Telf's Blog

If the 8 year old you could see you now, would you be a good role model?

2011-04-07T18:58:00.001+01:00

Most probably not... but its not all that bad!

Ask me something you fool!!!

Do you miss anyone right now?

2011-01-11T12:08:00.001+00:00

Yes My Granma :/

Ask me something you fool!!!

HI :) vodka or chips?

2011-01-11T12:07:00.003+00:00

Chips :D

Ask me something you fool!!!

hi do you have new year resolution?

2011-01-11T12:07:00.001+00:00

nope because rules are there to be broken!

Ask me something you fool!!!

BP Spills Coffee

2010-06-14T14:59:00.000+01:00

The Bp oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico put into office terms with coffee, very funny comedy sketch!

What is this: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs340.ash1/29166_10150206652480080_690605079_13008571_4536412_n.jpg

2010-06-09T15:34:00.001+01:00

It looks like a bug... a very colourful bug indeed!

Ask me something you fool!!!

Would you rather be in a fight with 10 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

2010-06-09T14:34:00.001+01:00

I think i would have to go with the 10 duck sized horses! At least that way you can just kick them and they will just go flying. ha

Ask me something you fool!!!

Any regrets?

2010-06-09T14:33:00.001+01:00

This, to be honest, is quite a silly question. Everyone in life has things that they regret doing. No one when they are 60/70 will say they were happy with every choice they made or everything they did.

Some people may say things happen for a reason and blame it on karma and stuff but thats just bullshit, so in short yes i do have a few but i am not going to blog about them to someone i don't know :)

Ask me something you fool!!!

The top 10 worst gifts to receive from someone

2010-06-07T22:39:00.009+01:00

Everyone gives crap gifts and everyone certainly receives them. We have to act like it’s a surprise or that you think it is the best thing in the world and you just don’t understand how you were living life without it before.

It was whilst I was watching a very boring film called “Open Waters” where they were under water and on the divers they had a camera. I said “I have one of those, got given it as a crap gift...” It was at that the point the person I was with just laughed at what such a pathetic gift it was, behold the topic of today.

I’m going to start with No. 10 first and work my way down to No.1

No.10 – This one comes from a very trusted steed of mine, Mr Tom Wing. He say’s

“the first one I can think of is a Robbie Williams biography I got from my stepsister - who loves Robbie Williams! Thanks very much.... idiot.”

The present they bought you, because they like them excuse. Really it is just a way to buy yourself something under the cover of its a gift and then a week later ask if they can borrow it, and NEVER RETURN IT!

No.9 – The same gift you gave to one of your mates, 3months ago on his birthday. Nothing like a kick in the teeth more than having a gift you gave to someone else, given back to you. What makes things worse it still has the price tag and seal on that you forgot to take off the first time round.

No.8 – People buying you clothes thinking they look “Fucking awesome” when in fact you just want to shoot them down and tell them that their taste in clothes is whack. With clothes though, if you don’t wear it at least once they will get a bit grouchy about it, especially if it’s your Gran and she bought matching dressing gowns for the both of you...

No.7 – Smellies! You know the ones I mean, you get them at Christmas mostly. Has some shower gel in, shampoo and deodorant. What’s up with that? It’s just a subtle way of saying take a bath, you smell bad!

No.6 – Gifts for the house. This one is normal of a female to do to their husband. They will go out and buy something like a toaster or kettle and give it to you as a gift. At the end of the day, that is not a gift, it’s more for the house than you. There is nothing special or thoughtful about it at all.

No.5 – The clearly not thought of gifts really frustrate me. You know they just went into the shops and picked up the first thing that cost less than a fiver to buy. For example a car cleaning set when you don’t have a car or even plan to have one in the near future. Or someone buys a cookery for beginners guide and gives it to a professional chef. It’s just stupid.

No.4 – This kind of ties in with the clothes thing but I hate slippers. I don’t understand why you would give slippers. Surely people would rather buy it themselves, rather than the monstrous one your friend got you.

No.3 – I found this one on the internet.

“It was Christmas when our class planned to have an exchange gift but... everyone must have his/her identity hidden and we have our codenames. My codename was "The Chosen One". I requested for a Final Fantasy Action figure in the wish list. A week later, I received a Barbie Doll ... from someone codenamed 'Joker'”

How gutted would you be in that situation? But you would have to laugh and find it funny.

No2. – When someone gives you a gift and you get all embarrassed about it and don’t know what to do. Such as (this one only counts for females though) your mother buying you a didlo and coming out with something like “I always said I would buy my daughters a dildo when they are old enough” Tragic

No.1 The worst has to be getting nothing. You get all excited about it being your birthday, but yet there is no card or badge to show it. How much of a loser do you have to be, to not get anything at all, not even a happy birthday text?

Out of all this though there is one present that I think is just great, and that is socks. Its practical and you always need them because socks have a magical power which means they can go walkies by themselves and never return.

If you fancy telling people your worst gifts with a story, leave them in a comment :D

Who would win in a fight between a chimpanzee and a pensioner?

2010-05-26T17:20:00.001+01:00

well, it will all depend on different factors! Like will the pensioner have a walking stick and turn into yoda upon attack and kick shit into the chimp. Or will the chimp have an endless supply of bannanas and turn into mario kart and start throwing them everywhere? I would hope the chimp wins as it will be rather i think, could you imagine the news report on the tv haha!

Ask me something you fool!!!

Bored of politics now!

2010-05-12T16:52:00.004+01:00

Of late, all that has been going on in the news is politics. I know this affects the country and everyone, but I'm now bored of hearing about it all now. The only thing I do not understand is how come there are so many hate campaigns about the internet for David Cameron, yet he still manages to gain the magical key for the big door that is No.10? In a way, the Liberal Democrats kinda won as they also have the spare key for No.10.

Anyway, here is a new photoshop image that I have created. Images were stock images taken from a few different elements and used a few tips that I found on the internet.

More photoshop images on me Facebook :D

Small Parties should be banned from the elections

2010-04-26T19:45:00.012+01:00

By now, everyone should know that on May 6th 2010 there is to be a Local and General Election to decide which political party should supposedly "run" our country or local area... if you don't know, then where the frick have you been hiding? In a wardrobe with a dream of one day visiting the big grizzly lion in Narnia?

Anyway whilst putting some rubbish in the outside bin this morning I noticed the usual pile of flyers and leaflets that congregate at our front door for weeks on end until it gets unbearable and they have to be cleared. I picked them up to have a ganders and to see if there was anything of substantial interest to anyone with half a brain cell.

Amongst the heap of shit on the floor, there was 4 leaflets for food, two of which were from co-op to make sure we got the message, some one offering cheap sofas, another for Sky TV and TalkTalk and another leaflet with someone who looks like he should be from that "WONGA" advert. (Check out the spoofs to see what I mean)

Amongst all the usual crap that no one ever really reads, I found two political party leaflets one for the Green Party and one for the Socialist Party. A few things about this got on my tits:

1. Where are the major parties' (Labour, Tories & Lib Dems) Leaflets? They are meant to be the strong parties who strive to get peoples votes, yet there is no evidence that our households votes count. Admittedly we might not vote, but its not the point we should still be bombarded with their crap to recycle with... its kind of our right.

2. Also if your a small party, what is the point of just posting a poxy little leaflet through someone's door and then walk off. That's not going to get anyone in to Westminster or to chair the local area because most people will just think "Bleurgh... BIN!!" They should knock on the door and try to explain to people what it is they do and all that jazz. Although, I really don't think this rule would count with parties such as the BNP, unless they like getting smacked in the face with the closest blunt object to hand, most probably a fist!

One thing that both of these parties seem to have in common though is the ability to produce flyers that are so bad it makes this film look like it will be the best experience of your life. Both these two parties will never get into power just for the simple fact they are the dunces of the politics world and everyone else laughs at them HAHAHA!

Reading and Leeds 2010

2010-04-20T21:44:00.002+01:00

Just a quick little post...

For those of you who are going to Reading and Leeds festivals this year, I have made a spotify playlist!

Check it out:

http://open.spotify.com/user/telf_himself/playlist/40v7aPfLKxHJUwAjYIdiQq

Hope you enjoy, it has all of the bands that have been announced thus far on the official website

What do you like the most in England?

2010-04-11T12:22:00.001+01:00

There is a lot that i like about England but the best thing has to be TEA! no one like a cup of tea more than we do and i love the stuff.

We may not have the greatest weather but when we do it makes me laugh how all English/British people go into this same frame of mind "where's the BBQ?" "lets find some grass and sit out on it" I don't think any other country has that sort of same mentality towards the weather.

And also the amount of countryside and nice places you can go, the only problem is you will have to travel far to get to the nice places

Ask me anything

If you had to assemble a decent team to take over the world, who would be in it and why?

2010-04-08T17:34:00.001+01:00

WOW!! This one will be a hard one to answer!

I'm really not sure what sort of people I would like to have on my team. I know for definite I would like to have a few "hard nuts" on my side such as Rocky and The terminator to mess up anyone who gets close to me.

Would have some smart people to help develop some crazy out-there weapons to take on anyone who wants to have a go at me also.

I think I would also take Lauren Weston (some girl I've heard of) to help me in understanding peoples language and I think I would take most of my friends as we could all do it together :D

Ask me anything

Telf, have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations? Interesting eh?

2010-04-08T17:15:00.001+01:00

Hmmmm... that is an interesting thought!

To not have hypothetical situations would be a nightmare, how would we be able to function without a "what if...?" statement every now and then. People need to know what to do if a big googly eyed monster one day knocks at their door or if their face just dropped off.

Nah it wouldn't work... hypothetical situations are here to stay

Ask me anything

The Digital Economy Bill

2010-04-08T15:35:00.006+01:00

The Digital Economy Bill is what the Government have proposed to help big corporate companies with the fight against copyright infringement and illegal downloading amongst other things.

The thing is though the government has rushed it through the House Of Commons in a "wash up" with complete disregard to the concerns that have been raised by the public and have even ignored some major concerns that ISP (Internet Service Providers) such as Virgin Media have raised, which is just absurd.

For the third reading of the bill, MP's were in the House Of Commons for just 2hours and within these two hours, just one clause was discussed for an hour whilst they just read through the rest of them without as much as a peep out of anyone there.

In the bill were such things like ISP's being able to block certain sites that could be infringing the new laws such as YouTube and even Google, but thankfully this clause has now been dropped.

These new laws will affect ever thing, from how much input Ofcom has and how channel 4 should run its network and even radio and video games will have to follow some of the bizarre things. The government are just wanting to control what we see and hear in what is now "BIG BROTHER" attitude.

Even the tough laws about illegal downloads are pretty dam ridiculous because people who are downloading music illegally are the people that are most likely to buy it, believe it or not so when they bring in the new laws, the music industry will be hit a little more than people think.

All in all, the public have been ignored by their local MP's and people are not happy about how much of a say the government will now have in what they do online and will have to constantly be on guard about using copyright without even realising it.

To be safe this blog is copyrighted to ME HAHA!!! Mitts off Hasslehoff! Enjoy the sun whilst it is here :D and leave a comment too if you like...

Some coooool videos!

2010-04-05T11:33:00.007+01:00

I know I haven't wrote a proper blog since the whole Twilight thing so today, on Easter Monday bored and avoiding uni work I shall write one.

This one is just going to be a selection of things I have found on the internet that have really made me laugh.

Now this guy Remi Gaillard is some French dude who does a load of skits about his home country and I found this one particularly funny. He has a few other different ones such as becoming Mario and playing Mario Kart on the streets and how to get a McDonald's meal for free at a drive-through but this just beats them all.

Now everyone knows Mario's job is a difficult one and now he has just had enough of it. Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family guy, has done a collection of short YouTube videos and I think this one is the best and the big old dragon finally gets his way with the princess.

This video is not funny but it is very cool indeed, just some short animation about a super strong stick figure.

That is it for now but I have some thing new that I have thought about whilst doing this one so i will be doing that in the coming days I hope

If you wish, follow me on twitter or you can ask me a question on formspring and I will answer it and post it to my blog, but make sure it is a good question though ah?

If you could have any job / be anyone in the world, what / who would you be?

2010-03-18T00:39:00.001+00:00

Any job - i would like to own my own business and a successful one too with a brand that is well recognized.

Be anyone - i think it would have to be someone like Bill Gates, just because he has built an empire on which we as a world today live on and cannot live without

Ask me anything

Sweet or Savoury?

2010-03-17T23:27:00.001+00:00

Definitely sweet! Just tastes so much better and is so much more satisfying! :D

Ask me anything

Twilight... SIGH!

2010-03-11T15:49:00.008+00:00

Whilst sitting in work today bored writing articles about viral marketing and why buying a franchise is a good idea for some keyword sites (interesting I know!) they mentioned the new Twilight film trailer on Radio 1 that is due to come out in July some time.

When they mentioned it, it just made me realise how much I actually dislike the films. I think the main reasons I do not like them is because it is one of those really pathetic love stories that are so predictable, everyone in the film is so "perfect", the sickening love between a vampire and a mere mortal just would not happen even if such a thing existed and a vampire being a vegetarian, psst... please!

Also vampires do not shine like glitter in the sunlight... THEY DIE! If there is one thing Blade taught me is vampires do not like the sun shine as it will kill them, Stephenie Meyer must have been on drugs when seeing glittery vampires in her books.

I have been to see both films in the cinema (not through my own choice, my girlfriend made me do it!) and it was more like watching a porn film with the amount of male nipple that was involved in the film. The best part of the film was when it finished and I said "Well that was shit!" and the guy of a couple a few seats away from us said something along the same lines.

I found this picture on someones twitpic page and thought it was just too good to miss off!

(Click the image to make it bigger!!)

Enjoy!

what is the the square root of 1002?

2010-03-10T10:14:00.001+00:00

the square root of 1002 is 31.65438358

Yes I did cheat and use Google, but who cares! If Google says that is the number it must be true

Ask me anything

Avatar is Pocahontas

2010-03-09T08:24:00.006+00:00

I found this image a while back and thought that the difference between the films are uncanny! Has James Cameron just taken the plot from Pocahontas and made it his own by putting it into the future?

Take a look for yourself:

Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?

2010-03-08T15:24:00.001+00:00

I think it would be naive to say there isn't anything on another planet, whether it is intelligent or not is a different story!

Ask me anything

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

2010-03-08T15:23:00.001+00:00

People called Andrew Chadwick!

Ask me anything

Telf's Blog

If the 8 year old you could see you now, would you be a good role model?

Do you miss anyone right now?

HI :) vodka or chips?

hi do you have new year resolution?

BP Spills Coffee

What is this: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs340.ash1/29166_10150206652480080_690605079_13008571_4536412_n.jpg

Would you rather be in a fight with 10 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

Any regrets?

The top 10 worst gifts to receive from someone

Who would win in a fight between a chimpanzee and a pensioner?

Bored of politics now!

Small Parties should be banned from the elections

Reading and Leeds 2010

What do you like the most in England?

If you had to assemble a decent team to take over the world, who would be in it and why?

Telf, have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations? Interesting eh?

The Digital Economy Bill

Some coooool videos!

If you could have any job / be anyone in the world, what / who would you be?

Sweet or Savoury?

Twilight... *SIGH!*

what is the the square root of 1002?

Avatar is Pocahontas

Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

Twilight... SIGH!