That's Miami For you...

The infamous threesome...

2012-02-23T14:39:00.003-08:00

      The word threesome is usually whispered at the dinner table with girlfriends or at the end of the night when you're leaving the hottest clubs in South Beach with the all of the beautiful people. I have this incredibly fabulous friend, she knows the best parties has amazing hook-ups and well shes GORGEOUS. As any local South Beacher will tell you sexy gets you in, and she is always IN... There is though, a difference between sexy and skanky, sexy is wearing your designer outfit like you walked off the pages of Vogue and beautifully crafted designer pumps. Skanky, is wearing a dress where your ass cheeks out, and there are acrylic heels and nails involved.. So my friend is sexy not skanky. Here is where the story gets interesting, she did it, the infamous threesome. SO many times over drinks we have talked about if we did it who would it be with, and how. We decided that if we did it, we would be the "Guest star" the person whose invited in, not a regular on that show.
      Well here's how it went down for my friend. She attended one of those fabulous South Beach parties for the socialites. After a couple of cocktails, at some very hot spots my friend decided to head back to the local watering hole of many South Beachers... In there she tells me she picked her prey, who was at the bar now. She's playing huntress, and he will be hunted. We've all been there, standing at the end of the bar deciding who we are going to take home. It starts out with a simple head nod or a "Hey we should get together sometime".. Which is just code for "Hey lets bang"... She got the offer after a couple more cocktails and couple of compliments.. "Lets hang out"..he says. The prey is one of those well known playboys of the beach, the bachelor who drives a luxury sports car. They leave together to go back to his place, it's a nice ride. There are more drinks are being poured its got to be around 4am this point, the hustle and bustle is over, the lights of SoBe are dimming. She tells me tells me at this point she thought it was late and time to call it a night, tonight might not be the night. As she starts to leave shes cornered by the couple.. enticed to stay for a while. She tells me she knew sex was in the air. The clothes come off the passion is flying. My friend is in the mist of what could be a guest starring role in that infamous threesome, actually going through with it was the shocking part.. She tells me today after she gets home and washes away last nights escapades, that it wasn't awkward there were no questions. The clothes came off, hands everywhere, more compliments on her ass of course..but this time she was naked. Playboy, girlfriend, and Her in a room what could be more fun? There's no need for a sleep over in South Beach you're only walking distance from the nearest cab or you're car. Such a typical South Beach fling, "Wam bam thank you ma'am." There's never a need to discuss it because in the light of day it is what it is.. a good time. SoBe has no need for names and phone numbers a simple "Thanks for a good time" suffices. Let me be clear, during the day She is refined, classy and , not the girl who we would think has threesomes.. But as day turns to night, the hair is teased, the heels are on the, beach comes to life. The infamous threesome was one of the many adventures she had that night. I thought I needed to share it with the world..Because as I see it, it's like scavenger hunt of things to do in South Beach..
1. Have a tiny apartment with no windows in prime SoBe location
2. Eat at a fancy restaurant that has a famous chef
3. Go to the most fabulous club in Miami( LIV)
4. Get offered drugs in the bathroom of a club
5. Be invited to an exclusive party at the hotel and rub elbows with the elite of Miami
6. Have your self a threesome..
7. Hook up with a celebrity
8. Have sex on the beach in the middle of the day, or just go topless on the beach
9.Get on a reality TV show based out of Miami
10. Get a parking ticket or get towed

     Mastering the infamous threesome isn't about love or lust, it's about conquest. It's about who will conquer whom on the beach. We prance around our small little island ride around on our scooters and find our nightly adventures. Her encounter is no different than anything we do on vacation.. Except here in South Beach we can do it every day. There are so many things to explore here and some of them are a little wild but most of them are meant to to make sure that WE are seen. Vegas has a slogan "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" well in Miami I think the phrase I am going to coin is "Anything goes on the adult playground of South Beach".. The infamous threesome is just another notch in a bed post, a triumph if you will. We are young, enjoy it play around, have fun, and bang whom ever we want. Wear your fancy heels, and stack that paper you have a beach to conquer.

-That's Miami for you.

how many on the list have you done?
follow me on twitter @jahuahua

Don't Park There..

2012-02-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

     Maybe you have just moved to South Beach.. Maybe not.. What I have found is that sometimes there is the trickery of where to park. Street parking, Valet, Pay to park, and those stupid deco bikes that take up valuable space that could be used for a car. Heres a few words to the wise if you are questioning your parking decsion its probably the wrong one. Parking in Miami or The beach can be terryifying even dangerous. There's no one who understands the fear of parallel parking more than me. Heres my two cents(maybe more), get to the nearest parking garage, or valet,and or pay to park... Dont take the risk of parking somewhere where there is a sign that has times on it such as the "Commerical loading zone 7am-6pm Mon-Fri 30 min max"...Yeah... Remember that the meters stop working after 10pm so filling them up is a waste.. but the Pay to Parks are always a reliable source.. I had an encounter this past weekend with the LOVELY City of Miami Beach parking enforcement.. Yes Ladies and Gents.. I was towed at 3000 Collins ave. After a great evening with friends at the trendy new pop-up bar Broken Shaker, the drinks were amazing, even the beautiful skinny highball glasses they came in were perfect. The lounge was great ping pong tables and plush couches, and even better were the people I was with. After all was said and done I came out to see my car was no longer in the spot where I left it. I could only think of two things that happened to it:

     1. It was stolen: This would mean i would have to call my insurance company and get a new one.. fine ill take that option one isn't as bad as the other option.
     2. Option 2... I was struck by Satans Henchman... This would be bad since I knew towing couldnt be cheap. Charges for miles, labor, after hours holdings.

     Sure enough it was the option 2... I have never been more scared or frightend in my entire life... a TOWING... Off to find Satans Henchman. Since I just moved to this beautiful city I was unaware that towing had become so popular that JENNIFER LOPEZ even went and produced a show about it.. "South Beach Tow".. By the grace of god these were not the people who towed me.. Unfortunatly there are many a ristrictions to getting your car back.. License, registration, and MONEY$$.. My towing unfortunatly cost me an arm, a leg, and my sanity.. $250 bucks down the drain.

I know that when I moved down here I didnt think it would happen. But for future reference, if you are questioning where you are about to park...
DON'T PARK THERE..

-Thats Miami for you...

** Follow all my mishaps on twitter@ jahuahua

My first time.

2012-02-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

I decided today was the day. The day of my first time. It was a nice warm "winter" day in the beautiful city of Miami, seems like all can only go in one direction, UP. I decided that, "Well if every one is doing it why don't I?"... This is how most magical things happen it starts as an idea, which turns in to a plan, then the plan has an action,then the words come out: " Fuck it bro, I'm doing it!" But who says I have to take charge.. isn't someone else supposed to be incharge of this? I'm not one to call to action but the last time I checked it took two, sometimes more, to work this tango.This brings us to my first time..I know shocking, never thought I'd put it out there like that(wasn't really supposed to be anyones business). It started on a regualr day after regualr afternoon after a regualr day of work..Someone asked me that silly lil question.. "Have you ever?"... My answer.. NOPE.. I've seen the movies read the stories...Never even tried, no clue how to even start.. Then it came to me.. I give the best advice anyone has ever heard.. and now I am going to spread it.. yup thats the plan my first time blogging and its going to be EPIC... My advice and my adventures come from 3 places... Great friends, Great times, and even better adventures.. So my first time writing anything I thought it should start off naughty.. since thats how most of us start out thinking any naughty and always in the gutter. I just moved to Miami and the crazy mishaps ive had so far are worth telling everyone about so follow along it is going to get way better than this.

-Thats Miami for you..