Daily practice of feeling the heart is having this impact: I'm now feeling my heart several times a day without trying to. Example: right now, sitting at gate E1 at Portland airport, waiting to board my flight to SFO for Wisdom 2.0. The heart sensations: tingling feeling rising up and out. Feeling of tenderness. Softening of heart and belly. Still feel powerful and energetic but also sweetness. A nectar.

I don't think the heart opening has made me more loving to others-- yet-- but I definitely am experiencing more love, a pleasant new addition to my day.

Yes, my friends, the bodyfat continues to burn, baby, burn. The numbers:

• August 23, 2011      24.5% bodyfat, 160.7 lbs
• October 27, 2011    22.8%, 160.6 lbs
• January 3, 2012      20.5%  156.7 lbs

Still on our way to the ambitious target of 10% bodyfat and between 155 and 165 lbs.

I'm proud of these results because they came despite a 5-week cold during which I worked out only one or two times some weeks--evidenced in the fact I only gained 0.5 lbs of muscle in two months! And then there were the ever-tempting holiday sweets, a temptation I avoided except on cheat days and the time I forgot to eat an amazing fudge on my cheat day so had a couple pieces the next day. 

 

My Diamond Approach buddy introduced me to what is now my daily breakfast: a mix of hot oatmeal, quinoa and millet coupled with a mix of nuts, seeds and berries. Each week I make a big batch of the hot cereal and store it in a mason jar.

Four things I've noticed:
1. I enjoy the taste
2. It feels freeing to know what I'm eating each day (freedom from the anxiety of choosing)
3. Warm food is comforting in the cooler weather, even in this mild winter (40s and 50s every day)
4. A high protein and healthy fat breakfast fuels the first part of my day

If strangers are going to look at my naked body, I want to get paid for it. And if I'm going to expose myself to radiation, I expect to get a diagnosis out of it. These are two of several reasons I chose this morning to declare "opt out" while approaching the relatively new TSA full body scanners.

What happened next? I walked through the old machines, received a full body pat down ("back of the hands on the sensitive regions"), and was done. It took all of three minutes. and I felt content by this small experiment.

Then I saw three adults stroll through the old machines without needing to get the pat down for the simple reason they had babies in their hands. Makes sense from a humanity perspective but is utterly nonsensical from a security point of view. If our country is truly committed to eliminating security holes, do we really think a clever and determined terrorist would not find a baby to carry through?

The obvious answer is no. This is why so many experts on security and quality journalists refer to TSA's airport procedures as security theater. It doesn't actually protect us, just puts on a show. Some would go a step further and argue it's a Bush/Cheney test of our willingness to surrender our liberties that Obama has perpetuated.

As Julie knows all too well, every time I experience this farce the different parts of my brain battle and fortunately the part that governs patient thoughtful response wins. Today was the first time I actually tested the system.

During a two-hour drive to Olympia yesterday, I saw evidence of an essential truth: my capacity to be kind and patient when triggered is directly related to my ability to truly own the emotion. Conversely, the less aware I am that there is a strong feeling arising, the more likely I am to be harsh, critical and even mean. Consider two scenarios:

Scenario A

1. I feel afraid, sad or angry
2. The witness capacity evokes an awareness that I'm having an experience of some kind
3. Curiosity leads me to wonder what this experience is
4. I notice my physical sensations and/or emotions
5. I name them to myself
6. Once I name them, an awareness arises in me that this is an Amiel moment, i.e. stay connected to Amiel
7. I may or may not reveal this experience to the other person (using "I" language and naming the emotion). Either way, my response is calm, dignified, and respectful
8. Things turn out well

Scenario B

1. I feel afraid, sad, or angry
2. There is little or no witness capacity
3. I respond quickly and often angrily
4. The breath shortens, the mind narrow, and the vision contracts
5. Things turn out poorly

Question: who or what controls whether or not the witness capacity arises in such moments?

Two weeks ago I had my first session with a Strozzi-trained somatic coach. The experience is hard to describe. It was a subtle inquiry into my current experience while the coach moved and touched different parts of my body (lifting the arm, pulling the leg, etc.). The insights came after the hour was over when I asked her to tell me what she observed. She confirmed what I already sensed: that I hold tension in my head, face and jaw. She said that my face is unusually smooth (few creases) so it's not easy to immediately tell I hold lots of tension. I agree that it can be smooth, but she's only seen me in relatively relaxed situations. I mentioned that I also hold a lot of tension in the pelvic region. She said she didn't notice this when I walked in but it started to become apparent during the session. 

The big insight was a new interpretation of something I understood. I've known for a long time that my shoulders pull in and understood this could affect my breathing. What I learned in this session is that this positioning of the shoulders also compresses my ability to feel my heart. Never thought of that before!

Today I stayed connected with Jacob as much as I have in a long time

Today Jacob had a smooth day full of positive transitions, multiple trips to the toilet, and a very easy path to sleep at night.

Any connection between these two?

I think so. Sure, correlation is not causation, but my gut tells me that the more Jacob felt me attuning to him, playing with him, listening to him and being present with him (while setting appropriate boundaries), the more he felt comfortable doing what he needed to do. This was particularly true this afternoon/evening when he willingly sat on the toilet three times (in contrast to his resistance yesterday and this morning), enthusiastically went in for the tooth brushing, and went to sleep with zero crying (though I did rub his feet for a long and strenuous fifteen minutes--where's the toddler massage table when you need it?)

Two things we did a lot of today: wrestling  and Jacob sitting on my lap.