The Angry Drunk

“New York” Steaks on the Grill

2010-09-07T00:56:50Z

Posted via email from The Angry Drunk Annex

The iOS Fetish

2010-09-02T19:21:10Z

Like I wrote yesterday, I’m not particularly interested in doing any sort of roundup of the announcements from Apple’s yearly Music Event held yesterday, September 1^st. However, there are a few things that popped out at me that I’d like to explore. Initially I was going to do some claim chowdah analysis and break down exactly how wrong Engadget was about the supposed iTV, but there really isn’t anything new to be said there. Anyway, Joel Topolsky is already spinning the announcements to say that Apple is so totally going to make those changes, but things changed at the last minute. Whatever douche, keep spinning.

What is interesting to me, and touches on the idiocy around the AppleTV, is the way that iOS was almost fetishized by the tech press during the announcement.

What I’m talking about is the fact that, at least amongst the pundits and analysts that I follow on Twitter, every product announcement, with the obvious exception of the iPod Touch, was met with a single question, “does it run iOS?” To which I reply, “who cares?”

It seems to me that the tech punditsphere has imbued the iOS with some sort of mythic splendor, mainly revolving around equally-mythical “apps.” When Steve Jobs debuted the new iPod Nano, with its multitouch screen, the cries began. “Does it run iOS? Does it have apps?” Things became even more fevered when Steve demonstrated the iPod Nano in the newly coined “jiggle mode.” “Oh my Lord,” the techies breathlessly exclaimed, “it is iOS! Huzzah, calloo and callay!” The introduction of the new AppleTV (not iTV you lackwits) was met with a similar refrain. “Is it running iOS? It doesn’t look like it’s running iOS? OMG are there APPS!!!”

The hilarity in all this was the fact that most pundits were basing their determinations of iOSosity on nothing more than the user interface being demoed. The iPod Nano looks like it’s running iOS, and it very well may be, but it also may be running a variant of the same proprietary operating system that all non-Touch iPods have run. The AppleTV may well be running iOS, in fact I propose that it should be running iOS given the proven benefits for low power devices that that OS brings to the table, but the interface was essentially the same as that of the previous iteration’s Tiger based OS. The bottom line is that the interface for these products has precious little to do with the underlying OS. A fact that constantly escapes the technorati.

Which brings us to the “app” question. It’s obvious that a good deal of the fetishization of iOS is because of the immense wealth of applications available for it. But name one app currently in the iPhone/iPad app store that would translate to either the iPod Nano or the AppleTV. I’m not saying that there isn’t a potential for applications on either platform. There are many talented developers out there who can imagine lots of things that I can’t. But as it stands right now “apps” for either device make no sense.

Given that, other than as a technical curiosity, what does it matter if the iPod Nano or AppleTV are running iOS, MacOS, or something utterly different? The answer is that it doesn’t matter. As long as the OS meets the needs of the device, who cares.

Ping Pong

2010-09-02T15:28:40Z

Fuck it, let’s see how this goes. If you want to follow my utterly banal taste in music have at it. My Ping profile is here.

Apple Special Event Predictions – The Results

2010-09-02T01:07:27Z

Last week I tallied up my predictions on the predictions being made for the annual Apple September Music event by the rumorsphere. Now that the event is come and gone it’s time to grade my performance, and the performance of the rumormongers in general. Before I begin though, I think I need to clarify what I’m up to with these rumor predictions posts. First of all, the items that I list are not my predictions. They are the predictions being bandied about by the punditsphere. Secondly, the percentage values that I assign are completely pulled from my ass, often for comedic effect. That said, let’s see how we did.

New iPod Touch announced: 99% – Was there any doubt here.
- Has a front-facing camera with FaceTime integration: 65% – Yup
- Rear-facing camera: 45% – Yup
- Retina Display: 80% – Yup
iPod Nano updated: 80% – Not as certain of a lock, but I would have been surprised if they didn’t.
- More storage: 50% – Not mentioned
- Still picture camera: 40% – Nope, in fact the video camera went bye-bye too.
New AppleTV: 70% – Yup
- Runs iOS: 50% – Not mentioned
- Named iTV: 30% – Nope
- Runs “apps”: 30% – Nope
- Has an “app store”: 30% – Nope
iTunes TV Show Rentals: 10% -Honestly, this one took me by surprise. I’m not surprised that only two networks are onboard for launch.
iTunes IN THE CLOUD!!!: 5% – Hahaha, this one will never die.
Any mention of the iPhone other than to crow about sales numbers: 10% – Hard to make a call on this one, if you count the iOS 4.1 talk then it’s a yes.
- A redesigned iPhone that corrects the DeathGrippe®: .1% – Nope (morons)
- An announcement of the iPhone 5: .00001% – Seriously, are you people retarded.
- iPhone on Verizon: Oh ain’t you precious. – Of course not
Any mention of the iPad other than to crow about sales numbers: 5% – Same as with the iPhone, if you count the iOS then this is a yes.
- iPad updates: 1% – iPad updates are going to be a yearly event in late January, bet on it.
- iPad Nano/iPod Touch Maximo: .01% – Seriously, these chumps are delusional.

I’m not going to do any sort of roundup of the event, other’s have done that better than I can. My biggest take-away though was just how little the rumor mongers got right on this. I’ll probably talk more about that soon.

Reasonable Doubt: Innocence Project Co-Founder Peter Neufeld on Being Wrong →

2010-08-30T19:15:33Z

This is simultaneously terrifying and infuriating; and an absolute must read for anyone under the delusion that “…if he was arrested he must be guilty.”

Dave You Ignorant Slut

2010-08-30T18:51:45Z

Sometimes the New Media Douchebag circus is too good for the freak-show and needs to be in the main ring. Case in point, today’s twaddle from Dave “Cranky-Pants” Winer, Dear Apple, re your boycott of Flash. Ooh, goody, goody gumdrops. It’s criticism in epistle form; my favorite thing.

Let’s break this mofo down, starting with the title. Did you know that Apple is boycotting Flash? I didn’t. I mean, I have to run third-party software just to keep that crap from inundating my desktop computing experience, so Apple doesn’t seem to be doing much to block it there. Perhaps Dave is referring to Apple’s decision to not allow any third party runtime environments in iOS. As an aside, Steve Ballmer must shed a tiny, greasy little tear every time someone gets histrionic over Apple “boycotting” Flash without mentioning Silverlight. At any rate, moving on.

As an iPad user I can tell you without a doubt, it isn’t working.

Well Dave, as an iPad user I can tell you that you’re a fuckwit. Neener neener.

I see new Flash content several times every day when I catch up on the news with my iPad. This isn’t stuff that’s going away, it’s new stuff that creative people are publishing. New stuff, not legacy stuff.

Dear gods! What sick, vile, depraved pornography is Dave into that it hasn’t already been made iOS friendly. Seriously though, in the absence of anything approximating an example, Occam’s razor decrees that Dave is simply making shit up.

In other words, they know we can’t see it on the iPad and they went ahead anyway.

Again Dave, who is this mysterious “they” that you speak of? Would it kill you to provide even one fucking example. But really, so the fuck what? So there are people who made large investments in an Adobe workflow who are still using it. Stop. The. Fucking. Presses. You know what Dave, I’m willing to bet that there are still people out there producing shit in RealMedia format, that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to support it.

But let’s take Dave’s logic and turn it on its ear a bit. Theoretically there is all this wondrous Flash content out there, and yet Apple went ahead anyway and told Adobe to piss up a rope. Boy, oh boy did that kill the platform. Hell, reports are just now coming in that the wait time for an iPad is down to a mere 24 hours. Jeez is Steve Jobs an idiot.

Sorry.

Blow me.

Apple Special Event Predictions

2010-08-30T16:06:23Z

For those who are unaware, Apple is holding a special event on September 1st, just like they do every September. Not being one to be left out of the fun, here’s my take on the chances of various rumors coming to pass.

New iPod Touch announced: 99%
- Has a front-facing camera with FaceTime integration: 65%
- Rear-facing camera: 45%
- Retina Display: 80%
iPod Nano updated: 80%
- More storage: 50%
- Still picture camera: 40%
New AppleTV: 70%
- Runs iOS: 50%
- Named iTV: 30%
- Runs “apps”: 30%
- Has an “app store”: 30%
iTunes TV Show Rentals: 10%
iTunes IN THE CLOUD!!!: 5%
Any mention of the iPhone other than to crow about sales numbers: 10%
- A redesigned iPhone that corrects the DeathGrippe®: .1%
- An announcement of the iPhone 5: .00001%
- iPhone on Verizon: Oh ain’t you precious.
Any mention of the iPad other than to crow about sales numbers: 5%
- iPad updates: 1%
- iPad Nano/iPod Touch Maximo: .01%

As always, these numbers are based on my extensive discussions with my exclusive Apple sources, namely the leprechaun who lives in Jony Ive’s pocket and the genii who granted Scott Forstall the Evil Eye. Everyone feel free to make your own predictions in the comments.

Crazy Uncle Dave (Re)Invents Comments

2010-08-26T17:41:41Z

Cross posted from Dave Winer’s Crazy Train…

So, let’s get this straight. Uncle Dave doesn’t like the rough-and-tumble nature of blog commentary (a reasonable position to take, I hate you pricks too), but he’s too narcissistic do without the fawning admiration of strangers. What’s a New Media Douchebag to do? Well, if you’re Dave Winer, you come up with…this. Please, for the love of fuck, someone implement this so I can properly laugh at it.

On another note, this bit amused and enraged me:

I’m almost 100 percent sure that scripting.com was the first blog to have comments. And I’m equally sure that it was the first to have its comments flame out. The flameout was a good thing, although it didn’t feel like it at the time, because it created the first wave of blogs. And when their comments flamed out, there were subsequent waves of new blogs.

Dave, you arrogant fuck, people have been commenting on other people’s writing since some Kraut asshole scribbled “Erster Beitrag” under Martin Luther’s Theses. Can there be anything on the intartubes that you won’t claim to have invented.

Of Muslims, Mosques and Morons

2010-08-23T18:39:38Z

WARNING: Political content ahead!

Sometimes I wonder if the leadership of the Democratic Party isn’t infested with Republican moles (cue the cries from the false–equivalency brigade that all politicians are horrible). If not, then they certainly epitomize the words of wisdom offered by the venerable Dark Helmet, “Evil will always win, because Good is stupid.”

Take, for instance, the overall reaction to the reports of a new poll showing that one in five of the inbred hicks that make up the populous of this nation believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim. The Democratic leadership, as usual, is flailing about trying to maintain some sort of worthless air of sophistication, when the only sane response should be the following; preferably delivered by Obama during prime time from the Oval Office:

My fellow Americans. Recently a poll was conducted in which it was determined that one-fifth of you believe me to be a Muslim. I come to you tonight to set the record straight.

First of all, my religious beliefs, or lack thereof, are a personal matter and have no bearing on the governance of this great nation. In their great wisdom the Founding Fathers of this nation enshrined in the very first amendment to the Constitution of the United States the notion that every person has the undisputed right to practice the religion of their choice, or to not practice religion at all. This freedom of religion is one of the cornerstones of our society, and fundamentally separates us from the religious ideologues such as the ones who masterminded and perpetrated the vile acts of terrorism that shook this country on September 11th 2001.

Having said that, I will affirm that I am a Christian, not because there is a special virtue in that fact but to highlight the falsehoods that are being spread by members of the media such as Fox News and partisan members of the Republican Party. For too long the media has been allowed to shamelessly promote patent untruths offered by members of the Republican Party regarding myself, members of my administration and legislation that we are attempting to implement. The very same First Amendment that guarantees us all the right to choose our own religious beliefs also guarantees us the right to freedom of expression, but it does not guarantee that lies will go unchallenged.

Earlier I spoke of the horrible tragedy of 9/11. Right now there is debate underway regarding the site of that tragedy and the question of if a Muslim community center should be allowed to be located near that site. The very fact that we are having that debate, along with the fact that the question of my religion is even considered germane aptly demonstrate how the media and members of the Republican Party have used a baseless fear of Islam to manipulate public opinion. Islam, like any other religion, has both ideologues and idealists, demagogues and dreamers. That the Cordoba House should generate any more controversy than a Jewish or Catholic community center is shameful. In the words of Ted Olson, who lost is wife to this very act of terrorism, “We don’t want to turn an act of hate against us by extremists into an act of intolerance for people of religious faith.”

Well, I can dream can’t I.

Die Zombie Scum

2010-08-23T00:04:29Z

7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)

Seriously, zombies are overrated and the people in zombie movies are fucktards. Now I eagerly await the pro-zombie zealots or as I like to call them, Google users.