While that article delved into my harsh feelings toward the blatant commercialization of my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, you also got a glimpse into how much I truly treasure the meaning behind the day. A number of years ago, I noticed that my family had fallen into a pattern whereby a given holiday was annually hosted by the same person. I made a pronouncement that we had unwittingly started a “tradition,” with this unintended scheduling, so why not make it permanent? We have done so and my wife and I have always served as Thanksgiving hosts in the ensuing years. Quite frankly, a pair of pliers on steroids couldn’t pry away celebrating this holiday at our home, as my reverence for Thanksgiving far exceeds that of any other holiday.

In my younger days, I didn’t feel this way; one holiday morphed into the next without giving any special thought to its underlying purpose. As I’ve aged, however, my perceptions have naturally changed (for the better), and without “cutting things too thin” with my vernacular, the difference between doing something out of habit, versus the desire to do so due to tradition has illuminated. I think I’ve figured out why this has happened with me: the aging process is continually increasing my respect for personal emotions…

Let me provide two examples for you. In December 2010, I told Ed, my best friend of over 40 years, that my wife and I would not be joining “the gang” for our traditional (there’s that word again) New Year’s Eve dinner at a local French restaurant, an establishment with exceptional fare cooked by a world-renowned chef many of us have befriended. The reason was simple; we just didn’t want to spend the money, given how tight our finances were at the time. The next day, we had an unannounced visit from Ed and it didn’t take “an Einstein” to determine his reasoning. He literally pleaded with us to change our minds; the tradition of our crowd celebrating the New Year together was unbroken for all these many years; and his eyes literally began to fill-up with tears when he underscored how much this meant to him. If ever the delineation between “habit” versus “tradition” needed clarifying, it had just occurred. Needless to say, my wife and I immediately relented and once again joined our friends for our yearly celebration.

The second example just happened two weeks ago on Christmas Day. My wife and I have grown to appreciate the simple things when it comes to gifts from one another. Over the many years of our marriage, habit has evolved into tradition when I buy her stocking-stuffer gifts. They are always either a Christmas tree ornament and/or a holiday ornament for our fireplace hearth. Sound too mundane for you? Look into my wife’s eyes as she opens these gifts; I’m choking-up now with visions of her appreciative expression and gratitude…this seemingly innocuous tradition holds that much meaning for both of us.

Don’t sit there thinking I’m getting soft in my old age; as someone with a somewhat too-steely inner resolve, it’s a comfort knowing traditions are gradually melting away my edges.

-Neal

I refer to Black Friday, the official exclamation point on a new addition to our lexicon, “Christmas creep.” The retail industry, in what I grudgingly admit is an incredible marketing ploy, has enticed the public to begin their holiday shopping season even earlier than past years. Opening around 6 AM on Black Friday eventually gave way to 4 AM, and then the stroke of midnight immediately after Thanksgiving Day soon became the new norm. This year, retailers have decided our shopping lust needs to be satiated at an even earlier hour and stores have begun opening by 9 PM Thanksgiving Day.

Now I’ll admit they have succeeded with this tactic, as Thanksgiving weekend has set new shopping records, fueling today’s sweeping stock market upside swing. However, I could care less and feel the need to make a stand, so I ask the following question: who has the right to make Thanksgiving a half-day holiday, as opposed to a full day of spending time with our families and friends, in appreciation of  all the good in our lives? I don’t want retailers continually encroaching on my time on this blessed day.

I’ll quote Dr. Stephen Hoch, a Wharton School marketing professor, speaking to the early start for the Black Friday madness: “This is, I think, kind of pathetic, this sort of ‘Open earlier, earlier, earlier’ deal…Clearly it’s kind of like an arms race.” He’s absolutely right; it’s as if we’re witnessing the evolution of the next Olympic sport—competitive shopping!

The crowd size of expectant shoppers lining-up outside the doors of many of our largest retail chains is unfortunately exceeded in many instances by the level of unruliness. Never has this point be better illustrated than by this past weekend’s pepper-spray incident. Who among us hasn’t watched  recent nightly newscasts of multiple arrests being made in cities across the country while hordes wait to descend on stores opening their doors, followed by mad sprees to secure the “specials” serving as sales leaders to attract these crowds in the first place? Listen, it’s not that I don’t entirely understand…42” flat-screen LED televisions for $200.00 sound enticing, even when you know they won’t have the latest/greatest technology.

But here’s a few clues for all of us:

1. The real reason stores provide these deals is to get you there to spend money on all the other items.

2. The same discounts and even deeper ones are often provided by retailers as the holiday shopping season marches towards Chanukah and Christmas.

3. The window between Thanksgiving and the holidays generally is upwards of four weeks in duration, not just one or two days. So what’s the rush, there’s plenty of time to fulfill your Chanukah/Christmas shopping needs.

Kathy Grannis, spokeswoman for the National Retail Federation, states that “…young adults are the ones who really come out in full force on Thanksgiving Day. they may have three hours free after dinner, and they want to get some shopping done and be home by midnight.” This isn’t to say I’m absolving my 50 plus year-old brethren; some of us are willing participants in this annual mania. I’d like to think we have enough common sense to exercise better judgment, but…

By now, you may have deduced Thanksgiving holds particular importance for me; indeed, it is my favorite holiday. In a year that has not been singularly “bountiful” in financial terms for my family, I still remain appreciative of the many truly important facets of life we enjoy…good health and strong family bonds heading the list. Can I respectfully suggest we all stop. take a deep breath, and enjoy Thanksgiving for the full day; brick-and-mortar shopping and its online counterpart will still be there tomorrow.

-Neal

No folks, this isn’t a misprint, just a recent missive from famed comedian, actor, filmmaker, and author Albert Brooks (nee Albert Einstein). It’s also a rather prescient remark that could have been included in his recent book, 2030: The Real Story of What Happens to America, which I just finished reading.

Many of Brooks’s fans would aptly describe him as the consummate worrywart, and that perception is evident throughout the book’s narrative. In 2030, however, his concerns are frighteningly plausible, albeit mixed with his trademark quirky sense of humor. The storyline  follows an America where the population of “olds” (those over 70) is continually increasing due to major medical breakthroughs—cancer has been cured, cosmetic rejuvenation drugs have exploded in both their level of efficacy and use, exciting new discoveries are made in the treatment of bone deterioration—much to the dismay of young people, who see their chances at the good life dissipating because of growing resentment at how their elders are reaping these benefits, and other entitlements at the expense of sapping America’s resources. Out of this resentment, gangs form and  violence against the “olds” escalates, much to the dismay of the current President, who while empathetic, knows he’ll risk getting re-elected by exhibiting any outward support; most significantly by incurring the wrath of the political will of the AARP (whose power is exponential compared to today’s real-world organization).

The story unfolds additional, albeit equally crucial plotlines involving our country’s massive debt (making our current levels seem paltry), strikingly detailed by the problems resulting from a massive earthquake in Los Angeles. A by-product of this dilemma is a relationship with the Chinese that (without wanting to reveal too much detail for those of you who haven’t read the book) will seem untenable yet possibly all-too-real.

As the “olds” versus the younger generation issues provide the book’s foundation, the logical extension of Brook’s musings really hit home. The solvency of our social security program has been under intense scrutiny and Gen X and Gen Y are fearful of what the future holds for them. They wonder how to achieve the “American dream” of home ownership, now that most credit windows have been shuttered amidst the recent Wall Street crisis, combined with more stringent mortgage-applicability requirements.  

Boomers (and seniors) meanwhile  face their own hurdles. If you’re 50 plus years-of-age and have been recently laid-off, prepare to encounter bias in hiring due to perceived notions of being too expensive and not technologically proficient. In addition, boomers represent a proportion of our country’s wealth and consumer spending that dwarfs the amount of marketing expenditures geared towards us—just look at television and movies, where the magic demographic is 18-34 year olds. Such nonsense make you think that Brooks may want to re-define the “olds” as anyone over 50…boy is that ever a chilling thought!    

Growing older sometimes seems as if it’s an anathema, as opposed to being viewed as a well-earned right and privilege (the book addresses this debate). Who among us has the right to impose a ceiling on when we’re no longer allowed to thrive? Boomers, in the opinion of many (including me), are not going to allow ourselves to be ignored; we’re simply too vital for this to happen…

-Neal 

This is the perfect time for someone to step up to the plate and yell “snap out of it,” and, thankfully, it just happened to me. A moment ago, I finished reading an article and viewing the accompanying video for the Today Show’s “American Story” segment airing each day this week in remembrance of 9/11. Today’s installment, on the Alonso family of Stony Point, NY, dealt with the untimely death of a mother of two children (one with Down syndrome) and how a father’s love and devotion has kept the family whole. I was particularly moved by a lesson the father has taught his two children in light of the fate befallen them by their 9/11 experience: treat every moment like an unopened gift.

This powerful point is applicable in myriad ways and sometimes, admittedly, I have to force myself to heed the advice. Lately, I’ve felt apprehensive about the lack of control “the average guy” (including yours truly) has in dealing with our current economic milieu. We now live in a world where a banker in the U.S. sneezes and a banker in Switzerland is the one saying “gesundheit.” Any given country’s economy can now have a rippling effect on the rest of the world and the markets get roiled. Many American corporations are awash in cash reserves, yet won’t boost their hiring efforts. The stock market’s daily activity is severely impacted by super-computer trading that kicks in at a moment’s notice (this was addressed in an earlier post entitled “Risky Business”). Even attempting to follow the many avenues of advice we hear about building a defensive position in your portfolios seems akin to selling ice to an eskimo. Guess what, I’ve learned I can only control so much and not to unduly fret over what I can’t control.

Here’s another example in my life where this sage advice hits home–I’ve learned to navigate what was once regarded as a hurdle and now treat as an opportunity. In the midst of an impending career change, I’m faced with a fairly steep learning curve. Like many of my 50 plus male counterparts, I always felt I’d be an expert in my chosen field at this stage of my life, and that my days of learning were basically over…I would now be the teacher. Life doesn’t always go according to plan, however, and I once again have become the student. Instead of resenting these circumstances, I’m excited about studying new subjects like social media marketing (through books, white papers, webinars), and cannot wait to get rolling in my new career! Expanding my business knowledge, while utilizing all that I’ve learned to this point as a solid foundation, truly has been like receiving an unopened gift.

Finally, the third and most salient reason to accede to Mr. Alonso’s advice: life itself. Two weeks ago, I lost a dear friend from my junior high/high school days, resulting from a tragic auto accident. He was an absolute sweetheart of a guy—warm, caring, with a perpetual smile painted on his face. Everyone he knew thought highly of him and his untimely death is still registering shock waves amongst family and friends. The lesson here is obvious folks—it can all disappear in an instant. Savor every moment of every day; each morning we wake up is indeed another gift…

-Neal

Like many of you, it’s been quite a few years since my father passed away. It happened suddenly on a Saturday night while my parents were out with another couple. My father had a heart attack while in the car (thankfully he was not the driver), and died at the too young age of 40. I was 15 at this time; my poor brother was only the tender age of 11. My mother, bravely ministering to the events of the evening that forever changed our lives, had (unbeknownst to me) immediately called my older cousin and her husband to come to our house and let me know an “accident” had occurred. It was just past the midnight hour, and I was engrossed in watching Double Chiller Theater (a local Saturday night TV staple) while my younger brother slept. Given the lateness of the hour, along with the fact that my cousin and her spouse rarely visited us, I immediately semi-froze  upon opening the door and seeing the two of them standing there solemn-faced.

It’s funny how the mind reacts to unforeseen situations; in this case, without a beat, I asked “mom or dad?” I instinctively knew one of them had died and cut right to the heart, literally and figuratively. The remainder of the evening was a blur, and there’s no need for additional detail. So many of us have experienced the passing of one or both of our parents; it’s best to let personal thoughts remain private…

Cut to the present; June 13th was my dad’s birthday and he would have been 84 this year. June 19th was Father’s Day, so it’s a reasonable assumption that week is annually the most painful part of the calendar for us. Sometime during the week, my mother, brother and I visit my dad’s grave…oddly enough, this is generally done on an individual basis and this year was no different.

When making this pilgrimage, I bring some landscaping tools so I can tend to my father’s gravesite by ridding it of weeds, tilling the small, mostly bare patch of soil fronting the gravestone, applying a bit of mulch, and trimming the one shrub planted there. We pay to have the site cared for by the cemetery staff, but as many of you have doubtless encountered, this service is woefully lacking.

Here’s a pronouncement of something I don’t do…cry. I cannot explain this phenomenon, but find it deeply disturbing. Is it because so many years have gone by since this tragedy took place? Is it due to rapidly approaching my 59th birthday and grown men just don’t cry as easily as they did during their formative years? Maybe my dad is silently communicating he doesn’t want any tears shed; just remember the happy times? After all, how many instances have you heard “it’s the amount of life in the years that matter, not the amount of years in the life?”

Bewilderment and no small amount of shame are the by-products of this distinct lack of tears. Like constant, unwanted companions, they attach themselves to my soul and remain there for weeks after my gravesite vigil. How about you, my 50 plus male brethren…are similar circumstances presenting themselves during your trips to the cemetery? Do you know why? I welcome your comments (just click on the “Leave a Comment” link below the title).

(I’ll end this discourse on a somewhat amusing note:  the title “No More Tears,” while certainly apropos, oddly comes from my favorite Ozzy Osbourne song, which describes “the dark one” leaving his current female paramour. I told you I’m perplexed by my feelings; thinking of Ozzy at a time like this merely underscores my jumbled gravesite demeanor).

-Neal

For those of you not familiar with Daulton, he was the Phillies catcher from 1983-1997 before being traded to the Florida Marlins. To this day, he is known as the greatest clubhouse leader in the team’s history. Dutch served as the focal point for much of the success shared by the Phillies during his playing years, and was the unspoken steward of the “wild bunch” comprised of Daulton, John Kruk, and Lenny (“Dude”/”Nails”) Dykstra. Daulton was a three-time All-Star before injuries brought a halt to his career.

It’s what happened after Dutch’s playing days ended that sets him apart from his former teammates. I’ll be polite by only briefly mentioning a DUI/suspended license episode along with an arrest on domestic violence charges. You’re thinking so what; many former and present athletes have faced similar trials and tribulations. Ah, but how many became well-known for their beliefs in the occult, various conspiracies, and a stout devotion to numerology? He even authored a book on these subjects, titled “If They Only Knew.” Dutch became a character who was widely believed to be “way out there” and many thought he was undergoing mental problems as well as physical (e.g. his weight ballooned).

His appearance at the brunch unveiled the new and improved version of Darren Daulton. He sports a perpetual tan (from living in Clearwater, FL for half of the year) accompanied by a Hollywood smile, and his weight has returned to a respectable level. Daulton could not have been more courteous or hospitable during the “party.” He gave a brief pre-brunch speech, and after the fine food was enjoyed by all, signed autographs and posed for pictures with aplomb.

This was followed by the most enjoyable part of the gathering, an extended question-and-answer session exhibiting Daulton’s extensive knowledge of the game along with fond memories of his years as a player. Daulton has become a true ambassador for baseball through his numerous personal appearances, and hosting a radio show on a local sports station entitled “Talking Baseball with Dutch.” Give him credit, he takes none of this good fortune for granted; numerous times he expressed “it took me 49 years to get these gigs and I’m not going to blow it.”

Now for the real reason I will always remember this day. It wasn’t meeting Daulton, the palatable food, or the game itself. It was the sheer joy of sharing a relaxed, lazy day in the fan-friendly confines of the ballpark with my brother. All personal and work-related concerns evaporated and we reminisced about past Phillies teams, appearances in the World Series, and the favorite players of our youth. Kenn and I share a love of the old Mays/McCovey/Cepeda/Marichal San Francisco Giants teams. Our discussion evoked memories of one of my all-time favorite gifts from my parents—a plastic replica of Willie Mays in his famed “basket-catch” pose.

The day was cloudy and the Phillies lost a forgettable game; none of that mattered. The old saying that “the simple things in life bring the most pleasure” was underscored by our blissful enjoyment. It was a true moment of bonding between brothers. Who knows, maybe the sun was shining after all…

-Neal

One brief discussion centers around people 50+ years of age being more trusting than younger adults. The premise is that we tend to more readily trust others, allowing us to widen our sphere of friendships. These experiences help us to become more perceptive in judging character and separating fact from fiction.

My response to this: really??

Without sounding overly cynical, I’ve encountered too many instances of the opposite behavior amongst my 50+ year old brethren to endorse this view. As we age, I find more and more of us becoming less forgiving…this conduct manifests in the increasing number of us judging people based on whatever is occurring during the worst of times instead of shaping views based over a sustained period. Unfortunately, I can personally attest to this shortsightedness; mind you, I am trying to be as polite as possible here. 

Presently enduring an increasingly long stretch of trying to effect a career change has brought about some rather severe lifestyle changes for my wife and I…those 50+ males in similar circumstances know how disheartening these circumstances can become, especially via pressures felt by our spouses, who should always remain our primary concern. What’s disconcerting is the surprisingly malevolent remarks made to me, and more importantly my wife, by some of our “friends” about our present situation. The level of vitriol bandied about is generally discharged without any knowledge on the part of others as to what is taking place on a daily basis re: my efforts to right the ship. It makes me wonder if the previous three-plus decades when everything was progressing smoothly, or, to quote Plato, we were thriving as opposed to surviving, even existed…

Why is it that when we become older (again, my opinion) facts tend to fly out the window and we revel in the fall of others? Isn’t this instead the time to grow more introspective and really try to form mature, factual opinions based on the entirety of one’s life to this point rather than myopically focusing on just our present lot? Simply put, do people really understand?

The oft-stated premise that “unless you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes, forming a valid opinion is without merit” is an assertion to which I wholeheartedly subscribe. Any  50+ individuals out there who have not had to re-brand themselves, (the subject of the second of the AARP articles previously referred to), don’t know from whence you speak. This concept of self-branding, developed by management guru Tom Peters, is difficult and time-consuming; indeed for many in our age bracket, it goes against our very nature since it can feel like a form of self-braggadocio. As the article states, you have to learn how to become CEO of your own new company, Me Inc. This requires digging deep and thinking about how your working life can (finally) become both pleasurable and fruitful, coupled with new levels of learning in order to avoid obsolescence. Determining one’s value proposition is never an easy task…progressing through the necessary steps to possibly change this is an even more difficult exercise, particularly at this stage of our lives. So again I ask, do people really understand?

Honestly folks, this post wasn’t composed for purposes of venting or complaining, and I’m cognizant, even hopeful this discussion will induce some strongly-felt feedback.  If both my own circle of friends and yours have gained a broader perspective in how to surmise a truer fact-based assessment, my job is done. If they haven’t learned anything and merely want to fire the next volley…well, bring it on, I’ve got a broad set of shoulders!

-Neal

Pausing to reflect on what was a volatile 2010,  we can still agree there are many facets of life for which we can express our gratitude, even in these difficult times. Stretching this pensive exercise a bit enables us to also mention some things we’d be grateful for should they actually come to fruition in the near future.  So, without further delay, here are some personal thoughts that fall into both camps. All of these deeply appreciative declarations involve 50 Plus Males.

I’d be profoundly grateful if…

…John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and Harry Reid would cease to continually look dour and solemn. Guys, I know you deal with weighty matters, but it’s OK to smile every now and then.

…Billy Joel would finally satisfy his orchestral muse, so he can get back to his roots and produce the kind of music he does best—straight ahead rock ’n’ roll; if Bruuuce can still do it, so can Billy.

…Harrison Ford would take out that ridiculous-looking earring.

…the age discrimination factor ever-present in our workplace (trust me, it’s real) would cease and desist, so that more unemployed 50 plus males could get a fair shake when applying for jobs. Most of us are technically proficient, and experience does count—stop thinking of this demographic as ready to be put out to pasture!

…every other commercial on television wasn’t for erectile dysfunction. I get it already—I’m in my fifties now and  can only go 3500 miles between oil changes.

…my body could recover from new forms of exercise as quickly as it used to. I recently borrowed the P90X Abs workout DVD from my younger brother and practically collapsed at the mid-point. The routine put such a strain on my thighs that I spent the next two days almost unable to lift my legs—I had to drop my pants on the floor each morning to step into them before pulling them up, literally grab my hamstring areas to lift my legs into the car, and do the same when getting into bed at night. Two days of shameful pain for me/two days of hysterical laughter from my brother—yeah, thanks for all the empathy bro’.

…my mother would stop pestering me about getting my next colonoscopy. I know it’s been six years since my first one, but I’ve been poked and prodded so often over the past few years for various medical procedures (who amongst us hasn’t?) that I’m not yet ready to take down the “NO TRESPASSING” sign hanging by my rear entrance.

I’m extremely grateful for…

…Art Buchwald, specifically his collective wit and wisdom in Down The Seine And Up The Potomac. All of today’s politicians should view this book as required reading so they can receive a healthy dose of humor. Buchwald’s voice is sorely missed.

…still possessing a wide spectrum of musical tastes. I equally enjoy Ozzy Osbourne, Aerosmith, Motown, Rhianna, and Akon while appreciating the genius that is Sinatra. You know what else I like—electronica club music—I’m 58 years old, go figure?!

…Jesse Ventura (nee James George Janos) anytime he gets a real haircut.

…having the sense to continue “the good fight” against an expanding waistline. I have a 34” waist, so when I look down I can clearly see my toes and reach them without bending my knees.

…having a mother who always remains concerned about her two boys. We should all be so lucky.

…all of my wonderful friendships that have spanned 35-40 years. I couldn’t ask for a better source of laughter and support.

…waking up every morning and staring across at the woman I so deeply love. Twenty-two years of marriage to a woman who always inspires me to be a better man than I was yesterday. Thanks honey.

…my readers. The 50 Plus Male couldn’t exist without you; it’s a sincere privilege communicating with such a vibrant group of folks who have so much to offer. Here’s hoping all of you keep up “the good fight.” Have a happy and healthy New Year.

-Neal

Ancient Roman society required a lot from its men, including the specific virtues of gravitas, pietas, dignitas, and justitia. All of these traits revolve around exercising duty, devotion, and selflessness. Step into the time machine and fast-forward to the present; you’ll find these virtues hold equal importance within today’s definitive design of becoming a complete man. The trouble, as oft-expressed, is that “good men are just hard to find these days.” 

So, in an effort to spark some lively conversation, The 50 Plus Male is proud to present to you our next Top Ten list: a group of 50 plus males who each have that elusive quality of “gravitas” and rightly earn our admiration and respect…

Politics—Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter

Ah, already you’re thinking how can any politician be included on a list of virtuous men? After the disastrous administrations of Wilson Goode and John Street, Nutter has simply been a breath of fresh air for the City of Brotherly Love. This is not to say the city, under his watch, hasn’t had any problems (as exemplified by the legal woes of the current Philadelphia Housing Authority Director), but Nutter exudes a sense of intelligence and decorum rarely found in the political arena. Bringing opposing constituencies together combined with clearly outlining reasonable goals isn’t something many politicians can fully realize, but the Mayor is pulling this off as best as anyone in many years.

Sports—Alan Page

Remember the NFL’s Purple People Eaters? They were the core of the Minnesota Vikings’ feared defense in the seventies. Page played the game hard, but fair, and became the league’s first defensive player to win the Most Valuable Player Award. Page earned a law degree while playing and in 1993 was named to the Minnesota Supreme Court. He is also a member of the NFL Hall of Fame.

Business—John Chambers

Chambers is chairman and CEO of Cisco Systems, Inc. During his tenure, Cisco has been named to Fortune’s list of “America’s Most Admired Companies” seven times and he has been selected as one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People.” Numerous awards have followed and Cisco has seen a growth spurt under Chamber’s helm from $1.2 billion to approximately $40 billion.

Television (acting)—Tom Selleck

Often referred to as “a man’s man,” Selleck is a shining example of “gravitas.” His talent and sense of presence have propelled him to an lengthy career in an extremely fickle business (Magnum P.I., Jesse Stone made-for-television movies, roles on Friends and Las Vegas, and currently Blue Bloods, one of this season’s breakout hits). He also can  be humorously self-deprecating, such as his funny bits on Letterman describing his avocado farming efforts at home.

Television (non-acting)—Charlie Rose

Rose, an Emmy award-winning journalist, is the host of the self-titled PBS talk-show program that re-defines intelligent conversation. His nightly guests, including politicians, newsmakers, scientists, athletes, business leaders, and entertainers from around the world, sit in the stark environs of the famous round oak table with a black backdrop, providing one of the most intimate hours on TV. Rose, exuding wit, charm and class is, for my money, the best interviewer on television today.

Movies—Daniel Day-Lewis

The versatile British/Irish actor is the subject of continuing critical acclaim for many of his movies (In the Name of the Father, My Left Foot, The Boxer, Gangs of New York, There Will Be Blood are prime examples), having won the Academy Award for Best Actor twice–1989 for My Left Foot and 2007 for There Will Be Blood. I doubt there’s a more cerebral, intense actor working today. His immersion into his roles is legendary among his acting brethren.

Columnist (Print or Online)—Jim Jubak

Regarded by many as the premier web investment columnist, Jubak is the senior markets editor for MSN Money. An expert as clearly explaining the arcane world of investment and personal finance, the New-York-based reporter isn’t afraid to go against conventional wisdom. His “Jubak’s Picks” (for stocks) and “Jubak’s Journal,” along with his MSN Money columns should be required reading for those interested in financial matters and resultant effects on the typical household’s pocketbook.

Music—Steve Tyrell

Tyrell is a Texas-born jazz singer who is widely known for his covers of jazz, Disney, and holiday standards. He came to the attention of the public through his beautiful rendition of The Way You Look Tonight in Father of the Bride, starring Steve Martin, though he has contributed to other films such as Mystic Pizza. He tours America and you’d be wise to catch one of his performances. If you’ve never bought/downloaded any of his CD’s, I’d suggest starting with Songs of Sinatra.

Advertising Icon—The Budweiser Clydesdales

No, I haven’t lost my marbles by including this category winner. Anheuser-Busch introduced these magnificent horses to the American public way back in 1933 as a way to celebrate the repeal of Prohibition. Since then, they have become the signature focal point of advertising and promotion for Budweiser beer. There are actually multiple teams of ten horses (with eight horses riding at any one time) consisting of both mares and stallions.  As this blog is geared for 50 Plus Males, our tip of the hat therefore goes to the stallions for this list.

Newsmakers —Dr. William Petit

I’ve purposely saved this as my last choice. By now, most of you know all about the horrific home invasion of the Petit family in Cheshire, Conn. in July  2007. I won’t rehash the details of the attack; suffice it to say I still shake my head to this day. This past week, one of the assailants was (finally) sentenced to death by the court. Dr. Petit is the sole surviving member of his family and has been stoic in diligently attending the court proceedings on a daily basis for these past three years. I have absolutely marveled at the incredible level of calm, thoughtfulness, clarity and class with which he has conducted himself for televised interviews after various court dates. To hold it together so well before the cameras, in the face of extraordinary grief, and express his profound appreciation for those who are bringing the killers to justice serves as my shining example of “gravitas.”

-Neal

Typical morning to-do list when your child wakes-up, right? Wrong, because in this case, I’m talking about my seventy-eight year-old father-in-law. He’s staying with us for two weeks while my sister-in-law, back in Dover, DE where she lives with him, attempts to “de-clutter” a portion of their house. I’ll provide you some background to clearly illustrate the plight of their overall situation…

My father-in-law is an intelligent man; a former chemical engineer/inspector who ably served his country in the Air Force for a twenty-six year period spanning the Korean and Vietnam conflicts. He’s originally from Aruba and has travelled the world more than I can ever hope to in my lifetime. Divorced some time ago from my mother-in-law, he has never remarried. Most importantly, he’s a sweet man with a good heart. Sounds great so far, but there’s one glaring hitch to this picture—my father-in-law is a world-class hoarder.

My wife and I occasionally watch “Hoarders” on the A&E network. I do not exaggerate when stating  my father-in-law easily out-distances ninety percent of the people featured on the show. His house has already been condemned once by the local fire department (the violation was lifted once some minimal cleaning was done), and he and my sister-in-law are the bane of the surrounding neighborhood.  He also owns nine cars clunkers that are stuffed to the roof with some of his belongings. (I’m earnestly trying to be polite here by not using the word “junk”). Entry into their home comes with a caveat—prepare to walk diagonally through the living room on the narrowest of clear paths that are not littered with clothes, utensils, tools, books, food, trash, etc. Suffice it to say, the home’s spider webs are probably older than me. Want to see the living room couch or dining room table—lot’s of luck, as they’re both hidden under piles of debris. When my wife and I endured three straight weekends of travelling down to Dover a couple of summers ago to help clean, we wore surgical masks in the ninety degree heat for fear of breathing in any intoxicants from the mouse-eaten carpet and accompanying droppings.

OK, typical hoarding scenario, so why the world-class designation? Simple, the hoarding doesn’t end with their home or cars clunkers. My father-in-law also owns approximately three acres of land some twenty minutes from the house that has a corrugated warehouse measuring 75’x50’x20’, and it’s full!! I mean full in the truest sense—a twenty foot high pile that almost prevents one from walking into and around the premises. Still not impressed? OK, let’s add the four surrounding garages that are all bursting at the seams.

We recently were in Dover on another cleaning foray, and unfortunately experienced a true day in hell. All of these years we thought my sister-in-law was encased in her father’s world of hoarding without having the fortitude to rectify the situation (again, I’m trying to be polite by not discussing her own serious problems); instead we made a startling discovery—she too has a serious hoarding problem. During our clean-up, she became extremely agitated that we were throwing away her “cream-of-the crop” belongings. We tried explaining there was no “cream-of-the crop,” only crap! This remark set her off to such a degree that when my wife tried to intervene and calm her sister down, a physical altercation ensued between the two of them—the first time I’d seen that in the twenty-five years my wife has been a part of my life.

My wife and I cannot adequately express the depths of our despair over their living conditions. Despite our best efforts and suggestions, the nightmare in Dover presses on. We encourage both my father-in-law and sister-in-law to stay with us for a few days each month; thankfully they have complied. My wife and I know  their trips to visit us present more than a brief respite from their deplorable daily existence; they are literally like vacations for the two of them. For us, it’s a chance to offer them clean, sanitary living along with (hopefully) a calming environment to ease the mental stress they each face.

Caring for one’s parents/relatives is a common part of the lives of many of us who are fifty-plus. I discussed this phenomenon in an earlier post, ”Caught in the Middle,” in October 2009 when discussing The Sandwich Generation. In our case, it’s done out of love, not just by need. I try to take much of the burden away from my wife, but it’s her father and sister, so the resultant emotional toll is quite high. We’ve never faced as dire a situation that called for us to be partners-in-crime and always be there for one another’s support.

I know many of you face similar circumstances and I’d like to hear from you so the discussion can continue…

-Neal

P.S. Exact detail of what we found and threw away during our cleaning trips to Dover has purposely been spared from this post. This was done out of courtesy for my father-in-law and sister-in-law, and quite frankly would not make for pleasant reading. Those of you who are experiencing these circumstances are well aware of what I’m talking about here.