That's What Shea Said

The Butchering of The Bay Harbor Butcher

2014-03-24T22:30:00.003-04:00

I put it off long enough. For the last two seasons I pained my way through the slow decay of one of my favorite TV shows of all time. I dragged that last season out to almost a year after it ended...but tonight was the night. I have finally finished "Dexter".

Before I get into this I'm going to reveal how I wanted the show to end. I've never been one to write fan fiction, but if ever there were cause to do so, this is it.

I came up with this theory after season four's brilliant finale, and I felt so proud of it. Season five would happen in real time, and after that there would be a huge jump in time. Harrison would be in his teenage years and would be killing squirrels and neighborhood dogs. After all, just like Dexter, the death of his mother would have left him permanently scarred. Dexter would try to teach him The Code, but wouldn't be able to bring himself to reveal who he was to his son. He couldn't scar him more, he had to protect what was left.

Naturally, Deb would find out who Dexter was, and, being true to her character, would force herself to turn him in. Not wanting to hurt anyone any more, Dexter would abandon his life in Miami and go on the run. The last season would follow the fugitive Dexter Morgan as he tried to outrun the police. But in the end, Harrison would catch-up with him. Just like Dexter did for his brother, Harrison would put Dexter in his own kill room, and take his life the way Dexter took so many others'. The last shot would be coupled with a final narrative from Dexter as his life ran out of him. Fade to black.

But oh no. The writers didn't want to bother with well-constructed plots and foreshadowing and all that awesome writer stuff. Harrison's not a serial killer, the world never finds out who the real Bay Harbor Butcher was....Dexter doesn't even get arrested.

I'll give this to you writers: you almost had me. Despite the ridiculous and impossible events that led up to it, when Dexter dropped his sister in the water and sailed off to kill himself...the tears built nevertheless. I came this close to crying over the end of a once-great TV show. Sure, the rest of the episode, hell, the rest of the season may have been complete shit written by the seat of your pants...but at least you made a tear-jerker out of the final moment.

But oh no.

He's not dead. He's a lumberjack! And he's ok. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I shouldn't be surprised. If I hadn't been so far behind I would have live-tweeted this season about how farfetched it was. Every episode felt like the men and women of the writer's room just went:

"Ok...now let's introduce this psychiatrist who actually knew about him his whole life, basically made him who he was, and never wanted to meet him until now."

"Yeah, yeah...and what if this random under-five character turns out to be her son!"

"...who's really going to be the main antagonist of-"

"-The last four episodes!"

"And how about in the last two episodes we introduce the concept of hurricanes!"

"Oh yeah, we're in Miami...but somehow we made it through eight years without that ever being a thing!"

"You think anyone will notice?"

"Nah...we got away with there being a new serial killer in Miami every couple of months."

"True, they haven't even noticed we completely forgot he has two adopted step kids."

I don't think I'm far off. With all the great villains the show made over the years...the final season just decided not to have one. In its place, a bunch of loose ends that...kind of get tied up? There are too many moments to mock and too many out-of-character moves to dissect for me to even begin. Instead, all I can do is sit here and be sad.

There was a time the start of a new "Dexter" would be such a thrill. I'd hear those first few notes and I'd smile right along with Dexter as he smacked that pesky mosquito. But towards the end I couldn't even bring myself to pay attention to the full episode. I'd dream about the days where John Lithgow was on the screen, the story was actually pretty brilliant, and the twists were shockers instead of poorly conceived deus ex machinas.

It's unfortunate that there isn't more to say, but even the actors didn't seem to want a part of the final season. There were no interviews, no talk show appearances...everyone just stopped caring. Poor Michael C. Hall did his best up there, but even his brilliance couldn't save this train wreck. "Dexter" suffered a long and painful downward spiral. When I think of this show, I will do my best to focus on the good times: Biney, Trinity, Rita, Miguel, The Skinner...hell, by the end I even missed Doakes and Lila, and I hated those two.

Now I will begin my plan of reading the novels. Originally I saved them so I'd have something to continue the legacy with. Now I will read them to hopefully restore it.

Rest in peace, Dex...I'm sorry they did this to you.

UPDATE:
I understand there's talk of a spin-off. Producers, consider my above alternate ending my application for the writer's room. And uh...I guess...ignore the bashing? No, you needed that.

'With' vs 'Starring': Fallon's "Tonight Show"

2014-03-22T01:20:00.002-04:00

I would like to take a minute to speak positively about something I haven't spoken positively about in five years: The Tonight Show, and more to the point... its shiny new host.

For a long time I did not like Jimmy Fallon. I, like many others, could not stand how he constantly laughed at his own jokes on SNL. But when he took over Late Night, he really started to find himself. He made that show equally as great as Conan and Letterman did, while simultaneously making it a completely original program.

It was for this reason I became thrilled when it was announced he would be the second man to take over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno. Now, those who know me know I don't have many kind words left to say about Mr. Leno. I used to, but I was outraged by his actions during the 2010 Tonight Show battle. I was then, and forever will be on Team Coco. When Leno returned to The Tonight Show, I removed myself from its viewership. I successfully, and proudly, boycotted the Tonight Show, not watching more than a passing clip of it for the past five years. I also made sure I was planted on the couch for Fallon's first episode.

It's been almost a month since he took over, and Jimmy's Tonight Show has done nothing but top itself night after night. Have I been on the couch every night? No...but I have usually watched most of each episode online the next day. The last two nights, especially last Thursday night with Billy Joel, has confirmed what I had been starting to feel all month: Jimmy Fallon and The Tonight Show were made for each other.

You'll notice, that the title of his show goes back to what Carson and Parr used: "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon". Both of Leno's incarnations, as well as Conan's Tonight Show, used the title: "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno/ Conan O'Brien". I think that couldn't be more appropriate. I liked Jay's first show. I did. But I, while not alive for most almost all of Carson's show, have seen Johnny behind the desk and know why his name holds the respect it does. Neither Jay nor Conan's show was remotely the same. Jay participated in the Tonight Show...he took care of it for a good long time...but he did not star in it. Jay had some funny bits, but he was never outright funny. In stand-up? Maybe, but not on The Tonight Show. His show was much more about the guests than it was the host. As for O'Brien, I'm still on Team Conan. I have also come to realize that he was never made to be the host of The Tonight Show. Conan's Tonight Show was a bit more focused on the host, but given his short tenure, and his unfortunate departure, I think the "with" is appropriate for him as well.

Now Jimmy...Jimmy is unquestionably "starring" in his Tonight Show. Take this Thursday night's episode for example. When Billy Joel began to sing "You May Be Right", Fallon all but took over the number. I didn't mind at all, the audience didn't mind at all, and Billy certainly didn't look like he minded at all as Jimmy proceeded to lay on his piano, dance in front of him, and practically sing the whole damn song.

I feel very confidently that Fallon, assuming he continues to produce the quality show he has been this month...and for the last five years on Late Night...will still be behind The Tonight Show's desk a few decades down the line. I certainly want him to be, and if you haven't been watching it yet, you should. I promise you'll have a great time. I acknowledge the legacy and the prestige that comes with the title of The Tonight Show, and that is all thanks to Carson. It's true: there will never be another Johnny Carson. But who knows. Give him twenty or thirty years and we may very well be sitting here saying "Man...there will never be another Jimmy Fallon."

The 30 Most Underrated Billy Joel Songs

2014-03-14T16:46:00.001-04:00

On New Year's Eve, I was at Billy Joel's concert in Brooklyn. This was my second time seeing

him, and on both occasions I noticed something: several songs he would play were largely unrecognized by the crowd. On this particular occasion I overheard someone saying they had "never heard this song before!" The problem was, it was Billy Joel standard. Or at least, I assumed it was.

What I've come realize over the past three months is that most people only know a select amount of Billy Joel songs. Well, I'm here to inform you that Billy's talents extend far beyond the twenty or thirty songs that get rotated on the radio or that you play on your Essential Billy Joel CD. In fact, I'm willing to bet you skipped some tracks on that CD, didn't you?

I want everyone to know Billy has great songs that haven't been played to death. The following list should serve you well if you've never heard some (or all) of them before. Use it as a playlist...you won't be disappointed. I've included a YouTube link the songs for good measure. As per my last few countdowns, I did rank them. Perhaps fellow die-hards may disagree on some of my rankings, but they they will all certainly tell you each of these songs deserves your ear.

Once again, a slow scrawl down will maximize the drama.

30.) Worse Comes to Worst

29.) Get It Right the First Time

28.) Los Angelenos

27.) Weekend Song

26.) All About Soul

25.) I Go to Extremes

24.) If I Only Had the Words (To Tell You)

23.) I've Loved These Days

22.) Christie LeeBilly has written many songs about his second wife, Christie Brinkley. This is probably the most direct.

21.) Everybody Loves You Now
Newer recordings are better, but this is the first from his debut album: "Cold Spring Harbor"

20.) Baby Grand
With Ray Charles. Certainly his best duet. (His daughter Alexa has the middle name "Ray" in honor of Charles.)

19.) Travelin' Prayer

18.) Leningrad
Trivia: Both the stories he tells are true. He met Viktor the Clown during his tour of the Soviet Union.

17.) Tomorrow is Today
Trivia: Once upon a time, Billy tried to kill himself. He took his suicide note and turned it into the lyrics for this song.

16.) Somewhere Along the Line

15.) You're My Home

14.) Streetlife Serenader

13.) Souvenir

12.) Ain't No Crime

11.) Stiletto

10.) Goodnight Saigon

9.) Keeping the Faith

8.) An Innocent Man

7.) Big Man on Mulberry Street

6.) Stop in Nevada

5.) Zanzibar
If you have skipped any songs on the way down this list that you didn't already know...don't skip these last five. And then go back and listen to the rest.

4.) Vienna

3.) The Ballad of Billy the Kid

2.) Prelude/ Angry Young ManIt was this song that the person next to me at the NYE concert failed to know. For shame.

1.) Summer, Highland Falls

The 50 Greatest Characters of "Lost"

2013-12-16T17:15:00.002-05:00

Nowadays it seems I am only prompted to write a post once every six months or so. My last several posts have all been regarding upcoming events: the GTA V release, the Oscars, etc. Today I write what might be my first response piece on this blog.

For the past few days, a BuzzFeed list entitled "The Definitive Ranking of 43 Lost Characters" has been making the rounds on social media. My initial response was outrage. I realize, of course, BuzzFeed created this list mostly to get laughs, as they do with...well...everything, but then I got to thinking of what a legitimate ranking of these characters would look like. Lost was rich with compelling and complex characters, not all of them "fan favorites". I took some time to look at other "greatest Lost character lists" and most were done by popularity, rather than by the character themselves. I was shocked at who was left off of most of these lists. I began to think that putting an order to Lost's best and brightest in this manner might be an interesting challenge.

Indeed it was.

The following list took me quite awhile to compose, and for those of you haven't just scrolled right to it, I thought I'd take a second to explain how I decided on the order.

First, I thought of doing it by "overall importance to the story", but immediately dismissed it. Nobody wants to see Jack at Number One. So I decided the best way was to compare these characters based on these qualities:

1.) Their individual story arc and development.

2.) Theories and debate the character provoked.

3.) The actor's performance.

Now then. Since 90% of the people who opened this article skipped all of this anyway...I humbly present who I feel are, in order, the 50 greatest characters on Lost.

The List
(I suggest a slow scroll for maximum dramatic effect)

50.) Matthew Abaddon

Abaddon was always very compelling to me. His role wasn't made clear until near the end of his run, and viewers were forever guessing as to what his true purpose was. I liked that he was a bit of apparition, but I would also have liked to have seen him last longer.

49.) Nikki and Paulo

These two on the other hand... Nikki and Paulo were the perfect example of a major character (they fail to exist separately in my opinion, Paulo doesn't even have a last name) that was forced upon the audience. They popped up out of nowhere, not even from the log-carrying survivors and we were meant accept them. No one did. No one also liked that they apparently discovered many island secrets before anyone else, and apparently didn't care that they did. The only interesting thing about them was their death and good riddance.

48.) Leslie Artz

What's not to love about Artz? Were you not overjoyed when he was found in the teacher's break room in Ben's flash-sideways? Were you not shocked at his rather sudden...departure? Let's be honest, we all still have a little Artz on us.

47.) Ana Lucia Cortez

Ana Lucia was another main character viewers never quite got behind. It was only near the end that we started to feel for her. She was never the strongest character, nor the most popular, but she did have her moments. Her pre-crash scenes with Jack were great. And of course nobody could hate her when she met up with Michael in the end.

46.) Ilana Verdansky

Ilana, unfortunately, was one of those final-additions to the cast that were never fully realized. When she died, no one cared, and nothing changed. It made no difference. Zuleikha Robinson's performance was good, and Ilana played an important part near the end, but much more could have been done with her.

45.) Goodwin Stanhope

Had we seen Goodwin's character presented in chronological order, we might have loved him. Instead, we were left conflicted and indifferent. One of the more memorable Others, and early villains, we later saw a more caring and tender side of him (as we did with most Others). Goodwin was man that was full of surprises.

44.) Mother

When Allison Janney suddenly joins a cast out of nowhere, you sit up and pay attention. In one episode, she gave us one of the most important, dynamic, and confusing characters the show had to offer. Some fans point at the Mother as the cause of all of The Island's problems. I find it hard to argue that point.

43.) Roger Linus

Or as we first met him, Roger Workman. Ben's father was a bit of a Jack Torrance, and the main reason his son turned out the way he did. He wasn't around for very long, but Jon Gries showed us a very tormented and troubled man in his limited episodes. I felt for Roger, and his two 'gas' scenes were shining moments for the show.

42.) Stuart Radzinsky

Take a moment to remember that the first time you met Radzinsky it was as a bloodstain on the ceiling of the Hatch. Radzinsky is the first character on the list that was aided by the legend that went along with him. After "The Incident" little is known about how he made it to the bloodstain, and many theories swirled. In the time he had with us, however, Eric Lange was great as this balding Other.

41.) Horace Goodspeed

Another addition aided by "the legend" principle. I will never forget the scene where Horace was building the cabin, it was haunting. Another character first presented as a bit of apparition, a bit of a random connection from a flashback, and was eventually developed into pretty fantastic character.

40.) Alex Rousseau

We all wanted to know what happened to Danielle's kid...and then, after awhile...we were kinda sorry we did. Although she was a bit of a pain in the ass, Alex was a passionate, and loving young woman whose life was slowly, bit by bit, taken away from her...essentially since her birth. She was one of the show's real tragedies.

39.) Elizabeth "Libby" Smith

Libby had theories flying long after Michael's impulsive shot. Although she never made the kind of return fans suspected, she permanently changed several characters with her death, and her past has always been a point of speculation and theorizing.

38.) Eloise Hawking

First known only as "the ring lady" her introduction made infinitely compelling. Through the performances of several actors, we learned of Eloise's tragic backstory, and her key role in the island's past and future.

37.) Charlotte Lewis

Charlotte's demise was unfortunate, but not altogether unwelcome. She was compelling, but also a little irritating as far as the main cast goes. But hey...she was no Nikki and Paulo.

36.) Martin Keamy

You don't have to like them for them to be great. Keamy was a little shit from the moment we saw him and he only turned into a more twisted and vile creature as time went on and things got more desperate. You hated him, but you also couldn't ignore him. He was a fantastic villain and his showdown with Ben was a perfect send-off for him. Initially, anyway.

35.) Pierre Chang

We loved him before we ever met him...and then we loved him even more. Each new Dharma video was like a gift. He had theories flying for seasons before he actually showed up...and no one expected him be the bombastic grouch that he was.

34.) Tom aka "Mr. Friendly"

No matter what Ben claimed...Tom was not one of the good guys. He put on a great smile, but the fact is he did a lot of a really dirty things. The complication is most of those things were done under orders. He was a fixture of the show from the moment he took Walt.

33.) Shannon Rutherford

Shannon started out as such a stereotype. I hated her for much of the first season, but slowly her complexities were revealed (we all remember that backstory with Boone) and she became a more dynamic and interesting character. I think she went at the right time, though.

32.) Charles Widmore

A show like Lost needs a super villain and Widmore wanted to be it desperately. He captured our theories and our scorn. Alan Dale delivered to us a typical antagonist for many seasons, but ultimately there were more complex villains out there on the island.

31.) Ethan Rom

And speaking of villains, you never forget the first. When Hurley figured out the manifest, and Ethan showed up with Claire and Charlie in the jungle I nearly hit the ceiling. He was one of the first big shocks of the show, and it was hard to see his more dedicated and loving side in flashbacks after his hating him so long ago.

30.) Mikhail Bakunin

The man who wouldn't die and you never wanted him to. The man who many speculated when you first saw him on that surveillance camera, was the mysterious "Jacob". Andrew Divoff's performance as Mikhail was spectacular and I loved every minute of it.

29.) Frank Lapidus

I feel a little bad about having Frank this low, but there wasn't much too him when you get right down to it. Lapidus was a great man, a dedicated team member, and the man who ultimately got them off the island. There was a lot to love, but not a lot to think about.

28.) Rose and Bernard Nadler

Perhaps the most loved couple on the show. Their one and only backstory was worth the wait, and their reunion in season two was tear-worthy. When The Man in Black came to their camp in season six, admit it, your heart came to a complete stop.

27.) Vincent

Vincent might be the most debated character on the show. From the very first shot, he was a fixture of online theories and discussion. Ultimately the theories of the whole show being in his head proved false, but no matter. We all loved it when Vincent showed up. Except of course that last time...when you cried your eyes out.

26.) Anthony Cooper

This is the one name I was constantly surprised was left off of many other lists. Anthony Cooper was a sly, shading, shit head of a father and a great contributor to John Locke's downfall. He had a shocking amount of Lost-connections, and a wonderful performance backing them up.

25.) Walt Dawson

If Vincent wasn't the most theorized-over character, his owner was, at least for the first two seasons. Walt might never have been fully-realized, but he certainly captured your attention. There was much more ground to cover there, and I was always upset we never saw it.

24.) Danielle Rousseau

Danielle was the first character we met on the island that wasn't on the plane. Mira Furlan did a wonderful job bringing this long-lost soul to life in a believable, compelling way.

23.) Boone Carlyle

Another fine example of a character that departed just when they got interesting. Boone's backstory played a large part in what made him such an unforgettable character. He was the first big loss for the show, and one we always wish we could have had back.

22.) Claire Littleton

Claire's story took an unexpected twist when she disappeared for almost an entire season. Through her backstory, initial time with the survivors, and ultimate transformation due to her isolation, Claire underwent perhaps the biggest transformations of any of the characters on the show.

21.) Miles Straume

He put out a tough exterior shell, but underneath that Miles had a very vulnerable core. His relationship with his father, although only briefly explored, was very well done. He had one of the stranger backstories on the show, but with him, it was never doubted.

20.) Michael Dawson

Michael did his best. Through all of his efforts, for all his different goals, after everything life tossed at him, one can safely say that Michael Dawson tried to do what he thought was right. Along the way, he made series of unforgettable, and shocking decisions that rocked the show.

19.) Penny Widmore

Penny drifted into the show like a dream. She a was a strong-willed woman that immediately showed us what Desmond was fighting for. As time went on, we quickly started rooting for her as much as for him.

18.) Kate Austen

I think it was the writing that brought Kate this low on my list. Coming into the storyline, she was a wonderfully complicated character, but as time went on she back the fixture of a tired love-triangle and, ultimately, never knew what she wanted.

17.) Daniel Faraday

The show's misunderstood and under-appreciated genius. Jeremy Davies gave us three wonderful seasons to enjoy his work on the show, and he never let up for a second.

16.) Jacob

The big reveal of Jacob was a long-time coming. He was a central character of the show long before we had a face to go with him, and once we did he was that much more interesting. But, if we're being honest, he was nowhere near as compelling...

15.) The Man in Black

...as his brother. We saw him as smoke, we saw him as John Locke, we saw him as countless other incarnations, but it was in his backstory where Titus Welliver showed us what The Man In Black was really all about. Much was to be speculated about TMIB, and much will never be learned.

14.) Christian Shephard

Remember that first time Jack saw his father standing down the beach? (Of course, that was actually The Man in Black, but never mind that now) from that moment on fans were fascinated with Christian. existing primarily in backstories, Christian was a confused and desperate soul.

13.) Jin-Soo Kwon

Of the original 'pilot' castaways, perhaps it was Jin that grew the most. I don't think anyone liked him when the show started. Well that certainly changed, now didn't it? Over the years Jin underwent a total reformation. Of course, we wouldn't learn he was reforming as opposed to transforming for quite some time.

12.) Mr. Eko

A man of a few words, that Eko, but it didn't take much for him to leave an impact. There might not have been a single other character on the show the fans were more upset with when they left. He was a man too wise for the island to let live. After all, he spotted that someone was impersonating his brother a mile away, and TMIB didn't care for that much. Nevertheless, his final scene with "Yemi" was devastating.

11.) James "Sawyer" Ford

Sawyer was never short on surprises. Let us not forget how naturally at home he was as LeFleur. He proved to have many more layers than we initially expected, but ultimately he was the show's "Han Solo" from the minute he was introduced.

10.) Richard Alpert

In one single flashback, any doubts you had about how you felt about Richard Alpert were erased. It took a few appearances in a few different decades for Richard to really capture everyone's attention, but once he had it, he never let it go. In Ab Aeterno many of our questions about him were answered, and we learned more about him than we had ever wondered.

9.) Charlie Pace

It was never easy being Charlie, and it never got any easier for him as time went on. But Dominic Monaghan turned in an incredible performance over Charlie's three seasons. Although he made some terrible decisions, his ultimate sacrifice more than redeemed him.

8.) Jack Shephard

The born leader, who didn't want to lead, yet totally did. It wasn't until the final season that Matthew Fox really got some good stuff to work with with Jack. For most of the series it was just, well, Daddy issues. In that sixth season Jack almost became a whole new character, and I have to say...I liked the new Jack.

7.) Sun-Hwa Kwon

Unlike her husband, we saw that Sun had been both transformed and would transform again. The island gave Sun strength and once she found it she became a force to be reckoned with. Her secret understanding of English also helped make her one of the more interesting characters early in the series.

6.) Hugo "Hurley" Reyes

For awhile it seemed like Hurley was only there for comic relief. If there was one thing Lost loved to do, it was prove people wrong. Hurley did just that. Hurley quickly proved to be a central part of the Oceanic family, and ultimately, The Island, but what made him stand out was his ability to see past external issues, and realize when the group was crumbling from within.

5.) Juliet Burke

Juliet definitely took some warming-up to. I don't think I realized just how much I had come to care about her until she was killed. Her backstories were tragic and made you feel for her after initially viewing her as an enemy. The writing treatment with Juliet was excellent.

4.) Sayid Jarrah

If anyone should have been leading the group, it probably should have been this gentleman right here. Sayid's backstories and decisions helped him standout as one of the most honorable characters on the show. Late in the series he became quite lost on his path, but ultimately gave his life to find it again.

3.) Desmond Hume

When we met him, no one expected Desmond to become as key of a player as he eventually became, but he was always fascinating. A Desmond backstory was a treat. The Desmond-Penny relationship was just perfect. Eventually, the man who came to the island by accident would be the man to save it.

2.) Benjamin Linus

Enough cannot be said about Ben Linus. You either loved him, or loved to hate him...but love was there. There was a reason Michael Emerson was nominated for four Emmys: he was nothing short of captivating. From the Henry Gale days to when he actually, truly did become one of "the good guys", Ben Linus demanded your attention.

1.) John Locke

And then there is John Locke. The physical embodiment of the central themes of show: dark and light, good and evil. John was perhaps first real mystery of the show. Oh sure, there was something in the jungle, but you knew that from the ads...that's why you watched the Pilot. You didn't know about this orange-eating, backgammon-playing, boar-hunting, scar-faced, ex-paraplegic named John Locke.You didn't know the shock he would deliver to you in "Walkabout", or in countless episodes after that. You could not have known how many people he would leave in his wake in his search for purpose: Helen, Boone, Naomi, the submarine, The Swan Station, etc. On a greater scale Locke became a walking metaphor when he, unbeknownst to us, became The Man in Black from the man who once just tried to find where he belonged. On a smaller scale, he is the show's tragic hero: the man of faith who puts it in all the wrong places and all the wrong people, who is betrayed by even his gut feelings. Ultimately, despite how much he loved it, how much he felt he belonged to it...even The Island rejected John Locke.

The 15 Most Unforgettable GTA Missions

2013-09-02T20:19:00.002-04:00

With what looks to be the history-making Grand Theft Auto V hitting stores in just fifteen days, I thought I'd come out of blogging-hibernation and bring to you another one of my little countdowns. The Grand Theft Auto series has created many memorable moments, and obviously they can't all fit here. I debated over these choices, and I'm sure many of you will disagree with them, but for me they are the fifteen missions that will never be forgotten, no matter how far the series stretches into the future. All choices come with video play-thoughs.

15.) Cop Land- Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

Like many things in Vice City, the title comes straight from hollywood (specifically the 1997 movie of the same name, starring none other than Tommy Vercetti himself, Ray Liotta.) The mission seemingly came out of nowhere, and ultimately doesn't contribute to the plot of the game, but perhaps that's what makes it stand out.

14.) All Hands On Deck- Vice City

The Colonel was one of my favorite employers in all of the GTA series. True, he was based in part on a minor character in Scarface (along with the rest of the game), but for me he was one of the first employers that wasn't a complete caricature. His final escape was a unique and lengthy mission for Vice City.

13.) Sayonara Salvatore- Grand Theft Auto III

Salvatore was the first main character to die in the GTA III cannon. He always provided some great one-liners in the game, and his assassination was something straight out of a mafia movie. The video below is the very simple, uncomplicated version of how to pull off the hit. I preferred to wait at the top of the hill by his mansion, and blow him away with the AK. You know, Sonny Corleone style.

12.) Tunnel of Death- Grand Theft Auto IV

The first time I went through this tunnel I knew it was built for a mission just like this. When it finally came around, I was not disappointed...especially given the ending. The Packie- assisted missions were some of the best in IV, and this is a great example.

11.) Get Lost- Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned

The first "Episode from Liberty City" has a big step up from the III-era spin off Liberty and Vice City Stories. The missions in these two episodes were often as exciting and as difficult as the ones featured in the main game. The way the three games fit together was impressive. Lost and Damned ended with what these games had been begging for: a prison break. Although this one was more of a reverse-break, it filled it's purpose just the same.

10.) The Job- Vice City

A prison break is fun...but as the concept of GTA V has proven, Bank Jobs are where it's at. This first attempt by the series was one of the highlights of Vice City.

9.) Departure Time- Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony

Gay Tony was a great game. I have replayed it far more than IV's main game, if I'm being honest. The weapons, vehicles, and even the concepts of some missions were far superior. The game's finale, and ultimately the end of the GTA IV era cannon, did not disappoint. (And the fate of the diamonds was an ironic conclusion, given the theme of the American Dream that ran throughout the trilogy.)

8.) A Home In The Hills- Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

This mission used a little bit of everything that San Andreas brought to the table: planes, parachutes, break-ins, and fantastic interiors (at the time anyway). The decent upon the mansion is one the images that always jumps to mind when I think of this game.

7.) Dropping In- Gay Tony

...but it wasn't nearly as much fun as Gay Tony's parachute mission. "Dropping In" was exciting and completely unexpected. Loved it.

6.) The Holland Play- GTA IV

GTA IV's big claim to fame was it gave the player a choices about how the story proceeded. Most however, didn't really effect the overall outcome of the game...until "The Holland Play". "The Holland Play" gave you the choice of killing either Dwayne or Playboy X. The game changed no matter who you chose, but Playboy was the obvious choice for me: Dwayne was a good man (as far as GTA criminals are concerned) and he posed no real threat to Niko. Playboy did...plus you get his penthouse so...there's that. Killing Playboy also allows Dwayne to become a friend and ally. If you do choose to back Playboy, he cuts off ties from you after you kill his mentor for him. Cold.

5.) End of the Line- San Andreas

San Andreas was always over-the-top. From it's layout, to it's star-studded cast...to it's incredible finale. The game that seemed like it would never end went out with one hell of a bang.

4.) The Exchange- GTA III

GTA III's finale was just as epic, although a bit shorter. I remember just how hard it was compared to every other mission in the game. I also always loved how the game ended with a news report. Despite the poor graphics (poor in hindsight, of course), it still was a very satisfying ending to one of the most groundbreaking video games of all time.

3.) Deal/ Revenge-- GTA IV

"The Holland Play" was one thing, but when it came to choice, none was bigger than the this one. How to end the game? Which you are "supposed" to choose is fiercely debated. The first time through I made sure I didn't cheat and see the outcomes, both equally tragic and shockingly well done. For me, however, Revenge was the only way to go, the only way Niko would go. GTA IV was an unforgettable experience, and I think the final moments had a great deal to do with that. Although each choice comes with three separate missions, they all go together for me. I couldn't imagine taking a break between them. I don't think it's possible. GTA IV was the first truly cinematic installment to the franchise, and it's ending secured it's place among the greatest games of all time. Both versions are linked below.

2.) Keep Your Friend's Close- Vice City

Until IV, Vice City was unquestionably the best game in the series. It's ending lived-up to it's movie- inspired (or ripped) plot. If you played the game, you will never forget it, and you can't tell me you didn't love playing through the Scarface Mansion. But even if you didn't like it...

everyone remember's The Last Dance For Lance Vance.

1.) Three Leaf Clover- GTA IV

If you played the game...you're not surprised by my number one. Rockstar is fully aware that this was their finest creation, and have structured all of GTA V to surround heists because of this mission. Three Leaf Clover was the ultimate heist mission. It was challenging, original, and kept you on the end of your seat. It is not only the greatest GTA mission, but it is also one of the greatest video game levels of all time. I don't know anyone who can disagree with that statement...but if you do, please, discuss.

Oscar Predictions

2013-02-24T00:30:00.002-05:00

I typically do not cut this so close, but life had different plans for me. Of the Best Picture nominees I only managed to see four. Back in the day, that was 80 percent of them. Now, a measly 44 percent. But slowly we are getting away from the (what I think is) ridiculous number of ten. I will also be missing the beginning of the ceremony for the first time that I can remember, and it is affecting me far more than it should.

I also decided to do something different with the Best Picture noms. Of the ones I saw, I tossed them in rankings. Just for kicks. As for the rest:

Should Win

Will Win

Here we go...

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Nominees:

Amour

Argo

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Django Unchained

Les Misérables

Life of Pi

Lincoln

Silver Linings Playbook

Zero Dark Thirty

My Order:

1.)Django Unchained

2.)Argo

3.)Beasts of the Southern Wild

*4.)Les Miserables

*I thought about adding a bunch of empty slots and putting Les Mis last, you know, as a half-joke, but the last time I spoke of that film I annoyed my anonymous commenting crowd so...we'll just leave it at it's a joke of a nomination. In my opinion! Cool it down commenter from my last post. It'll be okay.

Best Achievement in Directing

Nominees:

Michael Haneke for Amour

Ang Lee for Life of Pi

David O. Russell for Silver Linings Playbook

Steven Spielberg for Lincoln

Benh Zeitlin for Beasts of the Southern Wild

*It Should be Quentin Tarantino, but that's besides the point.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Nominees:

Bradley Cooper for Silver Linings Playbook

Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln

Hugh Jackman for Les Misérables

Joaquin Phoenix for The Master

Denzel Washington for Flight

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Nominees:

Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty

Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook

Emmanuelle Riva for Amour

*Quvenzhané Wallis for Beasts of the Southern Wild

Naomi Watts for The Impossible

*I will say, as the only film I saw of these nominees, I did feel like my hand was forced a bit. This is the subject for a whole different blog, but I'm not sure if I agree with my own decision. Don't get me wrong, she gives a very impressive performance for her age...but that's just it. At her age, how much of her performance is her choices and how much is just doing what she's told? How much did she really understand? I don't know, and to be honest, I'd love to learn more about the process to find out. I might just be overly critical because of the hype, and I will admit, the film didn't quite meet its hype for me so I might be biased. I don't know...I'm iffy on it.

Anyway.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Nominees:

Alan Arkin for Argo

Robert De Niro for Silver Linings Playbook

Philip Seymour Hoffman for The Master

Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln

Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Nominees:

Amy Adams for The Master

Sally Field for Lincoln

Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables

Helen Hunt for The Sessions

Jacki Weaver for Silver Linings Playbook

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Nominees:

Amour : Michael Haneke

Django Unchained: Quentin Tarantino

Flight: John Gatins

Moonrise Kingdom: Wes Anderson, Roman Coppola

Zero Dark Thirty: Mark Boal

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Nominees:

Argo: Chris Terrio

Beasts of the Southern Wild: Lucy Alibar, Benh Zeitlin

Life of Pi: David Magee

Lincoln: Tony Kushner

Silver Linings Playbook: David O. Russell

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

Nominees:

Brave: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman

Frankenweenie: Tim Burton

ParaNorman: Sam Fell, Chris Butler

The Pirates! Band of Misfits: Peter Lord

Wreck-It Ralph: Rich Moore

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year

Nominees:

Amour

War Witch

A Royal Affair

Kon-Tiki

Best Achievement in Cinematography

Nominees:

Anna Karenina: Seamus McGarvey

Django Unchained: Robert Richardson

Life of Pi: Claudio Miranda

Lincoln: Janusz Kaminski

Skyfall: Roger Deakins

Best Achievement in Editing

Nominees:

Argo : William Goldenberg

Life of Pi: Tim Squyres

Lincoln: Michael Kahn

Silver Linings Playbook: Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers

Zero Dark Thirty: William Goldenberg, Dylan Tichenor

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score

Nominees:

Anna Karenina: Dario Marianelli

Argo: Alexandre Desplat

Life of Pi: Mychael Danna

Lincoln: John Williams

Skyfall: Thomas Newman

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song

Nominees:

Chasing Ice: J. Ralph("Before My Time")

Les Misérables : Alain Boublil, Claude-Michel Schönberg, Herbert Kretzmer("Suddenly")

Life of Pi : Mychael Danna, Bombay Jayshree("Pi's Lullaby")

Skyfall : Adele, Paul Epworth("Skyfall")

Ted : Walter Murphy, Seth MacFarlane("Everybody Needs a Best Friend")

Best Achievement in Visual Effects

Nominees:

The Avengers: Janek Sirrs, Jeff White, Guy Williams, Daniel Sudick

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, R. Christopher White

Life of Pi : Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik De Boer, Donald Elliott

Prometheus: Richard Stammers, Trevor Wood, Charley Henley, Martin Hill

Snow White and the Huntsman: Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, Phil Brennan, Neil Corbould, Michael Dawson

There they are. Just some fun little predictions. Enjoy the show tomorrow, I'm sure Seth will.

70th Golden Globes Predictions

2013-01-02T19:23:00.000-05:00

Well, friends, it is that time again. I have done a little bit better than last year in seeing the nominations, but a lot of these I am still working on seeing, and predictions are assumption based.

Here we go:
Will Win
Should Win
Should and Will Win

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

ARGO

DJANGO UNCHAINED

LIFE OF PI

LINCOLN

ZERO DARK THIRTY

If there two things the Globes love, besides drinking, it is Spielberg and robbing Tarantino. I expect it will happen again here, and pave the way for the same ting to happen at the Oscars.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

JESSICA CHASTAIN, ZERO DARK THIRTY
MARION COTILLARD, RUST AND BONE
HELEN MIRREN, HITCHCOCK
NAOMI WATTS, THE IMPOSSIBLE
RACHEL WEISZ, THE DEEP BLUE SEA

I haven't seen Zero Dark Thirty yet, obviously, but Chastain is getting a ton of praise early on. Helen Mirren is, however, Helen Mirren.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, LINCOLN
RICHARD GERE, ARBITRAGE
JOHN HAWKES, THE SESSIONS
JOAQUIN PHOENIX, THE MASTER
DENZEL WASHINGTON, FLIGHT

A lot of people are probably voting Pheonix here, and I wouldn't be surprised if he walks away with it. But let's be honest, ceremonies love it when Day-Lewis emerges from his slumber to make a movie...and deservingly so.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL

LES MISERABLES

MOONRISE KINGDOM

SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Musicals rarely do not win this category, and with a musical-movie as long-awaited as this one, anything else will be surprising. That being said, I found Les Mis (and keep in mind, I am a theatre person) horrible. Miserable is, indeed, an appropriate title. Maybe I'd think differently if I had ever seen the stage show, which I still intend to, but this film was awful. Hooper's direction was surprisingly off for many scenes, and the story itself was weak. (Does anyone know why the students revolted? I cannot find this answer anywhere other than "king sucked".) Sorry, I know many fans will disagree. But there was nothing impressive about that movie with exception of Anne Hathaway and Sacha Baron Cohen...who, although it was by no means a stretch role for him, was delightful.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

EMILY BLUNT, SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN
JUDI DENCH, THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL
JENNIFER LAWRENCE, SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
MAGGIE SMITH, QUARTET
MERYL STREEP, HOPE SPRINGS

I have seen none of these so I shall cast no opinion.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

JACK BLACK, BERNIE
BRADLEY COOPER, SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
HUGH JACKMAN, LES MISERABLES
EWAN MCGREGOR, SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN
BILL MURRAY, HYDE PARK ON HUDSON

I apply the same Les Mis logic here...however I would really like to see Murray or Black go home with the Globe. I haven't seen either, but both look great and I've heard only great things about both of their performances. Jackman was good in Les Mis, not incredible, but good...so I won't be upset.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

BRAVE

FRANKENWEENIE

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

WRECK-IT RALPH

Most unfortunately, I haven't seen this one either. But from everything I've heard and know about it...it seems to be the only option.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
AMOUR (AUSTRIA)

A ROYAL AFFAIR (DENMARK) (En kongelig affære)

THE INTOUCHABLES (FRANCE) (Les Intouchables)

KON-TIKI (NORWAY/UK/DENMARK)

RUST AND BONE (FRANCE) (De rouille et d’os)

Seen none, choose none.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

AMY ADAMS, THE MASTER
SALLY FIELD, LINCOLN
ANNE HATHAWAY, LES MISERABLES
HELEN HUNT, THE SESSIONS
NICOLE KIDMAN, THE PAPERBOY

One of the few shining lights about this movie for me. I hope she gets it.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

ALAN ARKIN, ARGO
LEONARDO DICAPRIO, DJANGO UNCHAINED
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, THE MASTER
TOMMY LEE JONES, LINCOLN
CHRISTOPH WALTZ, DJANGO UNCHAINED

Please...please let's pave the way for Oscar on this. Leo has never won an Oscar, and only one Golden Globe...and he absolutely cannot be robbed for Django. He once again proved himself to be one of the most versatile and original thinking actors in Hollywood in his first villainous role. GIVE IT TO HIM.

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE

BEN AFFLECK, ARGO
KATHRYN BIGELOW, ZERO DARK THIRTY
ANG LEE, LIFE OF PI
STEVEN SPIELBERG, LINCOLN
QUENTIN TARANTINO, DJANGO UNCHAINED

I usually don't separate Director from Picture (and neither do they) but I'm making an exception. Either way Quentin deserves it, but at this point I expect robbery.

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE

MARK BOAL, ZERO DARK THIRTY
TONY KUSHNER, LINCOLN
DAVID O. RUSSELL, SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
QUENTIN TARANTINO, DJANGO UNCHAINED
CHRIS TERRIO, ARGO

Kushner is Kushner and that name tends to win awards. Tarantino, however has the original script, he is not adapting another one. I have to give it to him.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE

MYCHAEL DANNA, LIFE OF PI
ALEXANDRE DESPLAT, ARGO
DARIO MARIANELLI, ANNA KARENINA
TOM TYKWER, JOHNNY KLIMEK, REINHOLD HEIL, CLOUD ATLAS
JOHN WILLIAMS, LINCOLN
Seen none, choose none.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE

FOR YOU, ACT OF VALOR

NOT RUNNING ANYMORE, STAND UP GUYS

SAFE & SOUND, THE HUNGER GAMES

SKYFALL, SKYFALL

SUDDENLY, LES MISERABLES

For the first time since GoldenEye there is a great Bond theme. Hope Adele walks away with it.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

BREAKING BAD

BOARDWALK EMPIRE

DOWNTON ABBEY

HOMELAND

THE NEWSROOM

These are all deserving shows, but Homeland seems to dominate the headlines. I, myself, have not seen Homeland, but feel it will be the victor. Of all the others, though, Bad is best.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

CONNIE BRITTON, NASHVILLE
GLENN CLOSE, DAMAGES
CLAIRE DANES, HOMELAND
MICHELLE DOCKERY, DOWNTON ABBEY: SEASON 2
JULIANNA MARGULIES, THE GOOD WIFE

Cut and dry for this one. No other thoughts or explanation. Guess this is the part of the list where I start getting lazy.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA

STEVE BUSCEMI, BOARDWALK EMPIRE
BRYAN CRANSTON, BREAKING BAD
JEFF DANIELS, THE NEWSROOM
JON HAMM, MAD MEN
DAMIAN LEWIS, HOMELAND

Cranston continues to prove his abilities on screen. I know it seems like he wins everything...but he deserves to.

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
THE BIG BANG THEORY, CBS

EPISODES, SHOWTIME

GIRLS, HBO

MODERN FAMILY, ABC

SMASH, NBC

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

ZOOEY DESCHANEL, NEW GIRL
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS, VEEP
LENA DUNHAM, GIRLS
TINA FEY, 30 ROCK
AMY POEHLER, PARKS AND RECREATION

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL

ALEC BALDWIN, 30 ROCK
DON CHEADLE, HOUSE OF LIES
LOUIS C.K., LOUIE
MATT LEBLANC, EPISODES
JIM PARSONS, THE BIG BANG THEORY

Louis certainly deserves it...but I have a feeling he will be robbed.

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

GAME CHANGE, HBO

THE GIRL, HBO

HATFIELDS &; MCCOYS, HISTORY

THE HOUR, BBC AMERICA

POLITICAL ANIMALS, USA NETWORK

The Biggest robbery of Emmys will most likely strike again here. Hatfields and McCoys should be a slam dunk. I fear it isn't. That being said...

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

NICOLE KIDMAN, HEMINGWAY & GELLHORN
JESSICA LANGE, AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM
SIENNA MILLER, THE GIRL
JULIANNE MOORE, GAME CHANGE
SIGOURNEY WEAVER, POLITICAL ANIMALS

She's unstoppable.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

KEVIN COSTNER, HATFIELDS & MCCOYS
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, SHERLOCK (MASTERPIECE)
WOODY HARRELSON, GAME CHANGE
TOBY JONES, THE GIRL
CLIVE OWEN, HEMINGWAY; GELLHORN

Cumberbatch is having quite the year, and I wouldn't be shocked if it is punctuated with a globe. That being said, Costner was in rare form and has earned the Globe.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

HAYDEN PANETTIERE, NASHVILLE
ARCHIE PANJABI, THE GOOD WIFE
SARAH PAULSON, GAME CHANGE
MAGGIE SMITH, DOWNTON ABBEY: SEASON 2
SOFIA VERGARA, MODERN FAMILY

Pretty simple.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

MAX GREENFIELD, NEW GIRL
ED HARRIS, GAME CHANGE
DANNY HUSTON, MAGIC CITY
MANDY PATINKIN, HOMELAND
ERIC STONESTREET, MODERN FAMILY

I'd also be happy to see Patinkin take it home.

That's what I got for ya. Let the arguments begin.

"Hitman: Absolution" Review

2012-12-21T18:58:00.001-05:00

Back from the dead! Both myself and Agent 47 in this post. It has been six long years since Hitman: Blood Money debuted and I, personally, was extremely excited for the new installment and held very high expectations. Some of these expectations were met, but new changes to how you spend the game has left me with some mixed feelings.

I will start with some non-spoilers: with every new Hitman title that has been released, the controls have improved. In Absolution they were finally perfected. 47 has been granted new abilities, easier to master operating controls, and some great new features like "instinct mode", similar to Arkham Asylum's 'detective mode'. Graphics are obviously another huge improvement, as well as the AI of others, such as guards and pedestrians. All are much more realistic, and therefore bring a new level of challenge to the franchise. They also took away the map, which...while very helpful...was not very realistic to an assassin.

The game also features Hitman's first muliplayer mode: Contracts, not to be confused with the third game: Hitman: Contracts (I agree, a better name could have been in order). Contracts mode allows you make your own targets within each level, and challenge your friends to play them. It's like an assassin's game a H.O.R.S.E. Very interesting, and very cool.

The problems I have with the game are found with the plot. With that, let's head into spoiler territory.

The game begins with 47 tellings us that Diana betrayed the Agency, named names and what not, and has since gone rogue. Now under the direction of Benjamin Travis (Powers Boothe), the Agency has sent 47 to kill Diana, his sole handler, and now...since Absolution failed to feature an appearance from Agent Smith...the only other character to be featured in all five hitman games. When he does he discovers she was protecting a child named Victoria who Travis had created in a lab to become the ultimate killing machine (a la Agent 47). 47 gets Victoria to safety and calls upon an old friend Birdie (who we have never met before, mind you) to get more information of Victoria. He tells him where he can find Blake Dexter (Keith Carradine). Dexter gets away from 47 and he eventually has both Birdie and Victoria kidnapped. 47 spends the rest of the game trying to get Victoria back and kill Dexter, and eventually Travis.

The rest of the game.

Along the way, he decides certain people need to be killed...but these are few and with the game's new 'broken-down-level' format, seemingly far between. There are no real contracts in the game. 47 acts alone. Which is new, and different...but it didn't work. What made Hitman such a great series is that the player was allowed to be a hitman. In this game, you were just a man in search of redemption. (Oh, and big spoiler...Diana didn't really die.)

But wait a second...let's back it up to Blood Money for a second. Blood Money ends with 47 going rogue, unaffiliated with the agency. He speaks to a man in a brothel about seeing what he has to offer 'preferably in the back'. Then curtains close on the camera.

So...how the hell did we get to Absolution? There is a book, Damnation, that allegedly ties the two together...but gamers shouldn't have to read a 300 page book just to know what is going on, especially since it was released a month before the game was. Not that that isn't plenty of time to down 300 pages...but these arn't well-written, and as I gave up on it about 50 in...they don't appear to say how 47 got back to the Agency.

So there's that.

Absolution ends with Diana telling you, after your final mission (and low and behold, it really is an assigned, go-kill-this-person-for-money mission!) that the money has been wired to your account. So it appears 47 is back at the Agency, and back with Diana, and all is right with the world. But this game did a lot wrong to get there.

Sure, it was enjoyable, and it was certainly the most plot-based Hitman yet, and I like that about it...but the plot needs improvement for the next one. IO can get back to the format everyone loves while still adding in a thicker plot.

And hopefully it won't take them six years to do that.

"11/22/63" Review and Dream Cast

2012-08-26T11:53:00.003-04:00

Stephen King...how I love you.

11/22/63 has three of my obsessions wrapped into one: The JFK Assassination, time travel, and the writing of Stephen King. No matter how many books I read of his, he always manages to pack-in new surprises to his stories. For example, I wasn't expecting a first-person narrative with the book (it isn't a style King frequents) but it worked delightfully well in this story. I have heard, as well, that a film is in the works, to be written/directed by Jonathan Demme (Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia) so I shall attach my dream cast after a short review.

Here is my spoiler warning, skip to the cast list if you just want to see who I hope appears in the apparent film.

The surprise that I loved the most about this story was that it was not so much about the assassination, as advertised, but instead, proved to be a wonderful character study of Mr. Jake "George Amberson" Epping. His life in 'the Land of Ago' was delightful, mostly relaxing and more importantly, fascinating. When it was clear most of the book would focus on his calmer life in Jodie rather than on his time-traveling spy life in Dallas, I was glad. Perhaps it was just a case of the right book at the right time, but I found this 'toned-down' King novel to be one of the most enjoyable. This calm story of an 'unremarkable' life, was perfectly balanced with moments of classic Stephen King adrenaline. It also was a great parallel to Lee Harvey Oswald's character. While Lee couldn't wait to escape his 'unremarkable life'...Jake wanted nothing more than to secure his.

I will say that I'm quite proud to call my self a conspiracy theorist (or as we prefer, realists) when it comes to the Kennedy Assassination. Going into the book I already had plenty of hours of research under my belt in the subject and early in the book it is established quite clearly that King is going the 'Oswald did it, and did it alone' route. Not historically accurate, I would say...but that's a different blog post for a different day. I only bring up this debate at all for two reasons. Firstly, because King makes a very interesting character out of Oswald in a intriguing parallel character study to Jake. Secondly, King handles the two schools of thought about the shooter(s) beautifully and, although I know he firmly believes Oswald did it, I was able to enjoy the book just as well as someone who believes Oswald never made it to that sixth floor. Again, an argument for a different day...back to the book.

My last blog post about King (and my most popular post to date, I might add) was on the epic Under the Dome, and while 11/22/63 didn't showcase that kind of adventure, the one it did was incredibly original for King, and departed from many of his 'old tricks'. King's strong-suite is storytelling. Always have been, and always will be. 11/22/63 proves that King is still at the top of his game.

Now, just like when Under the Dome came out, it was announced that a film adaptation is in the works. With Dome it was a mini-series directed by Steven Spielberg which has yet to get off the ground. I'm not altogether positive that 11/22/63 is about to hit production, and I can't (at least right now) find any real info on it, but it does appear to be in planning stages and currently does not have a cast.

Originally, I didn't intend write-up one of these dream casts, because I wasn't so sure the book would translate well to film. But since there is significant film buzz...I figured I'd give it a shot.

Jake "George Amberson" Epping.................Mark Ruffalo

Sadie Dunhill............................................Rachel McAdams

Lee Harvey Oswald....................................Sam Rockwell

Al Templeton............................................Martin Sheen

George de Mohrenschildt...........................Anthony Hopkins

Deke Simmons..........................................John Lithgow

Harry Dunning.........................................Bill Paxton

Frank Dunning........................................Adam Baldwin

The Yellow Card Man................................John Hurt

I spent a long time looking for my Jake and couldn't come up with a damn thing. Then, all of the sudden, Ruffalo popped in there and seemed to be about as perfect as I could get. Personally, I would love to play Jake...but currently I'm about 10-15 years too young, so I'll let it go for now I guess. I also couldn't come up with a perfect Sadie, and McAdams (a blonde one) is about as close as I could get.

I think Rockwell would be a perfect Oswald and would be incredibly interesting in the role. As for Sheen, I'm not entirely sold either. It isn't exactly how I pictured the role while I was reading, but when I came across his name while looking for others, I thought he just might work. The same is true of Lithgow. A totally different version of the character than what I imagined when I read the book...but I think he'd bring an equally valid version to the story. That said, I'm still not sold on my own choice. Hopkins would shine as de Mohrenschidt, and as for Hurt...well, he's just what came up. I also considered him for Harry, but ultimately I give that one to Bill Paxton. Paxton isn't perfect, either, but again...nothing really came to mind.

For the life of me I couldn't think of a good Bobby Coslaw or Bobbie Jill, but I did think that Sally Field would be a great "Old Woman across the street" when Jake lived beneath the Oswald's in Dallas.

I think the reason I had trouble coming up with names was because I honestly don't see this working well as a movie. I'm not saying it won't, but when I read the book I guess I just didn't really picture any big-name stars as the characters. I also pictured myself as Jake...guilty as charged. Sue me.

All around, another great adventure from a great author. His next book, Doctor Sleep, is the sequel to the third big success he had, The Shining. I couldn't be more excited. At first it also looked to be more low-key...but now it promises to go back to King's "balls-to-the-wall horror", something he actually hasn't visited in a few years.

It's long overdue.

Review: "The Dark Knight Rises", and Nolan's 'Batman Trilogy'

2012-07-22T22:47:00.003-04:00

I, like most of the world, was prepared to do all kinds of bodily harm to anyone who spoiled anything about The Dark Knight Rises. If you feel similarly, I suggest you cease and disist now if you have not seen it yet.

(That's how us cool people say: Spoilers)

When The Dark Knight ended I immediately couldn't wait for the third film to come out, and as soon as the credits rolled on The Dark Knight Rises, I immediately knew why. It was not simply because Dark Knight was a brilliant, exciting film, it wasn't the fact that I knew the third film would be great...it was because the story wasn't finished. For this reason I have also found an answer to my naive prediction that the third film 'wouldn't be better than The Dark Knight'. And it's not. It's not...because the films are incomparable to one another.

Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises are, in many ways, a crystal-clear example of what a trilogy should be: one story. Each of these films are imperative to one another's success and the story wouldn't be complete without all three. Batman Begins represents, obviously, the origin of the hero, the story, the world of the film. The Dark Knight showcases the heyday of Batman in Gotham City. For this reason, it will probably remain the favorite of most fans, probably myself included. It includes The Joker, Batman's archenemy, who I have no doubt would have appeared in the third film if not for Heath Ledger's death (just as Scarecrow appears in all three films).

As a die-hard Batman fan, I know that The Joker Vs Batman is the ultimate villain-hero matchup. So putting it in the middle of the story was exactly where it belonged, because he was the heart of what Batman fought against. But Tom Hardy's Bane delivered an excellent concluding punch to the series in The Dark Knight Rises. The third and final film concluded Bruce Wayne's time as Batman in Gotham , and left his character, as well as those of Gordon, Fox and Alfred fully developed, and beloved.

So which is the best one? I don't believe anyone can ever claim they think one is 'the best', only which part of the story they like the most. But what you're here to see is my thoughts on the finale, so let's get to it.

I thought it was a brilliant final chapter to the story. I don't think I need to review it as a standalone film, because never pretends to act as one. If you didn't see the first two, you were not ready, or meant, to see Rises. If you were ready, however, Christopher Nolan was ready to satisfy your anticipation. The Dark Knight Rises was three hours of beautifully constructed character development and engaging storytelling. The engaging performances by each member of the cast created an incredibly inspiring ensamble of actors. Tom Hardy once again shined, doing justice to the famous Batman foe, Bane. The iconic comic frame of Bane breaking Batman's spine was also included in the film, even with his phrase of 'I will break you'.

Marion Cotillard also brought her incredible talent to the set, and was incredibly deceiving, playing all twisted aspects of Tali al Ghul to a tee. Also debuting in the trilogy was Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle, who is never once referred to as Catwoman. I had my doubts about her, I admit, but I was wrong. But Joseph Gordon Levitt once again might have stolen the show. Don't get me wrong, Christian Bale turned in another fantastic performance. I think, of the three, we saw the most range of his Bruce Wayne in this film and he ended his tenure in Gotham beautifully. But Levitt, who is always a joy to watch was a surprise to us all, and although he wasn't playing Dick Grayson or Jason Todd, the revelation of his first name being 'Robin' is an unmistakable reference to The Boy Wonder. Nolan said the character of Robin would never appear in his trilogy, and he didn't. For the most part, Nolan never altered the Batman universe too extremely. But making Detective Blake an orphan, and named Robin, set him up in the same fashion both Robins were for their tenure as The Dark Knight. (Fun fact, Blake was becoming Batman at the end of the film, not Robin. Just saying.)

The fights, the costumes, the effects...I really was blown away by it all. The atmosphere they created with the overtaken Gotham City was powerfully striking and shouted echoes of 1984 and Brave New World (and Nazi Germany/France for that matter).

The pacing, the music, the atmosphere...it was great. A perfect ending to a wonderfully entertaining story. Hats off to the Nolan Trilogy family on an incredible achievement. If they get the record, the deserve it.

2012 Emmy Nominations and Predictions

2012-07-19T11:19:00.000-04:00

Now, unlike the years past, I'm no longer what you call 'in the loop' for most of primetime television. I do, in fact find this embarrassing. Nevertheless, I know how this game goes so I offer some predictions and commentary on what I do know.

Key:

Should Win
Will Win

Best Comedy Series
"The Big Bang Theory"
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"
"Girls"
"Modern Family"
"30 Rock"
"Veep"

I am out of the loop on both of these equally, but I know what the people say and I know what critics say. Big Bang has been on a roll, but I highly doubt it will be able to defeat the beloved Modern Family. For the past two years the show has dominated, and I expect it will again.

Best Actress in a Comedy Series
Zooey Deschanel, "New Girl"
Lena Dunham, "Girls"
Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie"
Tina Fey, "30 Rock"
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "Veep"
Melissa McCarthy, "Mike and Molly"
Amy Poehler, "Parks and Recreation"

A bold predictions, as I literally have no zero ground to stand on here. But I, and many others adore Amy, so she is my shot in the dark for this one.

Best Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
Don Cheadle, "House of Lies"
Louis C.K., "Louie"
Jon Cryer, "Two and a Half Men"
Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory"

Critics are also a big fan of Louie and I really hope he comes out on top. His pseudo-biographical show shows a very intimate part of himself and I truly hope he has to get up and make a speech. I say has to, because, of course, he won't want to be bothered by it.

Best Drama Series
"Boardwalk Empire"
"Breaking Bad"
"Downton Abbey"
"Game of Thrones"
"Homeland"
"Mad Men"

I'm way behind on Bad, but I know what kind of punch it packs. Abbey, however, has been a critical as well as a rating Juggernaut. It won't surprise me at all to see it out on top. Nor would Mad Men, or Boardwalk

Best Actress in a Drama Series
Kathy Bates, "Harry's Law"
Glenn Close, "Damages"

Claire Danes, "Homeland"
Michelle Dockery, "Downton Abbey"
Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"
Elisabeth Moss, "Mad Men"

Bates, to me, is constantly overlooked when it comes to award season. Everyone knows of her talent, but rarely is she congratulated for it. I hope she is this year.

Best Actor in a Drama Series
Hugh Bonneville, "Downton Abbey"
Steve Buscemi, "Boardwalk Empire"
Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad"
Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"
Jon Hamm, "Mad Men"
Damian Lewis, "Homeland"

Now this is interesting. This last season of Dexter was not my favorite, and I know many people complain about actors winning awards for 'a season after they deserved it'. I call bullshit. When it comes to television history, nobody cares about individual seasons when it comes to the portrayal of a character. Unlikes film and theatre, television characters live much longer and actors work on their development for years, sometimes decades (ex: Fraiser Crane). They have to deal with different showrunners, directors, and writers while still making their own mark on the character. Michael C. Hall is long over due, and Cranston, brilliant as he is has been awarded several times over. Ultimately, I think he'll pull it off, just as he will next year for this final season.

Best Miniseries or Movie
"American Horror Story"
"Game Change"
"Hatfields and McCoys"
"Hemingway and Gellhorn"
"Luther"
"Sherlock"

It will be a tragedy for Hatfields and McCoys to lose. As History's first real mini-series, the show was a homerun. The entire cast was brilliant and the writing was both phenomenally entertaining as well as educational. I will be enraged if it doesn't bring home some gold.

Best Actress Miniseries or Movie
Connie Britton, "American Horror Story"
Ashey Judd, "Missing"
Nicole Kidman, "Hemingway and Gellhorn"
Julianne Moore, "Game Change"
Emma Thompson, "The Song of Lunch"

Didn't see any of them...but I love Julianne. That's all I've got on this one.

Best Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Kevin Costner, "Hatfields and McCoys"
Beneditch Cumberbach, "Sherlock"
Idris Elba, "Luther"
Woody Harrelson, "Game Change"
Clive Owen, "Hemingway and Gellhorn"
Bill Paxton, "Hatfields and McCoys"

And just like that, Costner proved to everyone he's still got it. He was incredible. Incredible. From an acting standpoint, his performance will stick in my mind. I'd be equally fine with Paxton winning, but ultimately I think that Costner should get it, and will get it, for comeback purposes.

Outstanding Host: Reality-Competition Program
Tom Bergeron, "Dancing With the Stars"
Cat Deeley, "So You Think You Can Dance"
Phil Keoghan, "The Amazing Race"
Ryan Seacrest, "American Idol"
Betty White, "Betty White's Off Their Rockers"

Let's be real. She's still working, and still awesome, for her age.

Reality-Competition Program
"The Amazing Race"'
"Dancing swith the Stars"
"Project Runway"
"So You Think You Can Dance"
"Top Chef"
"The Voice"

Variety Series
"The Colbert Report"
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"
"Jimmy Kimmel Live! "
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon"
"Real Time WIth Bill Maher"
"Saturday Night Live"

To be honest, I really don't care about either of these categories. Haven't watched reality TV in ages and all of the Variety shows don't deserve to win. SNL needs a comeback desperately, Colbert and Daily Show are the same as they always have been and we're tired of Stewart winning. Fallon is lackluster and Maher is, well, Maher. I'm hoping for Kimmel who is at least original.

That's what I got for ya. Enjoy.

Newsflash: Sorkin is Back

2012-07-18T00:23:00.000-04:00

Too damn long.

That's how I would measure the hiatus of Aaron Sorkin from television. The mastermind behind Sports Night, The West Wing, and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is back on HBO with The Newsroom, a new drama following Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) and the rest of his news team at the fictional Atlantis Cable News Network.

I delayed writing about the show until now for one main reason: I didn't want to jump the gun based solely on one or two episodes. Now four in, I simply cannot help myself: this show is brilliant. The way the show integrates a fictional news team into real life events is, thus far, seamlessly done. The cast, led by Daniels but also includes Emily Mortimer, John Gallagher Jr, Dev Patel, Sam Waterston and (occasionally) Jane Fonda, bring to life expertly crafted characters that, by the end of the pilot, I was already highly invested in. Daniels' McAvoy is just the right amount of tortured asshole you can love and root for, and this last episode proved it. His celebration, mid-show, after deciding not to pronounce Gabriel Giffords' as DOA at the hospital transferred through the screen and directly to my heart, and I was punching the air with delight right along with him. Aside from individual performances, this group make a brilliant team; both as a news crew and as an acting ensemble. From an acting and directing perspective, you can tell they all get each other and are absolutely grounded in the same realm. This may sound strange, but you can see the same type of cast chemistry in The Office those people are a family both on and off set, and you can feel that when either of these shows end it will be a very sad day at that studio...and that feeling is perhaps the keystone to this show.

By depicting actual events (BP oil spill, 2010 congressional election, Gabriel Giffords' shooting) help the audience to immediately sink into the drama of the moment, partially because we have already been there. It is also not all news drama. As with all Sorkin's work, there are relationship storylines built in that help to drive the main plot forward. In this case, they were introduced in the very first episode...which worried me. I thought they may become a little overbearing (which they did, to an extent, become in Studio 60) but much to my delight, I was proven wrong. Thus far the relationship storylines have been done with nothing but class, and careful planning.

But points also have to be given to HBO. Very rarely does the network debut a true-to-form 'dud'. Hung is the only thing that comes close, but even that didn't start going down the tubes until its' second season. As a mini-series, the first season was great. People often complain about the networks prices, but, at least you know you'll be getting what you pay for.

Anyway, just a quick blurb about some truly great television; there isn't a lot of it left, so I always try to honor the examples I come across.

But don't take my word for it: HBO was kind enough to put the whole pilot on YouTube, so please...enjoy. It can't be embedded...but the link is below.

http://youtu.be/1U4ZhFDFYvE

"Amazing Spider-Man" Review

2012-07-15T23:08:00.002-04:00

Yes, friends, I've returned once more, and as most of you have probably picked up on by now, for every six-month absence I take I typically come back with a new format for this little Blogger account, so here we go with this one. Once again I'll attempt to write here more often but as I am desperately attempting to finish my two-year saga that is my play "Thick as Thieves", as well work through my summer reading list, I suppose we shall see just how successful I am.

But anyway...my review (spoilers included):

The title "The Amazing Spider-Man" is a fantastic way to describe this reboot versus Sam Raimi's original trilogy. While I maintain that "Spider-Man 2" is one of the best good ol' fashioned superhero movies there is, this re-imagining goes well beyond a simple action movie and easily claims the title of best Spidy Film to date.

Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker is much closer to the version I always imagined from the comic books, whereas McGuire's was definitely set in a fading '90s style. It worked well for movies, but didn't capture the character at all. Garfield's Parker kept the nerd, but added the wit and whimsical nature everyone loved about the character. Parker works best as an unpopular Marty McFly. Even as the character became more tortured and hardened as the film drew to a close, it remained in-tact to the comic character's true nature, and always stayed in the developmental stage. Ending the film without a complete 'origin story' was the only way to truly appreciate Parker's journey.

The film didn't rush anything. No intro for Norman Osborn. No Daily Bugle. I assume at least the latter will come in the second of "at least three" films, as the official statement says. I loved the pacing of the film. It felt long and short at the same time and the writing was spot on. Although I was expecting Uncle Ben's signature phrase of "with great power comes great responsibility" to make an appearance, I assume it was cut for its horrendous over-usage in the three previous films. A paraphrased version was worked in there, brilliantly hidden by the always wonderful Martin Sheen.

But honestly, the casting department knocked this one out of the park. Martin Sheen and Sally Field as Uncle Ben and Aunt May, Rhys Ifans as Lizard/Dr. Connors...everyone was terrific.

My only complaint is the over-usage of CGI. Although I despise 3D...it wasn't bad in this one, but they slapped me in the face with graphics. I understand for a lot of the shots it was a necessity, but at some points it got a little annoying. Although, one could argue the graphics do add a certain 'comic strip' feel to the film, I would retort that more often than not it didn't work, at least not to it's full capacity.

But aside from that, I really have no complaints about this one at all, and am already excited to see the next one. Speaking of which...

As for that credits scene (an apparent standard for all Marvel films) it is a little hard to guess who the mystery figure who knows 'the truth about [Parker's] father' is. The series is clearly diverting from the traditional Spiderman plot, so it makes it harder to judge. Norman Osborn/Green Goblin seems like an obvious choice, since he seems to know Connors well. But in a recent interview Ifans said that it was "definitely not Norman Osborn". So there goes that. It is pretty clear they are setting up Green Goblin to act in the trilogy what he should have been in the first films: Spider-Man's archenemy...not the first villain to go. Personally, I'd like to see him be introduced late in 2, and be the focus of the third film...but we'll see. Since he worked with Connors in this new plot, it could be Morbius, but more likely it is someone who is much better known like Vulture...especially with the way his voice sounded.

So those are my villain predictions: Vulture...maybe Morbius, but unlikely...he isn't well-known enough. I'd love to say Kingpin, but he wasn't nearly fat enough. Perhaps the last film will be a Kingpin-Goblin double feature?! Of course, I suppose they need to work Venom in there... hopefully they'll do him right this time.

The Shadowy figure at the end of "The Amazing Spider-man"

Then again...there's always Mysterio.

"Finding Bigfoot": Death of TV Documentary Shows?

2012-01-01T18:56:00.002-05:00

Awhile back I wrote on the hilarity that is the documentary TV show 'Ghost Adventures'. Some of these documentary ghost-hunting shows are very interesting and have some merit...but Zak Bagans' only offer a ridiculous farce of 'scientific' studies.

Well, friends, I have found a new show that out-does the three idiots on the Travel Channel on Animal Planet called "Finding Bigfoot".

I, myself, have always been interested in Bigfoot. I'm not saying that I think the species and/or creature necessarily exist, but rather that I hope they do. I also have always been curious in those researching sasquatches. I think my interest has demented from watching this show, which has its second season premiering this evening at 10pm.

Matt Moneymaker, James "Bobo" Fay, Cliff Barackman and biologist Ranae Holland make up the Bigfoot Field Research Organization, and official organization dedicated to finding concrete proof of the beast.

The group conduct interviews with locals at sites where Bigfoot sighting have occurred, then head out at night to try and press their luck at catching one out and about. They use methods such as 'Bigfoot calls and whistles', throwing rocks, as well as night-vision, laser alarm systems and helicopters to find the Mr. Big.

First of all, you've got to hear these calls. They are the most ridiculous excuse for a legitimate animal call I've ever heard. Like all of their other 'data' on Bigfoots, they always just write it off by saying something like 'These calls are something 'Squatches' respond to' without ever describing...how/why they know that to be true. The phrase 'I've heard they do/like that' is uttered several times an episode. I find this heard to believe. The calls they make are crazy loud, and, for a creature who seems to avoid humans at all costs, they don't seem like a noise they would make...let alone migrate toward.

Out of all of them Ranae (the only scientist of the group) is the voice of reason. She is the first to look at certain pictures and say 'I see a guy with a backpack' where as Bobo (because that name helps his credibility) almost always says 'Oh, no doubt in mind...that's a squatch." Matt Moneymaker, the founder of the BFRO says he has spent 20 years chasing the possibly fictitious beast, and, like all of them, claim to have had some kind of encounter at one point or another (Bobo has claimed to have seen two Bigfoots, and has tattoos of their tracks to prove it).

If you watch an episode (several lead-up to the finale tonight) you'll see why this show is good for a laugh. I find the stories the people they interview pretty interesting, especially as they try to see if they are telling the truth...but the 'investigation' is nothing but nonsense.

If the point of the show was to increase people's belief in the existence of Bigfoots...I think they're hurting their own cause. Here's the add for tonight's premiere, gives you an idea of the calls if nothing else, and below that is the famous Patterson-Gimlin film...just for fun.

Dexter Season Six Review

2011-12-20T01:29:00.002-05:00

Dexter holds a special place in my heart as one of my favorite shows of all time. It has featured incredible performances by Michael C. Hall and various guest actors, incredible writing, and an extremely interesting plot. But I am sorry to say that most of that slipped away this season.

If you have not finished season six yet, and do not wish to read spoilers...now is the time to stop reading,

The conceit for season six was exceptionally intriguing: two serial killers reenact the Book of Revelations to warn of the end times. With the various apocalypse theories that have circled around this year, the idea of Bible-serving murderers appeared to be the perfect idea for this season.

Unfortunately the idea was flawed by remarkably disappointing subplots, cliche writing, and un-Dexter like moments scattered throughout the season. Let's begin with the first episode. Let's skip past the corny dialogue, and focus on that cheerleader that 'forced' a blow-job on Dex. Really? No resistance? Well, I guess we're over Rita then...

It was about that time that I asked the question...where are Aster and Cody? Season 5 ended with them allegedly coming to live with Dexter for awhile...so where are they? This is a question that would never be addressed during the season. In fact, and correct me if I'm wrong (and I'm sure someone will) I cannot recall a single mention of Dexter's adopted kids in any of the twelve episodes this season.

So Dexter begins to question if religion has a place in his life, awesome! I've always wondered what would happen if Dexter really delved into this issue. Enter one of the best parts of the season: Brother Sam. Mos (formerly Mos Def) gave a surprisingly impressive performance as Brother Sam, who had, I think, some of the best writing of the season....but they killed him off halfway through!

However, his death did lead to what I thought was a necessary adrenaline boost to the season: the return of Brian. His appearance after Dexter's vicious drowning of Nick kept us all theorizing for a week....only, at least in my experience, to be completely let down.

Brian probably had the most cliche dialogue of the season, starting with calling Debra 'The one who got away'. His character existed only in one episode ('Nebraska') and then vanished once Dexter overcame the darkness Brian brought with him. Meanwhile, in this episode Dexter did incredibly out of character actions. Number one: he hooked-up with some girl at a gas station to get a gun (Guess we're really getting over Rita now, huh?) and then shot that gun all over the place as he sped down a country road. Number 2, and most importantly, he killed a potentially innocent (as far as murder is concerned) man without properly disposing of the body. (Not to mention, if you look at that scene, there is no way Dexter, not Brian, but Dexter could have reached behind him, grabbed the pitchfork and stabbed the man with it before he got shot...just saying). Then he just returned to Miami and, essentially, we returned to the season after a very strange break.

The big twist of the season was that Travis was the only doomsday killer, and had killed Professor Gellar before the season even began. The unfortunate part of this twist meant losing the delightful performance of Edward James Olmos for the final three episodes, but that was well-balanced with the accelerated, and captivating one Colin Hanks turned in.

But while Hanks' performance was great...I question what happened to the character at the end of the season. What happened to the struggle between his good half and his dark half that occurred throughout the season? When was his switch made permanent? I assume it was when he came to terms with the fact that he actually killed Gellar, but that was never really made clear in the writing.

What was made clear, however, was that the new writers want the show's name to be changed to Debra. Anytime the show has focused on Deb for too long, it drags the series down...and this season was all about Deb. From her cliche therapy sessions to her promotion to Lieutenant to her break-up with Quinn, most of the show seemed to concentrate on her, rather than the protagonist. And let's face it, she's had some great moments throughout the series...but Jennifer Carpenter's acting chops cannot handle carrying this show.

But, ultimately, all of this was forgivable to me. I was disappointed with what seemed like a great story idea wasted with predictable and, at times, painful writing, but the show itself was still good.

Then, with one episode remaining in the season...they introduce yet another Deb storyline. Incest.

How can I put this mildly? Are you fucking kidding me?! The storyline, of course, was incredibly rushed, presumably it will continue next season, but as for this one it left me wondering...why the hell is this happening? Her 'confession' to her therapist about her love for her brother made me yell at the screen. I simply couldn't believe the idea was being taken seriously. I thought it was going to be written-off, resolved as quickly as it popped up...but no!

And what's worse, this plotline made the season's cliffhanger, one we have been waiting six years for, not only predictable...but...almost delayed. The moments leading up to Deb seeing Dexter kill Travis were...annoying. No shock. No awe. I knew what was going to happen as soon as she assigned him to clean-up that church. And Dexter knew that...so why would he kill Travis somewhere he was also expected to be? It just doesn't make any sense with the character we have gotten to know over the last five seasons. it ruined a pivotal moment of the series: Deb finding out who Dexter really was. We all knew it would happen from the pilot....we just didn't know when. And now, it will never be known as a 'jaw dropping moment'. Instead, just a comma.

And what do they cap that off with "Oh God!"

...

See what they did there?

This shortly following 'I am a father, a son...and a serial killer'. What the hell is this shit, Dexter? The writing was the one thing that never failed this show. Even when supporting actors were...shall we say...lackluster, the writing was still crisp. Not this year.

And yet, I am left wondering other questions: Why didn't Dexter's syringe work on himself? What did Travis do with the Ice Truck Hand? Why am I supposed to care about this? What's Louis going to become? How long until Angel's sister dies?

But...at least now we can theorize about next season...which, despite my complaints, couldn't have a better set-up. We've waited a long time to ask this question: now someone knows...so what happens now? The producers announced that the finale would begin the series 'endgame'...but with two season to go, I'm left wondering how this will be possible.

What jumps to mind is pretty clear. Sure, Deb will be conflicted about what to do with Dexter. Not only is he the person closest to him...but now she is apparently in love with him as well. But, if the writers were to stay true to her character...she would absolutely try to turn him in.

And this leads me to a very interesting idea: Dexter on the run. No Bay, no Boat, no Harrison, no job. But perhaps that will only be the eighth season. Maybe the next twelve episodes will be Deb debating what to do. Cause there haven't been enough 'filler episodes' over the last two seasons.

I wouldn't be surprised if Dexter manages to 'convince' her that he only killed Travis as a 'gift' to her the way he made his second kill for his father...but let's not forget that made him kill himself. So will Dexter's true identity send Deb down the same destructive path, thus causing Dexter to really break away from the world he's set-up for himself?

Lots of speculating can be done, and there are plenty of options. And with this shot to the arm I'll try to put my disappointment aside...but I am far from satisfied with the end of this season. The series hasn't been the same since Trinity was killed, but hopefully, all will be restored with Deb discovering who her brother really is: The Bay Harbor Butcher.

Go check out the WordBRIDGE Blog!

2011-06-08T12:20:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! Back at WordBRIDGE for the next three weeks, and will be running the blog and video updates for the Playwright's Lab. therefore, I'll be making a lot of blog updates...but not here! Go checkout the WordBRIDGE Blog at

http:www.wordbridgeblog.blogspot.com

"The Hangover: Part II": What happened in Vegas...moved to Bangkok

2011-05-28T16:54:00.004-04:00

"The Hangover" will probably always remain one of my favorite movies. At this point, after seeing it as much as I have, the laughs have become a bit stagnant, but I'll never forget how much I loved it when it debuted, and I'm sure that after a break from it for a while I'll be rolling on the floor once again.

That said...I was a bit weary of "The Hangover: Part II". Sequels to great movies always frighten me, because I hate for them tarnish the originals. Something that made the first one shine was either missed, or there is just way too much of it, making the movie unable to stand by itself; it is merely a shadow of its predecessor.

That is exactly how I would describe Phil, Stu and Allen's adventure in Bangkok. The movie follows the exact structure of the first one. At times, I enjoyed this: the opening phone call was a nice touch, Johnny Cash is always welcome, and of course, there's the power of guest stars. The film had the objective of topping the original, that was clear...but poorly executed. All Director Todd Philips' accomplished was making a raunchier, more outrageous (and to some offensive) "Hangover". Sure I laughed, but at times it felt a bit forced.

It blackened the original with its darker gags and generally just took the shocks of the first film too far. I didn't hate this new movie, but what made me love the first one was either beaten too badly, or just totally blackened by going a bit too far (The credit photos' parody of a famous Vietnam picture will be my example of this). I don't think I'll be rushing back to the theaters to catch this one a few more times before it moves along.

This is what I was afraid would happen. The original is a classic, but is now slightly tainted by a stale sequel. The movie was made for the only reason a sequel should be made: the filmmakers wanted to do it again. But given their result I think they will feel compelled to make a third "Hangover", not necessarily because they're dying to re-live the fun they had making number two, but to redeem the franchise as a trilogy. This trick has been done before, just look at "The Last Crusade" or "Ocean's 13", two films that were made to reclaim the fans their second installments had lost. And, looking at a few different reports I've found, Philips is planning a "Hangover: Part III".

Unfortunately, this brings even more risk with it. Where Indiana Jones and Danny Ocean succeeded in making a solid Trilogy Capper...there have been plenty of Trilogies that have gone horribly wrong with their final installment: "Spider-Man 3", "The Godfather Part III", and "The Matrix Revelations" are the finales that immediately come to mind.

So if the third one comes to fruition, I wish it the best of luck. This dog is young enough to learn new tricks, don't make it rely on its original successes so heavily.

2 1/2 out for 4 stars.

Oscar Predictions

2011-02-27T15:03:00.001-05:00

Alright, true, I haven't updated this in ages. But, with hours to go, I want to make sure I get these down. Tradition is tradition after all, and I am, if nothing else, a man of routine.

Should Win
Will Win

Best picture
This was hard. Harder than it has been in years. My heart wants 'Inception', it really does. I'm going to jump if it wins. "Kings Speech" however, is Oscar material if ever there was such a thing. A fantastic script, fantastic performances, it was beautifully directed, and has just the right subject. "Black Swan" I'm also ok with winning. "Social Network" is great, but over-hyped, I won't grumble too much if it walks away with it...but I think we have stronger choices on this ridiculously long list.

"Black Swan"

"The Fighter"

"Inception"

"The Kids Are All Right"

"The King’s Speech"

"127 Hours"

"The Social Network"

"Toy Story 3"

"True Grit"

"Winter’s Bone"

Director
It isn't easy for me to vote against my two favorite directors, but I think Joel and Ethan will agree "True Grit" wasn't quite what they hoped it would be. Very rarely does Best Picture and Best Director differ...this year I'm hoping for an exception to the unwritten rule. I do think "King's Speech" is wonderful, and wonderfully directed...but "Black Swan" is just gorgeous, it moves like a ballet. It kept me engaged the entire time, and I found it very simple to understand. To all the confused Facebook statuses...pay attention, you won't have this problem. Hopper is deserving, but I feel Aronofsky directed this film the way Pollock painted, and I thank those of you who can see what i mean by that.

Darren Aronofsky, "Black Swan"

David O. Russell, "The Fighter"

Tom Hooper, "The King's Speech"

David Fincher, "The Social Network"

Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, "True Grit"
Actor

Alright, I debated this one for a long time. It had some added difficulty in my missing out on both 'Biutiful' and '127 Hours'. It isn't that I don't think Firth deserves to win, because he does...but something very interesting happened inside Eisenberg while I watched his performance. He did some great work, and I think that closing shot of 'The Social Network' won me over. Although, I secretly hope Bridges wins. He did a great job, although not quite out of his box, but I'd love to see him take two things home: Back-To-Back Best Actors, and join John Wayne in becoming the first two Actors to win Best Actor for playing the same role.

Javier Bardem, "Biutiful"

Jeff Bridges, "True Grit"

Jesse Eisenberg, "The Social Network"

Colin Firth, "The King's Speech"

James Franco, "127 Hours"

Actress
We're not in Naboo anymore, Padme. Portman was not just impressive, she was educating. She brought an incredible aspect of originality to the 'deterioration role'. Something tells me she'll be making a few more trips up Oscar's steps before all is said and done.

Annette Bening, "The Kids Are All Right"

Nicole Kidman, "Rabbit Hole"

Jennifer Lawrence, "Winter's Bone"

Natalie Portman, "Black Swan"

Michelle Williams, "Blue Valentine"

Supporting actor
He has it in the bag, as far as I am concerned. Rush is equally deserving and I'd be happy to see him take the stage, the same is true for Ruffalo, but ultimately I have to judge this category based on my gut feeling I get when I see great acting: "I can be better." Mr. Bale, thank you for the reminder.

Christian Bale, "The Fighter"

John Hawkes, "Winter's Bone"

Jeremy Renner, "The Town"

Mark Ruffalo, "The Kids Are All Right"

Geoffrey Rush, "The King's Speech"

Supporting actress
There's a lot to be learned from Miss Steinfeld's performance in "True Grit". I was legitimately impressed with her, and I think she is only nominated under supporting Actress so she has a chance to go home with it, since she is one-hundred percent the lead character of the film. Unfortunately, I fear that the type of role that Meissa Leo played in "The Fighter" will prevail. Don't get me wrong, she and Amy Adams both deserve it, they did great work...but all things considered, my vote would have gone to Hailee. And, although I was impressed by Carter in "the King's Speech", I think that is simply because she was actually acting in this movie rather than her playing her usual role of 'crazy chick'. After all, there's a fair chance that's just what she is like in real life. I mean, look at who she married.

Amy Adams, "The Fighter"

Helena Bonham Carter, "The King's Speech"

Melissa Leo, "The Fighter"

Hailee Steinfeld, "True Grit"

Jacki Weaver, "Animal Kingdom"

Animated feature
What can be said about 'Toy Story 3" that hasn't already been said? there's a reason it is up for Best Picture and the others are not. Never before have I cried at three separate and distinct moments in a film. A beautiful, beautiful work of art, I'm sure I won't be disappointed.

"How to Train Your Dragon"

"The Illusionist"

"Toy Story 3"

Adapted screenplay
Lets be real, this film won the category the minute Aaron Sorkin signed the contract. This film has a phenomenal script. I was very worried going into the film that Sorkin wouldn't be able to pull off dialogue for a younger generation...I was so wrong, and never been more happy about it.

"127 Hours"

"The Social Network"

"Toy Story 3"

"True Grit"

"Winter’s Bone"

Original screenplay
I. Will. Be. Furious. This one of the few categories I'm really passionate about this year. Lately I've been hearing a lot of criticisms about 'Inception'. I find it all ridiculous. Nolan, I'm able to see the decade of work you put into this script, and it all payed off. One of, if not the most original script of the last two decades. I payed $17 to see it the first time, and I was ready to lay another $17 as soon as the credits were over. I love this film. Best of luck.

"Another Year"

"The Fighter"

"Inception"

"The Kids Are All Right"

"The King’s Speech"

Art direction
Unfortunately, the last I checked the world still seems to enjoy Tim Burton's masturbatory ways of 'crazy design'. The actual original works listed below, I fear, will be out-voted.

"Alice in Wonderland"

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I"

"Inception"

"The King's Speech"

"True Grit"

Cinematography
Roger Deakins is long overdue. This is his category, and I will be outraged if he is robbed once again. "True Grit" may not be as visually stunning as "No Country For Old Men" was, but it sure as hell blows this category away.

“Black Swan”

“Inception”

“The King's Speech”

“The Social Network”

“True Grit”

Costume design
See my note about Burton under 'Art Direction'

"Alice in Wonderland"

"I Am Love"

"The King's Speech"

"The Tempest"

"True Grit"

Film editing

"Black Swan"

"The Fighter"

"The King's Speech"

"127 Hours"

"The Social Network"

Original score

“How to Train Your Dragon”

“Inception”

“The King's Speech”

“127 Hours”

“The Social Network”

Visual effects
See note about Burton above.

“Alice in Wonderland”

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1”

“Hereafter”

“Inception”

“Iron Man 2”

Original song

“Coming Home” from “Country Strong”

“I See the Light” from “Tangled”

“If I Rise” from “127 Hours”

“We Belong Together” from “Toy Story 3"

Sound editing

"Inception"

"Toy Story 3"

"Tron: Legacy"

"True Grit"

"Unstoppable"

There you have it, bring on my critics. I don't have nearly the drive behind a Best Picture this year that I have had in the past, so I'm hoping to not be too infuriated by the time I go to sleep.

'I Am The Machine Gunner' at Baltimore Theatre Project

2010-09-01T23:09:00.000-04:00

If you haven't yet had the privilege of seeing a piece of theatre that has, without a doubt, changed your life...you owe it to yourself to drive to Baltimore Theatre Project and be a part of Yury Klavdiev's "I Am The Machine Gunner", translated by John Freedman.

To give you an idea of how gripping this show is, writing this plug is the very first thing I have done since arriving home from the final dress rehearsal of the show. I have plenty of reading to do for tomorrow's classes...but I want to make sure I catch everyone before they go to bed.

I do not care how far you are from Baltimore, make the drive. This play will move, inspire, and change you in ways that you cannot be prepared for.

Today the theatre had trouble with the air conditioning (and by trouble I mean...it stopped working) and the temperature inside the theatre was extremely high. I'm talking...instant sweat high. I have no doubt the problem will be resolved by tomorrow night's opening...so why tell you this? I tell you this because after literally the first second actor James Knight came on stage, I did not notice the heat until the show had concluded and the house lights came up.

As an actor, James' performance in this one-man-play is inspirational, and is something I feel must be witnessed if you are an aspiring actor. I promise you this: your attention will not falter, he grips you from the very moment he appears on stage, and never lets you go.

For those of you who might have seen the workshop production of the 'Machine Gunner' at Towson University last winter, I can tell you that this already breath-taking show has made incredible strides from its former self. I dare not reveal any details of the changes, or the show as a whole, because the team has worked far too hard for that, and you owe it to yourself to let this show hit you without any spoilers blocking its path.

Read more about the show on the play's blog here: http://iamthemachinegunner.blogspot.com/

For tickets, head here: http://www.theatreproject.org/gettickets.html

Trust me, you want to be a part of this production. Additionally, if you are a Towson Student, bring your OneCard in order to receive a bullet-casing necklace/keychain. That should be incentive for anyone to want to come out to the theatre.

"Ghost Adventures"- The Funniest Hour on Television

2010-08-07T01:46:00.001-04:00

I don't know if you've ever heard of the Travel Channel's "Ghost Adventures"...but I would highly recommend it. The guy who hosts this show is...well, I suppose 'absurd' is a good way to describe it. Ghost Huntin' with his two good buddies and his acid-washed jeans.

Livin' the dream.

Since being home for the summer, I've caught a few episodes with my mother, and last night after watching The Professional (it had been a year for me...too long really) we realized it was on and needed a laugh following the bloodshed of the film.

Our boys in black didn't let us down.

Perhaps it is my mother and I's commentary that provides the real humor, but I'm sure if you found the time to watch it you'd be providing your own in mere seconds. From the first time they jump yelling "Holyshitdidyouseethat!" at absolutely nothing, or when they stop dead in the middle of speaking to glace to the right and say "Oh...my...god... [Voiceover] behind me you can clearly see an energy orb moving past my shoulder, just at the moment I felt his cool touch on my neck.", you'll get the gist of what the show is like.

Now, I admit, I made up that last quote...but not these:

"I'm using provocation...I'm provoking."

"I want you to do something...LISTEN TO ME TALKING!"

"Unexplained Energy Orb"

"There are two types of spirits. Intelligent spirits and unintelligent spirits. And it's the intelligent spirits that answer your call."

(On the subject of the ghost of a slave-trading bounty hunter)"Well I hate slavery, i think that was one of America's biggest sins...so I'm gonna go over there and have a talk with this bounty hunter."

"When darkness arrives, it seems like they're coming out of their cells to play with us...and I'm ready to play."

"There was an inmate that was gang-raped to death."

And my favorite back-and-forth of the two episodes we watched:

-Nick: "Its icy cold right here...that means it could be an energy source of some kind."
-Zak: "Or a door way!"
-Nick: "...or a portal..."

And don't think that the hilarity I find in this show spawns from bias. Frankly, I believe in ghosts. I'm in theatre, for God sakes. And some of these ghost shows are interesting and well-done.

This one is not, and believe me, it is for your benefit.

There's Something Wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland

2010-08-03T15:41:00.001-04:00

This past weekend my family went on a short vacation to Annapolis. Before heading home we took a side trip to other side of the bay to visit this great town my mom had heard about: St. Michaels. Now, I don't know if any of my readers have ever been there, or perhaps are even from there, but either way I still feel compelled to share with you the only thought I had while inside that city's limits:

Something isn't quite right here...

I have a few examples of what I meant, a few events that transpired that ultimately resulted in my parents and I saying: "I'm not sure why...but we've gotta get the fuck outta here."

Event Number One:
Within minutes of arriving we started to move toward this museum store where were hoping to find a map of the town. Before we got there, however, we witnessed a man, in broad daylight, urinating on the side of someone's house. He then proceeded to move (un-impaired, mind you) to a boat where his friends were...and got on, departing shortly there after. The strangest part was that we were not the only witnesses...and the man knew we saw him. He made no excuses, paid us no mind. He just...did it.

Event Number Two:
There are exactly two public bathrooms in the town of St. Michaels, Maryland: One for men, and one for women. they are located behind a small restaurant called 'The Bleachers'. I can't speak for the ladies room, but the men's room had one urinal and one toilet. Inside the stall...the toilet paper was padlocked to it's dispenser.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Event Number Three:
There appeared to be some sort of Razor Scooter Gang in the town. I say this because they were dressed similar, circled their scooters in unison like a swarm of vultures around a rotting corpse, and one of them scooted over to a shiny black Escalade, which stopped in the middle of a side street. There was an exchange of some kind, before both parties went their separate ways.

Event Number Four:
We came upon a small sign above a box. the sign read: "Dispose of Passports Here."

There's something is wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Event Number Five:
After walking around for about twenty minutes, my mother and I discovered some strange bites on our legs. I felt nor saw any mosquitoes, and the bites appeared to be those of a spider...but we felt none, nor were we anywhere near any tall grass or weeds.

Event Number Six:
After getting some ice cream, the three of us sat on a bench. At exactly six o'clock (I know because I had just checked the time on my phone) a woman came out of the store we sat in front of and told us that she needed the bench because they were closing, and if she did not take the bench in...it would be gone in the morning. Looking around, we noticed many shops were doing similar things, all taking in objects from in front of their stores...all exactly at six.

Suddenly I felt like Will Smith in I Am Legend

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Additionally, my father informed me that the FAA has placed a one-mile No-Fly-Zone above St. Michaels. Why? Dick Cheney lives there.

We left quickly...never to return. However there were two bright spots of our short time in St. Michaels: the shotglass I picked up (# 138 in my collection) will always have a good story behind it.

The other thing? this poster:

The only strange part about this? A few stores down someone else had stolen the idea, chicken-scratching the exact same rules onto their window.

There's something wrong with St. Michaels, Maryland.

Skunk War: Day 22--"It's Over"

2010-07-24T23:16:00.001-04:00

At least, we believe it to be over.

A quick recap of Night 19 and Days 20 and 21:

Night 19:
That night we had one trap from Critter Control, and our own Havaheart Trap. Both were put out and baited, the CC trap being placed at the 'Blind Trap' spot, directing in front of the hole out of the enclosure.

Day 20-Thursday
The lone son of the original skunk (Mama Skunk) wasn't going down without a fight. I guess it runs in the family. The next morning we found that our trap had been robbed of it's bait...but had not been set off. This was inconceivable...however, I quickly deduced what had happened.

Since it had proven effective, I left that trap in the exact same spot it was when it caught the first skunk the night before, however, I had not filled in the hole made by the skunk trying to escape. The final skunk had used those holes to get under the trap, and take the bait out through the bottom of the cage.

Slippery bastard.

That night it was re-baited and we tried again, but with only our cage. Critter Control said they needed their cage elsewhere, and since we had one that had caught one before...they decided we could be the sacrifice.

He came out later than the normal 9-9:15 range, something totally understandable for a young skunk that is now on his own. However, he was frightened by the lights we used to check on what he was doing, and he retreated back into the hole. So we decided to leave it alone until around mindnight.

It was around that time that we came out to check, and noticed the bait had been taken yet again. The skunk had dug underneath to get the bait.

Un-be-lievable.

I carefully took the trap out of the enclosure, re-baited it with a large chunk of meatloaf that was sitting inside a small dish (so it could NOT be pulled through the holes of the cage), and relocated it a bit closer to the burrow, where we believed the skunk to be.

Day 21-Friday
The Next morning the was no change to our trap. It was still set, bait and all.

That night, we moved the cage into the 'blind trap' position at the hole in the fence, this time with a board underneath it. (Clever, eh?)

And, around midnight on Saturday morning, when we went out to check the cage...there he was. The final little soldier had been captured. The war was over...and we had won.

Day 22-Today

Critter Control did not arrive first thing in the morning, however. In fact, they still had not arrived by 11 o'clock. We thought it cruel to make the skunk spend his last few hours of life cooking in the hot sun, so my dad briefly made an effort to put up an umbrella nearby.

However, as my dad approached...the tail went up.

No shade for the skunk.

Luckily the CC man (not John, John would have been on time) came not-too-long after that.

Within a few minutes the skunk was on board the truck...and the truck drove off with the last of our determined enemies.

22 Days, 7 skunks, 6 cages, and 3 Critter Control Vists later...the war has finally come to a close.

However, the trap is still set tonight...just to be safe.

Skunk War: Day 19- "And Then There Was One"

2010-07-21T12:21:00.000-04:00

...we think.

All four cages, the three by Critter Control and the one we bought, all had skunks in them by the end of the night last night...one of which, housing two of the little furry friends.

John from CC told us that we have set his new record for skunks picked up at one location with five (beating the previous, surprisingly low record of two). Here are the best looks I could get at the cages:

(There are two in there!)

(That one hugged the door the entire time I saw him)

It took John over 45 minutes to transfer all of the skunks into the Transfer Cage on his truck, a process in which four of the skunks shot off some spray at multiple points, leaving our yard, clothes, and garage with quite a potent smell.

Unfortunately, I did discover that my ultimate fear of calling Critter Control was correct; As it is illegal to move skunks in Pennsylvania, all of skunks (including Mama Skunk yesterday) had to be put to sleep. If only they didn't have that damn spray (and didn't eat flowers) they could have stayed under the shed for all I cared, but as it was, they all had to go. At least they're back with Mama now.

On the other hand, I was wrong about another major aspect of the War...the total number of skunks. Very early this morning my dad witnessed one skunk still meandering about the yard while all of the cages were full of his siblings, which means we had at least SEVEN skunks under our shed. John left one trap, and we will put that out with our Havaheart Trap tonight, in an effort to grab, what we think is the final skunk. Our success rate has been pretty good since John got involved, so we have high hopes that tonight will be the final night of the battle. The final night of sitting in the dark with flashlights and binoculars.

Although, I have to say...part of me hopes there are another cluster of skunks down there.

Skunk War: Day 18- The Mighty Have Fallen

2010-07-20T12:36:00.000-04:00

Say hello to my little friend...

That...would be Mama Skunk. She trapped herself in 'the blind trap' around 9:10pm last night. As it turned out I lied about staying on the deck. Myself and my dad went around the other side of the yard (careful to stay outside of that 15-foot radius) and examined the situation. for a long while the babies surrounded the cage and they all tried feverishly to free Mama (leaving quite the hole in the ground, I might add).

The trap behind the shed also caught something...a cat. This was not the goal. Damn cats.

Well...One down, five to go. John from Critter Control took Mama away and we're hoping that, in their confusion, all the babies will stick together and can be caught tonight. The traps are all reset and back in their old positions, ready for another battle. It would seem, my friends, that the end of The Skunk War is in sight.

Skunk War: Day 17 - Waving The White Flag

2010-07-19T16:43:00.001-04:00

Six.

There are six skunks living under our shed. We took a few nights off from observation due to hectic morning schedules (should we catch something, of course) but when I returned to the field Saturday night...I got quite a surprise. Sitting alone in my club house I watched them all parade around the enclosure. It was at that time I decided I was out numbered and I shot the Maglite their way and shouted "Alright...everyone back in the cave!" I'm serious, that's what i shouted. They obeyed, then I sprinted for the deck. A few minutes later, I watched as they marched off, in two different directions, in groups of three.

Out numbered, we decided to pull The French Tactic and call in the bigger guns.

Our good friends at Critter Control arrived at 4pm today and set up three traps. One directly against the hole in the fence (the "blind trap", as John from CC called it), one in the enclosure in front of the burrow, and one behind the shed. The only thing left to do is wait.

Tonight we'll observe only from the deck, and without flashlights. Our friend John believes we will catch at least three of them tonight, but hopefully they'll be sticking together and get them all. He used big traps, so they will be able to get their tails up to spray if they need to. But, as John put it: "That makes this that much more exciting." You have to appreciate it when you meet someone who loves their job.

So, in the words of Dexter Morgan...

"Tonight's The Night."

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22.) Christie LeeBilly has written many songs about his second wife, Christie Brinkley. This is probably the most direct.

21.) Everybody Loves You NowNewer recordings are better, but this is the first from his debut album: "Cold Spring Harbor"

20.) Baby GrandWith Ray Charles. Certainly his best duet. (His daughter Alexa has the middle name "Ray" in honor of Charles.)

19.) Travelin' Prayer

18.) LeningradTrivia: Both the stories he tells are true. He met Viktor the Clown during his tour of the Soviet Union.

17.) Tomorrow is TodayTrivia: Once upon a time, Billy tried to kill himself. He took his suicide note and turned it into the lyrics for this song.

16.) Somewhere Along the Line

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13.) Souvenir

12.) Ain't No Crime

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10.) Goodnight Saigon

9.) Keeping the Faith

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6.) Stop in Nevada

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Skunk War: Day 22--"It's Over"

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Skunk War: Day 18- The Mighty Have Fallen

Skunk War: Day 17 - Waving The White Flag

21.) Everybody Loves You Now
Newer recordings are better, but this is the first from his debut album: "Cold Spring Harbor"

20.) Baby Grand
With Ray Charles. Certainly his best duet. (His daughter Alexa has the middle name "Ray" in honor of Charles.)

18.) Leningrad
Trivia: Both the stories he tells are true. He met Viktor the Clown during his tour of the Soviet Union.

17.) Tomorrow is Today
Trivia: Once upon a time, Billy tried to kill himself. He took his suicide note and turned it into the lyrics for this song.

5.) Zanzibar
If you have skipped any songs on the way down this list that you didn't already know...don't skip these last five. And then go back and listen to the rest.