-Teddi B

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There are three things that will sum up the whole of my existence. These three reasons dictate every facet of my life and every single thing I’ve ever done has been in pursuit of one of these three goals. They are at the heart of most everyone(men mostly) and are often masked by their sub-reasons… but nonetheless, these are the pursuits of my life:

1. Pussy(If you’re offended, exit now). So Listen, this is the major desire of all of mankind. Everything done comes back to this, and there’s a video on youtube and my facebook page about it, so I wont go to deep into it. But just know, that most everything any man does is in the pursuit of pussy.
Now, as it pertains to my personal pursuit, it is not so much the pussy, but the affection that accompanies it. that being said, the affection without the pussy is just friendship, and I have plenty of friends… the fruitlessness of pussy-fueled endeavors is often very little. Mostly because the lengths which one might go to acquire this resource is beyond what I can comfortably and morally muster…..

2. Money… money is that thing that makes the world go around. I pursue money because I have to. Without it I dont have water or shelter…No such thing as “free rent”, unless I live at home with my parents, and this flies in the face of pursuit number 1… so, that’s a nogo. Money also fuels pride, as it is an indicator of worth, which is not to say someone with no money has no worth. Just that in the case of an industrialized society, the ability to provide for ones self is the measure of worth (within that society). And since I dont have the option to live outside of this society, I must secede to its ideas of worth…thus, I seek money.

3. Purpose… This is the more acceptable of the three, but really its the least important. Purpose is abstract, and thus there really is no way to gauge if one is living in purpose or not. It’s not tangible as money(you either have it or you dont) or pussy(you either get it or you dont). Still, I live my life in pursuit of purpose. These endevours are things like Poetry, doing work for free, writing a book, the plethora of websites I’ve started and still operate, etc… all driven to live a life of purpose… semi-fruitless…..

I was sitting here thinking and that’s what every action I take boils down to. Pussy, Money or Purpose. But there is a hidden fourth goal that encompasses all three of those. It is happiness… I seek pussy because it, and the affection that comes with it, makes me happy. I seek money, because money relieves me of the mandatory stresses of my society, and that makes me happy. I see purpose because to have something that is mine alone, and tells me that I am not here on an aimless journey of happenstance, makes me happy….

In the pursuit of happiness, I often find small pockets of it. Whether it be in a great crowd reaction, paying my bills, or in the presence of someone else…. those small pockets are what I’m living for, and I’m not sure how I feel about that…..

I do know that the thought of it does not make me happy… so I’m gonna go think on something else.

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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It seems like every week I learn something new, in the same lessons.  It’s funny because I continually stumble into the same exact situation and each time it’s a new lesson. I wonder if I’ll ever learn the final lesson of this situation or is this Groundhog Day existence my perpetual lesson…

In any case, the lesson I am currently learning(and relearning) is that every situation is both the same and different all at once.  There are different lessons to be learned depending on the angle of your perception, and your willingness to accept new revelations, while tossing out old understandings.

….Frustration is easy and automatic… New perceptions are difficult and take conscious effort. Perhaps that why we are constantly at war…

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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The struggle is grimy, gritty, and makes you do things you would never imagine doing. It’s taxing on your spirit and draining on your physical body… There is nothing glorious about being tossed around in the muck and myre and beaten to within and inch of your resolve, on a daily baisis… If you want to know the truth, The struggle is hurtful and seemingly pointless… I spend more time stressing over bills, juggling creditors, and givig my landlord reasons I’m late on the rent than actually producing…

I don’t know what it’s like for a woman, but for a man(especially one raised the way I was) it’s like getting a punch in the gut with your breakfast everymorning.  Something that just says “Remember that you are not living up to your responsibility.”…. they say pride goes before the fall,  and everyday is a fall…

It gets easier(and harder) if you have someone who loves you to encourage you through the struggle…but that’s generally unlikely, because women don’t really like you in the midst of your struggle, which I’m sure has to do with the effect the struggle has on you interpersonal skills…

Listen to me when I say that there is no glory in the struggle…

and with  all that said, I continue to struggle, though every single day I wanna quit… who knows why… Perhaps that’s why all great men were insane… a sane man would have put a bullet in his own head by now…

There’s very little redeeming value in this post, just a rant on this thursday morning….

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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I’m still working on the Meditation primer, and I’m considering releasing that as an ebook download prior to the actual book release. I think it’s good information and really, the whole point of me having a voice is to share information. I wish I could produce a book and make a living without charging for it.  But until we get back to the barter system, I guess this is what I’m working with, lol

Anyway, “Back to the lab again”, as rabbit would say(that’s an 8-mile reference for the uninitiated, lol)

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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The title of the first book is “Practical Peace” and it’s a guide, of sorts, on living a life of peace in the midst of the chaos that is western life.  It’s the way that I live my life and, I think, the thing that intruiges people most about me. So it was only natural that I would begin with this book. Just like I did with my first CD (RadioSilence), my first book is a look at who I am and what makes me that way. But also, how you can create a “Practical Peace” all your own.

I’ve successfully stripped the original outline down to the bare-bones and written the bulk of the content. I’ve revised some chapters, rewritten a LOT of stuff, and started formatting some things.  I designed a tentative cover, and did some of the necessary illustrations.  It’s coming along nicely.

So now, I have to write a Meditation Primer. This is proving to be extremely difficult, because it’s a subject that I love so much and I really want to get it right. There’s so much to it, and yet so little to it. I’ve got a lot of it written and I’ve decided that the “action point” for the primer will just be a simple ten-minute breathing exercise, as doing justice to an actual meditation session is beyond the scope of a primer(and this book).

I’m really happy with the progress and excited to see where it goes. I posted an excerpt of a chapter on the site at http://www.teddi-b-poetic.com/book. The excerpt will rotate so I don’t have the same version up for too long, that way I can get feedback based on the totality of the concept. Hop over there and check it out.

Peace & Love & Thanks for the support,
Teddi B

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I’m somewhat struggling with that later part right now, as the content is really coming together much faster than I though it would and I catch myself starting to second-guess the quality of writing that comes so easily. With each chapter I complete, I find myself going back over it and thinking “Is this relevant information? Could I have written that better? Does this paragraph really do justice to the subject?” and most importantly “would someone who is not me understand what the hell I’m talking about???”

The great thing about the process though, is that more often than not I find myself happy with what I have written and if I feel it could be better, I just note it and move on. Progress has been amazing, thanks in part to the fact that my house has been more quiet this weekend than it has been in the last three or four weeks, and also the fact that I dont have any design projects this weekend.

Day Two of the 48-hour book challenge, I am still confident that I will be 80% (at least) done with it by Monday afternoon at 12:30(my 48 hour mark).

Aside from the content writing I have also designed the book cover and researched some distribution mediums. What’s really cool is that the more writing I get done the more motivated I am to write more!

Hey Tynan, I think I got it!

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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After buckling down and following Tynan’s advice, the outline is done and about 2.5 chapters completed, and I’ve settled on a title. I fully expect to have 80% of this book done by monday, if not the whole thing!

It’s amazing what a little peace can do. I’m learning to be by myself again. Cus I got way too used to being around other folks and that just not how I operate. I’m taking this weekend to get back to who I am and start concentrating on the moves that I have to make for myself and everyone who’s waiting for me to step into my purpose.

I was told that the burden I feel is the making a leader, and I believe that(thanks rita). I will lead anyone who follows, into a peaceful purpose-driven life.  Don’t watch me now, but watch me when I rise up out of obscurity and take my spot in history.

I am no longer on the backburner of my life…. This is me, making a run at the top spot.

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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So check this out… one of my friends, whom I am quite fond of, is in a new relationship. Her new guy is, apparently, uncomfortable with my relationship with her(I suspected as much). So there was an exchange on her wall yesterday between myself and one of her other friend(female) that really rubbed him the wrong way, I guess…

The short end of it is that he tells her he doesn’t want her to be my friend on facebook anymore. Now, it is within his rights, as a her man, to make the request(selfish and insecure as it may be). But I can’t help but be annoyed at this brother’s insecurity. Mostly what hurts my feelings though, is that she actually unfriended me. She hit me and let me know the deal after that happened, which is how I know why it happened.

This leads me into this discussions today, and into my thought for the day, which will either be right after or right before this post….

The Art Of Compromise

Compromise [ kómprə miz ]: a settlement of a dispute in which two or more sides agree to accept less than they originally wanted

In a relationship, there are times when one must compromise. This is a natural progression of merging two lives into one, and it’s actually a quite beautiful thing.

However, I’ve have always believed that if being with a person costs you things and people who are close to you, then that is not a compromise. When they treat your life as expendable, and as a cost of being a part of theirs, then that person has not yet matured to the level of compromise necessary to grow and maintain a relationship. Furthermore, a person who exhibits such unfounded insecurity is more than likely not someone you want to be with.

When compromise becomes giving up interpersonal relationship, you must consider the power lost… I’ve never been comfortable with people giving up friendships for relationships. It seems to me that it creates and imbalance of power within the resulting relationship.

I had a thought for the day to close with, but I couldn’t make it sound right. So I’ll simple say Peace.

Peace & Love,

Teddi B

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Poetic Bliss

So I’m sitting at Legacy last night watching Poetic Bliss do her thing(she did the “nasty” piece) and how she is commanding the attention of the audience… And I it occurs to me that this chic is a beast on the mic… she’s not loud, or too flashy, but she quietly commands the attention of everyone present(most of which are much older than her) with her presence and her demeanor.

I remembered when she first got to st. louis and how her style was so raw and unseasoned, and how she could be kinda offputting and forceful on the mic. I remember sitting at soulsessions during her set thinking that she was being really abrasive with the crowd…

And watching her last night, I saw how much she has grown.. and how she’s not battling to be heard anymore but just speaking because it’s important and people listen because she commands it, but quietly now….

And I just can help but think….

Poetic Bliss is a beast on the mic!

…and I’m super proud of the progress she’s made… let’s get it NHUSM!!!! *Respect The Family*

Peace & Love,
Teddi B

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