Bulleted Random Thoughts

2009-09-13T10:13:00.007-04:00

Bulleted Random Thoughts (I'm Getting Fancy)I'm on a virtual diet. A virtual diet is one where you virtually ignore every piece of sound nutrition advice you're given. I'm doing well.Parenthood is mildly ridiculous. I don't know even iron my own clothes and yet every day I find myself ironing teeny little clothes. It must be some form of karmic kickback because I have always despised ironing. I

Random Thoughts... REDUX!!

2009-05-18T22:47:00.005-04:00

Random Thoughts... REDUX!Dude, I don't even know what that title means. Anyhoo.1. Ahhh... it feels good to be numbering things again. It's been far too long since I've numbered anything. Well, anything beyond 5 because that's how many people live in my house and they're tired of having to line up just because I have it in my head to randomly number things.2. Longtime readers of this blog know

Naughty Vulva

2009-05-08T17:30:00.005-04:00

Naughty VulvaNahh I'm not being porny. That's my new band's name. If, by "new band" you mean "group of women who are not musically inclined with the exception of drunken karaoke and who have no actual intention of ever producing any music but damn making up fake song titles sure is fun." Which I do.Incidentally, this is my plan. I am going to start blogging again and pretend I never left. I'm

Woot

2008-09-10T22:01:00.001-04:00

I got a new job WOO-HOO!!!The position is senior to what I am now, the location is convenient, the office space is gorgeous (it's a loft space so lots of windows and natural light, high ceilings, hardwood floors) and the staff seems pretty awesome.I start next week. WOOT!

Sunlight Prevents Hairy Palms

2008-08-25T08:00:00.018-04:00

Sunlight Prevents Hairy PalmsSo how about... I was walking on 8th Avenue on Saturday morning and it was a beautiful, sunshiney day. There were hundreds of people around; tourists out to fill the day with as many activities as possible, early birds grabbing a bagel or an egg white omelette, bleary-eyed clubgoers making their way home while cursing that last shot of generic tequila served in a

Asian Groceries Are Scary

2008-08-19T22:07:00.006-04:00

Asian Groceries Are ScaryTen seconds after entering the frozen food aisle at the Asian grocery last weekend, I became immensely glad that I happened to have my camera with me. Every fridge needs ketchup, mustard, mayo and congealed pig's blood. Otherwise what will you put in your sandwiches.The most popular item at the KFC in Beijing is popcorn chicken hearts.The second most popular item is

Shady's Back. Tell a Friend.
2008-08-14T18:07:00.002-04:00
Shady's Back. Tell a Friend.This is getting a bit ridiculous. At one point in time this blog was my safe haven, the place where really I could just say whatever the hell I was thinking, no matter how foul. I almost feel like since then I've lost that snarky, witty yet nasty edge and as a result have nothing to say. Really, do people come here to read about sunshine and fucking flowers? No.(And by

Woot

2008-02-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

2008-01-21T09:13:00.000-05:00

OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod THE GIANTS ARE IN THE SUPER BOWL OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyOhmyGod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Stuff Volume 8658456

2008-01-13T23:59:00.001-05:00

Random Stuff Volume 86584561. First and foremost, sorry Cowboys. Third time's the charm. Stop crying!!!!! There's no crying in football.2. There's this thing going around where people take movie titles and add "Between Your Legs" to the end. Kind of like how people read their fortune cookies and add "in bed" to the end. These were the ones that cracked me up:Finding Nemo Between Your LegsBill and

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work

2008-01-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work1. Every office still has that one printer that doesn't work. The one that causes you to see red and contemplate an Office Space moment, when it says "Load Letter Tray 2" and you open the drawer and the damn thing is full. As always, that one printer is the one nearest to me.2. The obligatory sexual harassment training is still hilarious.

Guilt

2007-12-28T11:11:00.001-05:00

GuiltI am feeling a tad guilty over how much I have neglected this blog. Would you believe, I couldn't even remember my username and password to get into the damn thing to type this.So, I am declaring here and now, versus there and now or here and later, that I will update this blog once a week in 2008. Woot!Okay, so maybe people aren't still ready to forgive the neglect. NotWoot. My first order

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed

2007-09-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed1. I may no longer feel compelled to write letters of complaint such as:Dear PSE&G,I hate you. I hate you and I hope you die.Love,Riss2. Apparently, PSE&G doesn't consider expired Scores (strip joint) Dollars an acceptable form of bill payment.3. Tired of paying for the #1 Value Meal at McDonald's in coins. The people behind you in the drive-through

The Saga of the Scary Shirts

2007-09-06T10:34:00.000-04:00

The Saga of the Scary Shirts and Elmo's House is ClosedFirst, I must apologize to everyone for the length of time since my last post. I've gotten some frantic e-mails from people who think I've been hit by a bus. Which makes me laugh because frankly, if I'd been hit by a bus, how would I respond to their e-mails? Actually, if I were a ghost I'd find a way to hop onto the computer. They probably

Random Stuff: Chapter 932

2007-08-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 9321. Yes Mike, a football post is coming. REAL football, not that "soccer" thing foreigners like Steve sometimes play. I am approaching the season with my usual tingly excitement, yet it's mixed with some dread as I survey that freaking All-Star team they've put together in the north. When they play Dallas in October I plan to drink an entire 6-pack in one hour, then spend

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,956

2007-07-26T17:31:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,9561. So I got derailed and all by the whole hospital thing but we need to get back to business as usual. And by "business as usual" I actually mean "stuff no one but me cares about." Drawn by Stevie D. It kind of makes me feel like there's a bus, train or anvil out there with my name on it.2. Who wants to talk Harry Potter? I thought JK Rowling tied things up pretty

Hospital Notes Sans the Enemas

2007-07-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

Hospital Notes Sans the Gory Details1. Someone peed in my bathroom while I was asleep, which is a bit freaky. It was a guy because I saw the bubbles (bubble pee). Someone also moved my trashcan while I was asleep, all the way across the room to right next to my bed.2. It's kind of amusing when the doctor tells you that you can only eat healthy foods, and then five minutes later the menu guy comes

Riss's Anatomy

2007-07-17T14:40:00.001-04:00

Riss's AnatomyWarning: This post is not for people who are squeamish about bodily functions.So I was in the hospital for a week. On Sunday (the 8th) I started feeling sick from the meal at dinner. It was 90 degrees out and I was wearing a sweater, but was shaking uncontrollably in the cab. I got home, threw up until there was nothing left and went to sleep. When I woke up, I still felt feverish

2007-07-03T22:04:00.001-04:00

What are you doing on here? You should be out watching the Transformers!! Sick ass movie, seriously. I was ready to watch it again after the credits rolled. "Autobots, transform and roll out!!!" Eeh ehh oh oh eh. So far I've only seen it once in the theatre. This is going to change. Oh yes, this is going to change. I won't talk about the movie for a couple of days though, to give people a chance

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping

2007-06-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping(As jacked from Elaine)Thou Shalt Have The Closet Door ClosedI don't exactly buy into the Boogeyman hype, but there's something freaky about waking up in the middle of the night and seeing an open closet door. With a scaly, decayed gray hand creeping around it. And evil, evil red eyes only partially masked by a black hood. I'm just saying. Thou Shalt Have The Bedroom

Thoughts On A Friday Night

2007-06-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Thoughts On A Friday NightI assume it's counter-productive to be riding your exercise bike while eating a Rainbow Twizzler. Rainbow Twizzlers rock your mom, seriously.I love women with breast implants, they always invite people to feel them. It's like you're a lesbian for 8 seconds.Chris Rock makes me laugh."There's a white, one-legged busboy in here that wouldn't trade places with ME. And I'm

Random Stuff: Take 421636

2007-06-18T12:10:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Take 4216361. They way we live in and around New York City is just insane, as in what we accept as normal. JFK airport is 23.1 miles away from my house. Due to traffic it routinely takes upwards of two hours to get there. To go 23 miles. Yet this is "normal." How much of people's lives must be spent in traffic? At least on the bus or train you can read a book, solve a crossword

With Friends Like These...

2007-06-12T18:31:00.000-04:00

With Friends Like These... Who Needs Enemies?I knew life would get even more interesting after Ray and Matt moved here from Australia. So on Saturday night, the three of us and Steve hit up a gay club in the city called Mr. Black. We managed to get past the bouncer, a 200 lb lesbian who could probably bench press a normal-sized sedan and who said "Eeew, look at this bitch" when she saw me. The

Sexbay

2007-06-08T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sexbay and Useless Mutant PowersWouldn't it be funny if they had a rating website for people and sex? You could rate people and leave comments like:"Great ride, A++++++ bang. Will hump again!!""Neutral rating. Too fast delivery and package was small.""Neutral rating. Positive transaction but poor communication. Would not return e-mails after."(Steve's contribution but he really needs his own blog

Hi

2007-06-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

HiI'm a bit buzzed because we had to celebrate Prinz and Charito's return to Australia. So I decided it would be amusing to hop on the computer and blog drunk. Amusing for whom, I don't know. But what the hay. Is it what the hay or what the hey? Either way it probably doesn't make sense unless you're perhaps a cow huh? I'm going to hit submit on this which makes me a fucking idiot by the way. An

Tequila Shots For The Soul

Bulleted Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts... REDUX!!

Naughty Vulva

Woot

Sunlight Prevents Hairy Palms

Asian Groceries Are Scary

Woot

Random Stuff Volume 8658456

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work

Guilt

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed

The Saga of the Scary Shirts

Random Stuff: Chapter 932

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,956

Hospital Notes Sans the Enemas

Riss's Anatomy

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping

Thoughts On A Friday Night

Random Stuff: Take 421636

With Friends Like These...

Sexbay

Hi