The Adventures of Feckless and Pre-Approved

2016-12-06T21:14:00.001-08:00

ANVIL DOG'S NEW "WORKS-WHEN-YOU-APPLY-YOURSELF" CELL PHONE

2013-01-28T23:58:00.001-08:00

FECKLESS CAT'S NEW FISCAL CLIFF FAMILY FUN PARKS IN BELLINGHAM AND SEATTLE

2012-12-28T05:42:00.001-08:00

Yes, with Washington state's voters approving new marijuana laws, Feckless the Criminal Cat was happy. Why? [Start theme song here...]

Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhSYbRiYwTY

The intoxicating weed was still against federal law, so Evergreen State dope dealers could not simply set up shop and then open a bank account for their profits. The dealers had to figure a way to launder their considerable cannabis capo capital.

But help was now here. Feckless Cat -- criminal cat wanted in 35 states for identity theft, insider trading and fraud -- decided to give all his rain-soaked friends a helping paw. The key was to "help sick kids" by setting up an amusement park or two to launder that cash, and then -- brilliantly -- make even more cash by "shorting" the American Fiscal Cliff and Debt Ceiling Funds Fiasco. He wrote his plan down in his secret book:

BELLINGHAM'S FISCAL CLIFF FUN PARK

* All Chinese Citizens: FREE ADMISSION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

* Fast n' East Swimming Lessons for Grandma....

Note: People called it the "Evergreen State," but for Feckless Cat, the motto had more than one meaning.

Here were the theme park's attractions, still on the drawing board:

-- Feckless Film Room. Night of the Living Dead 2013. In this remake, the black guy comes back to life as a gay zombie, marries another gay zombie in Seattle, and spends rest of film exploring the wonders of zombie dope.

-- World's Worst Prisons Tunnel Ride for those who wondered about the life awaiting most of the world's other mafia-loving mugs:...Diyarbakir Prison in Turkey, where thousands of teens are now political prisoners... Evin Prison in Iran, where most die fast but you can watch the live action...Mendoza Prison in Argentina, Torture, Overcrowding. See now why San Francisco's Alcatraz was considered a luxury hotel in some parts of the world in 1932 and still draws thousands of tourists each year... LaSante Prison in Southwest Paris, revisit the French Criminal Justice system of 1867. See our re-enactments of public executions with guillotines on the streets of Paris as pedestrians passed by laughing....Black Beach Prison In Milabo, Equatorial Guinea, considered Africa's worst prison. Inmates are starved, shackled and tortured...Tadmor Military Prison in Syria where medievil methods of torture are still used...Carandiru Penitentiary in Brazil, If you have surgery, forget the anaesthetics...La Sabeneta Prison, Venezuela, where there is one corrupt guard for each 150 inmates...Nairobi Prison in Kenya, where inmates serve their time butt-naked and catch illnesses for which there is no known treatment....More, more, more fun than you ever knew you could have between state and federal law enforcement!! To gain entrance, you use legitimate currency, counterfeit concert tickets or stolen passports, then get your change at exit gate, if you ever reach it.

-- See Feckless Magic Shows featuring all our favorite lawmakers. Added bonus: See the biggest reality show in history as America runs clean out of cash! Learn the history of economics while re-creating the Vaulted Debt Ceilings so popular and pretty in early 1929 America!

-- Greased debt slides for kids and legislators. At bottom, they have loads of fun cleaning Chinese toilets at minimum wage, thus pay their way out for real this time. No bothersome debt ceilings here. For the first time in your life, get the relief you need in every way medically and fiscally imaginable.

-- Feckless Ferris Wheel. No entrance fee. Rider pays with everyday U.S. currency, money orders or high-end gift cards at our wheel's top which is 500-feet high. At our heavily-guarded exit gate, you get our -- which is now your -- crisp, clean cash back from our park cashiers.

-- See the Future!! See the next era's American I.R.S. run by Crips, Bloods and a variety of Mexico's most bloodthirsty drug dealers.

-- Visit the Feckless Park Store and find items you never knew existed at discounts that will stun the world. Machine guns for Detroit's mentally-disabled parolees, 50 percent off this week only....Meditation tents for Impending Train Wreck Fans...Sleeping Pills for the Dead. Get them before it's too late...Bumper stickers for the Undocumented: WAIT! I'LL PAY!!...Currency Corner where you can get the new Feckless Franc, designed like American currency, at that day's accurate exchange rates...

EDITING IN PROGRESS....
Jan 21, 2013 3:02 p.m.

by Lurene Gisee
lurenexyz@gmail.com
360-656-6838

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SUB-PRIME PIGEON BREAKS NEWS TO WHITE HOUSE TURKEYS

2012-11-21T13:50:00.003-08:00

Sub-Prime Pigeon made his way past White House Security to tell 2012's Turkeys the bad news.

"Turkey Joe, you will be pardoned by President Barak Obama, but serve the rest of your life in prison." Joe shrugged his feathers.

"Better news than what Billy Turkey gets," he mumbled.

Sub-Prime Pigeon used his tone of sympathy now. "Billy, you will be unable to continue your life as an American Turkey. This Friday, you will wake up as a Twinkie on a negotiation table in Jerusalem. I am sorry."
--30--

by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen@yahoo.com
Nov. 21, 2012

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FECKLESS PEACE PLAN CELEBRATES 64 YEARS OF RESULTS IN ISRAEL

2012-11-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen@yahoo.com
Nov. 20, 2012

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OBAMA BLAMES RECENT CIA, FBI SCANDALS ON BUSH AND...

2012-11-15T07:01:00.000-08:00

Feckless Cat, talking over the day's headlines with his criminal partner, Pre-Approved Cat, slowly swayed his tail as he read the morning's headlines in paper.

"U.S. President Obama blames whole affair mess at the agencies on last administration, George Bush one, George Washington, San Francisco horses that survived quake of 1906, Israeli leader Netanyahu, White House 'Pinko' dog, Mexican drug lords..."

"I can't believe this whole scandal, Feckless," said Pre-Approved Cat, making bread on the bed.

"Yeah. He left us out completely. Everyone knows we set this whole thing up from the get-go," answered Feckless.

by Lurene Gisee
lurenexyz@gmail.com
360-656-6838
Nov. 15, 2012

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WASHINGTON STATE PUTS THE RECREATION IN MARIJUANA FOR THE HOLIDAYS

2012-11-07T11:43:00.003-08:00

Visit Feckless Cat Travel Agency in Seattle Today for these New Recreational Marijuana Washington Weekend Specials:

-- Roll Your Own Snowskis Packages just $499.09 while supplies last.

-- Mt. Baker Bud Christmas Trees for More Family Fun than Ever! Sales Start December 3, 2012

-- Come to Bellingham where Santa's Always Stoned on Christmas Eve.

-- Dick's Dancing Dope Festival this Thanksgiving, Tacoma.

-- Space Needle's Brilliant Bong Bash this New Year's Eve. Let's Get Dizzy, Dude!

by Lurene Gisee
November 7, 2012

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SEA LIONS FROM CUBA HELP THE VOTE IN FLORIDA WITH MEDICAL MARIJUANA TRUCK

2012-11-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

HEADLINE: SEA LIONS FROM NEW YORK, CUBA AND SAN FRANCISCO OPEN MEDICAL MARIJUANA TRUCKS NEAR STATUE OF LIBERTY, MOSCONE CENTER IN SAN FRANCISCO IN EFFORT TO HELP WITH U.S. VOTING

Calling themselves America's New Patriots, the criminal sea lions and sharks -- promising to calm fears created by wind storms and earthquakes on America's East Coast states -- set up Medical Marijuana trucks near the voting booths in multiple swing states for the Presidential Election of 2012.

In New York City, a few cops approached the Medical Marijuana truck parked by the Statue of Liberty, but lost interest before they came within 12 feet of the truck. The truck played both ice cream truck tunes for kids, and patriotic songs for voters.

Loan Shark was insulted at what he considered disrespectful treatment of New York's police.

"Hey! My brother swam all the way from Cuba to help with this election, stop the chaos in Florida, stand up for capitalism. You cops could have at least stopped by to question us," said Loan. "Hey, Card!! I need your help with these lazy cops."

"Forget them, Loan. They have other things to do today in New York City," said Card Shark

"COMMUNISTS!" yelled Loan Shark as the cops walked away. "CRUMMY COMMUNIST COPS!"

by Lurene Gisee
lurenexyz@gmail.com
Nov. 5, 2012 - Election Day, Nov. 6, 2012
posted 5:16 p.m. Monday

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....etc.

THE ART OF THE DEAL: NEGOTIATE YOUR VIRGINITY WITH EXPERTS !

2012-10-27T06:26:00.001-07:00

"No reasonable offer turned down," read Feckless Criminal Cat's advertisement. (360) 656-6838. Act Now!"

American animal shelters were "overjoyed," newspapers reported. The fun was just starting. Next headlines:

FECKLESS CAT COMPLETES FIRST DEAL IN NEW YORK'S FINEST FINANCIAL DISTRICT HOTEL

Feckless Cat -- criminal and opportunist wanted in 42 states and 36 nations -- stepped out of his posh hotel room, having completed his work, collected payment.

"I would have paid him $900,000," bragged Donald Trump, adjusting his tie.

"I would have done it for $14.99'," said Feckless, licking his fur.

by Lurene Gisee
Oct. 27, 2017

http://bayarealurene.blogspot.com/
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https://thinairfascism.blogspot.com/
https://assadinsyria1973.blogspot.com/

CUT AND PASTE CATS SELL HUGE BAGGIES FOR ART THIEVES OF EUROPE SAT, SUN

2012-10-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Fresh, clean, super-big baggies for stolen art on sale Monday. Act fast. Just $399.99 each while supplies last.

Cut and Paste Cats, (360) 752-6581, in Walla Walla or Whatever.

-- end --

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LIBERAL CANDIDATE PASSES BY BELLINGHAM BAR

2012-10-19T10:47:00.001-07:00

Liberal candidate walks into downtown Bellingham bar. The election was just days away now.

Bartender asked, "Hi Congressman. What could you possibly want here at a time like this?"

"A passing grade," he answered.

-- end --
by lurene gisee
October 19, 2012
lurenekathleen at yahoo dot com

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FECKLESS CAT AND ALL HIS CRIMINAL FRIENDS WORK DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

2012-09-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Nearby the Democratic Convention headquarters, workers busily prepared for the September 4, 2012 mob of expected delegates, politicians, and candidates in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Included in that mob would be Feckless Cat, Pre-Approved Cat, Anvil Dog, Cut and Paste Cats, Hot Air Hamster, Slip and Fall Seal, Loan Shark and Oil Spill Cat.

"I don't know why we always get stuck with this job, Feckless. Money is the root of all filth in America today," said Anvil Dog, handing Feckless Cat another couple thousand bucks.

"Sure it's filthy, Anvil. But so is most underwear at the end of the day. That's why we need to launder it at big political events like this," said Feckless, dumping a pile of currency into the wash.

Hot Air Hamster crept over to Feckless, pulled a few quarters out of his pouch. "Here. You're going to need these to keep things going in Charlotte."

Cat and Paste cats worked near the dryers. Loan Shark wanted to fold this year, but even Oil Spill Cat had to get involved with that matter.

"Nobody trusts you to fold that cash, Loan Shark. You're a Republican if I ever saw one," said Oil Spill.

"At least I turn up so everyone can see me, 'Shark. The only buildings you'll work are already under water, 'Shark."

"Hey, at least I know these folks down South. More than I can say for you," replied Loan Shark. "When I come near the area, people know just where I stand: Right in their own neighborhoods."

-- end --
by Lurene Gisee
lurenekathleen at yahoo

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COPYCAT FECKLESS COMPETES WITH KELLOGG; MARKETS NEW CEREAL, DESIGNS BOX FOR "FECKLESS FLAKES: BREAKFAST OF LOSERS"

2012-08-13T12:15:00.001-07:00

"What's this latest scam, Feckless Cat?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, both internationally wanted financial criminals for inside trading, stock scams and identity theft. "Why the photo for our new cereal box of grandma being led toward cliff?"

"Because we want the world's kids who couldn't cut it to realize there's a whole new world for them after the Olympics and a breakfast cereal just for them. Our new flakes are for kids not only leading grandma to the cliff, but for puppies that knock on the wrong doors and dead people who bought the wrong plot," said Feckless.

"Kellogg's is leaving the world's future prison residents untapped. Hey! Take it from me! They have money!"

(All photos but the first are from Aug. 13, 2012 Los Angeles Times, reader photos in Strange but True section. First photo from online photo site Fotosearch.) Lurene Gisee lurenekathleen@yahoo.com

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FECKLESS CAT RETURNS FROM TRIP TO LITTER BOX

2011-07-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

Pre-Approved Cat, wanted on 3 continents for theft, fraudulent trading and loan sharking, tilted his head in wonder. What was taking Feckless Cat, his criminal feline mentor, so long at the litter box?

Finally, Feckless Cat sauntered into view again. "What were you burying in there today, Feckless? A couple of foreclosed homes or something?"

"No, no, of course not. It was the full faith and credit of the United States," said Feckless, licking his right claw. "Just can't trust our elected officials for this kind of work anymore."

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ANVIL DOG TAKES OVER MATH DEPARTMENTS FOR SEATTLE SCHOOLS

2011-06-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

Anvil Dog, who had an IQ of 1, if that even, decided to accept the Seattle School District's job offer and teach math to the city's 5th grade kids. He wanted a post as English teacher, but administrators wisely concluded he was obviously better at math than English; Anvil kept bragging that he was qualified because knew how to pronounce "ruff, ruff" in Russian.

Here were some of his problems that would be on blackboard for first day of class:

Q: If Ms. Jones makes $1,400 per week teaching American history, Mr. Smith makes twice that amount per week teaching art, and Mrs. Carter makes three times the sum Ms. Jones earns, but only twice weekly, how much did Seattle's School District pay their attorneys last May?

Q: If the Seattle lumber mill cut one tree into 4 sections of equal length, and that tree was 20 feet long, how much money did Ms. Jones deposit in her bank account last Wednesday, and on which of the Cayman Islands?

This question for our top math students:

Q: If Mr. Smith makes $40 per hour as a physics and inside trading instructor, what does he get per hour after Seattle contract negotiations if 7,956 toothpicks were divided by .694 cans of beer in Fargo, North Dakota in January of 2004 after he buys a lot of stock for phony cat food companies in Mexico?

FECKLESS FELINE PICNIC BRINGS UNINVITED GUEST: OILSPILL CAT

2011-06-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

"I've seen the world, am worn out," said OilSpill Cat. "I had to get a new job."

"I can see that, OilSpill. You're all over the world's commodity markets this morning," Feckless Cat answered his cousin with a frown. "But you could have tipped us off this time. We could'a been killin' a lot more than Gulf birds and fish this time, fool."

FECKLESS CAT AND ANVIL DOG TRADE INSULTS ON FILLMORE STREET

2011-06-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

Feckless the Cat, criminal wanted in 22 countries for price fixing and international trade schemes, was on Fillmore Street in San Francisco's Pacific Heights neighborhood getting his weekly pedipawcure.

Anvil Dog, his fool accomplice in crime, sauntered into the swanky cat salon with pack of phony passports, stolen currency and gold bars. "Here you go, Feckless. Just as you ordered. Want to take a look?"

"Here? You want to get caught or something? All kinds of pedestrians out on Sundays that'll see us. I think sometimes you were born yesterday, dog."

"I won't take insults like that, Feckless. Take that back!"

"Okay, I am sorry. When were you born?"

Anvil raised his furry chin with pride. "Late last week."

FECKLESS CAT'S TWIN SISTER, CLUELESS CAT, RETURNS FROM "PROMISED LAND" MAD, BROKE AND LAUGHING STOCK OF SF

2011-05-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Photo by Howard Ford

FECKLESS CAT AND CRIMINAL FRIENDS INTRODUCE NEW CAT FOODS

2011-05-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Feckless and Pre-Approved Cats, wanted in 26 states for currency fraud and retail theft, decided to manufacture a new brand of canned cat food. Named D.C. CAT, it was supposed to be suited for today's modern cat, whatever his family's income. It appeared on New York store shelves May 16, 2011.

"What's the first variety, Pre-Approved? The one for wealthier felines?" asked Feckless, licking his right paw.

"Savory Salmon Blend," answered Pre-Approved Cat. "Ingredients of fresh, Washington State salmon, vitamins, and fur-enhancing cremes from Northern Europe."

"How about the slightly cheaper variety?"

"Yummy sardines, chicken, canola oils."

"What about the cheap stuff? I am not sure it will sell in some markets," Feckless remarked bluntly.

"Doesn't matter if it will sell. It's gonna be only choice for a lot of cats next week. Ingredients in Chinese for this one. Label reads, 'At this price, your guess as good as mine.'"

"Who buys this crap?" asked Feckless. "What's D.C. CAT stand for?"

"DEBT CEILING CAT. Getting real popular with Democrats right off," answered Pre-Approved.

FECKLESS CAT, CUT CAT AND PASTE CAT ENJOY DINNER WITH HOT AIR HAMSTER

2011-04-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Hot Air Hamster, wanted in 68 countries for insider trading, decided to use some of his loot one evening to treat his criminal cat friends to a nice dinner in San Francisco's Financial District.

"This is so thoughtful of you, Hot Air," said Cut the Cat. "Even though we all have plenty of cash through our illegal schemes, it's thoughtful of you to spare a couple of bucks for our sakes."

"I presume you're discussing the deer we're eating tonight," said Hot Air. "American money isn't worth the effort of theft anymore, far as I'm concerned."

FECKLESS CAT RELEASES SYRIAN ELECTION RESULTS IN LARGE PRINT FORMAT

2011-03-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Feckless Cat decided to contribute to the stability of various Mideast countries by manufacturing large-type election results that most people at the United Nations could read.

Now, SYRIAN strongmen like Assad could see results of recent elections on convenient flash cards like these provided by the region's familiar thugs:

YOU LOST

GET A REAL-ASS JOB

DESPOTISM IS NO LONGER YOUR OCCUPATION

GO HOME TO YOUR PATHETIC WIFE AND KIDS BEFORE THEY'RE MURDERED

IMPROVE YOUR FRENCH, ASSHOLE

PRISON IS COOL

GO ON NOW; FIRING SQUADS WAY LESS PAINFUL THEN THEY WERE IN 1985 FOR YOUR DAD'S VICTIMS

FECKLESS CAT STARTS WORRYING ABOUT TAXES....LIKE, YOURS

2011-02-17T08:04:00.000-08:00

Feckless the Cat, wanted in 41 states for electoral fraud and money laundering, decided it would soon be time to do his phony taxes. That is, everyone's taxes before it was too late.

Pre-Approved Cat, his loyal companion in crime, asked Feckless what time it was.

"It's 57 days until April 15, 2011," said Feckless Cat. "We need victims. Who knows what this next budget will be about? We don't want the government getting to them first."

Need help with taxes? Schedule an interview today! Just donate $98 to Feckless Cat with convenient icon below:

FECKLESS CAT MAKES NEW RESUME FOR 2011

2011-01-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

Feckless the Cat, wanted in 46 states for insider trading and aggressive panhandling, decided it was time to update his resume.

FECKLESS THE CAT
P.O. BOX 1234567-ABC
(360) 752-6581
http://www.hulu.com/watch/184551/lassie-1954-the-cat-that-came-to-dinner#s-p3-so-i0

I am a good kitty. I have multiple references and a rich job history:

- I am motivated by money, money and more money.

- Any currency will do so long as it's printed in Washington D.C., Mexico City, or at that well-known pawn shop somewhere off the coast of Somalia.

- Hundreds of references, most of whom say they wish to remain unnamed because they are important, wealthy and totally honest capitalists.

- Experienced multi-tasker; I count money, plan schemes, carry out semi-legitimate financial transactions and alter international "documents" all while sleeping in the comfort of your luxury hotel room in Paris. Complete privacy guaranteed.

- To schedule an interview, just donate $98 with convenient icon below:

FECKLESS OFFERS LIFE INSURANCE POLICY TO NOVEMBER TURKEYS

2010-11-25T11:21:00.000-08:00

"What's up with this new insurance plan for America's turkeys, Feckless?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, wanted in 36 states for inside trading and financial fraud.

"Right at noon on Thanksgiving Day, I approach all the turkeys that did not get a pardon and offer them a cool life insurance plan. There are only one or two conditions," said Feckless Cat, wanted in 14 countries for money laundering.

"What requirements?" asked a confused Pre-Approved Cat.

"One, they are able to name me, Feckless the Cat, as a beneficiary in the very unlikely case they do not live to collect; two, they are residents of a USDA-approved poultry farm; three, they do not produce a birth certificate and do not try to collect until after November of 2056. No premium if they sign up today by noon, either."

"Oh, okay. Seems fair and square. Good contract, Feckless. Very humane."

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FECKLESS CAT SELLS NEW CHILEAN SKIN CREME

2010-10-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Feckless the Cat, wanted in 26 countries for fraud, international theft and bank robbery, decided to make more cash on recent mishaps in Chile. He excitedly told his loyal, criminal companion, Pre-Approved Cat, all the details.

"I got a guy just out of a Mexican prison to do the ads for me on late-night television. We'll make millions!" said Feckless Cat.

"How are these ads running?" asked Pre-Approved Cat, on the run this time for selling phony stocks to various U.S. hedge funds.

"Cat comes on and says, 'I thought my life was over. But then, emerging from the collapsed mine, I opened my weak eyes and saw my wife. She had a new glow I'd never before seen. I ran to her with love and devotion! What beauty was this! Then, she whispered into my unwashed ear, 'My loved one, you do not see things. You see before you the aura of a new light, the miracle of FECKLESS SKIN CREME, on sale now for just $4.39 trillion dollars at the border of Mexico and the United States.'"

"Have you tried this miracle creme, Feckless?" asked Pre-Approved skeptically. "How do you know this will sell?"

"I haven't tried it yet, but I know it will sell. We've got more than a billion Chinese women ordering now!" said Feckless. "We can't lose!"

"...any more than we already have," finished Pre-Approved.

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