Planning A Gay Wedding or Do You Maybe Have Anything Without That Glitter?

2009-01-02T15:36:04-08:00

I've learned that when planning a gay wedding a man needs to be incredibly secure in his masculinity. It turns out that the online wedding planning community is a no boys allowed kind group. According to the online wedding industry men only factor in as non sequitors or minor annoyances that hinder a woman's advent into her "ultimate day". Also, there is a lot of glitter and many uses of the phrase "casual elegance" or its sister "simple elegance" or its French cousin "elegant chic."

If a website mentions gay weddings at all, and very few of the major sites do, they are always referred to as GAY WEDDINGS, and there are a lot of rainbow flags, men in really terrible matching suits, and the ever present suggestion that some kind of loud dance music is just one click away. Note: barring tuxedos, adult men generally do not wear matching clothes. Ick.

What is most interesting is that while the major online retailers learned long ago that money is to be had from gay weddings, the online wedding planning sites have not picked this up. Stores like Macy's, Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, and the gay mainstay Crate and Barrel learned early on that the gays like flatware as much as the straights and changed their registries to substitute "Registrant #1" and "Registrant #2" in place of the much more narrowly defined Bride and Groom.

However, in this crashing economy no one can afford to be so straight and narrow, and quite frankly, borderline sexist. So in honor of the new year here are five resolutions for wedding planning sites (I'm looking at you Knot) to be a bit more welcoming to men, whether gay or straight:

I will acknowledge that men get married: Its 2009 folks, let's remember that it takes two people to get married, and in many cases, at least one of them is a guy. Yes, many men, including my partner, are not very interested in the planning part of the day but at least make it an option.
I will have invitations that are glitter free: Seriously, I don't expect every invite to be without glitter, but can you make some affordable invitations that don't include ribbons, super fancy script, or butterflies? I'm not ready to make my wedding out of something from Disney.
I will not push gay couples off to another site that is gay themed: Gay weddings are just like straight ones, my online friends. There is no need to spend the money on a separate site, just integrate into the one you have. And please lose the flags and gay themed pictures. I'm looking for nice invitations and favors, not some really bad pictures from the last pride parade.
I will be inclusive in language describing the couple: Remember that your goal is to sell. Gay couples are more likely to purchase from a site that refers to a couple as a couple, and not the bride and groom.
I will remember that not everyone can be legally married, but everyone can celebrate a union or commitment: Unfortunately, very few gays and lesbians have the option to be legally married, but celebrating a committed union is just as special an occasion. Consider dialing down the heavy focus on weddings and be inclusive of other forms of celebration.

Welcome to Technovist 2.0

2009-01-02T14:16:15-08:00

Welcome to the relaunched, and refocused, Technovist blog. A technovist, for those of you who don't know, is anyone who uses online tools to learn, spread information, and generally interact with society. I originally started writing Technovist with a focus on how nonprofits were making their presence felt online, with a particular focus on nonprofit fundraising. Back then, at least in my mind, it was the nonprofit sector that was doing some of the most interesting things online by using web based tools to rally their constituents for change.

But 2008 turned out to be the year of online change, most notably because of the Obama/Biden Presidential Campaign. Sure, the web had been used successfully on political campaigns before, but never quite like this. The 2008 election was won because of the Obama team's superb online presence, but more importantly, because America has reached a tipping point where the majority of us are finally comfortable living online. With the widespread use of Blackberrys, iphones, netbooks, and too many other tools to name, we no longer "go on line," we simply shift our attention periodically from the physical world to the virtual one.

And since I launched Technovist, my interests and understanding of the web and activism have changed as well. While I do believe that the web continues to be the most important tool for social change, its impossible not to see how the web is also the catalyst for change and evolution on almost every front, from how social events are planned, to how people meet, and information on a very local scale is exchanged.

So while I still will be writing about nonprofits, expect a lot more about my own life, consumerism, culture, and politics. As an obsessive carrier of a Blackberry, Facebook, and even a sometime reader of The Knot, I'm as well qualified as anyone else to share my thoughts.