Tea With Lemon

Gingerbreadmama's Gossip Wrap: The Half-Sandwich Edition

2012-01-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

I'm at Sundance bitches!

This week’s round-up of entertainment highlights

by Gingerbreadmama

In Treatment

It Gets Better. Now Eat! Photo Credit

Demi More was taken to an LA-area hospital Monday night, and while further details are unknown, some reports claim prescription drugs were a factor. According to her rep, “Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends."

This news is not surprising, considering the last few months. While her marriage to Ashton was ending, ex Bruce announced his engagement and she threw herself into work, and if rumors are true, self-medicating. But it seems Demi’s proactively looking to makes some changes before imploding (take note Heather). I’m no doctor but my advice? Cut yourself some slack. Take a long nap, eat, and I mean really eat, savor a huge carbo-loaded meal, maybe two, and then take vacation somewhere quiet with your daughters. You may be sad that Ashton is partying in Brazil with supermodels but it is what it is. So far, you’ve weathered his douchy-ness with grace so cut yourself some slack, read a good book and enjoy a good meal.

You’re going to be ok girl (even if you chose to drop out of the Lovelace biopic). It’s alright, we understand.
The bits

R.I.P. James Farentino. He died of heart failure at age 73.
A woman we should all admire for her bravery, Elizabeth Smart, is engaged. Congratulations!

And it wouldn't be gossip unless two other couples called their engagements off:

Aretha Franklin and Wilie Wilkerson are no longer heading towards marital bliss. “Will and I have decided we were moving a little too fast, and there were a number of things that had not been thought through thoroughly. There will be no wedding at this time.” – Makes you wonder if that’s code for he won’t sign the pre-nup.
Simon Cowell (52) also ended his engagement to Mezhgan Hussainy, but the couple has not officially broken up. “It's quite a complicated relationship. We have had a break from each other, and we are still incredibly close. I'm vulnerable. It's not on, it's not off, it's somewhere in the middle. I don't know if I will ever get married, but I am happy."

But has amazing fore-arm strength.

Photo Credit: Virginia Sherwood

Project Runway’s Tim Gunn announced on the talk show The Revolution that he hasn’t had sex in 29 years. Um, ok.

But obviously there are still plenty of others having sex as it is another week of babies-to-be galore.

Instead of breaking up, we thought it made more

sense to have a baby. Photo Credit

This week Jay DeMarcus (Rascal Flatts) and his wife announced baby #2, as did former Bachelorette Jen Schefft and husband Joe Waterman and Josie Maran and boyfriend Ali Alborzi. Kate Capshaw and hubs are expecting baby #3.
And re-engaged couple, Kristen Cavalari and Jake Cutler, are expecting their first child. As our own T observed, this child is a “Band Aid Baby, Trap-him Keep-him, and Nest Egg all in one tidy little package”.
Also expecting their first child are Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky, and Majandra Delfino and David Walton.
Sarah Drew had a boy, Micah Emmanuel, and Bryce Dallas Howard and Seth Gabel had their 2nd child, Beatrice Jean Howard-Gabel.
And although it is only a rumor it’s been swirling the internet for some time now that Jennifer Aniston is at least six months pregnant. The news is doubtful, her tummy could look like that because she had an extra cup of coffee and a vitamin, but if it is true, prepare for bump-watch 2012.
Tracy Morgan was taken to the hospital after collapsing at the Sundance Film Festival. It’s said he is fine, and the high-altitude was to blame.
Kevin Federline was taken to the hospital in Australia (where he is filming the weight loss reality show Excess Baggage) with chest pains after collapsing during a challenge that involved running and catching with the Greater Western Sydney Australian Football League team. Sources say he did not have a heart attack. But how about that for a wake-up call? Good thing he’s on a show to lose weight, because he clearly needs to!
Troubled actor Jeremy London was charged with spousal battery from an incident with his ex-wife back in November. His lawyer claims the allegation is false.

TV bits (Spoilers!!! Read at your own risk)

Daisy Dukes not included.

Lea Michele will appear on The Glee Project in the premiere episode as a guest mentor.
Professional golfer Bubba Watson has purchased the General Lee (Lee 1, the car that jumped the police car in the opening credits) from the Dukes of Hazzard TV series from the BarretJackson auction. Going price? $110,000. His name is Bubba. Enough said.

NBC picks up 10 pilots:

The Event was cancellation! Better luck this time.

County – starring Jason Ritter
Chicago Fire – a Dick Wolfe drama
Downwardly Mobile – starring Roseanne Barr
Go On – from Friends writer Scott Silveri
Also receiving pilot orders are Animal Kingdom, Friday Night Dinner, Untitled Jimmy Fallon, Next Caller Please, Untitled Hilary Winston and Daddy’s Girls.

Movie bits

So Long Potter, Hello Ginsberg!

Daniel Radcliffe’s been cast as Allen Ginsberg in the upcoming Kill Your Darlings. Elizabeth Olson, Dane DeHaan and Jack Huston also star.
Oscar nominees were announced! Did your favs get the nod?
Chloe Sevigny joins the cast of Lovelace as a “feminist journalist assigned to write a story about Lovelace”. No word yet on who will replace Demi Moore as Gloria Steinem.

IMDB.com announced their Top 10 lists

Top 10 stars of the last 10 years:

YAY! We all made the top 10!

1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Tom Cruise
5. Natalie Portman
6. Christian Bale
7. Scarlett Johansson
8. Jennifer Aniston
9. Keira Knightley
10. Emma Watson

Top 10 Films of the Last 10 Years

welll duh!

1. The Dark Knight
2. Donnie Darko
3. Pulp Fiction
4. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
6. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
7. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
8. Twilight
9. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
10. The Godfather

Top 10 TV Series of the Last 10 Years

1. Lost
2. House M.D.
3. Grey’s Anatomy
4. Heroes
5. How I Met Your Mother
6. 24
7. Glee
8. True Blood
9. Dexter
10. Gossip Girl

Movie openings

The Grey
Man on a Ledge
One for the Money
In Darkness
The Wicker Tree
Albert Nobbs
Declaration of War

Quote of the week

The Depp fortune remains intact...or does it?

“Yes it's false! Of course it's false!” – Vanessa Paradis denying reports that she and longtime love Johnny Depp have separated. She went on to add that rumors like this “can truly harm my family”. Interesting to note (or not) is that Depp has not made a statement either way.

Written by Gingerbreadmama for Tea With Lemon. Photos and captions courtesy of the TWL Editor-in-Chief. Sources: people.com, tvguide.com, yahoo.com, eonline.com, tvline.com, TMZ.com, hollywoodreporter.com, huffingtonpost.com, fandango.com, deadline.com, LAtimes.com

T's Trailer Park: Aliens & Efron Edition

2012-01-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well this is rude…the trailer for Ridley Scott’s Prometheus debuted LAST MONTH and no one told me about it! It is a prequel to the Alien films (as far as I’m concerned, there have only been TWO Alien films, Alien & Aliens, because I flat out refuse to acknowledge the grim 3^rd or the Winona Ryder starring 4^th) and it stars one of the best actresses ever, Charlize Theron! It also stars the well-tailored Michael Fassbender, hunky Patrick Wilson, sexy Idris Elba, Guy and….”sigh” Noomi Rapace, the original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo that truly sucked in the Sherlock Holmes sequel (I mean really sucked. I was still complaining about her lifeless, dead behind the eyes performance hours after leaving the cinema). I guess they needed a pretty cast to balance out the ugly of the Aliens.

Speaking of pretty, Zac Efron is certainly filling out nicely. I watched the trailer for The Lucky One (based on the novel by Nicholas Spark, author of The Notebook and Dear John…and my straight male readers have just left the building) while at my desk in the office and was stricken by an unexpected and potentially embarrassing erection. A quick Internet search revealed he’s 24 now so I’m OK with it. I’m not sure if I’m OK with Efron portraying a “U.S. Marine Sergeant returning from his third tour of duty in Iraq, with the one thing he credits with keeping him alive-a photograph he found of a woman he doesn’t know.”

Alrighty then…

The trailers for both these films, plus one more awful surprise, await you..after the jump!

Prometheus

The Lucky One

Bonus Spite: A trailer featuring Nicholas Cage's Hairpiece!

Seeking Justice

Dubstep Cat in: The Return of Swagga

2012-01-27T07:52:00.000-08:00

Check it out, after the jump

Something Just as Awful As Nazi's On the Moon: NEWT!

2012-01-27T07:34:00.000-08:00

via towleroad

Smug as ever, John Stewart got in this great quip in his segment on Newt Gingrich's promise to have a moon based space station by 2020:

"Newt Gingrich realized that the Earth is very sick and now wants to leave it for a younger planet"

Although Gingrich is evil, dishonest, a hypocrite, and a horrible human being (I bet his own family tells people, "Yes, yes he actually is evil, dishonest, a hypocrite, and a horrible human being. He smells too!"), some say that his moon based space station is actually a good idea. Newt said nothing of his plan to eradicate the Nazi's that may already be there.

Watch the Daily Show segment...After the jump!

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Even Jesus Loved the YMCA

2012-01-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

Photo: Oliver Benjafield.

T's Trailer Park: Iron Sky, or rather, Nazi's on the Moon

2012-01-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

Towards the end of World War II the Nazi scientists made a significant breakthrough in anti-gravity. From a secret base built in the Antarctic, the first Nazi spaceships were launched in late ‘45 to found the military base Schwarze Sonne (Black Sun) on the dark side of the Moon. This base was to build a powerful invasion fleet and return to take over the Earth once the time was right. Now it’s 2018, and it’s the time for the first American Moon landing since the 70s. Meanwhile the Nazi invasion, that has been over 70 years in the making, is on its way, and the world is goose-stepping towards its doom.

I have chosen to feature this trailer here for two reasons:

1) The use of the word "goose-stepping" in the synopsis.

2) That beautiful image above with the Nazi's headed back to Earth, after plotting for 70 years (Nazi's certainly hold a grudge), in genuine flying saucers of vintage design.

Watch the trailer...after the jump!

Its a comfort to know I won't run out of options for the now legendary, Bad Movie Night!

You can add this to the list. 3) The tagline: Get Ready. The Fourth Reich is Here

Good Day

Lettuce Eat: オムライス aka Omurice

2012-01-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

Omurice-Japanese omelet rice. It's something that kids grow up with and still love and crave as adults. A bite of this tasty dish bring tears of nostalgia to adult eyes. One might call it the Japanese macaroni and cheese.

This is something that I personally grew up with and enjoy. Don't be alarmed by its looks. You might say, "Egg, rice, and ketchup???? What are you thinking?"-as the hubster did. But honestly, it's delicious, as he later found out.

Recipe after the jump!

Omurice can be made in many different ways and to your liking. What you put in it is really up to you. I'm going to give you the recipe that my grandma and mom used, and what I use now, but feel free to change it up to how you see fit.

Looks like a giant sea creature coming up for air--maybe I'm
stretching just a little.

Ingredients

-Cooked rice (left over rice from previous day works best.)

-2 to 3 eggs per omelet
-1 Stalk of Green onions
-1 White Onion
-Ketchup
-Oil

Dice white onion and fry in oil until clear. Add rice (I usually use about 2 cups of rice and then divide up the portions once it's cooked), diced green onion, and 1 TBSP of oil.
Let that fry for a few minutes, string every so often so the rice doesn't stick to the pan.

Add ketchup (honestly, I've never measure this out...I was always taught to add enough so that the rice turns a slight red. If I was to measure this... maybe 1/4 a cup. It really depends on the amount of rice you're using and what ingredients you have.)

Make your omelet as you would normally. Try to get it as flat as possible and in one piece.
Scoop desired amount of rice on a plate and cover with omelet. Drizzle ketchup over egg. If you would like it to be spicy, drizzle sriracha.

Other ingredients to add if desired: mushrooms, peas, carrots, meat, eggplant, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, and the list goes on and on. Give it a try!

The Awards Witch: Oscar Nominations are in...WTF, Oscar?!?

2012-01-24T20:01:00.000-08:00

Confused Couch Critic
by The Awards Witch

Based on Rotten Tomato reviews, the EIC picks Moneyball.
Photo: beckett.com

Nine. Yup, nine. Nine best picture nominees. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), who oversees the Oscars, came up with nine movies with their new, complicated-as-Florida-trying-to-pick-a-president voting system that ranks on first place votes in the balloting process.

I figured on about six or seven. Nine? Really? All the usual suspects that actually have a chance of winning are included, such as The Descendents, The Artist, The Help, Hugo, and Moneyball. I figured six and seven being The Tree of Life and War Horse. Somehow, voters went with Midnight in Paris and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

I'm not sure what they thought they were watching. Maybe they assumed the latter was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (which, in 3D, would be both extremely loud and incredibly close) and voted their consciences.

What a strange scenario the Academy has created for themselves. Also, the packages for these movies are going to run into the Dead Sea Scroll montage...

See the first prediction of the Oscars and the run down for the other major categories after the jump!

Actress in a Leading Role

Actress in a Leading Role had two outside chances make it in, with Rooney Mara scoring a nod for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Glenn Close for Albert Nobbs, which means that Tilda Swinton was completely shut out for We Need to Talk About Kevin and Charlize Theron was just shut out for playing herself. Interesting stuff. It doesn't really matter, Meryl Streep can't lose here, but they could have put her in some better company.

Rooney Mara
Photo: wmagazine.com

Actor in a Leading Role

And then there is the enigma of the Actor in a Leading Role nominations. George Clooney, Jean DeJardin and Brad Pitt were all nominated as expected. Leonardo DiCaprio was completely shut out of the category for J. Edgar, Michael Fassbender was not recognized for Shame, and some dude I've never heard of in a movie I've never heard of was included. But the biggest surprise here is that the Academy has finally, after one of the BEST careers in Hollywood, chosen to recognize Gary Oldman for Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy. I'm calling it for Gary now. Because even if Georgie wins, and he most likely will, everyone will believe that Gary Oldman was robbed.

Is Gary Oldman attractive enough to win an Oscar?
Photo: http://collider.com

Actress in a Supporting Role

No real surprise in Actress in a Supporting Role as most of Hollywood clearly expected Melissa McCarthy to be nominated for taking a shit in a sink on camera. All of the actresses who everyone else expects to lose to Octavia Spencer made the cut.

Actor in a Supporting Role

The Academy, for all of their genius in finally recognizing Gary Oldman, failed to realize that Alan Rickman gave the best performance of the year in the above mentioned Harry Potter movie and therefore have pissed this witch off to no end, nominated Jonah Hill instead. I guess for not smoking pot and not spending hours joking about gas and balls. Way to go, Academy. The usual suspects on the 2012 awards circuit made the cut here.

Best Picture

On a bright note, we may see Martin Scorcese repeat his Golden Globe sledgehammer for Hugo, where he will be up against Terence Malick for The Tree of Life, Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris, Alexander Payne for The Descendents, and Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist. I for one will be amused that it took him an entire career of hard assed drama to score a win for The Departed, and one children's movie to repeat. Awesome.

Predictions will be up before the Oscars air in time for you to fill out your Oscar pool and win me some money! The winners will most likely be more confusing than the nominees. Check back!

From the Desk of the Editor in Chief: Mama Economy by Tay Zonday

2012-01-24T13:56:00.000-08:00

Tay Zonday of Chocolate Rain fame has a new video out explaining the economy is simple terms, set to music. You will enjoy it and be enlightened. One fact he included is something that has bothered me since the first time I heard it. We pay more per gallon for bottled water than we do for gasoline. Chew on that one for a minute and watch the video after the jump.

Chocolate Rain!
photo: knowyourmeme.com

Greentech Geek: Do this for yourself

2012-01-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

A crucial component of any understanding of sustainability is our health and well-being, and that's what this week's video is about.

I've been a reader and fan of comic books since the age of 13 -- and a fan of Spiderman, Marvel Comics and Stan Lee in particular. Stan Lee's favorite catch-phrase is 'Nuff said!' -- which he uses to reinforce a statement or concept that is so powerful, clear, correct, and irrefutable, it requires no further explanation.

See more about the new 'Nuff said!' feature after the jump!

From time to time, I'll offer something in this column accompanied by the catch-phrase, and for the same reasons as stated above. Starting with this week's video.

Photo: uncyclopedia.wikia.com

Until next week!

T's Trailer Park - I Am Not a Hipster

2012-01-23T08:55:00.000-08:00

According to their web-site, "Based in San Diego’s indie music and art scene, I AM NOT A HIPSTER features original song performances and explores what it means to be creative in the face of tragedy."

Well, the trailer offers up very little but it does manage to capture the essence of the San Diego music scene by being highly annoying. Don't take it personally if you are in San Diego's indie music and art scene, but if you are, I guarantee you're probably annoying someone with your smug demeanor and self-importance right now.

Check out the I Am Not a Hipster trailer and since we're talking smug and self-important, I've thrown in the trailer for Wes Anderson's new flick, Moonrise Kingdom, as a bonus...after the jump!

I AM NOT A HIPSTER (the movie) from Destin Daniel Cretton on Vimeo.

Moonrise Kingdom

Gingerbreadmama's Bite: Seal and Heidi Klum to Divorce!

2012-01-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

Contemplating divorce lawyers
Photo: people.com

Get more details after the jump!

This just in. Seal and Heidi Klum to divorce! Seal, 48, and Klum, 38, married in 2005 after a year of courting. The couple have three children together. No official comment has been made by either party, however yesterday Seal posted "The End" on his twitter account. We'll keep you updated with the weekly gossip wraps, so stay tuned!

Publishers Clearing (Touch) Pad: All My Drivel

2012-01-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: You're dealing with a man who's had very little sleep. I have a neighbor who has less brain matter than the average tit mouse, and he thought it would be a good idea to invite his ugly friends over for a Thursday night dance party. I had to get out of bed at 2:45AM to walk outside and bang on his door to tell him to turn the music down and shut the hell up! In retrospect, for intimidation purposes, I should have changed out of my Dr. Who T-shirt and fuzzy slippers first. Anyway, if you see something here that makes no sense...blame my stupid neighbor and his ugly friends. This new weekly column will be a place where I talk about random sh*t and provide links to things I think are interesting and talk TWL (when not stepping on the Editors toes).

First UP: We've Benched Idol coverage.

"gasp!"

Yup. Find out why, along with how Stavvy got so skinny, and half dressed celebs...after the jump!

Behind the Scenes at TWL

Can J.Lo just get her own thirty minute sitcom? I'd watch that every week.

After Heather PV dropped the bombshell that she was suffering from fatigue and wouldn't be covering American Idol TWL this year and that she was officially, "on a break" We initially scrambled to find a replacement but here's the rub...why? No one is going to be as funny or as bitchy or as drunk as Heather PV. I personally haven't watched in a few years now so we are going to put this baby to bed. Unless Heather PV returns and really wants to do it. In the meanwhile, we still need writers to cover hipper shows like Justified, The Walking Dead and The Vampire Diaries. If you are interested please contact the jug-headed Editor In Chief at editor@teawithlemon.com.

Regular Round Up Presents: Stavvy at the Gym

Photo credit: some bum at the boxing gym.

Everyone's noticed that Stavvy is looking tight and fit. Her secret? Calories burned through unbridled rage. That and several trips a week to the boxing studio (!!!). Yup. She loves it.

This week I'm worried about: Peeta is Pipsqueak

Photo Credit: EW

This new pics do nothing to assure me that Peeta will not look like a pipsqueak in The Hunger Games movie.

Photo Credit

It Was A Really Good Week For: Smart, Half Dressed Actors

Michelle Williams: Photo credit: GQ (duh!)

Michael Fassbender: ? but sent to me by California Kara.

and the not so smart, half dressed actors.

Channing Tatum and the allegedly abusive, Alex Pettyfer. I can't wait for Magic Mike..to come out on video so I can watch from the privacy of my own home.

Next Week: Broken Promise Edition!

Photo Credit: Some fool on the yacht!

Next week I'm going to put up a video and a couple of photos from that Yacht party since I never made good on a promised sequel, and insert the final edition of "Mimi Monday" into this column since the 3rd and final part of the series never made it to TWL. That way I can start the new year off right.

Now I need to go get some rest so I can spend the rest of the weekend promoting and adhering to the secret gay agenda.

Gingerbreadmama's Gossip Wrap: It is what it is Edition

2012-01-20T15:01:00.000-08:00

This week’s round-up of entertainment highlights.

By Gingerbreadmama

R.I.P.
Canadian freestyle skier Sarah Burke (29) died after she crashed on a training run in park City, Utah last week. She had been in a coma since the accident. Considered a champion in her sport, she won gold medals in the Winter X-Games and World Freestyle Skiing Championships.

Great smile, so sad she died so early in life.
Photo: credit

And

Singer Etta James died at age 73, after a long battle with leukemia. Her manager, Lupe De Leon says, “This is a tremendous loss for the family, her friends and fans around the world. She was a true original who could sing it all – her music defied category. I worked with Etta for over 30 years. She was my friend and I will miss her always." She is survived by sons Donto and Sametto and husband Artis Mills.

She had a good run
Photo: rollingstone.com

We like to get the sad stuff out of the way first. Continue with us for the more lighthearted dirt after the jump!

Can’t get a break
Lindsay Lohan actually had a good experience in court, when Judge Sautner commended her for “doing well” with her court-ordered community service and therapy. Lohan has two more court check-ins and if they go as well, her probation could be “permanently stayed” and “she’ll finally have fulfilled her obligation to society for a DUI case that dates all the way back to 2007”. Good news, right? Well, as she left the court she was slapped with another lawsuit on the courthouse steps. The drama! This lawsuit is nonsensical and will probably amount to a whole lot of nothing but apparently a “delusional” man, Thomas A. Green (not actor Tom Green) is suing her for $300,000 for “engaging in unfair business practices” claiming she backed out of participating in a dot-com business he wanted to start. He also alleged she had a role in the in the death of Osama Bin Laden and that she is a high-end prostitute, which isn’t connected to the unfair business practice bit of the lawsuit. Seems he just threw that in there. Crazy is as crazy does, I suppose.

This is the look she gave Thomas A. Green when he slapped her with the lawsuit
Photo: CNN

In related news, she is not the shoo-in to play Elizabeth Taylor in the upcoming Lifetime movie, as previously reported.

She’s on track now, but will these things derail her? Time will tell.

The bits

Attention ladies with a penchant for men with good hair: Johnny Depp may be back on the market. Sources report that he and long-time love Vanessa Paradis have been separated for quite some time.
Attention ladies with a penchant for men with bad hair: Kenny G is back on the market. He and his wife of 20 years have separated. And they’ve both hired big time lawyers (Kenny G is reportedly worth $50 mil). Lyndie Benson-Gorelick hired Gary Fishbein (previous clients include Gabriel Aubry and Nikki Sixx) and Kenny snagged Laura Wasser (previous clients are Angelina Jolie and Kim Kardashian). Appears the couple is expecting to brawl out the divorce details, so stayed tuned. The couple has two sons together.
Jenna Von Oy (who is she you ask? I didn’t know either) an actress from a show called Blossom is expecting her first child with husband Brad Bratcher.
Kelsey Grammer and his (current) wife Kayte Walsh (not the Kate Walsh from The Practice) are expecting twins. He is 56, she is 32. These babies will be his fifth and sixth children. And, because this story was circulating let’s just put it out there now…Camille claims she did not know in advance her ex was having twins. But the couple had an ugly divorce and he remarried practically before the divorce paperwork was official so her not knowing is not unexpected or newsworthy.
Lindsey Davenport and hubs Jonathan Leach, welcomed their third child, a girl. No name has been released yet.
Bachelor Pad’s Kasey Kahl was arrested for drunk-and-disorderly conduct, and has one of the best mug shots I’ve seen.

"Hi Gingerbreadmama!"
Photo: ryanseacrest.com

TV bits (Spoilers!!! Read at your own risk)

The EIC disagrees, get her back on screen!
Photo: Credit

Wah, wah, wah. Now Katherine Heigl wants back on Grey’s Anatomy? According to Heigl, “I really, really, really want to see where [Izzie] is. I just want to know what happened to her and where she went and what she's doing now. She was always floundering you know, and so she was always one step behind the eight ball and I want to see that girl take some power back." No comment from Shonda Rimes so far, but in 2010 Rimes had said, “I'm open to seeing Izzie again," she says. "So if [Katherine] were to come back, we would be thrilled to [wrap up her story]. But if she doesn't, we'll just move on." Personally, I think Grey’s wrapped up Izzie’s storyline well and have no desire to see her mediocre-acting mug back on the screen.
Courteny B. Vance joins the cast of Revenge as attorney Benjamin Barrett. He’s scheduled for at least three episodes.
James Purefoy also joins the cast of Revenge as a love interest for Victoria Grayson (played by Madaline Stowe).
Snooki goes make-up free in a Twit Pic and you know what? She actually looks cute, not like someone poured orange paint on a stuffed sausage.
Lee Thompson Young, currently on Rizzoli & Isles, will guest star on CSI: NY as “Kelvin, a Manhattan accountant who has become successful despite a troubled upbringing in the projects.”
Emily Maynard is the new Bachelorette and the show is relocating a majority of the filming to North Carolina so she can remain near her six year old daughter.
Glee has revealed Rachel’s dads. Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes have been cast as Hiram and LeRoy Barry. They will first appear on the episode Heart, slated for February 14. Sources says they will sing.
Kevin Williamson has tapped Marcos Siega to direct the pilot for his new untitled Fox drama, described as an “edge-of-the-seat thriller about a diabolical serial killer who uses technology to create a cult of serial killers, and the FBI agent who finds himself in the middle of it.”
Kevin Nealon will star in the pilot Isabel, a new comedy about “an otherwise normal, angry middle-class family that wrestles with the challenges of everyday life while raising daughter Isabel, who has magical qualities”. Nealon will play her father, opposite Marcia Gay Harden as her mother. According to sources, “The casting won’t interfere with Nealon’s duties as a regular on the upcoming eighth season of Weeds, which is rumored to be the long-running series’ last. If Isabel goes to series, it will have Nealon in first position beyond Season 8 of Weeds.”
Clara Mamet (daughter of David) has been cast as Jami Gertz’s teenage daughter in the Dan Fogelman comedy pilot for ABC.
Selma Blair and Julie Benz are in talks to join the cast of Anger Management, Charlie Sheen’s upcoming comedy. Three female roles are being cast: therapist, ex-wife and teenage daughter. Blair, Jenica Bergere and Elaine Hendrix are testing for the therapist role and Julie Benz, Kate Reinders, Shawnee Smith and Nicole Hiltz are up for the ex-wife.

Movie bits

Not much news (deemed worthy by me) to report this week, but Sundance started so I expect tidbits to arise. And yes, I am going to Sundance again this year. And maybe, I’ll get my bum in gear to provide a recap which I never got around to doing last year (too busy making snow angels while wearing my friend’s mom’s red onsie snowsuit. I’m a party).

Gingerbreadmama keeping cool
Photo: Gingerbreadmama

Movie openings

And a bunch of others in Limited release

Quote of the week:

“I had chicken fingers and fries at lunch? You can check my room service bill." – Elle Macpherson, on how she keeps her figure. Oh, if it were only that easy.

"hahahahahaha screw you fatties, I can eat fries!"
photo: credit

Written by Gingerbreadmama for Tea With Lemon. Photos and captions courtesy of the TWL Editor-in-Chief. Sources: people.com, tvguide.com, yahoo.com, eonline.com, tvline.com, TMZ.com, hollywoodreporter.com, huffingtonpost.com, fandango.com, deadline.com

Portlandia: Best New Show You're Not Watching

2012-01-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Although I love all things hipster (indie films, indie music, organic farm raised air chilled chicken), it's safe to say that I'm more Courtney Cox than Zooey Deschanel. In fact, I'm about as faux-hipster as they come. I'm a decade too old to even be labeled an "aging hipster." I spend most my weekends at kids' soccer games or cheerleading competitions. The last novel I read was based on a movie. And worst of all, I drink Pinot Grigio.

Although those four things alone stop me from ever qualifying as someone with the slightest amount of cool, it doesn't stop me from enjoying the unique brand of hipster humor. The sarcastic, dead pan, Ellen Page style quips that are charmingly self-deprecating, yet smug. Which is why I am currently obsessed with Portlandia, a hilarious sketch comedy (think SNL-style shorts) starring Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein as totally unaware "hipsters" who are living the left-wing dream in a city trapped in the 1990's.

Got an ugly lamp? Put a bird on it!

Portlandia is a goof on the city of Portland, where bike messengers reign supreme, the "tattoo ink flows 24/7", and eco-conscious glasses-wearing hipsters sip Americanos from anywhere but Starbucks. Portlandia is the city where "young people go to retire." Although satire, Armisen and Brownstein capture the self-congratulatory essence of the hipster generation with pitch-perfect timing. In one sketch, they ask their waitress a battery of questions about how their soon-to-be chicken dinner was raised ("Is it USDA organic or Portland organic?", "How big is the area the chickens are allowed to roam free?", "What kind of relationship did it have with the other chickens?")

In a another episode, Aubrey Plaza (of Parks and Rec fame) swings by the local feminist bookstore, "Women and Women First" where she is harassed by the belligerent female owners for her short shorts and accused of "phallus assault" for a pointing a finger in their face. Armisen (in drag) as a wig-wearing femi-nazi is satiric perfection, especially when Steve Buscemi makes a cameo as a patron who stops by just to use the restroom and is forced to purchase an item from a store that carries books titled, "Vaginas: An Owner's Manual"

Portlandia is chock-full-o guest cameos, including Eddie Vedder (above), Penny Marshall, Steve Buscemi, Kyle MacLachlan, Aimee Mann, Jason Sudekis, Heather Graham, and Jeff Goldblum.

Portlandia totally fills the smart-comedy television void that Flight of the Conchords abruptly left in 2010. If anything, it's too smart for it's own good. The humor is niche and unless you are at least a little bit versed in the world of indie (Bicycle rights! Whole Foods is corporate! James Mercer is a god!), some of it may be lost in translation. Portlandia is certainly not for everyone, but any show that can produce the critical response below (swiped from IMDB) is something I've gotta watch.

"Don't know but I would say that who ever wrote this show was high on crack or some other drug. Maybe it would be funny and you could follow the show if you were also on drugs. I think they need to put a warning on the front of it, that you drugs will help you better enjoy this show."

The entire first season of Portlandia is currently streaming on Netflix and Hulu, or jump right into the second season on IFC at 10:00 pm every Friday. Although, last week's Battlestar Gallactica episode hit a little too close to home!

**Bonus Blogging**

The Walking Dead, Hipster Style!

"Do you want to see something scary?"

2012-01-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

PHOTOS BY JASON MADARA

The more ubiquitous cameras become, the less we're aware they're even there. They stare out at us blankly from our phones and laptops, our Xboxes and iPads, a billion eyes and ears just waiting to be turned on. But what if they were switched on—by someone else—when you least expected it? How would you feel, how would you behave, if the devices that surround your life were suddenly turned against you? -GQ Magazine

I read the article, The Hacker is Watching, by David Kushner, in GQ last month and I haven't been quite right since. Tired of carrying this yoke on my own, I decide to share an excerpt of the article with you in hopes of ~~increasing your paranoia until you go irretrievably insane~~ keeping you informed:

It was a Saturday night, not much happening in her Long Beach, California, neighborhood, so high school senior Melissa Young was home messing around on her computer. Her little sister, Suzy, was doing the same thing down the hall. The house was quiet, save the keyboard tapping in the girls' rooms, when the odd little instant message popped up on Melissa's screen—an IM from Suzy. Attached to the note was a file labeled simply SCARY.

Read more of this excerpt...after the jump!

Boo! The Stalker is watching you via Web-Cam

and knows you have a pink vibrator!

Melissa wondered why her goof-off sister was IM'ing from the next room instead of just padding over—she wasn't usually that lazy—so she walked over to see what was up. Suzy just shrugged. She had no idea what her sister was talking about. Yeah, the IM had come from her account, but she hadn't sent it. Honest. That night, Suzy's 20-year-old friend Nila Westwood got the same note, the same attachment.

Unlike Melissa, she opened it, expecting, say, a video of some guy stapling his lip to his chin on YouTube. She waited. Nothing. When she called her friend to see what she'd missed, things actually got freaky: Suzy'd never sent a thing. The girls pieced together the clues and agreed: Suzy's AOL account had been hacked. For the next couple of weeks, the girls remained watchful for malware, insidious software capable of wreaking all sorts of havoc. But with no sign of trouble on their machines—no slow performance, no deleted files, no alerts from antivirus programs—they pretty much forgot about it.

A month passed. Suzy, Melissa, and Nila went about their lives online and off. They chatted with friends, posted pictures, and when they were tired, stretched out on their beds to rest. But at some point, each of them looked up and noticed the same strange thing: the tiny light beside their webcam glowing. At first they figured it was some kind of malfunction, but when it happened repeatedly—the light flicking on, then off—the girls felt a chill. One by one, they gazed fearfully into the lenses, wondering if someone was watching and if, perhaps now, they were looking into the eye of something scary after all. Nila, for one, wasn't taking any chances. She peeled off a sticker and stuck it on the lens.

Luis Mijangos. The Professor X of Webcam hack.

That was smart. Read the rest of the crazy ass story of handicapped webcam hacker Luis Mijangos (who straight up loses his sh*t at one point), here. It contains more, "I thought that only happened in the movies," crazy like:

"You have a pink vibrator," he said. It was like Amy had slipped into a stalker movie. Then he sent her an image file. Amy watched in horror as the picture materialized on the screen: a shot of her in that very room, naked on the bed, having webcam sex with James.

Hopefully no one is watching you...RIGHT NOW

mwhahahaha mwhahahahaa

The Bark Side: Star Wars Goes to the Dogs

2012-01-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

It's Superbowl ad time again.

You should also check out AT&T's very hip, "Laptop Mom" after the jump!

Glee Recap: Yes/No

2012-01-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

40 Acres and a Pool, or
It's simple: on the Internet, I
can sound like whomever I
want. So lay off, haters.

by CaliforniaKara

Racial slurs and improbable marriage proposals aside, Glee returned to form, doing what Glee does best: blending side-splitting silliness with subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) lessons that tug at the heartstrings -- and induce a wee bit of vomit.

The flashes of brilliance were brilliant. Dame Helen Mirren as the voice of Becky in her head? NeNe Leakes from Real Housewives of Atlanta as synchronized swimming coach Roz Washington with a loud mouth and no-BS policy? Brill.

Here's Roz/NeNe's boombastic monologue (transcript below in case the whole SOPA blackout today screws up the video):

And, much like I opined after Sunday's Golden Globes a wish that the cast of Modern Family host all awards shows going forward, I want Eric Stoltz to direct all eps of Glee. The scenes just flow better when he's around. Brad Falchuk penned the ep, which is why we got so many great zingers from Becky, Sue, Roz, and the rest of them (he's the one who writes Sue best).

Most notably, Mr. Schu finally proposed to Emma Pilsbury. With a full pool number that included the entire Glee Club. Cute, throwback number, and thankfully Emma said "yes." The plot actually moved forward in this ep, even though on two occasions it felt like it went sideways (Finn closing the ep by proposing to Rachel? This after he announced he was enlisting in the Army? And before he found out his dad died as a junkie, not a war hero? Poor Finn...such a disjointed story arc.)

The Grease opening number is something I'm sure Ryan Murphy's had in mind since he conceived the show. It was cute. Done well. Surprisingly, not Rachel on lead but Mercedes, paired with Sam, reminiscing about their summer fling.

Next up: The much hyped Michael Jackson ep. Not sure how I feel about this. In general, not a fan of the tribute episodes as a whole. Fingers crossed they don't drop the ball on this one.

Morning Announcements

Questions, comments, sarcastic remarks

I will eat you alive, white boy. Photo: FOX.

"I, Becky Faye Jackson, am the hottest bitch at McKinley High School. I'm not only co-captain of the Cheerios, I'm president of the Perfect Attendance Club, and I won a participation award in rhythmic gymnastics. You may be wondering why I sound like the Queen of England. It's simple: in my mind, I can sound like whomever I want. So lay off, haters." - Becky's internal voiceover, voiced by Helen Mirren
"Sam Evans, I'm coach Roz Washington, and you are one strange looking kid. I've never seen lips like that on a white child. And one of your nipples is higher than the other. I bet you had to overcome a lot with those crooked nipples. Well I know a thing or two about overcoming. When I was growing up they said that black folks couldn't swim. But I had a DREAM that one day I would get to the promised land. So I swam my way and I GOT my 40 acres and a pool. That's right, I won this bronze damn Olympic medal in Beijing, China, for individual synchronized swimming. I bet you didn't even know there was a such thing as individual synchronized swimming. Nod to me if I'm getting through to you, NOD TO ME! I'm gonna say one thing to you, Sam Evans, and I'm only going to say it to you once. If you pee in my pool, I will kill you." - Coach Roz Washington (NeNe Leakes from Real Housewives of Atlanta)
"Is that a mohawk, Puckerman, or did someone glue a squirrel to your head?" - Becky (in Helen Mirren's tart British accent)
"Some days it sucks being me. This is one of those days. Focus Becky, don't let them see you cry." - Becky (in Helen Mirren's VO)
Kudos to Artie for calling the Glee Club out in the choir room on their treatment of Becky.
Lightning strike me dead, but I was howling when Artie rolled into the pool (on purpose).
Blaine has zero lines in this ep. Rory, The Glee Project winner, had more. Just...odd that he would have nothing to add. Though I loved the pool scene with him "sailing" across the water.

Added post-recap per T's whining and calling me out in the comments. In the pool scene where Schue proposes to Emma, the kids sing Rhianna's "We Found Love." Rachel and Santana, according to T, do a passable job.

SOPA: THE MAN is at it Again!

2012-01-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Reddit.com (which has gone black today) has a nice breakdown here. For those that get easily riled up by government intervention, The Guardian produced a shorter, Understanding SOPA, video featuring an extremely pleasant and soothing British accent. It's like the Chamomile tea of SOPA videos. You can find that after the jump!

Dire Situation?

2012-01-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Press here

Supernatural Recap: Time After Time

2012-01-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

Let's Do the Time Warp Again!

by Joshowa

In honor of this week's flashback to the 1940s, this recap is going to be done entirely in 40s slang! So there's this fella Dean, ya see? He was a real hep cat always quick with the snappy chin music. He and his pal Sam where hunting a greaseball who ended up getting in a real pickle over a dame. What? My muddled slang from multiple eras makes no sense, you say? Well then I give up, I quit. There is no pleasing some people.

Hit the silk to read the rest. It's killer diller.

"If you fall, I will catch you, I will be
waiting...No for real, I'll be waiting.
Right here. Seriously, I've got
nothing better to do."
Photo credit: Sweet Lyrics

As I was saying, Dean and Sam face off against Chronos, the god of time, in a battle that spans the decades. Dean's attempt to tackle father time while he's in the middle of teleporting gets him sent back to a backlot that look suspiciously like the 1940s. Sam, stuck in the present (as usual), has to figure out a way to stop Chronos and bring Dean back to the present age.

In the 1940s, Dean finds an unexpected ally in the form of the untouchable Elliot Ness. Ness (played by X-Files alum Nicholas Lea) turns out to be a hunter, as well. In the present, Sam teams up with Sheriff Jody Mills, one-time Bobby love interest and the lady who actually got them into this mess. Both brothers actually have legitimate lawmen on their side this time.

"I believe ya...but my tommy gun don't!"
Photo credit: The CW

Dean also has some swanky new duds! Forget the flannel and oversized coat - Dean is hunting monsters in a classy suit and fedora. The hunt takes Dean and Ness to Lila Taylor, a dame whose milkshake keeps bringing Chronos back to the yard, despite the fact his out-of-control powers keep sending him all over time. In order to get back to Lila, he has to absorb the life force of three humans. The life force gives him the juice to time jump, but it leaves his victims as mummified corpses (also known as the Joan Rivers treatment).

Not to be confused with Cronos,
the titan who ate his babies.
Hey, he would have fit right
in on this show!
Photo credit: Goya's Saturn

Meanwhile (or meanlater?) Sam and Jody find the spell they need in order to summon Chronos. There's a hitch - in order to get Dean back, the spell must be cast at the exact moment Chronos is holding Dean. Thankfully, Dean manages to pull a Doc Brown and leave Sam a note inside the abandoned house where Sam is currently staying. Sam finds the note (now over 60 years old), which leads him to the Lila Taylor of the present. Grandma Lila (who was a breeze to find) remembers the exact moment when her boyfriend Ethan (a.k.a. Chronos, a.k.a. Logan Echolls, a.k.a. Rapey Teacher on Ringer) strangled a federal agent to death.

(This is the moment when the whole time travel storyline stuff starts to mess with your head. Just accept the fact they still have a chance to save Dean even though it's all in the past and move on or your brain might pop.)

Back in the past, Ness and Dean's struggle with Chornos reveals his murderous tendencies to Lila. Her rejection of his monstrous ways really makes him angry. He's putting the choke down on Dean when Sam and Jody complete the spell, bringing both of them (everyone together now) BACK TO THE FUTURE! Along with Dean came the magic virgin branch needed to kill Chronos. Sam gets with the stabbing, and while he's gasping his final gasps, Chronos references this season's big bad. Chronus has seen Sam and Dean's future, and it's covered in thick, black ooze!

And that, folks, is how you bring it all back together!

Supernoteral

"Who do you think? The Leviathan!"
Photo Credit: WHATCULTURE!

Dean and Ness made a good duo, especially compared to Dean and Krissy. (Yes, I'm still ranting about her.) Favorite moment: Ness explaining to the stool pigeon that Dean is fresh out of the war and needs to kick some Nazi skulls to stay focused. Dean: "Lester? Is that a GERMAN name?!!"
Two awesome supporting ladies this episode - Ezra and Sheriff Jody. Yeah, Ezra managed to call Dean a farmer clown and make out with him, but Jody threatened Sam with mom voice and remember Bobby fondly. I'm hoping Sheriff Jody sticks around.
Here's hoping that Ness helped Dean get some clarity. His take on hunting was probably the most healthy out of all the hunters we've met. He doesn't do it out of revenge, spite or obligation - he hunts because there's a need and he's making a difference. Plus, "Sometimes you just want to punch through the red tape with a silver bullet."
"It's called anime. It's an art form." -Dean's response to Sam's reference to cartoon smut.

"I make this look good."
Photo Credit: The CW

A request.
Gimmick episodes like "Time After Time" always run the risk of seeming forced or pushing the show closer to "jumping the shark." However, it wasn't the time-travelling gimmick (or historical inaccuracies) that stretched the credibility of the show this time. It was the convenient coincidences.

It goes without saying that a show that populates its world with demons, angels and face-eating leviathan is going to ask that you suspend your disbelief while watching. However, it's also important that the show sticks to reality as closely as possible, especially if its world is very similar to the ones they viewers live in. Sure, we can believe that Dean can travel through time without a flux capacitor, but can believe that Ezra procured a super rare stabbing stick in only a few hours time in an age before the Internet and overnight shipping? How lucky were Sam and Dean that they choose this episode to stray from their usual pattern of sleeping in a run down motel? And please. Every movie ever from the 90s called - they want their picture zoom/enhance technology back. And while you're at it, go ahead and send over the ability to tap into the city's traffic cameras with just a few keystrokes.

So here's the request: please give your audience some credit. We will buy into a lot of things, but we aren't idiots.

Okay show, tough love over. Now, keep being awesome.

GreenTech Geek: The Wisdom Down Under

2012-01-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

Julia Gillard, Prime Minister of
Australia, says hello.

Australia is a fascinating place. I was lucky enough to spend some time there, mostly in Sydney and surrounding areas, a few years ago. Big place. Pretty empty across its vast mid-section. Huge beach scene in Sydney and enormous harbor that kind of seems like San Diego on steroids. Relatively recently settled (or taken over, depending on your perspective) by white folk. By most accounts, Aboriginals there don't have it so great under the white power structure. And a setting near the bottom of the globe, an island nation separated from the rest of the crazy world by shark-infested waters.

I believe this relative isolation generates some cool perspectives out of Australia from which those of us in the rest of the world can learn. For one, they beat the USA to the punch in choosing a woman to lead their country -- Julia Gillard (sorry, Hillary). And they have a generation of youth who are among the most vocal and coordinated in the world when it comes to calling attention to environmental problems and sustainable solutions.

See a couple of powerful examples of this after the jump.

Here's an uplifting video that came to my attention after I returned from the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen a couple years ago. It features youth attendees at an environmental conference in Sydney in a massive flash mob with a musical statement about improving Australia's environmental record.

Where did the inspiration come from for these fresh-faced young people to make such a bold statement? Perhaps from a hard-scrabble Australian band that burst onto the global pop scene in 1987 with one of that decade's seminal clarion calls for environmental justice.

Here's Midnight Oil's video for Beds Are Burning, one of the best examples of a hard-hitting environmental message wrapped in a modern pop song. I admire the way the group features Australian Aboriginals in the video and uses their plight to cast a light on damaging actions toward the environment:

And that's your little fill of wisdom from our friends Down Under.

Until next week ...

Fringe Recap: Back to Where You've Never Been

2012-01-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

Back to Where I Never Want to go to Again

By FutureCindy

Reporting **Live** From the Future

Forgive the delayed post, I just didn’t know where/how to start. This week’s episode was like trying to reconnect... No, let me start over - this week’s episode was like... Oh screw it, I’ll just say it. Fringe this week was good, but not good enough after its recent drama.

If only the waiters at IHOP were shirtless Walters

Okay, elephant in the room, I’ll address you. Fringe is *this close* to getting cancelled. Or moved to a new network. But no matter what, the producers are assuring us the season finale can work as a series finale if necessary. Also! They have more material for future seasons if they get picked up (I can see the producers winking and playing footsie with DirectTV already).

Reading interviews from the producers as they simultaneously attempt to drum up interest in their show and manage fans’ expectations is exhausting as a fan. It’s as if we’re dating and we’re at the point of do you commit or run away because this guy (or girl) is an asshole. Personally, I’ve been a big fan of running. However, Fringe and I have been together for four years and a few more months won’t kill me, right?

Going into this week’s episode was just a little intense. Except, after a two month hiatus, it was a struggle keeping up with the latest storyline despite it’s relatively simplistic structure. By the time I remembered the new timeline’s backstory, I’d gone on an emotional roller coaster alternating between loving and hating every single character, except Astrid. Good ol’ Astrid.

Robot Astrid senses danger!

As if the writer’s knew fans’ memories were going to be hazy after the break, they were kind enough not to introduce any new characters of villains. Instead, it was a “clarity” episode where a lot of questions get answered. Most notably is that Peter is in a different timeline - reminder, the alternative to being in a new timeline is that there is no other place where Peter can return to.

Since my mind is convinced Peter is supposed to be elsewhere, I am suddenly okay with Olivia showing Lincoln affection. I was annoyed at first when Lincoln brought soup for Olivia after she called in sick to work. However, in retrospect, these moments between Lincoln and Olivia are cute. Why? Because Peter is supposed to go back.

Honestly, I don’t know why I suddenly feel like Peter is in the wrong timeline. It might have something to do with the last scene in the episode when the Observer appears in front of Olivia with a gunshot wound. With her trusty gun pointed at the Observer, and his hand over a wound, Olivia gets a warning: she must die.

Olivia - You must die unless you take a pay cut. Our show cannot afford you.

When the episode’s credits started to roll, I felt meh. While it’d be a big deal for any other show to end with a prophecy calling for a main character’s death, it’s common day stuff on Fringe. After all the drama around the show’s future, I was hoping for something a bit more out of the ordinary - it is Fringe after all.

*Disclaimer: I might have had an easier time paying attention to this episode if it weren't for these bundles of joy:

Criticism goes better with cat photos

The Awards Witch: Golden Globes 2012 Live Blog

2012-01-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

All Golden Globe images courtesy of Getty

Live from the Beverly Hills Hilton
by The Awards Witch

This Witch's favorite show of the year is starting now... And Ricky Gervais could not be a better person to lead us through this night of drunken, over-priviledged debauchery.
And away we go...

8:01 pm Ricky Gervais got RULES!!! Haha! No profanity, nudity, smut, libel, or mentioning Mel Gibson. The requisite Beaver joke just got thrown in.

8:04 pm Are you watching this?!?! WTF happened to Elton John's face?!?!

8:05 pm Who knew that Dame Helen Mirren was the inspiration for Bridesmaids?

8:06 pm Johnny Depp introduces Hugo. I can smell him from here.

8:09 pm Supporting Actor in a Movie. I called Christopher Plummer. I am now one for one, bitches! Classy acceptance speech. I'm sure his DOG is thankful for the gratitude. If he's watching. Oh, and he admitted to being a drunk.

8:13 pm Ashton Kutcher cleaned up to catch a young philly. And they paired him with Elle MacPherson!! BURN! Best Actress TV Comedy or Musical. I called Tina Fey. Damn. Laura Dern. She sequined her Eddie Bauer dress for the soccer moms out there.

8:20 pm Rob Lowe will be on the next episode of Jersey Shore as Sitch's drunk friend from home. Nest Miniseries or TV Movie: I called Downton Abbey as its my new obsession. I am now 2 for 3. That's how I role. Also, I follow the rule about British Actors that appeared in a Harry Potter movie.

8:24 pm I called Kate Winslet for Best Actress Miniseries/TV Movie. Of course, I'm right again! 3 for 4, bitches! I hope she thanks Leo here. It doesn't appear that she will. I love her still. She is firmly on my small list of watchable actresses.

8:27 pm Freida Pinto in that damn ugly dress introducing Midnight in Paris. Did anyone notice Katherine McPhee and Debra Messing sitting on the second tier of seats above the famous people?

OK, so Laura Dern threw me because I happily forgot she existed. But 3 for 4 at the first break is still a good showing. I'll be sure to vote against her for ruining my streak if she's ever up for a People's Choice Award. For what, I have no idea.

8:32 pm Scar from The Lion King is talking about the Hollywood Foreign Press with the Pres of the Association. I am sufficiently scared. Not of Scar. This bitch appears to be carrying Ricky Gervais' balls in the pocket of her gown.

8:33 pm Jake Gyllenhaal lost his beard. Now its just a litle stubble. Introducing My Week With Marilyn. Also, Ricky Gervais thanking God counts for one, BTW.

8:35 pm Best Actor TV Series Drama. I called Steve Buscemi. Either way it goes, Ricky Gervais just dropped my "Melissa McCarthy Shitting in a Sink" joke, so all good.

8:37 pm And Frasier just killed it for me. What show was he nominated for? Did anyone at the HFPA even see it? Maybe he can have an all new wife to thank every year!

8:38 pm Best TV Series Drama. I called Game of Thrones. I am now running at 50% Granted, I only called Game of Thrones because I played Six Degrees of Separation with Sean Bean, but still

8:45 pm Jimmy Fallon moves like Jagger. And announces Best Original Score. I had this going to Trent Reznor, and I'm willing to better the Oscar Voters will too. My momentary lapse of judgement that this was the Hollywood FOREIGN press and that they were clearly not giving an award to the dude from Nine Inch Nails is evident But this French guy is pretty fun to listen to. He makes inappropriate kissy noises.

8:48 pm Best Original Song...I have this going to the song from The Help, basically because I had to pick something. Madonna? really? After the pity win for Evita years ago, I figured the HFPA was done with her. What area of Great Britain is that accent from? Brooklyn?

8:52 pm The Golden Globes is seen in 199 countries? There are 199 countries? Jesus.The Olympics are going to take FOREVER.

8:57 pm Grace minus Will is up to announce Best Performance by an Actor in a Miniseries/Movie. I picked Bill Nighy due to my Harry Potter theory. Idris Elba won. Harry Potter pretty much shit the bed this awards season. BUT...a Brit did win.

8:59 pm Dirty Brad Pitt is up making googoo eyes at George Clooney introducing The Ides of March.

9:01 pm Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale are up announcing Best Actress in a Comedy, and of course, I am rght about Michelle Williams winning for MyWeek With Marilyn. She still looks awful, so my dear hope that she changed and redid her hair since the Red Carpet has not happened.

So, at the hour mark, Ricky Gervais hasn't wildly offended ANYONE. Which is kind of pissing me off.

9:07 pm Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Coyote Ugly are announcing Best Supporting Actor for Miniseries/TV Movie. I went with Peter Dinklage. I am right again. I loved this guy in Death at a Funeral.

AND...Ricky Gervais is drinking. NOW it's going to get good.

9:12 pm Now My Georgie is announcing Dirty Brad's baseball movie. Awww...They love each other.

9:13 pm Touche, HFPA. Jessica Rabbit Alba and Dear John are announcing Best Animated Feature. I went with Puss and Boots here. Because Antonio Banderas is a cool cat. The HFPA went with The Adventures of TinTin. No one in this country knows who or what the eff TinTin is. I thought it was a fricking DOG until about a week ago, and I travel. Leave it to the HFPA to vote for this one. Don't expect an Oscars redo, here, people.

9:20 pm Ewan McGregor is announcing something. Its hard to understand his words while staring at his face...

huh? what just happened?

9:22 pm OK, Nicole Kidman looks good. I have never, ever ever said that. Best Screenplay: Creepy Uncle Woody Allen. I called it.

9:23 pm Best Supporting Actress Miniseries/TV Movie: I called Dame Maggie Smith. See my Harry Potter theory, which is blowing up in my face. Jessica Lange and her facial implants won.

9:30 pm Madonna just cracked a funny joke about Ricky Gervais a la "Like a Virgin." Now she is announcing Best Foreign Language Film. I am rooting against the Angelina Movie. I went for Spain here. I am...wrong. But at least Angelina didn't. Iran did.

9:34 pm Best Actress TV Series Drama I went for braless Claire Danes. So did the HFPA. Back on Top, BABY!!!

9:42 pm Emily Blunt looks like hell.

9:43 pm Tina Fey and Jane Lynch. I feel calm, like the world makes sense. Best Actor in a TV Series Comedy: I went with Alec Baldwin. Joey won. I don't even know what to say here. WTF, HFPA?!?!?! We are finding out live that he was NEVER acting on Friends or Joey. They should recall all previous nominations, as there are no reality categories at this show.

9:46 pm. True Fact: I went to High School with the guy who wrote The Silver Linings Playbook. Also True Fact: it won't get me an in to meet Bradley Cooper.

9:48 pm Octavia Spencer wins Best Supporting Actress.This is the easiest call of the night and should come as no surprise. Well deserved. The Help is also most likely out of the rest of the Awards.

The Cecil B. DeMille award is coming up next. I wonder if Morgan Freeman brought his granddaughter/girlfriend as his date?

9:56 pm Uh oh. Are we having a Dick Clark moment here? Can we cut to Ryan?

9:57 pm Morgan Freeman deserves this. Even though he is a creep, he is an amazing actor. Also, Holy Shit, but Helen Mirren looks HOT!! And, she's just admitted to being loaded. Love her! There's no reason Miss Daisy couldn't be English. They would just have to drive on the wrong side of the road!"

10:02 pm umm....Morgan Freeman as a young, naked, wet dracula taking a bath in a casket and singing about it. My eyes cannot unsee that. I don't even know what to say. But Helen Mirren's husband looks...concerned about Helen and Morgan. Hmmm....that would be a bizarre piece of gossip.

10:06 pm Do you think the commercials are when all of the job begging happens?

10:11 pm RDJ looks good for how bad I am sure he smells.

10:12 pm Angelina Jolie looks bad for how good I am sure she smells.

10:13 pm Best Director: YAY!! I called Alexander Payne, but Scorcese was my "Should Win." I'm a freaking genius!!! I didn't think HFPA would go for him. This Witch is happy to be wrong! I was hoping for this win.

10:16 pm Ricky Gervais just said something bad. He was bleeped for about 4 seconds. Best TV Series Comedy: I went for Modern Family here. Because I love Cam. Apparently so does the HFPA.

10:25 pm Marky Mark and the Bride of Dracula announcing Best Actor Comedy. I called Jean DuJardin for The Artist. Not to toot my own horn here, but I have to have made somebody some money at this point. I expect a 10% Finders Fee, folks. Bride of Dracula Jessica Biel pronounced his name correctly though. That kind of sucked for fun.

Also, Tilda Swinton scares the hell out of me.

10:33 pm Colin Firth is introducing Best Actress. Ricky Gervais skewered him in the intro. Colin Firth beat him at his own game. I'm expecting a standing "O" for my girl Meryl.
There you go, Famous People. That's bonafide Hollywood Royalty there. And apparently, Ricky Gervais was in the running for the role of Margaret Thatcher.

Holy SHIT!!! I think Meryl was my "F Note Dropper" tonight!!!!! She's off the chain! Mentioning women who weren't nominated! Meryl's on the sauce!

And she was my 8th God Thanker! Granted, she was referring to Harvey Weinstein, but whatever! If Ricky Gervais would just do the 69 joke, I would be unstoppable!!!

10:40 pm Best Movie Comedy or Musical goes to The Artist. Apparently the Westminster Kennel show got their dates and locations mixed. Way to steal the show, little doggie.

10:47 pm Natalie Portman is one of my unwatchables. Sigh... Can't. Follow. Directions... Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama. My Georgie wins....And kisses his Wrestler live on TV! Wow, big moment! Now he is sucking up to Brad Pitt and making dick jokes about Michael Fassbender. Big sigh.... Can this man do wrong? I suggest no. Not even a little Also, his girlfriend would whoop his ass if he did.

10:54 pm Han Solo is on hand to announce Best Motion Picture Drama. He is not in the mood to chat. Clearly the show is behind, but The Descendents comes through with the W, just as I predicted.
And in a moment of total class, the group accepting the award were told to HURRY!!! What kind of jackassery is that? They let Kelsey Grammer go over!

10:58 pm That's all she wrote! Ricky Gervais was an emasculated bust, but my predictions weren't! This Witch knows what she's talking about!

The Awards Witch: Golden Globes 2012 Red Carpet Live Blog

2012-01-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

Getty Images

Live From the Red Carpet
by The Awards Witch

30 Minutes into the red carpet, and a single, horrifying stylist decision seems to have rippled through the masses of the minor celebrities that show up super early to drink the free booze. No one seems to have gone the route of actually wearing undergarments, supportive or otherwise. Also, Kelly Osbourne, who is anchoring with Ross the Intern, looks like Norman Bates' mother from Psycho.

Here they are, in order that I am seeing them. Also, a note as to whether they chose to wear a bra.

6:35 pm: Sarah Michelle Gellar Wearing Jerry Garcia's funeral shroud. Appears to be wearing a bra. Guaranteed to make some Worst Dressed Lists. Buffy is wearing a tad too much makeup, too.

6:37 pm: Diane Lane and Josh Brolin One of them died their hair the wrong color. It was unfortunately not Diane Lane. She looks a tad like the youngest Judd sister in this dress. Its a gold Reem Acra with cap shoulders...Appears to be wearing a full Spanx Bodysuit underneath. Good move on her part.

6:42 pm: Octavia Spencer Lavender Off the shoulder dress. Thankfully wearing a bra or the people sitting at her table wouldn't have room for their plates.

6:45 pm: Freida Pinto She is too pretty for this bad decision. It makes her look awkward, and the fabric looks like someones grandmother's curtains.

6:46 pm: Sofia Vergara wearing a Vera Wang that is either Navy Blue or Slate Grey. No chance she wasn't going to look amazing. Oh, they just brought out Julie Bowen. Poor Julie Bowen. She looks like Glinda the Good Witch. And now she has to stand next to Sofia Vergara. Its pretty enough on its own. Just got a bad a bad intro.

6:50 pm: Rooney Mara came in costume. Sucks her publicist never told her it wasn't a good idea, and that the voting already happened. No chance of underwear.

6:55 pm: Jesse Tyler Ferguson Very classy. Love the off-white bowtie. Talking about his dog. Really, Ryan? The guy is on the most consistently well-written show on television. You can't find a better topic?

6:58 pm: Matthew Morrison Went with fashionably unshaven. Not my favorite look for him. He isn't a sparkly vampire OR George Clooney. He doesn't have enough street cred for the stubble-in-a-tux look.

7:00 pm: Zooey Deschanel WTF is going on with her hair? Are those style-burns? She's looks like a dark haired fem-bot in a Mother of the Bride Dress. No bra. Total Fail.

7:02 pm: Jane Lynch in a dress. Plunging black halter. No undergarments. She gets away with it. Win.

**This is GREAT! Mother Bates and Ross are ripping the dresses. Must not have looked in the mirror**

7:10 pm: Jonah Hill and his sister, who looks JUST like him. His hair looks like he is prepping for a WWII movie. Oh, well. He won't be winning.

7:11 pm: I TOTALLY CALLED IT!! Charlize Theron is wearing a bedazzled headband and a dress with a bow that weighs more than Ryan Seacrest!!! This girl doesn't disappoint. She effs up the red carpet every chance she gets. C for Consistency. And no bra.

7:14 pm: Salma Hayek dressed up like a Golden Globe. Awesome.

**Sidenote: Giuliana Rancic had a double mascectomy not a month ago. She could not look more amazing. Wow.**

7:18 pm: Brad and Angie. Blah. He needs a shower. One, because he looks dirty. Two, because she used to have sex with Billy Bob Thornton. A lot. Its hard to scrub of that kind of funk, even with clorox on a brillo pad. She looks ok with all of the STD's covered up.

7:26 pm: Michelle Williams Love her, hate the dress, HATE the hair. The bedazzled soccer headband just doesn't suit the occasion.

7:27 pm: Sarah Hyland just avoided a wicked wardrobe malfunction, and had to be sewn into her dress ON THE RED CARPET in front of the media. Still smiling. Love her.

7:28 pm: Mila Kunis needs a bra. Would look stunning if she wasn't resembling a 12 year old girl.

7:32 pm: Reese Witherspoon Red Dress, tousled hair, Best Dressed of the Night so far. Wow. This is a different look for her.

7:39 pm: Lea Michelle Ugh. Dressed in a peekabo Grandmother of the Bride dress. Total mess.

7:40 pm: Emma Stone. Bad idea. Messy hair, curtain dress, no bra. Sigh.

7:41 pm: Yay! British Madonna is back! She looks pretty, if they avoid the closeups. Her eyelashes are too heavy though, she is having a bit of a problem keeping her eyes open!

7:47 pm: Jessica Alba wins it. Perfect Hair, Perfect Dress. I hope she wins... oh, wait....

7:52 pm: Claire Danes isn't wearing a bra. But she doesn't need one, so all is good. Its the only rememberable thing about the bad idea she is wearing. Best Dressed List. Top Ten.

7:53 pm: Elle MacPherson is here. Not sure why. Maybe to point out she looks better than most.

**The producers are LOUDLY rounding up the famous people. Shit's about to get real.**