Scoops of Joy

20 Things I’m Grateful For

2013-05-23T11:53:09Z

My last post was quite of a downer isn’t?

Did you read it?

There are so many things that brighten my days, things that put smile on my face, and things that warmth my heart.

Sometimes it’s so much easier to dwell on the negativity, on the bad things but I don’t want to stay there too long. It’s exhausting, really and I’ve been there too long before.

Listing these things out and re-read it on days where the mood isn’t so great would comes in handy. So here are the 20 things I am so grateful for:

For spontaneous “I love you, Mommy” with skinny little arms thrown around my neck and snuggles from my not so little boy. He’s growing up so fast and will start Elementary School in July so these magic moments are the ones I wish I could bottle up and saved up for days when he’s big and it’s not too cool anymore to hug and kiss his Mommy.
For bedtime rituals of us talking, sometimes day dreaming about the future together. He loves lying down so close to me. He loves falling asleep holding me. Arms and legs tangled up to his mother. Early morning mean sneaking out of bed by carefully moving his leg over. I know this too will one day change so for now I shall cherish them.
For “Good morning my lovely, M” and the fantastic variations of it that greeted me as I opened my eyes in the morning. So thankful for such a sweet genuine positive soul of his.
For spirulina given by my man that boost my energy level up. Thank you, my love!!!
For quiet time in the morning as I head to work, I am such a morning person that I’d rather get to work way earlier than everyone else. This is where sipping coffee feels like a luxury in the quiet office.
For morning Skype, enough said.
For crazy funny people I work with. If anything, this job has given me friends who are really awesome.
For soothing green tea at 9 in the morning as I plow away with work stuffs.
For little break here and there that allows me to write, to Pin inspiring things on Pinterest.
For lunch break full of laughter and yes, sometimes sneaked in a little Skype session too.
For afternoon pick-me upper coffee, gotta love that!
For more Skype talk that usually starts between 3 – 3:30 PM that got me secretly giggling a lot. He makes me feel beautiful and never failed to let me know.
For free rides close to home by one of my colleagues. This saved me times and money. So thankful for that.
For him walking me home. It’s always feels nicer when we can do this before we said goodnight.
For the heart warming “Mommy’s home!!!” shout followed by two arms throw around my waist.
For the homework that drives me crazy sometimes. Oh joy, looking forward to Elementary homework not…but to see him focusing and actually figuring it out is rewarding.
For time with family, for the health of my parents. We had been through so much in the past so their health is very very important for me. I am so thankful that my parents are willing to try the healthy smoothies I make, to eat better. It’s a journey for them too but one that I am so proud to be a part of.
For friends that keep me sane, keep me laughing, keep me grounded every day. They are here, they are in the US. They are all over the place yet we are close, always.
For bloggy friends, twitter buddies, facebook pals, instagram allies. So blessed to have met and connect with so many cool people.
For the words that turn into these posts…for Scoops of Joy for being my media, my platform to share, to learn, to inspire, to one day take off into greatness.

How bout you what are you grateful for today?

PS: I’m over at World Moms Blog today sharing 5 Healthy Living Tips For Moms. Do stop by and show some love? Pretty please with a cherry on top.

4 Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

2013-05-21T01:14:51Z

This post is truly inspired by the amazing lady of Writing, Wishing, Alison’s post that I read last week. Her words so powerful as usual, making me wonder about the things I fear, things I’m afraid to confess.

After reading her post, I seriously got choked up. Tears welled up in the corner of my eyes and since then I can’t stop thinking about these things.

Maybe shining some lights will help.

So here they are 4 things I’m afraid to tell you:

I’m afraid I won’t have another baby ever again. There, I said it! Mommyhood crisis or just baby fever? Not sure what’s the proper name for it. All I know is I’m a 34 years old single mom who get constant pangs of sadness in my heart when I see cute little babies. When I got to hold my colleague’s baby girl my heart wept for the baby girl I might never have. Funny because after I had A, I thought oh I was done! I am so not having another baby and go through the preeclampsia horror, emergency c-section, and all the trimmings ever again! So why now? Why, my uterus is doing somersault whenever I see babies. Oh, and have I told you I will be an aunt soon? Yes, my brother who just got married last December and his wife is expecting their first baby together. I am super stoked to be real aunty!
I’m afraid my boy is internalizing way too much. He is such a sensitive boy. My sweet sweet caring little man. I’m scared his sensitive side will be a boomerang to him if he can’t manage it well and I failed him. I secretly worries that being a child out of divorce family he will grow up thinking he’s very different than his friends. Physically he’s already different than most of his friends in school being mixed. One night he came up to me saying “Mommy, when I grow up I will work so fast and so hard so my boss will give me lots of money and I will give all that to you!” He said with a serious look on his face that made my heart melt. I never complained about our financial situations to him. He knows I have to work, he knows that when he wakes up in the morning his mom is gone to work.
I’m afraid I have fallen head over heels with that man. That sweet gentle man with blue eyes as calm as the ocean that pulls me in. He didn’t break down any walls. He didn’t showered me with empty promises. Instead, he reach his hand out to me and I walked out of my fortress voluntarily to hold his hand. Following what feels right in my heart. Guess, I shouldn’t really be afraid, should I? But yeah, I still have moments. PS: Today is his birthday! So, Happy Birthday again, my love. I am so blessed to have you in my life.
I’m afraid my back will never be fully normal ever again. I know I need to pick myself up and find the workout that will works for me, for my ~~90 years~~ old herniated back. As I’m typing this I’ve been feeling quite sorry for myself as I had to quit another program because my back is just killing me. For now I will listen to him, someone who had also dealt with a back injury and work to build more strength on my back which is far more important than having huge biceps.

Thank you for the inspiration, Alison!

What are you afraid of?

Nannyless And Happy

2013-05-16T04:13:26Z

“It’s time…”

My heart has been heavily pushing me to do the right thing for week before I gathered enough courage to let her go.

The boy and I love our nanny. She is sweet; she loves my boy and very patience with him. She’s not like the neighborhood nannies who hang out at night outside the house with their boyfriends.

She’s the first live in nanny we ever had. She’s been with us since the first time I went back to work in 2010. Three years of me trusting her to help taking care of A while I’m at work.

She got the weekend off even when her ‘boss’ have to work on Saturdays.

A adores her, love her and give her plenty of affections too.

Then she had a boyfriend…

Then she told me they were getting married despite her young age.

Everyone told me to get ready to find a replacement nanny.

In our office pantry I’ve heard countless stories about how hard, how difficult it is to find the right nannies, the right helpers. Typical working moms’ stories and dilemmas…I always thought we were quite lucky with her.

After the nanny’s wedding, she moved out to live with her husband. She would come in the morning before A wakes up and come home after I got home from work.

Then she started going home at 5:00 PM…

She would text me, saying she’s going home. “Ok and thank you.” That would be my typical replies.

Then 5:00 PM turned into 4:00 PM.

Later I found out she’s been making A had his dinner before 4 so she could come home. Of course the boy would get hungry again at around 7 or 8 which is very close to his bedtime.

When I asked her why she make A had such an early dinner she came up with excuses saying she’s tired, she have to go home and cook and bla bla bla…

My jaws dropped.

Wow!

I have to leave home before 6:00 AM everyday and often times I didn’t come home until 6:00 PM sometimes later. My boy went to school from 8 until 12. She’s pretty much free during those hours. I even told her she could go home while A is in school so she could do her “wifely duties”. She didn’t take the offer.

That’s when it hits me, it’s time to let her go. Things are not working out and A is getting bigger anyway.

“He’ll be fine. He’s pretty independent and you have me.” My mother assured me when I lamented about the whole nanny drama. I am so thankful to have my parents who doesn’t mind helping their daughter out.

“It will be good for him and makes him more independent.” Mr. X supported my decision when I told him about it.

So I broke the news to her.

She was sad.

The boy was sad.

She cried hugging A and telling him to be a good boy.

“Why is she leaving Mommy?” boy gently asked me as I cuddled him on my lap later that night.

“Because you are a big boy now, right? You are going to be in elementary school soon.” I kissed his curly head.

“I am a big boy!” He jumped out of my lap. Went to the kitchen and got some water himself.

My heart was heavy but I just know I am doing the right thing and now it’s almost been a month since we are nanny-less and I love seeing how independent he gets.

photo by: woodleywonderworks

We Are A Family

2013-05-11T14:31:35Z

I am a single mom.

I am used to do things on my own…on our own.

We…the boy and I went to his school for a Family Fun Day event last month. School events always make me feel uneasy. For some reasons, I always feel like the odd ball, the one that stood out like a sore thumb in the seas of ‘intact’ family of mother, father and kiddo(s) unit.

For school performances I always managed to drag either my mother or one of my brothers to come along.

The Family Fun Day was our first ever event where it was just us two.

When we got to the venue early, there were only a few families there. Complete sets of families.

The boy was very happy and seemed oblivious to the fact that he’s there with just his Mommy.

He got to try some of the games with a few of his classmates.

Then I started to relax.

I cheered for the boy while he sprint and he won first place and I took tons of picture.

He made it to final for the sprint.

Unfortunately, he fell down. I waited for him to get up and run again from the finish line. He wasn’t moving.

“Please don’t cry!” my heart sank but I knew he’s crying.

I saw one of the Dads came rushing to his side and before I knew it I ran to get my son…my boy.

He was a sobbing mess by the time I got to him. He threw his arms around my waist and said “I fell, Mommy!”

After I checked his knees to make sure he’s alright and saw no scratches or bleeding, I kneel down beside him and tell him he’s OK, that I will help him run to the finish line.

His eyes still wet with tears lit up.

I grabbed his hand and said “Let’s run!”

We ran together to the finish line, holding hands…

My sensitive boy was sullen even after I assured him it’s OK, that he is a winner in my book, that he is doing well.

After the winners got their trophies, my boy said he wants to run again. Luckily, there were some moms around who were late. They quickly let the boys run again just for the sake of it.

Boy was smiling again.

We were divided into groups. The parents and their kids, and yes…it was just me and the boy while the other kids have both their parents there.

As usual I felt uneasy about the whole thing. Although the moms treated us nicely, they were all very polite and friendly yet I still feel odd. It was a mental thing I guess.

Then we started having fun. The school had prepared games for the kids to do with their parents. The moms take turns with the dads. I started to loosen up and actually enjoying it. Seeing the excitements on the boy’s face was enough for me.

“Oh, I am so out of shape that game left me breathless, I will have XX’s father do the next game!” lamented one of the moms as I sipped some water. To that, I just smiled knowingly because I remember exactly how that feels like but secretly I was proud of myself for being able to keep up with the games without gasping for air.

We laughed, we danced, we sweat, we cheered, we kicked ass at the field, and most importantly we had a great time!

I realized it was me who needs to relax, it was me who needs to live in the moment and enjoy doing the things that my boy and I are blessed to do instead of worrying what the society thinks. The family day gave me a much more different perspective.

“Did you have fun, pumpkin?” I asked the boy after we got home that day.

“Mommy, it was the best day of my life!” his eyes shines, his smile so wide and my heart puff with so much love.

I may have no husband who secretly bought me Mother’s Day lavish presents as a surprise or taking me to fancy dinner/lunch/brunch or whatever but I am beyond blessed to have someone who calls me Mommy, someone who loves me despite the occasional yelling on my part, despite my shortcomings…I am one lucky Mom to hear my boy says “I love you Mommy!“

Happy Mother’s Day to you all beautiful and amazing Mother out there!

Loving My Body

2013-05-06T10:49:17Z

“You have no rights to talk to yourself like that, darling!”

And I froze…

“You need to stop talking about yourself that way…”

I stumble trying to come up with some sentences in my head. What am I suppose to say to that when he caught me like that.

I stare at my hands, hoping they could form a sentence, some kinds of self defense but I failed miserably.

“I know…” that’s all I could faintly whispered before a tear escaped.

“M, you are beautiful. You need to see what I see in you. Your body is beautiful.”

And to that the waterworks started again.

Looking back, I am so used to say negative things about my body; it’s like a second nature. For years I hated what I saw in the mirror. All I could think of are the imperfections, the little things I would like to change if I could have it my way. Even back to my pre-baby body I thought I was fat!

The mommy pouch aka lower tummy, the sagging breasts, the …I could go on and on. Practically ripping my body apart with negative words. Picking what I want to change and forgot to appreciate what I do have. I couldn’t see my own beauty.

In my head I still feel fat…a lot of the times.

Because I am taller than most of my friends – standing only 5’5” I’m so used to be the tall ones – I still feel big when I stand next to my tiny petite friends.

Growing up, I allowed myself to be brainwashed and think that beautiful = skinny, light skinned, straight black hair…the typical ‘beauty standards’ of Asian countries.

Yes, I got over the light skins ‘demand’. Actually, I’ve come to love my darker complexions and I LOVE to get tanned and I avoided skin whitening products of any forms!

Subconsciously, I was stuck in that “I was fat, therefore I will always be fat” mentality. Plus, it’s so much easier to repeatedly saying those labels than forming a new habit of praising me and my body. I sometimes forget how far along I’ve come in my journey to be healthy.

Being caught off guard like that really got me thinking. Really challenge me to shines a different light and examine myself closely.

The journey of self love…There are definitely good days, there are bad days and you bet I will write more about forming a new habit of self love. Today I am thankful for my scars, yes I may have stretch marks on my tummy but it’s my motherhood badge of honor. I am thankful for strong arms and strong legs.

I am no longer fat…

I am fit…

I am strong…

I am healthier…

I feel good…I am happy!

My body is still a work in progress and my goals are not those ripped six packs – although it wouldn’t hurt to have them – I will continue to be thankful for the chances to nourish my body, to take care of it in the best way possible through clean eating and exercising. In order for me to be around for awhile and be there for my boy then I must take good care of myself.

I no longer feel envious of those tiny petite girls here because I know skinny doesn’t mean you are healthy.

How bout you? Do you have body image issues? How did you learned to fully love your body, your curve?

I Am A Writer

2013-05-04T07:46:10Z

The Writer Wannabe Syndrome

How many times did I fail to post something on this blog because I feel like my writing isn’t good enough? I wear the ‘wannabe’ title for so long now. It took that one special person to open my eyes.

“You are a writer!”

“Your voice is your voice and you are unique. No one else have your story.”

“Stop saying you are a writer wannabe, you already are a writer.”

His soft voice opened the eyes of my heart.

It reminds me how I have always been so hard on myself. From my writing down to my body, I was my own worst enemy!

Did you know I’ve been blogging for 9 years now? Yes, 9 long years! Not all of them are recorded here on Scoops of Joy but yeah, it’s been a long time and I know I’ve evolved…I found my writing to be more from the heart lately than it ever was. If I were to read my old blog I would probably be way too embarrassed!

Even when I got reassuring comment like this one or this one from readers, I still have doubts. I still have moments where I questioned my ability to write, to form sentences that can do my thoughts justice. Sometimes when I read other more eloquent pieces written by bloggers I adore, I wish I could string sentences as good as them.

Writing in a language that is not my native tongue, I still make mistakes, grammatical errors and yes sometimes it’s embarrassing, sometimes I got publicly called out on it. I took it hard of course because I wanted to be better than good. My writing has got me through some of the darkest times of my life, it evolve to find the style of writing that suits me, which project who I really am. Finding my voice, my mojo in writing alone has been quite a journey.

Writing has gotten me through a lot of stuffs, cathartic even and my love for writing will always be a big huge part of me.

Writing gives me joy…

Writing makes me happy…

My writing is mine alone to share with you and maybe just maybe it would inspire others.

Therefore, if you look to the top right section of this blog, you will no longer see my old profile where I plastered “Writer wannabe” label in there. From this day on I will write from the heart. I will continue to practice and I will be writing a lot more. Maybe you will see some of them here, maybe you won’t.

When did you realized you are indeed a writer?

I’m linking up with Shell

Then & Now – A Personal Growth

2013-04-29T04:15:21Z

What did you see in this picture?

Yes, that’s a picture of me, taken on my last night in Upstate, NY before Mr. X and I moved to Alabama.

The girl in the picture tagged me yesterday and I was blown away by the look I had on it.

I could barely recognize myself.

No, it’s not about me being ‘smaller’ in that picture just because it was taken before I had my son.

No, it’s not about me having more hair either.

It’s something deeper…

It’s that look behind my eyes…

It’s what I saw inside, behind that big wide smile. Something hidden.

That picture was taken 7 years ago.

Not quite that long ago but the changes, the differences I saw were enormous.

Then, I was considered a newlywed who just gotten married to someone who I thought was the love of my life in one September afternoon in 2005. I should’ve been happy right? Not really! I said YES way too fast, I packed up and left everything way too fast. I had unrealistic expectations that being married will ‘rescue’ me…will complete me!

So when skeletons were popping out of the closets here and there, when reality didn’t meet my rose tinted dreamy hopes, I felt betrayed! By life, by love.

I couldn’t find happiness from within me…

I projected the hollow hole inside my soul to him who felt he failed to make me happy.

It was just a matter of times really before he started looking outside the circle of trust. No, this is not me blaming myself. I am done with that. I OWNED my mistakes, my shares.

That girl in the picture had a cold harsh of reality when she realized that being married didn’t make her happy. Yes, there were happy moments of course but mostly she felt empty. She felt trapped.

That girl in the picture felt imprisoned by her circumstances without any ways out. She didn’t know that she NEEDS to fill that hole in her soul herself. Not hanging the responsibility around someone else’ neck.

They moved down South and she sinks deeper into her unspoken sorrow that she managed to masked it all on from everyone she knows. She puffs away her pain with every inhale. She sinks deeper. She became an expert in hiding it all behind a big wide smile.

She lived with those demons without even realizing it!

Fast forward seven years later…

See this picture!

I stand taller because I’ve been through hell and back. I accept that no one else is ever to blame for either my joy or my suffering. I am in charge of how I truly feel, I am in control. Either I could take what happened to me and give unnecessary spotlight to the negativity or I could turn it around and use it as a lesson instead, albeit I have to learn the hard ways most of the times.

My eyes no longer pretending because I had found the key to my own happiness.

It may take a long and winding road to get to where I am today. Took a postpartum depression, some infidelities, divorce, weight battles, very close suicide attempts, horrible choices in men that left too many heartaches, to turn things around.

Feels like my whole life has been shaken to the core to be rebuilt a new.

And in that rebuilding process that I finally found ME!

The person I really am was borne through all the pain, all the tears.

Finding that strength inside me, finding my inner peace, finding joy is what completes me as a person, as a woman, as a mother to my son.

Yes of course sometimes she would pop out of the ashes of my past and scared the hell out of me. She would remind me of all the ugly things, the bad stuffs.

And I had to fight to silence her, to cast her away. I am learning to deal with her better and better with each and every new day that life blessed me with.

Keeping the joy and peace within me intact so I can fully live a life full of happiness.

Here I stand, taller, braver and much stronger.

Knowing I defeated the old me.

I won and I shall continue to love myself, to grow as a woman.

No More Fears

2013-04-27T13:42:31Z

I looked down into my palms the other day…

Inspected my hands, my fingers carefully.

No more traces.

The mark was long gone although once in awhile I can still feel the faint traces of the scaring inside my heart. It doesn’t ache anymore.

Thought I had buried my past and let it go. Thought I had said goodbye to the final pieces of them.

Until two days ago…

When panic came covering me up like a heavy cold wet blanket.

Suffocated my heart, filling my head with doubts.

The usual ‘what ifs’ and what not returned.

Tears poured again because I hate hate hate being in that spot where fears crippled me. The negative self talks. I hate it yet they managed to return.

Fears of being this close to someone…so close he can see the scars I’ve hidden for so long.

Fears of the unknown territory…

Fears of being this vulnerable…

Couldn’t find my voice when we talked so I let words described how I feel to him or at least that’s what I hoped for.

His answers came as clear as a bright blue sky with gentle winds that soothes my worries, my doubts, my fears, my qualms.

There were no empty sweet promises. Never that.

No undying love affirmation.

Nothing but honesty…

He made me realize that what we have is real not make belief. He showed me that his words and feelings are real. That his hopes and dreams are real. His actions are real.

He reached out his hand for me to hold.

“Life is full of magic; every second has magic in it, just look for it. See what others can’t; believe what some are scared to believe. Walk where others fear to tread and be the person you know in your heart you can be.”

He saw my scars, he knew my past. He’s not afraid. He accepts me completely and encourages me to always be the best that I could be.

Tears swell in the corners of my eyes again.

But this time not from fears, not from doubts.

My heart sighs with a gentle relief that only two lovers recognize.

There’s an unspoken commitment that only two souls, two hearts can feel. Something much deeper, much stronger than the mediocre stuffs I’ve seen before.

“Your past has NOTHING to do with your future, apart from some great lessons learned, so if you feel ready, lets go…”

And with that, I place my hand on his and get our journey started.

Believe in Words

2013-04-22T14:33:40Z

My days have been brighter lately…

Not that it was dull before, oh no way!

They just shine more for the past few weeks.

Morning come with more zest as I open my eyes, eager to turn the phone on.

There will be something waiting for me.

Simple words that will make me smile and make my heart sing with joy.

Words…

He has a way with words that win this blogger/writer – wannabe (he thinks I should ditch the writer-wannabe attribute for I am a writer already. Swoon!)

I fell in love with how eloquent he is, how good he is with words and most importantly he never uses those annoying text languages. Oh thank God, no!

I’d go about my day with a wider smile on my face.

And a twinkle or two in my eyes.

During the day we would sneak some conversations in and my busy day feels more bearable. In my frenzied schedule, I found comfort through his words, his voice, his smile.

Of course I was a skeptic at first.

“Oh c’mon girl, you’ve been here before. You’ve been through this! Get your self together, woman!” My bitchy inner self would snap and slap me hard. “Aren’t you getting too old to be feeling like this?”

“But this time it’s different…” The helpless romantic in me would plead.

“How?” The bitchy inner self would raise one eyebrow

“Just different!” And the minds wonder off…smiling, can’t stop and won’t stop thinking about this person, this man that has stole my heart.

How can I explain…when words failed me. Failed to explain, failed to justify.

He inspires me to write, to keep on writing. To revive old dreams almost long forgotten because I felt like I wasn’t good enough writer. He reminded me that my voice is my voice…and there is no other voice like my own in this world full of great writers.

He ignites that flame in me, he believe in myself that I have what it takes to make those dreams come true. One word at a time…one page at a time…

He makes me realize that my past is my past. It has brought me here to this very day and shaped me to be the person that I am today. That I shouldn’t keep looking behind me and fear what happened in my past will come to hunt me down and repeat itself. I’ve learned a whole lot, I had grown, and I had become wiser if not smarter.

How can I not fall for someone who could say something as eloquent as this and more?

Every day I got more reasons to believe…

Thank you for believing in me, D!

Baby Sister VS Computer Virus

2013-04-18T09:19:32Z

Somewhere between making some petty cash reconciliation reports, between booking international flights from a small island in Papua New Guinea to Cairns, Australia, arranging drivers, booking domestic flights…my phone beep.

A message from my mother.

“Yen, Mama lagi ke RS Husada, Mangga Besar. Liat anaknya Opa Jemmy meninggal.” (Yen, I’m on my way to a hospital. Grandpa Jemmy’s child passed away.)

My finger froze reading that.

I message her back asking whom? I remember my Grandpa only have two children left.

“Marchel…”

My heart cracked. I knew he’s been having health problem, Marchel – who is technically my uncle – but he’s way too young. He’s a lot younger than me!

Gone too soon.

Because the nanny is still out sick – she’s on her third day of being sick - my next questions to my mother was about A. He’s in school and if no one is home…

I couldn’t reach the nanny on her phone, I was going to ask if she could just come in until my parents come home.

No other option, I have to leave work early.

I’m not too happy about it because I have so much things to finish at work but I must be there when A get drop off from school.

Lucky me, my bosses are pretty lenient about this kinds of ‘emergency’. So I packed up and left just five minutes before lunch break.

I did make it home on time before this curly haired boy. The car honked when it reached our place so I rushed outside to open the gate. Love how they don’t just drop him off but waited until someone come out.

“Mommy!!!!” that face just lit up and my heart puff with so much love.

Seeing that…hearing how excited he is.

I forgot about the piles of stuffs still needed to be finished at work. I just want to hold him close! I miss this not-so-little-guy of mine.

He ran passed me going back into the house while telling me he’s thirsty. He’s sweaty, sticky…he’s a boy! My curly haired boy.

We sat down together for lunch.

I asked about his school.

“I practiced dancing today!” had to coax him to wait until he’s done with lunch before he shows me the moves.

He looks all grown up sitting there across from me eating his lunch.

Out of the blue he asked: “Mommy, do I have a baby sister, yes or no?”

“No, baby you don’t have a sister. Why?”

“I want to go buy a baby sister then.”

Had to put a straight face so I don’t laugh at his innocence statement.

“We can’t buy sister a the store.”

“Maybe they have a robot sister, no?” He was being dead serious and I was glad I didn’t chuckle.

“Uhm…I don’t think they sell that too, Pumpkin.”

“Okay then…Mommy can have a baby sister on your tummy? Like Tante did?” (Tante means Auntie and he knew his father’s wife had a baby).

“Well, maybe one day?”

“I have a brother…” the dots were the name of his half baby brother.

“Yes. I know you do and you are a good brother.”

I remember that picture his father sent me of A pushing his little baby brother in a swing. So cute!

“Mommy, if a computer gets a virus…” And I raised my eyebrow wondering whose kid is this talking?!

And just like that our lunch conversations went from baby sister to computer virus.

This boy never ceases to amaze me. Never a dull moment with him and I love this. Amazing how a tragedy like the passing of my uncle actually gave me a ‘bonus’ day to spend with this cheeky monkey.

“The good news is A will be so happy and surprised you’re there to see him…”

Someone very special told me that when I vented out about the nanny not coming in again. Oh the nanny…she’s been giving me headaches lately – maybe another blog post for that!

And he was right!

A is very happy to see his mother home early and even let me kiss him oh so plenty today.

PS: My deepest condolences to the whole Mangundap family.