Jeff Leroy brings us a film about giant, mutant rats in LA and the sassy, Sci-Fi stock characters who love them. I’ve only got two words for you on this one — VIRAL!

Here at Techspoofs we love Halloween and being strong proponents of Bringing The Truth ™ our favorite part of Halloween is giving people all sorts of trivia about this holiday. While you’re out celebrating the harvest by buying a sexy nurses outfit and throwing candy at 8 year olds, whip out your iPhone and enjoy these.

Halloween is a harvest celebration, brought over from Europe — you know, that place across the ocean where they invented crepes and socialism.

Bill Gates has a full sized, hermetically sealed replica of Darth Vader’s costume from the original Star Wars trilogy. He promises to don it and bring blood and terror to the countryside one Halloween, sometime around 2012.

Tootsie rolls were the first wrapped candy brought to America.

Tootsie is a comedy with Dustin Hoffman, that is loosely based around a Halloween prank he played one year where he decided to dress up like a actor.

Bobbing for apples originated in Rome and is based on a celebration to honor Pamona — goddess of the fruit trees. During the celebrating they would bob for apples, figs and the decapitated heads of state enemies.

Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States, followed closely by generic Viagra.

Jack o’ lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday. We used Pumpkins because turnips aren’t as fun to smash the day afterwards.

You can find these and other fun facts about Halloween in our upcoming book, Things You Didn’t Know About Halloween Because The Establishment Says They’re Lies. Coming to soon to an Amazon shopping cart near you.

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Are you kidding me? These are not the Mythbusters, YouTube! Idiots. Just look at that Jaime imposters mustache, I mean I’ve seen better handlebars on my twelve speed — LOL. OK, OK maybe that’s Adam Savage but our boys at the Techspoofs labs are calling your bluff, look at this:

As you can CLEARLY see, Adam Savage has glasses, this guys wearing some low-rent work goggles. Close but no cigar buddy. That and the Mythbusters aint never even seen a time machine, let along built one. I think I’ve just found me another YouTube scam. You guys think you can keep pulling one over on old Barry ever since you made me think this was Miley Cyrus.

You know what they say . . . fool me once, shame on me . . . fool me twice, and, and, I ain’t no fool!

We just upgraded to the new version of the Internets. We think it will help us blog more effectively, which means we’ll being doing more, shorter, less analytical and likely less funny posts but I think we all all know that the operative word here is more. We’ll be filling your feed readers with the finest drek that no money can buy. Oh Yea, we’re also adding more videos and pictures and stuff because they mean we don’t have to write as much.

I hope you’ll have as good a time as we’ll pretend to have while writing to you ingrates!

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Three blind managers. Three blind managers.
See how they run. See how they run.
They all ran after our virtual life
It cut off their talks with debugging strife.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life
As three blind managers?

Dear Techspoofs,

Where are you guys?

What, you can’t manage to put together a single post in a month? I know it’s really hard to find an ironic picture, throw in a few juvenile quips and call it tech news, but I imagined that considering how much they paid you, you’d find a way to manage the strain.

I don’t even know why I read this blog. Even when you are writing, I have this feeling that you are making most of this stuff up. I mean, either that or you’re all complete idiots. Honestly, do you guys even have editors? Fact-checkers? Anything?

Listen, let me give you some help. A little advice from me to you. Give up. While you’re at it, why don’t you all just die? If you screw up something as simple as a tech blog, I really don’t want you sharing the same air with me.

Thanks for nothing.

XOXO,

Sally Parker

[We were going to reply to Sally, but we thought it would solve everyone's problem if we just posted this. We're pretty sure that Sally is one of the Intern's sisters, probably mad about that thing in Nigeria. So people, right? Either way, we're back from Cancun and ready for brand new year of webcapades.]

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We believe in the future.

So much so that as our gift to the silver jump suit wearing, atomic powered, completely blind motorists of the future, Techspoofs will be donating an undisclosed sum to the Foundation For Color Coding Our Nation’s Highways. Watch this short film and join in the revolution.

A message from recently fired Vimeo Co-founder Jakob Lodwick. Signed with love to Gawker Media’s Nick Denton,

“Gawker’s premise is ‘people are badass‘. It acts as if all humans are inherently amazing. Any achievement is framed on their walls; a dedication to the achiever’s underlying determination. This worldview is directly inline with our city’s best and brightest. Nick, don’t worry, it will be easy to recruit someone better than Emily and Choire; as the months march on, the pool of creative youngsters who are willing to turn themselves into professional artists will grow. If you would like to ratify Gawker’s premise and turn it into something even greater, we should talk. A publication that celebrates excellence like your own could be a big hit in the near future.”

We love our copy editors… Mr. Denton, don’t read too much into this. It doesn’t mean that we like you, like you. It was just too easy for our lazy writing staff to pass up. Special thanks to Jason for being on top of this.

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It’s now official. There is now absolutely nothing about blogging that doesn’t seriously disturb us.

While trolling Flickr for Creative Commons imagery to misappropriate in the name of satire we came across this. This is exactly what our nightmares look like. Shannon, the office shrink, says that it might have something to do with all the Dick Tracy we watched when we were younger. That would also explain why we constantly refer to ourselves in the third person. But Shannon says that’s probably just the drinking…

We’re pretty sure there was originally a point to this, but our editors tell us you folks don’t really care anyway.

(They don’t but just in case … LOLCats Facebook Fake Steve Jobs Kindle! -ed)

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Here is a list of the titles for Facebook Articles that we hope to use in the next couple of weeks. The posts are already written, we just need help from the punditry to fill in the sound bytes.

We had some more, but those were mostly stuffed with keywords like Anne Hudgens. The SEO guys in the other department say those are real winners. If you have any other suggestions, leave them here.

5. Beacon Destroys Our Sense Of Childlike Wonder

4. Marky Mark And The BUSTED Bunch: A Full Analysis Of The ConnectU Trial

3. And Here We Thought Privacy Was Sooooo 1994…

2. Turning On Facebook, The New Turning On Google?

1. We’re Writing This Post Because Saying “Facebook” Gets You Pageviews

Scott Beale / Laughing Squid - Photo Credit