Kelly Melang, Author

That Grey Area- New synapses

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 19:14:00 +0000

Where to do you start?

So many words define people. And none of this makes my happy.

I'll use my words.

Wife, mother, friend, confidant, yogi, hiker.

Not what you are looking for? Well, me neither.

Because a lot of those words were taken away from me. And I'm taking them back.

I may not identify with them right now, but I will.

How do you go from 35 years to nothing. To people looking at you with pity on their face? What word did you lose? All of them, a few of them?

So stop now if you are political, this is not political. Nothing to do with you. For once in my life this is about me, not about you.

I lost a few pronouns recently. Wife was the big one. This made me realize how much people are defined about who they are, what they are, what they are supposed to be. Just words. When you feel that part of yourself fall away it not just changes who you are but it changes how you interact.

I am back to being a woman, single. Keep laughing, I know. At my age this is unbelievable.

So here I am thinking:

What in the hell am I doing?

Do those hair loss things really work?

Maybe pot gummies really work?

Which dating website actually works?

Everytime I try to get on the dating websites I chicken out. Everyone is like, "Like the picture of your dog, but what about you?" Ugh.

I want to just hide for a while and not have to deal with this, but I need new pronouns. Single/Singlelet? On the prowl/out for options?

Then I remember my grandmother, "Get your shit together," a better pronoun than all the ones above. Get my shit together and start finding new ways to define myself than the basic stuff.

New pronouns:

Badass

Wonder Woman

Together

Warrior.

It's all in how you define yourself.

Love and Romance in the time of CORONA

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Sat, 26 Dec 2020 17:55:00 +0000

It was their first date. They sat at the table half inside the restaurant, half outside, inside a plastic bubble. The large plastic barrier sat between them. Tara thought Daniel was cute, what she could see behind the mask and plastic shield. She worried that the plastic face shield made her look fat.

The waitress came over in her Hazmat suit, a whiteboard in hand.

Can I take your drink order? She wrote.

Daniel looked to Tara, "Would you like a beer?"

"I'm 22 years," Tara replied.

"Beer?" He gestured like he was drinking, "Wine?"

The waitress wrote Would you like a beer or wine he said, then showed Tara the clipboard.

"Oh! Beer is fine," she shouted back.

"Me too. Sam Adams," Daniel said.

"What?"

He wrote Sam Adams on his whiteboard. The waitress nodded and went away.

Daniel turned to Tara, "I'm glad you came," he shouted.

"Me too," she yelled back.

The waitress came back with long metal rods with clamps on the end a beer on each one. She stepped back and put one in front of Daniel and one in front of Tara. Can I take your order she wrote on the whiteboard?

Daniel started, "She will have."

She gestured wildly with the whiteboard, "You can only order for yourself. We cannot let diners talk too much it could aid in transmission of the disease. You better hurry and order dinner ends in 30 minutes. She wrote sloppily.

Daniel said, "What? It's only 530?"

The waitress adjusted her plastic shield, "Curfew starts at 6." She wrote.

He looked at the menu, "I'll have the burger."

Tara said quickly, "I'll have the salad."

"I'm sorry, we are not serving greens tonight. The newest study said that if we carry greens the virus could be in the water droplets." The waitress wrote.

Tara frowned, "Then I'll take a burger also."

They took their beers and toasted in between the plastic between them. "So what do you do?"

"Do I have the flu?" Several patrons at the restaurant looked their way in terror. Daniel looked around, held his hands up, "NO! NO! I don't have the flu!" He looked over Tara, "What?"

"Work? Do you work?"

"OH, yeah. I sell cars."

"You're from Mars?"

"Cars! Vroom! Vroom!" Daniel replied as he sighed.

The waitress came over with take out bags and put them on the table. Tara and Daniel looked at them confused.

"A customer tested with a temperature and they were inside the front door, so we have to close and sanitize," she slapped the check on the table and put a piece of plastic over it. "You can pay online when you get home."

The plastic between Tara and Daniel slowly went up as a voice came over the loud speaker, "MASK UP!"

They put their masks on, lowered the plastic over their face and picked up the take out. Daniel took a picture of the check with his phone and left it on the table.

There was a mad rush out of the restaurant, Tara got pushed into Daniel and blushed at the contact but he couldn't see it under the plastic. They walked back over to her car six feet apart not touching each other.

Finally, at her car, she turned to him, "I had a really good time."

"No, I don't have a dime."

"Time," she pointed to her wrist, "Time."

"Oh, can I Zoom you so we can finish our date together," Daniel asked?

"Yes, I would like that," she screamed.

They leaned in close and kissed mask to mask, plastic to plastic.

"I'll Zoom in fifteen minutes," he said and turned and walked down the street.

WTF - God Winks

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Tue, 18 Feb 2020 18:24:00 +0000

It is such a special place when one of your loved ones gives you a little "God wink" when they have passed on.

It is those subtle reminders that you are loved, that you are thought of, that you are still waiting until it's your time to give those "god winks."

Most of the one's from my parents are funny. A "How sweet it is," from some random person that has you smile. Or when you say, "how sweet it is" when you get that random parking space right in front at the ski resort.

I've had rings fall out of my jewelry box, my Dad's rings. I've laughed when the hotel my Mom and I stayed at in Myrtle Beach shows up as a sponsored add, begging me to book a weekend! I remember telling Mom, "We're just walking in here to use the bathroom, act like you own the place!"

She fell into the door walking in, fell out of the door walking out but we still had a spot to pee.

Then I'm dusting things and a vase falls over with a bunch of Irish money in it. My memory is clear. My Mom at the grocery store trying to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey. (Go figure - you can do this in West Virginia Slainte!) When presented with the total, she pulled out a big purse of coins and dumped them all over the counter. My sweet husband died a thousand deaths as the line formed behind her while she asked, "Now what is this one? And what is it worth?"

She finally paid for the whiskey (we needed some by then) and asked for a bag to put it in. "Oh Lord," the lady said, "That's another 10 pence." They both sighed as my mother dumped the bag of coins on the counter yet again. My sweet hubby walked out of the grocery store.

So these little reminders are joyful, they are still here, they still see us. I got up this morning and asked Amazon Alex to play music. For some strange reason she (because she is now part of the family and actually argues with me) decided to play a big band playlist. Well that's different. I thought then the first song was Glenn Miller and In The Mood.

Best memory every of Father/Daughter dances and the song that will never end. Each year either me or one of my girlfriends would have to dance with my dad to this song. Just when you thought it was done, it would start all over again. Such great memories. Oh and by the way for all you political correctofobes, they actually served pitches of beer at the Daddy/Daughter dance and my dad COULD DANCE!

I'm at Goodwill and nestled in the albums left behind is several of the Mario Lanza collection. We drove to the Army Navy game and the only tape available in the car was Mario Lanza! We ended up at a bar my father left over 30 years ago. He walks in and says, "Damn, I left this bar 30 years ago and Sullivan was sitting there at the end. I come back 30 years and there he is in the same seat. I guess alcohol is a preservative!"

Two songs later as we get ready for school, the song So Rare comes on from Jimmy Dorsey. This is my father in law's song, the one he always talked about. It didn't matter (did it) that it was a stripper song from the long ago Baltimore Block/ Blaze Starr days? The highlight of a city that created those stories that still roam around. Burley Q is an amazing book about these days, the movie is amazing.

Every time the Melang family would get together, we'd always play this song. Every time my immediate family would get together we'd play In The Mood, Mario Lanza or just for fun Mother Macrae. (I'll never forget my father looking at me and saying, "I've never sung this song sober?" at my Great Aunt's Funeral)

So look around daily and I'll bet your see those God Winks, those little reminders that they are OK and don't fret about them. Just raise a toast and sing that song and figure out the one's your going to wink with when you're in heaven singing the old tunes.

What are your little God Winks? You know they are there!

WTF - That Perfect Ski Day

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 14:09:00 +0000

Many consider themselves “snow chasers” spending the winter season in search of the “perfect snow day.” Living in the High Country of North Carolina, I can guarantee that every day here is a perfect ski day.

There are still many that live in our great state that doesn’t realize you can ski in North Carolina, that there are seven ski resorts in the state. That’s not including the tubing resort of Hawksnest that was once a ski resort.

So what constitutes the perfect ski day? Any day on the snow!

You can’t wait for the perfect ski day, you get out there and ski. I have friends that tell me, “I only ski out West.” My answer to them is, “Oh yeah, how many days did you ski this year?”

“4,” they reply.

“I skied 118,” I state. Are the days perfect? Yes! Because I am out on the snow!

“But you can’t ski out West,” they counter.

“Really? I skied another 10 in Utah and Colorado, and guess what, I kept up with the locals just fine. In fact, there were a few days that I was better. You know why? Because my perfect Southern Ski Days sometimes include powder, snow, granular snow, ice, mud, dirt, grass, rocks, and I made it through every single day. A 65-year ski patroller once told me that if you can ski in the South, then you can ski anywhere. I believe that statement!”

But some days can be better than others, truthfully. In Randy Johnson’s new book Southern Snow, he puts together those days that us snow chasers love, the best-kept secret of the Southern Skiing. A storm rolls through the High Country, which starts with rain. Everyone else sees rain, but we watch closely at the temperature after the storm moves through the High Country. If there is a drop in temperature, then the storm will likely end with snow. So while it’s raining, we’re waving and tuning and hit the slopes while everyone else stays home and complains. The perfect ski day!

My perfect day is as close to the first chair as possible. We have an ongoing battle for first chair amongst my friends. The rush to the lift resembles a Who Concert! First thing in the morning means you get the best snow. Freshly groomed, untouched and super fast. We find that weekends are great from 9-11 or so when it gets a little crowded. We then retire to our favorite Mountain Momma’s slope-side house to watch the “flying squirrels” dive down the mountain. What’s a flying squirrel? Usually, someone from Florida, on rental skis, with their jacket unzipped, flying straight down the slope. The unzipped jacket makes them look like a flying squirrel! Most of the crashes at the bottom are harmless but fun to watch!

So get out your board, or your planks, and plan a trip to some Southern Snow. Pad in those perfect days, and include that trip out west, get the best of both worlds!

A side note to those visiting, how to get your perfect snow day. Plan ahead!

If you are driving, rent your equipment ahead of time. There are local ski/board shops that rent equipment, along with several along the way. If you are renting at the resort, arrive early!! AND I MEAN EARLY!

Ticket windows open at 830am for 9 am lift start. Get to the resort at 8 am and save yourself waiting forever like the people that get here at 9 am. If you are renting equipment, you have to have a lift ticket before rentals. Put one person in the rental line and one person in the lift line.

How do adults have fun on the snow with little children? All-day Ski/Board School. Snow School is one of the best deals of the High Country. For one set price, you get all-day lessons 830a-400p lunch, helmet, slope pass, instruction, skills assessment, and rentals included. Children are in age-appropriate groups and spent time on the snow in small doses along with playing with friends in the Snow School. Snow School makes the first experience FUN!

Beech Mountain Resort :

SnowCamp 3-6 years $135/weekday and $150/Weekend

SnowTraxx 6-14 years $100/weekend and $120/Weekends

Burton Learn to Ride 6-18 years $135/weekdays $150/weekends

Or course there is Snowflakes Childcare in the village.

The best part of these packages is the children let out at 4 pm. They can then show you their skills from 4-430p on the slopes!

They do sell these packages online, but they sell out very quickly.

WTF - Cold vs. Cute

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Mon, 20 Jan 2020 13:53:00 +0000

There's a light dusting of snow on the ground here on Beech Mountain. I'm sitting in front of the fire dressed for warmth.

We have a saying in the Melang house, "There's no such thing as being cold, just inappropriate clothing."

On Beech, we have a culture ware when it comes to the tourists visiting our mountain for the winter. There is a definite difference between being warm and being cute.

Being warm means you don't worry about hat head because you'd rather wear a hat.

The tight underlayer could show your "I've had two children" belly but it doesn't matter when that wind whips you don't feel it.

Your pants do make your ass look big because there's long underwear underneath them and a few pairs of snow socks.

No one can recognize you because everything is covered. I like to call this with my husband, the slow tease of taking it all off when we are home for the night. Usually, he's asleep by the time I get down to my long underwear.

Being Cute:

Walking through the resort in high heels. Sounds easy right? No, there's ice and snow on the ground plus all the gravel you pick your way through.

Short shirts - have you ever had the wind whip up the skirt on a cold winter night? Especially if you are one of those free the asset types?

Tank tops - tank tops are the perfect underlayer but when that's all you got, I'm thinking you're planning on showing off those puppies barking all night long.

I watched a poor woman tourist (from Florida) walking behind her boyfriend/Husband in that short skirt with the thigh-high boots that included a high heel. She had her hair perfectly done, makeup on and a short little tiger print puffy vest with a tight shirt and camisole.

What I actually saw was a poor woman who'd upper thighs were bright red from the cold. Her perfect hair was covered in snowflakes and when she tried to fix it in the restaurant it plastered to her head like a drowned rat. The short puffy vest didn't have pockets so her hands were between her bright red thighs for warmth. One spiked heel of her boot had scratches all over it from the gravel. BUT....her makeup was still perfect.

Just remember that on Beech Mountain we prefer warmth over cute, we prefer logic over hormones, we prefer moisture wicking over clinging. Come to our parties dressed for warmth and you'll have better luck with the guys as they don't see you as some crazy lady out in a short skirt is 12 degrees with a wind chill of 4 degrees.

Or do what all the locals do - a combination of warmth and cute. Walk up to the concert looking like the StayPuff Marshmallow Man in your down puffy onesie with snow boots and a hood that covers your beautiful hair but doesn't flatten it like a hat. Get inside and ditch the onesie to show off the shirt and top, change out of your moon boots to your spiked heels and dance the night away.

What's your preference?

Cute or Warm?

WTF - Town Council

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 23:24:00 +0000

Who in any earthly idea decided to run for town council? Me, that is! What was I thinking? I announced my run in July and I can't even tell you the number of text messages, phone calls, and emails. But since I love this town I'm doing this and getting ready for my "Meet the Candidates" meeting tomorrow night.

I thought I'd throw a few things out there for you. If I become a Council member, I promise you this:

I'm not changing who I am, you'll still see my same Facebook, Twitter and Instagram Feed. I'm not sharing my Snapchat because I share that one with my boys.

If you see me and run, give me some space. I may have just finished a yoga class and need just a few more minutes of zen.

I thought I'd share some of my favorite politics quotes! Here ya go"

And the most important lesson of all?

Wish me luck on tomorrow's night Meet the Candidates, may I do my community proud!

WTF - Laundry List

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 12 Sep 2019 12:13:00 +0000

My college freshman called and said he missed me and wanted to come home for a night. I understood the translation, "I have a boatload of laundry to do."

He came home proudly telling me he even was washing his sheets! (He's been in the dorm three, three weeks - Ewwww)

The next day when I go to take a shower, I wonder where all my towels went? Ah, yes he washed his sheets but left me the dirty towels and grabbed some clean ones.

With one still at home, I figured we had to go down my laundry list:

If you don't want it ruined, empty your pockets. Especially Lip Balm that melts in the dryer and you can't get the stains out of your clothes. If it does get ruined there is no complaining to the management. You snuck those pants into my hamper.

But you can leave money in your pockets. I love freshly laundered money.

Clothes around the hamper do not get washed, clothes in the hamper do.

If you tried it on and didn't want to wear it, it's still clean. Don't throw it on the floor for the dog to pee on.

You can reuse a towel if hung up properly. Don't shove it in a big ball on the towel rack. Remember this isn't a hotel. We can use towels more than once. And the argument that it touched your private parts isn't working. They were clean when it touched them.

If it goes into the wash inside out, it gets folded inside out. You can guess what's on that T-shirt.

Keep your socks together. I got overwhelmed by single socks to the point I just took a trash bag of single socks and gave it to Goodwill, let them deal with it.

You can wear your Jeans more than once. We don't work on a farm. Your father puts his jeans in the freezer to clean them. I'm guilty of washing mine.

Finally, you can use a computer, definitely use an iPhone. I'm sure you can figure out the washer and dryer.

Who used up all my laundry detergent?

WTF - How Strong Is Your Back?

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 17:09:00 +0000

I know children can be pains in the neck, but they are also pain in the back from bending over picking up all the different items on the floor. When my son was little, I always lost burp towels to the floor, dropped pacifiers. Of course his being the first child, everything carefully sanitized before dropped to the floor again. He laughed in his high chair, throwing food and watching the dog get to it before I could pick it up. The dog ate well.

We moved from the baby things to cussing every time I stepped on a Lego. I picked up Legos, Transformers, puzzle pieces, books, and the wayward piece of food the dog missed. We also spent a lot of time on the floor, playing games, reading those books, chasing each other. Once he was in bed, I spent the next hour picking up and putting away from the floor except for that Lego at 2 a.m.

When the toys started moving out of the house, the floor became covered in video games. LeapFrog and math games came first, moving to the Nintendo DS and all the little game cards lost around the house. I'm still finding Nintendo cards to this day. They replaced these with Wii controllers until they moved on to the Xbox. I picked these up from the floor after chasing all the dead batteries rolling around the floor to disappear underneath the couch.

As the video games increased, so did the bowls and cups. I used to say going downstairs in my house is like going into Target. You say you're just taking a look and come back upstairs with a dish set, all your spoons, four towels, and a case of cups.

Then we move to the clothes on the floor. As Moms, we start picking them up, trying to stem the tide until frustration makes us close the door with a sigh. When they start borrowing some of yours or your hubby's clothes, it's time to put on your gas mask and look for them in their room. Murphy's Law most are way underneath the bed with the moldy food.

Then life comes at you fast.

You find their learners permit on the floor, put it on their dresser.
The driver's license then is on the floorboard of the car.
The college applications sit on the floor until you make them fill them out.
The welcome brochure from the school of choice sits on the couch.
Finding the cap and gown under the bed and picking it up and hanging it in the closet.
Picking up boxes of stuff and moving them out to the car.
Bending over placing the fan, so it faces the dorm room bed.

All this working out over 18 years, I think helped me bend over to pick up my heart from the floor as I closed that dorm room door.

How secure is your back?

WTF - Polar Coaster?

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Tue, 27 Aug 2019 15:29:00 +0000

As most of you know, the High Country of North Carolina has two main seasons - summer and ski season. Residents have an old wives tale that every morning fog is August means a winter snow event. Many will say that is hogwash, but there are quite a few of us that take this seriously. Those the most seriously are involved with snow sports.

Sitting here on this cold foggy morning, I couldn't help but rejoice. There are still a few days left in August, but my count right now is at 15! My little jar sits on the window sill with white and black beans in it. The white beans are very foggy mornings, which mean a more significant snow event. The black beans are just your average snow. My first year collecting beans, my husband threw them into the pot of cooking beans.

On top of that, Farmer's Almanac is predicting a cold and snowy winter for Western North Carolina, a polar coaster. The polar coaster means temperature swings of highs and lows that will resemble The Fury of Carowinds.

The polar coaster will help Beech Mountain Resort during the cold swings, but all the new upgrades to snowmaking will give it all the help it needs after milder temperatures. Upgrading water lines means more territory open at the beginning of the season to supplementing current coverage after a string of warm temperatures. Last year we had 22 inches in one storm, it was all gone in two weeks! Here's where you can get your Farmer's Almanac https://www.farmersalmanac.com

Look also to the Wooly Worm Festival of Banner Elk for winter's forecast. A Wooly Worm or Wooly Bear is a black and brown caterpillar. During the Wooly Worm Festival, Wooly Worms race it out in heats all day Saturday, the winning caterpillar collecting 500 dollars and providing the winter forecast. There are 13 segments on a Wooly Worm for13 weeks, the brown segments mean warmer, the black more severe weather. For me, the perfect caterpillar would be all black! Here is last year's winner named Montgomery County's Best. "black, black, black, flick, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, dark brown, flick, flick, flick. Black: below average, snow/ Dark Brown: below average/ Light Brown: above-average/ Flick: black and brown, below average, frost or light snow. The average temperature is 27 degrees F." For more information on the festival visit http://www.woollyworm.com

So if you are collecting beans, let me know your tally. As the weather turns colder, be on the lookout for Wooly Worms and let them race. Last year even with strings of warm temperatures, I still skied 118 days. This year my goal is 121, one-third of the year. Time to get those skis out and start prepping for winter, only 11 weeks to go!

WTF - A Social Media Education by my Children

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 19:31:00 +0000

I think I have a different thought process when it comes to social media. My children decided to explain things to me.

"Mom, stop flexing on Instagram," They cry as I take a picture of the Southern Chicken Breakfast Bake Masterpiece and am ready to hit "post the picture."

"Why?" I ask pointing to the skillet on the stove, "LOOK AT THAT!"

"It's embarrassing," They reply.

So what do I do? I post a video to my STORY of them complaining about me over flexing then them cleaning their plate with my masterpiece. They say that's OK because it goes away.

Here's my education per my children:

Snapchat, you can send them pictures but don't post too much to your story. That's called flexing. My children suggest a picture every once in a while. "Oh and Mom, you may want to reply to Snapchats with just a picture of the top of your head." Me. "Why?" (thinking maybe my saggy neck is getting to them?) "That's what everyone else does."

Instagram - "Mom you flex too much." Me. "I put these pictures up because at the end of the year I can get a company to make a hardcover book out of my pictures! See? I'm not a scrap booker, I get someone to do it for me." Kids, "Just don't post any more animals on your walks to you story." Me. "Good compromise."

Facebook - Kids, "Only old people use Facebook." Me. "Good then you won't see me flexing on Facebook because I'm pretty damn funny."

Text Messages - "Who texts anymore?"

"Is that why you always ignore my texts? I see text messaging as saying something to someone and when they don't respond I go into insecure mode!"

Did they not like my text? Do they like me? Did I make them mad? Screw them. I'm never texting again.

Kids, "No why should we respond to everything?"

Me, "Just send me a smiley face or something to make me feel better."

Email - Kids, "What is that?"

Me. Heavy sigh.

Phone Calls - no one talks on the phone anymore. At least I am in agreement with that!

So I'm ahead of the game because I know I can flex on Snapchat and Instagram but behind the game when it comes to email and Facebook - so last year!

Now to get back on my computer and look up: Visco, WhatsApp, and Tinder.

Ha! No Hinge or Tinder for me. But I'm hip enough to know about it.

WTF - Happy Birthday America!

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 04 Jul 2019 15:54:00 +0000

Today, on America's birthday, I put my new flag up proud to be an American. I am proud of this country. An experiment started by our founding fathers, flawed at times but always rising up to do the right thing.

To me the American flag, all of them, are proud symbols of our heritage. Each has its unique and true story as a testament to different parts of our history. There are several ways to understand the flags and their makers. In Philadelphia, the Betsy Ross house still stands where she made our original flag. I was taught in school to look at Betsy Ross as an American Icon, now I see her as one of the original

feminists. Defying the British and creating the symbol for our country. In May of 1776, she met with George Washington, Robert Morris and George Ross and accepted the commission to create the flag. She knew Washington from sewing ruffles and other items for his wardrobe. The flag was finished in June of 1776 ready for July 4th 1776.

In Baltimore, the Star Spangled Banner house is located, where Mary Pickersgill and her mother created the flag that flew over Ft. McHenry during the Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812. The flag that inspired a young lawyer named Frances Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner as he was negotiating a prisoner exchange on a ship in the Inner Harbor. I used to go to the Star Spangled Banner house in downtown Baltimore on school field trips marveling how small the room was where she sewed the flag. Did you know there is a buoy in the Inner Harbor painted red, white and blue? That buoy is where Frances Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner as a prisoner on a ship watching the bombardment of Fort McHenry. That to me is cool, I remember sailing around that buoy several times when I lived in Baltimore.

In the Smithsonian collection at the National Museum of American History, the Star Spangled Banner is displayed. The size of this flag is immense, 30feet by 42feet! When Mary was commission by George Armistead, he wanted a flag so big that the British would have no difficulty seeing it from far. The boys and I went from the small house where Mary made it to looking at the massive flag and learning about all the hard work at preserving it. On the flag you can see where pieces were cut out for different people to keep as mementos including one of the fifteen stars. Some of the original needles are still in the fabric and the initials of Armistead are sewn proudly on the back. Watching workers in white suits meticulously cleaning the flag and preserving is also pretty cool. The history of what happened to the flag after flying over Ft. McHenry is depicted in black and white pictures with the story of Armistead keeping the flag as a triumphant memento of the war later gifting it to its permanent home at the Smithsonian in the American History Museum. Displayed in a glass case for 50 years except for two times during WW2 the flag was further restored and is now displayed in a climate controlled permanent installation. It truly is a sight to see!

So I'm waving my flag proudly because America, like me, has things in our past that maybe we're not proud of but we always rise to do the right thing. God bless America and Happy Birthday!

WTF - Graduation Compartmentalizing

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 07 Jun 2019 13:22:00 +0000

Shit's getting real in this house as Graduation looms. I'm doing my best to compartmentalize things because if I even talk about it, I choke up.

My husband thinks it's funny as he says, "He's only going 45 minutes away!"

But he's going away. The child that used to scream from his crib at 430 in the morning "START DAY!"

So I'm focusing on the things that I can handle.

Wondering where the cap and gown went after the capping ceremony because I can't focus on watching his little brother cap the big brother.

It's easier to focus on finding the cap and gown under the couch downstairs in the kid's room.

Focusing on finding the special cord for being a straight A student and Athlete, because he doesn't care if he wears it but I do.

Trying not to cry during the capping ceremony. Focusing on how bad my back hurt sitting on bleachers for 2 hours and 15 minutes while the same 7 students got all the Senior Awards.

Watching him write out graduation announcements focusing on why App State has to have special beds in the dorms that require you to purchase special sheets. WTH?

Focusing on missing my own fundraiser Bourbon and Bacon rather than watching him cross that stage getting his diploma.

Compartmentalize things is easier than focusing on the big picture. Watching his spread his wings.

WTF - Call Me SAP

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Sun, 19 May 2019 15:52:00 +0000

If anyone knows my family, they know the McKeon side of the family is full of saps.

Case in point, my grandmother could never get through a greeting card without wiping away a tear or two. Every family gathering was not dry when my grandmother would ask my father to sing Mother Machree. Especially the time he prefaced it with, "I think this is the first time I ever sang this sober."

I tried to keep it together during my sisters wedding and erupted with a sob because, well, I'm a sap.

Cue now trying to hold it together as my first born gets ready to leave the nest. Sure I'm all confident as the announcements come in and excuse myself to the bathroom. Then the Senior pictures come through and I'll retire to the deck. I tell myself to hold it together but the McKeon comes out every time.

Why am I tearing up as I make them a post prom brunch, what the heck?

When someone asks me where Wolfgang is going to college. I have to gulp first before answering.

Writing out graduation announcements.

Hiding behind Jeff as we take Senior Prom pictures.

Because I still see the little kid that would yell from his room at 4 o'clock in the morning, "Start day!"

The kid who's head was too big so he couldn't balance to walk and scooted across the floor. I'm still amazing we never nicknamed him Scooter.

Waiting on the front porch for the bus to come by.

Beanie.

I said to Jeff the other day, "How am I going to handle this? I'm a McKeon and you know all us Irish are total SAPS! I'm not going to make it through graduation.

"Believe me, you won't be the only one crying," is his reply. He's right, I'll be in good company.

I guess I'll just quietly hold it together, watch them grow wings and hope I did a good job. Then let the McKeon side take over.

WTF - Obsession is that bad?

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 17 May 2019 12:42:00 +0000

My children came home from school, checked the mailbox and walked in with a package for me.

"Ah! That's my delivery from Scribe Delivery! My new pens and notebooks!" Disclaimer, most writers are obsessed with pens and notebooks, basically all types of office supplies.

They look at my pile of new notebooks, the pens overflowing the holder, and the box of pens by the side of my "writing chair."

"Mom. we need to talk to you." One child says.

I'm thinking, "OK I've been slacking in the lunch department." or, "I'm still not washing your sheets, that's your job."

"What do we need to talk about?" I ask.

They look at each other, "The newest obsession."

"What are you talking about?" I ask. Me? Obsessed? Maybe a few TV series or a few vampire novels, but I'm not obsessed with anything!

"You're into the pen and notebook obsession," one child says.

"Yeah, this was before the coconut oil obsession," another says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

They explain to me my cycle. I have the obsession, then I move onto the next thing.

There was the healthy smoothie obsession, where I made morning smoothies of chia seeds, beets, veggies, fruits, vinegar, lemon, turmeric, CBD oil whatever I could find. Oh, and of course the collagen for weight loss and hair growth. That lasted a few months.

Then they mentioned the Raramuri runners obsession after reading Born to Run. I was obsessed with salad for breakfast. They didn't like the waking to a breakfast of Spinach salad with a side of Flax seeds..

One of their friends said, "My Mom was obsessed with making chapstick. I walked into the kitchen at 3am and she was making Chapstick. I said 'What are you doing?' she replied, 'Christmas is 6 months away!"'

They counted off another obsession.

"Remember the I'm going to make my own greeting cards obsession," one asked. "We went to Michaels and you bought about 50 stamps, blank cards and told us it was cheaper to make your own card. How many cards did you make?" I wasn't answering three cards and the ink leaked all over my favorite shirt.

"And the painting obsession?" Another asked. Another Michaels trip buying canvases, 200 dollars worth of paint, then trying my best Bob Ross and realizing I really didn't have the talent.

"We like this obsession now," they both say together.

The latest obsession is born out of having one graduating this year from high school. I went from being lazy and throwing the ham and cheese sandwiches into their lunch to ending the school year strong. Years past they'd find a grape halved for their fruit, a moldy piece of brownie for desert then that damn sandwich.

This year, I'm obsessed with bowls. Putting all my cooking goodness together in one bowl (not mentioning the 3876 dirty pans in the kitchen.) I'm making bowls for dinner, bowls for their lunch. They've had the Asian bowl- teriyaki salmon with coconut rise and sautéed green beans. The Southwestern Bowl - fajita chicken with chili black beans, yellow rise, salsa and sour cream. The Pad Thai bowl of Shrimp, Peppers with egg, pad thai sauce and rice noodles. My most artistic was the sushi bowl-sushi rice, imitation crab, chopped avocado and cucumbers sprinkled with sesame seeds. (I had to steal a few soy packets from the grocery store for that one."

So they are lucky at this obsession, they are eating well and actually looking forward to their lunches on a daily basis. I'm enjoying making the food and feeling the small sense of being in control with all the monumental things happening in my life, one driving, another graduating!

I've been lucky that some obsessions stayed with me, my yoga passion and becoming a teacher. My reading though my husband may differ as he steps over all the books on my reading list. My writing, and you're welcome because you are here reading this. I have been informed by my husband that I cannot have another expensive hobby as I eyed the golf clubs in the Pro Shop of the Beech Mountain Club.

So whatever your obsession is - Chapstick, Bowls, Greeting Cards down to Spirulina Smoothies take it for what is it, some stick and it's a good thing and others end up in the pantry next to the paint supplies and the 16 tubes of Saran Wrap from the "trying to shrink my belly" obsession.

I'll just go ahead and hide the bee keeping supplies in the forest. Making my own honey is healthier right?

Can you name any obsession you can laugh about?

WTF - Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 10 May 2019 19:38:00 +0000

Back when my boys were little, they always celebrated Mother's Day.

One year they brought a piece of toast and a Miller Lite for breakfast in Bed.

Another year, they loaded all their compliments on Alexa and let her do all the talking.

Another year, they just crawled into bed with me and declared "no one is moving for the day."

It's special to me celebrating with my children, but there's a small part of me that's sad on Mother's Day. Especially this one with so many monumental things happening this year.

One turning 18.

One getting his Learner's Permit

One Graduating

One moving out to go to college.

It's times like these that make me miss my Mom. To call her and have her help me hold it together as my children celebrate getting older and I'm forced to continue to let go.

If I saw her for Mother's Day, I'd tell her how much Wolfgang looks like Dad. I'd expect her to tell me to pull it together as I get weepy when writing out graduation announcements. Maybe she'd take Max out driving just to save me the heart attack, probably not.

I know she'd be here for the upcoming Graduation, she'd be there at the beach this summer as we celebrate Jeff's 60th birthday. Hell, she'd probably be moving to Beech Mountain for the summer because she'd be retired.

I miss talking to her about kids, about lessons learned, about marriage. I miss not being able to call her and ask, "Is this normal?" as my body changes again - sometimes not for the best!

I'll go back to my email and find that folder of all her emails, re reading them and hearing her voice again. I'll look at pictures and smile remembering when she said we had to "act cool" going into a club we didn't belong to and tripping through the front door. Or smile when she called me from a business trip to California telling me how nice her hotel room was:

"You won't believe it. There's all kind of food and a refrigerator full of beer and liquor. I can't eat all the food, but I went ahead and put most of the refrigerator stuff in my luggage!"

When you lose parents, it's these holidays that make you stop and find gratitude that you had that time with Mom. Then just like all the monumental things happening this year have the courage to let it go and tuck it away in that little box of what you don't want to deal with right now. Smile as the Miller Lite and piece of toast you received when the kids were little are now Eagle Rare Bourbon and Sourdough Toast.

For those Moms out there, enjoy! Enjoy the time with your kids and your time with your Mom because you never realize how fast it goes until you're looking at Graduation announcements saying, "What the hell?"

Happy Mother's Day. I'm going to brunch at Beech Mountain Club because my son is working there and wants "to cook me something."

Holding it together right now, making Mom proud.

Takeaway from Yesterday's Town Council Meeting

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 14:03:00 +0000

Yesterday’s Council meeting was well attended and resulted in several significant decisions and useful information. For those of you unable to attend, Council meetings are now being live streamed over the internet so you can watch without being there.

As a first item, Tim and Robert addressed the circumstances surrounding the water valve incident at Buckeye prior to Thanksgiving. Using the questions I submitted to the Council, they handed out a response sheet and did a summary presentation. In brief, it is clear to me that there was a lot of misinformation spread about the incident (further addressed below) and the Town handled the entire issue appropriately.

Here are the facts addressed. Because Buckeye Reservoir is a stream impoundment, the Army Corps of Engineers requires the Town to keep a certain water flow in Buckeye Creek below the dam. The valve, installed in 1984, is a 4 foot by 4 foot gate about 37 feet under water, controlled by a long iron pipe and screw gate. It is regularly opened to release water. On October 15, representatives of the Town met with representatives of various federal agencies to seek a change in the minimum release requirements. As part of that issue, the Town was asked to install stream flow gauges, as well as inspect and operate the valve. The Town retained an experienced dive contractor to complete this operation. The work needed to be done in the fall in case there was a release, to allow the Laketo refill. Town employees were aware of the risks involved in operating the valve.

The contractor’s divers worked filming and operating the valve on November 20. At some point in the operation the valve rod bent due to water pressure, leaving the valve partially open and causing water to flow at a high rate of speed through the valve. A diver working to determine what had occurred was sucked partially into the gate and became stuck. In a 4 hour rescue operation, involving about 45 people, the diver was rescued. The valve, however, could not be closed until the Lake was drained. Once the Lakewas drained, the valve was closed and is now stuck in that position. The valve is operational, but the mechanism to open and close it will need to be entirely rebuilt.

The Town immediately declared a water emergency and implemented its emergency plans. The total cost of responding was about $60,800. An after action meeting has occurred and several issues requiring corrective action identified and implemented. Chief Pudney stated that this was an extraordinary rescue and many similar incidents result in death. Fortunately, this diver has recovered. Various individuals were recognized at the meeting for their efforts during the rescue.

In other business, new appointments to various Town boards will be made in January and anyone interested in applying should do so. A motion for the Town to financially support the Resort’s bus service failed for lack of a second, but in subsequent discussion it was clear that a majority of the Council believes this is an issue better left to the TDA. By motion, the Council has agreed to allow a second public comment period at the end of each Council session, but only for those items addressed in the agenda. Finally, Council has set a public hearing on the proposed leash law ordinance for the January meeting. It is clear that the proposed ordinance currently has a 3 (Renee, Wendell and Barry) vote majority, but please make your thoughts known to Council. The annual planning retreat will take place in Council chambersJanuary 15 and the public is invited to attend, as well as submit issues and suggestions to Council prior to the meeting.

Finally, a personal note. It was clear to me from public comments yesterday that social media is the 21^st century equivalent of the game of telephone and should not be trusted when it comes to Town issues. If you see something on social media about Town matters, please do not further broadcast it until you have confirmed it with a Town employee or elected official. Two examples will illustrate the problem. First, much of the information spread about the valve problem was simply wrong. Second, the Town and TDA purchased one large ornament. There are no plans to purchase any others and any suggestion to the contrary are also wrong. Please do not spread false information on social media. Thanks and I look forward to seeing everyone at the January meeting.

WTF - Getting Ready for the Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 14:04:00 +0000

Guys! They are calling for the possibility of two feet of snow in the High Country, or maybe not or maybe more! Gotta love North Carolina weather! If you want to take a break from skiing here’s some great things happening in area resorts:

Appalachian Ski Mountain - Burton Ringlet Park Tour - The Burton Riglet Park Tour is a mobile product demo and mini-snowboard park geared towards introducing children as young as 2 to the sport of snowboarding. A custom children’s learning terrain area will be provided at the base of ASM and Burton Snowboard experts will be offering a free “introductory terrain park experience” for children ages 2 to 6. Registration starts at 9am - noon. This is a free event but a helmet is required. Ice skating is also available.

Jones House Christmas Tree Lighting - Come to the community center from 5-8pm m on Friday for the lighting of the tree. Christmas music, Christmas goodies.

Watauga Christmas Parade - Come Saturday and enjoy all the sights and sounds of the holidays with the parade down Main Street in Boone. The parade runs from 11-1pm with SANTA!

Watauga Community Band Annual Holiday Concert - this free concert is Saturday at ASU - Rosen Concert Hall, Broyhill Music Center from 7-830pm.

Tweetsie Christmas - Tweetsie Railroad is decked out with Christmas lights for the train ride. A great holiday event, sessions are timed and open for all ages. Tickets are 38/per person children under 2 are free.

Sugar Mountain Sugarfest - Fest runs Dec 7 - 9th Come meet 1992 Olympic figure skating silver medalist Paul Wylie live music with Glen Harlow & North Fork Band, fireworks, preseason adult ski clinic, EDGE of the WORLD mini-games, appearances by Sweetie and Sugar Bear! For the schedule visit http://www.skisugar.com/sugarfest/

Banner Elk Small Town Christmas Weekend - festivities include a 5K run, breakfast with Santa, lighting the yule log, lighting the community Christmas tree. Fun for all ages. For the schedule visit https://www.bannerelk.com/members/small-town-christmas/

Beech Mountain Resort - Get some great winter storm skiing this weekend, ice skating is now open. With 6 inches of fresh snow and snowmaking temperatures, all week look for more terrain to open soon. Snowmaking on the tubing runs is in action as well.

Beech Mountain Brewing Beer Release Party - Come to Bodegas in Banner Elk at 5pm for Beech Mountain Brewery & Sierra Nevada’s launch of their Beer Camp Beech Season IPA. Live music from Handlebar Betty, food specials and a silent auction benefitting the Wooly Worm Festival (canceled the second day because of hurricane damage)

RECklESS Rail Jam Presented By Recess - Come to ride and have fun or come to watch these people throw it down. This is a free event in the Park of Beech Mountain Resort open to snowboarders of all levels. Basic rail setup. Running from 9-5pm

Grandfather Mountain is offering dollar days for the month of the December. All local residents with a proof address can enter the park for $3/each. Visitors with Christmas trees on their car or a receipt from a local farm also receive a discount.

Catalooche - Come Thursday night for Backcountry Film Festival @ Sierra Nevada Brewing with Raffle Benefitting the Asheville Ski & Development Team. Tickets are $10/each or $12 at the door. Enjoy 9 films along with a raffle benefitting Asheville Ski Club Ski & Development Team.

Warren Haynes Christmas Jam - in nearby Asheville, enjoy a two-day music festival of music! Jam runs Friday and Saturday with daily and two day passes available. This year’s Christmas Jam House will be built in Asheville Area Habitat for Humanity’s newest neighborhood, Curry Court in Candler, which will become home to 12 families and will include both single family homes as well as townhomes. This jam, in its 29th year, has raised over 2.3 million for Habitat for Humanity.

There’s always plenty to do on the snow and off the snow in North Carolina!

Buckeye Reservoir Questions to Town Council

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 13:06:00 +0000

This is an email going around the town of Beech Mountain on our water situation. I wanted to share it with you in case you didn't see it. Big thanks to Urs for getting this moving for the December Town Council Meeting. If you are not on the email chain, let me know and I can forward email addresses.

As discussed with Renee, I have drafted a series of questions, attached, answers to which I believe are the minimum needed for taxpayers to have a better understanding of how this incident happened and how to prevent similar events. While I still believe an outside investigation is needed, I hope that these answers and the documentary evidence will

suffice. If any questions are unclear, please let me know. Urs

In order to better understand the facts and circumstances surrounding the loss of water at Buckeye Lake on November 20, 2018 and to ensure we are better prepared in the future, answers to the following questions are needed. In all cases, any documents supporting the relevant answers need to be provided. Any references to Town employees include contractors working for the Town under pre-existing contracts, such as contracts with West Consultants.

The Valve

1. When was the valve at issue installed?

2. What is the valve’s purpose?

3. What state or federal regulatory agencies have any jurisdiction over the valve or its functioning?

4. When was the last time, prior to the day of the incident, that the valve had been opened and closed?

5. What correspondence has the Town had in the past three years with any state or federal agencies about the valve?

The Dive Contract

1. What prompted the Town to contract with a dive company to inspect the valve?

2. Was there a Request for Proposal issued by the Town?

3. If so, describe the scope of work in the RFP.

4. How many bidders were there for the contract?

5. What was the scope of work in the final signed contract?

6. Who selected the contractor?

7. Was the contractor required to have general liability insurance?

8. When was the contract to be performed?

9. Who was to supervise the scope of work?

10. Was the contractor tasked to open and close the valve?

11. If so, was there any discussion about the possible adverse consequences to water levels at Buckeye Lake if the valve could not be closed?

12. Was there any discussion about using a coffer dam or other method to isolate the valve from the lake to facilitate inspection?

The Incident

1. What employees of the Town were present while the divers were at Buckeye Lake?

2. Describe, using eyewitness testimony, what occurred at Buckeye Lake on November 20, 2018, starting from when the divers arrived until the diver was rescued.

3. What, if any, instructions did the divers receive from any Town employee on November 20, 2018, prior to the diver’s leg becoming entangled?

4. Who decided to open the valve on November 20, 2018?

5. Was there any discussion on November 20 about the possible adverse consequences to Buckeye Lake levels if the valve could not be closed?

6. Was there an emergency plan in place in the event that the valve could not be closed?

Emergency Response

1. Did the Town have a written emergency plan to deal with a sudden loss of water at Buckeye Lake?

2. If so, was that plan executed?

3. If so, what were the parameters of that plan?

4. What was the total cost to the Town to supply water by tanker and to supply bottled water?

5. Has there been an after action meeting of Town employees about the incident and the response?

6. If so, what deficiencies were identified?

7. If so, what changes, if any, were proposed to any Town policies or emergency plans?

Beech Mountain - Questions and Answers About Our State Of Emergency

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 17:38:00 +0000

As many know and experienced, Beech Mountain had state of emergency over the Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend resulting in water shortages.

Residents pulled together, conserving as much water as they could helping the town get through this emergency! Shout out to the residents!

The town did a fine job of keeping the water flowing, including bringing water up in tanker trucks while working round the clock over a holiday weekend closing the valve and getting our water levels back up to acceptable by Sunday.

I asked Tim Holloman a few questions and thought I would share with you the results.

Many people are asking why this work was done during a holiday week when we knew the mountain was going to be busy. It would be nice for the town to let us know. Was this the only time we could get a diver? Was it a maintenance schedule?

"Kelly, thanks for reaching out. The time for this work was carefully thought out and dependent on the contractor’s work schedule. The months of September, October and November are the best in regards to surface and groundwater recharge. The work was supposed to be clean, video and assess. No repair work was planned. This is just one of many routine projects and we don’t notify the public unless it has any effect on the operation. If there was no accident, nothing would have been impacted. The Town uses divers on a regular basis to clean water tanks, etc. This is part of trying to reduce the amount of water that we have to release on a regular basis and to be in compliance with our existing state permit. This, in turn, affects the larger project of trying to get a freshwater intake to the Watauga River."

There are many also saying that we had the grant to get this fixed four years ago but the town didn't want to spend the money. Included in this is that the valve hadn't been serviced in 10 years.

"I’m not aware of any grant that we didn’t get or use. I believe that prior councils had been informed of the work that needed to be done, but was not funded. If I find out differently, I will follow up."

I heard the diver had broken limbs and surgery and wanted to see if this was true also. All the news reports said just hypothermia.

"No broken limbs and he was released Wednesday evening from the hospital."
Kelly - (THIS IS AMAZING NEWS! THANK GOD!)
Kelly - I also talked to some of the first responders. The diver was on an umbilical cord type oxygen so there was no worry of air running out. First responders pumped warm water to the diver keeping hypothermia at bay. Another shout out to our First Responders and their hard work saving this man's life!

Also, has this now solved the problem? Or is it part of other items.

"The problem with the gate is not fixed, just closed. Engineers and staff are working on the fix and there is no document available at this time. The “looksee” was the purpose of the divers to craft a plan and document for repair at a later date."

I saw most of the Press Releases on Facebook, so if you are not a friend of the town you may want to add them to your friend list.

Here is the town of Beech Mountain Facebook Page

Make sure, if you haven't, sign up for CodeRed phone calls from the town. This is a great way to stay informed on everything from events affecting traffic to road closures, to public works work to everything that happened this past weekend.

Now go ahead and finish your laundry congratulating yourself and the Town of Beech Mountain for pulling this one out!

Would love to hear your thoughts or other questions?

WTF - Cold Weather Driving

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Mon, 19 Nov 2018 22:04:00 +0000

Plan A or B for That Trip

Traveling to ski resorts takes some planning. From getting your equipment together to getting the family in the car on time to get to the slopes on time. I always start my winter season with planning on Plan B, C, or D when it means traveling to the slopes. That means putting together my winter kit for my car.

What is a winter kit? It is a kit for the trunk of your car for winter travel. We all know that driving the roads of ski resorts can be tricky during winter weather and have read news about road closures due to accidents. Keep a few things in your car in case you could get stuck on your way to a ski resort or the time to travel is much longer than expected.

I buy a grocery store cooler type bag for my kit. This is a square bag with a silver lining designed for summer keeping perishables from spoiling. The cooler type bag will keep things dry and separated from the other items of your trunk.

In my box, I keep:

First Aid Kit

Several blankets, if you get stuck and there are several people in the car you may want to conserve gas by turning the car off at times. This provides warmth for each person in the car.

Hand Warmers - there is nothing more comforting than a nice pair of hand warmers.

Several pairs of hats and gloves - you will thank me when changing a tire on a frozen day.

Bottles of water - even if they get frozen, keep several in your car. A car once went off the road during winter and no one saw it down the embankment until a day later. Luckily she had bottles of water!

Granola bars - keep them in a plastic bag so the bears do not smell them during their fall foraging trips.

Flashlights and extra batteries

Battery Powered Radio

Kitty Litter - I buy the 5 lb bucket. This is perfect if you get stuck, the litter providing traction. The bucket also adds extra weight for travel.

Booster Cables and Flares

Matches and Small Candles

A Fully Charged portable battery for cell phones

A lot of people keep a 2x4 in the trunk of the car for protection if needed but it also becomes a great accessory if a car gets stuck in the snow or mud. Tie the 2x4 to the tire, it will give the tire added traction.

Finally always fill the gas tank prior to climbing a mountain! In my book Views From 5506, I never go up the mountain without at least a 3/4 tank during winter. My son learned it the hard way. He ran out of gas, a local stopped and asked if they were alright. He said he ran out of gas, the guy laughed, called them rookies and left them to figure it out. Lesson learned.

Of course, if you don’t feel like doing all the work, there’s plenty of emergency survival kids available through amazon.com and other outlets. A quick Google search will show many results.

I know this sounds like a lot. But once you move from moderate temperatures to where temperatures can turn extreme it is always a good idea to be over prepared! Keep this kit in the garage and put it in your car for your trips up to the slopes, or simply keep it in there for the winter season. Once summer rolls along, I usually pair it down with summer necessities or switch it out for my summer kit.

Don’t get caught wishing you had a Plan B when Plan A on the road doesn’t work out.

WTF - Why I Put Up Christmas Decorations Early

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Thu, 08 Nov 2018 14:11:00 +0000

12:01 November 1st and as soon as I walk into Lowes Hardware there are Christmas trees everywhere! Seriously, the first truckload of Christmas trees has already traveled down Main Street Banner Elk.

Wait a minute, isn't it still fall?

Don't we have to get past Thanksgiving first?

My son sent me this.

Of course not, Hallmark has already started it's Christmas movies full of matching pajamas, hot cocoa in front of the fire, and of course horse-drawn sleighs.

Not me, I say. I'm keeping my fall decorations!

Until Mother Nature had a better idea.

Two days past Halloween every single flower on my mums was gone.

Eaten.

My hubby looked at the green stalks declaring, "Now that's a plant."

But I wasn't going to give up, I still had my pumpkins.....

Sort of.

I noticed one pumpkin had been attacked that night, the side of it looking like a werewolf from Halloween ripped it open. But that's OK, I just turned it around.

Until the next night, it was split open and someone feasted on its gooey insides.

Still undaunted I moved my last remaining pumpkin up on my deck, figuring that will keep it intact until Thanksgiving, right?

Wrong.

The squirrel was stealthy. I could see the pumpkin outside my kitchen window while I sipped my Pumpkin Spice coffee. Looked normal enough.

Until the head popped out.

Of the hole in the back. The damn squirrel was inside my pumpkin eating!

But that's OK, the outside still looked fine.

For two more days, then the entire thing collapsed.

Mums gone, pumpkins are gone. I put out my fake pumpkins, figuring that will last until Thanksgiving.

Right?

Nope, someone took them and made off with them.

I can see the bear looking at my pumpkins thinking, "Wow, those look perfect." Running off with them into the woods only to find they are made of styrofoam.

Oh well, I wonder if the animals eat mistletoe?

When do you officially give up on fall decorations and get out the Christmas tree?

WTF - Pelman Story - Don't Tase Me Dude!

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 26 Oct 2018 01:34:00 +0000

Inspired by my brother in law Gary and a few incidents at school! Enjoy!

What did you say, Officer?

Jack and Penny walked into the Pelman on a cold 62-degree day for Pearlington, MS. Big Daddy with his afternoon shine at the table, Peggy Lou with a big plate of cocktail wienies on the table between them, her martini in a tall glass with “foxy lady” painted on the front.

“Do you have a cocktail wienie radar, Jack?” Big Daddy asked, “The minute this plate of hot goodness hit the table you come walking in.”

Jack moved over to the pantry, first finding the mason jar of shine, grabbing a juice and pouring a healthy shot. Everything about Jack was dramatic that day, down to the pouring of his libation. Penny sat at the table as Jack downed the shot, coughed, then poured another one. “Darlin?” Peggy said gaining Jack’s attention so he would pour her a glass.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m still so stressed. I can’t believe I almost forgot about you, baby.” He poured her a shot, added a little more to his glass moving to the kitchen table.

“Jesus Jack, you are not spending the night are you?” Big Daddy asked looking at the amount of shine in Jack’s glass.

Jack sat next to his wife, taking a big sip from his glass, explained the healthy shot, “We almost got shot today Big Daddy! Shot I say!”

The room stilled, the drama sitting in the corner with the usual Pelman gamily gorilla in the room. Everyone took a sip from their glass, Big Daddy looked at his son in law and daughter saying, “How did that happen? Were you two caught again in public?”

Jack Quickly replied, “Now Big Daddy we have our own testing lab at work now. That doesn’t happen anymore. No, we almost died at Dillon’s school.”

Big Daddy replied, “What were you doing at Dillon’s school, does Gay and Myrtle know you were there?”

Penny nodded, “Yes, Dillon invited us as part of career day. Otis was there talking about real estate, Gay demonstrated hair cutting techniques, he even brought in a few zombies from the set of Catfish Hunters From Hell. The kids were very impressed. Otis brought his rental contracts in and went over all the different ways his tenants are getting out of their contracts and screwing him on the deposit. I don’t think the 5th graders understood.

Did you know that Otis has one room in his condo building he rents by the hour? He says he gets a lot of truckers that need a quick nap before moving through town. And some even clean the room so he doesn’t have to? He says he still keeps their 50 dollar cleaning fee anyway. Otis said he made close to 10K last year telling the kids in the class it is all about marketing, if you don’t market then you’re in the shit.”

Big Daddy thought about this, “Yes, we market our product quietly, marketing is everything.”

Peggy Lou’s eyebrows went up, “You two were there talking about your careers?”

Jack shook his head, “No, but that would be a great lecture. All the testing that goes into our products and how we were able to get a 98.2 percentage failure rate up two points from 98%. That’s a lesson in math, and business, and love!” He looked over to his Penny who blushed.

Penny added in, “But we weren’t there as part of career day.”

“Would have been an interesting career day,” Jack said.

“You got that right,” Big Daddy answered.

“Were there substitute teaching for Healthful Living for the 7th grade,” Penny said, “But we did stick a little business in there for career day. So the kids got a double shot from us! We even told them all the mistakes we made that built our large family. But every child is gift from God.”

“Yes, they are even if we were not ready for them” Jack added, “I mean I really thought I had the time to finish wallpapering the trailer before Shannon came along, but as everyone knows, we’re fertile.”

“Amen,” Penny and Peggy Lou said together.

“How does teaching healthful living almost get you shot?” Big Daddy asked trying to follow Jack’s logic.

So Otis and Gay were there?” Peggy Lou asked, “Did they get shot?”

“No, no one got shot, but we almost did. They helped us thought,” Penny said.

Jack hung his head, looking over to his wife, “I must admit, I made a few mistakes.”

“Mistakes?” Peggy Lou asked.

“Yeah, things just didn’t work the way I thought. Part of my presentation included raising funds for My Confederacy. I made sure I wore my re-enactment uniform to teach them about our history and the importance of it,” Jack said.

Big Daddy and Peggy Lou nodded, “Yes, our Southern history is important even if you are wearing the uniform of the other side.”

Jack nodded, saying, “We all know I was named after that as Jackson, but I need to be proud of who I am.”

“Ulysses S. Grant didn’t have a gun, so who was shooting at you?” Big Daddy asked.

Jack took another sip of his shine, “It wasn’t my gun, it was a total misunderstanding.”

Penny added in, “It didn’t help that Darlene, that prepper, was in charge of the carpool line.”

Big Daddy lost his temper, “What the hell happened?”

Jack went into his story, his hand slightly shaking as he talked, “So, after career day, we were leaving and Gay got a call that one of his actors on Catfish Zombies quit mid-episode and in full hair and makeup. They needed him out there to get the standby settled in.” Jack looked over to his wife, “Gay told me he can take any type of flour, including whole wheat and turn it into zombie paint. It has something to do with…”

“Jackson, back to the point,” Big Daddy said exasperatedly.

“We, that means Penny and I, told Gay to go ahead and go, we’ll get the boys since we are here at the school anyway. It was already too late for us to go back for more testing at the factory and we missed those days waiting in the carpool line.” Penny said.

“Most of our time we were the last ones coming into the carpool line, and coming in hot,” Jack said.

“The carpool line honey,” Peggy Lou urged Jack on after seeing Big Daddy’s face turn red.

Jack went back to the subject, “So the carpool line. We move our car behind Otis’s black SUV, he’s there picking up his grandchild Airwrecka. Who names a child that?”

“It’s pronounced Erica, a lot of people name their child that,” Penny said to her husband, “She’s just trying to stand out.”

“The story,” Big Daddy grunted out.

“So we are all waiting together, there in the carpool line. I will not say we shared a little Fountain of Youth while waiting, but it was just a little. You know talking in front of a bunch of kids can be pretty nerve-wracking,” Jack said.

“How does this equate to guns being pulled?” Big Daddy asked.

“Well, you know how I love to multi-task. Test the condoms watch the Walking Dead Marathon. Wait in carpool, get errands done,” Jack said.

“Yeah, so what does,” Big Daddy started.

Jackson held up his hand, “I told Otis we are a good 30 minutes before the kids come out. I’m going to run over to Ye Olde Tackle Shop next door. I asked him to save my space, as Myrtle and Penny were already inside the school trying to sign out kids out early.” He looked over to Penny, “I can’t believe Gay does not have us on the sign out sheet at school. What if something happens to Marshall or Dillon and he’s out in the bayou shooting movies and Myrtle cannot be reached? They know you but still made you produce an ID that you are a Pelman THEN tell you that you cannot check the boys out? Delmar put Otis on the sign out sheet for Airwrecka but didn’t add us there either. Do you think they think we are irresponsible?”

“For Pete’s sake Jack, if you do not get back to the story, I’m going to choke you,” Big Daddy said.

“So leave Otis with my Hummer and head over to Ye Olde Tackle Shop,” Jack says.

“I know Ye Old Tackle shop, he’s one of my back door distributors,” Big Daddy said.

Jack nodded, “Yes, and he always gives me a good deal when I go in there, something we trade favors especially when Gunther Hoestin got married. I mean, really? Who combines tackle and fishing as part of their bachelor party?”

“A tackle shop owner dear,” Penny replied.

“So you left the school parking lot and walked over to the tackle shop? You don’t fish?” Peggy Lou asked.

“Right,” Jack said, “I went to visit with Tatum and his brother Russell about a few things. They always take such good care of me and participate in all of our civil war re-enactments. I’m busy visiting with when I hear the school bell go off and I’m late. It usually takes 10 minutes after the bell for the carpool line starts moving, I knew I had plenty of time to walk back to my car. Plus Otis and I were pretty far back in line, I swear the people in the front of the line have to drop their child off then circle the school and get back in the carpool line.” Jack looked over to Penny, “The carpool lines reminds me of the lines outside the liquor store when the good bourbon gets in, a lot of people arguing about who’s first and how slow the line moves along.”

“I’m still lost at where the shots fired come in,” Peggy Lou said.

Jack continues his story, “So as I am leaving, Tatum reminds me he finished my project and it is ready to go. Did you know he also has a full essential oil selection in the drawers in the back of the tackle shop? If I had more time I’d stay and try out his Calm Blend but I had to get back to the boys. He knows I’m running behind and just hands me my stuff and tells me to come back and pay him later. If I don’t he’ll just take the payment out of the Fountain of Youth fund.”

“You better pay your bills,” Big Daddy says.

“I always pay my bills one way or another,” Jack replies, “So I’m running toward the carpool line hoping it wasn’t moving yet. Pissed off parents in the carpool line are worst that Yanks on the battlefield.

Big Daddy picked up a cocktail wienie, admired it then popped it into his mouth. Carpool and tackle shop, what a combination.

Jack reached for a wienie, Big Daddy slapping his hand away. “Finish your story, I need to know if I should expect the police at my house tonight.”

Jack went back to his shine, saying, “So I go running back with my packages and as I’m moving to my spot in the carpool line a bunch of Moms start pointing to me screaming. Me! Most of them even know me, I’m harmless. Except for you,” he said to Penny with a wink.

Jack added, “I look over to Otis and he looks sheepish, slinking down in the seat of his car. The moms are pointing to me, on their cellphones. I have no idea what is going on.”

“Then.”

“Can you believe it?” Jack asks the silent room.

“What?” Big Daddy asks breathlessly.

“So the school officer comes out with a gun yelling at me, Don’t move or we’ll shot!”

Penny crosses herself, “Swear to God.”

“I’m looking like what the hell is going on, I’m just a little late to get into my car in the carpool line, is that warrant of shooting me? Otis is no help, I look over to him and he’s almost on the floor of his SUV pretending no one is pointing a gun at me. Penny is coming back out of the school because mind you, Gay did not put us on his sign out sheet so we have to wait in the carpool line. And honestly, what difference does it make when we sign them out early or wait in the carpool line. Are they every checking IDs when it comes to carpool, I think not.”

“I’m still confused about why they are pointing guns at you,” Big Daddy says.

“They then say, ‘Drop the weapon’ and I have no idea what they are talking about,” Jack says, “I say ‘What weapon’ glad the uniform I’m wearing is dark because I’ve actually slightly peed myself.”

Big Daddy scoots his chair away.

Jack is long in his story, “So I yell ‘I have no weapons” with their guns pulled they point.”

“I think I am going to die. I wonder what they are pointing at?” Jack says.

“What are they pointing at?” Peggy Lou asks.

“Then I realize it is not a gun because none of the guns I own would fit into the time period of the re-enactments I perform. They are pointing to the two sabers I’m holding.” I look over to the school and all the little kids' faces are plastered to the windows as the teachers are trying to put the kids in lockdown.

“Drop the knives,” the policeman yells.

“They are not knives,” I yell back, “They are sabers. Don’t they realize these are period weapons from the Civil War? That I use them in my re-enactments?”

Otis, I think sensing my discomfort about the possibility of being killed, gets out of his car, “Officer, I’m Otis Pelman and I own…”

The school officer yells, “Don’t move.” I can hear the cop cars in the distance. This school resource officer means business.

“Drop the knives!” He yells at me again, this time I figure I’ll educate him later about the difference between guns and sabers and drop my newly sharpened sabers to the asphalt of the parking lot. As I drop the sabers, one falls toward me and everyone knows Ye Olde Tackle Shop is meticulous about sharpening tools so I jump so it doesn’t cut me. Plus I didn’t want it to cut my uniform. I’ve paid a lot of money to keep everything authentic.”

Penny jumped in, “So he jumps and the next thing I know my husband gets tased. Can you believe it? He drops down to the parking lot and starts flopping around like a seal, his mouth gaping. And I’m like, ‘oh my God he’s gonna get dirt on that uniform!’ So while Jack here is doing the worm on the ground, Otis steps toward him with a ‘what the hell’ and the carpool police tase him too!”

“It was the most god-awful feeling Big Daddy. I felt like I was on fire!” Jack’s hand’s shook as he sipped his shine. “I look over to Otis who looks like me writhing on the ground and he yells, ‘You got me into this Jack!’ I can’t say anything because my mouth won’t move.”

“What did you do?” Big Daddy asked forgetting about the cocktail wienies.

“So I let the rent a cop zip-tie me because I’m not getting tased again, and at this point there are five cop cars into the parking lot, bypassing all the other carpoolers waiting for their children. I’m thinking what a hell of a way to get to the head of the carpool line.”

“The rent a cop is pushing my sabers out of the way and I’m like ‘hey, I just had those sharpened. They are expensive!’ But he doesn’t look at me, he’s busy zip-tieing Otis.” Jack says.

Penny adds, “I did tell them to not scratch the sabers.”

Jack looks to his wife, “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too,” replies Penny.

“What happened next?” Big Daddy asked calming down that tragedy was averted his attention back to the cocktail wienies.

“Otis and I wake up in the back of a police car. Penny is out there zip-tied talking to a police officer. Otis is saying ‘I’ve got to kick out a tenant today for raising geese in my backyard. I don’t have time for this shit.’ He looks at me as the policeman looks in the window. ‘It’s all his fault,’ he says gesturing his head toward me. He threw me under the bus! My other brother in law? Especially since we are zip-tied together in the police car!”

Big Daddy nods, “Yes, he will lose his bond on the Heaven’s Gate nursing home if he gets arrested.”

“So Otis is sweet talking the police as another picks up my sabers. Darlene, that damn prepper is coming at me with a Glock in her hand. I’m yelling, ‘she’s got a gun!’ but the policeman tells me she’s got a license and she’s trained with the Pearlington police department as they made her an honorary deputy. She’s sticking her head in the window, ‘You’re not going to kill our children, not on my watch!”

Jack sighs, “I yell back, ‘I don’t want to kill your children. I’m just getting my sabers.’ But she’s busy checking my zip ties, are they tight enough?”

“Thank God, Chief Fontaine comes over to the car, he opens the door where I’m sitting and looks at me.”

“What the hell,” he asks me, “Now you and I know this is all big misunderstanding but it is illegal to have weapons in a school safe zone. Why the knives?”

“They are not knives, they are sabers and I just had them sharpened at Ye Olde Tackle Shop,” I tell Officer Fontaine.

“Sabres qualify as a weapon. So I’m going to haul ya’ll off and drop you at the station and we will leave it at that,” Officer Fontaine says.

Dixie, the prepper jumps in, “Well Officer Fontaine, that will be a problem. See their cars are in the carpool lane and if we leave them then no one can get around them to get their children. That will cause a big problem getting all of our children home safely.”

Officer Fontaine looked between Dixie and me and Otis saying, I guess I could let you go, keep your names out of the paper. I could do this if you put in a good word for me with Big Daddy. He’s cut me off since I got drunk and went through town playing Paul Revere yelling about lights. Not the only time I get a bottle of shine is through my deputy.”

Jack took another sip of his shine looking to Big Daddy, “See I could have been killed, and I was tased, and Otis isn’t talking to me because I was so good at multitasking. My sabers are evidence down at the sheriff’s office and I may not get them back for this weekend’s re-enactment and I’ve been banned from the carpool line. Not that it matters because my own brother in law doesn’t have my name down as a pickup point for his children.”

Penny looks over to her father “Can you do me a favor and forgive Officer Fontaine for one bad night so we can get Jack’s knives back.”

Big Daddy thought about this as Jack was able to successfully grab a few wienies and pop them in his mouth. “I will let him buy some Fountain of Youth on a limited basis if this will help you. I’m glad no one was shot and the knives were unharmed.”

Jack sighs, “They are not knives, they are sabers.”

WTF - What Type of Ship Do You Run?

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 17:12:00 +0000

I love when other Moms tell me how much they love running a tight ship. They tell me exactly how much screen time each child has according to their spreadsheet, surprised I don't move everything on the bookshelves when dusting.

I simply tell them, I don't run a tight ship, I run a PIRATE Ship.

Why?

We're usually lost at sea looking for some booty we misplaced in a safe place weeks ago.

There's usually some type of drinking, I don't rule out the rum.

There's also quite a bit of cussing on any given day, as my shipmates do not follow the captain's orders.

Our ship daily looks like bombs have gone off on it.

There's a lot of nonverbal communication involving grunting and such.

I'm pretty sure my Blackbeards are planning some type of mutiny on me.

Most of our clothing looks like it spent its life on a deserted island.

We're hurling straight to the edge of the world and no one's worried.

If I had a cutlass I'm sure there are a few days I'd chop up everything in their room just to teach a lesson.

Who'd be the first person in my family to walk the plank?

Do you run a tight ship or a pirate ship?

WTF - New Normal

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Fri, 05 Oct 2018 17:14:00 +0000

I was asked about my opinion on raising teenage boys in the day and age of the Kavanaugh hearings. Specifically what happened back in high school.

I am not going to tell you my thoughts on the hearings because honestly, that is none of anyone's business. But I have sat my boys down and talked to them about this situation along with ways to protect themselves in this day and age.

Social media has erupted and changed the way teens live their lives. This was part of a conversation with my children:

My constant reminders to my children are that they be respectable, honorable and responsible. I know they are good kids but sometimes make foolish decisions.

I'm not telling my boys to walk on eggshells with girls in social situations, I am telling them to be careful. Specifically:

1. Assess all situations asking yourself key questions, are they honorable and responsible? If you have any doubt leave that situation immediately.

2. Surround yourself with friends you know and trust. Keep those friends close especially in public situations. You know they have your back and you have their back.

3. Always question invites outside your circle of friends. Who's going to be there? If you don't know anyone, it's probably a better idea not to go.

4. If a situation is different than what was presented, leave that situation immediately.

5. Large social gatherings now should require a buddy system with one of those friends you trust.

6. Always remember every situation has someone taking pictures with their camera. If you behave honorably you may not worry. Unfortunately, honorable things may be taken out of context and made to not look as honorable. Having that buddy system will help.

7. Things you put on social media thinking they disappear after 24 hours never truly disappear. Always treat anything you'd put out there as shouting it to the world and not being able to take it back. Is it worth it? How does it make you look? Pause before you send it.

Now that my son has a girlfriend, he has the added addition of making sure he's honorable and respectful to her. He once was going over to a friends house to hang out in the hot tub, I asked who would be there. He wasn't sure. I mentioned to him, "Remember if you go over there and it's all girls and someone sends out a Snapchat of you there, who could you be hurting?"

The scary part is I am sure in the current Supreme Court situation both parents probably told their children the same thing. There comes that time when you pray you brought up your child in an honorable manner, and you pray that they stay safe. You also pray that they don't end up in a situation like the one we are seeing play out in media. My oldest turns 18 next year and it's even scarier sending him out into the world.

Was I an angel in my teenage years? Hell no. I am lucky I grew up without cell phones and constant social media. Most of my foolish decisions were not recorded. I'm the same age as Kavanaugh and Ford and think back to some of the things I did at parties and during Beach Week. I may still have a few bad decisions as an adult now but I'm hoping people don't judge me on my teenage years and I'm also hoping there are not a few pictures out there proving my bad decisions.

And whether you believe either party in this debacle, the key point we must remember is our country's founding belief, you are innocent until proven guilty. When we lose that we dissolve into anarchy.

What other suggestions would you add to keep our teenagers safe in this new day and age?

USASA Membership!

noreply@blogger.com (KellyM) — Tue, 25 Sep 2018 23:58:00 +0000

At 5475 feet above sea level, the leaves are starting to change. The Beech trees first moving from green to a light yellow. Fall is always an exciting time because winter is right around the corner! Fall is the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful mountains before the snow but to also get ready for the snow.

I had the pleasure of talking to the Fall Color Guy, Professor Howard Neufeld of Appalachian State University. I asked about our wet summer wondering if it will affect fall color. Dr. Neufeld said the amount of rain doesn’t affect fall color, that is an old wives tale. It’s the winds sweeping the leaves off the trees before we get to enjoy them. The perfect recipe for fall color involves partly sunny days and cool nights for color. You can check out his Facebook page @FallColorGuy for daily updates and a timeline for viewing or as we say, “leaf peeping” by elevation. 

Fall also bring opportunities for prepping for winter. Ski resorts put a limited number of season passes on discount. Most pass costs are covered in under 15 days on the snow if calculating weekday rates! Imagine how much more you can do with a season pass! NCSki Association offers the Gold Pass for all North Carolina Ski Resorts.  For more information on the Gold Pass visit http://www.goskinc.com/gold-card/

USASA - United States of America Snowboard and Freeski Association has discounted memberships available through October 1st. This organization is for children and adults who like to compete. Normal membership is $100/athlete, the discounted rate is $85/per athlete. This organization hosts including Rail Jams, Slopestyle, and Boardercross.

Last year my two boys participated in this organization. The events were held at Applachian Ski Mountain, Beech Mountain Resort, Masanutten, and Ober Gatlinburg.  Most of the athletes in the Southeast group qualified in their disciplines earning a trip to Copper Mountain for Nationals. It is exciting this year they secured Sugar Mountain Resort for the Slalom/Giant Slalom! Athletes gain experience in both ski and snowboard disciplines with this great race!

This is where the fun comes in. About 35 athletes went out west during spring break, aging from 8 to over 50! They competed in Boardercross, Rail Jam, and Slopestyle. Families traveled with them enjoying the perks of USASA Membership. Athletes competing in just one event were given a weeklong pass to Copper Mountain for only $327! Parents traveling with children were given discounted lift tickets of $68/day. We enjoyed discounted lodging and specials at area restaurants. 

USASA Nationals was a great experience for my children. Nationals started with an opening ceremony that included all athletes and their families. Starting with an opening ceremony, events took place all over Copper Mountain. Children competed some days, played other days. Families took advantage of the discounted lift tickets spending time in the snow. Especially because it snowed almost every day!

If you have children that would like to compete during the winter season, take a look at USASA. It’s a fun organization that concludes with what both of my boys said was their “trip of a lifetime.” For more information visit www.usasa.org

Rates increase October 1st, so get your membership in early!