China is a bit like Blade Runner. I recommend the book ‘Wild Swans’ and the Mao book by the same author, which will give you some context & history. When you’re done, take the same characters and society then add billions of dollars and a bloodthirsty (government sponsored) desire, from each and every person, to become rich. it’s not pretty, or efficient, or ethical, or sensible, but it does make money. Lots of money. There are millions of millionaires here. there are hundreds of billionaires. Also, everything ever is a business decision, and until I learn enough Chinese to have more interesting conversations, here’s the one conversation I have, over and over:

- Where are you from?

– Response: depending on shoes/general competence, and answer from ‘America’ to ’south east Portland’. Sometimes, Canada. There’s a security guard at a complex near mine that keeps asking me if I speak Hebrew.

- Where do you live?

– Response: depending on shoes/general competence, my general neighborhood, which has 3x as many people as PDX, or my actual complex name, which is nonsensical in both English and Chinese.

- How big is your Apartment?

– Response: everything’s in metric here & I refuse to learn the square meters to square feet conversion just to answer these fucking questions.

- How much is your rent?

– Response: the company pays. Reality: they don’t pay, but this is a very invasive question. Also, we negotiated our lease when we were still fucking jet lagged, so we’re probably over paying a lot, and I don’t want to admit it. The whole memory is surreal, and involved silver sparkle gucci high tops on a tiny Chinese woman who was yelling at me in Italian. No, really.

- What do you do?

– Response: depending on shoes/competency, something between ‘trailing spouse’ and Chef, because that’s one of the only job names I know in Chinese.

- How much do you make?

– Response: fuck you. Chinese talk about two things: Money and Food. When they’re eating, they talk about money, and when they’re working, they talk about food, because, part of the standard office day is spent lollygagging. What should take an hour may take the full day, with 3 smoke breaks, a few tea breaks, a long lunch, possibly and after lunch nap, 2 loud mobile phone conversations, and at least one argument with the person paying you and one with the person you’ve decided is impeding your progress. This is a gross and incompetent generalization, I know. whatever. So is this: Chinese people like tea, and yelling.

—- common contexts for yelling: 1: negotiations. this is the culture where winning an argument balances on one theory: ’saying it louder & more often than the other guy makes it so’, which leads to 2: arguments. The difference between an argument and a friendly chat is determined by the size of the crowd that gathers. (Life in general is loud here–you’re never more than 500 meters from a major construction zone). Often either (or both) of the previous happen 3: on the phone. Apparently it’s a remnant of very unreliable phone service since the early days, but when speaking on the phone, everything is YELLED AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE! Chinese on Chinese phone conversations seem to involve an unhealthy amount of aggression. Also, no one stands still on phones. they’re walking/biking/driving/piloting a scooter/cooking my dinner/in a movie theater/smoking/fucking their mistress/all of the above…

- You’re American/tall/fat/bearded/speaking Chinese/in China?

– response: ummm… yes/fuck you. depends on my day.

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A continuation of comments started on Twitter:
1: Eavesdropping on stupid conversations just because I could understand them.

2: Appreciating good service at bars/restaurants, but frustrated I couldn’t bark 服务员 when I needed something.

3: Small town America knows that you’re not from around here about as quickly as China.

4: Store your RMB Elsewhere. “Sir, you can’t pay with Canadian money” is more embarrassing than I expected.

5: Top replies to “We live in China”:

“What an adventure!”
“Do you like it?”
“I know [someone] in [somewhere that isn't China.]”

6: Driving long distances at high speed. Sure, I’ve spent an hour or two in a cab hurdling dangerously to the Pudong Airport, but I’d forgotten how much that, in America, outside a few dense urban cities, everything is 30min drive from everything else.

7: Drinking water from the tap.

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A week ago Friday, when most of Portland was, to their chagrin, pulling the wool sweaters back out of the closet, 8,000+ fans gathered at PGE Park to see the Might Portland Timbers face the lowly Minnesota Thunder. The Timbers had played four games in the 10 days leading up to the match, and the Thunder had managed to put some wins together after a lethargic start to the season.

At the start of every match, all things are square. It didn’t stay that way for long.(...)
Continue reading PTFC2K9: A Whipping for the Ages

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I’ll write up some comments about each game below the fold, but if you skip it, I want to get the major news out in front: the Portland Timbers will play the Minnesota Thunder tonight at 8pm at PGE park.

Thanks to TA member HeathenHooligan
If you can find him, he has T-shirts!

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on a Sunday.

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The Montreal “Impact” had not lost in three games coming into Thursday’s match, after a slow start to the season (perhaps a hangover from their impressive run to the CONCACAF Champions League quarterfinals) but the Mighty Mighty Timbers were unbeaten in seven games, including an impressive win against Vancouver last weekend.

Lightning, thunder or milk tycoons could not keep the Timbers at bay, nor could they keep the Timbers Army away.(...)
Continue reading PTFC2K9: Thunder and Lightning

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I always like games against Vancouver because of the rivalry, the history, and the away support who make the trip down from Canada.  The old adage ‘enemies on the pitch, friends at the pub’ has always rung true with the ‘Caps fans, win or lose they’re the opposite of Shittle fans: polite and mostly good humored.  After all, we share one very important point: we fucking hate Seattle.

(...)
Continue reading PTFC2K9: Firing on all cylinders

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I’m partial to other dishes there that aren’t in the photo, such as the mutton puffs; girlie loves the lamb kebabs on rods of red willow.  Also awesome: we’ve yet to be punished by the promised belly dancing.  I guess we don’t eat at peak hours.

Yum.

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