How to Lose Your Virginity

We've moved to virginitymovie.com! See what you're missing!

2011-10-19T18:00:00.001-04:00

Now that we've officially migrated to our new "How to Lose Your Virignity" blog site, we'll be shutting this one down at the end of the week. All our posts, comments, photos and videos can now be found on the new site, including our newest posts on:

“The Virginity Project: The Play”
First Person: Marie “Virginity is a purely social construct, so I don’t define it.”
I went to SlutWalk and all I got was this awesome t-shirt
Hanne Blank's virginity charm bracelet
First Person: Nyxie “Your first time isn’t any more significant than any other sexual experience you may have in your lifetime.”

Not to mention, new comments on our most popular posts:
"I Was A Middle-Aged Virgin" and "A Shout-Out to Older Virgins"

Never miss another post! You can subscribe to the new blog below and have it land in your email every time we post. Remember, this website you're now reading is going to shut down at the end of the week.
.

So meet us over there and we'll keep talking!
Therese & your pals at Trixie Films

A reminder: We've moved to virginitymovie.com where I've just posted video from SlutWalk NYC

2011-10-03T11:30:00.000-04:00

Hello awesome readers! Just a reminder that we've picked up and moved to virgintymovie.com where you'll get all the same stuff on a new and more fabulous website. *And, you can resubscribe there to keep getting it delivered directly into the email inbox.

Our latest post is a video clip of SlutWalk NYC. Here's an excerpt - the rest is at our new site "How to Lose Your Virginity":

[See the video at our new site!]

This past Saturday, October 1st, Slutwalk came to New York City, and I was there with my camera to record scene at the march. Please feel free to share it far and wide!*

For me, one of the truly frustrating things about coverage of SlutWalks all over the world has been the media's focus on the most elaborately undressed and risque marchers, leading people to believe the events are solely about demanding the right to dress like a slut. I hope this video gives people a sense of the range of participants (gender, orientation, background, race, age) that were there marching, chanting and generally raising some hell. You'll want to hit pause over and over again to read all the signs!!

Some other coverage of the event from The Nation, RH Reality Check, NY Post (but not loving the 'hundreds of scantily clad ladies' line)

The NEW blog and website are at virginitymovie.com! [And the film is in progress]

2011-09-27T09:08:00.003-04:00

We've moved Virginity HQ to virginitymovie.com.

In our enthusiasm about the new site, our last post made it sound like we were done with the film, but we're not. We do have a great shiny and new website that's brought together all the different components of our virginity project.

So meet us over at virginitymovie.com which incorporates the blog and the film's official site with links to our tumblr, videos, feedback, and a nifty new submission form for our First Person series.

In fact, we've moved our entire collection of alarming, provocative and educational reports from the front lines of virginity culture.

We're figuring out how to move or set up new subscriptions so bear with us. In the meantime please change your bookmarks to virginitymovie.com. See you there!

We've moved to virginitymovie.com. The film's still in progress!

2011-09-27T03:37:00.000-04:00

We're finishing the rough cut of the film. And we've moved Virginity HQ to virginitymovie.com.

Our last post made it sound like we were done with the film, but we're not. We do have a great new website that's brought together all the different components of our virginity project.

So meet us over at our shiny and new website which incorporates the blog and the film's official site with links to our tumblr, videos, feedback, and a nifty new submission form for our First Person series.

In fact, we've moved our entire collection of alarming, provocative and educational reports from the front lines of virginity culture.

We're figuring out how to move or set up new subscriptions so bear with us. In the meantime please change your bookmarks to virginitymovie.com. See you there!

Goodbye American Virgin: Our blog has a new name!

2011-09-05T12:48:00.000-04:00

When we first started working on our virginity project, it was called The American Virgin. So, when we launched the blog a few years ago, we gave it the same name. As things progressed, we decided that How to Lose Your Virginity was a better (and more provocative) title for the film, and now we're finally bringing the blog up to date as well.

At this very moment, we're hard at work on a shiny and new website that will incorporate the film's official site, our tumblr blog, videos, feedback, action plans and more.

Until then, enjoy our new old site, featuring your 'First Person' stories, as well as our collection of alarming, provocative and educational reports from the front lines of virginity culture.

And because we can't say it enough, here's our little video thanking last year's generous donors who have allowed our project to get this far!

Thank You! from Trixie Films on Vimeo.

Why Is Sex Fun? And did those Victorian docs really use vibrators on their patients?

2011-08-31T17:58:00.002-04:00

The Discovery Channel is just ran an episode of Curiosty called "Why is Sex Fun?" The website has several clips from the show about brain activity during orgasm, intercourse as seen on a sonogram and the giant swath of genital real estate known as the clitoris. They're pretty interesting, although I could do without the intense rumbling 'orgasm' music and the soft-focus camera work. The 3-D graphics blow our junior high health class films out of the water, though.

In a bit of genius synergy, the show is hosted by smart/sassy/sexy Maggie Gyllenhaal. Aside from her excellent sex-on-film credentials, she's starring in a new movie called "Hysteria," about the early days of the vibrator-as-medical-tool. It's a subject she also covers in one of the videos here: the practice of Victorian physicians curing their female patients of 'hysteria' by bringing them to orgasm with one of these gizmos.

As popular as this idea has become, even in this very blog, its veracity is under some serious dispute by sex historians. For one thing, it was hard to imagine this took place in a climate where doctors were extremely nervous about being accused of sexual impropriety with their patients. Do check out this article from Cory Silverberg, and a fascinating collection of Victorian sex myths and facts.

First Person: BHM "It was over in a millisecond of the whole entire time you spent thinking about it since you got your first bra at the age of 13."

2011-08-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

Our latest First Person comes from BHM in Wales, who talks about the peer pressure she felt do to something that turned out to be kind of overrated. Please send us an email if you'd like to tell your story. We'd love to run it in this blog!

Tell us about yourself:

I am a 21 year old woman, living in the UK, and am currently working as an intern for an online newspaper. I lost my virginity at a camp when I was 18 years old, and am pretty sure was the last one to lose it in my year at school.

How do you define virginity?

I define virginity as a moment in your life that is overrated and not of much importance when looking at the bigger picture. Virginity is a big deal when you haven't lost it and when you have you look back wondering why you were so worried or scared, as it was over in a millisecond of the whole entire time you spent thinking about it since you got your first bra at the age of 13.

A lot of the girls in my year at school had boyfriends from the age of 15/16 years old, and were open about their sexual experiences. Having not had a proper boyfriend and my 18th birthday was nearing, I did start to look at myself and worry that it was me that was the problem. That maybe I wasn't attractive to the opposite sex, maybe I should dress like the girls who had lost their virginities, and maybe I do not need a boyfriend to fulfil this act. It's different for everyone, but personally, I do not think it was a big deal as my friends and society had told me.

Why did you wait and why did you stop waiting?

My virginity was like a box at the back of my mind, and crept closer into my thoughts as the thought of going to University a virgin loomed. It was a big red tick on my ever growing check list in life which included lose weight and marry before 28. I figured the 'get boyfriend' note was not of huge importance as I had already done the first big milestone without having one.

My first time was unpleasant and I felt more relieved than anything else just to have got it out of the way. Did I love him? No. Did I like him? Yes. Well, I fancied him. He seemed to like me and that was that.

Any thoughts on virginity in our society?

When I was growing, I was told that it was special and that you should wait until you love someone and make sure that they respect you. I like this idea and a part of me wishes I had done this, but I do think this is more of an ideal situation, almost like what you see in films, then what happens in reality. Today girls are losing their virginity to anyone and at younger ages, I think if you love someone and feel ready, do it, if you like someone and they like you, and it feels right at that moment in time, do not let society, peer pressure or any other factors effect your decision.

Mexican teens offer to exchange virginity for Justin Bieber tickets

2011-08-21T21:33:00.000-04:00

Accoring to a Spanish-language website, Mexican teenage girls are offering up virginity in exchange for Justin Beiber tickets. The article is in Spanish, and Uproxx ran it thought Google translator with mixed results, but you get the idea:

The black market of the Internet to get tickets for the concert of Justin Bieber on the Internet has reached the point of offering the first sex in exchange for a concert ticket, as published by the portal sdpnoticias.com

Real scenes of hysteria were posted on YouTube by girls who could not get a ticket. Now things have gone to another level. According to that reported by the newspaper El Norte, a girl has even offered its first time in exchange for a ticket to see the Canadian artist.

“My virginity for a ticket to Justin Bieber, urgeee me,” wrote a user’s social network Facebook.

In addition, some “vivales” have used to seek to change tickets in exchange for the company of a girl, the same newspaper reported.

The cynical side of me wants to point out that you can ask for a lot more than concert tickets for that kind of offering. Maybe I've been doing this project too long.

Comment of the week: "Palin and Bachmann are true feminists"

2011-08-17T13:19:00.000-04:00

Our YouTube comment threads are often a great meeting place of the ignorant and illiterate, but every once in a while we get something so off-base, we have to share it. This one is in response to our clip "Are you a feminist?"

Steinem's idea of feminism meant a woman had to be pro-abortion, anti-family and anti-man -- anti-anything moral! I always believed that feminism was about what a woman wanted to do. That meant a woman had the right to make a choice. Palin and Bachmann are true feminists. They are pro-life, pro-family and they made it in a man’s world without invoking the victim status! Steinem is more about politics than about feminist! As far as eco-feminism? Learn about United Nations Agenda 21.

I invite you to respond to the comment because Trixie Films' You Tube channel needs all the feminist voices it can get. I am bone-tired of pointing out that a woman's right 'to make a choice' exists in total opposition to being 'pro-life' and much of the other socially conservative agendas that Palin and Bachmann both love to push. I also love the fact that our commenter insists that Gloria Steinem is about politics, as opposed to Bachmann and Palin, who are, you know, politicians.

If you want to learn actual real things about Steinem, you can check out a new documentary about her that is airing on HBO. Even if you don't have cable, the site has lots of info. Also worth your time is a nice essay about Gloria Steinem by Shelby Knox*, who considers Steinem a friend and mentor, and highlights lots of things about her that the film missed. The trailer is below:

*Shelby is also in our film-in-progress, which makes us very happy.

From the archives: Feminist Sex Tips for First-Timers

2011-08-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

From time to time, we repost something we like that we've recently rediscovered in our archives.

The Times Online just ran this question in its sex advice column:

I am a 38-year-old virgin. After a very awkward situation at the age of 15 I have never tried again because I have been too embarrassed. I am now dating a lovely girl and would like to try. Where do I begin learning about how to please her?

This makes me so happy. First of all, hooray for this guy, who is not only going to have sex in the next ten minutes but is all about making it good for his girlfriend.

Second, sex columnist Suzi Godson recommends he read up on female sexuality and recommends–get this–several books with some serious feminist chops, including Our Bodies Ourlselves and Paula Kamen's Her Way: Young Women Remake the Sexual Revolution.

These aren't really how-to books, which I think is what he was really looking for (She suggests her book The Sex Book for that) but they're important because they talk about sex from a female perspective. With too many guys, everything they know about sex they learned from porn. What a disaster. There's a whole lot of difference between what women actually desire and what men project onto them as a reflection of their own desire. [A digression: It's like the guy in the adult film industry we interviewed last year who talked about how much porn actresses loved getting facials, somehow missing the point that these women were being paid to act like it was the best thing that ever happened to them.]

She also recommends Kinsey's Sexual Behaviour in the Human Female published in 1953, which isn't necessarily feminist, but it did wake the US up to the shocking fact that women had pretty interesting sex lives (and got Kinsey into a whole lot of trouble.)

Lastly, not only did Paula Kamen write a great book about young women's attitudes towards sex, she's also a super cool friend and longtime supporter of Trixie Films. Check out her other work here.

A great new blog chronicling "A girl's decision to lose it"

2011-08-08T16:40:00.003-04:00

I recently came across a fabulous new Tumblr blog written by Alice, who wants to "highlight my journey to 'my first time.' ”

She's has been writing some sweet, awesome, honest posts about her sexual life, and this list of 'worries' really caught my eye. I don't think these are all things that will necessarily actually happen – that's a lot to load onto a pretty basic physical act of putting a penis into a vagina. And anyone who thinks you're less valuable because you've done that act should not be someone you listen to or hang out with.

But, they are things a lot of young women worry about (including me, back in the day). Here's the list from her blog:

1. Heartbreak. I am terribly afraid of heartbreak. Bringing sex to the relationship is putting a lot on the table, making yourself more vulnerable to feeling abandoned or if they fuck up, like you’ve made a huge mistake or something. To give so much to a single person, who obviously can’t be perfect, is scary to me.

2. Regret. When “stay a virgin for as long as possible” and “sex changes everything” and “wait till you get married” and “men don’t want someone that is ‘used’” (yes! I have heard that a few times) is drilled into your mind, feeling guilty comes along too. I am already a very guilty-feeling person and I hope this won’t be one of those times.

3. Change in my relationship. This sort of goes along with number 1, I don’t want a whole lot to change negatively. It’s sort of hard to explain. I feel like I will expect him to be more perfect and just expect more out of him to cushion my emotions about having sex for the first time, which is a lot to put on him (without even really telling him this might happen).

4. Pain. I am a little scared that it may hurt. I know it will at least feel uncomfortable, but I’ve heard of girls literally blacking out from pain. That’s scary. I’ve been ‘fingered’ (I don’t really like that word, but what else should I call it?) before and it only hurt at first, but still, its a lot (well, not a lot a lot. haha) bigger and I’m scared.

5. Future relationships. I have a lot of guy friends, and they can be brutal. They even say they don’t want to date someone who’s not a virgin. Of course, I don’t want to date anyone who’d say that in the first place. But, still…just a worry..

6. Judgement from my family and friends. Especially from my twin and my mom. I don’t think I’ll tell them upfront, but my sister will most likely find out. And she is not very open-minded about the whole situation.

Virgin Mary sighted on a Spokane bicuspid

2011-07-28T13:11:00.001-04:00

These posts are few and far between but always worth the wait. According to The Spokesman Review, a Spokane Valley dentist named Dr. Michael Trantow spotted something shocking on a patient's bicuspid:

“I was so startled,” the Spokane Valley dentist said of what he witnessed earlier this month after removing a patient’s crown.

“I told everyone in the office to come in and look at this.”

“I think there might be something there because I’ve never seen it before,” he said. “You always trust your gut reaction in the first two seconds and it kinda looks like Mary.”

“I’m a scientist first, but I’m also a human and there are some things that cannot be explained,” said Trantow. “And this is one of them.”

The dentist told the paper that "the image was made by what was under the crown: glue remnants, an old filling, tooth enamel" The reporter thought it looked more like Katy Perry, but I'm going to go with Che.

re:Cycling is back!

2011-07-27T21:53:00.000-04:00

After a 4-month hiatus, re:Cycling, one of my favorite blogs, is back with a roundup of recent news on menstruation, reproductive health and sexuality for all us period geeks

Their first post back includes items about Summer's Eve* and their embarrassing multicultural talking vagina campaign (first of all, it's a vulva), the historic appearance of the color red in a maxi-pad ad, and the now-pulled milk ads that featuried pms-related 'jokes' offensive to just about everyone.

*Just because it's too awesome to resist, here's Stephen Colbert's response to the campaign. Probably not super suitable for work.

Unsurprisingly, women are most into casual sex when think they will actually enjoy it

2011-07-27T19:36:00.001-04:00

Psychology Today just came out with a story on a new study that says women are as likely as men to say yes to casual sex when they expect that it will be pleasurable. Crazy, right? From the story:

"Conley's work suggests that when the conditions are right, women are more similar to men in how they respond to an offer for casual sex than previously has been thought. The greatest contribution to explaining if a woman will accept an offer for casual sex is her perception of how sexually pleasurable the encounter will be"

The difference in interest between men and women comes down to this bit of data:

"Women generally have a more difficult time achieving sexual pleasure from a casual encounter than men. For example, recent work has shown that women orgasm only 35% as often as men do in first-time sexual encounters."

To me, this is totally obvious information, but I've never seen it stated quite this way before. That's not to say that all women want casual sex, multi-orgasmic or not. But we've been so overwhelmed with the whole 'Mars/Venus, women want relationships/men want sex thing,' that it's nice to talk about sex from a different viewpoint for once.

The study goes on to suggest women may also respond more to older men because they're perceived as more skilled. But (too much information) there is also something to be said for the refractory period of a young man, so who knows? They make small mention of it, but I wonder how these statistics play out when the casual sex is between two women? Thoughts?

h/t Cindy Gallop

"When y'all think you will have screenings of How To Lose Your Virginity?"

2011-07-10T12:02:00.000-04:00

We're a two-blog family now, with a shiny new Tumblr in addition to what you're reading here. So, while it's mostly the same content, the 'reblog' and 'Ask Trixie' buttons mean occasional bonus Tumblr posts. We got this question recently from Tumblr's blinuetchristina, and since it's one we get a lot, we thought we'd share it here as well:

You probably get asked this A TON. I probably should pay attention better so I wouldn't have to ask this. But, I was wondering when y'all think you will have screenings of How To Lose Your Virginity?

We love when people ask us that because it means they (you) are as excited as we are to get the film out there!!

We’re are at the rough cut stage, which means we have a really good draft of the film, but still have work to do to finish it. We’ve shown that version to several audiences in test screenings and have gotten great feedback. We’re also planning to release a few scenes from the film over the next month or two, so stay tuned to the blog for that!

The holdup is that the editing stage of doc filmmaking is really expensive, and we need to raise the money to pay our editor, create animation and graphics we need, get our score composed and a lot of other technical things. Even though our budget is about equal to Tom Cruise’s MI3 hair and makeup expenses, it’s a hell of a lot of money for indie filmmakers like us.

If anyone wants to help us finish the film that much faster, you can make a tax-deductible donation of any size here. [Special thanks to two women both named Bonnie for their super-generous recent donations!! Any other Bonnie’s out there?]

You can also get on our mailing list or join our Facebook page to be the first to hear about upcoming screenings.

Thanks for your question and keep them coming!

Alternatives to saying "I'm a Virgin"

2011-07-05T17:28:00.000-04:00

We talk a lot about our very hazy definitions of virginity and how unhelpful they can be in describing our sexual experience. So, we loved this list from Heather Corinna, (founder of Scarleteen and one of the stars of our film). It's part of an article she wrote for RH Reality Check on issues around virginity:

Instead of saying "I'm a virgin," or "I'm not a virgin," or "I wish I could be a virgin again," how about:

"I haven't participated in [whatever kind of] sex yet."

"I haven't had vaginal intercourse before."

"I haven't had sex with someone I love before."

"I haven't engaged in sex I felt satisfied with yet."

"I haven't experienced sex that felt like sex to me yet."

"I was sexually assaulted or abused: I haven't yet had consensual sex."

"I've changed a lot since I did sex in the past, so I feel like I'm starting over with it."

"I haven't been part of sex with a partner of [whatever gender] yet."

"I haven't had sex when I identified as [whatever gender, orientation or other identity] yet.

"I haven't been part of sex yet that I've actually enjoyed."

"I did have sex already, but it just wasn't what I wanted it. I want to have sex that's the way I envision it at its best."

"I haven't experienced sex in this kind of relationship before."

"I haven't been involved in sex since I knew what I wanted or felt able to ask for it."

"I haven't had sex since I really felt ready for it."

"I have had sex before, but I wasn't happy with it, and I feel like I'd like to restart my sex life fresh, and aim to do that."

"I didn't realize what sex was before and that's what I was doing, so I feel like now that I do is when I'm really having my first times."

This Tuesday in NYC: A screening of "How I Learned to Speak Turkish"

2011-06-27T12:04:00.000-04:00

If you're in New York this Tuesday, check out my short film How I Learned to Speak Turkish, which will be having a rare NYC screening as part of "Where Less Is More," an evening of shorts presented by New York Women in Film.

There will be a Q& A following the screening*, and an after-party with cash bar and complimentary food. More info about all the films in the program is here.

Screening Info

Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 7:00 PM
Anthology Film Archives
32 East Second Avenue, New York
Tickets $6 - $9 (can be pre-ordered or purchased at box office)
After party: Dempsey's Pub, 61 2nd Avenue

Can't make the screening?

Download the whole film from IndiePix for the low arkadaş price of $7.95 (on demand for only $1.99) or order the DVD from our website. Sorry, no kiss price discounts.
Watch the trailer plus bonus clips of Hakan and the dancing fools of Cafe Vazgal.

And we'd really appreciate if you did this: For film updates, Turkish news, and future screenings, follow our Facebook Page and Twitter feed.

About the Film

Winner - Atlanta Film Festival Jury Prize - Best Documentary Short
Using a witty first-person documentary style, the story begins as the filmmaker Therese Shechter travels to Turkey to interview young Turkish women for a documentary on feminism. Instead, she becomes fascinated with Turkish men. And they, in turn, are fascinated with her. The film is a twisted and entertaining travelogue that asks important questions about identity, sexuality and the nature of female power. And it's all true.

More Trixie Films work to check out!

Go to the film's website
Watch the trailer for our new documentary "How to Lose Your Virginity".
Read The American Virgin Blog on Blogspot and Tumblr.
Get information about buying or screening I Was A Teenage Feminist.

*Unfortunately, I won't be there because it was scheduled in the middle of my trip to Turkey (ironic, no?) but I'll have someone there to answer questions on my behalf. Very sorry to be missing it, but you shouldn't!!

"There is no wrong way to have a body"

2011-06-24T09:25:00.000-04:00

"Real women do not have curves. Real women do not look like just one thing.

Real women have curves, and not. They are tall, and not. They are brown-skinned, and olive-skinned, and not. They have small breasts, and big ones, and no breasts whatsoever.

Real women start their lives as baby girls. And as baby boys. And as babies of indeterminate biological sex whose bodies terrify their doctors and families into making all kinds of very sudden decisions.

Real women have big hands and small hands and long elegant fingers and short stubby fingers and manicures and broken nails with dirt under them...."

AN EXCERPT from a post entitled 'Real Women' by Hanne Blank. Do yourself a massive favor and read the whole thing.

Then check out the word-for-word video of it that another real woman created.

Smells like purity ball, tastes like chicken

2011-06-20T12:12:00.001-04:00

If you're in San Antonio over the week and you're interested in feeling weird, maybe you should attend Chick-fil-A's annual Daddy Daughter Date Night With your daddy, or your daughter. I don't know. Apparently they fill up, but it's OK because you and your date can make free reservations. It seems you might eat a chicken sandwich, be serenaded by someone in a cow outfit, and you will probably be videotaped (see here for last year at the Danville, VA location).

Of course it's good for fathers to spend time with their daughters. I would probably be more open-minded about this event were it not for...everything about it. The entire color scheme, the sprawling red ribbons, and the hearts evoke way more romance than family fun. I'm sorry (I'm not sorry), they do. Before I even found out about Chick-fil-A's contributions to anti-gay groups like the National Organization for Marriage and Focus on the Family, and their evangelical corporate mission statement ("To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A."), the way it was all framed–it was just off. When I found out that every daughter takes home a pink carnation, I threw my hands up. My attempts at open-mindedness eventually looked to me, naive. Like a pink carnation. Really.

Daddy Daughter Date Night is not technically a purity ball but the parallels are difficult to ignore. Feminists and other critically-minded folks often turn green at purity ball cultures, for instance at The Frisky, where there's a post worth reading on this event. People talk about purity balls as though they are freak phenomena, thriving only at the margins of fundamentalist cultures. You might not know anyone personally who attends them but I think purity balls, daddy daughter dates, etc. are the more spectacular face of an insidious, more subtle sexism we engage with every day.

With respect to Chick-fil-A's event, there's the obvious 'ew' factor, understandable to anyone living in a culture with an incest taboo. But the date night is disturbing on another level, in that it replays an idea endemic to purity balls and evangelical gender politics: that a young woman's sexuality should be managed first and foremost by her father. This brand of paternalism, which places female sexual capacity and power in the hands of anyone but herself, definitely warrants more 'ew's.

Ariel Levy writes about "My First Time, Twice"

2011-06-17T16:16:00.000-04:00

"When we had sex, it became clear to me that in fact, I had never had sex before. What had happened on that futon on Great Jones had been a failed attempt; the young man from NYU had not completed my mission. This, now, was something else. It was uncomfortable, then pleasurable, but most of all it was different.
[...]
It was something that was better to do than to talk about doing. It was a door to another place, another way of being that didn’t have to do with language. It would take me many, many years to understand what I wanted from it, but I was so glad to know it was there."

Ariel Levy writes about the first [and second] time she lost her virginity (Thinking you have when you haven't is actually a surprisingly common story). You can read her entire essay at Guernica.

"In which situations do you think that abstinence could possibly be harmful?"

2011-06-16T00:30:00.000-04:00

From The Chicktionary:

Anonymous asked: "What do you think would be wrong reasons for someone to be abstinent from sex until marriage? I mean, of course there are obvious pros to waiting (like not getting stds, unplanned pregnancy, whatever) but in which situations do you think that abstinence could possibly be harmful?"

These are not all-encompassing examples, but I think it’s harmful whenever people alter their sexual behavior:
-to fit in with their friends or to win favor with their peers
-to conform to expectations based on their gender
-due to a lack of information on or access to contraception and sexual health resources
-out of shame for their sexual orientation or preferences
All of the above leads to a culture of silence around issues of sexuality. The result is that this incredibly integral part of our lives becomes a topic of misinformation and stigma, which translate into real-world consequences for human health and well-being.

Read the rest (including a shout-out to 'just the tip') here.

July 6th in NYC: Paradigm Shift presents a screening of "Not Dead Yet"

2011-06-15T11:24:00.000-04:00

Our friends at Paradigm Shift are hosting a screening of the film "Not Dead Yet" on July 6th in New York. The filmmaker/screenwriter/star of the film Susan Logeais will be there to talk about the film with Yana Walton of the Women's Media Center. I haven't seen the film, but the creators describe it like this:

"Not Dead Yet" brings a dramatic new perspective to a range of women’s issues rarely embraced by American cinema. Three women join forces to revive their acting careers, only to find themselves on a quest for something far more important. Frustrated by the lack of roles for women over 40, they decide to create their own film, starring themselves. As the project spins out of control, so do their lives.

If you don't see the trailer above, you can watch it here

Here are the details:

Wednesday, July 6th at 6:30 PM

Roy Arias Studio – Stage IV,

300 W. 43rd. St. Ste. 402 (corner of 8th Ave), NYC

Subway: A,C,E to 42nd Street/Times Square

$15 pre-paid, $20 at door

Buy Tickets

You can also get the info on Facebook

"I'm not a virgin...Virginity is pretty much arbitrary"

2011-06-10T11:00:00.001-04:00

Check out this rather adorable video called "Not A Virgin." The full lyrics are at the YouTube site, but here are some samples, sung to the tune of Madonna's "Like a Virgin." OK, the meter doesn't quite work, but he gets bonus points for working in the word 'heteropatriarchal' anyway.

I'm not a virgin
Because virginity isn't even real
Not a virgin
It's just a heteropatriarchal construct
Designed to police how you feel

We're not virgins
There's no virginity to steal
We're not virgins
It creates a hierarchy of sex acts
Where only the top one is "real"

Check out his other cool, if equally meter-challenged, songs "Fuck Heteronormativity" and the Gaga rewrite "Porn This Way."

'We interrupt this regularily scheduled binary to call bullshit' (A new poem from MissMaryMax)

2011-06-09T21:59:00.000-04:00

A new slam poetry performance from Miss Mary Max called 'SlutVirgin.' She's awesome. Watch. Listen. The text is at the YouTube site.

Egyptian general confirms–and defends–forced 'virginity testing' of detained female Tahrir Square activists. (Tests that prove nothing except that the military tortures women)

2011-05-31T19:14:00.008-04:00

A couple of months ago, Aggie wrote about the the allegations that the Egyptian military tortured arrested, female activists from Tahrir Square with electric shocks, strip searches, and 'virginity tests.' Well, a senior army official just confirmed that 'virginity testing' was done, but he also defended it to CNN:

"The girls who were detained were not like your daughter or mine. These were girls who had camped out in tents with male protesters in Tahrir Square, and we found … molotov cocktails and [drugs].
We didn't want them to say we had sexually assaulted or raped them, so we wanted to prove that they weren't virgins in the first place. None of them were [virgins]."

As my partner-in-crime Lisa said when she sent me this news item: "There are so many things wrong with this story I'm not sure where to begin." Let's try anyway.

1. There is no such thing as a virginity test. You cannot tell anything about a woman's sexual history from examining her hymen, the current standard so-called virginity test. How many ways can we say that?

2. 'Virginity testing' is torture. Subjecting female prisoners to these tests, not to mention beatings and electric shocks, while allowing guards to watch and take photos, is invasive, painful and humiliating torture.

3. Anyone can be a victim of rape, no matter their sexual history. Insinuating otherwise encourages the myth that sexually-active women are of less value and even deserving of sexual assault.

4. The State uses virginity to control women's bodies and lives (and not just in Egypt). As Aggie wrote in her previous post: "Though the majority of women in Egypt were not physically detained and tortured by the state, in a story like this, we as women are all controlled. That is, we are reminded of the intractable grip of this meaningless [virginity] construct squeezing our bodies, squeezing most stringently, of course, in those moments when we start to actualize our own awesome power."

As an aside, it was Egyptian clerics who pushed for the death penalty for any woman caught using an 'artificial hymen.'

Egyptian activists will be staging an online protest Wednesday. We'll update this post with more info.