We teach you grandma’s basket and grandma’s lullaby moves. Deadly. Seriously deadly. Never underestimate the power of Little Red Riding Hood.

Stand up for yourself. Fight back, grandma-style.

My friend’s daughter, Shelagh (pronounced Shayla) told me about a paper she had written on the subject of how often rape happens between people who know each other. Then there was the story of bad rape jokes on Twitter that led to a UFC fighter, Miguel Torres, being released from the organization.  Finally, I noticed a long conversation taking place on Facebook regarding the best ways women can defend themselves against rape.

Funny how things often come in threes.

What Rosi thinks

Rosi Sexton is a professional mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter who lives in England. She has some strong feelings on the subject of self-defense to prevent rape incidents from happening.

“By focusing on the stranger in the car park or the back alley, (self-defense programs) continue to blind women to the danger of the really sweet guy she met in the bar who offers to walk her to her car, or the man who’s just invited her in for a coffee. Most rapists don’t fit the model of ‘deranged sexual predator with a screw loose’ that they are describing.”

Being over-powered

As the conversation progressed, Rosi identified a variety of ways men over-power women. “For example, it might come down to coercion or blackmail, rather than outright violence. There’s also a reluctance of women to retaliate physically against someone she knows, and there’s the difficulty of being in an enclosed or compromising location — e.g. his car or house.”

Even though Rosi is well-trained in how to defend herself physically, she said, “In my opinion, only a very small part of rape prevention involves teaching women to fight back physically.”

I agree with Rosi. It’s important to know how to defend yourself, but it’s unlikely that you’ll remember what to do or be effective at it, unless you practice your moves frequently. One of the best reasons for taking kick-boxing or boxing or any martial arts class, is the practice you get, breathing properly under stress.

Self-defense vs. common sense

Rosi continued, “For example, how would this even begin to address the case of a man who takes a compromising photo of a woman at a drunken party, and then coerces her into having sex by threatening to post the photo on Facebook? Or the woman who accepts a spiked drink from a stranger?

The most important message to get across — again, just in my opinion — is to be very careful who you get drunk with, go out with, go home with, accept a lift from or have a relationship with. And, that most rapists aren’t obvious monsters with a screw loose – they’re normal looking guys, who may very well be charming and funny and come across as the perfect gentleman.”

Beyond the common sense things people do to keep themselves out of dangerous situations, I’m left wondering how people get themselves sorted out, after something bad does happen to them. I don’t mean actual “rape”. I leave that to the professionals prepared to handle that level of anger, disruption and distress. I mean the dominating behavior that would lead a man to force a woman into doing something — that she ordinarily wouldn’t do — by putting her in a difficult position.

Being placed in a position to follow someone’s orders because they have power over you — sounds like bullying to me.

Statistics from Shelagh

Shelagh Murphy, a student at Columbia University, has numbers to add into the discussion. The following points are from a paper she’s written entitled, “Rape Prevention Programs”. If you would like a specific reference, let me know.

How many? Between 20% and 25% of college women experience a completed or attempted rape before they graduate (McMahon; Foubert & Cremedy, 2007), with some estimates of college women experiencing sexual violence as high as 50% (Banyard, Moynihan, & Plante, 2007).

Fight back (Get loud): Until recently, women were warned not to resist rapists, much like they were warned not to wear sexy clothing (Rozee, 2011). Current research shows that physically resisting, either forcefully fighting or defensively, or forcefully verbally accosting a rapist diminishes the rate of completed sexual assaults (Fischer, Diagle, & Cullen, 2008; Rozee, 2011; Lonsway, et al, 2009).

Who does it? Nation wide, 62% of women who experience rape are raped by current or former partners or boyfriends, and 21% are raped by acquaintances (Fisher, Diagle, & Cullen, 2008). On college campuses, at least 2/3rds of rapes are committed by acquaintances, 25-30% of whom are intimate partners.

Why? Berg, Lonsway, and Fitgerald (1999) found that 20% of the men in their study would rape if they could get away with it.

One last scholarly point from Shelagh: While most rapes occur in private (Casey, 2009), challenging rape jokes and hyper-masculinity within social settings amongst peers, is one of the ways the bystander approach programs encourage participants to address rape (Casey & Linhorst, 2009, Flood, 2011; Foubert & Cremedy, 2007; Lonsway, et al, 2009).

Learning lessons the hard way

Interesting to note that a situation recently happened involving Miguel Torres making a disgusting rape joke out in the open where anyone could see it. Miguel is a public figure and is in the position of influencing people–whether he does the right thing or the wrong thing.

Dana White, UFC President, fired Miguel when he heard about the incident.
Miguel was upset. His fans were upset.

Four weeks after releasing Miguel, Dana has re-hired him. The shock of Dana’s response caused Miguel to take a look at what he had done and how his humor affected other people.

Read this He’s Back! Punishment is Over, Miguel Torres Rejoins the UFC   for the details about the rape centers he visited (and the money he donated) to sensitize himself to how his words impact other people.

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Who’s in your corner? Whose corner are you in?

Lessons: tell the people who are in your corner so they can help you.

• Be in your own corner first. Don’t give responsibility for your well-being to people you don’t know or to people who haven’t taken good care of your feelings in the past.
• Trust people to behave well around you. If the pattern of their behavior is ringing alarm bells in your head. Honor the alarm bells and leave the situation immediately.
• If something terrible does happen to you, don’t keep it to yourself. Find someone you trust to help you. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed–if that’s what’s stopping you–will disappear when someone empathizes with you. You will feel supported if you reach out for help.

Who is in your corner? Have you made a good selection?

If you’re having trouble figuring out who’s in your corner or who are the best people to serve the role of corner men for you, I can help.

Schedule some time to talk to me or read my ebook which covers the subject. It includes worksheets for you to map out your people according to a variety of characteristics to show you who does the best job of cornering you when you hit a bump in life.

Snap out of it!

If you think about it, Dana White is an excellent corner man for Miguel Torres. Dana stepped up and delivered a significant consequence that woke Miguel up.

More “In Your Corner” posts on thatgirlisfunny:

In Your Corner: It’s Complicated to be Coach and Husband (or Wife) For the Same Person

I thought “Sheepshead” was a brand name or the name of a combo-meal.

But I was wrong.

Turns out, it’s sheep’s head, but spelled sheepshead (small s and all together with no spaces).

Northern exposure

The movie was good, but the sheepshead fascinated me.

I found an old interview with the writer of the book that the movie, Jar City, is based on.

Nicholas Wroe interviews Arnaldur Indridason, whose macabre thrillers, starring his ‘gloomy Scandinavian’ inspector Erlendur, are not only hugely popular in his native Iceland, but a growing global success.

“I suppose that scene is pretty disgusting,” laughs Indridason, sipping coffee in a café overlooking the city of Reykjavik and the dramatic snow-covered heights of Mount Esja behind it. “But I wrote about films for 20 years and Alfred Hitchcock was my favourite director. So, in a way, it is a tribute to him. I think it is also a little bit funny and I hope it catches some of his combination of humour and mayhem.”

That “strange things happening around food” theme continued through the story.

The Pathologlist was very comfortable eating his lunch over the dead body.

No, he didn’t change his gloves before he picked up that pork chop.

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How to eat a sheepshead

 Step One

Scoop out the eye.

Step Two

Split it’s head open.

Step Three

Enjoy!

This fight is going to be nasty.  At the press conference, UFC fighter, Nate Diaz, exhibited his usual surliness by knocking his opponent’s cowboy hat off his head during the stare-down. Cowboy Cerrone will make Nate pay for that.

Picking Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone to win.

UFC President, Dana White, who tweeted the link, moves fast to get between them. That man’s got good reflexes.

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone vs Nate Diaz

UFC 141

Las Vegas, NV

December 30, 2011

“Cage fighting (aka mixed martial arts) is one of the world’s fastest growing sports. It is violent, shocking and some say barbaric, but hugely popular. Inside the cage, punching, kneeing, kicking, elbowing and choking are all allowed.

Whilst men have dominated the sport for years, female fights are now becoming an increasing attraction.”

“Filmmaker Nick Holt follows the fortunes of two British female fighters as they travel to America for the biggest bouts of their lives. Both have their own reasons for stepping into the cage and both are prepared to lay their safety on the line in search of success.

The film analyses their motivations for taking part in this most macho of sports and explores the complex and often difficult relationships both fighters have with their male trainers – who, in both cases, are also their partners.”

Rosi Sexton

“Rosi Sexton is Britain’s most successful female cage fighter. Like many who enter the cage, she hadn’t always wanted to become a fighter. Rosi has a first class mathematics degree from Cambridge and a doctorate in theoretical computer science, and is studying for a third degree in osteopathy. She also has a three-year-old son with her partner and trainer, Karl. We follow Rosi as she travels with Karl to the US, for what will be the most important fight of her career.”

Lisa Higo

“Lisa Higo is a mother of two and is married to her husband and trainer, John. They are based in Leeds and Lisa has been trying to break into the cage fighting elite since John encouraged her to get into the sport. For Lisa, at 35, her last stab at becoming an international contender is at the world’s largest all-female mixed martial arts tournament. We travel with Lisa to Indiana, where, to take the title, she must beat three other women on one brutal night.”

The videos cover the one hour show.

For an update on what Lisa and Rosi have been up to since the show aired, click Before Gina Carano’s ‘Haywire’, There’s ‘Cage Fighting Women’.

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MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 1

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 2

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 3

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 4

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 5

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 6

MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 7

Doctor Who: An Unearthly Child (1963) Episode 1

I remember watching “Dr. Who” when I was five years of age — from behind the couch. The Daleks, with their monotone voices absolutely terrified me.

One of my fun goals for 2012 is to get caught up on all episodes of Doctor Who from 1963 to present day.

Doctor Who s01e01p1 An Unearthly Child by BloodmageVII

Doctor Who 2011: “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe” trailer

BBC America presents the latest “Doctor Who” adventure.

Time for me to get caught up on what I’ve missed.  “Doctor Who” meets “Chronicles of Narnia”?

Happy Holidays!

Please enjoy this holiday video featuring hockey players and their (missing) two front teeth. You gotta love hockey to understand.

If you’re still searching for holiday gift ideas for a Boston Bruins hockey fan, check out this list of gift ideas:

Top 10 Boston Bruins Christmas (or Any Holiday) Gift Ideas

Meanwhile in the world of MMA, a brother offers his support

Urijah Faber cut his long hair for the first time in 12 years to honor and support his sister , Michaella, who has undergone brain surgery following a car accident. Love and good wishes are flowing towards Urijah and his family as the video has over 260,000 views in just two days.

A Tribute to Urijah Faber’s Hair, Now Shaved to Support His Sister

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Boxers and MMA fighters never go into the ring or the cage without one or two or even three people in their corner. One of them takes the lead and shouts instructions for the fighter to follow. The corner’s perspective on what’s happening during the fight is different from what the fighter thinks is going on.

How do you know who to have in your corner?

Trust is imperative because the opportunity that the corner man sees — and starts shouting about — won’t exist forever. The fighter has to move when he or she hears the command. Most people don’t have that level of trust with spouses, girl-friends or even regular friends. The corner man relationship is built up over time and through shared experience.

Everyone needs something different from the people they trust to have in their corner.

How do you pick a good corner man (cornerperson)?

Here’s an example of a corner man chastising his fighter after a loss. The corner man is married to the female fighter. At the time, they’d been together over 18 years.  The conversation after the fight starts around 7:30 minutes of this BBC Four documentary about female cage fighters.

The man swears often during his tirade. Listen with earphones if there are people around who would be offended.

BBC Four — MMA Documentary – Women Cage Fighters – Part 2

The berating this coach is giving his fighter wouldn’t work for me. Would it work for you?

Your spouse or significant other serves a different role from corner man. It might work and I’m sure it does work for some people. But for the most part, separating your work or hobby functions and outcomes, from your marriage or relationship, allows for people to fulfill their role as gentle, home recovery space and not the role of sorting out what went wrong and how to fix it. These are two separate and important roles that are complicated and difficult for one person to handle well. Each role requires a different point of view — of you and what you need.

I don’t advise choosing boyfriends, wives, etc. to be the one you turn to when you need a “snap out of it” slap or reinforcement for your efforts. Find someone else to do that for you.

You can trust a good corner man to get you sorted out with your head on straight in a minute or two of talking to you.

Have you made a good selection?

If you’re having trouble figuring out who’s in your corner or — more to the point — of the people you’re surrounded with at work, in your family and friend circles, who should you choose to serve the role of corner men, schedule some time to talk to me or read my ebook which covers the subject. It includes worksheets for you to map out your people according to a variety of characteristics to show you who does the best job of cornering you when you hit a bump in life.

Your words leave a mark

I found this great story written by a boxing coach and posted on his “Your Corner Man” blog.

“I said….“why didn’t you just come over and say hello?”

“Well sir,” he said, “I remembered how you used to yell at the kids for interrupting you so I thought I would just wait ’till you came over. You’re ugly when you’re mad, Coach”  he said.”

Video: CNN Presents “Fighter Girls”

CNN News Reporter, Amber Lyon, explored the world of fighter girls — women’s Mixed Martial Arts — by following around a young, single mother, Michele Gutierrez, to find out why she fights. Michele is a professional MMA fighter.

“Michele is famous with MMA gamers because she was chosen to appear as one of the female MMA fighter characters in the Supremacy MMA video game. Michele explained that the character in the game features her voice, her life story and even her tattoos.

‘You can break bones and step on faces. It’s brutal,’ Michele said in her video interview with Pro MMA.”

Quote taken from my Interview: CNN Correspondent Amber Lyon Investigates MMA Fighter Girls

Here’s the video description presented by Current TV:

“Mariana van Zeller explores the fastest growing sport in America – Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). MMA is now a billion-dollar industry, watched by millions on national TV. But increasingly, amateurs are stepping onto the mat and drawing blood. Mariana meets male and female cage fighters to understand why they love this violent sport. And she spends time in a church run by “The Fight Pastor,” who ministers a flock of young men who fight for Jesus.”

This is the first time I’ve heard a number as staggering as a “billion-dollars” tied to the cage fighting industry. Looks like MMA is catching on.

Even with church-going people.

Interesting that cage-fighting sounds worse than saying mixed martial arts — or is it just me saying that? Do people think each term sounds just as bad as the other?

Thank you to Women’s MMA Roundup for sending the link around to encourage people to watch the show (or DVR it so you can watch it later).

This documentary joins a list of other TV networks exploring the world of cage fighting and mixed martial arts.

Interview: CNN Correspondent Amber Lyon Investigates MMA Fighter Girls

Amber Lyon became fascinated with idea of women cage fighting. “Mixed martial arts is often looked at as a gladiator sport. When I learned that women were getting in the octagon and fighting, I became intrigued. It is kind of taboo in society. It definitely pushes the edge of the stereotypes when it comes to fighting. I became fascinated with women who choose to fight and choose to absorb so much of their time in a sport that really doesn’t offer, at this point, financial benefits to them.”