This week, you’ll hear the annual debate between Dino and Benglish as to whether or not T.O. will eventually drag the Cowboys down into the deep, horrid muck where they belong. Benglish sees T.O.’s calls for attention in the wake of the loss to the ‘Skins as the first cracks in the dam … Dino, of course, thinks it’s nothing in spite of T.O.’s previous track record as a team destroyer. Either way, Dino’s refusal to debate the issue makes for less-than-compelling listening.

Also in this week’s show, you’ll hear evidence as to exactly why The Armchair Quarterbacks would NEVER work on standard sports radio. No, ESPN will not come knocking on AQB’s door anytime soon. And believe it or not, it’s not just because of all the cursing, references to prison rape, or the overall lack of any substantive NFL content. Actually, that’s a very big part of it. And you’ll hear more.?? And as if to prove that point, Benglish uses the occasion of the arrest of a Giants rookie RB to question the young athlete’s manhood.

THE ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACKS FAN FICTION CONTEST!

The big news in this weeks show is the announcement of AQB’s first (and probably last) annual Fan Fiction contest. If you know what “fanfic” is — or even if you have an actual life and you don’t have a clue — this is your opportunity to create your own twisted script for AQB and get it produced! Now you’re probably wondering what the hell we’re thinking — first of all, hardly any of the so-called listeners in the AQB fanbase even leave comments about the show on the site — and pretty much all of them are personal friends or relatives of Benglish and/or Dino. So why, you may ask, should the idiots running this show expect anyone to bother to waste their valuable time cooking up ideas, writing them, and emailing them to the show? Hell, half the time Benglish or Dino barely bother to write anything. And they can’t even seem to motivate anyone to push a button to download the stupid show.

In fact, the only evidence that there’s an “audience” for the show at all are the comments left by Smegzor. In fact, Smegzor sent an idea for something funny already that we didn’t produce (but we will, we swear).
But we’re asking anyway. And if you send something, we’ll produce it.?? Whatever it is.?? Have Gandalf walk into the Browns lockerroom and start molesting Brady Quinn.?? Or maybe it’s a story about Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek the Next Generation taking over for Matt Millen as the Lions’ GM. Or something wacky like Charles Haley masturbating in a 49ers film session while saying Joe Montana’s wife’s name over and over … no, wait that really happened.?? But you get the picture.?? Take any genre, twist it and throw some football or sports stuff in there and it’s good to go.

All this plus the latest from our correspondent Phil Skipjack on the latest, greatest edition of the biggest NFL-related waste of time on the Internet — Show #46 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

This week, the guys continue their never-ending quest to create the most inscrutable and unlistenable podcast on the web, replete with talk of old TV shows, the Cowboys‘ gay uniform choices, and other quasi-football-related blather.

And yes, even the legendary Brown Sleestack (the super-smart one who controlled the pylons and had all those wicked-cool crystals) makes his way into the conversation, along with Chaka, the Pakuni.?? Why??? Well, why the hell not??? Even after the rough-and-tumble NFL action in Week 3, there’s always room for Sleestacks!

Pointless??? Yes!?? Retarded??? Definitely.?? But if you want something well-written and clever, you’ll want to check out Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather, or Deadspin … Benglish and Dino just aren’t that talented, so they need to make up for that by trying harder, telling more dumb dick jokes, and being as patently offensive as possible.?? If you think the Deadspin dude makes Buzz Bissenger sick, AQB would make his pompous head blow right the fuck off of his self-important neck!?? YEAH!

It’s all jam-packed into this one adventure-filled episode! This journey into the heart of NFL darkness is beyond belief.?? In fact, it’s so memorable and incredible that the writer of this blog can’t even remember what the hell we talked about during the show … all I can remember is that we had some kind of Sleestack, LAND OF THE LOST conversation.?? But there was some funny other stuff in there — this should be a fairly entertaining show. So sit back, relax, and enjoy an amazingly wrong-headed view of America’s favorite sport.?? It’s Show #45 of THE ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACKS!

Word of warning: there’s much discussion of penis in the beginning of this show, cementing AQB as one of most disturbingly gay-sounding NFL podcasts on the internet. But it’s a nice way to get things kicked off as the guys break down all of the action in an exciting Week 2.

This week’s show is surprisingly chock full of semi-serious football analysis. It’s not funny … well, not intentionally, anyway. But it will give you ample opportunity to realize just how addle-brained Dino and Benglish really are when it comes to sports.

You’ll also find out about the details of Dino and Benglish’s lame attempt to promote the show by hopping on the bio-diesel driven bandwagon of the Willie Run! In spite of the fact that both Dino and Benglish think the global warming scare is a bunch of utter bullshit, and we hate country music!

But why should you read about it when you can click below and download this week’s crappy attempt at sports-related entertainment for yourself? Go on! Pollute your hard drive with the crudest, dumbest, most juvenile and politically incorrect football romp on the world wide intra-web — Show #44 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

It’s here, it’s queer, get used to it! It’s Show #43 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

We’ve all managed to survive yet another dark and hideous off-season replete with silly baseball fans, the meaningless borefest of the Olympics, and an endless stream of maddeningly pointless Peter King commentary. And your inconsistent and idiotic pals The Armchair Quarterbacks are ready to celebrate with a shockingly EARLY and ON-TIME episode.

In this week’s show, you’ll find out that Benglish and Peter King are alike in something other than morbid obesity. You’ll also hear Dino hedging on the fact that he believes that Dallas will rocket through the ‘08 campaign to a Super Bowl title (yes, like all Cowboys fans, Dino is full of shit).

And of course there’s the usual offensive commentary, half-assed “analysis” (emphasis on the “anal”), and hard-to-follow conversation that makes AQB one of the Inter-web’s most unlistenable podcasts. So sit back, relax and enjoy the cackling, moronic NFL hatefest that makes up Show #42 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

The Paraguayan Javelin Chick seen here was a big topic of conversation during this week’s show, which should give you an idea of just how bad this show is. But you’ll also meet Vinnie the Jets fan for the first time, which should give you a laugh or too … as long as you’re not easily offended.
Hopefully, we’ll have a new show up this Friday. And on that show you can hear Benglish moaning about the Giants loss of Osi for the season while Dino titters with barely contained glee. And then you will hear the actual sound of Dino’s trachea being ripped out. So that should be fun for all. Stay tuned.

Also, please let us know if you’re interested in staring a listener Fantasy League. We’ve had some responses, but not enough, and time is running out! If you guys could please post to the site to let us know if you’d like to be a part of it, we’ll set up an online draft ASAP. Could be good for a few laughs. And who knows? Maybe — just maybe — it could help prevent the show from sucking again.

OK, probably not. But let’s try anyway.

In the meantime, buckle in for a rollicking borefest of quasi-football related crap (WHEN WILL THE REGULAR SEASON GET HERE!?), also known as Show #41 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

OK, we’re lying. There were technical issues that got in the way of posting this week’s show. We did record a show. No, really. We did. And that show will be posted - funny bits and all - this coming Monday, August 25th. So the fact that you have nothing to download has nothing to do with Gene Upshaw’s death. We just figured we’d be like our heroes at ESPN and jump on the “Upshaw’s dead” bandwagon, and fill every conceivable football segment with tributes to Upshaw, talk of Upshaw, waxing poetic about Upshaw, and reflections on the life of Upshaw by - who else? - Peter fucking King.

Yeah, it’s a bummer that Upshaw died. He was, no doubt, a great player and as head of the NFLPA did things that forged the modern game. And his input will definitely be missed during the incredibly critical negotiations over the NFL’s new collective bargaining agreement. But did Upshaw’s unexpected passing delay the show? Of course not.

In fact, immediately upon hearing of Upshaw’s demise, Dino went out and bought cupcakes - and not the garden-variety kind of cupcakes, either - the fancy ones with the cream in the middle.

In case you haven’t guessed, Dino is one coldblooded motherfucker.

The bottom line? You’ll all have to wait until Monday to download the latest chunk of NFL-based hilarity that we’ve dreamed up for you good folks. We hope you’ll be patient with us. We’re really busy with the cupcake buying and all. It’s been hell.

Stay tuned! Thanks for checking for the show! And check back on Monday, August 25th for the latest episode of the worst NFL podcast on the worldwide Intranet thing - The Armchair Quarterbacks!

The key to building a large podcast audience is consistency. It’s important to post a show regularly so that the listeners will stay interested and involved. So maybe now we know why The Armchair Quarterbacks is one of the least heard NFL podcasts on the Internet.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t record a show this week. Benglish was busy with work, while Dino became preoccupied with what he calls his “hobby” (see chilling photo at left).

The only upside of this, of course, is that it’s still the pre-season and there’s really not a whole hell of a lot going on. In fact, there’s nothing going on. It’s all Brett Favre crap. And the show would largely have consisted of more ranting about Peter King, Brett Favre going to the Jets, Peter King writing about Brett Favre going to the Jets, and Brett Favre’s “fatigued” (read: “old”) arm.

The Armchair Quarterbacks will be back next week … I think. In the meantime, enjoy the pre-season.

Like Brett Favre, we lied. We didn’t do a “show every two weeks or so” during the off season like we claimed we would at the end of last season. Also like Brett Favre, our return to the NFL universe will be gut-bustingly hilarious. Unlike Brett Favre, AQB’s 2008 season will be intentionally hilarious.

You’ll hear lots about Favre in this week’s show, but unfortunately the blockbuster trade of Favre and his building-sized ego happened after we’d already recorded the show. But there’s plenty of other laughs to be found, including a welcome back cockpunch to our old bete noir Peter King, who seems destined to be St. Paul to Brett Favre’s Jesus for as long as both of them shall live.

It’s loud! It’s obnoxious! It’s offensive! It’s nauseating! No, it’s not the Dallas Cowboys edition of HBO’s HARD KNOCKS … it’s the the first show of the 2008 Season: Show #40 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

Dino the Cowboys die-hard reveals his pitch-black soul as he explains how he even rooted for the Giants — a team he usually despises — because he knew that a NYG victory would result in brain-scrambling agony for Patriots Nation. The guys break down how the combination of Giants love and Patriots hate seemed to have most of America’s NFL fans rooting hard for the Pats to get taken down.

It’s all here: did Eli deserve the MVP? Is Benglish a bad fan? Is blind faith in one’s team more fun or just the road to severe heartbreak? Was Tyree’s catch the catch that will replace “The Catch” as “The Catch?” Is the Super Bowl more fun in real time or frame-by-agonizing-frame as Benglish viewed it?

After all the talk of the final game of the 2007, AQB looks ahead to 2008 as the NFL’s “business season” begins in earnest. You’ll get a quick overview of some of the more intriguing — and in the case of the Redskins, hilarious — coaching moves that have happened, a discussion about some possible off-season moves (with the usual emphasis on the Giants and the Cowboys), how the NFC East is about to become a two-team race for the foreseeable future, and more.

It’s all here on the special NEW YORK GIANTS SUPER BOWL XLII CHAMPIONS EDITION of the loudest, most annoying, and increasingly unfunny NFL podcast on the internet — The Armchair Quarterbacks!

YOUTUBE WILL HAUNT BRADY FOREVER
As we mention on this week’s show, Tom Brady’s somewhat arrogant chuckle at Plaxico Burress’s pre-game prediction of the final score (23-17), has come back to haunt him big time on the internet. If you’ll recall, Brady seemed to think it was funny that Burress thought the Pats would “only” score 17 points (if it’s any consolation, Tom, you’re right: Burress was silly to think that you’d score that many). And Hate-triot Nation has jumped on this now infamous statement. You can see funny examples here, here, and here.

OH MY GOD … JOE BUCK IS IN MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF TIME.
To say that Dino and I have been a little harsh on Fox sportscaster Joe Buck is putting it mildly. We’ve lambasted the man. Verbally tarred and feathered him. Metaphorically treated him the way the Red Army treated the women of Berlin in the spring of 1945. But now, I have to give him a little credit. For all of Buck’s faults, his play-by-play call of Plaxico Burress’s game-winning touchdown in Super Bowl XLII will be with me forever.

“Fifty-nine seconds left … Manning lobs it … BURRESS - ALONE … TOUCHDOWN NEW YORK.” Just writing it gives me chills. It’s supplanted “Here’s the kick … it’s got the distance … it is … NO GOOD!!! GIANTS WIN! GIANTS WIN!” (which was a radio call, actually) as the phrase that crystallizes the best moment in Giants history that I’ve ever experienced. The phrase that will always bring all those incredible emotions rushing back as though they’re happening for the first time.

And this phrase was said by Joe Buck of all people. Well, I’ll be damned.

So this one’s for you, Joe. I want to thank you for those words. And I want to forgive you for your past sins. And I want to apologize for all the hateful things I’m sure to say about you when the season starts up again this September. You will be with me always, Mr. Buck. Whether I like it or not.

DINO IS NOT JUST WRONG ABOUT FOOTBALL
As you heard on this week’s show, there was some disagreement as to which infamous commie douchebag coined the phrase “useful idiots.” Dino was convinced it was Stalin, one of the great monsters of world history. Benglish assured Dino it was Lenin, founder of modern communism.

As it turns out, Benglish was right about which guy from the left used the term. Rest assured, The Armchair Quarterbacks to continue to be useless idiots.

UNBELIEVABLE. INCREDIBLE. AMAZING. SHOCKING. OUTSTANDING. SPECTACULAR. AND ANY OTHER SUPERLATIVES YOU WANT TO TOSS ON THE PILE.

The invincible Patriots? Well, for once they looked … vincible. And now, the most record-setting season in NFL history is just a collection of meaningless numbers. It’s true what they say: stats are for losers.

The Giants shocked the formerly unbeaten Pats 17-14, and beat them at their own game — taking the lead late on a long, improbable TD drive. Eli Manning is the Super Bowl MVP.

Wait a minute … let me write that again to be sure that I’m sane: ELI MANNING IS THE SUPER BOWL MVP.

The Giants defense pummeled and dominated the Patriots, sacking Tom Brady five times, and knocking him off his feet 18 times … one for each of the Pats’ wins this season.

It was a surreal and incredibly rookie-filled performance by the Giants. In fact, it was rookies — and David Tyree, an obscure #4 WR previously known only to Giants fans — who took down the mighty Patriots. Jay Alford (from Orange, NJ). Kevin Boss. Ahmad Bradshaw (the leading rusher). Steve Smith. All played a huge role in what was one of the biggest (easily top 3) upsets in NFL history.

Wow. You couldn’t sandblast the grin off my face.

If you’ve been listening to this show, you’ll know that I’m as stunned as everyone else. I love the Giants, but I’m too big of a football fan to have that blind faith in my team. I’m happy that they’ve once again proven my pessimistic ass wrong, and shocked me and the rest of the sports world. This was the oddest, most frustrating, and most glorious Giants season that I’ve ever experienced in 25+ years of watching this team. And the best. Better than ‘86. Better than ‘90.

The best. Period.

I am left wondering one thing: will Amazon refund my money for my pre-ordered copy of 19-0: THE STORY OF THE UNBEATABLE 2007 NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS?

Stay tuned for more on this week’s show. Now excuse me while I go and cry like a baby some more.

– The Armchair Quarterbacks

NOTE: Dino did not approve this blog.

In this Super Bowl XLII preview edition of The Armchair Quarterbacks, you’ll hear how Benglish is very unlikely to enjoy this Sunday’s game, and hear how the stress of the impending clash with the seemingly invincible Patriots has been wearing on him. Of course, Dino is there to lend absolutely no moral support whatsoever. And when Dino backs an unlikely team in the big game, it send Benglish over the edge.

You’ll also hear a breakdown of all the latest NFL coaching carousel silliness, and the guys discuss all the strange moves that are sure to make the weeks following the Super Bowl very interesting indeed.

But mostly, this show is about the Super Bowl, and you’ll get a dark glimpse into the twisted inner workings and emotions of a die hard fan as his team faces down a big, bad dynasty. It’s not a pretty glimpse, either, and by the end of the show you’ll hear a stressed out Benglish writhing about in a metaphorical fetal position. Dino loves every second of it.

It’s all here in the spectacular, Giants-rooting, Big Blue supporting season finale of the least heard and funniest NFL podcast on the internet. It’s Show #38 — the special NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS SUPER BOWL EDITION of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

GO GIANTS!!!

HITLER WAS A COWBOYS FAN … IT FIGURES.
You can see the now-famous (and incredibly hilarious) youtube video that Benglish and Dino discuss at the top of this week’s show here. It features the dictator that everyone loves to hate, reacting to the Cowboys’ playoff loss to the New York Football Giants.

NOTE: Dino did not approve this blog.

Initial impressions … though the Giants did edge the pack, they statistically dominated the game. That’s a real shocker. The Giants had the ball for 40 minutes. Long drives. Good running. Efficient passing. Who are those guys? This team seemed to come together virtually overnight. Whether it was in Buffalo or back in Giants Stadium against the Patriots … this team has turned themselves around.

The Packers game plan really seemed fatally flawed. Only 13 carries by Ryan Grant for 29 yards? What the hell? And though they put the ball in Favre’s hands, he never tested the injured and suspect Giants secondary. Favre was off, even though the Giants pass rush never really pressured him. That just seemed like a radically different Packer team than the one that trounced Seattle just last week. I can only assume that they thought the Giants were going to be freaked out by the weather (note to Mike McCarthy: they weren’t).

And you’ve just gotta praise Eli. No TDs, but 254 yards passing and no INTs. It seems like the light has just gone on for the guy. I don’t recognize this team. They are not the Giants of October 2007. They are the Giants of January 2008. And what’s more, they are the NFC Champs.

More later this week, fellas. Go Giants!

– The Armchair Quarterbacks

NOTE: Dino did not approve this blog.

Yes, in spite of the fact the New York Football Giants glorious and stunning upset of the Dallas Cowboys in the Divisional round of the playoffs, there is a show this week. Dino was able to pull slightly out of his funk, brush off the meaningless statistics of Dallas???s dead-end 13-3 season, and get into the studio. It should be noted that this collector???s edition of the show was recorded without Dino wearing his battered Cowboys hat ???

Benglish, meanwhile, revels in the Giants victory and their improbable march through the playoffs. You???ll hear a complete breakdown of all of last weekend???s Divisional Playoffs action, and look ahead to Chargers-Pats and Giants-Packers on Championship Sunday. But most of the show is devoted to Benglish twisting the knife ever deeper into the sad and broken heart of Dino. You???ll also hear how Benglish and Dino watched the game???s titanic and spectacular final play. A good time will be had by all. Except Cowboys fans, but they probably won???t be listening anyway.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy ??? it???s a festival of seething, fan-on-fan hatred! Getcha popcorn ready! It???s Show #37 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

PACKER WEATHER MY ASS
Is there any fan that???s not already sick of the “Packer Weather” bullshit? Sure, the game-time temperature for the NFC Championship Game between the Giants and the Packers could be zero degrees ??? and that???s without windchill. Naturally, Packers fans see it as a massive advantage. But think about it for a moment: how many Ice Bowl-like Packers games has Favre played on the so-called ???Frozen Tundra??? (which, by the way, is the NFL???s only heated playing surface, so the ???tundra??? never actually freezes)? Could someone PLEASE do some research and tell me the coldest game that beer-swillin’, pill-popping redneck from gulf coast Mississippi has played in? Most of you will recall that Favre hasn’t had a deep playoff run that’s included a January home game in Lambeau for about a decade. I’ll bet you this could potentially be the coldest game he???s ever played in, too. And Ryan Grant was on the Giants in August, so it???s not like he???s played in anything like this either … Can everyone please drop the assumption that putting on a Packers jersey automatically builds Inuit DNA into a player???s genes? How many guys on the Packers roster are from SEC schools? It???s the dumbest myth in sports. If the Packers have an advantage this weekend, it’s that the Giants’ secondary is all injured; the weather will only be a minor factor.

THE OMENS
Not many folks are giving the Giants much of a chance this Sunday. And that???s understandable. Anyone who???s seen the way the Giants played for most of this season is stunned that they???re 60 minutes from the Super Bowl. It???s going to be a tall order for the Giants??? injury-riddled secondary to keep pace with GB???s speedy WR trio of Driver, Jennings, and Jones. The potential is there for this game to get out of hand for the Giants very quickly.

In desperate times, fans need to look for omens, and this time around there are a few that fit in the Giants favor. There are some eerie similarities between this Giants team and the 1990 Giants team. And remember: that 1990 Giants team had to play as underdogs in an NFC Championship Game on the road in San Francisco. Take a look at these massively good omens for the Giants:

??? The 1990 Giants played against a Niners team that was going for a third-straight Super Bowl win; the 2007 Pats are going for their second-straight Super Bowl win.

??? In 1990, two of the Giants??? top defensive (LT and DE Leonard Marshall) stars missed the pre-season during much-publicized hold-outs; in 2007, the Giants??? top defensive star Michael Strahan missed the pre-season during a much-publicized hold out.

??? The 1990 Giants played and won an NFC Championship Game on the road against the Niners on January 20th, 1991; the 2007 Giants will face the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field in the NFC Championship game on January 20th, 2008.

??? The Giants last won an NFC Championship Game on the road 17 years-to-the-day from the date of this Sunday???s game against the Packers; Giants WR Plaxico Burress wears #17.

Well, OK ??? maybe these similarities aren???t all that eerie. Hell, they???re not even that similar. But I???ll take what I can get. Do these so-called similarities mean the Giants will win this Sunday? I???m not sayin??? ??? I???m just sayin???.

COCKY PATS FANS NOW CIRCULATING BRADY JOKES
OK, this oughta make you sick. A buddy of mine who???s a Pats fan (to his credit, he???s a real Pats fan, not a bandwagon jumper) sent me this ???joke.??? If you???re as tired of Tom Brady and the Pats as the rest of the planet, you may want to skip it. But maybe posting it on the blog will cause them some bad mojo, so what the hell:

Peyton Manning, Tony Romo and Tom Brady are all standing in front of an empty table with God sitting at the head.

God asks Peyton Manning first: “What do you believe?”

Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, “I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans.”

God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, “What do you believe?”

Tony says, “I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the
fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I’ve
always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing field.”

God is greatly moved by Tony’s sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: “And you, Tom, what do you believe?”

Tom replies, “I believe you’re in my seat.”

Ha ha ha. Oh, that???s just so damned funny, isn???t it? Yeah ??? I didn???t think so either.

THE BEST PART: If Brady, Romo, and Favre are talking to God, that must mean they???re all dead.

Now that???s funny.

And if you???re ready to give the guys crap over being away for so long, lighten up. It???s not like we took a week off to go to Mexico with some broad whose I.Q. is lower than our jersey number when we should???ve been getting ready for a playoff run ??? like some quarterbacks I can mention.

In this week???s show, you???ll hear the guys wrap up Wild Card Weekend and look ahead to the Divisional Playoffs. Naturally you???ll get their predictions on how the games will go down. Once again, the Oscar Gamble Doll is up for grabs in Cowboys-Giants III. Will Benglish wrest the crazy-haired podcast mascot from Dino???s evil clutches? We won???t know until Sunday night ???

You???ll also here a wrap up of all the coaching carousel news, speculation on who Archie loves more ??? Peyton or Eli? ??? as plenty of snide remarks and cackling. But bubbling close to the surface is the anger and hatred that’s caused by the Giants-Cowboys game. You’ll thrill to the fact that both Dino and Benglish seem to be on a hair trigger during the entire show, and are withing seconds of lunging at one another and tearing at eachother’s trachea! Will this show have a bloody and violent end? You won’t know unless you download it and listen closely to ever single second! In one of the most gigantic ironies of the NFL season, the closer your team gets to the Super Bowl, the more stressful and excruciating it becomes to watch them. And you’ll hear that tension throughout this week’s podcast!

They???re back, full of hate, and hotter than ever, and they may never speak to one another again after this weekend???s Giants-Cowboys playoff game, so you???d better enjoy this episode ??? it could be their last. It???s Show #36 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

But we’re back and better than ever with an extra-long Holiday Special that’s sure to amuse you, or at least keep you occupied in the event you’ve got travel plans this holiday that happen to include a trip to your in-law’s place. This week’s show features a close look at some of the top stories of the week (except for the hilarious sodomization of hapless Falcon’s owner Arthur Blank by the NFL’s biggest tease-’em-and-leave-’em specialist, Bill Parcells, which happened after the show was recorded). You’ll hear some of the last Mike Vick talk of the season, as well as the requisite discussion on the state of the Giants and the Cowboys.

You’ll also hear a complete breakdown of Brian Westbrook’s so-called “genius” move of NOT putting his team up by 11 points in the waning minutes of the Eagles-Cowboys game in Week 16. As I’m sure you already know, both Benglish and Dino think Westbrook is an idiot.

Benglish cries himself a river over the misfortunes of his 9-4 “juggernaut” fantasy team, The Magnificent Bastards, who were obliterated in the Divisional Championship round of a big-money fantasy league. Benglish’s $20 fantasy team, naturally, is Super Bowl bound. Fantasy geeks in the audience will either empathize with Benglish’s plight or find his gut-wrenching pain hilarious and well deserved. You decide.

And on top of that, there’s also a breakdown of the playoff picture, a touching holiday gift exchange between Benglish and Dino, and, of course, plenty of Cockpunches??? to go around. It’s all here and so jammed full of goddamn holiday cheer that even elves are sickened by it — it’s Show #35 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

* David Bowie does not appear in Show #35 of The Armchair Quarterbacks.

On this week’s mini-show, you’ll hear the guys own up to their rampant distastefully jocular aittitude and rampant douchebaggery in the wake of Washington DB Sean Taylor’s murder; you’ll actually hear them apologize. Is it sincere? Well, it’s up to you to decide.

Of course, there’s also coverage of the Patriot’s near-loss to the ever-whiny Baltimore Ravens on Monday. And the requisite, excruciatingly painful pro-Cowboys blather from Dino, who is gradually becoming the kind of Cowboys fan that all of America hates as Dallas marches ever closer to their embarrassing loss in this year’s Super Bowl. Meanwhile, Benglish comes to terms with the depressing reality that is New York Giants football in 2007, and even admits that he committed the ultimate sin of the true fan during NYG’s thrilling fourth quarter comeback against the Chicago Bears. Tune in to find out what a truly faithless bastard Benglish can be!

Yes, it’s pretty much the same thing you hear every week — except this week, there’s a lot less of it. So sit back, relax, and get ready for some rollicking NFL commentary and plenty of offensive statements! It’s all new! It’s fat free (except for Benglish)! It’s Show #33 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

HATE HATE HATE

HATE HATE HATE

In this week’s show, your twisted co-hosts weigh in on the Sean Taylor tragedy with predictably sick and distasteful results. In defense of Dino and Benglish, however, please keep in mind that Taylor was only in a coma at the time the jokes were made; it was still some hours before his actual death. Which of course makes these jokes OK to laugh at. Kind of.

Speaking of tragedies, you’ll also hear Benglish’s painful breakdown of Eli Manning’s horrific four-interception nightmare against the Vikings. As you may have read in this week’s earlier blog, Benglish refuses to put all of the blame on the Giants’ slack-jawed mouth-breather of a quarterback. It’s Coughlin who needs to get a chunk of the blame, too.

Naturally, Dino makes everyone re-live the Cowboys’ so-called triumph over the pathetic New York Jets, and even goes the extra mile to post this week’s show on Thursday - before the big Green Bay-Dallas showdown. You’ll also hear exactly how Dino and Benglish see the battle for home field advantage in the NFC playing out.

The late, great Sean Taylor isn’t the only Redskin who gets his due in Show #32. You’ll also hear a unique take on ‘Skins QB Jason Campbell, who AQB believes was separated at birth from Commodores front man and pop sensation Lionel Richie. Hilarity results. If you enjoy a couple of morons laughing at their own jokes, then you’ve certainly come to the right podcast.

But that’s not all. In this jam-packed, ill-directed and rambling episode, you’ll also hear a poorly thought-out and wildly inaccurate analysis of the playoff picture in the NFC and the AFC. If nothing else, it will prove to you that though Benglish and Dino have been watching the games, they’ve been paying little attention to the standings.

Of course, you’ll get the usual goodly portion of Peter King commentary, game breakdowns, and Cockpunches??? galore. It’s all right here for your listening pleasure. It’s the kind of sick and inappropriate NFL humor you’ll never, ever hear on sports radio, television, in polite company, or even at the most hideous, beer-fueled tailgate party. It’s the kind of thing that will be funny only to heartless killers like Sean Taylor’s murderer and Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick. It’s Show #32 of The Armchair Quarterbacks!