The Adventures of HW

Seychelles not Sea Shells

2013-09-21T06:45:00.000-04:00

stunning beach!

JM and I have just returned from what I think must be one of the top three most beautiful places in the world ... the Seychelles Islands. I have planned a trip here many, many times during my tenure in Afghanistan and just never made it, so to finally hit a Bucket List location was incredibly cool. We managed to find pretty cheap tickets and very affordable hotel right on the beach - thanks to it being off season. All that I can say is "wow" - I will never tire of white sand and the clearest blue water I have ever seen. The water temp was perfect so we were able to swim constantly with nothing but a cooling effect from the equatorial sun. Absolutely perfect! We only had a few days in this fantastic location so we made the most of it by lounging on the beach, soaking up the sun and many SeyBrew beers.

mountains and our hotel

At night it was a short walk on the beach and dinner at one of the many fun little restaurants tucked away in the trees. The food at the Russian owned hotel was less than exceptional, but thankfully everything outside of that was pretty damn good.

One of the beautiful sunsets

Now, back to the Russian owned hotel... this certainly explained the exceptionally large men clad in speedos. I witnessed many who reminded me of a cartoon character, Bruno, who wrestled bears. Our place was full of honeymooners and older couples - so those just starting off and those together long enough to have the money to travel to Seychelles... and then us :)

We stayed on the main island of Mahe, near the town Victoria. A Saturday market visit in town was rather interesting. Leaving the constant breeze of the ocean to walk down the road and catch a local bus to town was when you realized how hot and humid it was there. Because our flight arrived at night, we didn't see much when we came in, so the bus ride into town through the granite mountains, hairpin turns and winding roads was exceptional - the views were amazing. The town itself is small and filled with beautiful old buildings and the market was located somewhat in the center. The market was really fun, although every shop you walked into was hot as hell. Adding to that, because tourism is basically their economy and its so popular and an expensive destination, there wasn't much hagglin' on prices and the Hillbilly loves to haggle! ... but we did manage to find some deals - they are known for their spices, vanilla, rum and patchouli and some weird palm nut that looks like lady-parts. A few beers and a quick lunch then we began the process of getting back to the beach - this involved seeing more of the town than planned, but Victoria was beautiful although everything closed at noon. Trying to find the bus back from town was an exercise in patience, but we finally arrived back at our beach hotel and an immediate dip in the clear blue ocean relieved all of the frustration.

Entrance to Market

Victoria, Seychelles.

inside market

After more lounging on the beach, our final day there we did a last minute half day snorkeling trip which ended up being a blast. It rained pretty hard on and off all day so one minute we'd be all about going and the next not - finally we just committed and it ended up being an excellent decision. We took a little boat out to a cove to meet up with a party who had paid for the full day - they provided lunch on the BBQ and some drinks - fun people there! However, the creepster who had been blatantly staring at JM the entire time we were at the beach was there with his wife ... mind you, his wife was with him the whole time but it never kept him from staring, turning his head to stare and standing there and staring at JM - and his wife was attractive. I just summed it up to him being an absolute pig ... or European :) So they were there, he was staring (of course) and we were meeting some fun new people we were to spend the rest of the day with snorkeling. They were taking us out to a marine national park, but the waves were too choppy so we turned back and hit another beautiful cove and snorkeled for an hour - it was fantastic! Clear water, lots of beautiful tropical fish and there was actually a school of black and white stripped fish that followed you around and got right up in your mask -kind of playing with you - it was really interesting. On the way back we boated through a downpour and then they took us to several small coves just to check out the scenery, small hotels built into the granite and more of the stunning island. Then finally back to our beach where they just pulled right up to our hotel basically and dropped us off. Our flight out was early the next morning and then the train and bus back to the apartment - quick trip but incredibly fun.

Now we're back in Pretoria, seeing many movies and enjoying ourselves. My project is going well now that I'm used to the "African Way" which equates to nothing being done on time. Our roach friends are no longer in the apartment which has been quite nice and we've been enjoying cooking without the potential freak out. I leave for Maputo next week for a quick trip and then back - we're meeting up at the airport and doing a drive to Kruger National Park next Friday for a weekend to see if we can spot any animals - really looking forward to that and also the 4 hour drive through South Africa to get there. It's been quite hot here as summer begins to approach in the southern hemisphere which I still find a weird adjustment. All is good at this point and I would even like to find some more work here to stay longer - after a trip home to get Django and Fat Kid Ninja of course - I miss those two devils.

Hope everyone is enjoying the end of summer at home - I know its Oktoberfest this weekend back at the home front - go big or go home! I would kill for a festival Braut...

Drink of the day - a pinot noir/chardonnay blend - delicious!

The Real Life Boogie Man

2013-09-07T04:08:00.002-04:00

the apartment

yes, these are dead roaches INSIDE the LED display of the stove = constant willies

Wow - I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted! Hard to believe that last year at this time I was in Afghanistan and Dubai. Time seems to be passing quickly, but all is good. So much has happened over the past several weeks, so I will begin with the apartment. I finally found a furnished two bedroom apartment in a suburb of Pretoria named Brooklyn. It is located in an area with an upscale mall right across the street, tucked in among the green space. There are also many restaurant and grocery options in this part of town and it's much nicer than the college area where my office and hotel are. The walking around is easy, but since this country basically closes up shop at dusk due to night crime, nothing is really that close when you find yourself walking home after dark. I take the bus to and from work each day and feel like a kid again waiting at the bus stop every morning. I really like the apartment and so too did the roaches that had infested it courtesy of the former tenants. Seriously, this made the roach problem in the Dominican look like baby play time, but these weren't as big. I was finding them everywhere - even coming out of the speakers and behind wall shelving - truly not the welcome-to-your-new-place I was hoping for! I moved into the place one week before JM arrived, so I bombed and sprayed and went nuts with chemicals to get rid of my house guests - enough to make a small dent and not cause JM to have a total cardiac upon arrival, but they were still showing themselves. We had about one week here before we left for a two and a half week stint in Maputo and just made the best of it. They were eradicated while we were gone, so we returned to a very clean and bug free environment - thankfully. Oh yea, I have a cleaning lady who comes once a week - neither of us speak the other's language, but she seems great and does an excellent job ... all for $15 a week - I'm still loving these prices and favorable exchange rates here in South Africa!

JM and I had an excellent time in Maputo together. It was so much more fun and enjoyable for me to have JM there because it really should be enjoyed and experienced with another. We saw some amazing jazz concerts, enjoyed drinks at the historic Polena Hotel, went to a modern dance performance at the French Cultural Center, took a ferry to Catembe Island for a really fun Sunday afternoon, enjoyed some excellent meals, haggled with the vendors (I'm very good at this. JM not so much :) ) and had some seriously entertaining nights with a group of friends we made - courtesy of Naby who I had been introduced to and hung out with the first time I was there. Since every meal basically involves eating out, it was so nice after six long weeks to not have to do that alone every day and night. The weather in Maputo is fantastic and I simply cannot adequately describe the great vibe that city has ... I really like it. JM is of course quickly becoming a passable Portuguese speaker in addition to being the whitest person on the street - seriously, some of the little kids just stop and stare at the blonde hair and pale skin - it's been pretty amusing. I am starting to understand the language much better when I hear it, but still sound like a moron when I try to speak it.

JM and "Dumb Dumb the dog"

Fantastic jazz drummer

Polena Hotel

inside the Central Market

Some of the fun friends we've made

Exceptional jazz concert

Now on the topic of my job... that's been really interesting. I'm slowly acclimating to what is known commonly as the "African Way" which is hard to describe, but doesn't involve any sense of urgency or much accountability. Things are accomplished but in their own good time and not according to anything as ridiculous as my construction schedule. Two of my employees despise each other. They also both happen to be the strongest English speakers and who I work with and through the most. The project is coming along, but slowly and I'm finally just accepting it as I have very few proverbial carrots and sticks to use for motivation. I travel back and forth from Pretoria to Maputo for a few weeks in each place. This is causing issues for me because I was originally supposed to be located in Maputo full time with JM, so when they changed that arrangement, they didn't change my contract in that regard. By rights, they should pay for JM to travel back and forth with me, but that's not how it's going to work, so we will be renting cars from here on out and driving from Pretoria to Maputo - it's about 5 hours and includes a border crossing. We will at least have a car, can do many stay-overs in Kruger National Park on our way to and from and therefore increase our chances of seeing the Big 5 of the animal kingdom. I think the Big 5 are elephants, giraffes, water buffalo, lions and cheetahs (never sure of the last two). You can drive through the park on your own as it's apparently well marked and I really can't wait to experience it! I hope we see all five and whatever else may cross our path - I really cannot even imagine seeing giraffes or elephants just out in the open like that. Although I think actually driving in Africa - in particular Maputo - will be an experience in itself... wish us luck :)

Interestingly, I'm having one hell of a time with Witch Doctors. The Witch Doctor (WD) issue is fascinating/frustrating/freaky all simultaneously. There is deeply held belief here regarding the WD in Africa. Modern medicine, Christianity, Westernization and exposure to the world via internet and TV don't seem to put a dent in the belief system surrounding the WD for many black Africans. All of the HIV/AIDs training and treatment programs that have been funded here literally for decades will often be tossed in favor of the WD in some areas - this would include one employee in Gaza Province who has AIDs, was responding well to treatment and then disappeared with the WD and we have no idea where the guy is. Apparently, one employee I work with closely (who I do not trust but holds most of the institutional knowledge of the program) is big into the WD while also being a church pastor. He's rumored to been involved in WD ceremonies at our offices in the past, and this adds to the fear of him and therefore his influence over particular employees. I was informed that he brought a WD into the office during my last trip - snuck him in during the night or some such thing - for the purpose of getting me to say "yes" to him where work was concerned. Basically to control me. The employee who told me this said she could smell the WD on him the next day - this was in reference to what they burn to incite particular outcomes. Interestingly, she said WDs will do this at market places and those in the know will then be able to identify who and where they are. Others wear specific types of head wraps, etc. I was totally respectful while she was telling me this, but was personally on the "WDs are bullshit" wagon. But if you know me well, you would know that as strong as my bullshit factor is, there's still a wee bit of the Wino that wonders about this situation. The next day, unfortunately, the electric was out in our offices and the day after that the internet went out ... both issues easily explained, but gave strength to the WD visit that had recently occurred. I had to report the WD incident to our HR department where it is regarded as a very serious matter... I sincerely love having a job where Witch Doctor issues are serious HR matters - the world is an interesting place.

So, JM and I are back in Pretoria. We've made our apartment very homey especially considering it's no longer a roach motel. We've found some good market buys such as woodcarvings and batik cloth so it's getting pretty African around here. We also will be seeing a ton of movies in the future thanks to the town pretty much shutting down at dusk - they are incredibly cheap here ... for instance, 2 people, popcorn and drinks at an evening show might run a total of $10 - $13 ... I've been to three already and two more with JM. You can afford to see just about anything - from OK movies to great ones - without feeling the sting of overpriced anything. We do not have a car, so we're very limited in what we can do at night. The mall shops even close by 6pm, but the theater and restaurants will stay open later. However, you then you have to walk home at night and nobody is on the street ... at least not anyone you'd want to notice you, that's for sure. In Maputo we didn't have this issue and could stay out really late on the weekends and the streets felt like a big party.

The people in Mozambique and South Africa have been extremely friendly and helpful so far - as it usually goes, the public service employees in the airport, train and ferry stations can be slack-jawed, mouth breathing, button-eyed idiots but that seems to be a common theme all over the world. We're taking it easy this weekend and plan on taking a quick and very affordable trip to the Seychelles next Thursday - Tuesday. I cannot wait for that!!! A trip to the Seychelles has always been on my bucket list and obviously much more affordable to do from here - I can't believe I'll finally be experiencing that place and in good company which is a huge plus! I will for sure be posting some pics after that. I hope all of you are enjoying the end of summer and the beginning of football season! I love football season and will be missing most of it again this year. Also, we are headed into spring which is a weird adjustment considering the upcoming months. I still miss my peeps at home and the Django and Fat Kid Ninja duo who are still hopefully doing well and behaving themselves during their stay with Team Kazemi. Until the next post, I hope you all are having excellent lives and keeping the witch doctor at bay :)

Drink of the day: Pinotage baby! I'm hooked :)

Trip to Xai Xai

2013-08-03T02:39:00.000-04:00

This week I had the good fortune to travel to Xai Xai and check out some of our housing projects and also meet some of the families involved. The drive to Gaza province was an amazing three hour adventure where we passed tons of sugar cane plantations, amazing roadside markets and witnessed the great colonization of Mozambique by the Chinese - seriously, who knew? I had no idea China was investing so much money in infrastructure here as well as developing rice plantations, etc. - it's like they're taking over, but nobody seems to care since roads are being built, mega-farms and other industries are being developed. Apparently they offer no interest loans to the government in exchange for using only Chinese workers and then import a huge load of Chinese prisoners who work for free - those nutty, industrious Chinese. There were also quite a few English speaking middle eastern Muslim men roaming around in packs who are not very welcomed by the locals - Sharia law and the fast and loose Mozambique lifestyle are not a good mix ... and let's hope it stays that way because it's so much fun.

roadside market

The program here focuses on orphans and vulnerable children impacted by AIDs, so we build houses, legally will them to the children and find an adult or relative willing to take care of the kiddos. It was extremely interesting to say the least, especially since the HIV issue in Africa has played itself out much differently than we are familiar with in the US. Entire villages were absent of men in a certain age bracket and many of the corresponding women, yet there were still many newborns around which was a head scratcher on some levels (more about that later). Even with all of the HIV education, the witch doctors are still very popular as is superstition about how HIV is contracted or "cured."

It was pretty shocking to initially witness how people live in the villages. Many of the homes we built are next to the old grass and reed huts these families used to occupy so it's extremely apparent how much of an improvement in living conditions the project made. This also leads to much better health since people are better protected from the elements, mozzies and other good-time killers out here. Many of the mothers and children are suffering from HIV but do seem to respond to the medication - and also actually take it - which helps. The men are the ones who apparently stop taking their meds because it's still widely believed that the women cursed the men with AIDS and therefore the men head off to the witch doctors for cures which inevitably kills them. So often, the wives are cast out of the homes for causing the problem when reality is that the men are infecting the women, refusing to wear condoms, knowingly spreading the virus ... blah, blah, blah - same story everywhere ... it would be nice if at some point all shortcomings weren't blamed on the actual victims. This whole scenario is made worse by the fact that many of the healthy men leave to work at the mines in South Africa and then come back with the virus.

one of our homes in a remote village

Anyway, the end result is the continued proliferation of the situation and therefore more orphans. I was in one village talking via an interpreter with a couple of "grannies" - who were probably younger than me - and asked them where all of the newborns came from ... something I was curious about because I saw very few men. The first response I received was a literal response - that babies come from a man and a woman - which would explain the confused look on the grannie's face as to why I wouldn't know that. It took a few different framings of the same question before the answer was "bad young boys" who promise to take care of the women and then leave when they get pregnant. There are the makings of an after-school-special here me thinks :) So, in sum, with all of the education provided and available, the power of superstition and witchcraft still rules - if it weren't killing so many people, I'd be much more enthralled with the scenario, but it is still absolutely amazing and interesting on many levels.

The home's family in the kitchen

neighborhood kids

morning walk on a Xai Xai beach

... and the other direction

One of the highlights of my stay was my lodging, which was right on the beach. Let me be clear, the only highlight of my lodging was the beach ... I only had one overnight, but it allowed me to enjoy an hour's jaunt on an unspoiled Indian Ocean beach. Fan-tastic! I could have walked along that beach all day, so the lesson from that experience is to make more plans for the beach areas while I'm here! That's already in process :)

headed into another village project site

My time in Maputo came to an end mid-week and I'm now back in a hotel in Pretoria for a few weeks, trying to find an apartment for JM and me - who arrives next Monday. That process has been less than eventful but I did finally find a decent furnished one and hopefully the details will be hammered out this Monday. I can't wait until I can finally say I no longer live in a hotel room. Seriously, I've been in some kind of hotel/room situation for over a month now, living out of my suitcase and it's getting old. I'd also like to enjoy a meal without having to sit in a crowd and can't wait to eat a bowl of cereal or something in my underwear (if I want to), all by myself or with company of my choosing. Plus, I'm totally sick of eating out and really can't wait to do some cooking of my own. Yes, I'm a bit grumpy and also a bit pissed that I'm doing this on my own when it was supposed to have been handled for me - you must make your own luck and destiny! All will be fine I'm sure.

On the agenda for this weekend is to actually explore more of Pretoria which I will do by walking 2 miles to the mall which is in the neighborhood where I will hopefully be living. Need to report back to JM on what's available here in order to help with the packing. Plus I need a haircut and would love to indulge in a mani/pedi just to feel normal :) I hope the summer is progressing nicely for the rest of you - I can't believe it's August already...

Drink of the day: Chai Tea that will most likely be followed by several glasses of wine at the appropriate hour.

Sun, Fun and Lobster "Tales"

2013-07-28T04:47:00.002-04:00

Well, its my last weekend in Maputo until mid-August and so far, it's been a damn nice one! I had a rather long, boring week of which I enjoyed a stomach issue and an off the charts kidney infection, but time and some medication have apparently cured all. Now that I'm feeling better I can very much appreciate how crappy I felt. Glad that's over and happy to not have contracted malaria - that's how I ended up at the clinic due to my co-workers insisting because of my nasty symptoms. So, back to the weekend ... I woke up early on Saturday, enjoyed a cappuccino with a delicious pastry, and then walked miles looking for the Central Market - which apparently is not where it's shown on the map - next time I guess. Then I received a call from a friend and ended up having a fantastic Saturday afternoon. Naby and his friend Carla picked me up and we headed down the way to the drive along the waterfront - beautiful! We sat outside at a few beachfront saloons, met some fun people and drank numerous beers before heading to the famous Fish Market. Now that was a blast - bought some lobsters, ate peanuts, drank more beer and thankfully I was with locals so they kept the street vendors away. Seriously, these people swarm you worse than the flies around the fish - it gets incredibly annoying after a bit. I thoroughly enjoyed the Fish Market, didn't have to hassle with the vendors and later indulged in some delicious lobster tails. I'm now schooled in how not to get ripped off there as well, so my next trip solo should go swimmingly :)

beachfront drinking

Fish Market - with fish

Enjoying late afternoon lobster

I'm hopeful that today will be just as much fun, but most likely a bit more low key with tomorrow being a work day. It's stunning here, mid 80s, sunny and with a constant ocean breeze. I have a morning of completing a few job applications, then a walk, followed by some lunch, most likely a Sunday nap and then preparing for my over-nighter in Xai Xai tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that trip and have a little shithole room booked right on the beach, so I will for sure be reporting on that later. I will miss this place when I head back to Pretoria but will be back soon enough. It also might be nice to enjoy the greatly reduced cost of living in South Africa as compared to here if even for a couple of weeks.

When I return to Pretoria, I will hopefully have a few apartments to choose from and finally will no longer be living in a hotel or room-for-rent. I love where I'm staying in Maputo but am kind of missing cooking and feeling like an actual space is my home. I've been here close to a month, so it's time to get settled in - even if I am traveling back and forth, it's still nice to feel like I have someplace to go "home" to in the end. This will be a theme that continues upon my return to the US as I don't have an official home there either anymore. Looks like 2013 and the start of 2014 will be a bit of the Adventures of the Gypsy Hillbilly Wino. But I'm going to roll with it, enjoy the journey and take in all lessons, good and bad, that come my way. I have an excellent companion in adventure, so we will be making our mark somewhere together and it will be something nice to share with another person.

Speaking of adventure, I've started to line up a few affordable options which have been greatly helped by the fact that I have access to so many people who live here and therefore make great suggestions and hook a Wino up with contacts. I think the adventures will begin in September so I'm really looking forward to them. Being so close to Kruger National Park makes day safaris possible, Cape Town is for sure on the list (complete with wine country) and possibly a once in a lifetime jaunt to one of the most beautiful places in the world - a short trip to Seychelles! I really hope that one happens, but it's in the "maybe" column. However I did find a very affordable place to stay and a cheap flight, so I'm ready to make some magic happen. The financial objective of my 6 months here is not to travel all over the place, but rather to stay afloat and afford the move to Denver or LA upon my return ... with a wee little bit to tide me over for a few months while I continue that bitch of a job search back home. I'm going to load up my dog Django, my kitty Fat Kid Ninja, my special friend and head west! Economic recovery my Hillbilly ass... but I remain hopeful that my THIRD return back to the US of A results in actual gainful employment :)

I hope everyone has had an incredibly enjoyable weekend - I can't believe that it will be August next week!! I recently realized that I have not enjoyed a full summer at home in four years which seems weird to me... but I'm not sure how much fun they would have been in the muggy hotbox I fondly call home - global warming is a thing - even with excellent companions! So, enjoy what looks to be a week 's break from the heat back home and I will continue to indulge in the winter season here.

Drink of the day: a perfectly chilled chardonnay!

The Aura of Flora and Poo

2013-07-21T02:22:00.002-04:00

Interesting week and finally settling in with somewhat of a routine. My walk to and from work is just shy of two miles each way. A very interesting walk too, I might add. Where I live is in a much nicer area - Embassies, expat workers, the nice hotels - and where I work is in the Military neighborhood, which is full of regular people doing there thing. The trek to work begins with an abundance of sidewalk infrastructure largely intact and a smattering of early morning tourist vendors - it ends in an area with gaping holes in the sidewalks, piles of trash, sand paths and colorful neighborhood street vendors. The smells on the street are a combination of delicious and repugnant, but there's something about that contrast I find soothing - flowering trees, old fish, bread and pastries, human excrement, perfumes and colognes and gag inducing body odor - we have it all folks, and pretty much simultaneously! I amazingly draw no attention to myself on these walks, often the only light skinned person on the street - I just look like another NGO hippy walking in flip flops with a back pack, off to "do good". Within a week's time, I've pretty much figured out a few of the regular's schedules on my stroll as I'm sure they have mine. For example, about 25 minutes into my walk, I will pass an albino teenager on her way to school, then my favorite fruit stand lady setting up shop, past the shoe shine guys, a horde of dirty people waiting to be picked up for day labor and then when I see the the same two vagrants getting a jump on the early morning trash picking I know I'm about five minutes from the office. I don't even need a watch!

This week was curious as I worked with my team all week knowing that we were going to inform them that Friday of the office is closing in December. They all suspected, but hearing it is another experience. That went well and we let them go early. I'm here for another 10 days then back to Pretoria for a few weeks until my return. At this point, I'm not expecting any nasty surprises and we developed a construction schedule that's realistic. I head to Gaza Province at the end of the month to participate in a few housing handovers and really get an idea of exactly what we are doing. Some of the recipients live in small villages but others apparently live in extremely rural and difficult to access areas. I was reading some of the stories about how their new homes have improved their lives ... they were full of comments like "... now we can see the snakes and rats on the cement floor which makes it easier to kill them and they can't hide in the dirt or thatched roof." My worst day at home, which might include finding a house spider in the tub, pales in comparison - however, I can relate on some levels after living in a rat/mice/fly/bird infested facility in Afghanistan for a few months. Seeing and killing is very important and you haven't experienced life until a rat has run across your bare foot, found mice in the frig, snakes in your office and your living area is an after hours club for rodents (loved living in a tent). I have a feeling that my living conditions in the Stan were still far, far superior to what I will witness in Gaza.

view from my office balcony

My walk to work - 5 more minutes!

no sidewalk here

walk near my house

the street I live on in Maputo

So, this weekend has been rather low-key. I'm at the three week mark, but it feels like three months. I'm a little homesick. Although technically I no longer have a physical home, I do have many of my favorite people located in one particular spot. I have three more weeks until JM joins me here and I sincerely cannot wait and am unapologetically missing this particular person in a really bad way. I do extremely well on my own, but I do have to admit to a certain amount of boredom after a bit. I have no other expat workers here on this project either, so not many people yet to hang out with at this point. Also, because I will be coming in and out on a semi-regular basis, that kind of dampens one's ability to join anything. I have found some jazz and after-work happy hours that I will check out and they appear to be in the vicinity of my path home. Note on that one - it gets dark pretty early here so I book out of work at a specific time so as not to be caught at dusk still in my work neighborhood - the Hillbilly senses that would not be a good idea and even the Wino side agrees.

I love the weekends here and walk for miles just checking things out, stopping at cafes and taking it all in. On Saturdays, there is a wedding hall down the street and huge groups of people show up with their wedding parties to be married - tons of singing, dancing and fancy clothes or traditional wear. It's become one of my favorite things to watch on Saturdays. I will make sure to post some pics once I take them. One of the only really irritating issues here are the street vendors - you cannot sit outside and enjoy yourself without an army of them walking by offering you every type of crap known to man - it ranges from food and electrical adapters (those were handy) to large ugly rugs, cameras and wooden bullshit. No, I do not want to buy your friggin' marimba and standing in my face for 5 minutes speaking to me in a language I don't understand isn't going to change my mind. That sounds so "get off my lawn" ... :) Anyidontwantyourshit, for the most part it's OK, but every now and again it tends to work my last nerve. Speaking of which, I have a sneaky guerrilla mozzie in my room that is literally biting the hell out of me - leaves dime size bites and I never see the evil thing. I'm on malaria meds, but it still makes me nervous and you think I'd see something flying around that leaves bites that big. I'm on a mission to kill it. dead.

This morning is starting off nicely - it's sunny, a nice temperature and my breakfast just arrived... brought to my room which is service deserving of the queen I am :) I don't know why I'm up so early, but I'm going to stop asking myself that question. I will go outside on the deck soon to enjoy the morning and the view ... with the four labs. Might I add, none of which are fixed so they mark everything - if you happen to be sitting in the chair on not... Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend and are readying for an excellent week!

Drink of the day: a champagne split and fresh juice - pinkies up!

Peri Peri, the condiment of champions!

2013-07-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

Aye! What a week this has been. All was going well and then early in the week this position was almost eliminated due to a very real and also perceived issue with the type of Visa I have for working in Mozambique. Hours/days of jaw clenching stress later - really, what would this type of work be without some kind of huge issue that results in jaw clenching stress - a very creative idea was proposed and alas, I was able to keep my job. Basically, because of what I have been hired to do, the fact that I didn't have an official work permit was possibly going to result in me being deported or jailed. All is right in the world now and it appears that I will be based in Pretoria, South Africa and travel to Maputo a few weeks each month. Simples! So here I am, in lovely Maputo until the end of the month. I don't speak the language, so when people speak to me I have about as much comprehension as my cat when I speak to him - total oblivion ... so I will be working on my Portuguese.

Maputo... let's see, I LOVE this place! It's kind of crazy, tons of energy, excellent weather, vibrant street life and I happened to find a fabulous place to stay while here. I'm actually living in some extra rooms in a house occupied by a really cool Indian/Portuguese couple. They live upstairs and I'm downstairs - deck and pool level, overlooking the Indian Ocean. I hang with their four labs - one of which leaves me blushing every time he gets up close and personal in a way that lifts one off their toes. I will be working on that, and after day 1 and being covered in hair and slobber, I am thankfully no longer the interesting shiny new penny. The owner drove me all over to show me around and point out where to go, what to avoid and suggest some great trips. Speaking of trips, he certainly is one and in the best way. Has a really fantastic wife and two very cute kids, but certainly is missing his bachelor days - really fun guy and has been a very gracious host. I enjoyed lunch with them the first day and tore into the best Indian meal I have ever consumed, courtesy of their live-in Indian chef. Had a nice dinner and a few drinks out, then very early to bed as it was an extremely long day. They also have a pet bunny who roams the front yard on the street level. One of the best things about this place is that I am not "checked-in" to any hotel with my passport, so I can be here in relative anonymity which further secures some of the issues that could arise with my work here.

the deck outside my rooms

view from my sleeping chamber :)

sunset

office/bar area that I have use of - my rooms are the sliding doors

view from my table the first night here

sunrise - I was up early

my walk back to my residence this afternoon

So, today I woke up to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean - from my bedroom - and strolled down the street to enjoy an evilly delicious Portuguese pastry and cappuccino. Wow, those are going to be dangerous. Walked all over the main area where most of the cafes and restaurants are, hung out in the sun on the deck here at my abode, applied for a few jobs and then it was feeding time again. I strolled down to another outside eatery and ordered a special burger and salad, but what I received what some chicken sandwich on a pineapple in a bun with a side of peri-peri sauce for which the Mozambicans are famous. I slathered it on everything and it was delicious - also so damn hot that at one point I thought my mouth was going to try to run away from my face - perfect!! So, three beers later - which were necessary to put the furnace out in my mouth - I was ready to stroll home. Seriously, I can still feel that stuff and wonder if it will literally eat a hole right thru me, my moneymaker and any furniture I happen to by occupying at the time. I plan to eat this at every opportunity - plus hot food helps to quell the nasties that may be inhabiting my food and can make one quite sick - I've had some questionable water sources, greens, etc. that made me take pause in reference to what may happen to the old GI system. The Wino will keep you posted, because what would an adventure blog be without some detailed description of nasty intestinal issues. I'm still hoping for the best though :)

Tonight I am going to experience Maputo nightlife courtesy of my host's wild friend Naby - the plan is food, drink, music, drink, food ... you get the picture and I hope the ol' Wino can hang - I'm not really worried about that actually. It should be fun and also a great way to check things out in order to be better prepared to entertain myself. Oh yes, I am here to actually work, so I will be in the office here Monday and that's when the fun begins. Should be crazy, that's for sure. I will complete the rest of this after my night out with Naby.

Oh my ... what a night and what a fun, fun guy - food, music, drink, music, drink ... home at 4:15am. You get the idea. Met a ton of fun people - lots of other international workers here on contracts, etc. So, in sum, it was really fun but I was totally gassed out all day today.
Tomorrow is the first day of work in the Mozambique office - should be interesting!

Drink of the night: Coke Light - my liver requested a well deserved break!

I am not your Mommi

2013-07-07T07:47:00.001-04:00

Finally, the jet lag has subsided and I’m feeling like a normally functioning Wino. Because of that normalcy, I’ve been out and about to explore my small area of safety all on my own. Other than almost being hit by cars twice due to not being used to looking the opposite direction, things have been pretty interesting and uneventful. I’ll either quickly learn to adjust to the change in which side of the street people drive, or I will most likely learn the hard way which is the less preferred method.

Other than sleeping for a copious amount of time this weekend, some frustrating Skype connection issues with my other half and the fact that it gets dark here at 5:30, things have been pretty normal and very similar to home. There are some great outdoor cafes and restaurants, live music – including some of the best street musicians I have experienced in some time – and nice pricing here. It’s much cheaper here than at home thanks to favorable exchange rates. I have been making sure to enjoy this time, little stress and comforts of home because it appears that all of this may abruptly change once I step my little piggies into Mozambique. Which, by all accounts, is much more chaotic and challenging than here. I’ll keep you posted on that one. For sure the hotel where I’m booked there had some less than favorable reviews – the kind that make you dread your pending stay. I hope to find an apartment as soon as possible!

So my hotel room faces the main street, which has resulted in some interesting nights. No matter where you are, there will be drunks screaming and laughing at all hours of the night and for some reason, abrupt sing-alongs that break out at odd times. I can’t say that I mind it because it’s new, but I could see how it would wear out its welcome if you were here for a much longer time. The street people and beggars haven’t been an issue either because I don’t speak the language so I’m oddly spared the explanation of the need for my change – but they do call you “Mommi” here all the time – Ms. Scowby will have to fill me in on the meaning of that one. To my knowledge, I haven’t birthed no babies, but I doubt seriously that’s what it means J Probably something more like %!#@& you white bitch. Ignorance is bliss!

Today I went to the African outdoor market. More really gifted musicians, but not too interesting of items except for the Batik cloth, but I decided to wait to purchase any of that. Not much haggling either and anyone who knows the Hillbilly knows that I just love the art of crafting “the deal” but there wasn’t much budging so it wasn’t much fun. Did acquire a shirt and skirt, but can’t say I was blowin’ em over with any huge savings – thankfully they were pretty affordable from the start. Much of my wardrobe has been purchased on the street in other countries, so I plan on continuing that trend. I will really be screwed if and when I ever obtain a normal office job as very little of it would fly in that environment. I’ll make sure to be concerned about that later, but until then, I will continue to exist as the wild-mid-life-child that I am. Oh yea, the good kind of wild J

Musicians rocking their marimbas

I will close with a few observations – the continuous horn honking and whistling has at moments almost made me homicidal. This is due to the mini buses that drive along honking while hoping to attract passengers by letting EVERYONE know they are coming. The whistling is the result of informal parking attendants who stand in the street and guide people into empty spaces in hope of some spare change. In general the people here are “big” – in all senses of the word – girth, height, big behinds – not necessarily fat, just big. A co-worker told me that to be thin or too thin is not a sign of success and also makes people wonder what is wrong with you due to the AIDs epidemic. That would not be a current concern with my appearance thanks to having sold all of my kitchen appliances five weeks before I left and having to eat out. Trust me, the Wino has been eating lots of salads and healthy alternatives to recover from that dangerous moment in history! Especially salads as I’m not sure how often I will be able to enjoy them while in Mozambique where I was cautioned against eating anything I couldn’t clean myself or that didn’t exist behind the safety of a peel. Being that I will most likely be walking a mile or so each way to work, I would prefer to avoid any emergency gastro-intestinal issues during my stroll to and from. So, I’ll heed those warnings.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable 4^th – I heard it was a rainy one back at home. I’m off to accomplish a bit of work at the local café. So until next time!

Drink of the afternoon – a sassy, chilled chardonnay

Hillbillies, Winos and the Dark Continent - oh my!

2013-07-04T13:24:00.001-04:00

Where does the time go? ... what a year. This time last year I found myself in Dubai and readying myself for another trip to Afghanistan. That adventure completed, I returned home and had a slew of life challenging events. The kind of challenges that really change a person and now, having come out the other end of that shit-storm wormhole, I'm finally feeling like the new and improved version of myself those difficulties may have been intended to create. So... it was time for a job and a new adrenaline packed adventure. I was able to combine both in this new position. After many close flirtations with employment on the home front, I reluctantly accepted a position overseas. I now see that this was certainly the thing to do! I write this from South Africa where I am enduring an orientation before I actually depart for Mozambique to rein in the madness, get things under control and then close down a decade plus program. This has become the Wino's "thing" - cleaning up and closing down... and it's certainly not for the feint of heart. I can sum up the myriad of reasons that many programs close in one word - fraud. While I cannot name the organization I am performing my magic for, I will say there are a few employees awaiting my stewardship in Mozambique who will not be happy campers after I arrive. That said, I'm ready to put some lipstick on this pig and combine as much fun and life experience as I can with the necessary grind of work duties! It's Africa after all.

I'm into day three of work, the cruel mistress that is jet lag and being a punchy drunky from a horrifying lack of sleep. The trip here was without incident except for a small delay into Atlanta that caused me to miss a greatly anticipated beer with my brother who also happened to be passing though. While not able to upgrade to business class, the nearly 16 hour flight crammed into economy was endurable and without any major incidents, smelly seat mates or obnoxious children in my vicinity - so it was pretty damn good. My arrival in Johannesburg also went smoothly and the nearly 45 minute trip to Pretoria was spent enjoying sunset and the smell of bonfire due to controlled grass burns that are apparently popular this time of year. The hotel is nice, close to work and in an area that has been deemed "safe" by my coworkers. Someone on my floor is smoking the bejesus out of weed so that wafts through the hallways in the evenings. Bars, restaurants, coffee shops and a nice amount a street activity thanks to the University have made lunch and early evenings pretty enjoyable - once I can stay up past 8pm I'll let you know about the night life! Planning to hit some live music and open markets this weekend - all right around the corner. English is very popular here and the people extremely friendly so for now I'm meeting new people, getting settled in and preparing myself for Maputo at the end of next week.

View from hotel

Another view from my hotel room - Pretoria, SA

Mozambique is going to be quite an experience and one that I'm very much looking forward to immersing myself. I'll be alert by then as well and ready to knock this project out! I still don't have an apartment there so I will be in a hotel for the time being until something satisfactory can be located - this might be tricky on an NGO budget in a city where the property prices are continually increasing thanks to the oil and gas industry. By mid-August the Wino's new "special friend" will be joining me for a few months to partake in an African adventure and a much needed break from the stresses of existing back home - we don't speak Portuguese, but what the hell, right? The new friend was the one major bright spot in the past year, so I'm very much looking forward to having someone to share my experiences - especially this particular someone. My coworkers seem to like Mozambique as a country, but are completely stressed out over the project. This assignment appears to pale in comparison to the nightmare that I was involved in during my last trip to Afghanistan. While I know it will be tricky work, I am shockingly absent of any nervousness or anxiousness regarding what I am about to do - and that's such a great feeling. Could it be that the knowledge of the distinct lack of explosions, gunfire and radical Muslims just may have calmed me the hell down?! Yep.

This is short and sweet, but what do you expect after a year of no blogging :) Good things are on the horizon and I'm simply just looking forward to discovering them. Thanks to Katie and family for taking on Django and Fat Kid Ninja during my departure and also to an excellent group of friends for your support and fun send-off. Cheers to Africa and the next six months. Happy 4th everyone!!

Drink of the night - A South African Pinotage - delicious!

Apparently, I missed Afghanistan

2012-07-05T13:29:00.000-04:00

Well guess what ... after almost 10 months, I'm finally doing something interesting enough to blog about. Since I last documented my adventures, I was in the Dominican Republic for four glorious months. It was wonderful, I never wore shoes, spent my days on the beach, had some friends visit and became used to the enormous bugs and mosquito bites. I finally returned home near Christmas Eve and surprised my family, resulting in a wonderful Christmas after I had missed two due to being away. Reintroduction to "home" was a bit strange and I spent many weeks just feeling disconnected because nothing was familiar in comparison to what I had experienced over the past two years. That slowly ebbed and some semblance of normalcy finally settled in for me. Now for the other parts...

Good-bye you evilly funny, wonderful woman!

So far, 2012 has been some type of Mayanesque apocalyptic bag-of-burning-shit-on-your-doorstep kind of year - you try to sort it out, but end up with hot poo on your shoes that you then track all over your proverbial house. While in the Dominican, I was informed by an extremely close friend that she had pancreatic cancer. There's really not much good to say about that as you are pretty sure what the ending to that movie will be, but have no idea how long it will take to get there. In her case, six months. Fortunately, I was home for the last four, spent some great time with her and was there, with her partner, as she moved on to her next big adventure. It was incredibly sad, a huge loss and really changed my thinking about many, many of life's journeys and our purpose here while passing through - all for the better I might add, but I would have greatly preferred to cull the same information in a different manner. Did make an excellent friend in her partner and realized that I was actually capable of showing a level of compassion that I usually kept well hidden. So I can chalk through "watching your friend die" off my list of life experiences.

If you're in a relationship, leaving for two years - even with some fantastic vacations thrown in there - does not parlay into the best of outcomes when you return home. We worked hard to salvage that well worn relationship, but there were too many loose strings in the sweater and the damn thing unraveled. So after 9 years, that went kaput as well. Welcome home! You're life is now full of very tough lessons learned. In addition to all of this, I was absolutely unable to find a professional job. Oh yes, there were some flirtations with employment, but I felt a stinging suspicion that I was asked out on those dates just to question me about my old flame, Afghanistan. That good for nothing bastard has, for the time being, ruined me for many employment opportunities stateside considering the current job market situation and the fact that my most recent skill sets don't obviously parlay into white bread work back in the U.S. I, of course, think if you can get it done there then you can do anything at home, but it may take quite a time before someone recognizes those aspects in my resume. Anypoorme, these three themes for 2012 were really bringing me down ... and then the old boyfriend came knocking with an offer to come back for 90 days AND I JUMPED ON IT! So now, I sit in Dubai typing the first of many new entries into my blog.

Although 2012 has had some intense challenges, there were some bright spots as well. Other than spending time with my excellent and supportive family and friends I really have not accomplished too much in the form of entertainment since I have been home. My biggest life commitment surrounded the acquisition of a small, furry devil who is named Django ... but just like all devils, he is known by many names - "Stink" (he is housetrained on a potty pad), "Nugget" (he's a nugget of all good things rolled into one), "Bo" (courtesy of my mother) and "Jingies" (that slipped out one night after too much wine, and it stuck). To summarize... I love this puppy and he's helped me immensely in dealing with the challenges of 2012 - often he is one of them, but I don't care. He's a positive force even if he often thinks his name is "G#* Dammit Django" - I had to leave him behind for the 3 months I am gone and was quite torn up about it. I hope I don't return home to find him lounging on the kitchen counter tops like I did with the cats - my huge pet peeve, literally, but the counter lounging cats are going with the other due to the breakup. I will miss them very much though and so will the dog since his life's ambition is to know where the cats are at all times.


Django Wolfgang aka Devil

...So, I'm currently in Dubai awaiting my flight in a few days to lovely Kabul. To go along with the theme of "challenging" for 2012, my travels so far have been just that. Everything is working out they way it should, but after an enormous amount of vein throbbing stress. My 15 hour flight from Atlanta was delayed for 13 hours, requiring a hotel voucher, the purchase of an Atlanta T-shirt and shorts to sleep in, 2 hours of sleep and then back to the airport - the good news is that I had been able to upgrade to Business Class so I was pretty comfortable when we finally left the gate.

View from plane approaching Dubai

Beautiful full moon the first night here

They had to change out an engine ... a bit of TMI if you ask me as I would have been satisfied with the normal "bathroom needs fixed" excuse we usually get. I met up with another new hire on my project immediately after arriving in Dubai so that we could go and get our Afghan Visa's at the Afghan Embassy. She had no problems but I, on the other hand, didn't have enough blank pages left in my passport to satisfy the Afghans ... so it went like this - cab to American Embassy, American Embassy only takes electronic appointments, cab back to hotel to make appointment, finally drop my bags in my room, appointment can't happen for 6 days, make appointment, inform my employer that I can't fly to Kabul the next day but rather the next week, walk to the office (it looked much shorter on the map) in incredible heat, meet my Dubai office co-workers while covered in sweat and with no shower for almost 40 hours, walk back, collapse in bed, wake up 3 hours later not knowing where I am, at last a hot shower, 3 glasses of wine courtesy of my purchase at Duty Free, a sleep aid, wake up next morning at 3am and in the gym by 5am...

Today I worked from the office and laughed out loud when several people I met the other day didn't recognize me - I suppose I clean up well! Today ended with a flurry of similar hand clenching experiences while trying to figure out how to get my cash advance wired to my bank - 3 cab rides and 3 stops later, I finally end up at an Exchange in the Wafi Mall, mission accomplished, and I ended my frustrating experience with this:

Glass of wine at Raffles Hotel Lobby Bar

Delicious! In Dubai, if you don't buy your alcohol at the Duty Free store at the airport, your only options are to drink in hotel bars. The hotel I'm in does not have a bar, so I literally wander around the desert until I hit the next hotel. They are close, but so huge that the walk is further than you would anticipate. So, Friday and Saturday nobody works here - that equals two days off while being paid to wait to fly to Kabul - not bad! I'm planning to hit the gym and then lounge in the pool for the afternoon. It's actually as hot at home as it is here ... and that's sad for you guys, because it's incredibly hot here.

Before I sign off, I must share that I stepped away from the computer to storm out of my room in order to flash some stink eye to the Arabs standing in the hall talking at extremely loud decibel levels ... only to find nobody was there and it's actually the ass-munches in the room next to me. I can hear them through the connecting door and the one is a chatty obnoxious a-hole. Now I don't feel bad about my alarm going off for an hour in my room while I was at the gym early this morning...

Hope everyone had an fun-filled July 4th!

Drink of the night - back to good ol' Chai Spiced Tea

Surf's Up...soon :)

2011-09-10T21:41:00.000-04:00

Sunrise

View from condo

As I sit in my beachfront condo, enjoying the sounds of the ocean, sauteing garlic and onions for my pasta dish and sipping on red wine, I am amazed at how much a week in the Wino's life can change. Last Saturday I was in the Kabul airport waiting to fly to Dubai and wondering if leaving a well paid job - that I hated - was going to be me my undoing. I still don't have the answer to that question, but to say that I'm glad to be out of Afghanistan is an understatement! After 26 hours of flying and being in airports, I finally arrived - sweaty, tired and with a cold - in the lovely Dominican. There was even a little mariachi band to greet us as we walked through the airport. I'm not here in high season, so there weren't many people on the plane which meant I got through quickly, was picked up and taken to this lovely little beachfront condo. There couldn't be a place more different then where I have been living the past 18 months. It's lush, humid, and right on the water - tons of flowering plants, palm trees (and bugs, but I'm getting used to those) and no burkas or anyone making doodies on the street - as far as I can see.

My flight from Dubai included a middle seat in between two enormous men - the hotel was kind enough to drop me off at the arrivals area so I had to haul all of my luggage and myself to the correct departure terminal in the unbelievable Dubai humidity and heat - therefore, the refreshing shower I had just taken before my long journey was utterly useless and I was as sweaty as a whore in church to begin my trip out of there. So, I can't complain too much about being smooshed between to massive guys, since I was most likely not making a positive contribution as the sweaty middle seat person that they were sticking to. To say it was uncomfortable would be an understatement and still wouldn't fully describe my 15 hour plane trip, but I was too excited about leaving to really care.

Goodbye Dubai!

So I arrived with one of those plane-colds and I was jet-lagged and exhausted. I opened the sliding glass doors and took it all in - beautiful! I love how the ocean smells and managed to take a nice long stroll on the "ocean's liver" as I like to refer to the sandy, sandy beach. Cleaning and straining all the whatnot from the ocean. My favorite time is early in the morning - it's like the ocean had a big night out and has coughed up everything it doesn't want in its system anymore. Seaweed, coconuts, wood, seashells and these weird little hard jellied balls - what a par-tay! I love it. Fortunately, I'm not on a cruise ship channel and therefore do not need to be appalled at beach garbage from the ships. Just me, the ocean hang-over and my little bag for collecting sea shells.

I'm so twisted from the time change that I've been waking up at 1:30am, then 2:30, etc. - I seem to be catching another hour every day. I see some amazing sunrises because of it, but it hasn't made me much of a late night Hillbilly so far. I'm also not in much need of shoes while outside and am establishing a wonderful natural pedicure routine with the beach walks. Just walking, for hours, is a treat because I've been so confined for such a long time. I did lose a couple of days being down and out from a terrible cold - my condo is "Balinese Style" which apparently implies no air-conditioning. That's been a huge adjustment since I came from desert heat and am now dealing with high humidity, two days with a fever - and I had a rough first night with the mozzies that bit the hell out of me as I festered on the couch with my cold. Nothing that two cans of lavender scented bug spray couldn't cure AND a roll of tape that I found to cover the gaps in the windows and screens. Imagine that little home project with Kleenex stuffed up my nose because it was running so bad, sneezing and sweating like a hooker on Georgia asphalt (yes, I love my prostie references).

morning view from the kitchen/LR

There's a thriving bug business here in the Dominican. Fortunately, I just came from the land of rats, mice, ants, scorpions and Sally Struthers flies - which is actually a blessing because I am not freaking out as much over the roaches - not Palmetto bugs, but actual roaches - ants and spiders ( the Wino HATES spiders). Once again, my two best friends - cans of bug spray - have helped me get things under control and I am just getting used to it. I don't have an infestation by any means, but am not used to the tropical area yet and am laying down the law with my chemical six-shooters. The bugs and I just need to come to an understanding that we can live in harmony, but I have my damn limits. I am paying rent - they are not - but all is working out nicely so far. I pour myself a glass of wine and serve them an Ortho cocktail - see, it's harmony! The lizards can stay and I have no opinion on the dragonflies, other than I like them...

love it!

Kite Boarders

circus/surf school next door

This place is beautiful - every morning I have a whole wall of windows that open to the deck and overlooks the beach that I am only about 50 feet from. Everywhere I sit, I see the beach and it's doing a soul some good. I catch myself just sitting here watching it while doing absolutely nothing. I'm in Cabarete and on Kite Beach - this is apparently a world renown Kite Boarding beach so there are a few schools next to me and every day there are tons of beautiful kites floating by my windows as they surf from right in front of my pad. I hang out back on this little deck patio that's right on the beach and watch them for hours - totally entertaining as they encompass experts to beginners - I see as much huge air kiting as I do people being kind of dragged through the water. I begin my Paddle Board Surfing classes on Monday with Maui John - that should be interesting, but it looks like a ton of fun and one of my favorite things is to watch the paddle boarders out on the ocean in the mornings. I can't wait to be one of them, although I have a feeling I'll initially not be seeing too much of the top of my board until my balance is on track. I do need something to do in addition to finding a job and this seems to be something I can focus on and practice - in between drinking wine, staring into space, walking on the beach, killing bugs and working on my Spanish.

I'm adjusting to the incredibly uptick in my lifestyle and it's truly an adjustment. The absence of all the adrenaline is weird and I find that I'm really, totally exhausted. I'm still jumpy and startle at loud noises, but I'm improving. My better half shows up next week for a 3 week visit and during that time my bestie will also be here for a week - I absolutely cannot wait. I will be in excellent, calm and caring company - who could ask for more than that?! By then I should be totally adjusted to the time and have most of my quirks and kinks worked out (well, you know, the ones that aren't part of my actual personality). Who wants to be with a tightly wound, impatient, twitchy asshat - not I and I'm certain they will both enjoy the more laid back Wino. I am quickly putting Afghanistan behind me and hope, hope, hope I do not have to go back there for work. Trust me, I am avoiding all Afghanistan applications, but once people find out you were there, that's where they want you to go since so many won't work in that shithole. Just typing the name of that country makes my jaws clench! I would love to actually be home with my partner-family-friends, but the tax man cometh if I show up before my tax year ends, so I will be forced to stay in this ugly place until then - or a new job begins! I will be a tanned, relaxed and paddle surfing Hillbilly by the time I leave this place. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Drink of the night - wine, and then some Dominican Rum with an assortment of juices

Eat, Play & Surf

2011-08-29T04:31:00.000-04:00

Well it's certainly been an eventful past few weeks. In addition to not being able to sign into Blogger, I've also been enjoying the fruits of a tyrannical, micro-managing, conniving, passive-aggressive project management twosome who've made my life and job extremely difficult. The beauty of reaching your middle years is that you realize that life is too fleeting to tolerate a very short-list of situations or issues. This would be one of them. To begin with, I cannot do my job to the best of my abilities and that drives me crazy. It's nearly impossible to manage projects and programs when a). nobody asks or listens to your input (which you've been hired to contribute) which then results in pursuing bad projects in the wrong way and you ultimately being blamed for it, b). having the big boss meddle in every microcosm of the process thus creating 3 times the work because he basically won't admit he doesn't know what he's doing, c). the bosses unofficial second in command going out of his way to circumvent your project planning timeline by doing everything from changing due dates and deliverables to making sure that you are not included in key meetings... that's my short list and I think you get the point. Plus the "big boss", who's actually an insecure, short, Irish guy with a failed political career bid behind him, likes to scream in people's faces. I've taken to calling him "Teflon ----" because none of his bad decisions or misdirections ever seem to stick to him.

So - this situation is one that the Wino can't function within. The Hillbilly has tendencies towards being a Type A, but usually pretty laid back - combined with a short fuse and the need for a good deal of creativity - and is almost incapable at this point in life, of dealing with these types of situations. I had one really seriously bad and abusive employment issue which involved working for the Mayor of Toledo. I had one other more recent issue that involved having to deal with a total asshat who was also a conniving, useless POS. For some reason, due to the hard work of others, had been given a big title but this person was totally incapable of handling the job - however personally thought they were fabulous. I don't think Wharton offered a degree in what that person was actually good at doing... Both of those were US jobs, but while here it's been pretty good until now. Two idiots (now 3) out of a 25 year working history is still damn good! The odd thing is that after all of the hard living conditions, dangerous situations, jaw breaking stress and just being in Afghanistan, it takes just conflicts of personality/management style to finally get me to leave this place. So I'm leaving this job and leaving Afghanistinkistan!

The Hillbilly is without any employment, but doesn't care right now, and must avoid the tax man until February of 2012. So I'm doing my own version of Eat, Pray & Love in the Dominican Republic for at least 2 months - my version is less spiritual and most likely will be more ornery, but will certainly influence the desired outcome of a more relaxed and healthy Wino. By day, I plan to learn Stand Up Paddle Surfing - which should be great because I'll be living right on the beach. By night, I will be looking for j-o-bs. The end result should be the version of me that existed prior to my little adventure here in Afghanistan. At this point, I feel totally unhealthy, stressed to the max, out of shape and not as positive about life in general as I usually am. Plus, I could have worms from eating here, so that will be the first thing on my agenda - to be dewormed! The Hillbilly Wino blog will continue, but you can expect surf reports and descriptions of life in the Dominican Republic which will hopefully not include explosions or too much gunfire. It will be a different kind of "excitement" and one that involves the development of my infantile Spanish skills, shorts, sandals, local beer and a SUP Board. I'll just be a Hillbilly on the beach. Although I'm worried about the employment situation, right now I'm more excited about achieving a dream that involves living on a Caribbean Island - at least for 2 months, but it may be longer if I can't find work. My other half and partner in all things, who should be canonized as a Saint for putting up with me - but is Jewish, so the Saint part won't happen - will be joining me for 3 weeks in the DR to share in part of the Caribbean dream. Good times!

So, I'm skeedaddlin' and fly from Dubai on the 5th. I have enjoyed the majority of the people I work with - both the expats and the Afghan staff. I have a particular affinity for our guest house cleaning and laundry crew. I don't know why, but I simply adore these 3 women. Maybe its because they have the hardest lives and toughest jobs - I think all 3 are widows and this is their only means of support. Maybe it's because there are few things worse in the world than being an Afghan woman. Who knows, but I always take the time to tell them hello or find someone to translate my thank-yous for doing my laundry so nicely and cleaning my room so well. They range in age from late 30s to somewhere in the early 60s. The don't speak English and I don't speak Dari, but they will have long conversations with me anyway - and I will sit there, listen and try to understand. The only English they know, and say to me often, is "we like you" and "I love you". One of them gave me a hand embroidered handkerchief and for some reason just loves her some Hillbilly. Yesterday I think she was trying to warn me of something, but I don't know what - it may have had to do with being outside on the 3rd floor balcony and very visible, but I have avoided sitting out there ever since and that seems to have made her happy. Today I gave them beautiful scarves to wish them a happy Eid holiday and thank them for taking such good care of me - when I was able to communicate through a guard that I was leaving, two of them cried and it just about broke the old Wino's shriveled, cold lump of a heart. I'm leaving to face employment uncertainty, but doing it on a Caribbean island and these women remain, working their fingers to the bone, within a country and culture that have a long way to go in appreciating them. Life is certainly what you make it and mine has certainly been a good one - great family, friends and partner - but it makes you wonder if a significant part of the "goodness" is just the luck of where you are born. Who knows, and that will give the Wino something to think about on the beach.

So, the next posting you read will be from the good ol' DR - on to the next adventure! Lets make some memories, folks!

Drink of the day - some weird beer (Russian) that I cannot read nor pronounce, but it's good and in a can!

Home is where your Temperpedic pillow is!

2011-07-23T11:55:00.001-04:00

What a crazy and eventful past two weeks its been. Finally arrived in Mazar to begin the new job. There seem to be great people on this project - barring one - but she was just forced to resign. More on that later. Still no official word on the future of the project, but we are moving forward with a greatly reduced staff. I spent the first two weeks in what I'll refer to as the "ghetto villa" - old, dirty, a mattress of torture and a shared, nasty bathroom with a less than considerate young guy - and it smelled like the monkey house at the zoo. The whole place did thanks to old plumbing and sewer gas coming up through the drains. Not much to write home about when the day ended and I came back to my room.

However, the upside here is plentiful. A market we can visit and shop for groceries and other necessities, a few restaurants we can patronize, alcohol available for purchase (but at greatly inflated prices) and the city is green and beautiful! The first week I was here I attended a cookout at a German organization's house - it was attended by many people from different UN organizations, the ICRC and other NGO's. Really fun and tons of interesting people just hanging out and enjoying food and drink. There was also a house dog and a few bossy kitties wandering around which was great. They have these elevated platforms here with small railings around the edges and usually some kind of cover or roof on the top. The platform is covered with pillows and you just lounge around on them, smoke the Hookah (the apple is my favorite flavor) and chat - I think I need one of these on my deck when I finally return home. I love them - have no idea what it's called, but they had a similar setup in the cafes in Turkey. Lounge Lizard! We have one here and other than a few mosquito bites, it's really fun in the evening.

I made my first journey to the city of Aybak my first week to discuss their park project - how convenient for me to have planned parks for 2 short months - really coming in handy. Interesting meeting and I had a media camera in my face the whole time. I also have finally had to cave and now wear a headscarf to these meetings. A real experience - they trap the heat, you have limited peripheral vision and they make me feel like an old gypsy woman for some reason - think old horror movies and the gypsy caravan... I had it going on, except for the requisite facial mole and crystal ball... "leeet meee warn yoouu (cue the howling in the background) about de fun-diing of de prooojeeect." I was a sweaty, hot mess and when you have the meetings with the big guys, it's very formal and somewhat intimidating - and it's hot as hell here right now. They sit across a very large room and the discussions occur through an interpreter - lots of pregnant pauses and much more being said than is ever translated. Plus they always serve you hot tea, most likely with local water, and you better drink it and worry about potential intestinal problems later. I couldn't wait to get that damn thing off my head, jump into my gypsy caravan wagon and skedaddle into the sunset. On the way there and back we drove through the most beautiful area I have ever seen here - the Kholm Pass - reminded me of the landscapes in the American west. Stunning.

This week we finally moved into our gorgeous guest house! I am on the 3rd floor, with a beautiful view of the mountains from my private balcony. Seriously, I am living in such a nice place (finally) that I forget I'm actually in Afghanistan. With the comfy room, beautiful house and grounds, freedom of movement and my own bathroom, I often have to remind myself where I am these days. We did have a bicycle bomb a few days ago and that was a gentle reminder to watch out. Tomorrow I leave for Kabul for a couple of days of training and as luck would have it, two of my favorite past co-workers will be there as well - we plan to meet up for dinner. See - kind of normal right now!

I thought I would devote the end of this quick post to a collage, if you will, of all the places I've lived since I've been here. Quite interesting and I cannot believe I managed to deal with some of these places - I'm telling you it makes a world of difference to begin at the bottom and work your way up. I've met people here who would never consider living in a tent or a plywood hut with no windows. When I decided to come here and work, I just did it. Just did it... and now looking back I'm amazed because it was hard, and tough, often unpleasant, frequently frightening, often boring but also one of the most exciting things I've ever done - so far! I think I'm blessed with the bliss of ignorance and the willing to make the best of almost anything - but more importantly, a phenomenal other half, family and group of friends. Trust me when I say that this was only made possible by having the support network I do. So, enough of reflection and sweetness - here's the walk down my housing history in Afghanistan. I so wish I would have taken pictures of the bathrooms, because that's where the real personal fortitude comes into play - most of them were either disgusting, a hike from where I was living or a combination of both. On rare occasions have they been tolerable. Enjoy!

My first "home"

My small space - arrived at 3am in a rain storm with a flashlight

the muddy road in front - had to walk over a mile each way to work every day. Bathrooms - disgusting!

Ghazni - 3 weeks here at Polish Camp

My home for 6 months at KAF

KAF, small 8 x 10 room - and mice

But the bathrooms were great!

broken ankle in tent room - not fun - beer, fake

New job - Hotel Kandahar, 2 months


Office compound and some favorite co-workers - didn't take a pic of my room

My room at hotel - not bad at all!

Hotel Kandahar courtyard

my container at KPRT in Kandahar - had an 8 x 10 side and had to share - not great - also on the perimeter wall, but I had a pet cat - Lt. Dan

My fabulous room in Mazar!

nice room at FOB Wilson - HORRIBLE port-o-john!

View from my balcony

patio at FOB Wilson

the balcony!

and... drum roll... my own, clean, sunny bathroom!

After looking at these pictures, I realize that I've been living like a turtle with my house on my back - I've carted my stuff all over this country! I've also tolerated a variety of vermin, flies, scorpions and snakes. Finally, I'm in a really nice place and hoping the contract lasts, I can do my year here in comfort, the work remains interesting and the co-workers fun!

And the best part... Drink of the Night - an Italian red wine, purchase legally! Pinkies up!

Vacation Vocation

2011-07-08T06:06:00.000-04:00

Weeellll. This has so far been one hell of a week. Unbelievable, but true. Finally I made it out of Kandahar on the 29th, but not after a nine hour delay. I waited around the hot, dusty PAX terminal on base with a myriad of young soldiers waiting to fly home for their leave. Originally, I was to leave at 1pm and would have been placing that delightful hotel key card into the slot of my room around 4pm - by 9pm, still at PAX, I was trying to stifle a homicidal rage at both the fact that I was still in Afghanistan and that I also lost a day at the hotel I had already paid for. I made it finally and that key card gained me access to my room at midnight - disappointed, but I was finally here! The sound of the ocean, smell of something other than dirt and filth and actual moisture in the air was a welcome relief.

camels on the beach

self explanatory - the Palm Island is right in front of you!

view from my balcony

favorite pool and swim-up bar

My first day in Dubai was glorious - waking up in a pillow top, king size bed, walking out on my balcony to enjoy a hot cup of tea in the morning, a few hours at the pool (and pool bar), then a mani, pedi and much needed haircut at the salon. Capped the afternoon by a walk on the beach, beautiful filet mignon for an early dinner and I was fully and totally committed to the week of relaxation I had ahead of me. The pool and beach were interesting - body image in other countries is very different than that of the average US citizen. The whole range from the genetically gifted to some very large Russian and British men (many in Speedos), more back hair than I've ever seen in one sitting thanks to the Arabs and two-pieces on women no matter what their size. Quite interesting people watching. It was so hot that your knees were sweating which made the pool and pool bar so much more fun. I was amazed at watching all of the Muslim women in full black dress, walking on the beach and resort grounds. Incredibly hot and muggy - so much so that the sea water was as warm as the outside - you could hardly tell that you were even wet - weird sensation!

View from my room window in Kabul

Then... I checked my email... a note from my new employer informing me that the funding for our project is suddenly under review and that I might need to stay in Dubai indefinitely (at their expense) until they had more information. After a few exchanges of information, the picture looked bleak and I had no idea what would happen, job or no job, project or no project - only that I was in a strangely exotic location, trying to relax and hadn't even made it 24 hours until I was blindsided with some potentially horrific news. And, it was the Thursday before a holiday weekend so no more info until the next week. However, I was supposed to leave the following Thursday the 7th, so I made up my mind to try to relax and enjoy myself. I did a pretty decent job other than totally being convinced that I had dislocated my jaw while sleeping thanks to doing so with my jaws massively clenched - the jury is still out on that one, but I can hardly open my Hillbilly cake hole and it's really painful to chew. Still no news by the eve prior to my original departure date thanks to the time change, so I literally woke up Thursday morning to an email that said I was flying to Kabul, but that the project was still up in the air.

So here I am - in Kabul, which I've never flown into but its a civilian, not military airport. Had to hunt my luggage down after waiting for it for over an hour. A kind employee had it in his "office" - actually, he'd taken my luggage in hopes of collecting a finders fee for it, but I pulled out the "not playin' " face, with a side-eye of attitude, took my luggage and left. I'd had one hell of a week of stress while trying to vacation, topped off with sitting next to two Afghan men on the flight over with "cultural differences" (a nice term I came up with to describe horrific body odor, eating like an animal and other related issues) that had resulted in the Wino having an upset stomach and pounding headache - it was eye watering horrible, but really, I'm in their country so it's not up to me to judge. And you certainly know when you're back here because the coughing, running nose and watery eyes begin within hours of touchdown.

AnyidoNOTtakeshit, I am now in Kabul enjoying a Friday off and leave for Mazar on Saturday afternoon. I still have no idea what the fate of the program will be, but I did find out while dining at the villa where I am currently staying that many of my future project coworker's flights were canceled. I think I lucked out by being in Dubai and it being cheaper to just fly me here. Now I will work my Svengali magic and make myself as useful as possible. I just want one more year here and then it's home for a nice break with all my short term goals accomplished! Then I hope to find work anyplace else but back here!

I will say that if it weren't for my family, friends and significant other, I don't know how I could continue to do this work in this particular country. The kind of situation I just went through while on vacation is mind boggling stressful, not to mention some of the situations and working conditions here. It takes a lot of self-motivation to continue to come back to this place. If I did not have my support system and constant good thoughts of home, I would be in trouble. I try to look at the bigger picture in terms of working here and what I can learn and hopefully apply in new countries. But at times, it kicks my behind being here and doing what I do. I will say, however, that it's a totally different vibe up here in Kabul and everyone here raves about Mazar. It's almost normal down to being able to go to restaurants, shops, bars - today I was invited to go out for lunch and then a trip to the market and I caught myself just staring blankly with a look like "out? Wha..?" I've never been out here (other than my last trip to Kabul). On days off in the Kandahar region you spend your time following the shade shadows while you sit outside with your friends and swat at the flies that are crawling all over you. Point being is that I think I'm about to experience something that is totally unreal to me in terms of my thoughts on Afghanistan - instead of the "Stinkistan" it could become the "SocialSceneIstan" or, dare I say "Relaxistan", "Notsobadistan"... just with occasional bombs. I'll keep ya'll posted! The adventure continues and I hope that everyone at home is enjoying their summer!

Drink of the Day - A hot, aromatic tea on the balcony overlooking Kabul

Death by Green Beans

2011-06-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Finally, finally the Blogger site is no longer blocked by the internet here and I can resume my postings. Much has happened since my last post including an excellent and much needed 3 week trip home with family and friends, and a shiny new job, right out of the box.

Lets see, the state of affairs here is dire and soul crushing. This program is failing and could possibly be better managed and planned by feces throwing monkeys. Our client, a division of USAID, could not organize themselves out of a wet paper bag with the current leadership here on the ground. Apparently, this program is quite successful in other countries, but cannot be applied successfully considering the current circumstances in the Kandahar area/southern region. So it feels like we are trying to implement other people's self-serving career building rather than actual functioning and impact inducing projects. The Wino's answer to this dilemma - make like a baby and head out! Especially before the stench of failure permeates my clothing and personal belongings.

All things considered, this blog represents my own personal experiences and perceptions. Unlike others, I don't consider a "success story" (that we're so fond of circulating in print) to consist of some governmental official managing to sit upright in a chair and continue to breath. Call me close to being burnt out, but the lack of any expectation of accountability on the part of our Afghan partners down here in the south is no longer within my ability to stand - or keep a straight face. In all fairness, these programs are experiencing a level of success - sometimes significant - in other parts of the country, but just not here. So I'm off to hitch my proverbial wagon to a new program beginning in the north where I am told the culture, level of education, attitudes and religious extremism are a totally different situation - as is the alarmingly different level of violence.

As of mid-July, I will be working and living in Mazar-e-Sharif and really can't wait. Several of the co-workers I currently have left (many jobs have been eliminated and many more have gone off to greener pastures) have worked in the northern region. The stories are amazing and I feel like some little kid, eagerly leaning in and asking ... "tell me more Grandpa!" I absolutely cannot relate to what I'm hearing about this part of Afghanistan and am anxious to get up there and experience it myself. I hear it's very green, in the mountains, the people and attitudes are quite different and it was an area that was last to fall to the Taliban and the first to liberate from them. My living situation will include residing in a villa in town which will be near other agency villas and down the road from the UN compound. I've included some photos below from the villa where I stayed while in Kabul back in April - just in case curious minds want to know what I'm talking about. The stories I've heard rival the "house party" atmosphere so common and fun in college - not all the time mind you, but not a rare occurrence either. Our villa apparently has a small swimming pool and gardens (this seems unreal to me) and you have some ability of freedom of movement to walk to local shops and restaurants and see your own projects. This Hillbilly is rather wary of wondering around too much as I don't trust anyone here or any situation - that is a direct result of living and working in the south, but also quite wise in my opinion. The job itself sounds incredibly cool and there is an aspect of women's engagement and youth building (stop laughing) built into it. I think some well organized dodge ball teams can take care of the kid problem here :) Primarily my focus is on developing governance systems, municipal services and related economic activities as well as other related programming. Sounds like I will also be working with some amazing and experienced professionals once again too - something that made this current job fantastic.

The negatives - not many, but Mazar hosts the same UN compound that was just stormed by an angry mob in April and resulted in many UN workers being killed and beheaded - the details on that situation are too unpleasant and sad for me to repeat. Also, it's an area that's considered quite secure so Karzai (someone who should be assassinated and is a total, useless POS) is transitioning security in the north and west over to Afghan forces. That's resulted in many news stories of bombings and shootings up there as the Afghan forces are occasionally infiltrated by insurgents who then take the opportunity to kill local politicians, leaders and other Afghan and ISAF security forces. My point of caution will be to pay extra close attention to where I am and what I'm doing since a large part of my job is working directly with these local leaders and politicians. Simples!

From the roof of a villa in Kabul

an old Russian tank in front of villa

behind villa - Afghan neighborhood

Close up of burnt out tank

View of other villas - nice, eh?

another shot of the neighborhood behind - people jog on that hill

Sooooo, I'm out of here at the end of June, will enjoy a week of the beach and a swim up bar in Dubai while trying to ignore the fact that it's so hot and humid there right now it's like breathing though a hot, wet towel in a boiling sauna. 120 degrees and amazing humidity. Who Cares!!! That's what the swim-up bar is for and why the good Lord invented white wine... and water. Then I'm back to begin my last year of work in the Stinkastan!

I am hoping that the new digs are minus the rodent, fly and now scorpion infestation that I currently enjoy here while at our office compound. I am impervious to freaking out over fat mice/or small rats, the flies still make me homicidal, but now the scorpions are out and ruining my foot loose and fancy free flip flop evening attire. I hate it here. How can I be the Hillbilly Wino without flip flops? I'm already trying to do it without wine. This evening at dinner, I was trying to enjoy my pedestrian meal and happened to look down as a fly committed suicide right into my green beans - kamikaze style - had I not seen it happen, I would have blissfully enjoyed the extra protein without being the wiser. Then another fly crawled out from under my neighbors pie crust while she was eating it. On top of it all, it was recommended that I get "de-wormed" when I finally go home since most likely I'm the hostess with the mostess and don't even realize it. All courtesy of eating and living here. Seriously, what am I - a puppy?

So that pretty much sums up the state of the union for the Wino. Trust me, I am totally aware of the seething sarcasm and negativity jumping from the computer screen. I'm hoping that a change of scenery and new project will help with perspective and renewed vigor so that I can once again approach nation building with the enthusiasm it requires! Otherwise I will be the governance and stabilization version of a sexually frustrated Nun. Negative and angry - and I so hate to let myself get to that point or remain there too long. This portion of the journey is coming to an end and hopefully the next chapter will feel like a new country and totally different in ways that I cannot imagine.

Hang tough comrades! And, enjoy the summer :)

Drink of the night - Pakistani Vodka with a warm diet coke - flip flops optional.

Simples!

2011-03-27T11:45:00.001-04:00

Sorry it's been so long since a post, but I needed to make sure I had something to write that was accurate for at least 24 hours before I posted. Let's see... returned from an exhilarating vacation, barring a horrible cold/flu I caught during the last leg, and within 3 hours of arriving back to my office compound we had a huge meeting and the staff was cut by 25%. I was certain I was to go, but after 3 hours of waiting (as we were called in 1 by 1) I was informed that not only was I staying, but they loved my work and were sending me to FOB Wilson to clean up the mess there. If you recall, FOB Wilson was one of the bases I spent all last summer planning - just the mention of it made me tense. So, that began a series of back and forth changes that lasted for 3 weeks - you're going, you're not going, we're developing a new position for you, you're going, no... and finally I was going for sure and here I am. The reason for the cuts has to do with the funding we receive through USAID, who in return receives if from Congress and FY11 doesn't come through for a few months. Our program is also going through an audit and that's not helping - basically, it's still somewhat up in the air, but we did get enough money to continue for a few more months in hopes of more coming in. So that covers that - as you can imagine, it's been a tense time.

As for being back, I arrived just in time for fly and rodent season. Mice and flies all over our dining facility, then rats in the food, topped by me opening the fridge to grab a plate and there being a large mouse on top of it - by that time I didn't even flinch. This was making my Menno Paws situation last spring look like something a baby could handle. They were finally able to get that somewhat under control but it took days for me to get my gag reflex back in check - was scared to eat or touch anything. To make things better, we enjoyed a pretty frequent indulgence of vodka around the fire pit during the evenings - usually Thursday nights - which was very entertaining until we all ran out of cash for the $80 per bottle price tag on rot-gut. Possibly, I'm in the wrong industry over here... Carlos, the gay Philippine assistant site manager of our office compound was on speed dial and would sashay into our compound with our order and a lot of sass - all in very broken English - imagine a flaming queen, waltzing into our camp, palms out, runway walk, cig in one hand saying things like "oh, you bad boys, bad lay-dies Hee Hee - who be bad for Carlos?" - I can't even describe how surreal that situation was, but I hope I never forget it. Lord.

So now I'm out at FOB Wilson - middle of a combat zone, during combat season. I'd been here last year so I knew what to expect. Cannon guns going off at night, always on notice for attack. I live on the other side of the wall from the District Governor's compound which keeps coming up as a prime target for attack. I have to work over there frequently. There are a ton of Afghan's milling about and the security is run by the ANP - not a unit I have any confidence in. I do have private security and am escorted everywhere - including the shower, but I just put an end to that during the day. This is a joint camp with the ANA so Afghans in uniform are all over the place here and I can't say I like it, but will adapt. They are weird around women - mostly nice, but plenty of bullshit and I'm not putting up with it so we'll see how that goes. My living container is fabulous, but there are nothing but port-o-johns and anyone can use them - including the Afghans - who basically stand on the seats and crap all over everything. It's disgusting, but they clean them several times a day. Blech!

I will be working closely with the District Governor and the projects work much differently than they do in Kandahar City. For one thing, it's easier for the Taliban to intimidate people. They cut the ears off of several workers on one of our projects two weeks ago and it's been hard to get the locals to show up for work - as you can imagine. We award contracts for projects under the stipulation that locals are hired

my trailer - complete with plastic lounge!

so you can imagine the difficulty and understand why they don't want to come to work all the time. There are some really cool projects going on here as well - women's empowerment, small schools, I have a radio station and DJs on my staff, agriculture projects. I am looking forward to these and hope our funding continues so that they can move ahead.

Today I went on my first foot patrol here outside of this base. It was about a mile and a half out to the last site and we had a military escort, but damn I was on my toes - it was rather scary to do this in this area. That was until we hit my first construction site and I went postal about the progress and the answers from the contractor. He obviously is making very slow progress, there were kids working on the site( a huge no-no) and then we got into an argument about the depth of the well, etc. Nightmare... and this is to be completed in 1 month. I have to do all of this though an interpreter with grizzled military guys standing there listening. To make matters worse, it's next to a cemetery so people show up all day cursing the contractor's first born, the DG's wife and suggesting sex with donkies. When I am done with this, I will be able to handle ANY general contracting work in the States! But this is why they sent me here - isn't it weird when people see something in you that you don't quite see in yourself and you are personally clueless about their faith in you to carry out the assignments? - this goes through my head every day. I honestly never think I know exactly what I'm doing, but somehow I do it - it's like a big series of lucky breaks. I digress...

Soooo, we get all the way out to the last site and notice the mountains are starting to disappear. Not a good sign. What it means is that a huge dust storm is coming, we're a mile or so out of base and now medivac cannot come get us if anything bad happens - the helicopters cannot fly, and the military won't be able to see us. This storm was tremendous! Wind so strong you had to struggle to stand, choking on dust and can't see a thing because it's sandpapering your eyes, can't communicate well because you can barely speak and if you could, nobody could hear you because of the wind. We walked back through this to base and let me tell you ... my mouth was like a sandbox, complete with the little treats the neighborhood cats used to leave in ours overnight. My face was on fire (I had used a mud mask 4 days prior that I ended up being allergic to, so I had a raw face before the day started), I could barely open my eyes and I could feel piles of fine dirt collected in places that were covered with clothing. I looked like an old, brown woman! There was an amazing brown run-off when I finally got to the shower hours later - the storm didn't let up for a loonnggg time. Happy Sunday!

one of my project sites - still sunny!

Here are some pictures from the day...

inside the site of "unhappy progress"

one of the many burial sites

headed to the Agriculture Center as the sky darkens

progress - green things!

drainage ditch

...and the storm starts coming in

...and it keeps coming - notice you can see nada


and our patrol heading back to base - last pic I took before a complete dust-out. You can see how strong the wind was if you look at the trees.

Well, that was my day. I am still finding dirt in weird places - both on me and in my room. Managed to run from the shower before my wet hair turned to mud - success! I'd also like to wish Mike K. a Happy Birthday which comes at the end of this month - just a few more days old man - I still remember your 40th party with fondness. I get to spend another one of mine here next month but am going HOME for a visit at the end of April and I cannot wait for that to happen. Hope everyone is doing well, enjoying the gas pricing and all that price gouging like that entails! In the words of the Captain who led our patrol today - "go get cleaned up, dusted up and get your shit straight!" It's the season of Easter!

Drink of the evening - Chrystal Lite in a Styrofoam cup!

Dooby-Dubai

2011-02-27T04:40:00.000-05:00

parrot

I lounge here writing this entry surrounded by Kleenex - both used and unused - in my hotel room in Dubai. Fly out tomorrow for Afghanistan and am trying to get ahead of the nasty cold I caught while on a wonderful vacation. I lost a complete day in Paris to it, but recovered enough to have a near perfect day the next, and final day, on my trip. Spent a wonderful day strolling through St. Germain in the Latin Quarter and the Marais District. Enjoyed some cafes, the streets, people and had the best French Onion Soup of my Hillbilly life. There was the most interesting little cafe that we enjoyed. It was full of regulars - in particular, an elegant, raspy-voiced elderly Parisian woman who basically sat there and smoked, drank and visited with everyone who walked by - including a parrot. She must do that every day and was obviously well liked by all - although I could not understand a thing she said, being that it was in French, you could tell it was funny, most likely off-color and with a bit of sass because of the laughter and reactions her remarks evoked. Stumbled into the Jewish District and had some delicious and authentic treats there - totally enthralled by this district especially considering the history and occupation of Paris during WWII - I am a history crazy. I love when you find someplace incredibly cool and weren't even looking for it.

The Parisian Hillbilly

There's something about Paris that I really love but can't quite pinpoint. Maybe the feel of the city and the people. I could live there and now understand why people rave about it. Also, although we saw quite a few unfortunates, there was no pan-handling and the kiddies were even fun, cute and well-behaved. Imagine that! The transit system was easy to navigate and thankfully our trip to the airport with too much luggage and many subway steps went smoothly thanks to it being very early in the morning. The Wino even managed to get stuck in the turnstile - me stuck in the space between the turnstile and electronic door, with my bag on the other side of the turnstile. Had to ask to be released and we laughed our behinds off about it. The day earlier, we saw someone fall up the metro steps and discussed how embarrassing that could be - not 15 minutes later, as we were reading the subway map while on the people mover, it ended without us realizing and we almost toppled to the ground - stay classy San Diego (the Ron Jeremy tag-line from Anchorman for those of you not familiar)!

The following pics don't even need captions because they are so recognizable - except for this shop. We take a lot of pictures of markets and food because they look more delicious and well-preserved than we do - obviously. Speaking of which, I have this good friend who is a chef at one of my favorite places in the world back at home - he has taken up making butter sculptures of famous places and events ...

Protests - not in Paris, but made of but-tah!

I love these and they crack me the hell up.

the back of the Notre Dame

The lovely Sienne

Now I'm back in Dubai, nursing a phenomenal cold and once again listening to the Muslim prayer chants via loudspeaker throughout the city. I always seem to pick up something pretty nasty while traveling - didn't in Thailand and I think that was because I allowed myself to relax beach side for 2 weeks. I go on these trips, already exhausted from how I live in Afghanistan, and create an endurance sport out of my travels. I simply cannot help it - I crave getting out of there so much combined with wanting to see as much as I can and it results in me running myself into the ground. Next trip is home and other than a jaunt to Vegas for a few days, the Wino plans on pool-side action, golf, grilling out and hanging casually with family and friends. That should stave off any cooties.

The airport here was crazy last night - absolutely packed with people - many of whom were fleeing the conflicts occurring throughout northern Africa and the Middle East. Mayhem and little use of deodorant made for a slightly unpleasant end to an already long day of travels - all with an incredible head cold/sinus infection. Then, when you left the airport to grab a taxi, there were so many people with signs, etc. in the greeting area that I felt like a Bollywood star! Every time I watch the intensity of what's happening over here I can't help but wonder if I will be working in one of those countries next. I personally think a governance and stabilization jaunt in Libya would be fascinating considering that its potentially a successful revolt against 40 years of oppression by a nut job. Talk about amazing - I hope they are successful. To be part of setting up a democracy there - where the people instigated it - would be the experience of a lifetime as compared to trying to do undertake the same goals in a country where they don't really give a camel's ass and it's all about their own personal gain .... hmmm, where could that be? Plus, right now we get to enjoy the added bonus of the rambling nonsensical speeches given by Gaddafi (I will spell his name differently each time I use it) - how do you rally supporters you've hired to kill your own people for the purpose of you not losing your personal power and wealth - he can't even come up with any solid reasons his countrymen should continue to support him - what a goofball! Even his big-breasted Ukrainian nurse has quit his ass and once that happens, you know the fat lady is singing.

Anycoup, back to the 'stan tomorrow morning where it sounds like it's gotten quite crazy during my absence - if the security emails I've seen via work correspondence is any indication. I can start another 3 month countdown until my next break from there - really passes the time. I will like to close with a huge birthday wish to one of the Hillbilly Wino's favorite men in the universe - Happy Birthday Steve G. and enjoy your weekend of fun with my other favorite man, Mike K. After all these years, you're both still the prettiest girls on the block!

Drink of the day - hopefully some red wine to soothe my sinus passages!

Eurotrash!

2011-02-23T01:02:00.001-05:00

My goooodddnneessss... I am loving my trip through some fabulous countries of Europe! My traveling companion and I have thoroughly enjoyed ourselves thus far and I dare say that I'm hitting the point where I can barely cram another delicious morsel of culinary delight into my cake-hole. In addition to a smattering of fun little knick-knacks to commemorate our trip, I am racking up an international collection of mosquito bites - Dubia, Italy and Spain have so far contributed to a small amount of blood loss and the resulting itchy bump. In the words of one of my favorite television characters - Patsy, from Absolutely Fabulous - "the last mosquito that bit me had to check into Betty Ford." Apparently they have a fondness for wine.

Let's see - Italy! Although I've been there 3 times previously, I still can't get enough of Rome, Florence and Venice. They are familiar, I love them and now I make a pretty decent guide. The Jewbilee and I had a fantastic time in all three. We physically walked ourselves into a near state of unconsciousness in all three cities. In Rome, we actually wandered through the Prime Minister protests and were totally oblivious to what was going on around us - we thought it was not only convenient, but also a grand idea that they shut down the main thoroughfare around the Colosseum area so that one could gawk at the sites without a concern for traffic. We realized later, while watching BBC, that we had been walking through the protest that day. If nothing's exploding, then I'm not paying much attention - thank you Afghanistan. Florence - rainy, but spectacular - shopping, excellent cafes and a swanky club/lounge right next to our hotel. Venice - we were upgraded to a palatial suite in our hotel - the thing had to be 2000 square feet with 20 foot high ceilings and a giant sitting room that could have housed quite the shindig comfortably. It was amazing. Beautiful and relaxing city. Finally journeyed out to the St. Michel Island cemetery which was really beautiful - if you're going to be dead, this is a pretty good contender. Italy was a hit!

We are currently in Spain and are in love with Barcelona. It took me a few hours to warm up to Barcelona because I was so irritated by how lacking the airport was in giving any meaningful direction once you departed your flight. We actually walked outside to the arrivals and had to beg our way back in to retrieve our baggage - weird and in my opinion, dumb as hell - how about a sign with a bag and an arrow pointing in the correct direction? However, after a few transportation snags we finally arrived at our hotel in this beautiful city! We're staying on Las Ramblas - while my interest in people performing "human statues" waned a while back, we are also in the middle of some amazing neighborhoods and have largely avoided the main tourist street where we are located. The main tourist street is fun to watch from the balcony and is swimming with people. We've eaten tons of tapas, lived my dream of finally seeing and touching some Gaudi buildings and discovered the coolest little town/resort area right outside of Barcelona - Sitges! We spent a day there - not only does it have it's own micro-climate that creates sunny days almost every day of the year, is on a beautiful beach and is stunning, but it also had it's origins as an artist community, has it's own famous film festival every year (horror films) which culminates in a town-wide zombie walk ... and it's a gay mecca! Where the hell have I been? Zombies are one of my favorite creepy things! This freak show has my name all over it - we loved it there!

Sitges!

waterfront area

Enjoying a beverage on the beach

A hillbilly and some sand

Sitges waterfront

still no zombie sightings

Anyzombie, back to Barcelona - interesting to note that there are a ton of beggars here and some of the worst street musicians I have ever heard. Any city will have its homeless, but the climate here must lend itself to drawing many to this area - kind of like California. Every place we've been, there have also been tons of the "gypsie beggars" - no matter what country, they are all dressed the same and many take their kids out too. Interestingly, B and I were winding through a back alley and walked up on a gypsie beggar smoke break and guess what? - They could all stand up straight, walk, etc. - if you are familiar with this group, they are usually all bent over, wailing and shaking their cups or dragging themselves on the street. It's just another job, and they take smoke breaks too - loved seeing the smoke break though and I wish I could have been able to overhear the "water cooler" chit chat - totally curious what little diddies that would entail. B and I were wrapping up the day recently at a wonderful sidewalk cafe only to be ear-assaulted by yet another bit of street "talent" - I'd rather listen to two cats mating. Babies started screaming ... and these guys also seem to be somewhat deaf - they literally scream-sing in your face. I felt like I needed a shower and owed my ears a good long vacation after a heartfelt apology. We got a good laugh out of it at least. I think it's a more acceptable way (in their minds) of begging, so next time you're short on cigarette money, break out the pots and pans and take that show on the road!

A key observations so far - more like a public service announcement ... there's really no need to travel with your babies and toddlers - please just wait until they get old enough to both remember and enjoy the trip. No offense to the many babies and toddlers I love dearly (and their parents :\ ), but for shit's sake - why do I have to experience your kid's temper tantrum, screaming and kicking my seat on the plane, screaming and whining next to me at cafes and inside restaurants and your strollers taking out my Achilles tendon on the street? I saw a kid with his finger crammed into his nose up to his second knuckle while I was trying to enjoy a little appetizer and beverage. Not that I mind having them around just in case I break something or knock it off a shelf - I just flash that understanding "believe me, I know what you mean" look at the sales clerk and nod in the direction of the child army, when in fact it was me who had knocked over the display items!

Point is ... little kids belong at kid things and not in nice restaurants, cafes, bars, museums, etc. I'm not at Disney Land flashing my boobs, cursing and ashing on their dear little heads - I'm all for creating a leisure age limit. Just because you may see your own kids as wonderful doesn't mean everyone else does. I sound horrible, but have been amazed - or at least am more familiar with how I was raised - my parents would have NEVER stood on a street "negotiating" with a pouting, spoiled 5 year old - you'd be struggling to touch a toe on the ground as you were yanked by the arm back to the car, etc. However, some of the little booger factories were really cute and seemed to be enjoying themselves tremendously - we saw a ton of twins for some reason too. I must admit that adjusting to being in the world after living where and how I do is hard. It's almost a stimulation overload - I crave it, but can't handle it very well and it takes me quite a while to adjust. Good thing I'm planning on going to Vegas just a few days after I come home this summer - that shouldn't be stimulating at all! I just hope that there will be a ton of kids there - especially at the pool :)

inside the Colosseum

Jewish ghetto area in Rome

streets closed for protests but look - no traffic!

Arno river in Florence

I want big doors

one of the ceilings of our room in Venice

the bedroom

... and seating area

Casa Batllo in Barcelona

Familia Sagrada church

Gaudi! this building reminds me of vertebrae

inside of Casa Batllo

roof

waterfront of Barcelona

More fun is still to be had and I will try to post another blog before I return to Afghanistan. We really have been tooling around these cities until we drop, so there's not been much time for the ol' blog, but I'm s-l-o-w-i-n-g down somewhat and we're both fighting a combo of exhaustion and illness - but I love it! This has been an excellent trip in cities full of beautiful things, interesting people and tons of energy in the air.

Drink of the evening - a Cava Sangria!

Shake, Rattle and Roll!

2011-01-29T02:02:00.000-05:00

It's been a very busy and eventful past couple of weeks. I've enjoyed an earthquake courtesy of Pakistan, moving to a new base on a semi-permanent basis and just this morning, the bomb-assassination of the Deputy Provincial Governor which canceled all of my meetings today. It's also begun to rain more frequently so I guess the rainy season is officially here.

The new position is finally falling into place, making more sense and not becoming such a huge stress inducer. Kudos to me! Basically, they divide the City of Kandahar into 10 districts and I manage the activities through our funder, USAID, for 2 of them. We build schools, roads, water points, equip offices, etc. and work with the line ministries for education, health, women's affairs and the city. It's incredibly interesting and frustrating all simultaneously - for every good move, there's corruption, bullshit and delays to set you back. Political positions and other lines of authority are obtained for profit and not necessarily for the advancement of the Afghan people - kind of like us... We also have to manage our projects through local staff which has been incredibly challenging - you send them out to do the work, site visits, etc. and have to trust and rely on what they report back. Not the best way of doing things, but does avoid us having to be out in the middle of things. Most, but certainly not all, Afghans are incredibly lazy I am finding and are more interested in the money than the mission, so they find ways to cheat and rip you off at every point - not shocking since that's quite common in countries suffering from poverty, war and devastation. If you don't specify exact questions and outcomes, they usually won't make any effort to problem solve or think on their feet so a common request can take a week while you keep asking for more information - it's like sending a bunch of lazy teenagers out to do something important when all they want is the money! I can relate to that as my parents will attest! Not all of them work this way, but enough to make these projects a huge pain in your unmentionables.

So now I'm safely ensconced at Camp Nathan Smith - fortunately this base in in the middle of housing and shops so they don't tend to shoot rockets onto base - it's more bombings at the gate, etc. The base is small so I hear all helicopters taking off and landing, bombings outside of base in the city, gunfire and more importantly us blowing the Taliban to their land of virgins. The A10s are always flying around and bombing the be-Jesus out of them - much different than KAF. More in the middle of things, but safer if that makes any sense. I also have a beautiful view of the mountains and can see kites being flown all around the city outside of base - we have one in our room that blew into base. Tons of cats, dogs and a new puppy that someone has taken in. There are also trees here which will make the Hillbilly quite happy when things enter the season of green. The food is excellent - which can always be dangerous to a hungry Wino - but they also have a pretty nice gym. It's rather old school and reminds me of a boxing gym - it's in the old Taliban prison to I keep my eyes peeled for ghosts! - but the equipment is good and I have for some reason fallen into a rather extreme cardio routine. I hate cardio - it bores the hell out of me, but I could get through it with a good television show or movie. However, here it's just you, your iPod and inside your own head - doing 60, 90 and 120 minute, hard at it sessions - can't explain that, but I think it has something to do with all of the underlying stress and adrenalin that you just get used to but can never fully release. Hopefully I will return for my visit home in June as a very relaxed and toned Hillbilly! Weird though to live in a space where so many people have been tortured and killed - had that feeling about my jaunt to Dachau while I was in Germany.

So - the adjustment to tin can living with a roomie has been evolving. I had someone in my container the first 4 nights I was here -great people, but the living situation needs to me modified as you simply cannot work and live like that - they are working on it and hopefully we will have our own living containers soon. The hardest part is just not being able to get up and work in the early morning, middle of the night - no Skyping at a whim and if you do, there's usually someone in the room while you're talking - I'm here on my own right now and loving it - am even slowly adjusting to the showers and bathrooms - I will say this ... people are pigs OR I'm just extremely clean - could be a combo of both.

My tin can - I live on the side with the window

Here are some lovely pictures of the base and where I now live. I'm quickly settling into a routine and enjoy that everything is so easily accessible - not like KAF where it was almost impossible to get many places without transportation. There's a mosque on base and the chanting from the mosque here and then throughout the city at prayer times is other worldly. I was listening to music the other day while helicopter were landing, chanting was going on and some gunfire blasts were going off and it was totally surreal. I think all of the gunfire and explosions really put you on edge, but you don't realize it because it's so "normal" and just part of your day.

Lt. Dan - this guy hangs out with me every day

View from my container - this is the old Taliban Prison

Mountain views.

Little center courtyard in the hub of base

Upstairs deck for working, eating and hanging out

another view of the courtyard

Chinook coming in - these are LOUD

...and landing - the wind from these will blow you on your big behind

I have less than 2 weeks before Italy, Spain and France - it can't come soon enough and I am looking forward to actually sleeping for an entire night without jumping awake or insomnia. Good food, good wine, good company and all in beautiful settings - to say I can't wait is an understatement! Hope you all have an excellent weekend!

Drink of the Day - tea on a chilly, rainy day.

Clenched!

2011-01-10T07:45:00.001-05:00

Damn! I've spent the last 7 or 8 days learning the ins and outs of my new position. The job itself is pretty easily grasped, but the documentation and database are causing me to fight the urge to crawl into the fetal position and rock myself into a "happy place". Just when I think it's coming together - BAM.BITCH.BOOM! There's yet another piece of paper that needs to be hunted down and included - seriously - this is a war of paper over here ... a war on the trees. My head is spinning, my jaws are clenched and I'm having an overwhelmed moment because of the redonkulous level of paper trails necessary to do anything. That's because the audits are all-important and what 'merica needs to justify the continuation of all the good we are doing over here - yes, I am smirking as I typed that last sentence. I'm in awe.

On a brighter note - there looks to be a change in the weather today and it's looking like a mighty large thunderstorm is moving in. That's a cause for great excitement as it's basically Groundhog Day here - every day is the same ... sunny, dusty with changes only in the temperature. So I guess the rainy season I've been hearing so much about - the one that causes floods and the baby-powder-fine dirt to turn into peanut butter cement - may have finally arrived. As usual, I will be excited about this for around 2 days and then will quickly become bored with the whole thing. I'm betting it won't even smell like rain, but rather more like wet, filthy mud ... and poo. The air here always has the aroma of poo, if even just a hint, and not in the "farm" way we are familiar with - more like the "look what the homeless guy did on my steps" way that occasionally occurs back at the Hillbilly's place of residence.

I had an amazing and fascinating meeting this week with the 5 members of the team I now manage which is comprised of local Afghans. 2 speak English well and the other 3 need the conversations to be translated back and forth which makes for long meetings and meaningful looks and head-nods from me as I pretend to grasp the context of what's being said. I asked the team about their backgrounds and that was quite interesting - 3 were past (and highly ranked) military commanders back from the Soviet era. All of them have many years experience working with international aid organizations. One of them is extremely handsome with a very compelling voice and unusually colored eyes - almost like tiger's eyes - and were hard not to stare at, which is something women should always avoid doing here. Let's see - their initial interest in me was only to ask my age and how many children I had ... not much different that the days of Don Draper ... both of the numbers I provided were most likely disappointing - Age 4+, and 0 chill'uns. Of course I included my professional background and my stint in the military which was met with a round of appreciative head nods - I think anyone here who knows how to kill things is always welcome at the table - the inside joke is that they have no idea what kind of mad-capped mayhem ensued during my stint in the military. Interesting fact - they all love cookies and juice which I find hysterically funny for some reason - most likely because I'm seriously due a break from here. Here are these tough, seasoned military veterans enjoying the hell out of cookies and juice. Eventually they clearly understood my boss-likeness, especially when I was laying down the law about reimbursements and other loose money issues. The oldest one was happy that a woman was part of the team - this was said after I picked up garbage at the end of the meeting - and my co-worker and I were laughing about them being so confused as to my role. Hell, I'm confused about my role but it's certainly not cleaning up after the "meetings with the mens".

I would like to mention that I am slowly falling into very weird speech patterns and speaking habits that will probably be difficult to initially break when I finally return home. Many of my co-workers speak English as a second, third or fourth language and much like my experience in Greece, an "s" is placed at the end of almost all words. Something I no longer notice in my own speaking - writing correctly is easy, but speaking is more about what you become accustomed to hearing. Spoken sentence construction is also different as are slang terms for common items. I'm certainly not worried about losing my hillbilly accent, but am curious as how much of a newly minted American I will sound like when finally home. The strangeness is that you just stop noticing ... kooky...

I am trying to enjoy my last few days in my own private container with my own private bathroom - in sum, I am extremely clean and well-groomed as a result. I need a cut of the hair - see what I mean about sentence construction? :) - and an amazing amount of red wine, red meat and fresh pasta ... bread, and some tapas plates in Spain ... and some heart-clogging butter and cream based dishes in France ... pints of beer ... the freedom to roam ... something to look at that's not a tent, metal container or camouflage motif ... and tons and tons of walking and exploring!! February 10th is right around the corner. Hope everyone is sufficiently enjoying Winter!

Drink of the Night - an Arnold Palmer drink mix in water - would be a John Daly if I had vodka...

Here's to 2011!

2010-12-31T08:02:00.000-05:00

Well it's New Year's Eve here today - about 9 and a half hours ahead of the States. I've showered, had some tea, Skyped, finished a good book and now settling in for the evening. We have Fridays off and then Saturday due to the Holiday - something I never enjoyed with my other job as we worked all Holidays and just got paid for them. It's been quite a year considering that on this date in 2009, Afghanistan wasn't even on my most remote of radars. That's what I love about New Year's Eve - if you are open to new possibilities, you have no idea what the year will bring and it's always proven to bring something I never, ever expected. Thankfully, I have a patient and understanding other half who really gets my need to wander not to mention my burgeoning addiction to experiencing and seeing new places and things. The support makes it so much easier to be over here. I'm also very grateful that my family and friends have made huge efforts to stay in touch on a regular basis, send plenty of goodies and therefore keep me very grounded and missing home - something I see as a barometer of good mental health. Homesickness to me equates to still being tied to something and is a beneficial quality. Too many people here are missing that because they've been doing this too long.

This coming year should be somewhat "normal" because I at least know where I will be ... I think. I was just picked up for another year with my current company and will be working in Kandahar City from the base there. Right now, we will largely be going back and forth, working much of our time there and then coming back to KAF for a few days every couple of weeks. I like the new base and was even involved in planning it with my old job - weird - will have to share a container room with at least 1 other person. The room also serves as our office and right now is cause for all of us assigned there to have to go back and forth, living from our suitcases as we are not provided with any permanent "home" - that sucks and will take some getting used to. No place to place any personal items unless you want to haul them back and forth - we have 7 people assigned there with only 2 containers that sleep a max of 4 people each ... you see how much fun that will potentially be, but I very much like the team I am working with so I will be in good company. I also have a 300 yard walk to the showers and bathrooms which is also less than desirable because I've spent most of the year with either my own bathroom (recently) or one I shared with 1 or 2 people. But! The base has a pool, is easily walkable and my container just needs some Hillbilly TLC and will be something to envy! There are also tons of base kitties and a few dogs that wander around and let you hang with them and it's away from the big bosses which means a pretty relaxed environment. I will adjust to the greatly decreased privacy and use of base shower and bathroom facilities ... at least I keep telling myself that, but it really is less than desirable. However, no one can work the system in order to increase perks or living situations quite like the Wino!

One of the base kitties who made himself at home on our security guy

Love these markets - I think this is where our food at the corporate compound originates - hygienic!

I think this was the bank building that was the victim of the explosions we saw - had driven past it that day

I am very happy about the new position. I will be finished at the end of December 2011 and hopefully home in time to enjoy New Year's next year - which I hope will be in Vegas. I will be managing a team of 5 local nationals who are actually implementing the work within the district I am assigned. I have a weird, squatter district that needs an overhaul somethin' fierce - land clearance and allocation issues, infrastructure, schools, parks, economic development ... it really should be an interesting year and then I will finally return home and decide where I will be and what I will do next. Hopefully something in a country that gives me more freedom to roam, is not such a violent shit-hole and is non-Muslim. Or, something at home, but that doesn't seem too promising seeing that my field is based pretty much on development and growth and we aren't having much of that back in the US of A. I have a year to think about it, so I'm not too concerned now.

As for Afghanistan... it's been pretty active over here with car and suicide bombings in combination with pretty regular rocket attacks. I just found out that the one we had on Christmas killed a couple of people on base - way to ruin Christmas for those families for the rest of their lives. We had more attacks on base during the warmer months, but the fact that they are still doing it so frequently points to a change in strategy on their part - they usually pretty much close up shop and go back to their dirt hovels for the winter, but not this year. Anyboom, I saw a huge explosion in the city while I was out in one of my parks doing a walking survey - really amazing to see from the hillside and it was a huge blast with an immense smoke cloud ... We were all like, "what was that?" as you do while wondering in a park outside of any base when something explodes. I'm irritated with myself because I had my camera in my hand to take pics of the project sites and could have snapped some great shots, but instead stood there with my pie hole hanging open, gawking at a large explosive plume of dirt. We had a rocket attack last night and totally expect one tonight for New Year's Eve - it's c-o-l-d out here at night and it's been taking up to an hour to give us an all clear before we can return to our rooms. By then you are numb and wide awake. I have a little sock and sandal combo going at night that never fails to entertain everyone else as "so American" - which I don't think is a compliment to my national heritage, but there's too much Hillbilly in the Wino to break old fashion statements!

I hope all of you have an excellent New Year's celebration and a happy and healthy 2011. I have really appreciated the readership, comments and emails on and about this blog. I hope to continue posting on a regular basis - I've been bad about regularity recently, but will be at a new base with plenty to observe and bitch about I'm sure, so things should pick up!

Drink of the Night - good and excellent news... it's red, not really allowed here and part of my namesake - Happy New Year to me!

Happy Festivus!

2010-12-25T09:20:00.002-05:00

Ah, Christmas in the Afghan Wonderland! After a Christmas Eve of Skype, contraband scotch and many games of iPad solitaire, the big day finally arrived. I took a walk today down to the boardwalk to grab a pizza since they wouldn't allow lowly civilians into the DFAC for the Christmas meal. I saw Santa riding around on top of an MWRAP (large military vehicle) and then on top of a tank down the road - I also heard that Santa was shelling the Taliban as well which kind of cracked me up thinking about it. Seriously, they were apparently dressed in Santa hats while firing off mortar rounds. Now that's the true meaning of Christmas. Surreal but comforting.

Thankfully for Skype and Facebook, Christmas here has been somewhat bearable because I at least feel in touch. I am very thankful for my own room, including my own bathroom, and a TV with real television broadcasts to get me through. Oh, and books and the iPad - I would have gone nuts without the distractions. Everyone is in a pretty good mood today and making the best of where we all are for the Holidays. I would love to be home this year - my sister's kids are getting a puppy and it's an adorable GoldenDoodle ... I want one ... and am missing all the snow as well. I keep myself busy by planning vacations which has become a weird hobby for me but damn if it doesn't take your head someplace good!

Tomorrow is back to work and Monday is another convoy to the park and afternoon strolls through both of them in Arghandab, topped off with a meeting of the minds with the military on how we will move forward with the projects planned. I finally found a female local national who works for us - she was able to go down to the women's section of the park and ask them questions from my survey. I secretly hope to make the parks as nice and accommodating as I can for these women - life here for them is complete shit for the most part and I like the thought of them safely enjoying something another woman helped improve for them. It's all about the sisterhood!

One of the interesting aspects about working over here is that Afghans, much like most impoverished citizens, are unable to think about the group or the future and rather just about their immediate survival. Makes sense. So many of the projects that are constructed end up totally scuttled after people sweep in and steal and dismantle the parts to sell or re-use. It's frustrating, sad, but mostly understandable considering their situation over here. We are trying to teach community leadership skills so they can affect their own change and work more effectively within the government (which is incredibly corrupt) - I think most of them are just as frustrated as we are will the state of affairs.

I very much cannot wait to get the hell out of here in February for a much needed jaunt through Europe - hopefully the time will fly until then. Hope you all have/had a very special Christmas with your families and friends! Oh nice - we just had a rocket attack - F-them for doing that on Christmas.

Drink of the Night - hot cocoa with a side of Jingle Bells.

Dusty Christmas!

2010-12-17T07:50:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! I've been busy learning this new job, traveling for it and trying to figure out what comes next. Now that I work regular hours (8 a day), live in a container apartment and on the non-explosion side of the base - not to mention, not under a rocket siren or at the end of the runway - life is seeming normal here and time is passing quickly. I can even watch the BBC from my room and movies on India's HBO. Very strange how incredibly different this new job is compared to the old one - living in a tent, working in a tent, sitting in a tent for 6, 12 hour days with bad internet and no TV signal - it's truly like night and day! It's also making the passing of the Holidays in Afghanistan bearable I think. I read, watch the tellie and work - the only thing missing is the evening wine and the ability to get out of here when I want.

The downside is that it gets to feeling so normal, that you forget you are in a war zone until something weird happens. The road convoys are enjoyable to me now and I have to fight the urge to take a nap. It's misplaced fearlessness - not out of any kind of courageous center, but just out of normalcy. I've always thought is was strange what a person can get used to, but here it is and we all fight the boredom. However, I was sitting outside last weekend at the base in Kandahar waiting to meet with the Mayor when we heard an explosion - it ended up being the bombing of the Afghan Police HQ that we had just driven past and hour earlier. Apparently that was part of a whole series of attacks that weekend - those are the kind of gentle reminders of where I actually am. I do think there's a tendency to become addicted to the adrenalin rushes you get over here and therefore become willing to push yourself further just for the jolt. Luckily, the company I now work for has an excellent security team and they are very cautious, so we can't push ourselves like you tend to want to do. How the Hillbilly loves a good rush of excitement! That's really a stupid reaction to being here since the people who actually live here - in the middle of this s*&^ - risk there lives every day just walking down the street and trying to support themselves and their families. I make more in 1 year than most of them will ever see in a lifetime, so I should simply be thankful I'm generally safe.

So, on the job front - this one officially ends in February. I have already planned my next jaunt through Europe in the company of one of my favorite people in the universe. Italy, Spain and France - woo hoo! I've been asked if I would be interested in taking a position here in the Panjwaii District office that we are opening up in a couple of months, but nothing official. I am looking for plan Bs just in case. I think I could barely stand to be here one more year, and then will call it a day and look for something at home or in a country that's not at war, more interesting and allows freedom of movement. Many people I know would be happy with that decision! I'm not sure how I will ever be able to adjust to a normal working environment after this - can't even imagine it!

I hear there's snow, with some extra snow going on at home. I hate that I'm missing it because I thrive on a good snow storm, love to drive in bad weather and find the city being closed down due to horrendous weather exhilarating! Seriously. Instead I'm here where its getting pretty cold, but with no snow. My partner in crime is seriously missing my winter duties as well - I shovel the walks and steps and clean off and extract the cars when I'm at home - that is missed, but my trying to get the Jewbilee to walk through a storm to go to my favorite bar/restaurant for drinks and conversation isn't missed. Just typing that made me homesick.

I hope all of you have an excellent Christmas with your families and friends! I will be Skyping for mine which is almost as good as being there. My 3 year old nephew was at my parent's house while we were Skyping and the minute I said hello to him from the computer he went screaming and running through the house - I almost collapsed laughing. By the end of the convo, he was up in the screen jabbering like all of the Wino's relatives - when he ran out of things to say, he just spoke in tongues. Interesting little fella. Anynuttyfamily, enjoy the pre-Christmas week and I will post more often!

I'm throwing in some Christmas picks of the Hillbilly's family to enjoy - we are very innovative with our cup holders, maternity wear and hair-dids! Merry Christmas!

Drink of the night - tea...I.am.so.bored.with.tea.

A Walk in the Park

2010-11-29T11:46:00.000-05:00

What a great day! After being down for a few days thanks to a bout of some mysterious stomach issue - the night of Thanksgiving - I am finally back among the living. Spent the day at the Arghandab District Center and the park next to it. This is the second park in the district I will be redeveloping - very different than the first and it surrounds a historic shrine. Also interesting to be in the District Center - the District Governor works out of there and the locals have access (after 3 checkpoints) - I've also read so many articles about the place that it made me quite curious. Lots of things jumbled in there including a US military unit. The one thing that continually shocks me here involves the weird location of many of these bases - often located at the bottom or low points of hills. Makes it so easy to see and shoot into them.

Case in point would be this picture of the Arghandab District Center I took from the public park next to it. I wasn't even at the top of the hill either. By the way, the hill to the top of the park was a real lung buster - especially with a plated, protective vest. The guys were telling me great stories about sitting on the top of the 3 story building within the district center watching the bombing and fire fights all summer in Arghandab. Must have been amazing at night. Interesting place, but not sure I'd want to live there yet - only port-a-john toilets and showers every other day at this point. But, the Wino must have been looking shiny and clean today as several young Afghan men made some suggestive gestures and commentary while I was there - none of which I understood (but my interpreters did and would not repeat it) and in the words of a very dear friend ... " I have shoes older than them"... They must be starved for some cougar action!

So, this visit was incredibly interesting as was the fact that we were followed by a pack of very dirty, but sweet kids - one of whom had some kind of worm infestation eating the skin on his arm. Everyone - and I mean every single one of us - was extremely upset that no medical care for the locals was being provided from the District - it is very common for the units living there to offer clinic days to the locals to treat minor to moderate medical issues - something they are in dire need of - I have never seen little kids with their skin being eaten off and it tears your heart out. One of the security guys knew what it was and said the boy would lose his arm eventually if not treated. They were also caked with filth, lice, etc. Basically, many of them are very, very poor and have no place to play really but in poop and garbage filled fields - or just garbage dumps. I could go on and on, but won't - it's just something I wish U.S. kids could see - especially their parents ... like the ones stampeding and pulling guns on each other at Walmarts on Black Friday.

So much doesn't make sense to me here - this country has been at war so long that it's decimated the culture in many ways. As we were stuck in traffic in Kandahar City, I watched some guy take a dump on the sidewalk - something that is a common occurrence here which strikes me as odd for several reasons; 1. being that they have such strict modesty rules, 2. that many similar societies know the importance of segregating that kind of waste, 3. forget about three and 4. it ends up washing into their water sources. Much of it simply ends up as part of the oppressive dust in the air which totally makes me want to bath in peroxide, but that's not really an option. And here I thought only the bums in my neighborhood made poos on sidewalks and my deck steps!

Anypoo, the park foot patrol today rocked! I had one of our local Afghan contractors meet me there because his family has used these parks for years. He was able to point out how people use the park, problem areas and issues during the wet season. While we were in the middle of the women's park, a few women I walked up to offered me tea and gestured for me to join them, but I couldn't communicate and none of the men could go near them. I MUST find a female translator and that still most likely won't work because I can't go anywhere without security and they are men - the Afghans will be very upset if unrelated men are near the women on women's day. I have not seen any kick-ass, female security teams so I guess I'm out of luck. It was unbelievably frustrating because I really wanted to join them and being offered tea is a high honor here - I couldn't even explain why I had to decline.

This Shrine was at the top of the park's hill - that lump of cloth is a grave - someone very important. More graves inside what appears to be a pretty shaky structure, but was actually quite solid. There were also chickens up there, cats and some birds in cages - unusual to say the least. We most likely won't do anything with this area because of the burial site - unless the Mayor gives the OK.

This was from the top looking down into the Arghandab District area. This place was quite well maintained and irrigated so it was very green. This was the safest side of the park as it faced the District Center. The other side was sniper area so you had to move fast and couldn't hang around and gawk at the amazing view like a tourist.

This is a conference center that was built in the park but now not really used because of security issues. There are tons of pools and waterfalls that run through this in the summer season - must be quite stunning when all is in bloom and the water is flowing.

The historic Shrine on the site - people sit around and picnic on these tiled areas. The other side of the Shrine is the unsafe area.

These two are part of the small posse of kids that followed us all day - really cute and they like pens, but really needed soap and some medical care.

This is part of the broken playground equipment at the bottom of the park in the women's area. Some Einstein placed this playground area right in the middle of where it floods because they didn't do their homework. The Wino will be having the engineering team fix the drainage system so that the women and little ones can actually enjoy the place and not sit around in a mosquito embassy. So many projects here get funded and built without any real investigation of the area - so it's "look we made a playground" with no sustainability plan ... and then they end up like this.

Me and part of our security team which is comprised of both Afghans and the actual security company who train them. The guy next to me is phenomenal and an excellent interpreter. He's also quite funny. He's helping me get my survey out to the locals - including all of the women in his family - he said they were very excited that anyone wanted their input and improvements will be made. I hope they are made and I will try my best. I finally meet the Mayor of Kandahar City on Wednesday and therefore actual can officially begin my project with him. Heard he's an "interesting" guy and often beats the wee wee out of his subordinates - which apparently is quite common here ... and reminds me of the Mayor of Toledo who I had the most unfortunate experience of working for - thankfully not that long - total nut job and ass-hat.

I will end this post with a few comments regarding the television programming I am now enjoying. Dolph Lundgren cannot act and has the presence of an animated cardboard cutout, Claude Van Dam's movies at least tried to have better developed plots (but LOTS of grunting and moaning - strange!) and anything David Hasselhoff was involved in will inevitably have some unnaturally endowed women running ... even if it doesn't make sense. AND ... Indians worry about weight loss, baldness, bad breath and libido just like us! They also run a series of commercials about the importance of being on time to work for the sake of the economy. All of the programming except for the BBC originates from India ... my favorite are the Indian hip-hop commercials. I am truly appreciating the oddness of this television experience and often cackle like a hag at the commercials - especially the ones that aren't in English. I will also watch and read anything, so kudos to me!

Drink of the night - a sassy instant hot cocoa

Turkey, Scotch and Nan

2010-11-24T22:46:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I am preparing for what will certainly be the most unusual holiday I have ever experienced. I am thankful that while working with a majority of non-American citizens, I will still be able to enjoy Thanksgiving thanks to their love of turkey and our company being based in the US. The meal itself will be prepared by the Afghan cooks and I know will at least include the all important bird, but then will be an odd assortment of local foods like nan bread, some curries and dahl. I was informed that there would be excellent apple pie as well. AND, everyone is apparently breaking out their contraband hooch - the meal itself is off of base at our office compound, so we dodged the all important no-alcohol-on-the-military-base ban - which, I might add, is regularly breached by many. Especially the Polish, Irish and Germans... So that will be my holiday here which I am certain will be much better than with my old company where they will be enjoying whatever Thanksgiving themed slop is provided at the DFAC. I am truly thankful!!

Things here continue to be very interesting and I continue to enjoy the job as I navigate the programs and web of paperwork and processes. We work closely with a significant number of Afghans who are in our employ. The literally risk their lives to work with us on these projects - very educated and interesting men. One was actually shot yesterday but luckily survived and will be fleeing the country ASAP I'm told. As you can imagine, being educated - let alone working for aid organizations and other NGOs - puts them at risk of death on a daily basis. Seriously amazing and I greatly respect them for that. I also was very entertained by the fact that the young men here often hang out in the community parks to drink and smoke hash ... so much like the US! The added bonus is that there's a thriving prostitution ring that operates in many of these parks late at night - men and men - also so much like the US! See, we are bridging our differences already and all through the community park!

Anysmokingtheherbinthepark, I am finding out some amazing things about how the women live and the culture operates here in the southern region of Afghanistan. The facts are sadly jacking up some of my "big ideas" because they simply won't work here - more on that in another post. I have also been told some incredible stories about the Taliban, their recruiting and some of the actual end users of suicide bombers - total bullshit! More on that in another post too. All in all, it's been great here so far and I'm going to be planning my next trip soon - it passes time and keeps my head in a good place!

This is a short one, but it had been awhile. Hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving! I will do another post soon. Eat, drink and be merry!

Drink of the Night: diet coke ... yawn

New Perspective

2010-11-14T10:56:00.002-05:00

I must say, this new position is shaping into a really fascinating experience. Not only am I with an international group of people, but they've all done this crisis stabilization work for years and all over the world. Today I gave a brief presentation to a group of local nationals who were being trained on grassroots community development within their communities. I explained what I was doing, some of the objectives, that I was not there to plop down an westernized version of a "park" and needed their feedback and input in order to make these a success and something that could be fully utilized by their communities and families. My part was brief, but I stayed to listed to a portion of the training and the commentary they had on their own government, the insurgency and outside participants left me speechless. This is one of the coolest projects I have ever had the good fortune to become involved with and I hope to be able to continue beyond my short project scope. The rest of the day I went through medical training and also how to react and be directed by the private security team should a foot patrol or vehicle convoy come under attack. I'm not a small woman, but I was literally airborn while doing the convoy training - they just grab your flack jacket and throw you or drag you where you need to be. I managed to stay on my feet but others were not so fortunate. Lesson of the day - shut up, listen, stay out of the way and on your feet. These guys from private security are amazing.

Yesterday I traveled off of base on my first extensive vehicle convoy and then foot patrol. We went from base, through Kandahar City and finally ended up at the park I will be redeveloping per the Mayor's wishes. There is a whole entire, busy and bustling world outside of these military compounds. Initially, I was a bit clenched as there is so much traffic and piles of crap along the road that you were just waiting for something to blow. Apparently these vehicles can takes direct RPG hits and IED explosions so the major issues is getting to a new vehicle if yours is disabled and the hell out of there. The foot patrol through the park was amazing - the area is beautiful and has great potential. I cannot wait to finally meet the Mayor so that I can get started. Where ever I went, the person assigned to guard me went - that took some getting used to and the fact that you really can't stand still too long. They spotted several people along the ridge lines and out past the park so occasionally you would have to hunker behind cover. Honestly, after a little while in the convoy and then later on the foot patrol, the tension eased and I was able to focus on what I was doing. But I will never, ever let my guard down. It is still crazy over here and while we were out yesterday, a FOB in the region took an amazing assault of suicide bombers. About a half an hour ago, there was just a huge explosion at the entry gate closest to us - most likely a suicide bomber. Makes you wonder how those soldiers that just checked us through a couple of hours ago are doing - that is not a job that I would want to have if I were in the military. Also hard to believe that our vehicles can sustain IEDs, suicide explosions, etc. They said the key is to make sure you have your helmet on in the car and your seatbelt. Since I can barely remember to unbuckle mine, I think I will be OK in that regard. That is one experience I hope not to have.

Anyway, back to the work. I am headed into one of the bases in Kandahar City this week to meet with more local nationals. If the women are allowed to use the park, I also hope to possibly meet with some of their wives so that I can incorporate some of their issues into these designs and layouts as well. I am not here to save the world, and am too experienced to think that what I am doing will have any significant long term impact on the state of affairs - that is frustrating. But that being said, I can do this to the best of my ability and incorporate some needs and amenities that may improve quality of life - if even briefly. If they are actually able to use these spaces then that says something about a specific span of time where the locals felt safe and secure enough to gather outside of their community. Like I said, I am totally enthralled by this project.

Monument to fruit and a city gateway

Mansion behind street market

this is a cemetery - upturned rocks and flags (look hard in the back for the flags)

entrance to park

park pavilion - unfinished and bombed last year by the T

crops in the park

this was a pool. the Mayor wants it to function again .... there's a tree in it...

headed out of park - guy with sheep to the left

vineyards in the park

Camels! Moo

So I have posted some pics of the park, and my drive through Kandahar City - all through dirty windows and sometimes at a high rate of speed. Not the best photos, but gives you some idea of what the city is like and the one specific park - I will have 3 that I know of. All of the markets, people gathered around, traffic congestion (that made me the most nervous - being stopped in traffic) and just city activity was refreshing. I had a much different image of the city before I drove through it. More on this project as it unfolds!

Drink of the night - Instant Chai Tea - amazingly delicious!