KAMI'S KHLOPCHYK

Naturopathic Dropout

2009-11-11T20:59:00.004-06:00

Remember my elimination diet? Remember how I was all about better eating for better health?

Yeah. So.

That went well. Did you detect the sarcasm?

Turns out, as a wise elementary schoolmate pointed out, a Saskatchewan girl giving up wheat is like an Albertan giving up driving an SUV and a British Colombian giving up pot. And yes, this very comment on FB made me laugh. Out loud. The acrid aroma will get you every time you stroll the streets of downtown Vancouver. It's so punny 'cause it's true.

Anyway, back to me. Everyone together now, 1, 2, 3 all about me. Me and wheat. Together we are better. Wheat completes me. You had me at flour.

Okay, okay enough with the bad movie lines. The point is, when I last wrote about this I was craving some bread fierce. That craving got stronger and I got weaker, more tired and even more grumpy.

I contacted the naturopath. The one I like to call Shirley. Her name is as opposite to Shirley as you can get but you know, calling her Shirley makes me giggle (see above 1,2, 3 it's all about me). She told me that restricting my diet to that extent could cause my adrenals or my thyroid, I forget which, to under perform.

WHAT?

Genius. I went to prevent such an occurrence and here we are doing things to ENCOURAGE it?

Also, funny how the issues I told her about are the ones that came out of the "assessment and diagnosis"?

Hmmm. A bit like going to the psychic sporting your wedding rings and she tells you that you are married.

So here's the thing. I went in with an open mind and the velcro hooked up to the blinking lights pretty much shot that out of the water.

What did I learn?

I am lactose intolerant and minimizing my sugar intake is a good thing.
I spent $250 to gain information I already knew.

(insert profanity here)

The good news? Because there is always silver lining. I think. Most of the time. Is that now that I am not restricting my diet, I feel great. Flip flapping fantastic.

It's all relative. And, apparently, expensive for idiots. Live and learn.

Traditions, The Stuff of Memories

2009-11-07T13:17:00.002-06:00

Today, I am over at Canada Moms Blog talking about holiday traditions. And in a way, thanking my Mom for all the hard work she has always put into the holidays. It only took me thirty five and half years, better late than never, right Mom?

And yes, I am already dreaming of Nanaimo Bar, in fact I am counting the days until that first delectible bit. It's all about the chocolate for me.

What is the one favourite holiday tradition you and your family have?

Why I "Gave Up" My Career

2009-11-05T13:04:00.001-06:00

Some of you likely know that by trade, I am a Chartered Accountant or CA for short. I was recently asked by another CA why I worked so hard to obtain my CA designation (16 hour exam over four days!) if I knew I was going to "give it all up" to have kids. This CA is a mother, but also a partner at a large accounting firm. She and I are not only not on the same page, we are not even in the same book. To clarify, both are legitimate books, neither one better or more valid than the other, simply different.

I stumbled over my response. It's complicated. It's not as simple as "giving up my career". For one, I haven't given up my profession. I still work as a CA, just not in the same capacity as she does. I was not offended by this question, though you might expect I would be. Because, when it comes down to it, in a sense, I have given up, temporarily and maybe permanently, a "career" as a CA.

I know of this career. I had begun this career before we had children. Barely, granted, since I got pregnant with Jack the week after the above mentioned 16 hour exam. We don't waste time. Such a career requires hard work and long hours. It requires climbing the corporate ladder. It requires assuming more and more responsibility. Not like any other career, I imagine.

In essence, it requires everything that I am not. I am not, by nature, a corporate ladder climber. That whole genre does not fulfill me even a little bit. I admire people who are fulfilled by this but I am not one of them. I think, and I am only speculating, that some are driven by the lure of making more and more money to buy more and more stuff. Maybe this is because I can't understand the alternative. That someone would be excited and energized to move up the corporate ladder. I don't know. What I do know is that neither of these things drive or motivate me.

When Jack was 18 months old, I went back to work. I had quit my job before he was a year old because I just couldn't fathom leaving him for 40 plus hours a week with someone else. Again, this is how I felt. I don't judge others who do leave their kids to work. It's a personal choice and ofter not a choice at all, but a necessity. For Jay and I, it didn't feel right. I also know that I am extremely lucky that Jay and I share these same beliefs and values and that we have this option.

However, after spending the next six months with little or no social contact (I had not yet discovered the internet, obviously), I needed to go back. It had nothing to do with wanting to further my career. It was simply a survival decision.

Jack loathed daycare. I loathed leaving him there. I didn't enjoy my work. I enjoyed the social aspect yes, but that was about it. I only worked three days a week. Frankly, in hindsight, it was three days too many. This arrangement lasted 18 months until my maternity leave began for Kamden. I never went back.

While on leave, the work I do now was mentioned as a possibility by another mom. I am indebted to her for the idea and for pushing me to try it. I have never looked back. I now teach online courses (among other things) to students who are working towards becoming CAs. I am still in the profession. In a way, I am giving back to the profession far more than I ever would have working in industry or public practice. But the biggest perk, the one that motivated me to try this in the first place, is that I am the one with our boys. I wake up with them every morning, feed them breakfast and send them off to school. Minus the "hurry up, Mommy is going to be late for work" rants. I am here when they come home for lunch. I am here when they come home from school. I was the one who dropped them off and picked them up from preschool.

I was here. I am still here.

And for that reason, I don't feel like I have given anything up at all.

Rather, that I have accumulated a lifetime's supply of riches.

Pride for my boy

2009-11-01T23:30:00.004-06:00

Jack recently had an assignment at school the required him to list his likes and dislikes. I found my heart swelling with pride and also laughing out loud a little. Random Halloween photos are mixed in, just for fun, but in case you were looking for relevance to the post, go no further. There isn't any.

Here's a sample:

Eight things he really likes are:

- playing with my brother (yes, that got an out loud awwwwww)
- having my friend over
- going over to my friend's house
- Bon Jovi music (he's got good taste, no?)
- movie night (Friday nights are movie night at our house)

First of all, I want to just give a shout out that none of his favourite "things" are objects or toys or other possessions. Instead they are doing things with people he cares about. And playing with his brother is #1? Well if my heart didn't about break with pride upon reading that.

Now for the dislikes, don't worry it's short:

- Jazz music (seriously, he's 8, does he even know what Jazz music is? *insert laugh out loud here*)
- winter (hmm, I think I get where the Jazz music dislike is coming from...perhaps maybe, just maybe he's heard me disclose my dislike for it but winter, never. I love winter. *insert evil laugh here*)

Or evil Dr. Jay performing Jack-O-Lantern's lobotamy.

He's quite the kid, our Jack (not to be confused with Jack-O-Lantern, he is definitely not our kid), and we wouldn't have it any other way.

My hair and my camera, what a combo

2009-10-29T13:50:00.007-06:00

Way back in August, I posted about how I wanted to do something drastic to my hair. It was not on my good side. The concencus was to but it a bit shorter but keep the same general style. You all confirmed my gut insticts and kept that voice inside that was screaming, "Shave it off!" to a dull roar.

I did exactly that and I HATED it. The bangs and the length were nothing but wrong. That voice mentioned above took it up seven octaves. I had the razor poised. Then, in last ditch effort to keep my husband and kids happy - they all love my long hair, cut from the same cloth they all are- I attempted an intervention on my bangs using a technique I saw somewhere that has since disappeared into the deep vortex that is the internet.

It was fabulous and I so wish I could find it. My hair stylist laughed her butt off after her complimenting me on my bangs, her admitting she did not cut them like that, and me telling her I used a tutorial on the internet to do it. She was all, "They show you how to cut your hair on the iternet!!!?" She has no idea what is on the internet, clearly, but she's awesome so I forgive her innocence.

Anywho, fast forward a couple of months and my hair has smartened up. It was frighted by all the razor talk I am certain. Since it's finally cooperating and I was sick to death of my the profile picture I have been using here since February 2008, I decided to attempt a new one.

Armed with my new tripod (YIPEE) and the natural light from the living room windows, here is the result.

I have newly acquired Adobe Photoshop Elements 8.0 but damn if I know how to use it. As such, the above photo is straight out of the camera. Don't look too close at my less than perfect skin now, you hear. Also keep in mind it got shrunk down to a 48 by 48 pixel square for use as my avitar for various on-line applications.

Also sorry about the burning of your retinas.

Anyway, this long and rambling post about my hair (damn, I am deep) was all to say think you for you spectacular advice. So THANKS!

My Blog in Print

2009-10-27T21:35:00.000-06:00

Ever since I started blogging I have wondered how I could preserve what I write here long term. Let's face it, the Internet is likely to gone the way of eight tracks by the time our kids are grown. I knew I couldn't just save them in electronic form, computers and the software they run are obsolete faster than I can inhale a small chocolate bar (oh what I would give for a chocolate bar followed by a Carmel latte chaser right now - the elimination diet is not going well can you tell?).

I did a post about this about this very issue back in June. Some suggested Shutterfly where you can make a fancy photo book including your blog posts. I started that and realized it would take me hundreds of hours to make it worth anything and frankly, for the amount they may get read, it just wasn't worth my time. Also, the lack of patience I possess would have had me rocking in the fetal position suckling a bottle of vodka like a newborn partway through my posts from 2006, also the year I began this here blog.

Then someone pointed me to Blog 2 Print. I remember who but if it was you I am laying a great big wet smack on your cheek right now. That ought keep anyone from fessing up, no?

This service, well let's just say it's the next best thing since sliced bread. It pulls it all together FOR YOU. All you do is give your URL and specify the dates for the posts to pull and it spits this out to you, mailed right to your door.

Now, I can't lie, it wasn't that easy. I decided that I wanted to separate posts about the boys from posts about me. To remove the posts I didn't want pulled into the book I just went through and unpublished all the posts I didn't want - don't worry, they are not gone, merely saved as draft to be re posted at a later date. I made a book for each year except for 2007 which I split into two books because there were too many photos. The first one came in the mail the other day and it's pretty neat to have a book to flip through.

It allows me ample opportunity to reminisce over my little baby boys. They were aged five and two in 2006 and ever so wee compared to now. And then I cringe over the hideous "writing" and the overuse of smiley faces and exclamation points. They grow physically, emotionally and intellectually, my writing has grown (I think). We'll call it even.

I am very happy with this book and the 2007 and 2008 ones are being shipped shortly. I will then begin the process of republishing posts about me and unpublishing those about the boys so I can have my very own narcissistic book titled "1 2 3 All About Me". It will be handy when I am old and have no memory. I can read about this crazy woman who overused exclamation points with two adorable boys and had hormonal issues. I can't hardly wait.

And last but not least, Blog 2 Print is doing a fall promotion. If use the code fall4b2p to purchase a book before November 9, 2009 you will receive 20% off. They told me to share it with my friends and my friends, they are you!

I Wish

2009-10-25T21:46:00.000-06:00

To my dear Jack and Kamden,

This life, it is short. It can be amazing and it can also knock you down and kick you in the nuts. You cannot control the knocks or the kicks but you are the captain of your own ship. You control how you react to the knocks and the kicks. No one else. You control where that ship takes you in life. You and only you. Always remember that.

In this life, I wish for you:

Love. Deep, unconditional, passionate love. May you find that special someone that was meant to walk beside you as your equal through this life.

Laughter. May you always find the humour in the situation and never take yourself or any situation too seriously. (Except when you put your Daddy and I into a retirment home, take that VERY seriously. Please?)

Passion. May you find that which engulfs your body and soul, makes you strive to be better and also provides for you and if applicable, your family. Not just a job but something that fufills you to your very core. (I am allowed to wish for my kids what I don't have, right?)

To know your heart. May you always be true to yourself and follow your heart wherever it may take you. Be confident in your decisions. Own them, good or bad, they are yours as are the consequences that come with them. Learn from your mistakes with no regrets.

Happiness. May you find true happiness. It's yours for the taking. If you follow your heart and your dreams, you will find it.

This is what I wish for you.

And also, while you are off doing all of that, call your Mom and Dad every now and then, okay?

Love Mommy

I've gone off nuts, it's official

2009-10-23T14:41:00.004-06:00

If you are a regular reader (hi, y'all, you know how much I love you, right? M'wah) you know about my health issues. I have pretty much maxed on any help from the medical side of things. I am on hormones, which have helped immensely, however, the migraines that began the day before we left for Hawaii this past January have not budged. In fact, they love to pop up at the most inopportune moments, like smack dab in the middle of my Pilate's class a couple of days ago. Not to mention that my thyroid and adrenal glands could just up and go the way of my ovaries whenever they feel like it.

A friend mentioned (Hi Jackie!) a naturopath. What the hell I said, what have I got to lose?

So I went a week and half ago and I won't lie, parts of it had me going, are you serious?

For example, the Velcro straps that she put around my ankles, wrists and forehead that were connected to a small box with blinking lights that proceeded to tell her computer all kinds of things that normally would require extensive blood work. And then, and this had my mom laughing so hard she couldn't talk, to see what supplements would work well for me, she proceeded to place bottles of liquid on top of the box with blinking lights.

I know, I know, I should have an open mind but how, on God's green earth, does a bottle of liquid on top of a box tell her how my body will react to whatever is in the bottle?

And if this works so well, why haven't we abolished invasive blood tests?

Anyway, I didn't really go for that part of it, though I am taking the supplements the blinking box said would work and I feel good. What I went for the diet and nutrition part. I believe strongly that what I put in to my body has a huge impact on its productivity and well being. I have already learned that fitness goes a long way, surely improving on what I am eating will also help. And in fact, maybe I can even prevent further health problems such as a slacker thyroid. If I can, why wouldn't I?

She (the naturopath, we'll call her Shirley), put me on an elimination diet. That means that for three weeks I can't eat dairy (no surprise here, I have been lactose intolerant for years), sugar (I may have audibly gasped when she said that), wheat, eggs and peanuts. WHAT? No peanut butter and honey toast for breakfast? You are KILLING me slowly.

I love sugar. I love baking. I love my toast for breakfast. In no particular order.

That was a week and half ago. I honestly thought giving up sugar was going to put me in the loony bin. It hasn't. I am okay. I have some honey every now and then to keep me sane and I am good to go. What might surprise you (Hi Mom and Dad) is that I have not eaten chocolate since I can remember - likely the day before I started this diet, I have a short memory, what can I say. For me, this is an eternity. And I am still breathing. Wonders never cease.

What I would do though is cut off my left arm for a piece of bread. Slathered generously with peanut butter and jam, full sugar jam (if only I could be that much of a bad ass). Almond butter is good, but it's not peanut butter.

Today, armed with advice from several wheat avoiders, I hit up the health food store. Lo and behold! A whole array of flours that nary did see the stalk of a wheat plant. It was like I hit the mother load.

I bought a bread mix that while it contains some sugar meets the rest of the requirements. I baked it up the minute I got home.

The second it came out of the machine, I sliced a piece and slathered it with jam (sugar free).

It was good. And I finally feel full. Taking wheat out of my diet left very few carbs and I need me some carbs to feel full. It's a process. I am learning. And I feel great.

I'll let you know how this adventure turns out. Or Jay will in between visits with me in the loony bin.

The makings of a great weekend

2009-10-19T20:59:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, I had a really good idea. I needed to do some shopping. You see, last winter, I was akin to a burning inferno so I purged my closet of all long sleeved tops that no longer fit. This year, I am more like an Arctic ice berg and the purging of last year, while necessary, left me with no more than three long sleeved outfits. That and the jeans that I wear on a daily basis were down to two pairs that fit. I needed to shop.

While the shopping here is okay, know the shopping is even better in the city where my good friend, Cheryl, lives; not to mention the company is spectacular. Because you see, what I also needed was some serious girl time. You know, the kind of time with a good girlfriend that lets you hang loose.

So being bright and all, I check flights, confirm with her that the weekend works after checking with Jay and then HUZZAH I booked it.

A trip, on my own, where there was no work required has not occurred since about 1993 (remember New Year's Jenelle?) For me, this was extravagant. I don't do this. My husband also does not go on trips on his own. We are weird like that. I do like a weekend away and my job over the last few years has provided weekend trips frequently enough for my liking. However, I have not had to travel for work since September 2008. Not that I am complaining, trust me. Those weekends are fun but they are also filled with 10 to 12 hour work days. This weekend involved zero, zilch, nada in the way of work and instead provided good conversation, excellent food and some serious shopping.

You can see her take on the weekend here.

All with this gal. It was just what I needed. We chatted, and chatted and chatted some more. You know you have a great friend when you never run out of things to talk about. She also has a knack for making me try on things that I would not normally try on. And then I love them. And then my credit card internally combusts.

I kid.

She also took me for sushi. I have only had it once and it was, putting it mildly, icky. But she raves about it so I had to see for myself. It was delish. I am already craving it again. I am on the hunt for a good local place.

All in all, it was pure fun. I came home yesterday to the smiling faces of my boys feeling great. It was just what I needed.

Cheryl, her husband Tim and son Cole, were gracious hosts and I cannot thank them enough for welcoming me with open arms. I had the best time with the best company.

Let's do it again really soon.

(To see more pictures from Cheryl and Tim's fancy basement where I had the privledge of staying, see my Flikr stream here. )

The stages of mothehood

2009-10-16T11:14:00.003-06:00

Wow, where did the week go? I have no post here but if you are dying for some Kami you can head over to and read my post over at Canada Moms Blog about cutting the apron strings. The anticipation was scary but once we jumped in with both feet, it's been very liberating.

Thankful

2009-10-09T22:24:00.004-06:00

Up here in the Great White North (and no, I am not happy that I can now say that with accuracy, it's only October for goodness sake) this weekend is Thanksgiving. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that we have ours a month and half sooner than our American friends due to the fact that winter comes ever so much earlier here. It's hard to slaughter a bird when it's Arctic-like out.

Can you guess what I am not thankful for? That's right, we'll take winter for $400, Alex. It's here. It's barely October. Yes, that's me sobbing uncontralably in the corner. Thanks for not kicking me on your way by.

But lest you think I am a complete ingrate (you wouldn't be far off though, just so you know) I am actually very thankful for many things.

I am thankful for my two boys who can go from superheros keeping the world safe from evil

to compasionate, loving young men who find great joy in snuggling up with a stuffy. Their collections are extensive and their love for each of member makes their momma's heart swell.

They have a good role model, you see.

This family of mine is what I am most thankful for and that includes extended family with whom will will have the pleasure of celebrating with this weekend.

To all my Canadian friends, may you share love, laughs and happiness with family and friends this weekend. May each of us find the joy in our lives to cherish. It is what is most important.

Happy weekend everyone!

Ps If you have trouble commenting here, please let me know. It was brought to my attention that it is a regular occurrence. Also, how do I fix it?

I strive for mediocrity

2009-10-06T11:38:00.002-06:00

My life goes in a pattern. I try something, I fall in love with it, I eat, sleep and breathe it but then my interest wanes so I move on to the next thing.

In the time that I focus on the task at hand I learn quickly. I learn enough to be good at it. But I always feel like I hit a ceiling whereby any further effort will be for naught. I never get to great.

Thankfully this is never the case with the important things in life just the hobbies. Over the years I have tried figure skating, horseback riding, indoor climbing, photography and most recently running.

I quit figure skating after six years of hard work. In that time I made great progress. I started at a late age and was always behind the girls my own age but that didn't bother me at all. I made great strides at closing the gap in that short time and that made me feel good.

A few years later my parents got me a horse (yes, I may have been a tad spoiled, why do you ask?) and I began taking lessons. I loved it. It was like coming home because I had something new to learn and strive for. It filled a void that skating had left in my life. Again, I lived the sport, spending hours riding, practicing, reading about it and traveling to local clinics to learn from the experts.

Then University and that whole career thing that follows got in the way and I said good bye to my horse. Then came the kids and the change of carreer.

I still tell myself that someday I will ride again but the truth is I likely won't because new hobbies and passions have taken over. There is only so much time in the day.

It does give me pause to wonder though if maybe I am satisfied to be mediocre at everything I try and once I achieve that, my attention span is maxed out and I move on to the next thing.

But at the same time, I have no regrets about the path my life has taken. Each activity I have participated in has taught me something invaluable. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not been passionate about each one.

I do wonder though where I will be in five years. Will I still be running? Will I still be trying to improve my photography skills?

Only time will tell.

Harvest on the Prairies

2009-10-02T12:41:00.003-06:00

Today, I am on Canada Moms Blog remembering my time as a child during harvest on the farm.
Somehow I think it was a simplier time, a simplier life, or maybe it was the fact that I was a kid.

Or the rose coloured glasses I like to wear.

Micro or Macro

2009-09-29T21:22:00.000-06:00

I am walking a balance beam and I have fallen off the ruddy thing so many times I am starting to have bruises upon bruises. Just when I feel like I've got my balance something comes flying at me warp 8 and knocks me clear off the beam into a pile of, ahem, you know what.

Today's post will discuss micro vs. macro management of my eight year old's responsibilities.

I know, those of you with toddlers are going, what responsibilities could he possibly have.

He's in grade three and he is also taking a group piano class. That means that daily there is practicing and homework from music and sometimes there is homework from school.

I know, doesn't sound like a big deal, does it?
Um. Well. He's eight. He's at school all day learning and having fun. What do you think the last thing he wants to do when he's at home is?

I'll take piano practicing for $1,000 Alex. Ding, ding, ding!

This week I waffled between micro managing which coincidentally enough is very much like nagging and macro managing which also went along the lines of nagging but with less intensity. Have I mentioned that I am very type A? Not doing what the teacher tells you is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

It won't surprise you that neither approach was very successful.

Next week I will try throwing popcorn at his head until he practices. It just might work, he loathes popcorn.

And the blog almost imploded

2009-09-26T21:13:00.006-06:00

Some of you saw. Some of you asked what is going on. Has Kami gone off the rocker, once and for all? Jay asked if I knew I was causing a fuss when he saw I had 15 comments to my Facebook status that read:

"I am almost 99% certain I will be taking a blogging break and a twitter break and a FB break. And it might not be temporary."

I also Twittered the very same, because, you know, I had to cover all social media bases. Wait a minute, I missed My Space. CRAP. Oh yeah, I don't have a My Space. Whew.

And you thought I wasn't dramatic. Showed you didn't I?

What caused me to have this feeling of leaving cyberspace behind? I honestly don't know but I think it might have had to do with my reaction to a friend's news that she was expecting a baby. I may have patted her belly (yes, yes, I did and I am still as mortified as I was 1.2 second after I did it) and blurted out in surprise (because I am an idiot) that I thought she had a little belly the last time I saw her and that I was so hoping that she was. I won't go into details but this is something that I have prayed would happen for her and her husband for a year now. To say they deserve this baby is an understatement.

GAH. It still makes me feel sick inside. On what planet is that a good way to react?

You might be wondering why something I said out loud to a real life friend would make me want to turn my back on this on-line world. I know I am.

I haven't entirely figured it out but I think it might have something to do with the fact that I do things like this more frequently than I care to mention and spending time here rather than in the real world is not helping that fact.

I am going out on a limb here.

But at least I gave my friend something to talk about. I mean I would be ranting about this weird friend who not only patted my belly, MY BELLY, like it's now public property because it's growing a baby and then told me I had a belly two months ago. Come to think of it, that would make a funny blog post wouldn't it?

See? The fact that I am thinking about it terms of blog post means that I am not ready to give up this blog. I need an outlet to express some of the stuff (fluff?) that swirls aimlessly around in the void that is my mind. If not here, where else? Facebook and Twitter updates don't provide the space and do you really want me to call you all and leave a voice message? Equally undesirable are mass emails, I am certain. Do I have your email? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I have been spewing on here for three and half years and honestly this is the first time I have considered shutting it down. And really, when I think about it, shutting it down would be like cutting off an arm.

This is part of me.

Sometimes maybe it's too much, sometimes maybe it's just the right amount.

But whatever it is, it's me.

Now if I could just learn myself how to shut my mouth and keep my hands to myself all would be right in the world.

(And help me out, do I apologize for being such an idiot to my friend, or put my head in the sand and hope she's already forgotten?)

Time always makes me more rational

2009-09-21T14:47:00.003-06:00

Last week, I was an irrational mess over Kamden's Kindergarten muteness. But as always, expressing my fears and frustrations here is like therapy (only MUCH cheaper) and I am much more rational about it now.

Aparently I am obsessed with it though as I also wrote a post about it over at Canada Moms Blog.

What I neglected to mention last week was that he LOVES Kindergarten. So while he may struggle to communicate verbally there, he is particpating in every other aspect. It's all about perspective and today, I have much more.

Maybe I should rename this site? But the name Cheaper Than Therapy is already taken so we'll stick with Khlopchyk. It's more fun to say too.

CLOP-chick.

Maybe I should write a theme song that would play when you all click over here, because I know how much we all love that?

Back to regularly scheduled programming, also known as the to do list I don't want to do. It's an I don't want to do it list.

Heh.

Why do kids have to inherit their parent's bad characteristics?

2009-09-16T21:18:00.000-06:00

I am going to make a very personal revelation here, one that may surprise you, though not if you know me in real life. You will, however, most likely be extremely grateful to know it's not about a) my health/mood/depression issues or b) running. I saw you do a fist pump, by the way.

Anyway, back to me. I am socially inept. Always have been and dare think that I probably always will be. I am fine with people I know. People I don't know, I am terrible. I try really hard to avoid talking to them by avoiding all eye contact.

Yes, I am ridiculous. I am fully aware of it. Yet, somehow I keep right on doing it.

What I want to know is why do my kids have to not only inherit my bad characteristics but the nth degree?

This is my crazy Kamo, the one we call rubber boy. The one who is fearless and runs with his eyes closed, into a fence, of course.

Except that now he is no longer fearless. He now has so much fear that he can't talk at school. He tells me he tries but he just can't.

It breaks my heart and I so get it. I was there, though not to that extent. I would talk only when ABSOLUTELY necessary but I would speak.

So far after more than a dozen days at school, I could likely count on two hands the number of words he has spoken (quietly). These spoken only when asked direct questions by the teacher. He has yet to speak to another kid in his class.

My baby is going to have no friends not to mention having to repeat Kindergarten because the teacher will be unable to assess his progress.. H-ello anxiety attack, how nice to meet you.

And that's not where the social skills go awry. Oh no. We need more to ice this cake.

The event that adds the final finesse to my nomination application for Worst Mother of the Year (been working on this one for oh, about 8 years, thankyouverymuch, occurred the other night. I was planning on putting Kamden in Tae Kwon Do and his buddy was starting a class that night. I asked Kamden if he would like to go and check it out to see what it was like. Yes, he replied and then said to his buddy, "Then I can see you for even more time!"

So we drive two cars over there (I had to scoot off to my Pilates class after) and walk into the foyer beside the gym where the class has already begun. He freezes and won't even take his shoes off. I try to gently urge him in telling him I will come with him. He refuses to even let me take off his shoes, even when I assured him I would go in with him and stay until he was comfortable.

I lost it.

Fine, let's go home, I am not fighting with you to make you try something fun that I know you will love.

Home we go. He cries. I try to listen to the music. I am extremely mature and rational, did I mention that?

Eventually I calmed down and Jay pointed out what should have been ridiculously obvious to me. We did not prepare him at all for what the scene would be like when we arrived. The class was about 30 people all lined up in a gym doing the warm up moves TOGETHER. Kamden is five. He's little. There were many adults in the group as well as older kids.

Now that I think back on it, I would have been a bit frightened to go in too. Thankfully he saved me the trouble.

This parenting gig has a steep learning curve and I might need medication to survive the climb.

Yet another running post

2009-09-15T14:45:00.005-06:00

(from my Mom's garden, I can't resist sunflowers these days, they just make me happy - thanks Mom!)

This weekend, as I mentioned in my last post (would someone tell me to get a grip already, enough with the wallowing in self pity) that we, as in Jay and I, were running a relay this past weekend. Some people go to church on Sunday mornings, we run (don't judge until you've run a mile in our shoes).

The relay distance was a full marthon distance of 26 miles or 42.2 km split five ways. Terry-Lyn, Jay's boss's wife (say that 5 times fast) ran the first 7 km leg in a lightening fast 37 min. Jay and I were waiting at the first exchange zone so she could pass the timing chip off to me. We almost missed her! Thank goodness Jay saw her and I yelled. Here we are passing the baton (figuratively of course, it was actually a velcro timing chip).

I feel bad for any one behind me when this picture was taken but on the other hand, it is my best side. And I was off. And everyone passed me again. (Warning, I am my own very worst critic) But this time I was only running 10.5 km not 21.1 km. The people passing me where either doing 21.1km or 42.2 km. Me and a turtle have a lot in common. I finished my leg in 1 hour 5 min and 27 sec. EXACTLY the same pace that I ran the first 10km of my half marathon. EXCUSE me, but can someone tell me how in the world I did 11 more km after that?

Anyway, I passed the baton to Jay, who the previous day had come down with the cold from HELL. He went to bed at 8pm with a raging fever the night before his first race. I was shaking in my boots thinking I might have to run his leg too. That would mean I was running the equivalent to a half marathon. WITHOUT training for a half marathon.

Needless to say I was overjoyed when he woke up felling 75% better.

He ran his 11.5 km in 1 hour and 1 min and some seconds for change. Yes, that's right, he ran 1 km farther than me in 3 min less. But I am not dwelling on that (okay, okay, so maybe I have told everyone who will listen about it, whatever) because I am so damn proud of him. He is amazing and this just further proves it. A bad cold and he has a personal best!

Next up it was Jen's turn. She did a great recap of the race over at her site too, go check it out and you will see my very hot legs (yes that was sarcasm). She ran her leg in 1 hour and 6 min and change. A good 6 min faster than she and I did it together a mere 6 days before. I am so proud of her! She has gone from not running a stitch this spring to finishing a 9.5km race. GO JEN! Next up is our 5km race (see button on top right to donate!).

Here is Jen coming in to pass off to the last runner, Kent, Jay's boss. Poor girl was hot and tired and almost ran right by me as I was snapping away on my camera. I believe I reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her in!

And off went Kent on the last leg.

We all met up at the end to run across the finish together. Unfortunately we have no photos because they require your first born as a small payment to purchase the ones taken by the professional photographer. No thanks, I have become quite attached to Jack.

A big thank you to my Mom who came and took care of the boys while we ran, it is much appreciated Mom and so good to have you around!

This racing thing is quite fun, I might keep it up.

Things I have learned or Stewing or Meh - your choice

2009-09-08T13:08:00.005-06:00

This past week was a weird one for me. Tuesday's news sent me into a bit of a funk, I won't lie. I know my health problems are treatable. I know they are not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things BUT they are health problems and they are new to me. I have been healthy my whole life. It's going to take a bit of adjusting, that's all. Give me time. Listen. Understand where I am coming from, if only for a minute. I don't think I am asking for much.

I am also going to work really hard on taking that very advice so I can be a better friend.

We are all entitled to our perspective. Sometimes we need to the see the other side but first, what we need is support, love and understanding. Venting is healthy. It's required for a girl like me who is very opinionated and gets in an uproar frequently. I know I go overboard. I do. I am working on this. When I'm perfect I'll let you know but I am guessing it will be about the same time as pig's fly and hell freezes over.

I don't know how to move on from something without working it out; without a discussion where both parties try to see the other's perspective. I just don't. And honestly, I hope I never do because that, to me, would mean that relationship was not real. It is based on falsehoods and walls and pretending. I would rather have nothing than that.

How do I stay true to who I am and still make improvements? This is one I go back and forth on. I am who I am. But what if who am I am and how I act is not okay? What if others see me in a different light? Do I hurt them like I sometimes get hurt by what others say? And if they told me, would I get defensive and try to justify what I said? Or would I apologize and try harder?

To be human is to be perfectly flawed. Am I perfectly flawed or just flawed?

These are some of the thoughts that are spinning through my head. It's busy up there. It good but on the other hand is sucking the joy and happiness from me.

But alas, that's enough of the pity party. On to more exciting and interesting things.

On October 4, 2009 I will Run for the Cure with Jen (she also made the button - thanks Jen!). We are also running a marathon relay this weekend along with Jay and another couple. The relay leg distances are all under 12 km which seems like a cake walk compared to the half marathon I did back in April. I am excited. It's going to be fun.

If you feel inclined to support this great cause, please click on the button and it will direct to you to the online donation site. Moral support is also welcomed.

I am rejoicing in the fact that while my body may have it's troubles, it can still do this. I don't plan on taking it for granted, EVER.

And my 3 boys, I just have to give them a shout out. Without them, I would be crumbling. Thank you Jay, Jack and Kamden. I love you beyond words.

Raging hormones, or something like that

2009-09-03T11:15:00.002-06:00

I am going to reveal some pretty harsh news here, you better sit down. It's groundbreaking, I'm positive.

Ready?

Turns out road rage is mostly likely caused by other outside stresses if I am a classic example, and I think I am.

On the way home from a doctor’s appointment yesterday I nearly ran a little white convertible off the road (not really but I can’t say that the thought did not cross my mind). Mr. Mid Life Crisis thought he was all that and a bag of chips with his lady friend in the passenger seat cruising with the top down. Thing is, I am almost 100% sure I should not see the exhaust coming out in the middle of the summer and I am damn sure I shouldn’t be choking on the stench. Dude? Your cute little car, and yes, I said cute, NOT cool, isn’t nearly as cute as you think it is belching out toxic waste that smells worse than a cat’s butt.

And then Mr. Doesn’t Do Cross Walks j-walks in front of me. Buddy, can you see that there isn’t a car to be seen for miles behind me, you couldn’t wait 10 seconds for me to go by and then break the law by darting out into the middle of the street?

Really? REALLY?

And if you were in the car (van, whatever) you would have heard me saying really with increasing emphasis. Don't worry, my windows were up, I might be mildly insane but I am not stupid. This dude was big. I am all talk when no one can hear me.

So yeah, when you get news that because your ovaries “quit working”, other vital organs such as your adrenal gland and thyroid could also quit working, you might get kinda stabby.

Just sayin'.

Today is his birthday

2009-09-02T09:30:00.002-06:00

Today, this smashing young man turns 39 years young. This marks the 17th time we will celebrate his birthday together (yes, we have been together THAT long). It seems like forever and yesterday all at the same time.

Jay, you are our anchor and our strength. You are always there for us. ALWAYS. Thank you for all you do. We love you more than words could ever express here.

Happy Birthday, my one true love.

Kindergarten Kamden and Grade 3 Jack

2009-08-27T11:01:00.006-06:00

The boys are at their first day of school. What's a mommy to do on her first morning alone but do a post?

This little munchin,

has turned into this handsome boy.

And this little chub,

has morphed into this handsome young man, seemingly over night.

Grade 3, seriously?

I am going to miss them. A little. But I am also focusing on the fact that I can get my work done while they are at school and we can have more time together as well as the fact that in only ten months we get another two months together. The way time is flying that will feel like tomorrow anyway.

And in case you were wondering, I almost didn't cry this morning. I was fine, until I read the note from Kamden's teacher along with the kleenex and tea bag, yeah, that got me teary eyed for sure. I made a quick recovery and in a mere 20 min I will pick them both up for lunch.

It's the end of an era and the start of a new and exciting one. Right? RIGHT?

My Roots

2009-08-25T21:54:00.005-06:00

This weekend we took a trip out to where my parents grew up, my mom in town and my dad on a farm. A farm that my cousin still lives on and farms along with my uncle (his dad).

I have many memories of "the farm". We have always referred to it as "the farm". Not my grandparents (as it once was), not Perigord (the community in which it resides), not Ceslak's (my maiden name) but just the farm. We spent many a Christmas noshing on Grandma's homemade perogies and cabbage rolls waiting for Santa to drop the gifts of the roof. As an adult I wonder how they decided who had to climb up on the roof in the dead of a Saskatchewan winter to do the "delivery". Draw straws? Last one to arrive?

Just driving into the yard brings back a flood of memories. So this time, I toted along my camera and my renewed passion for improving my photography skills.

A sunflower in my mom's garden - had to sneak this one in for a bit of sunshine. Seriously, does a sunflower NOT brighten anyone's day?

This barn, it is the trademark of the farm. To me, it is unique. Unlike any other barn I have ever seen. It's the first thing you see when you turn into the long narrow driveway. The peak just visible through the bluff of trees surrounding the road and as you approach, you see more and more of it. It is one of my favourite things.

Apparently, it was built before my Grandpa purchased the farm way back when (guessing somewhere in the 1940's) and has had very little work done to it since. They don't build them like that anymore. Actually as I look at the photo above I recall a big jagged hole right below the peak which someone has patched.

I had fun with the weathered boards, they were a nice prop to practice with.

So many happy memories of a wonderful childhood for me, that's what these pictures invoke. This barn is part of the tapestry of my history. A history that goes back through my dad (I am guessing he milked many a cow in this very barn) to my Grandpa who cleared much of the land surrounding the yard with a small bulldozer which coincidentally my dad has in his barn.

I remember my Grandma milking cows in the left hand side when I was a kid. She had a little wooden milking stool that ended up on the house after the milking went by the wayside. It sat in the corner of the kitchen and she would often sit on it when there were more people than chairs at dinner.

Dinners of fresh green beans and potatoes followed by raspberries with sugar and cream. Somehow, the simplier it was, the better it tasted. I loved being at the farm during harvest and watching all the men come in, dirty and sweaty from the field to eat the delicious, hearty fare served up by my Grandma. She was never happier than when she could feed hungry men. I think it made her feel useful. It was her role as a farmer's wife and she relished it.

Now I am hungry. I may have to go up and eat some of the leftover raspberries that my aunt graciously allowed my mom and I to pick from her garden. I made jam a plenty yesterday and there is a raspberry/stawberry/rhubarb pie cooling as I type this.

Before we went out to the farm, we stopped in town to visit the graves of my maternal grandparents and my mom's oldest sister. I didn't know my grandparents because they both died before I was five. However, my mom's oldest sister, my Auntie Vickie I knew very well. She was like my Grandma and I have many wonderful memories of her. Being around her, you couldn't help but laugh. She had the uncanny ability to call inanimate objects idiots and get away with it. She was vertically challenged and made no bones about it. When she had to get something from the top shelf of the cupboards she would say she had to go up to heaven. My brother and I still utter Auntie Vicki-isms and then laugh hysterically.

She was a hoot. And loved us like we were her own.

Rest in peace dear Auntie Vickie, now that you are up in Heaven, no chair required.

It was wonderful to go back and show my boys the farm they have heard so much about. I think they were just in it for the tractor ride though, Jack exclaimed at one point, "Mommy, why do you have to take so many pictures!?"

Just because, that's why.

There are more photos on my Flickr account.

My most amazing discovery, yet

2009-08-21T09:25:00.005-06:00

This week I made a huge discovery. I have been frustrated lately with how blurry my photos appear when I post them here. It's almost made me make the switch over to Wordpress but then that led to whether to self host or not and then my brain spontaneously combusted.

But other day, after I posted our Flikr and noticed how poor the quality was compared to viewing them directly on my laptop, I had an epiphany. My life is nothing if not full of excitement.

I remembered my Flikr account. The one I hardly ever use. I know other bloggers who use that site to upload photos to their blogs. I did some playing and discovered that I can get an html link for the photo off of there and low and behold, crystal clear pictures. Behold, exhibit A, uploaded directly through Blogger:

It's alright but it's no where near as clear and crisp as when I view it with my photography software directly on my laptop.

Now for Exhibit B, embedded html code from Flikr:

And you might think, well the Flikr version is larger, of course it's more clear. Exhibit C, Flikr in a smaller size:

I may or may not have been so excited by this discovery that I phoned Jay at work, breathlessly screeching incomprehensibly.

I then went and used Flikr to better my lake photos because it had to be done for my own happiness.

The other most notable advantage to using the Flikr html code to put in pictures is twofold. One, it takes 3 seconds to copy and paste the code and two, I can put the pictures in whatever order I want. I don't have to upload them in the correct order - has anyone ever figured out exactly how to upload them in the right order using Blogger? I sure haven't. And the time it took to upload them for the love of Pete.....cue Jeopardy final question music. Ugh.

I'm giddy with excitement and it just may have renewed my desire to work on my photography skills.

If you are wondering why in the world I was using Little People as my photo subject, I have a post up about Mr. Slick, salesman extraordinaire over at Canada Moms Blog. Slick was pretty slippery but we managed to slip right out of his grasp.

We are sneaky like that.

The shot I've been after for years

2009-08-18T11:16:00.013-06:00

As Jack and Kamden have gotten older, they are far less interested in having their picture taken or alternatively far too interested such that they made the most ridiculous faces known to man.

Sometimes, if they are busy doing something, like say teetertottering (how is that spelled anyway?), I can sneak up and catch a natural smile. Like this one.

I have been trying to get a shot of his gorgeous smile for years. It makes me proud, matching buck teeth and all. I know he'll grow into those teeth.

How do I know? Um. Well. Let's just say that I know exactly which parent those bad boys came from.