Thank U For Stalking

hELLO TO EVERYONE! REGARDS FROM SPAIN FROM A FAN PAGE!

2011-03-01T16:53:00.000-08:00

I love fan mail. The best part about receiving this was that I received two copies.

One at 1:13am with the subject: Hello to Everyone, Regards from Spain from a Fan Page!

And the other at 1:15am: hELLO TO EVERYONE! REGARDS FROM SPAIN FROM A FAN PAGE!

From: Diego
Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 1:15 AM
To: ME
Subject: hELLO TO EVERYONE! REGARDS FROM SPAIN FROM A FAN PAGE!

To , with love and respect, of Doc McCoy (Diego). Sorry for the poor translation of my letter, I´m not very well at English.

Hello , do not be very well how to explain this, down below you have an article that I have written in a diary that I publish by Internet dedicated to you (you are our inspiration). I hope that you like, so ado bilges I leave you with him, ultimately you will find my personal information and my directions for if you wanted to communicate with me. This blog is dedicated to your person, treats on cinema, jokes, and histories on the family that we it form. Doc McCoy's kisses.

-¿Why “The Girlfriend”?-

Hello to all, I am Doc. They are little more of the four of the dawn in Spain just now. I cannot sleep like whenever I sit must do something that costs a sorrow. It happened to me that still Neither Dean nor I itself have explained to you, why decide to call to our small space The Girlfriend. Well, so for the one that has not guessed it still it is due to the captivation and inspiration of miss of the photo that I have left you more above.

Already I can imagine what you will think that already you know her, and it does not like me, to take it from you of the head. I am not any saint, believe that all that you know me you know it, but with the women it is different. When I see a woman I him do not look at the chests, " the teats ", as say all the males, often for getting inside the "normality" that many of them really do not feel like his.

I am not criticizing anybody, it seems to me of the most normal and natural thing to say it, only that I am not in the habit of doing it. I am not going to give precise explanations of my behavior, because since also you will know am not in the habit of giving them when I am thinking about being doing the correct thing, thing that in opposition to the popular and widespread belief, does not limit itself only to my own motives or desires. In end, yes, already I go anxious...

She is the actress , and is the girlfriend of the blog. So much Dean since me we stay captivated of her after seeing Her film. I believe that to every man independently of his definite sexuality the same thing will happen to him. Now I do not like to speak about the movie, because I believe the truth that the opened credit this blog with this name already must wake sufficient interest up in you for wanting to see her.

I do not know the majority of the details of the movie on the other hand, and sincerely, prefer that it continues being like that, at least for me. Most of the men always we have preferred the mystery in spite of wanting to know more. We like to be and to remain anxious almost the whole life.

So that, it would be tremendously unbalanced, considering that at least in 80 % of my psyche I am a convinced and authentic heterosexual, if he was saying that I do not turn madman whenever I see . She is a sexy, nice, agreeable, very educated girl provided with an enormous and wild voluptuousness. The form of his body resembles that of the pale and beautiful odalisque who without having being molded by any Greek sculptor of renown, turns out to be equally divine, up to the point of which any man would want to smell the perfume of his body for point, to plait his hair or to kiss his beautiful bosoms crowned by these small and blushed wafers of which there suck the babies of his mothers on having been born.

Always I have liked the girls of long and chestnut-colored hair, lightly blond, but not the blond current one, rather one of these blond ashen ones that do not seem to be blond. Thin, slender, of not too broad hips and these dun eyes that remove the hiccup. At least this way it was even it does little, when I passed to another decree. God will know why, the men like almost all the women to the first glance.

Nevertheless, on having seen I continue feeling something for this type of women, for this physical appearance, saying is of step that I have never seen in any place not acquaintance presents that he guards the most minimal seemed with , and I refer so much in character as physicist.

Probably be for his captivation, his way of moving, the stamp of his voice or of what way smiles, his elegant words, and this gesture, this pose endemic of her itself, which encloses an almost extinguished crux, raised by half in this autism provoked by a latent melancholy that nobody seems to perceive, that he moves backward his eyes in a seemingly chaotic, desperate, slightly transparent and perfectly nostalgic condition.

In occasions I have daydreamed in spite of knowing her, and to say to him everything through what I have lived, everything what I have suffered, as all. He would say to him that only it might guarantee a thing: that would never insult her would not even stick, that would never separate of her when I needed, and that would never happen to myself to force her to do something that she did not want. I think, sometimes ... that I say to him that the sex does not matter for me, though it would lie because yes it matters for me. Though I can live without him, I have not considered it to be anything indispensably in the relation of friendship between a man and a woman, but certainly either, help it is undeniable.

You to be sincere, before never seeing the movie it had fixed in except for the mere fruit of the chance during a brief circumstantial alleviation his Internet route. And still I remember that evening of summer in which I saw for the first time his movie. I ran to warning Dean practically demanding from him that it saw her in all that it him was possible. Since then is one of my more secret weaknesses movie fans, though probably it stops remaining secret in my memory from the same moment.

Not, seriously, really, I think that everyone waits for years for his opportunity to demonstrate the one who is really and what it costs in the life. What is capable of doing, of thinking, of feeling, still treating itself about the only instant in his short life. I believe that achieved it with Her film, and believe that thanks to his work today we are here.

Personally I would like very much that it was following his career for this way, though it does not also worry me too much if she is happy and feels realized. Anyhow here always it will be received well, and for us, so much for Dean as for me, always she will be the girlfriend.

The certain thing is that there becomes I a bit strange. I have read that your authentic name is Marina. Do not be if it be be true, but it has been called me the attention. I knew a woman who was calling like you, she was the first woman of my life, but I do not want to bore you, actually we did not have great thing that to say to us. In end, I will speak to you a bit about me because it does not seem to me to be just to find so much information about you in the net when you do not know anything of me.

My real name is Diego, my family has lived always in Spain, though nowadays I live in Valencia, placed in the eastern part in the map of our country. I was born practically blind in the bosom of a family come to less, but it is another history. It was not up to 15 years when finally I could see with total clarity without a few lenses. Always I was thick, but from this day something changed, measuring something more about 1.70 for then, I managed to weigh less than 55 Kg. With the time I was gaining something of weight, and spent 21 years I began to gain something of belly, though without coming to my old times.

I graduated at the age of fifteen more or less, and then I began the university, was a couple of years in the faculty of philosophy, but that one did not convince me, I devoted myself to write that it was what always had filled, close to the cinema. At present I am in my second year of audio-visual Communication, have 22 years that I fulfilled it does little, on January 3. I am fond of the cinema, of the writing and of the books, my teachers were Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Charles Bukowski, Truman Capote, Tennessee Williams and different some. My works sell in Internet under my real name in Spanish language. Probably some day want to read someone, with taste he you would send it to your direction for fans if you were wishing it.

Of that I am prouder it is Notas de un fuerte vecino, the first diary that I published. Up to today I have finished 13 manuscripts, but only I have published 4 by the lack of interest, I am not interested in the reputation, since you will be able to verify I do not do anything to myself of advertising when it might make it, except regarding the blog, but yes know interesting persons, be famous or not, to them they are to that I dedicate my work, and my life. I assure you that I am not interested for anyone, especially if it is a question of a woman, because of all those that I have known scarcely it might count 5 who indeed made me feel something good.

With the blog I have managed to publish articles newly written in the last months, but slightly worn out, though yours was an exception. Finally I have given the step, in The Girlfriend you will be finding all kinds of information about the persons that I know and on me itself. I hope that you visit us occasionally. Do not worry, all the participants we use pseudonymous and in your case we would like exactly the same thing, you can trust in me. I do not want to make you lose any more the time, basically because everything all that you have read in the previous article I am I and my sincere opinion about you, yes, I know that it is difficult to believe this coming from a stranger and more than one man, but this way it is, also I know of good ink how they are the men in these things.

I am not in the habit of lying, and hope that your impression is not this. I do not seek for anything really, only to verify if I connect with you and you are since I have imagined. Probably I am wrong, but you me turn out to be very familiar and seem to me to be very intelligent. I have seen that it does little you published a book, I am impatient because ends of March come to be able to buy it. If you receive this letter, I hope that at least, though you do not answer it, it makes you happy. This it is my only aim. Thank you.

Probably this note comes a little late, and try to contact you for facebook, I have created a false account only to promote the blog between the persons in that I am interested. Kisses from Doc/Diego.

I get it, people wanna bang like me

2011-01-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of fans, sexually.

From: Stalker
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 2:04 PM
To: Me
Subject: Sex Week

Hi there!

I'm a student at COLLEGE, planning our FIRST EVER Sex Week, during the week of March 28th! Our school is 70% male, and very repressed. To combat this, our Feminists United club (with a little help from other groups) is putting together a week of events to make sex easier to talk about, to break the stigma, and to teach students what they might not know.

With this in mind, we are looking to book speakers that could help out, and we'd love to have one of your workshops (BDSM 101 seemed like a great fit)!

Please let us know how we can make this happen (cost, etc.)!

Thanks so much!
Stalker
Vice President, Feminists United

Screw All of Yo' Mamma's Holes

2011-01-05T15:49:00.000-08:00

This is definitely one of our better submissions from a follower. Thank you ever so much for this. Definitely made our day.

----------

From: CRAZY
Date: Wed, Aug 11, 2010 at 4:07 AM
Subject: Serious Business!
To: MUSIC MANAGER

Hello Mister

You may be wondering why I am emailing you, well, let me explain:

I am part of a cult. Not a normal cult, but a cult. My name is

Owlfudger Moonbeam and my cult leader's name is Bov. This

Saturday, at 11:00pm, my group and I will gather in the woods.

We will strip naked, gather into a circle and perform a ritual.

However, we need you for us to complete the ritual. We must

cut off your nipples and feed them to the bunny rabbits, then we

have to feed your ejaculation to the frog spawn by throwing you

into a massive orgy with all of our mothers. Then we have to cut all

of your hair (From your head) and throw it into the blazing fire. Then

we eat your clothes. Then you go home.

This is to free the wood from pollution and to prevent man cutting down

the trees and destroying little squirrels'/birds's/etc homes.

If you do not come, then we will screw all of yo' mamma's holes.

Yes: ears, mouth, nostrils, genitalia and asshole.

- Owlfudger Moonbeam

Nikki or Nico?

2010-10-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

So, I do a lot of fun events in Hollywood. Now, some people have no shame, and when my events get publicly listed in one way or another, I always get some interesting requests to be added to the list. This one I found particularly funny because I cannot tell if this is a man or woman. (I love a photo attachment.) Even better because the email contains two names: Nikki and Nico. Brilliant.

-----

From: Nico XXXX
Sent: Tuesday, October 19, 2010 8:38 AM
To: ME
Subject: Hi from Nikki

Hi ME,

Can you please ad me to your party list?

Thanks so much,

Nikki XXXXX

Gotta Poo

2010-10-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

FAN CHAT

Here's another great Facebook chat with a random male stalker. Enjoy!

Hichem

1:14pm

hello , what a surprise !! ??

how are you ? :-)

hey u there ?

1:16pm

hi!

Hichem

1:16pm

wanna know my new friend

1:16pm

im great how are u

Hichem

1:16pm

how are you ?

i'm very well

thank you

my name is hishem n i'm 28 years old

and you ?

i think u r busy

i wish we can talk another time

;-)

hey whats up

1:29pm

yes busy -- but damnnn you must really want my pussy

Hichem

1:30pm

lol

why do you say that ?

1:30pm

because you keep going and going

Hichem

1:30pm

i'm just wanna talk to you

i find you gorgeous in the pic

lol

;-)

1:31pm

yep

Hichem

1:31pm

about ur pussy we will see later

how things will be

hehehe

lol

1:31pm

i love being a dumb slut

Hichem

1:31pm

give me ur yahoo

;-)

1:31pm

and so do men

they love me being a dumb slut

so i do it

makes me feel good about myself

Hichem

1:32pm

u r gorgeous n so beautiful so why not

u deserve everything sweety

1:32pm

exactly

why not whore out?

keeps the boys happy

and i feel good about that

Hichem

1:33pm

i said why not making you feeling beautiful n happy

tell me

where do u live

1:33pm

listen do u want the puss or not?

Hichem

1:33pm

n what do u work ?

1:33pm

im done with that chatty kathy

Hichem

1:34pm

i'm asking you

1:34pm

asking me questions that have nothing to do with my puss

how dare you

Hichem

1:34pm

lol

ok calm down

u r wierd

lol

1:34pm

i will not SIR

Hichem

1:35pm

lets know eachother

1:35pm

i dont want to know you

Hichem

1:35pm

than we talk about ur pussy

not now

1:35pm

Brb

Hichem

1:35pm

mmmmm

1:35pm

gotta poo

Hichem

1:35pm

really ?

1:35pmYou are not online.

PEN PAL

2010-10-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

FAN MAIL

Someone put my e-mail address on some pen pal site, and I keep getting these ridiculous e-mails. I get about 5 a day. No, I am not upset about it. I am actually pretty stoked.

Today's new pen pal is: Sylvia

From: sylvia fred
Sent: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 3:42 PM
To: ME
Subject: my dearest,

Hello my dearest,
How was your night over there in your country,i believe you had nice night and that the atmosphere over there in your country is very nice today? Mine is a little bit hot over here in Dakar-Senegal.
My name is Sylvia Fred, i am (24yrs old) but age doesn't matter in a real friendship or relationship so i am confortable with your age and that was why i contacted you.
I am from Rwanda in Central Africa ,5.4ft tall, fair in complexion single,never married presently i am residing here in Dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country some years ago.

My late father Engram. Fred Omini was a Chairman, Grus-Melton Oil and Gas Company a private extracting oil firm in Central before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.

I am the only one that escaped that tragic incident and I managed to make my way to one of the most peaceful country in Africa (Senegal) where i am living now as a refugee under a Revrend father's care and i am using his computer to send these message to you,i am here as a refugee because i lost my international passport while i was running for my dear life,I will like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you do for a living. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.
Attached here is my picture.

Hoping to hear from you soonest
Your's forever,
Sylvia.

I Don't Want To Stay Because I Know It's Illegal

2010-10-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

FAN MAIL

It should come as no surprise to ANYONE who reads this blog, that I like to creep the shit out of the Hollywood Hills. This means I like to drive around in the middle of the night and look for weird things. One of my favorite adventures included running in to a shirtless, homeless-looking man at 4am on a tuesday with a bottle of champagne in his hand, staggering around his front yard, staring at my car like it was a UFO. I am half-ashamed, half-proud to admit that these things bring me great joy.

The following letter is a letter I found during one of these missions. I have transcribed below:

-----

Good evening Monsieur DiCaprio.

I am sad, I missed you, you left with your friends at 6.50 PM and I was not quick enough getting out of the car.
I came on saturday to give you my ecologic brand tee shirt.
I hope you got them.
I understood that you don't want to be partner in "BRAND NAME" but if i go back to France with a picture of you with a "BRAND NAME" tee shirt, I will be so glad.
I know I'm dreaming, bur I like the sentence "Believe in Your Dreams."
I'll come back tomorrow at 12.00 to try to see you.
I don't want to want to stay at night here and waiting for you because i know it's illegal. The bag with the tee shirt is a gift for your girlfriend, I have seen her as well leaving in your Toyota.

Thank you in advance.
Au Revoir.

STALKER

You're Not On the List

2010-10-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

I just received this inquiry via email. Who hits up publicists randomly for hope of entry into a club they represent?! And includes a photo with stats? Actually, I think my favorite part is her stats. She actually wrote 37, 5'4, and 160 lbs. Amazing.

-----

Hello ME,

I am writing regarding your club XXXXX.

I am specifically interested in what your cover would be on Friday as well as the genre of music you may be playing, etc. Can you please advise me as to what your schedule looks like and who the promoter is for Tuesdays and Fridays? Any other details so that I may explore the possibilities of interacting at your club this weekend?

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

DESPERATE

Always Free to Chat

2010-09-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

FANCHATS

I like to add randoms to my facebook -- but only if they look really creepy.

I really examine profile pictures, hometowns, and quotes. If there's some kind of mountain in the background of the photo, or if they're holding a cat -- no question -- I'm accepting the friendship request immediately.

One of these creepers just hit me up about five minutes ago. I was so excited to update this blog with his rants about an old flame, which is why I only responded in excited CAPS and cut him off so abruptly. Remember: I have NO idea who this is. Enjoy.

-----

Michael

hey free to chat a few mins?

good profile quote

3:15pm Me

HI BOB

3:17pm Michael

hey how goes it?

I see LA been crazy hot

Ill be out there come Feb

hopefully lots cooler

3:21pm Me

YES HOPEFULLY COOLER

3:21pm Michael

goona catch up with old flame after and hang in san fran a few days

post seminar

3:22pm Me

NICE

I LOVE OLD FLAMES

3:23pm Michael

yeah maybe we rekindle stuff

at very least we still good friends

so well have a good time

its Jens neck of the woods

santa cruz aptos

fremont

san fran a lil north of that as I recall

but she wants to hit the city

3:27pm Me

TOTALLY

3:28pm Michael

yeah its neat but super expensive city to live in

"cheap" hotel goes for 150 night with discounts AAA and all

3:28pm Me

HOLY SHIT NO WAY

LISTEN

3:28pm Michael

yeap

3:28pm Me

I HAVE TO RUN BUT GOOD CHAT!

3:28pm Michael

sure take care

stay cool

3:28pm Me

Peace Lakarme

2010-09-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

FANMAIL

I received an e-mail this week from my new friend, Peace Lakarma. No idea how [s]he found me, but I'm so glad [s]he did. Read from the bottom up.

Hope we can become better friends.

From: Peace Lakarme
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2010 4:44 AM
To: ME
Subject: Hopping to hear from you,

I am more than happy in your reply to my email.
How are you today? Mine is a little bit cold over here in Dakar Senegal.

I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. This is a picture of mine.
I will be hoping to read your reply.
Miss peace.

From: ME
Sent: Tuesday, September 28, 2010 5:20 PM
To: peace lakarme
Subject: RE: hello my Dearest

Hello peace Lakarma,

I am so glad you are impressed with my profile, I did not know I had one.

I am connecting for the picture.

From your friend,

-----Original Message-----
From: peace lakarma
Sent: Tuesday, September 28, 2010 4:08 PM
To: ME
Subject: hello my Dearest

Hello ,

my name is peace Lakarma, I was impressed when I saw your profile in and I will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you,

please you can contact me through my mail, so that I will send you my picture and tell you more about me.

I will be waiting for your reply as soon as possible.

From your friend,

peace.

A Fetish Room?

2010-09-29T15:15:00.000-07:00

SPONSORSHIP INQUIRY

I received the following sponsorship inquiry e-mail for an alcohol client. The way she avoids my questions, and any relevant information for that matter, is fantastic.

Start at the bottom of the e-mail chain, and enjoy as you read up!

-----

It's a nightclub with four areas. 1. House/Electro 2. Industrial/Ebm 3. Trance and 4 Live acts. The live act for the 16th has not been booked. It holds around 3000 people. Biggest Club in Los Angeles. Let me know if you need anything else. Normally there is a fee invoved but, if you have someone who can do it last minute for this Saturday , I'll give it too you. I just need there logo and I'll give you the details.
Thanks

On Wed, Sep 29, 2010 at 10:01 AM, MY NAME wrote:

Again, you didn’t tell me any of the performers.

From: CRAZY
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2010 1:58 AM

To: ME
Subject: Re: Nightclub / Alcohol Opportunity

Hello Again,
I am checking in to see if you have any interested clients . Please let me know because I am going to print on Thursday and would like to add whomever's logo to the flier.
Thanks

On Fri, Sep 24, 2010 at 2:12 PM, HER NAME wrote:

Any of your clients interested?

From: CRAZY
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2010 4:11 PM
To: ME
Subject: Nightclub / Alcohol Opportunity

They have a Fetish room.

On Thu, Sep 23, 2010 at 12:01 PM, MY NAME wrote:

What performances???

From: CRAZY
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2010 11:58 AM
To: ME
Subject: Re: Nightclub / Alcohol Opportunity

Thank you for your quick reply. My Next Dates are October 2nd and October 16th. Thoughts?

On Thu, Sep 23, 2010 at 11:45 AM, MY NAME wrote:

Please let me know what upcoming performances you have to see if something would be a fit! Thanks!

From: CRAZY
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2010 11:41 AM
To: ME
Subject: Nightclub / Alcohol Opportunity

Greetings,
I was asked to contact you regarding a possible alcohol sponsorship. Twice a month I throw a club at Circus Disco over on Santa Monica Blvd. With your help, I would like to get some alcohol companies sponsoring the event. They could bring there beverage in to sell or hand out samples that night along with a possible banner. I would also add there name on any print material we do. We are planning some big nights with Dj's and live performances.
If this is something that would work with some of your clients, please contact me and we can put a nice package together that works for them.
Secondly I would like to extend an open invitation to you and your clients to come as my guest. Shoot me over a list and I will get it taken care of.
Lastly, If you already have a client that would like to hand out samples, concert tixs or some other product, let me know and we can incorporate it in to that evenings giveaways.
Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Wanted for: Kidnapping of My Sanity

2010-09-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

FANMAIL

I received the following e-mail from a certain crazed fan. Let's call the actor Bob. Bob is apparently very good looking. So good looking, he should be ARRESTED. Oh, what a crime! She wanted me to chime in and add more "crimes" -- she would even update with my own FAVORITE photos.

God, I love her.

-----

From: FAN

Date: Mon, 24 May 2010 02:00:51 -0400

To: ME

Subject: ;)

I hope you won't think I'm crazy for sending these to you...I came up with them a couple of months ago when I was bored. :D I discovered them again a few minutes ago and knew I had to give you copies.

If you have any more "crimes", let me know and I'll update them. :D (Or if you want one made with one of your favorite pictures, I can do that, too.)

FAN