Bulleted Random Thoughts

2009-09-13T10:13:00.007-04:00

Bulleted Random Thoughts (I'm Getting Fancy) I'm on a virtual diet. A virtual diet is one where you virtually ignore every piece of sound nutrition advice you're given. I'm doing well. Parenthood is often ridiculous. I don't know even iron my own clothes and yet every day I find myself ironing teeny little clothes. It must be some form of karmic kickback because I'e always despised

Naughty Vulva

2009-05-08T17:30:00.005-04:00

Naughty Vulva Nahh I'm not being porny. That's my new band's name. If, by "new band" you mean "group of women who are not musically inclined with the exception of late night karaoke and who have no actual intention of ever producing any music but damn making up fake song titles sure is fun." Which I do. Incidentally, this is my plan. I am going to start blogging again and pretend I never left.

Sunlight Prevents Hairy Palms

2008-08-25T08:00:00.019-04:00

Sunlight Prevents Hairy Palms So how about... I was walking on 8th Avenue on Saturday morning and it was a beautiful, sunshiney day. There were hundreds of people around; tourists out to fill the day with as many activities as possible, early birds grabbing a bagel or an egg white omelet, bleary-eyed clubgoers doing the walk of shame while cursing that last shot of generic tequila served in a

Asian Groceries Are Scary

2008-08-19T22:07:00.006-04:00

Asian Groceries Are Scary Ten seconds after entering the frozen food aisle at the Asian grocery last weekend, I was immensely glad that I happened to have my camera with me. Every fridge needs ketchup, mustard, mayo and congealed pig's blood. Otherwise what will you put in your sandwiches.The most popular item at the KFC in Beijing is popcorn chicken hearts.The second most popular item is

Shady's Back. Tell a Friend.
2008-08-14T18:07:00.003-04:00
Shady's Back. Tell a Friend. This is getting a bit ridiculous. At one point in time this blog was my safe haven, the place where really I could just say whatever the hell I was thinking, no matter how foul. I almost feel like since then I've lost the edge and as a result have nothing to say. Really, do people come here to read about sunshine and fucking flowers? No. (And by "fucking flowers" I

Woot

2008-02-04T17:03:00.000-05:00

Top 11 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work

2008-01-06T17:00:00.000-05:00

Top 9 Things I've Learned or Re-learned Going Back to Work 1. Every office still has that one printer that doesn't work. The one that causes you to see red and contemplate an Office Space moment, when it says "Load Letter Tray 2" and you open the drawer and the damn thing is full. As always, that one printer is the one nearest to me. 2. The obligatory sexual harassment training is still

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed

2007-09-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

Top 9 Reasons I Am Glad To Be Gainfully Employed 1. I may no longer feel compelled to write letters of complaint such as: Dear PSE&G,I hate you. I hate you and I hope you die.Love,Riss 2. Apparently, PSE&G doesn't consider expired Old Navy coupons an acceptable form of bill payment. 3. Tired of paying for the #1 Value Meal at McDonald's in coins. The people behind you in the

Random Stuff: Chapter 932

2007-08-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 9321. Yes Mike, a football post is coming. REAL football, not that "soccer" thing foreigners like Steve sometimes play. I am approaching the season with my usual tingly excitement, yet it's mixed with some dread as I survey that freaking All-Star team they've put together in the north. When they play Dallas in October I plan to drink an entire 6-pack in one hour, then spend

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,956

2007-07-26T17:31:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Chapter 49,9561. So I got derailed and all by the whole hospital thing but we need to get back to business as usual. And by "business as usual" I actually mean "stuff no one but me cares about." Drawn by Stevie D. It kind of makes me feel like there's a bus, train or anvil out there with my name on it.2. Who wants to talk Harry Potter? I thought JK Rowling tied things up pretty

Hospital Notes Sans the Enemas

2007-07-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

Hospital Notes Sans the Gory Details1. Someone peed in my bathroom while I was asleep, which is a bit freaky. It was a guy because I saw the bubbles (bubble pee). Someone also moved my trashcan while I was asleep, all the way across the room to right next to my bed.2. It's kind of amusing when the doctor tells you that you can only eat healthy foods, and then five minutes later the menu guy comes

Riss's Anatomy

2007-07-17T14:40:00.001-04:00

Riss's AnatomyWarning: This post is not for people who are squeamish about bodily functions.So I was in the hospital for a week. On Sunday (the 8th) I started feeling sick from the meal at dinner. It was 90 degrees out and I was wearing a sweater, but was shaking uncontrollably in the cab. I got home, threw up until there was nothing left and went to sleep. When I woke up, I still felt feverish

2007-07-03T22:04:00.001-04:00

What are you doing on here? You should be out watching the Transformers!! Sick ass movie, seriously. I was ready to watch it again after the credits rolled. "Autobots, transform and roll out!!!" Eeh ehh oh oh eh. So far I've only seen it once in the theatre. This is going to change. Oh yes, this is going to change. I won't talk about the movie for a couple of days though, to give people a chance

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping

2007-06-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

My 7 Commandments of Sleeping(As jacked from Elaine)Thou Shalt Have The Closet Door ClosedI don't exactly buy into the Boogeyman hype, but there's something freaky about waking up in the middle of the night and seeing an open closet door. With a scaly, decayed gray hand creeping around it. And evil, evil red eyes only partially masked by a black hood. I'm just saying. Thou Shalt Have The Bedroom

Thoughts On A Friday Night

2007-06-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Thoughts On A Friday NightI assume it's counter-productive to be riding your exercise bike while eating a Rainbow Twizzler. Rainbow Twizzlers rock your mom, seriously.I love women with breast implants, they always invite people to feel them. It's like you're a lesbian for 8 seconds.Chris Rock makes me laugh."There's a white, one-legged busboy in here that wouldn't trade places with ME. And I'm

Random Stuff: Take 421636

2007-06-18T12:10:00.000-04:00

Random Stuff: Take 4216361. They way we live in and around New York City is just insane, as in what we accept as normal. JFK airport is 23.1 miles away from my house. Due to traffic it routinely takes upwards of two hours to get there. To go 23 miles. Yet this is "normal." How much of people's lives must be spent in traffic? At least on the bus or train you can read a book, solve a crossword

With Friends Like These...

2007-06-12T18:31:00.000-04:00

With Friends Like These... Who Needs Enemies?I knew life would get even more interesting after Ray and Matt moved here from Australia. So on Saturday night, the three of us and Steve hit up a gay club in the city called Mr. Black. We managed to get past the bouncer, a 200 lb lesbian who could probably bench press a normal-sized sedan and who said "Eeew, look at this bitch" when she saw me. The

Sexbay

2007-06-08T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sexbay and Useless Mutant PowersWouldn't it be funny if they had a rating website for people and sex? You could rate people and leave comments like:"Great ride, A++++++ bang. Will hump again!!""Neutral rating. Too fast delivery and package was small.""Neutral rating. Positive transaction but poor communication. Would not return e-mails after."(Steve's contribution but he really needs his own blog

Hi

2007-06-06T02:11:00.000-04:00

HiI'm a bit buzzed because we had to celebrate Prinz and Charito's return to Australia. So I decided it would be amusing to hop on the computer and blog drunk. Amusing for whom, I don't know. But what the hay. Is it what the hay or what the hey? Either way it probably doesn't make sense unless you're perhaps a cow huh? I'm going to hit submit on this which makes me a fucking idiot by the way. An

"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."

2007-06-04T12:04:00.001-04:00

"I'd Love To Shoot You Sometime."I finally saw Spiderman 3 a couple of nights ago. It was the worst movie I've seen in a long time. And you have to understand, I have a low, low, LOW threshold for movies I consider crap. Some of you may remember my "17 Movies I Shouldn't Admit Publicly To Liking" list from a few years back. The list has only grown longer with the addition of movies like The

Geo's Friday Night "Assfest"

2007-05-29T15:05:00.000-04:00

Geo's Friday Night "Assfest"Boy do I have a treat for you guys. My record is 3 strip joints in one night, but Geo went out last Friday night with his co-worker and blew mine out of the water. The next morning I asked him how it went and here is the answer, paraphrased but pretty much in his own words: "We went to Whiskey Cafe but since it was 11 when we got there, everyone inside was already

Hey

2007-05-24T15:35:00.001-04:00

HeyAre you guys bored today? Good. Do me a favor and go to THIS SITE RIGHT HERE and vote for my boy Rhandy's start-up. It's called Tangler. Thanks man!I'll toss up a real post sometime today. Right now all I would be writing is how beautiful the inside of my toilet bowl looks from close-up. As many of you know, me and well liquor (that cheap shit crappy bars serve in place of top shelf liquor)

Cross Swords

2007-05-21T16:15:00.000-04:00

Cross SwordsI am too lazy to write a post. So here is some chat.Stevie: Ray is confusedRiss: I told Steve he'll be going to so many gay places with you that he'll become "a regular." And that eventually no one will believe he's straight, because he's "a regular."Ray: AaahhhG: What's the diff? No one believes it now.Riss: And then they will want to help him out of the closet with roofiesRay: I

Auto Necrophilia, Duck Farts and Doodle Pro Face-Off

2007-05-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

Auto Necrophilia, Duck Farts and Doodle Pro Face-OffFirst and foremost, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to Stevie, who turned 31 this past Saturday. Or, "30" according to his parents. This is just a formality though, since we actually spent his birthday doing the Advance Course with Land mark. Steve has said a bunch of things in the past few months that have cracked me up, but a few stick out:Steve: I

The Green Box

2007-05-09T14:18:00.000-04:00

The Green BoxThere's lots of crazy shit going on right now, so I haven't had the time or wherewithal to blog. But this story is a bit too freaky not to toss up. Yesterday I was talking to one of my three-year-olds Angelina and in the middle of our conversation, she suddenly gets quiet and stuffs her face into the space between my shoulder and the floor and refuses to look up. So I try to pick her

Tequila Shots For The Soul