Tend To Your Garden Within

Repeated Patterns

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:58:00 +0000

Sometimes we need to take a look in the rear view mirror to receive new insight regarding what has happened in our past. Like me, you may have experienced intense moments in the past and perhaps are curious to view a new perspective on what has transpired.

Over time we may experience the same events with different people. Dealing with an issue we may have had with a sister when a teenager: now dealing with the same issue with a co-worker as an adult. We may be experiencing similar patterns, issues and feelings. Feelings can be those of being abandoned, being pushed around (losing self), not being loved, or fear of rejection. Looking back, we may realize that we have been dealing with the same issues for a long time and get discouraged at our progress.

Our personal and spiritual growth is continuous and evolving. We may repeat an issue (dealing with fear) several times in a span of many years which may seem old and repetitive. However, the depth and intensity of these issues most likely varies (we have learned and grown). Imagine being on a tree climbing up. We may be on the same location on the trunk of a tree, but a different height. The realization of pace and depth of growth is a great mechanism to gauge our progress and can be a source of self encouragement (instead of despair at seemingly slow progress). The poem below describes this issue further.

Reaching the Bottom

Swimming at the surface

guided by gentle winds and waves.

Comfortable, effortless at the surface

forgetting

the only guarantee is change.

Change is a means to reach new frontiers of self awareness

we have not touched.

A change in wind and current takes the swimmer under the water.

Swimmer has been under the water many times before.

Swimmer feels frustrated for repeating seemingly old patterns again.

He thinks, I thought I was done with my schooling.

Swimmer sinks to the bottom of the ocean of his unconscious reality.

Nothing is in sight but dark murky waters.

Where is the bottom?

Where is the top?

Bottom of the ocean is further away this time.

Something has changed.

It is taking longer to get to the bottom.

What has gone wrong?

Panic covers the swimmer in the midst of darkness.

Hopelessly and helplessly sinking with no effort.

Suddenly…

“Bam”

His feet touch the bottom unexpectedly!

A sudden surge of reactive force propels the swimmer to

the surface at an amazing speed.

Swimmer flies out of the water like a dolphin

and swims at the surface again.

Swimmer is more aware of his boundaries.

Swimming with expectations of going under

to experience new frontiers.

Tend To Your Garden Within

In My Pack

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:30:00 +0000

We sometimes are not aware of the anger and hatred we harbor within ourselves. Having a feeling does not mean that we feel it.

We may have learned from our childhood to be quiet and not express our opinions and feelings. We may fear speaking our truth and the confrontation that may follow. We may be calm and soft spoken most of the time while holding onto unexpressed emotion within. Sometimes, we hold our emotions unexpressed inside our body and its energy may manifest into many physical symptoms. Sometimes, these emotions burst into uncontrolled release and sometimes, if we are lucky, we direct its release by doing something that society deems acceptable.

We can look into ourselves and review how and when we feel that it is acceptable to show our anger and rage. Are we angry about the real issue or are there some other underlying issues? Understanding such insight can help us be less reactive and be more pro-active in expressing our emotions cleanly in a timely manner, which will help us in our relationships with family and friends.

In My Pack

In the dark of night I

peek into my pack.

I have stuffed my emotions safely

into my pack.

Among the emotions

I carry anger and hatred in my pack.

They cover my heart and arteries like plaque.

You may be surprised at the contents of my pack.

I look calm, smiling, put together and on track.

I cannot show you what is in my pack.

I have an image to back.

I have an urge to share my pack

without owning what is in my pack.

I share my pack

for causes that give me no flak.

My pack and I traveled a lonely path.

I realize now that lashing out at others

is not in my highest good.

I am now aware of the contents of my pack.

Learning to feel and express my emotions cleanly

without stuffing them in the pack.

Such a burden I used to carry in my pack.

I no longer travel a lonely path.

I now travel with a much lighter pack.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Message for the New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 02:10:00 +0000

Happy New Year! 2012 is about accelerating our remembering of who we are and what we can do by challenging our long held beliefs and habits.

It is a time to bypass the lengthy and life time processes of doing things to give ourselves permission to be who we already are. It is about changing our consciousness (no physical doing required) to accept our Divine love, relax, be present and follow our heart’s desires. It is about what we are and about what we desire.

May 2012 be a blessed time for us, our families, our communities and our planet.

Path of Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:13:00 +0000

We all have some sort of insecurity. We may not want to feel our insecurity and therefore replace feeling our insecurity with doing or owning things. We may buy into beliefs such that with enough knowledge, degrees, status, money, friends, and things our insecurities will go away. This is a never ending game, since “enough” of something today may not be sufficient tomorrow; as our circumstances change, so do our needs.

You may know people whose doing and having solution has not resolved their insecurity. Do you know anyone who is an expert on a subject and that expertise has not touched their own life? Do you know of any healers who have not healed their own pains and hurts? Do you know of any intimacy experts who are not intimate with anybody?

Our insecurities will not transform unless we experience and feel them. Our mental solution to our insecurity is based on the fear of feeling our insecurity (not pleasant). A needle to numb us at the dentist chair may sting for a only second, however, we may think about it days before and suffer more than 1000 mental needles by the time we reach the dentist chair, which is all about resisting the feel of the needle’s sting. Likewise, when we feel our insecurity, its hold on us will diminish and we may realize that doing and/or getting something is an ineffective way of feeling secure.

Inner Healing

Have you met the man who had a huge fortune

and always felt poor?

Have you met the man who could recite all the names of God

and never felt God in his heart?

Have you met the man who has read all the books on love

and never allowed love in his life?

Have you met the man who gave wonderful lectures on world peace

and never felt his peace within?

Have you met the man who fed the hungry

and never felt and fed his own hunger?

What is value of a great book

if it cannot be internalized?

Path of heart is different from that of mind.

Mind pushes you to think, verbalize and do:

a human doing.

Heart pushes you to feel and be:

a human being.

Take off the mask!

Use the knowledge of your heart.

It never lies to you.

Feel, be alive and conscious

through your heart’s path.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Bird in the Glass House

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Many perceived “emergencies” in our daily life and work are not real emergencies. We treat them as emergencies due to our preference to finish and to focus on more positive items. I have run into many seemingly urgent and unexpected obstacles which I did not have a solution for at the time. In the past, I would attach myself to a problem and tirelessly force its resolution. I have had a good success rate – one can not argue with persistence! However, that persistence may come at a very high mental and physical expense. The solution is not about working hard, rather knowing the urgency of an issue and the degree we put our focus and energy into it immediately. Some call it working smart.

Now, if I run into seemingly urgent, unexpected obstacles which I do not have a solution for, I ask myself, is it a real emergency? Can it wait an hour or two? If the answer is yes and I go back to the issue after a while, I either have a solution for it or somehow it has been resolved (consider user error, network outage …).

The bird in the poem below can be you or I in some aspect of our life. Sometimes by just sitting idle, observing and assessing our situation we can be more effective; otherwise, sometimes our exhaustion may force us to be quiet and idle waiting for resolution of our perceived emergency.

Bird in the Glass House

Have you heard the story of the bird

who flew into a house with many large windows?

A scary new environment

with clear views of open skies.

Confined, tight spaces are not part of his nature.

A person chases him and makes gestures

toward a door.

Bird trusts no one.

He can get out of this situation by himself!

He musters all his energy to force his way out.

Bird tries and tries to fly through the glass.

Each try brings more pain to his small body.

Panicked and out of breath Bird keeps trying.

Exhausted and hopeless

Bird collapses on the floor.

Giving up hope, Bird accepts his perceived demise.

The stranger holds the bird gently in her hand

taking him through the door outside.

She lays Bird gently in a small tree.

After a while

Bird flies in the open skies again.

Did you realize Bird’s exhaustion and subsequent letting go

was the key to his freedom?

What part of your life is similar to this bird’s story?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Let go?

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

Have you ever had an encounter with raccoons? I am fascinated by raccoons. I became interested in raccoons when I was camping in Oklahoma. They visited our supplies one night and had a great feast. We had made sure our supplies were secure. They kept testing our resolve the following nights.

I started admiring raccoons. I even painted a raccoon to express how much I admire their nature. They are smart, curious, creative, and focused. These are also some attributes that are required to succeed in today’s world.

A couple of days ago I learned how raccoons can be trapped. I was puzzled and disappointed by it. When they reach for a shiny object through a small hole, they cannot let go of it even when their life is on the line. The object and the paw around it do not go through the hole and becomes a trap for the animal.

This knowledge made me wonder how these raccoons may relate to us as human beings. We are in general smart, curious and are creative. What are the shiny objects in our lives that we hold on to our detriment? Is it anger, hate, greed, stubbornness, judgment, victim-hood, self importance, feeling superior or feeling inferior?

Raccoon

I am street smart and extremely creative.

I have dexterous hands.

I love putting my feet and hands in water

it makes them sensitive

and helps me to feel my food better.

I can open lids, latches and door knobs.

I am a problem solver and love to explore.

I hide behind my mask.

Some consider me magical and mystical.

Some say that I am hiding from my true self.

I am extremely focused.

You would love to have me running your projects

I get it done!

I love shiny objects.

When I see a shiny object

I need to touch it

inside or outside a trap!

I hold on to shiny objects

and do not let them go

which can lead to my demise.

I am street smart, cute, and extremely creative.

My greatest weakness is not letting go.

What is your weakness?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Wardrobe Change

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:44:00 +0000

Have you ever caught yourself saying, today is going to be a miserable day and you were correct? Have you ever predicted a great day and you were correct? We may not have control over events in our daily life; however, how we react to events and people is under our control. Our attitudes and thoughts accepted as “truth” drives our positive/negative experiences.

Attitudes and beliefs are like clothing. If we are conscious of them being dirty or the wrong color we can change them to benefit us. In the morning, improve your mood by doing something relaxing and calming before starting your day (clean clothing). Inspect your thoughts and emotions (your perspective for the day -accessories). Ask yourself, who would I be today without this thought? What changes will I notice if I forgive someone? What emotion can I express cleanly in person or in mediation to clear myself?

In the context of Tending to Your Garden within, it is important to be aware of our thoughts and associated feelings. Questioning our thoughts and processing our emotions (not bottling them up) will increase the chances of enjoying our day with less drama and suffering. The following poem describes this concept further.

Wardrobe Change

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.

The alarm is going off.

It is time to get dressed.

A huge wardrobe with many

clothes and accessories.

What shirt will I wear?

Anger, grief, apathy, pride, courage, acceptance, reason

or love?

What shoes will I step into?

Victim, martyr

or co-creator?

What glasses will I wear?

Rose colored, dark

or clear?

So many choices ….

Tend To Your Garden Within

Painful Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:19:00 +0000

Bryon Katie is one of my favorite authors. She provides simple techniques to question our thoughts and beliefs. One of her core messages is: when we argue with “what is”, we suffer.

Take a minute and think about issues that you may be suffering. Most likely, you are fighting “what is” and focusing on “what should be”. Some of the thoughts and beliefs are based on what you understood and accepted as a child. Perhaps this is a thought and/or belief that has persisted in your parents and grand parents as well.

Just consider a simple belief, “it should be cooler outside”, fighting what is; versus “it is hot outside”, stating what is. Which one is more stressful? You may have a belief that, “Family and friends should always help me”; versus reality (what is), “I received help from two people and I am grateful for it”. Observe how such simple beliefs bring us grief and suffering without doing anything positive for us. We need to question our thoughts (ask is it true?) and ask ourselves who we would be without such thoughts. Most likely the answer will be a happier and more joyful person without those thoughts and beliefs.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to reduce stress in our garden within by questioning thoughts and beliefs that we have accepted as truth.

Painful Thoughts

The painful thoughts

I have bought into.

The thoughts that

have no virtue.

The beliefs that make me blue.

Why I am residing in such a zoo?

To question my thoughts is taboo.

What I was told to believe is untrue.

The belief has kept me stuck

like a statue.

The belief has kept my soul in goo.

The belief begs me for review.

The beliefs that give me

no meaningful clues.

The painful thoughts

I have bought into.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Learn How to Connect

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 22:04:00 +0000

When we are under pressure and stress we behave and react differently than when we are content and happy. We sometimes get upset when our friends and family, under stress, behave in a strange, indirect or childish manner. We may get upset or misread their behavior by leaving them alone when they actually need our attention the most.

Do you know how your mate, friends or family behave when under stress? How do you communicate under stress? Do you talk about the source of your stress with your friends right away? Do you frantically clean the house or your car? Do you run to the gym? Do you rush to the refrigerator or your favorite store in the mall? Do you look for a just cause to release your emotions?

Someone who has been raised not to ask for their needs will not speak up when they are hurting or stressed. They most likely withdraw and become quiet. If we are the type that expects direct communication, we may take their lack of interaction personally and complicate matters by assuming their behavior is something personal against us or they do not need our support.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important not to generalize or expect certain behaviors from the plants in our garden within. An effective gardener needs to learn how the plants react when happy or under stress. The poem below describes this protective mechanism further.

Do Not be Fooled

Do not be fooled by the mean look.

Do not be fooled by the frown or lack of eye contact.

Tough appearances are not an indication of a lack of pain or suffering.

The withdrawn is seeking to connect in their own way.

You may not know how the withdrawn

wants to connect and communicate.

It varies from personalities and communities.

See and feel the situation with your heart

not purely with your eyes.

Feel the walls built to dam the pain within.

An empathetic word, a smile, a hug or a phone call

may break the dam

turning the tough looking person into a grieving child.

See the heart rushing toward the dam.

Burst open the dam.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Our Companions

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 21:40:00 +0000

Can you name your companions? You may name your mate, friends, parents or kids. Are they truly your companions? Most people think companions are only people. In reality we spend the majority of our time with our thoughts as our companions.

How much time do you spend with your companions? Do you spend thirty minutes, an hour or two hours with friends and family? Who are your companions the rest of day? Can you name them? Are they thoughts and feelings? Are they focused on anger, worry, resentment, lack, victimhood, gratitude, creativity or being present?

Observe your thoughts and feelings for a couple of days and find out what types of companions you spend your waking time with. You may be surprised who your companions are.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to find out what kinds of companions reside in our garden within. Are our companions serving our highest good, have they served their purpose, or are they harming us? The following poem describes this concept further.

Our Companions

Who are your companions?

They are many.

Observe your thoughts for a moment.

The types of thoughts that visit your head are your companions.

Listen to your conversations with your friends.

What you talk about most are your companions.

You think about your companions.

You talk about your companions.

You extract energy from your companions.

You sleep with your companions.

Which companion do you invest the most time?

Who is your favorite companion?

Anger, hatred, jealousy, judgment

gratitude, creativity, or love?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Seemingly Calm

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 21:27:00 +0000

Do not judge a book by its cover. We may meet someone who is very calm in appearance and think they have it all together. In reality they may be acting calm (poker face) as a way to appear strong and in control. Some people express emotions with ease. Many people hold back their emotions to appear proper, in control, look strong or avoid ridicule by others.

The defensive facade of appearing strong and in control takes lots of energy. Such exhaustive defense mechanisms can only be temporary and have many negative implications. It is well known that holding our emotions in tight control and not expressing them cleanly can create emotional and physical injury to us. Do we invest our energy to prop up a façade or do we invest our energy to heal ourselves emotionally and physically? Do we recognize this defensive mechanism in ourselves and people close to us?

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to become aware of why we create “protective” walls in our garden within and then question if such walls still serve their purpose. The poem below describes this protective mechanism further.

Seemingly Calm

Seemingly calm and put together.

Do not let words or façades fool you.

Look within.

Like a volcano ready to blow.

There are many heart felt wishes

waiting to be heard, acknowledged and healed.

There are many sorrows/hurts/injuries that are begging for resolution.

There is a gate keeper at the top

who has tight control.

His loud voice can be heard.

“Do not be foolish about

sharing your intimate desires out loud.

Do not become vulnerable.

Stay quiet and be strong!”

The body is trembling from the built up force of

the volcano within.

The heart is begging for relief.

A gentle voice is heard midst the mental turmoil.

“Follow your heart’s path.

Let the healing begin.

Listen to your heart’s song.”

The heart sings out louder and stronger than

the gate keeper’s warnings.

The body feels a rejuvenating energy.

Trembling with joy and excitement,

gasping for a new beginning.

Tend To Your Garden Within

The Only Guarantee in Life

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 22:18:00 +0000

The Only Guarantee in Life

What is the real thing that keeps us from following our heart’s desires? What holds us back from following a spiritual path, questioning our beliefs or telling someone that we love them?

It is all about guarantees. We want to have a guarantee that if we follow our heart‘s desire we have certainty of its positive outcome. We want a guarantee if we make ourselves vulnerable by saying ‘I love you”, in return we will hear the same. We want a guarantee if we get married we will be secure, happy and independent. We want a guarantee if we sacrifice for our family or our jobs in return we are appreciated and rewarded.

There are not many guarantees in life. There is no guarantee that our children appreciate our sacrifices for them. There is no guarantee if you work hard at your workplace you will be recognized. There is no guarantee that your business will thrive the way you planned. There is no guarantee if you love someone they acknowledge and love you in return.

What is the only thing that is certain? It is all about our attitude, and how we love without being attached to outcomes. If we treat ourselves with love and compassion all the time, we will be ok no matter what we experience (good or bad) in life. How do we treat ourselves when we are not loved back? How do we treat ourselves when our service to others is not acknowledged? How do we treat ourselves when we have followed a great eating habit and still have health challenges? How do we treat ourselves when an unexpected tragedy happens to us? Do we still treat ourselves lovingly?

It is important to love and care for ourselves no matter what we are experiencing in life. Loving yourself is the only guarantee in life you can rely on. We need to love ourselves (words, actions, and emotions) without regard to the outcome.

Guarantees

Do not ask for guarantees in life.

There is no guarantee things will go as planned.

You may live a long time

or a short time.

You may experience success or failure.

You may be healthy or sick at old age.

You may be loved or not.

There are not many guarantees in life.

There is only one guarantee in life.

You will be ok

if you love yourself

no matter how life treats you.

Loving yourself is the only guarantee in life

you can rely on.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Being Present

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 14:47:00 +0000

Have you heard someone say “be present”? What does it really mean in our day to day life, apart from meditation or being in nature, to be present (i.e. single minded focus)?

A check for being present is when we talk with our spouse, mate, friends, co-workers. Are we listening to what they say, or do we just nod our head (with a couple of uh uh/yes) when our mind is totally somewhere else, watching TV, reading papers or texting?

We build relationships with others by being in the same time and space while connecting with them emotionally. We like people who listen to us, ask us caring questions, and come across as genuine. The common trait for people who come across as caring and genuine is their presence when communicating through listening and questions.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to put our total attention on what is important (enjoying flowers in our garden) rather than multiple things and not fully benefiting from any of them. Imagine trying to simultaneously plant flowers, watch birds, play with your dog and be still. Most likely, in such a scenario we will not enjoy any of these activities and we will not accomplish any one thing well. The poem below explains this concept further in the context of our relationships.

Being Present

I wish us both to be present.

When I speak

I wish you to be present.

No thought of the next word to say.

No need to think of tomorrow’s to do list.

No need to think of delayed projects.

When you speak

I wish to be present.

No need of rehashing the past

to defend a hardened position.

No need of interrupting you

to feel heard or important.

I wish, one day

I feel your total presence.

I wish, one day

you feel my total presence.

I wish us both to be present.

Tend To Your Garden Within

What is the Outcome?

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 20:58:00 +0000

Do you believe that we create and sustain our own reality? Do you believe that subconsciously or consciously we choose what we experience in our life?

We may intellectually agree that we mostly create and sustain the reality that we choose to experience. When we focus on any idea with intense emotion, we allow it manifest in our reality. Motivated people who are focused have accomplished many seemingly impossible tasks. How can they accomplish what many consider impossible? Don’t they keep playing their desired outcome in their mind?

Let us take a look at our own focus on outcomes. Do we focus on our friend’s/mate’s desirable or undesirable attributes? Perhaps we are upset with our mate for not doing the “correct” things (more exercise, more help at home, etc). Perhaps whenever we see our mate we get a tape recorder playing in our head saying that he/she is not exercising or he/she is not helping at home. We may be frustrated at the situation and have decided not to say anything – since we have expressed our concern many times before. In such a situation, we actually re-affirm their behavior (perhaps subconsciously). Basically, what we pay attention to becomes our reality and then we wonder why the situation does not change.

There is something that we can do to help ourselves and others. We can focus on what we would like the current situation to turn into and consciously replay it in our head. Consider the difference between saying and replaying in our head: my spouse does not exercise (fact); versus I empower myself to help my spouse to reach her/his optimal health goals. The first statement, a fact, may have a tone of judgment (wrong/right) and the second statement, seemingly trivial, increases our awareness to support our spouse rather than just focusing on our spouse’s challenge. The second statement also opens the possibility that “our” way of helping our spouse may not be the only way (takes out the ego from this issue).

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to focus on our desired result (outcome) rather than just focusing on the challenge.

What is the Outcome?

We co-create our reality.

Our words combined with

our feelings act as a decree.

A decree is accepted by our subconscious

and attracts experiences matching our decree.

Angry words stating

“I can’t” is a strong decree

which attracts experiences of helplessness and neediness.

Repetition of words

even undesirable facts

reinforces the current situation.

State the undesirable facts and

state with emotion

what you wish the alternative to be.

Some alternative statements can be:

I can fully

take care of my own needs.

I wonder how I can find out.

I empower myself to feel peaceful within.

I help others

to remember their own beauty within.

I choose to make it fun and easy.

What reality are you co-creating and/or

reinforcing?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Yes and No With Ease

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 04:26:00 +0000

Some people have a tendency to sacrifice themselves for other’s comfort while ignoring their own needs. Under stress, overwhelmed and/or unappreciated, in many cases the only time they take care of their needs are when they have severe health problems due to their own neglect and sacrifice.

If you can relate with the above paragraph, there is a simple remedy for you. Practice saying no. It is probably very difficult for you to say no to others. You most likely will hear a voice in your head saying: “What if they call me selfish? What if they do not like me?”

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to have a healthy and rested gardener to take care of our trees and plants in our garden within. Is there much joy in a garden that has a sick, burned out, overwhelmed gardener? The poem below describes this concept further.

Yes and No With Ease

I say
yes and no

with ease.

I say yes because I love you.

I say no because I love and care for myself.

I say yes because I enjoy doing for you.

I say no because I am overcommitted.

I say yes because doing for you lifts my heart.

I say no because I need to protect myself.

I say yes because I love to help you.

I say no to teach you to become independent.

I say yes

not because of guilt.

I say no

because I look at the big picture.

I say yes to help you create your inner peace.

I say no to create my own inner peace.

Yes and no are two sides of a coin.

Heads or tails?

I say

yes and no

with ease.

Allow To Receive

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 01:30:00 +0000

Do you allow yourself to receive the Divine’s grace? Are you selective in the ways you may receive? Are you selective from who you receive?

Our belief system has an amazing influence on how we receive Divine grace and how we value ourselves. We may have had traumatic experiences in the past that convinced us that we are not worthy of receiving Divine grace . We also may get re-enforcement of our limiting belief by comparing ourselves to others and concluding that we are not as worthy.

You don’t go out and advertise to your friends and family your limiting beliefs. The symptom of this limiting belief may show up in other more subtle forms. Do you feel guilty if you take care of your needs (exercise, following your passion,…) while it is totally ok for you to help others take care of their needs? Do you ask the Universe for your heart’s desire or do you put aside asking because you think that you do not deserve receiving what you may desire? Do you just focus on the things you do not have while ignoring and not enjoying what you do have?

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important be aware of what we block ourselves from receiving. Imagine a gardener putting his/her plants in his/her garden within protected boxes and dictating that sunshine can only be received by those plants during a certain time of day/month, etc. What would our garden within be like if we were to allow ourselves to receive light and nourishment unconditionally from all sources? The poem below describes a situation that I experienced.

Allow To Receive

The angel with brunette hair

was radiating love and light.

I felt the urge to sit by her.

I felt calm and peaceful being next to her.

We had a long conversation …

The angel did not look at herself in the mirror.

The angel did not want to see “all her wrinkles”

and her imperfections.

By not looking in the mirror

the angel was also rejecting all her blessings.

The angel was very uncomfortable in receiving healing energy.

The angel believed that she did not deserve and was not worthy

to receive love and healing energy.

The story of the angel is for you and me to ponder.

What part of your life are you not allowing yourself to receive?

What part of your life are you uncomfortable to bring joy and laughter into?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Self Acceptance

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 22:26:00 +0000

Do you accept yourself? Do you accept who you are? Do you know who you are? What does self acceptance mean to you? Do you accept who you are as readily as you accept your friends and co-workers?

You may accept others the way they are, or how they express their feelings much easier than accepting your own life situation and feelings. You may defend your friends from criticism by telling others to back off, that your friends are doing their best and they have gone through many traumas. Do you accept and defend yourself with the same intensity? If not, why?

Maybe you have a perfectionist streak in you (about yourself) that allows you to only see the imperfections in yourself. Maybe you think/believe you need to push yourself hard all the time to be “acceptable”. Maybe you have not forgiven your past mistakes and are still punishing yourself for them.

How do we know if we are self accepting? One way to find out is to listen how we talk about ourselves. Do you use sarcasm about yourself? Do you use lots of “I should be …” in your language? Another way is to find out our reaction when looking in the mirror. Do you look in the mirror at all? How do you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you think about all the things that need fixing about yourself or do you look at yourself as something more than just skin and bones? Answers to the above questions may indicate how well we accept who we are.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to love and accept who we are unconditionally. It is also important to realize we can transform ourselves into more than we are by first knowing what/who we are. It is like a gardener who does not know what plants he/she has in his/her garden within and works tirelessly to transform them into something else. The poem below describes a dream I had regarding self acceptance.

Self Acceptance

I looked angrily at his face.

I said,

keep away from me!

If you come closer to me I will hurt you.

He did not seem fazed.

He did not back off.

He smiled brightly at me

and came even closer.

I felt my anger at first.

I then pondered.

What if he is part of me?

Do I hate a part of me?

Do I hate a part of me that I wish was different?

The part of me that loves me comes closer to me

despite my threats.

Asking me to accept him just the way he is.

What if I could accept him?

What belief systems in me will be challenged?

What will shift in me as a result of accepting a part of myself?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Ok To Cry

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 19:33:00 +0000

For many, especially males, it is taboo to express feelings by crying. We all have noticed the fun made of public figures for showing their emotions. It is interesting that it is more acceptable for people to show their anger and frustration (be it inappropriately) rather than cry in public.

I personally welcome expressing my grief and joy with tears. When I am open to crying, I know I have less emotional energy blockage (feel more alive). Crying (expressing our emotions) is like a rain that washes our emotional body.

Last week, I re-connected with a friend of mine, William, after 15 months. I had previously found out that his wife of 37 years had passed away due to cancer. When I met him, I awkwardly expressed my regret for his wife passing. We hugged each other and we both cried. Later on he approached me and apologized for making me upset by crying. I told him that it is good to cry and that it is very healing. For me, I was showing my empathy for his loss and also was honoring and celebrating the dedication that two people had for each other for so long. Tears are the best way to express joy and grief at the same time.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to water our garden within with tears of gratitude, grief and joy. If we limit the types of rain in our garden within we will miss many great opportunities for the growth of our trees and plants and may face an artificial drought of our soil (soul). The poem below emphasizes this concept further.

OK to Cry

It is OK to be vulnerable.

It is OK to cry.

It is OK to be a male and cry.

Let your tears flow.

Let your tears wash away your sorrow.

Bring back the shine and warm glow to your heart.

Let your tears flow.

Mourn the loss of your beloved.

Rejoice in the memories of times past.

Let your tears flow.

Do not apologize for crying.

It takes courage to cry.

It takes courage to feel your heart’s longing.

Let your tears flow.

Empty out sorrow and grief with the flow of tears.

Wash and clean the house of your heart.

Get ready to welcome joy.

Let your heart glow.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Turn Your Attention

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 30 May 2011 00:55:00 +0000

We are all story tellers. We tell our stories from our own perspectives. Sometimes our stories can create empathy, sadness, anger or helplessness for ourselves and the listener.

I have met people who are passionate about their stories. One story that comes up many times is when somebody has done someone harm and the one harmed does not wish to see that person any more. Yet, the one who was harmed continuously talks about the person that they hate!

Sometimes we are so entangled in our emotional issues and our suffering that we may not see the most obvious solution. If we hate someone, why do we talk about them so much? If we do not want to see someone at all, why would we place them front and center (mentally or emotionally) by continuously talking about them? What is our outcome by talking about this person so much?

There may be many reasons for constantly talking about this person. Maybe we are grieving the emotional hurt. Maybe we are indirectly punishing our self, by not forgiving the other person (what is worse than remembering someone that you hate every minute of your life?). Maybe we just want to tell our story to get sympathy for ourselves. Maybe our story has defined who we are. Maybe …

In any event, we do not know what the intention of the story teller is. It is unproductive to guess their intention (they may not know either!). In such a situation, sometimes a simple question, “What would you like this hatred to turn into?”, may shift the focus of the story to a desirable outcome. A desirable statement of outcome can be, “I hate him and I choose to forgive him and to live my life with joy and peace.”

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important not only to state what a current situation is (there are weeds in my garden within), but state what we choose/wish to turn the current situation into (a beautiful flower bed in my garden within). The poem below conveys this concept further.

Turn Your Attention

Focusing on what has happened

may be a necessary part of our grieving and healing process.

Focusing for a long time

on our grief and hurt

may only reinforce what we are trying to move away from.

State and acknowledge what you

believe the truth of the situation is.

His/her action has hurt me.

Turn your attention toward what

you would like your current situation to turn into.

I forgive him/her and I choose to transform my hurt into

compassion, joy and insight.

Very simple and yet very powerful.

Tend To Your Garden Within

No Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 15 May 2011 21:30:00 +0000

It may be spiritually cool to say that we have no fear, or we have no anger or hate. Is it really true that we do not have those feelings or we have chosen not to feel them? If we are choosing not to feel our fear (or any negative emotion) how can we honestly say that we do not have it?

Does it make sense to say that a courageous person has no fear? Fear is a natural response as a human being for our protection. Is it possible for anyone truly alive not to encounter such a feeling? If someone feels “no fear” is he/she courageous?

It is important to feel, embrace and name our emotions. What we do with our feelings is of the most utmost importance. If we feel our fear, and despite of that feeling do what is needed, that is true choice, free will and courageousness. It is important to realize when we act based on our free will and courage, we are empowered and feel our joy much deeper.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to be aware of our feelings (food for our garden within) and utilize them to create consciously and manifest our highest choices and desires. The poem below conveys this concept further.

No Fear

What does it mean to have no fear?

Do we really want to have no fear?

A dead person has no fear!

Do we choose to feel our fear?

Do we choose to listen to our fear?

Do we allow our fear to dominant our action?

Fear and courage dance together.

The first step of being courageous is

feeling and embracing our fear.

It takes courage

to say I feel my fear.

It takes courage

to do things despite our fears and discomforts.

It takes courage to

overcome the fear of rejection by others

and do our heart’s desire.

Do you have the courage to feel your fear?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Bathing in Love and Gratitude

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 01 May 2011 23:44:00 +0000

Do you ever feel overwhelmed or agitated? How do you reduce the impact of seemingly difficult challenges in your daily life?

I sometimes feel overwhelmed and agitated. When I meditate and energize myself in the morning, the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed or agitated reduces dramatically. I would like to share with you a very powerful technique that I use for at least 4 minutes every morning.

I lie down and relax by breathing in deeply, hold the air in my lungs for 2-3 seconds and exhale completely with a short pause before inhaling air again. After breathing this way for about a minute I feel completely relaxed. I then focus on my heart (emotion center) by physically touching my heart. I then recall all the kindness and blessings I have received from my creator, parents, friends, wife, children, strangers and even my pet. I visualize all the cells of my body bathed in the energy of gratitude and love.

This exercise amazingly changes my attitude, my focus and my body’s energy. With this new found energy and attitude I experience challenges at my work and in my life with ease. I invite you to experiment with this technique to find out how it may bring benefits for you.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to nurture our soul (soil) and body with the best form of nutrients (love and gratitude) to regularly create ease and joy in our daily experiences. The poem below conveys this concept further.

Bathing in Love and Gratitude

Focus on your breath

breath in, hold

breath out, hold.

Feel your peace and love.

Remember all the love and kindness

you received from

your creator, parents, friends, family and pets.

Soak and bathe your body in

gratitude and love.

Feel the sweet sensations and vibrations in your body.

Feel the movement of energy within your body.

You remember this feeling from long ago

and recently.

You are charged up with love and gratitude.

You smile.

You are ready to embrace your challenges.

Tend To Your Garden Within

We Have Choices

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 03:01:00 +0000

We all have choices. Do not buy into the notion, by your belief system or beliefs of others, that your choices are limited or do not exist. We may give away our personal power, and our highest possible outcome, if we stop looking for other possible choices.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a family trip to New Mexico. We decided to go on a two hour horseback ride. Although I do not like heights (horses can be pretty high off the ground!), I decided to challenge my fear. After a short five minute lesson we started our ride. After a while the guide asked us to have the horse trot, and then of course, the inevitable canter. We had been taught to relax and wrap our thighs around the horse to stay on the horse. After fifteen minutes (seemed much longer) I was struggling with pain (almost cramping) in my thighs (wrapping my legs like a vise around the horse’s body). Due to my physical discomfort, I was quite tense, hence I felt like I was riding in a car with absolutely no shocks.

I asked myself, am I going to suffer like this for another 90 minutes? I was not enjoying myself. It reminded me of doing 1000 push ups and I was only on number 20. This was not fun at all for me, although the others in the group seemed to be enjoying it. I mentioned to the tour guide that I was not comfortable. He told me I could either put up with the pain in my thighs (and not bounce around) or put up with the tough bouncy ride!

I think the tour guide’s assumption was that my purpose of horseback riding was just to be with the group. I did not buy into his notion that I only had two choices and had to choose one that he offered. I told him I was not having fun and I would rather walk back (a third choice) than suffer. Finally, I was escorted back to the stable by the guide’s assistant (fourth choice) while the others continued on their adventure. I enjoyed the ride back tremendously, riding the horse at my own pace of a gentle walk.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, we need to always keep the big picture in mind while we nurture our garden within. We need to speak our truth without fear of disapproval by others. A big lesson to remember is that there are multiple ways to get to an outcome and we need to be open to all solutions, remembering that suffering is not required. The poem below conveys this concept further.

We Have Choices

We all have choices

even though we may not call them a choice.

A person hating his/her job has a choice.

He/she can quit the job and find another job.

A person unhappy with government has a choice.

He/she can express his/her opinion by voting regularly

and being more active by participating in the system.

A person feeling unheard or rejected in a relationship/marriage has a choice.

He/she can become vulnerable by speaking his/her heart’s desire.

A person that is “made” angry by an event has a choice.

He/she can change his/her thought pattern by reacting to events differently.

What issues in your life makes you think you have no choice?

Do not buy into the story

that you have no choices.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Uncomfortable Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 22:48:00 +0000

Do you dream? Do you remember them? Are some of them uncomfortable? I have had many dreams where I have felt joy and relief when I realized it was only a dream (after waking up); I have also had dreams that I wished could last longer (smile).

As a dreamer, when we have an uncomfortable dream and wake up, we can go back to the dream and visualize a different outcome. The same approach also works in our waking life, which to some philosophers is just another dream.

Sometimes I feel that my life is like a magical dream. Situations have appeared in my life, that even in my wildest imagination, I would have never expected it. That has made me wonder, if I could not even imagine a situation, then who dreamt that dream? If I could not have imagined that situation, how I could take credit for its happening? In such situations I realize there is someone bigger than “me” who is dreaming. Some people say that “someone” is God, or our “higher Self”. In any event, we feel there is some power bigger than our “self” that is creating the magic.

Many times our everyday waking experiences are also like an undesirable dream. Like an undesirable dream, if we do not like our waking experience we can change the experience. There have been “undesirable” waking experiences in my life which I would have preferred not to have experienced at all, or to have experienced for only a short time (such as suffering). When I am experiencing an unpleasant waking life experience, I ask myself, did I contribute to the creation of that event in some way? Could I have imagined that event? Did I support that event (by thinking with feeling) to produce that outcome? If yes, then I am able to imagine and feel an alternative outcome, just as in the dream world, that can affect the future.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, based on the type of seeds we plant (imagination) and nurture with our feelings, we will have different types of plants in our garden within. As a gardener, we can re-seed our garden within and nurture these seeds with the nutrition (love, enthusiasm) that is to our highest good. The key is the realization (waking up) that we can change our dreams and experience a more desirable outcome. The poem below illustrates this concept further

Uncomfortable Dream

You are uncomfortable.

You feel your suffering.

You feel your pain.

You feel your fear.

You think there are no options.

You think you are 100% right on predicting

doom and gloom.

You can even prove it!

All of sudden, there is a nudge within

and you realize …

You have had such nightmares before …

You realize the nightmare, seemingly real,

does not seem real after waking up.

You plainly ask, “Am I dreaming?”

Then all of sudden you wake up from your dream.

Your suffering ends.

You feel your joy within.

You close your eyes again and

dream something more joyful.

Tend To Your Garden Within

Honoring A Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 23:51:00 +0000

Most of us have met people who have had a profound impact on us. I have been blessed to know many people who have brought joy and light into my life. I have always wondered why I have been so fortunate, and how I can honor my relationship with these joyous people.

Little did I know when my friend Joe invited me to lunch several years ago that it would become one of my most favorite activities. I met Joe’s mom, Nadia, who cooked the most wonderful Lebanese food for us. She later read our coffee cups, of which she was very accurate. Nadia was like a butterfly – flitting from person to person, sharing her kindness, and always giving in her caring, loving and gentle way. She reminded me very much of my favorite aunt. Although I could not speak her native language, and did not share the same culture, I felt that I had known her for a very long time.

Last week, Nadia died in her sleep at the age of 73 while visiting friends and family in Lebanon. Upon hearing the news, I was saddened that I will not be able to further interact with her on the earth plane and receive blessings from her joyous light. Even though I was very sad, I felt grateful that she had shown up in my life and I had the opportunity to get to know her. She will be missed by many.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to find ways to honor those “butterflies” that bring joy and love to our garden within. Honoring is not about collecting pictures of butterflies or putting them under glass or on a wall. Honoring is about transforming ourselves into a butterfly that is a source of joy and love to other’s gardens within. The poem below conveys this concept further.

Honoring a Friend

A friend that you admire has left the earth plane.

How do you honor such a person after death?

Honoring a friend is not about wearing dark clothing after her/his death.

Honoring a friend is not about prolonged crying after her/his death.

Honoring a friend is not just about attending service at a

church or mosque or temple after her/his death.

To honor a friend necessitates knowing what

attributes you admire in him/her.

To honor and cherish a friend

is to walk in his/her shoes

by keeping his/her attributes that we admire alive.

To keep the attributes of a friend alive

is to exhibit those admirable attributes in our own lives.

How do you want your friends to honor you?

Tend To Your Garden Within

Filters

noreply@blogger.com (Shervin Hojat, Ph.D.) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 20:13:00 +0000

Our childhood experiences can shape our personality and have a decisive impact on our current beliefs and our outlook on life. As children, we interpret stressful events to the best of our ability and do our best to survive. Our parents and friends negative comments can stay with us for a lifetime. A child’s defensive mechanism is to stop feeling his/her pain by numbing his/her feelings, hence creating a belief system (most likely a limiting one) to explain what they are experiencing.

Think back to your childhood and the possible filters you may have put in place. If you were an enthusiastic child and you were scolded for your excitement, you may have put a filter on your feelings to suppress expressing your enthusiasm to avoid criticism and judgment. If you were an imaginative person you may have been labeled by friends and family as “spacey” or “weird”, and you may have applied a filter to ignore and avoid expressing your creative imagination. If you have been criticized or ridiculed for feeling your sadness for the loss of a pet (grieving process), you may have put a filter on avoiding feeling sad and subsequently numbing yourself in order to survive.

In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, we need to become conscious of the types of rocks (slows down our growth) that we have placed in our garden within. It is our responsibility as a gardener to evaluate the presence of those rocks and transform (remove) those rocks that no longer serve us.

Congratulations! We have survived our childhood. We are here to thrive. Our childhood filters placed on us by a five year old, under duress, may still be acting upon us. These filters show themselves in the form of our feelings, in our words, and sometimes in what we express our dislike for. It is necessary to do a housecleaning of our childhood beliefs to have a thriving life now. The poem below describes the concept of filtering further.

Filters

Imagine that a five year old child

who feels insecure and hurt

decides

what you see, feel, listen to, smell and sense

as an adult.

Imagine he/she puts a filter on your senses

to censor things for

your own protection.

What you just imagined is most likely true.

We placed such a filter on our senses

five, ten , fifty or many years ago.

Do you know what you may feel

is a very small percentage of the range of feelings

available to you?

We place such temporary filters

when we were hurt for our own protection.

As a child it was necessary.

Why do we still let the five year old

control our experiences?

Why are we still giving away our freedom to

see, feel, smell and hear things fully?

Why do we trade our freedom to be fully alive

for the perceived security

of the small hurt child the we once were?

Do not let the five year old inside convince you

that it is still for your own good to be censored.

Perhaps your own good is to be

alive and vibrant without the filters.

Perhaps your own good is to

THRIVE

a concept foreign to a hurt five year old

drowning in fear and insecurity.

Perhaps we need to start asking ourselves.

What are my filters?

Why they were created?

How were they created?

Do I still need them

for my highest good?

Tend To Your Garden Within