Lord of the Morning

The final note

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 15:00:00 +0000

As with every stage, every phase, every section, every moment - there comes an end.

And this note marks the end of a stage, a phase, a section, a moment of my life.

I stopped blogging last November 2008, and even then, my last 2-3 posts were all quoted passages of my previous entries. Everyone knows why I stopped blogging, and I'm sure everyone who knew me personally (beyond the blog posts and the stories that have gone around) understood that what happened in those last months of 2008 were too painful to be shared to the world.

Everyone who knew me personally - and by now, I know that the list of people who do can be counted on the digits of my two hands and two feet - knew that I chose to stay silent to avoid fanning the flames, to let rumor run its course, to weed out the true friends from the acquaintances and the pretenders.

By and large it worked: the flames eventually died down (except for some persistent hotspots - but I suppose like any wild fire, there are just some kinds of wood that really insist on burning for no reason), the rumors were forgotten (and were replaced by the next hottest thing on the rumor mill), and the pretenders were indeed weeded out, leaving only trusted and true friends.

Some people - yes, even some of my closest friends - disagreed with my chosen course of action. They advocated the opening of communication lines - some wanted to ensure we had closure, others wanted the rumors and wildly inaccurate stories to be clarified by the source of it. Oh yes, there were long YM conversations and email threads about topics such as these.

But at the end of the day, they respected what I chose. It wasn't easy for a lot of them - some wanted to take extreme action on their end. But no matter how much they itched to take some action, they heeded my call and chose to stay silent.

I stuck to the principle that if you were a decent, level-headed person, you would get both sides of any story before making any judgments. Now there are quite a number of people - actually, GROUPS of people would be more appropriate - seem to have been swayed by the multiple stories, rumors, blog posts, and text messages about what has happened between myself and my ex-girlfriend. Based on these information, they have apparently concluded that I'm a (insert your choice of curse words here).

Powerful language - I would be lying if I said that I wasn't bothered by the different people who went out of their way to let me know what they felt about me.

I was also encouraged by other people who, after hearing multiple conflicting stories, called me up or met up with me and took the time out to get my side of the story. I salute them for taking the time out to do so - now, as to what they thought about the entire thing...well, you'll have to ask them that. It's not my story to tell. All I can say is that as I did, they chose to stay silent after that.

At the end of the day, the truth and what you learn from it is the most important part of it all. No, not the WAY the truth is said - that will always be biased. No, not to WHOM the truth was told - the one told will always have his/her own judgment about it. No, not HOW the truth was learned - the method by which the truth was learned will always have its own little story to share.

So what's the full truth to the entire story? No one will probably ever fully know. Sure, my ex knows her side of the story. I definitely have my side of the story. Other people may have their own bits and pieces that, when all added up, contributes a significant chunk to the truth of the entire story. Maybe someone would be interested in getting everyone's side and putting it all together in one cohesive story and let everyone else read it.

But that someone's not me. I've learned the truth and the lessons about myself, about my life, about my family and friends, and about relationships. Knowing every little detail, every little nuance and conversation, every logical reasoning and illogical justification, every little white lie and cardinal sin isn't going to change the truth and what I've learned.

And so I close off this blog with this post. It's been a lot of fun writing through it. To the (few) followers of my blog - thank you for keeping me company all these years. I had loads of fun.

---
As with every end of a stage, phase, section, and moment - there comes a new stage, phase, section, and moment. And the next part of my life begins at another blog.

This blog of mine will always be around. I toyed with the idea of deleting it - but that way lies denial, forgetfulness, and repression, for the lessons that I learned might be forgotten. I also toyed with the idea of incorporating it into my new blog - but that way lies the pain that comes from refusing to let go.

So this little place of mine will always be around - feel free to browse the previous entries, leave comments, and what-have-you. I wrote this blog with all the seriousness and playfulness that a 20-something geek has in his life, so if you derive any enjoyment from it, I'm glad I was able to put a little smile on your face.

I move on to another blog. If you can figure out what 7:21am is of January 1, 2009 - you can figure out where my new blog is.

Of course, you can also shoot me an email at "721amahpd at gmail dot com" if you really can't figure it out. :) There, that's another clue.

Till we meet again!

Chad

Almost there...

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 08:47:00 +0000

This blog...

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 12:05:00 +0000

...is under construction. :) All part of the restage. This post will soon be deleted - to be replaced with the proper 1st entry.

Rebooting

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 02:49:00 +0000

This blog will be restaged soon. :)

Passages

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:03:00 +0000

Quoted from Dragons of Summer Flame by Weis & Hickman
---
The Solamnic knights had, apparently, an able and intelligent commander...they did not attack in a mob, but with precision, driving a wedge through the main body of Steel's force, splitting his troops while maintaining unity among their own. Steel's force had nowhere to go, was trapped in the courtyard.

He had foreseen this of course. He did not expect to win this battle, but at least the second strike army would find the way clear.

Steel's responsibility was to find the able the intelligent commander...'chop off the head, and the body will fall,' was one of his mentor's dictums. Battling his way into the center of the melee, Steel heard, above the tumult, a commanding voice raised, issuing new orders. This time, Steel saw the commander.

He wore no helm, perhaps so that his orders could be heard clearly. He was not in full armor, but wore only a breastplate over tooled leather. Steel couldn't see the commander's face...his back was toward the dark knight. Long, graying dark brown hair indicated he was older, undoubtedly a veteran of many battles. Part of the man's breastplate swung loose; one of the leather ties had been cut, leaving his back partially exposed. But Steel would've died himself before he attacked any man from behind.

Shoving between one of his own men and a battling Solamnic Knight, Steel reached the commander, laid his hand on the man's shoulder to draw his attention. The commander whipped around, faced his opponent. The man's bearded face was covered with blood. His matted hair, wet with sweat, hung over his eyes. A tiny, tingling jolt shot through Steel...something inside him said 'you know this man.'

Steel gasped, "Half Elven!"

The man arrested his attack, fell back, peered suspiciously at Steel.

The knight was furious at this trick that fate had played on him, but he could no longer fight, in honor, this man who had once saved his life. With an angry gesture, he raised his visor. "You know me, Tanis Half-Elven. I will not fight you, but I can and do demand your surrender."

"Steel?" Tanis lowered his sword. He was surprised at this meeting, yet, in a way, wasn't surprised at all. "Steel Brightblade..."

A young Solamnic Knight, standing near Tanis, surged past the half-elf, a spear aimed at Steel's unprotected face. Steel raised his arm to counter the blow, slipped in a pool of blood, fell to the ground. His sword - his father's sword - flew from his grasp. The young Solamnic Knight was on him and raised his spear, prepared to drive the point through Steel's throat. Suddenly spear and knight vanished from Steel's view.

Tanis stood over him, offered him a hand to help him rise. Pride urged Steel to refuse aid from the enemy, but common sense and the Vision prompted him to grudgingly accept Tanis's assistance.

"Once again, I owe you my life, Half-Elven," Steel said bitterly when he was on his feet.

"Don't thank me," Tanis returned grimly, "I made a promise to----"

The half-elf's eyes opened wide, his face contorted in pain. He lurched forward with a pain-filled cry.

One of the warriors, standing behind the half-elf, jerked free a blood-covered sword.

Tanis staggered; his knees gave way.

Steel caught the half-elf, lowered him gently to the floor. Cradling Tanis in his arms, Steel could feel warm blood wash over his hands.

"Half-Elven, I wasn't the one who struck you! I swear it!" Steel said urgently.

Tanis looked up, grimaced. "I...know," he whispered, with a wry smile. "You are a...Brightblade."

He stiffened, gasped, drew in a ragged breath. Blood trickled from his mouth. His gaze slid past Steel, attempted to focus on something behind the dark knight.

Tanis smiled. "Sturm, I kept my promise."

Sighing softly, as if grateful for the chance to rest, Tanis closed his eyes and died.

Guidance

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:57:00 +0000

Envying Sturm Brightblade

Sturm Brightblade. For all you non-readers of the Dragonlance saga....well, take a hint: read up. In any case, I admired him for his sense of honor, of duty...but more importantly, his sense of self. He knew himself. He did not care what other people thought of him, because he knew the truth.

How I envy him for knowing himself. For believing in something he knew was true. How I envy him for he is finally at peace, sleeping the eternal rest that is granted to those who have fought the good fight.

I don't deserve that yet. I have a long way to go.

---

Raistlin's gaze went to Steel. "Your sword is needed elsewhere, son of Brightblade. Permit us to leave in peace."

Steel could hear the truth of that statement for himself. The sounds of battle had penetrated to the depths of the tower.

Raistlin strode forward, black robes whispering across the stone floor. Steel eyed him warily, drew his sword.

"I recognize that blade," Raistlin said calmly. "Your father's, isn't it? I never liked your father much. All that business about knightly honor, nobility. He made such a show of it, flaunted it, threw it in my face."

Steel said nothing, but his hand gripped the sword's hilt more tightly, until the knuckles were white.

Raistlin drew closer still.

"And then I discovered something very interesting about your father. He lied to us. Sturm Brightblade was no more a knight than I was. He was made a knight only shortly before his death. All that time, he wore the armor, carried the sword . . . and it was all a lie."

Raistlin shrugged. "And do you know what? I liked him better after I discovered that."

"Because you supposed he had sunk to your level," Steel said hoarsely.

Raistlin's smile was twisted, bitter. "You would think that, wouldn't you, Brightblade? But, no, that's not the reason."

Raistlin moved closer, so close that Steel could feel the chill of the mage's frail body, could hear the breath rattle in the lungs, could feel the soft touch of black velvet.

"Your father lied to every person except one-himself. In his heart Sturm was a knight. He had better claim to that false title than many who held it for truth. Sturm Brightblade obeyed laws that no one enforced. He lived by a noble code in which no one else believed. He swore an oath that no one heard. Only himself ... and his god. No one would have held him to that oath, to the Measure. He did that himself. He knew himself.

"Who are you, Steel Brightblade?" Raistlin's golden, hourglass eyes flickered. "Do you know?"

-----
Quoted Quotes

Steadily he looked up at these two people who were as dear to him as the family he'd never known. And, as he watched, he saw Goldmoon light a candle. For a brief instant the flame illuminated her face and Riverwind's. They raised their hands in parting, then extinguished the flame, lest unfriendly eyes see it.

Taking a deep breath, Tanis tensed himself to run.

The darkness might conquer, but it could never extinguish hope. And though one candle -- or many -- flicker and die, new candles would be lit from the old.

Thus hope's flame always burns, lighting the darkness till the coming of day.

-----

Quotable Quotes

"Jack, you know, when you lay here like this, you know what you think about? You think about all the things you'd like another chance at, all the mistakes, all the people you might have treated better, and you thank God that it wasn't worse. Jack, you will never regret honesty, even if it hurts people. When they made you a Marine lieutenant you swore an oath before God. I understand why we do that now. It's a help, not a threat. It's something to remind you how important words are. Ideas are important. Principles are important. Words are important. Your word is the most important of all. Your word is who you are. That's the last lesson, Jack. You have to carry on from here." He paused, and Jack could see the pain coming through the heavy medications. "You have a family, Jack. Go home to them. Give 'em my love and tell them that I think their daddy is a pretty good guy, and they ought to be proud of him. Good night, Jack."

-----
Random Passages

Lifting the lid of the box, Elistan removed a folded piece of pure white parchment. Taking Tanis's hand, he placed the parchment in the half-elf's palm, then closing his fingers over it.

"Give this to Crysania," he said softly. "If she survives, she is to be the next head of the Church." Seeing the dubious, disapproving expression come onto Tanis's face, Elistan smiled. "My friend, you have walked in darkness - none know that better than I. We came near losing you, Tanis. But you endured the night and faced daylight, strengthened by the knowledge that you had gained. This is what I hope for Crysania. She is strong in her faith, but as you yourself noted, she lacks warmth, compassion, humanity. She had to see with her own eyes the lessons that the fall of the Kingpriest taught us. She had to be hurt, Tanis, and hurt deeply, before she would be able to react with compassion to the hurt of others. Above all, Tanis, she had to love."

Elistan closed his eyes, his face, drawn with suffering, filled with grief. "I would've chosen differently for her, my friend, had I been able. I saw the road she walked. But, who questions the ways of the gods? Certainly not I. Although" opening his eyes, he looked up at Tanis, and the half-elf saw a glint of anger in them-"I might argue with them a bit."

---

Only one person rose to speak Elistan's eulogy, and it was deemed fitting by everyone that she do so. Not only because she was now taking his place - as he had requested - as head of the church, but because she seemed to the people of Palanthas to epitomize their loss and their pain.

That morning, they said, was the first time she had risen from her bed since Tanis Half-Elven brought her down from the Tower of High Sorcery to the steps of the Great Library, where the clerics worked among the injured and dying. She had been near death herself. But her faith and the prayers of the clerics restored her to life. The could not, however, restore her sight.

Crysania stood before them that morning, her eyes looking straight into the sun she would never see again.

"As I stand in darkness," she said, her clear voice rising sweet and oure among the songs of the larks, "I feel the warmth of the light upon my skin, and I know my face is turned toward the sun. I can look into the sun, for my eyes are forever shrouded by darkness. But if you look too long into the sun, you will lose your sight, just as those who live too long in darkness will gradually lose theirs."

"Mortals were not meant to live solely in sun or in shadow, but in both. Both have their perils, if misused, both have their rewards. We have come through our trials of blood, of darkness, of fire-" Her voice quavered and broke at this point. But when she continued, her voice was strong, tears glistening in the sunlight. "We have come through these trials with great loss, great sacrifice, but strong in the knowledge that our spirit shines and that we, perhaps, gleam brightest among the stars in the heavens."

"For though some might choose to walk the paths of night, looking to the black moon to guide them, while others walk the paths of day, the rough and rock-strewn trails of both can be made easier by the touch of a hand, the voice of a friend. The capacity to love, to care, is given to us all."

"Sometimes it seems that life is too difficult a burden for us to bear. But reach out your hand, and it will touch the hand of someone reaching out to you, and-together-you will find the strength and hope you need to go on."

Redux!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:28:00 +0000

Sometimes all one needs to do is to quickly detach from the world for a couple of days to rest, recover, rejuvenate, and revive oneself.

Well, we're at it again. And we'll all be back feeling rested, recovered, rejuvenated, and revived.

Count on it. To those who revel in seeing all of us in our current state, may I remind you that what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.

As far as I can see, none of us are dead yet.

10 Birthdays!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 01:14:00 +0000

Laurana and I celebrated her birthday last Aug 28, and I realized that it was the 10th birthday of hers that we've spent together. 10 consecutive birthdays without a single miss!

Happy birthday babe! Looking forward to spending the next 10,000,000 birthdays with you!!!! :) More pics to come once we get to do part 2 of her gift!!!

[Updated Yet Again!] Globe iPhone 3G - Unreasonably Expensive?

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:22:00 +0000

[Updated] Edited the table to reflect the correct AT&T pricing and changed the Globe plan to a more appropriate one to get a better comparison. The Globe iPhone 3G still comes out to be more expensive by about P13,000 on a 2-year basis.

[2nd Update] Globe has responded! I shot an email to the higher ups and got an email response PLUS I have a scheduled conversation over the issue within the next few days. You gotta admire their CEO for taking the time out to answer feedback directly. I'll post the results in another entry!

I really don't understand why the Globe iPhone 3G is more than 4x more expensive on a pure handset basis alone vs the AT&T iPhone 3G. The Apple iPhone 3G 8GB is $199, the Globe iPhone 3G 8GB is $859. It doesn't make sense, even from a marketing perspective. I get the fact that they may be positioning it as a premium device - ok, so upcharge the consumers by 10%-20% or so. But 400%? C'mon.

[Updated] Comparative chart of Globe and AT&T Iphone 3G prices. Click to enlarge.

Even if you factor in the subscriber plans and the activation fee, the Globe iPhone 3G is still around ~~P18,000~~ P13,000 more expensive. Why?

Can someone from Globe please explain?

Total war

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:26:00 +0000

It has always been one of my guiding principles that the use of extreme force, in relevant situations, is always the last option...but is still an option.

In the application of such force, I also subscribe to what I personally call the Special Forces strategy, which involves the application of extreme force at the enemy's weakest point using the best resources available at the smallest amount of time. Some people call it the Sniper Tactic, while another term I borrowed is Speartip.

Special Forces. Speartip. Sniper. Whatever the hell you call it, I think it's the best and most practical solution to ending the bloodshed in Mindanao.

Unless you've been living in a cave in the past few weeks (or you work for P&G...), some members of the MILF have been on a rampage in Mindanao - particularly in Lanao del Norte and North Cotabato - which have really ripped up the peace process to bits. Burning, looting, shooting...these rebels have been making life hell for our fellow Filipinos in Mindanao.

Of course, the MILF command team has been disavowing any responsibility for this. Of course they'd say that.

Now, I have been one of the most ardent (if silent) supporters of the peace process in Mindanao. Despite the numerous times that these rebels have "temporarily broken" the truce by engaging in some shenanigans, tomfoolery, and chicanry, the government has always shows the patience to go back to the peace table, and I admired and supported this move by the government. Peace is always preferrable to war.

This time though, they've gone too far. And the Philippine Republic must put its foot down to stop this immediately.

No more pussyfooting around. No more niceties. No more wrist-slapping. The only way to end the violence in Mindanao - the violence that's hurting the men, women, and children of our country, the violence that's ruining the lives of our fellow civilians - is by applying extreme force that targets very specific elements of Mindanao, and that's the MILF that burns, loots, and pillages. Personally, I'd rather live in one period of extreme war than a protracted period of casual war.

Honestly, I think the government has done more than enough for the MILF - it has succumbed to their wishes 80 for 20, it even brought in foreign observers, and it even agreed to conduct the negotiations in another country. It's time to say no.

Bring on the tanks, the guns, the soldiers, the Marines, the SWAG, the LRC. These MILF rebel scum who burn and kill our civilian population deserve nothing but the business end of a barrel. Do it quickly and precisely, and once that cancer is out, then maybe we can get focus on getting Mindanao back on track.

image credit: http://surreal-reality.net

Quotable quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:00:00 +0000

"Tell me you've never let anyone down before."

"I've never quit yet. How's that?"

"I guess that'll have to do."

-----

"Through all the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrongs and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times - there is one thing that has nourished our souls and elevated our species above its orgins and that is our courage."

Keep that in mind, dammit.

Idiocy at the NAIA Control Tower

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 18:06:00 +0000

I guess I can cross off one entry on my "things to experience before I die" since my plane almost collided with another plane.

Ok, that sounds a bit melodramatic - it wasn't like it was just a few meters away. Hardly. I was on my way back to Manila from Singapore and we were on our final landing approach already at NAIA. You know the drill: the plane enters the landing corridor, slows to landing speed, deploys the landing gear, and glides the plane down. Easy as pie.

I was half-awake when we just finished slowing to landing speed (I didn't get good sleep the previous night) when suddenly I felt and heard the plane's engines go from a dull roar to a loud shriek and the angle went from a gentle glide to an abrupt 50-degree rise. As my consciousness roared back into being, three thoughts popped in my head in this order:

1. This obviously isn't normal...are we in a bloody combat situation and we're avoiding SAMs?
2. This is an Airbus A340...there's no way we can avoid a SAM.
3. This is just bloody cool!

Yes, I'm weird. Chalk it up to all the books I read from the spy masters Clancy, Ludlum, Forsyth.

Anyway, this lasted for about 1 minute or so then the plane just went back to it's normal state...you know, it had levelled off and the engines were down to a muted roar. After a couple of more seconds, the pilot announced the following:

"Hello everyone. My apologies for the abrupt climb you just experienced. We were on our final landing approach as advised by the tower when we saw that there was a plane about to take off from our runway, so we had no choice but to abort the landing and try again. We'll be delayed by about 7 minutes because of this....incident."

I just HAD to laugh. Seriously. How the hell does someone who's seated on the highest point in the aiport MISS a friggin' 747-400 that's parked on the bloody RUNWAY!?!?!?

Thank God for the sharp eyes of the SQ command squad. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hunt down that idiotic control tower officer.

*image credits: www.travelblog.org, http://www.flickr.com/photos/magic_man/

Gaming FTW!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 12:41:00 +0000

If you have to ask for the meaning of "FTW," that just means that you're not a geek or a bloody hard-core gamer. :)

Despite my massive workload in the past 2 months (ever since I moved to the land of babies), I've been able to sneak in a couple of hours a week to play video games. Yes, it's one of the three things I do to get my mind of work so I stay sane (the other 2 being books and Laurana). And I've been terribly lucky to be able to play two of the greatest, most immersive games I've ever played in my entire life: Mass Effect and Bioshock (both played on my Xbox 360).

When I finished Mass Effect, I had one word on my mind: EPIC.

When I started playing Bioshock, I paused the game, switched the lights on, wrapped myself with my comforter, and snuck a couple of peeks outside my window before I started playing again - it's that bloody CREEPY.

Both Mass Effect and Bioshock are fantastic immersive games because of two things (yuck, sorry to be a proctoid):
1. They've got, hands down, a great and rich storyline. Despite the prediction of a couple of industry heavyweights 4 years ago that "single player games will disappear," some of the best games in the past years or so have all had a very very good single player experience. The Baldur's Gate series, the Neverwinter Nights series, KOTOR, Far Cry, Gears of War, the Halo series, the Metal Gear Solid series, and countless others. Sure, the longetivity of a game depends on the strength of it's multiplayer component (and this is where the console games of Halo and Gears of War really shine), but the single player component is what attracts the fanboys and girls in the first place. Take a look at all of the game announcements in the recent years, particularly the sequels: it's all about "what's the story now?" and "what's going to happen next?" Games that are purely multiplayer are popular for a while, but they're nothing compared to games that have a great storyline in single player.

2. They're easy to play - in-game and technically. A pretty vague statement, but look at all the great games - they're very intuitive (some hardly have a HUD) and they're coded very very well. You'd think that this was common sense, but in today's age of broadband, it's so easy for companies to release games that're half-baked and just release patches to fix the bugs (Hellgate: London, I'm looking at you!).

Both Mass Effect and Bioshock have these 2 traits in spades...and the other 2 games that I'm playing have them as well: Dawn of War and World of Warcraft.

Waaaaaait a minute...isn't WoW an MMORPG?

Yes it is - but think about it for a minute. What makes WoW so attractive? Is it the mere fact that it's an online game? If that were true, then ANY online game would have 10 million subscribers.

It's the story. It's the rich tapestry of the Warcraft universe that has so many people hooked. It's the story that keeps people sane as they grind to get 100 gold to be able to buy that mount. The only other MMO that had such a rich story that appealed to a wide group of people would be WoW's spiritual predecessor, Everquest.

Now, proctoiding over. Back to gaming!

Pampers World! It's back at SM MOA!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:15:00 +0000

Yes, the event that transformed grownups into babies is back again! This time we're having Pampers World at the SM Mall of Asia. It'll be on August 09-10 (that's this weekend already!) from 10:00am to 8:00pm. A slight twist to buying Pampers Stages at the event - this time, everytime you buy a pack of Pampers, we're giving away 30% more FOR FREE!

So if you missed the first run of Pampers World in Glorietta, you have a second chance to be a baby again and see the world through a baby's eyes. See you at the SM Mall of Asia this weekend for the second run of Pampers World!

Sanctuary

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:13:00 +0000

One of my favorite places in our old house when I was a child was that spot under our dining table. Yes, you read right, a spot under our dining table. We had an 8-seater dining table on top of a rug, and during the weekends and summer days, I would grab a book and a pillow and scoot under that table. There I would relax (the rug and the pillow made it very comfy) and read and, more often than not, drift off into a deep slumber.

This actually continued on even until high school. When I was a junior I would still crawl under that table (not as often as before though) and read - but this time, it would be schoolbooks. And course, since it was the "spot under the dining table" i would naturally drift off to sleep - and if you factor in the presence of my furry cat who would join me for a nap...well, let's just say there were many times when I woke up in a panic because I hadn't studied at all.

That little spot under the dining table was my sanctuary. I loved it there. I felt safe, protected, and comfortable. For some insane reason, despite the oddness of the place, I felt that everytime I went there, all my problems just melted away and I could just focus on my book, my pillow, and (during the latter part of my youth) my cat.

A search using Google throws up a dozen or so definitions to the term "sanctuary," but I think this definition captures the true essence of it: a place of safety, refuge, or protection.

Safety. Refuge. Protection. Three things which we probably took for granted when we were children. After all, how were we to know that feeling these 3 things wasn't that easy when one grew up?

It's not like I live in a war zone - far from it. I won't dare to compare my life right now to those who live and have lived in a state of war. But that feeling of being in my sanctuary - being completely and totally safe and protected in a place of refuge, of being so comfortable that you could literally just drift off and not worry about anything in the world, of being beside a furry feline who would just love to curl up beside you and join you in your slumber - I miss that. Whenever I have a particularly horrible or stressful day (for whatever reason), I literally miss that sanctuary of mine. There are times when I just want to drop everything and run back to my old house (assuming it wasn't being rented out - strangers live in my old house now) and get back under that dining table (assuming that the dining table was still there - it isn't, it's in our new house but the old carpet is gone) and wait for my cat to join me (assuming he was still there - he's not, he passed away 4 years ago).

But I can't go back to that sanctuary of mine. As much as I would want to. As much as I would pay a lot just to recapture that feeling of safety and protection, that feeling of being a child again and not caring about anything in the world except for that book in your hand and that pillow behind your head, that assurance that your parents seemed to be so far from you but were actually just literally a shout away -- I can't. For one thing, it's not there anymore. And another thing - even if I were to recreate that exact location, things are different now. I'm older, I've been through quite a lot, and that childhood innocence, no matter how much I want it, can never be recaptured...only missed.

Some people may argue that I may just miss my childhood. Or that I miss Miko, my cat. Or I miss my old home. Other people may say that your sanctuary is where you make it, be it your home, or in the arms of your loved one, so just go ahead and make one. And I agree - it's not as if I've never felt safe and protected in my home, or when I'm with my family, or when I'm with Laurana. But despite all that, I guess I just miss having that one spot where I can just go anytime and hide and be myself and relax and let go of everything and anything and fall asleep knowing that even if I know I'll wake up in a couple of hours and will go out to the world again, I'll be ok with it. Because I knew that back when I was a child, my sanctuary would always be there whenever I needed it.

My sanctuary is gone. And right now, at this precise moment, how I wish I were back in it, with a book in my hand, a pillow behind my head, a furry cat snuggled up beside me, with naught a care in the world.

Someone find me my sanctuary. I lost it, and I really want it back.

Pampers World! Under construction!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:36:00 +0000

It's 3:32am and I just came back from Glorietta for a quick change of clothes. We're building Pampers World in the Activity Center, and I tell you, seeing it going up for real is just awesome.

Here are a couple of pics. I suggest you come over by 12nn to see and experience it for yourself so you can see the world through a baby's eyes!

Pampers World! See the world through a baby's eyes!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:43:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered what life was like when you were a baby? When you were just 2 feet tall? Things were probably a bit difficult. For perspective, try doing the following things now:

1. Hug your parents...at thigh level.
2. Sit and put a 20 pound weight on your head...then try to look around. And up.
3. Close your eyes and try to identify everything in the world...using your hands.
4. Imagine that the roof of your sedan is a chair...now get on it without any help.

Not so easy eh? Well, if you want to really experience what it's like to be a baby again, then hop on to Pampers World, where you can see the world through a baby's eyes!

(yes, obviously blatant plugging on my end...but seriously, it's fun!)

For more details, check out the website at www.pampers.com.ph. And as a teaser, I offer you this video...

See you there!

Food and friends

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:20:00 +0000

As I was sick and tired of being in a horizontal position for a long time due to a bout of food poisoning that downed about 12 people in the MDO, I got up, wrenched my gut into place, and went over to the openinig of Marvin's new restaurant...St Bede's Kitchen!

Was that a scream of "heresy!" coming out of your mouth? To be perfectly frank, I told Marvin, could anything be more heretical than a picture of Jesus Christ making a blessing sign on one hand and holding a pan on the other?

Marvin, a very proud former student of San Beda, smiled and said, "that ain't Jesus, that's St. Bede."

Ah. My apologies. It's not so heretical then, coz it just happens to be a saint. :P

St. Bede's Kitchen, located at the corner of Kamuning and K-1 street, seems to be like any other Filipino restaurant. You might be mistaken into thinking that "it's nothing new" if you glance at their menu. Oh, but the food was good.

The sisig was very fresh, the bikol express was excellent, and the tokwa't baboy was just right. I am definitely not an expert reviewer of all things culinary, so I call on my friends who are experts in such things. P, Tanya, I'm looking at you both! :)

It was also the first time in such a long time that the barkada got together...well, we weren't complete, as Peps and Baj weren't around. But everyone else was there: Marv, Doms, Allan, Laurana, myself, Jay, and Tin. Good times indeed.

And, of course, as we are wont to do, we forgot to have a group pic. Sigh.

But hey, it was a great way to end the week. Good food, great company. So go ahead, if you happen to be in the area, give St. Bede's Kitchen a shot. Slightly heretical maybe, and no, it won't provide you with great friends to go with your dinner (as ours did). But the food's pretty damn good - I wouldn't exactly call it heaven-sent (I'm just waiting for a bolt of lightning to hit that sign!), but it'll surely satisfy your earthly cravings.

Congratulations Marv! :D All pics on my multiply site!

No parent should

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:31:00 +0000

Last Friday, June 13, the peace and calm of the MDO was sundered when we heard that one of our fellow ABMs, JP Ador, passed away that morning. He died due to complications arising from a congential kidney condition. The speed at which the events had happened left all of us stunned: we had seen him as recently as the Tuesday of that week, and 3 days later, he passed away.

This morning, June 19, we joined his family and friends and laid him to rest in the Manila Memorial park. I had heard from our LT who was with JP at the time that he passed away that his father took it really bad, but this morning was my first time to witness just how much pain he and his family felt with all that has happened.

As I watched and listened to his family, I remembered a single line from a book which I read a long time ago: a parent should never have to bury his child. I never really understood that line when I read it long ago, though I intellectually understood it.

But today, I finally understood. And my anger over the past few days - anger over how someone at such a young age could pass away - faded when I had a glimpse of what it would feel like to lose a child.

I was never that close to JP. We had quite a few professional disagreements over work, and beyond the occasional gimmick with officemates (including the "Rare MDO gimmick" that we had), I never spent much time hanging out with him. In the last month prior to his passing, we would have quick chats in the corridor since he was apparently having some relationship problems, but prior to that I never really had the chance to talk to him. Do I feel some guilt that I had never took the chance to get to know him? Yes. Do I feel some shame that I took some of the professional disagreements that we had a bit personally? Yes, definitely.

I'm not a big fan of "he died for a reason, which we're never supposed to understand." Bullshit. My close friends know about my stance on that. But for whatever the reason may be, the MDO has grown a bit closer since he passed away. Maybe it's the shock of suddenly losing a collegue without warning. Maybe it's the realization that we could go at anytime.

So one side of me says, sieze the day. Remember that checklist that you have, the 50 things to do before I die checklist? Start on it. Go for it.

But the other side of me says, be careful. Why? Because no parent should ever have to bury their child.

And that's probably the greatest gift we can give our folks: give them the chance to see us live, and to live life to it's fullest.

---------------
That evening, before sundown, Caramon and Tika buried their two sons.

It was the custom, in Solace, to plant a young vallenwood tree on every new grave. Thus, it was believed, the soul of the dead would enter the tree and therefore never truly die. This is why vallenwoods are sacred to the people of Solace and are never cut down.

Tanin and Sturm were to be buried in a small family plot, within sight of the Inn of the Last Home. Here, the husband and wife would one day rest themselves, when they left the world and its cares behind them. They had never thought that two of their children might precede them.

Caramon started digging the grave alone, but word soon spread through Solace, and it was not long before a neighbor came to help, then another, then another until every man in town was there to lend a hand. They worked in the heat, taking turns, pausing to rest in the shade that - due to the hot, incessant wind - offered little respite.

And then, at sunset, came the funeral.

The bodies of the two brothers, wrapped in their linen shrouds, were lowered reverently to their final resting place, for they were to be buried together. The cleric asked for a blessing. The townsfolk filed past the open grave, either dropping some small token of remembrance into the grave or relating a fond tale of some exploit of the brothers, who had been well loved.

The elf lord Porthios sang a song of lamentation for the dead. Though no one understood the words, the song's sad, yet hopeful, melody brought tears that eased grief's bitter pain, left behind only gentle sorrow. Tika wept then, cradled in her husband's arms.

At that moment, Steel Brightblade, Dark Knight, strode into their midst. Ignoring the insults and threats from the townsfolk, he knelt on one knee, unwrapped the bundle he had been carrying, and spread it out upon the withered brown grass.

The last rays of the dying sunlight shone upon Tanin's broken sword. The haft of his brother's shattered spear lay beside it. Removing the weapons, Steel laid each carefully upon the grave site. Standing then, Steel drew his sword, gave the knight's salute. He brought the hilt of his sword to his lips, extended the weapon outward in a sweeping arc.

That evening, at the Inn of the Last Home, Caramon and Tika planted two young vallenwoods on the grave of their sons.

The orb

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:32:00 +0000

"Tell me what I need to do!" Laurana said firmly.

"Put your hands on the orb," Tas faltered, "and -- no -- wait, Laurana!"

It was too late. Laurana had already placed both slender hands upon the chill crystal globe. There was a flash of color from inside the orb, so bright Tas had to avert his eyes.

"Laurana!" he cried in his shrill voice. "Listen! You must concentrate, clear your mind of everything except bending the orb to your will!" Laurana..."

If she heard him, she made no response, and Tas realized she was already caught up in the battle for control of the orb. Only dimly did he understand the dire words written in the flaming colors of the orb, but he knew enough to realize that Laurana's soul was at balance here.

[She] stood for long moments without moving, her hands upon the orb, her face slowly draining of all life. Her eyes stared deep into the spinning, swirling colors. There was another explosion outside. Dust drifted down from the ceiling. Tas stirred uneasily. But Laurana never moved.

Her eyes closed, her head bent forward. She clutched the orb, her hands whitening from the pressure she exerted. Then she began to whimper and shake her head. "No," she moaned, and it seemed as if she were trying desperately to pull her hands away. But the orb held her fast.

Laurana's body gave a convulsive shudder. Tas saw her drop to her knees, her hands still holding fast to the orb. Then [she] shook her head angrily. Muttering unfamiliar elven words, she fought to stand, using the orb to drag herself up. Her hands turned white with the strain and sweat trickled down her face. She was exerting every ounce of strength she possessed. With agonizing slowness, Laurana stood.

The orb flared a final time, the colors swirled together, becoming many colors and none. Then a bright, beaming, pure white light poured from the orb. Laurana stood tall and straight before it. Her face relaxed. She smiled.

Then she collapsed, unconscious, to the floor.

---

In the courtyard of the High Clerist's Tower, the dragons were systematically reducing the stone walls to rubble...the army was nearing the Tower, draconians at the forefront, preparing to enter through the breached walls and kill anything left alive inside. All was proceeding well when the bright daylight was pierced by a pure white light beaming out from the three huge, gaping entryways into the Tower.

The white light spread beyond the Tower, touching the front ranks of the dragonarmies, and the human commanders stared as their army went mad. Some draconians fell to their knees, clutching their heads in agony. Others turned and fled an unseen horror. Still others dropped their weapons and ran wildly, straight toward the Tower. Within moments, an organized, well-planned attack had turned into mass confusion as a thousand draconians dashed off shrieking in a thousand directions.

Tanis is...

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:26:00 +0000

...missing Laurana.

Changes: Time to get pampered

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sat, 31 May 2008 07:37:00 +0000

2 years and 3 months ago I entered P&G and the crazy unfamiliar world of haircare. I remember my reaction when I found out about the brand I would be handling: huh? I mean, me? Handling a brand that's a) female oriented and b) beauty oriented? It was odd, I tell you.

On top of the fact that I had to get in touch with the world's feminine side, I had to struggle constantly (everyday in fact!) since the business was dropping like a rock. The combination of "an unfamiliar beauty and female oriented brand" plus "an uncooperative business that flounders like a dying fish" equaled months of frustration and occasional moments where I found my mind treading the thin line between sanity and it's counterpart.

However, having made the vow to "not leave the brand until it's fixed" (please remind me to never make similar vows in the future!), I stuck to it. And by and large, things started to fall into place - you know, you get the occasional victory that gives you that push to keep on going. My first brand was all about that: constant struggles marked by occasional victories that was just enough to make you want to keep on pushing for things.

A couple of weeks ago, my boss told me that I'm moving on to my 2nd assignment (as a way of Pampering myself, he said). And yes, today marks the last day that I'll be Rejoicing in the office. Oddly enough, I find myself slightly reluctant to let go.

You know how it feels to work hard on something that almost never agreed to do what you wanted it to do, and in the past few months - right before you leave - it starts to slowly do so? That's where I am right now. Finally, after months and years of cajoling, coddling, and pushing the brand to get started on where it's supposed to be, it finally starts to move. And no matter how frustrated you are that it took this long to get it moving, you can't help but feel a muted sense of pride. "Woohoo! Finally! You're slowly but surely moving!"

I'll miss my old brand. Yes, I'm leaving it in good hands, and I'm sure it'll kick ass next fiscal year. And no matter how good a business my new brand is, I'll always fondly remember - with a couple of chuckles and slaps to the forehead - my old one. The one that made me look at women coz of their hair, not coz of their face; the one that taught me the difference of wet conditioning and dry conditioning; the one that gave me better perspective on women and why they would spend oodles of money on time just to get their hair rebonded.

I'll see you around - hey, you're just across the corridor anyway. =)

108 Months

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Wed, 28 May 2008 14:50:00 +0000

My friends...well, close friends anyway...know that I take pride in the fact that Laurana and I have been together for 108 months as of May 15, 2008. Despite all the hardships and trials we've been through (yes, melodramatic, but true!), we're still together. We chose to be together. As we realized last 2006, not being together somehow just didn't make sense.

We just celebrated our 9th year together by going to Bohol...er, Boracay. There are a lot of details involved in those 3 dots between the 2 places, and they deserve to be told with pictures (as you'll appreciate it more I'm sure!), but there's one very important thing that Laurana and I learned during that very unusual celebration.

We don't need a great place, expensive gifts, or far out places to celebrate a milestone in our relationship. Taking it a step further, we don't need anything else except each other to celebrate our anniversary. Yes, maybe if we had a lot more sun and a lot less rain we could've done more things. But at the end of the day, what we needed was just each other to be happy. To celebrate the 108 years of being together.

The fact that all the "nice to have things" were exactly that - nice to have - is exactly the same reason why we rarely go to bars, almost never go to clubs, and would rather spend 2-3 hours just chatting over a steaming cup of coffee. We don't bore each other (thank God - I actually know a couple of folks who admit they get stoned out of their skull when they try to have a conversation with their significant other...my point is, why bother staying with the person?). We actually enjoy each others' company more as time goes by.

Our relationship has grown over the past year - more so than the all the previous years, if I dare say so. And looking back at all the things we went through - and will continue to go through - to stay together, I think it would be fair to say that we both deserve this upswing in our relationship. So if you, dear reader, have any notion of trying to do anything to try to bring us down, all I'll say to you is one thing: bring it on. First we'll laugh at you. Then we'll take you down. Quietly, silently, quickly. As we did with the others.

Happy 9th anniversary Laurana! I had a great time, and I wouldn't have swapped it for any other celebration. I'm looking forward to the next 9 decades, Mongol #2 pencils nonewithstanding! :) I love you!

Space Marine!

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:16:00 +0000

A fantastic gift from Laurana - which just goes to show that she knows how to tap the (not-so) inner geek in me!

Just how cool is THAT!?

And yes, if that image makes you go "huh?" or "WTF?!" then it means that you don't know about Warhammer 40k OR the story of the Butterfly Space Marine. :D

Thanks Laurana. I have never gotten such a creative and inspired gift. You really know how to make me smile. :)

Gadget porn

noreply@blogger.com (Chad) — Sun, 04 May 2008 12:53:00 +0000

If the phrase "127 minutes of gadget porn" somewhat appeals to you, I heartily suggest you watch this movie.

And if you've ever wondered what exactly does an Assault Terminator Space Marine look like...well, Iron Man's nemesis in the movie is a rough peg for it.

Woohoo!