The 4th Demension

Gay People

2013-05-16T18:24:00.001-07:00

Here's the shit I just don't understand. Why do you... give a fuck... if people are gay or not? That's the part of this whole issue that just makes me scratch my head and put on a stupid face.

This was the best stupid face I could come up with on the spot, but I am sure it looks something like this.

Ok ok for real. What's the deal? Let's break down the facts. The only people who discriminate against gay people are conservative Christians right? The New Testament is really where this anti gay jargon lives. Read Leviticus if you want to be confused. In the same paragraph that it talks about being put to death for being gay, it tells slaves to obey their masters and wives to hang themselves or some shit. It's a little misleading to say the least.

That within itself is kind of funny because this is real life, and judging people based on a book that has talking snakes is funny to me. Regardless... if you're Christian, I don't really care, I am just acknowledging that, for the most part. conservative Christians are the anti gay people. Can we all agree on this? Great.

We should call anti gay people toggafs. Haha We would all get a kick out of that.

So here is another part that I don't get. Homosexuality has been documented to exist since before the Bible. It's pretty common knowledge that those manly Spartans used to bang each other all the time. In fact, the Greeks didn't even consider same sex love as a dividing factor. They didn't consider it anything... at all. Plato has written about homosexuality. Alexander the Great definitely used to get freaky with this noble man and general in the Macedonian army. His name was Hephaestion.

Love at First Sight

You see the twist of irony here right? Americans claim to be the birthplace of Democracy, which we are not. The Greeks are. But the Greeks didn't believe in "God", you know... The God. They didn't believe in him because he didn't exist yet. Christianity didn't really start to take off until St Paul (that's not really his name but let's play pretend) was born. I think he was born around 10 AD or something. So really, gay people have existed longer than God. Hahaha really cracks me up when you think about it.

My friends who know me, know that I am am very accepting, open minded person who is respectful of ideas. I am trying to stay away from the political and even religious arguments here and focus really on the discriminatory aspect of this whole thing. Discriminating people, for being who they are, is a great way.... to go fuck yourself.

Here we are, full circle, back to the matter at hand. Why do you even care if people are gay? Believe what you want to believe, but why does what other people believe, make you so angry?? If you are gay, straight, sideways, upsidown, I could give a shiiiiiitt. Why would I? It has zero effect of me.

DAHHHHH I feel dumber even trying to conceptualize what makes people care about what other people do.

But... here is the ticker. Hate breeds hate. To hate somebody, really is to hate yourself. We are all connected, we are all beautiful people on this beautiful planet of ours. If we would just love each other, for who we are, all this would stop. I think God would want to see that most of all.

Lost

2013-05-06T21:48:00.002-07:00

First off, lets give it up to Frank Ocean for writing the sexiest song of the year. On another note.

This song just got me thinking....

2013 has been rough. Everything was going so good. Too good. I think the Universe is humbling me a bit. I need it. In short "I got lost in the thrill of it all."

I am a thrill seeker. I'm always the first one to jump of the cliff. Between all the projects I have been working on for so long, I have been making a lot of money. I've always been able to make money, but I think I have forgotten about the time when I didn't have a dime. When I would walk around with bread and jars of peanut butter and jelly in my bag. Jumping from couch to couch and panhandling change so I could take the bus to work. I forget about when I had to wash the same shirt and pants every night in whatever sink I could find so that they would let me work. I have forgotten where I come from.

This "thrill" of life has pulled me away from who I am really am. I am trying hard to find that person again. It's a constant push pull, because I love the thrill. I love the chase. I love the speed and the lights and the rush you get from going 110 miles an hour down 95. I love running from cops, I love flirting and chasing girls around - but that shit just aint me any more. It never made me happy. It just gave me a thrill.

The last month has been a growing process. I have had to compromise on things that I never thought I would. I have had to change. I have had to take that dreaded look in the mirror, and figure out exactly what it is I see that don't like about myself.

There is something extremely ugly and and depressing about soul searching. There are secrets about ourselves, that we rarely share. Working on yourself, generally entails displaying your ugly parts for the world to see.

I am intrigued with paradox's. There are so many Universal lessons to be learned from issues that seem to counter act. I find myself writing about these subjects often. This is another one of those instances when you want to just shake your fists at the forces that be. The fact is... growth is painful. Progress is painful. Happiness is derived from pain. How could we understand or comprehend happiness without pain? How could we grow to be beautiful, without breaking out of our cocoon? We cant. We are designed that way. In fact, everything in the Universe is designed that way. Pain is the catalyst of a personal metamorphosis into our better selves. Pain makes butterfly's.

Just because I was lost, doesn't mean I wont get to where I am going. A butterfly always finds its flower.

When I go through painful experiences, I always think of my gramps. He was the best man I have ever known. You won't find a person who knew him that would disagree. I introduce my grandfather because he leads me to a perfect segway of closure.

When I was a kid, he often played a record of traditional Scottish bagpipe songs. Naturally, his favorite song was "Amazing Grace." With that I will leave you.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now am found,

was blind but now I see.

FPS

Life is a Game of Inches

2013-04-19T16:25:00.001-07:00

I get my work ethic from my family. No doubt about it. The Stoddart's know how to get shit done. At times, it can be a defect. I get these ideas in my head, and once I decide I want something, I don't stop until I get it. I don't settle for less.

I can't help it. Many times people tell me to slow down, I feel like everyone should go faster. So many people are content with just going to work, coming home, relaxing, going to sleep, repeat times infinity. You know what, I don't judge. I honestly don't. I think people should do whatever it is that makes them happy. For me... I am never gonna be that guy. There's a great big world out there. I want to see it all before I die. Life is this game of inches.

Gives me chills every time I watch it. The speech really isn't about football. It's about seizing the moment. Its true. "The inches we need are all around us." Most of the time, it comes down to one simple question. What are you going to do?

Are you going to quit? Are you going to take a nap? Are you going to stay up an extra hour even though you want to sleep? It's up to you. What are you going to do?

I don't know man. Truth is, I have always had this weird inner feeling like I wasn't going to live long. When I pray, I don't ask God for much. I don't think God hands out favors. I think God is an energy that ties us all together. The one thing I do ask for, is that I live a long healthy life. There is just so much I want to do, and I feel like there is so little time. That's what keeps me up at night. That's what makes me go for a beach run at 10:30 PM. That's what got me up at 6 am this morning to work on Sober Nation.

I just feel in my gut that everyone is amazing at something. We all are genius's in our own regard. Most people never pursue their dreams cause they are scared. I'd rather live a life of oh wells than a life of what ifs. At least in the end, I will know that I tried. That I have done my part to leave the earth a better place than when I came to it. That I spread joy and happiness. That I made people laugh. Most of all - I will know that when I die - I squeezed every last fucking drop of life out of myself. I want to die with nothing left.

Uncertainty

2013-04-08T20:47:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now waiting for a friend, so don't expect this post to be exceptionally visually appealing. I sat down and decided to write, so I pulled out my phone and here I go. Write about what you ask? Good question.

I'm pondering life. My past, my present, and of course my future. I can't help but think most of us spend our time in the future.

I am working on staying in the moment. It's tough. I'm working on these breathing techniques. Naturally my mind still wonders, but I am getting better and it and I feel as if this meditation is helping me.

I think we worry about the future because it is by nature, uncertain. I am reminded of the oracle in the The Matrix. Neo is worried about his future, and the Oracle tells Neo "no one can see past a choice they don't understand."

As I slowly gain awareness and understanding as to some of the decisions I have made, I think I gain some clarity of the future. At least I think I narrow perspective, and things become a bit more focused. I can harness my energy better. My girlfriend reminds me that I am not Batman. It's an inside joke but she is trying to keep me from working myself to death. With this clarity and focus I am slowly gaining, it becomes easier to manage my time.

I am not going to read through this article. Usually I nit-pick and make sure my message came out clear. I'm not going to do that here. I'm just going to hit "publish" and let it be what it will be. I am ok with the uncertainty... At least for the moment.

Leave a Path

2013-04-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

I have always done my own thing, I dance to the beat of my own drum sort of speak. I certainly don't pretend like my way is best. I have made soooo many mistakes in my life. We are human and we all make mistakes.

One thing I have done right however, is I have stayed true to myself. That's not to say I don't have insecurities, of course I do. I haven't let me hold that back from doing my thing, and being myself.

"I am the one who has to die when its my time to die, so let me live my life the way I want to" - Jimi Hendrix.

It's funny writing this quote considering Hendrix died so young. I hope I live a long prosperous life, but I get what he was saying. There are so many expectations and pre conceived ideas as to who we are supposed to be. I don't like it. I especially don't like how you are judged if you don't follow the mold. Fuck that man. Say what you want about Hendrix, but he will live on forever.

Now that I have decided for myself that I am going to make my own decisions, I need to be prepared to live with the consequences. Things rarely turn out exactly the way we want to or even expect them to, but I am still going to try. I got this vision in my head of where I want to be, and I am going to try hell or high water to get there. When I put my mind to something, I always get it, and I don't foresee this being any different.

One more quote from another idol of mine :)

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

That's all I am trying to do. I am just trying to make my own path, and hopefully I can inspire people to follow me.

There's really nothing else to say....

God, Science and Higgs Boson

2013-03-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

Be forewarned, this post might be touchy with some people... something about expressing belief systems sparks a certain rage in people, which is ironic considering most religions center around the concept of love. Anyway...

On the border of Switzerland and France, lies the Large Hadron Collider. It is the world largest particle accelerator. It is possibly the greatest engineering feat of mankind. A particle accelerator speeds up particles, (mostly protons) and crashes them into each other at crazy speeds. When they crash into each other, they break down to their most basic forms, mostly hadron jets and electrons. When particles collide, they break down very quickly, but the split second anialation looks like this.

On March 13, 2013, the existence of the Higgs Boson particle was officially proven. This is considered one of the most monumental scientific discoveries in history. Proof of this particle is proof of the Higgs Field. This is important because pretty much everything in physics can be explained through the standard model of physics, everything except gravity. Strong force, weak force, and electromagnetic force all abide by the standard model of physics. But there have always been a few things we can't figure out, such as the breakdown of electromagnetic fields and certain elements of weak force that went haywire if we compared it to the standard model. To put it simply, there are certain behaviors (such as the wave/particle duality of light) that scientists had no way to figure out. There had to be either the existence of "mass less particle" or some other form of force that we didn't know about. There were questions to things that only "God" knows. This is why the Higgs Boson particle is also known as the "God Particle."

The Higgs Boson gives all other particles their mass. The Higgs Boson has no spin, no charge, and no color. It is essentially the building block of matter. Before the Big Bang, the entire universe was in one infinitely dense singularity of energy and matter. So after the big bang, we know that everything in the Universe is connected through some form of energy, because it all comes from the same place and it was all the same thing at one point. The commonality between everything in the Universe is the Higgs Boson particle. It is tough to prove because we still cant live on Mars, or see what is inside black holes without turning into spaghetti, or get close to super novas; but the idea is that regardless of the gravitational or electromagnetic field that matter exists in, the Higgs Boson particle will exist and will always gives subsequent particles their mass. That is is fucking mind blowing.

Now that we have all had a little study in particle physics, lets take a look at what it tells us. From a logical point of view, it tells us that God and science can exist simultaneously. Really, it tells us that they are pretty much the same thing. There is no reason to separate the two, because you cant. If God exists in us, than I think we need to assume it exists in everything in the Universe. The fact that prior to the big bang, the universe existed in one singularity, tells us that earth and people and Jupiter and the star that is 10000000000000 light years away, are made of the same thing because at one point we were the same thing.

Energy never dies, it just turns into something else, and with the Higgs Boson we know that no matter what that energy turns into, it is connected. That is awesome. Seriously the coolest shit I have learned thus far.

I predict that within the next generation, religion will completely change. God was always an answer to questions we didn't understand. "God Will" gives us an interpretation to things and events that are incomprehensible. I am not saying that the Higgs Boson gives us a better understanding of Gods Will, it just simply tells us that we are all connected. The interconnectedness of the Universe will slowly become a new enlightened form of a Higher Power, because it exists in everything. When I say everything, I mean literally everything. Even thought waves can be measured and explained through physics.

The problem is that many people fear science. Science tells us that Jesus did not come back to life, which well... I hate to break it to you, (Happy Easter by the way) probably didn't happen. Science tells us that Mohammed imagined or dreamed of that Angel in the cave, and he probably did. This new age kind of thinking will take some time to incorporate itself into our new global society.

John Lennon said "I believe in God, but not as one thing. Not as one old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right, it is just that the translations have gone wrong."

BOOM! You were a smart man Mr. Lennon.

There you have it. Higgs Boson tells me that the "Spirit of the Universe" is literally the spirit of the Universe. What a great way to look our your place in the world! We are all part of the same thing, and our translations of our existence is what causes confusion and anger. Slowly, I hope that people begin to accept and understand that all belief systems really say the same thing.

I hope that your mind is as blown as mine has been the last three weeks. Higgs Boson is a really big deal, and I invite you all to use this knowledge or come up with your own understanding and "translation of God."

Solitude

2013-03-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

"To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions."

- Deepak Chopra.

I have no idea who Deepak Chopra is, but she (or he) is really smart.

Over the last two months, I have been actively trying to be comfortable in solitude. Even when I am alone, I have trouble just being alone with my thoughts. I am always reading, or writing, or thinking, or pacing. It has gotten me into trouble, because I get uncomfortable, and so I act impulsively. I am creature that thrives off of impulse. I do some crazy shit sometimes.

I am really working on being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Sometimes, it is perfectly okay to escape. It is ok to do... nothing at all. Being the extremist that I am, I get anxious if I am not doing something.

Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.

Time

2013-03-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

I heard a super cheesy analogy the other day. It was brilliant. Let me start by posing a question.

How do you define value? What makes something valuable? Think about it for a moment.......

Stop reading. Take a minute. Lean back, and think.... What is value???????

I don't know the exact dictionary definition of value, but I don't care. For the purpose of this article, it probably is counter productive to know.

The analogy I heard is that value is dependent upon the rarity of an object. Diamonds are extremely rare, and therefore high in value. The harder something is to find, the more value it has. If we use this lose definition, than by definition, this very moment, is the most valuable thing you and I will ever have.

Isn't it easy to forget about the right now. Not today or the next couple hours but this very fucking second, you are alive. We spend most of our time thinking about the future, or the past. Thinking of whats to come, thinking of what never became. Thinking of dreams and goals and fears and regret. What would we have done differently? Those moments no longer exist.

Einstein tells me that the 4th dimension is time. Time is not linear. Time is the relationship between objects in space, and since nothing will ever be in the same exact location in relation to another object ever again, time doesn't even really exist. It's an illusion. It's perception on how we see our selves in the Universe. The rest of the Universe (for all we know) doesn't see or even value time. But we do.

There will never be another right now. This moment is invaluable, because you will never get it again. The funny thing about time, is that eventually, we lose it. We die. So what the fuck are you doing with it?

It is easy to say that you will make the most of your time, but its not practical. We all need to rest and sleep and go through pain and do things that we would rather not do. I think the key is to ad up all the present moments, and strive to an ultimate goal. If we truly have made the most of all of our seconds, than we have no regret. Even if our time is filled with pain and heart ache and bad decisions, we still have this present moment. We can use this moment to learn, and move forward, and advance and improve ourselves.

I think in the middle of the complex and difficult concept, lies gratitude. If we are grateful for what we have, than our time will be better spent. That's not to say we aren't supposed to strive for better things, but our intentions are better, because we are doing things for the right reason.

Take nothing for granted. Live every day like it could be your last, because it could be. People die every second of every day, and they will never come back.

This moment. The right here right fucking now, is the greatest moment you will ever have. It is the most precious gift you have ever been given. What would you do, if you knew today was your last day on earth? When you think of it like that, how much of what we spend our time doing, seems completely insignificant?

I would find all the people I love, and thank them. I would cherish all of these invaluable seconds, that I will never have again.

I am going to start doing that. Right now.

The Great Escape

2013-03-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

I'm a big Pink fan. My sister came to Florida last weekend to go to the concert. I was amazing. She literally fly's around the stadium on some kind of contraption. Quite the entertainer.

Obviously this post isn't for me to talk about Pink as an artist. More than anything I have always related to how she thinks. She's from Norristown which is a small city outside of Philly. Its a shitty place. I always related to her thinking, and her no bullshit approach.

In this particular post I am writing about her song "The Great Escape." Here is an interview on the song.

Now, we can go back and forth about the debate of anti depressants and our over medicated society, but that's not what I am going for. I have had my battles with self medicating so I can certainly relate to what she is saying, but what really sticks out to me is how she talks about how she wants her feelings. She wants her joy and her pain. She doesn't want to let her emotions control her because they make her uncomfortable. Sometimes, life hurts, and we need to just hurt with it.

Throughout my life, I have felt a lot of pain. We all have. I guess through my own experiences I have learned not to let emotional pain effect me much. I always told myself that pain is just a physiological response to something. It's a defense mechanism, and in a lot of ways it is designed to protect me. There is a reason we don't touch the hot stove, cause it hurts.

I never gave emotional pain the respect it deserves. Frequently I would look at people who are feeling emotional pain, and I wouldn't understand it. "Just get over it man, pull it together. You're not gonna die." I would always think that to myself. Never again.

For a lot of reasons, February was an extremely painful month for me. I actually have always enjoyed physical pain in a weird way. Working out, running until I got nothing left, tattoos, all that shit. Pain can be a cleansing process for me.... but, I have a new found respect for emotional pain.

That shit I felt, I never want that again. I can only remember feeling that terrible in the last months of my addiction, before I got sober. This recent emotional pain was self inflicted, and was a direct result of some of my actions. It was terrible. I couldn't eat, or sleep. At work I was always somewhere else. It was crazyy... I have never felt anything like that in my life.

Here's the point. I got through it. Just like Pink said, its necessary. Pain is a cleansing process. In reality, I think pain is the best motivator that there is. Very rarely are we willing to change something about ourselves until we have felt pain great enough to be willing to change. Well that's it... I am ready now. I could go the rest of my life without feeling that shit.

It happened, in the long run, I will be a better person because of it. I need to remind myself that its okay to be uncomfortable. I don't have to take pills, or drink, or get in a fight. Sometimes the hardest thing to do with emotions is to feel them. Well I felt this one. I soaked it in.

The most important lesson for me to learn through all of this, is that pain is not permanent. There will be scars, there will be lessons learned, but I don't want to shy away from pain because it makes me uncomfortable. I can't. I need to feel that shit, because it makes me human. It makes me a person. I cant ever lose sight of that. Everything is going to be okay.

Never Land

2013-03-02T10:43:00.002-08:00

I'm tired
tired of faking a smile
tired of running these miles
tired of hiding my eyes
for fear that you will see through the disguise

so I'm ready
ready to change to course
ready to do some work
ready to deal with some pain and some hurt

I'm ready to face it head on
cause my shoulders are strong
when its said and done
I aint doin nothing but moving on

no use to live in the past
no use or need for this mask
I wan't the world to know who I am at last

but life goes on its true
the world will spin
the tide will rise
people live and die and compromise
shit gets better shit and gets worse
so we practice and deal and cry and rehearse

I gotta believe theres a point to it all
that there's an end game in sight
more than random
ready to crash and smash and burn and ignite

there's light in there somewhere
and it grows with time
when it feels empty
we soon find
that the pain has filled you up

that's not to say
I don't dream of Never Land
in a world where I am free to fly

I wont bother packing my bags
just pick up and go
never fight or argue or clench my fists
never battle father time

just you and I and the stars
in a world we can call our own
in a world where I can find a home
I think I'll get there one day
once I stop looking

Thermodynamics

2013-02-27T20:41:00.000-08:00

When I was 14 or so, I read this book called A Brief History of Time by Steven Hawking. This book really opened by eyes and my mind to the Universe, and also to life. I have always been interested in astrology and philosophy and all that cool shit, and I think everyone looks up at the stars in wonder. What really has kept my fascination is how so many laws of physics directly transfer over to laws of life and humanity.

A few months back I wrote a post on Heisenbergs Uncertainty Principle. I think its so cool because patterns emerge on sub atomic levels that also emerge on macro physical levels. It just really gets my brain spinning. So without further a due, lets explore Thermodynamics.

First here are the 4 Laws of Thermodynamics.

Zeroth law of Thermodynamics: If two systems are both in thermal equilibrium with a third system then they are in thermal equilibrium with each other. This law helps define the notion of temperature.

First law of Thermodynamics: Heat and work are forms of energy transfer. Energy is invariably conserved but the internal energy of a closed system changes as heat and work are transferred in or out of it. Equivalently, perpetual motion machines of the first kind are impossible.

Second law of Thermodynamics: An isolated system, if not already in its state of thermodynamic equilibrium, spontaneously evolves towards it.Thermodynamic equilibrium has the greatest entropy amongst the states accessible to the system. Equivalently, perpetual motion machines of the second kind are impossible.

Third law of Thermodynamics: The entropy of a system approaches a constant value as the temperature approaches zero. The entropy of a system at absolute zero is typically zero, and in all cases is determined only by the number of different ground states it has. Specifically, the entropy of a pure crystalline substance at absolute zero temperature is zero.

English Translation

Zeroth Law - In a closed system with an equal temperate. If A = B, and B = C. Than A = C.

First Law - Heat and work are forms of energy transfer. Energy is stored within the system will always change. Friction will always take energy out of a closed system. Eventually, energy will always run out or at least turn into something else.

Second Law - Or the law of Entropy Entropy is the progress towards choas. It pretty much means that unless acted upon to prevent, shit will naturally get fucked up.

Third Law - If the temperature of any system hits absolute zero (which is zero degrees Kelven) than the Enthropy is also zero. If everything (and I mean everything, even the air) is frozen solid, then energy and motion are impossible and everything will stay just the way it is.

The Lessons Learned

The zeroth law is simple. It pretty much says that everything in a closed system plays by the same rules. The Universe does not accept cheating. If you exist, than you play by the same rules as everything else. You are what you are and it is what it is and that's just the way it is going to be.

Now this first law is interesting to me. No matter how much energy you start with, or how much energy you conserve, you will always run out if you don't put more into the system. Energy is always lost through friction. Pretty much what it says is that everything fades in time... its true.

The second law is the one that gets my brain spinning the most. The second Law is called the law of entropy. Entropy can be loosely defined as a gradual decline into disorder. The best example is a pool table. If you rack the pool balls, and leave them alone, eventually the will be come disorganized and spread chaotically around the table. Statistically speaking, there is only 1 possible scenario in which all the pool balls are arranged perfectly. There are infinite ways in which the pool balls can be arranged in a disorderly manner. It is inevitable. Disorder and chaos are inevitable, you can not stop it, you can only clean it up and fix it temporarily.

Although the Law is mostly looked at on a molecular level, it can be translated into simple life. Go a week without cleaning your room, see what happens. The Universe will always move towards chaos unless something is done to prevent it. Just look at the cobwebs in the corner of your living room. There is nothing you can do to stop them, they will just... form.

In life... at work, in relationships, in health - you must proactively attend to the mess the disorder the Universe it attempting to create.

The third law refers to absolute zero, or 0 degrees Kelvin. Its the temperature where everything freezes, even air. Everything... is frozen solid. Once you hit absolute zero, there is no going back, because there is no space for friction to heat the world back up. Pretty much... your fucked. The only thing that can get a system out of absolute zero, is an exterior system applying heat.

This Law translates into life as well. What I get from it, is that everything has a point of no return. Once we hit absolute zero, we are shit out of luck. Sometimes, through our actions, we damage things to the point in which they can not be repaired. This is never a good time. Many times we do what we can to repair the damage, but once we get to the point of absolute zero, there is nothing we can do internally. The answer must come from the outside, something outside of ourselves. The Universe has a funny way of healing with time.

Take it for whats its worth. Thermodynamics are the laws of energy. Since everything in the Universe is made of some form of energy, these Laws are by nature, Universal. We can chose to abide by these Laws, or we can chose not to. Either way, the truth will always come out in the end.

My Mission Statement

2013-02-11T19:49:00.001-08:00

I am reading this book called "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey. It has been great so far. I am not very educated so I have made up for it with hard work and determination and learning everything I can about anything I can. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone else, I have definitely taken the hard road. Shit... I'll get to where I am going.

The Second Habit in the book is to "Begin with the End in Mind." In this chapter he talks about the different reasons people are motivated. People are motivated and make decisions on money, family, relationships, stuff, church, etc. All of these are positive, but he says they should never be your motivation. We should be motivated by our principles.

I have done some fucked up things in my life. I have these principles in my head, and I find myself riding this high horse of morality. I don't always back up my words with my actions. That is a cop out, and frankly, its bullshit. This post is a deal I am making with myself.

Covey tells me it is best to make a mission statement of my principles All of my actions should be based on my principles I need to write them down, so that I have no excuse. So... what are my principles?

I want to keep my recovery first. My relationship with my God has shown me things and brought me places that I never dreamed I would be. Sobriety is the most important thing in my life
I want to be a man of my word. Lying by omission is still lying.
I want to be fully committed to any relationship I am in. Romantic, professional, or otherwise.
I want to be committed to honesty. The truth always comes out.
I want to be sincere. It is OK if other people don't agree with me. I can only define myself.
I want to maintain my health. I believe that health has three parts. Mental, Physical and Spiritual. I need to maintain all three.
I want to not fear to make mistakes.
I want to not make the same mistake twice. That would make me insane.
I want to be transparent.
I want to show love in order to be loved.
I want to act the way I expect others to act.
I want to be consistent.
I want to be happy with what I have.
I want to live in the moment.
I want to push through fear.
I want to keep restraint of pen and tongue.
I want to be positive.
I want to be humble.
I want to keep a good sense of humor, and not take myself too seriously.
I want to enjoy the small things.
I want to be assertive, yet respectful
I want to listen more than I speak.
I want to always work hard. A used key never rusts.
I want to be mindful of those who are absent.
I want to be non judgmental.
I want to be charitable. There are so many people who need my help.
I want to be more focused on what I can give, and less focused on what I can get.
I want to always be learning.
I want to embrace pain, because pain is growth. It is impossible to look good and get better at the same time.
I want to take a lesson away from every mistake I make, and grow from it.
I want to be satisfied with the present, and excited for the future.
I want to be patient.
I want to leave this earth one day, satisfied with my legacy, and with my time spend in this beautiful world.

No more excuses. I will fall short. I will fail over and over again. That is OK. I can't be to hard on myself. The point is that I must always be motivated by my principles. Everything else is secondary, to what I hold dear to my heart.

It doesn't get easier - You get stronger

2013-01-17T21:19:00.001-08:00

First off, look at this chicks body. Good God. Is there an emoji face for drooling? There should be.

Ok, seriously though. I saw this picture and it really struck me. The challenges I face in life aren't any different than they used to be. For instance, I still need to work for food and shelter. I still get tired when I work out. I still get scared when I walk into sales meetings or when I am taking on a new and difficult project at work. But...

I am stronger. These challenges don't appear to be as monumental as they used to be. Let me elaborate.

Obviously, I still need to work to provide for myself. The difference now is that I have strengthened my drive. I have strengthened my skill set, and I am more valuable now than I was a few years ago. My finances and my peace of mind has strengthened because of that.

When I am at the gym, my body still gets tired, but not as soon. I can run miles and hit the weights hard for hours before I am completely exhausted. Three years ago I smoked, and drank and ate like shit. I could hardly run a mile.

At work, right before every sales meeting I walk into, I always get really nervous. My heart beats fast and I get a lump in my throat, but today I have confidence and drive. Right before every meeting I close my eyes and I ask God for guidance, and then I walk into my meeting. That's the biggest difference - I show up. Before I would just not show up because I would be afraid. Come hell or high water I will be where I am supposed to be. I will try my hardest, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

So there it is. The hours haven't gotten any shorter. The weights haven't gotten any lighter, the presentations haven't gotten any less nerve racking. It's me... I have changed. I am stronger now than I have ever been.

It feels really fucking good.

Mind Over Matter

2013-01-09T20:20:00.004-08:00

My wrestling coach in high school was a guy named Ira. I was a terrible wrestler but it was one of the best things I have ever done. Wrestlers are the toughest people in the world. The practices were hell. It was just, unbelievably hard. I still cant believe I did it. I learned so much about myself through wrestling practice, and what I am capable of.

I was sitting out a practice with coach Ira cause I fucked my thumb up. We were watching the guys do sprints and he pointed something out to me that I will never ever forget.

Imagine being in a hot sweaty smelly wrestling room, watching a group of guys run back and forth doing sprints for an hour. At one point one of the guys (we will call him Ryan) "broke." Ira pointed to him, and he was right. Ryan decided that he could no longer do the sprints. His body language changed, he was grimacing, his arms were flapping all around. Ira reminded me that it was all in his head. Ryan was no more or less tired than he was at any point during the first 30 minutes of the sprints. He cracked. It wasn't his body, it was his mind.

That shit always fascinates me. Why is it that some people can push through, and some people just quit? It's all in the mind I think. I know. The fact is, that you can always go a little further, until you cant. Until you have reached that point where your body is physically incapable of responding, that's when you have hit your limit.

I don't really know if I am making a point or what. I guess what I am trying to do is propose a question. How far can you push yourself? Are you even capable, of pushing yourself, until you have nothing left?

This is what we need in life... this concept is much bigger than working out, this is about your life. How far are you willing to go, to accomplish your dreams? Are you willing to sacrifice time with friends? are you willing to give up your favorite food? will you give up sleep?!

Shit I am not saying there is a right or wrong answer, I am just posing the question. Just ask yourself, honestly... do you got what it takes?

It's one thing to talk about it, but its another thing to wake up when you don't want to wake up. To say no to partying and fuckin around, saying no to quitting when your body tells you to stop. It's one thing to talk about it. It's easy to talk shit. You cant just talk about it, you gotta be about it.

Never Give Up

2012-11-27T19:27:00.000-08:00

I cried last week.

I don't cry much. It's not that I am too proud, cause I'm not. It just that crying isn't my immediate reaction. I'm sure there is some kind of societal influence on me or some shit, but who cares. Let me tell you what happened.

I need to preface this story by speaking of my mother. My mother is the most beautiful woman. She is strong and has been through a lot in her life. She has endured more pain than anyone I know. I am not talking about stubbing your toe kind of pain, I'm talking about physical pain that is so excruciating it makes people pass out. Without getting too much into the details, three years ago my mother developed a brain disorder. It has left her a bit handicapped, a bit disfigured, and in lots of pain. It can be so hard to watch her suffer the way she does because you just want to tell her to smile, but it's not that easy. This is by no means a message with intent to build sympathy for my mother, cause she doesn't want it nor does she need it. She makes the most of her life and I am proud of her.

Back to the story...

I am at the gym last week, listening to music and getting my workout in. I see some woman and her husband walking around, but I don't pay much attention to it. About ten minutes later I see the woman again. I don't know for curtain but this woman must have had a stroke. Her face was lop sided and the one half of her body didn't work quite right. This is exactly some of the things my mother deals with.

The woman was doing some therapy with her husband. She was using the stretch rail that is screwed into the wall as a balancing tool. She was attempting to step up on a platform that was about 9 inches off the ground, turn around, and step back down to the ground without any help. She couldn't do it. I watched this woman for about 5 minutes. Over and over again she would step up on this platform, but she couldn't step down without grabbing the rail or having her husband catch her. The frustration in both of their faces was obvious. I was getting frustrated, because I know that feeling so well.

All this woman wanted was to step down without any problems. It's so easy to think that its only a small step. I got flash backs in my mind of helping my mom up and down stairs, and how frustrated I would get when she couldn't do it. This would only make my Mom more frustrated, and you could see the memories in her eyes, the memories of when she was "normal." There is nothing that can be done about it, her body doesn't respond the way it used to.

After another few minutes the woman looked like she was going to give up. Her husband wanted so badly for her to be able to accomplish this monumental feat on her own. Finally, she did it. She took that fuckin step without any help. She abandoned all feelings of doubt and fear and just stepped off that thing. She smiled and her husband hugged her. I saw this and I started to cry. It makes me tear up right now just writing about it.

I wanted to hug this woman. I wanted to go up to her and thank her for not giving up. For giving me hope that one day my mom can recover from the frustrations she deals with. I couldn't gain my composer and I had to leave. I have never felt emotion rush over me like that before in my life. I straight cried out loud. I called my sister and told her about what I just saw and it made me cry more.

If I never see this lady again, I need to find a way to pay back the lesson she taught me. Nothing is impossible. Life doesn't always go the way we want it to. Bad shit happens to good people every day. At that moment I swear I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens to me, I will never give up. I will never lose hope. There is always hope. As long as I am still breathing, I will continue to fight. I don't mean to sound dramatic or poetic like I am giving a speech in a gladiator movie. I mean to give hope to anyone that may be struggling.

If you saw what I saw, if you saw the thrill in this woman's eyes after she took that step by herself, you would understand. I have never seen anything quite that beautiful in my life.

No matter what. When it seems like all hope is gone, when it seems like life is fighting you. Don't ever give up.

Share the Weight

2012-11-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

I could never understand how when the pressure builds
I was able to bear the weight on my shoulders
and push through the pain

everyone around me
was trying to share the weight
but I wasn't ready to give it away

I think you could throw punches
and I wont flinch or blink
because the fight has not ended for me

I was never afraid of the dark
but I have always been afraid of standing still
and now you make it easy for me to just be

and everyone around me is trying to share the weight
but its mine to keep
and I wont give it away

it makes me stronger
I want to feel it all
and it will come to use some day

Why Republicans are FUCKED

2012-11-08T13:51:00.001-08:00

Jon Stewart did a great bit about the categorization of people, and how really it is very difficult to categorize people because we are complicated. Here's the video below.

The Daily Show

First off, Jon Stewart cracks me up. He is unbeatable. If you haven't seen the Rumble in the Air Conditioned Auditorium (it's a public debate between him and Bill O'Rielly) I would really recommend it. Ok Tim get to the point.

I play this video because it brings up the idea of generalization, the truth is, you just cant do it anymore. Generalizing people just doesn't fly.

I myself, have some Conservative views. I wish the government was smaller, I think people should be more responsible with their money. I believe in the free market running the economy and not the government, but I think people who believe in trickle down economics are dipshits, cause it doesn't work.

I have some Liberal views. I think pot should be legal, I think gay marriage should be legal. I think healthcare is a moral issue and not a political issue. I believe in citizenship and the right to choose. The list goes on.

I am not the only one, people throughout the whole country think like I do, well almost all people.

Now, the irony is that I am about to generalize on a blog about not generalizing, but I think everyone can agree with me when I say that far right wing conservatives are in a group all of their own. They have the most unified beliefs all around the board. This group is ruining the Republican party, the truth is, they will never recover.

WHITE PEOPLE ATTACK!

Now, Republicans have a few choices. They can either get along, or be replaced. Conservatism is dying. People don't give a fuck about the 1950's anymore. We have a democratic president, and a democratic people. The house is still controlled by the Republicans, but it has a lower approval rating than it EVER has before. People are sick of this bullshit. If the Republicans continue to veto everything Obama does, well then the people will be pissed and replace them. It's not rocket science. I think the entire house needs to be flushed out like shit in a toilet. That's just my opinion though.

Here is the real issue, the small bunch of staunch conservatives are ruining the Republican party as a whole, and people just don't trust them. America is changing. We are younger, we are more diverse, and we are more open minded then we have ever been. My generation is more open to different views on God, and of sexuality, and gender and race and information than any generation before it. We think like mindedly about how people should treat each other. So when dumb fucks like Richard Mourdock say shit like "Pregnancy from rape is Gods will", well.. their not doing the Republican party and favors. Get a clue.

I know a lot of us want to go back to the Golden Days. With a perfect family and 2.2 kids and a dog and a Cadillac and all that noise, but those days are gone. People are mingled and complicated and accepting of new ideas. Personally, I predict that when my generation is ruling the world, a new party will emerge. It should be called the common sense party, where dick measuring is outlawed.

Stupid Face

So there you have it. Obviously this issue is way to big and complex to fit into one blog article. I actually find this issue hard to put into words because there is just so much going on, but the gist of it is simple. There is no longer a traditional America. The world is changing. Industrialism is changing. Most importantly, the way we think is changing. We are the future, and right wing Republicans are stuck in the past. The are blowing it for everyone else in their party. Never again, will there be a traditional conservative republican president. Until they figure that out, they will continue to stand around with stupid looks on their faces thinking to themselves "I can't believe people are like this." The funny thing is that most people are thinking the same thing about them.

Oh na na na . Hey Hey Hey. Goodbye.

Around the Bend

2012-11-01T21:01:00.002-07:00

Ten years ago I was 16. I was in a band and we were already playing paid gigs. We were very good. I was convinced my destiny was to be a musician.

Six years ago I had my first apartment in North Philadelphia. I had no idea what I was doing. I lived without consequences. My band broke up and I lost the only thing that made me feel alive.

Five years ago I was still playing music. I was trying really hard to learn how to become my own man. Without getting into the details I had a lot of family issues going on and I was starting to veer off course. This was the year I found Dawkins, and he gave me something to stay committed to. He kept me grounded. I had also met a girl.

Four years ago I had fallen in love. I was certain that I had found what I was looking for. This year is a blur of good times, companionship, friends, laughter, crying, fighting, drinking and drugs. Little did I know what was in store for me.

Three years ago I hit my bottom. Opiates robbed me of my soul, my morals, and my ambition. From all they took from me, they also gave me what it was that I felt like I had always been missing. Peace. I packed a bag with some clothes, some empty notebooks and embarked on a mission to repair my broken heart. On Nov 2nd 2009 I moved to Florida.

Two years ago I was a year and a month sober. I was scared, I was hungry, I was broke, I was restless, I was anxious, I was angry, and I was very sad. I had Dawkins down here and he was the only close friend I had. At this point I started trying to form relationships with other people.

One year ago I had found enough structure and continuity that I was able to start a business, find a career, and begin to be comfortable in my own skin.

Today, I am without a doubt, the happiest I have ever been in my life. The amount of joy I have, almost makes me feel guilty. It's unfair how good I have it. I have worked very hard for this happiness, but I don't take any of the credit. I have my own home, my own car, my own food, my own job in which I am appreciated I help people. I have friends. I have family. I have a girlfriend who scares and excites the shit out of me at the same time.

I have hope for the future. I had no idea this is what my life was going to become.

If life isn't what you expected it would be, that because it has not yet become what it will become. What have I learned through all this? You just gotta keep on truckin. Just wake up, get dressed, and show up to where you gotta be every day.

You never know what is waiting for you around the bend.

Fear

2012-10-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

I have a mentor. He is a smart man. He pretty much has all the qualities that I want for myself. I am sure he is by his own admittance, flawed, but in my eyes he makes everything look really easy. He has taught me a lot of lessons in my life. I often reflect on how the course of my life has transpired, and often I am blown away with what I see. Thanks to my mentor, I am able to see the good in everything. He has taught me to live my life without fear. Here is how...

Before my gramps died he told me that life shrinks and expands in proportion to ones courage. I have said this over and over again to myself.

Here is the kicker...

Having courage does not mean being absent of fear. It just means being able to walk through my fear, even though I am uncomfortable. This is what being a man is all about.

John Mayer said that fear is a friend who is misunderstood. I still ponder about that one a lot. I think fear has its purpose. When fear is useless is when it is projected.

Almost every time I find myself being fearful, its because I am looking the past or looking into the future. If I just think about right now, usually I am doing just fine.

This very moment. The right here right fucking now, is the greatest moment of our lives.

Nesquik

2012-10-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

It's difficult to try to be taken seriously when speaking about a chocolate bunny. But... this is a very serious issue for me. Life or death really. To think of a life without Nesquik, well... that's a life just not worth living.

Just look at how cool this mofo is. Bunny's got swagger. He is teasing me right now. Looking at me as if implying "I know you wan't it. It's good for you. It's more than a daily supply of calcium. Just take it. You'll feel better." That damn bunny gets me every the time.

Nesquik is God's personal gift to me. Some people get trust funds or freak athletic ability or they are really smart. God gave me Nesquik, and I am perfectly okay with that. No one can make a better glass of chocolate milk than me. There's a few key components.

First, Nesquik powder is a must. Using syrup is a classic rookie mistake, using Hershey's is damn near blasphemous and I will not tolerate it.

Second, I recommend using 2% milk. If you a really gung ho about your Vitamin D milk than have at it, but avoid skim for Nesquik. The consistency just isn't optimal.

Third, have me make it for you. Your just gonna screw it up.

I also recommend mixing chocolate milk with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (Facts about nutritional value of the PBnJ and impact on society can be found HERE!)

Nesquik also has a very successful product line. Most of their clothing sells in Europe but their high end stitching and fabric can be found at special outlet stores like Target. Below is one of our extremely good looking models showing off his top of the line high end Nesquik shirt. Stunning. Just stunning.

Notice is simple yet elegant design. Notice how the chocolate bunny just goes perfectly with the pint of chocolate milk? This particular design is very difficult to find because it has a vintage feel to it. It's rare to find an old cardboard Nesquik jug like this, it's even harder to find such a brilliantly designed Nesquik t-shirt. You should all feel honored. Your welcome.

So... that's really how I feel on the matter. Nesquik is delicious Plain old delicious. It's an international symbol of peace and good times and chocolate. Those are three indispensable qualities of a good life. I have and will always continue to drink that shit at every opportunity.

Smell the Roses

2012-10-24T18:48:00.003-07:00

I work with this guy. He's a nut. He cracks me up.

We were speaking about some of the journeys we have gone through in life. The gist of the conversation was that hardship really turns into an asset because it gives you a different outlook on life. Hardship gives you strength but more importantly it gives you perspective.

This was made perfectly clear to me the other day. Someone told me that sometimes I need to stop and smell the roses. I told this guy that I am smelling the roses all the time. Every second of every day I am smelling the roses, because my life is really really wonderful. I don't need to stop.

I have really lost focus on my blog. I have poured my soul into this silly thing and I miss it. I really love to write and I am going to make a commitment to writing again. My blog gets a lot of hits, I can't believe how many hits it gets actually. I remember starting this blog just thinking to myself that it would be a good way to express myself. I wasn't even concerned if anyone would read it or not. I just love to write. This within itself is another rose for me to smell.
Right now... this very second, I am lucky beyond belief.

Uncertainty Principle and the Observers Effect

2012-08-02T21:28:00.001-07:00

The formula below is the Uncertainty Principle It states that x is the location of a particle and p is the velocity of the particle where, and h is symbolic of what is called "plank constant." The plank constant is a term in Quantum Physics which represents the proportionality between the momentum and the wavelength of any particle. The triangles pretty much can be translated into "the measurement of", since particles move on a 3 dimensional plane.

TRANSLATION : It is impossible to measure simultaneously both the position and velocity (or momentum) of a microscopic particle with absolute accuracy or certainty.

Now, the Uncertainty Principle is not to be confused with the Observers Effect. They are similar but the observers effect is when the measurement of any system can not be made without effecting the system.

All this fits into what is called the "Wave - Particle Duality" which theorizes that nothing is exact. Nothing is 100% accurate. Everything is uncertain on a microscopic level.

So the question "if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" actually has relevance to it, because the truth is, no one really knows.

No one really knows if the cat in the box is alive or dead. No one really knows if light is a wave or a particle, no one really knows if the chicken or the egg came first. Now I'm sure your asking yourself "ok Tim what's your point?"

The point is that we live in a world of wonder. A world that fits in a Universe that is governed by something bigger than you or I. Don't let the word frighten you, because you can call it whatever you want. But that which is governing, that powerful all knowing force, that is God.

God doesn't have to be a bearded man. It doesn't have to be Nature or Love. Shit you don't even have to call it God if you don't want to. God is uncertain. God is just as much involved in the uncertainty principle as anything else. Sometimes God is physical, sometimes God is energy. The Observers Effect is scientific proof that depending on which way you look at it, God can be both. God is a mystery, but God exists, in the same way light exists. It is all around us, but impossible to completely understand.

I'm not the most Godly person. I don't tell people what to believe. All I tell them is to believe in something. At the end of the day, we are all just tiny pieces in a big big Universe. We are all components of matter and energy, which crash together to form something bigger. We are all just particles in the atom of the Universe. We are all part of Gods plan.

For an Old Friend

2012-07-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ive made you angry
Ive made you cry
the last I remember we were looking at each other
waiting for the other one to say good bye

Here I am, and there you are
whats a few thousand miles
when Im thinking of the smiles
and the laughes and the cries and the burns and the scars

I'll take the blame
blame it on me

You think your so smart
but what good is a smile in the dark?
and now ur diggin in your heels so tell me how it feels
to know that you were right from the very start

maybe if it happened a different way
if the timing was on a different day
maybe we could recover
all we had was one another
but absense has not made the heart grow fonder

just blame it one me

Beware of Falling Coconuts and Pitbulls

2012-07-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

Pet dogs kill about 30 people each year. Most people see this fact and assume that most of these dog attacks are from pitbulls. Most people are dumb as shit. Look in the mirror, cause there is a good chance I am talking about you.

Watch this video to not be dumb...

Dog Files Ep.12: Pit Proud: The History Of The Pit Bull from GP Creative on Vimeo.

The common misconception is that every snub nosed dog is a pittbull. The general consenious is "if it looks like a pit, it must be a pit." This is innacurate.

Pitbulls don't actually bite a lot of people because they were bred specifically with the intention of making a people friendly dog that could bring down a bull or boar.

The most bite prone dog is the Dalmation. No breed really comes close in terms of bites per year. Next is the German Sheapard, the Doberman Pinscher, the Chow, the Chihuahua, the Rottweiler, the Boxer, the Husky and then the American Pitbull Terrier.

The difference is that pits are strong. When they do bite they ruin your day. They are stoic and intimidating, this must be the reason we fear them so much. Ok... here is the point.

In Miami-Dade county (Miami and its surrounding areas) pitbulls are illigal. If you have one, the police are alloud to enter your home, take your dog, and kill it. No questions asked. In 2012, in Miami-Dade county, 83 pitbulls have been killed due to the BSL. Pitbulls have killed 0 people so far in the same demographic. Thats not a precaution. Thats a genocide, and it pisses me the fuck off. Out of all the stupid, fucked up bullshit I have heard about in my life, this has to take the cake. People kill thousands of people each year. Lets just all kill each other. I litterally get lost for words when I actually think about how fucking stupid people can be.

Look... I am a practical man. I dont tell people that pits dont have the potential to be dangerous. I wouldn't pretend that a pet snake might not bite you. I am just saying that blaming a dog for being a dog is like blaming a coconut for being a coconut. Did you know that falling coconuts kill 150 people per year? With this logic, how can we say that an internation ban on coconuts is a bad idea? They are deadly. They kill people in cold blood. Those who are lucky to leave with their lives might suffer permanant brain injury, psychological scars, and even a bump on their head. OH MY GOD!

OH DEAR LAWD... THE HUMANITY. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

On August 20, there is a vote to lift the BSL (or Breed Specific Legislation). Please use your head (unless it has already been bashed in by a blood thirsty coconut) and vote. People are to blame for any ammount of violence a dog might portray. People fight pits. No doubt about it. A pit is so loyal to its owner that it will willingly give it's life in a title fight because that is what it has been trained to do.

I'll leave you with my own experience and heartfelt words. You will never meet an animal, more loyal, giving, and willing to please then an American Pitbull Terrier. You will never know what it feels like to have a bad day, and come home to a best friend. He walks up to me, nuzzles my leg and shoves is face into my chest. You will never understand what it means to have an agreenment. A commitment based on faith and that is completely fair and satisfactory. I do not have children. I am sure when that day comes my perception will change. However, as of this moment, I have never been prouder and more content with anything in my life than the relationship I have with my dog. I am a proud owner of a pitbull. If you dont like it, you can fuck yourself.

To help go to http://stopbsl.org/. Thank you, good day, and don't forget to wear a helmet.

Pride

2012-07-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

It's the spearhead of all the deadly sins. I would argue that even the other 6 deadly sins are based in pride. It's humanities biggest flaw.

The Illiad is in fact, a story centered on excusive hubris, which ultimatly is the demise of of the mighty Achilles. You could argue that both World Wars were started over the pride and ego of only a few men. Judas betrayed Jesus, the Titans and the Gods of Mounth Olympis battled over the domain of humanity. Every major world civilation in history has collapsed as a result of over indulgence. Pride sunk the Tatanic. Pride blew up the Hindenburg. Pride brought down the Towers. For centuries, folklore and stories of old have warned it's later generations of the consequences of excesives pride. When will we learn?

As always, I act as if I am talking about other people. I want to believe I am speaking of the world I see. I am speaking about myself. I do not ask for help. I don't like to show weakness. I want everyone to think that my life is great and that I am doing "just fine." Real men ask for help. Real men can swallow their ego's, and regardless of how big the lump in the throught is, it always passes and results in a better outcome.

All feelings of ill will and resenment are kept with the presumption that "I know best." How much more prideful can I be to think that I know better than God?

I think that the hardest words to say, are "I need help." A lifetime of guilt and shame and pain can litteraly be washed away by the hands of another, yet we do not ask for help. I do not ask for help.

Here's the thing. I have this warped ideal that if I accomplish something on my own, than I can reap all the rewards. That maybe true, but it never happens. Nothing in life can be accomplished alone. Even Ali had a boxing coach. Even Batman had Alfred. We ourselves, have each other. We all need a shoulder to lean on.