roots off just so I could get everything loose.

We couldn't find a ruler so Rapunzel had to do.

These two pictures were taken on March 26th.

Where's the Rapunzel book when you need it?!

The scarlet runner beans should dial back on the showing off.

Apparently we have mutant plants.

Remember when I wrote that post about being obsessed with gardening and I even made a spanking new category especially for the new obsession?

Wondering why I’ve only posted four things since I announced the new category?

Um…well…everything died.

How’s that for sucktastic? I’m not exactly sure what happened though I highly suspect it had to do with the starter I used. Seeds would either sprout and then fool me into thinking they were going to be awesome and THEN die or they just wouldn’t even attempt to sprout.

Jump forward a couple of months and a soil less seed starter.

You have no idea how many times I had to tell them not to touch.

My favorite shot.

You're supposed to direct sow these guys but I couldn't help myself.

A variety of sprouting tomatoes.

There are a couple of holdouts from that first wave of seeds.

I had this soil left over after everything in the container died and since my onions are still languishing in the garage, unplanted, I took pity on several and stuck them in the plantless container. I noticed this mystery sprout yesterday. It’s joined by four others. Crafty little plants.

I have NO CLUE what has sprouted with the onions. I thought everything had died.

Why do I have lettuce growing in my yard? Because I got pissed that the lettuce seeds I had planted in a container decided not to sprout. So I tossed them into the yard. And they grew. Bastards.

Makes a pretty decent little salad...just watch out for the grass.

If you’re interested in what we’ll be planting this year, check out my seed post.

There's a plant in there!

I guess that whole gardening glove thing isn’t just for looks?

The problem is that I really don’t like gloves. Even when it’s bitterly cold, I’d rather have frozen fingers than have to deal with weird feeling gloves. This is important so you’ll understand just how big of a deal it is for me to say I really dig Field & Lane’s Forester gloves. They smell good, too! Not that most people care what their gloves smell like…except for me.

I was able to get some seed starting pot thingies filled and ready to go without ending up with dirty, dirty hands. I was able to unscrew an extremely tight lid without gravely injuring myself and the gloves didn’t get even seem to mind. And while my gloves are a bit big–if you’re on the line when you measure, go for smaller–they still have a nice fit and a nifty “flex-line” across the back so they’re extra flexible and didn’t make my hands feel like they were in little hand straight-jackets.

AND, there’s the added benefit of Oliver thinking the gloves make perfect “gauntlets” for when he has to go take care of bad guys.

Ollie thinks the gloves are "gauntlets".

Since I love these gloves so much, and planting season is just around the corner, I have a pair of Forester and a pair Wave gloves for one lucky reader. This is for guys and gals but you should know that the Wave only comes in women’s sizes so, if you’re a dude who wins, I’m sure you have a lady friend who would love to have some new gloves.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Valentine’s Day is either one of the most celebrated holidays or the most reviled–depending on who you ask. But no matter what camp you’re in, one thing just about everyone can agree on is that the perfect cocktail can make just about anything better.

The two Port concoctions below will be amazing whether you’re entertaining a crowd for Valentine’s Day or entertaining yourself. While I’m sure scaling these down would be a cinch, I suggest you make the recipes as shown and then store whatever’s left.

Cheers and Valentine’s Day!

Wedding Punch

by Jonathan Pogash, The Cocktail Guru | Served warm or cold (serves 8-10)

Ingredients: 

• 12 ½ parts Sandeman Founder’s Reserve Porto
• 8 parts pineapple juice
• 2 parts maple syrup
• 4 parts brandy or cognac
• 4 parts fresh lemon juice

To serve warm: Add the above ingredients to a container and stir or shake to blend. Pour 2 parts of mixture into a hot toddy mug and top off with boiling water. Garnish with freshly grated nutmeg and a lemon peel.

To serve chilled: Add the above ingredients to a large punch bowl with lots of ice and stir to chill and dilute. Add several lemon wheels to the bowl. Ladle out into punch glasses and top with freshly grated nutmeg and cinnamon stick.

Ruby Sling

by Adam Schuman, Fatty Crew | Punch Bowl Version (serves 10-15)

Ingredients: 

• 25 parts Sandman Ruby Port
• 17 parts Jamaican white rum
• 25 parts pineapple juice
• 4 parts fresh lime juice
• 25 parts ginger ale
• 20 pieces allspice
• 10 pieces star anise
• 5 cinnamon sticks

Method:
Simmer 6 parts of port with 20 pieces of allspice, 10 pieces of star anise and 5 sticks of cinnamon. Allow the spiced port to cool and then add it to the rest of the punch. Before serving, add ice and ginger ale to the punch. Lastly, grate or sprinkle some nutmeg over the punch for additional spice.

One of the things I was most excited about when I planned on starting a garden was getting the kids involved.

Caroline and Oliver will eat vegetables but both kids would much rather the vegetables be covered in cheese and, while cheese IS quite yummy, the cheese tends to cancel out the healthful benefits of the vegetables.

In an effort to foster this excitement for gardening and the growing process, I made each of the kids their own “gardens.”

I’m not sure how big the pots ended up being but they both contain the same thing: the mixed flower free pack that came with our seed collection, the rainbow swiss chard and some dahlias.

It’s official. The kids’ plants are the first to sprout.

It's a sprout. A mystery sprout.

Rainbow Swiss Chard in Ollie's Garden

My peppers and tomatoes take a bit longer to “pop out” than the rainbow swiss chard and I had an issue with too much water and some mold.

Pretty sure I fixed that with some awesome Amy ingenuity:

I don't use those cooling racks that much anyway.

Tucker came up with the chopstick idea...

With a little luck, we might just have the start of a garden.

Image | julochka

I was talking with Heather earlier and she mentioned she had #HomeChat coming up tonight on Twitter and I inquired as to what these homechatters would be discussing.

Raw foods.

Hold on, here. Raw? People aren’t supposed to eat raw bacon. Doesn’t Heather Solos know this?!

Now this is funny to me but Heather will be rolling her eyes about right now because that’s pretty much EXACTLY what I said during our phone conversation and she didn’t laugh then, either. She suggested I look up a couple of salad recipes.

OH! That’s right! Salad=raw. Sweet! I can do salad.

I am the chick who has decided to plant a million plants for her first garden; I like veggies.

The vegetable in my soon-to-be garden that’s causing me much consternation is the rainbow swiss chard. It looks beautiful on the seed pack and the kids are excited so I consider the chard a win. But here’s the thing: I’ve never eaten swiss chard. Or chard. See? I don’t even know what to call the stuff.

Because of the #HomeChat topic, I tasked myself with finding a recipe that’s RAW and involves swiss chard.

Avocado and Rainbow Swiss Chard Salad

Greens:

• 1 bunch of Swiss Chard, stems removed
• Other salad greens, if desired

Dressing:

• 1 avocado (mash half for dressing and reserve other half for salad topping)
• 1 Tb olive oil
• 2 Tb balsamic vinegar
• Juice from 1 lime
• kosher salt and fresh ground pepper

Salad Toppings:

• 1 carrot, shredded–I’m going to use my Cosmic Purple carrots!
• 10-12 grape/cherry tomatoes, halved or whole…depending on the size–I think the black cherry tomatoes will look awesome in this.
• 1/2 c pistachios
• Reserved half of avocado, diced

Wash chard and whatever greens you’re using.

In a salad bowl, mash 1/2 of the avocado, olive oil, vinegar and lime juice. Add the greens and toss to coat.

Add your salad toppings and toss again to make sure everything is coated.

Let the salad “rest” for about twenty minutes in the fridge. Right before you serve, test for seasoning and add kosher salt and pepper.

Come on! Raw doesn’t look half bad now, right?!

And by “might” I mean “most likely and probably closer to definitely.”

I’ve been waiting on my seeds to get here for a few days now and as each day passed, I got more and more excited about the PURPLE bell peppers–Who knew there even was such a thing?!–and the green and yellow striped tomatoes and the fire engine red runner beans. The purple carrots Tucker requested, the candy apple sweet little peppers I bought at Cara’s request and the tiny, sour cucumbers the size of quarters I bought on a whim.

Basically I was having a mental makeout session with this imagined garden of the future.

The reality:

I think I'm in over my head...and I need to take clearer pictures...minus my toes...

We are now the proud owners of 21 packs of seed–the rainbow swiss chard, peas and nasturtium aren’t pictured. The onions aren’t pictured either; I don’t have them yet. I bought one “bunch” of those dudes. Apparently a “bunch” is really A BUNCH since a “bunch” is five dozen plants. You just sit and think on that one. And I LOVE ME SOME ONIONS! But that’s a butt ton of onions.

I might puke. No. Really. I might be sick. It’s not the work that freaks me out..it’s the SHEER MAGNITUDE of what I’m undertaking. This is my first garden; I should have purchased a tomato plant, some lettuce and maybe something exotic like kale…you get the idea.

Instead, I have:

• Black Cherry Tomato
• Vorlon Tomato
• Dr. Wyche’s Yellow Tomato
• Green Zebra Tomato
• Quadrato D’asti Rosso Pepper
• Scarlet Runner Bean
• Unwin’s Mix – Dhalia
• Some sort of free flower pack thank you for buying so many seeds you have a panic attack pack
• Cosmic Purple Carrot
• Thyme
• Sage – Broad Leaf
• Basil – Dark Purple Opal
• Quadrato D’ Asti Giallo Pepper
• Melrose Pepper
• Purple Beauty Pepper
• Mexican Sour Gherkin Cucumber
• Burgundy Okra
• Rocky Top Lettuce Mix

That list took me a very, very, very long time. Like you don’t even know.

I started this before I started dinner, did some of it whilst cooking, stopped to eat, worked on it while I sat on the bathroom floor while the kids played in the bath, put it on hold to talk to Tucker, took the kids out of the bath and put clothes on them and put them to bed somewhere in there and then watched My Drunk Kitchen with Tucker and I just got done! Hopefully, you’re just as tired from reading that sentence as I am from making that list.

You’re welcome.

So. Many. Seeds.

I was sitting at the dining room table with the seed packets all over the table and Cara was “helping” me “sort” the packets which really means she kept picking them up while I was trying to figure out just how soon I needed to get some of these guys started.

Answer? YESTERDAY! ACK!!!

Specifically my peppers–something I never thought I’d type or say–need to be in the “ground” eight to ten weeks before being transferred. I have four varieties of peppers. I really only want maybe two pepper plants per variety. Oh, shit. This is starting to sound like math. Word problems. Math. Someone help me!

So I’m sitting there and staring at the seed packs since I have faith in their ability to TELL MEEEEE how exactly I’m supposed to ONLY end up with two plants per pack when I was sent a bajillion seeds in each pack. Am I just supposed to flip those other seeds the bird? Do I start a bunch extra in case the “chosen” happen to be duds?

An heir and a spare, if you will.

Too much math. Writing brain wants to stick its fingers–if brains had fingers–in its ears–if brains had ears in which to stick said fingers of the brain–and scream, “LALALLALALALLALAL!!!” Again, assuming said brain with said fingers and said brain ears has said brain mouth…and a vocabulary.

I just want some dirt. And I want a seed. And I want it to grow up and be amazing. And then I want to eat what comes from that amazing science stuff.

It’s the little things, people!

Image | Asparagirl

I tried to grow things when we were in the apartment and I managed to grow an impressive cache of purple basil I bought at Target on a whim. I have no clue as to what variety it was but it looked like these Dark Purple Opal Basil plants. That stuff grew like crazy and I used it in just about anything I could think of since I had so much of it. It didn’t have a strong basily flavor and was just so pretty…I just realized I miss my purple basil.

At any rate, Ollie was a youngin then and hadn’t developed the self-control required to keep his fat, little fingers out of my pots so Ollie pulled up all of my purple basil and then ground them up. That was the end of my basil growing days while we were in the apartment.

I’ve recently started reading about raised beds since our new backyard has massive drainage issues and DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COMPLICATED THIS STUFF CAN GET?!

ONLY use rot resistant, untreated wood. Railroad ties are OK. Don’t worry about chemicals in the wood since they won’t leach into the soil. Use whatever you want but use a BPA-free plastic to cover the wood. ANY PLASTIC is evil. Don’t use the dirt from your yard. Don’t use compost. Definitely don’t use any sort of paper product in your compost. GMO plants/seeds are OK. GMO plants/seeds will cause you to sprout an extra arm.

And now my head hurts.

My mom’s mom had a garden until she physically couldn’t and I’m talking a HUGE garden. My father’s mother still makes a garden every year. The woman’s like 95 or something. That’s what I call dedication. The one thing that always struck me, even when I was little, was how easy they made it look. Sure they weeded and you had to till the ground and there was physical labor involved but they seemed unconcerned about the setting up of their garden. They just tossed in the seeds, complained about the birds and then their gardens just seemed to grow.

Surely it’s not as complicated as some of these websites make it out to be. Right? Surely it doesn’t cost as much as some of these websites say, right? Right?!

So I’ve made a sub-category especially for the garden so I can record the whole screwed up journey. Otherwise I’ll forget what I did and didn’t do. My memory’s broken. I gave the sub-category a fancy name: Garden.

At this very moment, this post is the only one in that sub-category but more will follow. You can receive emails specific to the Food and Drink category–which includes the Garden sub-category–if you subscribe to the baby feed below this post. Click on the Food and Drink icon and you’ll be good to go.

It’s not as yummy as bacon but it’s damn close.

That piece next to the knife was eaten right after I took this picture.