I don’t see the point.

It’s gotten to the point these days that I don’t even comment anything unless it’s something a friend has posted because people wild out over nonsense.

Today, I didn’t listen to my own advice.

I commented. I thought it was the moms’ group I’m a part of because those people are pretty level-headed and admin has things on lock. When I pressed ‘post’, I didn’t realize I was posting to another page where the people aren’t so relaxed.

Yo, people get hostile over the most mundane things.

All of a sudden it’s “you called me stupid!” and “I don’t know who pissed in your coffee!”

Y’all, chill. I don’t insult people online because I don’t go out of my way to disrespect people. Especially Black women, we are disrespected enough by everyone.

But when you’re online you can be triggered by what you feel versus what is. Facts are not insults. I appreciate that in online communications there is no body language, tone, inflection, etc. so it can be more difficult to gauge other people. Our emotions can get the better of us and when we’ve been told that we’re stupid or our opinions don’t count? We internalize that shit and it plays out in our interactions.

What did I do? “Sis, that wasn’t my intention. No disrespect intended.”

Dem kept on carrying on.

OK, so why am I posting about this on the first sunny Wednesday morning of Black History Month?

We can’t be so willing to fight with each other over nonsense. We need to continue building community and supporting each other. We’ve been through all things and yet, for the most part, we love one another unconditionally.

We need to let go of the shit we’ve internalized and understand how amazing we are—especially when we support each other.

But when we don’t? Oh lord.

Black people face a lot of challenges and barriers, from employment, health, anti-Blackness, education, and more. And when it comes down to it, all we have is each other because while there are others who may want to help, who may try their best, at the end of the day, they don’t live in this skin.

So for the next 25 days of Black History Month and beyond, let us interact with each other with kindness. If you’re getting hot because someone has said or posted something, take a minute to understand why you’re vex. Ask for clarification. Give your brother or sister the benefit of the doubt. I’m not saying to allow people to abuse you, but don’t walk into situations expecting the worst.

We aren’t coming for you.

I’m not coming for you.

Sis, I want to see you win.

And stop commenting on Facebook. It truly is the devil’s playground.

“I don’t want to do school tomorrow! I hate the stupid virus and I hate school at home.” Daughter #2 agreed wholeheartedly.

I took a deep breath.

I hate the virus and I wish the kids could go back to school.

“Unfortunately, this is what we have to deal with right now. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get out of house soon and visit your grandparents and aunts,” I explained. “Let’s be thankful that we have a warm house, that we have technology and internet, because not all kids have internet—”

Daughter #2, who is four years old, gasped. “Mommy! Some kids don’t have the internet?”

First world kid problems, I guess.

“Yes, baby, some kids don’t have internet or tablets or a safe place to live or food to eat and having to stay home and deal with the virus makes it worse,” I said.

They grumbled for a little longer and I explained as best as I could that we had to hang on a little longer before we’d be able to head back outside and play with friends, go to the park and spend time with our family that doesn’t live with us.

I’m an introvert and a homebody and I’m getting to the point where I miss interacting with people.

*  *  *

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. I’ve been finishing up my first semester teaching and that, my friends, had been interesting. The learning curve was steep and then I was thrown into teaching online—that learning curve was steeper.

Between managing work, doing distance learning with the girls and managing my own anxiety about COVID-19, it has been a stressful few weeks in my household.

Now that the semester is over and the grades have been submitted, I’m getting used to being a teacher to both a kindergartner and Grade 2 student and my anxiety is somewhat under control, I have the mental space to discuss some of my thoughts.

When I put the girls to bed—later and later each night—we pray for our friends and family. We pray for our teachers, instructors and school bus drivers. We pray for our family who are in long-term care facilities. We pray for front-line workers and healthcare staff.

And we remember to be grateful for what we have:

A neighbourhood that is filled with lakefront trails and friendly people who will wave from a distance.

A house full of love. We drive each other bonkers, but the girls will love up each other and play together. Nana and I have developed a habit of watching bad Lifetime thrillers together. Late at night, when the house is quiet and we’re about to fall asleep, Hubby and I will laugh together about the foolishness that went down in our household.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember to be grateful when there is just so much happening…and so many bad things happening. It’s easy to focus on the scary—and trust, that’s what I was doing for the first few weeks of this pandemic, but letting my anxiety get the best of me isn’t going to help me—or my family—keep things together.

And, as my pastor reminded me on Sunday, worry and faith can’t go together. It’s human to worry, but you can’t linger in it because worry never added a day to the life of anyone. (Can the church say ‘amen’?)

So while this is a difficult time for a lot of us for various reasons, we have no choice but to work through it. And keep doing what we’re doing so that we can get out of the house and back to some semblance of regular life soon.

Maybe remembering to be grateful for the blessings you find—big and small—instead of worrying during these wild times can help us keep the anxiety and frustration at bay and give us the strength we need to stay home.

Because nobody wants to isolate until Fall 2020 and beyond.

I’m settling into some kind of weird new normal. Afternoon walks around the neighbourhood–ensuring that we stay six feet away from neighbours we come across. Binge watching TV news to hear every little thing that’s COVID-19-related. (Remember, get your information from reliable, reputable sources. There’s a lot misinformation being shared online. Be smart and be responsible.)

Last night, the family–minus Nana–played a board game. After the kids went to bed, the adults watched a movie and it was great to disconnect from the craziness which is our world today.

I heard about Netflix Party–you and your friends can watch a movie in your own homes because it’s all about social distancing–and I sent out a message to some family and friends today. No one sent me their suggestions, so I decided to drop a couple of my favourites–on Netflix and Amazon Prime.

So what are my top 19 movies and TV shows?

1. Red Eye (2005). This thriller takes place on an overnight flight to Miami. All I can say is I would not want to meet Cillian Murphy in a dark alley. He’s a spooky dude. (Amazon Prime)  
2. The Purge (2013). The New Founding Fathers of the United States allows people 12 hours to go on a killing spree. Do you trust your neighbours? These folks find out. (Netflix)
3. Coming to America (1998). Eddie Murphy classic. An African prince travels to New York City, specifically, Queens, to find a bride. Hijinks ensue. (Amazon Prime)
4. Star (2016 – 2018). Three young women head to Atlanta to make it big in the music industry. If you like drama, you’ll love the nonsense of this show. (Seasons 1 – 3,  Netflix)
5. Scandal (2012 – 2018). Where is Olivia Pope when you need her? This fixer, when she’s not fooling around with the President, gets the job done. The first few seasons are great, then it slumps. The finale season pulled it all together. (Seasons 1 – 7, Netflix)
6. Stranger Things (2016 – present). Things aren’t right in Hawkins, Indiana. A group of friends must find out what the heck is going on. And it’s set in the ’80s, so Generation X will reminisce over the pop culture references. God only knows if we’ll see Season 4 this year…and I have questions. (Seasons 1 – 3, Netflix)
7. Get Out (2017). Some call it a horror movie, but I think it’s more of a thriller. Chris, a Black man, goes to visit Rose’s (a white woman) family in the forest and every Black person’s greatest fears are realized. Thank God for the TSA. (Netflix)
8. Dear White People (2017 – present). What do Black students at a PWI really think? What are they really dealing with? This series highlights race, racism, colorism, love and more and, of course, there’s lots of drama and sexy time. (Netflix)
9. The Golden Child (1986). Another Eddie Murphy classic. It’s a silly, fun movie that Kanye West references in Gone. Murphy goes on an adventure to save the Golden Child and fights bad guys in a small leather hat. (Amazon Prime)
10. You (2019 – present). Joe Goldberg is a madman, but the nicest madman who you’ll never want to date…but you don’t know that yet. He’ll do anything for you. Good luck. (Netflix)
11. I Feel Pretty (2018). Amy Schumer is a complete fool in this movie but it is so, so, so funny. I cackled the entire movie and it was worth the hour and 51 minutes that I spent at the mechanic watching it while my tires were being changed. (Netflix)
12. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018). What would you do if you wrote love letters to every boy you had a crush on…and your little sister sent them? GASP! Poor Lara Jean now has to navigate life knowing that her crushes know how she felt/feels. (Netflix)
13. Greenleaf (2016 – present). Lord help us all! This is one megachurch that you only want to attend if you’re looking for bare lawlessness. The Greenleaf family is into some shady business. Praise the Lord and pass the offering plate. (Seasons 1 – 4, Netflix)
14. FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (2019). I remember hearing about all these wealthy young people heading off to the Bahamas because Ja Rule, Billy MacFarlane and a bunch of pretty Instagram influencers told them to. All hell broke loose. This documentary gives you all the tea. (Netflix)
15. Turn Up Charlie (2019). Charlie is a wasteman. A DJ who had one big hit and then went nowhere. His very successful friends get him to look after their problem daughter. Good times. Get better Idris! (Netflix)
16. Gossip Girl (2007 – 2012). Blair, Serena, Dan and the gang are rich (mostly) white kids who go to a posh, private New York school. They live like they have no parents and there is no way this show was suitable for anyone under 21. (Netflix)
17. A Simple Favor (2018). Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick are in this black comedy thriller about a murder. That’s all I’m going to say. It’s good. (Amazon Prime)
18. Deidra & Laney Rob a Train (2017). These young sisters are desperate. Their parents are of no use. They need food, they need to pay bills and they need a college education. How are they going to do it? Rob a couple of damn trains. (Netflix)
19. Love is Blind (2020). If you haven’t heard about this reality TV show that is a combo of 90-Day Fiancé, Dating in the Dark and The Bachelor, you have been living under a rock. It’s not Emmy-worthy content, but it’s definitely something for a Netflix party. Look out for Jessica and her nonsense. (Netflix)

BONUS: 2012 (2009). From what I can see it’s not available on either Netflix or Amazon Prime. I adore this movie–it’s one of my most favourite disaster movies. John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover and Woody Harrelson star in this end of the world thriller. The earth is literally collapsing and everyone has to get to China to be saved. “Lift your big ass for Sascha!”

I will be checking out Schitt’s Creek because it looks hilarious.

Those are mine–there are a bunch that I’ve left out and more that I’ve forgotten. Do you have any movies or TV shows that make your top 19? Stay safe, y’all!

“Man life can get all up in your ass baby you betta work it out.” Stakes is High (1996), De La Soul

Some days.

Some days are rough and you don’t have a cheerleader to encourage you along. On those days, you need to know how to encourage yourself.

Be your own cheerleader.

Get yourself out of bed and doing what you have to do because not everyone will understand your vision.

And not everyone has to.

As long as you know what the deal is and what you want.

Keep it pushing.

Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success.
— C.S. Lewis

Sounds like an oxymoron, right?

As a Black girl, my parents always told me that I had to work twice as hard to get half as far as my white friends. On an episode of Scandal, I heard Olivia Pope’s father demand that statement from her in the middle of…well…a scandal.

I was thinking about this saying this past week and how it does us a disservice. Why? Thanks to anti-Black racism, systemic and institutional racism, sexism and a host of other things, I can work my butt off and still not get the grace my white counterparts get to fail and learn from those missteps.

In my own experience, I found myself not wanting to break out of my comfort zone because I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to be the Black person who screwed it up for generations of other Black people to come.

Why? Because we are often seen as representatives of our entire race, not individuals.

Failing successfully

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelou

With all that in mind, Black people aren’t given the opportunity to fail in a safe environment, dust ourselves off, learn from those mistakes and aim to do better the next time around.

It’s important to be given the chance to try and not be afraid to fail because you’re going to be penalized. Honestly, in my corporate career, I didn’t see a lot of opportunity to try something and learn from your mistakes. The problem was, if you can’t try something, how do you grow? How do you stretch your creativity?

Some of the most successful business leaders went through failure before finding success. For example, Bill Gates (Microsoft), Evan Williams (Twitter), Fred Smith (FedEx) and Mark Cuban (Yahoo). Now, these are all white men—a very privileged class who are allowed to fail, learn and bounce back to try again.

When I talk to a lot of my Black friends, they aim for perfection in their careers and if they don’t think that they’re going to do something perfectly they become paralyzed. And what does that lead to? The comfort zone.

While your comfort zone isn’t an inherently bad place, it can be the death of creativity and opportunity. How can you grow and become your best self if you can’t take chances and fail without it feeling like it’s a life sentence?

If I fail, then I’ll never get another opportunity like this one.

If I fail, then my entire life will blow up.

If I fail, they will NEVER HIRE ANOTHER BLACK PERSON. (I’m not even joking about this one. Sometimes it feels like you have to be a “credit to your race” and failing will destroy that.)

Utilizing grace

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

As my sister-in-law said, “we have to create spaces for ourselves and utilize grace.”

It is hard not be hard on ourselves when we don’t do as well as we want to. We beat ourselves up. We can’t sleep. We want to quit and go back to the comfort of our comfort zone and do what we’ve always done—even if that means that we don’t create the life that we want for ourselves.

That’s me. Like Erykah Badu said, “Now, keep in mind that I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my sh*t.”

I was at a workshop yesterday put on by my girl at Bang Resume Works (check her out on Instagram @bangresumeworksca). We talked about goals, stepping out of our comfort zones and giving ourselves grace if don’t succeed at first or if we, *gasp* fail.

While it can be uncomfortable to do something different when it’s all said and done the question is: “but did you die?”

Nope. I’m still here.

And I’ll try again tomorrow.

If you haven’t read Part 1 and Part 2, make sure to do that before joining us for Part 3 of our first Disney trip!

So, after the secret show at Magic Kingdom, everyone and their mother was trying to get out of the park because it was really closing time. It was about 11:00 pm and we were exhausted.

We followed everyone out of the gates and lined up at the monorail station…well, as close to the monorail station as we could get to because there were so many people. Daughter #1 was being dragged along by Hubby and I was carrying the dead weight of Daughter #2 who fell asleep during our very short walk from the Main Street, USA to the monorail station.

Tip: Know your limitations. Although our motto was RIDE THE WHEELS OFF, we clearly pushed it too far our first night at Magic Kingdom. If you have older children, maybe you can pull off a late night, but with little ones? We should have left after the fireworks show because no one wants to carry 30 lbs of dead weight and no one wants to drag 50 lbs of miserable child.

We got back to the Transportation and Ticket Center (TTC) around 11:45 pm and to our car by 12 am. We got some fast food, got back to home base, brushed our teeth and collapsed. Sore feet, sore backs, but with visions of Disney World dancing in our heads.

Day 2: Hollywood Studios!

“What, huh? Do we have to get up? Oh my goodness. I am sooooo tired.”

Those were my sentiments when my alarm went off at 7 am. Thankfully, I had some forethought to start our day a little later, so we didn’t have a FastPass+ scheduled until later in the morning. I turned off that alarm and went back to sleep for another hour.

Tip: You will be tired, so be gentle with yourself. These parks are big. You do a lot of walking and it is hot. You will be wiped by the time you get back to your hotel or timeshare. By day 2, you’re still excited, but the adrenaline has worn off and the tiredness from travelling and spending an entire day at a park will knock you over. Just start a little later on your second day. You—and your children—will thank you for it.

Finally we got up, got ready, and left home base for our seven minute drive to Hollywood Studios.

Tip: Stay close to the parks. There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of places to stay outside of Disney World. If you’re not staying at the parks, stay nearby. Our timeshare was perfectly located by restaurants, souvenir shops, and Disney World. We were less than 10 minutes away from Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios. Who wants to drive 30 minutes? (Unless your accommodations are free. If you’re staying somewhere for free, yay you!)

Unlike the Magic Kingdom, there is no TTC to get to before getting to Hollywood Studios. You just drive into their parking lot and jump on a shuttle. We got there and excitedly hurried over to the shuttle to take us to the front gate.

Donald, Minnie, Jessie and more!

I didn’t really know what to expect and from what I read online, I was worried that I made the wrong decision to do Hollywood Studios. We got our double stroller (remember the discussion from Part 1), started heading up the Streets of America and guess who we saw?

Donald Duck! He was doing a meet-and-greet and there was a pretty short line. We joined it and within 15 minutes, we were posing with Donald. We were excited to see how the girls squealed and hugged Donald—I was pretty amped, too, I can’t lie.

Do you have kids who love Disney characters? Well, Hollywood Studios is the place for you. Over the course of the day, we saw and met Mickey and Minnie, Vampirina, Fancy Nancy, Olaf, Star Wars storm troopers, Doc McStuffins, Little Bo Peep, the Green Army Patrol, Forky, Jessie, Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story. The girls got autographs with a bunch of characters and they were so excited to have a souvenir from their Disney World experience.

We had FastPasses scheduled for the day including the Disney Junior Dance Party, Muppet Vision 3DFor the First Time in Forever: The Frozen Sing-A-Long, Lightning McQueen’s Racing Academy, Alien Swirling Saucers in Toy Story Land.

Tip: Get your FastPasses for Toy Story Land. Listen to me clearly: if you don’t get a FastPass+ for Toy Story Land, expect to wait FOREVER to get on the rides. There are like three rides in Toy Story Land and they are all popular but some are more popular than others. Toy Story Land’s Slinky Dog Dash was one of the most popular rides for the kids. The wait time for that was up to 120 minutes. In the heat. Without shade. Yeah, no.

The beauty of Hollywood Studio was the character interactions. The girls had a blast seeing characters walking through the park or speaking with them. They even helped Vampirina clean up her room…too bad they don’t do the same thing at home. As for rides, the Alien Swirling Saucers were the highlight of their day, followed very closely by the Disney Junior Dance Party. The girls loved everything—there wasn’t one ride or experience that they didn’t enjoy and had jokes doing.

The night before was long and there was no way that I wanted another long night. The girls were getting surly as tiredness started to set in. We began our long walk back to the front gates when a woman stopped us and asked us if we had heard about Fantasmic! I had—it was on the list of things that I wanted us to do, but because of the long night that we had the day before, we were going to skip it.

Do you know that woman gifted us VIP tickets for the show? Praise God and let’s go! The girls got a second wind and we spent the next hour watching Mickey fight off a bunch of villains in a fireworks and light show. It was awesome. Daughter #2 was a bit scared because of the scary villains and all the fire, but she handled it like a G.

Now it’s about 10 pm and we make our way to the gates to head home. We did a good eight hours—a full workday—in the park and it was time to go home, put up my feet and go to sleep.

Umm…but where did we park the rental car? Hubby? Bueller? SOMEONE!

In our haste to get into the park and start enjoying the magic that is Disney, we didn’t take any time to note where our vehicle was. So the four of us were wandering around the parking lot looking for an unfamiliar car. We tried to sound the alarm, but nothing. So, I’m thinking someone stole the damned car, the girls are getting antsy and grumpy as we wait and Hubby decided that he was going to go on a journey to find our vehicle.

Tip: Never be in too much of a rush that you don’t note where you park the damned car. Thank God that the Hollywood Studios parking lot is smaller than Magic Kingdom’s, but it’s pretty dang big. We spent a good 30 minutes trying to find the car. I was grumpy and annoyed by that point. I mean, we had spent an entire day and night walking, I wanted to sit. When Hubby pulled up—the car was parked a few lanes down from where the shuttle dropped us off—I was never so happy to sit down and get back to home base.

For our last day, we were back at Magic Kingdom as pros with the My Experience app, transportation and more! Breakfast with Mickey, Lilo, and Stitch, our journey to Agrabah, all the princesses your heart desires, find out what we did on our last day in the final instalment of our Disney World blog.

If you haven’t read the first part of our Disney trip post, head over to that post first and then come back over here!

When we exchanged our email for our tickets at the ticket counter, we received ‘First visit’ buttons. Let me say this: Disney knows how to take care of their guests. Although it was hot and we were in line for 20 minutes in the heat, the ticket person was delightful. The girls, Hubby and I were beyond excited. From the ferry boat, we could see Cinderella’s castle in the distance—our first view of the Magic Kingdom. So excitement level was at 10 for all of us, but the kids were handling it pretty well.

The ferry docked and we got off in a semi-orderly fashion and followed the crowd to the gates.

Yes, we still weren’t in Magic Kingdom.

It was a journey into time and it was already approaching 100 degrees outside with humidity. We get to the gate and you have to tap your card and scan your finger—which was fine for all of us, except for Daughter #2 who was a very independent, but short, three-year-old. The park employees are super helpful and got us in and that’s where we started our adventure.

Pre-planning for the Disney trip
Let’s rewind a bit.

Tip: Bring non-perishable snacks from home for the park. We traveled with granola bars, fruit gummies, Rice Krispie treats, Goldfish crackers and instant Quaker Oatmeal packs. The less you have to spend in USD, the happier our Canadian pockets were.

We didn’t stay at the park, we were at a timeshare (and I think if we were, I would have don’t the same thing and brought snacks from home with me). Anyhow, we needed milk, breakfast food, water and juice boxes for our adventure at the parks, we went to a super Wal-Mart that was across from our home base to get some perishables, water, and juice boxes.

We thought we’d go in, grab a few things and be back out in like 20 minutes.

Nah, sir.

Let me tell you how the place was an absolute zoo. I have never seen so many people in a store—it was worse than Black Friday, y’all. It was ridiculous. The food was picked through and there were so many people there you couldn’t see anything. What should have been a quick shopping trip ended up being about an hour with miserable, tired children who needed to go to bed.

Tip: Be prepared for the Wal-Mart madhouse. I don’t know if Wal-Mart is any less crazy in the morning or afternoon, but I would not go in the evening—especially if you have little ones with you who are tired after a day of traveling and excitement to see the Mouse and his friends the next day. Wal-Mart allows you to order your food in advance and pick it up when you arrive. This is the way to go.

Magic Kingdom, here we come!
OK, to the parks!

I knew that the Magic Kingdom is big and spread out—we planned two days at the park to get the full experience, with a day at Hollywood Studios. We walked along Main Street, USA that has shops and some restaurants. It leads you straight up to Cinderella’s castle. The park is split into quadrants: Fantasyland, Tomorrowland, Frontierland, and Adventureland. On our first day, we were spending most of our time in Fantasyland and Tomorrowland and our first ride was Dumbo The Flying Elephant.

Tip: Get the stroller. Yes, your kids are big and are able to walk around and don’t need a stroller. Trust me. They need it. Yes, I’m Canadian, but I know hot and it is hot and you get tired out. If I’m overheating and in desperate need of air conditioning, what about the three- and seven-year-old? Yeah. They can’t move as quickly, there are a lot of people and they get tired out. It was expensive (I think $30 USD for the double stroller), but it was worth every penny.

Let me be honest: the rides are fun, but we’ve all been to an amusement park. The rides that we were able to go on were no more fun than what we’ve ridden at Canada’s Wonderland—aside from the Tomorrowland Speedway (which was hot as fire and I thanked God we had a FastPass+ for that one because even OUTSIDE of the attraction, you felt the heat building from the asphalt and the exhaust).

For those of you who are traveling with little kids, you’re not going to be blown away by rides. It’s not that they aren’t fun, but for us, they weren’t the highlight of the trip. The highlight, my friends, is the Disney experience.

Tip: Don’t expect to be blown away by the rides. There are spinning teacups, rollercoasters, bumper cars, etc.—just like what you’d see at any amusement park. The joy of Disney isn’t the rides. The joy of Disney is in the parades, the characters performing, the people who work there who do everything in their power to make you and your family feel like you are truly somewhere special.

After doing research about how to attack the park, my thoughts were to not push ourselves and make ourselves miserable. I knew what the girls could handle and, like I said, I wanted them—and all of us—to enjoy the wonder of the park. We did our FastPass+ reservations and then headed over to Tony’s Town Square Restaurant for a nice Italian lunch.

We did the Tony’s Town Square Restaurant Festival of Fantasy dining package ($54 for adults and $19 for children ages 9 and under; tax and gratuity not included). Each dining package comes complete with an appetizer, entrée, dessert and non-alcoholic beverage, along with a VIP viewing voucher.

Was it worth it? I’m of two minds—I liked (loved) getting out of the heat and humidity and having a nice lunch on our first day at the park. The food was good and the portions were big. What I didn’t love? The VIP viewing area was uncovered. We had a great vantage point to watch the parade, but Disney, we need some shade and somewhere to sit.

Hubby took over the cooling towel to cool his bald scalp. What we learned was to wash it out at night, soak it in water, and put it in the freezer overnight. Next morning? Cool as a cucumber. Twenty minutes later? Hot.

Tip: Bring an umbrella—not just for rainy afternoons. Umbrellas will become your best friend and shelter you from the weather, be it the sun or the rain. Just stick a mini one in your backpack and call it a day.

All I can say is thank God for the stroller—at least the kids were protected from the sun and had somewhere to sit.

The parade was LIT. It was the perfect way for us to celebrate our first day at the Magic Kingdom and at Disney. All the characters, princesses, animatronic floats, dancers, music—it was everything Disney that I expected.

We had two really sweet moments at the parade. Princess Tiana singled out the girls and waved at them and blew them kisses. As a Black mother raising Black daughters, representation in the princesses matters. For them to see a Black princess and getting love from her was amazing (more on Tiana in my next post!). The Hubby wasn’t really down for dressing in our Disney t-shirts but agreed to it if he could wear a Donald Duck t-shirt. Well, when Donald and Daisy saw him they lost it and were jumping up and down, pointing and carrying on. And Hubby? Ear-to-ear grin. He was a seven-year-old boy at Disney in that moment.

Overall, the parade was amazing, all 12 minutes of it.

We did a few more rides and then left the park and went back to home base. Why you ask? The girls wanted to dress up in their princess dresses and we were going to head back to the park for fireworks.

You can do the Biddidi Bobbidi Salon, but we were on a budget and the salon experience was out of the budget. Not to worry, one of the girls’ aunties bought them princess dresses from the Disney Store at Toronto’s Eaton Centre and we pack them. Daughter #1 was Rapunzel and Daughter #2 was Belle. We dolled them up—hair in buns, lipgloss and glitter and we went back to the park around 7:30 pm, after a thundershower.

Tip: Bring rain ponchos! Not only is it hot, but it rains ALL THE TIME in Central Florida. But the good thing is that although you’re soaked, it’s so hot you dry off in 10 minutes or less.

The folks at Disney made the girls feel like actual princesses. From “Hello Rapunzel! You look beautiful!” to “Belle! You made it! You look wonderful!” Even the other people at the park stopped and told them how fabulous they looked. It was truly a magical night for them.

Rain did not stop the fireworks. Ponchos on and we searched for a good spot to watch them. That was a bit difficult because of the sheer number of people milling around. Disney does have a fireworks dining plan—there’s a dessert party and then the fireworks. It seemed like a good idea, but when I looked at the price, it didn’t feel like I would get as much for my money as we did with the parade dining plan.

We found a spot, watched the fireworks display—maybe 30 minutes?—and then we were all released into the stores on Main Street, USA because the park was closing…or so we thought. Hubby was talking to someone, as he likes to do, and heard that there was a secret show that happens after the fireworks show.

I’m not gonna lie, your girl was TIRED. My feet were tired. My back was sore. And I just wanted to stretch out and go to sleep, but like I said, RIDE THE WHEELS OFF. So we stayed for the show and it was fun. The girls had a great time, but Daughter #2 was wiped. We, along with thousands of others, headed to the monorail.

Oh. My. Goodness.

This is the line? All of this humanity? Oh lord, will we get back to the car?

In Part 3, do we ever get back to the Transportation and Ticket Center? Do we make it to Hollywood Studios? How the heck do I get all this glitter off of these children?

Quotes like these make me roll my eyes, honestly. I’ve seen so many of these types of memes making their rounds on social media.

The first time I saw this meme was before I had my own daughters. It ruffled my feathers then because I remembered my years in school as a dark-skinned, skinny Black girl in Montreal.

My parents never talked about beauty or who was pretty. It wasn’t a priority for them. What was a priority? Going to school and getting your education. Being smart was what was important.

And I was a smart kid. I always did well at school. Honour roll and all things academic. I was funny and I was kind.

I was never popular, which didn’t really bug me. I was friends or friendly with a lot of the kids at my high school, but I was quiet. I preferred read or play cards with my friends rather than crack jokes with the cool kids in the cafeteria.

In Grade 9, I was in the cafeteria with my friends eating lunch and minding my business when a boy–whose name I still remember–got up on a table and yelled that I was the ugliest girl in the school.

If I tell you I was crushed, it would be an understatement. I was destroyed. I went from quiet to silent. I cried all the way home from school. And for many, many years later, I couldn’t be convinced that I wasn’t the ugliest thing to walk the streets. I turned inward and found it very hard to raise my hand to speak out because I didn’t want anyone to look at me because I was ugly.

This is why memes and attitudes like this annoy me. It’s not that beauty is important, but building strong self-esteem and confidence in our daughters is necessary, especially if you are parenting a Black daughter.

Black women have had the pleasure of reading articles that say we’re not going to get married, that ask why are Black women are unattractive, and highlight how we aren’t valued in society. Why shouldn’t someone tell me that I’m pretty. Just pretty. Just beautiful. I’m already strong, smart, confident, and more. Why can’t my kinky hair and dark skin just be beautiful?

I was not equipped to look that boy in the face and say, “what the hell are you talking about? I’m beautiful” because no one had ever told me that. I didn’t see myself reflected in media until I saw Naomi Campbell with her full lips and dark skin. Until I saw Karyn White as a sex symbol, R&B singer. Until I saw Lauryn Hill as a dope and gorgeous hip hop artist.

I didn’t know I was beautiful–and a lot of young Black girls and women don’t know that they are beautiful…until we tell them and lift them up in their glorious Black girl beauty.

We can be beautiful and everything else

Maybe this is a mantra that white parents can tell their white daughters who see themselves reflected everywhere as the standard of beauty.

Maybe this is OK for parents of daughters who aren’t overweight, aren’t disabled, who aren’t bullied at school and made fun of because of how they look.

Maybe men like the boy who embarrassed me all those years ago in the cafeteria at Lachine High can say this to his daughters if he has any.

(To put an end to the story about this dusty dude, about three years after that incident in the cafeteria, he tried to get my number at Angrignon metro station. Yeah, I paid him dust.)

For me, in a world where Black women specifically are made to feel ugly and are unappreciated, our Black daughters need to know that they are beautiful.

For Black women, it’s never been just about being beautiful. We never had the luxury of being the standard of beauty in this society. We’ve always been on the outskirts of what the world sees as and says is beautiful.

But for me and the daughters that I have? They know and will continue to know that they are beautiful because I will tell them. I reinforce how smart they are and how strong they are and how they can do anything they put their minds to, but they will always know that their mother thinks that they are the most beautiful creatures to ever walk the earth.

My daughters need to know they are beautiful–and strong and confident and smart. They won’t shy away from speaking out because they feel they are ugly and don’t want anyone to look at them.

My girls won’t be impressed by someone saying they are pretty because they’ll already know that they are.

So when someone’s dusty son or daughter wants to come for them and make them feel small and ugly for a cheap laugh or for some attention, no one will be able to tell my Black daughters that they aren’t the most glorious Black queens to ever walk the earth–because their momma told them that they are from birth.

Don’t at me.

As newbies, we thought that three days would be all the time we needed.

Yeah, no, but I’ll get into that later.

Before we start, let me make it plain: Disney is EXPENSIVE. From tickets to accommodations and food, everything is at a premium. That being said, the experience is amazing and if you’re going, use common sense when spending, but don’t nickel and dime yourself to death.

Most importantly, ride the wheels off when you’re at the park. Do everything you ever wanted to–meet the princesses, go to Space Mountain, eat the Dole Whip–because for folks like me, this can’t be a yearly trip. We need these memories to last.

Before the trip
I am a person who likes to do research. I like to know what to expect when I’m traveling–especially to a place like Disney where there is a lot to do. So I went online and read about FastPass+, dining plans, rope drops and more.

A lot of it was too much to be honest. I didn’t need the details of crowd levels (you book the trip when you have vacation–whether it’s more busy or less busy, you already have your tickets, right?) and stuff like that. I just wanted to know what did a family with kids aged 3 and 7 need for an enjoyable time with the Mouse.

Get prepared
Download the My Disney Experience app on your phone. It’s great. You can buy your tickets, arrange dining and FastPasses, see attraction wait times, see your PhotoPass pictures and everything ride there. As soon as you start thinking about a Disney trip, get it.

Check for promotions before you buy your park tickets. In Canada, each fall there is a promotion for cheaper Disney tickets. Keep an eye out of you’re planning to spend four days or more at the park. Also, some travel companies do promotions with tickets, airfare and accommodations. See what works for your family. We were at a timeshare, so we just needed tickets and accommodations.

If you are staying at Disney, there is the Magical Express. The girls and I checked it out when we arrived at the airport and it was pretty cool. This shuttle takes you directly to your hotel on the property and there’s no real need for a rental car, if you plan to spend all of your time at the parks. If you’re staying outside of Disney World, a rental car is necessary–you can’t get to the parks without it.

For my next Disney trip, I’d love to stay at a Disney resort and be immersed in all the fun. There are different levels of hotel from value to luxury. We’ll see, we’ll see.

Buying your tickets
So there are park ticket options–at Disney there are ALWAYS options. We bought regular park tickets that would allow us to enter one park per day. There is an option called Park Hopper that, for more money, let’s you hop around parks. For example, spend the morning at Magic Kingdom and the evening at Animal Kingdom. After watching some YouTube videos about what parks we should visit, we chose to do two days at Magic Kingdom and one day at Hollywood Studios because we wanted the girls to get some good character interactions. And the little one is still too short for a lot of the rides at other parks.

Character and special events dining
We knew that we wanted to do something special when we were at the parks. So I found a couple of dining activities for us. When you are 60 days away from visiting Disney, you can start planning your table service and special events dining. We decided on the Festival of Fantasy Parade and Dining package and the Best Friends breakfast with Lilo and Stitch (a character breakfast with Mickey, Lilo and Stitch) at Ohana Restaurant at Disney’s Polynesian Resort.

Remember, you can cancel them up to 24 hours in advance. Read the small print though.

It’s pricey, no doubt, but I would suggest that for your first trip you splurge on a special event. Disney does entertainment especially well, so you and family will enjoy yourselves. Do your research and look for something that won’t max out your budget, but do something special.

FastPass+ is key
If you aren’t staying at a Disney resort on the park property, you can reserve your FastPasses 30 days before your trip. What’s a FastPass+? The parks are crazy and the FastPass+ is your key to staying relatively sane and getting on popular rides and attractions. FastPasses allow you to arrive at your scheduled ride or attraction during an hour-long block. At most, we waited five minutes. The standby line? For really popular rides? Up to 120 minutes. In the blazing heat. Or pouring rain.

On an aside, Disney has done most things right, but the thing they need to work on is shade. That place is a fire pit in July and when it rains it pours. More on that later.

You can schedule three FastPasses per day at first. Once those three are completed, you can add another. As the day progresses, FastPasses to all rides get afternoons harder to come by. So try to get the rides that you really want scheduled first–trust, you aren’t finding anything at Toy Story Land in the afternoon. You’re going to have to wait in that line for 90 minutes. That being said, you can make changes on the fly with the Disney app, so get use to it!

One last thing, the FastPasses help you schedule your day. Try to lump all the rides for Magic Kingdom on the same day because if you don’t have Park Hopper, you can’t just roll over to Epcot and get on a ride. So with standard tickets, make sure all your rides are at the park you are going to be at for the day.

Let’s go to Disney!
You have your digital park tickets, FastPasses and dining are booked. You have your Disney gear and you are ready to go…but your flight lands at 2:30 PM and it’s a downpour.

Folks, I had plans for our unofficial first day at Disney. Get to the timeshare (AKA home base), change and go exploring. Yeah, Central Florida said not today. By the time we got to our timeshare the sky had grown black and rain was starting to fall. We got our luggage, closed the door and KABOOM! Thunderstorms. For two hours. Torrential rains, lightning strikes, special weather statements and the four of us on the couch looking at each other.

Not the start I imagined but, thanks to all the Disney enthusiasts online, we were prepared with ponchos and the knowledge that it will rain every day and there will be thundershowers every day. Finally the rain started to ease and we changed and drove a few minutes to IHOP.

In the tourist area, there are lots of souvenir stores. So if you didn’t have a chance to buy a character t-shirt for the family to wear on the first day, don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to buy shirts and keepsakes at discounted prices outside of the park.

Because we arrived in Orlando in the afternoon, we had never planned to go to Disney on our first day. I heard a lot about Disney Springs and that’s where we went, tummies full of pancakes and syrup, for some free fun. When I say free, I mean, there is no admission to enter Disney Springs and parking is free. You’ll still pay for food and drinks, souvenirs, etc. The kids played at the Lego Store, got harassed by a spitting animatronic Stitch and Hubby got his first taste of the famed Dole Whip ($). We went on a carousel ($), checked out the Christmas store and got a flavour for what Disney would be like. We spent about three hours there just having fun, chatting with each other and gearing up for our three days of magic.

Day 1: Magic Kingdom
Our first FastPass+, Flying Dumbo was scheduled for 9:20 am.

Not a smart move.

Why? Well, Magic Kingdom isn’t set up like Canada’s Wonderland where you arrive, park and enter. No, there is a process–especially on the first day of your trip.

Everyone parks at the Ticket and Transportation Center. The parking lot is divided into Heroes and Villains. There are parking attendants who direct you into your spot. This is a bit crazy because you’re excited, but don’t forget to note where you parked. We hustled over to a tram and took it to the ticket area.

Here’s where you exchange your email confirmation for your park passes. You show the guest services people your email confirmation and credit card you used to purchase the tickets…oh crap. Guess who forgot the credit card that purchased the tickets?

What do need to enter the park? Your email confirmation and the credit card you purchased. If you forget your card, you’ll have to stand up in the line and wait, in the heat and it is hot.

So we’re waiting, time is ticking for our FastPass. Instead of stressing, I used the app and pushed is out an hour. And it was a good thing.

We got everything sorted out and got our tickets. These are gold. Hold on to them because you will need to use them every day to enter the park.

Finally, to the park!

To get to Magic Kingdom, you have to either take a ferryboat or a monorail. Daughter #1 wanted to go on the ferry. Cool, we headed over there and it was a free for all. No stanchions or ropes to guide us, just a crowd of people all crushing towards the ferry. I picked up Daughter #2, because she’s short and small, and made my way to the ferry’s second level.

Lawd, would we ever arrive? After what felt like an eternity, we stepped off the boat and we were in the Happiest Place on Earth.

Kinda.

Next up, how we fared on Day 1 and the magic of Hollywood Studios!

Check out Part 2 here!

Yes, that’s my question: why can’t a job just be a job?

It’s funny that over the last 1.5 years, I’ve seen so many people in the same space: work is trying and they are trying to figure out their next steps–whatever that is. One underlying thing that I’ve heard is that there is a wish that work can just be work. Like, let me go in and do my thing and come home and live my life.

But I’ve found through my own experience that most companies don’t just let you come in, do your 7.5 hours and go home.

No, the job had to be more than that.

It had to be your calling. It had to fulfill you. It had to be what you dreamt about at night, what you spent your free time, weekends and vacations thinking about.

It had to be your everything.

When asked during the job interview why I want this job can’t I answer, “I want to pay the damned bills”? Why must I think of ways to say, “I will be an asset to the team! I bring value in these ways!”

I mean, “I want to pay my bills” may not be the best answer if you’re a teacher or nurse or social worker, but if you’re working a job that’s not saving anyone’s life or pouring into the lives of people, does it really matter why you want this job?

Doesn’t it matter more that you’ll show up every day and do your best and not cause drama?

Doesn’t it matter that this job will pay for the things that will make your disposition sunny–like your bills, your vacations, your gym membership, your child’s daycare or university tuition or whatever really matters to you?

It sounds salty, but honestly, at this stage of my life, don’t want to feel forced to perform ‘happy engaged employee’ because it looks good on your Best Employer application.

Companies have employee engagement teams that work to ensure that employees were excited and wanted to work at the organization. Websites were redesigned to highlight why the company was JUST. SO. AMAZING!!!! The employee was so important–until they signed the contract and then that no one thought to really ask the employee what would truly engage him or her.

Or if they did ask, no one really wanted to implement it, so they would do the ‘team building’ thing–let’s do a team lunch or dinner or after work drinks or something else that was totally uncomfortable and awkward because no one wanted to be forced to spend time with their colleagues.

Of course, we’re not talking about the cool colleagues who you actually like.

And all of those events are alright, I guess, but…why can’t I just do the job?

Why must I be encouraged join the company volleyball team? Or go for drinks after I just spent my 7.5 hours with my colleagues? Or feel like I have to golf if I have no interest with golf to find myself in front of the ‘right’ people?

I believe in building relationships with the people I work with and friendships if they happen organically, but management always seemed to have the notion that team-building meant that we had to want to shoot the breeze with people who, honestly, you probably wouldn’t be friends with if you weren’t forced to be together for the sake of the job.

“No, Mary, I don’t want to go for drinks after work with the team because I barely get to see my children during daylight hours and I’d much prefer spend time with them before bed than go over workplace gossip with you and Bob.”

“Well, Steve, I’d much prefer watch Netflix with a glass of wine than hang out with people who I’m resigned to be with every day of the work week from 9 am to 5 pm. Can a sister just live? Besides, you guys annoy me and I need a good few hours to decompress after spending the day with you.”

Management may see that as disengaged and uninterested, but that’s realistic.

If I ever go back to corporate, I want that my job is just a job. I go in and do my best and interact with my colleagues, but my job is not my everything. And it’s not expected to be. I can be a great employee without living, breathing, and eating your company every day.

There is nothing wrong if you love your job and your co-workers–that’s awesome and I wish more jobs were like that, but just let me just live, Susan.

I’m not going to your after-work events.

I’m not joining your sports teams.

I don’t want to go to the spa as a team building event.

Let me do my job and let me go home.

A job can sometimes just be a job.