That One Blog

A Week Person, followed by rambling.

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:54:00 +0000

Everyone I know looks forward to Fridays, to finally have their weekend start, and dreads the quickly approaching Monday. For some reason though, I've always been the exact opposite.

In a way I suppose this is a good thing, I get a full 5 days of what I enjoy while other people get 2 or arguably 3, depending on how eventful they manage to make a Friday night. However, I absolutely despise the weekend.

Currently, I'll admit, I don't really have a difference in my schedule as far as working or school goes, between the week and the weekend. This doesn't stop me from still loving the week. I believe I may love it for entirely cruel reasons, like all of you are so extremely busy during the week. We all know once the weekend comes around, the chances of you choosing to hang out with me over any other plan possible is slim to none. I am a last resort, which is fine, I suppose. This post isn't me being angry about that, which occasionally I do get upset over, it's just recognizing why I enjoy the week so much more.

When you have less free time every night or day to make real plans, hanging out with me seems like an acceptable option.

Perhaps I'm just too boring? I know that maybe if I was more fun, I wouldn't be stuck at home consumed in my own horrible thoughts all weekend. I would absolutely love to be like everyone of your other friends, and be able to do stuff with you on the weekends. However, this will probably never be the case, especially while I'm stuck in this awful state of Ohio.

Why else do I love the week? Well, I like to stay busy. Working, going to class, running errands, having things to do, stuff to occupy my mind.

I really do need to currently occupy my mind. It feels like on the weekend I walk down a very very thing tightrope, and the slightest waver in either direction will make me fall off. Normally falling off would be okay, because there'd be someone to be my net and to catch me. Not now though. I can't always rely on other people to save me. It's really rather pathetic how badly I just need support from someone sometimes, even in just the smallest ways. Sometimes, people don't even know they're saving me, just by texting me about some silly nonsense or some unimportant topic. It means so much just to hear from you.

However, I can't keep lying to myself and telling me that I matter to you. I know I don't, and I need to stop hoping someone will catch me when I need it. I know the truth inside, and it brings tears to my eyes just to think this thought but I know that...

I am at the bottom of your list.

I hate how often I just crave for someone to randomly tell me that I matter, that they care, that I mean something. But it never comes though, which makes me need it so much more.

Pathetic. Sickening. This is my personality? How did I become so broken? I blame my family for never telling me they love me while growing up, or anyone else really. It's all I need. I just want to be special. Gah. If only I could be somebody else, like that person, or maybe him. Yeah. The problem here is clearly who I am.

Basically, being everyones last choice, of minimal importance, absolutely pains me to the very core. Can I not be like everyone else? Can I not matter?

These thoughts flood my head and make me feel even more sick to my stomach about myself. I try not to be down on myself, but I know the truth, and I can't stop what I'm thinking. I always debate deleting all of these, writing it in this book instead, but that'd probably be a bad decision.

What to do, what to do?

-Xan

The Music

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sun, 09 May 2010 07:33:00 +0000

I miss how it sounds.

-That One Person

This Isn't Good

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 00:33:00 +0000

I feel empty. Not sad, just empty. It's like there's really nothing inside of me any longer. Have I been hurt too many times?

On so many occasions have I searched for love, and romance, but sadly it seems, romance is dead in this sex crazed world.

What else is new though, besides this horrible feeling I keep getting. Well, I can count on one hand how many hours of sleep I've gotten in the last week, which certainly can't be healthy.

Also, I've been trying to learn how to play D&D, but in this desolate and not so geek friendly area that I live in, I can't find a single solitary person who knows how to play. I just need a hobby that will let me escape my mind. The longer I think, the worse.

Someday, I can hope, someone will come and save me from this place.

Hm, I think that could be everything?

Oh wait... this morning I woke up having one of those seizure things where I'm concious and fighting in the whole time. All I can think about the whole day when those happen is how much I will never forgive my family. The doctor tells me they could've fixed it had I gotten my head checked out after the first few times it happened, hundreds later though, not so much. I'll just never forgive them for growing up and having them in the morning, screaming for help, and being told that I was lying for attention.

Maybe I just need to sleep, or something.

End rant.

-That One Person

Android

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:17:00 +0000

It's a party over here on the fun, non-frustrating, side. No longer do I have to be frustrated with the limited capabilities of my old iPhone.

Right now I am blogging from the passanger seat of a car on my netbook. How? Free Wi-Fi tethering. I can literally use this phone to give my netbook Internet anywhere. I love it.

Also, the GPS being spot on is amazing. My iPhones occasionally placed me in the wrong flippin' state. Free voice directions is a plus, not just for me but for my parents, who also switched.

They travel extensively, pretty much every weekend, and the cause of much argument was always directions. No longer does my father have to freak out over the iPhones wrong GPS location or my mothers often incorrect interpretation of the rarely correct ones.

"That phone saved our marriage." - My parents

Although that may be a little over dramatic, it removed almost all bickering from road trips.

It really is an excellent thing. I immediately found powerful replacements for the apps I used on my iPhone. Plus, I can background download/install these apps without freezing them.

The apps are much more powerful to, with my 1.2 ghz overclocked processer and multitasking, its like a mini computer.

Being able to do insane things to my phone easily my iPhone would've needed hacks for is priceless.

Now I've reached my destination, may post later.

-That One Person

Deletion

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 01:27:00 +0000

de·le·tion

n. 1. The act of deleting; complete removal.

I guess that is what I should do. It crossed my mind that perhaps there are a few previous posts I should delete, but I ended up changing my mind. Decided that I should keep them around because at the time, they were relevant.

So then, what is being deleted? Certainly not any of my "precious" blog. Perhaps some emotions, but is that enough? I really wonder.

In the past I've buried feelings, hid emotions, changed entire parts of who I was, but is that really enough? Am I not the same core person inside? I am not the same person as I was, but I guess I may be completely the same.

There really isn't any conclusion that I have come to, no answer, no solution. Who I am isn't exactly right, it's like I can taste my own hatred of myself because it's so strong.

No matter what I say or do I still have the same core of me, which just isn't good enough. I've tried many times but still I suffer from the same thing, the same absence. I'm always too geeky, too weird, too ugly, too much of something.

It's Ohio, it's killing me. No one here is like me, and if they are they're just too good. There has to be somewhere in the world where people are geeky, yet have low enough expectations for me. I'm not sure what to do. Ohio is sucking the life out of me, I can't wait to leave.

If I could just go somewhere else, maybe I could be different. I need to be like all of you, you have it, you lucky bastards.

I guess I just wish I could reroll.

-That One Person

It's Been A While

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:38:00 +0000

I haven't posted in so long. It's one of those things, like I miss a day, and then I just feel bad about missing it, so I miss it again. It's just hard to get back into, especially when no one reads it.

And why would they? I'm nothing special, or interesting. I live such a bland life usually. Either that or I just see it that way.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, something I always dread. This year, however, may be different. There is a chance that tomorrow I might get to see someone very special to me, someone I haven't seen in forever. This girl is something special, someone who is worth it for me to unbury my heart for.

Before I talk any more about this, let me just say that I feel even more dull when so many sentences or lines in a row begin with the same letter or word. That previous paragraph all beginning with the letter t, made me feel pretty ashamed.

Anyway, it's been so long for me to not suffocate my emotions, that it terrifies me remembering how much I can actually feel. It's difficult to remember why I spent so long trying not to feel when a feeling such as the one I get when I talk to her is so... there is no word for it. The feeling is almost as if my heart is someone who has never seen daylight or the open sky before and is first stepping outside from some deep dungeon, seeing something of such beauty for the first time.

It's quite cheesy, isn't it?

The world is just a different place to me when I talk to her.

Tomorrow I may get to see her, which is absolutely terrifying, but in a good way.

So I guess this is just me thinking about how it's been awhile. Been awhile since I let my feelings to the surface. Been awhile since I've blogged. Been awhile since I've seen her.

Finals

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:51:00 +0000

What an awful week so far. Finals have finally arrived for this semester of college, which is the only one I've really tried for. Of course, what else has to happen during this week?

Earth Explodes?

Volcanic Eruption?

Alien Invasion?

Wrong. My wisdom teeth are coming in, and it absolutely kills. At least the end of this week should be awfully good. My annoying family is going to the Bahamas and my best friend is staying over for two nights, which always makes things better.

I really am quite awful at this whole blogging thing, I blame school assigning me ridiculously massive projects for my finals. After all, I am only human and when in doubt, blame someone else.

-That One Person

Leap Fish

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:15:00 +0000

It has finally happened, a "search" website that may very well surpass anything that has existed so far. Most search sites make you do things slowly, search for pictures, search for websites, then search for video, all on separate pages. We've had one Web 2.0 search engine arrive, Bing, and in my opinion fail horribly.

Want to search twitter? Then you go to twitter.
Want to search youtube? You go to youtube.
Want to search websites? You go to google.

Not any longer. Enter LeapFish, the next evolution of the web.

You can search for anything right up at the top, but not only can you search for it the standard old way, you can do a real-time web search. The standard search shows news results, website results, twitter search, digg search, video search, blog results, wiki how, shopping, and image results all on one nicely laid out page. You can even scroll through pictures, video and other things to see more without leaving the website.

Real-time search narrows it down to the real-time web services such as digg, twitter (and trending topics), videos and breaking news, while being just that... real-time.

Why bother searching on so many websites when you can go to just one to get everything you need?

It also makes for a powerful homepage, giving you complete control over adding and removing different widgets. My homepage now consists of everything in the web I care about all in one screen. I have a list of Hulu videos, hilarious Onion news articles, interesting news from Mashable, videos from youtube, and my entire Twitter and Facebook feeds. Plus, that is just my choices, there's many other widgets you can choose to add to your homepage.

Finally, another amazing way that the site adds integration is that you can have your own profile. From your profile you can have your twitter feed, your blog feed, flickr pictures, and updates from other websites.

It's almost hard continuing to write this post because I want to go explore it some more. It's packed full of features yet doesn't feel cluttered. It is the evolution of the web.

Check out this video to heighten your excitement before jumping over to their website for yourself.

Check it out here:

-That One Person

World Kindness Day

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:21:00 +0000

It seems like more and more there are days for things that should be year round. Earth Day is one of them, almost every year everyone cuts down on their electric usage and how much they destroy the planet on that day. Imagine if we did that year round, maybe the planet wouldn't be dying?

Another day that should be year round is World Kindness Day. I didn't really do much for it though I suppose. I mean, I normally hold the door open for strangers, am nice to other drivers, and just usually kind to people I believe.
I doubt it counts as kindness but I set aside my massive fear of people today and wore my shirt that says in massive letters "FREE HUGS AVAILABLE HERE" and got hugged by at least 30 strangers throughout the day. Terrifying.

Don't really have any good stories of my own about kindness to share. However, you should read this post for a really good story, both today's and the previous post.

Did you do anything for World Kindness Day? I think for World Kindness Day, we should all try to be kind for an entire year. Next year, you should do the same thing.

-That One Person

Can you digg it?

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:21:00 +0000

Well, after hours fighting with the HTML of my blog I finally got the Digg button exactly where I want it. I was originally hoping to place them at the end of my post, past the new jump buttons, but that just put it on the main page still right below the jump break link.

Yeah, now instead of having all my articles on the front page, I put about half of them just on the actual post page, so it'll load faster. Just click "Read More" on any article to view the whole thing and then digg it from there.

However, super short articles like this aren't going to have jump breaks because that would be awfully pointless.

Tomorrow is World Kindness Day, check back tomorrow for my World Kindness Day post.

-That One Person

Autobiography

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 22:26:00 +0000

No assignment could possibly be worse than these.

It's been years since a class has wanted me to write an autobiography paper, and I had hoped that I had seen the last of them in middle school. Everything about them just depresses me. I struggle immensely with even writing a paragraph or two about myself for online profiles, but a paper that is a minimum of three pages may kill me.

I'm actually in the class right now, which is pretty much a joke. Information Technology Seminar has little to do with either information or technology. It's pretty much just a careers class which is forcing me to look ahead in my life, which I hate doing.

Even just sitting here in class brainstorming for this paper has wreaked havoc on my good mood. Some of these guidelines are absolutely horrible.

Discuss early observations regarding life.
Include early influences. (People)
How your early interests developed.
Touch on outstanding accomplishments.
How you ended up where you are.
Current goals and future plans.

These are just some of the worst ones. It's not just that my early observations were all pretty negative, or that what mainly influenced me was computers, not people. Maybe I could talk about how my lack of people influenced me? I mean my parents have had to work 65+ hours a week each for my entire life, so I certainly didn't get my traits from them. I am so vastly different from everyone else in my family, which leaves the answer for what influenced my interests and hobbies as a question.

No one has interested me in books, computers, video games or anything else, I just remember being pulled into them ever since I can remember. Why didn't I end up liking other things? I have absolutely no idea how I ended up being who I am.

Outstanding accomplishments? That'll be a short section, unless of course I can just list off all the philosophy, political, and sociological books I have read. That really isn't an accomplishment though. I haven't won anything, gotten any trophies, or really lived.

I mean I'm not even an entirely negative person anymore, I have more good moods than bad I suppose, but even my earliest observations of life were pretty strange. Humanity is strange, a super-animal that lives in super-packs and builds super-zoos to live in. I mean we basically cling on to our animal instincts as much as possible, and it's always been easy to tell. We still have leaders to our tribes, we play sports to ease our hunter instincts, and also like the animal, the more packed into zoos (cities) we are, the more aggressive we become. The thing is, I see this as life, it is this way and it's not a bad thing, but even while you read it you were probably thinking of how cynical I am.

Between all of this, and the fact that I really don't remember much else of how I became who I am today, I'm almost positive I will fail this paper. It's either that or I'll lie like I always have on these. I just don't know what to say, don't know why I am this person, don't know why I'm not normal.

I hate autobiographies.

-That One Person

School Insanity

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:02:00 +0000

Oh how I wish I had more time to blog this semester, but school is seriously driving me bonkers. Hmmm, yes, that is it. Bonkers. What a wonderfully crazy sounding word.

Bonkers.

I'm sane. I swear.

This semester though, I have had to pretty much word on stuff every minute during the day, and then go to my classes at night. I really am quite exhausted. I really wish it wouldn't suck so much of my time up.

Hell, a new incredible MMORPG just came out, Aion, and I have hardly any time to play it. How rather depressing. It's been out for something like two weeks now, and I'm not even level 20. What an embarrassment!

Currently I'm just taking a break from coding before I have to get ready for class from 5:30 - 9:30 PM. How very exciting. I wish there were more hours to every day, like 48. I could work on school work, go to class, and still have time to play MMO's and blog every day.

If only.

-That One Person

Unbearable Anticipation

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:13:00 +0000

Today the new Doctor Who logo was revealed for the 11th Doctor and Steven Moffats era. It looks so ridiculously nice, I want it to be 2010 right this moment, and I also wouldn't mind a t-shirt or ten with the new logo on it.

Finally saw a few shots of Matt Smith actually in filming of the show, and I'm slightly less skeptical about him being the new doctor now. However, that may be because Karen Gillan is so gorgeous, or that he is wearing David Tennants costume there. Although, they do still look like they're playing hooky from school. Maybe he'll be a good enough actor where I'll forget he looks like a child?

Either way, every single day that goes by it gets harder to wait for season 5 to start. I.. need.. Doctor.. Who. Anyone else besides me pray to gods they bring back Gallifrey and the Time Lords?

Sprint - The Game Changer?

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:56:00 +0000

I never thought I'd see the day where Sprint begins really changing the entire mobile industry game. In some ways this is a small step, in others this is basically one giant leap for mankind.

Nowadays, every single mobile carrier gives you free calling to other people who are on the same network, either with every single one of their plans, or plans that are at least not the smallest option available. However, Sprint is now introducing "Any Mobile", which completely blows my freaking mind. If you have an Everything Data Plan with Sprint, you get... unlimited calling to any mobile phone, anytime, on any network, finally the days of the minute may be numbered.

For now this is just for users who have an Everything Data Plan, which is a rapidly growing number of users. An Everything Data Plan, is unlimited text, 3G data, picture, and video messaging, starting at $69.99 a month. Some may see this as a major downside, however this really hits the largest number of users that would even find this plan useful. People who were previously heavy on data, texting, and out of network minute usage were surely paying much more than this.

Having the ability to call anyone from any network, for as long as you want, is really the game changing move here. How long until other networks compete for the same feature? After all, it didn't take long for almost every network to get a "My Circle" type feature, which was finally just announced for AT&T as well. Once more networks compete to offer the same plan, the minute will surely begin to die.

Good job Sprint, I may have been wrong about you after all.

-That One Person

[Sprint]

Time Suck

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:34:00 +0000

I haven't really been able to blog as much as I'd like to lately, because another dreaded semester of college has just begun. Perhaps though, if I can manage to get more organized, I'll be able to free up some more of my time to keep up with this.

Recently, I have begun trying to manage my time better using Google Calender, Thunderbirds Calender, and my iPhone, to all remind me at once that I should be doing something for school. Luckily for me, all of these sync seamlessly with a few minor add-ons. What really surprises me though, is how few people actually use Thunderbird for their desktop mail and/or calender client. Being able to sync with Google Calender, support a wide range of add-ons, and sport an interface that is far more efficient and easier on the eyes than Outlook. Oh well, that is your loss and not mine if you don't use it.

College so far this semester has been a hectic Hell. Between the school losing my entire schedule, requiring me to pick all new classes two days before classes start, and one of my professors having no idea what he is doing, it sure is going to be fun. Yeah, I go to class the first day and apparently wasn't registered in any of the classes I previously was. I had to switch to a whole new schedule, taking whatever classes weren't full yet, and starting into them a week late.

Seriously though, a professor of mine basically copied the entire course from another persons, not even bothering to change the name on anything to his. All through out the resources, class info, and power points say another professors name, and listing her rule of "Do not ever use Dreamweaver for coding in this course, use TextPad." So, after not installing my copy of Dreamweaver because of that rule being posted all over, I was surprised to go into his class and him ask everyone to open up Dreamweaver. Did he even read any of the course material? It's also quite hilarious to see him go to code something and say "Now this will do that.. wait.. wait.. I was wrong again." Although I'd much prefer to go to college to learn something from someone who already knows how to do what they are teaching.

This semester is sure to drive me insane. How about you, how is your school going so far?

-That One Person

Success!!

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 05:09:00 +0000

[Insert Maniacal Evil Genius Laugh Here]

It worked! It's alive!! It's aliiiiiiive!!!

Ahem. Anyways, it looks as if that was a complete success. My blog was pushed to several different services, the main ones being the following:
Wordpress Engine
Xanga
Blogger

As you can see, I've been around on Wordpress for the longest, and I am currently in the process of emulating the appearance of that blog of mine on my other ones. I think I have them pretty well down, except for a few kinks on Xanga, but that's entirely the fault of Xanga's half-assed customization system. There's no reason it should take three times as long to customize on that website as it did on both the other ones put together, and then of course if I want all the same features it costs money. Blah.

So, now you can comment me on whichever page you would like and I will be notified of it immediately through email.

How does everyone think they look? Rather similar, I hope. Let me know.

-That One Person

This Is A Test Of The Emergency Blogcasting System

noreply@blogger.com (That One Person) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:57:00 +0000

I know what you're thinking, you haven't heard from me since I got back from San Diego. For this, I apologize.

Although some of you, if this is going according to plan, have never heard from me ever. I am testing something with this post that will hopefully post it to three separate blogs of mine. All I have to do, however, is type it into one box and then "Shazam!", off it goes.

But I should be back again, now that I've wrestled my depression to the ground. For awhile I just lost interest in all of my interests, to the point where my only interest seemed to be uninterest. I make no sense, I know. Well, let's see how this goes!

-That One Person