Thames Valley Mums Blog

Middle child syndrome - does it exist?

2010-01-24T20:20:16+00:00

By having three children I've created - argh! - a middle child. I've heard it's not very nice being in the middle. My sister is a middle child and I asked her recently what it's like. Her reply began with "I'm not bitter, but..." In summary she said that the eldest one gets attention and the youngest one gets attention and the middle one doesn't because they're... in the middle.

Surely if you have three children then there's always going to be one left out? A lot of the time this could be the youngest because they're not old enough to do the things the other siblings do. But maybe this is compensated by the youngest getting more attention because they're the 'baby' of the family. Maybe an odd number of children is never a good idea? Maybe you should always aim for an even number? Maybe we should have a fourth? (little chance of that I think, husband has been mentioning the 's' word).

In design you're meant to have an odd number of items, eg three vases on the mantlepiece, five plants in pots, and so on. You're not supposed to group things in even numbers. So from a design angle, having an odd number of children is aesthetically pleasing. I think I'm rambling here.

I worry about Fington feeling left out because Podge dominates the conversation and Little Girl dominates the immediate attention. If she's bawling her head off I see to her first because it's horrible to listen to. Podge and the Little Girl look similar too: they both have olive skin, dark eyes and really dark hair. Fington is blonde and fair with green eyes. Like a Viking.

I'm very conscious of Fington suffering from middle child syndrome (if it does exist). So I make a lot of effort not to let him feel overlooked. The three of them are individuals and I try to spend unique time with each of them. My sister thinks middle child syndrome can be avoided if you do this, she told me that if I'm aware of it now that's half the problem solved already. I'll do my best.

This post is written by Emily O, I'm a stay at home mum to three children under five. My blog is babyrambles.

Snow!

2010-01-10T09:02:25+00:00

I have pretty much everything I want. Lucky girl. So, the only thing I asked Santa for this year was a White Christmas. I figured thin thighs and a flat tum would be beyond his magical powers. Especially in my condition.

I didn't expect to get what I wished for.

It snowed a few days before Christmas. Proper thick snow that fell 6 inches deep and stayed put. For days.

Els got really excited then realised that snow is horribly cold and hard to play with when a) you only have woollen mittens not waterproof ones and b) there's only your mum to play with.

After a few days of being cooped up at home, our travel plans disrupted due to heavy snow and not enough grit and salt on the roads, we finally ventured out en famille on Winter Solstice. It was a consolation for not being able to get to Sarada's solstice party.
We had fun throwing snowballs in the dark, and then decided to head for our local pub.

I treated myself to a Snowball of the Advocaat variety, and we listened to the locals tell tales of abandoned Beemers and Mercs strewn across Henley. We later found out that John Lewis customers in High Wycombe ended up sleeping overnight in the bed department!

The white stuff was everywhere, and has only just melted. It may not have been a White Christmas as defined by the Met Office, but I definitely got the Christmas pressie I asked for.

This post was written by Anna Colette, a Thames Valley Mum of one with another on the way. You can read more at her blog, Part Mummy, Part Me.

Something to do on a snow day...

2010-01-06T08:08:20+00:00

First, check out the best of the British Mummy Bloggers Carnival, it's up over at A Modern Mother.

And while you are reading blogs, your kids can do this:

Paper Dali.

It's a great site that features FREE historical paper dolls. Choose from Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, Biblical Times, American Revolution, King Arthur or the Wild West.

They were created by a home-schooling mother who loves history and doodling. When she couldn't find any colouring books to go with the era, she created her own.

So check it out, it will surely kill at least a half hour...

And if you get bored doing that ... make snow ice cream!

There are ten more tips for educational snow activities here.

This post was written by Susanna, a London Mums Blog founding contributor. You can read more at her blog, A Modern Mother.

Tracking Santa on Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T07:38:05+00:00

Finally, Christmas Eve arrives and to encourage children to go to bed there is a website that tracks Santa's journey. Noradsanta.org tracks Santa's journey with video clips featuring Mount Fuji, Sydney Australia and Egyption pyramids.

There is an official time and very official sounding newsclips with some NASA styled commentary with beeps that give weight to its credibility. Perfect for the doubters. Apparently, the tracking of Santa has gone on for over 50 years and started by accident.

It's very fun to prove that Santa is on his way.

On a less official website, emailsanta.com there is a naughty and nice list. Answering a few questions helps the elves to determine what list you may be on for Christmas. Lighthearted fun but the kiddies have taken to it and are quite concerned where they are listed.

Merry Christmas!

This post written by Charlene, a Thames Valley Mums founding contributor.

Swap Party anyone?

2009-12-14T19:52:26+00:00

I hosted my first Swap Party on Wednesday evening.

Nothing to do with keys in a bowl or naked people in hot tubs, my Swap Party involved myself and ten lovely ladies who had been exhorted through email, Facebook and face-to-face invitations to:

"Bring any unwanted clothes, shoes, handbags, jewellery, accessories, books, CDs etc. A great excuse for a girlie gathering - and a chance for us all to update our wardrobes and keep a tight hold on our purse strings.

Come armed with your cast-offs and a bottle of booze/non-alcoholic tipple. Nibbles will be provided. Feel free to bring a friend - the more the merrier."

The day before, I'd decided to forget the nibbles idea in favour of something easier and more filling. The thing with nibbles is, unless you just buy crisps n dips readymade, they are a lot more time-consuming and fiddly to prepare than something like a huge bowl of pasta.

Seeing as I was working off-site all day and would only have a couple of hours between finishing work and welcoming guests to raid Waitrose, tidy the house, beautify myself and make dinner (Phew!) I turned to the marvellous Nigella Express for inspiration.

The other challenge was that, due to the numbers, it would have to be a lap meal for most of my friends as my dining table can only comfortably fit six. I fed my guests Festive Fusilli with Halloumi bites which went down a storm. I even found myself polishing off the leftovers for breakfast. Yum!

As a sweet treat I made my Cheat's Pudding. It's delicious and takes about two minutes to make - so it's a bit of a cheat really, hence the name. Although, when I serve it I announce it as Amaretto Pudding (much posher). Here's the recipe:

Bash a bag of amaretto biscouits with a rolling pin or bottom of a jar/wine bottle (great fun, this bit).
Mix biccies with equal quantities of creme fraiche and full fat greek yoghurt
Add honey to taste
If you're feeling fancy, mix in soft fruit such as raspberries (I used the frozen ones as to buy fresh in Winter is horribly expensive). You can even line a ramekin or wine glass with a layer of fruit first and then dollop the creamy biscuit mixture on top.

So delicious, I guarantee you'll get lots of praise and a few requests for the recipe.

We had such a giggle. We took it in turns to display our wares and if more than one person was interested then the one who looked best in the garment - as voted by the rest of us - got to keep it or, in the case of accessories books etc they reached a gentlewoman's agreement.

Including items other than clothing really helped to get over the size differences. If you just host a clothes swap you need to make sure you have at least two people per dress size so that no one is left out. Surprisingly, most of the girls at my party were size 8-10. Yes, these are my friends! Although a few of us were more 'averagely' sized at 12-14.

To get some of my favourite women together was a thrill in itself, and watching them get to know each other better was wonderful. Of course, some have been friends already for years, decades even, but like most people I no longer have one group of friends who all hang out together like we did in our early twenties. I have friends from different times in my life, who belong to different social circles, siloes of friends whose only link to each other is me.

As it turned out, the masterstroke was encouraging people to bring someone else. There were two people I didn't know at all, and one I only barely knew, which made the evening more exciting. I love meeting new people, it's so stimulating. The three in question are all intelligent, funny, friendly women and so got on with everyone else instantly - so much so, one of them suggested we all go for a girlie night out in January.

What a fun night it was - and a very productive one to boot. I got an amazing pair of shoes, several tops, two necklaces and some books. Brilliant.

My only regret is that a few of my closest friends couldn't make it, for various reasons including childcare issues and illness. Although, I could always host another one....

I'm thinking of a 'swap your unwanted Christmas presents' next. What d'ya reckon?!

This post was written by Anna Colette, a Thames Valley Mum of one with another on the way. You can read more at her blog, Part Mummy, Part Me.

Photo credit

Do you have any help?

2009-12-06T19:31:17+00:00

I was asked this question twice last week. Firstly by my GP at my ante-natal check-up and secondly by the staff at pre-school as I waddled in with an excitable toddler to pick up vomiting Podge.

"Er, no," was my reply. Because I don't. Lots of us don't. I'm not pleading hardship or asking for sympathy, it's something I'm used to and don't think about very much. By 'help' I'm assuming people mean a set of retired, helpful parents living round the corner who regularly do some babysitting, DIY and housework for you. I'm envious of anyone who has this arrangement as it would obviously make life a lot easier.

Lots of us don't have help like this because we've had to move around the country for jobs, our family have had to move or sadly our family aren't around any more. My Mum moves about quite a bit. She recently returned to the UK after living abroad and is an hour's drive from us. My Dad and in-laws are 3-4 hours drive away. My sister is an hour and a half away and my brother currently about 45 minutes away. He rarely stays in one place for long because he's in the armed forces.

My really good old friends are scattered around all over the place, none within an hour's drive. Then there are the local friends who I've mainly got to know from ante-natal classes. I wouldn't describe them as 'help' because they're all as snowed under with young children as us. But I do know I can rely on some of them if I really have to. The only 'help' we have is a paid babysitter who we use every other month or so.

Even if my family did live nearby, they're not really the sort of 'hands on' family who would pop round to help you out for a bit. They're the 'busy, busy' sort of family who always have lots on. Both my parents took early retirement, and they're both working again because they got bored.

You get used to not having help. Fington is nearly 18 months old and because I'm a stay at home mum I've not spent more than four hours away from him. Podge has spent a few nights away with grandparents in the past, but not since Fington arrived. In fact, there have been no offers to have the children since Fington arrived. I'm certain there'll be no offers once the third is here! The children don't see much of their grandparents, so the less they see them the more freaked out they'd probably be if they suddenly stayed with them for a weekend. Maybe they'll be better about it when they're older.

My GP is young, glamorous and, I suspect, child-free. The thought of having three little ones is probably a bit daunting which is why she asked the question. Maybe we're silly having a third child when two is difficult enough? Some people say they won't have more for financial reasons or because it would be too much hard work. We've not given that any thought at all. I think we'll scrape on by like we're used to and adapt. Life's unpredictable anyway.

I have a friend with two children and both sets of grandparents nearby. The children regularly spend a night or weekend with their grandparents. One grandma helps walk the dog every day, the other helps my friend on shopping trips and often buys the children clothes. In the summer the children have short holidays away with their grandparents. My friend and her husband get regular child-free time together. It all sounds ideal and I do feel slightly jealous. Except it's not as rosy as it sounds. My friend says the children see so much of her family that she feels out of control. The grandparents spoil her children and no one in her family listens to her.

And there are endless horror stories about interfering mothers-in-law, maybe I should be grateful mine is four hours down the motorway? (ironically she's not interfering either). It's one thing having parents nearby and another when you're battling the family politics which comes with it.

Yes I'm knackered and could do with some help. But at least I feel in control and awkward family moments are infrequent. And one day in the future I'm certain husband and I will have that quiet, romantic, child-free weekend away in that gorgeous country hotel...

This post was written by Emily O, a mum of two and living in Berkshire. My third baby is due just before Christmas. My blogs are babyrambles and Mother Knows Best.

Photo credit: Microsoft

Top five tips for enjoying Disneyland Paris

2009-11-25T07:40:52+00:00

Ella and I had a great time at Euro Disney this Tuesday and Wednesday. The weather was amazing, the queues bearable (the longest we ever had to wait for a ride was 30 minutes) and the atmosphere happy and upbeat.

I had steeled myself for an onslaught of unbridled consumerism and in-your-face American-style Disney overkill but was pleasantly suprised.

I'm not denying that food and merchandise were expensive, they were. But the French are, well, French and so their Disney-ness was expressed with a smile and a 'Hello Princess' (for Ella, not me). They were charmingly free of faux enthusiasm, tending towards friendliness instead. A refreshing experience for any visitor to Paris.

The peculiar thing about Disneyland, Paris is that you can't get a decent coffee for love nor money. Not in the park, the studios, the village nor the hotels. There wasn't a Gaggia in sight.

I had to make do with Nescafe espresso or, worse, Nescafe cappuccino - the kind that started life as a dry powder and owes its foaminess to E-numbers. I'm surprised the Disney staff haven't mounted a strike in protest.

For those of you who haven't yet been, here are Ella and my recommendations for Euro Disney:

Top 5 Tips for Enjoying Disneyland Paris

1. Make it a Mini Break
We went for 1 night and 2 days. At the most, I'd recommend 2 nights and three days. Yes, there is a lot to do but it is very tiring walking around the Park's 140 acres -and the Walt Disney Studios' 50 acres.

A mini break gives you enough time to do the best rides, and see a few shows, and frees you to suck up the expense without wincing. We spent around £140 on souvenirs, food and drink over the 2 days.

2. Go Off Peak
A bit of an obvious one, this but strongly recommended. To find out the best times to go, select 'book now' on the Disneyland Paris hotels page, and click the 'arrival date' link which will bring up the calendar. The cheaper dates (shown in yellow) are the best times to go - both for your purse and for your sanity.

Don't feel guilty about pulling the little darlings out of school. Remember, you're creating mgical memories that they, and probably you, will cherish for ever. Corny but true.

3. Know your Rides
This one is tricky, but it really does pay to do your research, talk to friends and friends of freinds (thank you to MJ for her amazing itinerary), trawl the net...do whatever you can before you go to find out what your child/children are most likely to enjoy.

We made the mistake of thinking Big Thunder mountain was a family ride. Disney bill it as such, Ella exceeded the minimum height requirement and from where we were standing the ride looked fairly tame. We were wrong.

It is not a fast train ride. It is a roller coaster without the loops. We closed our eyes and screamed through the entire ride. I know that's de rigeur on roller coasters. But we were both uncomfortably scared. Although, later in the day I must admit that we looked back on the experience and felt a stoic sense of achievement.

So be warned - what Disney, or others, think is age appropriate may not be, depending on how fearless you and your child are. Els and I are fairly evenly matched. Clearly, she has a better excuse for being a wimp – she’s only five. I, on the other hand, am old enough to know better but cannot sway my strong sense of self-preservation by thinking of the impecccable safety record of most roller coasters, the laws of physics being on my side etc.

For what it's worth, our favourite rides were The Pirates of the Carribean, Buzz Lightyear Laserblast and a tame-looking but great fun Orbitron

4. Get Up Early
If you stay in any of the Disney hotels you are allowed access to the Park from 8am to 10am. That means you get two whole hours before the day tripping hoardes descend. Bliss.

They only open up two areas of the park, and not all of the rides in these areas are open, but it is a doddle to get on the rides you fancy and it is a relaxing experience wandering around an almost-deserted Park.

The first hour (8am-9am) was the best because a lot of families at the hotels clearly hadn't finished breakfasting and getting ready. Ella and I had both hit the sack at 9pm the night before, so it was easy to wake up early and make the most of our two hours.

It was a great mini break, and a fabulous Mother-Daughter bonding opportunity. We smiled and giggled and 'wowed' our way through two of the best days we have had in a long time. I highly recommend that you go.

5. Book soon. But if you're watching the pennies (and who of us isn't these days?) do hurry up and book soon. Kids under seven stay and play free until 8th November this year. If you're lucky, you may even get free travel on Eurostar for the little darlings too (very much subject to availability - we couldn't get this deal on the dates we wanted to travel).

Bon voyage!

This post was written by Anna Colette, a mum of one. You can read more at her blog, Part Mummy, Part Me.

Planning the homebirth

2009-11-20T12:21:39+00:00

I'm 36 weeks pregnant now. The midwife came round last weekend to talk about having the baby at home. She was meant to arrive between 3.30 and 4pm but she didn't get to us until 6.45pm. I was her twelfth visit. She's a great midwife and looked after me when I was expecting Fington. She's been doing the job for years and is ridiculously experienced and knowledgeable. She really puts me at ease. It's a shame that good people like her are so stretched in their work through lack of support (financial and otherwise). And yet she doesn't moan, she carries on and gets on with her job. When is the midwife shortage going to get addressed I wonder?

Anyway, as husband wrestled the boys into bed, the midwife went through everything I need to know for a homebirth. When I'm in labour and get to the point where I can't talk during contractions then I need to ring the delivery suite and they'll send out the on-call midwife. She'll then get a second midwife or midwife assistant to come out and join her. The only problem is Fington was born very shortly after I got to the 'can't talk' stage. If that happens again we need to call an ambulance.

I'm not going to have a birthing pool as I don't think I'd be fussed about it during labour. So I need to get some plastic sheeting from B&Q and some old sheets. The hospital bag still needs to be packed in case I need to transfer into hospital. There are a number of reasons I might need to go into hospital, they include the labour stalling, meconium in the waters and fetal distress. I'll also need to go in if there aren't enough community midwives on-call. That would be a shame. And I'm bothered that the nearest hospital is 40 minutes drive away, much more if it's rush-hour. That's why Fington was nearly born in the car. Anyway, I could worry about these things too much. If I'd stayed at home with Fington it would have been the perfect homebirth.

The midwives have gas and air with them so I might get hold of a TENS machine too. I had no pain relief with Fington due to the speed of labour, that gives me some comfort as I know how bad the pain can get and how to deal with it. That said, it is of course ridiculously painful and I'm not relishing the thought of it. I'm just hoping for it to be quick again.

We still need to decide what to do with the boys. Various friends can watch them for us but many of them work part-time. I need to work out a rota of who's available when. Husband would like them to be out of the house so they don't get freaked out by me shrieking. I've said I can work on toning down the shrieking and the only reason it was so bad last time was because I was in the back of the car and feeling a bit out of control of the situation.

Earlier in the week I had my first false alarm. I was in quite a bit of pain in the afternoon when I picked Podge up from pre-school and then some painful contractions started when we got home. They never got very regular which is why I didn't worry too much. But it made me decide to pack the hospital bag in case it was the real thing. I can only have a homebirth once I'm full-term. It was tricky packing a hospital bag, breathing through some painful contractions and dealing with two children. Fington is currently obsessed with pushing chairs against the kitchen worktops and then doing dangerous things such as putting the breadknife in the toaster and turning the kettle on. I'm constantly having to get stuff out of his way. I could hear him being dangerous in the kitchen as I was shoving baby clothes into the hospital bag upstairs. Not ideal.

The contractions went on for a couple of hours and then thankfully stopped again. The baby had gone quiet while they were happening but was soon kicking about again in the evening. It's a reminder that everything's going to happen soon. We've got everything out of the loft now such as the baby clothes, car seat and moses basket so we're nearly ready. There's still a lot of Christmas shopping to do though. And Podge has turned four this week! So we've got a party to do at the weekend and the in-laws are coming to stay today (better get doing some housework...) It feels like there's a lot going on!

This post was written by Emily O, a mum of two and living in Berkshire. My third baby is due just before Christmas. My blogs are babyrambles and Mother Knows Best.

Photo credit: Microsoft

Conversations with a Polish housecleaner

2009-11-16T07:27:20+00:00

A friend of mine just moved to the area and wanted a housecleaner. I said I would ask our cleaner, Ivana, if she was taking on new clients.

Ivana is from Poland and very hard working. She lives here with her 14-year-old daughter; they have a flat in the center of town above a funeral home.

She is worth her weight in gold. She actually picks up things when she dusts, instead of going around them. I can tell when she has vacuumed, the large worn Duresta sofa, which can easily accomodate 10, is slightly out of place.

She is not much on conversation. Her English is limited. The only time she makes a point to say something to me is when she wants a day off.

This is how our last conversation went:

Me: "A friend of mine is looking for a cleaner, are you taking on new customers?"

Ivana: "No, no, I can’t. I moving."

Me: (in shock, what? I try to compose myself...)

“You’re moving? When are you moving?”

Ivana: “Tuesday”.

Me: “This Tuesday?”

(oh crap, it's slowly dawning on me that all that time I spent explaining my system for the girls’ clothes – bottoms in the bottom drawer, tops in top drawer, Emily, Alexandra and HM, in that order, was all for naught.)

Ivana: “Yes”.

Me: (still trying to digest the news, and slightly annoyed that she has given me very little notice, in fact if I hadn’t brought up this thing about my friend needing a cleaner she may never have said anything.)

“Where are you moving to?”

Ivana: “Across the road. Tired of living above dead people.”

This post was written by Susanna, A Thames Valley Mums Blog founding contributor. You can read more at her blog, A Modern Mother.

Photo credit: onion patch

Calling all children: Put on a Panto!

2009-11-12T18:54:38+00:00

Panto season has started and to celebrate Robinson's has created Put On A Panto -- a cute web site that gives children all the tools they need to stage their very own Pantomime -- from planning, to practising to performing. It even includes invitations, posters and suggestions on making costumes.

Come on, I know you want to try it.

And if you'd like to win tickets to a local pantomime of your choice (for a family of five, worth up to £250) please visit A Modern Mother, Violet Posy or The Potty Diaries for a chance to win a fun night out!

Photo credit