The Anti-Tweeting Blog

I'm feeling guilty about not recycling the ketchup bottle

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:00:00 +0000

I finished the ketchup and threw it in the trash. I decided that I did not want to rinse it out and recycle it. It just seemed like too much trouble. I feel really bad.

I'm scrubbing the coffee stain off my mug.

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 17:00:00 +0000

I left a little coffee in the cup for several days on my desk and now it has a really bad brown ring on it. I need to buy Ajax to make this easier to scrub.

The kiwis that I bought were ripening but went bad

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 16:00:00 +0000

Kiwis were on sale at the supermarket so I bought six and put them in a paper bag to ripen. I forgot about them and now they are rotting on my kitchen table.

I am paying for gasoline with my credit card instead of cash

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I'm going to gas station where by paying in cash you get a 3 cent discount. But I'm all out of cash so I'm using my credit card instead.

I am rehearsing a phone conversation

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I have to make an important phone call so I am thinking about what to say. I have a plan now.

The washing machine is unbalanced

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 16:00:00 +0000

A noise emanated from the garage. The washing machine had become unbalanced so I moved the laundry and restarted the machine.

My thought process is being disturbed

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 16:00:00 +0000

While concentrating my mental faculties on this blog I thought I heard a knock at the door. Alas, it was only a stray dog. I attempted to refocus myself but found it difficult.

I am not making the bed, today

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 22:26:00 +0000

I did not make the bed in the morning. It is almost six pm and I was thinking of making it now but realized I would be going to sleep in a few hours so thought better of the whole matter.

I am calibrating the temperature on my oven

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I have noticed recently that my oven's temperature is distinct from its control. I have acquired a thermometer and will be taking some time to calibrate it today.

The lawn is growing rapidly

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 16:00:00 +0000

The warm weather is causing the grass to grow quickly. It will need to be cut soon. My son will perform this duty.

I am ironing my dress shirt

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I was about to step out for the day when I noticed a slight crease in the collar of my white dress shirt. I have decided to use a steam iron to flatten it.

I am downloading a software update to my microcomputer

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I awoke this morning to a message that my computer software was out of date. I am watching the download progress bar creep across the screen.

I am watching a line of ants walking along the molding

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:20:00 +0000

Dirty dishes left on my bedroom floor have attracted black ants. They are crawling from the window sill to the empty bowl in which I consumed my oatmeal.

I'm no longer checking the mail because of the Federal Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 31 May 2010 20:11:00 +0000

I have been informed that today is Memorial Day and that the Postal Service does not deliver. I gone indoors to continue with my other duties.

I am checking the mail

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 31 May 2010 19:42:00 +0000

The postal carrier usually arrives by 12:30. It's 12:42 and he has not arrived. He must be running behind.

I am getting the ladder to climb on the roof

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:50:00 +0000

I didn't clean the rain gutters this fall. Now it's raining and the water is flowing over the edges because the drains are clogged.

I'm pouring baking soda down the bathroom drain

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:00:00 +0000

The drain still has an unpleasant odor. Perhaps some sodium bicarbonate will neutralize the sulfurous smell.

I'm pouring vinegar down the bathroom drain

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:00:00 +0000

Every time I brush my teeth I get a whiff of the bathroom drain and it smells like a sewer. I'm pouring some vinegar down now to clean it out.

Somebody put the toilet paper roll on backwards

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:16:00 +0000

I hate it when the toilet paper comes off the roll from underneath. I pull it and it just keeps coming and doesn't tear. I'm changing it.

The milk in the refrigerator is curdling

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:16:00 +0000

I always thought the "Best before date" really meant I had a week to go. The milk has gone sour and is beginning to get all lumpy.

Apparently, my electronic devices need updating

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:00:00 +0000

After my last post, I was told nobody buys CDs anymore. I'm going to get an mp3 player.

My CD collection needs updating

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I haven't bought any new music in ten years. I'm listening to Vanilla Ice.

My tea is steeping

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:11:00 +0000

I was feeling jittery so I made myself a cup of herbal tea.

I am rubbing my neck

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I turned my head to the right. It cracked and ached slightly. I'm massaging it to relieve the pain.

I'm paying a library fine

noreply@blogger.com (the plasticgraduate) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:00:00 +0000

I checked a book out of the library and forgot to return in. Now I owe fifty cents.