The Adventures of Lily and Chloe

Where did five months go?

2012-06-12T15:28:00.004-05:00

At what point did it become June? It seems like this Spring just flew by and now it's back to blazing hot summer here in the Houston area. The girls are 16 months old now and are giggling and toddling around everywhere. They are both healthy and doing well. A lot of people ask me if they have developed their own language. I do catch them talking to each other and especially hear it on the baby monitor first thing in the morning. What it sounds like is "blah blah blah blah...hee hee hee" followed by peals of laughter. I have no idea what they are talking about, but it makes me laugh every time. I can never catch them doing this so I probably need to put a camera in their room. It is an awesome way to wake up, though!

We took them to their first gymnastics class a few weeks ago and that was received about as well as can be expected. Chloe cried for the first ten minutes and Lily just stood there like a statue. Toward the end of the class they started to feel comfortable and wanted to play, but then the class was over and it was time to leave. I think we will wait until they're at least two to enroll them in a program like that.

I finally joined a "parents of multiples" group. I haven't been to a meeting yet, but I hope it will help me learn how to deal with the unique challenges that come with raising twins. Because they're getting bigger, it's harder for me to take them out by myself. I want to get out with them like I see other people do with their children, but it's hard. I still haven't taken them to normal places like the grocery store, etc. We do take them to church and then to brunch or dinner sometimes and they do great in public. They love seeing people and are very social. I want to gain the confidence to take them out on my own. Maybe I'll try that this summer when I'm on vacation.

Speaking of that, we're taking them on their first plane ride when we go to Pittsburgh later this summer. This thought gives us great anxiety. I know people take kids on a plane every day, but honestly, I've never been the one with the kid so I usually just ignore it. I've read lots of articles about traveling with kids, but I guess it's kind of like fear of the unknown. I don't know how they'll handle it. I have a plan, we have cool gear, but none of that could matter once we get going. I'm open to suggestions! (Although, just so you know, I don't plan to medicate them to get them to sleep on the plane, as someone suggested to me.)

I'm not sure what is so much fun about playing in a bucket, but they both seem to love it!

I guess the other thing on my mind is how much life has changed in the past 16 months. I think I've mentioned that before (about a million times,) but to my friends reading this, I want you to know I haven't forgotten about you. I have missed events, many plays my friends have been in, parties for people, dinners out, etc. I just haven't figured out how to balance it all yet and the funny thing is, when those little arms reach out for me, want a hug, and even push each other out of the way to sit on my lap, I can't imagine being anywhere else but where I am at that very moment. I just want to sit there and hold them because I look back at pictures from just a few months ago and I realize how fast they've grown. In the words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Hospital Musings

2012-01-28T19:39:00.000-06:00

Here we are again back in the hospital. I never thought in my wildest nightmares that we would be doing this again with Lily. To make a long story short, last Sunday she began vomiting. We thought it was a stomach bug, took her to the doctor, got meds, etc. It got worse. We took her to the ER and it turned out to be an intestinal blockage as a result of scar tissue forming after her surgery. It has been repaired and we are once again fortunate to have our same team of doctors taking care of her. They truly do give her the very best care and take good care of us. It has been a rollercoaster since we got here. Once we think she is doing better, she runs a fever, has a high heart rate, or has to be tested for infection. We get past that hurdle and something else is waiting. It has been more than I think I can bear sometimes. I look at her lying there and I wish I could be the one to take her place. Since I can't, and I am extremely sleep deprived, I do the only thing I know how to do...I write about it.

These are just a few of my observations over the past week back in the hospital:

1) I am getting fat(ter) from all the grilled cheese yumminess I am consuming from the hospital cafeteria in an effort to placate my impending bout of depression.

2) Life flight lands an average of 15 times a day...just above me (that I have counted in boredom.) That number doubles on the weekends.

3) Lily may have an infection. I have learned that I may also catch it from changing her diapers and not washing my hands thoroughly. Positve note? This may counteract point #1 as it causes severe diarrhea. Hooray! I may lose some of that unwanted fat.

4) Days are running together and I no longer know what day it is. I have to ask.

5) I sleep in a window seat. Yep, you read that right. Thankfully I am 5 ft. tall so it all works out okay.

6) I feel helpless most of the time. I try to comfort Lily, but I can't take away her pain and this makes me both sad and sick. I can neither cry nor throw up any more because I am numb.

7) If you don't advocate for your child, don't expect anyone else to do the same. Even if you are not a doctor, you know your child best and owe it to them to speak up when they cannot.

8) Last night, the child down the hall yelled, "aaaaa...help me...leave me alone" until 2 a.m. There is no sound level of Pandora radio that will cover that noise.

9) There is a dysfunctional sense of community that develops when you have a child in the hospital. I looked in the mirror today and realized how bad I truly looked. I ignored it and went downstairs to the cafeteria anyway. On my way, I ran into another mother who looked the same way. We shared our stories and I felt semi-normal.

10) Lily is a doll. Really. I know other parents feel the same about their kids, but if i was going through what she is, I don't think I'd be as sweet. I thank God for her.

11) Chloe is with her grandma. I don't know how I'd handle it if I had to worry about her, as well. It gives me peace of mind.

12) You can use medical tape to tape your iPhone to the hospital bed and turn it in to a video screen for your child. If you have a sparkly rhinestone case like mine, have glue handy because some rhinestones will come off. It's worth it, though, to take away your child's pain for a while.

13) The hospital gift shop sells OPI nail polish. Score! (It does not; however, sell alcohol of any kind. Fail.)

14) The pineapple in the cafeteria tastes like I licked someone's armpit. (Not that I have actually licked an armpit before, but it tastes like what I'd imagine a nasty armpit might be.)

15) Writing is therapy.

16. I just want her to smile again.

Christmas Blessings

2011-12-23T19:51:00.000-06:00

Christmas is just two days away and I can't believe these months went by so fast. I don't get to post as often as I'd like because at 10 months, the girls are tag-teaming me more than they used to. They are crawling everywhere (in two different directions) and pulling up on everything. They love to walk with anyone who will hold both their hands and help them and they giggle...a lot!

Chloe can't stop giggling!

We've met Santa twice. Once at their friend Cosette's birthday and then the next weekend when Santa happened to stop by at the rec center across from our house. They handled it well both times, as you can see:

Santa even read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to all the children and both girls listened intently. This is Lily totally focused on Santa.

We also took the girls to the Houston Symphony. It was wonderful. They loved the music, the reading, and the sing-a-long with Santa.

This year has brought so many changes in our lives. It's been hard because we can no longer just run out and meet friends like we used to. We were previously involved in theatre, but can't either do or see much of it anymore. I hope people know that we still care about them and have them in our hearts, even though our lives now involve most weekends spent home as a family. It's funny. I thought I'd miss it, but I don't. What we've gained this year is a family. Our love and faith is stronger now than ever. These two precious girls were brought to us and I don't want to miss a day of their lives. I love watching them grow and change and love seeing their personalities emerge.

It is my true hope that we will be role models to them and will raise them in a loving family environment. I hope to encourage them to have a healthy self esteem and self worth and to show kindness to others. That's one thing my mom always encouraged-kindness to others. I get hurt sometimes, but I always try to look for the good in others and never rush to judgment, no matter what the case may be. I want my girls to be the same way I hope they look out for each other and are each others best friend and always look for the good in each person they meet.

And they're off!!!

I thank all of you who read this blog. I don't get to write as much as I'd like, but I hope that my words will help someone one day who is the parent of twins, is adopting, has a preemie and has to deal with the NICU, or just simply offer some words of encouragement. We have been blessed by incredible family and friends who support us. I can send out a message needing words of advice and three people will answer me right away. That gift of friendship is the greatest gift anyone could give us. Christmas blessings to all of you who lift us up and give us strength. May you be blessed this season and in the upcoming year, as well. 2012...here we come!

Brice, Nicole, Lily, and Chloe

Forever

2011-11-18T19:58:00.001-06:00

Today all that we had been dreaming of became a reality. We finalized our adoption in court and our two precious babies became ours forever. I'll admit, I have been really on edge lately leading up to this. So many people have told me that this was meant to be, but I have still always had that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me something could go wrong. I don't know whether I have just waited so long for this moment that I was preparing myself in case I had to face disappointment, but that never happened. We walked into the courtroom and within 20 minutes they were ours. That quick. I didn't even have time to cry...okay that's not true. Since I'm totally honest with all of you who read this I'll tell you the truth. When the attorney said to me, "You do understand this decision is forever?" I could barely speak. I was choking back tears. I wanted to remain so composed in the courtroom, but this warm wash of emotion covered me like a blanket and it was as if I was replaying the last nine months like a movie in my head. Here I am holding this precious baby and someone is validating for me that this really is forever.

Forever, like no one can take them away, forever, like even though the ups and downs in our past and in our future, this still is forever and cannot be changed. It is both overwhelming and life changing. This has been both the most difficult and most rewarding nine months of my life and although I doubt I will ever want to go through the adoption process again, I would wholeheartedly encourage anyone who has the desire to be a parent to consider adoption. I truly never saw myself in this place, but life is a mysterious, beautiful thing and we never know what is waiting for us around the corner. I know in my heart that this was God's plan for us all along. He chose these two beautiful children to be a part of our lives and the neat thing is, I believe he chose them for many of you who are reading this, as well. I laughed with someone the other day that Lily and Chloe live with us, but are being raised by a village. Not only do they have grandparents, they probably have the largest supply of "aunts and uncles" that I know.

And that is where you, my dear friends, come in. You have made this possible just by being there for us. To those who turned our house upside down to create a beautiful shower for us after the girls were born, to those who actually drove to Beaumont to be with us in the NICU, and those who have just stopped by to say hello, it has truly meant more than you'll ever know.

Many blessings to each of you!

Love always, Nicole, Brice, Lily, and Chloe

Three's Company

2011-10-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

This short post is for my friend Holly. Recently, Holly hosted a get-together at her house for all the families who adopted around the same time. Somehow, our girls really hit it off with her son, Jack. These are just two of the "three's company" photos that were taken at that party. It appears he was particularly smitten with Chloe!

How Mary Poppins Changed My Life

2011-10-15T08:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, not entirely, but my last post was in July so it's taken me this long to get my act together again. I'm back at work now and I love my job! My school is so much fun and I am really enjoying not having to deal with counting credits and the high level stressful situations that come with being a high school counselor. Yesterday, the most serious situation I dealt with was two girls fighting over a purple hair band. (Yes, you read that right.) Everyone worked it out, apologized, and left as friends.

Lily and Chloe are eight months old now. I can't believe it. We're already planning Halloween (they will be fairies) and booking our Christmas photo shoot with the same photographer who did our engagement photos, Al Torres. We just love Al. He is so creative and I know he'll come up with something cool to do with these two.

Yes, that's Chloe on the left and Lily on the right. It's hard to tell them apart sometimes! They're now eating cereal and some Gerber meals along with their milk and are getting really close to crawling. I just know any day they're going to take off and can't wait for that moment, but then I realize they will probably be going in two different directions.

Mary Poppins came into our life in the form of our nanny named Lea. We took the girls out of daycare because there were too many babies in that room for only two teachers. The ratio was 4:1 and I know how hard it is to just take care of the girls alone. We took several weeks to interview nannies, both away from our home and then for final working interviews in our home. Lea really stood out. She was calm with them, smiled and laughed a lot, and came with 15 years of experience. Plus, Sunnie, our dog, LOVES her which is a plus and she loves Sunnie. Now when I come home from work, the girls have been fed, bathed, and are happy. My living room and kitchen are clean, the girls clothes have all been washed and magically put away, and I have so much peace of mind. I cannot imagine what we would do without her. She is teaching the girls French, does English flash cards, plays with them, takes them on daily walks to feed the ducks at the lake, and does art projects with them. It's truly amazing.

One of their favorite times of the day is story time just before bedtime. Brice and I take turns reading with them, although lately, they have also enjoyed grabbing and chewing on the books, as well. I think we're teething.

Lily has really filled out. She is the same size as her sister. You almost would not recognize her if you look back on previous pictures. She laughs a lot and is really into music. I think we're getting her a kids piano for Christmas.

I have to take a minute and talk about this friendship that has developed between Chloe and Sunnie. Lily loves Sunnie, too, but I have never quite seen anything like this. Sunnie truly takes care of the girls. If they are crying she will lie down next to them and calm them. She always sits near them when they are playing to watch over them. When Chloe sees Sunnie for the first time in the morning she giggles so loudly her whole body shakes. We are so fortunate to have found such a special dog at the SPCA.

The most wonderful thing to me is to watch these girls become friends. Every morning when they wake up, we do a diaper change and put them together in Lily's crib. They hang out, play, and giggle while we make their breakfast. My friend Lisa told me that she had a similar experience with her twin girls. She said she'd hear them babbling together on the monitor and it has already started with us. It's so much fun to watch them grow and see them develop their friendship. I don't know if they understand that they are sisters, but they continue to amaze me every day.

How Nicole Got Her Groove Back

2011-07-25T16:24:00.000-05:00

First of all, I want to thank all of you who are following this blog. This truly has been a life-changing experience and I've learned so much since February. For a while now, I've felt that I was swimming upstream and getting nowhere. Now, with the help of very supportive friends and family, I think we are all getting into a groove here.

Lily and Chloe are getting so big! They go for their six month checkup on Friday. Lily weighs about 12 pounds and Chloe weighs almost 14 lbs. One thing that really helped me is a book called Chaos to Calm-the moms-of multiples guide to an organized family. It may sound totally uptight of me, but I now have a chart for each girl that outlines each feeding, how much they took, when they used the bathroom, when they nap, play, etc. I also made a chart of household chores so we can be more effective in getting things done each week. Just making the charts has given me peace of mind. Sometimes I'm so tired that it's hard to remember who ate when and how much. This way I will always be on track.

Lily and Chloe at 5 months-can you tell which is which?

Next week I go back to work and the girls start daycare. I have gotten some flack over this decision and that has really upset me. I get tired of the judgmental looks when I say they're going to daycare. First of all, I have to work. I cannot stay home. Even though daycare will cost $1700 per month (yes, you read that number right) I still make more than that and we have to pay our bills. What about a nanny, you ask? After much discussion, we felt daycare would be a more social environment. We want them to be close with each other and I know they will be, but daycare gives them the opportunity to be with other children, as well. The location we've selected is wonderful. For $1700 per month, it better be! The babies all looked very happy when we visited and they have cameras in the room so I can log in from my desk and see how they are doing. Lily and Chloe are VERY social girls and love meeting new people. I want to continue to encourage this. They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I cannot imagine how much fonder my heart can grow for these children, but think it will be healthy for all of us. I have a wonderful new job to go to and will be two minutes from the girls. So, does it make me a bad mom that I am looking forward to going back to work?

Lily Rose

Sometimes I don't write in this blog because I am too concerned with what I am writing, meaning, I think about something to write and then choose not to write. One thing I have learned since February is something my dad once told me, you don't have time for foolishness. Before the girls, I was active in several organizations. During the past few months, I have truly learned who my true friends are and have been terribly hurt by some since then, but on the other hand, there are some people I have re-connected with after several years that turned out to be true friends all along. I don't have much time for the things I was previously involved in, and that's okay. My priorities have changed and I've grown as a person. As it turns out, the things that hurt me so badly were just foolishness, miscommunication, and people blowing things out of proportion for the sake of keeping drama going. I have learned to not be so naive and trusting and I am now choosing to surround myself with people who are positive, caring individuals. I have always been extremely open, trusting, and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, even at the expense of my own feelings. I want everyone to be happy and try to fix things so people can all get along. I have learned that I can't always fix things or make everyone happy. Call me what you will, but I still care about these people I considered my friends and my heart aches for the loss of their friendship. I pray weekly for those who have hurt me that they will find peace and happiness in their lives and now realize it's no longer about me. Lily and Chloe are our two precious gifts and they come first.

So, how did I get my groove back?

1) I am married to the most patient, caring man who is truly my partner. He is my rock.

2) We have incredibly supportive friends and family

3) I have learned to organize my time more efficiently

4) We have been attending church regularly as a family. I believe in the power of prayer.

5) I have learned to love and care about those who have hurt me and am able to move past the pain through prayer for their happiness.

6) I WENT SHOPPING! Okay, maybe that seems a little strange, but my friends Melissa, Jan, and Abby took me shopping last weekend. It was the first time I'd really been shopping in months and it was mindless, girly fun. (I even found a pair of totally impractical candy apple red heels discounted to $8.00-woo hoo!)

Many blessings to all of you who read this blog. If you are reading this, I consider you my friend. I keep this blog public because it is my true hope that someone will read it one day and be helped by what they read. No matter how difficult things get:

"Behind all this, some great happiness is hiding."
— Yehuda Amichai

Much love to all, Nic-

You can't bank sleep..and other useless advice...

2011-06-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I've written anything and part of it is because I am majorly sleep deprived. One of the dumbest pieces of advice several people gave me before the girls came home was "get your sleep now because when they come home you won't get any." Really? Believe me, I still tried it and guess what? It doesn't matter! I could have hibernated like a bear for months and would have still been as sleep deprived as I am right now. I'm not even sure if I am forming words correctly, but at least I am making an attempt to write something. I anticipate that I have a total of maybe fifteen minutes before someone starts making noises and is ready to eat.

Lily Rose

Chloe Marie

I was also told to get the girls on a schedule as early as possible which also went along with the doctor telling me to let them "feed on demand." As I have determined, these two bits of advice do not go together. I have tried to get them on a schedule, really, I have, but the thing is that if you are letting them "feed on demand" and then try to make them eat, you're screwed. For example, I tried to get Chloe to eat the other night to get her to stay on schedule with Lily. She ate two ounces and promptly fell asleep. I tickled her, rubbed her feet, and even jiggled her. She was perfectly content and refused to take any more. After that, guess what happened? She was ready to feed again just about an hour later and then it was another two ounces. This is leading to my gradual insanity. What I have found that does work is not making her eat and instead waiting until she is really hungry and feeding her then. Sure, she's not on the exact same schedule as Lily, but it is better than feeding every single hour. (and I was wondering why I never get anything done.)

How I am maintaining my sanity is because of my friends and family. You really find out quickly who your true friends are during a life changing experience such as this one. Brice and I rarely have time to even go to the grocery store these days. We were attempting to be "extreme couponers" because we saw the show during a late night feeding and decided that was a good idea. What it resulted in was a bunch of newspapers and cut coupons lying around all over the place. Some of our friends saw that we had no food in the refrigerator other than formula and maybe stuff for a few sandwiches and brought us a hot meal from time to time. I have come to appreciate a hot meal. I'm not picky. I'm just so grateful to have it. Our friends have also done our dishes, watched Lily and Chloe for a few hours so we could take a nap or get a few things done, helped us mow our yard, and have even done our laundry. Brice's mom has been over here more times than I can count and has done all of the above for us and then some. I just can't believe that these special people would sacrifice their time and energy to help us out. We will never be able to repay their kindness, but we will certainly try.

Brice rocking both girls in their bassinets

I was talking to my friend Holly who also adopted recently and we have both had the same unique experience. We have both walked by a mirror holding a baby and had to stop because we were so amazed that there was actually a baby in our arms. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember and there are times that I go in our nursery and look at those two precious babies sleeping there and have tears in my eyes. I cannot believe the selfless, amazing gift that we received. Lily and Chloe are now smiling..a lot! When I go in to pick them up for a feeding, they smile and giggle. My heart just soars and I forget all the sleepless nights. Then, it is all worth it.

Stationery card

2011-05-29T08:52:00.001-05:00

Square Noir Collage Birth Announcement

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Home again, home again...jiggity jig!

2011-05-05T11:31:00.000-05:00

Well, Lily is home once again! This post will not be long, but I wanted to personally thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. Although they do not know exactly what the problem is, they are leaning toward it being a problem with Lily's formula. Last night went well at home and today is going well, too. We are so very thankful to all of you for joining us on this journey.

Blessings, Nicole

The Importance of Family

2011-05-04T13:28:00.000-05:00

In just a few short weeks, our family has become complete as Lily and Chloe have come into our lives. I have been saying over and over that our family will be complete when Lily comes home. I realized recently that I was wrong. Our family is already complete.

We spent Easter with Lily still in the hospital, but made the best of it by dressing her up and taking pictures with her. Jan and Melissa even gave the girls beautiful Easter baskets. Even though it wasn't the Easter I pictured in my mind, we still got to enjoy time with our girls. I think it is all about reframing. I have learned that often, I have these ideas in my head about the way things "should be" and when they don't work out as planned I am disappointed. I also miss out on opportunities because I am disappointed. I am trying to enjoy every minute, no matter where it is. Below are two pictures we took of the girls this Easter. They are absolutely precious!

Chloe

Lily

Lily was released from the hospital last Friday and as you can imagine, we were overjoyed. It was like a dream come true to have all of us together. I couldn't wait to put the girls together and take their picture!

Unfortunately, our happiness was short-lived. Lily got very sick over the weekend. She slept a lot and then refused to eat. After that, she began vomiting. Brice took her to the emergency room and she was then transported back to our original hospital. It was absolutely heart-breaking. It hurt to see her in that much pain and it was like our family was ripped apart. Again, this is all about reframing. Our family is still very much together. Yes, this is a huge setback, but feel confident they will determine what the problem is. I am happy to say she is no longer vomiting and is taking formula again. We just need to determine how this happened in the first place. We LOVE our girls and would do anything for them. As we head toward Mother's Day (my first one) I am appreciative just to be a mother. My daddy always told me "this too shall pass" and I know in my heart this is true. It's hard to stay positive when I just want to break down and cry, but the girls need our strength and faith. I believe we have many more adventures ahead and when I hold them in my arms, I know I am blessed just to be a mom.

Movin on Up!

2011-04-13T12:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Lily moved "up" to the 8th floor. This is a big deal because that is the floor Chloe was on before she went home. It is the less critical floor. Lily has her own private room and it is MUCH quieter up there. On the 7th floor NICU where the more critical babies are, there are approximately eight babies in a "pod." It was a big open room with cribs, isolettes, and "tarmacs" so the nurses could get to the babies quicker in case of distress. Imagine how loud it was in there...monitors beeping constantly, babies screaming...I seriously don't know how she slept through all of that, but my guess is that she just felt so icky that all she wanted to do is sleep. This is how Lily looked yesterday in her new room.

I have been accepted as a contributing writer for Yahoo and I think the first story I am going to write is going to be about navigating the NICU. There is no way you can even imagine what you are up against until you actually experience it. I've said before, it's like this secret society that nobody wants to join, but when forced to be in the NICU, you bond with other parents who are in there for the sheer fact that they are the only other people in the world who understand your frustration. I was fortunate to be on 7th with another mom who had twin boys born on the same day as Lily and Chloe. She also had one home and one at the hospital so we were able to share how we felt about not having the twins home together. I just can't wait to have Lily and Chloe side by side! I have two special friends, one from high school and one from college, (Lisa and Laura-this is for you!) who have been sending me messages of support. Both had twin girls in the NICU and have coached me through this. I am so very appreciative to them.

Lily just before feeding a few days ago

Lily just got moved last night and already her doctor has contacted me to let me know how she is doing today. That was amazing and what's even more amazing is she was assigned the same doctor that Chloe had. Without naming names, let me tell you, she rocks! I was having a particularly stressful day when both girls were in the hospital so she took me through a private exit door so I could see these beautiful floor to ceiling glass windows that overlooked the zoo. We could see the giraffes out that day along with other areas. We were just squealing with delight and other doctors and nurses kept stopping by to look with us. It was just like being back in elementary school and taking a field trip, if only temporarily. It is that kind of personal attention from special doctors and nurses that go the extra mile to take care of us that really keeps us sane.

Chloe is doing amazingly well. She is growing by leaps and bounds and already weighs 8 lbs 3 oz. and is 21 inches long. She looks like a healthy newborn baby and has come so far since birth. I'll leave you with a recent picture of our darling Chloe. Thank you so much for being a part of our lives. Your support means so much to us!

Practicing Patience

2011-03-31T12:59:00.000-05:00

While I originally started writing this blog to keep friends and family informed, it is my sincere hope that someone will read it who is going through a similar situation and will be helped or comforted by it in some way. When we started the adoption process, we never thought it would play out like this. Our situation is unusual, but parents who either have children in the NICU currently, or have been through the NICU with a child, will understand what it's like. It is all about practicing patience. It seems like we have a different nurse every day. We have to advocate for Lily, ask questions, request to talk to the doctor, etc. We rarely receive phone calls. Instead, we have to call them ourselves. I get tired of calling up there and hearing a new nurse say, "It's my first day working with her. She's pretty fussy." I want to say, "No kidding?! She's hungry because she can't eat a lot or she will spit up!" I know that when I'm on a diet and I'm hungry I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I'm gripy, whiney, etc. I want people who know my child and understand the situation and it certainly doesn't help me feel any better to know she is hungry or in pain because I'm at home with Chloe and can't help the situation be any better.

Chloe looks in the mirror of her play gym

It's common for twins to go home from the hospital at different times and while I know this time will pass eventually, it's so hard right now. I can't just go up to the hospital with Chloe and see Lily because Chloe can't get back in. I am fortunate to have a husband and mother-in-law who are at the hospital pretty much every day. I see Lily every other day when Brice gets home from work, but the last few times I've been there it's been hard because she is really fussy. I don't want her to be uncomfortable. I just want to love her and hug her and tell her everything is going to be all right.

Lily loves to snuggle and be swaddled in blankets

The hardest question we get from people is, "When is she coming home?" Trust me, if we knew the answer to that question, everyone would know. It hurts because 1) we want her home with us so badly and 2) we have no answers. The answer from the hospital is always, "She'll come home when she's ready." I can promise all of you one thing, when she comes home there will be a big announcement and big celebration!

We are not unique in our struggle. There are countless families navigating the NICU every day. I have met so many of them and heard their stories. It's like this secret society I did not know existed, yet, there is very little support other than just chatting with the other families when they're in there and sharing our experiences. You have to be strong, have faith, and stay positive and that is difficult sometimes. I think that's true for anyone going through an extended hospital experience. While I'm on the subject, I'd like to send a "shout out" to my student Teja who reads this blog. She is one of the strongest, most brave young women I know and I send her many blessings.

Thank you all for reading and for being a part of our lives....the adventure continues.

Chloe Comes Home

2011-03-25T18:23:00.000-05:00

Of course, the day after Lily had surgery Chloe was released to go home. It was very bittersweet. We were thrilled to finally get to take one of them home, but it was so hard to leave the other, especially just one day after surgery. One of the things NICU babies have to go through before they get to go home is the car seat challenge. They have to sit in the car seat for an hour without freaking out. She passed.

The first night, I don't think either Brice, I, or our dog Sunnie got any sleep. Every time she made a noise, one of us would get up. Sunnie was truly amazing. I knew she was a great dog, but she sat by the bassinet to protect Chloe. She still watches over Chloe closely and alerts us any time Chloe does something that makes her worry.

Finally, Chloe had her first trip to the doctor's office for a check up. She slept through most of it, but it was exciting for Brice and I. Now to bring Lily home and start all over again!

Moving Forward

2011-03-25T16:11:00.000-05:00

It seems like so long since I've written. Sometimes it just feels like you're going along fine and life just rips the rug from underneath you. Lily ended up having to have surgery after all and it was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. Life in the NICU brings a lot of ups and downs and after Lily had been doing so well, she began spitting up and no longer tolerating her feeds. They did another upper GI and quickly found a blockage. The very next morning she went in for surgery. It all happened so fast. We had the very best surgeons, but it was still so scary.

Lily held Brice's finger in her tiny little hand just a few days before surgery.

My heart was in my throat as the transport nurse prepared Lily to move to the operating room. I just kept thinking, "Why does she have to go through this? Why can't I take her place?"

Lily just after surgery.

The surgery took about 1 1/2 hours and what they found when they operated was not what they were expecting. Her pancreas were wrapped around her duodenum, causing very little food to flow through her intestines. She recovered quickly and no longer needed pain meds after three days. I think Lily is one of the strongest young ladies I know and I can't wait to finally bring her home and see her true personality.

Lily just five days after surgery, completely alert and clasping her little hands together.

Having a child go into surgery was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. When those doors closed behind her and all I could do was sit in the waiting room, all I could do was pray. And yes, I cried. I tried really hard to be strong, but I was so exhausted. In the end, it was such a huge relief to know that the problem was fixed and we could all move forward. Getting here was just part of the journey.

Coming Home

2011-03-12T15:53:00.000-06:00

Today is the last day Brice and I will have as a couple without children in the home for a long time. Chloe comes home tomorrow. We have spent most of the day cleaning, organizing, and getting ready for her. One really cool thing Brice has been doing is working with our dog, Sunnie, to help her prepare for Chloe. We brought home an outfit Chloe had worn and put it on my doll from childhood. Brice put the doll in the car seat and bassinet and gave Sunnie treats as she behaved appropriately near the baby doll.

Chloe is now 5 lbs 12 ounces. She is taking eight bottles a day and is growing stronger each day. It is so hard to bring home Chloe and not Lily, but I know Lily will be with us soon. These are a few recent pictures of Chloe.

The wonderful news we received this week was that Lily does not need surgery. It appears her issues were due to maturity. She is now bottle feeding and has doubled her feeds in two days. She is now 5 lbs 10 ounces-almost as big as her sister! We now need to make sure she can digest her feeds and pass them. The only recent issue she has had was spit-ups, but I feel she will do better as she gets used to feeding again. She has had multiple procedures, including blood transfusion and biopsy, and she never complains. The only time I have seen her be fussy is when she is getting a bath. She hates baths! She is our little fighter and amazes me every day.

If you go back to the beginning of the blog and compare pictures from one month ago to now, you will be amazed at how far they have come. They are both close to 6 lbs and are alert, looking around, and are proceeding developmentally. I just can't wait to have them home together. I wonder what it will be like when I put them together. Will they remember each other? They have been separated since they were born. Do they know they are twins? The one thing I do know is that all of us, friends and family included, have a lot of exciting times ahead with these adorable girls. Lily and Chloe...let the adventures continue!

Grandpa Ben, Nana, Uncles and Aunts come to visit!

2011-03-12T15:33:00.000-06:00

My dad and my stepmother Diane visited the girls. Dad got to hold Chloe. She snuggled in his arms and was so comfy. He said the girls looked like the little doll I had as a child.

Sam and Melissa visited the girls this week. Melissa had already met the girls in Port Arthur, but Sam saw them for the first time. For some reason, even though he is the "loud man," they were calmed by his presence.

Next to visit was Uncle Carter, my brother. He saw both girls and also held Chloe. Chloe gets to be held by visitors a lot, but to be fair, Lily still has her IV and a lot of lines hooked up so it is harder to hold her and feel comfortable. She loves to be held, though, and gets a lot of attention from mom, dad, and Nanu. Carter thought the girls looked great.

Finally, Uncle Thomas got to met the girls. There is a running joke in the NICU that the girls sure have a lot of "uncles and aunts." That's okay. If it takes a village to raise a child, we're going to need a metropolitan city. The girls love to be held and loved. Thomas took lots of pictures and spent time talking to the girls and telling them stories. They both loved it!

We are so blessed by so many friends and family. It is going to be hard when one comes home and one is still in the hospital, but I know Lily will still have lots of visitors and people to love her as she gets stronger each day.

My Supportive School

2011-03-12T15:13:00.000-06:00

I won't go in to the state of public education these days. Everyone knows it's tough. Positions are being cut and great educators are losing their jobs. Even though my school will not be immune to these hard times, it is filled with amazing educators who care. We are a family and that is why I have chosen to remain at this school for the past six years. You can always find someone who is willing to help you out. Sometimes, when I'm having a really hard day, I can go hang out in a friend's classroom for a few minutes and just being there makes me feel better. Last Thursday, my school hosted a shower for me and I was amazed by how many people were there. These are just a few pictures of the shower at my school and my special co-workers who go above and beyond to help kids succeed.

I get by with a little help from my friends!

2011-03-12T14:53:00.000-06:00

Our dear friends hosted a shower for us on Saturday, February 26. We showed up and our house was full of people, drinks were flowing, and delicious food was cooking in our home. They went out of their way to put this together and we were blown away by their kindness and support. More than anything, it was so nice to just hang out with the people we love. I don't know how some of you escaped being in pictures, but want you to know we are thankful you were there! We laughed a lot and had a great time.

Brice and I with adorable outfits from Jennifer D. and Elizabeth

Karen, Elizabeth, and Amy

Cedric, Abby, and Brice

Long day for Ethan

Brice and Jan

Amy wins the "adult" door prize!

Denise with Lawson who won the kids door prize

Thankful

2011-03-12T14:19:00.000-06:00

Today I got my cell phone bill from last month and it was $400. I never realized how much love and support we have received from friends and family wanting to know about the girls through phone calls and texts. There are some days where the inquiries are too much for me to handle, but then I take a step back and realize that people love us very much and want to support us in this journey. I wish there was a special phone discount for parents who have their kids in the NICU! I am thankful for good friends and family who care.

Lily's pod is nicknamed the "Princess Pod" because there are only girls in there. It just worked out that way, but we have used this to our advantage. Everyone has decorated their little girls area with cute decorations, blankets, stuffed animals, and balloons. My school gave me an amazing baby shower Thursday and I used some of those decorations to dress up Lily's area. I am thankful for wonderful co-workers who take extra special care of me.

The other day, it was just myself and two other mothers holding our babies in the pod. We started talking about our NICU experiences. I found out that one of the mothers has been there for six months. Her baby was only one pound when she was born and has already had three surgeries. She doesn't even live in town and has been commuting to Houston every weekend for the past six months. It costs her $300 every weekend just to come in to see her little girl. The other mother has been there for nine months. Her baby has had multiple surgeries and was 1.5 pounds at birth. I decided to stop complaining about my one month journey. My babies are both doing extremely well, considering the situation. Yes, we have been through a lot, but when I heard the other women tell their stories, ours is minimal compared to theirs. I am thankful both our girls are moving forward and getting healthier and I pray for the children and families of the other mothers in our pod.

Hurry Up and Wait

2011-03-03T11:54:00.000-06:00

Nothing about our lives has been normal for the last three weeks. We were thrilled to find out we were chosen for the twins, loved meeting our birthmother and her boyfriend, and then four days later the girls were here...two months early. I am very much a "roll with it" kind of gal. I try to make the best out of every situation so I thought, "okay, we're not ready, but we have lots of wonderful friends and family that can help." I also thought that we'd be in the NICU a few days, the girls would get released, and we'd go home and happily start our new lives together.

I have battled frustration with my job because although my paycheck said I have 61.5 days of leave, they have informed me that the paycheck is wrong and I only have 34 and will be docked pay for being out. In my preliminary calculations, this will be just over $7000. I love my job and have been in my career for 16 years. I was even a finalist for district teacher of the year. I cannot imagine doing anything else and thinking that I had double the days they say I have, only to find out that my paycheck is printed incorrectly really crushed me. Because I am spending an average of 14 hours a day at the hospital, I do not have time to research this. My focus has to be on the girls. I just keep praying for a solution. I do; however, think it's bad business practice to print one number on a paycheck and then tell your employee that number is incorrect due to a computer error. I am trying to just put this aside and focus on the girls, but it still hurts. I have always gone above and beyond in my job and have had perfect evaluations. When I return, I will still do what I do the same way because I believe in what I do and I care so much for my students. I feel called to my profession and want to see my kids succeed.

We are no longer living in Beaumont and that is a true blessing because we racked up a $2000 hotel bill while we were there. The girls were rushed by ambulance to Houston and, to me, that indicates a sense of urgency. The girls got settled in, but the communication has been lacking, which has frustrated us to no end. Chloe's doctor has been wonderful. She has been by the room, has called every day with an update, and told us what the plan is; however, Chloe is not the real reason we are home. Lily has been assigned a team of specialists. There have been so many people through her pod that it is hard to determine who her actual doctor is. When we ask, we gave gotten answers such as "we're evaluating the ultrasound" to "we just have to wait for the barium and formula to exit her body." She has trouble eliminating waste and we have been extremely concerned that she has only eliminated when given a suppository. What we have been seeing is this beautiful little girl lying there and people just looking at her making notes. I have been in tears a lot. Part of it is frustration and some has been exhaustion. Fortunately, Brice and his mom were able to sit down with two of the doctors yesterday and get some open communication going. They did an additional ultrasound and a surgeon came in to evaluate. Now we wait for answers...and we pray.

Am I happy I became a parent? You bet. I certainly did not expect the process to be this complicated, but when I hold those sweet little gifts from God in my arms, I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Sometimes life throws adversity in our path. How we deal with that adversity determines our true character.

Home Sweet Home...Sort Of

2011-03-03T11:17:00.000-06:00

On Sunday, February 26, Kerry came to visit. She was in town to see her dad so she stopped by the hospital to meet Lily and Chloe. She was able to hold Chloe, who slept snugly through the whole visit.

On Monday around 11 a.m. as I was feeding Chloe, our doctor told me she decided it was best to send the girls to Children's Memorial Hermann so the specialists there could determine what was going on with Lily. She was able to get them to accept Chloe, too, since it would be difficult to have the girls in two different cities. While we were thrilled to be going home, we had mixed emotions because the reason we were leaving was that Lily needed additional help. I had about two hours to run to the hotel, throw everything in the car, and run back to the hospital to be there in time for the transport.

The transport team arrived from Children's Memorial Hermann and packed the girls snugly into their transport isolettes. Lily even got to wear her cool pink hat for the journey!

Chloe slept soundly through the ride and got to wear her custom hat, too!

Our wonderful doctor supervised the load in of the transport. It was very hard to leave her and the nursing team. They gave us such personal care and support.

Lily is ready for her trip.

I followed behind the ambulance on the way to Houston. They went a lot faster than I expected and I lost them at one point (probably because I was so flustered and went the wrong way on I-10) but I caught up with them in Houston.

Chloe settled into her room nicely. She was given a private room and a crib on a separate floor from her sister. The NICU pod Chloe is in is for less critical patients. The room is really nice and even has a couch that folds out into a bed. I tried to take a nap on it, but the beeping from the monitors kept waking me up.

Lily is snuggled soundly in my arms for the evening. She looks good, but it is so frustrating that we can't figure out what is wrong with her tummy. I hope the specialists will figure it out soon.

Auntie Abby and Auntie Melissa meet the girls!

2011-02-24T15:23:00.000-06:00

I didn't expect anyone to want to drive four hours total just to meet the girls, but it seems they have a lot of people who can't wait to meet them. Abby and Melissa drove in and spent some time with both girls. It was a tough day for me because Lily had to have a GI test to determine whether there was a blockage causing her digestion problems. I wasn't sure what the test results would be. She was back on the "tarmac" when we got there so it was easier for the nurses to get to her to do an ultrasound. She still looked so pretty.

Since Lily needed to rest, Abby got to hold Chloe. She said she knew how I could just stay in that hospital and hold her all day.

Next it was Melissa's turn. Our little "Southern Belle" didn't disappoint, putting her hand up to her face as Melissa held her. Melissa said she's practicing for when she has a cell phone one day.

While Melissa was in there, we had a bit of a scare with Lily. Although her test results came back fine, she had another episode of Bradycardia, meaning her heart rate began to drop rapidly. Since I had seen this before, I remained calm because I knew the nurses and doctor had it under control. I think it shocked Melissa somewhat. The doctor just wiggled her, picked her up, and unwrapped her from her blanket and her heart rate went up. Her recent blood test showed anemia, which is not unusual for preemies, but considering that and the episodes of Bradycardia, our doctor chose to do a blood transfusion. We hope that will allow Lily, who we call our "delicate flower," to plant her roots and grow strong.

I have to remain strong for both girls and try to remain calm during these situations, but that doesn't mean it isn't eating me up inside. It has been so very hard to be away from home, spending more than a full work week at the hospital, and going through the adoption process at the same time. When I first pictured our adoption, I never thought I'd be spending the first weeks (or even months) in the NICU and in another town. It gets very lonely at times and I know it's hard for Brice because he's commuting back to Houston at 5:30 a.m., working full time, and commuting back to be at the hospital by 8:00 p.m. to do a feeding with Chloe. What I want more than anything is just to bring the girls home and begin our lives as a family. People tell me our lives have already begun together, but it won't feel that way to me until I'm home. There really is no place like home.

Lily and Chloe meet Grandma and Grandpa Diez/Diaper Time!

2011-02-24T14:59:00.000-06:00

Brice's mom and stepdad came to town today to meet their grandchildren. I think the girls loved meeting them because they were so well-behaved. Not that they're not well-behaved, but they do have their fussy moments. Lily just lay there and looked cute while Martine held her.

In other big news, I have officially changed a diaper. If you know me, now you're wondering how I avoided changing a diaper all these years. I have technically changed a diaper, on a pug named Elvito who ran around the house with me chasing him trying to put a diaper on him. I eventually cornered him and was successful. If I can change a diaper on a pug, I can change a baby, right? I was very proud of myself so I told Brice he should try it. He actually has experience, but not on a preemie. Here's is Brice doing diaper duty, in an isolette, mind you, which is not an easy feat with all the wires!

I thought I'd show him how it's done so later I changed Lily. I was trying to tell him that you have to get the diaper ready to quickly move it under her butt when you take away the used diaper. Not only did Lily pee on me, her sister, Chloe, later shot projectile poop out of her butt which hit me and nearly hit the wall. I consider myself officially initiated into motherhood.

This one goes out to all the wanna-be rappers at Applebees....

2011-02-24T14:30:00.000-06:00

It's Friday night in the "triangle area," we've just spent several hours at the hospital with the girls, and we're hungry. I have come to determine that there are very few restaurants that stay open late in the area. I'm not used to this. In Houston, you can get something good to eat any time of the day or night. It was around 10:45 p.m. and we went to Chili's. We waited for fifteen minutes and no one would wait on us. Waiters kept walking by, the bar was full, yet no one acknowledged our presence even to say that the kitchen was closing down. I was so tired and hungry by that point that I just wanted to cry, but I had faith in the "triangle area" and my faith was answered in the form of Applebees. Okay, I never thought I'd utter those words, but wait...there's more. Applebees was rockin'! The parking lot was full and I actually told Brice, "this must be the place to be on a Friday night!" Well, maybe if you're into very loud karaoke that is sung off-key.

Now, I'm not the best singer in the world, but I'm not going to get up there and belt out "All that Jazz," which some people chose to do. These people happened to be from a local theatre group that also happened to be putting on a musical. They were sitting in our section wearing their cast shirts. Once they started singing, I looked at their table to determine if they had been drinking. They weren't. The song just got louder and louder. It sounded like there were several feral cats in heat in the area. I couldn't stand it anymore. I started laughing. I am not saying this to be a theatre snob. I thought it was totally cool that they were having such an awesome time at Applebees. I have been a part of many theatre groups that have been out having an obnoxious cast party. I looked around and everyone was genuinely having a blast. The next guy got up there and proclaimed, "This one goes out to all the wanna-be rappers at Applebees!" I started laughing again...and harder. This guy had no sense of rhythm at all. I was laughing so hard I was crying. At one point, I called Melissa because I knew no one besides Brice would believe me. She was laughing, too. I really needed that laugh and that fun time at Applebees. I hadn't laughed that hard since....well, in a long time.