The Art of Manliness

Podcast #1,138: The Lost Art of Mingling — How to Talk to Anyone, Anywhere

Brett & Kate McKay — Tue, 20 Oct 2026 13:35:19 +0000

It’s always been intimidating to enter a room where you don’t know everyone, or anyone, and to initiate conversation with people at a wedding, holiday party, or work event. But it’s never felt more potentially awkward and anxiety-generating than in an age dominated by screen-mediated interactions, when we don’t get much practice in mixing at social events and making small talk in real life.

Here to help us get a lot more confident and comfortable in this area is Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling, which is out in a newly updated edition. Jeanne last joined me on the podcast nearly a decade ago, and today she’s back to share why the ability to mingle is more important than ever and how to get better at it.

We discuss why small talk is more valuable than you might think, and can not only lead to finding a potential romantic partner or lifelong friend, but is something worth doing for its own sake. Jeanne then shares practical tips you can put to use at your next social gathering or simply when you’re out and about. She explains how to identify people who are open to conversation, four ways to break the ice with them, as well as an opening line to avoid, how to keep a conversation going, how to gracefully extract yourself from an interaction that’s gone on too long, how to recover from putting your foot in your mouth, and more. We end our conversation with how to find more opportunities to socialize and practice your mingling skills.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

No-Prep Meal Prep

Brett & Kate McKay — Mon, 19 Oct 2026 19:19:04 +0000

A while back I wrote an article about what I eat in a day, and in it I talked about how I meal prep lunches for the week.

Here’s the gist: on Saturday or Sunday, I’ll either slow cook or grill a bunch of chicken breasts, or grill a big pork loin or some lean hamburger patties, or just cook some lean ground beef in a skillet. That’s my protein. Then I’ll boil up a big pot of either sweet potatoes or regular potatoes (I’ll roast them occasionally, too), or I’ll make a big batch of rice, or I’ll make a big pot of beans. Then I microwave some frozen vegetables for micronutrients. I put all this stuff in Pyrex dishes, put them in the fridge, and then dole myself out a lunch each day. It doesn’t take much time, and it’s pretty dang cheap.

But some weeks I don’t have time to meal prep on Saturday or Sunday. Things just get busy with work or kids, or I’ve been traveling and I don’t have time to grocery shop and cook.

I still want to eat well during these busy stretches. I don’t want to eat fast food or QT taquitos. So when my schedule is crammed, I’ll basically do meal prep without meal prepping. There are two ways I do it.

Option 1: Buy a Precooked Protein and Some Frozen Veggies and Assemble

Prep time: A quick trip to Walmart or the grocery store, ten or so minutes microwaving frozen veggies

Cost: $3.50–$6 per lunch, depending on the protein

My go-to option when I’m busy is to stop by Walmart on the way home from dropping the kids off at school to pick up some prepared foods for lunch. There are a lot of great options out there now. You just get an already-cooked protein of some sort, a starch, and some frozen vegetables, and then you microwave it up and you’re ready to go.

The Protein

There are a lot of precooked proteins at Walmart now. These are the ones I’ve used.

Kevin’s. Kevin’s Natural Foods makes sous-vide chicken and beef that’s fully cooked. It takes about five minutes to heat up. One thing to note is that the portions run small and the price high. A container lasts me about two lunches.

Precooked meat from Soules Kitchen and Hormel. These are already cooked and ready to eat. Lots of options. Fajita steak or chicken, rotisserie chicken, pork roast. You could eat them right out of the fridge if you wanted to. I’ll buy a bag or two and portion them out each day.

Rotisserie chicken. Sometimes I’ll just buy a rotisserie chicken from the Walmart deli and slice off pieces to eat. Skin has a lot of fat, so if I’m trying to lose weight, I discard that and stick to the meat. If you want rotisserie chicken with even more convenience, you can buy a package of shredded chicken. Will cost you more.

The Starch

For the starch, I’ll use one of four things:

Frozen diced sweet potatoes. Walmart’s Great Value brand sells them in a bag. Cheap, too! Three bags will get you a side for a couple of days of lunches.

Frozen or heat-and-eat potatoes. If I want regular potatoes, I’ll get a bag of frozen potatoes or heat-and-eat potatoes.

Frozen rice. The steam-in-bag kind.

Canned beans. Great source of fiber and protein. Thinkin’ about those beans.

The Vegetables

To get my micronutrients, I’ll add some frozen veggies. Green beans, broccoli, a California medley, whatever. They’re just as nutritious as fresh and take a few minutes to cook in the microwave.

Putting It Together

I’ll buy enough protein/starch/veg to last me a few days. I’ll microwave a few bags of the sweet potatoes or regular potatoes, or a big bag of frozen rice, as well as some frozen veggies, and put them in the fridge. Then, each day I dole out a portion of starch and veggies, and add some protein — like the fajita strips — to it, weighing things out so I get a well-balanced, macro-friendly meal. It only takes a few minutes.

Option 2: Keep Macro-Friendly, Ready-Made Meals in the Fridge/Freezer

Prep time: 4 minutes

Cost: $4.99—$5.99 per meal (Counter); $11.99 and up (Factor and Ice Age Meals)

The other thing I’ve done is to keep some macro-friendly, ready-to-go meals in the fridge or freezer. So when I don’t have time even for option 1, I can pull something out and have something to eat.

Counter

Target carries this great brand of frozen meals called Counter. Very macro friendly.

Frozen bowls. Taco Mac & Cheese, Chicken Alfredo, and a few others. About 30 grams of protein and 310 to 370 calories, $5.99 each.
Frozen burritos. The Beefy Queso Burrito has 30 grams of protein and 340 calories and costs $4.99. I keep a few of these in the freezer.

Meal Delivery

There are also companies out there that offer delivery services for macro-friendly meals.

Factor. Factor meals are good. (Note: Factor is a sponsor of the podcast, but I’m not getting paid for this mention. I just like them and have used them for my no-prep meal prep.) Factor meals are delivered fresh and are meant to be kept in the fridge, warmed up in the microwave, and eaten within a week. You can also freeze them; just make sure you put them in aluminum foil or a freezer bag to keep away freezer burn. It’s a subscription that you’ll have to remember to skip when you don’t want it. Cost is about $12 a meal.

Ice Age Meals. I’ve used Ice Age Meals in the past and really liked them. Really substantial Paleo-inspired meals. There’s no subscription; you just order a box. The downsides are that they’re not as tasty as Factor — more like a straightforward macro delivery (though they taste fine) — and they’re pricey, starting at $14.99.

Trading Money For Time

All of these options do typically cost more than prepping meals yourself. My regular home-prepped lunch starts at $1.25 and tops out at around $3.50. An assembled meal of heat-and-eat food starts at $3.50 a meal, and can go all the way up to $15 or more.

But what you get in return is convenience. You’re trading money for time. It allows you to continue to eat well so you can stick with your health and fitness goals even when you’re time crunched and meal prepping isn’t a possibility. There’s no investment that has a higher ROI than one you make in your health.

I don’t do this whole no-prep meal prep all the time. I fall back on it maybe once or twice a quarter, when I get particularly busy. It’s not something I recommend as the mainstay of your eating routine, but it’s good to have a no-prep meal-prep option in your back pocket for when things get crazy, but you still want to eat well.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

Carry the Fire

Brett & Kate McKay — Sun, 18 Oct 2026 13:21:50 +0000

We’re going to be okay, arent we Papa?

Yes. We are.

And nothing bad is going to happen to us.

That’s right. Because we’re carrying the fire.

Yes. Because we’re carrying the fire.

Once a year I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The yearly reading has become almost a religious rite for me. Much like the tragic plays of ancient Greece, The Road provides me a much-needed cathartic release. Every time I get to the end of that dark, emotionally-eviscerating book, I’m sobbing. While no other book has ever made me cry, when I’m done with The Road, tears stream down my cheeks and into my mustache. All I want to do is hold my children and never let them go. If you’ve read the book, are a dad, and have a heart made of something other than stone, you’ll understand.

(If you haven’t read the book, you may want to stop reading this article — it contains spoilers.)

The Road has been called a love story between father and son, and nothing could better describe it. The book powerfully puts the beauty and sorrow of fatherhood in stark perspective, revealing paternal love intensely close to the bone.

An unnamed father and his son pilgrimage across a dreary, ashen, post-apocalyptic America, pushing a shopping cart of their supplies and perpetually scavenging for their next meal. All the while they’re on the lookout for the “bad guys” — savage tribes of baby-eating men who maraud across the landscape in their jerry-rigged, diesel-run vehicles.

The father is sick and dying. He knows he won’t be around much longer to protect and provide for his young boy. A sense of being “thrown into the world,” as Heidegger put it, pervades the lives of these two individuals, who only have each other to rely on.

Throughout the story, the man experiences moments of soul-deep anguish as he thinks about his son’s future in this bleak and desolate environment. He even contemplates smashing his son’s head with a rock to spare him from being raped and eaten by some filthy and depraved barbarian.

Yet at the same time, the man finds hope and goodness in his boy’s innocent sweetness, and thus the strength to continue on. Along their journey, he tells his son stories of the world before its destruction. He teaches him the physical skills and mental aptitudes needed to survive. But most importantly, the man teaches his son to “carry the fire”:

We wouldn’t ever eat anybody, would we?

No. Of course not.

No matter what.

No. No matter what.

Because we’re the good guys.

Yes.

And we’re carrying the fire.

And we’re carrying the fire.

Yes.

Okay.

For the man and his son, “the fire” is a metaphor not only for the will to live, but to live nobly. It’s an embrace of human goodness. It’s having hope when all seems hopeless. The good guys carry the fire; the bad guys don’t. In their current situation, moral lapses might be excused and rationalized as the difference between life and death. Father and son could choose, like the barbarians, to allow the ends to justify any kind of means.

But instead they decide to hold on to goodness despite all that. No matter how terrible things are in the world of The Road, as long as the man and his son continue to keep the fire burning inside of them, everything is going to be all right in the end. It’s tragically beautiful.

I want to be with you.

You cant.

Please.

You cant. You have to carry the fire.

I dont know how to. Yes you do.

Is it real? The fire?

Yes it is.

Where is it? I dont know where it is.

Yes you do. It’s inside you. It was always there.

I can see it.

Just take me with you. Please.

I cant.

Please, Papa.

I cant. I cant hold my son dead in my arms. I thought I could but I cant.

You said you wouldnt ever leave me.

I know. I’m sorry. You have my whole heart. You always did. You’re the best guy. You always were. If I’m not here you can still talk to me. You can talk to me and I’ll talk to you. You’ll see.

Carry the fire.

That phrase encapsulates perfectly the task of fatherhood. While I don’t face marauding hordes of sex-prisoner-keeping, baby-devouring vandals, I often share the same feelings as the nameless man in The Road. Like him, I sometimes feel like I’ve been thrown into the world with my children, that we’re strangers in a strange land, that I’m just figuring things out as I go.

And while I hope I’m not going to die anytime soon like the man in The Road, I know my time with my kids is limited. My son Gus is about to turn sixteen. In just a couple more years, he’ll likely be leaving me and Kate and heading out on his own. I hope in the decade and a half we’ve shared together so far, I’ve been teaching him all that I can to help him survive and thrive — that I’ve been preparing him, and continue to prepare him, for a time when I’m no longer a constant presence in his life. The same goes for my daughter, Scout.

But the thing I worry about the most is whether I’m teaching my children how to be good and noble human beings even when their circumstances could provide excuses for moral laxity — lapses justified for the sake of self-interest, or brought on by bitterness, pessimism, and apathy. Will they choose idealism over cynicism? Virtue over vice? Decency over dereliction? Hope over hopelessness?

Am I teaching them to carry the fire?

Am I passing on the values I learned from people like my grandfather, parents, and other mentors?

Do I still carry the fire they passed to me or have I snuffed it out or let it grow cold?

If I am still carrying the fire, what am I doing to stoke the flame to keep it alive?

Does a light burn brightly enough within that others can feel that heat and warm themselves by it?

What am I doing to pass the fire to my children? Do I show them in my actions and words how to carry it? Am I intentional about telling them about the men and women who came before them who carried the fire despite hardships and setbacks?

When my children leave me when they’re adults, and I ultimately leave my children through death, will they be able to carry the fire forward? Will they know how to tend to it on their own and pass it to their children? Or will the fire be extinguished before future generations can pick up the torch?

I think, I hope, I’m doing an okay job with this task of fire carrying. But every time I read The Road it convicts me to do better. I try to be more humane, more civil. I’m more intentional about teaching those things to my kids. I try to be more hopeful, and less cynical.

Even if you’re not a dad yet, and may not ever become one, the modern day tragedy of The Road can still provide lessons and spurs to reflection. Are you still carrying the fire that’s been passed down to you from your ancestors? How does your behavior show that? Do you possess an inner light that warms all those you encounter?

Some of you might be thinking, “Well, my parents and grandparents were deadbeats and scoundrels. They definitely didn’t have the fire.” The fact that you recognize that indicates you’ve already got a nascent flame within you.

Feed it.

Do good. Be decent. Find others who are carrying the fire so you can combine your flames together into a roaring blaze

It’s easy to feel jaded and downhearted in today’s world — that your good actions will at best go un-rewarded and un-noticed, and at worst penalize you.

But that’s the price one sometimes pays to carry the fire. You willingly immolate to provide heat and light for a cold and dark world. Like I said earlier, it’s tragically beautiful.

Each morning when you get out of bed, think of picking up a torch, lighting it in a metaphorical campfire you always keep burning, and taking it along as you leave the house.

In the quiet moments you’ll experience throughout the day — when you’re sitting in standstill traffic, when you’re staring mindlessly into a smartphone screen, when you’re about to drift off to sleep — ask yourself:

Am I carrying the fire?

With our archives now 4,000+ articles deep, we’ve decided to republish a classic piece each week to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in October 2016.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

3 Great-Looking Watches That Cost Under $100

Jeremy Anderberg — Thu, 15 Oct 2026 13:58:13 +0000

I’ve worn an Apple Watch for all but a few months here and there for the last decade. I can’t say I love it, but it’s dang convenient, and every time I try to give it up, I end up putting it back on after a few weeks.

That said, there’s still a place in my wardrobe for a traditional timepiece. Whether it’s for a date night, a networking event, or just a week-long digital detox, there are times where I forgo the clunky-looking and sometimes intrusive smartwatch and want something simpler in its place.

For those occasions, rather than shelling out hundreds or even thousands of dollars, I’ve tested out a few different inexpensive watches — under $100! — that look nice, keep the time, and sit comfortably on my wrist.

If you’re like me and have become accustomed to wearing a smartwatch, you may not know whether you’d enjoy going back to a traditional watch. Or perhaps you’ve never worn a watch at all and want to try it out before really committing — after all, a good wristwatch can be a bit of a budget-buster.

Luckily, there’s no need to make a big investment right away. Inexpensive watches may not feature the fine finishes, premium materials, or mechanical movements found in more expensive pieces, but they can get the job done just fine, especially with somewhat limited use.

The trick is finding a watch that suits your style. Watches are highly personal: rugged vs. minimalist vs. flashy depends on your unique tastes and uses for a timepiece. The three options below cover a range of styles and each also comes in different variations of colors, faces, and straps. If nothing else, you’ll come away with a starting point for exploring budget-friendly watches.

Timex Expedition Scout

The field watch is a classic for a reason. Originally associated with military use, its design prioritizes legibility and practicality: a straightforward dial, easy-to-read numerals, and a durable strap. The Timex Expedition Scout delivers that no-nonsense look at a very accessible price.

This watch looks right at home with just about any casual outfit. The simple design is functional rather than flashy, and its relatively lightweight construction makes it comfortable for all-day wear.

Of the features available on a watch, the date complication is a particularly handy one, and the Scout also includes a backlight, making it easy to read in the dark at the push of a button.

The main appeal here is versatility. This isn’t a watch you need to save for special occasions or handle with kid gloves. It’s a practical everyday timepiece that looks good without trying too hard. The Timex Expedition Scout is my personal favorite of the bunch and has the lowest price tag; I’ve gotten multiple unprompted compliments on this one out in the wild (including from a financial advisor, which really felt like a win).

Relic Rylan

Relic is Fossil’s less expensive watch line. The Rylan takes a polished approach, with its stainless-steel construction and refined design. This gives it a dressier appearance, making it a good option for men who want a watch that can transition from the office to dinner out.

The contrasting hour markers and dials, as well as the small diamond accent at 12 o’clock give it some personality without making it look overly formal. This watch offers a useful middle ground for someone who wants a timepiece that looks intentional with a collared shirt but doesn’t feel out of place with everyday clothes.

The Rylan is a nice reminder that you don’t need to spend a lot to get the look of a more substantial metal watch. Its range of darker-toned colors gives you some room to choose between a more understated appearance and something with a touch more flash.

If you tend to dress up for work, attend events that call for something smarter than a field watch, or simply prefer the metal finish, the Rylan is worth considering.

Skagen Signatur

For a watch that leans heavily toward a minimalist style, consider the Skagen Signatur. Its defining feature is its simplicity: a slim case, a clean dial, and a no-frills strap. The result is a watch that looks refined without being showy.

The one I’ve experimented with pairs a white dial with a dark case and brown leather strap, with subtle pops of color on the hands. But there are a lot of options for this one, including different face colors and strap materials.

The watch face is wide enough to make its presence known, while the slim profile helps it slide easily under a shirt cuff. This is probably the most versatile watch of the bunch, being right at home in an office or with a hoodie at the park with your kids.

The Signatur is a good choice for the man who subscribes to the idea that less is more. It adds a subtle, thoughtful detail to what you’re wearing.

Find the Watch That Fits You, and If a Watch Fits You

You don’t need a collection of watches or an expensive timepiece to enjoy wearing one. Start with something that fits your budget and your everyday life. You may find a relatively cheap watch that suits you and happily stop there. Or if you find yourself reaching for it every morning, you might explore more premium options down the road.

On the other hand, if you try an inexpensive timepiece and discover that a traditional watch isn’t going to be an everyday accessory, at least you haven’t spent a fortune finding out.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #1,137: Brandon Flowers, Frontman of the Killers, on Family, Faith, and Becoming a Thrasher

Brett & Kate McKay — Tue, 13 Oct 2026 12:29:52 +0000

If you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you know that I typically interview the authors of books on this podcast. But, if you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you’ll know why I had to make an exception for today’s guest.

Brandon Flowers is my very favorite musical artist. He is the frontman for the multi-platinum-record-earning band The Killers and has also put out three solo albums.

I recently had the chance to talk to Brandon backstage before one of his shows in Las Vegas. My wife Kate, as well as a couple of friends, were also on hand, and you’ll hear me allude to them a couple times during the interview.

Brandon and I had a great conversation. We discuss his third and latest solo album, Thrasher, and why he went country-western on it, what his dad taught him about what makes a good man, what he’s currently reading (hint: it involves the author of my all-time favorite novel), his top five favorite country songs, the influence of faith in his life and music, what’s on his mind in midlife, and how he balances work and family.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

26 New Rules of Digital Etiquette

Brett & Kate McKay — Mon, 12 Oct 2026 19:49:18 +0000

Back in 2013, we published a set of propaganda-style posters on cell phone etiquette. Some of the rules hold up, but a lot of them focused on talking over the phone, while everyone pretty much just texts these days. “Don’t choose a cheesy, obnoxious, or vulgar ringtone” feels almost irrelevant in an age where people so seldom receive calls.

Overall, the advice almost seems quaint. Thirteen years ago, about the worst thing a guy could do with his phone was have it go off during a movie. Since then, our ability to make life unpleasant with our technology has only increased, and our etiquette hasn’t really caught up with our newfound powers to annoy.

So I thought it would be helpful to offer some suggested rules for smartphone and digital etiquette that might make our current lives a bit smoother. For your consideration.

Don’t Make Your Phone Everyone Else’s Problem

Your phone should make your life more convenient without making everyone else’s life less pleasant. With that in mind:

Don’t play videos, music, podcasts, or games out loud in public. Put your headphones on. And for the love of Pete, don’t run your Bluetooth speaker full blast on a hiking trail. No one wants to hear Jelly Roll while trying to listen to birdsong.

Don’t take phone calls/Zooms/FaceTimes in shared spaces. Waiting rooms, coffee shops, airport gates, and elevators are not your living room. And just because wi-fi is improving on flights doesn’t mean you should hold a work meeting on the plane. No one wants to hear you blab about what’s coming down the Q3 pipeline.

Don’t phub. Phubbing is scrolling your phone while someone is talking to you. Unless there’s an emergency you need to attend to, the people you’re interacting with in meatspace — including service workers like waiters and grocery clerks — should be prioritized. Attention is a gift; grant it generously to those around you.

Don’t let filming your workout get in the way of other people using the gym. I film my lifts so my coach can check my form, so I get that filming can be helpful. But try to set up in a way that doesn’t disrupt other people’s flow and access to equipment, and if someone walks through your shot, don’t get upset. The gym is a public area, not your private domain.

Keep video at events to a minimum. Take your 15-second clip at the concert or your kid’s piano recital, then lower the phone so the people behind you can see the thing they came to see.

Don’t Create Digital Chores for Other People

Technology is supposed to remove friction from your life. Use it in a way that doesn’t create more friction for everybody else.

Don’t expect immediate responses to texts. Everyone knows that most everyone else has their phone with them all the time, and that they likely got your text soon after you sent it. But even when that’s true, that doesn’t mean someone’s obligated to respond right away. It may not be a good time, and you’re not entitled to an instant reply. Give people a chance to get back to you when it’s convenient for them. And don’t send “?” 10 minutes after someone hasn’t answered. A sure-fire way to be known as highly annoying.

Don’t wait too long to respond to texts, either. While the senders of texts shouldn’t expect immediate responses, recipients shouldn’t wait forever to reply, nor forget to reply at all. Sometimes people need an answer to move forward on something, and even when something isn’t technically urgent, a delayed response can make people wonder if they’ve offended. Do your best to respond promptly, typically within 24 hours. If you can’t, whether it’s because you’re busy or the reply requires thought or checking on something first, send a quick text letting the person know and saying you’ll be back with more later. No matter your schedule, everyone has the twenty seconds to do so.

Don’t text “Hey” and then wait for a reply before stating what you want. And don’t say, “Hi, got a sec?” on Slack before getting to your question. Just say what you want right away.

Don’t bombard friends with so many reels and memes that keeping up with you becomes homework. And when you’re together in person, don’t do the “let me show you this funny video on my phone” thing. Things are never as funny when you’re looking over the shoulder of someone who’s expecting you to laugh.

Don’t add people to group chats without asking. Nobody wants to look down at their phone and find out they’ve been put into a group chat with twenty other people they don’t know, yammering all day.

Don’t add all your contacts to your newsletter without asking. This happens to me all the time. Some guy I emailed 12 years ago — or haven’t ever interacted with! — starts a newsletter and puts me on his list without asking me, and now I have to unsubscribe. Instant rapport killer; now you’re on my list — of people to never do business with.

Don’t try to have a text exchange over what should be a phone call or an in-person conversation. If a convo is going to involve delving into a lot of details or will go a lot better when you can read someone’s emotions and facial expressions, don’t try to do it over text. The result will be endless back-and-forth or antagonism-generating miscommunications. Choose the right medium for your exchanges. Sometimes the best move is dialing someone up or knocking on their door. That’s especially true when you’re delivering emotionally weighty news — don’t break up with someone via text or fire someone by email.

Don’t Turn Other People Into Content

One of the strangest developments of the smartphone age is that ordinary people have become raw material for everyone else’s entertainment. Someone doesn’t hand the foul ball he caught over to a kid, and out come the phones. Within hours, millions of people are laughing at a guy, or worse, an online mob is digging up info on him so he gets fired. The same thing happens on a smaller scale every day when someone’s dumb text gets screenshotted and passed around the group chat for laughs. Live by the Kantian rule of treating people with dignity, even when they seem to act in its absence.

No smartphones out in locker rooms or bathrooms or anywhere else people get undressed. This should be an absolute rule. Nobody standing at a urinal with his ding dong out should have to wonder whether the phone in your hand is recording him.

If someone gets hurt, for the love of God, help before you film.

Unless someone’s a danger to the people around him, or you need a record of what happened (a hit-and-run, say), don’t film people at their worst. We’ve all acted poorly in public, and none of us would want our worst moment posted to the internet and resurfaced from time to time from now until Jesus returns. Apply the Golden Rule.

Don’t participate in internet pile-ons. If you see a video of someone who seems to be acting like a clown, resist the urge to pile on by putting in your two cents or forwarding the vid to your friends, family, or social media following. While you may feel that the person “deserves” the shame, all you’ve got is a minute of a stranger’s life with no context. You’ve had plenty of 60-second stretches in your own that would’ve looked bad if they were recorded. You don’t know the whole story, so give people some grace.

Don’t share screenshots of private texts, emails, DMs, or Slack messages with a wider audience without a compelling reason. Crime, abuse, fraud, or someone’s life being in danger are compelling reasons. “The group chat will think this is funny” is not.

Don’t use strangers as involuntary characters in prank videos or “social experiments.” This crap has to stop. Now.

Don’t swipe through someone’s camera roll. If a buddy hands you his phone to show you a photo, glance and hand it back. Maybe a swipe to the right or left is a spicy pic of his wife or a screenshot of a MyChart diagnosis. He didn’t give you permission to see those.

Don’t Turn Relationships Into Public Spectacles

Just because the internet allows you to invite thousands of strangers into issues and events that would have formerly stayed between an immediate group of people, doesn’t mean you should. Arbitrate and commemorate like it’s 1995.

Don’t complain about your spouse online. Rather than putting them on blast on social media, take it up with them privately.

Don’t turn every personal dispute into a referendum in the court of public opinion. If your neighbor’s dog is barking at 2 AM and waking up your toddler, talk to your neighbor man-to-man instead of ranting on Nextdoor.

Don’t post about someone else’s pregnancy, engagement, breakup, diagnosis, job loss, or death before he or she does. That’s for the person to share, not you.

Don’t post embarrassing photos or stories about your children that will follow them into adulthood. You had the benefit of not having your childhood documented online. Give your kids the same.

Don’t post pics of other people’s kids, either. You can share how much you love coaching your son’s flag football team without posting a team photo of a bunch of minors to your 2,000 Instagram followers. Just keep kids off the internet.

Don’t Let AI Erase Ordinary Human Consideration

The etiquette around AI is still emerging, but these two rules are already sound:

Don’t create realistic AI images or video (or audio) of real people without their permission. Creepy, and clearly wrong by every measure of gut-level conscience.

Don’t outsource every human gesture to AI. Using AI to draft an email detailing the practice schedule for a team you coach is one thing. Having a machine generate condolences, apologies, break-up texts, or wedding vows is another. Be a human and share your messy human emotions and sweaty thoughts in messy, sweaty prose.

Just Be Cool

If you look at all these rules, they kind of fall under three overarching principles.

The first, be considerate. Don’t impose unnecessary costs, inconveniences, or distractions on others with your tech.

Second, be discreet. Don’t expose other people’s private moments, conversations, or vulnerabilities to public scrutiny.

Third, be present. Don’t let your technology stand in for you.

That’s what I think being cool means. Be considerate, be discreet, be present. Follow those three guidelines and the specific rules will take care of themselves.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

The 6 Fire Lays Every Man Should Know

Brett & Kate McKay — Sun, 11 Oct 2026 17:22:28 +0000

Building a fire is one of the 100 skills every man should know. But every outdoor situation requires different types of campfire lays (set-ups in the firewood), so it’s imperative to know how to make more than one kind.

Here we highlight six of the most common and useful fire lays.

Teepee Fire Lay

There’s a reason this is the go-to campfire lay for most outdoorsmen: it’s very easy to get a fire going with a teepee lay. It’s also a great fire for cooking and warmth. The one downside of a teepee fire lay is that it burns quickly, requiring a lot of fuel to keep it going.

Many other fire lays rely on a teepee lay to initially get going, so it’s a vital lay to master.

How to make: Place your tinder bundle on the ground. Above your tinder bundle, use kindling to build a small teepee. Start with small twigs and build up to large sticks. Leave an opening in your teepee on the side the wind is blowing against. This will ensure that your fire gets the air it needs for effective combustion. Light your tinder bundle. As the fire gets going, add increasingly thick sticks, and eventually large fuel logs, in the same teepee shape.

Star Fire Lay

If you’ve watched old Western movies, you’ve likely seen a star fire lay. It’s the fire lay of choice for cowboys ranging in areas where there isn’t much wood. The star fire lay doesn’t make a very big or hot fire, but it’s economical in terms of fuel and easy to set up.

How to make: Lay five or six logs on the ground like the spokes of a wheel. The arrangement will look like a star. Inside the hub of your wheel/star, start a small fire with a teepee lay. As the main logs of the star lay burn, push them towards the center.

Lean-to Fire Lay

The lean-to fire lay creates a protective canopy under which you can place your tinder bundle. As such, it’s a good fire lay to use in windy or rainy conditions. The trade-off is that this set-up does restrict airflow a little, so it can sometimes make getting a fire going a bit harder.

How to make: Place your tinder against a large log. Lean small twigs and sticks against the log and above your tinder pile. Now you see why it’s called a “lean-to.” Light your tinder bundle.

The Log Cabin Fire Lay

One glance at its structure and it’s easy to see how the log cabin lay got its name. You’re going to build a small log cabin with fuel logs around a small teepee fire lay. The resulting fire burns big and hot and doesn’t require as much tending once you light it, as the flames start burning the big logs which form the log cabin shape.

How to make: Start off by building a small teepee fire lay. Get large pieces of fuel wood and place them on opposite sides of the teepee. Lay other pieces of wood across the first set of fuel wood, parallel on the other sides of the teepee. Think of the way you build with Lincoln Logs. Build your log cabin until it’s the same height as your teepee, more or less. Light the teepee on fire.

Parallel/Long Fire Lay

The structure of the parallel/long lay funnels air into the fire, creating a hotter burn, which can come in handy for cooking. Because the structure blocks the wind from the sides, it can also be a good fire lay for windy conditions.

How to make: Place two large long green logs parallel to each other about six inches apart. Start a small teepee fire in between the logs. You can also dig a long trench in the ground and start a fire inside the trench. Rest pots and pans across the logs or trench to create a makeshift cooking range.

The Pyramid/Upside-Down/Council Fire Lay

The ultimate “set it and forget it” fire lay, this campfire will last for hours without tending. While it does take more work to set it up and get it going, if you need a fire that will keep you warm through the night, without you having to frequently arise to fuel it, this is the lay for you.

How to make: Stack your fuel logs in a pyramid shape, each layer perpendicular to the next. Start with the largest logs on the bottom. With each new layer, use smaller pieces of wood. Position logs so there’s minimal spacing between them. On top of your pyramid, place your tinder and build a small teepee fire. Light your tinder bundle. As each layer of the pyramid burns, it sinks and falls, igniting the layer below it. The fire feeds itself.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

Odds & Ends: October 9, 2026

Brett & Kate McKay — Fri, 09 Oct 2026 18:45:26 +0000

Riding the Rails Through Tulsa. I thought hobos riding the rails got left behind in the 1930s, but the tradition is still alive in 2026, and there’s a guy with a YouTube channel who gives you a peek at what it’s like, including the perils that come with it. In this one, he rides a freight train through my fair town of Tulsa, OK, and I got to see the place from a perspective I’ve never seen before. Rail riding is illegal and dangerous, and I won’t be trying it myself, but it’s fun to watch somebody else do it. For some interesting historical insights on how to hobo, check out this primer from 1937.

Lock Pick Training Kit. Our tutorial on how to pick a lock is one of our all-time most popular articles on the site. If you’re looking to get started with this skill, this lock pick training kit is cool. It comes with a tension wrench and four picks (and a key, of course, just in case). The lock is transparent so you can see what’s going on with the tumbler pins, which helps you understand what exactly you’re doing with the picks. I’ve used this with the teenage boys I lead at church when we have lock picking night.

Boyd: The Fighter Pilot Who Changed the Art of War by Robert Coram. Apparently IG and TikTok influencers have discovered John Boyd and his OODA loop and are starting to talk it up to their followers, which got me thinking about this biography again. I read it several years ago and had Coram on the podcast to discuss Boyd. The book also inspired several AoM articles, including “To Be or to Do” and my deep dive into the OODA loop. Boyd is an incredibly interesting figure from military history. He was an Air Force fighter pilot who never lost in mock dogfights with other American pilots and then came up with a theory of conflict the Marines built their doctrine around. He also pissed a lot of people off along the way. While he made enemies of nearly every general in the Pentagon, Boyd ended up being right about a lot of stuff. It’s a really good book. Fun to see Boyd get some attention, even from the IG girlies.

Unusual Suspects. This is a fun online game to while away the time with. Witnesses describe a suspect in vague, unreliable fragments, you draw what you think they saw, and then the game shows you how close your sketch was to the suspect. The suspects usually end up being well-known cartoon or brand characters, so it’s always hilarious to see how your drawing doesn’t match up at all with what the game had in mind.

On our Dying Breed newsletter, we published Humility: The World’s Most Overrated Virtue and Sunday Firesides: Time Itself Will Not Get You There.

Quote of the Week

I meet with a great many persons in the course of the year, and with many whom I admire and like; but what I feel daily more and more to need, as life every year rises more and more before me in its true reality, is to have intercourse with those who take life in earnest. It is very painful to me to be always on the surface of things. I want a sign, which one catches as by a sort of masonry, that a man knows what he is about in life, and when I find this, it seems to open my heart as thoroughly as when I was twenty years younger.

—Thomas Arnold

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

Podcast #1,136: Silence, Solitude, Stillness — The Spiritual Disciplines We Need in a Noisy World

Brett & Kate McKay — Tue, 06 Oct 2026 16:57:36 +0000

We live in a world of pervasive noise. Even when we’re alone and our surroundings are quiet, our devices bombard us with an endless stream of inputs — messages, news, opinions, entertainment — and we feel constantly connected.

My guest argues that this lack of both silence and solitude isn’t just generating stress and fragmenting our attention, but doing real damage to our souls.

His name is John Mark Comer, and he’s a pastor and the author of Into the Quiet. Today on the show, we discuss what noise is doing to the deepest parts of us and how engaging in silence and solitude can help us cultivate inner stillness. We explore the monastic tradition behind these spiritual disciplines, why engaging in them can sometimes feel like a negative experience, and what happens when all our usual distractions disappear. We also get into simple ways to bring more quiet into everyday life.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.

Field-Tested Advice for Time-Crunched Dads

Brett & Kate McKay — Mon, 05 Oct 2026 16:54:32 +0000

A reader recently wrote in with a question I’ve gotten some version of dozens of times over the years. He’s a year into fatherhood, his wife is about to go back to work, and he’s struggling to fit in exercise, friends, hobbies, and reading while still being a decent husband and dad. What he wanted to know was basically: how do you balance all this stuff?

It’s a perennially tough question for dads. I remember when our kids were babies and toddlers and feeling harried and sleep-deprived changing diapers and doing early morning feedings and playing with them and tending to them when they got sick (little kids get sick a lot, which means you get sick a lot), all while continuing to work and trying to keep up an exercise routine and a glimmer of a social life.

Once the kids were potty trained, I thought time and bandwidth would free up. And it definitely did. The pressure on you becomes less relentless and immediate. But older kids take up your time in new and different ways. When they hit elementary and middle school, they’ve got places to be like basketball practice and church groups and what have you, and you’re the one driving them there and coordinating schedules with your wife. It’s great to watch your kids develop their talents and interests, but it takes a lot of time and mental energy.

Below is the advice I’d give any dad with kids in the house, regardless of what phase of fatherhood he’s in. It’s mostly what I’ve figured out through trial and error since our first kid, Gus, came along sixteen years ago.

1. Drop the Stuff That Doesn’t Matter

When fatherhood hits, it’s the time to reexamine and rearrange your priorities. Do an audit of your life. Are there any commitments — whether social, professional, civic, or religious — that used to make sense in your life and no longer do? Drop them.

Once I had kids, I stopped doing speaking engagements. Especially with those that required travel, they threw off my schedule too much and got me behind on work, and the time away from home simply wasn’t worth the tradeoff in missing out on time with my kids.

2. Scale Back the Stuff You Keep

The good news about fatherhood is that if you become more effective about managing your time and schedule, you should be able to keep all the things that are important to you and all the interests you had before kids. But, you should accept the fact that you might have to scale some of them back a little.

For example, I love to work out. Ideally, I get an hour of exercise in each day, and most of the time I do. But I’ve run into periods of my life as a dad where I can’t get a full 60-minute workout in. Instead of an hour session, I’ll do a 30-minute one. Heck, when all else has failed, I’ve done a 15-minute workout. Even now, when things get busier than usual, I aim to never have an all-or-nothing attitude about exercise; training for a half hour is better than not training at all.

If you’d like to keep working out on the regular, I highly recommend building a garage gym. Saves you so much time by eliminating the commute to a commercial gym. If you can’t afford or don’t have room for plates and a squat rack, a set of dumbbells and a bench will do.

You can do the same scaling back with your other interests. Take reading. Yes, it would be great to read 30 minutes, uninterrupted, every day. But maybe 15 minutes is all you can do right now. Do that. Or instead of reading a book, listen to an audiobook on your commute or while you’re driving kids to practice. I’ve got more tips for reading more, even when you have a busy schedule, here.

3. Get Organized

Maybe before you had kids, you’d manage to get by holding all the to-dos that needed tackling in your head. After you have kids, that’s not going to fly. You’ve got more on your plate, and you need a system for keeping a grip on it.

It doesn’t have to be an elaborate system. Just something to make sure stuff doesn’t slip through the cracks and you can keep moving forward personally and professionally.

For me, I devote a half hour every Sunday to planning my week. This weekly planning session helps me see what’s coming, figure out the most important things I need to do, and keep the big picture in view so the urgent stuff doesn’t crowd out the important stuff.

I first check to see what’s already on the schedule in terms of podcast interviews, meetings, article schedule, kids’ activities, doctors’ appointments, etc. Then I do a mind dump of everything I need to get done across the different domains of my life, from phone calls to chores, and input them into Todoist. (I highly recommend using this app. I’ve talked about Todoist plenty of times on the site — including a detailed breakdown of how I use it to organize my life and templates I employ for recurring tasks — but I don’t have any affiliation with the company; I’m just a very satisfied user.) Once I’ve finished my mind dump, I’ll assign due dates to the tasks that emerged from it.

This weekly planning session is one of the 8 habits that have had the most ROI in my life. Find a system that works for you.

4. Learn to Use Pockets of Time

Your time will become more fragmented as a parent. You won’t have many long, uninterrupted blocks of it anymore. But you will have plenty of pockets of time, and you can chip away at things in those interstices.

I do a lot of my reading while waiting for my kids to get done with practice. I just bring a book or pull one up on the Kindle app on my phone. I’ve also watched a lot of movies in 5- to 10-minute increments, waiting in the carline to pick up my kids from school. It’s not an ideal way to watch a movie, but it works. I also knock out chores in little pockets of time I find myself with at home. Small bits of time add up, so don’t neglect them; there are real possibilities in spare moments!

5. Decide Now How Many Activities Your Kids Will Do

If your kid is still in diapers, now’s a good time to have a conversation with your wife about how many activities and which ones you’re going to let your kids do as they get older. It’s easier to say no to a travel team or dance squad before your kid has ever heard of one than after all their friends are on it or you feel yourself getting caught up in the pressure to move them to an ever more competitive level.

From what I’ve seen of families with kids on travel teams, those teams will consume your life. They’re expensive in terms of both money and time. We didn’t pursue that path for our kids. They have and do play on rec or school teams. A sports psychologist I had on the podcast several years ago argued that all the special coaching and elite-team travel doesn’t do much to turn a kid into a superstar anyway, and it isn’t the only path to playing on the college and professional level. Unless you and your kids enjoy spending your weekends traveling 400 miles to play a game, why invest so much time and money in sports?

Kate and I also set a hard limit on extracurriculars: two at a time, max. This was often one sport + one musical instrument. More than that and things get bonkers and your family gets fragmented.

6. If You’ve Got the Money, Outsource Some Stuff

Pay somebody to do the stuff that doesn’t need to be done by you. Mowing the lawn, removing the leaves, cleaning the house, whatever. A lawn service gives you back hours of time every month, which is time you can spend with your kid (or doing something you want to do) instead of raking leaves that will all be replaced by the following day. Not everybody has the budget for this, I know. But if you do, it’s some of the best money you’ll spend.

7. Keep Up a Social Life, But Lower Your Expectations for It

Having a rich social life is important at every stage in life; it’s a huge contributor to our overall happiness. So it’s not something you should let disappear once you have kids; don’t turn into one of those people who never hangs out with other adults once their house is taken over by the diaper-wearing set.

But maintaining friendships when you have kids isn’t easy. Not only do you have less time, but the people you’d like to hang out with also have less time. Plus, your schedules probably don’t sync up anymore. There’s social discoordination.

So keep up some semblance of a social life, but lower expectations for what it’s going to look like. I aim to get at least one hangout a month with a friend. If I get that, I count it as a success.

If you want to make things a little more consistent, a standing thing (a monthly poker night, a discussion group) is a better approach than trying to schedule something fresh each month. The best and most fruitful social seasons of my life as a dad have been those when I had a set, regular time where I met up with a group.

8. Hold a Weekly Marriage and Family Meeting

Start a weekly marriage meeting with your wife if you haven’t already. Kate and I have done this for years and are big believers in the practice. Once a week, we sit down for 20 minutes and do the four components of a marriage meeting: sharing appreciation for each other, going over household to-dos, planning for good times, and discussing bigger issues. You can find the details of how a marriage meeting works here. The habit helps us stay connected as a couple and keeps our household running smoothly.

I also recommend holding a weekly family meeting that includes your kids (the older your kids are, the more they’ll be able to participate). It’s a chance to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the calendar and upcoming events, while reinforcing your family’s culture and discussing how things are going with it.

Well, that’s about all the advice I’ve got. Some of it will fit your situation and some of it won’t, and you’ll figure out the rest through trial and error, same as every dad before you.

Popular culture would make it seem like fatherhood just adds a burden of stress and obligation, and that it’s sad that your former childless life has ended. But when you have kids, life doesn’t end, it just changes. You now have more than you and your wife to think about, but there’s a lot of joy in being part of a “little platoon.” As long as you make some adjustments and learn to move as a unit, you’ll find rich satisfaction in taking life on, together.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.