The Art of Anything

Family

2012-01-31T23:22:00.000Z

Ok not very lucid right now but i know one thing and thays that inlove my family. I also jnow that id i dont finish ny dissertation tomorrow im
Scrweed. My dads tje best for Spending time to help me with it...
Basically family appreciation up
In here while it still feels like an idea that makes semse while everything around ne is spinning!

love my family they are amazing, greatest most special father the in the world who does sp much for us, amaZing mother who is kind and giving and does her best for us, a kind amd wise nonna tjat always makes time for me amd thinks about me, a big hearted grandma who is strong and funny and loveable, amanda unique and special and strong and independant and adorable who
I can hv the best time with wjen
We arent biting each ithers heads off but we only di that cos we are so similar.
Stephanie that drives me mad but has taken Care of me and shared amd sacrificed so much for me in the past and still does.
My beautiful ezra who
Is gentle and sweet and affectionate and special and who i love more tjan anything.
Yasmeen and her unique amd clever and grown up perspective and maturitty yet how she still is fun and nuts - stay young at heart forever. How she apways tjinks if otjer people ajd is helpful and giving and sharing.
Rebecca who is also unique and clever amd has also her own fascinating way of seeing things, akd is very individual and creative and has a huge warm heart And amazing loyalty for thosw she loves.
Laura whp always there for ke even
Wjen she doesnt know how, amf makes me laugh and smile and brings some calm to my out of control, and is beautuful amd kind and funny
Daniella who is my double abd understands me and makes me laugh amd
Kniws always wjat to say amd jave the best time with me!
I love my family all of the crazy fun amazing and nervewrecking i oove them wouldnt change them
For the world. And all my friends thank you for doing your besrs.
Xxxx gooood might

The aftertaste of a dream

2012-01-28T20:47:00.001Z

I once had a dream
That appeared to me
Like the impression of a rainbow’s beam
Shining sun-bright -
In the monochrome shaded folds of sleep
Laced with the misty eyes of clouded heads
And sense shut-out by
The blinds that framed my bed -
Yet still I was dazed by some halo glare
Of light
That dazzled all shadowed lines
To dim them cleanly out of sight
And sweep
Them out of mind –

And so my world became a blur
Of happy hazy thoughts on wings
And a summer warmth in winter air
That I never felt the cold stir -
And I ventured without coat, or care
With hands so open, skin so bare
Holding nothing back.
Oh to feel the future firm
It’s uncertain and wavering track.
The path I walked was soft as silk
Suspended in the wind
As sure as stone I told myself
As I walked the line
Half asleep, eyes shut half blind
But never did I feel more alive
My world so vivid, so bright, so lit
With your beacon blazing by my side -

How came a dream that left a dent
Heavy, in my pillow
It wafted sweetly into my head
And pretended to cement.
Stealing into the chamber door
Until it left its scent
Latched, locked, sealed,
And then, as sudden as it came
As sudden as that, it went.
And all the world that seemed so real,
It broke awake like the break of dawn
At the tolling ring of truth.
And awoke unto what seemed a dream
A folly, a nightmare, a feverish fright
As what was a whole world to me
Unravelled at the fraying seams

And turned pale, like a living dream -
That had quite lost it’s breath -
The ghostly fragments faded and
Disintegrated into the purple night
And left me with the faint impression
That all colour and light had been drained away
As the waking world drew into focus
And felt so sharp, in black and white
And clear, outlined in grey.
The shadows formed, stark in my mind
Twisting like black ink through the mixture
Of pretty memories that trickled out of my grasp
And tried to be forgotten –
But left behind the tantalizing aftertaste
So bitter and sweet on my tongue.

Take the high ground

2012-01-22T20:06:00.003Z

Taking the high ground does not mean running away and hiding to the mountains.
It doesnt mean not fighting back, or not reacting.
It means being aware that you can see things that they dont see from where you are standing, and that from where they are standing they cant see the bigger picture.
It means taking the ground you have and not fighting for more, for something small and stupid.
It means letting things go, even if you know that you are right.
But not letting them go, saying nothing, letting them strike and walking away.
It means letting them know that they cannot strike at you, no matter how hard they try, and knowing that they will try, but that it wont affect you.
It means taking what crappy version of peace or sorry they offer, and walking away with it, even if its not enough, not because its okay, but because you know better than them, and because they cant do any better.
It doesnt mean forgiving them and letting them do it again.
It means letting it go and being aware for next time.
It means not pointlessly fighting a battle that you already know you have won, even if they still dont believe that they are losing, even if they are still fighting.
It means, not needing the shitty little piece of land that they have to offer, because you have everything you need, and walking away, without wanting for, or needing more from them.
Its about letting there be peace, even if they dont deserve it. Peace for yourself, because theres no point for anything else.
Stand your ground. Defend yourself. Fight for whats right. But when you do, always take the high ground.

There is a difference

2012-01-22T19:50:00.001Z

Between
Feeling sorry
And feeling sorry for yourself.

Dragon

2012-01-22T02:33:00.000Z

2012.
Its my year.
The year of the dragon.
You can expect great things from me.
I expect great things for myself...
Please g-d.
This is my year.
The start of great things bh.
The start of many more great positive things to come bh.
I won't let it be any other way.
Life is full of lessons and nothing ever comes easily.
But I choose to rise above it, and not let it get me down.
I can't change the world, I can't change anyone else,
I can't make anyone treat me differently or better, I can't erase my past, or expect anyone else to make up for it, and I can't be certain of my future.
But I can try, and never give up.
I can choose to look at the world differently, and see what always had the power to hurt me, as something harmless and powerless.
I can let go of my past, and never let it weigh me down again, never let it tell me who to be or where I'm going, or what I can or can't do, it will never make me, it will never break me, never again.
I do trust, I trust in myself. And I trust in something bigger than myself, I trust in the one that's always going to look out for me, no matter how lost I get.
And I know, even if the road gets dark and twisted, I will find my way in the end.
I'm not perfect, and no one else has to like that. No one else has to understand me. No one else has to listen. No one else has to give me love, or take care of me.
Because I dont need them to.
I accept me. I love me. I have everything I need, right her. And I dont need to try to be any more, or any less, for anything, or anyone.
Yes.
I said it once, but now it really fits.
Sometimes things have to fall apart, for them to fall into place.
Sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom, only to know that there's nowhere to go here but up. And then to realise that the sky is the limit.

So yes. Today I have no poetry, no pictures.
I have clarity, and its a poetry, an art in itself. It brings me more peace, more release, than anything ever has B"H.

I lost me, for a long while. A long long time, never even realising. But I found me again.
Yup. 'Daniela's back' as she said. And she told me she was happy to see me again. I'm happy to see me again too.
And I am not going anywhere, ever again.

PS working on the fairy tale biography.... coming soon.

The little book of feeling big

2012-01-11T19:58:00.001Z

A few pages from my latest creation.

Rescue

2012-01-09T14:50:00.001Z

When a girl sees the world
Through a window with bars
To be blinded and charmed by the lights of the stars
And hear music and singing
To brighten the ringing of no one here
Silence is all you have
In the dark of a crumbling tower
Where you were promised the life of a princess
And dreams to come true.
Watching the movies where little girls
Like you
Were rescued by princes
From slumbers and witches
From dragons and towers like this.
All by a true love’s kiss.
So you wait in your tower
Growing doubtful each day
That someone will come
And take you away.
To break off the chains
And unbind the spells
Vanquish the demon
That threw you in hell -
Heal all the wounds and
Kiss better the scars
And then carry you far from here.

So you wait by the window
Fighting each day
As you count and bide every minute away
Trapped by the visions
Of magicians with knives
That cut you in half and then leave you alive
Of smiling barons, with open arms
With sharp white teeth
That close on your liveliness
Tie you with strings
And then he makes you dance
The world loses colour
And you lose your vividness
The crack of a whip
Is enough to take the life out of you
Take the hope out of living
Take the you out of you
And leave you an outline
Standing on a page
Not daring to hope, or look ahead
Not expecting for more
Only curled up in dread
In the warmth of your blankets
Hiding under your bed.
Princes and happy endings
Banished from
Your head.
They never come,
And when they do,
They bring darkness
And trouble instead.
Paper crowns
And paper promises
Brittle as glass
Love, and commitment,
They write up the ending
But don’t bother to stay for it,
Promise to rescue you
But you never make it
Instead your frogs
Turn to princes
The princes to villains
The story goes on
They add to a chapter
A never ending adventure
That waits for the laughter,
That waits for the happy,
That waits for the end,
Knows it wont get there
But now lets just pretend that it will.

All of a sudden, the world is alight
With fireworks
The sky is as blue as anything
The world is as new as its ever been
And happy ending seems found.
The prince from the pages
Was real after all
He bought music, and laughter
And warmth to our halls,
Healed all the cracks and repaired all the tears,
He made the girl, in her tatters and rags
Feel like the princess she never had,
She finally felt she belonged -
He swore for forever
His face was a smile –
A mask, it’s a mask,
And you’ve known for a while
The dream falls apart
And now you know you were dreaming
You wake with a start
And you realise your screaming
The love of your life
Was just an illusion
Playing pretend,
Now you’re lost in confusion
He played with your heart
He stole it away
He promised to rescue you
He said that he’d stay -
Beneath the charm
Beneath shining armour
Hiding secrets, destroying your honour
Lies enough to disarm
The sharpest of eyes,
If only you’d seen the shadows
Beneath the starryeyes of disguise…
If only you’d known
He wouldn’t save you
But hook you and sink you
And then give you a push
To watch you fall
Through the skies
From the top of the castle
You built together
The castle of air, dreams, and lies.

And now, so princeless
So hopeless,
Defeated,
Don’t know where to look
Don’t know where to stand
Don’t know who you are,
Lost in the dust
Of a life lived in fear
And of dreams that were broken -
There’s nothing left here….
You pick up the pieces
You try to start over
But so many times
To pick up and start over
So many times to try and get through
Look ahead and not backwards
Not down at your shoes….
I pick up those pieces
I start again
I’ll rebuild my dreams
Without you.
Without anyone.
I’ve been looking around me
To find something to lean on
Someone to guide me
And someone to rescue me,
I’ve been looking outside
At the stars in the distance
Wishing for someone
To carry me there.
To charm sweet every frown
And vanquish my demons,
Heal my scars,
And hand me a crown
And make me a princess,

My mistake.
Instead of my rags
I’ll put on some armour
Instead of hiding away
I’ll pick up a sword
Instead of getting beaten
I’ll pick up a shield.
I’ll save myself,
And find my own castle,
Get there by my own two feet –
I don’t need a ride,
Or a push, or a lift
I’ll get there on my own.
No more waiting around
For prince charming:
I don’t need you to rescue me.

Wild Beasts in Cages

2012-01-07T21:11:00.000Z

The shriek
Of a wild thing
Caught in a cage
Pacing, snarling, hissing
Battering itself against the bars
Fighting steel with bone.
Scratching, biting
Curling up
In its protective shell.
Trapped inside
Its own self-constructed hell.
And left to
Its own devices
Of tearing at its world
Its self.
Unfed, ungroomed, unloved
Uncared for
And without human words
To ask for help.
To be a helpless thing as this
Is not for me.
Clawmarked tooth marked
Torn skin
Bleeding, raw
And bare.
It stings and burns
It smarts
Its done
Now let it heal.
And forget
The whims of a wild beast
Groom it, feed it, love it
Still.
Look inside, not without
No longer feel
Entrapped.

it feels good

2012-01-06T12:40:00.001Z

to cut unwanted things out of the picture.

Elements of nature

2012-01-05T17:08:00.000Z

Ice sculptures in the daylight
Glitter
Ideal
Like frosted jewels of perfection.
Glacier sinews that seem
To make a man.
Impenetrable silhouette, so blinding
Dazzling in the glare -
Wide smiles in straight rows
Shining like pearls of glass
Cold amd fixed, and beautiful
Enough to warm your heart.
But how the form of beauty, love
It wanes, it melts away.
And in the dispelling twilight air
The heart of brittle things is
crystal clear
Holding nothing of matter.
Shrinking in a puddle of virtues,
Deformed and much less than it was
Or perhaps than it seemed
Standing in the dark of night
So cold and sharp, untouchable
A jagged edge, as bitter, chilled
As winter
Piercing the world like an icicle.

There is a quiet charm
Unsure of itself, but
Firm and unwavering.
Almond eyes are warm
Like the bough
Of the oak tree
Where the sun has touched its bark
Hot fingers tickling
Its rough skin -
Amd there you lay your head
In shade, in light
Day and night,
Summers hot, winters white,
Perhaps in time it chips or wears
And shedding leaf by leaf might
Make its branches bare
But never shall you fall
To lean upon the chest
Yes
Of the oak tree
Where you are bound to rest
A weary hopeful sigh
Never have tO hold your breath,
But dare to close your eyes.

A testament of 23

2012-01-04T11:25:00.000Z

Its done. Ready.

2012-01-04T11:11:00.000Z

As hard as we are
We break;
Standing on
Cracks in the pavement,
Weathered away by the stomp of rain
And worn smooth by wrinkles of time
In passage.
Souls worn bare, like shoddy shoes
Slipping on the stone.
Smiling lines paved beyond
The road that lies ahead
And open skies
Of grey and white
And blue, and gold, and red.
Sunny dreams and singing storms
Pretend the wind away.
Ochre fields of memories
Sepia, fading grey.
And like the perfumed scent
Of love
Whispering in the air
A hint of almost
Not enough
Too much
And barely there.
Nothing seems to pinch so much
The cold is brittle but downy soft
The night is dark but lush, damask
And splintered selves in agony,
Begin to feel like paper cuts
It burns,
In turns,
It dulls,
It learns,
It yearns -
The feeling fades, but leaves it's mark.

The tremor that once shook the earth -
It turns into a scar
Across the land,
The stone, the streets
A crack that changed the face -
Pulled it apart
And proved it's strength
For still, more than ever,
We hold it together.

WISHING HOPING PRAYING DREAMING smiling FREEDOM

2012-01-03T02:49:00.000Z

Please g-d may this year be a good year.

New

2012-01-01T23:38:00.001Z

Crans Montana - 2011-2012 winter - Swiss Region

New snow
On old mountains
Falling like shredded tissue paper
In an endless sky of white.
New days
That come, to wipe away
The stains of yesterday.
And in the corner of the room
The old junk is swept aside
To make space for something better -
Make way for everything to be different
Leave the rest behind.
Sweet and sharp,
And unknown,
Beautifully frightening
Chances - but only
Look ahead, push ahead
With wishes, and dreams, and hopes.

Someone Like you - by an amateur

2011-12-21T17:14:00.000Z

My shittier than I'd wish rendition of Adele's song that is stuck in my head my heart my soul and my mouth from when I wake up in the morning. Literally - this morning I woke up, singing it, my eyes were still closed. Its weird. I thought so at the time too even though I was still cloudy-headed with dreaming.

2011-12-21T16:06:00.001Z

Falling
In love
Until
You hit the ground.

Shadows & Ghosts

2011-12-21T16:00:00.001Z

Restless is this lethargy
As it seeps across the bones like a chill
And clenches the mind like a feverish ache
That settles in the eyes
To shut them half amd darken much
The world before us.
Oh how hunger holds no thirst
And the stomach bothers not
With bellygroans of wanting no
Tis only a deep churning in the very pit
Of ourselves, that feels physically sick to its core, for reasons of sentiment.
How sentiment turns to nothing
A vacant numbness that holds
Loosely grasping but tightly clenched
In the feathery tendrils of its iron folds.
How the world holds no sleep
Amd day feels quite like night
And night is like a bottomless hell of shadows and monsters and blight
Never shall we find our peace
In the pieces that we have become
The open wounds have dried like stone
Our zeal, our zest, has hardened like bone,
Our eyes like a long dead furnace
Where an intense fire once burned
Amd now nothing there is left,
In earnest, nothing
Where i used to be.
So i wander the ghostly world
As the vague, ghostly shadow of me.

Dislocated

2011-12-21T15:59:00.004Z

Unforseeable exits
That leave the land arift
With dusty rains
That settle
And turn the mountains loose
To drift.
Oh how they wander in a meander
That winds about the lands
How they purse their withered jaws
And grate teeth against the sands
Never quite knowing
Which way their home has gone
Never to find the resting place
Of land where they belong
And so beneath the open sky
That peels back its nightly skin
And washes the earth in storms of rain
To cleanse it from its wear
Does this broken mountain travel
Its outstretched hands of stone
Praying for a moments peace
In the burial ground of its home.

Windblown as a Leaf

2011-12-21T15:59:00.001Z

Never like a windblown leaf
Caught amidst a hurricane
So listless, lost
And tattered,
Battered by the stab of rain
And how the moment
Split like the land
That bursts like a bloody gash
Upon the hot-baked broken sand
Never to come together.
Empty chambers,
Vast with nought,
That tremble like a torch
Sputter gutter in the wind
With not a flame to scorch
Oh how she blows away like dust
The ashes of an outline
Crumble in that wayward gust
To leave the landscape bare
Where footprints stop, like stranded ghosts
With no one, standing there.

Forgiveness in Love

2011-12-21T15:58:00.002Z

I would have forgiven any mistake
I would have looked over any flaw
I would have let go any wrongs you did
Forgotten tears you made me cry
Put aside the worst of our fights
You could have told me anything
Shown me the darkest side of you
I wish you could just understand
That despite and for your best, your worst,
I would still love you.
I would stay by your side
I would hold your hand in mine
And know it would all be all right.
The one condition that i ask you
For my unconditional love for you
Dont hide any of it
Dont lie about any of it
Always tell me the truth
Believe that nothing honest
you can say
Would change my heart for you.
And know that if we have trust
We have everything and
Theres nothing in this world that you could do to make me stop loving you.
If you had only told the truth
I would have stayed by your side
I would have never lost my love
If you had never lied
Despite the way you twisted fate
Amd twisted all i knew
Alongside my broken hearted hate
I somehow still love you.
Perhaps you were never true to me
But my love, was true, for you.
And so when i say goodbye
To the partner of my soul
That so completely stole my heart,
You will always have a piece in part,
And i'll never be whole
Again, complete i was with you
The love of a lifetime
Once, so real, but so untrue
Not all of us end up in pairs
Perhaps this is my fate
I found the love of my life
But we couldnt make it last
My perfect match, my soul mate
The blast from all my past lives passed.
If things had been different,
If you just told the truth
Perhaps in this life it could have worked
We could have held on till the end
The love of my life, for the rest of my life
Till my last breath i would have spent
Gladly by your side.
If only you had known my love was so Deep that you had nothing to hide...
If only you had turned to me
You never stood alone
And yet you forgot we were a team,
So we never made it home.
Every night in my dreams
Things are as they should be
But my life is being lived without you
It feels so wrong and out of place.
Nothing where it should be
Nothing as it should feel,
Memories as bright as day
That take me far away
Back in time and by your side
When all my dreams were coming true
When i was never happier
When i saw the rest of our lives together
Everytime i looked at you.
Amd now all i have left are secrets
Broken picture frames
Distorted faces smiling, in love
And the shiver down my spine
Every time i hear your name.
Dreams that will never come true
Memories that will fade away
Im holding on and losing you
Even knowing you can never stay
Knowing things will never change
Never go back ti how they were
Never progress, for us,
And maybe never move on.
If only things were diffferent
Then maybe you and i
Would finally get
The happy ending
Together, before we die
Like romeo amd juliet
Living to a ripe old age
In love and laughter and peacefulness
To the end of their elderly days..
Perhaps the greatest loves of all
All consuming intense loves,
The ones that burn the brightest
Are the ones that last but not a moment
And are extinguished with the slightest breath
Of reality -
The ones that die out quite most painfully.

I refuse

2011-12-21T15:47:00.000Z

No more voices from the past
I won't listen to you
I won't let the beatings last
Past the fist-fall where they do
I won't beat myself up
In the memory of you.

Fade away like thunder
Raining down my world
Trying to tear my life asunder
Roaring in my head
Even when the skies are dry
And made of blue and white
Even when I'm smiling -
I'm terrified inside
Every time I hear the words
Or see the sight of you
Pulling my away from home
And stealing my childhood
Every time I feel the chill
That I might prove you right
And fail, and end up in the dirt -
Or turn out just like you.
Every time I see myself
And you reflected back
Every time I reach out
And feel air
Close in my hands.
Every time I open up
And give it all away
All of my, all my heart
For nothing, but pieces.
I won't withhold my trust forever
I'll just never trust YOU again,
I'll never ever love you
I'll never be your friend.

At my darkest hour
Where the world has turned to ice
I won't let myself be lost again
I won't listen to your voices.
I won't let them turn my feet
I won't let them close my eyes
I won't let them make me afraid
I won't let them turn my heart to ice
I wont' fear your name.
I won't be the girl your actions made
I won't be the fool you played.
I won't let you decide my worth
I'm worth ten of all of you
This was not what I deserved.
You chase me in my nightmares
You hide inside my dreams
You wait for me when I wake up
To pierce my life again
To break me into pieces
Just when I thought I came so far
Even though I'm a little chipped
A little worse for a wear a lot
Too many times re-sewn, re-ripped.
You gave me wounds worth bleeding for
You gave me scars for life
But I will not lay down forever
And push myself
Against your knife.
I won't be the one to bare
These scars for all to see.
I dont need your sorry anymore -
Its you that did this, live with your guilt,
But now, you can't touch me.

Take it all - Adele

2011-12-21T15:24:00.002Z

Apology to the empty page

2011-12-21T15:10:00.000Z

Apology to the empty page
Waiting for my pen
For words and lines and colours
That feel like they'll never
Spill again
When the love and smiles fade
The blood and sweat and tears drain away
Like a kaleidoscope of sentiment
Ink swirling down the sink,
To leave a vast and empty page
Of white as numb as snow
With not a footstep, not a fingerprint
Or heart, engraved in the plane of its cold.
Dull as nothing, with no words
No musical notes to spare
How could I spare even the slightest song
When no sound but silence is living there.
So I fill this empty plot
With apologies and excuses
I cannot express this expressionless chill
That's settled deep inside
And shelled me out, a hollow skin
That feels quite like it's died
But living among this vague winter landscape
As subtle as a ghost
Barely there, too spent to care,
Expired to the most.
I have nothing to give you but
Words that mean nothing at all
Words that describe but emptiness
I cannot give you poetry
I cannot give you art
But perhaps in the nothing I have left
To give
You find the very picture of:
Signed, and resigned,
My Heart.

Listen to the words - Fire to the Rain by Adele

2011-12-21T14:59:00.001Z

I love this. Her songs are beautiful every day I have one stuck in my head, they really get to me, yesterday morning I woke up singing 'Someone like you'

Goodnights unsaid/unheard

2011-12-09T06:17:00.001Z

Night is so lonely
With the stars so out of sight
The moon is solemn cold and shut
Like one half blinking eye
The blanket holds no heat,
The bed feels twice its size
But worst of all, the silence
As you hold the sleep at bay,
Fiddling and fidgetting the nightmares and dreams away,
Sheep procrastinating besides the fence,
Hiding away in bedtime pages,
From the moment where you would finally
decide
To close
Your eyes.
Knowing full well that when you do
Your lips
Will open your mouth
And before you can stop that feeling blue
That remembers its time to say goodnight -
That you cant shake off even though you know
Theres nobody here to say goodnight to.