Tee Jay's Thoughts & Observations

Free Pizza for a year...

2019-11-13T14:01:00.001-05:00

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Saggy Boobies- Random Thoughts

2016-01-27T15:57:00.000-05:00

Have you ever stood in front of a full length mirror- naked?

Not you heffas in your 20's...this is for my over 35 crowd.

Let me walk you through my mind. Be careful and watch your step.

#SingleLife #RelationshipGoals #LoveIsNotDead #SaggyBoobies #Random

So, some 10 years ago (dang!) I watched this "Oprah" episode dedicated to boobs. Yeah!

Breasts, titties, mosquito Bites, melons, cans..all that; I think it had something about bras.

You know how we aren't wearing the correct size and we need to get fitting regularly because breasts change sizes with weight gain and loss and blah blah blah blah.

Well, there was this test they said you could to see if your boobs were already starting to sag.

And like a dummy, I took the test. Remember this was ten years ago so, the boobs were still sitting up noice. I mean, at least I thought there were.

So the test went like this...get a pencil or pen, place it under your boob, and then put your arms down. Does the pencil/pen move, slip out, or fall? No- then your boobs are still sitting up high. Congratulations. If it does- your boobs are starting to sag. Or maybe is was if your nipple hangs below the pencil when you sit or stand...I don't remember but that's not important. I mean it is but its not.

Cut to- present day and me standing in front of this full length mirror.

Yeah, I'm brave like that, even though I typically don't wear my glasses when I do it so I look skinnier but I digress.

Standing here makes me wonder...especially since it's been 10 years...what constitutes saggy boobs.

I mean I know that boobs sag, I know this. Hello I took the quiz but are they only considered saggy when they like touch your stomach? Is it all about the nipple? Like when they droop or don't point straight out? I really hope not because mine are cross eyed. I'm not sure if that helps or hinders me.

Do guys really care about saggy boobies? I mean can't you just pick up them the same way you would cup a supple one?

And what is a supple breast anyway. Supple means bending and moving easily; flexible-shoot that's a saggy boob.

So, I guess me and my saggy, supple boobies don' have anything to worry about.

...*sigh*

Switching Teams

2016-01-27T09:10:00.000-05:00

First I want to thank you all for being here.

I really appreciate you reading this.

After much consideration this year

Ups and Downs

And still falling short

I have decided to...take my talents to women.

#SingleLife #RelationshipGoals #LoveIsNotDead #SwitchingTeams

Yup

I'm switching teams.

I like Your girl now and not like how I used to like her. I like her, Like her.

So ladies, hit me up

Uh but only if you are between the sizes 8-14.

I really the only believe the only reason for me to switch teams is to maximize my closet. And I've been an 8 and a 14 so if my new boo wants to embark on a cleanse with her or go to the Beer, Bacon and Bourbon festival with her, I'm cool with that. soooo yeah.

Look, so let me say this, before I get inundated with messages- I'm kidding...I mean unless someone wants to take me out to dinner. I haven't been taken out to dinner in a minute. I will even get dressed up for you. I will press my yoga pants.

I just want to say to my fellow single folks.

hey - its gonna be okay.

okay

everything is gonna be alright

it will

because you are smart, kind, important and beautiful.

and STILL

don't nobody want us so oh well.

Romance, No-mance

2015-10-08T11:05:00.003-04:00

I will admit it- romantic comedies/dramas have poisoned my mind and warped my perception of reality.

They did…and I let them. I ate that shit up like Thanksgiving dinner.

But I have to wonder, in a world of excess and posturing- has the art of a romantic gesture died?

I mean musicians brag about what they have But not how they treat their lady. Hell, they’ll brag about how they doing some other cats lady!

Women boast about all their man does for them while bragging about how they can keep him satisfied because their “pussy on fleek”. Yeah, I guess.

So…in 2015, what is considered a grand or even small romantic gesture?

*Where is Darius reworking a poem on the fly and calling it “A Blues for Nina”?

-Where is Dre writing “Will you go out with me (check) YES or NO?”

+Where is Mark, trekking out in the snow, with a new diary (even though he read about the unflattering things you wrote about him)?

=Where is Noah…and that beautiful dream house?

^Where is (ladies) Josie- putting herself out there, waiting on her love to come and grant her, her first kiss?

Now of course many of these are for theatrics. I understand that but a likeness could happen in real life. I’d like to believe they still happen. I have been on the receiving end of a grand gesture or two; and the giving end so I know the art hasn’t flatlined.

I just worry that kids these days won’t know anything about the art because they don’t see it anymore.

Just some random thoughts on this Thursday morning.

References

*Love Jones

-Brown Sugar

+Bridget Jones’ Diary

=The Notebook

^Never Been Kissed

Let's Take Dip

2015-10-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

~~How do you get into a pool?~~

~~Falling in love~~

I find that you could use how people get into a pool as an example of how people treat love...like jumping into the deep end of the pool, head first like an Olympic diver. You have the "Cannonball"! Or the "step off". For some, these approaches works..uh for me not so much (but hey no judgement). I'm more of a sit on the side of the pool, dip my feet in the water and then slide (seductively) into the pool. No better, no worse but this approach works for me.

"See the walls I have up, are really more for your protection". I place them there because once I bring them down and you infiltrate my world and my heart- I have this crazy expectation of you not hurting me. I know right- it's crazy.

You spend x amount of time, trying to get to know me (and I, you). We rap about life and our personal history. We share fears and desires and even recipes. I tell you about the time I peed on myself from laughing so hard...and you laugh. You tell me about the time your brother went to prison...and I shed a quiet tear and a word of encouragement. We develop a routine and with each new experience, another piece of my wall comes down. I also feel as though the wall that you placed up, is also breaking down. I let you know that, I would never intentionally hurt you. You assure me of the same.

I'm in the pool. I didn't jump in but I made it in.
The water is all around me and I sink lower and lower.
Almost completely submerged except my eyes haven't made it underwater- yet.
I want them too. I want to let go and "drown" in your love but I don't.
My entire body is there. My heart is saying "let go. Come on in, the water is fine" but my eyes...they refuse to go under.

See my eyes know the truth (perhaps because of my brain) and I see trouble.
My heart says let it go and but my eyes make me pay attention. They show me, what I need to see (damn).
Not today maybe not even tomorrow but soon enough my heart will see- what my eyes saw.
Then my heart will feel- what my eyes saw.
Then that wall, that you meticulously chipped away will be replaced-for your protection.
Not mine.

Then I will return to my seat, on the side of the pool, waiting for the right time to dip my foot in or maybe the next time- I'll do a cannonball.

Starts with C ends in Y

2014-08-10T23:16:00.000-04:00

I think I may have gotten too old to use the word "fuckin" (no "g") as much as I do.
"Man that fuckin sucks". "Imma beat your fuckin ass". "This fuc'kin traffic is the worst!"
I think you get my point.
Honestly I think I use the word so much because I'm not doing it...take a minute (I'll wait).

Celibacy sucks- lol. I mean, well no it doesn't even do that huh? Celibacy is...hard.
Nope don't want to use that one either.

Celibacy can be very difficult. Yeah, difficult. I understand why we are supposed to wait till marriage before we engage in sexual activities. I understand why women, after the age thirty, start racing to the altar. Scientists believe that women hit their sexual peak in their mid to late thirties, so the sisters are tired of doing it for themselves and they want someone who will "love, honor, cherish" and occasionally give them an orgasm. For some strange reason men like to believe that when women get married they tire of having sex...they need to stop watching "Mad Men". Women love sex just as much as men, why do you think the "Fifty Shades" books are so popular? Those books aren't literature man...it's about sex. Or Zane and her books? Sex...sex...sex. Or "Spartacus?" Or "Power?" I mean yeah there is a story, a plot and character development but dude- there is a bunch of sex too. And when you ain't getting none (or passing it out) it just Magnifies all of it. I mean Good Lord! I don't wanna feel like a prude but I am five episodes in on my -free weekend of Starz- "Power" marathon and I need a damn cigarette (all they have been doing is screwing and it is like torture).

I mean I have gone through "spells" before. I have had self imposed sabbaticals a time or two (or three or four) but the drought is real man. I mean they say, "if you don't use it, you'll surely lose it" and well...I don't wanna lose mine yall! I really don't wanna lose it- shoot not before I find me someone that wants it all the time (well at least 2-3 times a week and once on the weekend). Seriously though, celibacy does allow me to think with a clear mind it does... it just leaves a girl hella tense-lol. And according to others, a little mean.

But them heffas don't know what they are talking about shiiiiiii I'm always nice.

I am not my hair? But aren't I?

2014-07-23T22:49:00.001-04:00

For many black women, you know what scratch that. I don't want this piece to get bogged down with race (even though I can only identify with a black woman because *come close* I am a black woman. I know right- shocker).

So allow me to start over...

For many Women, including myself- we can become overly attached to our hair. Our hair is our crowning glory. Its been with us all our lives and unless illness takes it from you, chances are you would never get rid of it. Oh you'll try different colors, different angles but you always bring it back. I know women who sported short, flattering dos for years and then their hair got longer and longer and longer and well you get my point. You tell a woman you are thinking - just thinking- about cutting your hair and the responses range from confusion, shock, upset, to them telling you not to do it. Its like you told them you were getting a divorce.

But in actuality- isn't that what it is? I'm sure there are many women who would disagree and say "oh its just hair" but those are women who've already divorced their hair. Or weren't really in a "committed" relationship with their hair. They made the big chop so any aversion to a chop seems foreign to them.

But for us others things are a bit different.

If you want to know if a woman is going through something, look at the top of her head. All of her secrets lie in all those locks (or lack thereof). A ponytail, a wrap,twists, braids, fade, jerri curl (they are still out there)...all these styles tell a story. Some, a trapped in the 80's story, but a story nonetheless.

India Arie had a song, "I am not my hair" but even she is rocking "hair" now.

We give our hair so much power (return to my earlier statement about knowing if a woman is going through something). If we need to "cut someone out of our life"...we cut off our hair. We feel weighted down by something- we cut the weight off...from our hair. We get a fresh do...we feel like we are on the top of the world.

So, what is it about our hair? I don't really have an answer but I will continue doing research via different hairstyles on this journey called life. And if I come up with an answer, I'll be sure to share.

Shut don't go up...

2014-07-10T22:04:00.002-04:00

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

Ya know sometimes you just have to be quiet...don't say anything.
Or maybe I should say it so you really get my point- don't say nothing!

I know it's hard but sometimes silence speaks much louder than any words.
Have you ever heard the expressions, "silence is golden" or "silence is loud"?
They are true.

You don't always have to have the last word.
That extra "okay"...yeah keep that to yourself and save it for a rainy day.
That long "uh huuuh" you feel creeping out of your mouth- shut it down.
Trust me...trust me...I know it is very hard.
I mean the phrase is right there and it just wants to come out and say "yeah right" but don't do it.
Keep the thought to yourself (you already having a conversation in your mind anyway).

Here's the thing, typically nothing good comes from those extra ad-libs and comments.
You are more likely to cause yet another argument (or prolong the heated discussion you are already involved in).
Just go to your corner and save your energy.
Take a moment.
Breathe and think of better comebacks than "okay" and "uh huuuh" <--you are better than those!

This has been a TJ-PSA.

Peace.

Loyalty, Schmalolaty...What does it really mean?

2014-07-09T22:38:00.001-04:00

I’m lost…has “loyalty” become the new buzz word of 2014? YOLO- remember that?

I mean it’s everywhere. On Facebook, twitter, Instagram, and the top 10 charts. All of a sudden everyone seems very interested in the loyalty of those around them. Why now? You weren't concerned with it before? And What really defines loyalty?

Well according one of the hottest songs out right now…it’s staying with a broke n*gga. Even though the song clowns him because said hoe (I'm not sure if this when she becomes a hoe or was she always a hoe) leaves the underfinanced gentleman and takes up with another guy because he is in a better place financially. Thus translating to being a unloyal hoe.

Ooooookay-lol. That is ridiculous...you know this right?

Sooo if the chick upgrades you for someone with fatter pockets does that forever create a cycle on unloyalness?

Interesting. Does this translate to all relationships or just romantic because folks do this with jobs all the time. Trust me if the EEOC offers me a better job than my current employer...well Imma take my talents to the EEOC.

Here is a question, if the guy drops said chick for another chick with say, better “assets” does that make him an unloyal hoe?

Or how about this, if you pursue a woman that you believe is a hoe, don’t you kind of set yourself up for the inevitable unloyal cycle?

See, I thought Snoop said some almost twenty years ago that “I don’t love these hoes” so why is a hoe’s unloyal/ anti-loyal behavior an issue? Or surprise for that matter.

If you don’t love a hoe, losing a hoe should be the equivalent of losing a bobby pin. Another one will appear out of nowhere when you need one (or least expect it) so losing one isn't going to be the end of the world.

Back to this new buzz word “loyalty”, what makes a person loyal? A person that is there through thick and thin despite whatever is going in their life? *cue scene from “Love and Basketball”…”I had to make curfew!” Sometimes we expect a great deal from people not realizing that they too have shit going on in their lives and bailing you out for the umpteenth time...is just not on their agenda right now.

Sometimes being loyal, means leaving you alone. Meaning you and I both know what you are doing is stupid and I am tired of telling you the same thing over and over sooooo Imma let you do your thing. But know that I love you and I will always be there for you. I just can't support *insert whatever foolishness they are involved in*. Loyalty isn't about constantly agreeing with someone. A real loyal person will call you out on your shit. Loyalty doesn't have anything to do with how long you known a person either. There isn't some secret test. I guess you just know. Well, I figure by the end of the year "Loyalty" will see just how loyal folks are; because by then it'll be on to the next new phrase. It'll probably have something to do with whatever "hoes" ain't doing ("these hoes ain't cooking. these hoes ain't cleaning").

Happy or Sad- it's your call

2014-04-10T15:24:00.002-04:00

“Clap along, if you feel like a room without a roof”—Out the box. Limitless.

“Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth”— Being sad (even though is happens) sucks. A hot shower, cold shot and/or a smile.

As Benjamin Franklin once said “The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself”

“Clap along, if you know what happiness is to you”—My family, framily, friends, love, laughter…

“Clap along if you know that’s what you want to do” – I’m clapping!!!

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” Dale Carnegie

Thirteen weeks ago…I had surgery to repair a torn ACL and inner and outer meniscus (that’s like three surgeries yo!).

About a week later I heard Pharrell’s “Happy” and burst into tears. I had just went to my first physical therapy appointment and I didn’t think I would be able to my knee back. I just sat there listening to this man talk to me about four weeks of this and then four weeks of that...and I was like “what did I just do to myself?”

I mean, it hurt. It hurt like hell to stand up. It hurt to sit down. It was uncomfortable to lie down with my leg elevated. I hated my crutches. I know, I know but still...it hurt.

I hated feeling helpless and then I heard this song and he says “clap along ,if you know that’s what you want to do” and instead of clapping I cried. I cried because I really did want to be happy, I did. I cried because I thought I was strong enough to handle recovery. I cried because I realized I wasn’t the “Superwoman” I once was…I was just like everyone else-lol. I had a weakness (more than just Hostess Cupcakes). I also think I was crying because I was high all the time. I don’t know how people function like that. I mean I only had a small dose and I still had the “Dropsies”. But I digress..

Thirteen weeks doesn’t seem that long but in that time, I can squat (you can’t imagine how interesting it was for me to go to the bathroom), I’m no longer using those blasted crutches, I’m not longer in the hellacious brace, and I can ride the bike now (if you saw me on my first day, you would have wanted to give me a hug-and I would have gladly taken it)!

My stamina is increasing. I am lunging, squatting, stepping up, curling, bending…I am getting my happy back. And it all began with me. See after I cried...I cried some more but then I realized why I was crying. I was scared. I was scared to fail (and fall-literally). I was scared that I would never be “Superwoman” again and once I realized all that, I took charge. I took charge of my recovery. I took charge of my "happy"!

For starters I took my fat ass to the gym and decided to work “with” my therapy instead of working “against it” (meaning I did my homework-for all you slow people).

I am not where I want to be…but I’m damn sure not where I used to be.

Each day I get better and betterer.

For that I clap!
I clap, because I am happy!

Where is my damn cape?!

I'm a people watcher

2014-03-30T19:34:00.000-04:00

Okay this is when my randomness probably matches your randomness.

The random act of people watching. It's really awesome and can help melt time away in pretty much any situation. Prime areas to people watch are the movies, the mall, the airport and (I know yall were waiting on this one) Walmart. Church does get an honorable mention but its more like wig/weave watching. And restaurants are also good places. 
Now some people are probably like, "people watching, what's that?" and to them I have two things to say the first- man please you know good damn well what I mean when I say people watching. Then again (the second thought) if you don't chances are You are the person being watched- HA. There are several things that might go through your mind while people watching. Really its more like a series of random questions. Do they not have mirrors in their house? Why do you think that still fits? Did it ever fit? Is their a lotion shortage? Where are you going? Are their friends evil? Did you make them mad? I bet he drinks heavily at night (oh snap that's the pilot). You must be super confident?

And then there is another trickling thing that might go through your head, or perhaps it's just mine. Who is watching me? I mean, while I am watching all these other folks, is someone watching me? Did they just see me kind of dig up my nose, I mean I didn't go All the way up my nose, just a little bit?

Let's Get Married!

2014-03-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

Can I talk you about one of my fears for a moment? No, this not about my fear of eventually becoming a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” or having toilet water splash on my booty while I’m on the commode. This is the “other” fear…marriage.

Ten years ago I was so ready to get married and have babies. I totally romanticized the notion of marriage. I thought about the wedding. The dress. Band or DJ? My bridesmaids. Keep in mind I didn’t even have a candidate for the groom but that didn't keep me from thinking about/planning it.

I think every girl, at least once, thinks about her wedding. Even the most hardcore of females, thinks about the day where all eyes are on her and there is a massive Soul Train line and ChaCha slide. And that’s what I thought about until...the feelings subsided.

Seven years ago the feelings returned- stronger than ever- and this time I had someone for the candidate of the groom (YEAH). I was older but not wiser because I still saw marriage as some romantic fairytale. I blame romantic comedies. You know the ones where the guy “says” he doesn’t want to get married and then the girl creates this happy, blissful life that the guy changes his mind because what he meant all along was “I didn’t want to get married until you convinced me”. As I said, I was older but not wiser. Listen when a man tells you that he doesn't want to get married and you still stay with him for three more years, you are an idiot and should get fitted for a hearing aid. I think there are some men that do change their minds but that was not the case with this particular candidate and eventually he was "let go".

So where does that leave me...a cynical, bitter, lonely old maid? Absolutely not! It just means that along with spiders, I have a fear of marriage. I believe in marriage-my parents have been married for over thirty-five years-I'm just afraid I will screw it up. I think I know more divorced people than married (and notice I didn't say happily married because that's even less). I know people who've been married three times to my none. And while I get it, I get it, their situations are very different from my own it still leaves me with a queasy, uneasy feeling. When people ask me, "When are you going to get married?" or "Why aren't you married?", I really don't feel like they want to hear a true explanation, cause they really don't. But thinking about it, I mean why were you single before you got married uh, was it because you weren't married? Well that's why I'm still single- I ain't married. My bad, lost it for a minute...so I just say, "I've never been asked" or my new favorite reply, "I'm crazy".

I know that when the time comes, I'll still be afraid, but hopefully my candidate for the position of groom will be patient with me and calm my fears. He will know that while I am fearful, I am a willing and gracious candidate. Plus he, like me, won't want to muck this thing up.

And if that doesn't happen...I'll buy a rancher style house, move in three of my good girlfriends, we can eat lots of cheesecake and stay up all night talking about life and men.

America been "crazy".

2014-03-13T15:23:00.000-04:00

Why do we say things like “Man, this world is going crazy” or (and for the intent of this entry) “America is getting crazy”?

Um…where yall been? America aint “getting” crazy- it’s always been crazy. It’s just with the CONSTANT stream of the news (proven or not) and Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and the church bulletin, we can’t help but to hear about EVERY little thing thus making us believe that these things are “new”.

The term “Going Postal” wasn’t a campaign to get people to use the post office. It was derived from postal workers going into their place of employment and shooting up everyone and everything.

This was in the late 80’s and darn near all of the 90’s. Is this not crazy? Is this about twenty years ago? I guess we just "getting" to the good and crazy?

America is like the world’s rich, douchy uncle that has a cocaine problem but everyone ignores it because he gives out great Christmas presents. You don’t fully appreciate America until you leave it and come back. Oh you think you appreciate it, but you don’t because you complain about things like, the water pressure in your house (indoor plumbing) or the fact that KFC ran out of chicken (fast food…money to BUY fast food). We complain about people coming to the country and not being about to speak the language and then go to OTHER countries and get mad because you can’t find anything in English *blank stare*. We really don’t care about what is going on in other countries. In fact if you having a conversation with someone and they utter the words “Well, in my country” you secretly think to yourself- hey if you don’t like it here-leave. But isn’t this the land of the free, ya know Free speech.

**I'd like to note that if none of these example apply to you...so what. I can still say them...see below.

Free speech in the country means you can say whatever you want as long as it aligns with my opinion.

Free speech in other countries means oh wait, in some countries people aren't granted the privilege to speak freely. Moving on.

Here’s the thing Even during the time everyone likes to romanticize and say oh “America was such a great country during this time” (usually anytime during the Reagan years and before Carter)…America still had its issues. And that’s just it- Americas got issues (and yes I know about the grammatical errors in the 'sentence' and throughout this entire piece but I don't care, I'm channeling my inner Elmore Leonard).

Oh we (America) got talent and a best dance crew and an idol but in the mist of all of that- we gots us some issues. And these issues aren't new- they are just compounded and/or evolving.

In a way, it's the nature of the beast. Things evolve. Things change. The question we should ask is, how can we change the "beast"? We can't stop evolution but can we change What evolves? How it evolves? Hmm, I got deeper than I wanted to on this entry...imma stop now.

A Bogus War

2013-12-03T16:08:00.000-05:00

Raise your hand iffn you don’t think…we (excuse me, I am talking to be Black women right now, I'm sorry but today I gotta talk to them, I'll be back. I promise) are at war.

Good! Because I don’t either. I just think it’s levels to this ish. Confused? Good because so am I.

I am talking about this battle between “Natural” and “Chemically Relaxed” women!

I mean it’s ridiculous. First of all, I still don’t know how you are natural and you chemically color your hair but that is another subject...no shade.

Here's the thing.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much easier” – You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!!! I am currently “courting” natural hair and I don’t think we are going to work out. I mean it’s just a bunch of work and commitment that I am not willing to make right now. I mean my chemically relaxed hair was such a better listener. If I said “LAY DOWN” guess what she did…lie down. When I was ready to go to sleep she was ready to go to sleep. When I was ready to go to sleep…she was ready to go to sleep. I had to say that twice because “natural hair” don’t be ready to lay down, when you ready to lie down. I mean it’s like it wants foreplay or something. Always wanting you to twist it up. Or knot it up. Oil it up- getting it all glistening and shiny. Whew lemme calm down. I had a flashback.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much cheaper”- You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!! If I decide to “date” natural hair I know I’m going to have to invite so many other products in our life. Products that she may OR may not even like (this heffa here). She gonna want me to know all about her curl pattern. Which product makes her dry out (no alcohol based products please). And this heffa is going to be all up in my diet because that’s gonna matter now. Vitamins. Water. Nuts and Berries. My chemically relaxed hair- she care about that stuff but not really. I mean she wants be to drink water and maybe take a biotin every now and then but she don’t be tripping.

If you are rocking a bald fade or a Cesar then of course I am not talking to you so you can shhh-be quiet.

Here is the thing- everyone doesn't want to go natural and for whatever reason you had to go “natural”- Congratufreakinlations to you- but it doesn't mean you care more about your hair, body, or soul than a “chemically relaxed” sister.

I remember when a woman rocking a fade was seen as weird. My mother has been rocking the same hairstyle for about 15 years. I can remember those years ago, when she decided to cut all her hair off, many barbers wouldn't do it. Plus I can recall on several occasions, where women came up to her saying “You are going to beat this!”- yes they thought she had the big “C”. Now it’s commonplace.

India Irie said “I am not my hair” but I think she was right but wrong because we are our hair. I can sing along to that song and even make up a dance routine but at the end of the day- I'm not about to jump square off in no pool. Beach. Lake. Well really it's because I don't swim that well but you get my point.

We let our hair control just about every decision we make no matter what side of the fence you are on.

So let’s call a truce between the “natural” and “chemically relaxed” and realize the real culprit-our hair.

Now wait, I’m not saying go out to your nearest barber or have your husband, boyfriend, or Dad (he wouldn’t do it) shave all your hair off.

What I am saying is stop letting your hair define who you are. You are more than locks. You are more than a wrap. You are more than an afro. You are more than that fly ass pixie cut.

You are a mother. Daughter. Sister. A Friend.

And this separation about how we choose to rock our hair, has got to end.

Find something you love- remember it’s for you.

If your sister does something different simply say “do you boo”.

We are all beautiful, sexy and fly.

Besides, it’s gonna rot away when we die.

www.wherearethemen.com

2013-09-27T22:18:00.004-04:00

Where are the men?

Isn’t this a conversation girlfriends have at least once a month?

Every two weeks?

Shoot from some of us every week.

I dare not say everyday.

So where are they? They have been several theories as to why women are single- especially black women. Too picky, too judgmental, too crazy, too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too much drama, too mean, too loud, too- too-too mutha effing too…what is a woman to do?

I can name five beautiful, great, terrific women, right now, that are single. These women aren’t just single, these women aren’t dating- no prospects…single. And it has me confused. On paper and yes I said on paper, these women have it going on. Their own place some even homeowners, career or great jobs (there is a difference), degree holders or college students. They have good credit, good personalities; just good catches all around but still single.

Now I would be remiss if I didn’t say that each one didn’t have issues they were dealing with, but who doesn’t? Show me someone that doesn’t have any issues and I will say to you “hey you do know we are standing in a cemetery right” (meaning these folks are dead so of course they don’t have any issues).

Sometimes I wonder, if I was a guy…first off, I’d have a lot of explaining to do-sorry…would I be one that wanted to enjoy the fact that there are just so many women at my disposal or would I be like the female me and want to be in a loving relationship.

I honestly think men have it so much easier when it comes to getting into a relationship and I’m sure there are men that disagree with me but I can’t help how I feel. I just do.

So back to my opening question where are the men? And honest question- what is a guy looking for in a potential mate? I know that preferences and tastes change from person to person but I think most women want the same basic thing; a man who is a good person, honest, has all his teeth, smells nice, easy on the eyes, and has a nice personality. I’m sure this sounds like a thirteen year old wrote it…probably because that when we start thinking about what a boyfriend should be like.

While I do not endorse his newfound relationship guru status, Steve Harvey constantly says on his show that a woman holds all the cards in a relationship. She is the one that sets the tone. She has to let the guy know what she will deal with or not deal with and if he can’t hang then she needs to move on. I find this pretty interesting coming from a twice divorced guy…but I guess the third time is a charm. Now lets say that all that is true that still doesn’t mean that a woman will find her ideal mate which leads me to another piece of advice Mr. Harvey offered…don’t be so selective and perhaps date older. I would like to go on record and say just because a guy is older than you DOES not mean that he has his shit together. And what exactly is selective. I think if I said my ideal mate would be 6’6, one hazel eye, one brown, looked like Boris Kodjoe, could cook like that Neeley guy, and made six figures-that would constitute as unrealistic standards because where would I meet this guy…surely not in the places my extremely less than six figures earning ass frequent. I mean unless this guy likes the $1.50 movie.

I’d like to note that many men frequent the $1.50 movie theater but these men typically are trying to compete for homecoming king.

Where are the men, well I don't know. So let the search begin…to be continued.

Thinking about the Grammys (or is it Grammy's)

2013-09-27T20:44:00.000-04:00

On December 6^th Grammy nominees will be announced.
*The cutoff to qualify for 2014 is September 30^th.

Okay taking these dates into consideration Oct 1, 2012- Sept 30, 2013

Who do you think will or should receive a nomination and in what category?

Here are a few select observations…

If Justin Timberlake doesn't at least get one nomination, I really believe people will riot (lol).

I do wonder if he’ll choose the R&B category or the Pop category to submit his entries-hmmm.

You have to believe that "Mirrors" might be up for Record or Song of the Year.
And I'm telling you if "Blurred Lines" doesn’t end up in either one of those categories Robin Thicke will sue the Academy (kidding love you Robin).

Suit and Tie and Holy Grail (JT & Jay Z) will probably compete against one another in the Rap/Sung Collaboration category.

The R&B album category -TGT might even make a showing in this category. Let’s be honest, R&B albums come out all the time but who even knows the joint dropped? Tamar Braxton and K Michelle might duke it out in this category. I would be surprised if “Love and War” didn’t get into the Best R&B song category.

Last year there were 3 nominations for this Best Urban Contemporary Album category (Frank Ocean, Chris Brown & Miguel)…I still have no idea what Urban Contemporary means (even after reading the explanation) but I do wonder this "will the category make a reappearance". The academy also has a Best Traditional R&B Performance and again…I wonder.
I think Fantasia might get a nod for that #imo horrible “Lose to Win”.

I have found a new "Street Team" so if you don’t have Janelle Monae’s album "Electric Lady" you need to go and get it. NOW! And while it is critically acclaimed, I still haven’t heard any songs from it on the radio soooo...I wonder if she’ll receive a well deserved Grammy nod.

Best Rap Album is gonna be very interesting. People “hated” Magna Carter Holy Grail but it was a good album (perhaps not Jay’s best but still solid) so in my opinion, this year might be the year of the “underdog”.

Kanye’s Yezzus might not even make it in this category (Blood on the Leaves might show up in best Rap song) so expect to hear his disdain about this-lol.

J Cole and Kendrick Lamar both released great albums. 2 Chainz might end up in the category again this year- but he won’t win. Mac Miller might received a surprise nod or even Big Sean.

Even though it didn’t sell as much as his previous efforts, T.I. might even receive a nod (?).

Whew and I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the different categories. I don’t envy the academy (well maybe for their tickets to the award show and the after parties) because it’s so much. Plus there is so much music out there! Music that we don’t know about! I know the Grammy's has gotten pretty stale over the past few years. I could do without LL Cool J as the host too but this is still music’s big night. Wild outfits. Colorful speeches. Or is it wild speeches and colorful outfits? Either way we'll just have to stay tuned and find out what happens.

A Love Poem

2013-09-19T16:32:00.000-04:00

I am in love with a chick named Temberly

Took me a minute to figure out she was diggin me

Sometimes I took her for granted, and didn’t respect her as I should

Then one day I realized that lovin her was, the foundation of everything true and good

See other guys was spittin they game tryin to stake claim to her mind, body and heart

Attempting to convince her that, their love was stronger than mine

Hoping she’ll fall victim to their deceit and lies

But my girl was smarter than they really knew or care to believe

She brushed them off one by one, two by two

And in the end the truth revealed it was always me

See I wouldn’t hurt her, I’d show her there was no worldly love greater than mine

She’d be my #1 and all others would have to fall behind (me)

Our love would be forever…it would last my lifetime

Not sure when the light came on for me but since then dimmin it, is not a possibility

See, I’m in love with a chick named Temberly…

I am in love with me.

Twerk Miley! Twerk Miley!

2013-08-27T12:13:00.002-04:00

Um so here’s the thing. I am neither a fan nor do I “not like” Miley Cyrus. I think either she is really smart or very dumb-lol.

Really though I see her as a 20 year old girl, that didn’t have much of a childhood because she making dem Hannah Montana dollars, and now she is experiencing life. So was the twerking wrong because she is 20 and used to be on Disney? Or should she have waiting until she is whatever age Vivica Fox was when she was booty shaking with Lil Jon on stage? Or was the twerking wrong because all she was doing was shaking her back and entire performance (Robin, 2Chainz & Kdot included) was wack. I hate when people sing new shit on an awards show. SING BLURRED LINES!!! *ahem* excuse me…

The VMAs is known for da pale girl shock value (yall know I ain’t lying). Madonna’s Like a Virgin performance in the 80’s. Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson making out on stage in the 90’s. And let’s talk about Brittney’s nude bodysuit performance. Brittney’s snake charming performance or the three way kiss that “shocked” the world with yup former Mouseketers Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera and of course the queen of da pale girl shock value Madonna. And then Brittney didn’t want to be outdone and she came back with a performance of Gimme More…do you remember that? It was awful.

Miley is just following a carefully laid plan set forth by those that came before her.

Go “crazy” for what seems like a few years but is probably a few months but she always in the news it just seems like forever and then

1) become a judge on a reality competition television show or 2) have some babies and then adopt some babies and live on as living icon and then 3) “get your shit together” and tour with a new album

Note all these ladies have performed at the Superbowl and have won Grammys

Yall wait, in 3-5 years these twerking incidents are gonna be a distance memory but until then “twerk Miley, twerk Miley”.

I get so emotional

2013-08-22T20:01:00.000-04:00

Look Dammit!

There are still good people in the world and despite what is depicted on television- we outnumber the bad people.

Bad people don't "look" a certain way- they Think a certain way.

The government has been the same cloak of secrecy it's been for years- I don't know why people get surprised when more news comes out that they have been monitoring us (four words- Enemy of the State). We live in the best country in the world but hey, it's not without its faults.

My experiences in this world, this country, this state, this city are Mine. Please don't try to make them seem trite, small, big or an overreaction. And I will do the same for you.

Please don't assume Al Sharpton speaks for me and I won't assume Alan Keys, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coultier, Rachel Maddow, Min Farrakhan, Chris Matthews, or Melissa Perry Harris (whew) speaks for you. I speak for me. I am very capable of formulating my own opinion and sometime, I don't even mind sharing it.

Look dammit, we aren't going to agree on every single thing but that doesn't mean we have to resort to saying ugly things about one another. If you can't handle a debate don't step up to the lectern.

I am an optimist. I believe in change for the positive. I believe that conservatives, liberals, and independents can live in a country where compromise will truly be an action word. A world, where before someone reacts they will try to see the situation from another point of view other than their own. A world where people realize that we all want the same thing- love, prosperity, happiness, longevity and the sports (NFL, NBA, MLB, ect) package. Oh and a world where I can eat all the snickers blizzards I want and not gain any weight.

"Obey Your Thirst"

2013-07-11T16:25:00.000-04:00

I miss smiling.

I miss laughing so hard and so long that my stomach cramped up.

I mean laughing so hard it would look like I had abs!

Anywho…

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just said, “take this job and shove it! I ain't working here no more”! I mean be on some, I don’t want to do this anymore and go off the “grid” (whatever the hell that means) but then I think about how much I like ratchet Mondays, toilets, East Wake Crafts, Wines and Beer (it’s a store) and sleeping on a king sized bed. So I stop thinking like that.

When people talked about the employees who allegedly received the ill treatment from Paula Deen and her brother. They would, “ask why stay if you weren't happy”?

Why stay someplace where you receive ill treatment? Uh cause they like walking into their house and turning the lights on…duh.

Now while my job doesn't require me to (allegedly) use only one entrance or bathroom nor do they ask me to participate in a ceremony where I would have to (allegedly) dress like slave…I am not a fan of what I am doing. But I still do it because I too like hitting a switch and my lights turn on.

I mean, I’m not and I “envy” people who do what they love to do everyday.

Mainly because (1) you have identified what it is you love to do and (2) you are able to perform this task everyday. So it’s like you don’t even work.

Congratu-effin-lations!

Millions of people will Never experience that.

You are really blessed.

Discovering what I love to do has been a lifelong struggle for me. Wait no…discovering what I love to do and then having the courage to DO IT has been a struggle for me (but I’m working on it).

For the rest of us we just have to continue to “fake till we make it” but I swear even faking it gets old (in every aspect but that is for another conversation).

We try to maintain some sense of desire for what we are doing even if we don’t love it.

It’s like drinking Sierra Mist but you really want a Sprite.

You will just pretend it’s a Sprite (even though it has a nasty aftertaste) and keep searching for the real Sprite.

Here’s the thing we have to get to a point where “Obey Your Thirst ”isn’t just be a commercial but something that we actually do..follow me with this.

We have to smack that Sierra Mist out of hands that offer it to us…be on some “no, no, not in my house” demand the real thing.

We’ll understand that “thirst is everything”…we need that thirst because that represents the fire we have within.

And nothing else will quench the thirst we have except what we really desire.

So um…”Stay Thirsty My Friends” and keep searching, striving, and driving towards that one thing that will quench that thirst.

I know I was all over the play today but hell my mind be all over the place and I’m just inviting you in.

Have a seat…you want a Sierra Mist? <-- did you catch that…you didn't but it’s cool

*disclaimer* I am in no way endorsing any soft drink.

Do we give up too easily?

2013-07-10T16:37:00.002-04:00

**explicit language ahead**

“If nothing lasts forever, what makes the love the exception” Andre 3000

Do we give up too easily?

Have we become a “fuck it- do you” generation?

When the times get tough do we throw in the towel prematurely (now of course there are exceptions so let’ s not get stupid because you know what I mean)?

Do we have unrealistic checklists or expectations of people who we are in relationships with? Or is it unrealistic to believe that love will last always? Are we allergic to monogamy? Are we constantly looking for the “next”- the newer, bigger, brighter, stronger replacement. Like are we just leasing people for 36 months or 45,000 miles and then trade them in for a slicker model?

I know I’m asking a bunch of questions but these are just my thoughts.

Should we blame our parents. For some strange reason society would like for us to believe the breakdown of two parent homes is a new thing…it’s not.

Many of our parents began to change how marriage was seen. Hell many of my classmates didn’t come from two parent homes, that ain’t a new thing. We are the generation of latch key kids for pete’s sake. So if the concept of marriage changed with their generation wouldn’t evolutionists say that it would change with our generation (and then again with our children and then our grandchildren, etc). Now I ask the question again…do we give up to easily? Or are we doing what we know?

I know people that I call “microwave bitches” and notice I said people- that phrase isn’t gender specific. These jokers want something quick and fast.

Three minutes and they have a complete meal…and even that’s too long. Understand that some items require a slow cooker.

Overnight cooking. Checking on it periodically cooking. Lifting up the aluminum foil and allowing that heat to smack you in the face cooking.

And the beauty about when you cook like that, people know that you are cooking up something good. They can that wonderful aroma.

Something is cooking...you dig what I’m saying. You understand how I laid that out…naw you didn't, but it’s cool.

Do you remember the question…do we give up too easily? Will “love” die with us? Can we still have love that last forever?

Are there any Ossie and Rubys left? Sherman and Adas? Bill and Camilles? Roland and Connies? Alvin and Glorias?

I think so.

I don’t think we give up too easily. I will say this, I do I think our tolerance for bullshit is less than our parents-lol- but I think we are going to be alright.

The loveless marriage for the sake of the children thing is fading into the past because it’s not a healthy way to teach/show your kids how to love.

I think love will not die nor do I think it's dead. I think we work for- what we must and what we care about- point blank.

If anything, we will have a new generation of forever loves.

We will redefine love.

And the creature that love is will continue to grow and change but never go away.

Have we become our parents?

2013-07-08T16:34:00.003-04:00

Have we become our parents?

Growing up I can recall my parents asking me “what are you listening to?” Or “you call that music?” As a child I was insulted. How dare they question the musical voices of my generation. Yes this is music, just as much those records you listen to. They would question the lyrics or the style of dress of my musical “idols” all the while forgetting the odd lyrics and/or the outfits of their own musical influences. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first time I heard the song “Strokin” by Clarence Carter in its entirety (WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!).

Have we become our parents?

I often ask myself this when I hear a song or music that I consider noise or wonder why the young person driving next to me just has to have all their windows down and the car stereo turned up to 10.

Have we become our parents?

I often think about that when I see a young lady with practically nothing on (where are your shorts little girl)- forgetting that during my high school days “daisy dukes” became Super popular (I never wore those).

Have we become our parents?

I can only speak for myself and while I don’t think I have fully morphed into my parents; I can see the maturity, along with the laugh lines forming that I see in/on my parents sprouting up on me. I can appreciate dinner and drinks with friends versus clubbing to 3am. I understand that while I want to “Turn Up!”- I better chill out- it’s Sunday and I have to be at work by 8am.

I recognize that noise pollution is just as annoying as any other form of pollution so I try to be courteous to my fellow drivers while riding home. Now, let me apologize in advance if you roll up beside me and “Power Trip” by J Cole is blasting because right now that is my “window down blast song”.

I also understand that any 90’s hip hop mix tape is great cookout music just like my parents knew that anything by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly was great cookout music.

Who would have known that becoming our parents would be such a smooth transition? It’s enough to freak the shit outta you. I thought there would be a ceremony or something. I think I’m still pretty hip though. I can’t imagine ever being completely like parents. I’m too cool for that.

Now let me go and get these kids because obviously they think I want to air condition the entire neighborhood, with all this running in and out of the house.

Peace and Peanut Butter.

I'm a Grown Woman!

2013-06-11T22:25:00.002-04:00

"I’m a grown woman/I can do whatever I want/I’m a grown woman/I can do whatever I want"-
Beyonce- Grown Woman

Understanding who you are as a woman takes years of (1) learning about yourself (2) trusting yourself (3) trusting a higher authority (and I'm not talking about Oprah)
(4) belief...in something. All these things happen through eye opening, life changing experiences. There's a reason it's called "getting grown" -it doesn't happen overnight.

It takes nights with tears rolling down your face.

It takes days of looking up towards the sky and soaking up the sunshine and God's grace smiling down upon you.

Heartbreak and heartache.
Love. Love lost.

Becoming a woman is a process and it doesn't have shit to do with your age, your boobs, or your period. Hell I know a slew of older, menstruating, big chested Little Girls.

Becoming a woman changes your walk.
Your back gets straighter and you hold your head a little bit higher.

Becoming a woman changes your language because you are comfortable with expressing yourself- good, bad, or indifferent.

Becoming a woman makes you sexy...almost instantly because you love yourself and carry yourself as such and that makes you desirable.

Becoming a woman is like raising a garden, it takes watering, nurturing, and love.
Then when you blossom, its like the most beautiful sight.
People notice, even if you aren't aware.

Your smile and the way your eyes shine and dance even though you could be going through some of your toughest times...grown woman.

Making tough decisions and facing the reality of your situation (relationships, weight, education, professional, financial)...grown woman.

Setting up a payment plan for an overdue bill (seriously, stop lying to them people)...grown woman.

Recognizing your faults and then, working on them...grown woman.

Loving yourself even if no one else does (but trust me, someone does!)...grown woman.

It really is a beautiful thing when you recognize a grown woman.

I can't wait until I'm grown!

Pop Pop Pop vs pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop

2013-01-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

I really don't understand. What is wrong with restricting high capacity magazines? Oh they are gonna take away our liberties and the right to bear arms. That's right because the "founding fathers" were killing their meat with assault rifles that pump out 50 rounds per squeeze. Come on. Like for real.

*sigh* I am pro Gun. Surprised ya didn't I! I think every woman should know how to properly handle a weapon. If she is going to own one, I think that heifer needs a background check, especially the crazy ones that I know.

Seriously man, can't we agree to something? It's like we just want something to be pissed off about. Most of the people complaining probably have never even handled a weapon (a 9mil, let alone a MP5<--and don't even know what that is).

They just talking but not saying nuffin.

That's Just My Baby Daddy

2013-01-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

Seriously I hate the phrase and the phrase "baby momma". Now with that being said, I know I can't be the only person that wants to check out Shawty Lo's potential reality television about his 11 kids and 10 different *sigh* "baby mommas". Okay so I watched the trailer and honestly it didn't seem off putting. The mother's all have a working relationship not only with Carlos <--his real name-->but with one another. They even have nicknames. And people are likening that to Flavor Flav nicknaming his potential ladies but I think this is different. They know each other's names but they also have a nickname for one another. Like when your grandmother calls you Peanut or Buckethead. And well if you act like the "Baby Momma from Hell" then dammit that's what people are going to call you. Hell better that than bitch, right? Right.

I don't know, given the current state of reality television as a whole, not just those with black casts, this show would fit right in. Critics say it glamorizes a situation like this, funny 16 and Pregnant is still on the air-with a spin off (Teen Mom) mind you. People say the word exploitation...have you seen Toddlers and Tiaras? Fact is you know at least one person that has had to deal with a situation like this. One of my best friends....her dad has like 50 children. Five- Zero. I know he can't name all them jokers. At least Carlos is providing not just financial support but emotional support for his children. I say let's not make him a scapegoat and don't pull a Spike Lee- watch it before you criticize the hell out of it.

I know that if this show had a different title, it wouldn't have even made this much noise. They should rename it and put some variation of the word "wife" in it or the letter K and it would go to the top of the ratings board. You know The Real Non Housewives of Shawty Lo or Girlfriends that didn't become Wives...or Keeping up the Kardashians, Shawty Lo style.