Tees2Greens on Golf

Dreams Die Hard At Q-School

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:13:00 GMT

When I was a young boy I didn’t dream about being Sam Snead or Arnold Palmer, I dreamed about being Brooks Robinson the third baseman of the Baltimore Orioles. I couldn’t wait for the game of the week on Saturday, which seemed like it was always the New York Yankees and now and then the Baltimore O’s. That’s right, unlike the 500 cable channels we have today, there was only one game a week on one of three television channels, but that’s another story.

My idol, Brooks Robinson, had a magic glove and a rocket arm and a cool name, just the thing that dreams are made of. I dreamed of playing professional baseball and being the next Brooks Robinson. In the end I simply wasn’t good enough. No one told me I wasn’t good enough, but as the players around you get bigger, faster and more athletic you eventually know. Dreams die hard, but life goes on and I take solace in knowing that I still have more hair than Brooks Robinson, but that’s also another story.

The week before Thanksgiving 450 dreams continue, 78 of them at one of the second stages of Q-School being held at TPC Craig Ranch in McKinney, Texas, not far from where I live. I’ve never attended a Q-School event, but I think I’m going to pull on my old Brooks Robinson hat and get out to the course. Tiger Woods won’t be there; maybe the next Tiger will, but that’s not why I plan on attending. Sport is about great skill, but it is also about great theater. You know, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat stuff, and with so many dreams on the line, I can’t imagine it not being thrilling to watch.

Now, I’m not a fan of the NASCAR car wreck theory of sport, so I won’t be there to see someone’s dreams destroyed. I want everyone to play their very best because that’s how you ought to find out if you’re good enough. And, if you are good enough, at the end of this gut-wrenching opportunity a handful of players will advance from the TPC Craig Ranch and the other locations, to the finals at Bear Lakes Country Club in West Palm Beach, Fla., in December to do it all over again.

Then things get serious. The field size will be based on 156 players plus ties from the Second Qualifying Stage. But there’s more: The following applicants shall be eligible to start at Final Qualifying Stage:

Those applicants among the top 25 finishers immediately after the 125th position on the final 2009 Official PGA TOUR Money List (as defined in the PGA TOUR Tournament Regulations).
Those Special Temporary members of the PGA TOUR whose combined official money and money earned in official money World Golf Championship events is equal to or greater that the 150th place finisher on the 2009 Official PGA TOUR Money List (as defined in the PGA TOUR Tournament Regulations).
Those applicants among Major and Minor Medical Extension category members (as defined in the PGA TOUR Tournament Regulations) whose Official Money earned in their Available Tournaments, when combined with the amount of Official Money in their Tournaments Played, equals or exceeds the amount of Official Money earned by the member who finished last in the 25 finishers beyond 125th place on the Official PGA TOUR Money List for the preceding calendar year shall be exempt into Final Qualifying Stage in that year provided that the Official Money earned in his Tournaments Played is less that the 150th finisher on the Official PGA TOUR Money List in the year of the applicant's injury.
Those applicants finishing 26th through 40th on the final 2009 Official Nationwide Tour Money List (as defined in the Nationwide Tour Tournament Regulations).
The leading 1st, 2nd and 3rd available players, to a floor of 10th position, on the PGA European Tour and Japan Golf Tour respective Official Money List as of the Qualifying Tournament entry deadline, September 23, 2009 and the Australasian PGA Tour final Official Money List from the 2008 season.
Those applicants among the top 50 on the Official World Golf Rankings as of the Qualifying Tournament entry deadline, September 23, 2009.

If you’re going to dream you might as well dream big and if you make it through Q-School you deserve all the accolades and respect that the world’s best golfers receive, because you are one of the world’s best, and being part of that my friend is worth the price of admission.

So, if the Baltimore Orioles call, tell them they can reach me at the TPC Craig Ranch where I’m watching history being made by all those dreamers.

The World’s Longest Golf Course Deserves The World’s Longest Golf Outing

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:05:00 GMT

Like my home state of Texas, Australians have a reputation for outrageousness among other things, but what would you expect from a country founded by escaped prisoners. From a country that gave us the Great White Shark and Greg Norman, it is all together fitting that they have created the world’s longest golf course. How long? From the first tee to the clubhouse at 18 is 850 miles, or 1,365 kilometers for you international types.

It begins in Kalgoorlie in Western Australia and finishes up in Ceduna in South Australia. The fairways are natural desert terrain, and all but five greens are synthetic, but there are 18 of them and it takes about 4-days to play. Hazards include kangaroos, dingoes, wombats, emus, death adders, Russell Crowe and other snakes.

For those of you about to phone Qantas and make a reservation, you should know that scorecards are available at Norseman Visitor’s Information Centre 68 Roberts St Ph 90391071 and all roadhouses along the Eyre Highway. You can play your first two holes and have your card stamped by the staff at the visitor’s center. Play each subsequent hole and have your card stamped at the roadhouse or in the case of Norseman at the Visitor Center. Use the Caltex Service Station at Penong.

You will need to present your completed score card at either Ceduna or Kalgoorlie (the course can be played in either direction) and you will be presented with a certificate stating that “You have played the World’s Longest Golf course.” The certificate is free, however you must have your scorecard stamped at all the holes, which, as I figure is about $10,000 in airfare and ground transportation.

Not to fret, hire clubs (rented to you and me) are available at each stamping point and cost only $5, however a bond will be required. The cost of Scorecard: $50.00 Aus. There is no penalty for slow play because the average duration of the round is approximately 4 days depending how quickly you want to play. A week is acceptable, however a month-long round may raise an eyebrow or two in the clubhouse and will require that a thousand gallon water tank be attached to your golf bag.

If you would you like to become an inaugural member of the longest golf course in the world (and why wouldn’t you?) you can purchase a Foundation Membership. Your very own special number will be allocated and will remain with you forever, which as we all know is a long time. The club's logo will be yours on a specially designed polo shirt and cap for you to wear with pride. A commemorative certificate will be issued with your name and number.

Interested? Be quick, this offer is said to be limited to the first one thousand members, however if another 100,000 of you decide to send money they might consider expanding the membership. But I digress. The bottom-line is that for $200 Australian plus $15 Australian postage and handling ($30 Australian postage and handling for orders from outside Australia) you can be a Foundation Member.

For you purists, I regret to inform you that you have missed the opening celebrations and dinner in Ceduna on Thursday 22nd October at 6:30 pm. In addition, you have also missed the “BP Australia Opening Tournament” that commenced the same day with a tee off at 3:30 pm and concluded in Kalgoorlie on Monday 26th.

The Closing Dinner was at Kalgoorlie’s Historical Town Hall on Tuesday 27th October 2009 commencing at 7:30 pm and you missed that as well. But what I’m upset about is the following statement from their website:

The project committee is interested in placing 5 media personnel on the official bus to be part of this historic event. Please register your interest by email.

The Eyre Highway Operators Association welcomes BP Australia into our family of Partners.

I can’t believe I missed it. I’m sure that T2G management would have gladly paid my expenses. What say we put another shrimp on the barbie and put together our own road trip for next year? Or everyone can send me a dollar and I’ll write a first-hand report.

Don’t delay! You can be a Founding Member of The Sam “Bogey” Johnson Send Me A Dollar Club. Act now. This offer is limited to the first 5,000,000 people who send untraceable cash. No postdated checks please.

Confessions of a Baby Boomer Golfer

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:49:00 GMT

A while back I wrote an article titled “A Guide to Baby Boomer Golf.” At the heart of the article were seven great golf tips intended to help old guys and slackers like me achieve golf respectability without practicing or working out. If you recall, I explained that I wanted to shoot a respectable sub-90 round without practicing and only playing once a month. I went on to talk about not being able to find the time to play several times a week and practice another once or twice. I punctuated my point by noting that too much playing and practicing would interfere with my lying around time. Then, I asked that you remember that I am in the twenty/twenty club, meaning that I am more than twenty years older and twenty pounds heavier than the golf gods intended a fifteen handicapper to be.

Up to that point, everything I said was close to the truth. However, what follows is a bit closer, and like the recovering alcoholic, part of my recovery plan is to stand up in front of my peers and confess my short-comings.

In 2009, I followed my own advice. I know how dumb that sounds, but it was not by plan but by circumstance. There are a dozen excuses I could use, but the bottom-line is that I haven’t played forty rounds this year, and worst of all, I may have been to the range twice.

Not to worry, right? I have a plan that includes seven handy golf tips from “A Guide to Baby Boomer Golf.” In case you have forgotten, here they are:

Rule one: Spend ten minutes pitching and chipping before each round. Getting it close enough to one putt is always important, but it is critical for successful baby boomer golf.

Rule two: Spend ten minutes putting before each round. Work on distance. Rarely do we misread the direction of a putt bad enough to cause a three putt.

Rule three: If possible, hit a dozen sand shots before each round. If you can get it close coming out of the sand great, but the most important thing is to make sure you get it out of the sand.

Rule four: Make every short iron count. Get the ball on the dance floor, hopefully in the general range of the flag.

Rule five: Don’t turn a warm up into practice. It doesn’t work and you’ll end up worn out before you start the round.

Rule six: Don’t spend too much time on the range pounding your driver before you play. You are not twenty years old. For every 300-yard drive a baby boomer golfer hits, they’ll put five others in the rough, or even worse, out of bounds.

Rule seven: Think about every shot. Playing smart is the one thing that baby boomers ought to be able to do.

Frankly, these are seven pretty good rules, if I say so myself, and they just might help you keep your game together over a few weeks, but in the long-term nothing replaces playing and practicing. Slowly but surely my game has atrophied the same as you would expect an unused muscle to do, and God knows I have a lot of those. No doubt the better you are the longer it takes for the atrophy to take hold, but take hold it will.

In my delusional state, I had imagined that I could spend ten minutes putting here and chipping there and somehow keep the wheels on a game that was already shaky. Using my seven magic tips I would kick sand in the face of Father Time, but that’s not what happened.

I have gone from an average putter to a really bad putter. I have no touch, no feel, and no confidence. My chipping is worse. If I’m not quitting on my down swing, I’m looking up so I can blade the ball across the green just for fun. I used to be a pretty good sand player; now I haven’t got a clue. As for as my short irons, when I’m not pulling I’m pushing and to make things worse I’m making all kinds of swing changes during the round. How dumb is that?

I’m playing so bad that I actually quit during a round. When the going gets tough the tough gives notice.

I remember hearing Darrell Royal comment after one of his star players, who had been unable to practice the week before a game, had fumbled three times during the game. He said simply, “If practice wasn’t important we wouldn’t do it.”

I guess my seven rules could be helpful, but the truth is nothing replaces practice and playing and in that order. So, here my early resolutions for 2010; I resolve to practice at least once a week and play the same. I will also workout at least five days a week because it’s good for me and my game. Most importantly, I promise not to take my own advice when it comes to golf… and you should do the same.

The Mickey Mouse Big Break

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:34:00 GMT

It’s all together appropriate that this year’s Big Break is at Walt Disney World. Where else would you expect to find something this Goofy?

I know that it’s reality TV, and in the end, it has more to do with watching a car wreck than playing golf. Still, I hate to see a freak show called golf. I also think it’s unfair that they don’t tell the contestants that there are no windowpanes to break on the PGA Tour, but that’s just me. I’m not saying it’s as bad as exploiting obesity, or so-called little people, but it’s not far behind. Jon and Kate where are you when we need you?

This year’s lineup is as goofy as… Goofy. Starting with Andreas Huber former Wall Street broker and son of actress Susan Lucci. Wasn’t she the one who was nominated for an Emmy 100 years in a row and never won? It’s nice to have a son to carry on a tradition.

Then there’s Andrew Giuliani son of Rudy Giuliani. That’s right that Rudy Giuliani. I’m not sure who his Mother is, but I assume that Rudy knows. This is already starting to feel like a rerun of Dancing With The Stars, or as I heard someone call it, Dancing With the Vaguely Familiar.

We’re told that Blake Moore is this year’s bad boy with a temper. Suspended for a year by the golf coach at University of Colorado, we’re all supposed to be waiting for Blake to slam his driver into a tree, or perhaps another player. If I want to see poor sportsmanship I’ll play golf with my brother-in-law.

How about Ed Moses an Olympic gold metal swimmer who’s still learning the game of golf. I haven’t seen Ed play, but when the press release has him listed as “still learning” it’s hard to think of him as a real threat except around the water hazards.

This year’s big hitters are played by Gipper Finau and Tony Finau a couple of not so famous long ball hitting brothers. In addition to being the long ball boys, they are apparently best dancers. The Polynesian two-some both claim a campy version of their native fire dance. Just shoot me.

The guy watching the Polynesian dance team with a wary eye is J. R. Reyes, the tattooed golfer, who is waiting tables three days to make enough money for his entry fee at the PGA Q-school. I can hardly wait for him to be matched with Kevan Maxwell, the pizza delivery guy and a caddy at Kiawah Island. At least they’ll never go hungry.

The second caddy on the show is Kevin Erdman, whose wife was a contestant on Big Break Ka’anapali. He is now her caddy on the Canadian Tour, which as a tour, is about the same as the club championship at one of your larger country clubs, only the food and prizes are better at the country club.

I don’t understand why Mike Perez, the brother of PGA Tour winner Pat Perez, is on the show. Granted, it’s better than selling cars and playing on the mini tours, which is how he spent the last year. Since he knows exactly what it takes to get to the big times, I can only assume that show business is his life.

The strangest contestant is Sean Kalin who was abducted by his mother and stepfather at the age of 10, which as far as I can tell has nothing to do with anything. Apparently, his kidnapping made him quit golf and become another bad boy who later turned good by having kids. Excuse me for being skeptical, but I have kids, and you can ask their parole officer, it hasn’t made me a better person.

Last but not least is Vincent Johnson, the only black guy on the show. Vincent actually has some credentials and may be able to play, but the bottom line is that he hasn’t and odds are he won’t.

There you have it, the good, the bad and the ugly in no particular order. And, don’t worry if you miss the first show, they’ll rerun it 400 times next week.

Snap Tiger With a Towel To Get This Thing Going, Choosing a Bunkmate At The Olympics, and Nooggies For My Friends; Somebody Has to Write About These Things

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:02:00 GMT

Scatter shooting while wondering whatever happened to John Daly’s fitness coach. I’m trying to get interested in the Presidents Cup. It could be fun, especially if we get a little Michael Jordan-like trash talk going. Quick, somebody snap Tiger with a towel. Did you see the picture of assistant coach Michael Jordan giving President Clinton a nooggie?

By the time you read this, the Olympic dudes will be close to deciding if golf will be in the 2016 Olympics Games. You know the one that Cathy Erickson won’t be attending in Chicago? Too bad because that would cool don’t you think? If golf makes it to the Olympics, do you think they’ll ask Tiger to carry the flag in the opening ceremony, or will he make Steve Williams carry it for him? Better still, do you see Tiger and the guys bunking at the Olympic Village and eating in the cafeteria?

On a related topic, did you see where the head of the USOC resigned after Chicago lost its bid to host the 2016 games? It’s the fifth CEO for the USOC in the last ten years. There’s no politics in sports, right? And, so much for the Obama magic, but I’m guessing he’s got more important things to think about.

Rumor has it that the U.S. announced that it was starting an Olympic TV Network against the wish of the International Olympic Committee, which brings to mind the wise words of Casey Stengel who said, “The secret to managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys that haven’t made up their minds.” Obviously a lesson lost on the USOC.

Under the heading of sure you play in any weather, the third round of the Dunhill Links Championship was postponed after high winds forced organizers to call off play for the day. St Andrews, Carnoustie and Kingsbarns were all deemed unplayable because of strong winds, with gusts forecast to reach around 70 mph later in the day. What, is that a fourteen club wind?

At that same Dunhill Links Championship, England's Simon Dyson rode the wind to a closing round of 66 to win the Championship by three shots. I mention this because our boy Simon Dyson was sporting an AxivCore shaft in his driver from our old friends at UST Mamiya. Way to go guys.

If you’re a sports fan you’ve been seeing the pink shoes and ribbons worn by players to highlight National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Along those same lines, THE PLAYERS Championship will culminate "Giving Back Month" in November with "THE PLAYERS 5K with Donna," a run through the final nine holes of THE PLAYERS Stadium Course at TPC Sawgrass. The run is a partnership with the 26.2 With Donna Foundation started by local Florida news anchor Donna Deegan, herself a three-time breast cancer survivor.

Although the TV show was a great success for The Golf Channel, did anybody notice that Super Golf Coach Hank Haney failed to fix Charles Barkley’s swing? But not to worry because Hank is going to fail to fix Ray Romano’s swing this year. At some point you would think that Hank would consider if the Haney Project is good for his reputation.

The word on the street is that the golf equipment business is so bad that next year’s prices are going to be dropping like a rock. With retail sales off something like 40%, it may be a great time to put the latest greatest in your bag.

With the silly season less than a month away, and Tiger and the boys in San Fran eating prime rib every night, there are a lot of guys still out there trying to hold on to their playing privileges. Over the next few weeks we’ll be watching the drama unfold and find out who’s headed back to Q-School. Interestingly, Harrison Frazar who won last year's Q-School, highlighted by a fourth-round 59, was ranked 125 before last week's Turning Stone and a tie for seventh moved him to 107th with only a few weeks to go.

I was thinking about going to Q-School this year, but since I can’t even win my Saturday foursome I’m having second thoughts.

Golf is More Than Television History

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 18:28:00 GMT

I found an article titled, “The greatest shots to have graced the majors” and I was surprised that I had seen most of the shots live, which tells me: (a) I’m really getting old, and (b) other than Gene Sarazen's “shot heard around the world,” our golf historian likely based most of this list on television images.

I suppose that’s okay for chit-chat between the boys, but it is likely not very accurate. For example, I can’t imagine that Old Tom Morris and his crew didn’t bounce a few off a bottle of scotch for an eagle or two at the Open in 18 hundred and whatever. What about Bobby Jones? Arguably, one of the best golfers that ever lived; don’t you think Bobby hit a couple close? The same could be said for Ben Hogan, Sam Snead, Byron Nelson and a dozen more.

The point is we all know that Tiger is great; as a matter of fact he’s the only one listed here with two of the greatest shots, but let’s not forget that greatness is not a new thing ask… Aristotle.

Below are the greatest shots according to the Times Online (www.timesonline.co.uk , September 3, 2009). Acknowledging the flaws of this list, which one do you remember as the best?

Gene Sarazen. The Masters, 1935. The so-called "shot they heard around the world." - A four-wood over water at the par-five 15th at Augusta National that found the hole 220 yards away for that rarest of golfing birds - an albatross two. With one blow Sarazen caught the leader, Craig Wood, and beat him in a play-off the following day to become the first man to win the "modern" grand slam of all four major championships.

Padraig Harrington, Open Championship, 2008. Royal Birkdale - Standing in the middle of the fairway at the par-five 17th with a two-shot lead on the final day, Harrington threw caution to the wind with his second shot. With danger to the left and right of the green, the Irishman chose not to lay up with his approach shot but to go for the target with a five-wood. He hit a perfect shot, shaping it from left to right, and bringing the ball to within four feet of the hole, 272 yards away. He eagled the hole and went on to beat Ian Poulter by four shots.

Severiano Ballesteros. Open Championship, 1988, Royal Lytham & St Annes - Leading Nick Price by one shot coming to the 72nd hole, Ballesteros, who had pulled his second shot wide of the green , had been put under pressure by his Zimbabwean playing partner, who was just 35 feet from the hole in two and thinking of a play-off, if not better. But this was a situation made for Ballesteros' wizardry. Pin high, but in a slight depression, the Spaniard lofted his ball deftly onto the green and watched, eyes ablaze, as it landed halfway to the hole and slowly crept closer, brushing the edge of the cup before settling a couple of inches away. Price missed his birdie putt and Seve had his third Open title.

Sandy Lyle. The Masters, 1988 - Faced with a 150-yard uphill shot from a fairway bunker at the 72nd hole, Lyle hit a perfect 7-iron, landing the ball beyond the flag and sucking it back to within 18 feet of the hole. He sank the birdie putt and became the first Briton to claim the green jacket. "I don't know if there has ever been a better shot in a major," Lyle said.

Larry Mize. The Masters, 1987 - In a play-off with Greg Norman, local boy Mize was not fancied to beat the Great White Shark. But he did just that by sinking a 45-yard chip shot at the 11th hole for a birdie that the Australian was unable to match. Needless to say, it was strictly a one-off moment for Mize and a dagger to the heart of Norman, who had been beaten in similar fashion at the US PGA Championship a year earlier, when Bob Tway holed out from a bunker for an unlikely victory.

Arnold Palmer. US Open, 1960. Cherry Hills, Denver - Seven shots off the lead going into the final round, Palmer decided that attack was his only option and went for it from the off. In a fury after being told by the assembled press that he had no chance of winning, Palmer hitched up his trousers and let fly at the 1st - a 313-yard par four - watching as the ball flew about 300 yards, bounced hard in the rough and trickled onto the green. It led to the first of four straight birdies and helped to set up a stunning victory, by two shots, over a young amateur by the name of Jack Nicklaus.

Jack Nicklaus. The Masters, 1986. - After trailing Severiano Ballesteros all day, the 46-year-old veteran started to reel in the Spaniard and took the lead for the first time with a birdie at the par-three 16th. Nicklaus' 5-iron shot landed above the hole rolled narrowly past and finished about three feet away, from where he sank the putt. The tee shot might not have been the greatest shot Nicklaus ever played, but in the context of his victory - his eighteenth and final major championship win - it was one of the most memorable.

Tiger Woods. US Open, 2008. Torrey Pines - Needing to sink the trickiest of putts from around 15 feet to get into a play-off with Rocco Mediate, Woods did just that. He had played for four days virtually on one leg and refused to give up. Word has it that the putt was so tough that when one of the club's professionals went back a couple of days later to try to replicate it, he took around 15 attempts to achieve the feat. Needless to say, the world No.1 did not need a second chance. He beat Mediate in an 18-hole play-off to win his fourteenth major title.

Shaun Micheel. US PGA Championship, 2003. Oak Hill - Leading Chad Campbell by one stroke playing the 72nd hole, Micheel hit the perfect 7-iron shot from out of the first cut of rough to within two inches of the hole, 175 yards away, for a birdie and victory by two.

Karrie Webb. Kraft Nabisco Championship, 2006. Rancho Mirage - Seven strokes off the lead at the start of the final day, Webb holed out from 116 yards with a wedge for an eagle at the 72nd hole that put her into a play-off with Lorena Ochoa, of Mexico. The Australian claimed victory with a birdie at the first extra hole, her seventh win in a major championship.

Tiger Woods. The Masters, 2005. - Who could forget Tiger's audacious chip shot at the 16th hole in the final round at Augusta National? Strictly speaking, this did not win Woods the Masters because he was taken into a play-off by Chris DiMarco (which, of course, he won). But to see him visualize the shot across the moonscape that is the 16th green, land the ball in the perfect place, watch it turn at right angles and head towards the hole before hovering on its edge, the Nike swoosh to the fore, is something never to be forgotten. And neither was his celebration.

John Senden Will Win The FedEx Cup, and Tom Delay Will Win Dancing With The Stars, and Here’s How

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:14:00 GMT

Several years ago I wrote a book that no one read. A passage in that book referenced a memory test that went something like this: “Let’s give it a try, okay? Just for fun? Here goes.” With his yellow pad in hand, Doctor Ferguson read each number precisely. “1, 7, 21, 28, 57, 2, 9, 6, 15, 47, 3, 15, 18, 33, 69, 4, 43, 1, 44, 161, 5, 3, 7, 10, 25, 6, 3, 22, 25, 56. Okay, it’s your turn.”

Timothy smiled when he realized that Doctor’s test was ripped-off from a PBS special he had heard repeated at least thirty times. It was a trick. “I think this is right: 1, 7, 21, 28, 57, 2, 9, 6, 15, 47, 3, 15, 18, 33, 69, 4, 43, 1, 44, 161, 5, 3, 7, 10, 25, 6, 3, 22, 25, 56.” Timothy felt guilty that he was not telling the doctor that his test was tainted. “I have to tell you that I’ve heard this test on public television many times. It’s a trick. All you have to do is remember that every fifth number is total of the previous four. The second and third number of each sequence added together equals the fourth number, and obviously the first number of each of the five number sequences is one through six.”

Here’s Tim Finchem’s rewrite of the passage in my novel: If No. 1 TIGER WOODS wins he is guaranteed to win FedExCup as are STEVE STRICKER , JIM FURYK , ZACH JOHNSON and HEATH SLOCUM. If No. 6 PADRAIG HARRINGTON wins Tiger Woods must finish third or worse.

Then the plot thickens; If No. 7 SEAN O'HAIR wins Tiger Woods must finish third or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse. If No. 8 SCOTT VERPLANK wins Tiger Woods must finish fourth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse. Verplank will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes third, or if Jim Furyk finishes second. If No. 9 KENNY PERRY wins Tiger Woods must finish fourth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish third or worse; Jim Furyk must finish third or worse. Perry will be tied for first if Zach Johnson finishes second. If No. 10 JASON DUFNER wins Tiger Woods must finish fifth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fourth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish third or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse. Dufner will be tied for first if Heath Slocum finishes second.

Clear so far?

Okay, if No. 11 DUSTIN JOHNSON wins Tiger Woods must finish seventh or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. On the other hand, if No. 12 NICK WATNEY wins Tiger Woods must finish seventh or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse.

Still, if No. 13 GEOFF OGILVY wins Tiger Woods must finish eighth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse. Now, if No. 14 PHIL MICKELSON wins Tiger Woods must finish ninth or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse.

What happens if No. 15 RETIEF GOOSEN wins? Well, Tiger Woods must finish 10th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Goosen will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes ninth, or if Padraig Harrington finishes second. Not to worry, because if No. 16 MARC LEISHMAN wins Tiger Woods must finish 10th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse.

It could happen that No. 17 BRIAN GAY wins, then Tiger Woods must finish 11th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Then again if, No. 18 KEVIN NA wins Tiger Woods must finish 12th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse.

It’s possible that No. 19 DAVID TOMS could win, which would mean that Tiger Woods must finish 13th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse.

Okay, all of this seems unlikely, but you never know. If No. 20 LUCAS GLOVER could somehow win, then Tiger Woods must finish 13th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish fifth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish third or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse.

Obviously the odds are long, but if No. 21 Y.E. YANG wins Tiger Woods must finish 14th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Yang will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 13th, or if Steve Stricker finishes fifth, or if Zach Johnson finishes third.

Now, if No. 22 ERNIE ELS wins Tiger Woods must finish 14th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse.
Granted, it is hard to imagine, but if No. 23 HUNTER MAHAN wins Tiger Woods must finish 16th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Mahan will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 15th. However I think No. 24 ANGEL CABRERA could actually win, which means that Tiger Woods must finish 18th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Cabrera will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 17th.

I know it seems unlikely, but what if No. 25 STEVE MARINO wins Tiger Woods must finish 20th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish sixth or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fourth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Marino will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 19th. Which begs the question if No. 26 STEWART CINK wins Tiger Woods must finish 22nd or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Cink will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 21st, or if Steve Stricker finishes 6th, or if Jim Furyk finishes 4th.

So, what happen if No. 27 MIKE WEIR wins? Well, Tiger Woods must then finish 24th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Weir will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 23rd.

Sure it is hard to imagine, but if No. 28 LUKE DONALD wins Tiger Woods must finish 26th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Donald will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 25th.

Sure he needs a lot of help, but if No. 29 JERRY KELLY wins, then Tiger Woods must finish 28th or worse; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Kelly will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 27th.

If hope springs eternal, and all things are possible, then No. 30 JOHN SENDEN could win to do this Tiger Woods must finish 30th; Steve Stricker must finish seventh or worse; Jim Furyk must finish fifth or worse; Zach Johnson must finish fourth or worse; Heath Slocum must finish third or worse; Padraig Harrington must finish third or worse. Senden will be tied for first if Tiger Woods finishes 29th.

After reading all of the scenarios and possible combinations you will notice that the name Tiger Woods leads each. In other words, John Senden has a shot to win if Tiger gets hit by a bus. On the other hand, what if the other 29 players got creative and chipped in $50,000 each and paid Tiger $1,450,000 not to show up? This could work for everyone. Tiger gets a fat check, an additional week of rest and could probably get another million or so from the TV network for commentary. Then John Senden and Tom Delay only need an outbreak of the swine flu to win.

Cough… Cough…

Is Tiger Becoming a Bad Winner?

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:48:00 GMT

From time-to-time, on these electronic pages, I have discussed greatness. For those of us who can only watch and never hope to achieve sports greatness on our own, the idea of greatness is the Holy Grail of sports. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be able to play like Tiger Woods, or Jack Nicklaus, or Bobbie Jones in their prime.

What must it feel like to stand on the first tee knowing the golf talent you possess is better than any person on earth? Humility aside, Tiger knows he’s great, and unfortunately, if you listen carefully, you’ll hear him say it as he did after his dominating win at the BMW. Referencing the tricky greens, an interviewer (I don’t remember who it was) mentioned that he had seen Tiger asking Steve Williams to help him read several greens, to which Tiger snapped, “I asked Steve for a read on one green.”

Well, excuse me.

To put Tiger’s comment in perspective, you should know that Bobbie Jones was asked essentially the same question 80 years ago, to which he responded something like, “When I start asking my caddie to read putts, I’ll carry the bag and let him play.” Which is a perfect tie-in to the immortal words of White Men Can’t Jump’s Sidney Deane, who said, “I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest!”

All of this begs the question, has humility has gone out of style, or was it ever in style for the great ones? Is Sidney Deane the greatest, or does he confirm my point, which is that greatness is a gift and the confirmation of greatness is best left to others? Granted, I don’t know what it’s like to walk on golf water, but I do know how it sounds to tell other people that you can walk on water and it’s not flattering.

I happen to believe that Dizzy Dean was wrong when he said, “It ain’t bragging if you can do it.” Actually, it is bragging if you can do it and it’s just stupid if you can’t do it.

We’ve always cut our sports heroes and other celebrities a lot of slack. It starts when they are in grade school and as their talent becomes more evident the more slack we cut them. The ones with good parents and coaches are taught early on the value of humility; the others show up on You Tube saying or doing something really stupid.

What Tiger said was not all that bad, but it was something that he didn’t need to say. We all know that Steve Williams didn’t make the putt and Tiger did. We all understand who works for whom and whose name gets put on the trophy, so there is no need to scoreboard us.

I understand that the most famous athlete in the world lives in a pressurized world that may be difficult for me to understand, but according to Lee Trevino, pressure is a relative thing. To paraphrase Lee, pressure isn’t putting for $50,000 in a PGA Tournament; pressure is putting for five bucks with empty pockets.

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the world and when all is said and done he will likely end up being the greatest of all times. I can say that, Tiger can’t. The former Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World Larry Holmes, who fought his entire career in the shadow of Muhammad Ali, never understood that respect must be given freely, and those who demand it rarely receive their fair share.

I don’t expect Tiger to poormouth his accomplishments like some kind of latter-day Bear Bryant, but I hope he remembers the lessons of Larry Holmes.

Keep the fire in your heart and the swagger in your step; just leave the coronation to your fans.

10 Things I Hate About The End of Summer Golf

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:52:00 GMT

Now and then it’s time to reconcile… to take note of… to ponder… to stop and smell the new golf glove before you move on to a new season. Generally speaking, I am not sentimental, but I do enjoy the change of the seasons. In a way, I envy those of you living in places with dramatic season changes, not enough to move there, but take your envy where you can get it. Since I live in the land of the scorching September, I mark the beginning of the Fall not by the changing of the leaves, but by how much the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are sweating, but I digress.

For what it’s worth, here are the 10 things I hate about the end of summer golf:

Without the Ryder Cup the only thing golfers have to get excited about is the FedEx Cup, which as I have said before, is a tournament to decide what? Best golfer? No… Most wins? No… Leading money winner? Perhaps… The FedEx Cup is one of those weird tournaments like gymnasts have after the Olympics. I guess it’s good theater, but not always. When all is said and done, it’s about the rich getting richer, and Tim Finchem getting more arrogant… but other than that I like it.
Once the PGA and that other tournament is over, I’m not a fan of the Fall Season and the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospitals for Children Open. First of all, no tournament should have seven words in their title. Second, no tournament should have to have Justin Timberlake as its host. Thirdly, I understand that the Shriners Hospital and the Children’s Miracle Network need the money and I think that Justin Timberlake, Tim Finchem and FedEx should give it to them and give the rest of us a break.
I hate hearing how good of a golfer Tony Romo is every September. The Dallas Cowboys haven’t won a playoff game this decade, therefore Tony Romo should give his clubs a rest and toss a few more balls at that swinging tire in the backyard of his mansion.
I hate that every Fall I forget that all the bad shots were mine and I start looking for a new set of clubs to solve all of my swing problems. The truth is, and it’s rare that I speak it here, if you can play, you can do it with a second hand set you got from your uncle Bob. It’s not the arrow, it’s the Indian; I know that, you know that, but the next party is always the best one isn’t it?
I hate it when the grounds keepers start working on the course. I understand the need after a long hot summer, but I can’t putt and I really can’t putt after they treat the greens. With this in mind, I propose a 10-foot gimmie rule while the greens are being repaired. Who knows, if this catches on I could end up being a very good putter.
I hate the silly season with all the made for TV golf shows. If I want to see silly golf I’ll have somebody video tape one of my rounds. Seriously, give it a break. Enjoy Thanksgiving and think about all of the bad golf gifts you’ll be getting. Remember the Potty Putter… can Christmas be far behind?
I hate that the Champions Tour has the Charles Schwab Championship in October. Take everything I said about the FedEx Cup and change the name to the Charles Schwab Championship and you’ll get the picture. I'm just thankful that the seniors only play one week instead of four weeks like the flat-bellies. Exactly how old is Andy Bean?
I hate delaying my tee-times because there is a great football game on Saturday or Sunday, or both, and this year the Texas Rangers are hanging close to a wildcard spot, so it’s really hard. No six A. M. tee-times because it’s dark, but mostly no six A. M. tee-times because it’s frigging six A. M.
I hate that the President’s Cup is not a big as the Ryders Cup. Take a look at the teams. The internationals look really strong as do the Yanks. Both Fred Couples and Greg Norman have better hair than most Captains… well better than Captain Crunch. Check out the player points: Tiger Woods has 24,193,993, while Geoff Ogilvy has only 257.85 on the international side. I don’t know what that means, but it hardly seems fair.
Finally, I hate when I’m late for a tee-time and I have to slow down for a school zone. Children beware.

Trash Talking At The FedEx Cup

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:16:00 GMT

In U. S. sports trash talking has become a refined, and at times, artful part of professional basketball and football. As a professional wise-ass, I don’t necessarily endorse shooting off one's mouth for the sake of intimidation, but it has its moments.

Rooted in the backyards and playgrounds around the world, trash talking is actually more common friend to friend, than friend to foe. I mean what are friends for if not to abuse, and who hasn’t trash talked a friend, or likewise been the recipient of said action?

Country Club sports, such as golf, have not experienced trash talking on the professional level as yet. The closest thing to trash talking in professional golf is the Ryder Cup, which is basically cheering for the home team. However, that alone seems to upset the Brits who invented the stiff upper lip and decorum in general. The only solace I can offer the Brits are words from my sainted grandmother, and Vinnie Barbarino who eloquently stated, “Up your nose with a rubber hose!”

I’m not suggesting “White Men Can’t Jump” trash talking intensity at the next round of the FedEx Cup. Seriously, I can’t think of a place in golf where it would be appropriate to quote Sidney Deane who said, “Oh man shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having overdose on Dick Gregory Bahamian diet-drinking ass up.” However, what’s wrong with reminding your playing partner after he missed a putt that he couldn’t roll a basketball into the Grand Canyon?

Long before FedEx delivered the first trophy, Ben Hogan was trash talking before and after a match. Well, it wasn’t so much trash talking as rudeness, but seemed to work. During the match he used silence and glaring looks to intimidate. He also used the two word sentence, “You're away” to capture the moment. There was a story running around the Byron Nelson tournament about Lanny Watkins who, when asked to read a putt by his pro-am partner replied, “Just pick it up fat-boy.”… That’s cold and rude.

Lee Trevino, who never had the opportunity to compete for a FedEx Cup, was and still is a trash talker. However, rather than talking to his opponent he talked to himself. “I don’t think I could make that putt again with a bucket of balls. Wow! That putt was really fast.”

Lee is one of the great hustlers and as such he knows all the tricks. Remember the incident with Jack Nicklaus and the rubber snake? In his prime Lee was known to brag a bit as well, which is actually another form of trash talking. I’m sure that he understood that confidence is a great intimidator when he said, “I'm going to win so much money this year my caddie will make the top twenty money winner's list.”

John McEnroe made a pretty good living being disruptive and trash talking the officials. Who can forget, “Do you have any problems, other than that you're unemployed, a moron, and a dork?” Now, you may disagree with his tactics, but you have to admit it made his opponents crazy, the media loved him, and fired-up both he and the crowd.

So, how are we going to make this FedEx Cup interesting outside of letting Heath Slocum win two more and shutting out the field? The answer could be full-contact trash talking. Granted, Tiger doesn’t appear to do much talking during a round, however he will throw down a celebratory fist-pump and more at the big moment, which can be every bit as intimidating as a look from Jack Nicklaus or Ben Hogan.

I can’t remember anyone trying to throw Tiger off his game by trash talking him. They seem to prefer the let sleeping Tigers lie strategy. However, now that Tiger is already ticked-off about missing the six-footer last week, what could it hurt? Maybe Heath Slocum could offer Tiger a putting lesson, or Padraig Harrington could wear a kilt… Why not?

Hey! I’m doing my part to try and make this FedEx thing interesting for the next three weeks.

Why Does Tiger Woods Feel Like a Loser?

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:25:00 GMT

For the most part, golf is an individual sport. You win or lose by your own means unless you’re playing Jean Van de Velde, but that’s another story, or is it? Tiger Woods has won five times in 2009 and that alone puts him in elite company. He has 70 career wins and 14 majors at last count, and although he needs to win five more majors to pass Jack Nicklaus, even if he never played another round of golf, he will be considered the first or second best player to ever tee it up.

So, how is it possible for Tiger not to feel good about 2009? The answer is expectations. It’s like Zeus playing Texas Hold’em; he expects to get a Royal Flush every hand, therefore four aces are disappointing. Tiger, and the rest of us, expected that he would simply will his way to at least one major win in 2009. After all, he had won the U. S. Open playing on one leg the previous year, hadn’t he?

Tiger not winning a Major is a lingering disappointment for one and all.

Perhaps, at this point in his career, Tiger is only one of the lesser golf gods, and like Hercules and Apollo must serve Zeus, Tiger must also wait his turn to climb Mount Olympus. Still, it is difficult to wait, so the world’s number one player has decided to play round one of the FedEx Cup, The Barclays, which is an interesting choice since in his five previous appearances his best finish is a tie for 13th. Perhaps the Sirens of history have cast their spells and blinded him to the fact that The Barclays is one of only three PGA Tour events in which he has made at least three starts yet failed to win.

Sure Tiger wants to win the FedEx Cup, but does he expect to win it? That’s a very different question. Is confidence and expectation the same thing, or does one make you play well and the other make you crazy when you don’t succeed at the level you expect?

Frankly, all of this may have nothing to do with confidence or expectations and could be something as simple as Tiger reading the rules and realized that FedEx points do not reset for the playoffs, as they have in past years, so a player carries his point total -- and advantage -- into The Barclays. However, points are quintupled in all the Playoff events (a win is worth 2,500 points as opposed to 500 for a standard Regular Season event), meaning big moves are expected throughout the four-event stretch, perhaps even culminating with a showdown at The Tour Championship.

Let’s face it; Tiger will arrive at The Barclays with top-10 finishes in 11 of 12 stroke play events and five victories under his 2009 belt. If that doesn’t build confidence I don’t know what does. On top of that, I’m sure he remembers that he won the whole FedEx thing in 2007 and then missed the 2008 Playoffs because of knee surgery. Would winning his second FedEx Cup restore his expectation and heal the wounds left by not winning a Major in 2009? Not really.

I love FedEx and I love cups. I use one to deliver important papers and the other to drink my morning coffee, but I don’t use them as a set.

Tiger may very well win the FedEx Cup. He may set a world record in winnings; they may even ask him to become President of FedEx; but that won’t change the fact that he did not win a Major in 2009.

That’s the trouble with being a golf god, you never get a Royal Flush every hand, even if your name is Tiger Woods.

How To Play Faster

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:13:00 GMT

My appologies for the re-run of the following article. I need to leave town right away on family business. As much as I love writing this letter, family does come first. So until next week...

I play fast, many times too fast. Those are the times when I lose my focus, abridge or completely abandon my pre-shot routine and hit a shot without considering strategy, as well as hit the wrong club because I didn't want to waste any time walking back to the cart for the right one. I try not to walk ahead of the guys I'm playing with, but sometimes I'm not paying attention and do just that.

I find that I do these things not when the pace is fast, but when the pace is slow and I am trying to get everyone moving a little faster. It's ironic that it is the frustration of playing too slow that makes me play too fast. When I've got ten minutes to read a putt I might walk up and hit the ball without ever reading the line.

I understand that those things are my fault and if I would just play my game and keep my focus I would enjoy the game a lot more and certainly score better. And, besides, what's the hurry?

The answer is, of course, rhythm. I believe that it is hard for anyone to maintain a good rhythm when playing at an inconsistent pace, and for me playing at a consistent pace is important. If the game doesn't flow organically, at a natural pace, I'm dead. Obviously it is a self-inflicted death. No one made me abandon my pre-shot routine, or forget about strategy, or putt without reading the line, but still it happens and at the end of such a round I am questioning everything about the game.

I understand slow play from a thirty handicapper. I don't like it, but I understand that it takes more time to hit the ball that many times. However, I am less forgiving of the ten handicapper that plays at the pace of a thirty handicapper.

Just this past week I was watching a group in front of me play at an incredibly slow pace not because they were terrible golfers, but because it appeared that they didn't know how to play fast. If that foursome is reading this article here are some tips about how to pick up the pace:

1. Warm up before you arrive at the first tee. I understand that we are all getting old and therefore we need more time to loosen up the old bones, but for God's sake do it before it's your turn to tee off. It may not sound like much but when four guys take an extra two or three minutes before they tee off it adds up quickly.

2. Don't watch your partner hit. At least don't watch him hit when you could be getting to your ball. Obviously, don't walk in front of your partner, but when possible go to your ball. It's okay to watch your partner from there. You can even cheer.

3. Don't go to your ball without a club. If you don't know the yardage take more than one club. It drives me crazy to see a guy standing at his ball without a club waiting on his partner to bring it to him. It makes me crazy to watch a guy walk to his ball without a club then walk back to the cart to get a club, then walk back to his ball.

4. Be ready to play when it is your turn. While you are waiting on someone to hit, you should be thinking about your shot. If it is not distracting other players you can take your practice swings. Don't wait until it is your turn to think about what you are going to do.

5. If you are 300 yards from the people in front of you it is okay to hit unless you are Tiger Woods. No one advocates hitting into the group in front of you, but be realistic. If there is no way you can hit them then swing away.

6. Do not mark a one-foot putt. Unless you are playing in the U.S. Open, or some other important tournament, I can't think of any reason to mark a one-foot putt. Putt the ball and get out of the way.

7. Agree to play ready golf. There are times to keep the game formal, such as when you are playing in an important tournament, but when it's you and your buddies there is no need to stand on ceremony. On the first tee agree to play when ready, it will move the game along.

8. Don't take a practice putt after your group has finished the hole. If people are standing in the fairway waiting to hit and you take a practice putt you deserve to be hit into (just kidding).

9. Don't run off the green, but don't dilly-dally. Put the pin in the hole and walk briskly off the green. It is okay to high five, joke, heckle, smile and talk about the putt you made or missed, just do it while walking.

10. Don't fill out your scorecard standing near the green. People are waiting to hit and they don't want to hit you so most of the time they will wait until you drive away. Fill out your card at the next tee so the game can continue behind you.

To the guys in front of me last week, I don't want you to play at a pace that prevents you from enjoying the game, after all that's why we are out there. However, I would appreciate you at least trying a few of the tips mentioned here. Who knows, perhaps you'll enjoy the game even more if you establish a good rhythm.

To other fast players like me, don't be a jerk and spoil your own game and everyone else's game as well by hitting into the slow players. Take a deep breath and repeat the following, the slowest round ever played is better than no round at all... if you relax.

The Marshal Arts and Club-head Speed

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:17:00 GMT

Tiger Woods won his seventieth tournament; Padraig Harrington choked; Jack Nicklaus sighed; John Rollins won the secret golf tournament in Reno, and the PGA Championship returns to Hazeltine this week. Now that you’re up to date, let’s talk about something important… me.

Jamie Pipes is a PGA Golf Professional working for UST Mamiya, a long time friend and supporter of me, and the nonsense I sometimes write. As the guy who works with PGA players such as Stewart Cink, Davis Love III, and dozens of other golf professionals around the world, Jamie is used to looking at swings and matching them to the perfect golf shaft.

In addition, Jamie also tests all of UST Mamiya’s new products from concept to launch. Forget Iron Byron, Jamie uses real golfers to test every shaft. When I asked him why, he said, “Machines don’t care about feel - only golfers do.”

I tell you all of this not to pump-up UST Mamiya. Heck, Stewart Cink just won the British Open playing UST Mamiya’s AxivCore shaft, so needless to say, they’re doing great without me beating their drum. My point is that Jamie is a terrific golfer and knows a thing or two about the golf swing, which is why I stopped him in the hall the other day and asked him to look at my swing. A cynic might say that I was looking for a free golf lesson, but that’s another story.

“Why am I having a hard time driving the ball past the ladies' tees?” I asked. “I know I’m getting old, but I’m still six foot one and weight 190 pounds (granted, I should weigh about 175 pounds, but that’s another story, as well), so why can’t I out drive a five-foot four-inch, 130 pound LPGA player?”

I’m not asking for Tiger Woods' power. I’m not even asking for Cory Pavin, or Michelle Wie power, but I would like to out drive five-foot, four-inch Joo Mi Kim, who averages 247.3 per drive. I don’t mean to sound like a sexist, but I’m pretty sure I could take Ms. Kim in a cage fight if she promises not to use any of that kung-fu stuff.

“Follow me,” he said, and we headed off to the hitting cage. “You’re not going to like the answer,” he offered up before I had even taken a swing. At the cage he handed me a driver and asked me to swing the club with my right hand only holding the shaft upside down with the grip on the bottom. After I made only about three swings, he asked me to turn the club over and grip the club normally, still using my right hand only, and make three more swings. “You’re golf muscles are weak, which means that you can’t generate enough club head speed.”

“What are you saying?” I asked him to repeat, hoping that I heard him wrong.

“Let me put it this way, I’m taking Joo Mi Kim in that cage fight, with or without kung fu,” Jamie explained rather callously.

How could this be? I work out, not hard, but nevertheless, a workout is a workout, right? Not so explained Jamie. “The golf swing has its own muscle group, and the best way to work that group of muscles is with a weighted club. Playing a lot of golf helps, but you need the extra weight to grow those muscles. The stronger your golf muscles are, the easier it will be to increase your club-head speed, and in the end that’s what it comes down to, club-head speed.”

“So, what you’re telling me Jamie is that it’s not realistic to think that I can lie around all week, not practice, not work my golf muscles and expect to hit the ball a long ways?”

“Correct” Jamie answered.

“But what about my perfect swing technique? Doesn’t that counteract a missing muscle or two?” I implored.

“I’m still taking Joo Mi Kim's swing over yours on the fairway and in the cage.”

Golf as a Stimulus Package

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:38:00 GMT

Rightly or wrongly, golf is known as a country club sport. It doesn’t matter that most rounds are played on public courses. It doesn’t matter that you and I don’t have a company picking up our membership dues and green fees. It doesn’t even matter that golf tournaments help raise more money for charity than the NFL and NBA combined. If you listen to Washington and the likes of John Kerry and Barney Franks, golf is the crowning jewel of conspicuous consumption.

Forget the billion dollars that U. S. golf tournaments have donated to charity, the Buick Open has got to go. No good deed should go unpunished. The world will survive without the Buick Open, but will it be a better place?

So, what did golf do to become the whipping-boy sport of 2009? It has sponsors, a la the Buick Open. I suppose indirectly, through Northern Trust, Wachovia, Buick and other tournament sponsors, golf has benefited from the $787 billion stimulus package, and apparently, that makes golf the AIG of sports.

As my sainted grandmother used to say, “Horse-s---! It is grossly unfair to paint golf with the same brush as Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, JP Morgan and the rest. I guarantee you that nobody running a golf tournament got a bonus in 2009. The truth is, every golf tournament in the country has seen their revenues decline in 2009, and that’s okay. The men and women volunteers that sell the tickets will have to work harder to meet their charitable commitments, and they accept that. Just don’t group golf with the likes of American International Group (AIG), which received $170 billion in taxpayer bailout money then promptly turned around and paid its executives $165 million in bonuses. Golf isn’t that stupid.

Golf may not represent every man, we understand that, but just because it isn’t baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet, that doesn’t mean it’s just for rich guys. Golf is expensive, but have you checked the cost of a ticket to a NFL game lately?

Golf is not an elitist sport, but it is not a contact sport either, unless you count the club hitting the ball. Generally speaking, nobody in golf gets their uniform dirty, or gets knocked out unless they don’t press the bet on the last hole. Sure, golfers sometimes wear pastels, but golf has its bad boys, too; perhaps no one is as brash as Terrell Owens, or with the knock out punch of UFC’s Randy Couture, but watch out for Boo Weekly when he three putts.

I read somewhere that during the Great Depression the movie industry flourished because movies helped people get their minds off of their problems. I think golf has the same qualities. There's nothing like going to the range and pounding balls to get your mind off of what ails you. I believe that the best thing about golf is who you are playing with, and at the end of every round I realize that the company and the conversation was much better than my game.

My golf prescription is not intended to make light of the real problems that many people have in these trying times, but I hope we can remember that now and then it does the soul good to relax. Golf doesn’t need a stimulus package; golf is a stimulus package. However, after watching all of the hoopla over baseball’s All-Star game, I would like to see if the President could be talked into hitting the first tee-shot at the PGA Championship.

Relax and tee it up Mister President, better tee times are ahead.

The Real Reason Tom Watson Lost

Sam 'Bogey' Johnson — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

I read somewhere if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite amount of time, they could recreate anything. The following article is proof of that.

I just finished reading an article in the illustrious pages of PGA.com titled "Tom Watson’s Perfect Storm of Golf." Giving the high and mighty PGA.com the respect it deserves, I must admit that I have never read such total crap since I stopped handing out golf tips myself.

Eric Hogge, the PGA Director of Club Fitting and Performance started the babble with a discussion about how Tom’s Adams 18 & 20 degree hybrids were the real difference in the Scottish wind. According to Eric, the high MOI and low CoG hybrids are designed to keep the ball low while at the same time making it easier to hit under Open pressure. Thankfully, Eric gives credit where credit is due, noting that Watson is the greatest links player since the wind started blowing.

Adams is a fine brand, but Tom Watson used more magic than hybrids last week.

Then Dave Donatucci, PGA Director of Fitness piped in with some trainer’s dream that fitness is the answer to all that ails you. The idea that somehow Tom Watson’s recuperation from hip surgery put him in a better position to win the British Open is just silly. Had Tom replaced both hips he would not have had the mobility, strength, power, balance and flexibility that he had 25 years ago. If that were true, we’d all be lined up at the doctor’s office.

Tom Watson, along with everybody else, gets old. It wasn’t his new Elvis hip that helped him navigate his way around Scotland… obviously it was his red hair and the fact that looks like a gnome.

Joseph Hallett the General Manager of the PGA Center for Learning and Performance added his two cents' worth with some cock and bull story about Watson’s “return to form” and the “Watson of Old” theory. He goes on about Tom striving to return to his winning form of 25 years ago, an upright swing and fast tempo. Mind you Tom didn’t say this, but Joseph talks about how, and I quote, “Tom has the ability to compare himself to 'days gone by'" and see where his club/arms/body were at various parts of the swing and to work hard to get them back there.

I guess that means that Tom waited until last week to crank up the old videotape. If it were that simple, I’m not sure why Tom waited so long, and now that he has the answer, I suppose that Tom and 150 other Champions' Tour players will be rejoining the regular tour next week.

Joseph did try to redeem himself and keep his friends around the office happy with the “perfect storm” theory; new clubs, with a new hip, and a newly found understanding of his old swing is all you need to win. If this theory made any sense whatsoever, the Champions’ Tour would not exist and O. J. would still be rushing for 2,000 yards every year instead of breaking rocks.

Tom Watson caught lightning in a bottle, but unfortunately the bottle only held 71 holes instead of 72… but lightning bottles are like that. Now and then Father Time and the Golf God have lunch and after a few beers they think up crazy stuff just for laughs. This is one of those times. Tom can buy new clubs, work out until the cows come home and watch videotapes until he is blue in the face and he’ll never again play better that he did last week.

And by the way, Lance didn’t win the Tour de France last week either.