The Art of the Chart

Birthday Blog

2012-01-11T00:44:00.000-05:00

Two minutes left before birthday over. One minute. It's a great day to be me and 43. Full moon from yesterday still in effect now. Good ethiopian food, good times, Moët Imperiale. Ran four miles and will be completely unrecovered for two months. Had to work at my least favorite locale, Penn Station but managed to train two new gals. Eyes drooping have to close them so I can open them up again in two seconds.

New Year

2012-01-01T23:57:00.001-05:00

I figured I had better add a New Year's blog entry before January 2 sneaks up on me fewer than thirty minutes. New Year's Eve was spent with the girls all day running around trying to keep them (and me) out of as much trouble as possible. We arrived a full two hours after my original projection to a kid-friendly french party a couple blocks away. Everyone there was either french, francophone and bi-racial if they were a child or if an adult, the woman was noire, the mari français. I rang in the New Year sans beau because he had a gig Upstate four hours away. It was fun, speaking French and peppering my usual party conversation with lots o' fascinating astrological facts. My girls were, for the most part so happy to be out partying late. The older of the two was in a wonderful mood,they both were so proud to be dressed like princesses (although the younger refused at first to leave in the house in the vestments she had on. She wanted to be as glittery and pink as her older sister. After a short tussle and random last minute search, we were able to depart with her content to wear the new Christmas butterfly sequin get up I snatched last minute at Daffy's). Fast forward to getting home, the party next door (as in Duplex next door) which had been in full swing since five o'clock, showed no signs of neither slowing or quieting down. I told one of my neighbors I would most likely stop by when the girls were tucked away (obviously oblivious to the racket from the excitement before). I thought I'd climb through the window from our shared balcony say Happy New Year and leave but of course ended up staying for several hours. By the time I hit the hay, that darned Sun was popping up and I was doomed to spend today recovering with only three and a half hours of sleep. I am thankful that New Year's Eve only comes once a year as this type of partying is not conducive to productivity and ideal parenting...
Well, I rarely get out past seven pm these days, and in the spirit of the First Quarter Aries Moon, I threw caution to the wind. Now it's time to get down to some serious discipline (and finish up the one chart I have been writing about in this blog for months) and persistence, consistency and prayer. I am ready to face this year head on. Two minutes to spare.

F#$%ked First Quarter

2011-11-29T23:47:00.000-05:00

Child number 2's first visit to the ER resulted in a plastic surgeon suturing her poor little baby pinkie which had a missing nail bed and severed tip from being slammed in a door. Now that that harrowing experience is behind me, I can go to sleep without having done anything I had originally planned to do today.

This morning she literally pulled me out of bed. She took my hand and pulled me until my body heavily rolled off the edge of the platform bed. Sigh. Tomorrow is a new day. I feel like I am hung over from taking some shitty sleeping pills without having enjoyed the comatose sleep.

Since I am unwilling and unable to go to bed before midnight, I have seventeen minutes with which to scan some positive affirmations, make a quick checklist in my head and write one sentence on Lunology.
Bye.

Crappy Crapricorn Moon

2011-11-29T00:39:00.003-05:00

Damn it, the moon is in my sign, but void-of-course. I was trying to think about what to write about since I missed the new moon. Running through my head are the myriad of inner demons that must be slain in order for me to reach my goal of being a successful person. I certainly have a lot of work to do in the next thirty days. It's actually terrifying. One of the reasons is that my life is on the decline. Not a lot of time left.
Doing a little at a time is not enough. How to overcome procrastination? How to overcome the lack of persistence? How to keep on when I just want to sleep? I've decided that when I get really old–surely you heard that old people sleep very little, is it because they are trying to get the most out of their last few days?–I will never eat or sleep. But right now I look like I am literally 20 years old. Although my body has not been able to stave off middle age in the weight department. Not for the lack of my trying the methods that worked pre-children! Now, when I run, I feel as though my heart will suddenly stop. These extra 30ish pounds cause me to be sluggish and tired for the entire time I attempt to move.

Persistence. I need to read the Think and Grow Rich chapter every night for 30 days. I need to dedicate some time to my app every night for the next 30 days. Need to not eat for 30 days. The problem is that I wont do any of this every day for thirty days. I will attempt 24 (except eating) days. That's 80%. Shorter, more frequent entries. Less Bejeweled Blitz. Can I give up simple sugars?
Bye.

Full Bull Moon Doth Mountains Move 11/11/11

2011-11-11T23:09:00.003-05:00

I really need to write at least every moon phase. OK I don't have a good excuse (off the subject for a nanosecond, but I really need to look up how to make smart quotes for blog entries) for slogging off regularly except that I have been making a concerted effort to run three to four times a week (it should be more like three four times to the seventh power) and have been climbing into bed right after the rug rats have been put down. I do have a good excuse, however, for not having written last night, the full moon in Taurus, because I was soaking up information given from neurological pediatrician Maya Shetreat-Klein, MD on how to treat complex neurological problems with herbs. I can't say how I came to be wired to intuitively understand some forms of biochemistry, but for some reason, I innately understand, to a small extent, how neurotransmitters work in the brain and how neural networks function when handling oxidative stressors or excitors. Perhaps early exposure to the concept of mitochondria in Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time gave me a starting point for understanding cellular structure. Having exposure to these concepts gave me confidence in knowing that DNA can be altered and restructured all throughout one's lifetime. And this often can be done quickly by nutrition and botanicals. Since K has been off casein and gluten for a very short time, she has changed tremendously for the better. Today she was repeating the "p" sound in speech therapy on demand. This was earth-shattering for the therapist and I. The full moon brought me valuable information as well as positively charged, stabilized energy that will enable us to help shape her into the genius she is. I am eternally grateful to the Universe that I have agreed to help us (the child and I) learn this information in my lifetime.

Secondly, someone asked me to join a panel for the United Nations regarding the number of families and individuals affected by autism in the African Diaspora in America. This, of course, has been a mission that has already been laid out. So I didn't really do any rituals or full moon paper burning type cleansing per se, but many mountains have moved. They just happen to move slowly sometimes unless detonated by the Earth swallowing them up whole. As a Capricorn, you understand that I must occasionally move mountains instead of climbing every last one to in order to reach its peak.

The Hour of Mercurious

2011-10-25T10:32:00.000-04:00

Sorting out what I have to do today in a little messy pile on my desk in Noho. Billing for expenses, invoices for surveyors, insurance changes for child plus more forms from government and school, plus the fact that the gym across the street is calling, plus an astrological chart I have been working on for two months with no regularity, plus a whole list of marketers in New York whose names I do not know but whose names need be known in order to become prospects for more work.
Too many things to do so where do I start? When this happens, when there are too many competing and sometimes conflicting situations needing my attention at once, I need to go back to the basics. Beginning with the planetary ruler of the day–Tuesday is Mars day. You would never know from the name "Tues." I don't know where "Tues" comes from, but in French, we call this day ruled by the Mars, mardi which makes much sense. The current time is 10:13 am. My google app tells me here in New York City, it's Mercury hour until 10:52 am after that it will be Mercury hour. According to Wikipedia, it is a good time for: Success in studies / communications; children; making a good impression; routine activities and activities needing clear communications; teaching / learning; important business letters / phone calls; meetings to develop or communicate ideas; buying / selling; routine shopping, errands, travel; job applications / interviews; seeking favors from neighbors, co-workers.

According to this information, the next thirty minutes should be spent finding matches for prospects. Thereafter the moon should aid me in meditation (chanting) and going to the gym.

Today the moon being in my lunar natal sign Libra means that it is an appropriate day to visit the Sensorium to get an idea of what I should be asking people who have attended the exhibit.

Hope to revisit later. Time flies.

Note to another Goat

2011-10-23T00:33:00.002-04:00

Hey Matt,
I was very sincerely touched that you reached out to ask how we are doing a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t respond until now because there’s too much to say and so few words to describe these experiences. I did read your post re: not believing in God anymore. I was brought up Christian but that label did not fit me, so I started practicing Buddhism and that helped me put my world view into a much more manageable perspective. I still don’t like labels but this one is the only one I can think of to describe my relationship to that-which-is-universal. You see, we as parents, from the Buddhist perspective, have come into this lifetime with a certain karma. Our girls did too. Like yours, my daughter has this “incurable” neurological “disability.” But let me tell you something, I know that my daughter is a million times “smarter” than I. I know that she is my child to teach me how to love unconditionally and to accept her as she is. I may not at all times be able to communicate the way I have learned how to in the world but I do know that my thoughts and non-verbal communications can affect her much more than language ever could. At four years eight months, she still does not speak. That scares the shit out of me, but I know know in my heart of hearts, she will when she is ready. I know she will be all the things in her life that she is supposed to be. I know that she will have a fulfilling, meaningful and happy existence not because God does or doesn’t have anything to do with it but because I am attuning these thought patterns into her subconsciousness every minute I can think about it and she feels this on a fundamental level. Your children do too, and so did you when you were a child and still carry your parents’ thought-vibrations with you as an adult. We all do. These so-called autistic children have gifts that we have not yet been able to recognize and I need you to believe this. I just KNOW it. Not because the religions, or schools or medical tests can prove or disprove this. It just is.
Clearly, I can relate to your pain from first-hand experience. As a child, I suffered a lot and wondered why God allowed it until one day (as a helpless child), I decided to control my fate by willing with my own mind what I wanted to happen (because I knew if I didn’t, someone was planning to kill me and other children, actually). From that moment and many others that followed, I realized that I could use my mind to change the course that I was on (they recognize this as quantum physics now). There’s a lot more to say but I will keep this post “short” this time because I think I made my point.
Our children carry a change in their DNA. We see it as “bad” but it isn’t. I believe every autistic child is super developed in certain areas, light years ahead of us. We, as parents have to will ourselves to find those gifts in them and nurture them, all the while nurturing ourselves. You have running (I run too but not nearly enough), and this is a positive way of dealing with the enormous responsibilities we face but we can do it. Similarly, by telling ourselves we can go farther, faster and longer than our personal best, we need to apply the same with our relationships with our families. No other option here. It’s our karmic duty to them.
Finally, Matt, this is the most important piece of encouragement I can offer: in the book Navigating the Collapse of Time, A Peaceful Path Through the End of Illusions, David Ian Cowan states that the Ho’oponopono Hawaiians sat in a circle whenever a member o the community experienced misfortune (p.145). While silently reflecting over what they may have done to contribute to this individual’s misfortune, they asked for her forgiveness and one by one, until everyone had left the circle, the person in the middle became healed. You are, like myself, a Capricorn and by nature have tendencies toward rigidity which cause problems like rheumatism in our knees (while running actually eventually strengthens them, if done correctly and consistently which has not been the recent case for me so of course they hurt this very minute). We have trouble in expressing our emotions, especially love and vulnerability so I found this very helpful. Having to summarize the jist of it, we need to think of our girls in our mind’s eye and repeat this: “i love you”, “I am sorry,” “please forgive me” and “thank you.” A certain Dr. Len did this when he worked with inmates of a criminal insane asylum. As he focused his thoughts (by saying the four phrases above) on each inmate, one at a time, they began getting well and eventually the ward shut down as they were all released. The power of YOUR mind is just as amazing! If there is a God, it gave you which you can do all by yourself!! damnit (interjection added for ironic emphasis).
These beautiful children will certain respond to us on a fundamental level if we direct our thoughts in this way.
That is all for tonight and I hope you don’t mind if I cut and paste this to my blog and that I am too tired to proofread! Thank you!

Red Light Cancer Moon for a Home that used to be a House of Ill-Repute

2011-10-18T15:00:00.001-04:00

RedIn Social Media U class right now. While waiting for classmates to resolve technical isssues on prehistoric PCs, I decided to do this entry at 2:15 pm instead of 2:15 am. Title of last blog was need a sign for a grand design and this morning, my notebook from 2009 was on the table opened to a page that I had copied from a book checked out from the library. I must have written the name of the book somewhere but the notebook was hijacked by a 2 year old, subsequently filled with scribbles and I believe the information I extensively copied was carried on in some other .99 cent notebook.

But back to the page: "strategic planning" (solving the right problem), clarity about what I want to accomplish by defining it. Goal planning should be SMART Goal Planning. Specific and Clearly Defined, Motivating and stimulating, Achievable (esp in terms of time frame) and honest and Tactical (have strategy and discipline). Now this Cancerian moon is going against my Capricorn nature so it's a red light period for me. My husban is busily cleaning and doing home activities to prepare for his mother's arrival from France tomorrow. He's doing just what he should under this moon. Me, I am just hoping that I can get my two team members to work for a couple of hours and get to the breaking bad habits meeting so I can get the child to stay in bed all night.

On a tangent once more before I run off to work...I can't seem to find the Linda Goodman chapter anywhere on Red Light/Green Light chapter that says why when the moon is in the Sun's opposite sign is a shitty day for the opposing sun sign. I will let you know about that later.

Need a Sign for a Grand Design

2011-10-17T23:23:00.001-04:00

Whew! I am worn out from the incessant night interruptions and the unwanted early risings that occur seven days a week.

Tomorrow I am sort of happy to take a blogging class to help me figure out all the wrong things I must be doing on this one. Concerning social media, I still have yet to unleash the awesome marketing power of Twitter and Facebook (and have someone besides me(proof)read this blog). I thought I'd be a natural at this. Where have all my natural talents gone?

As usual, Lunology (soon to be Lunologie) has unfolded at a slug's pace and I am going to forfeit yet another hour or two so that I may update and organize a little more. It seems that now I have two more online courses to take–defensive driving and a moon course. I will also compile my trusty eclipse information so that the final chapter of my app can be written. Seriously though I am really tempted to do two things: 1) buy some shoes (that's the only shopping therapy that satisfies for me) and 2) close my eyes for a minimum of a fortnight. All the while a treasure trove of little elves busy themselves in their wooden workshops taking care of all the tasks that must be done daily and poof! I wake up with my life already at the pinnacle of my career artistically and astrologically.

By stating these simple, human desires, I feel that I am being daydreamy and lazy, i.e. Neptunian (not about the sleeping). The words (still, not that anyone's reading) really contain an underlying desperation of from my not knowing how can I keep going on, yet still having to muster the fortitude to overcome something every day. I feel like how dare I sleep when there are so few days left of this year and potentially so much to break through if I just get the energy to sustain myself. But having a kid with special needs is like fighting the war of attrition on so many fronts. I have the school(s), medical issues, behavior issues, food issues, sleep issues, communication issues so many freakin' issues to annihilate. To replace the negativity from these areas, I am required cultivate, nuture, and grow something beautiful out of these experiences. At the same time, I am not armed with a systematic plan for this. Hell, my career masterplan has taken decades to unfold. I don't have that kind of time anymore. This unnerves me. I want to start by gradually weaning her most of the things she loves to eat. And I have to do the same for myself while I am at it!

More tasks to do in other areas: work (dayjob), work (self-employment) and read one of the ten thousand books and articles I am involved with at the moment.

Martian Melancholic Moon Still Eclipses Energetic Emanations

2011-10-13T01:20:00.002-04:00

Another day lacking energy. Going on a month battling with kid who wants to sleep in my bed at night–we are all worn out. Actually not going to talk about that here.

Having four hours of sleep put me in a kind of low mood. This evening, I cheered myself up by going to a champagne tasting of the Veuve Cliquot Grande Dame at Astor Wines and the Union Square Sephora to get free samples of American (!) perfumes--Be Delicious and Golden Delicious by DKNY, and Happy Heart by Clinique. On an interactive screen which I have never noticed before, I watched very illuminati-inspired, sexually charged mini-movies for mostly European fragrances with one of the older Sephora employees. She was utterly delighted by the sensuality while I felt that a month of dissecting media through the lens of Vigilant Citizen left me unimpressed and annoyed. Still, my mood was lifted by smelling a dozen fragrances sans coffee beans. The Sephora employee and I discovered both of us worked for a certain Estee Lauder company and vowed never purchase a product from them again (although I probably have since they own almost every American fragrances and quite a few fragrance products).

Searching for my personal fragrances using that interactive screen, I found out that I am a lover of herbal, and chypre. Personally, I always felt that my main love of fragrance centered around the floral notes. Ah well. Herbal and chypre is all Earth and sensuality. Some of the suggestions for fragrances that would go well with my "psychological responses" were correct (Clinique Aromatics Elixir and Happy Heart). I was most impressed by Especially Escada and will obtain samples of that one next visit.

At the moment, I am excited to execute my little Scorpionic Plan for Sephora's Firmenich Sensorium. Apparently two million women have stopped wearing fragrance. None of the articles are mentioning why. When women tell me they don't wear fragrance I have been intent on asking the reason. Of course I don't know why two million have stopped but I do know why several hundred have.

I should try to attend the Sensorium twice, once to experience it myself and once to interview people. Until then I need to figure out exactly what I need to ask the visitors (without getting caught) and how I would like to educate people (including myself) on the importance of wearing fragrance.

After Sephora, I headed over to Barnes and Noble next door and ordered a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte (not plugging Starbucks here but hey on four hours of sleep you gotta get something). Did not detect one milliliter of pumpkin flavor so the barista kindly made me another to go with the one I already had. Yes I drank two Pumpkin Spiced Lattes tonight and that is the only reason I am up blogging right now...Reality sets in to remind me that I do need to get my kid dressed and on the school bus in fewer than six hours so I will be saying goodnight right about now.

On a final note, the effects of this full moon will linger another day or so then it will be time to see what my attempts at social marketing will yield as the waning moon approaches.

PS

2011-10-12T02:15:00.002-04:00

The Moon is completely obscured by clouds.

Full Moon Martian Arian Abundant Action Amiss

2011-10-12T01:43:00.001-04:00

ughhh. I sit here on the cusp of the wee hours of the night staving off sleep with a half empty (yes partially imbibed, folks!) french table wine glass on the right and a large cup of rapidly cooling vanilla tea on the left. So much for all the courage, action, boundless energy and enthusiasm supposedly brought on by this occasion. I was dead asleep at the height of the full moon and barely dragged myself out of bed at midnight.

I am learning the about the joys of social media with Twitter as the second of three installments and reminding myself that I have to put in effort I never knew I had in order to reach my self-imposed deadline.

What of the qualities of fire Aries should I literally burn before going to back to sleep? I am not sure I have any. Any courage I have comes from Mars on the cusp of my Scorpio ascendant. BTW most people who don't know much about the qualities of the signs think that Scorpio is a fire sign. But I do digress.

Thanks Saturn, for making my fire flame so small (Saturn in Aries) that the light of the full moon snuffed it completely (I haven't even seen the moon tonight). Not sure what I am going to gain by being up this late right now but I figured with a pending app called Lunology (soon to be called Lunologie to thwart any confusion with the lunie church by the same name) I should be finishing up some aspect of this lunar activity with a blog entry about how the full moon all but seemed to take the wind out of my bag (seems more appropriate than sails which is a metaphor much too high class to describe my sentiments at the moment).

My fire, for the moment, will consist of me taking a puff of my electronic LOGIC cigarette which has an electric blue light at the end instead of orange ash. At least I can roll my eyes at the moon on my balcony outside while I puff.

Capitalizing on the Capricorn Moon

2011-10-05T00:00:00.000-04:00

SO much to do. Have to write while the moon's in my sign. Last night I spent my time doing the least favorite part of my job--invoicing. I also got a notice from my boss that I made almost 1300 copies last month. UHHH. Let me say that the moon being in my sign today helped in the following way.

I was able to bide my time since the work order server which collects forms to contest erroneous charges was not responding
the billing department gave the investigation to someone with whom I am on friendly terms
that person only required that I send a copy of the document, which I did and it was done with a little spinning

I had the fortune of being in the right frame of mind (under pressure but mentally on autopilot, able to obliterate obstacles or difficulties with confidence) at the right time to let my bosses know that I am working on a marketing plan. Do you honestly think that I have had the impetus to sit down every night and come up with a brilliant marketing strategy in all my spare time? Ha, I wish. No, I have the character of being a procrastinator who gets motivated to work when I am within three nanoseconds of a deadline.

Somehow I started "randomly" receiving updates from CAMBA and found that there was a class this afternoon on social media. Another question. Do you honestly think I know the first thing about how to use social media for business marketing? Literally all I knew was that it's important and trendy right now, no idea why. After signing up for the class, I found out that it is being taught by the same person who taught the business plan class I took the summer before last (when I last worked on this blog). From the first three minutes of the class, I was blown away by this Social Media Resolution 2 video on YouTube.
Still have a ton of work to do but I made a declaration to myself to generate a certain amount of income by December 31 of this year. That is precisely what I did last year and that is precisely what I am making now. Yes, this stuff is deep.

Yesterday I had to meet with my daughter's school members and I am getting her an iPad out of it. Not bad. Meanwhile I am making all the thoughts in my head support the physical reality that I desire. Remember how in the last post, I said I needed the energy to finish my first app? No, you don't. Well, it's LUNOLOGY and I need to shine and refine the moon phase info. Lo and behold, what should be featured as the special article of the day? Moonwatching Series!

Bloodshot eyes must now correct bad grammar content in company film...

Libran Lethargy

2011-10-02T22:08:00.000-04:00

I have been away for so long. So many things have happened in the last year since my last blog entry. I don't even know when it was. I was homeless then. Luckily I have a place to live in a beautiful neighborhood. Is it perfect in every way? No. Is it mine? No but I am determined to have a different answer to those questions in my blog entry in a year. Ditmas Park is shockingly non-New York City. Not sure if I could be here if it were any other way. I live in a real house, (a part of it) with a front and back yard, driveway, balcony, porch and three levels. Not exactly the two bedroom in Bed Stuy directly across the street from the Men's Homeless Shelter of last July (we lived there one month).

Tonight will be just a quick nod that I am still here. My life has improved dramatically. Finally I have the internal strength to draw to myself the stability I need to accomplish what I am here to do. I do have bonecrushingly difficult struggles in my life at the moment. But I know I will knock any and all obstacles or transform the crises into opportunities. I, I, I. The I of I. OK. Still have weak moments but when I look back at how far I have come, there is nothing I can't do. Hold up. I am super drained. In bed right now, physically and somewhat emotionally spent, I have so many projects to do right now meaning at this very second. No coffee, no tea, no energy supplements are enough to get me from under the covers and to the atelier. As the moon enters capricorn (albeit going into is worst sign), I anticipate a surge of energy/inspiration. I am going to will it, summon of it, literally make my declaration manifest into physical reality just to be sure that I can. You guys, I need this to complete the Lunology for 2012.

Mercurial Madness at the start of September

2010-09-02T16:14:00.000-04:00

Great. Finally found a place. First day of Mercury Retrograde, the Department of Health came in and stamped LEAD everywhere. I haven't been writing on this blog lately because anything I say can and will be used against me. Does anyone have an idea why my keyboard is acting up as I type this?

This quick email I just sent to someone sums up the sitch:
I am sorry I haven't gotten back to you re FBN Wanted
to let you know I am working on it and will have something to show
this weekend.
Briefly, we got caught up in more lead issues--the girls' lead has
skyrocketed since their last blood test (I now know, this always
happens during the summer months) which prompted the health dept to
come and test our place and stamp LEAD everywhere. We had to convince
our previously "awesome" landlord not to kick us out then try to
convince him that he has no choice but to comply with the law
(something I am usu against doing).

With mercury retrograde (terrible communications), and soaring
temperatures, I have been trying to put out six fires for every five
that have started. Let me know your timeline (will do same, as we will
have to soon vacate temporarily) and hopefully I will be able to reach
a full stride on this shortly.

Best

I hope to look back on these posts in a year and shake my head and say, "I don't know how I did it."

In a year, I hope not have been worn down by attrition but to have summoned my inner scorpio rising phoenix to uncover the most awesome resources available.

Death

2010-06-13T01:42:00.001-04:00

Not gonna say a lot here. Have to go to Phila tomorrow nite to stay with my aunt while the lead abatement takes place. Reallllly inopportune time to have to leave. We ended up not getting the house we wanted a few blocks away. Owner didn't want freelancers even though we would have paid six month's rent upon moving. Today we saw...Ok I dont even want to get into it.

I did a tarot reading. Shouldn't have done that when my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest.
Nervous as hell.

My final card was the Death card. I pray that means this huge struggle will be over. Feeling like I'M gonna die. I am, of course worried for my child. I don't think I could make it without her. Maybe it's the two cups of caramel tea I drank a little while ago. We had to pack up a lot of crap so that the workers can get it done. Glad Nicolas will be here while they work.

Each day that goes by makes me wonder if it's a signal to finally leave New York.

Running on Empty

2010-06-07T00:09:00.008-04:00

Found lots of encouraging information to help my kiddie. In essence, she needs lots of vitamin B6 and magnesium. I have to get some blood work done, contact a few specialists and then we will be on our way.

In response to last night's griping, I went for a pseudo thera-run in Prospect Park this morning before all the nasty smoke from barbecuing commenced. I actually felt kind of silly holding my GIANT Sony CD Player. I might as well have been jogging with a giant bumblebee-colored plate. Of course, I accidentally popped in a TRANCE CD which is not at all conducive to keeping up a good pace on a searingly hot, humid morning.

Did I mention my other baby wakes me up all throughout the night and early morning so I never get to sleep more than 2.5 hours at a time? And I never get to sleep more than seven hours total? Did I mention that I am the type of person who needs nine hours of sleep a day?

I decided that it might be better to keep the first run in god-knows-how-long at a nice, meditative pace to match the music. Hopefully I will be able to move my legs tomorrow. Nothing cuts through a bout of depression and self-pity like sore limbs. One who is out of shape has to dispense excess energy on recovering from thirty minutes of light exercise for the next week and a half. Too tired and in physical pain to worry about nonsense.

As I have been considering my money-making options, I am now pulling together some factoids about the moon and turning that into a quiz which will be featured on Facebook. Not one to take Andrew Carnegie's advice to heart (keep working on one task and finish it before starting another), I have also decided to commence production on a flyer to announce my Broken Relationships workshop (more on that later). Finally, I am going to make a newsletter regarding one sign a month, analyzing it's features and pitfalls. It's going to be written in a funny, sarcastic tone but always with an upside to encourage personal development. We'll see how that works out.

Since the moon is now waning, I decided not to open a Paypal account (waning moon = money decreasing) yet. That will have to wait till I cast a spell on the New Moon (June 12).

Alright, I got less than an hour left in me, so I am going to try to find out more psychographic information on the LOHAS marketing segment.

Sorry I didn't put any links in the body text. I will save that task for a rainy day...

June and the Dehydrated Prune

2010-06-05T23:36:00.001-04:00

Got my kid's evals in the mail today. Not good. The diagnosis, of course is that she is on the autistic spectrum. But worse than that, she is not functioning anywhere near the so-called normal range in IQ for her age. I am going to have to become an pseudo expert on yet another topic (or eight). This undertaking is my priority, however.

At this moment, I am pretty down because I really feel like we are not working on this together. Case in point, he's at a party for a 28 year old. What annoys me too, is that I spend all my time on the internet looking in vain for an apartment in a city where I don't want to live. He doesn't look for apartments but rather refers all leads to me. So I am looking for apartments, figuring out what to do for the kid, setting up all the appointments for the schools, doctors, specialists, etc., writing another fucking business plan, researching all the possibilities on how to change the outcome of her biochemistry (that's no walk in the park), taking care of the kids, trying to keep two rooms of the apartment livable, going to class (which is my only social outlet–haven't been to any kind of festivity since Melodie's art opening the day before my daughter's birthday), getting ready to build this business in which case I will go viral or go postal, and wondering if any miracles are being parceled out among the human population (certainly not in most parts of the world and certainly not in Louisianna/Gulf of Mexico), and if so, could I have one please?

Yet, I have always figured that to survive I have to do it on my terms. I want to get a job now, but I'll be damned if I can't seem to find one. So the stakes get higher, because it is now time for me to put my virtual money where my mouth is and start my astrology business. Officially, I will begin to teach astrology...

It's a boiling 80 something degrees at 11:30 at night. I hate muggy summer weather. The fan is drying my contact lenses out and I am constantly getting dehydrated. Conversely, my skin is constantly wet and oily. Speaking of which, I hope the soap I made the other night isn't caustic...

Alright, got my gripes out. It's time to move on. I will get through this by controlling the thoughts in my mind.

Mercurial Madness at the end of May (well beginning of Gemini June)

2010-06-01T00:47:00.002-04:00

Tuesday, 12:12 am. I just downed Caramel Vanilla Lipton (two tea bags, as their pyramid shaped organza-like bags contain paltry amounts of leaves). Not long before, I polished off a Vitamin Water bottle full of refrigerated Free Trade coffee I made this morning. My back up plan was to go back to school (after all, all those ads on Facebook telling me Obama wants moms to go back to school must mean something, right?) to get a psych degree, probably in Child Psychology seeing how there's going to be an increased need (especially for those who are bilingual in French) for these professionals up until 2014, as I discovered from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Anyway, my mind has changed now since I am gathering up that much needed information on my target market. Writing papers, citing others who have parsed together boring bullshoot has never been my favorite pasttime (unlike what I am doing right here in this blog). I just want to do it already. What IT is, I don't know. After looking at my sister-in-law's website, I marvel at how much she has achieved in just five years. I know I need to get my ass moving (nothing to inspire an underachiever Capricorn like an overachieving Virgo). There's no turning my back on my astrological business.

Since my last post, I decided that my target market is iPhone Moms in the U.S., who are ages 25-50, income 45K to 100K, multi-tasking, connection-craving, and life-planning. I have no idea of what my USP (Unique Selling Proposition) will be, but one fact that glares at me from my computer screen is that the astrological sites and apps—birth data aside—are woefully un-interactive. I have learned that people become much more engaged with a brand (more marketing b.s.) when they actually have something to do! HA HA! Duh! I also learned that women in America, two years my senior spend more time social gaming than any other age group. HMMMM. Now I am not so ashamed for spending six hours a day playing Bejeweled. I gotta stop that so I can build this business and become bejeweled.

Currently, I am trying to tap into my mercury in aquarius and think of that next brilliant idea. Using my exalted mercury, dignified in the third house along with my sun of business creativity, I should be able to knock it out of the park after surveying my competition.

(I figure it's a good idea to balance the weak-point blog posts with some strong-point posts so I keep my chart descriptions in balance which = moon in Libra)

The whole child psych thing came up because my daughter had to wait so long to get her eval which finally happened this past Saturday. Now the battling for her really begins. I freaked out tonight when I saw that she had made a small hole in the duct tape I used to cover the door frame (containing a layer of lead paint underneath). I still have confidence that her lead level will go down again during the next test, and her language capabilities will go up within a few weeks of therapy.

BTW, please pray that we find a place by June 15th.

Sixth house of Work and Health, I am leaving you behind for good. Oh wait, not the Health Part

2010-05-30T01:42:00.002-04:00

It's time to put my inspiration to work... After pretty much scouring the availability of jobs, I have firmly decided that there is absolutely nothing available that I want to do. Maybe it's all in my head, but the concept of drudgery, stress and subordination to someone else's dream is not in the (tarot) cards or stars for me. I want to launch my venture but I am currently still lacking the expertise. So universe, lend me a hand, will ya? I am willing to do the work but I need the missing pieces of the puzzle to just miraculously appear before my very eyes.

Having said that, my sixth house sucks. Why? Because natal Saturn is in Aries which is at its weakest point. I hate taking orders, I hate having to act on someone else's stage, I have people who think they have control over others and I hate being told what to do if I didn't ask (but of course I don't have a problem dishing out advice). Aries is not into taking advice. Saturn is all about shoving advice down your gullet and if it's not taken, then you get punished and roughed up a bit by the authorities. I am thankful for my great health (aside from a little sugar addiction). I don't mind following the rules if it's for my own proactive benefit and I get to call the shots.

So trying not to start and stop and stop and start, I am going to complete other projects I started doing within the next week.

1) I am trying to catch up on my business plan. Can I get caught up this Memorial Day weekend? Who knows?! Being that this is my third business plan in three years, I hope I get it right by now. UGH, it's hours of research. I don't know how I thought I could do this on my own. I secretly hope I didn't waste those countless hours of my life.

2) I still have to hone in on my target market for the Lunology app. Then I have to finish all the Lunology text. Then I have to refine the design and user interface. Then I have the animation frustration.

3) I am going to decorate the envelopes of six new leads for Nicolas' gigs. Three have been completed.

I think I need to take my apple to the doctor before my protection plan is up.

Did I mention that I have to find a place to live and move?

fourth house crumbling

2010-05-27T23:14:00.001-04:00

According to my marketing class this past Wednesday, we should be blogging every day. If not every day, why bother. I have a tendency to write too much, wait too long, then become inconsistent. So really, I am going to keep it short tonight.

I have been looking for an apartment since April. That's nothing in New York minutes, but it seems like a long time, especially when you consider that every day my kids are breathing death (we all are, but lead dust is just a bit more toxic, a bit more insidious, a wee bit more unsettling). Today we got kicked off the possibility list of an apt we almost had because I wrote the reason for leaving was due to lead poisoning. It turns out that the owner of the building got sued for the same thing recently and just couldn't think of that happening again. It was a large building two blocks from where I live now, up four flights of stairs. I guess it wasn't the one.

Taking my chances, I looked at another apartment that was in a private house. Four blocks from here. Perfectly nice block (all west indian–my hoe they moved to Brooklyn at the right time). The apartment was downstairs. Someone was supposed to meet me at five. My girls and I got there a few minutes before and waited until seventeen after. I took them around the block. Someone sitting on the porch of a lovely large home, smoking a sick cigarette started hollering and swearing up and down that I looked just like Joyce. She probably had just downed a glass of what I am drinking now (but not such a nice brand) and may have had a few hits of something else. This made me wonder why all these people have been able to do it and I haven't.

That's what frustrates me the most about NY. I mean do these people "deserve" what they have? I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't know how to do it.

We went back to the house and I forgot to mention the first time we went there, someone upstairs poked her head out and shook it no that she was not the owner but whomever it was that was supposed to meet me would be there in a few. Mind you that mysterious show person still wasn't there after our one block tour, so I decided to force the flimsy front door and of course it opened easily. I left the kids on the sidewalk since I decided to run in and out. To no one's surprise, my three year old started bawling, causing the only white couple in a two block radius to stop in concern until they saw me running back down the stairs.

The apt was a hodgepodge of crappy thin grey carpet, hardwood floors, and cheap linoleum squares. In desperate need of one of those home improvement reality show crews, just to get it rented, let alone sold, I now know why the house had a FOR RENT sign in the front window and $1450 monthly fee is usury.

I decided to really check the house out before bailing so I towed the girls up the front steps and my older one was still bawling. Looking at the rooms and kitchen led me to wonder if the seriously overblown price might have something to do with a backyard being part of the package. There was a key in the deadlock on the kitchen door, so what the hell, I turned it and walked down the precariously high steps to the backyard. Of course the Chumpette grabbed hold of a very splintery-looking slab of wood and started stirring it in a tub-looking container full of muddy water. For her, the next logical step would have been to put her hands in the same water and put that same hand in her mouth. All this was going on while I was distracted by the dead cat carcass on the ground right next to my feet. Masses of hair had fallen off the deceased beast and its bleached white bones were there, completely intact. The whole skeleton. Ah what a lovely image. But somehow, someone had a means of buying this house. Someone who seems completely illier illiterate and as completely aware that this place was just not going to cut it.
And some asshole didn't even bother showing up.

Now I said I would make this short, so I wouldn't put off coming back tomorrow. All this is to tell you that I really hate that damned venus (in its fall, very aggressive but bellicose) conjunct sad saturn (gloom and doom, fear) and moon in aries (quarrels and contention all over the place) in my progressed fourth house of foundation, home and family. However, the nice thing about aries is that they keep going (even if its like the tarot's infamous Fool).

Tootles. BTW, just leave me a comment if you read this. Maybe its better if you don't....

bemusement, not amusement

2010-05-22T01:15:00.003-04:00

I haven't had the luxury of keeping up with these posts as I am pretty occupied with my intensive ten week course, "taking care of business." Taking this course has proven to me that my business knowledge and skills are remedial at best.

Of course I have been consumed with my current situation with my little one. For legal reasons I cannot recount what we have suffered at this time. I have been aware for several months that I have progressed venus and saturn conjunct in aries in my secondary progressed fourth house. At the beginning of the year, I saw that there was more junk going on in my homelife to haunt me just enough to keep everything as interesting and stressful as possible (I have to look at my progressed chart again), but I wondered how it would manifest. I knew it wouldn't be good, though, as Venus and Saturn are in their fall (at their weakest, ugliest, most trapped and debilitated). All that time, I just didn't want anyone to get hurt. Especially not someone who didn't deserve it.

Now I am faced with another set of complex issues that affect my little contraquarian for life. I can only say that I am very grateful to have certain metaphysical knowledge that renders me capable of concentrating my thoughts upon a desired goal and manifesting that thought into physical reality (which I need to turn up volume-wise in the finance department). Having said that, I know just as sure as I am here typing this right now—that any and all of my daughter's setbacks are only temporary and I will work on her and with her to obliterate any limitations that she might face as a result of this process.

When illness strikes, western medicine, like almost all other bastions of our declining civilization, has never been a trusted, favorite source for comfort or advice. I hesitate fully to force my child to get injected with some type of frankenstein concoction that may or may not do what they say it will.

Need time to think with my higher mind.
Need to tap into that vast body of wisdom and power which is so powerful and abundant within myself and the universe...
Need to pass this test with flying colors.

letter to jc

2010-04-18T23:28:00.000-04:00

nice to hear

perhaps you're still online.

so the blog tells what's up but I haven't kept up with it as much because I am now overwhelmed with a lot of paperwork and I work tomorrow (not looking forward and it's far too late to stay up but just answered a craigslist ad for part time work)

sidonie and noemie have lead poisoning so I am looking for a new apt which is not easy.

having said that, I have to get sido comprehensive testing by the ny dept of education since she doesn't speak yet and may have damage to the CNS or brain (which i don't think)

yes I have spoken to a lawyer but I am waiting for the Housing Preservation Dept to do the lead test (since the first week of this month) to confirm the lead levels

sidonie has a level of 14 (ten and up is considered poison) and noemie is at 6.

so there you have it. they are both sleeping --- noemie is not sleep trained --- she still drinks lo lo at night a few times but it doesn't really bother. what bothers is the morning-- she needs a lot early in the am but still stays asleep. speaking of which, gotta go to sleep myself. I am stressed about tomorrow as I have a job to send to the printer and then business class from 6-9.

Hope alls well. It's nicolas' birthday so he just got invited for a drink (and my taxes stuff is strewn across my bed, unfinished. I am going to copy this to my blog... talk soon? )

ps dreamt you were coming bk to NY...

March Madness

2010-04-08T00:32:00.002-04:00

Hmmm. Ok, March has always been a terrible month for me. I don't know why. Something out of whack happens to me when the transiting Sun or Moon (the Luminaries) is in Pisces and sometimes in Aries. Lately it's been pretty much too painful to write this blog because of some very ugly presence in my fifth house. (the fifth house is the first child) That son-of-bitch Uranus is messing with me through my child who has lead poisoning. It's level 14 which isn't terribly high but it's cause for some real concern. It's hard to tell if she doesn't speak yet because she has a learning disability (she also has mercury in Pisces), because she is bilingual or because she has been tripped up by lead. I noticed that she has had episodes of intense mania (which is also a Uranian trait) sometimes (especially on a sugar rush and no I don't pump the kid up with sugar–specifically it's happened after boxed organic juices or maybe too many wholegrain crackers and yes I know that these are simple carbohydrates). We will nip this in the bud, starting with nutrition. My kid seems to notice that I am going more easy on her since I now know that she is not intentionally going off the deep end all the time. I know she has eaten paint chips and the building we live in is one hundred years old.

I am waiting for the Department of Housing Preservation to come to do a lead test. After I get the results, I will elaborate on this blog.

Wouldn't you know that transiting bastard Neptune is in my natal fourth house of home which means that my freaking roots are all screwed up and up in the air and about to dissolve into thin air. The landlord told me he wanted us out and was ready to rip up our lease. At the moment, I have a kind of headache so I am gonna keep it short and leave it at that.

Oh, and I got an email from an open call interview I went to back in January (I think that was the only interview I ever went to where I didn't sit down because it was too short and impersonal. It was like speed dating but for an interview). I am so uncertain about jumping back into the workforce. I have just been beaten up (caused by myself of course) so much that I feel I could be damaged. But the fact of the matter is that I have two children. I have to pay a lot of fees to get this business going. Bottom line, I need an income. I am absolutely horrified that I might not have enough time and energy to do it all.
I am absolutely horrified. I need this job though. I really need to hang on to it just until I don't need it anymore. I absolutely need to nail it and not get the life sucked out of me and the wind knocked out of my sails. Gotta stay on track. Good news is that it's a Quark job. Good news is that it's the Learning Annex (I need to work for somewhere or something that I like). Bad news, I told her I could do web. I can do the most basic basics of web and that is a struggle. I need the job to be so easy for me that I don't even have to think. And finally, I have to practice having a healthy mental outlook so that I can combat any of the recurring problems that I might have faced in the past (I get that I will be tested over and over).

Forgive me for not proofreading but I have a lot of work to do and I am not exactly feeling peppy at 12:30 am.

2010-03-20T02:17:00.002-04:00

Woah, this week flew by in a whirlwind. I have spent most of the week outside with my girls. I am going to keep this short so that I can get to bed before three a.m.

As I was going to write in the last entry, I have been overcoming some obstacles and checking off mini victories. I already mentioned the fact that I told my mother to never speak to me again. Other such victories to mention are as follows: 1) I attended the Seventh Annual Total Woman Conference free of charge since my business coach offered me the opportunity to do some prep work for the conference ahead of time. Last Thursday, I stuffed gift bags with another volunteer. This reminded me of how much I enjoy doing behind the scenes work preparing for events.

The conference was all about money. Money (and mother) has been the theme of March—woman's month. Boy have I been working on rewiring my brain about money. As saturn continues to sit on my natal moon, I continue to learn what I don't know about money. Interestingly, I am not in fear now. Like most people, I fear the unknown but this time I am excited by it. Having some information about money (or how the mainstream views it) enables me to better imagine myself having it. I really need it now as I want to take the sixty hour business course at CAMBA.

Having experienced a very moving moment from Joyce Moy, I cried as she recounted how her mother and baby brother were sitting on a couch on the street, having been evicted before she got home from school. She emphasized that MONEY IS A TOOL. That statement made all the sense in the world to me. I like tools. I like to use tools to make my life easier. The key phrase for Capricorn is I USE.

During the conference, I got a chance to do exercises to undo some of the feelings of discomfort I feel when imagining myself with large amounts of money.

I learned many new things, got reinforcement for some things I already knew and unlearned some of what I no longer need on this journey.

2) I got matched with a lawyer from the call I put in to Legal Aid. I am reading the Letter of Engagement carefully as the second paragraph warns me to do. I am relieved that I am getting help pro bono and will be sure not to incur any unnecessary costs (which means I will not incur ANY costs).

3) It turns out that the banksters who are suing me are in a world of trouble of their own. Higher ups are in jail for drug smuggling, fraud, embezzlement and just about every other crime you can imagine.
The clerk told me that I have noting to worry about even though I am representing myself.

Yesterday, I listened to a webinar by Barbara Bellissimo called How to Ask for Money. I can't say that I was swept off my feet from the webinar or laser coaching (or the coachee, for that matter). I did, however, download The Ten Biggest Fears Women Have (I have all ten of them) and How to Overcome Them so this is what I am going to read before going to bed.

PS So much for keeping it short, but at least I am keepin' it real...