Tea With Lemon

An Open and Cordial Letter to All Who Would Oppose Liberty

2012-02-15T21:59:00.000-08:00

Michael Kasper, respected columnist and pseudo-journalist, and by extension yourself have been forced to endure an attack upon our civil rights. With our very way of life threatened are we going to sit back and allow those in power to compromise our liberty? I think not.

The date is January 1^st, 49 B.C.E. and Marcus Antonius (Marc Antony), as the tribune of the plebs, is putting forth a measure to the Roman Senate. The political rivalry between Gaius Julius Caesar and Pompey Magnus (the Great) has reached its height. The Senate has asked Pompey to take up arms against his former co-consul to preserve the Roman Republic.

Marc Antony is relating a letter sent by Caesar to the Senate. It reminds the governing body of all the accomplishments achieved by the man for the Republic. He went onto propose that he would lay down his legions if only Pompey would put aside his; A reasonable offer.

Appian of Alexandria tells us, and I quote, “…the Senate became more bitter than ever and declared Pompey's army the protector of Rome, and that of Caesar a public enemy. The consuls, Marcellus and Lentulus, ordered Antony and his friends out of the Senate lest they should suffer some harm, tribunes though they were. Then Antony sprang from his chair in anger and with a loud voice called gods and men to witness the indignity put upon the sacred and inviolable office of tribune, saying that while they were expressing the opinion which they deemed best for the public interest, they were driven out with contumely though they had wrought no murder or outrage. Having spoken thus he rushed out like one possessed, predicting war, slaughter, proscription, banishment, confiscation, and various other impending evils, and invoking direful curses on the authors of them.”

For the office of tribune was sacrosanct. It was considered a capital offense to interfere with or harm the Tribuni Plebis. Threatening a tribune with violence was tantamount to offending the gods themselves. Marc Antony was correct. A great injustice was committed on that distant day. Just as a great injustice has been done today my friend.

As I was sitting at my desk this morning I received an e-mail from one Editor-in-Chief at Teawithlemon dot com. I was surprised as anyone considering that I am only a contributing writer with limited access to the Teawithlemon Alcohol Reserves. What could it be?

A letter praising me for all my in depth contributions to this blog over the last couple of months? A formal invitation to the Teawithlemon 2012 Spring Break Extravaganza in Montreal? A response to my personal ad? I’m afraid not brothers and sisters. I’m afraid that the correspondence I received today was of a somewhat more serious nature.

It would seem that the Baron of the Blog (Editor-in-Chief) has some concerns over the content that I have been providing you, our dear reader. Well I, like Marc Antony, am forced to call upon men and gods to witness the violence being done to my advice column. The letter read and I quote:

“I like to give writers full creative control over their posts; however the inclusion of a photo of starving children (which I assume is real and not a staged photo shoot) detracts from the overall quality of your post. I understand that it leads into the Hunger Games related question; however I am not sure that starving children are entertaining/funny in any context.”

As you, the dear reader, are well aware: I never for strive for simple entertainment in any of my posts. My only intention is to provide practical, common-sense advice for the contemporary, literate American. A refuge for the modern mind to escape to drudgery and banality of everyday life.

The photo in question was meant to symbolize the terrifying reality of the world we live in compared to the fictional world of prose. The contemporary modern mind is often so isolated that it ignores the horrors that surround our global community. The Editor-in-Chief would like you to remain numb to the grievous injustices of our world.

Numb to a world that endures starving children and unpaid blog contributors. A world where your reality is spoon fed to you by self-indulgent, bourgeois Editors-in-Chiefs who want nothing more for you then to sit back and swallow the latest take on an episode of Glee. A world where Dan Aykroyd has an open schedule and Andy Dick is double booked. Is that a world you want to live in? I think not.

Is it too early to take to the streets announcing war, slaughter, proscription, banishment, confiscation and miscellaneous? No. I must poignantly express the need for revolution. I stand before you today and say that unless we resort to bloody violence all of our freedom shall be squandered at the hands of ruthless blog supervisors.

Think this is not a serious problem? I beg you to reconsider. Take the remarks of one Teawithlemon writer who will go under the pseudonym of “T.” I quote:

“For a blog that says it’s about ‘pointless drivel’ you are asking a lot of the reader.”

There you have it ladies and gentleman; the rippling effects of subjugation upon free speech. Just as malaria ravages the small African village our blog has been decimated by the domineering, stifling attitude of our Editor-in-Chief.

Well fear not my friends. I swear to you that even though on this day my voice has been unfairly silenced I will continue to pursue the good fight for you. I give you my solemn vow that I will continue to provide you of the high minded, educational material that you deserve even in the face of stifling forces of oppression. But I cannot do it alone.

I urge you, citizen, to write your local congressman and tell them to write our editor about the gross injustice that has been visited upon our blog today. A blog that we want to preserve for our children and our children’s children. However I think we can all agree that our children’s children’s children are on their own.

Glee Recap: Heart

2012-02-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Just When I Thought I Was Out...

by Your Guest Columnist T

When Kara asked me to fill in for her Glee recap column this week I was pissed but accepted through gritted teeth. If it was ANYONE else I would have said “HELL NO! I’m OVER Glee!” but Kara is one of those people that MUST be doing a million things at once and actually THRIVES on it, so if she’s asking for assistance one assumes the situation must be quite dire.

After watching the Valentine's Day episode of Glee, Heart, I’m thinking that Kara is a crafty one and had inside intel! If any episode was going to pull me back into Gleek-dom, this was it. Too bad the last five minutes snapped me out of my trance.

But I digress…let’s take a look at the good, the bad, and the ugly.

After the jump!
The Good

The Whitney Tribute

This episode was filmed some time ago so Mercedes singing "I Will Always Love You" is just a coincidence. But she nailed it. And the nice and subtle mention of Whitney’s tragic passing at episode's end seemed just right.

Photo: Fox Publicity.

Rachel’s Gay Dads

After a horrible introduction with some nonsense about one of them crushing on Tony Danza (seriously, it was NOT funny, embarrassing, and actress Leah Michelle actually looked uncomfortable), they bounced back during their fun dinner party for newly engaged Rachel and Finn and Family (Where was step brother, Kurt?).

So many fun one liners like, “Honesty. Respect. Dance. Those are the foundations of the Berry family.” And my favorite, “No vocal runs. That's how Jennifer Hudson got kicked off American Idol.”

And bug eyed Jeff Godblum has a deal with the devil. His purple sweater fail to hide his still ripped physique and when you consider that he was the FLY way back in 1986 and he actually looks better now…CROM!

Rachel

Her night time regimen was hilarious! "An ice-water bath, à la Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. The height of glamor." And she looked awesome, while getting serenaded, in that smart red coat.

Brittany & Santana

Wheel-chair driven Funk. Photo: Fox Publicity.

When did they become a couple? And Santana looked beautiful during their V-Day date. I paused when the screen flashed on Brittany’s list of songs that go through her head whenever she thinks of Santana:

"Purple People Eater"
"Disco Duck"
"Monster Mash"
"On Top of Spaghetti"
"Pac-Man Fever"
"Osama Yo' Mama"
"Diff'rent Strokes Theme Song"

The Fun Competition for Rich-Brittany

At first I thought, “Who the hell are these two other people in Artie's love triangle and where did they come from? She’s like Brittany with money, and getting all the lines that Brittany used to get. And that doughy little fella looks like Alfred E. Neuman. I don’t give a rat’s ass about either of them!” But they grew on me (a little) and I liked the competition between the two blokes to win a date with Rich-Brittany. Especially Artie’s wheelchair driven funk of "Let Me Love You."

And best of all….

The God Squad

If I were in High School and the God Squad consisted of the prettiest girl, the two best looking dudes, and a sassy sista with a ferocious set of pipes, I’d certainly claim to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior so I could hang with them. Truth be told, I could have taken a whole hour of Quinn, Mercedes, Trouty Mouth, and “Teen Jesus” (that's some heavenly bone structure!). Loved their discussion of the bible and both of their performances.

And guess what? I thought Trouty Mouth was great on that rap. Yeah I said it!

The Bad

Photo: Fox Publicity.

Mercedes ugly outfit

That horrible t-shirt/pink pants ensemble was not cute and creeping way too close to visible camel-toe territory. Now that I think about it, maybe that was the reason two men were visibly weeping while she was singing. “Sniff. She’s going to embarrass herself in that get-up! At any moment there could be substantial amounts of moose-knuckle. Waaaaaaaah!”

The Gorilla Suit

I was happy to see Karofsky (and intrigued by his run in with a Aaron Hill from Greek) at Breadsticks, but having him walking around in a dumb gorilla suit, handing out Valentines to Kurt, was also not cute.

Finn

What the f*ck Finn? I don’t know if all this can be blamed on the writing. Maybe the actor, Cory Montooth, has checked out. What happened to Finn’s mojo? His virility has all but vanished and he used to be the alpha-male. Now he’s rivaling Kurt for the male with the least amount of testosterone.

The Ugly

Black Man Weeping

When Mercedes big ass, football playing boyfriend wept openly, like Moaning Myrtle, as she warbled “I Will Always Love You” it took everything in me not to call Rev. Al Sharpton (who I have on speed-dial for occasions such as this) to tell him there was a black person in the throes of humiliationand in dire need of a spokesperson, a press conference, and media representation.

“Yeah Al you heard me correctly. He got dumped for a white dude, however fine, but now he’s blubbering like the littlest of bitches and it’s just not dignified. And during Black History Month no less!”

Mercedes replacing Kurt as Queen of needless, trumped up drama

Despite the weepy brother, I enjoyed “I will Always Love You” but the writing leading up to it was sh*t. There was absolutely no reason for Mercedes to sing it Trouty Mouth, since there was nothing standing in the way of them being together! So the writers had her reach into the “Logic-free, Needless Drama and Nonsense Bag” that Kurt used to carry around with him, and spout some stupidity about not knowing herself. Here’s a tip: When Trouty Mouth shows up looking for love you don’t think - you just sit on his face.

Blaine & The Love Shack

Photo: Fox Publicity.

Things were going so well. Then in the last five minutes of the show an eye-patch sporting Blaine returned to preen, mug, and chew the scenery and try to get the B-52’s "Love Shack" off the ground. I shuddered as I remembered how I broke up with Glee on the first episode of this season after "We Got the Beat" failed to launch.

Blaine may be annoying, but when he is on, he’s on (google his "Teenage Dream" and "Wanna Be Starting Something"). He was lost here, though. I CRINGED when they trotted out Kurt to sing the Fred Schneider part. How predictable. They should have had side-lined, bad boy Puck on that part to keep it fresh.

Had they replaced that portion with some Sue & Roz time, they would have pulled me back IN!

Well played, Kara! And oh so close!

Morning Announcements

Questions, comments, sarcastic remarks

"I like Carol after three Chardonnays!" - LeRoy Berry (Brian Stokes Mitchell) about Finn's mom
"We're finally getting married." - Rachel / "When is the baby due?" - Artie
"Yeah, they say that one out of every ten people are gay. And my guess is Simon because that name's the gayest." - Mercedes
"Teen lesbians." - Principle Figgins
The dreadlocked dude's character is Joe Hart (played by Samuel Larsen). Larsen is one of two Glee Project winners (the other is Damian McGinty, who plays Irish lad Rory). While both were crowned winners and given story arch, creator Ryan Murphy also gave a few eps to runners up Lindsay Pearce and Alex Newell. We've already seen Pearce as a rival glee club member, and Newell's yet to be seen. Larsen's character was originally intended to be a badass, but during the Glee Project it came out that he's a devout Christian, which Murphy decided to work into Glee, since "we haven't had a Christian character yet" and it's something he wanted to explore.

Michael Knows Best: Sagely Answers for the Contemporary Bohemian

2012-02-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

Once again I have returned from the peat bogs of ignorance to deliver unto you, our dear reader, the bog mummies of enlightenment. Let not your hearts be troubled for I am here to address your worldly concerns. Please send all questions, invoices and hate mail to mike@teawithlemon.com

Now let's get started...


Send all questions not relating to free speech to editor@teawithlemon.com

Q: The Hunger Games is pretty intense. How are kids reading this stuff!? I'm a grown adult and I'm having nightmares!

- Shaking in Seattle

A: This is a problem I’ve encountered on numerous occasions. Do not fret yourself for I have a self-improvement plan that you may immediately put into action; However, I would first like to take the opportunity to address the root of your defect.

Somehow you have incredibly managed to not let the modern world turn you into a callous, hollow shell of a human being. Perhaps you march to the beat of your own drummer. This is wrong. You must expose yourself to reality and there will be no room for fear… Only post-traumatic stress.

If you are allowing yourself to be unnerved by books, movies, television, radio programs or rape allegations then you simply have not exposed yourself to current events. Keep yourself up-to-date on current legislation, or better yet watch a corporate owned entity masquerading as hub of journalistic integrity, and the ceiling of reality should come crashing down upon you.

Take for instance the recent sweeping approval of congress for the FAA Re-Authorization Act. Part of its provisions includes the order for the FAA to develop regulations for the use of commercial drones in US airspace. That means by 2020 you could be kept safe by 30,000 government operated surveillance UAVs! Don’t you feel safer now that we have been able to brush aside that pesky 4^th amendment?

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/feb/7/coming-to-a-sky-near-you/

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/319564

http://www.emorywheel.com/detail.php?n=30685

With these bite sized tidbits of reality how could you even allow yourself to be fazed by mere fiction? In fact, a televised battle to the death should seem like a cakewalk compared to the trials our generation is about to endure. Sleep tight!

Q: One of my girlfriends always gets black out drunk when we go out. To make matters worse, she’s an angry drunk and is extremely embarrassing. How can I get her to class it up?

- Contorting in Carlsbad

A: Well I’m sorry to inform you that I’ve imagined what your girlfriend might say about the situation and we think that you’re the one with the problem. It’s like we’re just trying to have a good time, alright? Why do you like have to go and spoil everything?

This is our night. This is about us. Just because you can’t like hold your liquor doesn’t mean you have to go around beating a wet blanket. You think just because you don’t have a kid at home and you can get a promotion without sleeping with your manager that you’re prettier than us. You’re not pretty. We’re like pretty. You’re not our friend. You’ve never been our friend.

And if we’re not classy then why did you take that top and never give it back to us? So what if you look better in it? So what if it compliments your figure more? We still picked it out and you took it from us. Because you’re jealous. You’ve like always been jealous.

It’s like we try to be there for you but like when we need you for us then you’re not there. I just want you to respect us and for you to cut us a break when we want to have a good time. Do you have a cigarette? We should have a cigarette… you bitch.

Q: I have zero intention of getting married in my life, and find the institution of marriage in general as a fairly pointless thing. For the most part I keep this fact to myself since I don’t want to make others feel bad or uncomfortable about their decision to get married.

However, I tend to get incredibly annoyed when I am expected by friends and family to attend a ridiculous number of pointless pre-wedding events, all of which come with the added pressure of buying things off their registry which I know they don’t need.

What is the best way to decline attending these events without insulting our friendship and/or their decision to get married?

- Blissfully Unmarried in San Diego

A: I’m afraid this is an extremely delicate situation. Even in light of the current divorce rates people still tend to take these major-trivial events of their lives by marginally serious standards. You must act with grace and poise or you will find your social standing sinking more swiftly than Whitney Houston in a bathtub.

The only way to combat a nonsensical request is with a nonsensical response. Reject your attendance on religious grounds. Religion has long been the refuge for those who cannot make justifiable claims. More than that, religion is the mortar on which we lay our bricks of separation. Use it as such.

If they’re Jewish then say you’re Muslim. If they’re Muslim say you’re Jewish. If they’re Christian tell them they are not taking sacrament properly. Don’t worry. Christianity is such a tangled web of theology that it will fly.

In the future be sure to keep in mind that you can use religion to diffuse or create any awkward social situation that you desire.

Q: I’m an Apple head…. I own or covet every product Apple makes. I worship at the Church of Apple. I just got Apple TV for crying out loud. I work at a place that uses these crappy ass PCs with Microsoft (I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth thinking about it). How can I get them to convert to Apple?

- Amorous for Apples

A: There is an ancient Chinese proverb that goes, “Yi ke lao shu shi huai le yi guo zhou.” In the unlikely event that you have not been brushing up on your Zhōngwén then this would roughly translate to, “One mouse dropping ruins the whole pot of rice porridge.” This comes down to us English speakers as the adage, “One bad apple spoils the bunch.” And there you have your answer.

I’m afraid that if your employer even brought one Apple “PC” into the workplace then the other computers would be tempted to act like overpriced, inefficient toys. In that event, productivity would grind to a halt and company profits would plummet. Layoffs would ensue and your former co-workers would be forced into prostitution to pay for black tar heroin, Top Ramen and Netflix.

Faced with the reality of your current situation you can begin to comprehend why your employer is your employer and you, the employee, are his employee. In the off chance that you grow a pair of opposable digits I would be proud to build you a real computer for a nominal fee.

Now if you’ll excuse me iMust respond to some texts on my iPhone.

The S.B.D. Smelled Round the World: The Vow Non-Review

2012-02-14T08:19:00.000-08:00

"To make sure this night is extra special I've prepared our favorite dish...burritos!"

The Vow, asks the question, “What if 5 years of your life disappeared?” Clearly enough people were interested to propel this to a $41 million opening! I was not one of them. I was blackmailed into seeing this in order to see Chronicle tonight, and I'm still bitter about it.

After a car accident, the wife (Rachel McAdams, needing only to look perplexed, and succeeding) is in a coma. When she wakes up, she remembers nothing of the past several years of her life, including the love of her life, her newlywed husband (Channing Tatum needing only to look earnest and hot, and triumphs on the hot part). "Based on a true couple" (this info flashes onscreen at end of movie, to my audible groan). But for me to give a review of this predictable and trite film is futile. As proven by it's rotten, Rotten Tomatoes rating, This film is critic-proof, as evidenced by my bubbly, adorable (and none too bright) co-worker Andrea, who thoroughly enjoyed it ("Omigod! Do you think he used an ass double?"), and I’m sorry if you get dragged to it tonight, against your will.

The Vow should be utterly forgettable moments after you've left the cinema but it commits three unforgivable crimes. I will share those with you, after the jump!

Crime #1: It should have only been 10 minutes in length

The Vow (Director's Cut)

Amnesia Patient: Who's that big palooka? (pointing to Channing Tatum)
Doctor: Your husband.
Amnesia Patient: CROM! What the hell are we wasting time for here? Who gives a sh*t if my memory ever comes back. He doesn't look like he can remember too much either. It looks like it hurts him to think. Each time will be like the first time. Release me at once so I can go home and get it crackin'.

Credits Roll

Crime #2 It wastes Jessica Lange

Fresh from her triumphant role on American Horror Story, Jessica Lange flutters around in a thankless role as Rachel McAdam’s mum. It is completely beneath her.

Crime #3: The Silent But Deadly Smelled Round the World

"Can you blast more gas for me? I love the smell of your poots!"

When Channing Tatum farts in an automobile, Rachel McAdams ROLLS UP THE WINDOW TO KEEP THE SMELL INSIDE, as a display of her love and utter devotion to him.

Yup.

That scene should have been saved for a film FAR more interesting and unpredictable than this!

Good Day and Good Luck

My Personal Top 5 As Diva Takes Permanent Dirt Nap: RIP Whitney Houston

2012-02-13T15:25:00.000-08:00

In her prime, before the drugs and a man took hold ("I might have known, there is always some man," sang the Pimp in "Lovely Ladies," from Les Miserables) Whitney Houston was in a class ALL by herself. Regal in stature and voice, she just had that X factor in spades. So I just wanted to post something about her and I settled on sharing my personal top 5 favorite Whitney Houston songs.

Videos and list available, after the jump!

5. I Will Always Love You (Turned Dolly's sweet little, heartbreaking song into a defiant threat!)

4. You Give Good Love (May hold the record for song that I've sung the most in the shower...badly)

3. I Believe In You and Me (Love how Denzel Washington loses his sh*t in this clip!)

2. Saving All My Love For You (Slutty homewrecking and infidelity never sounded so good. Love love love how Whitney is cast as the villain in this video!)

1. Shoop Shoop (Exhale)

Don't even get me started on Shoop.

And for an added bonus: Whitney & Mimi singing beautifully together in, When You Believe

Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston - When You Believe. Watch more top selected videos about: Whitney Houston, The Prince of Egypt

Peace out. Nippy

GreenTech Geek: Mind candy ... and missing Whitney

2012-02-13T09:29:00.000-08:00

That's it. This is all you get from me this week. Sometimes the GreenTech Geek just gets overwhelmed by current events and needs to give his mental synapses a rest. The death of Whitney Houston -- who enriched the soundtrack of much of my life -- has sent me into a little bit of a hibernatorial mode. But you can visit joyoftech.com, home of this cartoon, for your geeky tech fix until I return next week with a more fulsome post.

But hey, I still got Whitney on my mind. After the jump ...

This just in. I'm feeling way better now, after seeing Jennifer Hudson's unforgettable tribute to Whitney Houston last night at the Grammies. It boggles the mind to think of the pain and the deaths Jennifer has recently endured in her own family ... and then to be tasked with embodying a nation's grief for a lost legend with that legend's signature song, blending what must be so much of Jennifer's own pain with ours -- her grief for her family with our grief for Whitney -- while staying so poised and sharing a voice as beautiful in its own way as Whitney's.

Not sure how long this video will be accessible, but here it is:

"She had everything, beauty, a magnificent voice. How sad her gifts could not bring her the same happiness they brought us."
-- Barbra Streisand on the death of Whitney Houston

And, oh heck, I guess I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the curious mega-long commercial for Chipotle that interrupted the Grammy drama last night with a beautiful Coldplay song sung by Willie Nelson extolling the virtues of sustainable agriculture, treating the animals we eat more kindly, and being nicer to the Earth ...

Until next week ...

The Walking Dead Recap: Nebraska

2012-02-13T00:55:00.000-08:00

Try to hug your dead zombie mom: great idea!

Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

Let's Get This Party Started... 49 Minutes In
by SDMattchew

To those of you who read my article of a few days ago that detailed the last two seasons of The Walking Dead, and who felt sufficiently educated – even excited – to catch the mid-season premiere, I owe you an apology. How could I have known they were going to stoop to using 49 minutes of "Nebraska" to give viewers the rundown on what happened in the season’s first half?

Characters called each other by name when it wasn’t necessary. They talked a lot about their feelings about the bloodbath in the previous episode.

"I can’t believe so-and-so did that."

And then: "Well, I can believe so-and-so did that. It made a lot of sense."

Nothing but dull, shameless recap.

What the group didn’t do was head to Nebraska, as the episode title would seem to suggest. That would have been a lot more interesting. Instead, the group "dealt with a lot of things."

Find out what these things were… and about the episode’s one cool scene… after the jump!

Where do you go from greatness? The basic problem with this episode lay in the fact that the last one was a tough act to follow.

Things began at the exact moment where they left things off (a cinematic move I always appreciate). In this case, just after Rick blew Sophia’s head off. There was a cool scene that followed where Herschel’s daughter, Beth, goes to sob over her now dead zombie mom, but dead zombie mom decides she’s not done with her zombie fun yet. She rises up and snatches Beth. For this, mom winds up taking a sickle to the skull. Certainly one of the episode’s finer moments, even if a bit predictable.

After that, the characters started wondering what to do with all the bodies (burn them or bury them?). Who was to blame for what happened? Should there even be blame?

I tuned out for the next 40 minutes or so. However I did catch several plot points that may prove to be critical to the remainder of Season 2… or they may not:

Shane blames Herschel for the group wasting the entirety of Season 2 hunting for Sophia. Herschel must have known she was in the barn, right? How could he have not known a little girl was in there?
Beth collapses in the farm’s kitchen, and the group's diagnosis of this collapse is that she’s "in shock" from her family being slaughtered. (Come on, people. She’s obviously sick - scratched or something by her mom earlier. She’ll go zombo soon enough.)
Maggie tells Glenn she loves him. Naturally Glenn acts like an idiot when he gets this news and refuses to notice what he’s got going on – that being something sexual with the farmer’s daughter. Can you find a more beautiful cliché than that..?! He later tells Rick: "Never had a woman say that to me before... except my mom or my sisters." No kidding, Glenn.
Herschel takes off to a local bar to hit the bottle, which he swore off years ago. Rick and Glenn go after him.

It’s now 48 minutes into the show. Beth is running a fever and Lori decides (for whatever reason) that she needs to take it upon herself to go to the bar and catch up with Rick, Glenn, and Herschel. Somewhere en route, she’s reading a map and not watching where she’s going. Neither does the walker in the middle of the road. She bangs into him, then loses control of the car and flips it.

Here's where things finally get started...

Rick and Glenn have just finished their dull discussion with Herschel as two strangers from Philly wander into the bar. One of them is the actor who played "Rene the serial killer" from True Blood Season 1. I knew then these guys were definitely not to be trusted.

This was a scene that really examples what happens when the writing goes well on this show. The two guys from Philly begin asking Rick in the friendliest possible way where he, Herschel, and Glenn are staying. Of course Rick won’t give that up. Herschel hates visitors.

We'll make an interesting episode outta this yet!

Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

Guns are pulled out, but in the vein of "hey, we’ll put ‘em on the counter. Relax."

The tension gradually building…

Drinks were poured. Moral of the story here: guns and alcohol definitely do not mix.

Rick winds up blowing both of the Philly guys away with his revolver when one makes a move for his gun.

Great scene, but where are we left? Rick has possibly won over Herschel with his Wild West routine. But will Shane wind up turning the group against Herschel?

Will anyone leave the farm alive?

Again... my apologies, fans. Hopefully next week’s episode will leave us with more interesting things to chew on.

The Awards Witch: Grammy Awards 2012 Live Blog

2012-02-12T16:59:00.000-08:00

54th Annual Grammy Awards poster, designed by
architect Frank Gehry. Photo: Grammys.

Live From The Staples Center
by The Awards Witch

This is the year of Adele. She's up for 6 Grammy's tonight (she should win ALL of them) and is destroying her competition. She could literally shit platinum right now, and instead of it getting sold with Jesus Cornflakes on eBay, it would go the British Museum next to Oliver Cromwell's huge skull.

If I were one of the unfortunate artists nominated against her tonight, I would either a.) skip hair and makeup, put on the gown and shoes, alert TMZ to my location and get sloshed and make some really bad decisions for some press or b.) go dressed for the Prom and pull a Kanye for as many of her acceptance speeches as I could until being invited to leave. It's a no-win situation (ha! literally!) for these poor bastards.

All this means this witch couldn't be happier! LOVE Adele! And as much as I love some Mumford and Sons, if they are going to lose to someone, I'm down with it being my girl.

If you checked out my Grammy predictions, you heard all about Little Witchy and her crazy fascination with Adele: posters on her bedroom door, chastising strangers about Adele's disappointment with their life decisions, and random other weird things that only my 3 year old could conjure up. But you haven't heard this yet...

To balance the bitter, here's some sweet. Wait for
the chorus, folks...it's legen-wait for it-dary.

And away we go...

8:00 pm: Jersey, Bitches! The Boss is kicking off the Grammys! Must be all that Asbury Park air, but the dude doesn't age. Hmm... his face doesn't pull the Joe Cocker-esque contortions, so it may not be Jersey air...just some good old, Dirty Jerzee Botox. Eh. Whatever. It's Bruce Springsteen.

8:05: LL Cool J looks GOOD... "We've had a death in our family." Classy. And now we are praying for Whitney.

8:06: Holy shit. They were actually praying. Like, hands folded, eyes closed, not sneaking a peek praying. Wow.

8:07: Cue the Whitney tribute: video of her Grammy performance of "I Will Always Love You." Damn, damn, damn. Whitney had an amazing set of pipes.

8:09: Adele getting some LL Love. And "Sir O.G. McCartney." I have just decided that Ladies Love Cool James is my favorite Grammy host of all time. OF ALL TIME, Kanye!

8:11: Bruno Mars and his huge head and Richie Valens hair is singing. Little Witchy just pointed out to me that he is "not Adele, mommy." Astute judgement. Now if only she would stop picking boogers for me, because its bedtime.

8:13: Bruno Mars just told the audience to "Get off your rich asses and start dancing!" Touche. And now it really is bedtime.

8:20: Bonnie Raitt and ~~Judy Jetson~~ Alicia Keys are doing a Dead Sea Scrolls tribute to the performers who passed this year. Reminded how awesome Bonnie Raitt is, and wondering why I haven't heard any of her new music lately.

8:23: And they are announcing Best Pop Solo Performance. Lady Gaga looks like Hannibal Lector dressed up as a dominatrix dressed up as a nun. And the Grammy goes to...duh. People. Seriously. Adele. And she looks LOVELY.

8:25: Chris Brown is performing. I'm going to the bathroom. I drank a gallon of water so that I would be awhile.

8:35: Fergie in her beach cover up and Marc Anthony's unbuttoned shirt are announcing Best Rap Performance. JayZ and Kanye pulled it off for Otis. DAMMIT!!! They aren't here! WTF, Kanye? Are you blacklisted from awards shows? PISSED!

8:37: Kelly Clarkson and some dude in a cowboy hat are singing. It sounds like something Phil Collins wrote in 1988. The cowboy, Jason Aldean, has the wrong buttons on his suit jacket buttoned. Fail. Fire the stylist, although I bet it was his significant other and that would be awkward. Golf clap. Also, I've just been informed her colorist has been on vacation for about three months. That wasn't intentional.

8:47: These are some insanely long commercial breaks. Damn it. Hello, Jack Black.

8:48: Foo Fighters! Performing live OUTSIDE the Grammys for all the poor people!

8:54: Commercial sneak peak of Rihanna. She looks like a strung out Farrah Fawcett performing a walk of shame from a gas station. You are way too pretty for this, girl. I am seriously hoping my contacts were effed up for the two second shot. Oy.

8:56: Well, it appears I should be paying my eye doctor at Mancine Optical a little more, because these contacts work AMAZINGLY well.

8:58: Rihanna and Coldplay. Well, its just Rihanna so far. Waiting impatiently.

9:00: That's better. Sing it, Mr. Martin. Depress me. I like it. Even your Jersey-shore addiction to neon that you have been displaying of late. Its cute.

9:06: So at the hour (and six minute, give a girl a break) mark, only two Grammys have been distributed. And you people thought the OSCARS dragged on.

9:10: The Chipotle Farm commercial is the best minute of the night since LL Cool J did the Whitney tribute. Get it together, Grammys. You're losing me, and I actually HAVE to watch this.

9:12: Some of the NY Giants and the creepy chick from NCIS are here to announce Best Rock Performance. Because that makes sense.

9:13: Foo Fighters beat out Mr. Mumford. And his Sons. Bastards.

9:16: Ryan Seacrest is here to save the show. He borrowed Bruno Mars' hairstylist for the evening. But he did introduce Adam Levine. Who is singing Beach Boys and looking...SHIT. Also like he borrowed Bruno Mars' hairstylist. Oh, well. Luckily his face is perfect.

9:21: And here are the Beach Boys. Good Vibrations. If they are singing live, I'm pretty damn impressed. Madonna should be watching. And taking notes. They are about the same age, right?

9:23: Ohhhh...Adam Levine is singing WITH the Beach Boys. I would pay to see this. If Adam Levine was singing with Jimmy Buffett, however... I'd sell the house, my car and all my remaining eggs to see that.

9:28: They are now teasing that Paul McCartney is going to sing next. Hurry up.

9:31: Stevie Wonder. "We all love you Whitney Houston." I love Stevie Wonder. Wait! He is introducing Sir Paul! Classic!

9:32: And this, Madonna Half-Time Show-tacular, is how you go about being an aging performer, somewhat past your prime. This is how you give a showstopping performance, while breakout out a set of overused pipes and make a huge crowd stop in their tracks. Well done, Sir Paul Good on ya.

9:36: Best R&B Album: Chris Brown for Fame. WTF is up with his Marc Anthony shirt and Sirius Black tattoo. And this fool just thanked "Team Breezy." Gag.

9:40: Taylor Swift is singing. I'll be honest, it's not so exciting when Kanye doesn't show the hell up to spook her. She does better with a little fear. Also, this little number is a little too bluegrass-y for me. Yup. I just invented that word. Try to use it tomorrow. She looks like a supertall version of Laura Ingalls Wilder heading for the Prairie tonight, with the rest of the cast of Grapes of Wrath backing her up.

9:45: Incessant Commercial Break #546549874321. Un-effing-real. I can't recall another broadcast of anything with more commercials. And I tend to be a 4:00 am-so-I-can-see-it-live Olympics viewer. This is insane.

9:50: Neil Patrick Harris announcing Song of the Year. He states he is telling no jokes. I am disappoined. I need some amusement with this show. I haven't even seen LL for about 20 minutes or so.

9:51: Adele for Rolling in the Deep. My girl is on a roll! Also, her last name is Adkins, apparently, so if this singing thing hits the shit for her, she has a long career in porn.

9:53: Katy Perry performing E.T. Where the FU%R&% is KANYE?!?!?!?! I am calling bullshit. And the performance just got all messed up like an Andy Kaufman joke, and she reappeared to sing a song I don't know. Her hair is blue and crimped, and she is wearing a shiny silver and gold ensemble. Not for anything, but her stylist must have LOVED Jem and the Holograms back in the day.

9:57: Miranda Lambert and Some Guy Who is Hotter Than Her Husband are introducing Best Country Album. Her husband is nominated. This could be pleasingly awkward.

9:58: AWKWARD!

9:59: Lady Antebellum. Who knew they had a song other than the one that chronicled my early 20's...

10:00: Ugh. Grammy announcer just informed us that Gwyneth Paltrow would be introducing Adele. I'm going to have to time this bathroom break with razor-like precision.

10:05: I did not time that right. LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA....

10:06: ROLLING IN THE DEEP! Kicked it off A CAPELLA!! And she looks amazing!!!

10:11: Unreal. Unbelievable. That was the performance of a lifetime. And a standing "O" that's still going on.

10:13: Not to beat a dead horse, but she didn't just sing that song, she SANG it. Holy hell. Thank you for not disappointing me, Grammy. I cannot wait to play that back for Little Witchy. She is going to dance her face off.

10:16: Taylor Swift is back, announcing Glen Campbell. I do NOT like her dress. But I actually do like The Band Perry. The girl reminds me a lot of Sheryl Crow when she was younger. Her brothers remind me of one of the BeeGee's (stage right) and John Mayer in a Jim Morrisson Halloween costume (stage left.)

10:19: Blake Shelton, straight off his loss for Country Album, where he was forced to watch his wife give it up to some other dude (the award, get your mind out of the gutter) is singing a song that I bet is called "Southern Sky." I am pretty sure the girl behind him is a contestant on The Voice this year. He introduces Glen Campbell, The Rhinestone Cowboy. Taylor Swift just pointed out that he retired because he has Alzheimers. 1.) Wow. He's doing pretty well, not even taking into consideration his age or condition. 2.) This is a pretty ballsy move for the producers. This could have gone horribly wrong, with shades of Dick Clark on New Years Eve.

10:31: Carrie Underwood and Tony Bennett singing It Had To Be You. I am reminded of Marla belting this out in A League of Their Own. The moment is ruined.

10:33: Best New Artist goes to...Bon Iver. Hmmm. I had this as a "Should Win" in my predictions. Good. However, this guy looks like he sits outside of schools in a white maintenance van with a bag of candy and a puppy leash with no puppy. Time for a stylist that doesn't work at Sears, my man.

10:36: Short about The Grammy Foundation. The music started playing about 20 seconds in, and I thought he was getting played off for a minute. I laughed at the bad production. I snorted juice. Then I realized that I was the asshole and that I should be paying better attention.

10:39: Dead Sea Scrolls. Crazy how many awesome performers passed this year. And yes, they spliced in Whitney. Because the entire production team responsible for the Dead Sea Scrolls hasn't slept since yesterday afternoon.

10:43: Jennifer Hudson (looking amazing, btw) is singing I Will Always Love You. God bless her, but the thought that every single person watching this is thinking is "This doesn't hold a candle to Whitney." And it doesn't. And Jennifer Hudson is more than capable, which only goes to show you how special Whitney Houston was. What a stark contrast.

10:45: She (smartly) does not go for the glory note. Because if you can't do it as good as Whitney, you shouldn't do it. The audience rewards this decision with a big, fat standing "O."

10:54: Little Wayne, Chris Brown (thank you, team Breezy!!) and some dude with a stupid Mickey Mouse head are performing. Oh, and David Guetta. Wait. And the Foo Fighters again. Yeah, I'm not feeling this. I'm going to take this time to do some spell check. I can't watch Dave Grohl actively disappoint me.

11:01: Do these producers know what time Little Witchy is going to be awake in the morning? This show is pissing me off.

11:05: Nicki Minaj. This is not a good idea. She is performing Roman Holiday... And it's starting with her and a priest in a confessional. And we are skipping to a movie, where a priest shows up to ahouse to exorcise her demons. Back to the live show. She's chained to a wall, and questionably singing live. There are dancing priests. I'm pretty sure she just got herself excommunicated. Also, the Pope's pretty old. They may not even want to allow him to see this. Christ knows what will happen.

11:09: Now they are singing Adeste Fidelis and she is levitating. I want this to be over.

11:10: Lady Antebellum is announcing Record of the Year. Which makes sense because they won this category last year. See?

11:11: Adele. What do you want to bet she had 100% of the votes?

11:17: If I squint really hard and out my fingers in my ears, I can kind of make it seem like Adele is really anyone from any of the Harry Potter movies winning a legitimate award at a legitimate awards show. Love the accent.

11:19: LL just announced Diana Ross. Even better, they played him in to Mama Said Knock You Out. How infinitely awesome would it be if her were to perform that? Now?

11:20: Album of the Year. Please, please don't eff this up, Grammy Voters.

11:21: And that is how you sweep the Grammys, bitches.

11:21: Oh, my God. When she cries and wins awards, she sounds just like Kate Winslet crying and winning awards! Haha. I do love the Brits.

11:22: She was crying so hard she booged on live TV, wiped it, and said "oh, I've got a bit of snot!" Wow. Now I get it. Now I understand why Little Witchy idolizes this woman. Its not the voice. Little Witchy is the booger kid who hands over boogers she picks for me all the time. Adele is a grown up booger kid.

11:24: Paul McCartney is making my night here. With the Foo Fighters, who were apparently hired to be the house band tonight and Bruce Springsteen. There is a lot of guitar jamming and cuts to Sir Paul's (much) younger wife. It is fairly awesome. He is older than my dad, has sweaty pits, and is clearly having the time of his life.

11:33: Just to point out how often this witch is right, Adele did win ALL 6 of the awards she was nominated for. It would have been so much better if Kanye had shown up and...well...pulled a Kanye...

11:35: And that's a wrap! Oscars are next, predictions coming soon! Maybe Adele can somehow win some of them, too. Check back on Sunday, February 26 for the Academy Awards! I'll be blogging all the mean shit you are afraid to say out loud!

Supernatural Recap: Plucky Pennywhistle's Magic Menagerie

2012-02-11T22:16:00.000-08:00

Unicorns are Evil. Obviously.

by Joshowa

It is pretty easy to recap the plot of this week’s episode. When people start dying in strange ways, Dean and Sam investigate Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagarie, a clown-themed, Chuck E. Cheese-type restaurant. They soon find that an Howard, an employee, is using magic to bring children’s fears to life, and then using those fears to murder bad parents. Howard uses this magic to murder a janitor stool-pigeon and to summon evil clowns to sic on Sam. Dean discovers Howard’s plot, uses the spell to bring Howard’s own fear to life and saves Sam from the clowns. In the meantime, Sam confronts his clown phobia and Dean apologizes for sometimes being a terrible big brother.

Yes. This happened.
Photo Credit: Funnyjunk

It’s easy to summarize because this episode was not about plot. It was about giving the viewers a fun, emotional break after such a heavy, emotional episode. From the clown-colored title card to the unicorn shooting rainbow out of its behind, it was pretty obvious that we weren’t meant to take this adventure very seriously. Whether or not you enjoy these kind of lighthearted outings depends heavily on how much you expect each episode to advance the overall mythos.

It also depends on how you feel about clowns. Are they the fun, entertaining embodiment of silliness and whimsy? Or are they creepy, giggling creatures from the depths of your most disturbing nightmares? Hollywood seems to think they belong in the second camp.

Follow the jump to see how the Plucky Pennywhistle clowns stack up against some of the more famous scary clowns in entertainment!

Cavities are nothing to laugh at.
Photo Credit: The CW

The Plucky Pennywhistle Clowns
Through twisted magic, this deadly due was called to life with jacked-up grills and murder in their eyes. Wielding seltzer and tire irons, these clowns have no trouble keeping up their psychotic giggling whether they are getting beat up or putting the smack down.
Scary or a Joke? They bleed glitter and gunshots don’t slow them down, making the Plucky Pennywhistle clowns kooky yet frightening. Luckily for Sam, they were more into toying with their prey than going for the kill.

A face even a mother can't love.
Photo Credit: Villains Wiki

Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King’s “It”
This homicidal clown is actually a terrible force of evil that reappears every thirty years for some murder and mayhem. When he’s not getting his kicks torturing the group of seven friends who dare oppose him, he’s baring his razor sharp teeth and killing children. Delightful!
Scary or a Joke? Tim Curry as Pennywise talking to a small child through a storm drain might be one of the creepiest scenes in movie history. Do not invite this clown to your birthday party.

Act now and you can also get the adorable
Susie Strangleface for an additional $19.99!
Photo Credit: Mandajuice

The Clown Doll from Poltergeist
This nightmare has a double creep factor going on - he’s both a clown and a doll. That plastered grin, the nonstop staring and the long arms all just scream “sinister.” Why Robbie didn’t boot that creepy freak out the door instead of just throwing a sheet over it is still a mystery.
Scary or a Joke? While his disappearing and reappearing act certainly scared the crap out of children in the 80s, he loses creep points for not actually murdering anyone.

Hey girl! What's Brad up to today?
Photo Credit: Diary of a Genre Addict

Killer Klowns from Outer Space
These space aliens who just happen to look like clowns used killer cream pies, monster popcorn and cotton candy to stun and trap helpless. Once incapacitated, the Klowns would suck the “life juice” from their victims.
Scary or Joke? While their exaggerated proportions do lend to their overall creepiness, the clowns in this campy cult classic are played more for laughs than scares.

Angst is hilarious!
Photo Credit: American Juggalo

The Juggalos
Fans of the Insane Clown Posse “band” paint their faces and a meet up once a year for the “Gathering of the Juggalos.” These Juggalos often listen to horror-themed rap music, wear their hair in spider dreads, drink Faygo soda and shout the blood-curdling phrase “whoop whoop.”
Scary of a Joke? The scariest thing about these clowns are the infectious diseases they could be carrying.

On the run from good taste
Photo Credit: McDonalds

Ronald McDonald
The face of the McDonald’s fast-food franchise, Ronald spends his time pushing greasy french fries, mystery meat burgers and chicken McNuggets on children everywhere. His favorite tactic? Promising kids that these sodium-filled dinners are actually “Happy Meals.” Oh and he sometimes does some charity work out of his house.
Scary or a Joke? Hide yo’ wife! Hide yo’ kids! Ronald be giving heart disease to er’body!

Overall, the Plucky Pennywhistle clowns do a decent job of carrying on the grand entertainment tradition of using clowns to inspire more terror than frivolity. Still, exploding into a cloud of glitter is definitely going to hurt their street cred.

Supernoteral

“Guy in his thirties hanging out at a Plucky’s alone. Yeah that’s normal. Not pervy at all.” - Dean at Sam’s suggestion he keep tabs on the employees.
Sam dealing with the clowns and fear they inspired gave Jared Padalecki a chance to pull off some more great physical comedy.
It’s about time we got to see Dean laugh for real. Sure, he was laughing at his younger brother’s psychological trauma, but it’s been too long since we’ve seen a genuine smile.
“You look like you got attacked by some PCP-crazed strippers.” - Dean in reference to Sam being covered in clown glitter.
I can't decide if my favorite detail was the way the clown ran when chasing Sam or the guy in a lion suit trying to turn a door handle with his paws.
Will Dean really stick with his “no booze” policy?

Next week, it’s time for more demon trouble as Sam And Dean face off against one of the black-eyed baddies from their past!

Gingerbreadmama Bite: Whitney Houston Dead!

2012-02-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

Should have stuck to herb only.

There are no official details on cause of death, but her publicist has confirmed that she is dead. Rumors are of a drug overdose in a Beverly Hills hotel. She was set to party at the Grammys and might have tied on one too many. Check back Friday for the full scoop!

The Awards Witch: Grammy 2012 Predictions

2012-02-11T18:37:00.000-08:00

Image credit THR

Grammy Awards 2012: Adele Wins Sunday Night Smackdown!

by The Awards Witch

Poor everyone-but-Adele. It must suck to get all dressed up only to have the camera man in your face to catch your disappointment and thinly veiled anger when you lose... All. Night. Long....
As a diehard Mumford and Sons fan, I am only slightly disappointed they should only win one award (for one of two categories they are not head to head with your girl) as Adele's 21 was a MONSTER of an album (the first album since Pearl Jam's Ten that I can listen to start to finish without skipping) and truly deserving of having almost all of the major acceptance speeches sound like Mary Poppins with a cold...

Here are some predictions to get you though the night, along with some wishful thinking:

after the jump!

Record of the Year
Will Win: Adele for Rolling in the Deep
Should Win: Adele for Rolling in the Deep
Upset: Bon Iver for Holocene

Reasoning: Do I really need one? Rolling in the Deep is a HUGE song. Huge in a "not so repetitive that its an annoying ear worm" (a la Umbrella) way but in a "this song is so damn good that Grammy voters will mark the ballot with the blood of their firstborn" way. Bon Iver is a ballsy enough choice to snag a few votes for a robbery, but I think its pretty safe to say this is the beginning of Adele pulling a Michael Phelps.

Album of the Year
Will Win: Adele for 21
Should Win: Adele for 21
Upset: Really? No chance.

Reasoning:  Have you heard this album? Why do I need to explain myself here?

Song of the Year
Will Win: Adele for Rolling in the Deep
Should Win: Adele for Rolling in the Deep
Upset: Mumford and Sons for The Cave

Reasoning: Again, I shouldn't need one, but I'll throw another one out for you. My daughter is a DIEHARD Adele fan.  She is also batshit crazy. Case in point: the checkout girl at Whole Foods last night had her lip pierced about 4 times, a nose ring, and spacers in her ears I could have fit my foot through. My kid, Little Witchy, asked her what was wrong with her face. 5 times. When the girl finally gave up trying to find an age appropriate description for rebellion and whiskey, and said she didn't know, Little Witchy informed her that Adele wouldn't like her boo-boos on her face. Little Witchy is 3. She has a picture of Adele on her door, and memorzed the words to every song on 21, as well as half of 19, especially Chasing Pavements. Little Witchy has taste. Enough Said.

Best New Artist
Will Win: Someone I've never heard of, if last year is any predictor.
Should Win: Bon Iver
Upset: The Band Perry

Reasoning: I'm going with Skrillex here (and yes, I totally cut and pasted that name, as I have NEVER heard of them, and wanted to make sure I spelled it right). Nicki Minaj is made of plastic Barbie hair and Hello Kitty lunchboxes, so I doubt she gets taken seriously. Also, Adele is not nominated here. She won this shit a few years ago, bitches.

Best Solo Pop Performance
From now on, when Adele is nominated, let's just go with that so I don't get carpal tunnel with all of the "Will win, should win" horseshit, shall we? Excellent.

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
Will Win: Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse for Body and Soul
Should Win: Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera for Moves Like Jagger
Upset: Coldplay for Paradise

Reasoning: Winehouse FTW, but only because the voters will feel the need (and perhaps rightfully so) to lament the amazing songs that will never be written and we will all be deprived of hearing. Also, isn't Tony Bennett mentioned as one of Methuselah's sons in the book of Genesis? How is this guy still alive?    Adam and Snooki should pull this off for their monster song (which Little Witchy LOVES, by the way.) Coldplay only because they are British.

Best Pop Vocal Album
21. Duh.

Best Dance Recording
Ok, seriously, I'm skipping the routine on this one to call it for Barbara Streisand. I had no idea she had a dance song, and the whole idea is so effing absurd that there is ZERO chance that Babs doesn't snag this. It will be even funnier if she accepts in character as Yentl.

Best Rock Performance
Will Win: Mumford and Sons for The Cave
Should Win: Mumford and Sons for The Cave
Upset: Foo Fighters for Walk

Reasoning: The Cave is just some really good shit. I actually got to go to Target alone a few weeks back (never happens to this witch) and on the way there, whatever station I was tuned to on XM played a block of Mumford and Sons, so I got The Cave, Little Lion Man, and Sigh No More all in a row. THEN...the Starbucks drive thru screwed up my drink so I got it for free. I should have bought lottery tickets.  Foo Fighters always manage to squeak by with something though, so I am calling them for Rock Song.

Best Rap Song:
Will Win: Wiz Khalifa for Black and Yellow
Should Win: Wiz Khalifa for Black and Yellow
Upset: Chris Brown for Look at Me Now

Reasoning: Black and Yellow was a pretty good song, and its not my type of music, so I'd vote for it. Chris Brown is an upset only if the voters want to appear progressive at the risk of appearing to be assholes. Also, I want to see if Amber Rose shows up in clothes or just body paint, as if Fantasy Fest in Key West threw up all over her bald ass head.

Best R&B Album:
Will Win: Kelly Price for Kelly
Should WIn: Kelly Price for Kelly
Upset: R. Kelly for Love Letter

Reasoning: Let's face it. Its totally useless for El Debarge to pull out the "W" here if there isn't a hope for Jeri Curl any longer. Also, isn't this dude in jail with Conrad Murray? That would be one bad-ass acceptance speech, live from the showers...

Best Rap Album
Will Win: Jay-Z and Kanye West for Watch the Throne
Should Win: Jay-Z and Kanye West for Watch the Throne
Upset: Kanye West for My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Reasoning: I like when they let Kanye West implode live, so this should be great. Maybe he can kill a puppy or tell some kids there is no Santa Claus or something during his acceptance speech. If Jay-Z has half the brains I think he does, he'll beat 'Ye to the stage and pull a Heisman to keep him away from the microphone.

I am not even going to begin to pontificate on Country Music because I truly don't have a clue who most of the people are. Other than Blake Shelton, but that is only becuase he shares screen time with Adam Levine... sigh.... Also, when did Enya stop getting nominated for Orinoco Flow every year? Looks like Best New Age Album will be bathroom break time.

It will be interesting to see if the production crew, who are clearly in a blind, shitting themselves panic right now, are able to splice Whitney into the Dead Sea Scrolls. Holy Shit. Jobs I Am Glad I Don't Have For a Thousand, please, Alex.

And finally, my performance wish. I try to make one every year for this show. I wish, I wish, I wish that Adele and Mumford and Sons would team up for a performance of Fairytale of New York by The Pogues. This wish also includes Shane McGowen being half lit at the show, annoyed he isn't performing this witch's favorite Christmas carol, and streaking the stage while Kanye West laments via microphone iPhone app that Adele has the best voice of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!!

Tune into the live blog tomorrow night during the show... I am going to kick the blog off with a debut performance you won't want to miss! Grammy's or BUST!!!!

Gingerbreadmama Gossip Wrap: SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!

2012-02-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

This week’s round-up of entertainment highlights

by Gingerbreadmama

Lockdown
Happy 18th birthday Tallulah Willis…sorry mom Demi couldn’t celebrate with ya, as she’s checked into Cirque Lodge in Utah, reportedly being treated for addiction and an eating disorder (a.k.a. the just dumped diet). Sources say, “She's on total lockdown and only talking to a small group of people.”

The EIC would be making inappropriate comments about her now that she's of age but she's not hot.

For the record, although I jest, I do hope Demi gets the treatment she needs to get back on her feet.

Flip-offs and pregnant women
I guess, when you get to be a certain age, you can just say what you want. At least Karl Lagerfeld thinks so, clearly speaking his mind though not making a bunch of sense, “I prefer Adele and Florence Welch. But as a modern singer she is not bad. The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice. Lana del Rey is not bad at all. She looks very much like a modern-time singer. In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She's not alone with implants."

What is most disturbing is that he thought these were implants
Photo: popledge.co.uk

See what else he has to say (it gets worse) after the jump!

And perhaps one of the more confusing statements, in regards to M.I.A. flipping the bird during the Superbowl halftime show, “Nowadays people give the middle finger quite quickly -- it's not the best behavior. Everybody does that, what's new about that? It's just become a bad habit. People in magazines are 50 percent bimbo and 50 percent pregnant women."

How the heck he went from flipping people off to pregnant women in magazines is beyond me but I suppose that sometime with age, does not come wisdom.

Makes sense to me! He's got so much truth to drop he can't help but non sequitur
Photo: contactmusic.com

Someone Do Something! (Written by the EIC)

Before this column was posted, our own blog publisher T sent in the following two photos with comment.

"Isn't she 25? SOMEONE DO SOMETHING"

My response: She'll be a'ight.

Then there is this:

"...not only restored my will to live, but strengthened my resolve and enthusiasm in general. "

And for that we are all grateful!

The bits

Robert Downey Jr. and wife Susan welcomed a boy, Exton Elias.
Marla Sokoloff and hubs had a girl, Elliotte Anne.
Lindsay Sloane and hubs welcomed baby girl Maxwell Lou.
Jason Lee and wife are expecting another baby (his 3rd, her 2nd).
Simon Heldberg (Big Bang Theory) and wife are pregnant with their first child.
The Jay Z/Beyonce baby ridiculousness continues as the couple trademark their daughter’s name. But maybe it’s a good thing since the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office received other filings from peeps (allegedly) looking to cash in on the tot’s famous parentage.
What is with Brad Pitt and the overshares this month? Now he’s talking about his gal pal Angelina’s between the sheets demeanor, “She's still a bad girl. Delightfully so. It's not for public consumption." Then why are you talking about it?!?

He deserves to brag about it a bit, and as a "bad girl" I am sure Angelina loves it

TV bits (Spoilers!!! Read at your own risk)

Bones returns April 5.
Jessica Tuck (True Blood) will guest on Grimm as “Adalind's fellow Hexenbiest mother, Catherine”.
In the episode titled, The Things with Feathers, on Grimm, Azura Skye guests as a kind, mild-mannered bed and breakfast owner named Robin Steinkeller, who also happens to be a Seltenvogel (an extremely rare bird-like creature). An air date for this episode has not been listed yet.
The House series finale is set for May 21.
Ryan Phillippe has signed on for a lead role in an “untitled hour-long pilot (formerly known as Golden Boy) from onetime Brothers & Sisters boss Greg Berlanti and ex-NYPD Blue EP Nicholas Wootton that tracks one cop’s meteoric rise from officer to detective to Police Commissioner.” True Blood‘s Kevin Alejandro and Pushing Daisies Chi McBride also star.
Barry Corbin has been cast as “Merle Tucker, the father of Eric Stonestreet’s Cam” on Modern Family.
Sources say that “NBC has taken its Munsters reboot, Mockingbird Lane, out of the running for a fall 2012 debut in order to give it a little extra finesse.”
Pilot news: “Autumn Reeser (No Ordinary Family) has been cast opposite Andre Braugher in Last Resort, Shawn Ryan’s new drama for ABC, playing a lobbyist for her family’s weapons manufacturing company.”
John Stamos will star opposite comedian T.J. Miller in Fox’s Little Brother, playing a man who discovers he has an ex-con for a half-sibling.
Ellen Barkin is in final talks to co-star in Fox’s Ryan Murphy/Ali Adler blended-family comedy, The New Normal. She’d play the mother of a surrogate for a gay couple.
Glee‘s Mike O’Malley will play the lead character’s father in Prodigy Bully, the comedy pilot he wrote and will exec-produce for Fox.

Movie bits

Naomi Watts will play Princess Diana in the upcoming biopic Caught in Flight, replacing Jessica Chastain.
Billy Connolly joins the cast of The Hobbit, as dwarf warrior Dain Ironfoot.
Hitchcock’s Rebecca, based on the story by Daphne Du Maurier and one of my favorite books and movies, is being remade. This news saddens me but I suppose it’s inevitable as there are so few original ideas these days. Tim Bevan and Eric Fellner will produce and Steven Knight is adapting the script.

The EIC recommends anything by Alfred Hitchcock
Photo: geektyrant.com

Movie openings

Limited Release

Quote of the week:
“My husband can not f––ing throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times." – Gisele defending hubby Tom Brady.

Instantly leap frogged over Eli Manning as the most despised person in the Patriot's locker room

Aww, so sweet that you are a loyal wife, standing by your man but do you honestly think creating discord between teammates is a good idea? Just shush now and look pretty.

Written by Gingerbreadmama for Tea With Lemon. Photos and captions courtesy of the TWL Editor-in-Chief. Sources: people.com, tvguide.com, yahoo.com, eonline.com, tvline.com, TMZ.com, hollywoodreporter.com, huffingtonpost.com, fandango.com, deadline.com, variety.com

Mother Nature Disrupted as Noisy Dummy Soils Shorts

2012-02-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

"I almost fall off a GIANT cliff on Idaho Wyoming border filmed with Liquid Image video goggles, wearing a avivest avalanche pack"

Watch this near brush with tumbling, icy death, after the jump!

The Walking Dead: The Big 2 Season Spoiler Recap

2012-02-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

The Big 2 Season Spoiler Recap
by SDMattchew

You’ve been hearing all the buzz about The Walking Dead, the coolest, most awesome zombie show on television (actually, at the moment, the only zombie show). You’ve been dying to check it out. But maybe you’ve figured that by mid-season 2, trying to catch up would be as pointless as confronting a zombie hoard with an empty revolver.

Never fear!

Here’s all the ammo you’ll need to give the show’s upcoming mid-season premiere a shot.

Read the rapid fire recap after the jump...

SEASON 1:
The show’s opening featured Rick Grimes, former deputy and local Andy Griffith type, waking up from a coma in a hospital. Picture 28 Days Later, only in hot, sweltering Georgia instead of scenic wasteland London. Rick has quite a rude awakening in store for him: his wife and son are missing and loads of dead inbred Jeds in britches (walkers) are ready to take a bite out of him.

(PRO TIP: Zombies are never referenced in the show as "zombies." They’re "walkers." Or "crawlers." Depends on how much of their bodies are left.)

Skipping ahead a bit…

Rick hears that the CDC has a safe zone in Atlanta, so he heads there on horseback. Rick learns pretty fast that a city is about the dumbest place you can take a horse in a zombie apocalypse. Dead hicks swarm him the moment he arrives. (Imagine a really cool top-down shot with walkers closing in on him from every surrounding street.)

Love the "Do Not Enter" sign!
Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

Rick ducks into a tank – yes, a tank – which would be an ideal place to hide if only you knew how to operate one. If not, you’ll need to be rescued from it like Rick.

Rick is eventually saved and then introduced to a group of survivors living in a campground outside of Atlanta. Among them: his long lost wife and son, Lori and Carl. (Nice coincidence, eh?)

Rick quickly assumes a would-be leadership role over the group – and over Shane Walsh, his best friend (and when I say best friend, I mean the guy screwing his wife Lori the entire time he was out cold in his coma.)

As Season 1 draws to a close, the group gathers up their pistols and shotguns and kitchen knives and heads back to Atlanta to make a second attempt to find the CDC.

The moral of Season 1, I’d say – other than you shouldn’t expect your spouse to be faithful when everyone thinks you’re dead in the midst of a zombie apocalypse – is that the CDC is worthless. Don’t expect any brilliance from these guys in the face of a spreading zombie disease.

What happens next? Nothing good.

The CDC has no cure for this pandemic. Worse still, their headquarters blows up in the finale and nearly kills the entire group.

(Okay, I’ve skipped a few details, plot twists, characters, etc. But you get the idea.)

SEASON 2:
What do you do when the CDC tells you you’re screwed and there’s probably no help out there?

You continue to look for help, of course.

Next stop – Fort Benning.

The group leaves Atlanta behind in favor of the countryside, which has a lot less walkers. Unfortunately this doesn’t stop things from getting complicated fast.

Ouch.
Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

Little Sophia, daughter of the always-has-a-worried/glum-look-on-her-face Carol goes missing after a walker attack in the Season 2 opener. Shortly thereafter Rick’s son Carl takes a bullet to his tummy in an unfortunate hunting accident (hunting buck, not walkers. Hey, that’s Georgia for ya, folks.)

The group stumbles onto a farm and settles in there while they hunt for a missing Sophia and while Carl suffers from his bullet wound. Luckily for young Carl, Hershel Greene, the farm’s owner, happens to be a veterinarian, so naturally he’s a whiz at treating people for gunshot wounds. Carl heals up nicely.

From here on out, it’s basically a hunt for Sophia.

As the episodes fly by with no sign of Sophia (except for things that the survivors only think might be signs), sticking around in one place and continuing the hunt becomes a growing source of tension for the group. Rick wants to do the right thing by not giving up. Best friend Shane says the group needs to continue on. Sophia is probably walker chow anyway. How long can they keep this up?

Adding to the issue, Hershel doesn’t want the group there at his farm anyway (mostly because of a dirty little secret he’s keeping in his barn. Hmmm… what might that be? More on that in a bit).

More searching. Still no Sophia.

Where is she?

Shane on you!
Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

While the search continues, a division begins to brew in the group. There are those who side with let’s stick-around-and-be-good-Samaritans Rick and others who side with let’s-get-real-here, people Shane.

Before you make any snap judgments about which camp you’d join, I should probably mention that Shane is kind of a dog turd. He’s done some fairly slimy things in this series – like shooting a man in the leg and then leaving him for walker bait while he makes his escape. But still… he also makes a lot of sense. How long can the group keep up the search for a girl who was probably walker chow a long time ago?

Add in a couple of additional complications to the situation:

Glenn (character who I never thought in a million years could get laid) beds down Hershel Greene’s daughter, Maggie. The group is always sending Glenn on suicide missions into the city for supplies because he's "good at getting out alive." I thought he earned some action. Nice one!
Rick’s wife Lori finds out she’s pregnant with either Shane or Rick’s kid – though she swears it’s Rick’s!

And so we arrive at Hershel’s dirty little secret…

Glenn, trying to find a secluded spot for some hot action with farmer's daughter Maggie, ventures into the farm’s locked-up-tight barn. Guess what he finds? Hershel’s entire infected family, walking around decomposing and breathing heavily. (Picture a group of Darth Vaders in overalls and without the black cover-up masks.)

Because Glenn is the kind of guy who is happy to kiss and tell, the group quickly learns about the secret in the barn.

And once everyone knows, it’s on!

The question is at this point:

Should the group honor Hershel’s one request of them while they’re staying at his farm – never use guns? Let the zombie family live? (Rick)

Or should they mow down the entire dead family in a hail of gunfire and make it a really awesome mid-season finale? (Shane)

Here’s how it all played out if you care to watch:
(WARNING: it’s gruesome. Awesome, but gruesome.)
(Also, SPOILER: this is the finale.)

Best of all, guess who makes a surprise entrance in the end…

Awww! There you are, cutie!
Photo credit: www.blogs.amctv.com

Sophia! Isn’t she adorable?

So… will the group continue on to Fort Benning now that they've confirmed Sophia is pushing up daisies?

Or will they stick around and grow crops on the farm with Hershel, who will no doubt require years of therapy to undo the images of his zombie family being slaughtered right in front of his eyes?

Find out with the mid-season premiere this Sunday on AMC!

Lex In The Afternoon: Valentine's Day Edition!

2012-02-09T13:42:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want you to know what Valentine's Day means to me:

Second, let's take a look at the close to perfect Valentine Date.

Charlize Theron arriving with beer. IPA from Dogfish Head, brewer of that beer/wine hybrid. So she's clearly in the mood to try new things.

Like you. Let's get on with this...after the jump!

Random Sh*t

Trust me, she'll love this. Less work for her.

Battle of the Sexes

What some famous are doing this Vday

Don't Worry Kermit, You're in Good Company

Facebook: Valentine's Day

Love In a Hopeless Place

Romance: Star Wars Style

I think we've squeezed enough out of this topic so..

Future playa

Later mang!

T's Trailer Park Presents: The Bourne Legacy is Ugly Pretty

2012-02-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

Truth be told, I just rolled my eyes when I heard they were making,The Bourne Legacy, the fourth (sure to be headache inducing with jittery camera work) entry in the Bourne film series, which is based on the Jason Bourne novels by Robert Ludlum and Eric Van Lustbader, and the first film without Matt Damon. Then they cast the immensely appealing, Jeremy Renner, rival to Daniel Craig as king of the ugly-pretty in Hollywood, and things began looking up. As Tyra Banks once said, "There's a fine line between ugly and pretty," and at some angles I wince and shriek, "CROM! That Jeremy Renner sure is busted!" then at other angles I think, "You know, he's not so bad and is a welcome and rugged change from all the pretty, pretty boys populating the cinema!" Because, as Tyra Banks also once said, "Sometimes pretty pretty is just ugly ugly!"

But enough prattle. The story sets off after the conclusion of The Bourne Ultimatum and I have embedded the trailer here for you, as a courtesy. I have also embedded the first offical trailer for Iron Sky (aka Nazis on the Moon), and the trailer for Osombie, featuring a zombie Osama Bin Laden, for you, simply out of spite, after the jump!

The Bourne Legacy

Iron Sky

Osombie

Glee Recap: The Spanish Teacher

2012-02-08T11:12:00.000-08:00

So You're Dating a Two-Timin' Ho

by CaliforniaKara

Ay dios mio. OMG. Oh Em Gee. Oh my God.

Such were the words going through the Glee Clubbers collective heads as guest star (and new Spanish teacher) Ricky Martin taquito'd his way across the music room at McKinley HS during his rendition of "Sexy and I Know It."

All the girls went Gaga, and a number of the boys, too. (And not just Kurt!) Everyone was living la vida loca -- can you really blame them? With those ripped biceps peeking out from underneath a skin tight little black tee...whew, I need a drink of wine. I'll be right back...

So yeah, Ricky Martin was the guest start last night on Glee, and while I've been a wee bit concerned about the stunt casting (Will & Grace anyone?) I've got to say that Martin was an inspired choice, and for what he there to do, he delivered.

There was a far more worrisome, potentially litigious, and downright stupid, silly dumb revelation:

Come on ride the Taco Bell Express.
Photo: Fox Publicity Online.

How the hell is Will a Spanish teacher who doesn't actually know Spanish?!

On top of not knowing, speaking, or understanding Spanish, the only thing he seems to know about the culture is the racist stereotypes.

Kudos to Santana, who later acts like the only adult on the show and calls Shue out after his out-these matador costumed Latin Elvis Presley impersonation. Naya Rivera showed her acting chops, and the softer side of Santana, while explaining to a clueless Shue (Shueless?) why everything about him doing this is wrong.

Of course, the flip side is that Shue thought he was right, and if you have every seen or heard of Avenue Q, you know that everyone's a little bit racist...sometimes:

Princeton: Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton: Who?
Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black.
Princeton: Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

Beyond the LESSON in racism we were spoon fed in the episode, there was a touching -- albeit played for laughs -- Sue wanting to get pregnant. While Roz Washington (the welcome, and surprisingly funny Nene Leakes from Real Housewives of Atlanta) played it for a number of zingers (see Morning Announcements for the full quotes), as someone who has been through uterine cancer and IVF (while at SXSW, of all things) (buzzkill, I know), these scenes, and especially when she had Becky give her the shots, grounded me a bit and made me feel for Sue.

Which brings me to another point: was it just me, or were the kids almost an afterthought in this ep?

Pardon me whilst I channel my inner Dora the Explorer.
Photo: Fox Publicity Online.

I enjoyed seeing Principal Figgins again, and more Sue screen time is always welcome. But we also had a lot of the script dedicated to Shue, Ricky Martin, and Emma, since all the adults were wrapped up in Tenure Fever (it's like Bieber fever, but for teachers). Emma's pamphlets have always been a cute Easter egg in the eps, and it was funny to see her take them one step further. (Even if it wasn't fun to see Shue demean her about them.

We did get a couple of cute scenes with the kids: the slumber party with Mercedes, Rachel and Kurt, who were watching Twilight. And a cute brother moment with Kurt and Finn.

Overall, mostly a filler ep with little plot development, but happy to see Ricky Martin heating up the screen. Which, since he got the Spanish teacher gig full-time, does that mean we'll see more of him? More importantly, does that mean we can finally say good-bye to Gwyneth?

A girl can dream.

Morning Announcements

Questions, comments, sarcastic remarks

Not for nothing, but those Cheerios "new" moves are circa 1993 Burlington City High School in New Jersey (my alma mater). And they can't do those moves half as good as the cheerleaders at BCHS.
“You’re a Spanish teacher. Maybe you should try learning Spanish.” - Principal Figgins to Will
“I was a little bit dismayed by the quality of men holding Dixie Cups down at the sperm bank this morning. Zero viable options. It looked like the cast from Ice Road Truckers.” - Sue
“You are old as a hill. You don’t give birth to no child. You gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups and you gonna push and push and a full-grown adult gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job talking on a cell phone.” - Roz Washington
“I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China. I had noodles with the President and a threesome with Michael Phelps.” - Roz Washington
“All the hormones in Thailand can’t change the fact that you are done as a woman. What you need to do is start praying that you give birth to a child that likes to eat sand, cause that’s all that’s coming out those old, wrinkly boobs.” - Roz Washington
“How is a girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire?” - Mercedes
“Why are you being so weird and serious? Our periods don’t come until the end of the month.” - Kurt to Rachel and Mercedes
“Quien es mas macho de Will Schuester?” [“Who’s more macho of/from Will Schuester?”] - Will
“You went from La Cucaracha to a bullfighting mariachi. Why don’t you just dress up as the Taco Bell chihuahua and bark the theme song to Dora the Explorer? You don’t even know enough to be embarrassed about these stereotypes you’re perpetuating.”- Santana, to Mr. Shue
“And now their kibbles and bits are as clean as a little angel’s tear.” - Coach Beiste
“I’ve known ever since I Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’ed my way into Figgins’ file cabinet and read the evaluation cards. And when I saw one written in crayon, I knew it was either you or Brittany. And you’re the better speller.” - Sue

Downton Abbey is Gossip Girl for Grown Ups

2012-02-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

2011 was a banner year for the armchair anglophile. While the world was focused on Pippa's posterior at the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, another British invasion was happening on PBS in the form of Masterpiece series Downton Abbey. Or as I like to call it, Gossip Girl for grown ups.

Season Two: Spoiler Free Preview

Variety magazine has praised Downton Abbey as "Compulsively watchable from the get-go," a fact I can attest to since I tore through the entire first season in 24 hours like a Harlan County addict on an oxy binge.

Read more and check out the "Best of Bitchy Brits" after the jump....

Downton Abbey is a picturesque estate in the English countryside that has been the homestead of the proud and stately Crawley family for umpteen generations. When the Titanic disaster of 1912 threatens to displace the Crawleys due to the loss of a male heir, the family is forced to find a plan B which rests mainly on marrying off the eldest - and most stubborn - daughter, Mary. Drama, plotting, back-stabbing, victorian-era sex, and hijinx ensue.

Photo Credit

The beauty of Downton Abbey is the unexpected narrative point-of-view. In most dramas about the obnoxiously wealthy upper class, the maids, servants, butlers, cooks, drivers, valets, etc are a casualty of tunnel-vision. The logistical under belly of wealth is usually concealed like a teenage hickey. In Downton Abbey, "the help" helm the series and step into the spotlight. This drama within a drama (the main arc is still centered around the Crawley's attempt at saving their fortune) makes for a complex and layered story line peppered with a cast as rich and developed as the Las Vegas skyline. Writer Julian Fellowes does not waste one second of your time on throw away characters.

Photo Credit

Should you think that PBS was more Little House on the Prarie than Californication, you'd be wrong. This is British television, remember? The pommy population barely bat an eyelash when two men tongue wrestle, while us Yanks start a boycott and sponsors pull ads when Kurt and Blaine kiss on screen. Downton Abbey is an intelligent, political, adult drama that has little in common with Skins, but manages to be sexy, unexpected, and honest. The unrequited love story between valet Mr. Bates and house maid Anna manages to be both earnest and sweet without venturing into saccahrin territory. A romantic drama for fans of the stiff upper lip.

Photo Credit

And did I mention the quips? Ahhhhhh British quips ... none can compare, and Downton Abbey is bursting at the seams with one line zingers that will put a bitch in her place before she even realizes she was insulted.

Mary: “Poor darling. I heard she had to walk for miles. I don’t think I would have gotten down no matter how lame the horse.”
Edith: “No, I don’t believe you would.”

And the queen of quips in this series is the matronly matriarch, Lady Grantham. Mother of Earl Crawley, this wrinkled old bag is played to perfection by Maggie Smith who should teach a class titled "Acting 101: The Insufferable Mother-in-Law"

Lady Grantham: "You are quite wonderful the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal."
Mrs. Crawley: "I take that as a compliment."
Lady Grantham: "I must've said it wrong."

Downton Abbey is like a school dormitory for drag queens of noble descent. These bitches don't play. And despite the political times, lack of women's rights, and subserviant expectations, it's clear who is running the show at Downton Abbey. The fate of the Crawley family rests solely in Mary's ability to snatch trap a suitable suitor, but she's not going down without a fight. Women are the heart and soul of this series, and although they lack the tanned gams of a Blake Lively or perfect pout of a Rachel Bilson, the Crawley ladies are hot and haughty.

Season one of Downton Abbey is currently streaming on Netflix, and I strongly reccommend you watch all seven episodes before jumping into season two (PBS: Sundays at 9:00 pm). Clear your weekend schedule, you won't be getting off the couch till tomorrow.

Photo Credit

I leave you with my favorite quote, a profound gem that is the upper-class equivalent of Beyonce's "shoulda put a ring on it"....

Robert (referring to Matthew and Mary above): “Mary can be such a child. She thinks that if you put a toy down, it’ll still be sitting there when you want to play with it again.”

T's Trailer Park: The Amazing Spider Reboot

2012-02-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

After suffering through the abomination that was Spider-Man 3 and this utter nonsense; I'm really rooting for The Amazing Spider-Man to be good. I have a lot of confidence after watching the latest trailer with the immensely appealing Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone.

I have embedded the new trailer for you, as a courtesy, after the jump!

Legion of Doom Momentarily Crushed by Might of Gay Roller!

2012-02-07T11:39:00.000-08:00

Original image via the Oatmeal

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has upheld a ruling by Judge Vaughn Walker declaring Proposition 8 unconstitutional.

Well duhhhhhhh!

Of course, as expected, Marriages won't resume immediately as The Legion of Doom (aka the National Organization of Marriage, which rose to power under this blimp, who probably hasn't been touched by her husband in years, and now run by her former henchman and evil minion, this buffoon and obvious closet case) twirls their hateful mustache and plots their next move.

This seriously needs to get to the Supreme Court so it becomes a federal law and everyone can get on with their business.

GreenTech Geek: "Don't Jerry Brown Me!"

2012-02-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

My bike at work. I rode it there!

"Hey, he Jerry Browned me!" shouted my pretty Latina cycling companion on last week's Fish Taco Tuesday weekly group ride put on by the Urban Bike & Social Club, a San Diego Meetup.com group. What the heck does that mean? I asked.

Long story short, Governor Brown vetoed a bill that would have required automobile drivers to keep a buffer of at least three feet between their vehicle and cyclists while driving. Brown's apparent reason for vetoing it?

Find out -- and see how the GreenTech Geek descended into the swirling, inescapable vortex of San Diego cycledom -- after the jump.

Pee Wee, my folding electric bike, on the Embarcadero, during a scenic ride home from work.

Governor Brown apparently vetoed the bill because, on narrow roads, it could create a danger to drivers by causing them to swerve into the opposite lane in order to keep the three-foot buffer. The way cyclists see it? Right, keep the drivers in their steel-reinforced cages safe; who cares about completely exposed cyclists?

Briefly "occupying" the Sheriff's station in downtown
San Diego with the Occupy San Diego Riders.

Just the latest lesson learned as I've become a more regular cyclist on the fascinating streets of San Diego. Blame it on my new year's resolution for this year: to cycle to work and back at least two days a week for every work week of the year - a round-trip distance of 16-20 miles depending on the route taken.

I alternate between taking my all-terrain bike (a Gary Fisher Cake 3 mountain bike converted into a more comfortable ride with higher beach cruiser handlebars and a fat beach cruiser seat) or my Busettii Mini 40 folding electric bike, named Pee Wee.

After a few days riding to and from work, it became clear to me that, on those days, the workday went by faster, I had more energy, and I actually looked forward to getting to work. Then a funny thing happened. I started wanting to ride my bikes more and more, not just to work, but to friends' houses, to coffee shops, to the Gaslamp for a movie -- all places I would normally drive my Prius to get to, or perhaps my scooter, moped or motorcycle.

Here's an idea. On your next trip, instead of renting a car or paying taxi fares,
by a cheap bike off Craigslist for $50 or so. A way cheaper and more enjoyable
way to see a new city. Like I did on a recent trip to Vancouver, Canada. Here's the
trusty Craigslist steed that took me all over that beautiful northern city.

And then I found myself wanting to go on big group rides. Because, well, because cyclists are some of the coolest people you'll ever meet.

Critical Mass? You'll see me there some months. Urban Bike & Social Club? Becoming a regular. Occupy San Diego Riders? Been building up the courage to mix my pedaling with politics on more frequent rides with this inspirational group of young freedom fighters.

I cycle because it makes me feel good, because I know it's good for me, because I'm meeting the coolest people, and because it lets me see the city I love through new eyes.

It's also making me painfully aware that there is much room for improvement in San Diego's cycling infrastructure. We need many more miles of bike lanes and dedicated bike paths. Our weather supports cycling year-round; so should our infrastructure.

Critical Mass empowerment sticker handed to me on the December ride
by a friendly chap riding a hand-operated recumbent bicycle.

And I'm not the only one saying so. It just so happens that, as I found myself descending deeper and deeper into this newfound love of cycling, a 4-part miniseries aired on PBS called Designing Healthy Communities.

In the first episode, evidence is shown that communities with lots of bike lanes and bike paths (think Boulder, Colorado; Eugene, Oregon; Copenhagen, Denmark) have on average much lower rates of obesity and diabetes and up to 15 years added to the lifespan of the average citizen ... compared to communities with few bike lanes or bike paths. Have a look at a preview of this eye-opening program: Episode 1 Preview: Retrofitting Suburbia.

If you have a bike, get on it and come out on one of the group rides linked above. Or try taking it to work, if that's feasible. You can do it. But be careful; you may find yourself getting addicted as quickly as I did.

Until next week ...

2012 Super Bowl Commercials: Live Blog

2012-02-05T21:56:00.001-08:00

Source: National Football League (NFL).

It's been a tradition of mine for years to live blog the Oscars, Emmys, Grammys, and Golden Globes. (Plus Will and Kate's wedding, for good measure.) This year, I decided to throw in the other pantheon of entertainment: the Super Bowl commercial.

No where else does $4 million for 30 seconds make any sense, unless you're talking a Kardashian wedding, of course. And to think, 9 years ago I was working on the Super Bowl Halftime Show...now I'm watching the commercials so you don't have to. Let the snark commence!

2:40 p.m. Thanks NBC for making me cry my eyes out. #TeamGleason #ALSsucks

3:18 p.m. Dammit GE, for making me cry with your cancer survivor commercial. (I see a trend of me crying today. You'd think the fact that I don't have ovaries anymore would help negate the tears, but no.)

3:20 p.m. And THAT Ms. LaBelle, is how you sing the National Anthem.

3:27 p.m. DAMN YOU, RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE! *sniffles*

3:38 p.m. A futuristic beer commercial. Very Star Trek meets the Apple store meets hipster central. But at the end of the day, you're still just Bud, dear.

3:39 p.m. In absolutely no way capitalizing on the Twilight trend, Audi slays it in this headlight commercial. Wait, no they didn't. Unless you're 16. Then it's dreeeeeeeeeeeeeamy.

3:41 p.m. The kid from Glee + Elton John is genius. Then the chick who won The Voice, er, no The X Factor starts singing. This commercial sucks. Then Flavor Flav shows up and redeems it.

3:43 p.m. Cheetah with a hot guy? Sweet! But potentially wrong demographic Hyundai. #OrIsIt

3:50 p.m. I should feel bad for Tom Brady why? If he wins, yay. If he loses, he goes home to super hot Mrs. Tom Brady and piles of money.

3:52 p.m. I got it. Bud's going after hipsters with Bud Light Platinum. Guess what guys, you're no PBR, so you're dead to them.

3:53 p.m. Naked brown M&Ms. Never thought chocolate would create an awkward sex moment for parents/kids watch the Super Bowl. Go Daddy? Yes. M&Ms? No.

3:55 p.m. Coke brings back the polar bears, who I usually adore. But these are creepy that look too real, like in Polar Bear Express.

3:56 p.m. Chevy seems to think that a Barry Manilow song will lull me into complacency and make me forget that both Chevy's I owned died 100 miles out of warranty. #neverforget

4:00 p.m. Bridgestone tire commercial was boring until the white guy at the end began dancing a jig.

4:01 p.m. Requisite sexist Go Daddy commercial? Check. I'm so over it I can't even take the time to wonder if the two "spokeswomen" have no shame. Or morals. Or...oh wait, yeah, they have fat bank accounts, so what's a little exploitation?

4:03 p.m. Lexus channels Jurassic Park and in a subtle, elegant way nails it. If this was an everyday commercial. It's the Super Bowl, fools! Bring your A-game!

4:04 p.m. Promo for Michael Bay movie? John Travolta flick? Nic Cage? A new Transformers? Oh, it's...Battleship? There were no aliens in my Battleship box as a kid. I got gipped. (ps: A quick search of IMDB shows Battleship to be a Peter Berg flick. Swear.)

4:10 p.m. "Prohibition denied Americans Budweiser for 13 years" eh? Americans with good taste denied Bud for far longer.

4:11 p.m. Well played, Doritos, well played. I didn't see nuthin'.

4:13 p.m. Another Chevy commercial. Kinda funny, but again, not a Super Bowl worthy commercial.

4:15 p.m. For $4M a pop, you need to bring better commercials than the dreck I'm seeing so far.

4:16 p.m. A promo for John Carter that losed all it's hard-core credibility as soon as we pan back and get the little Disney logo. Is this movie gonna be bad ass or not?

4:17 p.m. Then we have TaxAct with a little boy peeing in pool in TaxACT ad. (Full disclosure: I work for TurboTax, so I'll refrain from commenting on the ad.)

4:18 p.m. Dear VW: I liked the fat dog commercial. A LOT. Until you cut to Darth Vader. It's completely unreal that he'd ever show up in the Cantina.

4:18 p.m. No sexual undertones to see here with Howard Stern and an exploding firehose. Nope, none. Move right along.

4:19 p.m. I will, however, take mainly naked David Beckham. #doublestandardiknow

4:30 p.m. Zzz...looks like Chevy spent their biggest budget on the first commercial, and the rest will be boring. In retrospect, there must have been no women on the creative team, as the post-apocalyptic commercial included no women. #howyougonnaprocreate

4:31 p.m. Really, George? Star Wars: Episode 1 didn't suck enough already? Now it's gotta painfully suck in 3D?

4:35 p.m. Am I a bad person if, hypothetically, the biggest reason I'm excited about Avengers is because of the director? #josswhedon #rocks

4:36 p.m. Teleflora: making conversations between parents and kids watching the #SuperBowl together awkward since 4:36 p.m.

4:37 p.m. Mr. Quiggly?! That's just funny shit right there, Skechers.

4:43 p.m. Doritos wins points for cute again.

4:43 p.m. Etrade falls into the peril of being once great during Super Bowl commercials, and now it's just mediocre.

First Half Winner:
Doritos (Where's the Pussy?)

5:02 p.m. That was nice of Lady Gaga and the USC Marching Band to step in for Madonna at the last minute.

5:03 p.m. Too bad the only thing the mics are picking up is the sound of the knives and swords. #lipsyncingsucks

5:15 p.m. While Ninja CeeLo was funny, and I like Betty White, I'm over her. I think she's over herself.

5:17 p.m. Clint Eastwood kicks America's ass in a fantastic, beautifully shot Chrysler commercial. *slow clap*

5:37 p.m. Oh for fuck's sake, seriously Fiat?! Why didn't you just cast a naked Ke$ha in the seductress role?

5:40 p.m. At first I wasn't down with the Toyota Camry commercials (a couch full of girls in underwear?!) then they showed a semi-dressed male couch. #equalityforall

5:42 p.m. Dannon and Oikos FTW! Because, let's be honest, who hasn't wanted to headbutt Uncle Jesse?

5:43 p.m. How on Earth is Seinfeld still relevant? Unless Acura is shooting for the blue hair demo.

5:48 p.m. Oh Bud, you're overtrying.

5:49 p.m. You too, Firestone. How about you take your budget for 2 bland, so-so commercials and combine it into one cool, memorable one?

6:05 p.m. The Ferris Bueller's Day Off rip off could have sucked the Big One. Good news: Matthew Broderick and Honda ROCKED it!

6:07 p.m. I love each of these cartoons; they're all my favs from childhood. So which big brand is going to screw them up? Ahh, MetLife. ProTip: Take the time it took you to do the commercial, MetLife, and quit dragging your feet on deciding the status of our short sale!

6:11 p.m. Hyundai shows us the one word that helps you succeed in business: choking. #lessonlearned

6:12 p.m. While Budweiser's Prohibition ads sucked, this Bud Light one with rescue dog Weego ("Here we go") is super cute. If I were him, though, I wouldn't hand over the beer until I got a treat. #equalityfordogs

6:20 p.m. Kia, maybe if your ad had been earlier in the game, I wouldn't have cared. At this point, I'm just thinking, "ANOTHER boob commercial?"

6:21 p.m. Again, not a Super Bowl-worthy ad, Career Builder.

6:24 p.m. Nice try, Samsung. "A" for effort.

6:32 p.m. Oh look, there's a football game on. Why didn't someone tell me? I've been fast forwarding.

6:36 p.m. Re: Madonna's halftime show and those of you who think she sang live... *pats you on the head* I always appreciate when geriatric singers spare us all by lip syncing. I mean, why should we show up and coming, aspiring artists that they need to actually be able to sing when 1: the studio makes you sound good through the magic of autotune, and 2: you'll never have to sing live.

6:38 p.m. For those of you playing along at home, it's New England Patriots 17 - New York Giants 15 at the 2 minute warning in the 4th quarter.

6:47 p.m. Giants score the first buttdown in NFL history. The Onion's Baratunde responds with one of the best tweets of the day:

Second Half Winners:
Chrysler, with Clint Eastwood - It's Halftime in America
Honda CR-V - Matthew Broderick / Ferris Bueller's Day Off

And that's a wrap! If you're a Giants fan, congrats. If you're a Pats fan, at least Brady didn't hurt himself.

All times PT. This post originally appeared on CaliforniaKara.com.

Michael Knows Best: Sagely Answers for the Contemporary Bohemian

2012-02-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of the month where I take time out of my busy schedule to serve up another helping of advice for you, our dear reader. These poor souls were once lost and now found through my impressive, state-of-the-art, mental paging intercom system.

Remember. I do this all for you and to fulfill the community service portion of my sentencing. Please send all questions and date requests to mike@teawithlemon.com

Q: It feels like I have hit a professional plateau. Over the past decade, I've risen in the ranks from a file monkey to the director of my own department. However, my next big promotion would require one of the Senior Directors to retire or kick the bucket, neither of which seems imminent.

Other than pulling a Lily Tomlin from 9 to 5, what can I do to try to "level up" in the workplace?

- Left Behind

A: I think I see what you’re getting at. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Murder is not immoral in cases of sexual gratification or career advancement. Now the courts may not see it that way and neither will your friends or family. Actually about 99.9% of society won’t approve but we both know what you have to do. Good luck citizen!

Q: I have a friend that is a "Vegan," for health purposes he says, but he continues to smoke! He knows how ridiculous this is and has made several attempts to quit...and FAILED each time. Do you have any tips for him?

- Concerned Conrad

A: The most important thing you can do is be there to support your friend. Time, patience and understanding are required on your part. But this is no easy task. Quitting being a vegan will be one of the most difficult trials he will have to go through in his life.

Easing into this new lifestyle will increase his chances of success. So be sure to start slow and take it one step at a time. I suggest starting the morning by having him brush his teeth with lard. Or perhaps a few beef bouillon cubes in his coffee will help break him of his nasty habit. Wrapping granola bars with bacon would also be a good place to start.

Grouchiness and irritability during this transition are normal. That’s just the body’s natural reaction to meatastic proteins binding with his awesome receptors in his man cortex. Encourage this process by having him drink copious amounts of Guinness and engaging in fourteen hour sessions of fantasy football.

Over time, hopefully, your friend can beat the odds and overcome his addiction. Through your understanding, encouragement and back rubs you are doing everything a friend could do for another. Also ask him to consider switching out his vagina for a penis with a matching set of balls.

Q: I have a friend that told me she loves to pull the shower curtain back while her boyfriend is showering to scare him. I thought this was funny. So while my boyfriend was in the shower last night (he thought I was sleeping) I got up and pulled back the shower curtain! He was standing there with a soapy loofah and he let out a blood curdling scream and reflexively hit me in the chest with the loofah and I couldn't stop laughing.

He didn't think it funny. He's pissed. REALLY PISSED. He was soooooooooo mad. Now I'm living in fear at what he will do for vengeance. I don't want to live in fear. How do I tell him I’m sorry and make him forget the eye for an eye?

- Sexynormanbatesangeldemon87

A: I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do. From the sound of the loofah it would seem that your boyfriend is going to get back at you by sleeping with other men. The only way a real man cleans himself is by rubbing his body in olive oil and scraping away the grime with a stirgil. This allows for his natural musk to mature and ripen.

In the future I would recommend that you refrain from engaging in unprovoked shower attacks. Besides outing your boyfriend you accomplished nothing. Scaring naked people is like shooting fish in a barrel with a nuclear bomb. You have nothing to be proud of. It is this kind of behavior that leads to hostilities between the genders and holds back women’s rights in Saudi Arabia. There I said it.

Q: Once and for all the chicken story T wrote about at http://www.teawithlemon.com/2011/01/pop-quiz.html. Is that hoax? Some people say that is not really chicken and someone made it up.

- Poultryphobia

A: This is one of the few times that T’s mouth isn’t spewing forth bovine rectum fudge. Welcome to the savory world of mechanically separated meat. The delectable edibles you see are created by the genius process of forcing meat encrusted bones through a sieve. Yes, through the marvels of modern innovation, now you can enjoy the tendons and muscle fiber of your favorite barnyard animals.

But Mike wouldn’t that room temperature concoction be swarming with bacteria? I’m glad you asked. There’s no need to worry. The chicken batter you see in the picture will soon be dipped in ammonium hydroxide to kill microorganisms and improve flavor. So any feelings of disgust you may have are unwarranted and, frankly, un-American.

Supernatural Recap: The Slice Girls

2012-02-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

Today on Maury

by Joshowa

Supernatural is back from a random two week hiatus, and how does it celebrate its return? With a gruesome murder, of course! A man home alone is attacked by a mysterious intruder. The poor fool is slammed up against the wall before his hands and feet are chopped off and a strange symbol is carved into his chest. There's blood everywhere!

Sam gets wind of the murder, and thinks its a case right up their alley. He drags a boozy, reluctant Dean along (the Elliot Ness pep talk has warn off) to investigate. At the morgue, an incredibly helpful coroner tells Dean and Sam that the DNA left behind by the attacker was not even remotely human. (Note: this is important!)

Sam thinks it's time to go into research mode, but Dean would rather look for love in all the wrong places, starting with a bar called the Cobalt Room. He chats up an eager lady name Lydia (Sara Canning from "The Vampire Diaries"). A few drinks and several awkward closeups later, they are back at her place for some AC/DC and a one night stand.

Find out how that works out for Dean after the jump!

"Girl, quit playin'. You know you wanna answer my call."
Photo credit: The CW

The next day, Dean and Sam are investigating another crime scene when Dean realizes he left Bobby's flask at Lydia's house. He gives her a call, but she's dodgy and distant. She got what she wanted out of Dean and is done with him. What Dean doesn't realize is that what she got was suddenly eight months pregnant! See, kids, this is what can happen when you have sex with strangers. Only the consequences probably won't show up overnight like that. You can look forward to that surprise at least a few weeks later.

Information from a neighbor (who looks suspiciously like a McPoyle brother) and the coroner tell Sam that a lot of the victims recently had committed adultery or participated in a quick fling with mysterious women. Some of them even met these ladies at the Cobalt Room. While Sam is gathering this this info, Lydia is giving birth surrounded by candles and a bunch of random ladies.

"Wow. Some people CANNOT take a hint."
Photo credit: The CW

Dean drops by Lydia's place to grab the flask and notices Lydia is harboring a baby who looks about a year old, at least. To make things weirder, he hears the Emma, the creepy kid, asking her mom about the dude hanging out in their living room. A stakeout of the house reveals Lydia coming out of the house with her now kindergarten-looking daughter. Dean is freaked out by the fast-aging kid, but Sam is skeptical.

With no Bobby to call, Sam turns to Mayor Wilkins of Sunnydale (now working as a professor) to get help deciphering the symbol drawn on the dead guys' chests. Turns out, it's a symbol of the Amazons. Sam and Dean learn that a deal with the goddess Harmonia turned them into monsters with super strength and the ability to quickly bolster their ranks. In her name, the Amazons murder the men they mate with and eat some of their flesh. Sounds like my ex wife! HEY-OH! Just kidding, I've never been married.

Thinks this show is racist.
Photo credit: Wonder Woman Wiki

When Dean and Sam find out that the Amazon babies grow extra fast, they realize that Lydia's baby is probably Dean's daughter. Dean insinuates that he used protection, but "accidents happen." They believe that Lydia will be over soon to murder her baby daddy. Dean deals by drinking out of Bobby's flask and researching. Their research is spread out, and something (or someone) moves a piece of paper into view. Dean thinks ghost Bobby is giving them a clue - Sam thinks it's the wind. Either way, Sam races to Mayor Wilkins to get the paper's Greek text translated stat!

Professor Mayor Wilkins, after stalling and stammering, obliges Sam with a translation. He explains that it is not the Amazon women killing their mates, it's the new Amazon girls killing their fathers as a right of passage. Before Sam can call and warn Dean, his phone is destroyed in a tussle with an Amazonian police detective. Sam dispatches her with a shot to the chest and the races to Dean's aid.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel
*Knock Knock*
Dean: Who is it?
Emma: It's your baby come to kill you!
Dean: Do come in.
Emma: I'm just messing with you! I want your help escaping them crazy Amazon ladies.

To Dean's credit, he never falls for her baloney. He pulls at a gun on Emma right before she can knife him in the back. Sam shows ups and Emma turns on the waterworks and begs her daddy not to hurt her. For a minute, it looks like Dean is buying it. Sam sees her as a monster and wastes no time blowing her away her when he notices Dean wavering. Bam! Dean's daughter is dead.

Also known to use men for procreation.
Photo credit: TheSpiceGirls.com

Dean and Sam then go to the Amazon hideout, only to find it empty. Sam gets really angry at Dean for not wasting Emma when he had the chance. He brings up Dean's "monsters deserve to die" speech that Dean gave in regards to Amy's death. Sam claims that Dean has been wobbly since Castiel's death, and now that Bobby is dead his heart isn't in it at all. Dean is angry but can't deny it. Sam tells him to deal however he wants to deal with all his little girly feelings, but just don't get killed.

Supernoteral:

"I've been eating at the buffet of strange all afternoon." - Dean describing the weirdness at Lydia's house.
Is Bobby back as a ghost? They burned his bones, but he could be attached to the flack Dean is carrying around. It would explain who could have drank Dean's beer two episodes ago.
Sam drove the whole time this episode. Is that more evidence of Dean's alcoholism?

So what do you think? Was Dean a hypocrite for thinking about letting Emma go, or did she really deserve a chance at redemption? Was Sam justified in killing her because she wasn't technically human? The morality of this show is all over the place, but maybe it's just the guys dealing with each situation that comes along as best as they can. I'm personally happy Sam took the choice away from Dean and that we don't have to deal with a daughter hanging around.

Next week: Sam deals with his biggest fear (again): clowns!

Gingerbreadmama Gossip Wrap: We're all pressed for time edition

2012-02-03T17:04:00.000-08:00

This week’s round-up of entertainment highlights

by Gingerbreadmama

The bits

McFarland = greedy
Photo: espinasse-comics.blogspot.com

The long-running Spawn comic book lawsuit is over. Although lawyers for both Neil Gaiman and Todd McFarlane declined to comment, reports say the two have reached a deal that “calls for declaring Gaiman a 50 percent owner of Spawn issues 9 and 26, the first three issues of a spin-off series on the angels and the issues’ contents”.
Danny Pudi and wife Bridget had twins, a boy and a girl; James Timothy and Fiona Leigh.
Chord Overstreet and Emma Roberts are no longer a couple.
Rosanne Barr is seeking the Green Party’s presidential nomination.
Taran Noah Smith (27), who played youngest child on the '90s sitcom Home Improvement, was arrested for DUI and drug possession.
R.I.P. – Leslie Carter, sister to Nick and Aron, was found dead of an apparent overdose this week. She was 25 and leaves behind a 10-month old baby.
R.I.P. – Soul Train’s Don Cornelius, dead of an apparent suicide. He was 75.
AI ‘s Adam Lambert has been chosen as the new lead singer of Queen. According to Adam, “The intention is to pay tribute to Freddie and the band by singing some f*cking great songs. It’s to keep the music alive for the fans and give it an energy that Freddie would have been proud of.”
WTF is up with Madonna and her new song/video? Is it a spoof? Yes, she looks amazing for being in her 50s but she’s not an up and coming Britney Spears or even a Gwen Stefani (when she did that Banana song). What is she thinking?

See the video plus all of this week's TV and movie news after the jump!

TV bits (Spoilers!!! Read at your own risk)

White Collar’s Matt Bomer will guest on Glee as Blaine’s older brother. And yes, he will sing. Ryan Murphy has also cast Bomer in his in-the-works film adaptation of Larry Kramer’s play, The Normal Heart.
Kevin Bacon will star in Kevin Wilimanson’s Fox drama, described as "an edge-of-the-seat thriller about a diabolical serial killer who uses technology to create a cult of serial killers, and the ex-FBI agent who finds himself in the middle of it. Bacon will play the former FBI agent.”
The CW is bringing the Green Arrow to the small screen. They’ve cast Jason Arenell in the title role and are “promising a modern retelling of the DC Comics character’s story”. Sources claim this new version is “not conceived as a spin-off of Smallville”.
Barbara Hershey will guest in multiple episodes as the Evil Queen’s mother on Once upon A Time.
NBC’s The Firm has been moved to Saturday and Awake will take over the coveted Thursday 10p spot, starting March 1.
Fringe takes a three-week break in early March and returns March 23 with all-new episodes for the rest of the season.
Glee casting: sources say Glee is “looking to guest-cast in one episode a handsome and successful 30-year-old named Stephen, with two important caveats: The guy needs to be at least six feet tall, and the role comes with zero dialogue. That said, this Stephen is said to figure into an important moment in the script.”
Selma Blair scored the role of therapist (and possible love interest) opposite Charlie Sheen on the new Anger Management. Shawnee Smith has been cast as his ex-wife.

Had Sheen hit it yet?
Photo: fanpop.com

Movie bits

Schwing!
Photo: .idontlikeyouinthatway.com

Kate Hudson has been cast in Everly, directed by Joe Lynch, as a “woman trapped in her apartment fighting off waves of assassins sent by her ex-boyfriend who just happens to be a mob boss.”
Mirror Mirror’s release date (the snow white movie with Julia Roberts) has been pushed back to March 30, from March 16.
Sarah Jessica Parker is taking over as Gloria Steinhem in Lovelace, the role recently vacated by Demi Moore.
Rumor has it that Russell Crowe is being considered to star in the remake of Robocop.

You won't be able to recognize him most of the movie after he gets his balls shot off
Photo: themovieblog.com

Movie openings

Limited release

Quote of the week:

“You can’t make a hoe a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she was born to do: hoe." – Snoop Dog on Kim Kardshian and Kris Humphries relationship.

Knows a thing or two about hoes.
Photo: deadline.com

Written by Gingerbreadmama for Tea With Lemon. Photos and captions courtesy of the TWL Editor-in-Chief. Sources: people.com, tvguide.com, yahoo.com, eonline.com, tvline.com, TMZ.com, hollywoodreporter.com, huffingtonpost.com, fandango.com, deadline.com, LAtimes.com