The Adventures of Pooper McPoops

Kinabalu, KK and Kota Belud - nearly there!

2010-12-04T01:21:00.000-08:00

In my last update I was on my way to somewhere, having had a few delicious Bloody Marys the night before. I was sad to leave Sandakan, even though it was a bit of a hole, because the hotel was so comfortable. Pure and simple. So getting on the bus to Kindasang, I was already in a bad mood. Made worse by Celine Dion on loop on the bus' dvd player. Anything but her. What is about Asia that they love shit music? It's so annoying.

So I got off the bus at Kinabalu National Park. It was cold, for the first time in what felt like ages, I put on my fleece. Very beautiful place. Serene maybe. Two pictures, left one when I arrived, right one about 2 minutes later. Weird place. Things change very rapidly here.

Thought about climbing the mountain - got up early enough to but realised I didn't want to have another amazing experience on my own. So I decided to leave it for another time, when Simon can drag me up it kicking and screaming.

However this is Mount Kinabalu in the morning. So left Kinabalu after walking around some lovely treks in the national park. A real gem.

So headed back to KK, and for some serious dossing. Thing about Sabah is that everything is expensive, and not easy to just hang out in. I had a week left and didn't really know what I wanted to do. I hung around for a few days, got my haircut (look like a scarecrow now), went to see HP7 (actually quite good) and ate lots. Then decided to head up north to Kota Belud and a very remote beach called Manana Borneo. Very nice but very isolated..... but I did meet Tommy. Please meet Tommy..... beautiful Tommy. He made the beach for me.

Anyway, getting away for the dog porn (you know what I mean), I'm back in KK going out for some Karaoke, and heading off to Manila tomorrow. Finally.Will be in Manila for a few days with Simon's cousin and his wife and kids and then down to Dumaguete. Very looking forward to it all now, need to settle for a bit. Toodle Pip for now.xx

Kota Kinabalu, Semporna archipelago, Kinabangtan river and Sandakan

2010-11-25T01:13:00.000-08:00

Hello. Last time we spoke I was in Mulu (Sarawak State), or at least had been to Mulu and was in KK (Sabah State). KK was an interesting place, a bit edgy but I liked it. Not sure I liked the old men taking photos of me on the beach but hey when you look this good.... yeah right.

Siamil island - macro heaven

Flew then down to Tawau (over the largest palm oil plantation I have ever seen, so very very sad) and on to Semporna for one night before heading out to the "number one dive spot in Asia" - the Semporna archipelago - Mabul, Sipadan and Siamil. Semporna is a bit of scabby hole, even though lots of westerners have to stop off there to overnight for Mabul walking around feels like you're the only white female they have ever seen. A bit odd really. Got a boat out to Mabul island the next day and began diving. 4 days and 15 dives later it was my time to leave. Not sure what I made about it. As with all diving, it depends where and when you dive and each one is different to the last and the next. One day it can be awesome and the next pants. Well, there is no doubt the macro diving at Mabul and Siamil is really cracking - pygmy seahorses, pipe fish, orangutan crabs, ghost shrimp, snake eels, morays, leaf scorpion fish, stone fish, devil scorpion fish, flying gurnards, nudi brancs, frog fish, juvenile bat fish, juvenile harlequin sweetlips, flouders, eagle rays, blue spotted rays, mandarin fish, sea snakes and the list goes on. I need to get an underwater housing for my camera to show you how awesome it is. Sipadan (the number one spot) is an immense site with walls going down a mile. It attracts huge numbers of hawksbill turtles, green turtles, white tip and grey reef sharks, baracuda, rays - all the big stuff, but I wasn't overwhelmed with its awesomeness. Don't get me wrong, it was good but I've had just as good dives in the Philippines. Plus, and this is a big downer, the rubbish in this part of the sea is unbelievable. Plastic is everywhere, and this has a major effect on the wildlife - I saw a dead turtle with a plastic bag hanging out of it's mouth. So all the conservation efforts across the world for these turtles makes little difference when people (including us) are throwing plastic in to the sea. It's just so sad. It's a good reason to not take that plastic people!

Probiscus Monkey - little willy!

Kinbatangan

Long tailed Macaque

So feeling quite sad I left Semporna, having got very drunk the night before with some randoms I had met and sang some lovely karaoke in the seediest bar yet including Careless Whisper by Wham, and headed on the bus north to the Kinbatangan River. In this part of Borneo it's almost impossible to travel and see things independently, so I had booked a 3day/2 night tour at a lodge near a place called Bilit on the river itself. Had to get up at 5:30 each day to do a river cruise and then trek all day, cruise again and then trek at night. All very tiring might I add but saw some amazing stuff, including wild orangutans which can't be beat (no photos though!). I think Mr Probiscus was my favourite though... he came down right to the river to feed and sat watching us for ages. Lovely. Although a close second was MicroFrog - only 10mm long! and then maybe the sleeping Kingfishers, or the Hornbills... too many to choose from! Unfortunately, as with the diving, seeing all these animals is tinged a bit with sadness. The palm oil plantations in this part of Borneo are so extensive (like hundreds and hundreds of miles) the poor animals have no where to go. It is shocking quite how bad it is here and I can't see it getting any better even though I wish it could.

Today (25th November) I left Kinabatangan and got a bus to Sandakan, a city on the east coast of Borneo. It got flattened during WWII by the Japanese and was the site of the Sandakan Death Marches where at over 2000 British and Australian troops died in a horrendous march from Sandakan to Ranau. Very sad and quite brutal really. Only here for half a day really, I didn't have time to get to the site of the POW camp but maybe that's a good thing. I did go for a walk though and happened across this place - how civil darling! Apart from that, this place is quite quiet, a bit seedy but I actually quite like it. I'm staying in a hotel! would you believe it!? for ten of your English pounds, it has an amazing bathroom. The littlest things.

Not sure where I am headed next in Sabah but so far it's been up and down purely because it is so apparent that humans are impacting on the wildlife here so much, it's almost hopeless. It's not just the Malaysians either, we all eat palm oil and use plastic, I just wish there was an alternative.

It's taken me three hours to write this and I have had to endure the most miserable music ever.... urgh, get me out of here!

Mulu National Park - Caves and Bats

2010-11-16T04:27:00.000-08:00

On 12th November I arrived in Mulu after a quick flight from Kuching on the beast below. Very exciting flight, and a hairy landing in the middle of nowhere! Now you may not have heard of Mulu but think BBC documentary, David Attenborough lying in a massive pile of bat shit, and lots of bats, snakes snatching bats from the air and so on.

The park is set up quite well and they have amazingly knowledgeable guides, who know everything about the park. The caves are so impressive, it's beyond words and the wildlife is immense and over whelming. Look it up on wikipedia, it explains a lot. I learnt quite a lot but won't bore you but the reason they are so big is because of the composition of the limestone and the extremely abundant rainfall that occurs in Mulu. A combination which leads to some of the biggest caves in the world and stalagmites and -tites that would impress any geologist :) Don't look up though, I managed to get a drip of water in the eye (from 150 metres above) - it's so acid i thought my eye was going to melt. I'm sure I've lost a layer of my cornea or something equally as bad.

First night after visiting the Deer Cave which is unbelievable, you sit and wait for the bats to come out (sometimes they do, sometimes they don't). I got very lucky. They come out in batches of about, oh half a million, so as to confuse the massive eagles that sit and wait for them to leave. Along with the eagles, there are also the snakes hanging in the entrance to the cave ready to eat them. So no wonder they are frightened.

I visited all the caves in the park that I could, and have so many photos. Anyway, all a bit boring but if you are ever in Borneo it should be on the top of your list.

Along with the walking caves, I thought it would cool to go adventure caving, with a vague feeling that something happened to me in a cave somewhere else in the world that I didn't like but couldn't remember so brushed it under the mat. All very cool, lots of sweaty climbing, mud, water, more mud, bats, swiftlets (do you know they use high frequency sonar to traverse through the caves - very clever little birdies), blind crabs, crickets and even some of those bat eating snakes (Racer Snakes - hence the name of the cave is "Racer"). And oh yes, spiders. Now I remember. Not quite as big as Thailand though, so that was nice.

When I wasn't caving with the living dead, I was lounging, and watching the insects. Some really beautiful ones (incredible butterflies), I am a bit of a convert. Went on a night walk and saw some awesome frogs, stick insects (more like branch insects) and a spider that used a leaf as camouflage, ugly but cool. Worryingly, something ate my banana, that was in my closed bag..... little devil.

Attempted to leave Mulu on 15th November but flight got cancelled because of rain.....hmm. This turned out to be quite disastrous because even though they put me in a "luxury" resort that night, I spent the entire next day travelling on 3, get it, 3 flights to Kota Kinabalu. I originally booked 1 flight direct to KK. How did 1 turn to 3? It was the most illogical experience I have come across in quite a while. To top it off, the plane was the same plane for the entire journey, they wouldn't let me check my large bag into the hold, and at each stop I had to get off with my bag, go through immigration and get back on the plane. RETARDED. Suffice to say I lost the rag on the third flight when the stewardess told me I couldn't have my big bag on the plane! On the plus side I got a free lift from the airport to my hostel by some guy who had come all the way from Mulu with me (his name was Gladstone - why is it asians always choose such interesting western names?). So now I'm in KK until the 18th. Had some wonderful food tonight (Philippino BBQ no less) and can't wait to get to bed already.

JB to Kuching, the Gingers, Gunung Santubong and Bako National Park

2010-11-16T03:19:00.000-08:00

Well so I set off from Tioman on 6th November and headed by numerous modes of transport to Johor Bahru, where I was due to catch my plane to Borneo. It was very tiring, setting of at 6am and not arriving in Kuching until midnight! However, I saved so much money and then, this is KEY, i helped an old lady of the plane and she got her son to give me free lift all the way to my hostel in the town centre. How nice was that.... yes yes, part of me thought it was trick but the woman was very religious, so I assumed admitting I was an atheist was my worst crime. The hostel is great - Singgahsana Lodge, would recommend it to everyone.

Woohoo though, it seems like a stop well worth making on my way. Food is great and I had such a great day on my first day. Saw this and thought of Katie.....

Then I headed over to Semenggoh Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre - where they look after the wild men of Borneo. They are nutured back to health and then released into the safe national park. They come by for feedings twice a day and you're allowed to stand silently from afar and watch. You're lucky if any come at all in this season as there is so much fruit in the trees but I was lucky by God..... a brilliant day.

On my second day I had heard rumours of a great mountain trek quite close to Kuching called Gunung Santubong (910m), only 3.4km with a few ropes and ladders to help you on your way, so I decided I would give it a go. The guide suggested it was 5 hours each way, of course I scoffed at that convinced I could do it in less - it's not even the size on Snowdon, bah! 10am I set off as that was the earliest bus to the national park, and I knew I had to be back there by 5pm as that was the time of the last bus. Very excited to get my legs working again, I set off with vigour. 5 minutes later I was gasping... joke. No after about 2 hour of ups and downs, and thinking I was being hunted by something - turns out it was those damn monkeys crashing around (Silver leaf monkeys no less), very very cute when I did manage to spot one in the undergrowth - I made it to the final checkpoint (5 hours my arse). Points to note, not only had I not considered that some of the trek would be stupidly steep, but I had also underestimated the effect of the humidity (only 80%) on my ability to climb. Feck me. After this, things got a insanely sweaty, hairy and absolutely exhausting - good job I had brought 3 litres of water with me but even that wasn't enough. It was the three bananas and couple of biscuits that really held me together, oh yes! It was just so steep with continuing climbing on ladders and ropes, over roots, and rocks, hanging on to roots for grip - a bit like Tarzan. So after all that I didn't even make it to the top. Having been trained thoroughly to watch the clock, I had a time limit and knew going down would take much longer than it should do, so after a total of 4 hours I had to turn back even though I was probably only half an hour from the summit. ARSE. Good job I did though, as I arrived just in time for the bus, with only seconds to spare, and a storm arrived which from the bottom looked pretty hairy on the summit. So in the evening I ate my weight in beef satay and rice, went to bed at 8pm and work up the next day feeling like an elephant had sat on me all night.

it got dark all of a sudden!

On my third day I lay on my bed and didn't move (purely as a precaution to over doing myself of course, nothing to do with the severe muscular pain coursing through my body) apart from going to post office, park office and bank, oh and for some Laksa. For light entertainment that evening I went on wildlife tour in the wetlands close to Kuching - but a storm came in and meant it got cancelled so I went home, having done nothing all day. Good.

On the fourth and fifth day and onwards I headed over to Bako National Park (still unable to walk really). The only way to get to the park is by boat and as such is very dependent on the tides (they change by like 5m so many people get stranded and have to walk with mud up to this knees).

Had heard rotten things about the park accommodation and it was awful but bearable especially with so much wildlife in the near vicinity. This was a place to go hiking through primary rain forest, truly very beautiful but I was so fecked off by the roots by the end of the two days, I almost wept every time I went out. The wildlife was amazing though and if you just stopped and looked in the bushes you would always see something! Probiscus monkeys (do you know they are aroused 100% of the time, and you can see it as well, although I didn't capture it in this photo!), hermit crabs, trillions of ants (my question: do ants sleep?), pitcher plants, frogs, monitor lizards, flying foxes the list goes on - i won't bore you with thousands of pictures.

for Katie

Long tailed macaque monkeys also live in this national park - these are the ones I have seen so many times in cages in the UK. Thinking I would love to see them in the wild, they are the cheekiest little bastards you never wish to come across. Truly I felt like a frightened pensioner trapped in my home by a gang of youths hanging around on the streets. I was too scared to take out my camera in front of them in case they nicked it (so no photos)..... they would sit in the middle of the path (the majority are young and about 50 cm high when sat down) and not move, stare you down (like they do) and as you walked around them they would run at you legs in a mock chase and then run off laughing when you turned and stomped at them. I mean really.

So that was that, swan in the sea and then realised there had been warnings about salt water crocs (oops), and then headed off back to Kuching and on to Mulu National Park up in the middle of Borneo for the caves and the bats! Bring it on David Attenborough!

Pulau Tioman

2010-11-04T03:21:00.000-07:00

So the last few days I have been on Tioman in the South China sea. I thought it would be a bit like the Thai islands, like Ko Tao and Krabi - it's been on the backpacking map for longer than both. However, when I got here, bearing in mind it is low season as well, the place is a paradise. I worked it out and it's about 16 hours away from London, but it's amazing. As I said before the blog never comes across as fun when I am having a great time but I can't help that can i!

Yesterday I went diving which was ok. The vis wasn't great but lots of turts and rays, groupers, file fish etc etc and I spotted an ugly scorpion fish, a real big bugger. So diving was good but not exceptional, I am here on the off season though. Apart from the diving though, the weather was great and I sunbathed and watched the long tailed macques stroll along the beach - there being only myself and their gang around. At dusk the fruit bats fly out down and the beach, it's all well pretty perfect. Easy living people, easy living. The two concerns I have at the moment, are (1) my aircon. Tell me if this doesn't sound dangerous, it drips water continually and crackles - not the "snap, crackle, pop" type, the "I'm going to set your room on fire" type. So I've switched it off and therefore means I sweat at night more than I did in RUSSIA. Do you remember that? feck. AND (2) the mosquitoes are like horses, galloping from afar to suck the last traces of my blood.

Today I woke up to a cracker of a thunder storm, tried to take a photo on the beach but then thought I might get killed doing so, so ran inside. Decided I was not going to spend the day lazing so I headed off into the jungle to trek to the other side of the island. There is a reason they call it the "rain forest". I don't think I've ever been as wet. No leeches though. Beautiful too but think i wrecked my camera in the humidity - oops! Speaking off which if it does survive I got a USB cable but I am sat at a computer now with no USB slots, can you imagine? You'd think I was on a remote island or something equally as rubbish for telecommunications. So I will update with photos as soon as I can.

So it's a hard life really. Sorry. It's beer o'clock though, and therefore I can no longer chat. Off tomorrow or Saturday to Johor Bahru and then on to Borneo, which I am quite excited about. Yippee!

Kuala Lumpur, Melaka and Mersing

2010-10-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

So here we are again! Back to intermittent blogging and I have forgotten my cable to upload pictures, so at the moment it'll just be words (Simon has reassured me that I will be able to find one somewhere in Asia - what a kidder, eh?). Took only one photo with me and here it is.....

For those of you who don't know, I decided to fly to Malaysia for some "easy" traveling after the epic adventures on the train. So I boarded a 12 hour direct flight to KL. Things didn't looked promising when the check-in lady checked me in as Richard Williams, I only noticed my boarding card as I was entering security. Went back to her and not an apology was uttered. I decided not to make a scene but you wouldn't get this sort of service on the train, or on BA for that matter. Someone (no names mentioned) likened this flight to a Ryanair farce, and he wasn't far off. Once on board, I quaffed 2 "one-a-day" Nytols and said bye bye to the cheap seats (although plenty of leg room), annoying Swedish children (although no screaming babies), and charges up your woo woo, and said hello to bad dreams, DVT and gut rot. Whilst I was sleeping said Swedish child grabbed my foot, who I then kicked hard thinking I was being attacked by a paranormally active being (have you seen that yet Alison?). But arrived safely you'll all be happy to hear. I have a phone but I don't have the number with me.

It's nice to be hot again. Although the rain storms in the afternoon are something else. KL was wicked, I stayed for nearly 2 days and it's a really excellent city. The first one since my travels began that I could actually see myself living in. Rocked up to the Petronas towers which were big and silvery. The place reminds me of a massive Canary Wharf with quirky little alleys and houses all around the place. Then moved on to Kampung Baru, Chow Kit, Merdaka Square (originally a cricket pitch - saw these cutesters curled up together), China Town, Little India and home. Ate some delicious food (with my hands I hasten to add, which I am now regretting as I have the squits already. On my first day, I can't believe it). I even used that squirty, anti bacterial stuff, which blatantly has not worked! So basically in the words of Gordon Ramsey "KL, done" (not really guys).

Next day I made a washy plan, and set off to Melaka 2 hours south of KL. Turned out to be quite a good idea, as it was an interesting, and colourful place with an extensive history. Look it up. My day did involve a very uneventful river trip however, although I did see some monitor lizards sitting in the trees. Then today I set off to Mersing a port town on the East of the peninsula with the idea of going straight to Tioman Island for some diving. Turns out I am stuck here for the night as the tides are screwed up, and no ferries are running. So hopefully heading off tomorrow to get some diving in before the Monsoon. You can feel it coming you know, there is something in the air! Wish me luck anyway that the diving is good, and the sun comes out!

China and Beijing illness

2010-09-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

So I made it China and the end of the trans Mongolian trip. I felt like I should have been victorious but something was brewing, little did I know what it was at the time. The culture shock for me in Beijing was huge. Spitting, shouting, pushing. Some of the smells in the street must have been from Hell, or somewhere as bad. And the pollution was unbelievable, shockingly bad in fact. That afternoon I visited the Olympic site, and was impressed with it's size and actually that it was still very popular. I can't help feeling the London Olympic legacy won't be quite the same.

Later on that afternoon my finally body let me down. It gave in to the Badness. Even after all my moaning, I have NEVER felt as wretched as I did for my time in Beijing. Truly awful. All I could do was hope my immune system was up to it and I wasn't going to die (it crossed my mind). When you spend days in bed with nothing to do odd thoughts come into your head including how long would it take for someone to find a rotting corpse.

Eventually after 4 days of sweating, cursing the Chinese government for banning facebook, my blog and anything of interest, vommiting, sleeping and sweating, I made a break for freedom. It was an unsteady start, with only a banana for sustinence and support from Ben (a guy I had met in Mongolia on tour who was in Beijing that day) we ventured to the Lama Temple (largest and one of the most important centres for Tibetan Buddism in the world), the Drum Tower (tower on a hill full of drums originally used for telling the capital what time it was) and ate some delicous duck at Da Dong's (or so Ben tells me, he ate an entire duck, I had an orange juice).

The spitting thing did start to get on my nerves, as did the shouting and pushing. They spit everywhere. In temples, in restaurants, in tube stations, in front of you, behind you, in shops, in bars, in buses, in trains, in toilets, on carpets, on tiles.. and most dangerous of all on bikes (some are electric, meaning they are silent and so you sometimes don't know they are there until they've ridden over your toe) when they are riding past you, you get the picture. It's just wrong.

The next day things moved lower down in the belly if you know what I mean, so I braved Chairman Mao's mausoleum (like Lenin he is mummified, why? who knows), Tinanamen Square and the Forbidden City. Mao was weird. The Chinese come in their thousands to see him. Remember he is a man who killed them in their multi millions (and friends tell me he was actually very thick and used to make up science). There are pictures of him everywhere, and actually when you do finally get in to see him, well I won't spoil it for you but he looks like an alien. In the hall he's in, there are signs everywhere saying no talking, and it was like a God send, finally some peace and quiet. Like with most of these sorts of things you have to keep walking past him, which I did but at the top of the "coffin" it had his birth and death dates etc and so I slowed, only to be immediately "indicated" to quite energetically by an angry looking man to keep moving. It took a lot for me not to laugh in his face.

After that I wandered through Tiananman Square, repeatedly refusing to buy a Chairman Mao watch (although part of me did want one) to the Forbidden City. Toilet count since leaving the hostel, 5. A great thing about Beijing is that they have public toilets everywhere, probably because if they didn't people would shit in the streets (the small children actually do). So I was ok as far as toiletting accommodation.

Even though I was weak, the Forbidden City was awesome. Again the only problem was the pushing and shoving to see in the halls but it was very impressive. The most interesting fact I learnt was that on each stairway leading up to each hall there are massive marble carvings inlaid into the floor at the same angle as the stairs. These vary bewteen 5-20 metres long and are always made from one piece of rock. They had to transport these from a mine outside of the city. To get the slabs to the Palaces they would, in winter, spray the streets with water until it turned to thick ice and then slide the rocks all the way on the ice. We're talking between the 13th-14th century here, how impressive is that? Also, another grim fact, is that at some stages during the Ming and Qing Dynastys the emperor would have over 20,000 concubines. Something to do with the Emperor being the extreme of Yan, and therefore needing large Yin to ensure a balance. Yeah right. Plus if a concubine was naughty she didn't just get sacked, she got thrown down a well to drown. Nice.

I wondered to the Night Market and felt very sad when I saw things seahorse kebab for sale and lots of tourists thinking it was cool to buy them. FYI it's not cool. It's sad. Enough of that but they also sold bbqed cat, dog, scorpion (alive), cockroach, crickets, tarantulas, snake..... and so it goes on. I had a freshly made spring roll and then ventured on to a restaurant where I just made an absolute cock up. It seems that my idea of what one person can eat is not that same for a Chinese person. As you know having been ill, my stomach was pretty much the size of a pea, so all I wanted was a small bowl of rice, some spinach and a bit of meat. Somehow I ordered a banquet (total cost £4) and had to leave in embarrassment after feeling full after two mouthfuls. I felt so guilty it was horrible.

Next day I followed in Richard Nixon's footsteps and headed to the Temple of Heaven (they display photos of world leaders at the temple, he is one of them). A very beautiful place used by the emperors to worship and make sacrifices to Heaven in return for a good harvest. Sacrifices include skinning a calf alive and then burning it. Sweet. Afterwards I headed over the Summer Palace to get some fresh air, although I wouldn't call it fresh....... The Summer Palace was used by the emperors in summer to escape the heat of the Forbidden City. The lake and hill the palace stands on were all dug and created by men, it's a bit crazy when you think about it. So I walked around the lake, bought some souvenirs and realised it was my last day until I come back in October. I think my illness tarnished my view of China and so I'm hoping when I do come back I'll see things differently.

So back to London to organise a wedding. On the flight home I met a young Chinese guy planning to study English in Germany (not sure that makes sense). It was his first ever flight (yes I swapped seats with him so he could see out of the window) and I wondered how he would fit in in Germany (like I hadn't fitted in in China). Well he buttered his bread with a fork and put pepper in his coffee, so I wished him lots of luck.

So the trip is on hold for the time being but I'll be back soon for some more fun and frolics....

Surprise meeting

2010-09-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

So, after Steph nearly burnt down the Ger we headed off to Lake Hovsgol. It is called the sister lake to Lake Baikal (wait, I hear you cry, we know this lake!) but in fact it is not nearly as big. A very beautiful place though, partly spoilt by the crazy Mongolians playing techno (or techtonic as they like to call it, which in fact is also a dance craze sweeping Mongolia as I speak with arm movements to rival Simon's best efforts) at all hours of the night, as well as circling in the lake in a boat with a megaphone shouting nonesense. More horse riding.

We next attempted to get to Delger Murun but the river was so high we had to camp somewhere else. A beautiful evening though, with the temperature finally rising, and we were allowed to have our first camp fire. Yipee! We roasted ChocoPies (doubt any of you will have heard of them, a mix between chocolate teacakes and wagonwheels, so we got a bit of marshmallow action) and tried to sing a song everyone knew but the Swiss wouldn't make a decision so we didn't sing anything. Really much to my relief but much to Stephs disappointment.

On to Uran Togoo, and another campfire, and the next day to Amarbayasgalant Monastery. As you will remember this was one of the three remaining Buddist monasteries left in Mongolia. We had hoped to hear the monks chanting but it turns out we arrived on the full moon, and they were having a full moon party or something. No, not like Thailand Katie. So no chanting monks. Boo.

So that night we camped just in a wild spot, our last night in the wilderness. We sat around having just finished tea when our guide disappeared off over the hill in the van taking the two drivers with him. Everyone was very cross about him disappearing. When he re-emerged, with another car. Confusion. He then strides up to me and gives me a note. I open it, tres confused, and it turns out to be a note I left under Coulson's pillow the morning I left London. Even more confused I stand up shouting "what?", and then of course, whose silohete should appear in the head lights but Mr Simon Coulson's. Of course, most of you know what happened next but for those of you who don't, he got down on one knee and proposed and I said "yes". Cheese Master Flash. He had hunted me down on the Mongolian Steppe, it doesn't really get more romantic does it? The only problem now is, in a fit of enthusiasm I rammed the very small ring (I think Simon got me confused with a midget or something, or at least had forgotten that his future wife has massive sausage fingers, thanks Mum) on to my finger (I desperately wanted it to fit), and now I really cannot get it off. It is wedged on, so any tips for how to get a sausage out of a ring, or vice versa, then let me know.

So the next morning I said goodbye to the group and headed off with Simon to Terelj National Park and a HOTEL, with a hot shower, massive bed and food other than mutton. Glorious. We spent the next 3 days horse trekking (mine was called Bad Boy, Simon's Mohake) across the park, visiting Gers, drinking arag and generally having a lovely time.

I left UB for China and Simon flew home. What can I say about Mongolia? It is massive, the people are lovely, the roads are a nightmare and arag is disgusting. As promised I am a different person now, and have to start planning a wedding.......

On the (sand) road

2010-09-06T05:34:00.000-07:00

Back on the road we drove to Harhorin (the former Mongol capital) and the Endenezuu Monastery. A bit of background to the monasteries left after the Stalin purges in the early twentieth century. Out of a many hundred, only 3 Buddist monasteries were left. Stalin orderd the mass killing of all monks over 10 years of age and their families. So over one hundred thousand monks were slaugtered or sent to gulags in Siberia (remember at that time the total population of Mongolia would have been about 1 million), and just to be more gruesome the Russians ran out of bullets and so bludgeoned most of the monks to death. Lovely. If you ask Mongolians these days about Russians, instead of hating them which is what I thought would be pretty standard, most would say how they love them. They brought education, industry, trade, healthcare. Funny really. However, ask them about the Chinese and that is another matter entirely. I have never heard such vehement hatred for another race of people as from the Mongolians I talked to about the Chinese.

The Endenezuu Monastery is the oldest one left. Built in the 16th century it used to house many monks and have countless temples and houses. Now it has only a few surviving but they are beautiful.

I haven't really mentioned our Guide yet but he was probably the most useless guide that ever existed, so is not worth the time it would take to tell you how useless he actually was. He was supposed to guide us around the monastery but didn't. Needless to say I didn't tip him well and nor did anyone else.

The wildlife I saw consisted of brown legged eagles, suslik (ground squirrels), black vultures, buzzards, gazelles, weird flying crickets, locusts and marmots. All very exotic to me. The one thing I would say about the Mongolians I was with is that they clearly respected the environment and the animals in it, which was a great relief to me. We even spent one afternoon picking up litter with the drivers who were utterly disgusted with the rubbish left by the "city Mongolians" at the side of a river in a national park. It would be like seeing Snowdon covered in a foot of litter.

That night we stayed at Totaihar Chuluu, where it began to get cold. Near to the campsite there was a sacred rock which if you were capable enough to throw a rock over, it would grant you any wish you desired. Obviously being a girl I failed miserably, but then so did most of the Mongolians there. Sadly only the Aussie men were capable of such a huge feat of throwing, although if Pete had been there he would certainly have shown them a thing or two I'm sure.

Onwards and upwards, the next day we moved on to Chuluut Canyons where we stayed for 2 nights, hiked the canyon and surrounding areas. Quite impressive really both in the canyon and from above (if anyone can tell me why the stitching programme has added the bars - let me know!).

Lots and lots of goats surrounded us here and one rascal stole my knickers which I had washed for the first time since entering Mongolia - just the info you need eh? Enji did actually catch the thief for me, as seen here.

Then probably on to my favourite site, Horgo National Park and a volcano! Yay! Tres excitement for me but no one else, so I geeked it up for the Geologists. I even picked up some "rocks" and may be willing to pass these on to certain individuals for the appropriate price, of course.

Horgo also has the White Lake which we camped next to. I swam in it and it was cold, very cold but at around 8 degrees it was probably a bit too warm for Vanessa. However, within about 10 minutes of me leaving the lake in 25 degree balmy weather, it began hailing and snowing and the temperature dropped to about, oh, 5 degrees. Cra-zi-ness. So I sat freezing in the bus for the remainder of the day. We did get quite bored and there were murmmurings of playing a game, so I suggested "Who's in the bag?". It was a disaster. Lesson learnt: Never play games with Swiss people, surprisingly they don't like losing. Who'd have thought it? To take the attention away from the bus I perfomed an act of heroism wading in to the freezing lake to rescue our beer before it was washed away by the storm, forever. You can call me Emma "Hero" WIlloughby. Needless to say it was lovely and cold.
Next day there was snow all around but we trooped on and went for a small hike.

The drive away from the White Lake was epic - we had to traverse 2 mountain ranges covered in snow and swollen rivers, and the craziest bridge I have ever seen.
As you can see our bus got stuck on the way back to rescue the soviet van - the driver waded into the river and moved some rocks around, it worked and after about an hour we were on our way again.

We made it to our 2nd Ger camp at Zuun Nuur and relished the first hot shower and proper bed. Steph had been so cold throughout the entire camping trip, I left her to man the stove, I quickly came back when I saw flames licking the top of the Ger chimney. The inside was like an inferno, much to Steph's glee. Unfortunately Gers are not that well insulated and as Steph had used our nights supply of wood in about an hour, we froze once again for the remainder of the night.
I need to now take some time to talk about yaks. Very odd creatures, cross between a dog and a cow. When they get excited/cross they run with their tails in the air (very hairy tails mind you). You can ride them, and milk them. They look incredibly stupid but are really very nimble. We saw one chasing a dog, round and round and round we go. We kept driving and it was still chasing. Herro.

Mongolia - Arburd Sands, Zorgol Hairhan Uul, Buren Mountains

2010-09-06T03:10:00.000-07:00

Hello there! I'm back and survived my epic Mongolian adventure but have come back a new woman.... really I have. This however, does not include, hair braiding, tats, children or further piercings. But I have changed nonetheless. All will be revealed later!

As before UB is an interesting place and I think I left you with a squity bum and a difficult choice between curry and green tea. I wisely opted for the green tea and met a crazy Mongolian artist lady, who freaked me out. We chatted about all things English including Hyacinth Bucket (her favourite English "TV star").

The day after this I arrived at the tour hotel. A hotel. A place which would not normally feel me with excitement, but after what felt like an eternity (1 month?) I was very excited to enter the very mediocre Zaluuchud Hotel in UB. As I was on a tour I was in a Twin room sharing with an unknown. After some confusion about keys, I managed to get in to the room to find the unknown was Stephanie (not Jon and Steph, Stephanie, a new Stephanie), sleeping with a very cute eye mask on. Having just flown in from London, with a big delay in Moscow (or Hell as I like to call it) she was k-nackered. A quick summary about Steph, a drama teacher in London, she's from Liverpool, a dedicated football fan, loves yaks, hates peas, and is about as lovely as you can get. We got on immediately, went to the massive Black Market (over 60,000 people visit it a day and it is thought to be Asia's biggest) and then watched a chinese vampire movie whilst waiting for our elusive tour guide to turn up. It was excellent and had Jackie Chan in it, a prize is available for anyone who guesses the name, Christian I think this one is in the bag for you....

So the guide does turn up and the rest of my fellow travellers also arrive. They all seemed like a good bunch of people, a mix of Swiss(5), German (1), English (3) and Australian (4). We went out that evening and I realised I had grown very accustomed to travelling on my own. It seemed this next part of my trip would be very different to the last.

We left the next morning and headed off to our first place Arburd Sands in a bus with wheels that a monster truck would envy. This was in the Gobi - I learnt that the Gobi itself isn't all sand,

there are massive areas of grassland and mountains.

We arrived and checked in to our Ger which was, surprisingly,

very well equipped.

I also got my first experience of the Mongolian horse - small (my feet nearly reached the floor) but incredibly quick when you get them into a trot, and how you do that is shout "choo" as aggressively and manishly as you can. Really only Mongolian men ride the horses (in a very odd style) and they were unconvinced of my ability even when I showed them what years of polite European schooling can do for you. Oh yes, I looked awesome. However I soon lost the politeness and slumped in the saddle just to fit in with everyone else.

In the afternoon we visited a nomad family who had hundreds of horses. They milked the mares to make all sorts of milk based products including arag (fermented milk - potentially the most rotten drink you will ever encounter), arag vodka, arag cheese, arag yoghurt, arag cream, milk tea - the list is really endless.

The milking process is quite interesting - the men lead the foals to the mare and allow them to suckle for a few seconds, and then lead them away and the woman begins milking. If I was doing it I'd get dragged around by the foal but these guys were well practised. Later on in the trip I did try milking a mare but was absolutely useless at it - the men looked at me like I was a waste of a female and I felt sad. What have I been doing with my life if not learning to milk a mare?Mongolian horses are semi wild, and so even though you can ride them, you can't really get very close to them for petting purposes, which of course I was bitterly disappointed about. Same with most of the dogs, but they all looked quite dangerous anyway. They eat horses too, which is necessary I guess. Most families also have sheep and goats too, for cashmir and meat. They say that the last winter was so severe over 9 million livestock animals were lost due to the cold. This is out of a population of around 40 million animals in total. It's worth bearing in mind that the Mongolian population is only 2.7 million people......

The sky that evening was incredible, I saw the milky way and lots of shooting stars, and just to be cheesy I fell asleep looking through the hole in the roof of the Ger watching the stars. A nice way to start.

One thing to say about this trip is that we did a massive amount of driving, which was sometimes so unpleasant I wanted to scream. The roads are so bad, in fact there are no roads, there are dirt tracks. I saw maybe one or two tarmaced roads during my whole time, and on both of them I saw cyclists. On the dirt tracks I saw none. So just in case any of you are thinking of cycling in Mongolia (heaven forbid) or if you happen to know anyone planning to cycle there, prepare yourself for a very difficult journey.

Next day we headed off to Zorgol Hairhan Uul and Baga Gazriin Chuluu to see a collection of sacred pectographs of SIberian Ibex and red deer, and some sacred mountains and crazy rock formations (geologists you're back in it). We stopped to look for Ibex but it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

This would be our first night camping and it was quite a spot too. If you're wondering about the weather, it was unusual. If you imagine English weather can be changeable, multiply that by approximately a million and you get an idea of the changeable nature of the Mongolian climate. Before I left I looked on the BBC website for the weather in UB and it was just a random selection of weather pictures, rain, sun, cloud, fog and snow all in half a day. I thought oh that's just the crappy BBC forecast but actually that just about sums it up. Baking hot one minute, pissing it down with high wind 30 seconds later.

The Buren mountains were our next stop and our first truely windy night.... the clouds were awesome, and the sunset made for a (or maybe a few) pretty spectacular token photograph(s). Random boulders dotted throughout the landscape allowed me to mistakenly try some bouldering. Bad sandstone plus bouldering equals Emma falling off the boulder which further equals a sad Emma. This was the beginning of the Steppe and what can only be described as an insanely massive landscape.

I also had my first shower behind a rock with a view to beat all others, however it was a cold shower and so began my love affair with cold water. Plus if you are wondering about what we ate, well I wish I could tell you that we starved but alas the Russian-diet-and-squity-bum-episode was quickly superseded by the Mongolian-eat-your-own-weight-in-meat diet, and sadly so ended my weight loss. The food was awesome but imagine 3 meals a day combined with sitting in a bus for most of the day, I could visibily see my ass expanding.

Damn you train lady - 7th August

2010-08-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

I'm lying in bed in Ulan Baatar feeling very sorry for myself. The train journey from Russia to Mongolia was hellish... I mean really the worst journey I have had since leaving the UK for a number of reasons. The total time was approximately 23 hours but we spent 11 of those at the border crossing on a train, which we were not allowed to leave (only briefly for a time - check out the proud driver), with no air conditioning in a temperature of about 35 degrees. The border crossing itself was actually quite smooth and the Russian side didn't even check all the documents I spent so long (and so much money) procuring, damn them. In addition and probably the real cause of my sorrowful mood is that I have acquired a serious case of the squity bum. Being on a train did not help matters as when at a standstill the train lady locks the toilets - can you see where I'm going? no toilets, no getting off the train, 11 hours..... It was wretched.

So we finally arrived at 6am and I got a lift to the hostel, unfortunately it was with ten 20-year old French people. They were so incredibly annoying it was unreal. I think they must have thought me such a grumpy old bitch but seriously we arrived at the hostel at 6:15am they thought it appropriate to play the guitar and have a little Jack Johnson sing-a-long, for fecks sake! I hate that shit so much, it makes me into a raging facist. I just stared at them with my mouth hanging open...... how on earth a group of people can be quite so disgracefully arrogant is beyond me.

All I wanted to do was sleep and rest my weary bum, but in desperation to sack off the french fries (who contined to sing and hence wake the entire hostel), I had a shower and ventured into the city. I made a list of tasks for the day, and began by getting some cash (it's so cheap here, it's brilliant), a sleeping bag (for the camping), a sim card (tooks me hours of wandering around a "mobile phone" store but I did it), some toilet paper (for emergencies - UB has some pretty nice toilets it turns out) and some snickers'. I achieved all of this early on and left me with time to spare so feeling very ropey I headed to the Natural History Museum. It was actually not bad, had some good meteorites and dinosaur bones but wasn't particularly impressed with the stuffed animals including - 5 snow leopards, 4 golden eagles, 4 brown bears and 2 rare elk, and a display of about 50 puffer fish (what they have got to do with Mongolia I have no idea). It also saved me getting drenched in the afternoon thunderstorm - a thunderstorm like no other I have experienced, and meant I was very close to a toilet for about 3 hours. The city is unusual - it ranges from sky scrapers (all quite new and some still being built), to old concrete buildings and even yurts. But it is friendly, and welcoming. I plan to do a bit more sightseeing when I am back after my tour and my bottom is repaired but I took some snaps of the centre square......

So I'm now back in bed, in my new sleeping bag, feeling ill, and trying not to worry that I am leaving in 1 day on a 20 day camping tour around Mongolia. I've prayed to the God of All That is Good and Kind to restore my bottom to a robust state in the next 24 hours but I think shes not listening, which is not a surprise because I never liked her anyway. So I think I'm in trouble. I hate this sort of thing because all you can think about is food.... I'm dreaming about dahl, and I know there is an Indian restaurant around the corner. The question is: is now the right time for a curry? Isn't it always the right time for a curry? yes, yes it is, you're right, you are right! No you're not right, green tea for me only.

Ulan Ude and Ust Barguzin... the end of Russia

2010-08-05T00:06:00.000-07:00

I am in Ulan Ude exhausted and getting more and more cross listening to Whitney Houston in a cafe. I love Whitney, just not the same song over and over and over and over, you get the idea. I arrived in Ulan Ude on 1st August, and set off pretty much straight away to Ust Barguzin. It is a small village on the east side of Lake Baikal, very close to Zabaikalsky National Park and the Svyatoy Nos (Holy Nose) peninsula. Look them up, they are worth it. It really was my first real adventure because I had no idea where I was going, whether I would get there or what I would find when I got there. I was only going because an American/Russian I met on Olkhon who worked on the Great Baikal Trail recommended it to me and apart from the big, squinty head (I'm impressed Pete) Ulan Ude was pretty quiet and I was a bit of tired of museums so thought I'd give it a go.

So I've worked out that the blog is only good when I am having "issues" because they make interesting stories, so apologies for the next bit because I had a wicked time! I took the bus at 7am and met some lovely people who shared their lunch with me including their vodka - my first in Russia. The guy was in a US Air Force outift, had a knife the size my leg and... well make your own mind up.

What does that mean Sacha (Alexander)?

Anyway, they were nice. So arrived in Ust Barguzin after 7 hours on the bus drunk (ha!) but sobered up pretty quickly when I realised I had no idea where I was, or where I was staying. Anyway, turns out, thanks to the American/Russian, I was staying with a couple who worked in the National Park in their homestay. So wandered aimlessly for a while and luckily came across the National Park Office - for a village the place is quite big. It was great. The couple were Eva (German) and Andrei (Russian), and a girl was staying with them called Ailene from the States but was very kind and we pretty much went everywhere together for the time I was there. She spoke about a thousand languages, and worked for a eco-NGO trying to get money for Baikal. This was a trip of firsts, as I also had my first Banya (Russian version of sauna, with birch branches for slapping etc). One has to be naked when entering the Banya, and much to my displeasure I had to get naked with a 19 year old Russin goddess - oh life is unfair, I'm so glad Simon wasn't there. Now, before I left Simon said that if I met a guy called Vladimir I would run away with him. Well, Simon, I have something to tell you, I met him and I wish to devote myself to him forever....

The cutest thing I have ever seen.... I even got the photo with a cat bum in for Katie! I'm such a good friend.
But seriously, I spent the rest of my time there walking around the lake, the park, the mountain, getting eaten by mosquitos, smelling the delicious pine, seeing chipmunks, mushrooms, berries, stoats, ant hills and eagles. I actually think this is the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life. It's incredible. Svyatoy Nos is the mountain (1800m) and on a clear day from the top you can see for miles and miles and miles and miles. The surrounding mountains form the Barguzin range which are pretty much undiscovered in that no one goes there. I will almost certainly go back and I urge anyone who goes to Russia to go here. The sky is so big, I just couldn't capture it.

So today I made it back to Ulan Ude after 3 days in Ust Barguzin, and actually this is my last day in Russia. I have to say, as you all will know, it's been a trip of ups and downs in Russia but I'm ending on a high and want to come back already (so I think I have won). So I'm off to Mongolia tomorrow, hopefully, dependent on whether my registrations are in order. Keep your fingers crossed. It's unlikely I am going to be able to update my blog at all in Mongolia, so I will say goodbye for now, but I'll update when I get back to the city and when I am on my way to China - in about a month.... до свидания!

Diving in Listvyanka - 30th-31st July

2010-08-01T01:35:00.000-07:00

Having spent some time at Olkhon Island, I had great expectations of Listvyanka - also on Lake Baikal. I took a marshrutky (local mini bus) all the way in to the centre of the place and was disappointed when I arrived as it turns out Listvyanka is like a very small Blackpool. I then found out I was actually staying 2km out of town, which part of me was thankful for but the bag carrying part of me was not. I found the location of the homestay I was staying at through the local tourist information (basically a disguised tour operator who tried to charge me 200 rubules - 4 quid - for a map, I told him where to go, sharpish).

Turns out I had booked a winner and stayed in an amazing place, with my own little stove. It's a shame it wasn't cold for me to put it on. I walked back to town and picked up some smoked omul (the local fish), bread, one tomato (the woman despised me for only buying one), a doughnut and went to look at the souvenirs. I would have bought some, especially one which was a magnet with a hologram changing between the face of Vladimr Putin and Dimitry Medvedev. Awesome but she wanted £5 for it, so I walked on. So I have bought no one souvenirs, not because I didn't think of you but because they were a rip off.

Walked back to my homestay and watched the sun set. There really is little to do in Listvyanka but sit around and do nothing. FInally finished The Count of Monte Cristo - enjoyed it but it bloody dragged on. Had the best night sleep since I left home.

Next day I went diving with Andrei. Very nice chap but I had forgotten from previous diving trips how relaxed Russians are about diving (smoking around the tanks, drinking vodka before a dive etc). Obviously I had no gear with me, and to cut a long story short when he tried to get me into the rib without a depth gauge I had to stop him. A week previous the visibility had been great (30metres) but when I was there it was pants. It was cold, I was over weighted and the only life exisiting in Lake Baikal is crabs. Small orange crabs. They didn't even wave at me. However, the people were lovely, and I would definitely go back (with my own gear) and do some ice diving.

Spent the rest of the day recovering on the beach, where would you believe it I got stung by another bumble bee about 2 inches away from the previous one! Little feckers! Must be something about my delicious body perfume that sends them crazy. Took the bus back to Irkutsk but not before watching a group of Russian police men wrestle someone who was not "caucasian" to the ground as he refused to stop. Turns out he was a tourist and it was all fine but reminded me where I was and that stop means stop.

Off to Ulan Ude very early tomorrow (1st August).

p.s. can whoever is sending me piss taking text messages please leave your name because I'd really like to know who you are. Cheers.

2010-07-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

On Monday (it's Thursday 29th today) I took a bus to Olkhon Island. A bit of background to the island and Lake Baikal - it is the deepest lake in the world at 6 or 7 kilometres deep and can fit all the water from the North American lakes in it, its 363 miles long and up to in places 100km wide - it's the size of Belgium. Olkhon island sits midway up the lake and is thought to be one of only a few true centres of shamanism across the world (don't ask me why). The place is truly incredible. Read more about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Baikal

The minibus took 8 hours. The driver reminded me of a fat Ray Leotta (but was Russian). He was on acid or something similar. Driving like a MANIAC on roads made of sand. A few things about Russian roads - most are massive, almost always badly tarmac'd, and if they are not either they are made of sand and pebbles (the size of your fist giving the suspension enough of a bang to send shockwaves to the top of your head). So Ray drove us through some beautiful countryside - trees, grassy plains and desert. We stopped twice - once for a toilet and lunch break (the toilet was something else - think group squatting and me an English lady trying not to look at the fat Russian next to me taking a dump), and once to cross to the island by ferry. I swear my neck will never be the same again - on one particular bump my spinal cord compressed to the size of a thimble and no mistaking.

On board our "Danger Bus" I met Vivian and Christian - a Danish couple. Very lovely. Got to Nikita's Homestay where I was staying - it's run by Nikita an ex-table tennis world champion (I saw him in the bar and wasn't that impressed to be honest). It's an excellent place though and just by the beach - it's a cross between a commune and a, well, commune really. The food is included in the price which equals 3 meals a day! Can you believe it!? Fatty Willoughby is back! The above pictures are Vivian, Christian, my room and a guy who every morning woke me up without fail barking his head off. I quite liked his little house though and if you look in the picture of my room you can see him quite clearly.

It's cold enough to be Ireland and yet everyone speaks Russian. Truely beautiful sights. And it's raining, so I get to wear all my warm clothes which I am loving.

So I just spent my time seeing some of the island - including an old soviet airport, a burnt down gulag and the beautiful coast. It was also my first opportunity to horse ride and it was really the right place to do it. I was on a bus with some French people and Vivian and Christian - I heard a fantastic thing from the French though "you know the French population is the second most important population in London". I almost spat my soup over her but said nothing.

Saw loads of wildlife including some ground squirrel things - Vanessa will know what I am talking about - yes they are the very same my dear. So all in all a good time (apart from that I got stung by, not only a bee but a bumble bee whilst sun bathing, the little shite - I thought they were nice?).

Off to Listvyanka tomorrow to try some diving in the Lake. It's going to be cold and I'll probably come out after 5 minutes but I've got to give it a try.

Yekaterinburg to Irkutsk

2010-07-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

Ahh thank god the longest journey is over. It was tough. 3 days of not talking to anyone (in carriage with fattties on tour) was a challenge which I won (but struggled with the entire time). Ate little, slept little and spoke little. Ian is pictured here with a waving crab crisp which I bought from the restaurant wagon - they really are quite something not only for their hand waving abilities.

Took some snaps of the countryside going by as well as some videos which I can't put on here yet as the connection is too slow. Points of note about the journey - Russian men like going topless like Brits abroad especially the fat ones, saw some men selling furry hats (didn't buy one Alison, sorry), all Russians smoke, ear plugs are essential along with speaking Russian for a tour like this, there are no foreigners in second class, drinking on your own while not talking for 3 days is very dangerous for ones soul, fog rules.

So got to Irkutsk proper today - which is a very pretty city, much much nicer than Yekaterinburg. I walked from the train station to the hostel this morning, and it was lovely to be out in the fresh air after the last few days. The hostel is nice and I met Femke who I had met in Yekaterinburg, we hung out with an Italian for the day (I can't remember his name), basically just walking around the city. Saw some more bloody churches but nothing of note happened apart from us coming across a gathering of sailors celebrating something, what? we were never quite sure of. Had a bloody good Mongolian meal tonight and feel much better for it.

Am off to Olkhon Island tomorrow (in Lake Baikal) on the bus (another 8 hour trip) but not sure I will get internet access, so will update when I can.

Ural environs

2010-07-22T04:32:00.000-07:00

Today I went out into the Ural countryside - I was led to believe it would be a good few hours of hiking/trekking/strenuous activity with a BBQ lunch but I was duped - it's now only 2-1 to McPoops versus Russia. It's catching up..... I will triumph though.

We went in a car with a driver, and guide - the skinniest man I have seen in Russia - about 1 hour out of the city. There were 3 of us, myself and a German Swiss couple (very nice). It's basically forest, forest and more forest - which is very lovely I have to say. But in terms of "strenuousness" I'm now not sure what Russians mean when they say that. If strenuous means walking on a flat path with no uphill walking and not breaking a sweat then yes they were honest but our definition is completely different to theirs. There were no ticks. Yippee!

We walked for a while and came across this talc mine (did you know they used to use Asbestos in talc? see all the stories have links!). They have stopped mining there and have flooded the old mine - the water was so clear you could everything in the bottom of it. The guide was trying to explain to us about the mine when a group of campers all started hyperventilating together - like lunatics. He explained that cults came here to cleanse the spirit and this "hyperventilating" cleansed the mind and gave you a spiritual closeness to your surroundings. My fat arse (not as fat as it was when it left the UK 2 weeks ago I hasten to add). It just deprives your brain of oxygen, and the sudden loss of so many brain cells means you can't think properly. They were so annoying.

Bear in mind I paid 50 of your English pounds, but after 1 hour of walking and lunch (cheese slices, satsumas, tomatoes, and cucumber - I am not kidding. Now I understand why the guide is so thin) we headed back to the car and subsequently left and headed back to Yekaterinburg. When we reached the Swiss couples hotel the guy mentioned tipping to them. I almost cracked him around the head but of course being Swiss they obliged. The driver (who reminded me of Mike massively - spoke nearly all the time with a fag hanging out his mouth) said he wouldn't accept tips because of his religion...? eh? Anyway, I then said I wanted a lift to the station, and they looked surprised but I got to the station and then the driver wanted to carry my bag wherever I went (which was nice - thanks Mike). The other guy looked expectantly at me, and I just said thanks and walked off. I hate that feeling of getting ripped off knowing you can't do anything about it, so there was so no way I was going voluntarily give this guy any more cash. The driver (Antoli a.k.a Mike) took me to a cafe and bought me a little memento of Yekaterinburg (a statue of the european/asian border marker), and also gave me his card saying if I come back his own tour company is better and they do more exciting things. So if any of you are in Yekaterinburg in the future let me know and I'll find his card!

So I'm now sat in the cafe waiting for the train which is due to come in about 5 hours from now. I was so hungry after my "lunch" I went to the counter of the cafe (like a cafeteria) and pointed at the grey slop and mashed potato - for only £1 who could argue after such an extravagant day? Turns out it was liver - ugg, ugg and ugg. So yes £1 was too much in the end. Back to the crisps and beer. So today has generally, I would say, not been the greatest of days. Please God let Irkutsk be better and the diving I have booked actually be in Lake Baikal and not a paddling pool.

See you in Siberia! Pa-ka!

CHRIST - I nearly forgot, I left the hostel this morning quite early and was sat waiting for the car to pick me up. I was going through in my head all my stuff to make sure I had everything - wallet, passport, tickets, registration, hmmm what else? Ian? IAN? I had forgotten Ian. What do I do? Wake up the owner to say "I've left my teddy?" - I did. Ian was very cross when I found him (in the inside of my duvet cover - I fell asleep with him in my hand last night) and is not speaking to me again. Phew though! You can't imagine the panic and heart palpitations I had when I remembered him. It was like Wilson all over again.

Yekaterinburg - I can "tick" the 2 week mark

2010-07-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

God I am knackered. Spent last night worrying myself to sleep after I discovered the Ural mountains (and Yekaterinburg) are the tick capital of Russia.... ticks as in the things that bite you and give you tick-borne encephalitis. So even though I am looking forward to seeing the countryside tomorrow, I am freaking out about the ticks. Stupidly I found a research paper written by Defra and the HPA (not that I would believe anything written by these muppets) describing tick prevalence in Siberia etc etc. Very interesting but quite disturbing.

ANYWAY, back to today. Still in Yekaterinburg (it rained today) but it is a quiet city even though it has shed loads of people living in it. So some background. The city sits between the north and south Ural mountains, and the verified border between Europe and Asia sits about 17km away. You can't get there on the train, and would have to pay a taxi to take you there or organise a tour - min. £70, so I didn't bother. The city was founded in 1723 as a way for Peter the Great (remember him from St Petersburg) to extract the riches from the Ural mountains (oh and how beautiful those riches are - will describe more about them later). Named after 2 Catherines - Peter's wife and Russia's patron saint of mining, in WWII it was an industrial centre (and then called Sverdlovsk) and actually remained closed to outsiders until 1990 as it had a lot of nuclear stuff going on. Probably most famously it is where the Bolsheviks (linked to Lenin) murdered Tsar Nicholas II and his family in 1914. Only recently have they built a Church on the exact sight where the family were murdered (out where their bodies were concealed in the country the Orthodox Church has built a beautiful church and made the mine shaft sacred ground). It was only built in 2007 (I think?) so not massively impressed by it actually.

Another factet is that Boris Yeltsin studied as a civil engineer here in the 70s, rising to become the regional communist party boss.

So that's about all I can muster on the history side. I decided a much more valuable way to spend my time this morning was trying to find some nail varnish remover. I had painted my toes before I left the UK and forgot to bring anything to remove it or any new varnish to paint them, so they looked utterly minging. So I successfully achieved this task and now have bright pink nails. Lovely. I thought you all should experience a Russian shopping Centre so I took a video but unfortunately the server for this blog is rubbish and you can't see it, unless someone can tell me how... i.e. its too big.

I also made my way to the Ural Geology Museum. Why? I'm not sure really. It cost me 50 rubules and looked like a good way to kill some time. In fact, it was awesome. It is found in the Mining University, you can recognise the University because of increasing number of rocks in the vicinity (see below):

Not thinking I would really be that impressed, I entered the first room (which I deemed the crystal room) and was blown away by the amount and size of the crystals in there. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to take photos. And was not able to steal any, as the lady followed right behind me the whole way around the museum. So I wrote some notes of what I saw, and these consisted of the following: rainbow of rocks, Big lumps of gold, zircon and crystal plates with stone hairs around the base (all colours), brain looking rock (cream), big rock pink inside black outside (beautiful), tree branch with crystals on it, fossils (all sorts), meteors (lots), lava and lava balls from the Russian volcano Koryakski on Kamchatka Peninsula, Shuiskite, embreyite, crocit, rauquelinite, planetite, pyrophyllite. Tell me that wasn't informative. As I said above, this place sits between the Ural mountains which are called the "stone belt". The stuff in this place was amazing but I can't imagine what has happened to the landscape in order for all these minerals to be extracted..... what unfortunately will probably happen to Mongolia soon.

I had a very funny (dangerous maybe) experience - was checking out a plain looking large lump of rock that had horizontal lines, and vertical lines in it. I was like that's weird, the vertical lines looked like hairs. All the rocks are out on display i.e. no glass cases or anything, so I touch the side of this rock thinking its the cleaners duster fibres or something. Walked away, looked back and was astonished to see a sign above it in the display case saying "Asbest" - BOLLOCKS. So am I right to assume asbestos comes from rocks? and that it safe to be out on display, for innocents like myself to touch? I didn't touch the fibres, just the rock. It must only be toxic when disrupted or something. Oh well!

So then left the museum after about 2 hours of looking at the pretty things and was left alone for a minute so quickly snapped these two objects on the way out of the door - they were both quite big but not as great as the ones upstairs. I felt excited by the place because I know the geologists would have loved it but felt disappointed I couldn't gather more info for you guys. You'll just have to come and see it yourselves - Pete, write in to your fellowship for a trip to Yekaterinburg to see the crystals. It's essential to both your (and UCL's) research and personal development :) Katie, there are rocks from space - that's all NASA needs right? You could combine it with a trip to Moscow to see the doggies.

I then had a subway (which was soooo good) and went back to the hostel to do some washing. Met an English guy (21 year old studying Maths at Bath) - he wasn't interested in the rock stories so I left him to updating his trip itinerary on a spreadsheet. Geek alert! I know, I know.

So tomorrow am off to the country to get bitten by the death ticks, and then tomorrow night (22nd) getting on the train to Irkutsk (3 nights journey away). I arrive on 25th July. So wish me luck, and I'll update you when I can.

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "I"........

Has anyone seen this?

2010-07-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

Seriously Russia......http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10695037

Kungur to Yekaterinburg

2010-07-20T03:38:00.000-07:00

So I left Kungur yesterday after having patiently sat at the railway station for approximately 4 hours. Even thought the "moscow time" thing at the train stations would seem obvious when your tickets have the time you thought was moscow time as local time, it opens up a whole world of confusion.

So a number of interesting interactions occured whilst I was sat on the platform burning my face in the sun - including a drunk man running across the train tracks in front of a train with the police chasing him batons raised and a father burning his childs finger with a cigarette (what is it about Russians smoking near children? I have never heard a child scream as loudly). As it happens I also added to the melee, in that earlier I had bought a mobile telephone (as I have been so desperate to speak to someone, anyone over the last few days I thought now was the time to do it!) and called Simon immediately weeping when he answered. The Russians thought I was mental. Which was great because they left me alone. My number is +7 982 487 8223 - if anyone fancies texting or calling then do but please leave your name as I have no numbers!

Food wise yesterday the Stalagmit reached new heights of grimness and breakfast included a cold carrot/potato slice (almost like bubble but with no squeak or salt). So while at the train station I went to a cafe to buy a pie, which unusually just ended up with me having a staring match with the lady behind the counter (she would answer nothing I said in Russian and just kept staring at me with the most outrageously ugly look on her face).This, along with Kungur, sent me over the edge and before I knew it I was standing in this cafe smiling manically at this woman saying "you're a miserable person aren't you?" [please note terminology used here has been slightly modified for reasons of a parental nature] - obviously I didn't leave the establishment with any sort of food consumable but would have happily eaten my hat rather than go back in to that witch's lair. It takes all sorts I guess.

Safely got on the train, and was in carriage with a fat old Russian lady (no English) who when I explained I was English she immediately started offering me food (sausage, sausage and more sausage). Yet again the Train Russians come out on top - I think they are a special breed. Like the Littlest Hobo, always ready to help a fellow traveller ("there's a voice, that keeps on calling me, down the road that's where I'll always be, every stop I make, I make a new friend, can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again. Maybe tomorrow I'll wanna settle down, until tomorrow I'll just keep moving on"). I loved that show. I'm going to sing it for the rest of the trip, maybe I will rename myself.

So I reached Yekaterinburg yesterday, and made it to my hostel - which isn't in the same league as the others I have stayed in but it has a bed and a shower which is all I need. I met another solo female traveller called Femke, a teacher from Holland - she was lovely and we went out for a beer but spent ages and ages looking for somewhere, in the end going to a place where we immediately got accosted by some drunk Russian men, so left. Femke left this morning, so I am back on my own.

I've spent today wandering around the city, trying to organise an excursion into the Ural countryside. What a faffage. It's done though and the day after tomorrow I will finally get to see some proper country. As for the rest of today and tomorrow, I am going to eat Pizza, look at some minerals and meteors, do some washing and drink at an Irish bar called Kilkenny's (only because that is Carol's name!). Sweet.

As an update, Ian has gone AWOL.

Kungur and the Ice cave - 18th

2010-07-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

Having had quiet a sleepless night (not due to sweat as it's only 25 degrees here, just being over tired) woke to knocking on my bedroom door at 8am. The receptionist had rallied an English speaker to ask for my migration card and registration voucher from Moscow. So I decided to get up and venture to the cafe where I was to receive my free breakfast. There is a reason why it is free, because it means the bin men don't have to collect it. I like food, all food, there are not many food stuffs I don't like, and some things I thought I didn't like Simon has convinced me of even their delights (including dates). So when the most dower woman I have ever seen puts in front of me a cup of tea (nice) and a bowl of mashed potato, I thought my luck was in, although it wasn't mashed potato. I can only describe it as a mix between Smash (although I've never had it so am imagining what it tastes like), rice pudding, gravel, the driest cheese you can imagine and a dash of over used oil. You can imagine my enjoyment.

After this appetising delight, I headed off to the "Ice Cave". I had built it up in my mind for so long, I was very excited. And to be honest it didn't disappoint. It was massive (5km, with over 20km unexplored), and really cold - which was so nice as I finally got to use my boots and fleece! It was so dark I struggled to take any good pictures of the ice and the ones I do have don't do the cave any credit.

We were down there for so long (and I was at the back for godsake) I did start to get a bit spooked - images from The Descent came to mind and everytime I took a photo I'd imagine later when looking through them a picture of some beast or other peering around a rock.....aaarrrrggghhhh!

However, I am not sure I would advise anyone else to come all the way to this part of Russia just for the caves..... Afterwards I went for a stroll around the area, it really is beautiful and I can't imagine what the landscape looks like under 4 feet of snow as it usually is.

To be honest, I then couldn't be arsed doing anything else and went and sunbathed on my balcony (a.k.a death trap) to read my book and drink some beer, like a lonely old drunk (see view at midnight from the death trap and the security measures for the Complex). Apart from the rancid breakfast, there is nothing else to eat here, so have survived on a diet of crisps and tomatos, and beer.
Heading off to Yekaterinburg tomorrow and to be honest I can't say I will miss Kungur. As long as I can survive the breakfast and find the bus stop, god willing I should make it out of here alive. I need someone to talk to!

Kungur here I come - 17th July

2010-07-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

Left Moscow on 16th from Kazansky station - talk about a nightmare. I had had the squits for a few days but of course the worst bout arrived whilst in transit to the station. When I finally get to the toilet in the station, it's one of those squat toilets, and there was no toilet paper (of course I'd had to pay 100 rubules to even enter the toilet). It was so rank, and I couldn't fit in the cubicle with my bag..... ugg, lucky for me I had my wet wipes (Simon chastised me before I left for taking them! more fool him!). Got to the train and again I'm with 2 Russian women who do not speak English (1 space left empty), so I was dreading the journey. By the way Mark, if you're reading, I have not met any foreigners on the trains - I'm not sure who you were talking to while inter railing but either they're hiding or that person was lying.

We left Moscow and I went to sleep, (some bloody Americans were up until 8am drinking in the hostel the night before). We arrive at the first stop and a guy comes into our carriage, speaking Russian. He's having the spare bed. I sit there and wish quietly to myself with all my heart that the guy speaks English. I am on the top bunk, and so is he so I help him with his bag. He speaks in Russian, I say "I do not speak Russian, English?". He says something in Russian, really disppointed I go back to reading my book not looking forward to the 24 hours ahead. About an hour later, he blurts out "where are you from?" in broken English, and so it began. His name was Alexei, he is a lawyer at the Vodka plant in Chelyabinsk. He was born at a city in the South Ural which used to be a secret city, as it had a massive nuclear plant during the cold war. It is closed now. He also used to work for the KGB - which was quite exciting. He was the nicest man I could have hoped to have met. We couldn't really communicate very well but we got by. He kept phoning a friend to get the right English, and invited me for a beer in the dining carriage (he told me the Russian toast is "Behind you!" whatever the fork that means..... a hangover from the cold war and the KGB? "Look out someone is about to stab you in the back as you drink vodka!"?). You know it's incredible how all Russians change from being intimidating (especially the guy with USSR tattoed on his knuckles) to welcoming and friendly once you're with a Russian (we knew that with Mikhail but I'm still surprised". I spoke to loads of people and they were all incredibly interested in me and my travels. There were no other English people on the train, I was like the freak in the freak show. Alexei bought us beer and whilst we chatted people came up and offered us food - the best was smoked fish from Baikal, the worst the tongue which had not been peeled - yuk! (I smiled and nodded). When I tried to pay, he kept telling me " you are guest of Rrrrussia". My opinion of Russians has entirely changed, I just wish I could speak more of it. The next day the two old ladies left and a new younger girl came in to the cabin. She spoke really good English and we had a great time all chatting with her as a translator.... they were so wonderful. I only wish I could have offered them something in exchange for their unlimited kindness.

In the hostels the limited people I have spoken to doing the trans-siberian all seem to be doing it as part of a tour (The Vodka Train is one of them - I could think of nothing worst). I've actually realised even though I get scared on my own and lonely sometimes, it's undoubtly the best way to do this trip because if I had been in a group I would never have spoken to Alexei or Natasha, and what a tradgedy that would have been.

So I arrived in Kungur on 17th, waving bye bye to Alexei and Natasha, and again I was on my own. However, I heard someone speaking Engligh and so immediately went up to them and asked them where Stalagmit was? He smiled and in very broken English, said he had just come from there, and thought for one moment and asked me whether he could give me a lift? My London side recoiled but I couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and the thought of saying no, lugging my bag to the bus station, asking the bus driver for a ticket, was all too much and so I said yes. It was fine, he was lovely and I got to the infamous Stalagmit Tourist Complex. It's a proper shit hole. No one speaks English or even a hint of English, I spent 30 minutes at Reception trying to tell the woman what I did for a living - Scientist and government elicited laughing from all around me, I have no idea why, maybe Mike can enlighten me when I get back. Nice people though.

The fabled Stalagmit Tourist Complex - it looks just as shit as in the advert doesn't it?

However, it is difficult here and I feel very lonely. Having been with Alexei and Natasha, and now being back on my own proper with no phone, no internet, no communication skills I feel a bit down. I also once again am without proper food. And I have really bad guts, so spent the afternoon laying on the bed in a room which was probably last decorated in 1950. There is a fridge and TV - so I have cold water and Russian telly. I watched Shanghai Noon in Russian and some other odd film with Richard Gere. I am a bit of a channel surfer so was watching two films at once but between them there was a full on porno Russian-styleee. And they say the youth of today are not affected by what is on TV! Ha what do they know? There are about 30 beer adverts in each break. I decided my favourite beer here is "Baltiker 7" - the series runs from 1-9 - 9 being the one with Vodka included in it! Horr-i-ble. I also watched the news where I saw a story about something (I dunno it was in Russian) but it was about a man who was being celebrated and there was a video of him accepting an award with a child in his arms, who he then offered the cigarette he was smoking to - can you imagine the outcry there would be if that was on UK TV? I then went for a walk and saw the entrance to the Ice Cave, and that cheered me up a bit! So will do that tomorrow, lets hope its worth it.

Before I left London, Simon gave me a letter to only be used in an emergency. Well, I caved today and opened it (and proceeded to weep like a baby). Thanks to everyone for reading the blog and especially to those who have left comments/emailed me, keeps me cheered and makes me feel a bit closer to home.
Sorry for the low key post, will try and pick things up again for the next one.

Moscow - day 9 - best day yet

2010-07-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

As predicted, the Brazilians slept until midnight and only then went out - that was too much for my English constitution and so I left them to it. I'm not sure what time they got in but they left for their flight to Prague before I had got up. They did leave me with a very sweet note "To, you are fabulous. We loved meeting you. Send us a message on facebook, love, The Brazilian Gays". Now, I'm pretty sure these bad boys were not gay. I can't wait to tell them what their message said.

Today was a wicked day. After I desweated in the shower, I set off to pick up my remaining train tickets from an office on the outskirts of Moscow. The metro was in order so I went up to the lady and asked for 4 tickets (need one ticket each way), she understood and even smiled at me! Got to the office, and the lady there was sooooo nice to me I almost cried "cuddle me" and curled up on her lap. Lovely, lovely, lovely. It makes such a difference when someone is nice to you. Afterwards, I strolled gaily along the road, birds singing, sun shining, Emma waving at the passing motorists (see below). You've got to love Moscow!

I changed some dollars, as the visa charges are hiking up, and made my way to a very exciting destination. Some of you may wonder why I'd visit such a place, others of you will be in no doubt of the reason. This is for the geeks.

Can you guess what it is yet? No? You sure? Come on........

COME ON....... well, it's the Cosmonautics Museum of course! How did you not get that? Look how awesome the monument is? amazing. So I decided this was a good bet for two reasons (1) because it's awesome and (2) because its only £2 to get in. However, when I got there, I was told if I wanted to take any pictures I would have to pay an extra £9. Devastated but refusing to pay, I went in. What I saw astounded me, and risking my LIFE (and I mean my entire life) I secretly captured something I know at least one person I know will love (no guessing who)! I knew when I saw this, if I didn't capture this image I would be letting myself and this individual down. Please take a moment before viewing to appreciate the risk I took to get this image to you, here today.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. For those of you who do not know what it is you have just seen, these are the stuffed bodies of the two first dogs in space (say it with me" DDDDoooogggggsssss iiiiiinnnn sssspppaaaccceee"), Belka and Strelka. Don't ask me which one is which, for I cannot tell you. All was in Russian, and I was so excited at being soo bloody naughty I almost peed my pants. HAHAHAHAHA - yet again McPoops triumphs over the Russians! After the excitement died down, the museum was actually quite good and it was nice to get away to somewhere cheap and quiet (apart from the road). I bought an ice cream, and then a pie, and wandered in to this very odd place called the Russian Exhibition Centre. In Soviet times this was a place for the Russians to show off their wealth and capability. Now it's a place where Russians come to shop, go to the funfare, eat and drink - the exact opposite of what it was meant for. Weird.

To celebrate the success of the day, I bought 5 slices of watermelon for £3. It was so worth it.

Tomorrow we're off to Kungur (arriving on 17th July), and to the well known Stalagmit Tourist Complex. It is unlikely that Stalagmit has something as up to date as the internet, so I will more than likely be back blogging in Yekaterinburg on the 19th. Ciao for now.

Moscow - day 8

2010-07-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Woke up quite late and headed off to the Kremlin with the Brazilian boys in tow. There is a breeze in Moscow and so the sweating is easing, thank the lord. Getting there was a nightmare.... the Brazilans are just so disorganised, we have to stop at least 20 times in a 1 mile journey, and then one of them had to go back to get his passport and so we left him and didn't see him again all day! Very nice guys though, friendly and easy going. I did feel a bit uneasy though when one of them stepped out this morning wearing a bright orange tank top... I don't think they can understand the notion of trying not to get noticed by the police. But actually did you know Brazil has a new pact with Russia, where neither inhabitants are required to get visas to each country? An odd relationship, methinks.

I am hating the Russian bureaucracy in Moscow. So many queues and different things you have to pay for... it's just awful. For instance, you pay 350 rubules (£8) to get in to the Kremlin, you pay 300 rubules (£7.50) to see the exhibitions, 700 rubules to see the Armoury (£16), extra to climb Ivan the Terrible's Bell Tower, extra for the Diamond Exhibition, and so it goes on. Needless to say, I didn't pay for anything other than the entrance.... I would love to have seen the Armoury but £25 is steep..... but if I did want to see it, I would have to come back out of the Kremlin, queue up again an hour before the 4 entrance times throughout the day open to get a ticket. Come on Russia, get with it. It's a joke. Plus I don't like the feeling of being frightened by the police.... maybe I'm a woos but they look so mean. So undemocratic. And the whole visa registration thing is such a scam! I knew it'd be like this but St Petersburg wasn't so I am a bit disappointed by Moscow.....You also have to go through security checks, and I got this "really funny" guard, wait till you hear this. I open my bag and he is like "you have guns? ha ha ha ha ha" in a deep Russian voice. I looked at him and didn't smile. He didn't say anything and let me through. HA UP YOURS RUSSIA! I got my own back you bastards. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

So the Kremlin has lots of Catherdrals in it, very beautiful structures with gold domes. They have amazing names , like the Assumption Catherdral, Annuciation Cathedral etc etc. These are places where Tsar's get buried and made Tsars...... Plus behind of all of these is where the Russian President lives sometimes - nice. The Kremlin has a massive history - Ivan the terrible reeked havoc from here, Napolean watched Moscow burn, Lenin fashioned the proletariat dictatorship, Stalin purged his people, Gorbachev began perestroika, and Yeltsin thought up new Russia. All very interesting but if you refuse to pay to see the exhibitions, you can't really get more details than that.

In the Kremlin also is the Tsar Bell and Tsar Gun - I don't know why the Bell is broekn (or who broke it? naughty), but when I saw the gun, I thought of Crocodile Dundee "that's not a knife, this, is a knife" - it's forking massive. I had an ice cream.

Then we left the Kremlin and went on to the Red Square, where we found Lenin's mausoleum and St Basil's Cathedral. Of course, this being Russia, Lenin's tomb is only open between 10am and 1pm, so I missed out on him (they have mummified him if you didn't already know that?). However, FACT; did you know that when Stalin died he was buried alongside Lenin, but the lady in charge at that time had a dream where Lenin told her he didn't want to be bedfellows with Stalin, so they had him removed, and he's now at the back of Lenin's tomb, where no one can see him! and FACT; Lenin wanted to buried beside his mother in St Petersburg but the government refused to let his wife take him there, and so he has been in Moscow ever since, with thousands of people walking past him every week. He went on holiday to Siberia during the war, which was nice.

So as I was sat on some steps in some shade (turns out I was by a loo - nice), a guy (1) comes and stands a short distance away by a wall. After about ten minutes, a guy (2) in a suit walks up to him, and guy 1 hands 2 a small plastic bag of something, which 2 takes, and then 1 and 2 secretly hand a piece of paper between them.... of course this can only be spy correspondence and not a son giving his dad his lunch, or something as banal as that. I was secretly quite excited. Then I got a sandwich and it was nice. I love bread, and miss it's glorious wonder.

Tonight I was supposed to be going out for a drink with the Brazilians..... they are currently asleep. I think their idea of going out is at midnight, back at 5am. Ugg, not my cup of tea. They told me earlier before they had ever met an English person they thought the English were cold. Shall I show them how cold an English person can be? No, I'll save that for another day.

As they say in Russia, Moscow!

Quiet day on the way to Moscow

2010-07-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

I made a very selfish decision last night and moved the fan in the hostel room right next to my bed... hehehehehehehehehe! So was sprayed with air all night, ahhhhhh. Finally got a good nights sleep without waking with wet hair and drenched pjamas... yippee!

Ate instant noodles for tea last night after the huge quantity of pies I consumed during the day. To be honest Ian and I were so tired after all the walking we couldn't face going out again. Ian actually didn't eat anything and went straight to bed. Poor little mite. He's not coping very well being away from home.

So this morning I went shopping and got some more noodles, and some little wafer biscuit things - they seem to have them for breakfast. They remind me of the pink wafer things we used to have as kids 20 years ago.....

So this is the best thing ever.... after days and days and days of leaking water from my pores, at 1pm I walked into the train station to get my train to Moscow and low and behold, the newest and most beautiful train I have ever seen was waiting for me on platform 4. Very excited, I waited until the nicely dressed (face like a slapped arse) Russian lady checked my passport and let me on board. It was COLD. Like jumper wearing cold. I have never and surely will never again experience such joy at the cold.

Now I am in Moscow, after this and last nights almost-sweat free sleep, I am sweating again and seem to have reached an all time high. Sweat is forming on my lip and running down my back, as I write this. I don't have a moustache (or back hair) so why is this a problem? For the love of God, please let me stop sweating.

My sweating is probably not helped by the fact I went out for dinner (on my own) and ate Russia's version of chilli... in an American Diner setting. Odd but good. When I left the hostel there was no one in the 4 bed room, now there are 3 Brazilian men. I bet one of them snores.... bastards.

First impressions of Moscow - I don't like it like St Petersburg, sorry Mike. Very big and everything is in Cyrillic - I walked around the Metro for a long time, swearing (and sweating). The Metros are very grand and beautiful, but more people use it than the NY and London undergrounds put together each day and you notice it too.

Right need to shower.

St Petersburg - Day 2, Day 6 total (BB voice)

2010-07-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

Today was legendary. Walked my ass off. And sweated.

I began the day with the coldest shower you can imagine, and then drank 2 litres of water to replenish the stocks. Ate two bananas and sweated. Did I mention that it doesn't get dark here until 2am? and then only for about ten minutes.... its very odd. Some little shite bit me about 8 times in the night, and I itched them until I bled, in my sleep... thank god I brought anti-itch (Alison - thanks) and cooling cream (Simon - thanks).

Sweated some more then set off to the Alexander Nevsky monastery and necropolis. Once I arrived I felt a bit ashamed as hadn't covered up (because really, in 38 degrees I want to wear jeans and a long sleeve top and head scarf - feck I would be dead now if I had done).... but nonetheless continued past the gates of the cemetery. Saw some quite spectacular tombs - Dostoevsky, Korsakov (my favourite) and Tchaikovsky to name a few.

Continued sweating and took the metro to St's Peter and Paul fortress on Petrogradsky Island. It's quite an awesome structure, the oldest one in St P. built by Peter the Great as a defence from the Swedes (it was never required and was actually used as a prison for political misfits - but that depends who you ask). All the prerevolutionary rulers save one or two are buried here. You may be wondering why I have no interior shots of anything and that is because you have to pay to get in everywhere, to see anything, and as I am on a budget I just have to make a choice between what I want to see and what I am desperate to see. Bought an ice cream.

I dipped my toes in the river to cool off and they went numb in about 5 seconds. Who would have thought a river nearing the Sea of Finland would be cool. But of course the Russians don't feel it and I saw some crazy old guy swimming in it with the most dated mask and snorkel you have ever seen - military green and made of iron... seriously.

So walked back across the river and on to the Hermitage (even though it was closed) and Dvortsoyaya Square (Alexander Column). Saw some friendly faces. Did I mention I bought a pie before I got here?

Then on to St Isaac's Cathedral - which was spectacular.

Phew - and I'm spent. Used the Russian only metro ticket machine on the way home, felt very pleased with myself. If you're wondering where Ian has been this whole time, he's unwell. Ahhh, I know, very sad. He'll get better though and will be able to enjoy Siberia.

An update on something else which has been bugging me.... the women. There are some stunning women here, and some absolute (INSERT WORD HERE for the ugliest person you've ever seen). However, they all have two things in common and that is they speak Russian and wear the biggest, gaudiest, Pat Butcher-ish high heels. The rule in Russia is heels go with anything, the more rancid the better.

Sweating.