The Atomic Cheese Melt

Indian Jones Kali Ma Remix

2011-07-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Okay I'm A Bit Jealous

I swear I had this idea a couple of years ago, to remix the Kali Ma part of Indian Jones to some techno music, but I just found out somebody beat me to it. It's every thing I dreamed of and more, very funny stuff.

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Top Ten Funny Websites - What's Osama Bin Watchin'?

2011-07-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Ten

It's The Simple Things...

...that get you through life and are also sometimes the funniest ideas. At www.tomscott.com/osama you can enter in any youtube url and change what Osama is watching from Justine Beiber to Cat's dancing. Simple yet hilarious.

Best Music Video: Whole Foods Parking Lot

2011-06-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

Simply the Best Music Video I've seen in awhile.

Review: Dragon Age 2

2011-06-03T19:13:00.000-07:00

The Worst Game Ever

It has finally happened. I would have never imagined it happening in my wildest dreams. But it's a fact, the worst game I've ever played was made by my favorite developer (Bioware). Well, former favorite developer. There are many reasons for my extreme view point... reasons I will go into, but if you want to save yourself some time just heed my words: DO NOT BUY THIS GAME. pirate it if you must, but don't waste your money.

Now lets take a journey back into my childhood. Being an awkward little kid with no friends aside, I've been playing video games ever since I can remember. But there was one game in particular, that after I finished... I knew video games would always be my first love... knowing no girl would ever love me. This game was Baldur's Gate 2. No idea why I played the second one first, but at any rate. It was the best game ever. Comparing it to Dragon Age 2 is an insult to its memory.

Lead writer of Dragon Age 2 is one David Gaitor, the first game he worked on with Bioware was Baldur's Gate 2 coincidently. How he went from that masterpiece to this modern piece of trash I'll never know... but luckily there is photographic documentation on his transformation into the abomination he now is, shown above. On the far left you can see my description of my childhood could probably also be used for David Gaitor's. No disrespect, but I'm sure he's been a dungeon master multiple times in his life. But you know what? That's what made the early games so great, that's why Bioware got so much money and fans. Because Bioware made games FOR NERDS BY NERDS. Now Bioware makes games FOR THE CALL OF DUTY AUDIENCE BY NERDS WHO BETRAYED THEIR ROOTS AND TWILIGHT FAN FICTION WRITERS WHO DON'T EVEN LIKE VIDEO GAMES.

I did not just make up a bunch of stuff randomly. What I just stated is fact. Bioware has announced they are looking to get the attention of the "Call of Duty Audience". Gee that sounds like a great idea, build up your entire company on the loyalty of nerds like myself and then betray us for the lowest common denominator in the video game community... the "Call of Duty Audience". And what's this Twilight nonsense? Well apparently, the games lead romance writer's only qualification was that she wrote Twilight fan fiction. What does that translate into gamewise? Well every two seconds a male NPC was hitting on me and pretty much every male companion is a raging homosexual who wants some guy on guy action. Call me old fashioned but when I play an RPG I'm looking good ole Dungeons & Dragons fun, not to play "Gay Drama: Medieval Edition". It's as if Bioware figured... what do boys like? Call of Duty... what do girls like? Twilight. I KNOW... lets use that information to make our worst game yet.

The sad thing is this isn't even a good game. I'm not ranting on because nerdy RPG's are now in the mainstream and I can't feel so special about myself. This game by all means is a horrible example of a good RPG. Bad story, bad dialogue, bad combat, blatant reuse of so many levels. Where you constantly backtrack or explore supposed "new" areas when in fact they're just the same dungeon with different monsters in it. And I don't mean different monsters as in new... there feels to be less variety in the enemies this time around.

The worst part of all is how Bioware reacted to the outrage of the community. When countless fans like myself reviewed their game badly, they simply blamed it on an "internet raid", that the only reason they have bad reviews is because a few people wanted to cause mischief. And hardcore fans on their official forums are actually banned for voicing their criticism in a articulate and professional manner. Overall Bioware are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats and Dragon Age 2 which apparently is the "spiritual successor to Baldur's Gate" does nothing but piss on it's grave.

P.S. I am aware that a different section of Bioware is responsible for the Mass Effect games, which are great games. Thus any insult towards Bioware is only directed to the morons who pumped out the second Dragon Age. I just hope that the third Mass Effect isn't as big a disappointment. If it is, I'll officially be off Bioware forever.

The Apocalypse Is Finally Here!

2011-05-31T06:02:00.000-07:00

Puppy Apocalypse

All Your Nightmares Come True

Poop indeed, because that's what you'll be screaming as you run for the hills in fear and dread. It's been in the works for a while and now it's finally here, Puppy Apocalypse. I'm not sure if it can be called art, but it's what I do when I'm bored and feeling creatively stifled and hopefully you can get some enjoyment out of it. The horror starts here: puppyapocalypse.blogspot.com

Review: Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty

2011-05-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

Starcraft 2; The Review

While it's true that Starcraft 2 is already almost a year old, it has been anticipated for 12 years and is as relevant as ever. With it's multiplayer becoming ever more popular in America as it's already the biggest thing in Korea since Starcraft 1. Which was the biggest thing in Korea since the Korean War. I do not plan to go into the multiplayer much more, only saying that it's extremely fun and addictive. I plan to talk about how the game stands as an RTS and not take into account all the hype.

If you don't want to read the whole thing I'll sum it up right now, Starcraft 2 is the best RTS game I have ever played... and I've been playing RTS (real time strategy, for those you who have no idea what you are doing here) games ever since the original Warcraft. No, this does not make me a Blizzard fanboy... I have played many other RTS games the aren't exclusive to Blizzard and have plenty of bad things to say about the developer. But none of this changes the fact that this is a great game. Now to explain why...

I don't think in the history of video games has there ever been so much money and time pumped into the development of an RTS game. Its true that a big budgets doesn't guarantee success, but in this case... it didn't hurt. THERE IS SO MUCH content and variety in the campaign. Every single mission is so different, where in one instance you're fighting "zombies" at night and burning their hives during the day to another instance where you're escaping an exploding sun. It's a nice change from the usual "build up the same big army and destroy the enemy base" formula you encounter in most every level of an average RTS. The progression is great as well, each mission is basically a moment for a new unlocked unit to shine. But since you can choose which order you do the missions you'll end up having a unique playthrough, based on what you've unlocked first.

In between missions is insane to say the least. Never before in an RTS have I seen so much "fluff". From watching the TV, to research projects, playing arcade games, to upgrades that specialize your army, or just plain clicking on yourself. There is so much to do in between missions I was amazed. Obviously you can skip all this if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it considering most of the time its beneficial.

But the entire game is based on only one race "The Terran" so is it worth being a full priced game? Easily the answer is yes... considering compared to the first game which had all three campaigns, this one alone feels to have way more content. Thus I'm actually looking forward to the two upcoming "expansions" which are said to be just as huge but about the remaining two races.

Icing on the cake is a very powerful editor that is included with the game. Which people have already used to make a third person shooter, a turn-based final fantasy style game, and obviously just more maps of the actual game. Not the average joe's cup of tea but the very fact they gave their players such an amazing tool makes me happy, since its the creativity of a game's community that keeps it alive.

Now to bring up the things that made this game lose a few points. First of all you have to be connected to the internet to play it, even if you have no intention of playing multiplayer. No reason for that aside from Blizzard spying on you. And the thing that really made me question their motives were reports of people being BANNED from playing the game because they cheated in the SINGLE PLAYER CAMPAIGN. This is just too retarded... considering the first game actually had a cheat code that was a tribute to it's community.

Overall, if you consider yourself to be a fan of real time strategy I have no idea how you don't already own this game.

Review: Fable 3

2011-05-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

THE WORST FABLE YET!

I have been playing Fable since the first one came out on the original Xbox.

At the time I've never heard of Fable. One day my friend just said, this game's pretty cool you should play it... and so I did. Thirty hours straight until it was finished. When I finally stood up I fell over because my legs had become completely limp.

Now, if that is how I reacted to the first game... I should have probably been seriously worried for my well being going into the third one. But no. I was perfectly healthy going in and out of this MEDICORE abomination. At no point did I feel the NEED to play it... when I was hungry I made myself some food, when I got tired I went to sleep, and when I needed to go to the bathroom I actually got up and went, instead of holding it in for 10+ hours. This might seem like a good thing... but it's not. It's just another memory that's not as good as the ones I already have.

Sure it can be argued that since I was younger when I played the first one I thought it was better through the use of a nifty little device called nostalgia goggles. But I assure you this is not the case.

What's wrong with Fable 3? Lets find out...

First of all the graphics are worse then it's predecessor Fable 2. How in the world did they manage to make the graphics worse over the span of two years? I personally do not judge a game based on its graphics... it's all about the game itself not how pretty it is... I'm simply pointing out. How does a sequel have worse graphics?

It has been casualized more so then any other series I have ever seen. The game literally plays itself. In the first Fable there was actually fear of death... In the second they used a "knock-out" system similar to the third. However in the second game I actually was knocked out plenty of time, because certain parts actually presented a challenge. Now... towards the END of the game... the final enemies die in ONE hit. I seriously went though the whole thing without being downed once. I understand some people like playing on easy mode... but there is NO DIFFICULTY SETTING. The super easy mode it starts with is the only one there is. At least give the masochists in us a Nightmare difficulty, we'd actually end up playing the game longer.

To continue on the whole "casualization" topic. There is no longer a health bar. The screen just turns red after you've been hit about a million times. What is this an FPS? There is only two guns and two melee weapons. Now they "morph" which is just a lazy way of saying... there is only 2 sets of attacks you'll ever see, but your weapon will have a different skin then your friend's weapon. Magic still auto kills everything around you, but so does everything else.

What about progression? Before you massed experience and got to pick the skills you wanted that actually altered your character. You know... the system every single RPG has been modeled after since the beginning of time that anyone who likes RPG's loves. Now it's just a matter of opening chests that make you stronger on a winding snake path in the clouds. Yeah that's a much better system, I type sarcastically. Apparently they did this because going into a menu and clicking on whether you want to be a Warrior, Rogue, or Wizard was a little too much to comprehend for the average gamer. In fact they've done away with menus all together. While it's true they got rid of actual armor in the second game, and instead you got to play dress up and just pick what looks pretty. This system returns but now instead you actually have your own wardrobe and you do it ALL WITHOUT menus. So why am I complaining? Because it was a retarded use of resources when making a game... considering there ended up being less clothing combination then the second game.

But what about the grand finale? Well towards the end you become the king of all the land and have only one year to prepare for an ultimate confrontation against the armies of darkness. Well it says you have a year... but really it just fast forwards a lot and it ends up being only like... six days or so. But what do you do during this time? You have to raise 6.5 million dollars anyway you can... so you're faced with hard moral choices about what to do with your kingdom. But why was this pointless? Because by the time they told me I had only a year to make ALL THAT MONEY. I already had about 1 billion sitting in the bank. So I forked over pocket change to save my kingdom. How did I have so much money you may ask? Because from the get go I started buying property and taxing the citizens... The most tedious process EVER! I have to go to each individual house and make repairs and so on... NO IDEA WHY, by the end... when you own EVERYTHING you couldn't just auto pilot the whole process instead of making it into some sort of lame facebook game.

Now to say some nice things about it... The scenery looks really nice in many areas, but pretty landscapes aren't enough to save a game. They've also added a much better co-op system then the second game. Now from the get go you can play the entire game with a buddy with your own characters. Which IS almost enough to save the game... since the two of you can go through the MEDICORE experience together and poke fun at it.

Overall... a giant step back for the series. I don't know how they screwed it up to the point that John Cleese and Stephen Fry couldn't save it. If you want to play a better game just get Fable 2... you won't even be able to tell it came out before this one. Or if you're really in the mood for an old school classic, get the original Fable.

Kathy McCarty - Rocketship Video

2011-05-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Music

McCarty via Futurama

I was watching Futurama Bender's Game, for the third time, and noticed the intro to this song and decided to check it out. I'm not sure about McCarty's other song's, but this one is a pretty cool cover of a Daniel Johnston song Rocketship.

Review: APB: Reloaded

2011-05-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

APB IS BACK & BETTER THEN EVER

But how good was APB originally? Many people would argue not very, considering it was shut down within two months and completely bankrupt it's developer Realtime Worlds. I am not one of these people, sure it is true those things did happen. But only because off a few fundamental problems with the game, problems that have been fixed by Gamersfirst. Who have bought APB and re-released it as a free-to-play game entitled APB:RELOADED that is now in open beta. Get it here: http://www.gamersfirst.com/apb/

But why should you get it? If you want the full details, read on... But I do advise you to start downloading the game before reading this review... considering it's going to be one long download.

APB offered the most expansive customization options of any online game to date. When you bought the original game, you'd have to pay a monthly fee to play the shooter portion of the game. But you'd have unlimited access to all the customization options (character, vehicle, and music editor) no matter what. This wasn't the best of ideas. Considering your average gamer could care less about arts and crafts and just wants to kill people. Again I am not one of these people but I understand their reasoning.

Now, the shooter portion of the game is completely free, but all the customization has become severally limited for the free-to-play gamer. For example, before you could have a maximum of 50 tattoos on your character... now you can only have 3. Not to worry the people who actually ARE into the creative side of the game, because now instead of paying for the action you have the option of paying a monthly fee that will restore all your customization limits. A fair trade off if you ask me... considering the free-to-play gamers can still buy all the cool stuff made by the artists without using any real money. While the artists make a profit for doing what they love.

APB was extremely unbalanced for new players. Since I got the game when it first came out I was on even grounds with everyone, considering we were all new players. But as the weeks went by and all the original players got access to game breaking upgrades along with the broken matchmaking system, there was never really any chance for a veteran to be beaten by a newbie. Thus anyone who got the game later on, would start it, get extremely frustrated with it, and leave never to come back. Not exactly the best idea for a long term business model.

Now, to talk about upgrades. Firstly they aren't even called upgrades anymore, they are called modifications. Why? Because they no longer make you better... they make you more specialized. For example, before there were... Weapon upgrades that would make your gun shot 10% faster, do 10% more damage, and so on. Character upgrades that would make you have 25% more health, take 25% less damage, and so on. These upgrades had NO downsides and could be used simultaneously with one another giving such ridiculous bonus to the players that were already good at the game (considering you'd have to be good to get said upgrades), new players didn't have a chance in hell. Now however modifications behave very differently. Firstly they're all color coded and those of the same color can't be used with each other. The idea of which is to not allow players to make game breaking combos while encouraging players to try new and creative combinations instead. Secondly they all have downsides that outweigh their benefits. For example the modification that makes your gun shot 10% faster now makes it 30% less accurate as well, or the one that makes you 30% resistant to damage also makes you run much slower. So basically a new player with no upgrades is the most balanced all round character and anyone who uses modifications should only do so if it benefits their play style, but the downsides will never make them overpowered.

Now, to move onto the matchmaking. To sum up the old system... it was terrible. New system? Much better. Before there was no real rating of skill and players could just lose a bunch of games on purpose and be pitted against new players that they would demolish. Now it takes into account true player skill not just wins and losses and puts you against opposition accordingly. While even more ways to balance the system are in the works, such as servers that only new players can join off limits to the veterans.

APB had a sever hacker problem. Any online game is going to have hackers, but the problem with APB was that the developer Realtime Worlds never banned ANY HACKERS! and everyone knew this so there was no real deterrent from hacking yourself. By the end of the games existence there were so many hackers that the only way to compete was hacking yourself. Which many people did. By then the developers couldn't ban hackers because they would be banning the remainder of their player base.

Now? Hackers are actually banned. Simple.

Lastly I will talk about the new cash shop implemented. I'm perfectly fine with it. Considering the game is FREE now the new developer has to make money somehow. So besides the monthly fee you can pay for more customization options you can also buy unique guns, vehicles, and so forth. Which at first seems unbalanced... making it seem like only people with money have access to the best stuff. But this isn't true at all... Everything in the cash shop while unique isn't better then anything you can unlock while playing the game yourself. It's just a shortcut for the people flush with cash who are to lazy to do it themselves.

Overall I am really happy with what has happened. It's as if APB dying is the best thing that could have happened to APB. Since now not only is it actually balanced, it doesn't cost me money to play it if I don't want to. That and so much new promising features and content is right around the corner... I seriously can't wait. Now sadly if you aren't a REALLY slow reader the game will still be installing at this time. But when it is finally finished, have fun.

Cool Sites: The Art of Kris Kuksi

2011-05-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Caravan Assault Apparatus

Big Fat Art

Awe Inspiring

I stumbled across a photo of one of Kris Kuksi's sculptures yesterday and I was captivated. I sought his website, kuksi.com, as soon as I put his name to the sculpture so I could find more of his amazing sculptures. I was instantly drawn into the minute and disturbing details laid out in these immense and intricate sculptures that address political, social and religious ideas all at once. Somehow the pieces make one cohesive and breathtaking sculpture, but at the same time they are schizophrantic and dissenting in the details. They are so mesmerizing that I find it very difficult to look away from the sculptures. Guillermo del Toro explains it best, “A post-industrial Rococo master, Kris Kuksi obsessively arranges characters and architecture in asymmetric compositions with an exquisite sense of drama. Instead of stones and shells he uses screaming plastic soldiers, miniature engine blocks, towering spires and assorted debris to form his landscapes. The political, spiritual and material conflict within these shrines is enacted under the calm gaze of remote deities and august statuary. Kuksi manages to evoke, at once, a sanctum and a mausoleum for our suffocated spirit.”

Build Your Own Gaming PC For Under $1,000

2011-05-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

My Big Fat Build

Gaming For Under 1k

Do you drool over images of powerful gaming rigs? Are your dreams filled with images of EVGA Classified Super Record 2 motherboards crammed to the brim with ram, burning a 1500 watt PSU and screamingly powerful graphics with 4 way SLI? If you’re a healthy red blooded American then the answer is yes. Of course the big problem is most of us aren’t independently wealthy and can’t afford to build a gaming rig that costs more than our last four cars. The good news is you may get rich someday or even win the lottery, but better yet you don’t need to spend 20k to build a kick ass gaming rig. All you need is some time and patience and a little know how to build a rig for under 1k. I just built one of these albeit with a different case, a Thermaltake Armor case I already owned, and with hard drives I already had on hand so I was able to build mine for around $700. Even without overclocking I’ve been able to run any game out there (i.e. Crysis Warhead, Metro 2033, etc.) on the highest settings and with out lag. It’s a nice warm feeling, kind of tingly. One final note if you're thinking of doing some SLI or Crossfire down the road you'll need to get a different board then the ones recommended in the list since those only have one 16x PCI-E slot. Something more expensive and along the lines of an Asus Striker II Formula (two 16x PCI-E slots) or a EVGA 132-CK-NF78-A1 (three 16x PCI-E slots).

ASUS Radeon HD 6870 1GB 256-bit GDDR5 PCI Express Dual DVI/HDMI Video Card with Eyefinity EAH6870 DC/2DI2S/1GD5 - $190

Corsair TWIN2X4096-6400C5C 8GB XMS2 PC2-6400 800Mhz 240-pin Dual Channel DDR2 Desktop Memory - $100 to $120

Used Foxoconn P35a, Foxconn Mars or Abit ip35 Pro - $30 to100

Used Intel Cpu Core 2 Extreme Qx9650 3.00Ghz Fsb1333Mhz 12M Lga775 Extreme - $375

Diablotek DA Series 600-Watt ATX Power Supply PSDA600 - $29

Cooler Master HAF 932 Advanced Full Tower Case with SuperSpeed USB 3.0 - $160

or Cooler Master HAF ATX Mid Tower Case, RC-922M-KKN1-GP - $98

Hitachi Deskstar 3.5 Inch 1 TB 7200 RPM SATA II 32 MB Cache Internal Hard Drive - $53

Kingston SSDNow V Series 30 GB SATA 2.5-Inch Solid State Drive SNV125-S2/30GBKR - $60

Total: $941 to $1087

Recipe: Guaranteed Perfect Grilled Shrimp Marinade

2011-05-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

My Big Fat Recipe

The Atomic's Grilled Shrimp

I’m a master at grilling steak or chicken, but I’ve always had bad luck with seafood. Either it ends up dry or ends up tasting boring. Recently I found a well rated recipe and changed it up a bit the one posted here. I was blown away by the results. It’s simply the best grilled shrimp I’ve ever made or ever had. The first time I made these as an appetizer and everybody loved them so much we didn’t even want to eat the main meal, we just wanted more shrimp.

1.5lbs of Shrimp

Juice of 2 Lemons

Juice of 2 Limes

Fresh Bay Leaves (Dry can be used but they’re hard to skewer)

Dried Tomato & Herbs Rub

Dry Dill
Olive Oil

Juice the lemons and limes and save the rinds. Let shrimp marinate in lemon/lime juice and about a tbsp of olive oil for 30 minutes to an hour. At the same time soak some wooden shish kabob sticks in water for 30 minutes. Slice leftover rinds into wedges. Now skewer a lemon wedge, then a shrimp, then a bay leaf, then a lime wedge then a shrimp and so on. The lemon and lime wedges will cradle the shrimp and bay leaves in between nicely. Once everything is kabobed sprinkle the dry dill and the Tomato & Herbs Rub over both sides of kabobs. Grill kabobs over medium high heat for two minutes per side or until shrimp is pink.

Recipe: Best Marinade for Healthy Grilled Chicken

2011-05-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

My Big Fat Recipe

Atomic Chicken For The Soul

This is the best marinade for grilled chicken breasts that I’ve ever come up with. Everyone loves it and I get asked for this recipe all the time at cook outs. Besides being incredibly tasty it’s very healthy since it uses fat free salad dressing instead of mayo (finally a good use for fat free dressing).

4lbs Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts

½ Bottle Fat Free Ranch Dressing

½ Bottle Fat Free Italian Dressing

½ Cup Pickle Juice

Pepper

Dry Dill

Combine Ranch, Italian dressing and dill juice and strain through a sifter and into a cup. You’ll need a flat edged spatula to help to stir the dressing and get it strain through the sifter. Once the solids are separated out put them aside. Now inject the marinade using your marinade injector, if you're serious about food, especially grilling, you should have one. Try to only put two or three holes in the breasts when injecting so the marinade doesn’t leak out, they should swell up nice and full. Place the breasts in a container and dump any left over marinade, and the solids you set aside, in with them. Sprinkle a good dose of dry dill and pepper onto everything and mix it together well. You can cook right away or optionally let the marinade sit in the fridge for a couple of hours. Let the marinade and chicken sit out at room temperature for about thirty minutes before grilling. I use a grill basket to make things easier. Cook chicken breasts to an internal temperature of 160, about thirty minutes. If you have left over marinade you can baste the chicken with it while grilling for the first fifteen minutes. When the chicken is done place it in a sealable container or a bowl with a plate on it and let the meat rest for ten minutes before serving. This allows the chicken to finish cooking and makes it juicier. If you are out of pickle juice you can use hot pepper juice from banana or cherry peppers, but you will need to add salt to the recipe to make up for the lack of pickle juice.

Tasty Food! Bin-Bin Rice Crackers

2011-05-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Taste

Bin-Bin = Yum-Yum

I always like to try different types of snacks at the Asian market. Out of the dozens I've tried Bin-Bin Crackers have become one of my families favorites. They're fantasticlly light and crunchy. and they have a light salty sweet flavor that is perfectly balanced. They don't have a lot of fiber or nutrition, but they are low in fat and sodium. A serving of 8 crackers only has 6 grams of fat (1.5 sat), 125mg of sodium and 170 calories. They go great with a cup of green tea or even better with some Miso or Dashi Soup.

Movie Review: Leaves of Grass (2009)

2011-05-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Film Review

Color Me Disappointed

I'm a big fan of Edward Norton, Walt Whitman, and I'm a sucker for a good dramedy. I also really enjoy philosophy. So what could be better than a movie chock full of all these things? A lot surprisingly. This film starts out good enough with Norton playing two separate characters Bill and Brady, twin brothers. Bill, a college professor of philosophy, has done all he can to distance himself from his home town in Oklahoma. He hasn't seen his pot growing, pot smoking, white trash brother Brady or his hippie mother in thirteen years. Brady on the other hand has embraced who he is and lived a free and wild life. Unfortunately Brady's free living has put him a bad situation with some major drug dealers and he needs his twin brother to help him out of it. Sadly that's about as good as the movie gets. Shortly after Bill arrives in Oklahoma the movie simply spirals around it's self and stalls. The film starts to feel aimless and in the end nothing really feels resolved, not the conflict between brothers or Bill's own loathing of his past. The comedy aspect of the film also seems to vanish about a third of the way through and is replaced with a bit of romance and some over the top violence that sucks the humor right out of the film. Norton's acting is superb, as usual, and it's really cool to see him play two such different characters at the same time. The film had great potential, but somebody screwed up somewhere and turned it into a snooze fest that didn't really mesh up by the end. If you're a mega Norton fan then you might get some enjoyment out of the film, maybe. Others need not bother.

Review: Portal 2

2011-05-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

The Fun Is A Lie

The following is an actual quote from Valve regarding their opinion on DLC: "We make more money because more people buy it (the game we're selling), not because we try and nickel-and-dime the same customers."

Gee, isn't it great that there are still devoted video game developers that respect their customers and don't try to rip them off any chance given? WHAT'S THAT!? I CAN BUY PORTAL 2 FOR $60+ AND THEN BUY AN ADDITIONAL $85 WORTH OF HATS, SKINS, AND ANIMATIONS! Well they stayed true to their word, $2 for a hat is way more then mere nickels and dimes. They now make their money from robbing their customers blind.

Obviously people can argue that you don't have to buy any of it and that it's all cosmetic, affecting gameplay in no way, shape, or form. But that's the biggest insult of all... After stating that they would not stoop to such a low level... they made all this useless content BEFORE the game even came out. Then on DAY ONE released it all and made it worth more then the actual game. If that isn't a slap to the face of their fans I don't know what is. It's not like they couldn't have just as easily made it all free and got an enormous amount of praise and gratitude from their fans. Considering the sequel is already SIX TIMES as expensive as the original. A better game by all means.

Why was the first one better? Because it was originally included with four other games in a bundle known as The Orange Box. Which at the time, cost as much as Portal 2 does by itself now. Another reason? Because nobody knew what it was, so all the humor and memorable moments became so... memorable. Now they are just trying to force the same charm and wit, and it's kind of sad really. I'm not saying the game is bad, but it's obvious Valves intentions weren't to make another good game. They were just to further cash in on the success of the first one.

Sure they added Co-op and I won't lie I had fun playing it. But what kind of replay value does a PUZZLE GAME HAVE!? Why would I buy different hats for my character just to play the same exact puzzles with someone different? It's not like the answer is ever going to be anything different.

To conclude I will tell you a story. I went to a midnight release with a friend of mine who really wanted this game. The same night the new Mortal Kombat game was being released and they had it set up for people to play... Punch line? I had more fun playing Mortal Kombat in line waiting to buy Portal 2 then I had playing Portal 2. Second punch line? I later learned the story mode in the new Mortal Kombat game is actually longer then Portal 2's story. That's right a FIGHTING GAME has a longer story then a game that is solely based on it's story mode with no replay value whatsoever, whereas the whole idea behind the fighting genre IS replayability. I just wish my friend got Mortal Kombat instead of this piece of crap... At least we'd still be playing it. Whereas the only fun to be had with Portal 2 at this point is seeing how much dust it's collected by now. And that doesn't even sound like fun.

Review: Shift 2: Unleashed

2011-05-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

It's Like I'm Really Playing A Bad Game!

In the short history of video games there have been plenty of great examples of how racing games are fun. From realistic crashes, takedowns, and "Crash Mode" (one of the most fun mechanics of any racing game) added by the Burnout Franchise to the huge imaginative tracks I've spent countless hours making and playing in the TrackMania games. The awesome customization and soundtracks allowed in earlier Need For Speed games like Underground 2... Or what about the fact that for the longest time Split-Screen was a standard for racing games, after all what's more fun then playing a racing game with your friends.

Now lets see what Shift 2 offers.

It removed Need For Speed from the title but not the box. That's not totally pointless, right?

Instead of some hot chick guiding you through the game (Underground 2), we now have some fat professional racer who speaks to you like the both of you are mentally challenged.

It removed split-screen because, and I quote: "There’s so much going on in the game, for example we’ve added if you’re drafting a guy now you’ll get all the little bits of crap from his car, all the gravel and rubber hit the car and they can hit your windscreen and things like that. It takes a lot of development time but it’s very authentic and that’s the experience we want. Unfortunately that means things like split-screen aren’t possible."

So there you have it, because of "little bits of crap" you can't have fun with your friends who aren't rich enough to own two copies of the game and two consoles. I hope "little bits of crap" were worth it.

The most unimaginative race tracks imaginable (appreciate that statement for a second).

REAL ONES! Remember when we'd be going through risky short cuts, like cutting through buildings, making insane jumps, and so on? None of that in this game. We now just get to go in circles a lot.

Insane customization! That's right, with every car you get 3 different body types to pick from. No, you don't get to mix n' match anything. No, you don't get to put actual cool stuff on your car, say neon lights. You can pick the color, some decals, and DOZENS of things you don't get to see, but you can tune them slightly to make it seem like you actually know something about cars. Yeah I bet that 10% less air pressure in your tires is really going to make a huge difference on whether or not you win the race. Although it's true this is still more customization then say, a Burnout game. A Burnout game has never marketed itself as having insane customization, their goal has always been to make an actual fun racing game. Whereas Need For Speed HAS marketed itself for having insane customization... But when it has less options then titles released years ago (as in Underground 2), this is a real let down.

Also if you're too lazy to unlock the cars, you can buy them all with real money. HOW CONVENIENT FOR ME, that they offer to take all that annoying money off my hands. After all I already bought the game for $60+ might as well give them more to play it for me.

It's the most realistic Need For Speed game ever. But since when has realism been good for the racing genre? Never that's when. Ever since the gaming industry got a hard on for realism video games have suffered as a whole, not just racing games. Why do I play video games? Because reality sucks. So through the use of second grade logic I've come up with this equation: Video Game + Realism = Bad Video Game. Proof? Shift 2.

But what about the racing itself? Sure everything else sucks, but this IS a racing game... so how is the racing? Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying? Of course It sucks. Let me explain... It's not fun. On the bottom of the road are green arrows that you are supposed to follow... they tell you when you are going too fast and the best angle for you to enter a turn. I was wondering why It was so easy after the first race (of finishing last, but I was told that I did a "great job"), the game actually set it so my car automatically slows down when I enter turns... So just so you get this straight. Most of the tracks are you going in circles with the only hard part (turning) done for you. I had to stop playing as soon as I realized this.

This game did absolutely everything wrong. It's made for retards who need their hands held and pockets emptied. They almost got the name right though. Just one too many F's.

P.S. I did not personally spend $60+ on this game, I borrowed it from a friend who got it for free. If I WAS stupid enough to waste money (or have a friend who did) on this piece of Shift. I'd kill myself.

Review & Specs: HP Pavillion dv2000t Notebook

2011-05-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Tech Review

Mini Mighty

I recently got a chance to work on one these Notebooks for someone who needed some upgrades and an OS reinstall. At first I wasn't impressed, but Vista has a way of sucking the life out of the best computers. After I removed the offending OS and installed Windows 7 I was able to get a real feel for this notebook. I was impressed by the boot up speed and overall quickness of programs with 7 installed. I typically will have three or four programs open at a time while I'm working and this little notebook had no trouble keeping up while I installed a program, downloaded a file, browsed Firefox and ran Spybot's Immunization program all at once. A surprising amount of punch out of the T2300E 1.66GHz Dual core. I also kicked up the Ram to the Max 2GB for this machine, which I strongly recommend. One thing about this notebook is it gets pretty hot on the left side, more than I expected. I've been shopping around for a netbook and in comparison, for the money, this is an attractive option at $100 used. Even the newer models like the dv6000 run about $200. Conclusion: If your on the market for a small notebook or netbook for work or school, but on a limited budget this is definitely a good option to consider. You won't be running any high end games on it, but if that's what you want get a desktop. If you got money to spend then I would strongly recommend the ASUS Eee PC 1215B-PU17. One final note be forewarned a lot of these dv2000's came installed with Vista and if you're hoping to install XP instead you'll need to know how to slip stream your Windows install disc with the appropriate sata drivers. The easy solution of course is to go with Windows 7 like I did.

Processor: Intel Core Duo (Yonah) T2300E 1.66GHz
Screen: 14.1" WXGA BrightView TFT LCD 1280x800
GFX Card: Intel GMA 950 (integrated, 128MB shared)
RAM: 1024MB DDR2 at 533MHz
HD size: Varies
Disc drive: Super 8x DVD+/-RW with DL support
Wireless: Intel PRO/Wireless 3945ABG w/ Bluetooth
Communication: Built-in 1.3 MP Webcam with 2 omnidirectional microphones
Ports:1 ExpressCard 54/34 Slot, 1 Firewire, 3 USB 2.0, TV-Out (S-video), IR (for remote control), Microphone in, 2 Headphone out (with one also as SPDIF Digital Audio), 1 RJ-45 (ethernet), 1 RJ-11 (modem), 1 Expansion Port 2 Connector, Light-up DC port for power supply

Product Review: iSi 1 Quart Soda Siphon 2248/2246

2011-05-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Review

Marx Bros Approved

There's nothing like a whiskey and soda, but if you're like me you want to do it in style. If you wouldn't buy whiskey in a plastic jug than why would you buy club soda in a plastic bottle. Step up your game and go classy with the iSi Soda Siphon. I bought one of these six years ago and I've never had an issue with it. No leaky seals and no cracked plastic I've never had to replace the o-rings and the top of the siphon is a heavy grade of plastic and is very durable. I have had a "few" parties over the years and the iSi has survived some pretty rowdy goings on. Including being dropped, tossed, thrown and forgotten in the freezer (don't put it in the freezer!). This is truly a commercial grade product and a good investment for your bar at home or if you own a real bar and at about 40 cents a charge it's darn economical. The iSi can also be used for making homemade whipped cream if you use the nitrous cartridges. The iSi comes with a lifetime warranty too, but it's so well made you don't need a warranty.

Review - Skullcandy INK'd Earbuds S2INCZ

2011-05-05T02:35:00.000-07:00

I go through a lot of headphones... They break, constantly.

It's my fault. I listen to music any given moment I'm alone... else I am forced to use my brain, a rather unattractive alternative. So, while I walk, exercise, do the dishes, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, use the computer, and most importantly sleep, tossing and turning, sometimes waking up to a cord being wrapped around my neck choking me... plus I have an unhealthy habit of chewing on my shirt collars, which translates to only muscle memory away from chewing on said cord.

Unsurprisingly the average lifespan of most headphones I've owned is a month or two at best. Whereas these Skullcandy Headphones have lasted me since Christmas and they're still in mint condition. What makes them so different you might ask? Are they somehow more durable than your average pair? Not to my knowledge... The thing that makes them different is that they are so UNBELIEVABLY GOOD. But you better believe it, cause I own them and I'm telling you right now.

You know you have a good pair of headphones when songs you have heard a thousand times before all of a sudden sound as though it's your first time hearing them. With these headphones this is exactly what you get, I'm still excited about listening to old songs I haven't gotten around to yet. And that is exactly why they have survived for so long. The only complaint I have is that the little letters to specify which is the right and left earpiece are so tiny that for the first few months I didn't even know they were there. Thinking it was some sort of guessing game. Only a minor inconvenience, and overall...

These are the best headphones I have ever used so I go to extreme lengths to make sure they go undamaged. No sleeping with them, no accidentally dropping them in the toilet, no shenanigans whatsoever. Which may seem neurotic, but I guarantee you'll act the same.

TV Review: Murder She Wrote (1984-1996) and Magnum PI (1980-1988)

2011-05-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

Big Fat TV Review

Ultimate 80's Episode

I'm a big Tom Selleck fan. I loved Magnum PI in the 80's and I'm a huge fan of the Jesse Stone movie series. So to my delight I stumbled across this crossover episode while on a Murder She Wrote binge. This is the second part, the first part was aired on Magnum PI, so it's a little Jessica heavy and bit Magnum light as he's in jail and she's trying to prove his innocence. If your a fan of either show you'll enjoy this mash up. Sadly Netflix doesn't stream Magnum PI, only Murder She Wrote, but they do rent the DVDs. Lastly if you're wondering if Magnum figures out that Jessica is a brilliant serial killer that manages to always blame the murder on somebody else in every episode the answer is no. S03E08 - Episode 52 - Magnum On Ice Part 2.

Movie Review: Doghouse (2009)

2011-05-03T00:22:00.000-07:00

Fat Film Review

Ultimate Guy Break Up Film

Doghouse sets it's self apart in the Zombie game by melding the usual blood splattered horror zombie flick with the comically misogynistic romp of your typical bromance. The story follows a group of guys, all with overbearing wives and girlfriends, who decided to get away for a weekend and throw a party for their recently divorced friend. Instead of a wild time filled with booze and partying they find themselves in the middle of a small town where all the women have become zombies and all the men are dead. They've no choice but to chop, bludgeon and burn every bloodthirsty wench that comes after them. The quintessential moment is when they stumble across a zombie bride all dressed in white and feeding on the groom. From there the movie is pretty much your standard Zombie fair. It's all done very well and the acting is good. I can't help but think the writer must have a had a bad break up before writing this misogynistic zombie slaughter fest. Conclusion: a good twist on your typical Zombie film, but maybe more suited for a guys night out.

Obama Kills Osama: Bin Laden is Dead!

2011-05-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

Big Fat News

It's About Time

Word is Osama Bin Laden was taken out by a team of US Navy seals at around 9pm EST. I'm not sure who gets credit for this one, the republican administration for starting the war or the democratic administration that killed Osama. Either way I know who paid for it the American taxpayer at a cost of more than 3 Trillion dollars and tragically the countless lives of young American soldiers lost in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm glad the guy is dead, but next time lets agree to let the CIA handle it and do it Jack Bauer style. Not only will this save lives and money, but it will also get done a lot quicker. Almost a decade to take this guy out, come on, retribution for this should have been quick and precise. In retrospect it's too bad we didn't send JP Morgan and AIG after him. They probably would have killed Bin Laden as quickly and harshly as they did the American Dream and the US economy. Good riddance.

Cool Sites: Selling Everything You Own - Never Ending Voyage

2011-05-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

That Overwhelming Feeling

My Big Fat Life

Too Much Stuff!

Every now and then I get this overwhelming feeling like I have too much stuff and that I should probably sell everything I own. That's how I came across this site: www.neverendingvoyage.com. A site not just dedicated to the idea, but also documenting the ongoing travels of Simon and Erin a couple who sold it all and decided to travel the world. The site has stories and photos of their on going travels after having sold everything and renting out their house. There are some fantastic pictures and tales on the site as well as a guide on how to sell all your stuff. I have to say it sounds rather tempting. Even if I may not be able to travel the world the simple idea of unburdening my life from a lot of stuff sounds great. I've got nothing against stuff, but in reality you can always buy more of it later since the factories are going to keep on making it. What is much harder to get your hands on is freedom they simply haven't found a way to mass produce and market it, making it near impossible to buy. Who knows I may put up a site soon selling it all. If your not convinced then you can buy some stuff from the links below.

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Top Ten Funny Websites - Signspotting

2011-04-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Big Fat Ten

Makes The Work Day Fly

One of the best sites around for a good laugh signspotting.com has some truly insightful examples of how intelligent the human species can be. You can definitely burn through a slow afternoon on this site as long as your boss doesn't catch you.