Ted's New Thai Life

All Grown Up

2011-10-17T20:00:00.000+07:00

It took me two years after leaving Thailand to start a new blog, but I've done it. Head over to tedconbeer.com for the latest from me.

The Final Countdown

2009-06-17T16:04:00.000+07:00

Monday was my 366th day in Thailand, and my first day as an ex-employee of Chiang Mai Rock Climbing Adventures. Time sure has flown.

I've got about 2.5 weeks left here in the Kingdom of Thailand before heading West to kick it with Mr. Ryan Corces-Zimmerman and his lady-friend Jessica Jean Casler for 3 adventure-filled weeks.

In the meantime, I've got some loose ends to tie up (a motorbike to sell, a few suits to buy, stuff to ship home), and some fun stuff to do (motorbike trip, unseen sights, lots of climbing!).

The new PiAers arrived last week, and they joined a bunch of my friends on a fun night out last Saturday. They even joined in on some Gob-inspired dancing as Europe's greatest hit came on at Fabrique at 3am.

Most. Productive. Reunions. Ever.

2009-05-31T00:53:00.004+07:00

Unlike all of those lucky alumni who actually went to Reunions, I got three things done today (and one of them was not "Sleep off a raging hangover"):

I went bamboo rafting
I saw Terminator: Salvation
I wrote a post for the Princeton Class of '08 blog

Most fun? Bamboo rafting.
Most explosions? Terminator.
Best written? I have to say my post, although with the Canne-worthy screenplay of Terminator, others might disagree.

"I'll be back."
-Ted

It's Time

2009-04-26T22:15:00.000+07:00

I've been desperate to blog lately, but simply have not been able to. For once, it's not a lack of content, a case of writer's block, or a discontentment with life.

In fact, there has been quite a lot to write about. There was Songkran, which like any three day festival involving water fights and day drinking, came with a never-ending list of highs and lows; absurdities witnessed and mistakes made. The first day was definitely the best: sort of like a lawnparties gone right. A couple of good friends and I walked around the moat for hours, drinking beer and throwing water at smiling strangers, and ended the day by dancing with thousands of Thai kids in front of a mall in the middle of town.

In general, I'd say these last few weeks have been my happiest in Thailand. I've really come to appreciate my friendships with people here (even though a couple of them have left!), I've been climbing and bouldering a lot, and have seen some new, beautiful places and met some new, beautiful people.

The reason that I have been desperate to blog, and haven't just written the way I've wanted to, is that there's an elephant in my cyberspace. Normally I like to write about things that are, at heart, trivial, unusual, and fun; for the past two weeks, though, the thought of committing to e-ink the trivial happenings of my daily life seems wildly inappropriate.

But then again, using my blog or Facebook to address something significant, while tempting, is uncomfortable and seems utterly profane. Is it noble to dedicate this space to the life of someone else? Or selfish and unnecessary to broadcast across the web what Evan meant to me? In any event, it's time to say something:

Ten days ago, a childhood friend of mine died suddenly and unexpectedly. I have no doubt that in his short life Evan affected thousands of people with his smile, laughter, and presence, and that the world was a better, happier place with Evan in it. I consider myself lucky to have so many fond memories and won't soon forget Evan Witty.

Bureaucracy in Person

2009-04-05T12:43:00.003+07:00

I went to visit my host family yesterday and spent the night for the first time in a few weeks, and it's amazing how different things are! My host Mom has a new motorbike, the neighbors have a new garage and kitchen on the side of their house, and my Thai is actually at the point where I can kind of understand what's going on a lot of the time.

Last night was especially fun, because everyone was in a good mood. On Friday, my host brother drew a black card, so he doesn't have to spend his next two years in the military. Let me explain:

In Thailand, every male is eligible for the draft when they finish their education. They have two choices:

Enlist for one year (six months for college grads)
Enter the lottery, and if you lose, be drafted for two years (eighteen months for college grads)

The lottery is quite the spectacle (which I got to watch as a video on my brother's cell phone). A large group of young men sit in an auditorium, and get called up one-by-one to a table in front, where there are a bunch of military guys. One of the military guys holds on to the kid, and he draws a card out of a box. The video quality was bad, so I couldn't tell if the kids were being held in the endearing, reassuring way that Asian men hold other men's arms, or in the rough ("Don't run away or I'll take you down") way that cops hold people who are handcuffed.

Anyway, if the kid picks a red card, he's drafted. If he picks a black card, the crowd goes wild, the kid smiles and pumps his fists, and he's free to go. Gawp celebrated especially enthusiastically.

Compared to the way America did the draft (assigning numbers by mail and then reading them on TV), this seems shockingly personal and horribly inefficient. But that's how the Thais like their bureaucracy.

Last week there was some kind of tax refund (economic stimulus?) thing going on, where Thai people who paid for health insurance and social security but made less than 15,000 Baht per month were paid 2,000 Baht (about $60US) by the government. Again, in the States, they just mail you a check.

In Thailand, you needed to go to the local government office last Wednesday to collect your money. Economically, this means that your free money really isn't free, since there's a time and transportation cost associated with it. That means some people won't bother, which I guess saves the government some money.

Of course, it also means that the poorest people with the worst jobs (who can't take half a day off) can't go get their check. Oh well.

I was talking to my roommate about getting her refund check, and she said it was pretty miserable, since there were so many people, and because she had to stand in two lines. The first line was to get her check. The second line was two stories down at the Cashier's office, which was where everyone had to go to cash that check. Because really, why not?

So on this tax day, just remind yourself: at least the IRS has a good relationship with the Postal Service.

A Tribute to St. Patrick: He Makes It Rain

2009-03-19T20:13:00.003+07:00

Call it luck of the Irish, or whatever you will, but a true miracle has happened: it rained in Chiang Mai.

On Tuesday night, as I was on my way to the U.N. Irish Pub for a celebratory pint of Guiness, an unseasonable thunderstorm hit Chiang Mai.

The result: clean air! It's amazing what several hours of rain can do for air quality. Tuesday night, I slept better than I have in months (I know what you're thinking, and it wasn't the Guinness). Wednesday was cool (even chilly at night), and I saw a blue sky for the first time since Sam and I were in Krabi three weeks ago. I actually feel like exercising again.

Today the heat is back, but the pollution isn't! Thanks, St. Pat, for a little reprieve from Na Rawn.

The Joys of Na Rawn

2009-03-12T13:16:00.001+07:00

I returned home to Chiang Mai on Saturday, and was excited for a full day of climbing the next day that I'd arranged over email from Laos. I set my alarm for 7.30am.

Instead, I started my day with a 4.00am sprint to the bathroom - an unfortunate trend that I continued for another 24 hours. Needless to say, climbing was off, as was reading, eating, drinking, being upright, etc.

Dao, my housemate and the only real witness to my first bout of Thai food poisoning, commented when I'd recovered that it's na rawn (hot season) now, as if that explained it.

To Dao's credit, all illness in Thailand is blamed on the weather, especially changes in temperature and moisture. This winter, I caught a cold, and concerned coworkers asked me "Ted, do you have a good blanket?" or, "You need to wear a hat; it's cold at night." Clearly this time my stomach bug was caused by my abrubt return to unrelenting dry heat.

The next day at work, this exchange happened three times:
Kind and gracious coworker: sabaii dii mai, Ted? (How are you feeling, Ted?)
Ted: Mai sabaii. Meua wan nii tawng sia (Not great. Yesterday my stomach was really upset.)
KaGC (with a smile): Oooh. Na rawn ma laew. (Oooh. It's hot season.)
Ted (laughing inwardly and a little depressed): Chai. Na rawn. (Yes. Hot season).

Luckily, the last such exchange, Phi managed to salvage a little of my respect for the Thai departments of Health and Education. He explained to me that in hot season "You have to be careful, because there are more flies and rats and things, and you have to only go to the clean restaurants. Farang (white people) don't have very strong stomachs and get sick a lot this time of year."

Great.

My hypothesis - that my Laos airlines meal was left to fester on a 110-degree tarmac somewhere for a couple of hours before it was served to me on my flight back from Luang Prabang - may seem similarly absurd to those uninitiated to Pasteur, so I try not to judge.

So yes! It's na rawn here in Chiang Mai, and man, is it hot. It also hasn't rained since October, so it's dry, which makes the leaves fall off everything and the crops shrivel up. The natural response to all this yard rubbish is to burn everything, which causes major, major problems for air quality.

When my plane was landing on Saturday, I was gazing out the window so I could watch Doi Suthep, the mountain to the west of town, as we came in. The airport is only about 2.5 miles from the summit, so the views can be great. Except I couldn't see Doi Suthep at all. It was like it wasn't there. It was afternoon; the sun should have been at least silhouetting the mountain through the haze. It wasn't. I panicked for a moment and thought I must have gotten on the wrong plane.

One of the few things I noticed on Sunday, as I was briefly conscious between bouts of restless sleep, is that a couple of very industrious spiders had built massive webs in the upper corners of my room. And then I noticed that those spiderwebs were black. The air here is that bad.

The only redeeming feature of na rawn, as anyone will tell you, is Songkran, the week-long Thai new year, also commonly referred to as "the largest drunken water fight in the world." Songkran starts one month from today... can't hardly wait.

2009-03-04T21:04:00.000+07:00

This afternoon I sat by myself in a cafe on a river. I read Hemingway and thought that, given the circumstances, I should get drunk.

What stopped me wasn't a cultural sensitivity or a carpe diem "you're only in Laos once" attitude. It was a handful of uncooked greens that led to a 36-hour gnawing stomach cramp that was only then subsiding. If I was going to enjoy Laos - or Hemingway for that matter - it seemed prudent to abstain.

Reading Hemingway makes me want to write. I think it is because he lets so much go by unsaid. I find myself wanting to fill in the blanks. So here I am in Luang Prabang, in front of a computer with a crappy keyboard, with no real story to tell.

Sam left this afternoon, after we shared a dizzying and incredible 10 days together. We filled up my passport by visiting too many places in too little time. In Krabi, I got to the top of a climb and declared that it was the most beautiful place I had ever been. In Hanoi, Asia felt new all over again as I marveled at all of the activity on the streets. And in Luang Prabang...

I'm still not really sure. Something is preventing me from loving this place. Could be the raw veggies.

In retrospect, one of the funniest differences between Sam and me during the trip was that Sam would, by default, assume the food was dangerous, and I, after nine perfectly healthy months in Thailand, would assume it safe. By the end of our time together, I was basically cutting his questions ("Do you think this water is safe?") short.

At dinner, again reading Hemingway, I thought about what a Thai person would ask, when confronted with American food. I then considered the irony of a Thai man getting badly sick by eating a peanut butter sandwich, against all odds.

I go back to Chiang Mai on Saturday, and have nobody but Hemingway and Augusten Burroughs to keep me company, so odds are I'll make it back here before then. Sam has promised to blog about our trip, so with any luck I can keep things anecdotal and philosophic.

Where I've Been, Where I'm Going

2009-02-15T13:50:00.000+07:00

Okay, I admit, I've been a very bad blogger lately. It doesn't mean that I don't miss you guys, because I certainly do. It's just that I've been too busy doing cool, exciting things to take a couple of afternoons to sit down and get caught up on 2.5 months worth of blogging. My todo list says that I owe you stories on the following topics:

2-Day Housewarming Extravagansa
December border run to Burma (wayyyy better than last time)
Getting my Thai Drivers' License
Meghan and Adam's visit; New Year's on Koh Chang
A DeBeers ad in the NYTimes magazine; American's newfound propensity for lynching rich people
Discovering and exploring what we believe to be the deepest cave in Thailand
Getting certified as a Wilderness First Responder
Launching a brand new Chiang Mai Rock Climbing Adventures website
Lisa Kelley's visit
My upcoming vacation with Sam to Krabi, Hanoi, and Luang Prabang

Ok, so now you're caught up, right? So I can start from today?

I'm really hoping to write more about at least some of that stuff, but if you don't want to wait (possibly forever), then give me a call.

Miss you guys a whole hell of a lot. Today marks the start of my 9th month in Thailand!

Elderly Women Sitting in an Airport, or: How My Parents Had Eight Days Added to Their Vacation

2009-01-04T17:33:00.000+07:00

When my parents first booked their trip to Thailand, I was concerned. 15 days, including an arrival just before midnight and a departure at 6am, just didn't seem like enough time for them to do everything that they wanted to do. I already promised my Thai host family that we would attend their two-day housewarming extravaganza on the 22nd and 23rd, so after 4 days in Bangkok, the Conbeers had about 6 free days in Chiang Mai to try to understand my life, meet my friends, and explore northern Thailand.

Thankfully, the PAD understood my anxiety, and decided to take over Suvarnabhumi Airport. The political protests were mostly nonviolent, and in fact the protestors were primarily older women and children, but since the Thai police and army were caught in a bit of a political quagmire, the airports were closed for about a week until the Thai Supreme Court ruled to dissolve the ruling political party, citing electoral fraud. The next day, the airports were reopened, and my parents managed to book a flight back home four days later.

But what that meant is that we had an extra eight days together, which afforded lots of time for daily massages and a very laid-back approach to sightseeing. Plus, it meant that I got to eat at every restaurant in Chiang Mai on somebody else's dime, so I can't complain.

Some highlights: watching my dad tap into his old motorcycle-racing days while riding his 125cc Honda Click motorbike; having a great, big dinner with friends and family at Riverside; showing my parents Crazy Horse, the climbing area, and taking them to the hot springs; becoming rather good friends with the masseuses at the local 120-Baht/hour massage place (they like daily customers); and giving alms to 11,250 monks. [Photos]

There was also the super-mega highlight of the two-day housewarming extravagansa, which merits its own post, coming shortly. Happy New Year, everyone!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T21:59:00.000+07:00

Santa has already come and gone on this half of the globe, but I wanted to take a second to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I miss you and love you, and cannot wait to be reunited in 2009!

Spending Christmas in a Buddhist country, where the holiday is at best a novelty, is pretty strange, especially if you are like me and have never been away from home for the holidays. But it was great to have Meghan and Adam here, and we had a very relaxed and fun day, and while it would have been nicer to be home, it was pretty good here, too. Plus, Santa didn't forget to stop by my little townhouse, so I guess he got the memo.

We booked tickets today to go south to Koh Chang for New Years, and we have a visit with my host family and a day at the Elephant Nature Park scheduled between then and now, but I'm going to really buckle down when we get back to try to get this blog current!

Thanks again for reading - friends and family that care enough to visit here are the only present I really care about. Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and good night!

The Big Mango

2008-12-23T23:19:00.000+07:00

The first two things I noticed about Bangkok were that the taxis were all sorts of crazy, bright colors, and that people keep to the right when they walk on the sidewalk.

In Chiang Mai, the taxis are all a dusty, deep red, and people walk on the left, which is where you would expect them to walk in a country where you drive on the left side of the road.

That - and the fact that a fresh cup of coffee is surprisingly hard to come by - are all I really have to say about my trip to meet my parents in Bangkok, which ended roughly a month ago. The rest is pretty well-documented in the captions of my photos, which you can find here. It was great to see my parents, and even better to tour Bangkok with them and live the high life for a few days, but I think you can get the gist from the photos. Much more on watching Mom and Dad navigate Asia in a forthcoming post about showing them around Chiang Mai.

One thing that went almost completely undocumented was the Yara Bangkok Challenge, the adventure race I did with Elena just 12 short hours before my parents arrived. Afterwards, I said that the race was by far the hardest thing I'd ever done, and Elena, who has run a marathon and summitted Kilamanjaro (separate incidents), agreed. After 6 hours and 23 minutes of exhausting Type-II fun, we'd biked 46km and ran 16.5km on roads, through temples, and across rice paddies; swam 0.5km upwind across a lake wearing backpacks and lifejackets and dragging a truck-tire innertube; kayaked 4.5km in the midday sun; accidentally waded through a sewage pit; and crossed the finish line 21st out of 39 teams (or 4th of 9 in our Mixed division).

Some lessons were learned: 1) Eat bananas beforehand. I was dealing with major leg cramps for the last 2.5 hours. 2) Don't eat a lot of GORP in the morning, and only drink water before the bike sections. Your body doesn't have much blood left for digestion, and all of the liquid bouncing around on the runs just doesn't feel good. 3) Bring sunblock. 6.5 hours of sweating and swimming is too much for even the heartiest lotion. 4) Pick your teammate. Elena and I were having a great time, in spite of cramps, sunburn, and exhaustion, while the guys we were battling for the last two hours were swearing at each other the whole way. We named them the Assholes. (Their name ended up being the STUDS, which is somehow unsurprising.) Guess who won?
[Full results, times, photos (none of me) and distances are here, if you care!]

Battlezone, Chiang Mai

2008-11-29T11:55:00.003+07:00

No, this isn't about the much-publicized political protests and airport closures in Bangkok.

This is about Loi Krathong, the Thai holiday that occurs on the full moon in November. This was two weeks ago, but things have been a little crazy, so I'm writing about it now.

Loi Krathong is a festival of lights, but where the Jews light candles, the Thais light fireworks. Big fireworks. Which include homemade bombs packed into terra cotta pots with short, unpredictable fuses. Real fun stuff.

But I digress.

Loi Krathong is a time for Buddhists to make merit and give themselves good luck by floating handmade boats down rivers, in lakes, etc. at night time. In fact, Loi means "to float" and Krathong is the name of the little barges with candles and incense on them. This means that (even without the "googled" phenomenon), Loi Krathong is both a verb and a noun, and both singular and plural. This leads to such usages as:

"I need to go home (to, for) Loi Krathong."

"My girlfriend is mad at me because I didn't Loi Krathong with her."

"My Krathong didn't Loi."

And my favorite, "Loi that Krathong."

And here I am, just before I Loi that Krathong:

In case this seems potentially boring, it is all made much, much more exciting (read: terrifying) by the fact that, as you Loi your Krathong, you are an exposed target for every male over the age of 8 to shoot fireworks at. Any supposedly serene, peaceful, or romantic moment is erased, as everyone's yearly Krathong wish becomes "Please, Buddha, just let me survive Loi Krathong."

I don't know if I can adequately express the terror of the three days of Loi Krathong, except to say that no matter where you are, you are never safe. I was sitting in my living room, just after sunset on the first night, and I kept jumping out of my seat as random explosions took place just feet from my front door. One bomb was so big that it set off car alarms on my street. And there aren't even cars on my street.

Anyway, I managed to make it through Loi Krathong with all of my fingers and toes, and although I'm not sure that my hearing will ever recover, it was kind of worth it, because I also got to take part in one of the oldest and most beautiful Thai traditions. About three days before the Loi-ing officially begins, there is a festival at a local university at which about 10,000 fire lanterns are released at once. It was truly an incredible sight that I'll never forget. A friend got pretty good video of it a few years ago, so you can get some kind of an idea. (Click the photo to view; requires QuickTime)

In other news, the airports in Bangkok have been closed for three days, with no forseeable end in sight. Everyone is hopeful that this will resolve itself by the King's birthday on December 5th, but nobody really knows for sure. Mom and Dad are rebooked on a flight back to the States on the 8th, and with any luck they'll be able to get home then.

But as long as you're not trying to go anywhere, life in Thailand, and particularly in Chiang Mai, goes on, unaffected.

Out of Hand

2008-11-27T01:58:00.001+07:00

Thanks to several of you for concerned calls and emails over the past 24 hours. Things seem to have gotten a little out of hand down in Bangkok at the moment, but everything is, as always, completely normal in Chiang Mai. The only remote concern that I have is that Mom and Dad won't be able to fly down to Bangkok on Friday, and then to the States on Sunday. However, we're all pretty optimistic that the 50 million Baht/day cost of having Suvarnabhumi airport closed will push the otherwise-sluggish Thai bureaucracy to find a solution quickly. I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, the trip to Bangkok was incredible, and Mom and Dad's visit to Chiang Mai has been even better. I leave you with this gem as a teaser:

And I'm Off!

2008-11-13T18:52:00.000+07:00

Leaving for Bangkok in about an hour! It's going to be a fun-filled and action-packed trip. I'm staying with Alanna on Friday night, and then I'm doing an adventure race with Elena all day Saturday. The parentals get in on Saturday night, and then it's two or three days of touring the big city before bringing them back to Chiang Mai! Next weekend my Thai family is having a two-day housewarming extravaganza, and my (um, real) parents and I are sleeping in the new house, which should provide for some funny cross-cultural moments.

I'm going to have a lot to write about, so stay tuned!

Halloween

2008-11-10T23:42:00.000+07:00

Alright, so it's been a while, and I've got some catching up to do, so I'm going to keep this short.

I went out for Halloween last week with my roommate, Dao, and some of her friends. The rich culture of Halloween is sort of lost on the Thais, but the collegiate spirit remains the same: it's viewed as a night when you can go out hard, and nobody really looks at you twice for looking or acting a little strange.

After dinner, we headed to Tawan Dang, a huge, warehouse-sized bar and concert hall in Chiang Mai. I think it's named after the much more famous German brew house and live music venue in Bangkok, but that's about where the similarities end.

If Halloween is a night when little abnormalities are overlooked (if not celebrated), then Tawan Dang is the ideal venue for such an occasion. Functionally, it's pretty much like any other Thai mega-bar. There is a huge stage, absolutely no dance floor, and a couple hundred tables that are waited on by cute girls wearing 100 Pipers or San Miguel uniforms. People order bottles of whiskey and soda water, and you sit or dance around your table, having a good old time.

Except Tawan Dang is kind of Facist. Tawan Dang means "Red Sun," and around the border of the whole bar are 20-foot tall portraits, the kind you would see at Mussolini rally or in V for Vendetta. And there are certainly a few portraits that hit the mark: a couple of Thai generals are the first thing you see when you walk in.

But then things get weird. Turn to your left, and you see these guys:

That's right: Elvis, Che Guevara, and Karl Marx. Turn your head a little more, and you see a Marx-sized portrait of Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Thailand is a strange, strange place.

[More pictures of Halloween]

Work: An Introduction

2008-10-29T09:13:00.000+07:00

So some of you (namely my mother) have been asking for more details about work and life in general. I'm at work, and don't really have a lot of time to write at the moment, but I thought a glimpse at the company iTunes would give you guys a good glimpse of what it's like to work here.

Keep in mind that we have a stereo system installed, so these choice selections are routed through the entire office and looped all day long.

Express Your Vote

2008-10-27T12:17:00.000+07:00

Technology is amazing!

Finally, today, after months of eager anticipation and repeated ballot reapplications, I received my absentee ballot... by email. I was pretty excited until I realized that my ballot has roughly one week to make it to the States, which would probably set some kind of speed record for Thai post.

So I went to the Chiang Mai US Consulate web page, which informed me that the consulate will be closed from October 23 - November 11, for no apparent reason. Great.

However, then I dug a little deeper and was led to this page, my saving grace, called Express Your Vote. EYV is a joint initiative between the Overseas Vote Foundation and FedEx that allows US citizens living abroad to FedEx their absentee ballots for a special rate. In Asia, that special rate is FREE.

So I'm going to fill out my ballot later today and swing by the Chiang Mai FedEx branch early tomorrow. My ballot is guaranteed to be in Cook County two days later, and I get a FedEx tracking number to make sure. I heart FedEx.

All that said, I know pretty much nothing about Illinois, Cook County, or Winnetka politics, so please feel free to tell me how to vote. If, say, you have a beef with Judge Themis N. Karnezis of the 12th Circuit Court, now is the time to air your dirty laundry. I'm especially riveted to hear peoples' thoughts on the proposed Illinois State Constitution Convention.

All Good

2008-10-14T10:08:00.000+07:00

Despite a few concerned emails to the contrary, I still have both of my legs attached firmly to my body. Swelling is down, nothing is infected, and the bruise is fading. I never had a fever and therefore never needed antibiotics.

It's all good.

I'm planning on exacting my revenge on Class Insecta by importing Cane Toads. That should show those buggers.

Small Amazing Things, pt. 4: Bugs

2008-10-13T22:28:00.001+07:00

Taking this series to its most literal extreme, I wanted to talk a bit about tiny little things that are everywhere around here: bugs.

I have been in Thailand for nearly four months, and I swear that I have seen a new, different insect every single day. The biodiversity, nevermind the population size, is astounding, and really makes you wonder why we humans think that this is our planet.

Some are beautiful, some are strange. Some are huge, and others tiny. I have watched spiders hunt, stuck my ear up to a stingless bee's tube hive, and fed ants to Antlions (NERD alert: definitely the inspiration for Luke's mode of almost-execution at the beginning of Return of the Jedi). As I noted last week, I've even seen bugs wrestle.

I've eaten bamboo worms, grasshoppers big and small, bees, ants (mostly unintentionally) and giant water bugs:

I occasionally swat at cockroaches at home, and have waged a pretty impressive chemical war against mosquitoes.

Until Saturday, I would have said the Ted v. Bugs scorecard would have shown me with a considerable lead. And then everything changed.

I was driving my motorbike on the highway to go climbing early in the morning when I felt something hit the inside of my thigh. This happens occasionally: trucks kick up gravel or sand, and it stings your shins, thighs, or chest.

Except the stinging didn't stop. It actually got much worse. I instinctively reached down and pulled an enormous wasp out of my leg. I then freaked out, pulled over, closed the face mask of my helmet (so nobody would hear me?) and started screaming in pain. I waited about five minutes to make sure I wasn't going to pass out, then I got back on my bike and drove on.

I climbed all day in spite of the discomfort, although I could tell something was definitely not quite right. That night, I went out to stay with my host family, had a few beers, and forgot all about it.

In the morning I woke up to a stiff leg, and a red lump on the inside of my thigh that was about the size of my palm. But things kept getting worse. By Sunday night, the swelling had wrapped around the back of my leg and down towards my knee. My skin was stretched tight like a drum, and the inner half of my leg felt half-asleep and half-itchy.

Right now (about 62 hours after the sting), my right thigh is about double the size of my left, and the inside is turning from an irritated red to a bruised purple. I tried to take pictures, but it's my hairy, pale thigh, and you don't actually want to see that.

If it's not better in the morning, I'm going to the hospital. You win, bugs. You win.

Much-needed catch-up post

2008-10-08T15:34:00.013+07:00

Okay, so I've been delinquent lately, especially with posting photos. So, risking a really bulky post, here's a blow-by-blow of the last three weeks or so [photos].

Kwang's Wedding. Kwang, a guide at CMRCA, got married three weeks ago [photos]. The wedding itself was a surprisingly small part of this weekend spectacle. The company rented a van and drove south to Nakonsawang, about 6 hours away, where Kwang's wife, Boy, is from. We had a student program the day before the wedding, so we left at about 9pm. Taw drove while the rest of us drank beer in the back. We were tired, and they are Thai, so it didn't take long for things to get interesting.

We arrived at about 3am, and the wedding started roughly 4 hours later, at the auspicious hour of 7:39am. This is so it could end at 9:39am, the luckiest of all times of the day (3 is a lucky number in the Thai culture; 9, or 3 3's, is the luckiest). The wedding went roughly like this: we sat in plastic chairs under a tent. Monks and everyone important went into the house and did a bunch of things we couldn't see or really hear. Then we each gave our blessing to the new married couple by pouring fragrant water over their hands, and gave them a gift of cash in the envelope that we received our wedding invitation in. A short reception followed, but it was hot, and the late morning, we were all exhausted, and the music was uninspiring, so nothing to great went down.

However! then the fun began. We raided the reception's leftover whiskey (of which there was a LOT - that's what happens when your reception begins at 10am) and drove to a large lake nearby. The drinking began in earnest as the CMRCA group and a couple of other climbers from Bangkok and Krabi relaxed on the beach eating Som Tam. There was a lot of typical Thai (read: 12-year old) fun and shenanigans, such as throwing people into the lake, burying people in the sand (and adding Kathoey anatomy), and telling stupid jokes. It was a hell of a good time.

The next day, we made our way back to Chiang Mai, but the normally 6-hour drive took about 10, since we stopped and made quite a few detours to hit up famous shops, stands, and markets, including one that sold massive dried fish, another that was a big candy store (not that impressive), and a third that sold just Guava. Guava is widely available in Chiang Mai. I have no idea why that stop was so important (or exciting). We also drove a bit out of the way to have lunch at Pui's house in Uttaradit, which was really nice. And the whole thing was very fun, and typical of a Thai Tiow.

Climbing. I have been climbing a lot, partially because it's been amazing, and partially because I'm slowly realizing that there's not a lot else to do here. Went bouldering with some friends a few weeks ago at a beautiful spot next to a river about a third of the way up Doi Suthep, just east of Chiang Mai:

I've also been heading out to Crazy Horse quite a lot, and am starting to feel really good about the way I'm climbing. I'm on-sighting routes that I couldn't touch when I got here (6b+!), and I climbed my first multi-pitch last week.

Homestay. I've been going out to visit my Thai family about every other week, which has been fun, grounding and relaxing. Last time, I learned a game that apparently small children and drunk men alike play.

It goes like this: 1) Clap your hands on your thighs 2) Clap your hands together. 3) Simultaneously, grab your nose with your left hand and your left ear with your right hand. 4) Clap your thighs 5) Clap your hands. 6) Grab your nose with your right hand, and your right ear with your left hand. Repeat, and increase the pace. Try not to poke yourself in the eyes or grab both your ears.

It is also Kwang wrestling season (chone kwang), so the markets are all abuzz with the large beetles. Boys buy them as pets, and keep them tethered to sugar cane with yarn or locked up inside of a takeout soda cup. Men force them to wrestle, and gamble on the outcome. Here's a short video of the action, but I also took a few pretty pictures.

The Kwangs don't appear to actually get hurt during the fight... those big teeth are actually just horns that they use to scrape away sugar cane. It's incredible how much fun it can be to be in a big crowd and watch one insect try to push another off of a stick.

Work. I've been working outside a lot lately, which is fun, but also exhausting. Monday and Tuesday of this week we had a group of 16 students from Pacific Discovery. This was a really hard program to run, because it was CMRCA's first-ever two-day program, plus we set up our new Tyrolean traverse for them, and got them really muddy by taking them down into the Furnace cave. The real problem was that nobody had been in the Furnace cave in 3 months, since it's flooded during the rainy season. It's a squeezy-crawly type cave, and mud gets washed in with the rain. Plus, there were a couple of, um, bigger kids in the group. So on Sunday about five of us from CMRCA spent 5 hours in the cave, digging the passage wider where there was a lot of mud, and scooping (I think) around 2000 gallons of water out of the deepest section to drop the water level about 8 inches so it was passable. It was pretty funny watching small Thai men try to approximate the size of someone with a 48" waist, and really, really impressive to watch Taw engineer a mud dam and devise a system that allowed us to easily drain water. Crawling in a hot, wet cave and moving mud and water around is exactly as exhausting as it sounds. But also as fun as it looks:

Adventure Racing. Elena Olivi and I are signed up for the Bangkok Challenge, an adventure race just outside Thailand's capitol. There are biking, kayaking, swimming, and trail running (with obstacles!) components in the 6+ hour race. Because we are hard core (and because we didn't want to get shafted with a shorter race), we signed up for the "Extreme" division, which is for "For very fit competitors and experienced racers," instead of just the lame "Adventure" division. Currently, "very fit" and "experienced" is a less-than-accurate description of Elena and me, but I'm determined to be as "Extreme" as possible, so last week I bought a bicycle, some bike shorts, and a Lance Armstrong jersey, so I'll at least look the part (Floyd and Levi for president!).

Today I went for my first real training ride up Doi Suthep. It was really amazing - about 100 times better than I thought it could be. Hopefully more on that tomorrow.

Small Amazing Things, pt. 3: Food, or: Sharing is Caring

2008-10-01T22:05:00.000+07:00

Sorry that I've been away for a little while. As things have been deteriorating in the States, I've been spending more and more time reading the news, and less time writing about little ol' me.

James O'Toole was visiting this week from Khon Kaen. It was really nice to have him around, especially now, when I think I've definitely entered phase II, and I'm finding more of these small Thai things to be less Amazing, and more Annoying.

But in an attempt to buoy my spirits and beat out culture shock, I'm going to focus on the things I really love about this place.

Before I came to Thailand, people talked a lot about the food, how delicious it is, and how lucky I was to go to Thailand because I would eat so well, etc. Well, the food certainly is delicious, although it took some getting used to, but that is not what this post is about.

I really love the communal aspect of Thai food, and not just in the family dinner sense. Food here is really the stitching in the social fabric: eating is never a solo affair, and there is no social or even business event that can occur without food. If there is any food out in any circumstances, it is impolite in Thailand not to encourage others (especially your elders) to "eat up."

Today we had a small student group go climbing with CMRCA, and on our way home from the program, we stopped by the restaurant that caters our food (i.e. fries rice) to drop off their tupperware. Two uniquely Thai things happened:

There was a handpainted cardboard sign on the front door of the restaurant/guesthouse complex that simply said (in Thai) "Closed 7 Days." There was no explanation, or even a date. Just "Closed 7 Days" and a locked door. Of course, they didn't want to inconvenience us (greng jai!), so they cooked lunch for us this week anyway, and we let ourselves in.

We had all been active all day, and so Muad and Phi dug out a half-eaten omelette and a box of chicken, and we all had a little snack before handing the tupperware over to be washed. I guess our "Aunt" at the restaurant noticed we were hungry, because she emerged a few minutes later, without any warning, with a huge, steaming hot bowl of "Young Pumpkin Curry" (gaeng fucktawng awn).

We each paid for some sticky rice, shared a Coke, and enjoyed an absolutely delicious meal that was prepared by a people whose restaurant wasn't even open. It was a such an incredible gesture of kindness, and yet I bring it up more beacuse it's a good example of something completely commonplace than because it was an extraordinary act by unusually kind restaurateurs. What wonderful people live in this place.

Small Amazing Things, pt. 2: No OSHA

2008-09-23T13:17:00.000+07:00

I didn't realize what a pervasive force the Occupational Safety and Health Administration was until I got to Thailand. In the past, I always considered OSHA to be silly, and their rules, standards, and recommendations to be insanely cautious.

But I didn't realize how ingrained all of that stuff is in me! There's a certain amount of common-sense safety that we grow up with, and I see things here that make me squeamish all the time. Whether it's guys at work using a precariously-balanced stepladder, bricklayers working high atop bamboo scaffolds, or people using huge cleavers to debone chickens in the market, I can't help but think about what will inevitably go terribly wrong. I've been amazed in the past that so many people here still have all of their fingers and toes.

But nothing beats what I saw this morning: there was a construction crew ripping up the road that I take to work every day. It was nothing too unusual, just a typical road-resurfacing job like what you'd see in the States. And then I saw a guy operating a JACKHAMMER in bare feet.

I really almost stopped to take a photo, but I was on my motorbike in the middle of three lanes of traffic. I'm planning on going back this afternoon to see if he's still at it.

Cubs Win, and Small Amazing Things, pt. 1

2008-09-21T14:21:00.001+07:00

This short post is about two things that happened this week that make me happy. First off, the Cubs are the National League Central Champions! Take that, Milwaukee. Of course, this incredible event has Cubs fans all over the globe thinking just one thing: Dad, when are you going to buy a Slingbox?

I'm really going to try my best to keep up this idea that I mentioned last time of just putting up short posts about things that make me happy here. I've decided to title this series Small Amazing Things for two reasons. First, it's a rip-off of the title of my favorite climbing short featuring my favorite climber, Dave Graham. Second, it can be pronounced "small am(asia)ing things" by people in the know.

My first Small Amazing Thing is, oddly enough, Uma Thurman-inspired. In Pulp Fiction, Vincent Vega takes Marcellus Wallace's wife out to dinner at Jackrabbit Slim's, and Mia Wallace goes to the bathroom to, um, powder her nose ("I said GODDAMN!"). When she comes back, she remarks, "Don't you just love it when you go to the bathroom, and you come back to find your food waiting for you?"

Yes, Mia, I DO love that!

I think Thai people must be the most observant and caring people in the world. If I sniffle in the morning, someone asks me if I'm sick before I even realize that I sniffled. When I stay up late, people somehow know I'm tired. If I try to sit in a way that is polite, but subtly shift my weight a few times, Thai people tell me to make myself comfortable and not worry about where my feet are pointing. When I was in my home stay, if I had a little bit of a hard time shelling a clam or deboning a fish, before I even knew what was going on, my Thai mom would place a small pile of extracted meat on my plate. And of course, when I'm drinking, if my glass begins to approach empty, it is instantly refilled.

I've been spending a lot of time with farang (white people) lately, but last night, I went back out to visit my Thai family, and everybody's awareness hit me like a ton of bricks. Mae Noi and co. had about twelve people over for dinner, and at one point during the meal the conversation got pretty lively, and I got pretty lost. I tried as hard as I could to listen for a few minutes, but then I figured that I would take the opportunity to slip away unnoticed, go to the bathroom and return a text message. When I got back - maybe sixty seconds later - Pi Aed was still on his rant, but my plate had a fresh pile of steaming food, and my glass was overflowing with ice cold beer. I think it was Mae Noi's small, amazing way of saying that she hadn't forgotten about me.

A really stupid post. But it's true!

2008-09-17T23:07:00.000+07:00

Sometimes things are almost too good to be true.

Today, less than 24 hours after complaining in my PiA report about my total inability to find a decent bag in Chiang Mai, I was climbing after work when my friend Ben came by the office. After a few seconds of hellos, he asked me:

"Are you looking to buy a bag, by any chance?"

"Have you been reading my blog?" I asked.

Ben owns a beautiful, 1-year old Patagonia messenger bag that has a separate, padded pocket for a laptop and an extra strap to secure the bag when you're on a bike. It is big enough to hold a notebook and a change of clothes, but still smaller than my backpack. It is exactly (EXACTLY!) what I have been looking for.

Ben had, in fact, not been reading my blog. Ben, like some of my female friends (and I think my Mom would say my Dad, also), has a bag problem. He loves bags, and buying new bags. He even says he buys too many purses for his girlfriend. He thinks he has about twelve backpacks.

So Ben is purging some of his less-loved bags. And I happen to be standing in the right spot at the right time to hold back his hair.

On Friday, we're making it official, and I will finally be able to stop using my hated bag that causes me nothing but stress because the shoulder strap likes to unbuckle itself when I walk around or drive my motorbike.

My life will be complete.