Lucky Lucy

Regrets

2012-05-25T05:31:00.000-07:00

So I have kinda been in a hole for a while and I willingly kept myself there. I think a lot of my problems stem from still dealing with the loss of my Mom it will be a year in September and I hear that after you pass the year mark it gets easier… I know it will get easier but it just seems so out of reach sometimes.

I had completely withdrawn myself from my family and friends. I was reading as if my life depended on it and would only really interact when I had to. I just felt, well I just kinda felt empty, sad, pained, all kinds of stuff and reading helped me to focus on something other than my feelings.

My Step Dad (only Dad I have ever known) is already dating and has been for awhile. He lives in my hometown which is where my entire family lives as well. The girl is a local and so if any of you live in a small town you can imagine all the talk. It is really hurting my Grandmother and I was letting it consume me as well.

I kept telling my Grandmother and myself that regardless of how alone he stayed or how many people he saw we would miss my mom the same, we would hurt the same, and she would still be gone never to come back to us, until we one day join her. But it still hurt, I was sick to my stomach thinking about it, I felt/feel angry. I got up the nerve to talk to my Step Dad and tell him how I felt (something I normally would have kept to myself so not to cause him more pain but it was eating me alive). It turned out telling him how I felt only made me feel worse. The conversation was the first one we ever had that was heated where he kinda fought with me. He is still hurting I know that, it ended with me telling him to do as he wanted that I didn’t want him to be in pain, to be alone, to be sad. He shouldn’t be alone, or in pain, or sad. After that talk I slowly started to deal with and accept it. I don’t like it; I think it is disrespectful to my mother, my family, myself. I think it is too soon. I think it is awful. I however don’t know what I would do or feel if I lost my husband, at this moment I think I would be so hurt, sad, and lost, that the only reason I would carry on would be because of my boys. But we can’t really say how we would handle something until it actually happens to us, right?

It took Sugar Balls telling me that I was basically making him feel like I no longer wanted him and how much my being withdrawn was hurting him to get me to look at how I was behaving and make a change..

When I think about my husband, boys, family, friends, home, life, I know I’m so very blessed and have so much to be happy about. I feel like having my life I should be smiling all the time and I wasn’t. Acting how I was just made it seem like I was so unthankful and unappreciative for my life and those in it when I’m really so thankful and grateful of the life I have. I had only dreamed growing up to have the family and the home that I’m blessed with and I needed to start showing those I love how much I love them.

I have always had seasonal depression (Who doesn’t when they live in Maine?) and have taken Prozac to control and which has always worked. The Prozac just wasn’t helping me out of this funk. I was so tired all the time and just had no interest or felt hardly any joy in anything I did or had. With that realization I called and made a doctor appointment and have since started taking Zoloft in place of Prozac and I’m already feeling more like myself and improving daily.

I know some people are against medication but I’m all for doing and taking any safe measure to help me life the best life I can while I’m on this earth. Regardless if it is getting the Lap Band, having a tummy tuck, breast lift, wearing makeup, dressing sexy or taking Zoloft, if it works and it is safe why not? I’m already not as tired, Interacting a ton more with my babies, talking more than I believe I have in a month and just once again being thankful and appreciative of my life and my time.

I also interviewed for a job yesterday

As some of you may know I currently stay home with my boys. With my MIL no longer working and more than willing to watch our boys for us I now have a chance to work. Things are tight and stressful living with one paycheck and although getting a job and not being home with my boys all the time will be bittersweet I think in the long run it will really improve my family’s quality of life and also do me a lot of good to get out in the community and make some new friends (I haven’t worked since we moved here and my friends live 2 hours away).

So I’m not nor have my ever been a stress eater in the past but I did find myself on a couple of occasions stress eating during all of this. Aside from those couple of times I have done pretty well with my food. I need to increase my water intake and also start drinking my Unjury protein shakes again because they really show me results. Since my last post I have lost 8.9 pounds. I’m down to 225.2 with a total loss of 49 pounds. Which is an average of 6 pounds a month, I know I could have done better and lower but it is what it is and I’m happy with what I have lost.

My biggest problem is exercise and water intake. I probably drink 30 oz a day of liquid (non-sugar beverages and water). I really honestly enjoy doing the c25k on the treadmill. I love how I feel after I have ran and I’m all sweaty (even though I don’t like sweating, hehe) I like the ache my body gets from working it out and knowing that my time spent exercising was put to good use. I just have trouble getting the motivation to get my ass on the treadmill. It is so crazy, I know it will help me get healthy, and go down in weight, I also know I will be proud and feel good mentally and physically after I do it, but I still put it off. AH! Any ideas ladies on what I can do to change it?

Sugar Balls has been encouraging me to blog for 2 months now, he says he loves reading my blog and that he thinks I should keep it up. I’m happy that you have pushed me to do this SB just getting it out in writing has made me feel better and empowered. I love you and I’m so happy you want forever with me.

-L

Avoidance

2012-03-13T07:16:00.001-07:00

Well, that ladies, is what I have been pretty good at lately. We had a great vacation filled with lots of walking, lots of smiles and lots of Disney. Luckily for me, aside from the ocean, Disney is my favorite place to be. We did eat like we were on vacation, including me. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I did. The worst that I ate was an entire bag of cotton candy, a candy apple, and a macadamia nut turtle, along with lots of sweet tea. Sweet tea in Maine is just not the same as it is the south.
I have not exercised in 3 weeks and I’m feeling it. Between eating like crap and no exercise, I’m finding myself moody, lacking energy, and just feeling like total shit.
So what am I going to do about it? Well, lately I’m all talk. I literally have to talk myself out get myself pumped up, and then I will do better. I’m pretty sick right now with a sinus infection and also the sweats (ugh), so once that goes away SB and I will start running again. He too as been off the wagon. He is the perfect weight but stills aims to be healthy.
I did call my doctor to push my fill ahead, as I have to start jury duty on the 21st which was the same day as my next fill. So I go on Thursday this week to get my fill, and I can’t wait. One thing about me is I don’t deliberately eat sliders (aside from my Greek yogurt); therefore, I know my food intake will be reduced significantly once I get my fill. I haven’t been drinking my protein shakes because I haven’t been giving 100% to being healthy, i.e. exercising and eating right. The shakes cost too much to drink to then turn around and have a grilled cheese.
Up until today I hadn’t weighed myself in 33 days. I stepped on today and I had a loss of .9 I’m down to 234.1. I don’t deserve to be down even that much, not with the way I have been eating. I am happy I didn’t gain, but I’m not looking at it thinking that I will be able to eat like crap and still maintain once I reach my goal weight. This isn’t just about being smaller it is about being healthy. When I’m eating and exercising both my physical and mental health is so much better. Knowing that, you would think I wouldn’t go down the wrong path like I do.
Why do we hurt ourselves? I’m not an emotional eater so I can’t blame it on any stress I’m dealing with. It is just self destruction/stupidity.
Well, really do feel like shit from my sinus infection and fever so I’m going to end this. I just need to get back in step and I know using this will help me to get there. I will be catching up on blogs this week as well.
Please don’t hold back feel free to tell me to stop fucking up.

Quickie

2012-02-18T19:29:00.001-08:00

I went ahead and got an un-fill but my doctor felt it was pointless to only take out .25ccs and that I wouldn’t notice it so be took out .5 ccs to take me back down to 4. I miss the restriction that I had with 4.5 and I guess that tells me that I just need to chew better and accept the loss of some foods in order to use the band as it should be used.

I have lost a total of 40 pounds so far. That is pretty exciting.

We are leaving for Disney on Monday and I was so excited to pack and fit into all of the shorts I wore on my honeymoon in 2008.

Blog to you soon!

Advice Please

2012-02-09T09:51:00.001-08:00

As you may recall I had both a fill and un-fill on January 20th (as written here).

I have since been having some small problems that continue to happen in general and not just when I eat too quickly, don’t chew well enough, and eat foods that don’t get along with my band.

When eating moist chicken for example: I will chew it right and sometimes as soon as the first bite but often after a couple bites I start to “feel” my band. I’m not sure if it is my band that I’m feeling but I am getting a feeling very similar to getting something stuck. Most often there is nothing stuck and sometimes I have had to PB. I know it isn’t due to eating too much because I’m getting this feeling after just a few bites, we are talking about 1/4 cup of food here.

I looked online and I do not have indigestion, or night coughs but my weight loss has slowed and again I’m uncomfortable whenever I eat. The only time I don’t notice this feeling is when I’m eating yogurt or another slider type food.

I’m often tight in the morning and get the burps after drinking just a little but this eases up and my Doctor did inform me morning tightness is normal.

Okay long story short, I called my Doctors today and spoke with one of the lovely ladies or I believe also had a band if not she had gastric (she has talked about it with others but I haven’t caught what procedure she has, just that she has had one). She told me that I shouldn’t being feel discomfort when I eat and that I should only feel that when I don’t chew right, don’t eat the right foods, or eat to much. Just as I had read online.

So I scheduled an appointment for an un-fill next Wednesday.

Do you think I was right in doing so, is what I’m experiencing normal for you veterans?

I just don’t want to back step I really want to get this right and it is so hard when you don’t really know what to feel and what is normal.

I am currently at 4.5 ccs and I’m hoping that the doc will just take me down to 4.25ccs as last time I felt as if 4ccs wasn’t enough.

Any thoughts?

-L

Obsessed

2012-02-08T05:04:00.001-08:00

So I have been around but I have not been a good blogger. Thanks to a friend I’m addicted to a new book trilogy and that has been keeping me from my blog. If anyone likes a good romance with some added adult smut you really must read the Fifty Shades of Gray trilogy by E.L. James. Really good book.

I weighed in yesterday for only a .2 pound loss… that is point two… ugh. I did take off 3 days from exercise during my Birthday extravaganza but I didn’t eat too badly.

Speaking of my B-day Saturday night we went to a friends house for poker and board games (two of our favorite things). When we do this as a group we always order pizza. I didn’t want to load up on pizza but I also didn’t have any choices that wouldn’t come to me having at least been fried. I went with Chicken Fingers. The fingers were really good homemade chicken with a very, very thin batter. However, they were dry. I was able to slowly eat two but had to excuse myself and PB in the bathroom due to the dryness. Now I had already been told how good I was looking so I was just hoping that they wouldn’t hear me and think that I had a new eating disorder (I consider overeating like I was before as an eating disorder). Thankfully no one heard me. I went back and did have 1 piece of pizza. Our friend is also a manager for Lindt chocolate so as usually there was lots of that. He very nicely gave us some 70% dark chocolate for Valentines day and I kept it because well 70% dark if not eaten in large amounts isn’t bad for you. Over all I did great. I had the2 chicken fingers, 1 piece of pizza, and two chocolates. I did not have chips or soda.

For my birthday meal my MIL made me homemade baked beans and red hotdogs. If you aren’t from New England you may not understand my request for that as a b-day meal and you may have never in your life heard of red hotdogs. She also made homemade rolls and got me my favorite birthday cake.

I also had to celebrate my birthday during the Super Bowl ugh! So I read my book, enjoyed family company and watched the commercials.

So my weight is just not coming off at the speed that I think it could be. I have lost 37.7 pounds since my surgery on September 8th. That is an average of 7.5 pounds a month. But my weight loss has slowed and the majority of that loss is from the beginning of this trip.

To help me along I have set some goals.

1) Exercise more. Do more cardio in addition to the c25k program and add in strength training.

2) Have 3 to 4 protein shakes a day. I always notice more weight loss when I’m using the Unjury Protein Drinks.

3) Log my food even if I hate doing it!

4) Water, Water, Water, H. 2. O.

My new mini weight loss goal is to be under 200 by July 8th. That is 5 months from today and I think I’m setting the bar kinda low so if I work at it I know I can do it.

I hope you are all doing better than me because I need to read your blogs and push to be like you

Yes I’m Still Alive

2012-02-03T06:48:00.001-08:00

Hello Ladies! Long time no talk. I have been ~~creeping~~ reading your blogs and trying to comment as much as possible. Things have been a little busy here but do not fear I have not strayed from my healthy eating.

I weighed myself Wednesday and I was only down .9 pounds and that is after I have been faithfully doing my c25k. I’m at 236.9 for a total loss of 37.7 pounds since surgery. I was hoping for more but I’m happy with what I have done so far.

I will started week 3 of the c25k program tonight on Wednesday night as well. It was very challenging to run 3 solid minutes but I was able to complete day 1 and it felt great. I will do the 2nd day of week 3 today.

February is my official Birthday month. That’s right I said month. I love birthdays and encourage everyone to celebrate the entire month. Sugar Balls really ~~hates~~ loves it too. My actual day of birth is on the 5th.

I started my birthday celebration early on Monday and went to see the off Broadway play The Color Purple with my BFF. We also enjoyed some Mexican which is probably why I didn’t lose as much as I had hoped.

The Color Purple was amazing. I had chills form my toes to my scalp listening to the amazing voices of the actors and actresses in the play. It was by far the best play I have seen to date.

I have been eating well and exercising. I have tried some very yummy recipes that I plan on sharing with all of you. I may even add a recipe page.

I hope all of you are doing extra well!

No longer MIA

2012-01-29T13:44:00.000-08:00

My Same Day Fill and Un-fill

2012-01-20T09:07:00.001-08:00

Wednesday I went to see the good old Doctor for a needed fill. Now I have been questioning my fill level but still thought I need a little more to make it just right. The Doctor noticed that my weight loss has slowed down a little and after talking with me said he would add 1cc to my band that already had 4cc.

He did the fill, I drank the water in his office, it went down fine and I was on my way.
Once I got to my vehicle I did my normal routine of drinking lots of water to see how it goes down. Normally I have no issue taking frequent large swallows of water but this was not the case after my fill. I would take one swallow and have to burp I could also feel a bit of a struggle going on inside (sometimes for me it is so hard to describe how something feels internally). I decided to run some errands in the area and drink, drink, drink to kind of test it out. Now I’m not a milkshake or slider food user but I decided to get a milkshake for its thickness and test my band with that. This filled me even quicker than the water with more burps. I let things calm down and did some shopping.

Once I was done with my errands I tried drinking more water and still experienced the same issue. I called my Doctors and spoke with his Nurse who said it was up to me, that I could wait it out and see how I felt in the morning and that I may need an un-fill. Well I live 3 hours from my Doctor and I could just tell that I had too much in my band so I asked if I could come back in at that moment and get half of my 1 cc fill taken out.

Once I got back to the office both the Nurse and Doctor told me how good it was that I knew my body and didn’t leave the band tight. According to them it happens all to often were someone gets a little too much in their band and thinks it might be a good thing and help them lose quicker. In reality all that person gets is sick, possibly damagers their band and insides and some according to my Doctor have to go to the ER during the weekend due to tightness.

So I’m at 4.5cc and it feels perfect, I’m hoping to notice even more restriction as it goes on, but I didn’t want to be in a situation were I couldn’t even drink water without having to burp. Normally when I have over eaten with the band a burp is my signal to stop so I knew it just couldn’t be right to be experiencing this feeling with water.

I think of my band as a new organ that I need to take care of to ensure my health and well being. Do you? Have you risked you and your bands safety by having it too tight? Be careful!

-L

Weekend Review

2012-01-17T10:58:00.001-08:00

We were lucky enough to enjoy a long weekend with SB so I’m just now getting around to a blog update.

I started the C25K program on Saturday. My motivation came from Dawnya who told us all on Thursday to “remember that healthy living does not have weekends off” and I got even more motivation on Saturday from Camille, who didn’t want to run but ran anyway.

I really did have both of these ladies in mind during my first attempt at C25K. I got to the mid way point and was ready to stop and just finish walking. My breathing was a little hard and my legs were tired. But I knew I wasn’t at my stopping point, I knew I had more in me. So I thought of those ladies and I kept going.

I took my littlest one with me on Saturday and did a little grocery shopping while SB and the other Rascal did a little ice skating at the end of our road. We had a friend over Saturday night and watch the NFL Playoffs. I’m not a big football fan but I was out voted.

I also started playing Words with Friends this weekend with Laura Belle and got to chat a little with her. That was fun but between you and I, I think she might cheat.

Have I ever mentioned that I don’t like to lose, unless its weight?

When I woke up on Sunday my legs were a little sore to say the least from my running the day before. It was a good sore and I welcome it. Sunday was a lazy day for us, we did some cleaning, played with the boys and by 1 all 4 of us were napping. It was great. We spent the evening at my In-laws eating turkey breast and catching up.

We were super excited that SB was off on Monday. I did a complete clean out of our master bath the bleach smell is still in the air. After I was done cleaning SB decided that he too was going to try to C25K and he also completed day 1. By this point I had already showered and was ready to call my cleaning my “exercise” for the day but watching him do it motived me to do day 2. I did day 2 with my ankles and legs yelling at me the entire time. I also watched videos on the computer teaching me to do sit ups with my exercise ball. Once I’m sure that I’m doing them properly I will join Ronnie and Brandi in the 200 sit-up challenge.

I also became Facebook friends with Ronnie so that was pretty exciting. Since I’m in the closet about my band I will only friend people who wont talk about Lapband with me on Facebook. I’m way more open about myself in my blog but at least on Facebook you can put a face to me and see my family. So if anyone wants to be Facebook friends please let me know and I’ll e-mail you. Also remember this post about my stage name.

I'm getting lots of protein but I have noticed that I'm shedding a little more than normal. It may be because I'm also growing my hair out again and when it gets long I do tend to shed. I have some suppliments coming from GNC that will hopefully help the issue.

I haven’t weighed myself yet this week because it is my TOM and I don’t want it to depress me. As it is I feel depressed when I look down just one of those days. Here are my numbers from the last time I weighed in.

1/14/12 239.7 LBS
Total loss since 9/8/11 35lbs
Total inches lost since 11/3/11 (including neck, waist, and hips) 8.5 inches.

My head is pounding and since by some small miracle I was able to get both boys down for a nap I too am going to join in.

-L

Five Things Friday + 1

2012-01-13T08:18:00.001-08:00

In an effort to achieve my 2012 goal of blogging at least 2 times a week I’m going to try and mix things up. I mean you can only read PB stories so many times before you stop coming back for more.

I’m gonna share 5 things that I have enjoyed this week.

#1 I’m loving my new Bath and Body Works Marshmallow Peppermint candle. I’m usually a Yankee Candle girl but I just couldn’t pass up the amazing year end sales that BBW was having. I started burning this last night and I could smell it throughout my entire 2000sqft house. It is a 3 wick candle so it burnt evenly no concave indent with wax wasted on the side. The best part about this candle was waking this morning hours after the flames had been blown out and still being able to smell it! I have noticed that it does seem to burn a bit quicker than my Yankee Candles but hey it was significantly cheaper.

#2 Getting tweets and e-mails from EatThisNotThat and WomensHealthMag (for any of you on twitter I wrote the names as they are on twitter so you can follow them too!)

They give you really good advice, facts and information to keep you motivated and informed about your health, body, and food.

#3 Unjury Protein Mixes especially the chocolate flavor. Unjury really helped me last the 3 days of liquids. I have both the chocolate and the strawberry flavors but enjoy the chocolate the most. To me the chocolate tastes pretty darn close to a nice cold chocolate YooHoo. The strawberry is good to but has a very faint hardly there flavor. I mix the strawberry with sugar free lemonade mix and it is yummy!

Here is a quick frozen coffee drink I make in the A.M.

1 scoop Unjury Chocolate

7oz cold coffee

1oz milk

2tsp Splenda

Ice

Blend it all together and it is delish!

#4 The Toy Story Movie Series. I really have no choice in this because my little one is obsessed with it. Thankfully SB and I enjoy watching it with him at night as well.

I love Rex “What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don't think I can take that kind of rejection!”

#5 Storage Wars. SB and I are kinda hooked on this show. I normally would only watch it when my Step Dad or Nana visit but well we watch it now nightly. It might be because of this guy below, Barry. He would be one awesome Grandfather or Sugar Daddy if you are into that kinda thing.

I’m also gonna include a number because well it is my blog and I can do what I want.

#6. I can’t stop playing Words With Friends. SB got me hooked on it and now I have everyone I know playing it just to keep me going. It is like crack baby and I wanna be your dealer. Anyone else play? If you don’t you need to start!

So what have you enjoyed this week?

-L

2012 Goals

2012-01-12T06:50:00.001-08:00

I know, I know, I’m a little late on the whole setting goals and resolutions. The thing is I don’t like to do things half assed and therefore have been putting lots of thought into what I want to improve/achieve/spend my time on in 2012. I may have also been busy with two little ones under the age of two and a half. Whatever my reasons, its here now in a pretty list with picture reminders for me to reference all year long. Feel free to hold me to it and call me on any straying you may notice this year.

Number one is the absolute most important to me the rest are in random order…

#1: Date my Husband

That’s right I want to date Sugar Balls. I love SB so much and fondly remember our dates, trips, moments, naps, hugs, kisses that we have shared. Now that we are parents and absolutely positively head over heels in love with two other people we get less time together. I think it is important that we spend time together as a couple who are smitten, madly in love, can’t keep their hands off of each other, and I think we need to do that alone. So for 2012 I want to spend at least 3 hours of alone time with SB a month. I’m talking totally alone not just the alone time we get if we both manage to stay awake after the boys are asleep. I want to send the boys up the road to their favorite place (the grandparents) and escape with my husband. This can be a board game at home, dinner and a movie, cuddling during a nap. Anything we want to do at all as long as we do it together and it doesn’t have to do with everyday life such as running errands or cleaning house.

(Our wedding day)

#2: Menu Planning

I’m no June Cleaver but I do get to stay at home with my boys so I think it is important that I put a yummy, warm meal on the table. I would like to plan ahead in efforts to save money and try new recipes.

#3: Try at Least 2 New Recipes a Month

I LOVE to cook and share my food with others. In an effort to eat better and expose my little ones to different tastes and textures I want to try some new things. I have a few websites that I really enjoy, maybe you will too.

www.skinnytaste.com

www.ohsweetbasil.com

fitnessfoodandfaith.blogspot.com

http://weelicious.com/

http://www.eatbetteramerica.com/

I would also like to try freezing some extra food ahead of time. I always skip this step because I think fresh is better but a lot of people do it, so it might work. Right?

#4: Follow a Family Budget

With me staying home with the boys money is often tight. I know that there are many areas where I can cut back. I also know that I spend more than I should. I want to get better at this and show my husband how much I really do appreciate his hard work. If anyone has suggestions I’d would love the advice. One thing I’m going to start doing is write down the item I want (if it isn’t food/meds/heat) and keep it written down for at least 30 days before I buy it. Hopefully by the time 30 days is up I will no longer want it.

#5: Blog 2 Times a Week

#6: Exercise 4 or More Hours a Week

#7: Take More Pictures

This should be an easy one for me, I have two cameras and I LOVE taking pictures. Yet I the newest little Rascal has a significantly smaller stock pile of pictures than our first Rascal did. I REALLY need to work on this.

#8: Read a Book a Month

Again this should be easy as I love to read.

#9: Take Care of Laundry ASAP

So here is what happens every time I do the laundry. I fold as soon as the dryer goes off/ or as quickly as I can in an effort to avoid ironing. I don’t like to iron and I really don’t know how. However after I fold and or put the clothing on the hangers I tend to leave them in the laundry room for way to long. This needs to stop.

#10: Drink More Water

And add some lemon to it… Why? Because….

#11: Be under 200LBS by 2013

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

And lastly since it is 2012 and I like even numbers better than odd I’m gonna add a twelfth and very important goal for 2012.

#12: Believe in Myself

I may say “I can do this” but I still hear a voice inside that tells me it will never happen. I have now lost 34 pounds which I believe is as much weight as I’ve lost in the past only to go backwards and end up weighing more. I need to believe in myself and in this tool. I. Can. Do. This.

-L

PBing like a Mother you-know-whater

2012-01-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

So I have been PBing like it is my job. I did it in the drive thru lane at the bank, in my in-laws bathroom, in my bathroom, on the side of route 6, at an animal reserve, the list goes on and on.

As we all know one needs to chew, chew, chew when they have the band.

A good bander will take a small bite and chew, chew, chew their food into oblivion. They will not drink as they eat. They will not overeat. They will just chew, chew, chew their small, small, small bites and enjoy their protein first meal. Always.

Here is what I have been doing for oh say 2 months. Because I’m a very slow learner.

I take a normal or slightly large bite of food. Chomp down on the goods. Think to myself yum! Chew. Swallow. Think to myself that I’m a MORON and need to take a small bite and chew, chew, chew. So I take a kinda small bite and chew, chew, swallow. Progress has been made but by this point I’ve already put myself into a bad situation. I now have a lodged piece of food burning a spot in my chest and I’m saying a quick prayer that I don’t choke. Prayer said, hands in the air, nothing is working. I think to myself "oh I know, I’ll take a drink". I take a drink... I'm now thinking to myself "OH SHIT! I shouldn’t have done that". Why? Because there is no place for the liquid to go expect back up. I do this every time. EVERY. TIME.

So now I have myself in a situation of not knowing if my fill level is where it needs to be or if I just really need to bite and chew the proper way ALL of the time and not just when I’m sitting alone enjoying a meal (which never happens).

My next fill is scheduled for January 18^th and in preparation for this fill I am going to go back on liquids starting tomorrow. I’m not sure how long I will last but I hope to last 3 days and slowly work my way back. I hope this will help me to get better habits and also determine if I’m at the level that works for me. My current level is 4ccs.

Any advice Ladies? I could use it.

-L

I was Tagged, Did I tag you?

2012-01-07T16:25:00.001-08:00

I was just feeling a little down that I haven’t had much BOOBS correspondence when I happened upon Dawnya’s Blog and saw that she had selected me as one of 11 people to do the following. It made me smile, thank you Dawnya!

The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things yourself.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ Blah blah blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 peeps!

11 Random things about me:

1. I’m eating junior mints (that should tell you how well I’m doing with the whole weight loss thing)

2. I love me some Reality TV. I’m not picky just put me in front of the train wreck and I’ll watch for hours.

3. I call Dora Whora and like to sing her theme song by replacing the words with my name for her.

4. I can drive a standard.

5. I love to swim and look forward to kiddos being at camp so I have people to play with. Adults are all so boring about the water.

6. The ocean is my happiest place.

7. Sugar Balls purposed to me at the Ocean.

8. I play the lottery.

9. Disney World is my 2nd happiest place.

10. I can’t watch horror movies due to my over active imagination that gives me nightmares for weeks on end.

11. I’m the only child hence why I have an over active imagination.

Dawnya’s questions:

1. What is your favorite color? Pink, Pink, and Pink

2. Who was your first love? A total waste of space

3. Do you secretly dislike your bestfriend? I think of her as family. I celebrate her good times and cry for her bad ones. She really is my Best Friend.

4. How many times do you go pee in a day? I have never really counted… I’ll get back to yah

5. Have you ever been arrested? No, but I have had nightmares in which I had to do time in Jail… I don’t know what I did, but it couldn’t have been good. I prob hit a bitch.

6. What anti-virus software do you use on your computer/laptop (repeat question from FB)? Windows Security Essentials (Sadly I had to ask SB that question)

7. Have you ever had a one night stand? Nope, I don’t look down upon those who have but I just don’t think I could do it.

8. Would you date outside your race? Outside of the Human Race? No. As far as the any other person the answer is yes. I see us all as one race.

9. Do you eat pork rinds? *Hangs head in shame* enough said.

10. Do you have artificial nails? I have in the past, now with all the diapers I’m changing, I just don’t see it working out.

11. What did you eat for dinner last night? Homemade beef stew and dumplings.

My questions:

1. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?

2. What is your most embarrassing moment?

3. Beach or Mountain?

4. Can’t miss show?

5. Do you do your own taxes?

6. Best vacation?

7. Flats or heels?

8. Favorite number (mines 8)

9. Life after death?

10. Favorite Magazine?

11. Do you read in the bathroom?

And who I am tagging?

Sarah

Jessica

Gilly

Chubby McGee

Robyn

Fat in suburbia

Cat

So I know I have stopped at 7 ladies, blame my fussy babies. Sorry.

-L

Skinny Santa Challenge

2012-01-04T08:18:00.001-08:00

Does anyone know who lost the most in the Skinny Santa Challenge? I want to make sure and get their gift card in the mail.

Thanks a bunch!

-L

I'm still dazed and sleepy from the holidays, but I'm back!

2012-01-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

Although I have been MIA on my own blog, I have tried hard to keep up with all of you lovely ladies by sneaking peeks here and there at yours.

We have been going, going, going at my house. My SIL flew in and I enjoyed a day alone with her shopping and catching up. We had a rough start when I first came into the family but now I can honestly say that she really is one of my best friends. I just love being with her. I usually laugh so hard and smile so much it is as if I've been enjoying a few cocktails without having to deal with the hangover.

Sadly she is now back in Georgia and I have to wait until our February vacation when we head south to see her again.

This year we had 2 holiday parties and 3 Christmas "mornings" so we were pretty busy. The 1st holiday party was with my family and is normally stressful and fills you with regret for spending 3 hours of your life dealing with such BS on the holidays. This year it went as well as it could for me since I'm still having a hard time with the loss of my mother.It was because of the loss of my mother that everyone was on their best behavior.

The 2nd party as at my In laws and we all had a good time. I thank god for being blessed with the wonderful family that I was lucky enough to marry into. I truly consider my mother in law a very good friend. What, what? you heard it right. My MIL is a very. good. friend. I should have video taped myself trying to teach them how to do a Yankee Swap it was well... interesting, frustrating, maddening, yup that is the one :-)

We traveled back to my family home the night before Christmas Eve and had our 1st Christmas "morning" opening presents there on Christmas Eve. My step father (really my only father) joined has the entire time and I saw some him enjoy some truly happy moments with my children. That was a wonderful Christmas present in its own. The boys had already received way to many toys at this point and Santa hadn't even visited us yet. What is it with Grandparents getting grandchildren toys that they would have NEVER given their on children? As I like to say Grandparents are whats wrong with the world :-)

We returned home on Christmas Eve and spent the rest of the night up the road at my In Laws decorating cookies for Santa and visiting with family. I really loved doing the cookies with my little one and his cousins, Sugar Balls helped too. Once home with the kids asleep we set out to give Santa a hand displaying all the toys he had gotten for the boys. That was really fun, this was the first year that SB and I got to sneak around the house and help Santa. We LOVED playing Elf and will cherish that time forever.

Since the boys are still young we got to sleep in until 7 on Christmas morning. My In laws and SIL came to our house to see the boys find their toys from Santa before we finished the day at my In Laws. Lets just say it was a long but wonderful day that started with stockings at 7:30 and ended with the last present being opened around 12:30... We stopped for breakfast and potty breaks. We also stopped to open and play with many a toys during the process.

Everyone was spoiled way to much as is the case every year because as my MIL says we may not be here next year.

I was blessed with a new treadmill (which I LOVE) as hand me down iPad because SB got the new iPad 2 (that I LOVE and no longer have to steal from SB for hours at a time) A new hot pink pocket cam, many books, Disney World Tickets, Adobe Photoshop Elements, and many more wonderful gifts. We were very blessed with time, loved ones, and presents.

More to Come

-L

Weighing In

2011-12-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

I'm in the Skinny Santa Challenge and the KKKKK Challenge so here are my numbers!!!!

Day of Surgery: 274.6

Weight on December 19th: 245.7

Weight Today 246

I had a gain of .4 lbs

Total weight lost since the challenges started in November: 11.3 lbs

Total weight loss since surgery: 28.5 pounds!!!

I just knew I would have a gain, it was my own fault.

On a very BRIGHT side of things, I got a treadmill for Christmas!

-L

Weighing In

2011-12-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm in the Skinny Santa Challenge and the KKKKK Challenge so here are my numbers!!!!

Day of Surgery: 274.6

Weight on December 8th: 247

Weight Today 245.7

Total weight lost since the challenges started in November: 11.7 lbs

Total weight loss since surgery: 28.9 pounds!!!

So I know this isn't a huge loss, I mean it was only 1.3 pounds in 11 days. I'm still happy with the loss. I have been baking, attending parties, shopping, and well eating. So any loss makes me happy.

-L

Ever lie to the DMV?

2011-12-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

So I had to get my License renewed and in the spirit of mankind hating the DMV I quickly agreed to all of the questions.

I opted to keep the same picture because I looked far better in the photo than the day of, I stated that yes the address is correct although we will be dropping the PO Box soon and going to a mail box, so I screwed that one up. I also gave a big fat lying yes in regards to all the other info.

Oh yeah I also said I would gladly give my organs should I ever no longer be in need of them. Something I actually do strongly believe in.

I got my new license today which by the way has been changed and is totally ugly… way to go Maine.

Anyway the weight listed on it lets say I don’t know 6 years ago? Was 180 lbs. was I 180 lbs 6 years ago? No I’m pretty sure the last time I was 180 was age 5… no make that birth.

So I’m currently 247 pounds. 247-180= 67… I know I’m a total math whiz right?

Anyhow for the first time since I got my license at age six to the teen I didn’t feel guilty about lying because I know that I ~~can~~ will drop the 67 pounds. Hell I think I will drop it before this time next year.

What about you ladies, ever lie to the DMV? I won’t tell Santa.

-L

You Really Shouldn't Eat that

2011-12-09T15:48:00.001-08:00

How would you feel if someone said to you "You really shouldn't eat that, you are going to kill yourself" ?

I can't remember if I saw this in a magazine or on TV because it has been years since but the topic has stuck with me.

The topic was about how society outcasts smokers often saying "smoking will kill you"The debate was why don't people ever say anything to the obese person for eating to much food when we say negative things to smokers all the time?

I am guilty of telling loved ones that I need them to stop smoking because I want them to live longer... I have never had a loved one tell me that I need to stop eating because they want me to live longer.

Truth be told if someone told me that it would hurt. It would be true but it would hurt. But I get it.

Has anyone ever told you this?

Are you a smoker? Has anyone ever said negative things about your smoking?

Is telling someone why they shouldn't smoke the same as telling another why they shouldn't eat?

What do you think?

Weighing In

2011-12-08T08:34:00.001-08:00

I'm in the Skinny Santa Challenge and the KKKKK Challenge so here are my numbers!!!!

Day of Surgery: 274.6

Weight as of November 11th: 253.5 (I had a 3.9 pound loss as recorded here)

Weight on November 30th: 249 (As shown here)

Weight Today 247

Total weight lost since the challenges started in November: 10.4 lbs

Total weight loss since surgery: 27.6 pounds!!!

I had my 2nd fill yesterday and the Doctor put in another 1 cc. I now have a total of 4.

-L

BYOC

2011-12-03T14:50:00.001-08:00

BYOC Saturday Edition (which is the same as Fridays, I'm just a slacker)

1. Describe the structure you live in. (apartment, condo, house, mansion, cardboard box?)

I live in a 1 story, 3 bedroom, one play room, 2 bathroom house that is almost 2000 sq feet and is red. Sugar Balls and I designed it ourselves and were able to move in almost a month after our first Rascal was born. I knew I wanted babies and therefore we went with the one story. There is also a basement that will one day be finished into a large family/play room.

2. Describe the city you live in. (population, main attractions)

So I have had some good chuckles at some of you when you described your towns as "small". I live in a town of 111 people. We do not have a main street just a state road that drives through town. There is one store in my town and up until October it was owned by my In-laws... The tiny general story also houses the towns Post Office and library aka help yourself book drop off and pick up.

There is no town school, town hall, town playground... there is nothing

The main attraction is our crazy hoarder guy Colby who wears bright pink rain boots, has many a buses and other "goods" all of which he will sell you for 20 bucks.

There are many camps in the area owned by "Out of Staters" and are occupied for bear and deer season and also during the summer as there are some nice lakes in the area. We also have a family camp about 20 minutes from my house that we love to use. The lake is nice and clam for the kids to swim in and my little one loves going there.

I'm also the town treasurer so if you ever read about a small town being bankrupt in Maine it might just be me.... not really, I have a calculator.

3. Why do you live in the town you live in? (job, to get away from a different town, family, schools?)

Maine has two well known cities with lots of shopping, schools, restaurants, etc. Sugar Balls and I use to live in one of those back in our dating days. I had a high paying job with lots of hours and stress and he was teaching at a local school. Before we got married we knew we wanted a house and babies and we know that we couldn't afford to have both where we were. We had made plans to move in with my In-laws (I LOVE my in-laws, so it worked out well) and save for some land and to build a home. On our wedding night my In-Laws surprised us with a receipt for the piece of land next to their house. We had always said how much we loved it and wanted it, but the previous owners and family friends hadn't wanted to sell. We were so excited and spent the next year planning our dream home and baby making.

We didn't want our children to have to play in the paved parking lot of our apartment building, only seeing us for a few hours a night and going to an expensive daycare for the rest of the time, so the move was perfect for us.

Sugar Balls did have to agree to get me a pool that has yet to come but it will!

I still miss my old city but go often to see friends and this really is the best play for my children.

4. What’s the view like from your backyard?

Our view is very green... lots of trees pines, oaks, maples, furs, you name it. I'm not sure how much land we have but it is a lot and our only neighbors will always be my in-laws. Sugar Balls cousin and her husband live down the road with their little girl and his Aunt and Uncle are close by on the same road as well. I love that when my boys are bigger they will have tons of grass, trees, a pond, vegetable gardens, snow/four wheeler trailers, rives, lakes, streams and what not all within seconds of their home.

I on the other hand am not one with nature... I like being at the beach or the lake. I'm not a woods girl, I hate bugs and well we have lots!

5. Repeat question: How has your week been in blogland and in real life?

Blogland could have been better, I have been reading a lot but not contributing as much as I should or would like to.

In real live I'm still struggling with the loss of my mom. Lack of sleep, and a teething baby. I'm happy to say that not a day passes that I don't have multiple people, moments, and things that I'm very thankful for.

Holy Sh*t

2011-11-30T06:38:00.001-08:00

Do any of you ladies mind a little cussing? I don't want to offend anyone.

So the reason for the Holy Sh*t is that I'm now out of the 250's!

Considering I started Thanksgiving off with a piece of apple pie and maybe some vanilla bean ice cream... okay there was definitely some ice cream too and it happened to be at 11 in the morning add that to all of my other transgressions and I was horrified to get on my scale.

To help get my nerve up I reset my standards yesterday and ate very well. I had a protein shake, lean protein, veggies, and lots of water. I think that must have helped flush some of the crap out of my system because I just got on the scale and had a 4.5 pound weight loss! I yelled for joy and my little Rascal joined in the celebration (not knowing why Mommy was so happy, but clearly happy to take part).

As you know I'm in the Skinny Santa Challenge and the KKKKK (I think that is the right amount of k's) Challenge so here are my numbers!!!!

Day of Surgery: 274.6

Weight as of November 11th: 253.5 (I had a 3.9 pound loss as recorded here)

Weight today: 249

Total weight lost in November: 8.4 lbs

Total weight loss since surgery: 25.6 pounds!!!

I'm very excited and thankful for the number I got on the scale today. I had rebooted myself yesterday (even passing up ice cream when Sugar Balls and Rascal 1 had some) and seeing the loss today just makes me want to push on even harder.

I plan on doing a Thanksgiving recap later on. I couldn't wait until later to mark my weight loss!

Happy Wednesday Ladies!

-L

Remember this

2011-11-22T15:10:00.001-08:00

Forgive me ladies, for I have sinned

2011-11-21T12:32:00.001-08:00

UGH!

I have been a bad, bad, Bandster.

I have used my hand surgery as an excuse to eat "bad" things I shouldn't and I feel awful, both physically and mentally.

I have had Wendy's burgers, nuggets, fries.

Chinese food by the truck load.

Enough pizza to turn me into the Dough Boy.

I can't blame the fact that I have zero restriction for my recent eating habits. I know the band can't change what I eat it can only help me feel full sooner. I know that once I feel full I can still shove more into my pie hole even with the band. So I am not blaming my lack of restriction on why I have been eating how I have. With that said I really can't wait to feel some restriction. My next fill is on December 7th!!!

I'm taking part in the Skinny Santa Challenge and the KKKKKKKKKKKKK Challenge and have yet to do another weigh in because I have a cast on. My cast comes off on the 28th of November and I plan on doing a weigh in the next day on the 29th (so I can do it at my normal time of day). I'm not counting myself out of the challenge yet, I still think I can reach my 20 pound goal if I get my head back in the game.

I have also been slacking on the exercise. I can't walk until my husband gets home and it is almost dark at the point (no way am I walking where I live in the dark) and it is also FREEZING (Damn Maine weather) I really, really, really with a fat free cheery on top want a treadmill so badly but we don't have the cash on hand and I don't want to put it on a charge card. I also feel bad about making such a big purchase for myself during the holidays... The closest gym is 40 minutes away and it isn't even a real gym with treadmills it is a Curves... UGH. Hopefully in the new year I will be able to get a treadmill. I will use it, I promise, I know I will, I WANT to use it.

Tomorrow is a new day and I plan to make it my day! I'm going to do this.

-L

Surgery Update

2011-11-17T17:09:00.001-08:00

Well my wrist/hand hurts like a mother...you know what. thankfully Sugar Balls is better at puttingmy hair up than I gave him credit for. im sadly missing the opening of Breaking Dawn... Thats right I'm a geek and I love it.., Go Team Edward.. i found lots of free and cheap books at the kindle store on amazon since I can"t hold my old school paper backs... Time formore vicodin and bed, night ladies. -L