Everyday Carnival

A Thousand Sharings

2013-11-06T13:12:00.001-08:00

An excerpt from my current reading -

“...we shall create a thousand strands, great and small,

that will link us together.

Then we shall be so close that it would be impossible

– unthinkable – for either of us to suppose

that we could recreate such closeness with anyone else.

And our trust in each other will not only

be based on love and loyalty

but on the fact of a thousand sharings

– a thousand strains twisted into something unbreakable.”

The secret of enduring love from A Severe Mercy”

I love it. I love the image.

I love the reality of it, too.

There is always something new to discover

about your beloved and alongside your beloved.

A new strand to add into the thousands and thousands;

And the bond strengthens.

Me and Mo. She's part of the strands that bind Scott and I

Home-school Year Begun (and dealing with Expectations vs. Reality)

2013-10-23T11:38:00.002-07:00

I started this post after our first week of school. 2013 school photos.

But, didn't write any of my thoughts.

Thoughts about the year starting off shaky,

with the expectations we all had about the school year

colliding with the reality of each day.

But, on a similar note, my expectation of actually sitting down

and writing out those thoughts didn't quite come in line with the reality.

The reality that I never did that.

But, here are the photos of the kids, first day of school.

Home * September * 2013

Kendall. 2 1/2 years old

Moira. 4 years old

Peyton. 5 years old

Gillian. Almost 7 at this point

Anyway. So. There is the record of our school year beginning.

With thoughts in my mind, but not much written.

So be it.

ABC Preschool - where you can join us!

2013-09-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Preschool classes, open for enrollment!

We would like a few children to come and join us through our
themed abc lessons this year.

Each class focus on one letter.
We will practice letter sound and formation.
Each child will receive a fun letter flashcard.
We will also do fun learning based on the letter theme.
There will be books, songs, bible verses, play and snack.

Each 2 hour class will be $30 per child.
The preschool classes will be for children ages 3 and 4.
(We can talk about almost three year olds, and 5 year olds, too,
if you think your child would fit well in this class. We are flexible.)

**email me at eadamsdesigns@gmail.com to sign up!
**We're getting started soon!

Here's the general overview and schedule for the rest of 2013

a is for apple - September 16th

It's Apple Time!
Apple flavors, art, games, science.
We'll talk seasons and the life of a plant.

b is for butterfly - September 30th

and birds, bees, bugs and bats.
We'll explore all these amazing pollinators.
We'll do some dress up and games
have a big backyard pollinators hunt.

c is for chameleon - October 7th

Camouflaging Chameleons are cool!
We'll learn about these crazy lizards.
We will also learn about the color wheel and mixing.
Chameleon's Colors by Chisato Tashiro

d is for daisy - October 21st

patterning, matching, daisy family study.
ingredients for growth.
seed and soil study.
What Kind of Seeds are These? by Heidi Roemer

e is for egg - November 4th

Fabulous books -
Chickens aren't the only Ones by Ruth Heller
An Egg is Quiet by Dianna Aston
Shape and size comparison study
Egg art and games

f is for fish - November 18th

Learning about fish and friends.
Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
Big Al by Andrew Clements
Fish is Fish by Leo Lionni

g is for goose & h is for horse - December 2nd

We are going to learn about farm animals.
The geese and ganders and horses and the sheep...
Barnyard fun. And a little Mother Goose, too.

i is for inchworm - December 16th

We'll read about the inchworm, of course.
We will also learn about measuring length.

j is for jellyfish - January 6th

Jellyfish learning and playing with Ooey-Gooey stuff.

You are welcome to sign up for one class, some classes, or all!

Nine Year Letter

2013-09-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Scott,

Remember this?

Like it was yesterday, right?

Nine Years. Nine years of being married to you. This is something I love.

Nine years sort of seems like a long time. But then, not really.
I hope this is just the dawn of our marriage.
I hope it goes on and on for many more years. (60 or more?!)

Walking this life with you is a privilege and joy.
There are sometimes clouds in our skies, sometimes there is a lot of dirt.
We encounter rocks and weeds along our way.
There are also little wild flowers. And cultivated ones, too.
Refreshing waters and soft grasses.

But the looking behind and ahead and in the right now, the view is really beautiful.

Things look lovely, standing here with you.

Happy anniversary my love!

Your wife (Erin)

*First photo is our wedding. Obviously.
Following photos are from our anniversary date,
Early morning hike at Wilder Ranch State Preserve Santa Cruz.
Then we had one of the best breakfasts ever at Cafe Brasil.
Brazilian food? YUM. I tried to do a Brazilian dinner tonight, in fond memory.
It did not compare. I need to work on this. But, I am not complaining.
It will be a fun work.
We bummed around the rest of our day, after breakfast,
shopping and walking and exploring more.
We bought the kids shark teeth and the Daddy told them a tale about Sharks at Wilder.
They were in awe.

What's Left

2013-08-29T16:01:00.003-07:00

I am not sure if there is much life left in this blog.

But, for what it is worth, I'll post some pictures, in case there is anyone who cares.
And, just for me, because I like to look at pictures on my own blog.

We are excited for the school year to begin.
We had a great summer, staying fairly mellow and near to home.

ice cream making

Barbecue

hair cuts by mom

hair cuts by professionals

swinging

summer company from Spain

Carousels

zoos

Gardens

fishing

Wow! Look what Auntie Kim hooked!!

Home Improvement

look at this man's garden!

Brother David's Wedding in Carmel Valley to Tisha!

New grass! Playing in the sprinkler!

For the Birds.

2013-06-06T17:20:00.004-07:00

I've sort of fallen off the bloggy truck, I guess.
Sometimes I blog in my head. But, not usually. Not now days.
These days, the writing isn't flowing too strong. In my mind or my fingers.
But, even during this down time of the blog,
I get really encouraging comments like this one -
"May I simply just say what a comfort to discover an individual
who really knows what they
are discussing online. You definitely realize how to bring a
problem to light and make it important. A lot more people should read
this and understand this side of the story.

It's surprising you're not more popular because you definitely possess the gift."

Really? Thank you, Anonymous! I feel so motivated. But, not enough to click on your virility link.

Thank you, though, for your thoughts.

Oh well.
These days are spent with these hanging around with my kids, of course.
And sometimes its hard to hear myself think, for all the noise.
Thoughtful writing, not so much.

Speaking of them, I made them hard boiled eggs yesterday and this was overheard, as they peeled -

Moira (excitedly) - "Can you imagine that mommy was actually cooking baby chicks?!"

Gillian (in gagging disgust) "Mo! I was trying to be brave to even try this egg and now you are making it even more embarrassing to eat it. Stop!"

Just funny. They are funny.

Our yard is in remodel stage.
Many newish plants that are mainly for the purpose of attracting hummingbirds.
New planters built and and now prep for a new lawn.
My crew works even in surprise rain (on Memorial day!)

Speaking of Memorial day, we had a good weekend of adventures,

glad for the kick start of summer.

We went to the beach and to the redwoods. No surprise. That's where we live.

Big Basin

Lover's Point Pacific Grove

We had another adventure that weekend.
We collected critters to bring home as pets.
We now have 5 Parakeets in our dining room.

Yes. And, I actually love them.
My general philosophy is that animals should not be brought in to a home to live with people.
That is just not my way.
Not really my actual way, as in the way I live.
I've had dogs in my house for years.
But, it is my way, as in, the ideals I personally hold.
Anyway. Whatever. We have birds in our house and I love them.
We all do.

And yes. They are messy and noisy.
It's okay. It's like I'm nesting.
I'm a mother bird. I clean up seed hulls and bird poop with joy.
I even have been sewing for the birds. I lovely cage cover.
One thing I am concerned about... Yesterday a bird flew into our house.
As in, an outside bird. One which we did not buy at a pet store.
She just came in.
I was freaking out. It was hard to get her out. She kept going for the window in my kitchen.
I only have two doors to the outside. And they aren't huge.
What in the world? Why did she choose to come in? Did it have to do with Parakeets?
Is that a thing? Do birds respond to calls from over types of birds?
Just strange. I was all jumpy and screamy trying to get that thing out.
No wild birds in my house, please!

My guy and I are having a stay at home date tonight. It's going to be cheesy.
As in, we are going to eat cheese.
But, also cheesy in the sense that I think we might sit by the bird cage and admire.
That might be fun and sweet.
And, I also downloaded a new album for us to listen to.
Away We Go soundtrack. Because we love the movie. And we love the music.
So, I went to iTunes and put it on my computer.
That sounds easy, right?
Wrong. It took me about a week to figure out how to use iTunes.
I'm too old for Apple products. They just don't work for me.
My brain is not wired for it, I suppose.
And that's okay with me.

I'll try to share more news from around here soon.
If I make it back on the blog more often than monthly.
If not, I guess that's okay. You'll just be really missing out on all this glamour.

Not Quite What you Thought, but Still Good.

2013-05-11T16:30:00.001-07:00

My husband had some good plans for me today.
He was going to take us all to one of my favorite places (Ashland, OR)
Then he had an awful fever-filled sleepless night.
We woke up and he went back to bed.
Sick day.
Me in p.j's until noon, when he woke up again & I grabbed a shower.
Not quite what we had imagined.

Instead, gifts from the kids; rocks & flower jars.

Gillian weaves me a daffodil hair wreath.
The 4 children explore the hillside at our sometimes place of residence in Butte Valley.
I sit on the deck in the shade with a cup of tea,
reading the beautiful "Bread & Wine: a love letter to life around the table".
Through the screen door I listen to The Bells of Santa Ynez
playing on a massive record player.
A big, black beetle repeatedly dives at my head,
which is dressed in the a fore mentioned daffodil.
Ants an inch long, thick and juicy looking crawl across the deck boards.
I give the exploring children a serious scolding for some bad choices.
I get kinda mad.
They all have to stay near by now and stay on the lawn.
They chase fence lizards.
I go back to reading.
It's getting hot. The Daddy wakes up, we move the party indoors.

Now I have my baby, who is not quite a baby anymore, napping on my lap;
totally.passed.out. & peaceful.

Until then she woke up, sweaty and mad.
Water is nice for her, until she decides to slip some of it on me, and some slips on her, too.
Mad again.
Chocolate cookie is nice for her, until she finishes it and has melted chocolate on her hand.
Mad again.
She comes back to my lap and see this photo of her & smiles.
Peace again.

My sick husband is back in bed sleeping.
The kids smile over cereal for dinner and I sit down with leftovers and a beer.

Ins't this just like mothering, (and really like life in general)?
Things don't go the way we expected. Then we can look and see the good that is there.
We can be grateful for, enjoy it in the right then.
The good we just saw may pass or change, and then we can look for more good,
and grab on and be grateful again.
Around and around it goes. Moments. Opportunities. Changes.
The good and the bad all mushed up together in this life.
I do love it.
Happy Mother's Day!

Palm Springs with a bunch of Little Kids

2013-05-08T21:14:00.001-07:00

We took a great family vacation to Palm Springs this spring.

Mom and Dad had fun and all the kids had fun.

I know the line -

"There is no such thing as a vacation with young kids; just take family trips."

While it is true that is was not pure relaxation all the time,

we still felt like it was a great break and vacation for all of us.

It was a vacation and an adventure trip, all rolled into one.

It did seem as if we were the only family in the canyon.

That was weird. But, it still didn't feel anti-kid.

Palm Springs with a bunch of little kids is a thing that really can work well.

We loved starting the morning with a walk to Koffi Coffee.

We grabbed fantastic take out at the local Woody's Burgers.

We sat down to eat enchiladas at La Perlita Mexican food.

The kids still talk about the salsa there. Lappert's Ice Cream was a tasty

and eccentric parlor.

The owner plays chess with buddies in the front,

and pauses the game to scope ice cream.

Some super good (and high priced) pizza was from Bill's Pizza

We also had a terrible breakfast, but I won't link them here....

(Elmer's, I should've known).

It was a super awesome experience for all of us at the Living Desert Garden & Zoo.

We loved it all.

This garden park is in Palm Desert, towards the south end of the canyon.

The drive through the neighborhoods to get to the park was pretty fun,

checking out the mid-century modern styles.

And the Giraffe Feeding! We didn't have to wait in a line or push through a crowd.
We just walked over and got invited to help feed. That was sweet!

The plants were amazing, especially the cactus and agave.

We surprised the kids with the trip on the Aerial Tram up to the snow in San Jacinto park.

They were shocked that we got to have a snow adventure on our desert vacation.

This was a first for them and a big dream come true.

The snow was sparse and icy. But, they didn't mind.

It was incredible how cold it was up there, compared to the canyon floor. Brrr....

I wore my flip flops. That was a bad idea.

This snow guy was found by the kids, not made by them.

We did manage a snowball fight, though.

The Air Museum of Flying was super cool for us.

It's small and was a quick afternoon outing.

But, we all enjoyed it.

Peyton was so cute pushing Kendall around.
Kendall was absolutely in love with the little umbrella stroller.
When I bought my ticket from the front desk,
the sweet old man told me to wait right there,
because he had a carriage for me. I didn't know quite what I was waiting for.
Ah. Yes. Of course, a stroller.
(Would you believe we went on vacation with all the littles,
without even thinking to bring a stroller?)

We were happy at with our stay at 7 Springs Inn & Suites. We got a two story suite.

The kids got their own room, and so did we.

We all slept well here. And enjoyed the daily swims, too.

We think Palm Springs is a great get away for parents and kids.

Trust by Testing

2013-04-16T08:21:00.003-07:00

I look at my blog analytic page every once and while. There's not a ton of interesting stuff reported there. Because really, I don't get much traffic here. Most of the strangers coming here are for the handful of preschool lessons I blogged about a couple years ago.
Something that I do find interesting is that one of my Marriage Letters gets visits on a regular basis. "I trust you because". This post is visited via people doing a search on words like, "I trust you" or "trust and love".

Trust really is crucial to bonding. Love grows in the context of trust. I hear that people who have "trust issues" have a hard time in relationship. This might be a partial truth. But, I think this mostly has to do with the relationship. Trust is learned, only in the context of relationship. Relational trust cannot be learned by one person, unless there is another one whom they are learning to trust. To trust is to Believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone (or thing).

Since my marriage letter about trust continues to get hits, I've gone back to read it several times lately. I think the summary of why I trust my husband so much would be, because when I have doubts, he allows me to probe into them. He tells me and shows me why he can be found trustworthy. My trust for him is not just because I am a hopeful, optimistic person. I think my trust for him is more about him, than it is about me. My trust for him has been building on years of testing.

Yes. Testing. Not the sort of test that is pass or fail. Not the sort of thing where I question my husband to try to put him in a hard spot. And yet, sometimes the testing in our relationship of trust can be painful. It can be confusing, as we both reach out to understand what the other one is trying to communicate. When I find my husband to be trustworthy, that doesn't mean he always comes out looking perfect, either. To the contrary, really. We learn to trust each other more when we tell the truth, even and especially about our struggles and weaknesses. Trust is built on honesty and truth, not on perfection. But, as we keep bringing forth questions and doubts and the things we wonder about ("should I trust you here?") and the answers are honest, we can keep building up the confidence of our mutual love.

Have you ever felt like you should not bother your husband with "too many emotions"? Have you been told that there are certain questions that are just too silly, or too invasive to ask a husband? Go over here and read this list of "5 questions you should never ask your husband". Tell me, have you asked questions like this before? What do you think? Always bad and foolish to bring your worries and insecurities into the open, or can it be healing and productive?
Us? We've discussed each questions extensively. And not in an emotionless, I'm-just-curious sort of fashion. Sometimes I cried, and sometimes he was frustrated, wondering why I questioned his integrity. Trust is built on honesty, not on keeping the hard things out of conversations. We trust the integrity of something, once it is tested and stills holds strong and true.
I don't see how this sort of hesitancy will keep your fears at bay, and it may rob your husband of being able to tell you more about what it thinks about such things. You risk loosing out on a great trust test, if you are afraid to ask hard questions. You will miss out on both of you being able to sharpen each other and grow through your different understanding of things.

Our relationship of trust has been built upon many honest answers, many earnest efforts of vulnerability, many trials and testings. So far, I keep finding more and more reasons to trust that I am married to a trustworthy man. He says he finds me to be a woman whom he can trust, too. May it only increase.

photo somewhat unrelated, but here is us at Fort Baker, San Francisco.

Peyton's Interview on Being Five {super tardy}

2013-04-07T15:31:00.001-07:00

How do you like being Five? Nice.

What is the best thing about Five? Playing video games and going on dates.

What is the best date you have ever been on?
Going out for hot chocolate with Mommy and looking at fire trucks.

What video game do you most want to get? Lego Hobbits

What is your favorite bedtime song that mommy sings to you? "Peace"
and he holds up two fingers.
The song the kids call Peace is Michael Card's Numbers 6:24 lullaby,
The Lord Bless You and Keep You...
Although he is claiming Peace as his favorite,
he most often chooses "Black and White" (Jesus Loves the Little Children)
and "Jesus Paid it All".

What is the best book you have ever read? The Hobbit

What's your favorite food as a five year old? Little macaroni and cheese, not the shells one.
(translation: Kraft brand, not Annie's brand)

What's your favorite color? Green, blue and yellow.

What do you like best: wrestling, playing Avengers or riding bikes? Wrestling

What do you like best: laughing, snorting or growling? Growling.

What do you most look forward leaning in school next year? Learn about stories.

What is new and exciting about being Five? Being six next.

What else do you want to tell me about life as a five year old? Nofhing

Some of What has been Happening

2013-04-05T08:10:00.001-07:00

I haven't been on here for so long. It wasn't planned. Things just happened. One of which was having no internet connection for 3 weeks. Many of the other things are now forgotten by me. We did a lot of normal stuff, just hanging out, being our family.

But, stuff happened, and somehow it meant that I didn't blog for 6 weeks.
Some of the happenings would be -

Um. During this period my son turned 5 years old! Peyton is such a cool five year old.

And we had a great birthday celebration.

His wish was to go to Golf Land for his birthday.

We drove over to Sunnyvale, to my childhood neighborhood.

My parents and siblings and the cousins met us there.

We went to Inside N Out for the birthday request of cheeseburgers afterward.

Look at this crew!

It was a super fun day.

A few days later was his actual birthday and we had a simple family celebration at home.

Peyton really is such a sweet, crazy, fun guy.

It would be hard not to love him!

his eyes are super sensitive to bright. so, it is a hard thing to look at all.those.candles.

His dad's panicked enthusiasm is distracting. he has to push his cheeks down to keep from laughing.

We also had Hummingbird Days up at the UC Santa Cruz Arboretum.
Scott was a volunteer guide for the weekend.
The event was super fun for the whole family & Scott loved being part of the guided walks.

We went on a little last minute planned vacation to Palm Springs. So, that was awesome.

It was a perfect vacation. (Even though it involved some whining children, some parents coercing children to stay quite in a hotel room and an awful breakfast at Elmer's.)

It turned out that Palm Springs wasn't really a typical family vacation spot.

We may have had only one parent/child spotting, while in Palm Springs.

Any other children seen appeared to be with Grandparents.

And yet, we found it to be a fabulous vacation spot for our family.

I'll post separately about our favorite spots for a kid-friendly vacation in Palm Canyon.

I "ran" in my first race - the "pinkest" race.

Here is our running team, only part of the gals in my family made it to the race.
But all these gals crossed the finish line.

We had a blast. This is us post race. The real deal.

I took the kids on a little farm tour school field trip at Wilder Ranch.

We love this state park!

I want to go back for their next event, April 27th, Sheep Shearing!

Also, during this time, the daddy was traveling overseas for a couple weeks for work.
He went to Amsterdam, South Africa, Kenya, Spain and Morocco!

Sevilla, Spain

Morocco

Then my husband came home and it was sweet and we celebrated Easter.
(and didn't get any great pictures)

And now he has finally adjusted to our time zone.
That is something we are all glad about!

The Way it Really Turns Out

2013-02-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

I love Valentine's Day, you guys.
I also love Pinterest.
There are so many great ideas to be found, right?

I printed off these cute tiny valentine's.

Source: sisterssuitcaseblog.com via Erin on Pinterest

I set them out on each dinner plate.
I think the kids thought they were okay.
But, I forgot to read them aloud to each of them.
And, they can't read. So, I don't think they were particularly touched.

How about these gorgeous little pink pasta bows?

Source: warmhotchocolate.com via Erin on Pinterest

Perfect.
So, I made those for the kid's special dinner.
Only, they never pinked up.
The just got super chubby and soggy from the 1.5 hour soak.

I made a cream sauce with peas that I thought was tasty and kid-friendly.
My kids did not agree.
They kept asking, "What is this?!!" They claimed the smell was too hard to bear.
I suggested they try at least one noodle while I watch.
Our boy put one in his mouth, and then almost exploded.
He ran to the trash and spit it out. Unbearable!
Gillian wondered why I planned such a joke, of making everyone throw up.

I quickly cut some salami slices into hearts to make up for the fail dinner.

Kids off to bed, and my man and I got our living room picnic together.
Fabulous cheeses and toasts and fig preserves,
asparagus bundles wrapped and roasted with prosciutto,
spinach puff pastry rolls
and our favorite champagne.

I had the idea to make a spectacular canopy of lights in the living,
with paper doilies added on,
like I saw on Pinterest.

Source: superbarbs.tumblr.com via Erin on Pinterest

Gillian and I worked for a good portion of the afternoon on this project, earlier this week.
We had fun. We were both excited about our progress. But, we still weren't done.
The kids and I left the house for an hour or two.
Once we got back, all of the lights had fallen down.
I just left them there.

So, we had our living room picnic with lights and doilies scattered all over the floor.
The way it all really turned out?
Lots of laughing & loving. It was actually quite lovely.

Living & Moving "I Love You"

2013-02-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

"I love you." We say it to each other all the time, he and I.

It's true. We do love each other.
But for the "I love you" to stay real and vibrant,
we have to recognize that those 3 little words are not simple.
They are all living & moving.

As Scott & I clean the kitchen together this week,
(only really a partial clean, people. rarely is it all the way cleaned.)
he wonders aloud to me,
Does a man fall out of love with his wife, because he only sees her as "wife" or "mother"?
I say, I can see how that could be. That may, very well, be true.
Couples get bored, because they think they have fully drawn of that well.

But can it ever be done?
Which of us can ever know another person all the way?

This had me thinking.
How easy it is to think we know someone as well as we possibly can know them.
We think "I get you."
But even as I look into his eyes and know well what he is thinking,
there is still more. There is more that I don't know. More for me to learn.
Mystery will always remain, even as we grow more in our unity in openness and honesty.
We will never plumb the depths.

As we love each other,
we have the privilege and the responsibility to learn of the other.
For the love to stay, strong and true, we engage in actively seeking each other.
Who are you? What are your passions and dreams, struggles and pains?
It's about learning that my husband cannot be defined by any
personality quiz, gender study, love language,
career, family background, church denomination...
I know my husband better than I know anyone else,
and better than anyone else knows him.
But, the day I think I can draw up a precise definition of him,
that is the day I am failing to seek to know him well.
On that day, my "I love you" will fall far short.

I will not confine the love of my life to a narrow definition.
In loving him,
I will remember that he is one who is living and moving and changing,
therefore my love has to be the same.
I will never know the fullness of who he is.
May I never tire of learning of his every facet.

"I will love with urgency, but not with haste." -Mumford & Sons
Just because I listen to them all the time these days.

When is Babyhood Officially Over?

2013-02-07T16:39:00.002-08:00

A couple weeks ago, our sweet baby Kendall turned two.

The night before her birthday, I had gone out to get balloons for her celebration.
We set them up in her room, to hover above her.
The mommy and daddy were a little giddy.
Watching sleeping baby, we smiled at how crazy excited she would be when she woke up.
But, she woke crying.
I woke up wanting to cry, too.
It turned out, she & I were both feeling super sick.
Scott went in to bring her to our room.
He's like, "She didn't even see the balloons!"
Once she was snuggled into our bed and done crying,
I asked her if she saw the balloons in her room.
Matter-a-factly, she said, "Yes."
Did you like them? I ask. "No."
oh.
The Daddy went out to get her birthday donuts. She did like that.

The only thing she asked for her birthday was a party hat.
So, we did make party hats.
But, we didn't wear them & make cupcakes until a whole week after her actual birthday.
She blew out both of her candles on her own.
That seemed amazing to me.
But, I guess she was 2 years old, plus a whole week.
Otherwise, I would have declared her to be a genius.

Speaking of... she has quickly been learning all the punk and spunk two year old spirit.
It's amazing, really.
Last month, she was oozing preciousness & pudgy adorableness.
Now she does things like stomping on your toe, to hurt you on purpose.
She screams NO at mommy and daddy sometimes.
She cries when we tell her no.
She used to just obey. I promise. She always listened.
I guess our baby is growing up and expanding her world.

That's okay. Such is life.
But, I really need to get her on video camera before all her babyhood is but a whisper.

First Lessons in Parenting

2013-02-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

8 years ago today was a day that I don't think I will ever forget.
It was the day we went in to have our first ultrasound,
to check on the well being of our first baby.

I was nervous that day. I had been having a large amount of blood loss.
We were trying to find out why.
The worst case scenario I had in my mind was
Placenta Previa and a necessary C-section.
It turned out that Placenta Previa would've been great news,
compared to what we got.
The tech told us our baby had something called Anencephaly.
We'd never heard of it. What did it mean?
It meant that being born would turn out to be fatal for our baby.
He would not be able to survive for very long, once outside of my womb.

On February 6th, we found out that we would see our baby die, and soon.
We only had a few months of being able to parent Gabriel.
But we learned some life changing lessons in parenting
(and about love in general).

We loved our son.
But we also knew that our love would not change the course of his life.
Our love, as parents to child, was not about him making us proud.
Our love for him would not take away the hard stuff.
Our love for him would not make him into a better person.

Our love could only be about giving;
Genuinely giving all we had.

Sometimes we as parents, (spouses, friends, whatever),
get our actions of loved mixed up with actions of control.

We tell ourselves if we love them enough, then they'll love us enough.
If we love them enough, their life will be free from hardship.
If we love them enough, they will make all the right choices.

But not really...

Love is about giving. It is not about results.
Love is powerful. Don't get me wrong.
But the power of love is something we don't have much control over ourselves.
As soon as we start controlling with it, and trying to accomplish our will with it,
we aren't actually giving our heart in love anymore.

This lesson in parenting that our firstborn helped to teach us
is a key foundation for adoption.
Are we nervous about being the right parents for this child
who is currently a stranger to us?
Yes, if we're honest, we are.
Are we worried that he might have "problems"?
Are we nervous about the way he will "turn out"?
No, not really.
Not because we think he will be problem-free, and we are sure he will "turn out" well.
It's because being a parent is not about controlling the child and the end results.
But being a good parent is a lot about loving your child well.

Loving well is about giving, and not controlling what is done with that love.
Just love all the way. Give it with joy. We don't know what that love will accomplish.

This song, "All of Me" always reminds me of Gabriel.
Matt Hammit wrote this song when he & his wife were given a diagnosis
for their baby (still in the womb) that could be fatal.
I think the message can apply to a lot.
It's about loving all the way,
even though there is nothing sure about what the love will accomplish.

Current Events

2013-01-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

Do you want proof of the hipness of Watsonville?

This week my sister and I meet for coffee. At Safeway.
That's the local nightlife.

Nobody else seemed to be there chilling with the in-store Starbucks bev.
Hmph.
We had a beautiful time.

Also this week, I had a major brain lapse situation.
I was on a super quick grocery run, while my guy was home for lunch break.
I put the car in park, grabbed my purse & jumped out of the car.
My radio was still going.
Hmmm... Curious. I wonder why? Electrical malfunction?
Oh. Keys still in the ignition. Car still running.
Although I was only in the store for a 10 minute blitz,
probably still would not have been a good idea...
Close call.

We have beautiful sunshine this weekend.
Which is a relief.
Because last week we were really bearing the burden of winter
with day time temps in the 30's. I kid you not. Cold stuff.
Gillian & I were up for our turn in the parent/child outing rotation.
We scored on a gorgeous day.
I took her to my favorite quiet time place, the New Brighton Cliffs,
to explore and hang out.
Fabulous day with my girl -

I have another recipe to share with you all.
It's another dessert thing.
I don't bake every day. Really, I don't.
But, I guess I more inspired to share the sweet recipes, lately.
I'll try to do a change up on that soon.

This one is Peanut Butter Frosting. Swiss Meringue Buttercream style.
SO good.
I put in a top chocolate cookies that were only so-so.
I won't share that recipe with you.
Find your own cookie recipe. Or a chocolate cupcake.
A rolled chocolate cookie, cut in the shape of hearts, made into cookie sandwiches?
Sounds perfect for Valentine's Day. (I love that day.)

This frosting is a tiny bit more complex than just turning the mixer on.
But, do not fret! It is NOT hard. But, you do need an electric mixer.
And it is SO good.

Peanut Butter Swiss Meringue Buttercream
3 Egg Whites
3/4 cup Sugar
3/4 cup Butter, softened
1/2 cup Peanut Butter
2 teaspoons Vanilla extract

Fill a medium sized pot with enough water to come up about 1 inch high.
Put over medium heat and bring to a simmer.

In your metal mixing bowl, drop your egg whites & sugar.
Whisk the whites and sugar continually over the the simmering water.
Whisk until the sugar is dissolved.

Now, click your mixing bowl into the mixer, with a whisk attachment.
Mix on medium speed until bowl is cool to touch.
You should have a gorgeous white fluff.

Now cut you soft butter into several hunks.
Change out the whisk attachment for the paddle attachment.
Turn the mixer on low and add one little hunk of butter at a time,
until it is all incorporated smoothly.

Now add the peanut butter. Now turn up the speed to medium.
Beat for about 5 more minutes, until creamy and smooth.
Now slowing add the Vanilla until well mixed.

Spread on your cookies or cupcakes.
Or, just scoop it with a spoon and sprinkle with chocolate chips!

Meeting in the Middle

2013-01-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

Source: etsy.com via Megan on Pinterest

Do you know the Diamond Rio song?

"I'd start walking your way
You'd start walking mine
We'd meet in the middle
'Neath that old Georgia pine
We'd gain a lot of ground
'Cause we'd both give a little
And there ain't no road to long
When you meet in the middle "

I've always loved this song.

The story of finding the middle ground in the song is so sweet.

In real life? I have spent a fair amount of time not liking that idea.

But, I am understanding that compromise can be a great gift.

Scott and I are a classic case of "opposites attract".

One tends toward clinginess, the other toward self-sufficiency.
One of us, first response in a conflict is to fight. The other's first response is flight.
One of an optimist, the other a pessimist.
One of us gets over involved in other people's lives,
the other would rather not be involved at all.
Point being, we have conflict.

Conflict is okay. It's not the bad guy.
Conflict can actually push us toward each other.

Conflict doesn't help join us together if we just run away from it.
It won't help if we always just concede and say, "fine have it your way!"
It won't help if we push and push for the other to completely agree with us.

The meeting in the middle? That involves both parties reaching for the other.
Both speak with honest humility, and listen with the same.
We have to seek to understand the other,
but know that even if we don't understand them,
that doesn't mean their point of view is all wrong.
In the conflict, we can come to the middle ground of a healthy compromise.

"We'd gain a lot of ground
'Cause we'd both give a little
And there ain't no road to long
When you meet in the middle "

Recently when we had conflict over an aspect of our opposite natures,
I had a simple realization, that hadn't really occurred to me in the past.
The place in between us, where we come to meet -
I think that is the place where God wants us to be.
He made us two for oneness.

Morning Cookies

2013-01-08T09:51:00.002-08:00

I got this recipe from my mom, who makes these cookies as wafer sandwich cookies,

with buttercream between cookie layers.

The first time I made them,

my guy & I couldn't resist trying a cookie, prior to filling them.

They are melt in-your-mouth, yummy, not-too-sweet,

perfect with your morning coffee cookie.

So, we never fill them.

We eat them sans buttercream, as the perfect morning cookie.

Morning Cookies

1 cup of flour
1 cup of softened butter
Whip these together until smooth.
Now beat in 1/3 cup of whipping cream.
It will be very sloppy.
Pat your slop out onto a piece of plastic wrap.
Press flat & refrigerate until firm.
(Maybe a few hours will do. I usually do overnight.)

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Roll flat on lightly floured board. You don't want the dough totally coated in flour.

You want the future sugar coating to adhere.

Cut with a cookie cutter.

Dip each cookie into a bowl of white sugar or cinnamon-sugar, coat both sides well.

Bake on lined cookie sheets for 7-9 minutes, until lightly golden.

These are really delicate. Transfer with care to cooling rack.

Don't eat the whole batch yourself in one sitting.

Bake Sale Report + the recipe for the Best Cream Scones

2012-12-28T20:14:00.004-08:00

A few weeks ago we had a bake sale in our driveway to raise money for our adoption.
We were given a total of $1,450 by generous friends, family, acquaintances & strangers!

We were blown away! What a blessing! Thank you to everyone!

And, here's a recipe that many folks have requested. Cream Scones.
These are from Williams-Sonoma Essentials of Baking,
which is a super awesome cookbook. I highly recommend it.
These scones are so good because they have a high fat content.
And, I think it matters that there are no eggs in these.
All other recipes I have found online have an egg or two in them.
I believe adding an egg to your scone is a bad choice.
Have your egg on the side, scrambled or however you like it.
But don't put it inside.

Best Cream Scones

2 cups Flour
1/4 cup Sugar
1 tablespoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt
2 teaspoons grated Lemon Zest
6 tablespoons cold Butter, cut into small squares.
1/2 cup dried Currants OR dried Apricots OR Chocolate Chips OR whatever
3/4 cup Heavy Cream

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Line your cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Combine your dry ingredients (1-5) until well mixed.
Cut in your butter until it forms large, coarse crumbs about the size of little peas.
Scatter your fruit or chocolate or whatever, over the dough.
Pour in the cream and mix until you form a moist mass.

Turn your dough out onto a lightly floured counter and gently press it into a ball.
Press your mound down into a round that is about 1/2 high.
With a large knife, cut your round into 6 - 8 wedges.
Place the wedges onto your cookie sheet,
leaving about 1 inch of space between the scones.

Hopefully you have a little more Heavy Cream left. About a tablespoon, or so...
Brush the tops of your scones withe cream. Then sprinkle with sugar.

Bake in your 425 oven until lightly golden brown on the tops, about 13-17 minutes.
Let cool slightly. But, these are good warm!

P.J.'s in Wonderland

2012-12-23T15:57:00.001-08:00

We went hunting for awesome Christmas lights.

Or, as Moira said, we were looking for Wonderland.

We found it!

(Drive up Hilltop off of San Jose Soquel and you may find it, too.)

He Knows

2012-12-20T23:30:00.003-08:00

I haven't been on the blog much.

I don't know what to say about some of the hard things that are around us all.

The shooting at Sandy Hook - what a heartbreak. What a massive heartbreak. Why?

My friend Ian, who was suddenly diagnosed with a very serious form of Leukemia.

How can this be? He was so healthy.

Darling little Daisy, at age 8 diagnosed with cancerous tumors
for the fourth time in her life.

How? She's so young.

This is the real hard stuff of this world. I really don't have any words for it.

I mostly just pray. And even then, I usually don't know the words.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.

For we do not know what to pray for as we ought,

but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

Romans 8:26

I remember a story about a little 2 year old girl, teaching her own grandma about prayer

in times such a this. When you don't know what to say,
it is okay just to give their names to Jesus.

I learn from her too, and I offer up names.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,

but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace,

that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:15-16

He knows. He knows my heart. He knows their needs. He knows the pain.
He is able to sympathize with all our big, ugly, confused feelings.

So, even in my lack of words, I can come boldly, in faith.

He knows His good plan. He knows how to accomplish it.

Jesus, Ian. Jesus, Daisy. Jesus, Laura. Jesus, Karen. Jesus, Arielle. Jesus, John....

Christmas Gathering

2012-12-19T15:59:00.003-08:00

I printed these for the kids and decided to color one myself. Just so, so cute.

Paper Nativity - Made by Joel

Source: madebyjoel.com via Erin on Pinterest

Way, way, cute telling of the Christmas story. This is a must see, must share.
We watched it at Scott's company party.
And, I've watched it a couple times at home with the kids. Watch.
(Doesn't the sheep look like Moira?)

The Christmas Story by St. Paul Art and Media

Can I get a raise of hands for everyone who loves the Jesus Storybook Bible?!
Watch The Nativity story video here.

We checked at the library for a CD of the Nutcracker music. NOTHING.
What? Are you kidding me? I came home and Googled it - Bam.
Free Nutcracker audio downloads

I'm hoping to make some of these little treats. Tonight?

Sea Salt Caramels

Source: askannamoseley.com via Erin on Pinterest

I did so much baking for our adoption fundraising Bake Sale
(which was a smashing success, by the way),
that I wasn't planning to bake anymore. But, maybe these again.
They are just SO tasty.

Chewy Chocolate Chunk Ginger Cookies

Source: marthastewart.com via Erin on Pinterest

How to Help a Couple after Infant Loss

2012-11-24T12:27:00.003-08:00

“I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow.

Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.”

C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Happy to be pregnant with Gabriel - spring 2005

We look at each other. Tired eyes.

Tremendous love and sorrow mingling together.

We both somehow know it is time.

We ring for the nurse & hand over our baby,

knowing we will never touch him again.

Good bye, little baby boy.

We leave the labor & delivery wing of the hospital,

no baby in our arms.

There is no need for a safety check on our infant seat.

We don't need any of the baby stuff we prepared.

All we needed was the baby casket.

Hello, outside, scary world....

Finish reading over here.
I was given the honor of writing a guest post for
Stephanie Sheaffer at her blog Writing for Good.
Will you go over there & give her some comment love?

It feels real

2012-11-20T15:04:00.001-08:00

It's the Holiday Season.
I can feel it.

This year seems to have been flying by.
In a way, it is hard to believe November is almost over.
But, really, everything feels like November.

All the anticipation, beauty, stress & worry colliding in my head.
There are all the plans made & plans let go of.
There is my husband working a ridiculous amount, like happens in his job every fall.
There are the movies coming out that are a MUST SEE in theater.
(The Hobbit & Les Misérables! Am I right?)
There is the taking the sewing machine out of hibernation to find that it is broken.
There is the house being a mess, with stuff everywhere
& it is hard to shake the feeling that you shouldn't be buying anymore stuff.
There is the serious thought to myself that I would love to make
the whole month of December a school-break month. Just close up shop, you know?

I do love this time of year.
But, not so much, if I don't remember to breath deep & lower my voice.
Calm, calm, down.
Read a book, have some tea (or wine), buy some flowers.
Take the kids to visit the elderly neighbors.
Keep eating the leftover chili & minestrone every night for dinner.
Just calm down, self.

Scott was working away from home for a total of 5 weeks over the last 6 weeks.
Yep. You read that right.
I think he only has one more week away from home coming up in the near future.
Phew!

Morocco - One of Scott's destinations

Apparently the Coke and Fish heads were tasty

It makes me feel like we should take a vacation.
But then, adoption money & property taxes & Christmas make me think otherwise.
At least some out of the house date nights.
I need to find us an awesome babysitter.
You know, fun, responsible & not busy.
After the time change, it always feels like date night season to me.
I don't know why.
The darkness coming in so early makes me want to grab my man & run for Cafe Cruz.

We are also due for updating our homestudy for the adoption.
So, we will be running around getting fingerprints taken and physicals done,
and not so much dining in a cozy restaurants.

(I'm going to sign off and go on a babysitter hunt.)

About the Web {for the love of little ones}

2012-11-20T10:36:00.002-08:00

November is National Adoption Month.

All my links will be about loving the vulnerable little ones.

An online auction for A Child's Voice {advocacy for Africa's Children}
running now through November 29th.

On Earth as it is in Heaven - by Katie Davis (just won Glamour magazine’s Woman of the Year!)

“The hurt doesn't stop… Who is God on the days when love just doesn't feel like enough?”

Seen in my facebook feed –

“NATURAL CHILD: Any child who is not artificial.

REAL PARENTS: Any parent who is not imaginary.

YOUR OWN CHILD: Any child who is not someone else's child.

ADOPTED CHILD: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own."

Selah by Shannon Church

“His grace is sufficient. His love is pure.

This hasn’t just been a journey for a little girl to find her forever family –

but a journey of sanctification in all of our hearts.”

My friend Anastasia has been posting every day this month on the subject of adoption.

Today there is a little guest post from a member of a bio family.

::Connection:: by Lovelyn Palm

“connect now. hold tight now. stay in the now.

steadfast with each of them because it really is true how quickly it slips by.”

the only one willing to clean up with a happy heart today...