That Texas Drawl

Marvel Mighty Heroes Second Look: Bad

2015-06-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

Not broken or unplayable, just bad. Stay away unless you're prepared to spend over $100 per week just to have a chance to keep up.

The game is a desperate cash grab. Unless you have at least one "fully suited" 5 star hero (5 star is the best in the game, fully suited means owning at least 3 different suits and thus access to 3 special abilities in round) and spend over $100 each week for the new damage multiplier heroes and energy, you won't stand a chance.

The leagues and leaderboard system is designed to force you to spend real money for more energy to play more rounds. Then be prepared for lopsided matchmaking that will stick you with the same player stomping your team into the ground every round for hours and hours and hours. And if you don't place in the top 20 of the highest league, you'll miss out on one of next week's damage multiplier hero, setting you up for extreme failure and disappointment all over again.

Advancement is painfully slow if you don't spend real money and lots of it at one time. In-game currency is the only way to get 4 star and 5 star heroes unless you can place in the top 20 of the highest league each week. When a decent hero is up for grabs, players spend lots of real money and more than 60 hours per week.

Your best bet for the in-game currency is the daily logins. Every two weeks you earn enough for a premium spin. The likelihood of getting anything but a 3 star hero is astronomically against you, especially drawing one of the highly coveted 5 star heroes that you'll routinely be matched against. You'll be outgunned, making the crawl towards the other source of free in-game currency from high scores long if not impossible.

There's the engine for a simple but fun game underneath the pay or die mechanics. The touchscreen controls are simple and intuitive. Rounds are fast and frantic. Improving your heroes is streamlined unlike the complex systems of most other freemium mobile games. You fight to gain XP and level up, collect new suits from premium spins or weekly competitions for new special abilities, and improve your special abilities by collecting duplicates of the suits or using ISO-8, the only other currency in the game.

However, because of the complete reliance on spending huge amounts of real money each week just stay afloat in the game, I can't recommend Marvel Mighty Heroes. Try Marvel Future Fight instead.

Marvel Mighty Heroes

2015-04-27T17:22:00.001-04:00

When DeNA's Marvel Mighty Heroes (MMH) launched late last month (March 2015), I was immediately on board. After quitting Avengers Alliance after nearly two yearsof solid play and consistently winning at the top prize PvP tiers, I got tired of its time-consuming grind just to keep up. MMH promised quick matches with simple controls and cutesy graphics. It seemed like the perfect alternative.

Avengers Alliance is a time suck. Hours and hours of daily play with heroes I didn't like in costumes I hated were required just to keep up with new hero releases, collection quests, and a stingy RNG rates for critical equipment and premium currency. All this not to lose out on the opportunity (no guarantee) to acquire the next game-breaking setup. PvP was the worst example of play-to-win I've ever seen where obscene dumps of premium currency before each cycle bought huge numerical bonuses that practically guaranteed victory. And then there was the constant chase to play and defend against PvP metas that felt more like dirty cheats than strategy. I definitely don't recommend Avengers Alliance, especially for new players. After I quit, I looked for something fun but with less commitment than a second job.

I started with DeNA's Transformers Tactics (TFT). I liked the simple gameplay, SDF-Funko style graphics, and the hero collection aspects, along with the basic strategy elements. What I didn't like was the Transformers lore. I'd always been more of a comic book geek prone to the "make mine Marvel" slogan. I thought to myself "wouldn't this game be great but with Avengers and X-Men?" When I saw the announcement for Marvel Mighty Heroes from the same company behind TFT, I was over the moon.

Marvel Mighty Heroes is of a different stripe than Transformers Tactics. Whereas TFT runs a simplified JRPG style turn-based combat system, MMH is an action-packed top-down coop-competitive brawler. You pick a team of 3 heroes from your roster and join three other players in short (most last between 60 and 90 seconds), objective-based rounds. The coop part comes from the joint efforts needed to complete certain goals like defending 3 maguffins from waves of enemies for about a minute or trying to take down the issue boss. The competitive element comes from trying to deal the most damage in that round to earn a higher share of the Event Points (EPs) awarded at the end.

Gameplay is simple and intuitive. You move by tapping on a spot on the screen you want to go to. Tap an enemy and you'll start auto-attacking. Each hero can gain up to three special abilities by unlocking "suits" (alternate costumes based on Marvel events). Using them is as simple as tapping one of the three icons on the right side of the screen. Some abilities then require you to aim by tapping a direction away from your hero on the screen. Swapping between heroes in your roster is as easy as tapping their picture icon on the left-hand side. Special abilities have different rates of cool downs but tagging in a new hero starts a global countdown for replacements.

However, the gameplay is quite buggy after four weeks. Your character doesn't always move in the direction you tap or move at all. Sometimes dodge rolls will take you right back into the danger you swiped away from. Auto-attacks don't always initiate when your hero moves into range. And special abilities won't always fire when you tap the icon and aim. These bugs can be frustrating and can often cost you first place at the end of the round.

Strategy is a mixture of teaming up your three highest rated (one to five stars) and highest level heroes who have the best abilities (AoE ranges and damages; multiple abilities) and finding the best spot on the map to achieve the objective. For Survival and Defend missions, this usually means camping the enemy spawn points and timing abilities to go off and hit the most foes. Boss battles sometimes require inflicting heavy damage quickly to the boss while dodging (swiping the screen in a direction) incoming damage. Sometimes it means destroying three maguffins before the timer runs out. The best strategy is usually to use a combination of your highest rank suits and that issue's Event Heroes.

The story is broken up into chapters and issues. Chapters are the overarching storyline. Chapter one involves the Kree, Thanos, Ronan the Accuser, and a galaxy-spanning terraforming cum genocide/ecocide plot. Earth's Mightiest Heroes, the Avengers, as well as 2014s beloved outlaw misfits the Guardians of the Galaxy have stepped in to save the day.

Issues are smaller plots within the larger storyline and correspond with the EPs and Event Heroes. Each issue lasts roughly a week. Players compete in tiered rounds each issue to accumulate EPs to reach milestone awards and jockey higher on the league leaderboards to receive better prizes at the end of the issue. After completing increasing numbers of each game type (Survival, Defend, and Boss Battle), players move into a higher tier that offers a bigger EP multiplier. Your whole team also received a damage multiplier for using the Event Heroes and suits for that issue (x2 for one hero, x3 for two, and x5 if you use all three).

Speaking of heroes and suits, the methods for acquiring new ones will aggravate free to play and paying ones alike. There are three main ways to collect new heroes and suits.

First, every 24 hours, you receive a free random hero roll from the store. This method mostly rewards the lowest rank, 1 star heroes, so you'll fill out that meager pool quickly. You will receive duplicates. The first four suit duplicates you get will upgrade the special ability associated with that suit (up to a max level of 5). After that, you receive a small amount of ISO-8 for duplicates. ISO-8 is used to level up special abilities but the ISO-8 costs for second and third tier abilities is so prohibitively high and the amount of ISO-8 you receive is such a pittance that you won't really be using this method much to improve your special abilities. You can receive heroes rated higher than 1 stars but it's rare. In the 30 days or so since I've started playing, I've only received three 2 star heroes from the daily draw.

Second, you receive new heroes for reaching certain EP milestones per issue and finishing in certain ranks in higher ranked leagues. This method will slowly fill the rosters of most free to play players.

Lower EP milestones, around 10,000 EPs, have awarded 2 star heroes so far. Higher milestones, around 250,000 EPs, have gifted 3 star heroes. Sometimes this higher milestone hero and suit is also one of the Event Heroes for the current issue. Using that hero in that suit on your team nets you a 2x damage multiplier which helps you get into first or second place and collect more EPs.

Players who finish the issue in the top half of the top league, vibranium, will receive a 4 star hero. This hero in this suit will be the Event Hero for the next issue. They also receive a second hero, usually a 2 or 3 star hero.

Third, you can buy a random hero in suit using the premium in-game currency "cash". The basic buy is 500 cash, or US $5, per random draw. On the plus side, this random guarantees at least a 3 star hero. However, you're not guaranteed a new hero or suit per draw. I've heard you still only collect neglible ISO-8 from 5 star duplicates. Acquiring cash without spending real money means playing many, many rounds to hit high EP milestones (200,000 EPs or more) and unlocking certain achievements but there is about 400 cash up for grabs each issue for players with lots of time and/or high-damage teams.

Your best bet is to spend your cash at the beginning of each issue in the first couple of steps of the Premium ladder. Sometimes you'll get a steep discount on the first few steps (300 cash for one hero then 700 cash for three, meaning you get four 3 star or better draws for the price of two) and sometimes it's not cheaper but you get a little extra (500 cash buys you a draw plus XP canisters).

Overall, the game is fun and quick. There is still a lot of work to be done rebalancing the extremely low value of duplicates in terms of ISO-8 and the exorbitant ISO-8 costs to rank up higher-level special abilities. Buying and earning new 3 star and above heroes and suits for strictly free to play players can be painfully slow due to competitive play against players with heroes in higher-tier suits. The devs have promised new game modes in the future.

Right now, on the other hand, I would not recommend trying Marvel Mighty Heroes. A widespread bug has frozen many players out of earning EPs, competing in leagues, and picking up milestone awards. The issue has gone on for over four days now but DeNA is being tightlipped about a potential fix date or compensation for affected accounts. So far, they haven't officially acknowledged the bug on their forums and support has not responded to most tickets about the issue.

All new games have bugs, especially multiplayer games that support cross-platform real-time play. But DeNA's communications blackout to affected players shows a lack of respect to the people who make their jobs possible.

PROs:

simple, intuitive gameplay
quick rounds
cute art

CONs:

poor communication about bugs and expected fixes
buggy controls
late round load-ins practically guarantee low scores
high costs for new heroes and suits
expensive IAP can result neglible in-game play value after too many duplicate draws

what i think about harry & hermione ending up together

2014-02-03T20:34:00.001-05:00

The digital world is a-twitter thanks to a recent interview with J.K. Rowling in Wonderland magazine conducted by Emma Watson. In the interview, Rowling claims putting Hermione and Ron together romantically was a mistake. She describes the choice of "the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment,” and wrong because it

was a choice I made for very personal reasons, not for reasons of credibility.

Of course Buzzfeed immediately jumped in with a listicle supporting this position. That's what Buzzfeed does. But then came the push back. Slate assistant editor L.V. Anderson laid out the reasons why Hermione's know-it-all personality meshes so well with Ron's take-it-with-a-laugh philosophy. She also pushes back against the underlying assumption that "an intelligent, type-A woman" should end up with a traditionally successful guy like Harry Potter (he's "athletic, rich, famous") instead of a "kind, charismatic, supportive, but penniless guy" like Ron.

Anderson makes a good point. My reason for resisting the "naturalness" or "credibility" of a Harry and Hermione pairing, however, is simpler: it's sexist. Harry, a naturally and supremely gifted wizard, and Hermione, probably the brightest wizard of the age, apparently can't just be friends because one has an outie and the other an innie. It's the erroneous "logic" of this (admittedly hilarious) Chris Rock bit. Heterosexual men and women aren't capable of respecting each other, cherishing the other's company, depending on the other for counsel and guidance, or leaning on one another for support without the spectre of sexual attraction haunting their relationship.

Harry and Hermione defy that assumption. Even though others at Hogwarts presume they are a couple because of their intimacy, Harry and Hermione don't waver in their "just friends" position. Hermione might put Harry in his place from time to time, but it's only to check his ego, not to remind him that his place is in her bed. Harry exhorts Hermione repeatedly to bend and break the rules but never to cross the boundaries of their friendship. They make each other better by pushing and prodding and encouraging. You know, like (same sex) friends do.

That physical attraction or romantic thoughts must follow from their mutual respect and capacities, in Rowling's and other people's minds, is sexist. When Rowling backs away from her literary decision to put Harry's technical advisor and his emotional advisor (admiringly gender swapped from expectations) together, she casts aspersions on a model of gender equality for this generation. She denies that compatibility borne of complementing talents and friendship can be valued in another person without heterosexual anatomical "compatibility" therefore becoming destiny if those two people are not the same sex.

Men and women can just be friends. Even (especially) when they are equals. This is one of the most progressive and enduring of themes in Rowling's stories of the Golden Trio. It's a shame six years after publishing the last book of their adventures she now wants to fall back on old prejudices about match-making.

wolfs rain i

2014-02-01T21:00:00.001-05:00

dir. Tensai Okamura

writer Keiko Nobumoto

music Yoko Kanno

Ep. 1 "City of Howls"

Ep. 2 "Toboe, Who Doesn't Howl"

Ep. 3 "Bad Fellow"

Characters

Kiba - the white wolf, alpha

Tsume - lone wolf, cross-shaped scar on his chest

Hige - endless appetite, powerful nose, dog collar becomes necklace in human form

Toboe - the naif, youngest, raised by a human woman, silver bangles on wrist

Quent & Blue - seeks to exterminate wolves because he considers them demon spawn

Detective Hubb - Cher's ex-husband, law enforcement in the domed city, Quent initiates him into the secret world of wolves. Not sure if he'll stick around now that the wolves have left the domed city.

Cher - Hubb's ex-wife, lead scientist studying the Flower Maiden Cheza. Not sure if she'll stick around now that the wolves have left the domed city.

Summary

Wolf's Rain has an odd premise. In a diesel-punk world, people assume wolves have been eliminated. Little do they know wolves still walk among them in human clothes. These aren't werewolves; they aren't wolves that can shapeshift into human shape. They "cast a spell" on humans to make them see the wolves in the guise of humans.

The show opens with Kiba, the white wolf, descending from the mountains to the domed city in search of Paradise. He smells Lunar Flowers. However, he is injured on this first leg of his journey. He encounters Tsume, a lone wolf personality, who has been leading a gang of humans in supply raids against the Nobles of the domed city. Tsume warns Kiba to hide his true form from the humans but Kiba refuses because of his wolf pride.

On Kiba's tail is Quent, a sheriff from a mountain town. Quent hates wolves and calls them demons. His companion is Blue, a black, blue-eyed dog. Quent has come to kill Kiba and any other wolves he might find. He scoffs at the old pagan belief that, when the end of the world comes, wolves will find the way to Paradise.

Most of the denizens of the domed city don't recognize Kiba as a wolf, thinking him just a big white dog. But Blue sees him as a wolf, a power possessed by all dogs (perhaps animals in general). Quent shoots Kiba but the police arrive, taking both Kiba and Quent into custody.

Detective Hubb interrogates Quent and gets the story on wolves. Hubb isn't willing to believe wolves survived the culling 200 years ago. Hige, another wolf, helps Kiba escape, convincing the white wolf to set aside his pride and cast the illusion of human form so that they can walk right out of the station.

Meanwhile, Tsume's next raid goes bad and a young boy member of his gang falls. Tsume tries to save him by grabbing his shoulder but because human form is merely a guise, he bites the boy's shoulder. The boy falls to his death.

Tsume's gang abandons him because he "isn't like them." They also blame him for the boy's death. Tsume wanders the domed city and eventually runs into Toboe, a young wolf he has become infatuated with a young girl Lira. Although he rescues Toboe, Tsume refuses to be friendly, adhering to his lone wolf mentality. Toboe accuses him of only befriending humans because they will never be as strong as him.

Kiba and Hige get captured on purpose to re-enter the police fortress to scent out the source of the Lunar Flowers. A Noble arrives, in black with wild black hair and a white mask, and seems to knock out all the humans he encounters rather than hurting him. He confronts Detective Hubb's ex-wife Cher, a scientist studying the Flower Maiden Cheza. The Noble removes his mask, revealing a strange, animalistic golden eye that renders Cher unconscious.

The Noble takes Cheza, who has been stirring ever since wolf blood spilled when Kiba and Tsume briefly scuffled. He is able to see Kiba and Hige for what they are. Cheza awakens and lets out a high-pitched scream that the wolves can all hear. Toboe describes it as "saddening." The Noble says he will meet the wolves in Paradise before leaving.

Kiba and Hige then plan to leave the domed city in search of Paradise now that the smell of Lunar Flowers is gone. Lunar Flowers seem to have some connection with the wolves being able to find Paradise. Toboe joins up with the two wolves with Kiba quickly assuming the alpha role.

Tsume's gang, who have been captured, turn on him and lead the police to him. Quent's dog Blue attacks Tsume but he gets away, dropping his human guise for his wolf form to escape police looking for the man leading the gang.

Kiba leads the wolves to Tsume and convinces him to join them in leaving the domed city. Tsume is reluctant but recognizes that, as a wanted man and without a gang, he cannot remain in the city. Toboe stumbles and falls but Tsume saves him by biting his shoulder. This scene imitates the earlier death of the young boy in his gang, indicating Tsume's appropriate place among the wolves as those who are strong enough to be handled (and helped) by other wolves. Hubb, still not quite willing to believe the evidence, seeks out Quent for more information and learns about the Book of the Moon, a pagan text that contains the mythology of wolves. Humans, for instance, were made from wolves and to be their messengers.

As the four wolves leap from a wall into the arctic harshness outside the domed city, Hubb and Quent arrive. Quent fires at Tsume but Hubb intercedes. He says he still only sees a human. After the wolves are gone, Quent takes the detective to where the wolves left and shows him the paw prints leading away. Hubb struggles to believe the incontrovertible evidence of his eyes.

Speculation

The Nobles are possibly fallen angels. Given their high social place (Hubb notes "only the nobles are still allowed to fly") and their awareness of Paradise, this seems plausible. Plus, there is the repetition of the feather motif. The Noble who takes Cheza has hair that faintly resembles feathers. When he removes his mask to ensorcel Cher, there briefly appears what look to be black feathers. And as the wolves are leaving and the Nobles have Cheza in their flying ship, feathers continuously rain down on Hubb and the police.

best albums of 2013

2014-01-30T00:52:00.001-05:00

It's nearly Super Bowl time and here I am finally getting out my best albums of 2013 list. Explanation: the first 4 and a half months of 2013 were spent in a near constant state of schooling to get out of law school. The summer wasn't much better as I contracted a month long lung and ear infection. Since then (and on into 2014), the crippling weight of unemployment continues to stagger.

So here it is at last, in no particular order...

1. Savages - Silence Yourself

When I heard the first single, She Will, back in March, I immediately preordered the album. After spinning the album once, I knew it would be one of my favorite albums of the year. I saw them at ACL and the stage was just too big for Jenny Beth. She kicked and punches to fill up the empty space but also spent a lot of time walking to the back. I said to myself then I need to see them in a more intimate venue. One week later they played The Parish in Austin and it was everything I'd hoped it would be. A confrontationally sexual album. Don't be surprised to hear Jenny Beth describe BDSM and kinky sex in her intros. A very sex positive album and a just plain fantastic collection of songs.

2. The Knife - Shaking the Habitual

Weird. Experimental. Beautiful. Haunting. Brilliant. Challenging.

3. Simple Circuit - S/T

I always include a local Austin band in my top albums of the year. Thanks to local radio station KVRX for introducing me to this garage punk band. Permanent Records in Chicago describes this self-released debut as

The Austin Texas onslaught continues with Simple Circuit's art damaged self-titled self-released debut!!!!! Fighting for notoriety in a city already overflowing with killer bands, Simple Circuit's brand of catchy fuzzed out, angular garage punk definitely puts them at the top of our lists of bands to watch out for. Fans of fellow Texans rock n rollers Video, Spray Paint, OBN IIIs and Gospel Truth as well as junkies for shop faves like Intelligence, Thee Oh Sees and Tyvek might've just found your new go-to record. Forget the second tier garage punker bands kicking around and grab this killer debut album now. "Simple Circuit" is SUPER RECOMMENDED!!!!!!!!

I concur. Highly recommended.

4. My Bloody Valentine - m.b.v.

Somehow I missed this release during the year and had a mini-breakdown in December when I finally learned about it. It was, what, more than 20 years since their last album release? I like shoegaze. So what? You want to fight about it.

5. Jagwar Ma - Howlin

6. Unknown Mortal Orchestra - II

7. Neko Case - The Worse Things Get...

8. The Oh Sees - Floating Coffin

9. Mikal Cronin - MCII

10. Waxahatchee - Cerulean Salt

lego my 1x8 brick

2014-01-28T07:02:00.001-05:00

Ahead of the 7 February 2014 release of The Lego Movie, porn actress Christy Mack has dipped into the same murky publicity well as Bobbi Eden and the rest of the Vette Nation with a salacious offer via twitter. She will provide a "blow job" [sic] to the person that builds her the "best Lego creation to put in [her] house". For those who don't remember, during the 2010 World Cup, Bobbi Eden offered each of her 50 thousand plus twitter followers a blowjob if her native Netherlands beat Spain in the world cup, thus overturning the predictions of the psychic octopus.

Christy Mack denies this is self-promotion, instead claiming via twitter to be "just a whore that likes Legos." But given the recent obsession with Lego set releases (Simpsons) and some Batman levels of willpower to painstakingly recreate Hogwarts and the Battle of Helm's Deep from Lord of the Rings, perhaps this is just a moment of seizing the geek-chic zeitgeist?

But what does it say about the current state of men, masculine, sexuality, and so called "geek culture" that such an offer could be made, and, it seems, so many men are lining up the bricks for a chance to have a porn actress perform oral sex on them?

Neighbors for Sale: Modern Slavery in Atlanta

2013-09-03T17:39:00.000-04:00

Hey! Do you live near Atlanta, Georgia? Are you interested in human trafficking (eradicating it, not how to engage in it)? Then you should attend the EPIC Conference.

Conference schedule

Details from the announcement

Date: Saturday, September 21, 2013

Time: 10:00 AM to 4:45 PM (continental breakfast served 9:30 to 10:00 AM)

Location: Emory University School of Law, 1301 Clifton Road, Atlanta, GA 30322

The Emory Public Interest Committee (EPIC) invites you to attend its tenth annual conference, “Neighbors for Sale: Modern Slavery in Atlanta,” on Saturday, September 21, 2013. Led by keynote speaker Georgia Attorney General Sam Olens, a host of state and local government and non-government organization leaders will assemble to discuss the realities of modern slavery in Atlanta, to share their own stories of modern abolition, and to share how attendees can become involved in the fight against slavery.

Registration:

Please register via the link below by Tuesday, September 17. A continental breakfast and boxed lunch will be provided for as many as funding permits on a first-come, first-served basis. Attendance is capped at 250 registrants.

http://www.law.emory.edu/intranet/current-students/student-organizations/epic/conference.html

What to expect:

Attorney General Olens will begin the morning discussing the local realities of sex trafficking and all that can be done to combat it. After this primer, attendees will chose two from among a series of panel discussions addressing victim rescue, victim aftercare, the changing face of forced prostitution, criminal investigation, criminal prosecution, and structural transformation through lawmaking. The day will close with a full-conference panel on what more can and should be done to combat sex trafficking in Atlanta, beginning with the Attorney General’s “Georgia’s Not Buying It” campaign.

Selected Panelists:

Georgia Bureau of Investigation Director Vernan Keenan will discuss the work of GBI's Human Trafficking Unit.

Georgia Department of Education Chief of Staff Joel Thornton will discuss the DOE's efforts to identify trafficking victims in public schools.

Fulton County Prosecutor Camila Wright and DeKalb County Prosecutor Dalia Racine will discuss their work trying sex trafficking cases.

Representatives from Atlanta-based organizations Mary Frances Bowley, founder of Wellspring Living, as well as others from StreetGrace and Nightlight, will discuss their efforts to find and rescue trafficking victims.

It must be spring coz rape is in the air today...

2013-09-03T17:14:00.000-04:00

Originally published on Facebook Notes on 18 March 2009

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29749376/

While I'm definitely glad Ms. Mai had the courage to stand up and formally accuse her attackers for their vicious crime, news of her upcoming nuptials leaves me with mixed feelings. Yes, I'm all for breaking the taboo of a raped woman being ineligible for a good marriage in Pakistan. The story even sounds heart-warming in a Lifetime movie kind of way when you find out her suitor, Mr. Gabol, is one of the cops assigned to protect her after her case sparked a worldwide news frenzy. Then you get to the part where he blackmails her to marry him by threatening to kill himself if she refuses. Did I mention he's already married so Ms. Mai will be his second wife? Mr. Gabol's first wife even came to plead with Ms. Mai not to reject the offer. Not to equivocate here, but it seems like she's being victimized all over again by the same cultural expectations of women.

I simply feel like throwing up my hands and exclaiming WTF.

---

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29755481/

Usually when we think about American Marines, rape, and foreign policy fiascos, the victim at the other end of our embarassment lives in the vicinity of the Ryukyu islands. This case, however, involves a young Filipino woman who has expressed some doubts about her story since emigrating to the United States from the Phillipines. While not a full on retraction as the headline seems to imply, she admits that she "may have been so friendly and intimate" with the accused after drinking, kissing, and dancing at a Subic City bar that when they later went to a van, he proceeded to have sexual relations (in the broadest sense of those words) with her under the assumption that his advances were not unwelcome or unwanted.

Here is what is purported to be a copy of her sworn statement:
http://www.untwistedvortex.com/2009/03/18/daniel-smith-vs-suzette-nicolas-was-it-really-rape/

As you can plainly read, she does not deny that anything untoward may have happened. In fact, she asserts very little at all, only raises questions and wonders. Of course, if the alleged victim was in fact drunk and/or possibly under the influence of other substances (no accusation implied there), could this not in fact account for her hazy memory of the exact nature of the events which transpired? And what about the shame and guilt she mentions at the end of the statement? A combination of the two seems a heady cocktail for questionable recollection.

My chief complaint here isn't about whether this particular rape did or did not occur but rather how these recent developments will effect our opinion of all previous and future reports of such unlawful acts by American servicemen abroad not only in the Phillipines, but stationed in Japan, South Korea, and all other points across the globe. Will it make it easier for military commanders to sweep such incidents under the rug and transfer the accused out of the country to avoid criminal prosecution in the host country? It seems easier to dismiss future accusations as mere female histrionics that will destroy a young man's military career and wreck his life without a fair airing of the facts. Will it evaporate the pressure of the government of a host country to leverage modifications to Status of Forces Agreements so that American servicemen can be held accountable for their misconduct? Representatives of the Phillipines government are already expressing their displeasure with the alleged victim's recent statements because of the huge consequences pursuing a trial, conviction, and negotiated sentencing have had on foreign policy.

Rape is an ugly thing, no matter where it happens. Unfortunately, when it happens at the intersection of a super-power's global strategic interests, "good liberty" abroad for American servicemen, and the oft-exploited human resources of the host country, things get that much uglier, ambiguous, and political. My only hope is that the truth will set the innocent(s) free in this case, whomever that may be.

cross examination jokes

2013-09-03T17:12:00.002-04:00

The following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. Sevilla and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place. Regardless of originations, they can be eye openers as to the mentality of those engaged in the drill...

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there..
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the C ircus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I fini shed.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Economic recovery diagnosed with March Madness, expected casualties 63

2013-09-03T17:11:00.001-04:00

Originally published in Facebook Notes on 19 March 2009

http://www.slate.com/id/2187031/

It's that time of year again. The flowers are blossoming, the birds are returning, and a young boy's fancy turns to thoughts of how well 10 men can handle their balls for 40 minutes. You have to be extra furtive when checking the brackets this year; with the economy slumping and so much coverage available on the web, you don't want to be the fellow who wins the office pool and a trip to the unemployment line all in the same week. But reports of major productivity declines due to the NCAA tourney are just bunk.

Let's face it, if you and I weren't stealing away to see check on the scoreboards and reading up on scouting reports, we'd be wasting work hours doing something else equally useless like going for the high score on Scramble or complaining about what a douche Simon Cowell was last night. Work sucks. It's tedious. Companies know this and expect a certain amount of listlessness on the clock. But some a-holes, let's call them the Bobs, make a buck every year shopping around this nonsense that college hoops costs our nation billions (with a B) of dollars of each year in lost productivity. I didn't check any scores until I got home this afternoon but guess what, I wasted enough time to read this article and a couple of others, too.

So enjoy your NCAA tourney this year and let's lay the blame for the recession on those who are truly resposible: those AIG a-holes who got paid their contractually-obligated bonuses ;)

---

http://www.slate.com/id/2213713/

However, I do care (a little. Don't let that get out. Everything thinks I'm an a-hole, too) about the economy. Here's a handy little tool to know when it's safe to turn off the tv, close your browser, and pretend like you're working again because the game is a lock.

Note: there is no Reggie Miller exception.

New Sex Scandal Rocks Catholic Church

2013-09-03T17:08:00.002-04:00

Originally published in Facebook Notes on 6 May 2009

Popular Catholic priest Alberto Cutie was relieved of duties by the Archdiocese of Miami and suspended from his radio talk shows for photos showing him 'in flagrante' on the beach. While the Archdiocese was appalled and disgusted to see the adult man kissing, holding, and fondling a young, comely brunette woman's buttocks under her bathing suit on Miami Beach, parishioners seem to have taken a different view. They are standing by "Father Oprah," dismissing his inappropriate behavior because he is a "good, good man" and "hey, he's Cuban, those guys don't got any control. And with a name like Cutie, what did you really expect to happen?"

A spokesman for the Archdiocese said the church would be praying for Father Cutie on his spiritual journey to Las Vegas, Rio de Janeiro, Bangkok, and Subic City this summer. "We hope to put this whole sad, sordid affair behind us as soon as possible so that Father Cutie can get back to his sacred duties of molesting altar boys and leaving deep, deep emotional scars that last until legal charges are filed and the Cardinals shuffle him around to another diocese to avoid scandal."

studying up to be a good judas, ahem, jurist...

2013-09-03T17:05:00.000-04:00

Originally posted to Facebook Notepad 11 May 2009

http://www.slate.com/id/2218000/

It looks like the first ever Republican Tech Summit in February of this year is finally yielding fruit. The revolution will not be televised; it will instead be redistributed via youtube. You silly, silly libs. You actually thought moveon.org and the Daily Kos made you the "hip, techno-savvy party" while the GOP was still stuck with swift boat tactics? Those old, angry white men still own more than half the world. They might not know how to tweet but they can pay millions to a handful of MBA tech assassins to engineer muckraking campaigns for the digital age. That's why they call them the 'Grand' Ol' Party, you know. They can afford to toss more than a grand at any problem. Where was this sleaze mining when Roberts and Alito were being considered? I'm sure those two assholes have opened their mouths wide enough on camera to drive an Enterprise-class aircraft carrier through more than once. Too bad Demoncrats didn't have a Karl Rove or Fox News type to open fire with all salvos at the Bushies. Now we're stuck with Pain & Panic at the helm for 20 years.

Here's to torpedoing many fine jurists in the court of public opinion. They don't learn quick but that's what money is for. Never underestimate a billionaire and the depths he will stoop to in order to pander to the hysterical, foolish masses.

Draw a line through Sotomayor. She's done. There ain't no way she can make it through the tarring and feathering of being labeled a "damn liberal activist judge." Her own words have hung her.

http://www.slate.com/id/2217608/

And now for something completely different. This story sucks. Come on, now, kidnapping kids so Americans can have their precious "rescued foreign babies"? And we're not even talking Madonna or Angelina Jolie here. Are we now appeasing white guilt by paying brown people to steal babies from other brown people so we can manufacture a smug & superior sense because we can't stand to see a perfectly healthy baby be "thrown away"? Well of course they weren't going to throw away a healthy baby (except in China, where not having a penis is still considered a birth defect). But I need to feel progressive and better than foreigners some how. Here, let me pay white people to pay some brown people to do some awful, illegal stuff. The white guy with the nice teeth and dapper suit said it was ok so it must be ok. Well if those people would actually do such a thing as kidnapping for the small sum of 10x what the entire town makes in a year, then maybe this baby is better off with me.

WTF, America? It's this kind of shit that's gonna end up dragging me into some "public interest-y" area of the law like human rights and anti-trafficking. I need to make a visit to Bohemian Grove next year and sacrifice up all my tender feelings to a giant owl.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-82095917705734983

the love affairs of nathaniel p.: a novel

2013-09-03T16:47:00.003-04:00

There is something particularly flattering about an entire book dedicated to the kind of person you are, even if that portrait itself isn't very flattering. I felt reading Adelle Waldman's debut novel The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. that slight swelling of the chest, as Hitler's ghost must whilst browsing the WWII section of every decent American library, to see so many words about one such as me. All kidding aside, I've steamrolled over a number of objectively decent relationships in the past few years for the same reasons as the titular literary Brooklynite at the center of this novel: because despite initial interest, after awhile, I just didn't feel it. And following simple laws of physics, Nate (and myself) finds that feelings of the other sort rush in to fill the void in ways that are often insufferable.

The novel opens with Nate running late to a party and running into a former lover, Juliet, on the street. Her reaction to the random encounter is less than civil and Nate seems stunned by it. True, the last time he saw her he did accompany her to the abortion clinic and pay for the procedure because of his role in that state of affairs. And then he had remained the whole of the day to comfort her before summarily abandoning Juliet because he hadn't truly liked her that much in the first place. But we, Nate included, shouldn't take this to mean Nate is heartless or cruel or indifferent to the sensibilities of women. After all, he is the "product of a postfeminist 1980s childhood and politically correct, 1990s college education. He had learned all about male privilege. Moreover, he was in possession of a functional and frankly rather clamorous conscience." This self-reassurance, by the way, is a quote you will see snipped and inserted into almost every review. And for good reason. It neatly summarizes Nate's opinion of himself (it is, after all, relayed to us through our ongoing privileged access to Nate's headspace) while also revealing his blind spots.

But I get ahead of myself. Nate is on the way to his ex-girlfriend's house for a dinner party consisting mostly of his friends. With this Elissa, the ex, Nate has not extricated himself from a frequent ritual of conversations and recriminations punctuated periodically by backsliding. This inability to let go, Nate tells us, stems from both his guilt over ending the relationship and his sympathies for Elissa's career plight as he sees it. At this party, he meets Hannah, an acquaintance of Elissa's that he initially downplays.

A few flirtatious emails later, thanks to the highbrow, left-leaning social conscience that defines and operates Nate's inner circle of friends, Nate and Hannah go out, followed by sex and a relationship, and ultimately, another breakup. The novel narrates the rise and demise of the couple through a series of set piece conversations and Nate's internal monologues staged at coffee shops, diners, parties, and the couple's respective apartments.

Despite eavesdropping on Nate's internal monologues, we actually learn very about him and his motivations directly from him. Sure, he tells us his irritation at Hannah is irrational or his cruelty is often perverse. He repeatedly complains to himself about the stifling realities of a relationship (the other person there all the time! they ask you things! you have to care about their emotional well-being!). And yet his relationship with Elissa lasted several years, through both career and personal highs and lows. And transitioning out of his relationship with Hannah, he takes up with Greer, an autobiographer of her sexual and other flittering, a woman with much the same jejune personality as Elissa without the real-word albatross of a stalled career to weigh Nate down (Elissa's dinner guests at the novel's opening gossip negatively about Greer's very sizeable advance for her next book).

Hannah is the type of girl Nate feels he should be attracted to: smart, successful, witty. She is not, however, the girlish kind of pretty Nate typically pursues. Nor is she the histrionic sort. Despite what Nate might say and perhaps even believe for a time, the high maintenance and conventionally attractive is the kind of girl he is interested in. To put it bluntly, the novel winds up and then unwinds Nate's punishment of Hannah for falling in love with him when she is none of those things. He comes to loathe her "neediness," her simple desire to make things work with him and pain caused by his failings; his failure to try, his failure to recognize what he wants, and his biggest failure, the inability to be honest with either himself or her.

For all the robustness of Nate's inner life, his careful reflections of why he did and harsh assessments of what motivates others, he actually tells us precious little about his desires. His contradictory desires are expressed through his two friends Aurit and Jason. In various conversations throughout the book, Aurit and Jason's advice rather than Nate's own thoughts give voice and reflection to Nate's inner life.

Aurit: female, intelligent, articulate. A woman of which Nate uses the word "maternal" as an insult. She and Nate have never dated. Their relationship is purely Platonic. Aurit blames men for relationships breaking down and attributes these failures to men's personal, often psychological, disorders. Nate chafes at her insistence that the normal state of a man and a woman is in a relationship and men who are not in relationships are somehow pathological. Aurit likes Hannah and feels Nate should work on the relationship. Nate, not openly, feels Hannah is too much like Aurit.

Jason, on the other hand, is priggish and prickish. He is controversial for the sake of controversy, to perform so as to suck the spotlight squarely onto himself at all times. He unironically suggests that pretty but not too bright women should marry the rich and litterati so as to prevent these upper classes from being dominated by uggies. Jason suggests to Nate that he doesn't want a smart but only moderately attractive as a mate; that he doesn't seek a mate who can be an equal, who can challenge him. In fact, he secretly desires pretty, melodramatic women of whom he can complain about the "pains" they cause him on the surface. Nate initially prickles at such a suggestion. By the end of the book, as he settles into his life with Greer, their petty fights, her demands for indulgences, his sidelining her thoughts for the much more serious and sober verbal sparring when out with his friends, confirms Jason's diagnosis.

Aurit and Jason, with Nate in the middle, do not represent the Freudian triumvirate of superego, id, and ego. Rather, Aurit and Jason are external manifestations of Nate's internal wrestling with what he truly wants out of life. And this struggle plays out as Nate stands at the threshold of success, the publication of his first novel. The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. shows this seemingly bright, capable, and modern man to be rather boorish and superficial but with the good manners not to be blunt about it.

Slate's Katie Roiphe describes the novel as "deftly skewer[ing] the new literary man, the bookish, ambitious, N+1ish young man, with his stylish torment, his self-seriousness, his dangerous admixture of grandiosity and insecurity, and old fashioned condescension toward women gussied up as sensitivity, his maddening irony, his very specific way of treating people badly while worrying about liberal politics." Said targets would be the protagonists of Keith Gessen and Benjamin Kunkel's recent novels. Perhaps she's right, but only from the perspective of the jilted ex.

At her best, Waldman's novel feels less like grinding her own personal ressentiment axe against all the Nathaniel Piven's of the world. The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. is nominally about Nate, as it is through his eyes, ears, and voice that we experience the world. But where Keith Gessen's All the Sad Young Literary Men treats women merely as the overlapping props that connect the three male protagonists (Sam, Keith, and Mark) post-college, Waldman seems instead to give a voice to women who come into contact with the "sad young literary man" type; Hannah, confused and hurt by a Nate that runs erratically hot/cold; Elissa, whom he keeps on a leash through emotional affairs and backsliding; and even brief Juliet, whose reprimand "You could have at least—oh, never mind." truly baffles Nate.

Adelle Waldman's debut novel is indeed a reaction against the N+1 ilk, but not an agressive takedown. Instead, in clever, witty, and insightful prose, she not only examines a bright man, a type really, for whom Socrates' maxim to do so is merely an empty refrain, but also surveys the landscape for emotional craters left on a country's single female population as these self-assured, ambitious solipsists pass untouched and unaware over their lives.

evolution of superman's crest

2013-06-13T20:04:00.003-04:00

Infographic Created by HalloweenCostumes.com

star trek: tng

2013-06-09T08:39:00.000-04:00

The episodes of Star Trek: TNG reworked with the title conventions of the sitcom Friends.

S1E1 The One With Space Jellyfish
S1E2 The One Where Data Fully Pleasures Yar
S1E3 The One Where They Raid the "Coming to America" Wardrobe
S1E4 TBD

top 10 kinds of people you'll run into at a music festival

2013-06-03T20:35:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was the 3rd annual Free Press Summer Festival in Houston. In honor of a fantastic weekend spent getting pummeled by the Texas sun and seeing some great bands, I present you with the top 10 kinds of people you'll run into at every music festival this year.

10. Girls in bikinis. Whether it's just a bikini top and extremely short shorts or they've committed fully to swimwear ensemble, you'll always see girls running around in the hot, hot sun with barely anything on.

9. White guy with the Native American headdress on. Oh, you think it's fun to dance around with feathers and facepaint on? Is it cool if Native Americans put on boat shoes and steal your land while goofing on your cultural heritage?

8. Body glitter. Always with the body glitter. Are you really a stripper, ma'am, or do you just like shopping at stripper stores?

7. Someone throwing up. Maybe they drank too much. Maybe they didn't stay hydrated. Either way, they're hunched over somewhere vomiting their guts out while a group of friends stand around acting concerned from just outside the splash zone.

6. People with things hanging from poles. I don't think they're leading a tour group. They just want to make sure the band sees them carrying their favorite pikachu doll dressed up as a leather daddy.

5. Old guy and a much younger woman with fake boobs. A subtype of the girls in bikinis, this woman always displays her obviously fake boobs in tiny top. Her boobs brought them together, either because he paid for them or they caught his eye at Hooters / the local strip club. She's there to prove she's still young, sexy, and fun despite her significant other by pulling the eyes of young guys; he's there to make sure no one else handles his investment's portfolio.

4. A really old guy watching the hardest bands there. Who the hell is this guy? He always seems to be at the festival alone. I suspect he's secretly one of the hardest anarchist punks around and he and the band have plans to do some wicked shit later that night.

3. Guy in a speedo or cross-dressing. You're so transgressive, just like every other guy here wearing a speedo or a bra on a lark. Or maybe you're just jealous of how those bikini girls don't seem to be sweating profusely. Sorry, I meant glistening profusely.

2. White guy with a Mexican flag cape. Almost everybody sees this guy and thinks "what a jackass." And then there's that one guy who thinks it looks cool and comes next year with a Mexican flag around his neck. And so turns the wheel of jackassery.

1. Frat boys and douchebags. So, so many frat boys and douchebags. Where there is alcohol and the opportunity to ruin a good time, they'll be there. Is it part of the pledge or something? They always turn up in droves. I guess that's what joining a frat is all about.

Kickstart My Heart

2013-04-24T18:10:00.001-04:00

I made my first Kickstarter pledges today to help out two video projects I'm super excited about.

The first is for a web series by the Continue? fellows called Smart Guys. The trio set out to make the greatest video game in the world. The only problem is none of them knows the first thing about making video games. You can pledge here.

You should also watch the promotional video which is all kinds of weird A Team parody.

My second pledge is to help funny guy Zack Braff make his followup film to Garden State. Entitled Wish I Was Here, it's about a daydreamer father who decides to try his hand at home schooling his kids. You can pledge here.

Both Continue? and Zack Braff have brought me a lot of joy over the years. If a small donation can help them make their next dream projects come true, it's worth the price.

Black Super Heroes... DC

2013-04-23T22:03:00.000-04:00

Originally, I conceived this item as a Black History Month piece prompted when I noted that DC Comics offered selected back issues featuring black heroes each week in February as part of its weekly $.99 digital sale. [read online][for iOS devices][powered by android] But February was a busy month for me. So instead, I've reworked it as a pre-emptive strike and companion piece to my original Race & The Comic Book Movie entry.

As you may remember, quite a controversy was stirred by Kenneth Branagh's decision to (re)cast the Asgardian Bifrost Bridge guardian Heimdall with (black) actor Idris Elba. I noted that Marvel's earlier decision to import the Ultimates black Nick Fury (based on Samuel L. Jackson) into the Marvel universe canon continuity for the movies by casting actual Samuel L. Jackson in the role elicited nary a peep. Well, we're a little under 3 months away from Warner Brothers' release of Man of Steel (14 June 2013), the Zack Snyder reboot of the Superman film franchise. DC Comics once again throws its hat into the ring of racial (re)casting this year with none other than Laurence Fishburne in the role of Daily Planet Editor-in-Chief Perry White.[1]

Snyder's got a lot resting on his shoulders with this film. Not only is he responsible for salvaging one of Warner Brothers' most recognizable (and hopefully bankable) properties next to Batman for the big screen following Bryan Singer's 2006 epic debacle Superman Returns. Now Man of Steel is pinned as the first strike for a run-up to a Justice League movie. Fresh off his wildly successful Batman trilogy, director Christopher Nolan has been tapped to produce Justice League.

The cynical me ignores Warner Brothers' past approval of casting decisions against the race of its comic book heroes for the big screen. It hopes Snyder et al didn't intentionally court Thor-like controversy in order to cash in on some of that sweet, sweet The Avengers[2] films revenue.

The optimistic me, on the other hand, hopes choices like this are directed at righting the race and gender imbalance in comics books, both on the page and screen. A majority of the most iconic heroes and their supporting casts were created during a time with very different social demographics. But the times, they are a' changin'. I hope DC and Marvel are taking the opportunity to (re)make their canon continuities to better reflect the modern, integrated world. You know, the one in which Americans elected a black man to be President. Twice.

So to (belatedly) honor Black History Month and the changing face of comics, here's my list of best known black super heroes in DC Comics. I've tried my best to arrange them in the order in which I encountered them. This is by no means an exhaustive list of black super heroes in DC Comics. Although Superman was (and may still be) hands down my favorite super hero, one thing becomes abundantly clear by reading this list: my primary access to the DC universe has been through its numerous fantastic animated series, tv shows (not Smallville) and films. I've briefly read runs of Superman and Batman comics over the years but never regularly subscribed like with Marvel's X-Men books. The recently relaunched Justice League, however, has caught my eye at the moment.

Black Vulcan (1977)
The original black super hero for me. He was a Super Friend. Perhaps a token minority character along with Apache Chief (eh-neeek-chok!) and Samurai (whom I'm not sure was Japanese) to balance out the white core at the Hall of Justice, I didn't perceive Black Vulcan that way. They, along with El Dorado, were each Hanna Barbera creations and not DC characters. To me growing up watching Super Friends in the early 80s, however, he was that guy with the lightning powers who wasn't Superman (my favorite), Batman,[3] Wonder Woman, or the other first class (generationally, not rank) of Super Friends. This is when I still bought coloring books instead of comic books so I wasn't yet aware of Black Lightning, whom Black Vulcan is "loosely" modeled.

Steel (1993)
I don't like Steel. It's not because he is (literally) a poor man's Iron Man, though that doesn't help. It's not even for that so-terrible-it's-kinda-good Shaq movie. No, I don't like him because of his origin. John Henry Irons, aka Steel, stepped up to the plate as one of four beings laying claim to Supes' crest after the Man of Steel's death-nap way back in 1993. That issue, Superman #500, has been blamed for single-handedly crashing the collector's glut back in 1993.

About that Shaq movie... The one good thing I can say about Steel is that, because of his inclusion in the Superman family, he is a high profile black hero. One that studio execs thought they could tap to bring "urban" audiences in to see a geek film. For being that kind of presence in pop culture, I don't despise him.

Static (2000)
Static appeared in an animation block along with Batman Beyond. I later learned he was an import from the now defunct Milestone comics line. He's kind of like a black Spider-Man, complete with quips and homemade gadgets. Unlike Spider-Man, Static never went the hero route alone. He relied heavily on his friend Richie for support.

Green Lantern (2001)
Jon Stewart, aka the black Hal Jordan. Seriously, whereas Hal was reckless and a lone wolf, Lantern Jon Stewart was a no nonsense former Marine. He debuted as the Green Lantern in the Justice League cartoon because the producers felt that his abrasive personality added a different dimension to the League. I wasn't fond of him and missed Hal Jordan. His romance with Hawkgirl felt forced.

Cyborg (2003)
I knew about the Teen Titans comics but never read them. Then came Cartoon Network's Teen Titans series and I was hooked. Cyborg was the mature Titan along with Robin but lacked Robin's moodiness, sullenness and lone wolf mentality. He was also best friends with my favorite, Beast Boy.

Vixen (2004)
I saw her in the Justice League Unlimited episode Wake the Dead (2004). She was Jon Stewart's black girlfriend replacement for Hawkgirl. Vixen is also a minor member of the Justice League in the comics. Her powers make her sort of a sexy Animal Man.

Mr. Terrific (2004)
Michael Holt version. First appeared in cameo in Season 1 Initiation and appears briefly in a few other episodes during seasons 1 and 2. He starts to move into role of JLU Coordinator after departure of Martian Manhunter in third episode of season 3 To Another Shore. For some reason I can't but think of the late 80s WWF heel Mr. Perfect when I hear his name.

[1] See Billy Dee Williams as District Attorney Harvey Dent in Tim Burton's wildly popular Batman movie; and Halle Berry as the titular character in the universally derided Catwoman. Well, don't actually SEE Catwoman.
[2] For those of you living under a rock for the past half decade, that would be: (1) Iron Man (2008); Iron Man 2 (2010); Louis Leterrier's reboot of The Incredible Hulk (2008) with Edward Norton as Bruce Banner; Thor (2011); and Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). The films were initially connected through cameo appearances of SHIELD Director Nick Fury as he tried to recruit a team of super heroes.
[3] This was between the Adam West years and the Michael Keaton / Tim Burton collaborations, before The Animated Series, and long before the because he's Batman meme.

Thor: The Dark World

2013-04-23T19:12:00.001-04:00

Here's the trailer to the new Thor movie, The Dark World, starring my guy crush Thor, ahem, Chris Hemsworth. Ever since the Ultimates launch, I have loved beardo Thor and am happy to see that version of the Thunderer translated onto the big screen. Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings reprise their roles as Jane and Darcy. Anthony Hopkins as Odin and even Tom Hiddleston as Loki also return. From the looks of it, Thor and Loki have to team-up to take down a new villain threatening all Nine Realms.

You can catch a quick glimpse of Jaimie Alexander as Sif (glimpsed at 1:06 as Mjolnir flies by and then a closeup at 1:14) but I failed to sight the Warriors Three on my first viewing.

Thor: The Dark World is set for release 8 November 2013.

The Mighty Quest for Epic Loot

2013-04-23T18:54:00.000-04:00

This game looks fantastic! It mashes up Diablo-like action RPG gameplay (plus the emphasis on monty-haul loot gathering) with tower defense elements reminiscent of 2011's fantastic Orcs Must Die! (click here to purchase for XBLA or Steam) from Robot Entertainment and emphasizes AFK multiplayer. You raid castles designed by other players to collect sweet, sweet epic loot to beef up your hero and earn goods to fortify your own stronghold against would-be raiders. Currently, it's in alpha (click here to apply).

Story Trailer

Gameplay Trailer

top 5 songs for the week for 25 march 2013

2013-03-25T00:01:00.000-04:00

1. savages - she will

Debut LP Silence Yourself will be out on May 7 in the US via Matador.

2. kisses - huddle

Long time fans of the feature (all zero of you) will recognize Kisses from previous posts. Their sophomore album Kids in LA comes out May 14 on Cascine Records

3. girls - alex

4. tame impala - why won't they talk to me?

5. kurt vile - never run away

The first single off Kurt Vile's new album Walking on a Pretty Daze, out April 9 via Matador.

new single from the black angels

2013-03-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

top 5 songs of the week for 18 march 2013

2013-03-17T18:43:00.000-04:00

1. Yellow Red Sparks - Yellow Red Sparks

It's song 5 but I'm including the entire album streaming on SoundCloud for your listening pleasure.

2. Male Bonding - Bones

3. Tame Impala - Apocalypse Dreams

4. The Specials and Fun Boy Three - The Lunatics (Have Taken Over the Asylum)

5. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta

In honor of the fact that I just discovered series 8 of Peep Show is available on Hulu Plus. You can try Hulu Plus for free for two weeks by clicking HERE.

I Can Chang-e, I Can Chang-e (but not necessarily for the better)

2013-03-16T19:11:00.001-04:00

Chronicling my mostly disappointment with season 4 of Community...

Season 4 Episode 6
dir. Jay Chandrasekhar

Something's off with this season of Community. The gang is all back and each episode still features a gimmick to hold it together, so the show is still playing the same old tunes. But I don't seem to be getting as much pleasure as seasons 1-3.

The easy thing to blame is the departure of series creator and notable pain in the ass Dan Harmon. Without him at the helm, the show doesn't feel the same. But what is it? What's missing? In other words, what is Harmon's signature?

It's easy to pick out a Joss Whedon production. The dialogue is smart and snappy; the entire ensemble is full of strong and individual personalities (no 1D or 1 note characters); and there's always a strong female somewhere in the mix if she's not in fact the lead.[1] Whedon's first two attempts to translate this formula into silver screen gold were less than successful.[2] But he hit one of the world's biggest jackpots ever last summer with Marvel's The Avengers.[3]

After mulling Community's season 4 "lack" with a friend, he finally hit upon the right description: this season isn't as dense as seasons past.

Take last Thursday's episode, for example. The frame and gimmick of "Advanced Documentary Filmmaking" is that Abed is shooting a documentary about Changnesia as part of a Greendale grant proposal to the MacGuffin Neurological Institute to study "Kevin's'" condition.[4] Everybody is on board with this plan except Jeff, who suspects Chang is faking and won't let go of the fact that at the end of season 3, a power-crazed Chang had tried to kill them all. Even the always fabulous but getting weird/stalker-creepy this season Dean Pelton is behind the grant proposal and he has perhaps the biggest axe to grind with Chang. After all, Chang kidnapped him, imprisoned him in the basement, and hired a Dean Pelton doppelgänger (a dean-pelganger) for much of last season.[5] But money and prestige for Greendale are always good as far as the dean is concerned, and anyway, "Kevin" is acting like a better person.

Jeff's plan is to pretend to go along with the grant proposal while secretly plotting to expose Chang. The side- slash meta-plot with Abed filming himself as director listening to Jeff's plan doesn't feel, well, meta enough in its comments on the whole documentary within a documentary within a sitcom setup. Britta remarks at the end of the episode that "the documentary" was actually a documentary about Abed making a documentary about being honest but this hits more like desperate hand-waving for acknowledgment ("yes, 4th wall, you are indeed broken," the writers seem to be saying through Britta) than a meta-joke. However, the scene where Abed is editing is one of the episode's biggest successes. Abed says he won't show us how Jeff's plot to expose Chang backfires and it works, both because Danny Pudi shines with his reaction shots and because he comments on the structure of editing itself when he tells the camera that the unseen scene isn't actually so bad but not showing it helps move the dramatic tension of his documentary along.[6] It has the elements of a fourfold joke, the hallmark of Community under Harmon (see below).

Britta's faux psychology chops, temporarily buoyed by last week's success with Jeff and his runaway father, is a one note joke.

The episode called back to Annie's interest in forensics as she and Troy team up to investigate more about where Chang was before showing up at the psychologist's office. The writers try to wring some laughs out of Troy doing the "buddy copy" routine (always contradict your partner) as Detective Houlihan's (Annie Edison) partner Partner, but they don't work as well as past season's comment-on-the-spoofed-homage dynamic like Abed doing Dinner with Andre, playing at Batman, or evil alternate universe Abed complete with cardboard "evil duplicate" goatee.

Shirley's role this week isn't even worth commenting on. It's a shame, too, because she was coming into her own with the previous week's Thanksgiving special.

The biggest blown opportunity this week was Pierce. Jeff tasks him with doing entertainment at the grant proposal presentation for the MacGuffin group. I expected full-on inanity with (accidentally) all the wit and force of "the play is the thing" in Shakespeare's Hamlet. Instead, we got an unfunny, racist bit that only related tangentially to the plot with reversed race roles of the principal players, Chang and his unremembered secret wife.[7] But beyond race, the episode doesn't even try to pull the trigger on this perfect moment to be brilliant and comedic commentary despite Pierce's awfulness. It feels like a moment pitched while Harmon was still with the show but one that couldn't come to fruition without a strong, single vision and overarching voice. In other words, I think Harmon would have hit it out of the park in the same way as last season's "Digital Estate Planning" or "Remedial Chaos Theory."

Whatever happened to the "darkest timeline" anyway? Is Chang's Changnesia part of that storyline? Did it survive Harmon's purge?

In an unsurprising but mildly amusing twist, Jeff's unmasking backfires and he ends up a pariah at Greendale, "accidentally becoming more Chang than Chang at his Changiest." Naive "Kevin" forgives him and Jeff finally seems to have joined (the duped side with) the rest of the Greendale community in believing Chang's Changnesia is real.

The last scene features Chang talking to some unseen person on his cell phone. He confirms that he is indeed faking Changnesia and his plot to infiltrate Greendale is successful, even gaining the confidence of alpha and skeptic Jeff Winger. In an homage to the classic espionage trope, he then ditches his phone in the trash and walks away, laughing maniacally. Then he comes back to retrieve it, asking why he did that.

Despite "Digital Estate Planning," I don't know if Harmon ever played video games (or at least those past the 8bit era), but I can't help feeling that under his control, Chang's big "reveal" would have felt more like revealing the hero to actually be the galactic villain Darth Revan in Knights of the Old Republic. Here the reveal is merely the setup to a single, barely amusing gag about (master spies failing at) covering your tracks while going undercover.

That's the big problem with this season: layering. Or, more accurately, a lack thereof. Under Harmon, Community was more than shout outs, callbacks, foreshadowing, and pop culture references. It was a densely layered show in which a perfectly executed Harmon gag would simultaneously be (1) funny in its own right, (2) an allusion to something previous in the show or setup a later joke [internal reference], (3) some kind of reference to pop culture or for the show's faithful [external reference], AND (4) some kind of meta-commentary on those references or the conceit of a episodic-with-serial-bits sitcom itself. This fourfold structure of a joke is what made Community unique. Each and every joke per 23 minute episode felt worked on and rarefied through rewriting alchemy until, by Harmon's Midas touch, it became pure comedy gold. Over the course of 3 seasons.

Another failed moment: Chang being named after his "rescuer's" dog leading to Troy realizing he is also named after his family's pets. But Jeff's comment about finding evidence to support a human trafficking claim usually being a good thing did elicit a chuckle.

Now Community feels more like you're average sitcom. Sure, the one-off episode gimmicks and nod and wink towards pop culture references are still there. But they don't feel unified in the same way as before, each molecule reoriented towards something bigger, some meta-comment about the current state of sitcoms and pop culture. Community, like your run of the mill sitcom, now drops jokes then moves on without any lingering thought about how and why they function as they do (a) during prime time (b) on a major network (c) in 2013.

This episode overall is a mixed bag. Dan Harmon still had scribe duties (his last credited one) and Broken Lizard alum Jay Chandrasekhar (who had his turn in the chair while Harmon was still with the show) directed. But this episode is the first crediting Hunter Covington as co-writer. His previous work? 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd; Still Standing; Yes, Dear; My Name is Earl; 100 Questions; Other People's Kids. His twitter account also says he writes for It's Always Sunday in Philadelphia but IMDB doesn't credit him. Did NBC bring him in to "polish" a script Harmon left behind to broaden the show's appeal? Looking ahead as of today, IMDB doesn't include Harmon in the writing credits for any future episodes.

The comparison to pre-Avengers Joss Whedon may be most apt here. Despite the seeming cornerstone place of Buffy (and to a lesser extent Angel) in the collective pop (mono)culture,[8] before The Avengers, Whedon's projects failed to garner much enthusiasm beyond a small, vocal, diehard cadre. Even Buffy at its height never rivaled Lost in terms of viewers. Firefly didn't make it through a full season while Dollhouse lurched on longer than its viewership in this competitive business market probably deserved. Community, too, was a show with seeming little appeal beyond a small niche market who nonetheless supported it devoutly. Despite rumors of cancellation and then a delayed start to an abbreviated season 4,[9] Community continues to live on, at least for another half season. But now it feels like its is being retooled and dumbed down to appeal to a broader demographic.[10]

Community used to be a show about an autopsy. Now it's starting to shuffle like just another prime time zombie.

[1] Two of Whedon's four big tv shows were led by female characters: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dollhouse. Of the other two, Angel was a spinoff of Buffy; only Firefly nominally cast a male in the lead, Capt. Malcolm Reynolds. But Mal was surrounded by strong women, including his second-in-command and all-around badass warrior Zoe, hyper-competent engineer Kaylee, and the companion Inara.
[2] I was a huge fan of the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. I loved it so much, in fact, that when I went to see it in the theater for the first time with my friend and his mother, I somehow managed to convince them to stay and watch it a second time through. The movie was nowhere as big a smash as the story re-worked for television was. Whedon had the opposite problem with his next feature film. Firefly, beloved on tv by rabid fans, didn't do well when transported to the big screen as Serenity.
[3] As of 16 March 2013, The Avengers had made over US $1.5 billion in worldwide box office. Only Avatar, boosted by its 3D only ticket sales (US $2.78 billion) and Titanic (US $2.18 billion) are ahead of it. [source]
[4] Following the framing device of season 2 episode 16 "Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking" and season 3 episode 8 "Documentary Filmmaking: Redux." The faux documentary or mockumentary format is also spoofed in last season's 2 part Pillow War documentary (episodes 13 and 14). Also, haha, MacGuffin.
[5] When season 4's first episode featured Fred Willard as Pierce in Abed's (re)imagining of Community as a tv show, I actually thought that was a clever allusion to the obvious impostor replacement Dean Pelton running visual gag in season 3 as well as timely winks at Chevy Chase's known departure from the show in the middle of filming and Fred Willard's recent exposure problems.
[6] It's not quite the perfect Harmon joke. To reach 100% completion, some allusion to Nicholas Cage's infamous reaction shot acting would have needed to be made somewhere in the episode. This much maligned scene from Nicholas Cage's much maligned 8mm illustrates his reaction shot prowess at its best.
[7] Pierce plans to do a puppet show by painting and dressing his hands similar to the South Park episode in which Cartman's hand puppet Jennifer Lopez gets more famous than the real thing. Pierce has a Hispanic male puppet and a Chinese female puppet, the inverse of Chang's secret marriage.
[8] You can take college courses for credit on Buffy at, for example, DePaul University, Portland State University, and Brunel University in London. The latter offered its course in "Buffy studies" as part of the Masters curriculum.
[9] See the brilliant October 19th slash "Community Season 4 Premieres... Someday" video. Was Chang's attempted beard-as-disguise an allusion to season 4's Changnesia plot and evil Abed's role in the darkest timeline? And what about the timely reference to the salaciously titled news story about Crystal the Monkey, aka Annie's Boobs, being the 5th highest paid actor per episode of a sitcom [Annie's Boobs Make More Money Than You] that's also a not so subtle jab at NBC for greenlighting the abysmal new (now failed) sitcom Animal Practice, starring Crystal the Monkey, and slotting it to premiere in the fall in Community's place.
[10] Ever since its return to Fox, Family Guy has been trending this way, too. The family used to be a flimsy conceit holding together from week to week the pop culture schizophrenia of the cutaways. Now there are A and B plots about Griffins and other major Quahog folk, just like The Simpsons. This charge has been brilliantly leveled against series creator, song writer, and voice actor extraordinaire several times in the Comedy Central Celebrity Roasts he hosts. The problem for Family Guy "evolving" into a familiar sitcom structure in order to garner more viewers is that the characters, everybody down to a one of them, were created to be utterly and thoroughly unlikeable. It's hard to care what happens to them when you don't like them in the first place. When they were just paste to hold the cutaways together, that they were unpalatable wasn't a problem. And hey, if you liked them, congratulations, you were the paste-eating kid everybody made fun of in elementary school. Now that they're the white stuff holding the two cookies of the Oreo together, it doesn't work so much. Even Seth MacFarlane acknowledges this when he warns the viewers through Peter or Stewie that it's a "Meg episode" and everybody hates Meg so you might as well not watch. And oh, hey, yet another example of the creator of a fiercely loved niche product with a loyal fanbase who became uber-successful.

satire fails

2013-02-26T21:12:00.000-05:00

Having grown up watching stand-up throughout the 1980s, I hew to the rather controversial view that there are no bad jokes, only unfunny ones. This is a line I think a lot of stand-ups want to take but it's harder and harder to maintain and stay working in the era of instant internet outrage. See the public flaying of Gilbert Gottfried over his Japanese tsunami tweets. You tell a funny joke, people laugh, you keep telling it. Tell an unfunny joke, people don't laugh, and you rip it out of the act. Those non-stop hilarious, award-winning HBO specials aren't written in a week, folks. They're the result of months and months, if not years, on the road, night after night testing and refining jokes in comedy clubs all over the United States.

I extend the same theory to comedy in general. The Onion's Oscar Night tweet wasn't a "bad" joke. It wasn't funny. Period. Attacking the site, especially after they offered an apology, misses the entire point of comedy. Calling 9 year old Oscar nominee Quvenzhané Wallis the c-word wasn't funny. We've registered that fact, the Onion owned up to it, let's move on.

In case you've had your head buried in the sand like I usually do, here's the gist of it. On Sunday night, the Onion published this tweet:

People lost their minds because the website called a little girl the c-word. The tweet was deleted within a few hours (but thankfully preserved via the internet). On Monday, Steve Hannah, the CEO of The Onion, issued the following apology.

Dear Readers,

On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.

In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible.

Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.

Sincerely,

Steve Hannah
CEO
The Onion

The mantra that keeps getting repeated is that this is a rare apology from The Onion. No one seems to be citing other controversies in which The Onion refused to back down. The closest I could find is this index of stories over at the Huffington Post. Along with Onion staffers past and present, I guess I'm firmly in the camp against the apology. Even some members over at the staff at Forbes are against it.

I mostly agree with Movie Bob over at The Escapist. His analysis of the work it takes to craft a funny joke and the laziness of the instant age through so-called live snarking are spot on. I also think he does a pretty good job trying to break down what the joke was trying to do; i.e. to satirize the constant roll of comments about Hollywood, much of it nasty, and much of the nastiest of the nasty aimed at women.

I'm going to leave aside free speech and disciplining employees for work clearly within the parameters of the company's work. Instead, I want to look at the joke a little closer. Where I think Bob goes off-track is in concluding that "that joke wasn't worth telling in the first place." He overlooks a couple of key points.

First, those familiar with the Onion would immediately recognize the tweet for what it was: a joke. It was never intended to be an attack on Quvenzhané Wallis. In fact, they targeted her exactly because she wasn't supposed to be the target of an attack. She's a child and bloggers usually lay off the vitrol when it comes to children. Tweeting about her focused the satirical edge. It had to be her because saying something nasty about any other (adult) actress would simply look like all the other nastiness.

Second, part of the problem is that of audience. When you pay your money and take a seat at a comedy club, you (are supposed to) know what you're signing up for. There's a selection bias at work. Unfortunately for the Onion, twitter doesn't work with that same selection bias. Anybody reading the Oscar tweets would have been able to pick up their comment, even those unfamiliar with or not amused by the Onion. Satire, especially the hard edged kind the Onion is known for, isn't everybody's cup of tea. The internet and especially twitter spread offense at the speed of retweet.

Third, the context is pretty clear when you read the whole tweet. Summaries like "the Onion basically called Wallis the c-word" miss the context clues that should let you know this is satire. The "[e]veryone else seems afraid to say it" and the form of a question ending with "right?" indicate this isn't meant to be taken seriously. It isn't a declaration, it's a question in the familiar "amirite" form. And the fact that "everyone is afraid to say it" brackets off the conclusion. They don't say it not because they afraid to say it but because it's a wrong thing to say. The point was to transgress those boundaries to comment about the daily transgression of those boundaries by Perez Hilton, TMZ, and others. The tweet as a whole disavows the very conclusion that people made and shared about it.

All of this to say that I didn't think the joke was all that funny. I get what the writer over at the Onion was trying to do. Maybe 140 characters isn't enough to properly establish satire in. Maybe I would have found it funnier if I had been following their entire series of tweets about the Oscars so that I was prepared for a joke-mean on its surface-about a 9 year old. Or maybe I just don't think 9 year olds should be the target of such jokes even when they're not really the targets. Maybe we should leave the kids out of the politics. Even those kids who walk down the target range that has become the Red Carpet.

The difference between my view and Bob's is perhaps subtle but important. He thinks the joke wasn't worth telling. I think it was worth telling, it just wasn't funny. And maybe there's a place in this world, a critical place, for unfunny jokes. [roll out tired bit for cheap laughs] Except for Dane Cook. That guy sucks.