The Atypical Programmer

Pictures of Italy

2014-11-20T15:02:00.002-05:00

I'm transporting this post of mine here from elsewhere, so it doesn't get stricken from the Internet at any point in the future. Note: I didn't take any of these myself; I merely found them on Google Images. Original post date was December 11th, 2013.

Here's Sicily. Beautiful place.

And the Blue Grotto - absolutely beautiful cave I heard of from somewhere. It's on the island of Capri, off the coast. The light coming in through the mouth of the cave illuminates the water from underneath so that it shines an aqua/blue color.

Venice!!!

Part of the Amalfi Coast! It's in southern Italy. Gorgeous place...

Santa Maddalena, a little village in northern Italy. I'd love to go bicycling there... it would be great fun. Driving too, even. Or hiking. I mean, look at those mountains in the background

A gondola in Venice.

Yes, I'm hoarding pictures now. We need an intervention. D:

And here's another!

A house in Tuscany.

A night in Verona.

In case it isn't obvious, I really want to go to Italy someday, and have for a long time.

I'm writing a novel.

2014-11-02T14:43:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm writing another novel. This one is intended to be purely sci-fi, and I'm taking advantage of NaNoWriMo to help speed the last two-thirds of it along.

As it would appear from the above images, I'm calling it "Small Choices". Here's a quick synopsis:

So then, just as it always did, it came down to a decision.

In a barbarous time, amidst the brewing of a second galactic war, lovers Hraden and Taiya discover that Hraden's mining hauler, Sofie, holds a terrible secret that would soon cast them into a tempestuous whirlwind of lies, betrayal and corruption. Forced to undertake a great, unsought quest, the young couple makes a desperate attempt to save themselves, their friends, and ultimately all of humanity from an inevitable destruction. Their story tells of their perilous adventures, their trials and hardships, and their unimaginable sacrifices as they struggle to master their fears and come to terms with what, and who, Sofie is.

I'm releasing it as I go along, a chapter at a time, onto the Limit Theory forums, here. Of course, that means I have to polish as I go, which is not recommended to do during NaNoWriMo... but I've handled worse before, right? I should be okay... hopefully. It'll take a lot of work, but it's definitely possible. What I have so far has received good reviews - I can only hope it continues. I'm also entering the first chapter into the monthly Limit Theory Fan Contest; we'll see if I win that too.

I've kept busy!

What is a Friend?

2014-08-11T17:36:00.002-04:00

A short story I wrote a week or so ago as a contest entry.

What is a Friend?

It is here I will record my last few hours... here I shall etch into the rock with what remains of me that which I will never be able to tell.

Few can know the emptiness that comes with knowing the exact moment of their destruction, years before it comes to pass. And yet I can... down to the year, the day, and even the minute. It started years ago; I knew it then, and it is just now drawing to a close... Yet, I can only sit and watch.

And what is my name? I would write it here, but I have never needed one - I have ever only simply been. I sense your feelings... I sense your happiness, your sadness... your hope. I sensed you from afar as you were speeding from the gate; I stretched out to touch your minds, and you responded - you turned in my direction. You landed your strange craft, you set foot upon the surface... I felt hope in your minds then... hope that you could make what was mine your own. You "people" want me for your own. You saw me as a resource, though I saw you as a kindred spirit. I have only ever been alone, for far longer than you believe yourselves to have existed. You were fleeing a dying star, I gathered from your thoughts. You had no home, and as such I tried to give you mine. I welcomed you with open arms. You are all so different - some of you are harder to touch than others, but I learned of your languages, your cultures, your beliefs... you made me happy for the first time that I've known. I tried to make you happy to be near me... and some of you were, but such violent entities you are! The happiest among you, those that wanted to stay, mutinied and turned against those that wanted to go home. A number of you died, and I could no longer sense their presence. It saddened me, just as it did you. I learned from my mistake and decided to never attempt the same again, but you had learned as well. You detected my presence; you never went outside again without protective suits, thinking you had blocked my interference with your minds. And you had... but I could still feel you.

You continued to try to colonize my world, and I still attempted to aid you however I could. I only wanted peace. When you next came to land upon my surface, I removed all traces of myself as quickly as I could. For a time, you believed I'd only been a "plague" - yes, a plague, you called me. The planet's reaction to invaders, but I saw you not then as invaders... I thought of you as neighbors.

And there was peace...

But then you stared into the planet's depths; you probed the waters, rich with life, curious as only you could be, and you found me. You found me. I always wanted to be found. I never wanted to be alone.

But you never forgive. "Neighbors", I say. "Forgiveness", I say - words I learned from you, but you - you "humans" - by what right did you come up with these terms, these ideas, with how violent you are?

I heard many new words and phrases in your minds then. "Terraforming", you called it. "Telepathic bacteria," "neural network". You discovered I am made up of trillions of minute cells, spread across the planet, working together telepathically to produce a sentience, and in fear, you left - all of you. You sent lifeless, mindless probes down to my surface... They belched clouds of noxious gas that kill my cells, that damage my mind... I can feel it with every moment, millions of tiny sparks screaming out in anguish. You are trying to kill me. I could try to take "revenge", a word only your kind could be violent enough to come up with... but I will have none of it. Even were you still here upon my surface as my mind dies, I would not harm a soul.

Perhaps one of you humans will one day read my story, and learn from my mistakes.

You can have my world... but there was no need to kill me. I only wanted a... a friend.

My 3d-modeling Learning Experience

2014-07-22T08:43:00.002-04:00

All right, I'm really bad at keeping this updated. I suppose at some point I stopped being so withdrawn and came out of my shell, and started talking to people. When that happened, I didn't really need to keep a journal anymore, and as that's what my blog basically is, my posting rather fell apart. I usually only post here when I'm feeling lonely. Not talking to girls doesn't count - it has to be both girls and guys for me to really feel lonely enough to post... Right now I'm posting entirely thanks to an Anonymous commenter. I have no idea who it was, or if they'll ever come back - but I sincerely thank you for your comment. It's this sort of thing that gets me motivated - and you didn't even say you liked what I'd written, just that it seemed I'd put a lot of time into it.

With all that out of the way, I'd like to talk about my 3d Modeling learning experience.

About a year ago, in October of 2013, I got started in a project called Trillek, which was something created by fans after Notch (the creator of Minecraft) stopped working on 0x10c (a space game set many trillions of years in the future). I'd just gotten dumped by my girlfriend (for someone else, no less), I was depressed, and I had a lot of time on my hands. I didn't really want to think about what was going on in my life, and the only solution was to get rid of all that free time by concentrating on something else. As painful as it was, it was the perfect combination to really get me going.

Concept art I made early on for Trillek's main menu.

Trillek progressed slowly, however, as democratic projects by large teams usually do. There was no pay, there was no leader, and there were no jobs, so when a man going by the moniker of TorakTu came along saying he wanted to create his own project, and was planning on progressing a lot faster, I jumped on board. I didn't really want to abandon Trillek, and it rather felt like I was betraying them - but as I didn't really have any useful skills to offer anyway, it didn't seem to matter.

That was where I fell short, though - I didn't really have any skills to offer. I didn't like that. I wanted to be able to help. TorakTu gave me the position of "PR guy", and took two more people onto the team - both programmers. I needed to learn Java in order to help, and I didn't like sitting idle, so I quickly got to work learning Java. This took far shorter than I'd anticipated - only a few weeks and I was already cranking out programs.

But I still couldn't really help much, apart from looking over their code and helping solve crashes... so when we started needing models, I leapt for the opportunity. Long-time followers of my blog will know I'm a huge fan of architecture and I knew some basic 3d-modeling - but "basic" wasn't what TorakTu was looking for. He wanted a ship worthy of a main screen image... so that's what I started on.

After obtaining a free student version of 3ds Max, I started watching tutorials and trying to learn as quickly as I could, all while working on the "ship cockpit" I was supposed to be creating. I was given the deadline of two weeks - I considered that ludicrous, to be honest, but TorakTu thought it would help to push me... which it most certainly did.

The first images I took of my ExoVerse cockpit, Mk1.

I don't know why, but people always seem to like leaving it up to me to decide what they want. I don't really like that - I like to know beforehand what someone wants so I can try to match it as closely as possible. Maybe I don't really trust myself to create something people will like, or perhaps I'm lazy and don't like the thought of reworking or restarting later on, but when I showed Torak my first images, he seemed to like them. That fueled my enthusiasm, and I kept going. Within two weeks, I had the following to show for my efforts:

The ExoVerse cockpit scene I created.

This was the first model I ever made with 3ds Max, and I really didn't like the idea of it being my last. Looking at it now, I can see a plethora of flaws and things I could've done differently. The model itself was full of inadequacies and holes, didn't use quadrilaterals like it should have (shapes with four sides), and there were a slew of other problems with it, but I felt proud of myself. Of course... Torak kept pushing me. It wasn't good enough for him - it was never good enough for him - and right then, that was what I needed someone to tell me. "It's great, but you could do it better", he would tell me, and off I'd go to improve it. He didn't really want to change the game engine he was working on, so I'd have to change the entire ship model. During that time I learned loads about exporting files and optimization. Eventually he liked my model enough that he wanted it in the actual game, and asked me to make a ship connected to the cockpit, which turned out... rather ugly:

Attaching the cockpit to a ship. Never do this. Always build the cockpit for the ship, not the other way around. Hindsight is 20/20, you know.

Torak realized this, I think, and told me to create a new ship based loosely on a Firefly design, but with a bulkier feel to it. So, a day later, I had these two images to show for it. (You can click to expand, I think.)

He seemed happier with these two than he did my previous ship, by far. The ship had a sleeker design, and looked a lot prettier overall - not to mention the fact that I was able to build a large cargo hold into the ship, AND add something techy-looking to the back. Best of all, the cockpit was spacious without looking even slightly ugly. Of course, I rebuilt the whole thing later, and added a lot more to it... Texturing the beast was the worst part. The previous ship was easy because I never tried texture mapping it. UVW mapping is a serious pain to learn, especially with a close deadline to meet, but I did the best I could. I did finally get texture mapping down, though, and finished fleshing out the model. The final ship actually looked rather pretty, if I do say so myself - at least, pretty enough to be used somewhere.


The final ExoVerse ship, heavily drawing inspiration from Firefly. We all loved that show.

Best of all, it had a low number of polygons (less than 5000). While that may seem like a lot, it's actually not - you could have hundreds of these running on your computer and it wouldn't even bat an eye. One thing I did learn, though, is that rendering in a modeling program and rendering in a game are entirely different things. A game can render dozens of frames per second, while a modeling program can take hours to render a single frame - even though it'll look far more beautiful when it's done.

The image of the cockpit that got used on the ExoVerse home page.

I'm sorry to say that ExoVerse died soon after I finished the ship. One of our members were forced to leave the crew (bad conduct, lying, screwing with the site), and then Torak had to leave the project thanks to personal reasons, and that left me in the driver's seat... I don't like leading. I learned that a long time ago, but that's a story for a different post. With just me and a veteran coder called MJN, it didn't seem we could do it. I'd just learned Java (learned it while my models rendered, actually), and didn't feel confident enough to pull off something on the scale of a huge game like this, so ExoVerse died a quiet, painless death.

That's not to say I quit, however. I kept going - I made bigger and better models and learned loads of new things as I went along. I'm still learning and modeling to this day, and hoping I'll be able to make a career out of it. Modelers in the animation field can make six digits a year, if they're worth their salt... I'd love to be able to do something like that, if it gave me plenty of free time to spend with my family too. And no, I don't have a family yet, but I'm getting there.

Before I sign off, I'll leave you with the image I'm proudest of - a rose. It was part of a Christmas gift for someone... and also yet another story for yet another post... I'm only leaving it here because I think it's pretty... and also because this blog is a really great opportunity to show my skills. Who knows? Maybe someone will notice.

A rose made of glass, casting caustics in a white box.

I'd also like to give a big thanks to TorakTu for pushing me as hard as he did. I wouldn't know as much as I do now if it hadn't been for him, and I am very, very grateful. He's an awesome guy, and if you ever happen to see him, tell him Talv says hi.

Another Random Thought

2014-05-04T10:23:00.004-04:00

There's a quote in The Dark Knight where Alfred (Batman's butler) tells him, "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

While this is true... I'd like to add to it.

Some men just want to watch the world burn... but some men just want to see the world smile... no matter how they themselves are feeling.

I'll get to putting up some more relevant stuff tomorrow, hopefully - I've just been really busy lately.

Stalking

2014-05-03T16:37:00.001-04:00

Just a random thought, while I'm here. It's partially to try to ease myself back into making blog posts again.

Today's random thought is: Some people want to be stalked.

No, I don't mean stalking in a harmful way, like running around with a camera, or setting up a shrine. I just mean looking you up online, trying to find out more about you. Maybe, if they live just a few houses down, coming up to your door and hesitating before deciding not to knock. Perhaps they watch you from their house across the way, while you're outside taking a walk. Nothing harmful - just idle curiosity and interest.

Some people hate the idea of being stalked even like this. They have enough people in their lives as it is, and it's just creepy to think that some random stranger would take an interest in them and try to find out more about them. I completely understand that. I've had it happen myself. If you're already a social person, then you've grown comfortable with your social circles as they currently are, and the idea of someone new worming their way in just because they're longing for social interaction.

But the reverse can be true, too. Sometimes a person is so starved for socialization that they'd not only welcome the idea of being stalked, but they'd also welcome the stalker themselves into their live with open arms. Loneliness is a powerful motivator towards socialization... And really, while some people hate the idea of being looked up at all online, others don't mind... and others are secretly hopeful that someone will look them up... in the hopes that at the end of the day, they'll gain a friend.

I've been on both sides.

Well, it's been a long time.

2014-04-23T13:52:00.001-04:00

No, it really has been - over a year. A lot has happened... a lot of good things have happened to me, and by the same token, so have a lot of very, very bad things.

I guess I'll start with the good. I need to start working on this blog again, but after I permabanned myself from writing about anything remotely related to my relationships, it became significantly more difficult to come up with something good to write about. I guess that just goes to show how much of my life I pour into my relationships, right? I'm pretty sure that that can't possibly be a good thing, but at least it's something I can take note of and, hopefully, improve.

I'll start with the most recent thing. Last October I got involved with a game design project called Trillek, but, when it became clear they were going nowhere fast (actually, they hit a dead end and fell apart), I split off from that group and joined up with another project: ExoVerse. This is just going to be a short post, and I don't want to spoil too much, but I think it might be beneficial to post a picture here of what I made. Just one picture, of course - I'll save the others for another time.

I can't take credit for everything in this picture, sadly. The starfield was a joint effort, and the blue sun is the work of the project leader (I just edited it a little). Everything else is mine, as is the render. Yes, I know it really needs work... but on the plus side, I learned 3d modeling in less than two months, so that was nice. I also learned Java and OpenGL in the same two months, so things were very busy for me then. I got a lot done, and I learned a lot, but it also left me feeling completely burned out.

On the down side, the project leader for ExoVerse didn't stick around, and the group fell apart. ExoVerse was never completed. I'm not going to blame the guy, though, it wasn't his fault: he ran into some medical complications that disabled him enough that he couldn't continue. It was a sad day for me, but, I'm still here, so I did eventually get over it.

Right now, I'm mostly working on A Skulker's Tale - that book I mentioned a couple years ago. I started putting effort into it again, and it's almost at the end of the third "book". I'm thinking of shoving all four books into a single volume, the same way that Tolkien put six books into his The Lord of the Rings "trilogy". We'll see, though.

In any case, I'm still alive... Single again, but my having someone special to me never seems to last long. Other than that... Hello again.

Forged In Love

2013-02-15T08:42:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned previously that I've gotten some of my art illustrated. Well, this is a perfect example of that. Technically, this has been around for half a year or so, so I don't feel too guilty in posting it up here. In fact, it might serve to give a minor boost to the sales, as it's essentially an advertisement.

A while back, I became friends with a guy named Peter Tyson, aka TinyPirate on Bay12Forums. He's pretty friendly in my opinion, and he has a great taste in literature... although I'm biased, because he particularly likes certain things that I've written. What happened was this: He was writing a book about Dwarf Fortress, and he wanted five or six original, short Dwarf Fortress stories to include as pages of art by Tim Denee. We were already friends at the time, as I've helped him out on different occasions before that, and I won't lie - I think that may have played (at least slightly) into his final decision... because my story was one of the ones he chose.

Technically, it wasn't a story. It was a 1900-word poem that I summed up in 234 words. Even so, it did actually happen in a game of mine, and TinyPirate thought it was awesome. The summed-up version is as follows:

The fortress of Naugaridge was built into the side of a mountain, and was built more specifically for design and beauty than anything else. Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of some elves, who vowed to claim the kingdom for their own. The elves soon laid siege to the fortress. Tholsak, the captain of the guard, led Naugaridge's army out against the invaders valiantly, and though many dwarves were slain, they broke full upon the ranks of the elves and slaughtered many in the defense of their home.

At the height of the battle, a dragon appeared on the opposite side of the fortress, and quickly flew to attack whomever it could find. It happened upon Thatthil, who was the fortress's weaponsmith and Tholsak's lover. It's unsure why she was outside the walls - possibly hoping to catch a glimpse of Tholsak - but she was quickly murdered by the dragon, Felgoth. The dragon then proceeded to dispatch the elves, setting their precious forests ablaze in the process, and then turned on the dwarves. It slaughtered many before finally being pierced by Tholsak's sword, though Tholsak himself was mortally wounded in the fight, and had lost one of his legs. Despite this, Tholsak dragged himself through the ranks of his dying comrades and stabbed the beast through the skull with the very sword that Thatthil had made for him, before dying there on the burning field.

Tim Denee is awesome - I love his art style. Peter Tyson's book isn't too shabby, either. While I'm still of the opinion that the best experience of the game is gained by diving right into it, his book would be a major help to a beginner to intermediate player, and it's available right here for less than $20. For a 240 page, oldschool game manual filled with detailed pictures and explanations (not to mention jokes), that's a pretty decent price.

Here's the panel where my story became art. (If I get any copyright issues, I'll take it down, but I think this would tend to serve more as a boost in revenue for O'Reilly than a legitimate problem. If anything.)

I think it looks pretty good. If you're interested, the original poem can be found here, and it's a lot more detailed.

Chapter 82 - In Which I Stroke My Ego

2013-01-30T16:40:00.003-05:00

I was feeling a bit discouraged, so I went through the Spearbreakers thread looking for my name. What follows is me being stupidly proud of myself. (No, really, I mean it.) These are select quotes from people in the thread, from various points. Yes, my next blog post will actually mean something. No, this one likely contains no important information whatsoever.

kahn1234: dont stop the fan-fiction!
we dont care if is takes place in Spearbreakers or not. things will get confusing if we don't get the whole story.
At least, dont stop Vanya's Journals. they're the most interesting for me.

TheKaspa: @Talvieno: I nominated you as Master Bard in this topic. Take it as a compliment for your work in writing stories.

Mr Frog: Vanya's an awesome character and your writing is impeccable. Just keep rockin'.

Splint: (about a story chapter) Beautiful Talvieno, just beautiful.

Mr Frog: I'm thinking of soliciting Talvieno's assistance for whatever I do next, assuming he has the time/energy/patience. Not that there aren't other talented writers here, but Talvieno knows my approach to writing and can probably manage my various neuroses a bit better. Plus, he's good at spotting continuity errors, which was a huge issue for me in the past.

Splint: I've been busy trying to find the right blend of brutal and balanced with humans so I haven't really had the time to. Some of his stuff seems downright nasty at times though (the radiation mod he worked on springs to mind, and the Scythod.)

Mr Frog: The scary thing is most of the individual stories are pretty short save for those of Talvieno, who seems to be able to smash out novella-length tales on demand :V

Hanslanda: Lol, I give total props to Talvieno for that one. It was quite a joy to be able to write a likable elf interacting with DF dwarves.

Hanslanda: (At a particularly long post of mine) All this. You are a genius.

Reudh: (about a story chapter) Damn, Talvi, amazing as always.

Reudh: (about a story chapter) ...Poor Vanya... :'(
That was a great piece, Talvi. You're a great writer.

Jack Magnus: (about a story chapter) @Talvi: You succeeded with the emotional impact, that's for sure.
Another great piece, Talvi.

New Laptop

2013-01-07T11:05:00.000-05:00

I feel I could almost leave this entire post blank - the title explains everything I could say all by itself. Yes, I got a new laptop. Yes, I am happy with it. It was a gift - and that's pretty extravagant for a gift, in my opinion. It has a wider screen than my laptop, and better specs, but that's not really any surprise. Technology moves forwards, so if you buy something at a later date, logic tells you it'll be better (unless you pay a lot less). But that just about sums everything up, as relating to the title. Therefore, I am going to continue on a few other subjects.

I've sparsely graced the Internet here and there while I was away. The Vanya story (now officially titled "Vanya's Journals" for lack of a better name) has reached far over novel length, and even over the length of two short novels, with a total of over 175,000 words. If it keeps going, I may develop it into a series, as it's mostly received approving reviews. I've had a lot of fun, and learned a lot of things about writing... I've also come to accept that while good at both, I'm a better writer than I am a programmer. That was particularly difficult to accept, too.

In other news, I received my GED last September. For those of you who don't know, the General Education Diploma is, in the US, the equivalent to a standard High School Diploma, for those people who don't go through high school the same way as everyone else. I scored high, in the top 5% in everything, and in the top 1% in science and social studies. Unfortunately, the scores mean nothing... only the diploma does. At least I managed it - it's supposed to be far more difficult than getting a diploma the regular way, and I was scared half to death that I would flunk. I was happy, to say the least, and now I can focus on getting a job.

Also, random... I've been single for over a year now, and I'm fine with it. I didn't think that would ever happen.

And now, something that worries me... Someone that watches (or watched) this blog apparently deleted all their posts (after I left a comment that was meant to be comforting), and made a post about privacy... and how it should be respected... It was posted in August 2012, I just saw it earlier today, and I feel very bad about it now. If you're still around, and if that was directed at me, I am deeply sorry. I post my inner thoughts here, and enjoy when other people read them and respond... it was naive of me to assume that the owner of a vaguely-similar personal blog would feel the same.

Story Illustrations

2012-08-22T14:09:00.002-04:00

I've continued with Vanya's story since the last update I made here, and it's actually to chapter 21 now - some of them are especially long chapters, too. It's just about at what I'd consider book-length, actually... and it seems to have gained critical acclaim (to a minor extent) and an official audience - the first real audience I've ever had for my stories - audience here meaning "people who read it regularly and provide feedback". Some of this feedback was in the form of an illustration - two illustrations, actually, although one of them hasn't even been posted yet. Introducing...

Vanya Carena, the homeless elf in a fortress of dwarves, drawn by Splint of the Bay12 (Dwarf Fortress) forums. It's actually pretty close to how I imagined her, minus the colors. He really did his research, all the way down to the beanie on her head and her baggy blouse. Honestly, I'm pleased. I've rarely been so pleased. I'm not much of an artist myself, and to have an actual picture of my character is pretty rare for me - as is the feedback. That someone would put so much time into drawing a character of mine proves to me, in a way, that what I'm doing is appreciated. Splint drew a second picture of her as well, though her attire in it deviates somewhat from what she wears in-canon.

Farther along in the story, Vanya visits Ballpoint Technologies, a mercenary-style company. Splint said he figured that she would need better gear in order to survive their advanced weaponry, and this is what he came up with. It was the first of the two that he drew, and I kind of like it, too... although I can't imagine Vanya shooting a gun. But hey - my stories got illustrated by an actual fan. That's new to me, and a pretty big boost to my confidence. I'm hoping to be able to continue the Vanya story for a while following this, but I suppose that how long I can make it largely depends on when Spearbreakers finally falls. I just hope it doesn't fall anytime soon.

Rantish Thing I May Delete

2012-07-16T08:37:00.002-04:00

An edit: 8/22/2012: I'm not going to delete this, as several people have already read it, and deleting it now feels like lying. However, I'm not quite as upset about it anymore, as I figured would happen while I was writing the post.

People say that real friends stay with you for life... But I'm not so sure it's true. If it is, then I've never actually had any "real" friends... In my experience, friends tend to disappear and begin to ignore you when either a. you're not around as often, or b. you can't help them anymore. If you don't keep looking for new friends, eventually you wind up without anyone even caring about you anymore... but the thing is, I'm not like that. I foolishly try to hang onto the friends that I already had, helping out and doing things for them, when they steadily put me as less and less of a priority in their lives. It kind of hurts when you find out that someone who you've considered your best friend thinks of you as less than someone they met two weeks ago.

I'd always attributed it to it just being the way things work in the world, and random chance. But what if it's not like that? What if it's not random chance? I'm starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe... it's my own fault.

Is there something about me that repels people after they get to know me? If there is, I wish I could find out what, so I could fix it. Unfortunately, there's no way for me to know. Not even the people who used to be my friends would tell me. If they really cared, they'd say what it is... But then there's also the possibility that I'm wrong.

I don't care so much about just saying "I have friends", and I don't really care whether or not they'd go out of their way to help me, and I don't care about how many friends I have either. I just want to have someone who I can count on... someone who won't mind talking, someone who'll actually care about what's going on in my life. Someone who won't go away. I just don't want to feel so alone.

Nobody I've known for more than two years makes the effort to stay in touch, and there's only a few people who do. I try, but what good does it do if they don't pick up the phone or answer an email? I've found myself intentionally steering away from relationships lately because I've somehow gotten it fixed in my head that everyone will eventually leave.

At this, my logical mind wonders what triggers this inevitable rejection. What is it I want in a friend?

- Someone who'll care about what I'm going through

- Someone who congratulates me for my little triumphs

- Someone who doesn't mind talking on occasion

And I'm not so pretentious as to believe I'm the only one who matters in a friendship. I do the same for the other person, and I offer to help when it's needed, too. So what is it? What triggers it all? It can't be what I desire of a friend, can it?

The only possible source of the problem I've ever had mentioned to me was the fact that I seem "uncannily cheerful" a lot of the time, but I honestly don't see how optimistism can be a flaw...

What it all boils down to is my being alone. And honestly, I've been alone far more than any person should have to be. Eight solid years without talking to anyone outside my family was hell to go through - but perhaps that's part of why people push me away. Perhaps they can tell something's different about me, and it makes them uncomfortable.

I try to take things in stride, but occasionally I become depressed... and with no one to help pull me out of it... it tends to last an unusually long time.

Vanya's Journal, The Conclusion

2012-07-12T17:23:00.001-04:00

This is all I have of the V story. I'm considering writing more, but not sure if I should or not - plus, it's kind of difficult to write when your main computer (and source of Internet) is busted. But all the same, here it is.

********************PART 7********************
This is a journal borrowed from the dead by the dwarf, Vanya. Despite how much danger she was in during her previous entries, the fact that her flowing script continues on the following pages indicates that if nothing else, she was still alive to write it.

I had always thought of magic as purely good, used by the kindest-hearted wizards in the world. I believed it the stuff of legends... of knights in shining adamantine armor fighting the dragons who sought to eat dwarven maidens. I thought it the stuff of kings and fortresses, of mines and forges, of dense woodlands protected by crossbowmen in exile. Yet I believed every bit of it to be true, ever since I was a little child... as far back as I can remember, really. When I saw it for myself, I wasn't confused, or bewildered, but excited. It was only fate's cruel irony that my first encounter with it was due in part to the most evil person I've ever known... and he who I now consider my greatest enemy.

~~~

Even as Joseph's face faded from the glass embedded in the little magical tablet, the door to the hallway opened. It was whom I feared it would be: Mr Frog, carrying a bag under his arm. He saw me almost instantly, and scowled with hatred. "You..." he said darkly, slamming the door behind him. When he saw the tablet in my hands, he fumed with rage. I put it down as quickly as I could, but he'd placed his bag down on a table nearby and was already advancing towards me.
I’m ashamed to say that retreat was the first thing in my mind: I glanced behind me at the tunnel to Talvi's room, but knew that if I tried to escape through it, he'd be sure to catch up with me.
When I turned back, Mr Frog was only five feet away, and was taking down some kind of sword from the pillar beside him. I was stunned by what I saw next: when he swung it in a ">" shape as if to test it, it rattled to life, and the edges of the sword flickered in the torchlight. It was magical, and it made a horrible metallic sound like so many clinking chains.
I backed away from him, afraid of what he might do.
He didn't follow me, but stayed where he was in the shadow of the pillar. "Don't worry, little spy..." he said slowly, watching me carefully as I backed towards the passage entrance on the floor. "This will all be over sooner than you think." Saying this, he placed a hand on the pillar beside him and pulled a lever.
My shoulder stung briefly, and I looked downwards to see that two tiny darts had pierced the sleeve of my blouse and stuck themselves in my shoulder. I yelped in surprise and pulled them out, tossing them to the floor as Talvi's words echoed in my mind: "He's gonna be well-prepared, I tell you what." I looked at him, shaking my head in shock: Splint had told him I was to be captured, not killed! "You can't kill me," I said weakly, imagining the poison pouring through my veins. If he'd poisoned me, I'd have at best just a few minutes to live, unless I could find some kind of antidote.
The edges of his dark cloak brushed lightly against the floor as he advanced towards me, holding the magical steel sword at the ready in his hand. "No, Vanya," he said scornfully, "Splint wanted me to spare your life, but there are some things he can't understand. I know you're a spy, but you're not the spy he believes you to be, and you pose no threat to him. Interrogation would only tell him things he can't know or understand. But I know who you are... and you need to die."
I looked around desperately for some means of escape, but Mr Frog was approaching me more rapidly now. Suddenly I remembered what I carried at my waist, and pulled the daggers out. They flickered beautifully in the dim torchlight of Mr Frog's room, but it was but a small comfort to a girl doomed to die.
Mr Frog slowed for a moment, looking at the weapons in my hands. "You come armed..." he mused, "This will be interesting... but it will still be brief." He charged, swinging the sword in an arc downwards towards my head.
I cringed, holding the knives up in an "X" to block, and as the sword came down, it almost ripped them out of my hands. My arms vibrating, I looked up at Mr Frog's face, and saw yellow sparks from the crossed weapons raining down around me. Too late did I realize why Mr Frog had stopped attacking: with his free hand, he pulled the beanie from my head, revealing my pointed ears peeking from behind my hair.
I flushed crimson, but he took no notice. "Vanya Carena, the elf," he said slowly, with a sort of grim satisfaction. "Your file was so easy to find. Trainee spy of Ballpoint Technologies, I presume, here to collect information on my whereabouts and progress?" As he stepped away from me, the sparks ceased, and he tossed my little hat to the side. "Information like the blueprints from my journal that you stole and blamed on poor Talvi... It’s fortunate that that's going to be the last thing you steal." He charged again, swinging the humming blade. I tried to leap aside, but the sword caught the edge of my blouse, tugging at it as it cut. "And you can't even fight!" he finished with a dry smile.
Apprehensively, I felt for blood, but found to my relief that I was uninjured. He had hit in the spot that I'd tucked my journal, and that had possibly saved me from being cut. "That's not who I am," I said, trying my best to raise my voice above my drumming heart.
Had he been anyone else, I'm sure Mr Frog would've rolled his eyes. "Come now, it will all be over soon. Wouldn't you like to speak the truth for once?" He stepped forwards and swung again. I dodged it, barely, but stumbled backwards and fell. The blade whirred down towards my chest, and I rolled to the side, jumping to my feet and holding out my weapons in defense, which seemed so small in comparison to his sword.
"I'm not who you think I am!" I shrieked in fright, trying to get away, without taking my eyes off my aggressor. "I'm just ‘Vanya’! I don't even know who my parents were!"
He walked towards me at a brisk pace, his cloak fluttering out behind him. "Your file said as much, Carena. Your faked journal wasn't all lies, but the little sister never existed - not in the lists of Ballpoint or Spearbreakers."
My sister, I thought. As he struck out at me again, I twirled towards his left, striking twice with Talvi's daggers as I spun. I felt my ragged linen skirt swirling about my knees; felt my hair whipping about my face. As his blade came down for a second pass, I held up my knives and deflected it to the side. Hope sprang forth anew, and I almost smiled: years ago, my little sister and I used to play at swordfighting with sticks. I was out of practice, but I hoped it would be enough of an edge to keep me alive. The memory of her fueled me and renewed my confidence.
Mr Frog stopped, stepping back and examining the two slashes in his cloak. He looked up at me with a deadly fury in his eyes, but now I was almost able to brush it away. "My name isn't Carena," I said defiantly, and he rushed me again.

It came easier now: he struck, I twirled and spun; he sliced, I caught his weapon and sent it to the side. My breath was heavy, and I was still scared as anything, but I was alive.
Mr Frog stopped for a moment and looked at me - what was it I saw a hint of in his eyes? Admiration? Approval?
"Very nice," he said in his deep voice, "This is a bit closer to what I'd expect of you." He turned and tapped the wall next to him.
A blade swung down from the ceiling towards my face.
I flipped backwards to avoid it.
Despite the fear I was in, that made me angry... it was an unfair move: something I could neither block nor deflect, and I'd had no warning or reason to expect it.
Grabbing up some of the corked bottles from the nearby tables, I flung them at him, hoping they would explode and set him on fire or something. He dodged most of them, but the last one broke as he blocked, splattering the contents over his weapon. "Stop! You fool, stop!" he yelled.
I threw another, but it missed, bouncing off the machinery to the right of him and shattering on the ground. A sky-blue liquid rushed out, splashing his cape and hissing over the stony floor, which it seemed to sink into. It shimmered as it faded away, leaving an almost mirrored surface on the stone.
I glanced back at Mr Frog, who was seething with hatred. "And that's exactly what I'd expect of you," he spat out through clenched teeth. "You mindless brutes of Ballpoint Tech - all you can accomplish is petty thievery and senseless destruction!" He swung his sword in an arc and stormed towards me, his rattling blade smoking and throwing sparks. His cloak, torn and billowing behind him, shimmered with a pale blue light from the liquids I’d thrown. "But why aren't you dead yet?!" he yelled, and swung the sword towards me with both hands.
I ducked away from it, rolling to my feet behind him and striking with my dagger, but I only carved another slash across his cloak.
He spun, swinging his sword again and again. It was all I could do to deflect it and keep from falling over as he backed me towards the wall.
Suddenly my bare feet hit something that felt less than solid... I glanced downwards and saw I was sliding across the shimmering floor where the flask had shattered. I looked back up just in time to catch the sword between my crossed knives.
As we slid backwards across the mirrored surface, Mr Frog forced his weapon closer and closer to my head with both his hands, his face contorted with rage. Sparks were flying everywhere from his sword, and a strange blue smoke was rising from it towards the ceiling.
I knew I couldn't keep it up much longer... I was almost spent, and he was a lot stronger than I was.
Reaching the edge of the slippery patch, I felt friction beneath my feet once more, quickly ducking and leaping to the side. Mr Frog's sword hit the floor with a clang, and the rattling noise it was making began to sound strained. Without waiting to see why, I struck out at him, slashing several times and praying I’d be able to hit him for once... but I didn't.
"You can't even hit me!" he mocked, and as I backed away in fear, he straightened, regaining his composure. Leaping at me, he struck again. I caught his blade and sent it to the side.
"They kept you, and got rid of me," he said as coolly as if making dinner conversation, though I could see the hatred in his eyes. "I have practically no official combat training, and I still have the upper hand. Not only that, but I doubt you even understood any of what you stole."
He struck again, but I spun away from the blow.
"They were going to terminate me - did they tell you that? An occasional drink or smoke never hurt anyone, but they were going to kill me for it. Yet they keep you... and you're nothing but a pretty face."

It was an insult I'd heard before, but one that always hit particularly close to home. It hurts like anything when people can't look past your appearance to see what you're capable of, and I snapped, throwing one of my daggers at him. With reflexes like lightning, he blocked with the flat of his blade. Somehow the dagger seemed to entangle itself in the edge of his sword, which fell silent, its rattling and throwing sparks abruptly coming to an end.
Mr Frog examined the blade with a critical eye.
I swallowed involuntarily. I'd just foolishly thrown away one of my weapons, and I knew that just one would never be enough to defend myself with. As fear began to clutch at my heart, Mr Frog spoke.
I expected anger, but he seemed collected, though somewhat annoyed. "I should thank you," he said slowly, hanging the damaged weapon on the pillar where it had come from. "You just did me a great assistance with my research, though you didn't know it. I've been needing to test that weapon's breaking point in a combat situation for some time now. However," he added, removing another weapon from the wall, "you've destroyed much of my equipment, and made a great mess of my laboratory." As he looked over his new weapon - a pike with a geared blade like a saw at the butt end - he continued, his brow furrowing with contained loathing, "Not only that, but you're taking far too long to kill. I have somewhere I need to be in a very short time, and now I'm running behind schedule."
Suddenly the saw on the pike whirred to life like magic, spinning so fast I couldn't see the teeth. I watched it for a moment in terrified fascination, and he leapt at me.
My confidence was gone, and it was all I could do to dodge the wide arc that the saw-pike could cleave through the air. Only moments later I was forced to block as the blade came at me sideways. I leapt out of the way, but the toothed gear ripped the dagger from my hands, throwing it at the ceiling, which rippled almost like water as the weapon bounced off it. I gasped, wondering what magic it was that Mr Frog practiced in such secret.
Stepping forward, Mr Frog swung again, and I threw myself backwards onto my hands to avoid it, yelling in fear as the blade screamed over me, inches from my face. I tried to get to my feet again, but he was already upon me, holding it inches from my chest. I backed away, looking for something I could grab - anything - to throw at him, but my groping hands found nothing, and I found myself backed against the hallway door.
Mr Frog held the spinning blade steady inches from my neck. I tilted my chin upwards, fearing it’d be cut apart. "But why aren't you dead yet?" he asked slowly, but now he sounded more curious than loathing.
Tears began to stream down my cheeks. I didn't want to die. I didn't want anyone to die, really, but especially not me. I could feel the wind on my neck from the spinning saw blade Mr Frog was holding so near, and I knew I only had moments to live.
"Really, why aren't you dead?" he questioned with furrowed brow, examining me with the curious eye of a scientist. "The biochemical in those darts should've done its job by now... Why hasn't your kill switch been activated?” He paused, tilting his head. Then, louder, he asked me, “What did you do? What did they give you?"
Blinking back my tears, I whispered, "Maybe I'm not who you think I am."
For a moment, I saw a glimmer of hope that he might spare my life, but it was gone when he responded: "Perhaps so. Perhaps you're just an elvish spy, as Splint thought. But either way... after all you've seen... you know too much." He drew back the sawpike, spinning the sharp end around to face me. As it swung back towards my chest, I screamed in terror.

But I wasn't the only one who screamed: from behind Mr Frog came a horrible war-cry in a voice that I recognized instantly: it was Talvi.

☆

********************PART 8********************
This is a stolen journal. It has its moments of dullness and the runes are flowing. You cannot help but wish it had been a pop-up book like the one Mitchewawa had claimed credit for finding.

I know I ended the last entry on a bit of an exciting point, but dinner had arrived. Still... I don't have much else to do, so I'm just going to continue with what I had been writing. I don't want to forget to write anything down, as I still want to get this published so that people can read it. I don't really need the money right now, but it would be nice if people at least knew my story. It would make it all feel worthwhile... even if it couldn't make any of it better. Maybe it's just a fantasy I'd be better off without, but I can't help it.

~~~

Just as Mr Frog prepared to stab me through the heart with the spear point of his sawpike, Talvi leapt from the shadows behind him, yelling, "FOR MAH CAVIES!!!"
I don't know how long she'd been watching us, to time her leap so perfectly, but it caught Mr Frog by surprise. He spun, holding the shaft of the sawpike between two outstretched hands, and just barely managed to catch the handle of Talvi's axe against it, staggering backwards under the weight of the blow.
The newly-sharpened blade of Talvi's well-worn woodcutting axe glinted in the torchlight as she drew back for another strike, but Mr Frog got out of the way as it came down, snatching a package from a bag on a nearby table as he went. He ripped away the parchment wrapping, revealing a cylinder of glass with a tiny needle at the front: a syringe. Mr Frog had invented them just this past year, and gotten Mitchewawa's new doctors to use them at the hospital. I assumed the amnesiac was contained within the one he held, as he seemed to be looking for an opening in Talvi's defense so that he could use it.

"Mr Frog!" Talvi yelled, stalking towards him with axe drawn over her shoulder. She wore no armor, but looking back now, I'm not sure how her pudgy form would've been able to fit into it - especially not the slender-fit armor in the chest in her room. "Mr Frog, you killed mah cavies! You knocked me over th' head jes' like any right mugger, and now you're tryin' t' kill mah V girl!" She gave me a wink before laying another crushing blow towards Mr Frog from the side.
Mr Frog managed to block with the shaft of his sawpike, but just barely. The weight behind Talvi's axe nearly knocked him off his feet, and he dropped the little syringe, which rolled across the floor and into a darkened corner.
"Talvi, I did what I had to for the sake of science, and I had Splint's permission to do it," he said, stabbing the spinning blade towards my friend, who easily knocked it aside with her weapon. "As to hitting you over the head, I'm sorry, but you stole my PEA and you weren't supposed to know about it!" He sounded less confident now than he had while fighting me.
"That don't matter none! I dun even know what one'f them P-E-A's is, nohow!" Talvi struck at him again and he jumped aside, trying to get to the little needle, but Talvi saw what he was after. She rushed forwards, swinging like a mad woman (which she possibly still was), and Mr Frog retreated. Upon reaching the syringe, she crushed it under her foot.
That seemed to make Mr Frog switch gears. "Talvi, I wanted to settle this without bloodshed, but now you've left me no choice." Saying this, he swung the screaming blade of his sawpike towards her, but she batted it down.
Talvi jumped away from the blade as it came around for a second pass, albeit somewhat clumsily. She seemed no stranger to the weapon, possibly from all her stalking of the dwarf. Backing farther away, she screamed back at him, "Well you ain't ne'er killed nobody! Heard you tell Splint so myself, and I don't bet worth a cloud's stomach you could kill me now!" She stood defiantly in the middle of the room.

I was frozen in terror. I didn't want either one of them to be killed, despite the fact that Mr Frog had been trying to kill me only moments before. If Talvi killed Mr Frog, she'd be executed for her crime... it was the dwarven way of dealing justice.

Mr Frog approached her at a run, his torn and battered cloak fluttering behind him. Talvi dodged the spinning blade and got in closer, swinging her axe as if she was trying to fell a tree. Mr Frog spun his shaft and blocked, and though he took a step back, he didn't stagger. "Talvi, I can do anything I set my mind to." He knocked her axe aside with the pike end and stabbed towards her. She leapt backwards, but not in time to avoid the pointed metal.
I screamed.
Talvi seemed to grow even angrier, though, and grabbed the shaft with her oversized hand, trying to wrest it from Mr Frog's grasp. The silvery glint of chain mail showed through the jagged hole in her shirt.
They struggled together: As Mr Frog tried to keep the spinning blade behind his shoulder from cutting into him, Talvi pulled, bringing him and his weapon in closer. Then she released it, for a two-handed downwards swing of her axe towards his head.
Mr Frog got under the sawpike's shaft, just in time to catch Talvi's weapon and throw it to the side. Standing, he jabbed towards her again, and Talvi countered with a swing of her own. As Mr Frog stepped away from it, he nearly lost his footing, sliding across the shimmering substance I'd spilled on the floor minutes before. Talvi followed in a fury, laying down one strike after another. He blocked and parried, but suddenly reached to the side and grabbed a vial of liquid.
My friend stopped. "Mr Frog, don't you - " Her words were interrupted as the glass shattered at her feet, splashing onto her legs. "Cavy poison!" she screeched, leaping backwards from it in dismay. I got up and moved to where I could have a better view, and bit my lip as I saw that her legs seemed almost to be smoking.
Mr Frog reached for another vial, but with a scream of rage Talvi charged him like a bull. He swung his sawpike towards her, but she batted it aside as a minor nuisance.
"Mr Frog!" Talvi screamed, readying for another strike, "I loved you!" she swung her weapon towards him in a wide arc, slicing open some of the strange machinery on the table beside them, which erupted in flickering lightning and a shower of sparks.
"I'll admit that potion did more than I expected it to!” Mr Frog caught the axe's handle with the shaft of his weapon, his reflexes as sharp as ever, and sent his saw blade down towards her head with as much force as he could. She blocked with the handle of her axe above her head, but almost couldn't hold it.

They stood there for a moment, glaring at each other in fury, panting from exertion. Sweat poured down their faces, beginning to stain their clothes, as sparks flew from the machines and another shower of them cascaded downwards from their crossed weapons. The shimmering surface of the mirroring floor caught fire, tiny flames licking across its surface towards Mr Frog's cloak, which sprouted tiny flames of its own. At the same time, Talvi's shoes caught fire and began smoking.

But Mr Frog took no notice. Without warning, he pulled his sawpike back and stabbed the whirring blade towards Talvi’s chest. I shrieked in horror as she stumbled backwards, clutching for something to hold onto, her axe hanging limply in her hand. Mr Frog continued, pressing the screeching weapon against her with as much force as he could muster, as the blade clattered and groaned in protest.
Suddenly Talvi regained her footing and knocked his weapon roughly to the side with the flat of her axe. A huge hole gleamed through her shirt, showing the jagged, twisted links of broken chain mail, which glittered in the light, as smoke from the fires began to cloud the ceiling.
As she readied her axe once more, she glared at him in the fury of a woman scorned, growling, "You drugged me, Mr Frog? I di'n't make you o'erseer for no good reason other'n that??"
"You did just as I wanted you to, Talvi," he said calmly, leaping towards her, as his flaming, ragged cloak billowed back. "And I drugged you many, many times."
She caught his strike, and with a kick sent him tumbling backwards towards the flames that were licking their way across the floor. As he attempted to get to his feet, she struck at him repeatedly with one hand, driving him back towards me as they slid across the shimmering ground.
The ceiling briefly erupted in a spray of water, dousing the flickering fires spread around the room. The shimmering, mirrored surface of the altered floor appeared to melt away, revealing solid stone.
Talvi swung one last blow at Mr Frog, knocking him onto his back. She stood over him menacingly, and the fire faded from her eyes, replaced with a grim determination. "Mr Frog," she said in her country accent, her chest heaving with heavy breath, "You's jes' as bad as Joseph, mebbe worse. You ain't never gonna poison nobody again." She swung her axe blade downwards towards him.
At the last moment, he rolled aside and swung his sawpike shaft around her, catching her in the back with a loud crack.
Talvi screamed in pain and fell to her knees.
Mr Frog, tired and haggard, pulled himself to his feet beside her and said, "I'm sorry, Talvi."
I looked around desperately for some way to save my friend, and my eyes lighted on a tiny package inside a bag on a nearby table.
He couldn't see the wicked gleam in her eye that I could, as she suddenly swung her axe around, parallel to the floor. It caught him in the back of the knee, and he fell backwards, his weapon arm trapped beneath him. Talvi quickly moved on top of him, pinning his arms to the floor and holding the blade of her axe, hovering, over his throat.
I leapt for the bag on the table and snatched out the little object.
Talvi whispered, "Ah'm sorry, Mr Frog," just as I slammed the needle of a syringe into her arm.

She collapsed to the side. Turning her head and clutching her arm, she looked up at me with an innocent, bewildered look in her eyes that made my eyes swim with moisture. "V..." she said quietly, a tear trickling down her face, "you done betrayed me too, now... How could you? You, V... I took you in, kept you safe... we was friends."
I shook my head, as tears began to stain my cheeks. I hadn't wanted anyone to die. Not even Mr Frog.
Her gaze left mine, her eyes dizzying into a fog, and she slumped forwards atop her opponent. I backed away in disbelief at what I’d done, and grabbed my beanie from the floor where Mr Frog had thrown it.
Mr Frog started to try to move her body off him, and I didn't stay to watch. Jamming my little hat down on my head, over the ears I was so ashamed of, I ran to the door, throwing the lock and bolting outside, sobbing.

I ran down the corridors of the apartment level and up the stairs, hoping to reach the farm level and get back through the little tunnel to the condemned dump. I had hopes that Mr Frog wouldn't have taken my belongings with him, and that I might be able to recover something... perhaps my old quilt, or my hairbrush.
As I exited the stairs onto the level of the mushroom farms, I heard someone nearby calling out. "You! It's you!" a male’s voice yelled. I turned to look at the speaker. It was Mitchewawa, coming at me and pointing his finger accusingly.
I turned and ran. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to keep this up before I collapsed from exhaustion, but I'd rather collapse anywhere besides ten feet from Mitch.

Dodging dwarves that were hauling things to and from the caravan, I headed towards the trade depot by the old wagon road. I thought that if I could make it that far, I might be able to find that little hidden tunnel that led into the dump.
As Splint passed by, I ducked into an alcove and tried unsuccessfully to breathe quietly. Fortunately, he was so absorbed in his duties that he didn't notice, but he stopped only a few feet away to talk to one of the guards. He was talking about me.
I waited - it seemed like forever before finally, finally, he moved on.

As soon as he left, I made a break for it, and was almost stunned to find Talvi ahead of me.
"Hey there, V," she said with a big smile and a nod. Her shirt had been changed.
I’m not sure how the amnesiac had accomplished its job so quickly, but she seemed to have forgotten absolutely everything that had happened in the past few days. She just seemed... blissful. She was happier than I'd seen her in a long, long time, and I had to fight the urge to throw my arms around her, I was so glad she was all right. I only waved back, wiping away the tears of joy that threatened to fall.
With a wink, she turned back and continued towards the depot, and as I needed to go in the same direction, I followed her, into the huge underground courtyard that housed the trading depot.

A new small caravan, or something like it, was coming in from the entrance to the wagon road. I got up against the wall to wait for them to pass, but suddenly I heard screaming: "He's turning! He's turning!" someone yelled, causing everyone to panic. I had no idea what was going on, and slinked into a corner.
Then I saw him again: the big, strong dwarf with the lantern jaw. He was talking to Talvi and pointing down the hallway, deeper into the fortress. As she nodded and left at a brisk pace, he drew his sword, jogging towards the direction of the screaming.
My heart fluttered. He was so close to me now.
Guards were evacuating everyone from the depot, but they didn't see me and I was left behind. I didn't understand what the fuss was about... the yelling had stopped, and the soldiers seemed less on edge. As far as I could tell, they’d already taken care of the problem.

Then I almost fainted. Right in front of me, less than fifteen feet away, a dwarf began to transform. He seemed to grow and split his armor, his skin shriveling and changing to a pallid, deathly hue as his muscles shrank away, his bony arms stretching to an unnatural length.
I shrieked in terror, and for a moment, Lantern-jaw looked straight at me. Then he saw the misshapen dwarf who was twisting and writhing like a worm, and after shouting a few orders, he charged.
But the transforming creature hadn't finished: it shuddered, and its front split in two halves, creating a deep gash from mouth to abdomen, ringed with hundreds upon hundreds of long, sharp teeth.
It was a Holistic Spawn. I'd just seen one transform right in front of me, and now I knew: the stories were real. I wasn't sure whether to vomit, scream, or cry... I just wanted more than anything to become really, really invisible.

Lantern-jaw reached the abomination and scored a clean strike straight through the head with his spear. I almost cheered, expecting the monster to fall to the ground, dead, but the spawn appeared unaffected, flinging Lantern-jaw against the wall beside me before extracting the spear and tossing it nonchalantly in my direction.
I rushed over to where Lantern-jaw lay, and knelt, putting my hand on his chest to check his heartbeat, before I remembered: he was wearing a breastplate. His eyes opened, and he shook his head as if to clear it.
"Are you hurt?" I asked him quietly, hardly aware of the battle raging behind me, as I heard another dwarf scream a battle cry and rush the monster.
He shook his head again in response, and looked back at his enemy, trying to struggle to his feet.
I turned around and saw another dwarf hit the monster in the chest, just before being ripped in two, blood spattering everywhere. I stared in shock, my mouth hanging open - I’d just witnessed death. Lantern-jaw seemed to be taking it even harder than I was... it must have been his friend.
Suddenly I screamed: the Spawn had turned, and was approaching us at an incredible pace, using its freakishly long arms to help it gallop forwards. The axe stuck in its chest seemed hardly an annoyance to the creature.
I glanced at Lantern-jaw. He was having trouble standing straight, as he staggered towards his weapon unsteadily.
The spawn was almost on us, but it wasn't headed for me... it was headed for the soldier.

It all happened so fast.
I screamed and sprinted at Lantern-jaw, throwing my full weight at him in a flying leap. We fell to the side as the Spawn's chest-mouth gnashed against the wall, having missed us completely.
I looked at the soldier's face... he looked me in the eyes and nodded in appreciation. <3 No one ever looks a skulker in the eyes. I almost melted, before I heard a scream behind me, and the monster fell dead, having shattered its own heart with the axe that it’d just crushed farther into its chest.

Other dwarves rushed towards us, checking on whether the Spawn was actually dead and picking up the fragments of armor that had been destroyed by the transformation. Lantern-jaw pulled himself to his feet, shaking his head slowly, and walked unsteadily towards the center of the room. I followed by him, lending what assistance I could and trying to help him stand straight, though I'm not sure he even realized I was there.
Without warning, he turned towards the other side of the depot. A dwarf was standing there, in a dark, hooded robe that concealed his face in shadow. The dwarf motioned, and Lantern-jaw straightened, pulling his arm from my hand and following the mysterious hooded figure down a hallway.

I watched him go, standing unnoticed in the center of the depot courtyard, as other dwarves rushed around me. I'd hated that he’d left, but I was also so happy: happy for Talvi, happy I'd saved Lantern-jaw's life. I was so happy that I didn't hear the dwarf who was approaching from behind.

"Where did he go?" he asked brusquely, grabbing me by the arms and spinning me around to look in my face.
It was Mr Frog.
I stared at him, half in fear, half because I didn't know what he meant. "What?" I managed.
"Where did he go? Where did Urist go?" he asked urgently, shaking me slightly. I couldn't believe he wasn't killing me.
"I'm not sure what you mean..."
He looked so tired. Clearly, fighting women wasn’t something he did every day. "Urist, the new soldier from the caravan, the one who attacked the Spawn a few minutes ago – where is he?"
My eyes widened as I realized who he meant. Urist, I thought dreamily, what a beautiful name.
Mr Frog shook me again. "Quickly!" he said.
My eyes refocused. "Sorry," I said, pointing down the hallway where I'd seen the lantern-jawed Urist disappear. “That way.”
The former overseer let go of me and marched away in that direction at a brisk pace, saying over his shoulder, "Don't think I'm through with you yet. I'm simply short on time. I'll be back."

As he walked away, I noticed that he'd removed his destroyed cloak. Watching him disappear into the darkness, I suddenly realized why he wore it: without the cape on, he seemed taller, somehow... taller than a dwarf. It struck me that maybe… maybe he wasn't a dwarf at all.

Then I remembered Talvi's envelope. She'd told me to open it if anything happened to her.
Hastily I retrieved it from my blouse and slit the top, shaking the contents into my hand. Within it was an oddly designed key and a slip of parchment that read in Talvi's crude scrawl, "Joseph must be stopped".

More From Vanya's Journal (Parts 5-6 of 8)

2012-07-09T14:28:00.001-04:00

********************PART 5********************
You flip through the remaining "pages" of the shoddily-bound journal, but the rest are blank except for parts of cavy posters that had had the ink sanded away. You set it down on the table where you found it disappointedly, wondering what had happened to the aspiring writer who'd written out her tribulations. As you turn to leave, your gaze sweeps past the strange, dusty machinery, and something else catches your eye - lying beneath where you'd found Vanya's journal is a second book, with a five-pointed star etched lightly into the cover. A quick glance inside confirms your suspicion - most of the entries are written in Vanya's familiar, flowing script.
I didn't get a chance to finish my last journal entry... I don't even know where my journal is, now, though I suspect Mr Frog has it. I'd been sitting against a wall in the condemned dump, when he leapt out from the shadows with a dagger in hand. The only reason he didn't succeed in killing me was that I threw my journal at his face as hard as I could, and though I did it more out of surprise than anything else, it seemed to catch him off guard enough to make him lose his balance. He slipped on some of the slimy animal skins and fell... I didn't stay long enough to see if he was all right, or even long enough to gather up my belongings. My journal had come apart when it hit him, and I knew there was no way I'd gather up the pages in time. I simply turned and fled. It feels like that's all I ever do now… I run and hide, and I leave all I care about behind me.

I ran partway down the length of the garbage dump and then ducked into a nearby giant mole tunnel, praying it wouldn’t dead-end. It was small... about four feet high in most places. I don't mind earthen tunnels as much as I do stone, but I was still in a hurry to get out of there. I was glad at first to find it ended soon... and then I saw something I would rather not have seen...
The tunnel opened up onto an underground road that appeared to be abandoned, and I knew at once what I was looking at: the Spearbreakers wagon road. It was piled with all manner of humanoid corpses, some still clutching their weapons. In one darkened corner I remember there being an armored skeleton with five arrows stuck inside the face of its cracked skull. The whole corridor reeked of the dead... I can't imagine what the merchants in the caravans thought as random bones crunched against their wagon wheels.

I carefully worked my way past the grisly mess, avoiding stepping on any of the bones and hoping I wouldn't trip on anything. The last thing I wanted was to fall into a skeleton's open arms. But then I saw something that caught my attention: the well-crafted wooden dagger of a rich elven merchant. The hilt was shaped like three holly leaves, and it had tiny designs and elf-runes carved into it. I couldn't read what it said, but it still looked incredibly beautiful. I left it lying there, but it reminded me of what Mr Frog had said: "Your jewelry betrays you. Vanya...". He'd called me an elf. The only worse insult among dwarves was to tell someone their father was beardless. Most dwarves swore by their father's beards, or in serious situations, by Armok's. But more importantly than the insult, he'd known my name... How did he know my name? The only person I'd ever told it to were my sister and Talvi... and my sister was dead. Did Talvi tell it to him - was she working with Mr Frog behind my back? Were they all conspiring to kill me just because they thought I was an elf?

My thoughts were rudely disturbed when I tripped over a large set of iron armor. Why they never collected it all after the battles, I don't know, but as I painfully got to my feet, I noticed a journal lying on the ground A rusty iron gauntlet clutched it tightly, though the owner's hand was gone. Slipping it free, I glanced inside the front cover out of curiosity.
The writer had a hard, jagged script, like he was trying to murder the page by seeing how hard he could press. He appeared to be an excellent artist, though, and the image he'd drawn of Spawn came very, very close to making me vomit. I hastily flipped through the rest of the journal, but there was only one entry. The rest was blank. I felt then that I'd found a temporary journal I could use, and, thanking the gods, I took it with me.

I sadly reflected on how the little journal was all I owned, and it wasn't even mine: I was just borrowing it from the dead. Everything else I owned I'd left with Mr Frog in the dump.
It's ironic, I suppose... I went on a mission to recover an item I'd lost, and it ended with me losing everything. Well... except my little beanie, which never left my head.
At the end of the tunnel, something caught my eye. It was a gorgeous purple-bound book: "We See Deler Inkblushed, the Union of Haunts". It was near the bottom of a pile of skeletons, and almost covered over by a black cloak. I gingerly pushed the bones aside and opened it, and despite my sorry situation, I laughed in delight at what I saw within its binding. Someone had thickened the parchment and arranged it into special shapes... it was a "pop up" book. It had pictures of the necromancer who'd written it, along with many other pop-up pictures of zombies, skeletons, potions and cauldrons. It was a manual on how to resurrect corpses, and was intermixed with a very egotistical autobiography. Necromancy is forbidden and shunned among all civilized races, but I love books... and that one was so, so beautiful.

I was so absorbed in it that I didn't hear the dwarf who was approaching me from behind until he was only a few feet away. "Well, what do we have here?" he roared.
I snapped the book shut and spun around in a fright, which escalated to near-terror as I realized who it was.
"I'm going to throw you outside the walls, you filth... The zombies can have your brains for their breakfast," he said with a scowl. It was Mitchewawa.
Despite how he'd inadvertently carved the basement class more homes in the walls, saying he loathed skulkers was an understatement. He took pride in how he'd managed to whip Spearbreakers into shape, and he considered us the most inefficient part of the fortress. "Parasites", he called us. Any of us he encountered on his solitary walks were typically never heard from again.
I really didn't want to join the zombies for breakfast, and as his heavy hand slammed down on my shoulder, I made my best attempt to swallow down my fear. "Mitchewawa, sir," I said as sweetly as I could, though I could hear my voice tremble, "I have something you might want to see."
Not without a tinge of regret I handed him the book. I was smiling as prettily as I could, though he took no notice. As I watched, he turned it over in his hands, reading the runes on the cover and spine, and then he opened it. "Hrmph," he said, which was the closest he ever, ever came to a laugh, "this is a rare gem." He flipped through the pages idly, looking at the different pop-ups.
That was the last I saw of him. I didn't wait for him to finish... I darted up the ramp and into the fortress.

I hurried down the stairways and corridors until I came to Talvi's room, my heart pounding with fear and exertion. I didn't even think to knock as I threw the door open and rushed inside, almost tripping over Talvi, who was sitting just inside, playing with a paper calendar that looked suspiciously like one of Draignean's.
If anyone could forgive an intrusion, it was her: she looked up at me and smiled. "V! I's been wonderin' where you was, sweetie. Looked t'find you, and you wasn't where you always is."
Nodding, I closed the door behind me quietly and sat down against it, trying to slow my breath enough to talk. The stitch I'd gotten in my side didn't help things much. "Yeah," I managed finally, "I had to move somewhere else."
She nodded. "Thass all right, just glad yer here now. I's been worried a tad 'bout you, y'know." She got up, walked over to an old oaken chest and began looking through it.
Somewhat pained, I managed to stand and follow her over, curious about how much she knew about my recent adventures. "Worried? Why were you worried about me?"
She laughed. "I went to go find you and saw him - Mr Frog - comin' outta yer alleyway. It was a right funny sight, it was - Mr Frog down there when he allus keeps t' himself."
I shuddered at the thought. "How long ago was that, Miss Talvi?" I asked.
She stopped shifting things around in the chest for a moment and stared blankly into space for a moment before saying, "I don't rightly know... Past few days, I'd reckon, but I don't care t'keep track o' time no more. You know that almost better'n anyone, V." She continued her search, finally drawing a little parchment envelope out of the bottom and holding it up triumphantly. "Ha!" she exclaimed with a wide smile, "found it!"
Curiously, I asked, "What is it"?
"Never you mind that, V, iss jes' somethin' you needa keep safe, all right?" Her tone grew more serious, though it still sounded playful due to her heavy accent. "V, I need you to listen careful. I'm gonna be doin' somethin' real dangerous soon. I dunno if I'll come back at all, but jus' you watch out fer when it comes 'round, all right? You cain't do nothin' suspicious'r let Mr Frog find you. If somethin' happens t'me, V, open it'n do what it says, 'K?" She handed it to me, and then a puzzled look came over her. After thinking for a moment, she asked suspiciously, "Why's Mr Frog after you, anyhow?"
I couldn't meet her gaze, my eyes dropping downwards. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Miss Talvi..." I hesitated, fiddling uncomfortably with the envelope in my hands. Suddenly I looked up. "Do you remember when we went into Mr Frog's room?"
She seemed to have a bit of trouble recalling the event, but did nod, finally. "That I do. We was goin' after Joseph, t'get him back from Mr Frog. But we didn' manage... cavies were more important." Her brow furrowed at the memory, and her mood shift made me more uncomfortable than before.
"Well... I kind of left my bracelet in there by accident, and Mr Frog found it."
She exploded, something I wasn't expecting. "You did what??" she yelled. I backed away from her in fright at her anger. As she bore down on me, I stumbled and fell to the ground, the muscular, heavy-built woman towering over me. "You done gone and left your bracelet there?!? V, girl, I's seen stupid in my day, but that beats all, worse'n a coconut monkey up a gum tree!" She approached me, scowling.
"I tried to get it back," I said, my timid voice scarcely above a whisper, "but Mr Frog was waiting for me."
"Well o'course he was waiting for you, you potato! That's allus how he do things, I'd know that better'n anyone! You didn' e'en come see me afore you went - I coulda tole you that!"
"I didn't get a chance, you weren't here!" Tears were forming in my eyes. To Talvi's mind, "potato" is a more serious insult than calling someone an elf. She hates potatoes.
Her voice was heavy with sarcasm. "Oh, I weren't here, so you thought you'd done go traipsin' along, happy as a flea's biscuit, uppity-up to Mr Frog's house to see if you could get yer precious bit o' gold back, is that it? Well, now he knows someone's after 'im, and d'you know what Mr Frog does when he gets suspicious? Do ye?"
I shook my head, biting my lip as I brushed away a tear with my fingertips.
She stood direcly over me now, fuming, her face contorted with anger. "Oh, I'll tell y'what 'e does, He sets up traps!! Now, when I go t' take care'f him, he's gon' be well-prepared, I tell you what. He'll be watchin' for someones, and it won't matter to him none that it'll be me, noooo, it won't! Faster'n a dolphin's finger he'll chop me down! Mark my words, you... you..." her lips pursed as she tried to bring herself to form an appropriate insult, but she finally gave up and stomped away in disgust. "Agh! Why you always gotta ruin ever'thing, V?!"
I watched her for a moment, it only now dawning on me what I'd done. It was unusual that Talvi had figured it out faster than me, but then again, she knew more about Mr Frog's habits than anyone in the fortress: she'd been romantically obsessed with him almost ever since he arrived during her year as overseer. "I'm sorry, Miss Talvi," I managed, my voice breaking with despair.
She spun to face me, scowling. "That don't cut it none, V! Get outta my sight afore I make you like a tree stump!"
I leapt to my feet and fled the room, tears streaming down my face. I was on the run for the second time today, and the fact that I was running from a friend made it so, so much worse.

I hid in a darkened alleyway near the stairs and sat down, clutching my knees close to me and trying to stem my tears. Everything that I'd considered safe was dangerous; everything I considered precious, gone. It was all because I'd tried to help Talvi in her mission against Mr Frog... and Talvi didn't even want to talk to me anymore. I didn't know what to do... I knew if I stayed in one place I'd likely be found out, but where did I have to go? Talvi was gone to me, and Sus was dead, too. Sus had been kind to the skulkers during his rule, a year ago. He'd actually been born into the basement class, and worked his way up from the bottom. He'd fought for our rights and privileges, and even started a food drive for the homeless. Despite being a soldier, he was a very sensitive dwarf. Not only that, but the old coot had had a soft spot for me... Maybe I reminded him of someone, I don't know, but I still considered him a friend. He was one of the best dwarves I'd ever known... and he hardly got a decent funeral. Even so, I'd attended it, and I'd cried for him.

My musings were broken almost before they began: Splint walked by, and I was suddenly struck with an idea.
Splint was considered the "Father of Spearbreakers" by most... he always had Spearbreakers' best interests at heart, and he would do anything to defend the fortress from any threat, no matter how small. If there was anyone at all who might still help me, it was him. I just hoped Mr Frog hadn't talked to him about me yet. Offering a prayer of thanks, I set out after him.

He moved quickly... so quickly that I was having trouble both keeping up and watching for Mr Frog. I was just beginning to worry about looking conspicuous with all my dodging about, when he turned down the hallway towards the dining room... somewhere I felt I'd be sure to be spotted. Looking back on it now, I wonder if maybe that was the reason he went in: it's a wide-open area, with no dark places to hide in... But I needed to follow him.

Doing my best to brave myself against my fears and look invisible, I snuck inside. There were dwarves talking in groups here and there, and one or two sitting and eating, but for the most part, the room was empty.
Splint sat down at a table in the far corner, right next to the kitchens, and began to work on some paperwork he'd brought with him. Deciding to seize upon this opportunity, I made my way towards him.... and that was when I saw my antagonist. Mr Frog was headed towards Splint as well. Not wanting my life to end, I hid in the nearest place available: the kitchens. Splint didn't notice me as I passed, thank gods, or he might've stopped me.

Mr Frog sat down across from Splint, who put away his books. I sat with my back against the inside kitchen wall, out of sight, and strained my ears for whatever I could hear.
"Glad to see you, Frog - how's the work progressing?"
"Let's skip the pleasantries, please. You know I don't have the stomach for it, or the time."
"Yes... sorry. Anyway, I have something I needed to talk to you about."
Staying low to the ground, I peeked one eye through the door and saw Mr Frog nod. "I have some recent developments you'd be interested to hear as well."
"All right, then," Splint said, "I'll start. Talvi has spoken to me several times in the past few days, and while I'd initially promised her I'd keep it confidential, I think it would be in our best interests if you knew.
He took a sip from his mug and continued, drawing his eyebrows together and frowning. "To start out with, Talvi seems to remember an awful lot about Joseph - I'm not quite sure that amnesiac we gave her did its job."
I shook my head in disbelief. I was shocked. Splint was on Mr Frog's side?
Mr Frog interrupted him. "That is part of what I had to tell you. I have acquired a journal from the spy I mentioned when last we met. Most of it is clearly lies, but what it says about Talvi matches up to what I know almost perfectly. I have reason to believe Talvi may be planning to attack me."
My eyes widened at the word "journal" and I hid back behind the doorframe. That was the second time he'd called me a spy. I don't know where he got the idea, but it's all lies. Why would I be a spy?
Splint groaned. "Why didn't the amnesiac work? It should've worked - you said it would."
Mr Frog was silent for a moment. "I don't know... But I think I know who does," he said pointedly. I looked back around the doorway in time to see Mr Frog and Splint share a glance. Mr Frog nodded slowly.
Splint only groaned once more, putting his head in his hands. "Not again..."
"I'm afraid so."
Sitting up, Splint took a deep gulp of his beer. "Fine, contact him again. See what he can tell us."
"And if he can't fix this mess? What do we do about Talvi? She's a liability - we'll need to dispose of her."
Splint shook his head and took another draught. "Fine. We'll rig a cave-in as a coverup. Frog, this is going way beyond what you said we'd have to do. This is a lot more than we bargained for - can't you see? We're in too deep..."
Folding his hands, Mr Frog responded, "I can't help that, Splint. There's more at risk than the life of a simple-minded individual. In war, there are casualties, and our young Talvi may be a necessary one."
In shock, I slid back behind the wall, slumping against it and trying my best not to breathe heavily; trying to keep from being loud, though I could not quiet my beating heart. They were plotting to kill my best friend, right in front of me... and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But then I heard something that piqued my interest.
"Mr Frog, what about the spy? Did you bring the bracelet?"
"Yes, here." I peeked around the doorframe again and saw Mr Frog reach under his cloak and withdraw something wrapped in a piece of cloth.
Splint reached for it. "Let me see it." As it exchanged hands, I caught a glimpse of glittering metal. Splint looked it over carefully in his palm, and then held it up to the light... there's no doubt in my mind: it was my bracelet they were examining. It was so close to me then... yet so very, very far out of reach.
"I highly doubt it's as valuable as you claim," Splint said slowly, "but it's still a fine piece. Very good craftmanship... But you're wrong on one count."
Even at a distance, I could see Mr Frog's brow furrow with displeasure. "And what might that be?"
Splint continued unheeding. "It's not of elven make. Any dwarf could tell you that... It's made of gold. Elves only use wood."
"But the script, the design... The initials..." Mr Frog insisted. I listened closely - I'd always wondered where my bracelet had come from. If the threat of Talvi's death wasn't weighing so heavily in my mind, I might have been excited to hear what Splint had to say.
His friend shook his head. "Well, yes... elves would never touch a hammer and tongs... and it's designed completely in the elvish style... it's something no dwarven blacksmith would make. We hate elves - you know that." He paused for a moment, puzzled. "I don't understand. This bracelet can't exist. The elvish style combined with the forging of metal - it's impossible. And you say it's the tool of an elvish spy..." He turned it over in his hands, shaking his head slowly and trying to work it out. Finally he sighed, handing it back to Mr Frog, who placed it back under his cloak. "Anyway, Frog, what news do you have on its owner?"
"I recovered her journal earlier, as I said. I almost managed to kill her, but she escaped. If she's anything, she's agile. I consider her a higher priority than Talvi - the spy needs to be eliminated." Now it was my death they were discussing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I almost wished I could just run away and never have stumbled into the whole mess to begin with.
"Don't kill her," I heard Splint say, and for a moment I felt relieved.
"No?"
"I'll set out a 'capture and hold' mandate on her, along with a warrant for her arrest. We'll need to interrogate her."
There was a brief pause. "She might respond well to torture." I almost started crying.
I heard Splint sigh. "If you think it's necessary, Mr Frog, then do it. I just want all of this over with. I'm only doing this for Spearbreakers, do you understand?"
"Of course," Mr Frog said calmly. "You're doing just as you should."
With that, I heard the distinct sound of a stone chair scraping across the floor. I exited the dining room through the back way, so Splint wouldn't see me.

For once, though, I was putting someone else first. I had to warn Talvi. Mitchewawa may have hated skulkers, but he was a good dwarf. If she could talk to him and get his protection, I knew she might stand a chance. With this in mind, I headed back towards her room as fast as I could.

☆

********************PART 6********************
As you read, you note that this journal is remarkably different from the previous, and not just because of the fact that it's an actual book, instead of pieces of cavy posters bound together with string. While the other had sentences circled in red ink and writing in the margins, the pages of this one are clean, besides the occasional blood spatter, and the word "HARD", which is repeated several times here and there in different handwriting. There is also a strange cut slicing across the back cover. Vanya had carefully written around these, though she was still using a charred stick to form her runes.

I knew that Talvi probably wouldn't want me in her sight at the moment, given how angry she was at me, and I really, really hoped she wouldn't try to kill me... but I had to try to save her life. According to what I'd just heard, Mr Frog was likely going to try to murder her. Given how Splint was going to have at least the guards searching for me, if not the entire population of Spearbreakers, this might be the last chance to warn her that I would have.

On reaching the stairs, I hurried farther down into the fortress, counting floors until I'd reached the apartment levels. (That's something else that sets Spearbreakers apart from other fortresses: the total lack of any "you are here" engravings.) I rushed down the hallways and pounded on Talvi's door as loudly as I dared, still fearing to attract attention. When no response came from within, I assumed Talvi was ignoring me, and I knocked a second time. I was panicking: it had been the first time I'd heard someone plot a murder, and I sure as anything didn't want it to become the first time a friend of mine died when I could've saved them.

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from behind. I crouched against the door, hiding in the shadows as I watched someone turn and walk down the corridor opposite me: it was Mr Frog, rushing off somewhere. I didn't know where he was going, and for that matter, I wasn't sure I even wanted to know... but it was the last straw for me. I turned Talvi's knob and entered her room myself, uninvited, for a second time that day, praying to the gods she wouldn't hurt me in her rage.

However, what I found surprised me: Talvi wasn't there. I wasn't sure when she could've left, as I hadn't even been gone an hour, but there was no doubt in my mind: she wasn't in the room. I quickly decided to leave and find her myself, with the hope that I would be able to track her down before Mr Frog could.
Just before I turned to leave, I noticed that the chest in the cavy room's tail had been moved aside, and the grate was lying on the floor. I remembered what Talvi had said: "Now, when I go to take care of him..." She'd been yelling at the time, but it made little difference. She was going to try to kill him, and it looked to me as if she was already on her way to do it.

Foreboding filled me. I knew what would happen when Talvi attacked him, and I didn't like it: Mr Frog would be prepared, just as he had been when I'd met him. He hadn't even known who I was, and had only had one night to prepare for me, and he'd still almost managed to take me down. But it had been less than three hours since I'd thrown my journal at him in the condemned dump... I figured that maybe how brief a time he'd had to prepare would be enough to tip the balance in Talvi's favor. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew: Talvi didn't stand a chance. When it came right down to it, she had an almost superstitious fear of Mr Frog - for instance, she believed he'd designed a poison just for her: "cavy poison". All Mr Frog would have to do to have the upper hand would be to pick up any liquid-filled glass and act like he'd dump it on her.

I bit my lip. I didn't want my friend to die, whether she hated me or not.
I did have another idea, though my timid mind shied away from it: maybe my being there would be enough to tip the balance in her favor. The only problem was, I didn't really want it to be in anyone's favor. I didn't want anyone to die, but I knew that the longer I hesitated, the less chance I'd have of saving anyone.

With rapid heartbeat, I approached the little blackened tunnel for the third time, noticing that the chest was half-blocking the entrance, almost as if someone had tried to pull it back into position from within the shaft.
I set myself down against the wall to push it aside, groaning inwardly at the task. It was a lot harder the second time: I'd been running a lot that day, and my legs were tired. Before, I'd had a good night's sleep to work on.
Suddenly in frustration I stood and threw open the chest, the wooden lid clattering on the floor, and what I saw made me gasp. It was full of metal... beautifully designed weapons and various pieces of chain-link armor. I'd heard a rumor that Talvi had been in the military before she arrived with Splint at Spearbreakers... Perhaps, as unlikely as it seemed, it was true. Unfortunately, whether it was true or not, she'd left her weapons and armor here instead of taking them with her, so they'd be of no use.

Suddenly I was struck with an idea. Talvi might not use them, but I definitely could. I had no skill in combat, but I knew I'd have more of a chance at defending myself if I had a weapon.
I reached into the chest and tested the weight of various pieces. The armor was too heavy for me to lift, and the jeweled axes felt heavy in my hands, but I found a dagger near the bottom, made of a silvery metal. It was beautifully designed, and it reminded me of the elven weapon I'd found in the wagon tunnel. Picking it up, I tested it out, and was surprised to find that it rested comfortably in my palm; I almost felt it had been made just for me.
After digging around until I found another that matched it, I tucked both blades away at my waist. With slightly strengthened confidence, I braced myself against the wall once more for a final push at the heavy chest.
Unfortunately, I'll admit my recently-won confidence drained away when I peered into the darkness again, but I steeled myself against it, thinking the same thoughts as before, and went inside. I couldn't help my fast-paced breath, or the tear I wiped from my cheek, but I was moving forwards. I hoped that was enough.

As I neared the end of the tunnel, I heard someone speak. It startled me, and my heart leapt into my throat, but I made myself crawl around the last bend... and then I stopped in surprise: the papered-over grate in Mr Frog's room had been moved. Within the tunnel I was deep in shadows, but if someone was to peer inside, they would almost certainly see me.
"But of course!" said a man I'd never heard before. "I'd be more than happy to assist you. Simply state what you desire, Mr Frog, and I'll do my very best." The voice sounded friendly... so friendly that it made my stomach turn. To me, it sounded like an act, and I dreaded meeting the speaker. Then I heard another voice I knew I'd dread meeting even more.
"I'm only doing this so that I have more options at hand." It was Mr Frog himself. I crept a little farther down the tunnel and looked inside the room. Mr Frog was standing by a table, holding something in his hand and looking at it with an expression of annoyance.
Someone laughed joyfully. I looked around, with what limited vision the tunnel offered me, but the person it came from appeared to be out of my field of vision. "Of course, of course! A one-time favor. You understand, though, that I never grant favors without expecting a favor in return." I could imagine a face smiling sweetly as those words were said.
It was only then that it hit me: I'd come all that way for nothing. Talvi wasn't in Mr Frog's room, and there was no sign that she'd ever even been there at all. Still... I thought that perhaps I might get my bracelet back.
Mr Frog's brow furrowed and he frowned. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."
"You would not, no, but you're in luck, my friend. I already know what it is you would ask!"
"You usually do," Mr Frog replied tersely.
"Ah, I see, I see - it is something you have come to expect of me, is it not? Do you still doubt me? We would work well together, you know."
Mr Frog's expression darkened. "I told you not to mention that again until I'd had more time."
"My mistake, my mistake. Now, what you desire is a grade four amnesiac for your young woodcutting friend, is it not? You would also like to inform me that the previous dose you administered was ineffective, and had unusual effects. Have you studied these effects, my dear Mr Frog?"
"I have not." Mr Frog seemed to hate admitting it, but a new hope surged through me: maybe he didn't want to kill Talvi after all. He was asking a friend for an amnesiac that would actually work. I hated the idea of Talvi forgetting anything forever, but it was far, far better than her death.
The voice continued. "Ah, shame, shame. You ought to have, like the scientist you are, my good friend. But! Not to worry, not to worry. I already know what it is that happened, and have prepared for it."
"But what -"
"No need to speak, my friend, I will explain. You've performed many experiments on the woman, have you not?"
Mr Frog nodded slowly. It only then dawned on me: he was nodding and talking to the little brick of metal he was holding. "You know I have," Mr Frog said in annoyance. "Why bother asking?"
"It is a scientist's job to ask questions. You know that, dear friend. Tell me - did it ever occur to you that you might've altered our young Talvi's DNA? That her chromosomes might not be the same as those of an average dwarf's?"
I didn't understand a word he said, though Mr Frog seemed to. "Yes, of course I did. It was what I was going for."
"Did you design the amnesiac you administered to overcome these alterations?" The voice had taken on an almost motherly tone, which sounded bizarre in my ears.
The expression on Mr Frog's face could only be described as defensive. "I didn't have the equipment necessary, and what I have here is too primitive. Look, are you going to provide me with it or not? I need it quickly, and I don't have all the time in the world, unlike you."
I imagine the owner of the voice didn't even bat an eyebrow at Mr Frog's rudeness. "Patience, patience, my dear friend. I, too, am a busy man. But I know you have an event of great importance happening in... what is it now... thirty minutes?"
"How do you know these things?"
"I see all," the voice said slowly. "The drug you desire will be at drop zone 21-Alpha in approximately... two minutes. I won't ask your favor now, my friend, but I assure you I will not forget it." I heard an odd sound, and Mr Frog placed the little tablet on the table in front of him, shaking his head. Drawing his cloak about him, he turned, marching briskly to the door. Moments later, he was gone.

Cautiously, I crept all the way to the end of the tunnel. I waved my arm about inside his room, jerking it back towards me just in time to avoid several volleys of glass darts coming from different directions. Slowly, cautiously, I poked my head out and looked around carefully for traps. I saw none, but felt a sinking feeling that if there were any traps in the room at all, I wouldn't be able to see them until it was too late. Even so, I entered Mr Frog's room, though not without hesitation. I glanced at his nightstand, as if my bracelet might still be there, but it was as I'd expected. If my bracelet was in the room, he'd hidden it somewhere else.

I walked slowly past the different tables, looking each of them over carefully for any glimpse of my little keepsake. Almost everything looked untouched since I'd been there last, with the exception of some of the glass equipment and machinery on the closer tables. Those at the farther sides of the room, back in the shadows, looked almost as if they hadn't been touched in years.

It startled me so terribly when I heard it that I almost fell over: a ringing sound, like bells, but different and clearer. Out of curiosity, I sought out the source, and what I found mystified me. The object making the sound was a little blue-silver brick of metal, but the interesting thing wasn't the coloration, or even the unusual shape, but the fact that scrolling across the flat pane of glass embedded in its surface were dwarf runes made of nothing but colored light.
"Magic..." I whispered in awe. I'd heard of it before, and believed the stories, but until then I'd never actually seen magic in action.
The runes continued to dance past, and the bell sound beeped urgently. I read the scrolling text: "Tap to accept call."
I decided to try to make it stop making noise. I was sure it could be heard in the hallway outside the door, and besides that, I knew Mr Frog could be back at any moment. I picked it up, trying to find a lever on the side, or a pressure plate I could push to make it stop. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice.
"Ah, at last. It took you long enough to answer..." I almost dropped the little device in surprise, but managed to keep a hold on it, turning it around until I saw the face of the speaker, whose face appeared, animated, on the glass pane.
He had a perfect face: a chiseled chin, smooth cheekbones, and eyes set perfectly; everything about him was symmetrical. It rather reminded me of the perfection in the portraits artists would engrave on walls and floors. In a sense, it seemed... artificial. His face didn't look dwarven at all, but rather human, and the expression was almost one of disgust.
"Are you not going to speak? Are you deaf, are you mute? Are you... blinded by my radiance?" he asked with heavy sarcasm. It was the same voice as the person had who'd talked to Mr Frog, but the tone was entirely different now.
"H... hello..." I managed timidly, in barely more than a whisper. Someone was using magic to talk to me... it was incredible, but scary at the same time. I had a hard time looking past that fact and listening to what the man was saying.
"Ah, there you go. I knew you would be there to answer the call. I only hoped you possessed the... intelligence... to actually respond."
I hardly noticed the insult, and asked quietly, "Why are you talking to me?"
"You don't need to hold the tablet so close to your face..." he said. I apologized and moved it farther away, trying to match how Mr Frog had held it. "Thank you..." he said slowly. Then he continued, "I've been watching you for some time. You've done exactly as I expected - no more, no less. You've actually furthered my cause greatly - far more than the dull-witted Talvi ever managed." He said this last with extreme distaste.
Realization swept over me. "You're Joseph..." I said in astonishment.
His face never changed, but I imagined a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. "Ah, you figured it out. Good for you, good for you. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I no longer have need of your assistance." He glanced downwards for a moment, as if reading something,and then back up at me. "You're a liability now, Vanya. Do you know what that means?"
Fear gripped my heart again, and I had to force myself to remain calm. "You're going to kill me, aren't you..." I whispered.
"Yes, of course, of course," he replied in his slow, unamused tone. "A common lab rat would have the sense to figure that out, though you're wrong in one respect: I'm not going to be the one to kill you. You see... I have other people carry out my wishes. When those people cease to be of aid, I have them terminated by my other assistants, and I like it best when those other assistants don't realize they're only doing what I wished them to - just like you've been doing for the past week." He paused, and for a moment I felt sure I saw a smile twitch across his face. "Did you realize at any point in the past week that you were simply a pawn? Did you realize you were expendable; did you realize you were only doing the bidding of another? Of course not, of course not. The lab rat never wonders what is outside its maze; it only goes straight for the cheese at the end."
I shook my head in horror. Everything had started making sense. "It's you... You're the enemy Talvi told Splint about, and you're manipulating Mr Frog into doing what you want him to! Almost as if... almost as if he's only a pawn to you, too... just like me..." I couldn't believe it. How could someone who used magic be so, so evil; how could anyone have so little respect for the lives of other people? How could anyone care for nothing but their own gain?
He smiled in wry amusement. "Ah, little Vanya... You foolish young woman... This is exactly why you're a liability. Your cause opposes mine, and I knew you would come to that conclusion eventually. You know too much. I only let Splint live because as he and Mr Frog work together, the whole of Spearbreakers works, more or less, for me."
I shook my head violently as I clutched the lightweight tablet in my hands. "No," I said, unwilling to accept it. "You can't kill me, you won't!" I paused. "And Mr Frog won't, either," I added, though I doubted the truth of that last.
He smiled again. "Ah, and now I can answer your original question: 'Why are you talking to me?'. You see, my young friend, while we spoke, I delayed you long enough for the method of your execution to arrive."
I heard a noise: the sound of someone unlocking the hallway door from outside.
"Goodbye, and pleasant dreams, little rat," Joseph said with a sardonic smile, and his image faded from the tablet, which went black in my hands.

☆

From Vanya's Journal

2012-07-07T12:15:00.000-04:00

Still no laptop, but I wanted to put this up, so I managed to find a way to get on briefly. As there are eight parts and I'm putting down two per post, that means there are two more posts after this one before Vanya's story comes to an end. I'm really sorry about the delay!

********************PART 3********************

The following is an excerpt from the poorly crafted journal of "V". These salvaged-poster pages boast of a peculiar smell, and are marked in places with colored ink. At the bottom of the entry is a five-pointed star in charred stick.

I can't say I liked her plan, and I especially didn't like seeking out Mr Frog. Even so, the next morning at sunrise I left my little alleyway, walked to her door... and waited. After a while, I grew tired of standing and sat down against the wall... and then I waited some more. I was there for well over an hour, actually, and was beginning to get a little annoyed before a sleepy-eyed Talvi finally stumbled out, on her way to breakfast, I'm guessing. Her gaze fell on me briefly, and she looked at me blankly for a moment before saying, "Oh, hi there," and continuing on her way.
I was beyond words with incredulity that she'd forgotten our plans, but thankfully, only moments later, she remembered. She did an about face and came back to me. "V!" she said. "You came!"
As much as I tried, I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I did! I said I would. I'm just glad you remembered."
"Well, now..." she said, scratching the back of her head clumsily, "I almost di'n't remember, you, sweetheart... don't know why, tho'... Anyhow, let's get our stuff an' get over t' his place - how's that sound?"

We got the bundle of items, which I carried, and left her room. Right outside the door, though, was someone I hadn't seen before - a battle-hardened soldier with an overwhelmed expression. Talvi stopped to talk to him, and I crouched close to the wall, hoping I wouldn't look suspicious holding an axe and other atypical items. Fortunately, he only glanced at me once, noting the condition of my clothing before averting his eyes uncomfortably. I blushed at his glance. He was terribly handsome, with that storybook chiseled jaw and everything... He was well-mannered, too, which is rare for a soldier, saying "have a nice day" when they were finished talking. He's the kind of dwarf any girl would dream of... I'd write his name here if I only knew it, but I'm sad to say I've never seen him since... Maybe I'll draw a picture of him someday when I have better parchment and paint...
Anyway, Talvi appeared quite taken with him.
I didn't catch what was said, but eventually she sent him on his way, up towards where Splint and Mitchewawa were. Mitchewawa is our current overseer.

Talvi led me down the hallways, keeping to the shadows and pausing when necessary like any expert skulker. Not a soul noticed us on our way. She was taught by the best, or so I'm told: an odd dwarf I could never find. He was dressed and mannered as well as any ordinary citizen, she said, while all but invisible to others. I can't recall his name, though I think it started with a T... But it doesn't matter. I'll remember it later.
After a time, we reached Mr Frog's door and slipped inside.

I'd never been in his room before, and I was a little awed by all I saw: sketches papered to the walls, jugs of liquid boiling without sitting on a fire, metal rods shooting tiny bits of lightning, and ominous-looking machinery. There were several socks hung up on rods, filled with some kind of a liquid, as well as a strange hoop held up in one place that made the air on the other side look shimmery. After being in there twice, I'm almost sure that the room was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. It was practically a wonderland to a curious mind, but I doubt I would ever know what all of it did even if I spent my life studying everything. It was sad, in a way - I suspected her plan was to destroy everything Mr Frog had.
To my surprise, Talvi ignored it and went sniffing around on the floor. I asked in a whisper, "Are you looking for the vent shaft entrance?"
She shook her head. "We'd never find it, iffn we did try. He's too good with smells, he is. I'm hopin' we might mebbe do somethin' else, maybe get Joseph back."
"Are we going to destroy everything?"
She looked at me like I was insane, and I didn't fail to catch the irony. "You crazy?" she asked. "If we makes Mr Frog mad, he'll try t' kill you! Y'know that, I hope."
"Preferably, if at all possible, I would rather remain alive, if it's all the same to you. I have an odd attachment to... not dying," I said, kind of flailing about verbally.
She nodded distractedly, and I wasn't sure she'd heard a word I'd said. Suddenly she stopped and stood, pointing at a large smoked glass on a low tabletop, filled with a murky liquid. "There," she said, as if that explained everything.
It was hidden behind a number of other pieces of oddly-shaped glass, and was so dusty I could only imagine that Mr Frog had forgotten about it. I approached it and cautiously peeked over the rim. Sitting at the bottom was a small tooth. I looked back at my friend quizzically. "What is that...?"
"It's a cavy tooth!" she said. "We needa get it back so I kin take it home."
"How?"
She pondered for a moment. "We gotta reach inside."
I nodded. It was the logical conclusion, unless you wanted to dump it out on the floor. I waited patiently for Talvi to finish.
A few minutes later, Talvi was still standing there, looking at me. "Aren't you going to get it?" I asked her.
"Cain't, it's cavy poison. My hand'd shrivel up like a singing walnut! You ain't a cavy, tho'... 'T'won't hurt you none. Jes' reach on in ther', pull it out! Be careful, tho'."
I didn't believe there was such a thing as "cavy poison", and I really didn't want to stick my hand in whatever liquid was in there, but I didn't feel as if I could back out, now that we were actually in Mr Frog's room. With a sigh, I handed Talvi the axe, rope and shovel. After removing my bracelet, I put my hand into the glass, pulling out the tooth a bit overdramatically and handing it to her. "There you go," I said, taking the bundle back.
She acted as if it was the most precious thing in the world, and a tear of joy ran down her cheek. "Thankee so much, V," she said, wiping the tear away with her sleeve.
I nodded dismissively. "Why are we here?" I asked. I was kind of on edge - I didn't want to be here when Mr Frog got back. Talvi might be able to get away with it. I knew I wouldn't be able to. I'd be the next guinea pig.
But Talvi didn't respond. She was sniffing again.

Ten or so minutes later, she stopped.. right next to Mr Frog's bed. She looked at me, with her eyes wide. "Here," she said. "It's here."

Together we managed to pull the bed away from the wall, and a small flutter of paperwork fell down from where it had been wedged. Talvi hastened to pick it up, and to my horror, she ate one of the pages. I snatched them away from her. "No!" I said. "We can't do that, it'll make him mad!"
She merely chewed the page with the unconcerned, blank stare of a cow, which she resembled, to an extent. I looked the sheets of paper over and realized they were pages of a journal: Mr Frog's journal. "Talvi, this is his journal, you can't eat this!" I scolded her.
"I have before."
"Well, I'm here now," I said, putting the little stack on the bed, away from her. "And I'd rather not die, remember?"
"Right..." she said ponderingly. "'Kay, then, lets get this floor up'n moved. Gimme that shovel there, hmm?"
Confused, I handed it to her, watching to see what she would do.
She set it against the rock floor and pressed, sliding it forwards. A hidden panel lifted upwards against the shovel as she slid it, and she pressed down, levering it upwards. "V, we's gotta get this slab up!"
It looked like stone, sounded like metal, but was as light as wood. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. With a bit of effort we moved it to the side, and Talvi gasped.
We'd uncovered some sort of a grave... but inside weren't humanoid skeletons, but skeletons of cavies. There were at least two dozen. Talvi fell to her knees, covering her mouth and choking back a cry. "Oh, my sweet little babies..."
She began to sob. Sitting down, I put my arm around her to let her know I cared.
"Georgie Boy... and Petunia... and oh, sweet Elana..." she cried, rocking back and forth in her distress. "They's all here. This's where they's all gone off to..." I caught my breath at the name of the third, wondering why she would give something an elvish name, but soon forgot. She named off the rest of them, one by one. I'm not sure how she could tell which name belonged to which, as all that was left were bones. It might've been impressive if it hadn't been so morbid.

We sat there for a while, before I gently reminded her we needed to go before Mr Frog got back. "Kin we take 'em home with us, V? Please?" she asked innocently, with hope in her eyes.
I hated to, but I shook my head. "No, Mr Frog would know we've been here."
She nodded and said goodbye to the skeletons, blowing them a kiss. We put everything back the way it had been as best as we could before leaving, and after helping Talvi fix the door and lock it, I walked with her to her room.
She wasn't the same on the way back. She looked, literally, as if she was plotting murder. Maybe she was. She told me that she'd come for me when she needed me again, and that she needed some time alone.

I went back to my little temporary home in the alley next to the hospital and huddled up under my little threadbare patchwork quilt. The alleyway was usually horribly cold, but most other skulkers avoided it, as it was so close to the corrupt doctors. I was alone. It was how I preferred things.
It wasn't until later that night that I realized with horror that my bracelet was missing. I'd left it in Mr Frog's room... and he was sure to see it if I didn't get it back.

☆

********************PART 4********************

The next entry's pages have fallen out and been placed in the wrong order, but you manage to rearrange them after some work. The charred stick text is as flowing as in the other entries, although here it is a bit smudged.

Most basement-class dwarves have at least one posession that's precious to them: a keepsake, basically. It might be a leather etching of their family, or a ring that was passed down to them. It could even be something simple like a knitted sock their grandmother made. It doesn't have to be valuable, but the idea is the same: it's something that reminds us of a time when we were better off, and gives us hope that things might someday be like that again. My only keepsake is my bracelet. It looks golden, but I was never sure if it was real gold or just copper painted to look like it. It's shaped like a ring of intertwined roses, and it has a little charm on it - a golden star. My initials are carved into the side of the bracelet, in a flowing script. Before she died, my granmomma always said it was from my mother and father - I remember her saying I'd grow into it eventually. My granpa didn't like to talk about it for one reason or another - I have a feeling he didn't like my parents. I don't remember them, but I still keep the bracelet with me everywhere I go. But I'd left it in Mr Frog's room, and if the desire to get my bracelet back wasn't enough to spur me into going, the knowledge that Mr Frog would find it definitely was. But I was still terrified of going alone. It had been easier with Talvi along, as she'd offered encouragement and acted brave. It's always easier to be brave if there's someone who actually is brave there with you.

I've a terrible problem with indecision. It can take me hours to make up my mind about something, especially if I feel there's a lot at stake, and this was no exception. Though the evening bell had sounded before I discovered my bracelet was missing, it was an hour more before I decided that I couldn't go without Talvi's help, so I decided to go and find her.

Leaving the safe darkness of my little alleyway, I walked through the long, dim corridors of the fortress, heading for the stairs. Other dwarves passed by me, hurrying along with their duties. Everyone but the watchdwarves would sleep at night, but that time was an hour or more away, so I knew I'd have to watch carefully for anyone who might stop me. I was so scared that I almost felt like hiding when anyone passed, but I really didn't want to look conspicuous.

But I didn't make it to Talvi's room. I saw her ahead of me, going up the stairs, which was odd: ever since the majority of the workshops had been moved deeper underground, there wasn't really anything for her to do on the upper levels. Even so, I followed her, hiding in the shadows as I went along so that she wouldn't see me. I was curious to see where she would go, and though I felt a bit guilty about hiding from a friend, I was worried what she might be doing, since I knew she was in such a terrible mood.

My worries proved to be ill-founded: she stopped outside the door of Splint, our broker/bookkeeper, knocking a few times. The door opened, and she entered. I realized I'd already forgotten what I'd overheard Splint telling Talvi the night before: that she should come and talk to him. I smiled in spite of myself and left the shadows, walking down the dusty, dirty hallway towards Splint's room. The floors and walls there were not of stone, but of dirt and clay, and kept from collapsing inwards by wooden arches that also supported the ceiling.

I pressed my ear against the door, listening carefully for the conversation I assumed was taking place. I didn't hear much of anything, though, until Splint got angry.
"You broke into his room?!?" I heard him cry, followed by the sound of a mug shattering against the wall. It startled me, and I jumped. "Why in Armok's name would you do something like that?!?"
"Mr. Splint, I done knew he killed my cavies dead, I did, and iss what I found!"
"Talvi, it's against the law to break into someone else's room - unless of course you're just passing through on the way to your room due to bad architectural design. But this is inexcusable!"
"I'm sorry, Splint, really I is, but I didn' have no choice! Same as a zombie's toothbrush!"
"No! Damnit, Talvi, what did you see in there? Tell me everything you saw!"
"I jus' tole you! I saw all mah cavies dead in there, unner his bed."
"That's not what I meant, and you don't even know if those were yours! I gave Mr Frog permission to use stray guinea pigs in his experiments so that he wouldn't use dwarves!"
"Well, beggin' yer pardon, Mr. Splint, but they weren't strays, and guinea pigs ain't cavies!"
"Yes they were and yes they are! You never officially filed a claim of ownership on any of them, and 'cavy' is just a different name for 'guinea pig'!" He mumbled something I couldn't hear following this, interspersed with a string of curses.
"No, Splint, you cain't do that!" Talvi said, fear and emotion creeping into her voice. "Please don't you tell Mr Frog on me! What if he kills me this time, hmm? He don't like me none anyhow!"
"Talvi, I don't have any choice. The security of this fortress is at stake."
"Joseph's the one you oughta be watchin' fer! He ain't no good, I know that fer sure now, I's seen it!"
Another mug hit the side of the door opposite my ear and my heart leapt into my throat. "Armok damnit!!!" I heard him swear. "You shouldn't even know about that!"
Talvi broke down and began sobbing, causing Splint's volume to decrease past where I could hear it. Though I listened intently, I heard nothing more for a time... but then I heard footsteps. They came not from inside the room, but from around the farthest corner of the hallway, and almost immediately afterwards the shape of a dwarf came into view. My eyes widened as I realized who it was: Mr Frog.
I looked about frantically for some place to hide, and my eyes lit upon a darkened alcove that some novice miner had mistakenly carved into the dirt wall, only five meters away. I leapt up and made a dash for it, praying to the gods that Mr Frog hadn't seen me, and trying to slow my rapid breath. A minute later, Mr Frog was standing just down the hallway from me, knocking on Splint's door. I should have been afraid for Talvi's life, but I'm ashamed to say my rapid-beating heart betrayed the fact that at that moment I was more afraid for mine.

Mr Frog knocked twice, and the wooden slat in the door slid to the side, revealing Splint's eyes. "Splint, I have something I need to discuss with you," he said quietly.
Splint shook his head and apologized. "Sorry, but I'm kinda busy with someone at the moment, Mr Frog - it'll have to wait." I almost sighed with relief. I'd fully expected him to give Talvi away.
"It's urgent..." Mr Frog insisted.
Sighing, Splint said, "All right, then - tomorrow morning. Will that work for you?"
With a brief nod, the tall, cloaked dwarf turned and walked away, and the slat closed back.

Staying far back and out of sight as much as I could, I followed Mr Frog to see where he would go. Though largely uneventful, the walk back kept me very much in suspense. I was sure that at some point he would turn around and stare me directly in the eyes.
Nothing like that happened, though Mr Frog's walk ended right where I had hoped it wouldn't: his room. After the door closed behind him, the sound of the lock sliding into place echoed down the hallway... a death-knell to my heart. With a shattered spirit I walked listlessly back to my quiet alleyway and collapsed on the little heap of rags I called a bed. Clutching my ragged quilt to me, I found no hope... only silent tears and an empty heart.

Yesterday, the day after the aforementioned events, I awoke late... far later than I usually do. After brushing out my hair and eating breakfast (a few half-stale plump helmet biscuits and some of the sewer brew from my waterskin), I felt a bit more lively than I had the night before. I didn't quite feel ready to take on the world... but I did feel ready to try to get my bracelet back.
After hiding my things behind a pile of mugs so they wouldn't get stolen - though I'm not sure who would bother stealing them - I straightened my little beanie on my head and left, headed for Talvi's room.
Knocking on the door gently to let Talvi know I was there, I looked around, my eyes lighting upon the same dwarf I'd seen the day before: the strong, gentlemanly one. Without thinking, I moved my hands to fix my hair, before I remembered that he probably wouldn't even care to look at me, which is what happened. He passed straight by without giving me so much as a glance. I've been told I'm pretty, but what good is it if nobody ever notices you?

After I finally decided that Talvi wasn't there, I entered her room myself, as I knew she never remembered to lock the door. The chest in the cavy room's tail was pulled back into position, hiding the little vent. Walking over to it, I pushed at the chest to try to get it to move, but found to my dismay that my arms were far too weak to manage it. Then I tried bracing my back against the wall and pushing with my feet, and slowly, slowly, the chest slid across the floor, revealing the iron grate behind it.
The grate wasn't nearly as difficult to move, and after moving it to one side, I saw before me the gaping mouth of the blackened tunnel. If it had only been larger and looked more ominous, I wouldn't have felt quite so much like it was going to crush me to death after I entered.

It took me a few minutes to work myself up to it, but I did eventualy manage to will myself to crawl inside: I closed my eyes and imagined my bracelet, puppies, large open fields, and a nice, hot meal. I couldn't move the chest back, but I made a point of putting the grate back in place before I continued down the tunnel.
It was a lot harder without Talvi leading the way. I was close to tears for much of it, and with my outstretched arms I could feel just how narrow the little shaft was. It doesn't help that I can't see nearly as well in the dark as Talvi can, but I did finally manage to stumble my way, hyperventilating, to where I had been before.
This is where I realized that I hadn't thought my plan through all the way. Without my friend's "cavy nose" sniffing about, I had no idea where the traps were. Then I remembered the strong smell of the liquid the cavy tooth had been in, and, following Talvi's example, I sniffed along, trying to catch the faintest smell of anything.
Twice I found something, and managed to disarm the traps without walking into them. The darts were small, but very, very sharp. They appeared to be spring-loaded into the tiniest mechanisms I've ever known of - only Mr Frog or Mekkia could've made them.

At the end of the tunnel I could just barely make out a metal grate, papered over on the other side. After calming my breathing with thoughts of open space directly on the other side, I waited for a few minutes, listening carefully for the slightest sound - any indication that Mr Frog might be in his room. I heard nothing, though, and assumed that he was in the middle of his meeting with Splint.
Carefully lifting the grate from its stone slots, I set it down to the right and left the vent shaft almost eagerly, feeling so much safer now that I was in a larger room. It was Mr Frog's room, actually... Talvi had been right. It had a peculiar odor to it that I hadn't noticed the first time I had been inside: an odd burnt smell that was just barely detectable.

The first thing I did was place the iron grate back into its original position. It had a large sheet of thickened parchment attached to it, with various numbers, letters, and mathematical symbols scrawled across in columns. It was a disguise that had kept even Talvi from finding the grate the day before. When I was done, I turned away and surveyed the room.
Everything looked as we had left it the day before. I walked over to the dusty table with the strange glass equipment and looked it over... but my bracelet wasn't there. Glancing around, I saw that the door was locked, and that Mr Frog's bed looked slept in, though it was currently empty. But then I saw what I'd come for: a little glitter of gold on the nightstand by his bed.
A surge of hope ran through me as I went over to see, and I couldn't help but smile with joy as my eyes confirmed it: it was my bracelet, sitting safely in the middle of the table. I reached out to touch it, but heard the sudden snap of a cord, which startled me. I jumped back just in time to avoid being hit by a small volley of little darts springing from a nearby wall.

I was startled further by the sound of a familiar voice I'd grown to fear. "You're quick, little one..." Mr Frog was standing in the shadows on the other side of the room. "Not many people would be quick enough to avoid that... But you're not like most people, are you?" he said pointedly, not expecting an answer.
I realized in shock that he'd been waiting for me... watching me ever since I set foot in his room. I said nothing in response, but backed away, wondering how much he knew. I considered grabbing the bracelet and running, but was too afraid that he might have set up more than just one trap.
He looked me over, almost curiously, and I shivered. As he slowly advanced and stepped into the light, my hands began shaking, and I found myself inching towards the door. More than anything else, I didn't want to share the grave of the guinea pigs after going through the untold horrors of Mr Frog's experiments.
"It's an excellent disguise, I'll admit, and not at all what I expected..." he continued in a menacing tone. "You can stay in the shadows, and yet in the open... No one sees you, but not because you're invisible, no... Rather because they choose not to. You have no need to hide because no one cares. No one knows who you are."
As I continued to back away, I suddenly heard a snap, and ducked instinctively. Another volley of tiny darts whistled above my head.
He chuckled, a sound that filled me with more fear than even his rage would have. Mr Frog never, never laughed. "Not bad, not bad... You have fast reflexes." I got back up and continued backing towards the door, past the tables with alchemical apparatuses and odd machines, past the shimmering hoops. "No, no one cares to know who you are... But I know."
I shook my head negatively, but doubt began to creep into my mind. "No," I said in response, but my voice was barely audible.
"Yes, I know... Your jewelry betrays you. Vanya... An elvish name."
Tears of fear stung my eyes and I shook my head in disbelief as I tried to figure out how he knew my name, when the bracelet carried only my initials. "I'm not an elf," I whispered.
Suddenly he leapt at me, drawing a knife from beneath his cloak, which billowed out behind him as he flew through the air. I turned and ran for the door, and heard the familiar snap of a tripwire. It wasn't darts this time, but a horrible green gas that he seemed to be immune to. With one hand over my mouth and nose I unlocked the door in wild desperation and threw it open, dashing into the hallway with Mr Frog right behind me.
As I sprinted away, attracting the stares of passersby, I heard Mr Frog far behind, calling out to me: "I will find you! You cannot hide forever, little spy, and I have eyes and ears everywhere..."

I didn't stop until I'd reached the alleyway where I'd slept the night before. I bundled everything I owned inside my blanket and left. I knew if I stayed there he would find me almost immediately. The first skulker he met would be able to tell him where I was living. No - I knew that if I wanted to stay alive I would have to hide somewhere that no one would ever look.
The condemned garbage dump.
It had been sealed off years ago - originally Talvi herself had set it up when she was overseer of the fortress. The idea behind it was that dwarves could store items to rot in there instead of leaving everything in the hallways, so that miasma wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, nobody since ever used it: Mr Frog, during his term, had declared it a health hazard and sealed it off. But there are always ways past barriers, if you knew how to find them, and being homeless, I was one of those who did. There are a series of natural tunnels that some creature had dug in the dirt levels, starting near the farms - one of them led directly to the old dump.

And so I set up camp here... and here I've been ever since. It's been a whole day now, at least. You can't hear the time bells here, but it feels like it's been forever. It's damp, smelly, and horribly cold, but I'd rather be in here than out where Mr Frog can find me. I almost feel like I could take a nap now, but there's something

The text ends here abruptly, without Vanya's customary five-pointed star.

Vanya, Parts 1 and 2 (Trouble with My Laptop)

2012-07-02T21:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've hit a bit of a snag as far as posting goes. My laptop has been having trouble ever since I got it - I'm not sure if it was just poorly made, or something else, but last Thursday it finally decided to kick the bucket. The hard drive's motor went out - basically, it'll never work again. That type of thing can't be repaired, as hard drives are pretty much made to be impenetrable.

But fear not. Though I lost practically everything from the last six months (and everything else I failed to back up, yay), I didn't lose the story. Therefore, here are chapters one and two of eight - hopefully I'll be able to add more in the near future.

(And finally - I don't know if I mentioned it in the previous post, but Talvi created a large number of "Have you seen me?" cavy posters when her first cavy went missing, and posted them all over the fortress.)

********************PART 1********************
This is a shoddily-bound journal composed of bits of a number of posters of cavies. The edges of the pages do not line up. The cover is made of heavily-worn animal leather of an unidentifiable species. There is nothing etched on it, possibly because the owner feared the journal would disintegrate. The pages are unsigned and undated, save for a five-pointed star at the end of each entry.

This is going to have to be my journal, as I don't really have the funds or means to get ahold of anything more extravagant. I made this myself, like I do most of what I own. I don't like scrounging in garbage stockpiles... It's sad that I've fallen this low; that someone with schooling could be so hard-pressed for a bit of coin that they would throw together a journal of old posters and write in it with a charred stick. But I miss writing, and drawing... and this makes me happy - so this is the best I can do.

It's a disappointing fact of any fortress, but you can see a "caste" system if you look for it. There's the "master class" - the higher nobility: barons, kings, counts and duchesses. Then below that, there's the "upper class": the mayors, sheriffs, captains of the guard, tax collectors and other such positions. Next are middle-class citizens: soldiers, miners, masons - anyone considered vital to the fortress but not holding a position. Then, there's the lower class... Those few that are recognized as members of the community, but are also considered expendable because they earn their living hauling furniture or cleaning pastures. I wish I could say I was part of that, but no... sadly, I'm one farther down. I'm in the "basement" class, as it's called: a poor girl that nobody notices simply because they choose not to. They don't want to see me because it reflects on the state of their society. If they imagine no one is in rags, they feel the fortress is more wealthy. People call us skulkers or vagabonds when they speak of us. A good example: the basement class ran the olden fortress of Boatmurdered - "into the ground", my old friend, Thalgor, would always add. That was before he moved up in the world and chose to ignore me. Nobody of the other classes is publicly friends with a skulker. Well... apart from those who aren't right in the head.

I'm old enough to work, but nobody will give me a job, judging me by my clothes and thinking me unfit, or deciding I'm a slacker. Plus, it doesn't help that I'm a little shy sometimes. As a result, I don't really have a home of sorts. I mostly move around, staying in darker corners in different areas of the fortress. I have a few friends... it's not like I'm invisible. On occasion one of the cooks brings me something. He lost his daughter in the vampiric wars, and he's said I remind him of her. Sometimes he chokes up. I don't blame him... I lost my sister to disease two years ago. The doctors wouldn't treat her. "No coin, no service", they said. The doctors wouldn't have treated her anyway. They didn't used to treat anyone who was sick, before Mitchewawa set things right. They'd occasionally perform operations on the healthy, though... which was how my sister became sick. If the basement class isn't careful, we become guinea pigs for experiments. Some think it's all we're good for...
I'm careful to stay clear of Mr Frog.

But I have something more important to write about than the current state of my life. Hopefully, someday, I'll leave Spearbreakers, and all its ungodly, almost idolized chaos. When I do I'll travel back to the Mountainhome. Maybe my Granpa will take me in again, and I can write a book. If it sells well, I won't have to worry any more. Among dwarves, writing is still considered low-class, but it's better than how I'm doing now. Maybe I'll travel to the human cities, but I don't know.

Three days ago I was hiding in a hallway as Mr Frog passed by, and I heard a commotion in the room next to me. One of the voices sounded familiar, and I looked around on the wall for a peephole. Finally, standing on tiptoe, I found a small crack in the wall I could see through, where a dabbling engraver had carved too deep.

I was standing next to the hospital, and inside I could see the pudgy form of our old overseer, Talvi. I arrived after her term was over, but as I understand it she wasn't always... mentally challenged. She's always been kind to us, though, and we've always been kind to her in return. She was there for me when my sister died, for instance, and I was there for her when she found out about her cavies. While over the past year she's been almost manically depressed, a few weeks ago she recovered, only soon thereafter to be found in the old garbage chamber, passed out. She'd been in a coma ever since, but interestingly, now, she was awake, and apparently in an almost murderous mood. It was funny, in a way. The doctors had pronounced her case hopeless, and it looked like she'd come to on her own. She was trying to leave the hospital, but a Dr. Kannan and a couple orderlies were keeping her restrained.

"Let me go!" she screamed. "I needa leave, you cain't keep me here!"
But Dr. Kannan shook his head. "No, my dear, I'm afraid you need your rest. It is good you're awake, but you should really be asleep. Hadhod, Grond - restrain her and get ready to sedate her."Dr. Kannan was the one who "treated" my sister before she got sick. I didn't like the dwarf.
His words met by loud protests. "No, you cain't! I'll have your jobs fer this, y'know! Don't you dare!" Talvi struggled to get away, but Hadhod shoved a gag in her mouth.
The doctor appeared done with the matter and turned to his assistant, shaking his head in disappointment. "Just five more days! That was all we needed. We were learning so much about science through my experiments! Thatthil, why is she awake? You medicated her like I requested, did you not?"
"Of course I did, sir," was the prompt response from the young woman, though I knew better. Thatthil is always shirking her duties to spend time with her lover. Being unnoticed lets you see things others don't.
Dr. Kannan was satisfied with her answers, though, and watched the two orderlies wrestle Talvi into a traction bed. Fearing for her life, I suddenly turned from the crack and called out, "Talvi is awake!"
As I listened to my voice echo through the little darkened alleyway and the cold stone corridors of the fortress, I hoped that I'd saved her. Within the hospital, the dwarves froze for a moment, listening, before Dr. Kannan said almost frantically, "The needle! The needle! Sedate her!"
Several dwarves walked past the alley towards the hospital entrance, among them Splint and Fischer. They paid no heed to me, but looking back through the little crack I saw the door open and several dwarves pass through.
"Talvi! Glad to see you're awake," said Splint, with just the slightest hint of surprise, before looking suspiciously at the needle in Thatthil's hand, and then Dr. Kannan. "The good doctors had said you were beyond hope of recovery. Grond, remove that gag from her mouth and let her sit up." Grond looked like he'd been stricken helpless by the conflicting orders, but he finally obeyed Splint, the higher authority in the room.
Talvi got to her feet again, the fire in her eyes dying a bit as she looked around, seemingly bewildered. She looked at Fischer in surprise, who gave a slight nod of recognition. Her eyes moved to those of Splint, and a confused look broke across her face. "Mister Splint, I... I..."
Behind Splint, Mr Frog turned and left the room, a satisfied expression on his face. Talvi watched him leave, then her face hardened and she walked to Splint, saying in a hushed voice I could barely hear, "Splint, I needa talk t'you in private." She grabbed his arm and pulled the surprised manager from the room.
Fischer glared heatedly at Dr. Kannan, who almost trembled in her gaze, before she turned and left. She looks like a guy, and she's every bit as scary as the meanest when she tries. One of the tales in the street is that she killed a barful of humans who, over their brew, joked about how she ought to have a beard. Judging on how pale Dr. Kannan was when he turned back to his assistants, I'm guessing he'd heard the same story. Fischer takes disrespect as a personal challenge, and she'd always hated Dr. Kannan for the poor treatment he always gave her soldiers.

I left my post at the little wall and followed Splint and Talvi down the hall, trying my best to keep to the shadows so they wouldn't notice me. None of the other dwarves rushing about their tasks did, but Talvi has sharper eyes than most, and she doesn't ignore skulkers like myself - if I wanted to know what had happened to her, I would have to be quiet.

Finally she stopped just inside a little alleyway between the workshops and the stills. I'd always thought it was a bad idea to do the dusty task of stonecarving so close to the breweries, but everyone else seemed to think it made more sense. "After all," they said, "you can go get yourself a glassful of beer fresh from the still right after you carve your mug." It made little difference, really. There's hardly a corner in this fort that isn't cluttered with at least a few of the things. Someone suggested just last year we use them as a building material, and was taken seriously. Others talk in whispers of turning them into weapons and raining mugfulls of magma from the sky.

"Splint," Talvi began in a hushed tone, her sweetly high-pitched voice breaking through the damp air. I had to sneak forwards and hide behind a stack of mechanisms just inside the alley in order to hear. "Splint, it was Mr Frog."
I looked until I found a small gap to look through, between the gears and springs. Splint was clearly confused. "Talvi? What? What are you talking about?"
"Splint, as sure's a yellow fishbone eats vowels, Mr Frog is plottin' to take down th' fortress."
She looked dead serious. As it was Mr Frog she was talking about, I didn't have much trouble believing her. But Splint shook his head. "Talvi, you know I valued your opinion, but I just can't see Mr Frog doing anything shady at all. He's very up-front with me about his proceedings, and I work with him, too."
"'Valued', y'say, Splint? Well, jes' maybes you oughta value it again, 'cause lemme tell you right now, there ain't nothin' straight 'bout him!"
Splint shook his head again. "Talvi, he's a good dwarf - he's smart and loyal. We're good friends - I know him. Is this just about your crush on him? What did he do this time?"
Talvi blushed strongly but tried to brush it aside. "No, it ain't 'bout that, Splint. Mr. Frog ain't what he seems. He's workin' with the enemy. There's somebody named Joseph, and he talks to him, an'..."
"Talvi! Talvi! Listen to yourself. Joseph is your imaginary friend. Remember we talked about that? And your psychologist did too."
She looked confused, as if having trouble remembering, but then stammered, "Well... I..."
"Wait..." The old overseer's brow furrowed as he thought. "'Valued'... you caught that?"
Talvi hesitated, but nodded.
"And the thing with the fishbones... You're saying those phrases again..."
Talvi nodded again, and Splint scratched his beard in thought. Talvi took advantage of his silence and spoke. "Mr Frog made me drink some stuff, an' I ain't thinkin' so jumbled no more now. He hit me, too..." The faintest hint of a tear trickled down her confused, bewildered face, and my blood boiled at the thought of Mr Frog striking Talvi. It didn't seem like him, I'll admit, but what did I know? I always avoided him.
Splint seemed to have the same thoughts. "Talvi, I doubt Mr Frog would've hit you... but maybe he had you drink something intended to cure your... um..." he stopped, unsure how to put it nicely. "Anyway, I'll have a talk with him about it."
Talvi's eyes widened. "No, don't! Don't you dare! You keep this good'n quiet now, hear? I don't want him knowin'."
"But Talvi," Splint began, "it'd likely be smarter to -"
"No!" she interrupted in an almost fierce whisper. "You cain't. You ain't goin' to, neither. Promise me, Splint! Nobody can know."
Splint looked at her curiously, perhaps surprised at how she seemed at least halfway intelligent. Slowly, he said, "All right, Talvi... I'll trust you here... You have my word. But all the same, I want a detailed report on what you think happened... Come up to my place later and we'll discuss it." He walked away, saying over his shoulder, "And bring me a couple new mugs while you're at it. Mine keep ending up shattered on the wall..."
He walked past me, and I shrank back against the stacks of mechanisms as much as I could. He didn't even know I was there.

Talvi watched him leave, and then slowly began to walk out of the alleyway, humming something about bluebirds. As she passed, she did a double take, and her gaze rested on me. I was afraid she would be furious that I'd heard everything, but instead, she smiled lightheartedly, in a way that clashed eerily with her fierce mood only moments before. "Come with me," she said with a gentle laugh. "We've gots somethin' to do. I cain't do it on my own. Wanna be my wingcavy?"
I had to think on what she said for a moment. "Wingcavy" doesn't make that much sense to me, but I guessed it was akin to "wingman", an old phrase from when a second dwarf stood on the short, protruding "wings" of a battleyak chariot to protect the driver and cut down enemies the battleyak missed. After a few moments of looking up at her face, I whispered cautiously, "Does it have something to do with Mr Frog?"
The smile left her face, and she looked at me with a glimmer of anger. "Oh, yes," she said matter-of-factly. "It has ever'thing t'do with... him." She said it distastefully, as if despising even the name. "Like the cheese on the wall said to the engraver, 'Why are you eatin' me in this bedroom and not yours?'" She looked at me solemnly for a moment, before her expression gave way to happiness. "I like cheese," she laughed, extending her hand towards me.
I thought for a moment, and a hope crossed my mind - perhaps this was that opportunity my Granmomma always talked about, before she died. Maybe this would get me out of the "basement" and back into society... I didn't want to interfere, and especially not with Mr Frog, but all the same... I wanted out. I wanted to be accepted by people. I wanted to fit in.
I reached up towards her, and my hand was soon enclosed in hers as she pulled me to my feet. "Come on, now," she said, almost triumphantly, as she motioned for me to follow. "We's goin' where the cavies go!"

☆

********************PART 2********************

This is a poorly bound journal. All craftmanship is of the lowest quality, at best. Several of the pages are half-falling out. The following entry is written with on a number of pages sporting a heavily faded "sad cavy" background, which it would appear someone attempted to scrub away with a sanding tool.

Nothing much has happened since my last entry. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I'm still hiding behind some of the garbage heaps in the east room. The miasma is terrible, but I'm too afraid to leave, after what's happened, though I know that I'll have to, eventually. I won't eat these rotting scraps, not if I starve to death. But dear gods, the smell never lessens. You never get used to it... I've found a better cap than I was wearing, at least, over here in a pile: a nice-looking woolen knit beanie. I can't imagine why anyone would throw it out, it's only slightly worn.
I always wear a cap of some sort, though I still let my hair hang down past my shoulders. Most dwarven women keep their hair up, but not me. Maybe some people see it as a bit of unjustifiable vanity, but it's just who I am.

It feels like I've been here for days. I miss my friends, if you could call them that. Most fortresses don't have more than one or two skulkers hanging around, but Spearbreakers has so, so many. The official census says the population rests around 90 or so, but in reality it's probably closer to 120, or even more. The additional 30 or so is made up of skulker dwarves like me. We're unusually thin for dwarves, because we haven't seen a good, hearty meal in days. Or even weeks. I'm thinner than most, though, and nimbler, too. I think that's maybe why Talvi chose me to help her on her quest, and not someone else.

After I'd lavished my curiosity with an eavesdropped conversation between Splint and Talvi, the first two overseers, Talvi told me to follow her, and I did without question. I trusted her, to an extent. She'd never really tried to trick me, and to be completely honest, I didn't think her capable of something like that. I know that's cruel to say, and I wouldn't say it to her face, but it's true.

As we passed through the hallways, we became intermixed with a large number of other dwarves rushing back and forth. Talvi looked over her shoulder with a smile and said, "Caravan's here." I nodded in response. I'd been wondering when the next one would come through. Mr Frog usually oversaw everything, so he would be outside. It wasn't that he wanted any more socks, like most of the other dwarves who would crowd around their wares (though he'd said once they made satisfactory test tubes in a pinch). No, Mr Frog was out there because few skulkers could resist attempting to sneak a bit of food or clothing from all that was lying outside... or at least, that was my opinion of why. After all, if you could get a full set of clothing, a good shower, and fix yourself up, you could pass as a lower-class citizen. People would make eye contact with you again. You might even land yourself a job, if you were lucky.

Talvi and I wove our way through the crowded corridors. The doors were almost always open when it was this busy, with so many people rushing through. They never even had time to close. It made things a lot easier, as we dodged workers carrying barrels full of mugs and mechanisms to the depot. I hated the chaos and crowds, but fortunately wasn't long before we reached the stairs, and we descended towards the housing level.

Minutes later, we were outside her door. "Come on in!" she said, as if welcoming a surprise guest into her home. It wasn't clear if she'd forgotten about me during our walk down the stairs, but I did as she asked.

She set herself down in front of one of her chests and began digging through it, looking for something. I approached cautiously, looking over her shoulder. The chest was full of little bits of paper, and she appeared to be searching for one piece in particular. I ventured a question, though a bit timidly. "What are you doing?"
"Oh!" She turned up to look at me briefly. She always makes eye contact. I like that about her. "I'm jus' lookin' fer a key. I knows it's gotta be in here somewher'."
I couldn't help but smile, and I nudged the little object to the right of the chest with my toe. "Is this it?" I asked.
Her face lit up and she gave a little clap. "Yes! That's it exactly!" She scooped it up in her hand and stood, walking quickly to the other side of the room. "I allus keep a special chest hidden over yonder, 'hind th' statue in my sweet cavy room's ear," she said over her shoulder, as she squeezed her way between the statue and the wall. It was an oversized statue of a dwarf, but I couldn't tell you who.
I had an easier time stepping behind the statue into the dark alcove than Talvi did, and found her rummaging through another chest, removing items and dropping them on the floor: an axe, a rope, string, a mismatched pair of socks, a shovel, a calendar, and a few other assorted items. She finished quickly, scooping them up in her arms and giving them to me. "You'll needa carry them, V, girl," she said in her southern drawl, with an almost blissful grin. "Jes' like how the parrot said to the bauxite."
Talvi always called me "V" - my first initial. I didn't like anyone using (or knowing) my first name, but that's something I'd rather not go into, even in a private journal... someone might read it. Talvi was one of the few who knew what it is, but she didn't ever use it.

As I headed towards the door, Talvi called me back. "Where you goin'? Get back here, we gotta do this right quick."
I stopped, confused. "But... didn't you want to go to Mr Frog's room?"
She shook her head and smiled what I would've considered motherly, had it come from anyone else. "There ain't jes' one way to the letter 'E'. Sometimes you have to travel with a smell in your nose." She turned and walked away. Not knowing what else to do, I followed, as she continued, "Learnt that one from a calendar page. Or... two that'd stucked 'emselves t'gether. It's a right good'un, I reckon."
Talvi got to her knees beside a chest and began pushing. I watched, carefully shifting everything around in my arms and trying to keep the axe from getting me.
With some effort, and a good deal of huffing and puffing, she managed to shove the chest aside, revealing a grate-covered vent shaft on the floor.
She stood up and brushed her hands off on her clothes. I envied her a bit about that. I've often wished I could have so little disregard for my clothing, but unless I want to go naked, I have to take as best care of what I have as I can. No socks or shoes is bad enough. But Talvi interrupted my musings. "You don't never wanna block them lungs on th' floor," she said, pointing at the vent, "but in this case, I done it anyhow."
Suddenly I realized what was going on and shook my head violently. "No, no no. I'm not going in there. You can do it by yourself, I can't go in."
"Sure ya can, it's just as easy as puttin' one foot ahead of th' other, V. Pretend you're a cavy, like I is." she said nonchalantly as she slid the grate to the side. I'm not sure how she didn't notice my widened eyes or quickened breath, but she didn't.

I suppose now would be a good time to explain that I'm terrified of small spaces. It's not quite a phobia, but I always get the feeling that everything is going to crush down on me and kill me. It's not a good fear for a dwarf, I know, and especially not a skulker, but I'm a special case.

She got down on her hands and knees, and just barely managed to squeeze herself inside. I couldn't imagine how there could possibly be enough air in there to breathe. I stood paralyzed in fear, hearing in the back of my mind the sound of the former overseer calling to me... I didn't want to move, but swallowing I forced myself down to my knees. I hesitated in front of the blackness, away from the flickering torchlight, but finally moved in, carrying the bundle of goods beside me in one arm. I didn't care so much about the dark. Just the tight space.

Farther along, the passages grew large enough to stand inside. I don't remember much about any it now: I was scared out of my mind and hyperventilating most of the way through the dark passages, with nothing audible but the sound of my breath, Talvi's shuffling along, and my rapid heartbeat. I once got up the courage to ask where we were going - she made my hands start shaking with her response. "I dunno, V," she said, almost in tears. "This's where all my cavies went afore they's disappeared." Her mood swing to melancholy wasn't helping my morale.

Finally she stopped, and I ran into her. "What happened?" I asked in fright.
"Somethin' don't smell good," she said. I listened as she knelt and sniffed around - yes, sniffed, like a dog. After a moment, though, she stopped, and I heard a spring snap, followed by a sharp clatter of metal.
"What was that?" I asked.
A couple tense minutes passed before she responded. "It's a dart," she said. "It's got Mr Frog's cavy poison on it. Wanna touch it?" she asked innocently.
After imagining impaling my finger on a sharp object in pitch blackness, possibly laced with a deadly poison, it wasn't hard to decide to pass. "I've got my hands full," I replied as an excuse, and listened as she placed it back on the floor. "Miss Talvi, we can't go through here if he's put up traps." I said, trying to reason with her addled mind. "It's like he expected someone to come through. And where does this stupid passage lead, anyway?" I wasn't in a good mood. I just wanted out of there.
"Cain't you smell it?" she asked in surprise. I shook my head. She saw, despite it being pitch-black, and said, "It's Mr Frog's bedroom."
"We'll have to go back," I prodded her verbally, and she finally, finally agreed.

Later we stood in her apartment, brushing dust off ourselves.
Talvi seemed in a good mood, despite the failure of her mission. "His door'll be locked now, I reckon. We'll have to wait 'til nightfall - he don't allus remember to lock it."
"What, we just go in there while he's inside?"
"No, I'll chew the door a tad in a couple o' good places while he's asleep. He won't e'en know it ain't locked when he leaves tomorrow mornin', 'cause I'm a skilled biter. You come 'round with the birds, an' I'll let ya' in. We'll go t'gether."

☆

Just So We're on the Same Page (with Spearbreakers):

2012-06-27T12:02:00.004-04:00

In the previous post I mentioned I was going to be posting one of my stories from Spearbreakers soon. I also mentioned I would need to get you caught up with a bare-bones crash course on Spearbreakers history. To start with, I'm going to put the link here. I don't expect anyone to click it, and especially not to read all of it, mainly because... I put the wrong number up last night, and it's not 1,000 posts long... It's currently at 2,165 posts.

Spearbreakers is a sort of sequel to three other succession games: Boatmurdered (considered by all the best succession game of all time), Headshoots, and Syrupleaf. Fortunately, you won't need to know much of their history... but you will need to know some, about Sankis, Holistic, and the origins of the Spawn. I'll try to keep it short. Also, I'll be putting a couple more explanations in the previous post.

Boatmurdered, a succession game of 2005, was finally finished off by a dwarf who was named after a previous overseer, Sankis. Sankis, on fire from the weaponized magma that had been poured outside the gates, managed to kill off most of the fortress's population (and a number of elephants) before he finally died.

In Headshoots, the sequel to Syrupleaf, the fortress fell because of its two best soldiers, whom the players finally decided to mod for the purpose of taking down the fortress. Nemo and Holistic Detective, modded to be turned into skeletons, actually did manage to kill everyone inside, and then they turned on each other. Nemo sliced off Holistic Detective's hands, but Holistic literally bit Nemo to death. The story behind it was that Sankis's spirit, still desiring destruction, had done it to them.

Syrupleaf came after headshoots, and the defining feature was the modded-in Holistic Spawn. The story was that Holistic had returned to the gates of hell, and Sankis had given her children. The Holistic Spawn are described as mockeries of dwarvenkind, with shriveled skin, long, bony arms, claws instead of hands, a heart made of stone, and a giant mouth running up and down their chest, filled with teeth. Syrupleaf didn't last all too long.

After a gap, Spearbreakers was created by a friend of mine, just earlier this year. I was one of the original three who worked on getting it up and running. The other two were Splint, who had the idea in the first place, and Mr Frog, who did most of the modding. My job was to test everything - I was basically the guinea pig. The sole difference in the Spawn in our version is the fact that with a single bite, they can infect dwarves with something which, after a few months, causes them to transform into Holistic Spawn themselves. Apart from the Spawn, Splint also modded in pikes, so as to have some reason for the name "Spearbreakers".

Here's the turn list:

Splint
Talvieno (myself)
Mr Frog
Draignean
Sus
Mitchewawa
Stormtemplar

A brief description of Spearbreakers' history:

Splint's year passed uneventfully, though he carved out the basic foundations of the fortress. When my turn came, the first thing I did was rebuild Splint's poorly-designed entrance. The Holistic Spawn appeared first during my year (far earlier than we expected them), and as part of the story, I wrote that they subsequently drove Talvi, my dwarf, out of her wits. Near the end of my turn, as a sort of a monument to myself, I carved out a cavy-shaped room for Talvi, as her personality description said she loved them.

Mr Frog abandoned many things I'd done over my turn, the most notable being the garbage dump, living quarters and entrance - he built the fortress a third entrance. He also built a "spawn containment area" - a long hallway with levers and locked doors to put soldiers that were suspected to be infected into. After his turn was over, he handed the fortress to Draignean.

The defining feature of Draignean's reign was our first major battle, with a zombie siege from a nearby necromancer tower occurring at the exact same time as a massive attack from the Spawn. As a defense, he put up a giant underground bridge of spike traps to impale enemy armies or send them hurtling into the depths. He also managed to dig down and safely mine out most of the adamantine, which we've been making into armor since.

During his turn, Sus managed to fend off several necromancer armies, and he worked on getting the Spearbreakers military into shape. He also identified a problem with the hospital - basically, it was terrible, and almost every dwarf sent in died from neglect or the incompetency of the doctors.

Mitchewawa's turn was undoubtedly both the most uneventful and most productive. He overhauled the hospital, and then most of the jobs for the dwarves, to make things more efficient. Even so, after his turn, the fortress is still a wreck.

We have a total of four entrances - two of them completely dysfunctional. One, the underground wagon road, is a complete mess due to all the battles fought there, and is lined with corpses. The other, the spike bridge, is also more or less jammed with the fallen corpses of enemies. They meet at the same place - the trading depot. This is also surrounded by corpses and severed body parts, possibly so that the merchants have an excellent example of what happens if they don't offer their best prices (I'm joking, but still). The fortress has absolutely no way to dispose of garbage. As if the skeletons and bones everywhere weren't enough, the dining room is severely lacking in tables and chairs, the upper layers have a ridiculous number of doors spanning the hallways, half the aboveground is abandoned, we have a poorly-designed tower near the wagon road, and no real defenses for the fortress. Did I mention there are three times as many corpses/severed limbs outside the entrances as inside the fortress?

And now, a brief description of the personalities of the main characters. You don't have to memorize it - checking back here while you're reading my story is perfectly fine. I won't spoil anything. In fact, you could skip it and just use it as a reference later on, if you wanted to.

Splint - He acts as the father of the fortress, willing to do absolutely anything to keep the fortress alive for as long as possible (reflects non-dwarf Splint). Also, as a running gag, he throws mugs when he's angry. He has a phobia of adamantine. Despite this, he invented a number of ridiculously powerful weapons, which are currently only in the prototype stage. If Spearbreakers has a sequal, non-dwarf Splint intends to include them as part of the game.
Talvi - She was originally an eccentric dwarf with a habit of inventing nonsensical proverbs or phrases, but lost her mind during her reign (due to the appearance of the Spawn) and gave the fort to Mr Frog, who she's remained infatuated with until recently. She has a severe country accent, which she used to cover up. During Draignean's reign, she picked up the habit of eating paper - she prefers to consume Draignean's calendars, but she'll eat anything. She also has an imaginary friend named Joseph, and used to have many pet cavies she considered her children. When the first one went missing, she put up hundreds of "have you seen me" posters. As the rest disappeared, her mood went south, and until recently she's been moping about in her room. That was when Mr Frog figured out she'd stolen his PEA (basically an iPad), which was how she knew about "Joseph", who wasn't imaginary at all. He knocked her over the head, and gave her a powerful amnesiac.
Mr Frog - His origin is a matter of debate, but apparently he's a time traveler from an alternate universe, who came to study the spawn. While human, he's short enough to just barely pass as a dwarf. He has a habit of smoking drugs he's created himself, as well as drinking large quantities of self-brewed alcohol. He does everything in the name of science, having a very loose set of morals. He knows Talvi used to sleep outside his room or watch him as he slept, and he rather hates her for it, as he's a very private person.
Draignean - He's basically a dwarven version of Zapp Brannigan from the TV show "Futurama". Loud, overdramatic, and slow to catch on, he has a big ego and is almost always in a good mood. He trusts Talvi with his life, as he can't figure out it's her who's eating his calendars. He's also in the army - and is an incredibly-skilled fighter.
Fischer - One of the starting seven dwarves, this crossdressing woman leads the Spearbreakers army. She and Talvi have a sort of silent feud going between them. She's mean and tough, and doesn't have a soft spot at all. Her gender is a subject of a joke, as so many people mistake her for a guy at first.
Terrahex - A fan-created character who was dwarfed later, Terrahex is a dwarf who is afraid of everything except Spawn, who he's somehow managed to make friends with. He's quiet and almost invisible - throughout the Spearbreakers stories he's often vaguely alluded to as a sort of mysterious messenger.
Urist - Another fan-created character, created by Hanslanda, Urist is a military dwarf who's seen his share of combat against the spawn. Upon arriving at Spearbreakers, he's terribly surprised to find how much stronger the spawn are around his new home. He's not much of a talker, and avoids making friends, due to how everyone he's ever cared about has either died or left him. In Hanslanda's story, he does actually manage - under the wise guidance of Mr Frog - to save the fortress from a wicked dimension traveler.
Sus - Sus was a military dwarf with a heavy Scottish accent. He was kind-hearted and enjoyed the simple life. Draignean thrust him into office at the end of his reign, when beforehand no one had ever heard of him. Though he did an excellent job of keeping the fortress afloat, he was killed in a necromancer siege.
Mitchewawa - A businessman at heart, Mitchewawa is a no-nonsense kind of guy. He always strives for maximum efficiency, and will stop at nothing to make sure things are running smoothly. He has a satirical sense of humor, though he rarely laughs. He's also somewhat easily distracted.

There are a number of other characters, but these are the main ones.

I think that's probably enough for you to go on - I'll post Vanya's first entry soon. Vanya is a character I created for the purpose of Talvi's story, as Talvi couldn't do what she was doing and still manage to keep a journal going.

A Crash Course on Dwarf Fortress

2012-06-27T02:38:00.001-04:00

Dwarf Fortress has been considered one of the nerdiest games in existence, largely because of the steep learning curve and the fact that geeks/nerds tend to be able to pick up on that type of thing more quickly. This learning curve is necessary, though, because there's so much that the game can do - and what it can't do can usually be easily modded in (as simple as editing a text file). In a game with so much content, and with so much content always being added to it, every fortress tends to have a unique story - and this has prompted a large community of people to write fan-made stories about their fortresses.

I've written about Dwarf Fortress before in this blog, but I haven't really expanded on it or said much of anything about it. I'm going to try to do that now - I won't be giving you so much a crash course on playing Dwarf Fortress, however, as a crash course on Dwarf Fortress (DF) itself. This is mainly because I intend to put up some of my more recent stories relating to the game - some of which I'm immensely enjoying writing. Don't worry, though - you're not going to be reading through a full manual. I won't put down anything more than you would need to know.

The full name for the game is "Slaves to Armok, God of War, Chapter II: Dwarf Fortress". Armok is known as the "Blood God", and is basically the DF equivalent of an omnipotent, all-powerful being - though Armok has a taste for blood and a sadistic sense of humor. He doesn't come into play much in the actual game, however - most of what you hear about Armok comes from the players.

When you start a new fortress, you initially have seven dwarves who come from the Mountainhome - the main home of your dwarves. You can tell them what to do - farm, mine, dig rooms, engrave pictures on walls (always graphic, often humorous), practice fighting, brew booze and more - but the dwarves only do it if they feel like it. While they usually do, sometimes they'll be lazy and you won't get any work out of them. As the game progresses, you'll receive migrants (dwarves migrating from the mountainhome to your fortress) based on how well your fortress is doing. The better off you are, the more migrants you'll receive. Large numbers of civilian casualties generally means other dwarves will stay away.

On the topic of booze: Dwarven babies drink booze as soon as they're old enough to walk. In fact, all dwarves would much rather drink alcohol than water, consuming the latter only when they're sick. If they can't get enough booze, they slow down and don't work as hard.

There are five different main races: dwarves, goblins, elves, kobolds and humans.
- Kobolds are tiny and largely unintelligent - they tend to be nothing more than a nuisance at best, stealing generally worthless items from the fortress from time to time and running away if they're seen.
- Goblins are the main enemies throughout the game, though you can make war with the elves or humans if you so desire. They're roughly human-sized and generally have decent battle tactics. In addition to this, they kidnap young children and raise them as goblins.
- Humans in DF are about what you'd expect humans to be like. They're excellent traders and very handy with a weapon, though their armor is too big for a dwarf to wear.
- Elves in DF are unlike anything in any other game, and especially not like Tolkien's elves. To sum it up: elves in DF are hypocritical tree-hugging cannibals. They get very angry at anyone who chops down trees, yet all they bring in trade are items made from wood. They also have a tradition of eating their dead enemies - and sometimes allies. As a rule, DF players hate the elves in the game, but it's more of a running joke than a pure hatred. The dwarves ingame are imagined to actually hate them, though - and instances have been recorded where dwarves went and stole everything from elven caravans, completely on their own accord.

On caravans: You get three caravans a year (if there aren't any sieges). In the spring, the elven caravan arrives. In the summer, the humans come with their wagonloads of goods. In the fall, the dwarven caravan from the Mountainhome shows up invariably, along with a liason who your mayor can barter with to arrange what the caravan will bring the year after.

Finally, something not ingame. DF completely lacks any sort of multiplayer mode, and at some point someone came up with the idea for what has come to be known as a "succession game" (Boatmurdered is an excellent example of this). Basically, one person starts out with a new fortress and plays through one ingame year. After this is done, they save it, package it up and send it to the next player (also known as an "overseer"), who then plays through an ingame year before sending it on to overseer number three. Succession games tend to be a lot more chaotic than single-player games because everyone tries to do things differently. Later players may consider the work of previous overseers ridiculous and tear it down, while some wind up building monuments to themselves.

This is the type of game I'm writing a story on at the moment - a succession game of a fortress called "Spearbreakers". The thread is over 1,000 posts long, and I wouldn't expect you to read all of it, so before I launch into my story, I'll outline the basics of what's gone on over the fortress's seven-year history, just so you have a vague idea of what's happening.

This is all that comes to mind at the moment, though I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting...

Are you bored yet?

EDIT: Some things later deemed necessary:

Adamantine: A rare metal that makes sharper swords than can be found in the real world. It is also incredibly light and makes for practically impenetrable armor.
Artifact: The product of a "strange mood". From time to time, dwarves either get possessed by a spirit of their ancestors, come up with a great idea, or feel they need to create something in commemoration of an event. If the strange mood is successful, they create an "artifact" - an item of incomparable quality. If it fails... they go insane.

Internet Irony

2012-06-24T11:16:00.001-04:00

Before I ever wanted to be a programmer, I wanted to be a writer. I suppose it started officially around when I was in third grade, though I technically wrote my first "book" (that I remember) two years earlier. I've written a good number of short stories and made several attempts at novels, though only one of those novels was I able to finish. I enjoy writing, and I enjoy knowing other people are reading and themselves enjoying what I compose. If I could make a career out of it I'd be pretty pleased - unfortunately, over 99% of writers aren't well paid.

Then I got online, about a year and a half ago. It wasn't long before I discovered blogs, and started one of my own. Whenever I had that old familiar itch to throw something onto paper, I could do it on a computer instead - and typing is faster than writing anyway. Following this, it took me a while, but I eventually found (by chance) different places where I could write stories with other people, as a group collaboration.

This all sounds pretty good, right? I would read the stories of a few other people, they would read mine, and we would work together to make things better. But what if I wanted a wider audience? The only real way I can try to get that is to post my stories somewhere like this - on a blog. Or Tumblr, possibly, but that's more picture-oriented, though more people use it.

It ought to make sense - the Internet is, at its core, text-based. It was originally and it's still much, much more about words than pictures. Ironically, when people browse on the Internet, they're not looking to read things."TL;DR" is a common internet shorthand phrase you've probably encountered which means, "too long; didn't read" which makes my point pretty well - most people don't like to read long blocks of text. If I was to put out a longish story, no one would read it. In fact, they might be deterred from reading anything else around it. Because of all this, I hesitate to post my stories on my blog.

I'm back (or, A problem with the Greek gods)

2012-06-18T11:38:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time... Three months, really, and that's a bit extreme, even for this blog. I suppose an explanation and a new post would be in order (preferably two posts, but I think I might compact it into just one).

Things that have kept me from posting:

Laptop (power jack short circuiting)
Laptop (keyboard going out)
Laptop (overheating)
Laptop (Internet connection)
Laptop (charging issues)
Laptop (not really, this time, just a busy real life)

As you can hopefully tell, I'm somewhat dissatisfied with the condition of my laptop. This is, of course, normal, though recently it's gotten a lot worse. It could really use being repaired, or possibly replaced - but I lean away from the replacement option largely because I've only had this laptop for two and a half years. I had hoped it would last longer. At any rate, I haven't been online much in a while, and thus, no new posts. Also I have somewhat fallen behind with online friends... hopefully they can forgive me.

But today that changes! Today, I'm short on time and I'm really being a little bizarrely crazy as I'm spending valuable time to get a severely off-topic, unexpected and unusual post out. About the ancient Greek gods. ...Yep.

Over the past two weeks or so, I've devoted many hours of my free time trying to solve an ultimately pointless problem I posed for myself (which I used to do all the time - it's almost a favorite pastime of mine). Anyway, a bit of backstory is probably required:

After reading through the Percy Jackson books (somewhat overhyped and some of the mythology was screwed up, but it was still pretty good overall), I became enthralled with the idea that a game might be created to allow an all-encompassing fight between the gods, the titans, and you. There aren't many games out there that are based on the gods of ancient Greece. God of War is one, but it's very linear and you don't really have any choice over what you are. Putting that aside, I decided on a plot (indented for your convenience):

The magics of Tartarus fail by the hands of a traitor, releasing Cronus and the rest of the beasts of the deep, who free the other titans from their various prisons and seek not to take over the world, but to destroy it this time - the ultimate vengeance, utterly destroying everything the gods of Olympus have wrought. Seeing their existence in jeopardy, the gods work together to create a top-secret style being with the purpose of saving their world - the "godspawn". The Godspawn would be capable of taking on any of the powers of the gods, being able to choose between them and train in those which would work best for defeating the titans once more - making the Godspawn far more flexible in combat than the gods themselves.

That was the idea behind it. It would've made for a great game - large, open expanses, and large numbers of enemies coming at you and your allies (you'd have to have an army on your side) all at once. Levels would probably be along the lines of undersea battles, battles in the underworld, and battles on Olympus and the surrounding lands. It would be very much a sandbox game, allowing you to play however you desired. However, this presented an issue: How would the designers make it so that choosing an area to specialize in would be more rewarding than getting a little of everything?

The idea for powers was this: each of the 12 gods (I took out Hera and replaced Demeter with Gaia - both Hera and Demeter weren't much but figureheads, and had no powers) would have 12 different powers - Zeus might have a thunderbolt for one, and the ability to summon wind to blow enemies away. Hades might reanimate corpses or suck the life from a group of enemies. Others, like Athena (goddess of wisdom and warfare) might have powers like "Strategize", allowing you to freeze combat and look around (basically giving you time to think), and also allow you to upgrade certain parts of other powers, such as the radius of other attacks. Upgrading one of Hermes' speed powers might allow you to attack with melee quicker, thus strengthening the powers of Ares. Upgrading the fire powers of Hephaestus would be worthless with (and be impeded by) the powers of water-oriented Poseidon. It would be an interesting system - but to encourage players to "purchase" (with experience points, I would guess) and upgrade powers that benefited each other, you needed to do something different.

I decided that each god would be placed in a circle - a "ring". Purchasing powers from a god would lower the cost of godpowers adjacent in the ring, and raise the experience cost of powers from gods on the opposite side. And thus the problem was born: What would be the best way to arrange the 12 gods I had chosen?

Aphrodite, Apollo, Ares, Artemis, Athena, Dionysus, Gaia, Hades, Hephaestus, Hermes, Poseidon and Zeus were the 12 problematic figures. In the beginning of the two-week-long exercise I posed for myself, I tried arranging them manually, but I was extremely dissatisfied with the results. It was almost impossible to get the gods arranged appropriately - some gods worked well with other gods that were enemies with their friends, leading to impossible triangles and other horrible mathematical phenomena. There was no question about it: I couldn't just guess, I needed to do it mathematically. To complicate things, there are a total of 19,958,400 different ways you can arrange a list of 12 items in a circle, and I wanted to choose only the very best combination out of all of those. I needed to decide exactly what powers each god would have.

By this time I had filled six pages of a notebook with tiny numbers, writing, charts and graphs. It took me four more pages before I had decided what power types each god would have, and which power types each power would be compatible with. It took me another day or two to decide how compatible each of the gods would be with each other - but then I had another problem. Instead of a two-dimensional list, I had a total of twelve dimensions now - 12 gods by 12 gods, instead of a straight list. It was at this point that I realized I needed the help of a computer - I needed to write a program to decide which combination would work the best.

After writing a short springbox-style program somewhat reminiscent of the physics in World of Goo, I put in the data I had collected and let it do its work, expecting all the bouncing and springiness to settle down after a while. I was up to twelve pages of work at this point and was rather hoping it would all be over soon - but unfortunately, it didn't ever stop springing the different gods back and forth in the circle. There was no clear-cut solution. The best I could do would be to see which combination "scored" the highest - which meant I had to rewrite my program. And so I did - to test out every single one of the twenty million combinations. At ten thousand combinations per second, it would take a total of thirty minutes to finish the seemingly innocuous but ultimately monumental task - and this heartened me. I rewrote the thing and let it do its work.

Thirty minutes later, I had my list - and looking at it there was no doubt in my mind that it was accurate. I had solved a seemingly simple problem that had turned into something ridiculously complex - and I felt pretty good about it, I'll admit. At least, I did until my brother Zachary pointed out that I could never make the game without a large team, and thus my work was more or less pointless. But in any case, here are the results:

Aphrodite
Hephaestus
Artemis
Poseidon
Gaia
Zeus
Hades
Apollo
Ares
Hermes
Athena
Dionysus

Gods that are opposite each other (six away) are generally incompatible, while the closer they are, the more compatible their powers are. Everything works well together, minus a few things - Gaia and Zeus have powers that can't work together at all, for example. Even so, there's no way to make everything work better - it's as perfect as it gets. Maybe someday someone will come along and use my work to make a game out of it, but hey - it was fun to figure out. Fourteen completely packed notebook pages after I began, I'm done. And somewhat humorously, my "educated guess" at the beginning of it all has absolutely nothing in common with the final result. For future reference: I really, really suck at guessing.

On the Universe's Infinite Size

2012-03-01T19:22:00.002-05:00

People like to say the universe is infinite in size - and maybe it is. But if you think about it, infinite in size also means infinite matter - space without matter is simply void, and you can't truly say the universe extends beyond the last speck of dust if you have no frame of reference. And if the universe contains infinite matter, then there are infinite chances that life can develop - and therefore, if there is any chance at all that life can develop, it will, somewhere. And infinitely - if the universe is infinite - without end - there will be infinite copies of everything, somewhere. Which means that if the universe really is infinite... Somewhere, there is someone who looks, talks and thinks exactly like you - reading something written exactly this, just the same as you are.

Actually...

2012-02-29T02:51:00.000-05:00

I think I may have figured it out. It's the poetry. I stopped writing poetry, and for a long time, I was fine. Now I'm writing poetry again, and I'm feeling romantic. It's the poetry... The obvious way to stop would be to stop writing again... and basically pull myself back into my shell.... I'm not sure that's the best solution, but maybe it's worth a shot... sigh. I don't see any other options. The bad thing is, I like feeling romantic.

edit: Nope. It's a result of being tired, and it being late at night.

Yep.

2012-02-29T02:42:00.001-05:00

I am blah.

The Previous Post Converted to a Poem

2012-02-28T03:52:00.003-05:00

I've been feeling far too romantic
I want someone to make me whole
I used to keep it minimal
It's spiraling out of control

I've been through this many times
Each painful as the last
Though unfortunately I find
Willpower fades so fast

Despite pain I keep coming back
I always hold out hope
Perhaps I'm addicted to it?
This drug's stronger than dope

To look into a person's eyes
To feel that blissful way
I've felt it once, but years ago
Why won't it go away?

I want to be there for someone
To hold them close to me
I'm not the type to jump the gun
At least, not usually

Doing things to make her smile
That payment is the best
I'd love to go the extra mile
Or do things at request

It's part companionship I miss
Partly the little things
For those are what you miss the most
And parting with it stings

Recently

2012-02-28T03:27:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling excessively romantic... Usually, I'm able to control it - keep it to a minimum. Lately, it feels like it's spiraling out of control. I want someone to love, someone to cherish. Someone to be there for.

I've been through this many times, I know, each as painful as the last, but I still hold out hope. I'd love nothing more than to look into someone's eyes... feeling that wonderful, loving feeling... I've felt it once, it seems like many years ago... I want to be there for someone, I want to hold them, to do something special for them... For her. Whoever she may be. It's like I'm addicted to love... But at the same time, it's not quite that at all.

I miss the companionship. I miss the little favors. The little things. It's the little things you love the most - they're what you remember the strongest.