Tea and Such

The Closet House

2020-06-22T15:08:00.000-04:00

I have a sloped walk-in closet. It would have been an attic if it wasn't a closet, but it's a perfect little space for me to not have to switch out my clothes for the seasons. It's one of the first places the kids loved when I showed them the house.

During quarantine, they have started to call it the closet house and they spend a lot of time in there. They are relatively quiet while they're in there. They haven't destroyed anything and it gives me some time to mindlessly scroll before bedtime.

They also go in there when the babysitter's in there.

Well, we're in Phase 3 of opening up and their daycare is open. I decide I'm going to take one hour and clean out the closet house while they are at school. BAY-BEE. When I tell you I was in there all day. They have created an entire imaginary world in my closet. I love that their imaginations have allowed them to roam free. I wish I could just sit in a closet and get away sometimes.

I am tickled pink with the whole thing. Here's what I found in there:

- Fake food (Think Melissa and Doug style)
- Real pots and pans (I bought MYSELF new cookware and they immediately took it)
- Every single piece of jewelry that I own
- Purses (filled to the brim with stuff because the cabinet under the bathroom sink is their car, and they take trips often)
- Shaved lavendar... sprinkled every damn where vs. in the sachets I left them in.
- Books
- Toys
- Baby dolls
- A baby doll playpen
- A pillow that one baby doll sleeps in at night, while the other is in the playpen
- Stuffed animals
- Empty Pullup boxes that they used as tables to either fake dine, or display jewelry
- Broken hangers (I'm still trying to figure this out)

Gotta love 4 year olds!

Happiness is an Inside Job

2020-05-31T15:33:00.002-04:00

If you're looking for an opportunity during the pandemic, they say one of the questions you should be prepared to answer is: what have you learned about yourself during the pandemic/quarantine.

For me I learned (or was reminded): Happiness is an inside job. Let me explain.

I am at home. During the week, during work hours, I have childcare. My office is set up nicely, looks like a Pinterest board. I bought new cookware. I'm having [socially distant] work done to the house, things I can no longer ignore since I'm home ALL day.

The laundry is getting washed, dried and folded in record time. I'm recycling my butt off. I've eliminated bottled water in my home. I've scrubbed slime out of my 90-day old new area rug. I've been making homemade cleaning supplies and air fresheners with essential oils, vinegar, dish soap and baking soda, and we haven't run out of Pullups in at least two months.

I'm meditating. I'm praying. I'm journaling. I'm going to therapy. I'm listening to NPR, which makes me happy. I'm optimistic like a mug.

I'm treating the pandemic like a temporary situation. EVEN through the racism that 1. is allowing the pandemic to kill a disproportionate number of black people AND 2. Making killings of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd unbearable, I have kept a semblance of normalcy.

I've been able to delete and or log off of social media to protect my peace and my sanity, and still, I have negative emotions bubbling up, seeming out of nowhere. Taking over my mind, my demeanor and temperament. WHAT is going on?

Rev. Grayson preached today that the church needs to be set on fire. It was a follow up to last week's sermon about how the church (The people, not the building) are essential and I realized something. I'm not volunteering enough. I need to be actively involved in helping others 1. Because it's what I'm called to do, but 2. Because it's the only way I'm going to keep consistent peace in my body.

When I used to volunteer with Chicago Cares (so it must've been 2012 or earlier) once a month, I was on this high after volunteering, that no church service, club night or other happy experience could replicate. It's important to fill up that help tank in order to keep my emotional tank full (and ultimately my Mommy tank) full.

So this Sunday, even though I cannot stop myself from constantly cleaning, and I also cannot immediately stop these negative emotions from interrupting the peace I'm trying so desperately to have, I do have a hypothesis on how to get some peace, and for that, I am grateful.

I hope you all are safe, sane and well, and actively finding ways to protect your peace. I will have peace and joy. Period.

Toddler Diction

2020-05-21T14:04:00.002-04:00

I read that you're not supposed to correct children when they mispronounce words. You simply repeat it back to them correctly when you speak to them, and when their little brains are ready to process what you said, they will start to say it correctly. It's a pleasure to watch them learn language. Here are some fun/funny things they are saying right now, that I don't correct.

1. Can you handle me a napkin? (or whatever else they want me to "hand" to them)

2. Lellow = Yellow

3. Magic finding glass = Magnifying glass (they only said this one time and then pronounced it properly, but I don't want to ever forget this cuteness)

4. A bednight snack (they have merged bedtime and midnight to come up with a new way to discuss after bath eats)

5. Poon, Picy, Pill, Pray, Prinkles (L does this more than J, but pretty much anything that starts with an SP, just starts with P when they are talking and it warms my soul).

6. J uses the letter L for W.
- Awexa, turn on Lion King
- I want some wunch
- The floor is made of wava
- Mommy, wook, it's a bug!

7. J says full like fool.
"Did you like your wunch? Are you fool?"

8. J doesn't seem to be able to pronounce the "e" in words. She pronounces it like "ah," so...

Sesamah Street, instead of Sesame Street
Bar-bah-cue, instead of Barbecue
Bah able, instead of Be Able

I swear this is the cutest little speech impediment I have ever heard.

If I think of others, I will add.
8. L says shore, instead of sure.
Me: Can you put your plate in the sink?
L: Shore!
9. Of course not, sounds like Of coise not when J say it. Simply hilarious!

Some of these things seem small, but certain people need me to translate. Also, I will never remember how cute they are, if I don't write it down. I read back through my journal and I've forgotten so many of the things I wrote down. Happy to have this written history of motherhood.

Twitter is a Gift

2020-05-19T16:57:00.000-04:00

There is one fleeting thought that keeps coming to me then leaving. And every time I get a moment to sit down and blog it, I forget it and write about something else. But I have it now, and it's at the bottom of this post.

However, Twitter is truly a gift. The ability to log on, say 280 characters of whatever is on your mind and then think of other things. I can't even tell you the number of times I've said something or RTed something I don't remember and only someone else commenting or engaging with it has jogged my mind.

If you're on the platform every waking minute, this is ok. If you log off for like a week or so, you get back on like "what are they even referring to."

It's a treat to have that flatform though. I logged in Sunday night trying to get some conversation going on Insecure and it wasn't even trending. Damn shame. This past episode was a bit more reflective and a lot less Tweet-worthy drama, though, so I understand.

Anywho, the thought that I continue having is:

If you want to know what it's like to have children sleep in your bed, purchase a 10 pound bowling ball, then every 30 minutes or so, drop it onto your stomach or your chest. And about once a month, just roll it onto the floor. It's JUST like that.

Finance Tip

2020-05-19T11:19:00.003-04:00

I'm obsessed with personal finance. Learning more about saving, and money management and finding cash in obscure places. I read every finance thing I can get my hands on and it's usually a lot of the same stuff, but recently, I poured through about six tips and one of them was something I'd never heard before.

Put your cashback rewards from your credit card into your IRA. Um, I love that. It's free money that you're getting ready to grow with compound interest. I'd never thought of that before.

I usually use my cashback to pay off my credit card bill, but I like this IRA tip better.

Have you heard any new finance tips recently?

Let's Talk about Quarantine

2020-05-17T17:49:00.006-04:00

I've been saying that the quarantine isn't that different from my usual life since having kids. For the first couple of weeks of quarantine, it didn't feel much different than my regular life because since having kids, I already feel very stuck in the house and not able to engage in any grownup fun. And taking the kids out for kids fun is really stressful for me. And I REALLY don't like taking them on errands with me. I'm definitely not taking them to the grocery store during a pandemic. So long as they can play in the yard and I can get some things done around the house, then we're good to go.

I really started to feel the pressure of quarantine around my birthday. By that time, we'd been stuck in the house adjusting to lockdown for 6 weeks, but I ALWAYS get out for my birthday. Since they were born, it's gone from brunch with one friend, to brunch with a few folks, but I pretty much always get my hair done and eat and drink well WITH FRIENDS on my special day. This year, I couldn't and the pressure of being in a house with two, four years olds 24/7, really started to take a toll on me.

Fast forward to now, week 9 or 10 of quarantine and there are a few things that I realize I really appreciate that I want to capture, lest I remember this time as doom and gloom.

1. I don't have to get my kids ready for preschool each morning. That is a dreadful task. It leaves me feeling tired and depleted and it is the SAME, horrid process every single day. They do not move with any kind of expediency and I cannot wait until they are independent in the mornings. While I really wish they could socialize with their friends, easy mornings are a nice blessing of this

2. I don't have to go anywhere. I mentioned above that taking the kids on errands is stressful. Taking them to church is stressful. Taking them to kids parties is stressful. And since we can't socialize, I don't have to get a babysitter any weekends and try to remember what it's like to hang out with adults. Knowing on Friday night that I will literally spend the entire weekend in the house, it a big weight off of my anxious shoulders.

3. My house is organized. Sitting in this house all day, every day, has turned me into a Pinterest fanatic. Except instead of dream houses and wedding dresses, I'm pinning real, actual, inspiration for my home and my home office and linen closets reflect that. There is clarity and order everywhere and even if things get out of hand and messy, I know the road to getting it back in order is a short one. I don't know that that would have happened (or happened so swiftly) without quarantine.

4. My house is cleaner. Again, I don't have to choose between cleaning, a kid's activity, an adult activity or church. I can go everything that needs to be done in my pajamas in the comfort of my own, clean, organized, comfortable home.

5. We are healthy. I haven't blogged consistently in months, but if you follow me in other places you know the kids have had every disease since starting preschool: pink eye, twice; the flu; pneumonia; bronchitis (just one of them, not both which never happens); countless fevers that have kept them out of school; and last, but certainly not least, strep throat. I also had a 12 day sickness RIGHT when they started school that knocked me on my knees. Do you know what we've had since the quarantine started: Good health and a happy life. Preschool germs are the worst, and even people coming into work when they are sick because of the pressure to deliver at all odds. With this increased focus on staying well, everywhere we end up going for contactless pickup is safer than its ever been and my babies have been well. Joy did get a one-day fever after I took them out for ice cream, so you already know that made me a recluse. We are posted!

I wonder if anyone else has any benefits of quarantine.

Quarantine Chronicles: Organize, Clean, Parent

2020-05-14T21:27:00.004-04:00

1. It's so funny to me the things that I think are worth keeping at different stages of my life. Like, at some point, I was like, yeah, save that. And now, it's like: what IS that? I just threw away five tubes of deodorant that don't work and it hurts my heart. I REALLY wanted to recycle them. I have literally traveled with these tubes of deodorant and at some point, I thought, yes, let them take up space in your linen closet until you find a viable means to recycle them. I found a way, but it's expensive and it's just not worth it, at this exact moment.

2. I also threw away oddly sized plastic bags. I REALLY wanted to wait until Target or Trader Joe's or someone was doing plastic bag recycling again, but we're in a pandemic, and grocery stores may never accept plastic bags that have once been in your home again, so as much as it pained me, I just put them in the regular trash.

3. I may get some reusable Ziploc bags. I saw some silicone ones for wet food and some mesh ones for dry food and goods. I worry about salmonella and the like, so I may never FULLY let plastic bags go, but I may be able to reduce my plastic bag use.

4. I don't know about you all, but laundry is always on my mine. Especially, now that I'm home all day, every day. As soon as I finish one week's laundry, I'm always thinking about ways to hurry and finish the next's weeks. Or better yet, to never let laundry pile up ever. Why do I torture myself in this way?

5. Cutest conversation I just had with the babes:

Me: Thank you for listening during bath time. I'm very proud of you.
Joy: It's our pleasure.

AW!

I Miss Twitter, But Still...

2020-05-14T11:05:00.001-04:00

I had hella random things to say on Mother's day yesterday, but the kids got a hold off an open draft and yeah, it's all gone now. More random thoughts are:

1. They should definitely take this time while folks are home to finish 290.

2. I've been organizing like crazy, so pinning organizing tips. I'm not a minimalist. I'm a borderline hoarder, but I like order and I like beauty, so perfectly produced bookshelves, or pantries are my jam! A lot of the little minimalist sayings are calming, too.

3. One of the things I've been clearing out is email. I don't think I got on LinkedIn until 2011, but it was definitely poppin' before that. I found all these contacts whose emails I have that could have DEFINITELY served me to be LinkedIn to them between 2011 and now.

I was late to adapt that technology and now it completely changes how I connect to folks professionally. I'm trying to be forward thinking and figure out what other technology I've been resisting that I need to quickly adapt to in 2020, in order to make things easier for my future.

4. I think that P.O. Boxes are about to come back into style. Since folks won't be going into the office, but will still be conducting business, they need somewhere safe to send their packages, but that doesn't tell every salesperson and coworker their home address, putting their families and privacy at risk.

5. I'm pretty sure I missed the Jill Scott vs. Erykah Badu Instagram battle. The price I pay for logging off.

6. My loves got a magnifying glass and one of them said to the other "where is the magic finding glass." OMG! The cuteness!

Still off socal

2020-05-10T10:38:00.000-04:00

1. I braided the kids hair today. Proud of myself.
2. You know what would bring a top rated vacuum to its knees, two four year olds who want to "Do it myself." Why is there a sock and four crayons in my vacuum. If I couldn't see through the vacuum, it might've been broken forever.
3. The kids said it smelled like swimming lessons in the house... I guess I used too much bleach in the dishwater. LOL!
4. I didn't fully think through being off social on a Sunday night with Insecure on. Going to miss the commentary.
5. I asked L where my phone was and she said "Wherever you put it." I know old school parenting calls for you to snap when your children sass you, but I asked her in an accusatory tone and she was 100% right. I was the last person with my phone and I forgot where "I" put it. Whoops.
6. Children will keep you humble. If I ever have a hole in my clothes, the girls will stick their little fingers through it and alert me that I have a hole there. I love old tshirts and old loungey pants, so this happens almost daily.
7. To that end, if I was a billionaire, I'd pay for a study of cotton. Why are some 20 year old tshirts in perfect condition and others that I bought within the last year or 2 full of holes... I wear them all with about the same frequency... and they all say 100% cotton. It's a mystery I'd like to solve.
8. I tried to skip coffee this morning, which would have been the first time I've done that in 4 years of parenting... I play myself. Definitely had to double up by the afternoon.

Random Musings 5.8.20

2020-05-08T18:33:00.000-04:00

I'm off social media for the week. It's trauma porn and I simply cannot. Here are some random musings I would have likely Tweeted.

I would have usually sent this random stuff to random friends, but we're in the middle of a global pandemic and folks are dealing with some real stuff. I don't know if they can handle (or respond) to my randomness (and the lack of response would put me in a bad mood). So after not touching this blog for um... 8 months. Here are my thoughts:

Verizon lets me keep 40 voicemails. I have about 36 saved, dating back to 2013. Every time I listen to them, I affirm that yep, I need to keep these saved. I, too, hate voicemails in 2020, but the love and care, and sometimes ridiculousness that people have left for me via audio is really amazing. Not letting these go!
I really need to unfollow and unsubscribe from all of the restaurants I follow that are not within delivery distance to my house. All their posts make me hungry!
Speaking of which, during quarantine, I will eat, then see a photo of some food, then be hungry as hell again. It's insane.
I'm eating salad and cookies for lunch because... balance.
I just saw something that said "this studio goes from work to weekend." 2 months in, and our content is about styling our homes, not our bodies, and you know what, I'm not even made at it. Let's adapt!
I'm trying to figure out what office supply stores are going out of business. Office chairs cost a grip and printers cost a grip. Actually, when all these company downsize, there should be hella sales of office supplies... or even giving them away free. Maybe I will wait.
The kids told me I need to clean up my office. LOL!

3 and a half!

2019-09-27T10:29:00.001-04:00

Ooh baby! I have some big girls!

Since I last posted, here's what we've been up to.

1. In August, I finally had a housewarming for the home I bought in December, that we moved into in January. It was raining off and on, which means attendance was down, but I didn't run out of food.

2. The girls started preschool! It's been an adjustment. They don't have a nanny. I have to get them dressed and do hair in the morning. And since they started school, they've had fevers, pink eye and pneumonia.

Inspiring Words

2019-09-27T10:13:00.002-04:00

I took this from one of those feel good stories on Facebook and the specifics of the story didn't move me, but a quote within did.

"It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind."

Keeping that here for safe keeping.

THREE YEAR OLDS!

2019-04-15T09:39:00.001-04:00

I'm so excited to have two, three year olds. Here are some things they are doing right now that make me smile, or laugh... or cry.

1. My mom got them a toy doctor set for their birthday. My mom goes "are you doc McStuffins?" and Joy replied, "No, I Joy Joy." I love that she knows who she is. She will make a path for herself and shutdown comparisons to other excellent individuals as if there can only be one excellent person. I love, love, love this!

2. The girls are very gracious. And it's genuine. I do make them say thank you after I give them food or toys or whatever, but the best is when 2, 3 days later they say thank you for something I've given them before. I'm not the best at saying thank you, actually, so this makes me very excited that they've picked up this important life skill so early. Yesterday, Joy thanked me for the new kitchen I gave them on Friday. My heart was bursting with joy and pride. These little girls at the best.

3. They hug my thighs. That's right, in the last post, they were at my knees, now they are three years old wearing 4T and can reach SO many things. I love watching them grow. (I don't love buying new clothes though, so we do accept donations. I'm not too proud to accept hand-me-downs AT ALL.)

4. They hug each other out of the blue. Today we were eating lunch. Joy was on my right and Lahna was on my left and they kept getting up, giving each other hugs, then walking each other back to their seats. I can never get this cuteness on camera because when they see my phone they're going to want to watch YouTube.

5. THEY SING MOTOWN SONGS! There's a Netflix show called Motown Magic that they watch with their nanny. The first time it happened they were jumping up and down on their beds and I yelled STOP!

They looked at each other like a scene out of a movie, or broadway musical, then looked back and me and yelled:

STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE. BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART!

I was somewhere in between shocked and belly-wrenching laughter.

They also love ABC, so simple as 123, so easy as do re mi, abc, 123, baby you and me girl!

Last one, they love dancing in the streets. I have that one on video. THEE BEST!

6. They laugh. I don't know why this is so special to me, but I think so many people mute their laughter trying to be reserved or cool, or hell, maybe nothing's funny to them. My girls have two kinds of laughter (probably more). The first is delighted laughter. It's how they laugh when I tell them they can have my phone. Or when I say they can get up from their nap even though they haven't been to sleep, or when I say yes to sweets. It's like a cross between a villain laugh and a giggle. It's short and so, so sweet.

Their other laughter is big, deep-gut laughter. This is how they laugh when they put ice on their little hands, then touch the small of my back while I'm washing dishes. Or how they laugh when they tickle my toes while I'm trying to sleep.

7. They have kiss attacks. This is so cute because I used to do this when they were babies. But Joy and I will just trade kisses back and forth what seems like 5 minutes of muah! muah! muah! Then we'll get Lahna in on the action. Kev on Stage has a video of his sons kissing him and it's just like that. It's always out of the blue and the sweetest, cutest thing.

I didn't get to any of the things they do that make me cry. They mostly include pooping, tearing up my brand new house and leaving unknown liquids and substances on my floor. Is it pee? Is it water. I don't know.

So anyway, as you can see I'm loving motherhood right now. There are so many indescribably amazing moments and I'm glad I took a few minutes to write some of these down to help me remember in years to come.

L&J's Third Birthday!

2019-04-14T17:29:00.000-04:00

You guys! I have two, three year olds. I'm so frickin' happy. I woke up early on their birthday like it was Christmas. They were in my bed because they don't stay in their beds anymore. And I don't have the energy to tote two toddlers back to their bed several times a night. I'm not fighting this battle. I'd rather sleep with a foot in my neck.

Anywho, Lahna was snoring in my bed and Joy was sleeping perpendicular to the pillows with her feet in my side and I really wanted to shake them like OMG, YOU'RE THREE!

I take their birthday off work every year. Actually, I take their birthday and the day before to get myself together. 1st birthday we had a family-only party at my house (I was living with my mom). And their godparents came in town and helped me decorate and gave them fabulous gifts.

Last year, we did an art studio that I purchased through Pearachute and cupcakes at a bakery and that was it. (I think. I can't remember what we did for dinner, but they were probably still picky eaters at that time, so we likely ate at home after cupcakes).

This year, we did dinner as the big birthday event, but we got their library cards because you have to be three to get a library card. Imagine my surprise when we took our first trip to the library and I popped up with my mortgage papers and all of our IDs and birth certificates and such and they're like, oh no, they have to be 3. So anti-climactic. Also, there are toys at the library nowadays. My kids think it's a play space. I don't even know if they know there are books there. LOL!

Ok, so library, then we went to McDonald's. My kids eat McDonald's whenever they ask for it. I'm always like listen, I didn't want to cook anyway. I really gotta step my on-the-go food game up. They don't go to school yet (more on that soon, maybe), so I just am not prepared for lunch if we're out of the house. And babies'... er, um, big girls gotta eat!

Then we went to 2 malls. Thursday night, I went to Chicago Ridge with them to try on some shoes. Chicago Ridge had a 6 and a 7. Turns out my kids are a 6. Fine. I get the shoes and we were going to just go to Orland today to get the other 6. I don't shop at malls often, so I was really surprised that they didn't have stock rooms FULL of every single possible size. My mom kindly reminded me that any brick and mortar can go out of business tomorrow. Malls don't stock sizes like that anymore. Ah well.

Anywho, when we got home from Chicago Ridge Thursday night, Lahna comes up to me and says Mommy, why do we have white shoes. I say what? She goes where are my gold glitter shoes? Mind you, this child had a full-on tantrum last night when I tried to get her to put on shoes, but we darken our doorstep and she wants to know where her shoes are. Ok.

She brings the bag to me and they have put the wrong shoes in the bag. How devastating. My mom then reminds me, when you take the kids to the mall, you have to put them in their stroller. And I remembered, duh, strollers are genius. They are three now, they are not 30. These kids need restraints.

So Friday, we went to Orland first, then Chicago Ridge. Lord, all these miles just for some shoes, but I swear they were adorable. And I had a wardrobe change for the little ladies, but I couldn't really execute it. This wasn't on purpose, I just bought more than one outfit because one was prime and one was not and who knew if the second would get there on time. Turns out both outfits were CUTE AS PIE, so I was just going to change them mid-day. Didn't happen.

Ooh wee, I'm long winded when I haven't blogged in a while. So then we went to dinner in Hyde Park with the fam. And the restaurant made us two cakes. Delicious. They also had goldfish crudité on the table. So thoughtful for my little ladies. And the girls were surprisingly well behaved. Lahna ate like an adult. Joy only ate food she'd ever see before (she's also getting over strep throat, so her appetite isn't 100%).

Last thing, we went to Kilwin's for ice cream right after and besides them flipping out when we wouldn't buy them gummy bears it was a lovely, lovely day.

Current Situation: Working Mama Life

2019-03-14T00:07:00.001-04:00

It's 11:02p.m. Despite hopping on blogger for 30 minutes, I'm currently working. But I also have two toddlers on my lap. You see, my children have toddler beds now. This means they can get up out of the bed whenever they see fit. Actually I had to get them toddler beds because they could climb in and out of their cribs and that's just not safe.

ALSO, not only do they not STAY in the bed. They don't GO to bed. So instead of tiring myself out running back and forth from my room to their room to make sure they stay in the bed from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. (this is not an exaggeration), tonight, I decided to just do some work while they play.

They have my phone, toys, all kids of stuff like lotion and toothpaste they could be getting into in the bathroom and what do they do, come crawl up in my lap.

So I'm going to keep cranking out this work with two toddlers on my lap.

I'm writing this, so if I ever forget, I can remind myself that I am a badass. I can literally conquer anything. Tonight, it's work and motherhood.

Wait, What? Toddler Words and Phrase

2019-03-14T00:02:00.000-04:00

My kids world is only as big as they are, so sometimes they call things as they experience them. Other times they just get the language wrong because they are learning. Cute little examples below.

Mommy, can we go in the farm? = My neighbors red and white shed, which looks like a small barn.

Mommy, can we play in the new playground = Our back yard

Mommy, don't get late for work = Mommy, don't BE late for work.

Mommy, can we go to Old McDonald's - The golden arches. Also know to the rest of us as just plain McDonald's.

I'm sure there are more, I will post when I remember them.

Tea's Top 10: My Cute Kids

2019-03-13T23:57:00.001-04:00

A friend whose kids range from 16 to 22 told me that 3 and 4 is her favorite age because kids are peak cute and have such personality. My loves turn 3 in less than a month and they are THEE cutest. Here are 10 of the cutest things they're doing right now.

10. Walking around in a my heels. A fashion show every night. It's hilarious because I don't even wear heels anymore, but these kids be fly.

9. Saying thank you whenever I clean anything. It's usually pee or poop, but I'll be damned if they aren't the politest little poopers. My goodness.

8. Hugging me at my knees. At any given moment someone will just walk up and hug my knees. It's as cute as it sounds.

7. Pretending to be me. They'll put on my glasses, pretend to put on earrings, pretend to put on perfume and say "I Mommy. I'm going to work." "I Mommy. I'm going to Target." These kids have me down pat.

6. Share with each other. They'll ask to wear each other's clothes or play with each other's toys. And they they'll say yes. And thank you for letting me wear your pajamas. Or thank you for giving me your teddy bear. Goodness gracious the cuteness!

5. Wear each other's clothes and confuse me. We were at the doctor's office and I called Joy very sternly and she was right next to me like: what? Lahna was wearing Joy's coat and Lahna was who I was trying to call. Everyone in the doctor's office had a good laugh.

4. Telling me stuff I tell them. I was in the bathroom and Joy busts in and says "LEAVE THIS DOOR OPEN, SO I CAN SEE YOU."

3. Fussing. This isn't cute so much as it's just funny as hell. Some days they hop out of the bed fussing. "Mommy put on your clothes. Mommy, put on your shoes. Mommy, put on your gloves. Your car is freezing."

2. Watching and singing gospel videos. My mom got them started on this and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, they watching unboxing videos and baby shark and all the other annoying kids videos, but when they get a little gospel playlist going on, it warms my heart.

1. Saying words and phrases incorrectly as they learn the English language. Actually this deserves it's own post. Stay tuned.

Post Problems

2019-03-13T23:47:00.001-04:00

I haven't posted since September 2018 because... life.

But for real, my personal computer is old and has no memory, so the thing crashes every time I boot it up, which is just twice a month to pay bills.

Then my work computer is logged into Google using my work email because I have clients who use Google exclusively vs. the Word suite. It's super convenient, so I don't get distracted gchatting people all day, but annoying when I have a thought that I quickly want to blog.

But I have a few quick thoughts now and I'm internet explorer on my blog and on Firefox logged into another Google account.

Hopefully this works because I don't want to be in a meeting talmbout "This document was edition by teaandsuch at 8:27 p.m." I would die.

Booed Up Voice The Anxiety

2018-09-05T02:10:00.001-04:00

So today is Tuesday. Also known as swim day. As in, I leave work at 4:30, get home by 5:30, hop in the car with my mom and my kids, swim class from 6-6:30, Wendy's, bathtime (including washing hair because... swimming), bedtime. This all ends/ended at about 9 p.m., then I started to work.

I don't always work after I put the girls down. I'd say I only do this once a week, if that. Except when I have events. Then I work late night and after the girls have gone to bed ALL THEE TIME. Like I've made arrangement to work late the next two weeks. But today was swim day, so I couldn't stay in the office late.

I'm really scared that I'm going to end up poor. Here's why. This life is not sustainable. I'm 35, not 22. I can't be up all got damn night, not sleeping and shit and then keep doing the same thing over and over again. Somebody is going to get snapped on, then I'm going to get fired.

Let's say I don't snap on anyone, possible. Sleep deprivation can lead to all other kinds of f*ck ups, careless mistakes, wack materials, just a plethora of BS.

So while I'm up right now, I'm afraid that after a 15-year career in this business this one event (or the next one, or the next one) is going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. And then I'll get fired, never be hired again and my children and I will live a life of poverty. All this because it's 1:07 a.m. and I only finished one of the three things I had on my 9 p.m. to-do list.

I's tired.

See also: anxiety disorder.

I'm sure there are some typos here.

Good night.

P.S. I post less than once a month. So sad.

Best Staycation Ever!

2018-07-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

So I haven't been into the office since Thursday, July 12th and it's been one of the best staycations I've ever taken. In my new role, I have something like 27... 29 days and I'm a firm believer of taking vacation time. It's a part of the benefits package and therefore a part of my bottom line. So not taking it, is bad for me not just mentally, but financially.

Here's what I did/why I loved it. Maybe a tea's top 10 is emerging.

1. I was firm about doing what I wanted to do. So many people could have been called and dates could have been planned because "I've been meaning to connect with them," but connecting with folks for connections sake, usually takes me off track and leaves me feeling dissatisfied, even in the 2-3 hour encounter was positive. I ran the hell outta some errands on Friday and didn't let the "I'm in town, what's good." messages deter me.

2. I put myself first. My mom was laughing at me because I told her I took off my vacation surrounding a party weekend. What's funny? I'm finally at a point where I can work, be a good mom AND have a social life. I'm also at an age where socializing requires recovery. So yes, I 100% took off work to party. No regrets.

3. I looked like a whole snack at the Posh Paris Club party on Sunday, and #BlackScene boat linkup on Sunday. I am not in anybody's gym or yoga class. I eat two donuts and whateverthehellelse I want every day of the week. I've gained 20lbs since I stopped nursing and I couldn't care less. I needed a new work wardrobe anyway. Point is, I bought clothes that fit the body that I have (and squoze into an outfit that still worked) and I felt great in them.

4. My weekend babysitter was available two days in a row. That's how you know God is good!

5. Because of 1-4, I was fully present Monday-Thursday when I spent time with my big girls (They aren't babies anymore y'all). They loved having me home during the day. I loved experiencing them for a longer period of time. And I didn't have any resentment that they were taking away my ability to do my own thing, because I made sure I did my own thang!

6. I wasn't overscheduled, but was still productive as hell. You know I like a spreadsheet, schedule, to-do list, alladat. But I was so open and free and ended up doing stuff I didn't plan to do because it didn't feel like a chore because it wasn't on my to-do list.

7. I still worked a little bit. I had at least one work call or one work situation to attend to each working day that I was away and it didn't even bother me. Usually I'm like "don't call me no mo & don't text me no mo," but the calls/texts/situations were easy for me to respond to and the people would not have reached out if they had another option. I was happy to be a resource for my team.

8. I didn't give my nanny the time off. She was off for 5 days the other week, so I was so happy to have her support while I was off. Mom guilt almost made me play myself on that one, but nah, she was still working.

9. I got to be a "pretend" stay at home mom. I put the laundry away the same day I did it. I had good dinner on the table most nights. I let the kids play more than they usually do because I'm usually so friggin tired. It was really nice. (Disclaimer: I say pretend because I know most stay at home moms do not have a full time nanny with them and so their lives are significantly different than my 5-day vaca, but if I had everything I wanted, that's how "I" would be a stay-at-home mom.)

10. Finally, I spoiled my babies! They got their first bikes and helmets this week. We went to Legoland, which, let's be honest, was really a better outing for me than them. And their godparents gave them powered princess cars, which I presented like Christmas in July this morning and they were ripping up the sidewalks and neighbors grass this morning. Vroom. Vroom!

So I'm writing this to note that things and going swimmingly well with work, life, home and my loves. When they are having full on tantrums and/or peeing and pooping all over the place, that could be easy to remember. But if I ever go back and read this post, I hope I remember that I took great care of myself and my girls this staycation and we're all better because of it.

I'ma be cute at work tomorrow, too. Bloop.

When Loose Squares Are Life...

2018-07-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

I was going to post this as a Facebook status, but I don't want this coming up in my memories years down the road. I also didn't want the comments and reactions to bring me down, as I was having a banner weekend and nothing positive can be said about this horrific situation. Finally, I didn't want to learn which of my Facebook friends thought it might not be racism, or it might have been justified or whatever else they think that could have prevented a black man from losing his life, which is DEAD WRONG. (No ways to prevent hate).

Here's what I have to say though:

Last night Chicago police killed a working father because they thought he was selling loose cigarettes. What’s the tax on a pack of cigarettes? $3? $5? The police feel like that loss of revenue to our government is worth your life & I am disgusted. This is the same attitude of the Barbecue Beckies & Permit Patties and it’s rooted in hate. If you can’t stand my existence, you damn sure won’t tolerate me being in your presence and “breaking the [permit] laws.” But people do not deserve to die because you can’t stand them buying skittles, smoking cggarettes, selling loose cigarettes, playing music too loudly, barbecuing, selling water to go to Disneyland or selling merchandise on the street OR BREATHING IN YOUR PRESENCE. BLACK People deserve life & personhood and the riot that’s happening on 71st right now is warranted. I’m not sharing any news stories because the headlines & coverage are not balanced. Google it and make your own determinations.

Spring Slowdown

2018-05-20T23:51:00.003-04:00

Springtime is so busy, in general, but especially for me.

This year there was

Easter
My Baby's Birthday
Hosting My BFF'S Baby Shower
My birthday
A conference in NYC, where I kept the party going for my birthday
Sadly, a funeral
Mother's Day

As a March 9th, I got a weekend babysitter. I have a strong village of friends and aunts and even my mom's friends who are usually free and available to watch the girls. However, I had a friend watch them, so I could go to brunch or something and they gave her hell. That's when I realized that having a revolving door of close and well meaning folks isn't going to work for 2, 2 year olds. And I honestly just get tired of asking people for help. I have to go down the list of 20 mogs and hear the "so sorry, can't do its" and as comfortable as I've become with asking for help, I still somehow feel like a burden and I feel like people think I'm ungrateful. (I know feelings aren't facts, but I'm trying to be honest here).

This weekend, I really wanted to go to the Posh Effen Chi Mother's Event (And sadly, I thought this weekend was Mother's Day weekend, so I was completely unprepared to shower my own mom on Mother's Day last weekend. It snuck up swiftly.)

Anywho, this weekend, I wanted to be out, but my babysitter is a mom, too, and her daughter had a cheerleading competition, so she wasn't free. Hated to miss the event, but such is my life. If I don't have childcare, I can't go.

So this weekend, my children were sweet. Sweet as pie. Their hugs lasted longer. I was able to linger at the park when we went outside and do more before bed activities with them (you should see the routine they put me through before they lay it down). I was able to cook better meals and let them sit on my lap while they ate them.

So many times this weekend, they just wanted to snuggle. In my bed, on the floor. Before Lahna went to bed tonight, she literally said "Mommy, pick me up," which isn't something she usually says before bedtime. And she didn't want anything, but a long embrace.

I am super happy to have a weekend babysitter and an opportunity to get back to some of the relationships I feel like I've abandoned over the last 2-3 years. AND literally to just go to brunch and day parties, which was virtually impossible as a nursing mother and then as someone at the mercy of friends and family being available for me to actually make moves.

With so much going on this spring, I'm glad that I was forced to "slow down" this weekend and experience the emotive responses of my kids. They seem to have missed uninterrupted access to me and while I can't always give that to them, this weekend, I did and it was great!

Mama, I Made It!

2018-05-19T07:00:00.000-04:00

Last night I was up until 2 a.m. cleaning my room and paying bills. The girls and I live with my mom and my room is the "Big" kid's room. The coveted room when we were growing up. The room that you were happy to get when the oldest (or next in line) moved out or went to college. The last person in the room was my little brother and I think that was 6 or 7 years ago. My mom was using it as a closet when I arrived.

My brother had it painted this hideous red and blue and he never finished painting it, so most mornings I woke up to what looked like blood splatter on the walls. It was a dreary place to be. Not to mention, it's too ugly in there to share photos of the girls. Like most kids, my babies LOVE sleeping, playing, jumping and lounging in Mommy's bed and they're so stinkin' cute when they do it. However, I couldn't post any of the pics because the decor in the background was so hideous.

I bought a comforter set that I loved and zoomed in to a photo or two, but most of the good photos are not staged and include any number of red, white and blue unfinished painted walls in them. Fast forward to last night and I've arranged to have the room painted. The painted will be here at 12:30 p.m. since I have no free time during the week (I actually had to work late twice this week, which I rarely do anymore). But since I have no free time during the week, I had to clear out my room to make it paint-ready.

First of all, I'm a pack rat.
Second, I live in the family home, so my bedroom is like my studio apartment.
Third, I have two babies (they're big girls now, who are we kidding, but they are MY babies). I have two babies and there's SO! MUCH! STUFF! So I cleared out all but my closet, dusted, scattered things in the basement and living room.

Then I had to clean the kitchen. I have to wash the dishes, every night. I say this because when I was living alone with no kids, I did NOT wash the dishes every night. I would let the dishes pile up Monday through Friday and Saturday morning, get busy. This was, of course, after sleeping in and before or after brunch. Man, those were good times.

So I HAVE to wash dishes every night, so that the nanny doesn't come in and have to clean our dishes (Rude) and on the weekends, so I don't have a 13-hour work day (13 hours with my kids is work)... So I don't have that kicked off with a filthy kitchen.

But in May 2018, I also have to sweep and vacuum every night because my kids throw food on the floor. Sometimes purposely, but now mostly just because they miss their mouths. And it's springtime and we had ants here the moment it turned 70 deagrees, so there can't be a morsel of rice on the floor before I lay my head down, like none.

So anywho, I do the the cleaning. I clear out my hoarder's bedroom. THEN, since I've been ripping and running for what seems like the last 2 months, I had to sit down and finally pay bills, which means I also had to balance my checkbook and the statement closed on 4/25 or something like that and this is 5/8, so I have almost a month of withdrawals and deposits to account for on top of my current statement.

I HAD to do all of that because with the kids on the weekend, there's no telling if free time will truly be free AND I like to keep a steady level of energy. Doing too much during the day will have me ill prepared to take care of them when they wake up from their afternoon nap and being tired running after toddlers is a recipe for disaster.

So I paid all the bills and while I feel so blessed to have not even remembered I got paid on 5/15, then been able to pay all the bills and have coins left over, I still don't get any joy or fulfillment from opening all that mail (real or electronic) and doing all those life tasks.

Now that I've caught you up, I'd like to say: Everyone can be as mad as they choose at the 1%. I'm trying to BE the 1%. I think my life's true fulfillment will come when I can staff all of these positions.

Nanny*
Cleaning Service*
Financial Planner*
Driver (Does Uber count)
Chef (tried to get this one for free. Backfired.)
Accountant
House Manager (this one is so clutch and often overlooked ESPECIALLY for stay at home moms. Watching kids is one job. Cleaning is another job. Cooking is a third job. And doing very necessary, but mentally draining work of getting rooms painted, making sure heating, cooling, plumbing and refrigeration is up to par AND paying bills, finding service people, negotiating with them. Hell, just calling your service providers to double check on the accuracy of your monthly bills is/could be a full time job).

I think (I could be wrong), but I think when I have all of these positions feel, I will have finally "made it."

*I already have these. Praise God!

Numbers That Blow Me...

2018-02-15T10:01:00.000-05:00

Did you know only 9% of people go out for New Year's Eve. As a parent this makes nothing, but sense to me. Who exactly is going to watch my kids while I hit the streets to party? And if I have free time, would I use it to party or sleep? And who exactly do you trust to be all in your house all hours of the night while this partying is going on? It's just not practical. But the overwhelming [social media] response is "what are you doing for NYE?" This starts as early as Halloween. Most people ain't doing nothing. Why do we harass each other with these questions.

Did you know only 30% of American households have children. This is down from 34%. Having kids is such a finite time in people's lives. It makes so much sense because most people who don't have kids or who's kids are older are COMPLETELY oblivious to the lives of parents. Like you can't invite one of my children without inviting the other. Or you can't just show up at someone's home, it might be nap time. Or you can't just wing it when it comes to meals - kids need plans and nutrients and UberEATS is not the move with toddlers. Like, why would you know these things if you didn't have kids or don't currently have kids in your home. 70% of mogs don't have to deal with this. If you'd asked me before I saw that stat, I would have said at least 50%.

Grocery prices are down. WHERE? I guess at Whole Foods since Amazon bought them trying to be everything to everybody. But I was never paying Whole Foods prices to begin with, so that overall change didn't affect me personally. But, I guess, yes, grocery prices are down. Thanks Amazon.

P.S. I wrote this forever ago and forgot to post it. Thank goodness. Now I am averaging one blog post a month. *cabbage patch*

Toddlers at the Super Bowl

2018-02-13T10:01:00.003-05:00

We're going to Pittsburgh this week and the logistics of that trip are on my mind, hence I had the following crazy dream.

I dreamt that my mom and I took the girls to the Super Bowl. And they had been to some football games before (in other dreams), but I was really worried that one would leap out of my arms onto the football field, then I would be jailed for child neglect.

I somehow got separated from them. I was with the luggage and my mom was with the girls, so I checked into the hotel. Then I heard twins in the hallway and I looked out and saw turquoise and purple coats and opened the door. The woman coming into the suite next to mine had seven kids. Two twins run amok, two older kids (like 5 and 7) and three kids hanging off of her. I opened the door, looked down and realized that these weren't my kids. And while she was struggling to open her door, I informed her that I had 22 month old toddler twins, then I closed my door, offering her no help. (Side note, this cooks my grits. People want to have full on adult conversations with me while I am wrangling toddlers. Stop doing that. I don't care that your coworker's cousin's uncle had twins. If those twins aren't going to babysit or give my twins hand me downs this useless chatter must cease.)

Ok, so then something happened where the tickets I purchased for my mom and my babies weren't working, so I was working feverishly online trying to use my free tickets to get my babies to the Super Bowl. (Side note, I have two free flights right now. One on American and one on Delta. You know you're washed when you have free flights and can't even take them. I AM taking a free flight to Pittsburgh, but I had to buy my mom's flight, so yeah... all these miles and nowhere to go.) And I was sitting there reflecting on how dope it is that I can take my toddlers to the Super Bowl.

Then I woke up.