The Autobiography Of A Narcissist

New York Times and Narcissism

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Fri, 3 Dec 2010 14:42:00 -0800

I had to post something about this recent New York Times article. Though not that funny, it did amuse me. I think Tyler LePerdu would be outraged.

A Fate that Narcissists will Hate: Being Ignored
The New York Times

On Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 31 May 2007 07:19:00 -0700

I am away working on other projects, such as my new novel and my family. Please feel free to contact me for any questions about this blog or the book (or just about anything).

Email Jonathan Foster.

The Future of the Past

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 13:17:00 -0800

Among the many directions AoaN sent me, it was above all an important step into the world of digital printing. Into the future. Technology at its best. Print on demand. Fast. Easy. State of the art.

Yesterday, I took an equally important step in the opposite direction. Into history. Indeed, back to the beginnings of modern communication technologies to the Gutenberg Press. Though part of our bigger plan, it happened as suddenly as bringing home a puppy from the Safeway parking lot, and the result is sitting behind me on the dining table. It's what makes life with Linda Sue such a delectible experience.

The Call of Semi-Luddism

We'd been thinking about getting into letterpress for some time, mainly for Linda Sue - it seemed a meaningful next step in her artistic path, given her background in printmaking - but I was also intrigued, wanting to take the classes she'd been exploring. So after a random search on CraigsList on Friday, Saturday morning we headed down to meet Jack and Karen in Albany. I usually feel apprehensive about meeting strangers in their home, partly because I feel like an intruder, partly because I feel like a captive audience to a life I might not want to see. But Jack's good nature was as clear as his bloodlines - he looked as though he'd been pulled from the pages of a Joyce novel (though his accent was definitely midwest). Their home was small and simple, almost bohemian, some original art, no TV, jazz playing on a boombox. I liked it all, but was ultimately won over by their MacIntosh Classic, sitting in mint condition next to a dot-matrix printer. "She uses it as her typewriter," Jack explained; "It's my word processor," she said.

Jack was relieved about Linda Sue's history in printmaking, more so that she'd taken a class at The San Francisco Center for the Book and was connected to Dauphine Press in Petaluma. He cared about future of the press he was selling, but I suspect he was also reluctant to send someone down the letterpress path unwittingly, a path he knew well. It had brought him a lifestyle that included an accumulation of inks, a vast array of typeface, job cases, quoins, leads, cutting tools and one more table top press than he needed. He was downsizing and decided to sell his Adana "Eight-Five".

Made in England in 1953, the Adana Eight-Five is a tabletop press, and like most of its kind, a beautiful machine in its simplicity. Jack took the time to tell us what he knew about it historically, gave us reference materials, and explained how each of its parts worked. He showed us some of the prints he created on it and pulled out his collection of dingbats, one of which was an old-style Union 76 logo, meaningful to me because my Dad worked there for over 30 years. "Oh. Well, take this as our gift to you," Jack said. We decided to buy a set of typeface, Garamond Bold Italics 12pt, and he threw in all the necessary materials - quoins, leading, furniture, chases, em leaders, an H.B. Rouse composing stick, and two unopened jars of ink - to start printing that night. Then he agreed to pose with the Adana.

He said he hoped to see us at the Book Arts and Printers Fair in April. I hope the same.

The World of the Exiguous

We weren't able to jump right in last night, nor today for that matter, if only because the task of organizing all the typefaces within their respective compartments in the California Job Case (that Jack also threw into the deal) takes forever and could cost us our eyesight.

Right now, Linda Sue is seated next to our new addition, sorting the "ff"s from the "ffe"s (the double letters arecalled ligature, I've learned) and chirping along with the music streaming from our iMac via iTunes to our Apple Airport that is hardwired to the Denon stereo. Not exactly the simplicity of a boombox, but we are streaming Hank Mobley.

Hang on to your hats and glasses. Here we go.

cut to the chase

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 07:57:00 -0800

Generosity

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 2 Dec 2006 15:29:00 -0800

The Wet

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 07:40:00 -0800

This image makes me a bit homesick for Seattle. It is the work of Melanie Connor, a photographer for the New York Times (used here without permission, though much appreciated nonetheless), and I think it is one of the more meaningful photographs I've seen of downtown. Of course, I do like my lines. You ought to read an article on near-record-breaking rain and see why they used this one.

I spent a wonderful weekend in Ashland OR over the holiday and visited with Linda Sue's family, but in particular enjoyed discussions with my brother-in-law Steven. Visiting his studio was a quiet joy for me, and I wish now we'd had more time to ruminate there. Good things are happening in that room.

He also (perhaps unwittingly) gave me some good ideas about a new approach to this writing space. We'll see. For now, I'm trying to reach my monthly pages goal, and I still have 3 whole days. December will be a tough month for getting work done. We'll see.

Interactivity - Writing - Thou

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 10:38:00 -0800

I have the honor of daily visits from Bruce Wolcott's "Writing for the Web" class (I believe that's the title) at Bellevue Community College in Washington, where I used to teach as well. AoaN has had more varied interactivity than its seen in a long time, and I'm loving it. It's an assignment for them, it's a breath of fresh air for me. And, a worthy distraction...

For Those of You from BCC

I encourage you to dig deeper into the archives for earlier postings. That's the power of Internet writing, the concept and execution of the hyperlink. You'll find an array of topics from which to choose, and I will do my best to respond to you intelligently and concisely. That's my plan and pledge, at least.

For fun, check out DareToPlay under "Other Projects." You'll be taken the homepage for another project of mine, an interactive storytelling concept that you may find interesting for the subject of your class, but even moreso because Bruce is involved in another project there. Follow the links to Education/Training. The case study on that page is a project that Bruce and I have been working on for some time, "DareToPlay2Learn", a collaboration between BCC, DareToPlay and the Seattle Central Public Library. You can even try out the adventure by clicking through to the homepage. Enjoy it!

For Those of You from the Rest of the World

Feel free to jump into the interactivity. All responses are welcome, and yours are completely unrelated to a grade!

Distraction

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 11:00:00 -0700

I am endlessly distracted from my novel.

Though I'm happy to now be over a hundred pages into the world of the aging, former Texas Ranger who is facing his final years in 1899 Arizona and California, I am still more happy, if only unconsciously, to avoid the world all together. I say unconscious because I typically discover the avoidance when I realize too late that I've spent my precious writing time doing bills, researching vitamins or reading another article on wildfires.

The latest distraction came by way of an email at work. The company was announcing a one-minute film competition. The winner would be awarded a gold commemorative coin, a noteworthy prize, but I was drawn to the contest for two opportunities: one, to share with the corporate culture where I spend my 9 to 5 a side of myself that I do not bring to ecommerce, and two, for the chance at yet another distraction. Moviemaking is storytelling and would throw me into artistic problem solving that is no less valuable than that which I do when working on the novel. Were the novel able to comment, however, it would call such a "movie" a penny-ante diversion at best. Novels can't speak, so I came up with Il Romantico (The Romantic).

The call to 60-second artists was straightforward. Submit a one minute film fulfilling certain technical standards that embraces the company's line of "everyday" wines, exploring the human side of enjoying Rosso and Bianco through humor, drama, and whatever creative impulse one should wish to pursue. Make it about people, seemed the most important requirement.

It was the shortest script I'd ever set out to write, and in fact, I never wrote a script at all, but went straight to the shot list. I wanted no dialogue, only action over music, purely visual, the roots of cinema, harking back to the silent era. Plus, mit out sound meant one less technical challenge to overcome. The key would be the people in it.

Having produced numerous fringe theater productions and small films, I know that when you don't have much in the way of resources, you should create something from the pool of the resources that you do have. Write with the castable actors in mind, two or three characters rather than ten, designate hand props rather than design sets, etc. For this movie, I knew I had my neighbor and her significant other who were willing to indulge me: Lynn and her partner Tom.

Tom is about to celebrate his 85th birthday. Every weekend, he drives up from the city, not just to be with Lynn, but to help her with everything from yard upkeep to home renovations. His energy is remarkable and a better sport one will never find - I recently helped him load rented kayaks onto the roof of his Volvo for a surprise birthday paddle Lynn had planned for a friend, and then cast him off for his first-ever paddle, upriver, into the wind. He is inspiring to anyone even remotely curious about growing older. He is not in the least bit elderly, but the epitome of an elder. He's also done a little acting.

Our shooting schedule was limited by the short time we had with Juan, our cinematographer who had to get to work, and the fact that we dilly-dallyied at the craft services table, elegantly crafted and diligently serviced by Linda Sue. So, we had to move more quickly through the shots than I would have liked. At the same time, I didn't want to rush Tom. Or Lynn, for that matter, who reluctantly agreed to play the part of Tom's oggetto di romanzesco when her preference was working behind the camera (which she did when she wasn't in a shot).

We shot in sequence for lighting considerations, and inevitably rushed through the final shots for the payoff scene in order to get Juan to work on time. I was dubious about the result, worried that we'd shot a movie I wouldn't be comfortable submitting. Fortunately, movies are made in the editing bay, and when Lynn and I finished putting it together, we realized we had something that was worth submitting, even though I didn't have the time to work with the actors on crucial moments; even though so much - from plastic santa lights to a live chicken - didn't make it into the final 60 seconds.

For me, the success of the production all came down to Tom. His charm and spirit carry story, though admittedly they are enhanced by the fact that, as Lynn pointed out, the movie could be a metaphor for his weekends in Napa. The true success, however, was not with the project, but with the reward it offered in the end: Tom's response. He was thrilled when he saw the final version. He was surprised and giddy and watched again and again into the wee hours. He even sent a note in the mail reiterating his enthusiasm and appreciation. All of this caught me unawares. I know now that it transformed a small project into one of the largest creative experiences of my life. That is not hyperbole. It moved beyond a short movie and became a more of gift, an unanticpated act of giving.

Here I thought it was my project. A distraction. Artistic problem solving. What more could one hope to learn from one's elders?

--------

Thank you to Rebecca for use of her images in this post, and for her expert chicken wrangling.

Il Romantico

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 10:55:00 -0700


Il Romantico Note: The movie is somehow corrupted at the top, so please ignore the slo mo.

Giants

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Wed, 6 Sep 2006 06:40:00 -0700

There are giant pumpkins that grow up to 1500 pounds. Occasionally, they get even bigger than that.

They are the pumpkins that we always want to see when we go to the pumpkin patch. The giant pumpkins are known the world over and competitions are held, and by late August, giant pumpkin growers hurry to get their entry forms in. Some even consider it a sport.

Big money is paid for them, large vehicles are required to move them, and people come from miles around to take a lot of photographs, prop their babies up on them and then take even more. As a boy, I dreamt that one day I would be able to set one on my front porch and carve a big face out of it. That would get all the kids in the neighborhood to come by. Adults, too.

But now I really like much smaller pumpkins. They're much easier to manage and there is always a lot of potential when you sit down to them with your carving knife and soup spoon. And I think that what I like more than anything now is the smell of their insides, the pulp and the seeds. I even like the feel of the spoon against the shell of the pumpkin.

It all brings back memories of when we used to get them as kids. From the big cardboard box at the store or from the pumpkin patch by the freeway that was really a big dirt lot with pumpkins placed about.

I loved Halloween so much that I started to prepare for it in September, because October always went by so fast.

In Absentia

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Tue, 8 Aug 2006 05:46:00 -0700

I've been away. I have an odd feeling that I've been cheating on you. I've been out with the boys, away on business, withdrawn, distant, distracted, inattentive, all of which comes under the umbrella of the truth that I've been trying to put my head into my novel, which sometimes feels like an oven. And there are some other things. Lots going on.

"A page a day is a book a year," is what I've been trying to achieve, though I've fallen short of that goal. I like to think of myself as the kind of writer who is only thinking about his work during his day, everything pointing in some way to his return to it the next morning of productive writing. The reality is that this novel is only one of the plates spinning above my head these days. Nonetheless, I am still slogging away, and as I've mentioned before, when more of the big pieces to the story's big puzzle begin to come together to reveal what the story is, I will begin serializing the work online.

The Big Picture

I'm closing in on my first 100 pages, many of which I admit will likely find their way to the recycle bin. Nonetheless, for my relative inexperience with such large pieces, it feels like I'm approaching a milestone. Sure, there's likely 300 to 400 more pages to go -- the scope of the story could demand a good 500 or more pages of manuscript -- though who can know what length it will ultimately find? Still, I'm slowly getting there, and I'm happy to be at least 1/5 of the way to wherever "there" will be. AoaN came in around 320 and the experience showed me that 100 pages of properly formatted manuscript equals roughly 80 pages of printed book.

But then, talk like that is a little embarrassing. Why am I so obsessed about size and length? The answer could be because the size intimidates me. Or simply that I am so dead set on completion. When the journey is a struggle, and writing always is for me, one wants to know exactly what one is up against and how far they've come. Most distant runners know how far they must run each day, many know how many miles they've run in the previous months. Not knowing what one can expect from endeavor, or better, not thinking one knows, is impossible for me to sustain over long periods of time. So like Mark Twain, who was known for having written word counts in the margin of his manuscripts, I rely upon my own hashmarks along the way.

The Details

One of the elements of this new story that slows me a bit is the fact that the story takes place in 1899. Having never lived in that period, or if so, not for a few reincarnate lifetimes, I am forced to depend upon research, all of which is fascinating, all of which is tirelessly distracting. With AoaN, the exaggeration of personal experience required only amplification, imagination. I know the world of narcissism well enough. But this new project requires learning a new world, becoming familiar with it, as intimate as I can with it. Example: I thought to have Sherman Chapel, the main character of the story, use a spyglass to watch the object of his obsession.

Sherman dismounted with considerable ease on the right side, capitalizing on the slope of the mountain. He tied Augustus off on a manzanita snag, then grabbed his spyglass and crawled over to some rocks that provided a short parapet. He admired the telescope as he extended it, its brass cylinders elongating to a full seventeen inches, providing twenty-two fold magnification while collapsible to a six inch length that fit snugly in his saddle bag. He had purchased it from a traveling salesman in New Mexico just before he'd left; the salesman claimed to have brought it over himself from London, England in the early nineties. It was a Falcon made by a company by the name of Enbeeco; an odd name that added to its exotic European quality. Much more powerful than any spyglass he'd ever used, Sherman considered it one of the few upsides to living in a modern world. From the promontory, he could easily see with the naked eye a horse and rider for thirty miles to the northeast and twenty to the north and to the west; the spyglass gave him over twenty times that range and considerable detail.

Needless to say, I've spent good writing time perusing the Internet for information on collapsible telescopes. And that is time that feels as though it is stolen away from actual writing; a feeling that doesn't acknowledge research as part of the actual writing. Maybe that's because I'm tallying page counts along the way. I'd like to say that I enjoy that kind of research for the information it leaves behind in my brain, but it is more temporary than that. Once it makes its way to the page, it is released from the limited stores of my brain. If you were to ask me about that telescope over a beer, I would likely recall that it's collapsible.

And Thou

So here I am, revealing to you, too early perhaps, a paragraph of a book that is in embryonic form, in the hopes that in some small way, I might be able to explain why we've been apart. Which brings something up that I have to put out there. I just have to say it. Here it is. I don't think we have that kind of relationship. Yes, of course, I appreciate your attention, your participation, our time here together, who wouldn't? It's valuable and you've given me a lot. But I just don't think it's that good for me, for my mind, for my creativity, to go around feeling, yunno, bad if I don't check in here. I mean, "feeling that I'm cheating on you?" That's just not--and I don't think it's too good for you, either. You deserve more than that. You deserve a lot more and maybe it's just that we want different things? Maybe it's just that what you want, I can't give? Then again, maybe I'm thinking too hard about all this. Why don't we just do this: let's just agree that we'll still have this place together and I'll do what I can too keep it alive, and you'll do your part - a part that you do so well, and I mean that - and if that becomes too much for either one of us, heck, we can simply go our separate ways. Okay?

Name Dropping

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 6 Jul 2006 20:40:00 -0700

I have access to what people search for when the stumble upon this blog. It's powerful, it's unsettling, even absurd. I've mentioned before that I feel intrusive knowing what people search for only to stumble upon AoaN. "Am I a narcissist?" or "how do I stop being narcissistic?" are common keywords that lead them here, and, I assume, to inevitable disappointment. I also know that by typing these keywords here again I am likely to hook a few more people contemplating themselves. But then, this is true of anything written here. Nirvana. Bush & Cheney. NASCAR. Fredericks of Hollywood. Jesus on vacation. By simply typing the words "Elvis Presley Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich," I know I'll draw in a few hungry hunters seeking the King's favorite recipe. And it's not too likely they'll find precisely what they are looking for.

The Key Is

That's not what I want. My hope is to draw people in who want precisely what is here; those who are seeking humorous fiction about narcissism or literary fiction, or new fiction about a man who is proudly obsessed with his penis. Admittedly, that's a small target. Much smaller than, say, the target sought by Courtney Love were she to be seeking searchers, or for that matter, Molly Hughes whose blog Save Courtney Love keeps us all less-than-updated on CL's rehab status. My target is much smaller than that of Arianna Huffington, who has has one of the most popular blogs out there, and much much smaller than 老徐徐静蕾新浪BLOG, which, according to Technorati, is the most popular blog in the blogosphere.

My trouble is obvious. Though this has grown into a forum for pushing ideas around, it originated as a marketing ploy for my book, and there aren't too many "end users" searching for literary fiction, humorous fiction or Napa authors. Bump it up to San Francisco authors or San Francisco literary fiction and my hits might grow. Those searching for City Lights Books - an alternative-cultural landmark in the heart of San Francisco, co-founded by Beat poet and painter Lawrence Ferlinghetti, where this fall they will be celebrating the 50th anniversary of Allen Ginsberg's Howl and Other Poems, and where this month they will recognize Neruda's birthday with readings by San Francisco Poet Laureate Jack Hirschman - might be a little more interested in what they find written here.

In The Words

I drop this name because City Lights is the only brick-and-mortar bookstore in the world that is currently selling The Autobiography of a Narcissist. There is, today, one copy of it sitting somewhere in their labyrinth of bookshelves, hopefully visible, certainly searchable. It's a consignment deal, and one that I glady accept. And should it sell, I will not only break even financially and profit emotionally, but I'm told they will take on another few copies. So in the words of a great president, I have a proposition.

Should you live in the San Francisco area and buy from City Lights a copy of The Autobiography of a Narcissist, I will gladly make the drive to the city and sign it for you, if a signed copy is attractive to you. Know, too, that such an exchange will be a meaningful for me. It was in a small coffee shop in the city where, after hearing a friend-of-a-friend's story of her megalomaniacal writing workshop partners, I first entertained the idea of a narcissist's autobiography. Please email me if this proposition interests you.

By the way, here's that recipe:

Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches
Authentic Recipe from Elvis' cook, Mary Jenkins
(from an official postcard endorsed by Graceland)

2 large bananas
6 slices white bread
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter
1 cup peanut butter

Peel and mash bananas. Mix peanut butter with bananas thoroughly. Toast bread lightly and spread mix on bread. Melt butter in skillet and brown sandwiches on each side slowly until golden brown.

Waltzing

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 05:44:00 -0700

A colleague of mine at Bellevue Community College wrote a response to my posting The Making of a Molehill that never made it into the comments section. He sent it directly to me and I think it is a worthy feature in the main section here.

Bruce is an interesting man, passionate about the possibilities of technology, expert on the history of digital arts, the originator of an idea that became our DareToPlay project DareToPlay2Learn, and a closet Luddite. He only recently got his first cell phone.

∞ ∞ ∞

Hi Jonathan,

It's your teaching colleague in Seattle Washington. I was stuck by your statement "I can easily disparage Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad's statement that (and I paraphrase) any idea that does not have cash value has no real value at all." I'm with you. In my view, Kamprad's statement is at the very heart of darkness of northern European cultures - imposing a narrow notion of success and happiness - hypnotizing the world with this diabolical notion through mass marketing.

Kamprad's world is one of stadium sized consumer marts, sustained by oceans of debt. William Wordsworth had a good description of this way of being in the world:"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers." We might add... "our lives, our freedom, our Mother Earth."

The fact is, we can live very well with very little. If you read Jared Diamond's "Collapse" or James Kunstler's "The Long Emergency", Kamprad's arrogance will seem dangerously unsustainable in another 20 years. Petroleum, which is actually at the heart of IKEA's global empire, has peaked and is running out. Mother Earth is not a bottomless cornucopia.

I waltz once or twice a week. Waltzing is an idea - built upon music and the rapture of a floor of couples dancing together. It's an important part of my life. I would guess our buddy Ingvar would see no value in that, since nobody's making a buck.

- Bruce

Behavioral Study

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 06:20:00 -0700

I’ve been playing a lot of Set lately. I discovered it first on FoCB, then really pursued it during a blissful weekend celebration on the Oregon Coast with a deck that Steven brought along. I now have my own game thanks to the very keen gift-givers that are my wife’s parents. It is a brain-bender of a game, one of those that should stave off the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease if played on a regular basis. One that my father - bio, not step - would have loved. The short explanation is that one must find patterns of both similarity and dissimilarity in groups of threes. So as it has bent my brain, I find that I am looking at the visual environment quite differently. I'm looking for patterns.

Take It

Yesterday, I received an email at work inviting me to take a "Behavioral Test." It was sent by my supervisor's supervisor, and I decided to take it. Rather, I complied without hesitation. I've taken many such "tests" before and I find them less invasive than my more conspiratorial counterparts; where some might think that The Man is trying to find a way to control them, squelch their individuality, categorize and compartmentalize and possibly even hand the supposedly confidential results over to The Bigger Man, I tend to see them as a way to organize the office. Tests don't kill individuality, individuals kill individuality, so if the exercise is in the right hands, no harm. Right? Besides, I see my own psyche as so complex that a ten-minute, multiple choice test could hardly scratch its surface. Certainly no more than an online Mensa qualifier. Am I a mover? Or a shaker? Depends on how much coffee I had that day. Still, I have to confess that I had a moment of questioning as I would before a urine analysis: Am I somehow being compromised by this?

Yesterday's test required that I pick from a list of four words the one that best describes me, as well as the one that least describes me. So I might click on "Compliant" as well as "Conspiracy Theorist." I was warned not to dwell on any given grouping of words too long, that I should go with my gut instinct for a choice and that I shouldn't take any more time than ten minutes.

I feel I should interject here that only last Saturday night, Linda Sue and I found ourselves at an outdoor wedding celebration held at what insiders know to be one of the best wineries in Napa, enjoying some of the best wine the valley has to offer, fresh out of the barrel and siphoned into stemware by way of a plastic tube. Manchego and quince paste was served as hors d'oeuvre, followed by an exquisite Paella dinner. All under a full moon. A perfect wine country evening. During it all, we shared a table and conversation with my supervisor's supervisor and her husband about everything from surfing to children, deftly avoiding workplace war stories. And it was good conversation, pushing the high regard with which I held my Sup's Sup only higher.

Hence, my immediate compliance the following Monday when she asked me to participate in the exercise.

Kook

Given my submergence into the world of Set, there was no way possible for me to take it without seeing the patterns. Four words, each distinctly designated to behavioral types that the taker might use to describe their own behavior in the workplace. Something along the lines of:

Miserly
Philanthropic
Necromantic
Mathematical

Followed by

Scientific
Superstitious
Generous
Wallet Squeaks

Anyone that knows me would know that I needed to kill the impulse to jam this particular system. The temptation to see what kind of kook I could represent myself as was great. Check off "I'm helpful" on one question and "Climbing the Ladder" on the next. I never did see "Rogue" as one of the choices, nor did I see "Odiferous." Thankfully.

I haven't yet learned of the results of the test, and I promise to post them here when I do. I did, however, stumble upon a much more important observation about my behavior. With Father's Day approaching, I am given to reflect on how my two fathers - one bio, one step - have had influence. Jim was a rogue, quick with a whoopie cushion and even more tickled by the real thing. Bob was a good sport, first on the list to commit time and energy to the "Policeman/Man with Dog" in the church play. I've inherited both qualities, whether through nature or through nurture; I try to be a good prankster, I try to be a good sport. Were they alive today, though, I'm certain that both of my fathers would talk me into the smarter decision. "Be a good sport at work. " "Kill that whoopie cushion urge." Just take the test.

New Face

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 8 Jun 2006 18:50:00 -0700

Another one to be filed under "Other Projects." My partner and I just launched the renovation of the website for our web-based, interactive storytelling project.

Go here to see it: DareToPlay

The Making of a Molehill

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Wed, 31 May 2006 07:45:00 -0700

For a good part of my life, I have pursued the more massive of media, film and then the most massive, television. I’ve produced, mainly on the development side of the business, but have also written screenplays. I spent four years at a small television production company in Studio City, California trying to get our own movies-of-the-week (MOWs) into production. Everyday, our agent, ICM, would fax over the numbers, the estimated share of viewers for a given night. We would hover around them to see how the previous night's shows did, but these numbers were most important whenever one of our movies aired. We wanted, rather needed, the largest number of people we could get to tune in and then, over the course of the story watching a Tori Spelling or a Cybill Shepherd go undercover to save a one-time straight-A-daughter from a life of prostitution, stay tuned. We needed millions and millions of viewers or we were nothing.

That was the world of broadcast media.

Prior to that I spent many years dedicated to getting as many butts into the 20 to 40 seats of the black box theaters where I produced my own plays. In retrospect, this was some of the most rewarding creative work I’ve done. A small room full of thirty attentive people is electric, the pinnacle of live performance. Still, at the time, my sights were set on getting my work into bigger houses, such as Seattle’s ACT, Intiman and LA’s Mark Taper, and in the many theaters of New York. I also had apprehensions that despite how thriving and creative, such work would never bring me a meeting in Hollywood, wouldn't get me that two-picture deal, nor would it - dare I utter the words - get me that beach house on the Oregon Coast.

The family into which I was born was made up of self-made men, Horatio Alger’s that I trusted, respected and loved. From my grandfather, who was a world renowned heart specialist in his day, to uncles who created great businesses without much formal education. Suffice it to say that, as someone who has pursued the arts, it has taken considerable effort to get beyond the notion that success of a piece is determined by something other than the monetary value designated to it by its distributor. Even when I know it in my heart of hearts. Over a pint of beer, I can easily disparage Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad’s statement that (and I paraphrase) any idea that does not have cash value has no real value at all.

Still, there is a cavern of my mind that continues to echo Mr. Kamprad's words, loudly, with authority, as though the voice of God, a place where I submit myself prostrate in shame.

There is a healing for this shame, however. Hope on the horizon. It's quite possible I might find influence in the future of media and relinquish the appetence to find my way to the large audience. It is here right now, with this blog entry. It is with my book. It is with most of the fruit of my creative labors. By way of Fish or Cut Bait, and then through High Low & In Between, I was led to a survey on modern media written by Andreas Kluth of The Economist. His premise is that there is evidence in everything from blogs to independent music that the small, specific audience is becoming a force to be reckoned with. The trend is called Participatory Media; it puts the paintbrush into everyone’s hand, telling them to have fun. No worries about getting into that gallery, getting airplay, finding that production budget. Just create and share and smell the roses along the way. A long awaited freedom from the approving nod of distribution moguls and critics.

You should read it. Survey: New Media. Please, take the time necessary. Don’t try to read it in one sitting. It is one of the most comprehensive surveys I've seen on the current state of media, discussing not only the influence of interactivity over media, but also the look and feel of future media. And the fun part? The enigma it presents to the media giants of the last century.

Identifying the Anonymous

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Wed, 17 May 2006 21:02:00 -0700

At the bottom of this page, you will find a counter that indicates how many individuals have visited this blog. As the author of AoaN, I have access to other information that this tracking device provides, such as where the visitors are coming from, what they did to get here, what they looked at, and where they went when they left. For example, this morning I found that someone in Petaling Jaya in the region of Wilayah Persekutuan in Malaysia stopped by after having read the Weblog review (posted on May 11th), they stayed for 2 minutes and 16 seconds, visited two pages, and left by clicking on "Read 2 Chapters." Another example: an Iowan did a search on MSN for "how i became a narcissist," found AoaN on the second page of results and clicked through. Some might find this lack of anonymity alarming; I find the information curious and check the counter almost everyday.

Having recently fallen headfirst into the world of eCommerce, I have been exposed to a lot of studies on the behavior of the individual on the Internet. Noteworthy is how unique the experience is when observed through the behavior, as opposed to the other way around. For instance, the average time spent on any given web page is 20 seconds; then, they move on or go back. This is important to know when moving commerce across the web, but it is also interesting when one has a blog that is out there in the eTher. I find that most visitors to AoaN show a stay duration of 0 (zero) seconds, which I have come to assume to mean they stay less than 30 seconds. These long paragraphs I write, though proper and expected in print media, are likely scaring most surfers away. As a reader, I, too, find I grow impatient with long posts. As a writer, old habits die hard.

Of course, there is a plethera of studied behaviors surrounding the anonymity of the web experience. Though sometimes called a "community," the Internet facilitates very individualistic, non-committal and less than amiable attitudes. It also lays the foundation for role-playing, one of its most burgeoning pursuits.

Someone Not Me

Sometimes, I play the role of someone who is not me and search the web for ways to arrive at AoaN. This morning, I did a Google search for "Narcissist" and found my blog to be the 79th search result. Add the name "Foster" and it brings in my book as the number one result, as well as 2nd through 5th. So I suppose I've pigeonholed myself, if only by name.

The seventh search result was the start of another rabbit hole for me. It clicked through to a psychological paper by Joshua Foster and W. Keith Campbell of the Psychology Department at University of Georgia, and Jean M. Twenge of San Diego State University. It is entitled "Individual differences in narcissism: Inflated self-views across the lifespan and around the world." I was sucked in. Granted, I know nothing of what constitutes quality in the world of psychology papers, but I was intrigued. I recommend it; it is only 18 pages in length, 2 of which are footnotes and if you are short on time, skip ahead to the "Discussion" on page 12 where the findings of their study are explored.

Basically, their predictions in four areas are validated by their research (note that by "report" they mean "display"):

We found that younger people report more narcissism than older people.
The differences in reported narcissism levels among the contrasted ethnic identities are similar to those in self-esteem.
We found that world regions that generally display greater individualism also tend to display more narcissism.
We were able to report further evidence that men report more narcissism than women.

Do the reading for more details, and it's good reading, but know that they found that the Chinese are more narcissistic than Americans, but the Japanese are less narcissistic than Americans, and that Blacks score the highest and Asians either the lowest or near the lowest (for narcissism) and that the more failure people experience, the less narcissistic they are likely to be. Among other things.

Constructed A Website

All of this - and particularly the racial distinctions - begs the question as to who their subject pool was. They constructed an Internet website through which they were able to survey 3445 participants across their needed ethnic, national, age and gender lines. They do a good job, in my opinion, of controlling for their various tests. They reflect upon their findings, how their subjects may have been a factor, and they consider the shortcomings of their subject pool. However, one comment stood out for me:

"In general, one might question whether Internet respondents answer questionnaires honestly. However, this concern is present in the traditional survey method as well, and there is no reason to believe that people are more dishonest when completing an Internet questionnaire."

In fact, there is reason to believe that people are more dishonest when completing an Internet questionnaire. This isn't to say that one should believe that they are less honest, only that reason is there. I have read many studies that support this. Granted, of late, these have been marketing studies, but who better to subsidize such investigations than the businesses that want to make sure they're getting the most bang for their buck? However, I do remember a web-expert interviewed in Wired magazine (back in the days when we still called this "The Information Highway," circa 1995) who stated that the entire experience of the Internet will be defined and determined by "accountability." And I think she was accurate.

Signs Of Narcissism

Internet studies show that perceived anonymity promotes aggressive behavior, feelings of empowerment and entitlement, overall individualistic motives, and diminishes the impulse to accountability. Interesting is that these behaviors are classic signs of narcissism. Here's the part I like: the irony. Foster, Campbell, and Twenge, in surveying Internet users in a study about narcissism, employed the medium of the web, a medium that clearly promotes narcissistic tendencies in its users. I'm impressed with their study, but isn't it more than possible that this irony could alter their findings? Couldn't those who "report more narcissism" be reporting even more narcissism when they find themselves behind the wheel of their browsers?

Hmmmm. Is this post aggressive? Individualistic? Am I perceiving it as empowering? Well, I will be held accountable. That's a relief.

Latest Review

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 11 May 2006 16:21:00 -0700

Here is another review - this time of AoaN, the blog.

The Weblog Review

Here is some info about the reviewer and the rankings and other blogs he has reviewed.

Dylan's Reviews

Assumptions

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 19:05:00 -0700

It has always troubled me that we live in a world that values assumptions so highly. I explore this with AoaN, particularly with how it can gradually shape identity, but I merely scratch at the surface. I’ve seen it all my life in everyone from family to strangers, children to the aged. I see the behavior in myself, and cringe, particularly when these assumptions take on the air of convictions. I especially hate it when someone holds me to them. And I fear the possibility that my identity is being shaped by their influence.

There are indisputable facts fundamental to the experience of living life. Yet, in the scope of what we think about and then discuss at the water cooler, we rarely engage with those facts directly. The majority of what we think about and discuss are extrapolations - "if A, then B, and of course if B, then C" - until we're way down the road discussing M's and N's and believing every word of it. And sometimes even the A's aren't completely true. Take math, for example. I had assumed mathematics to be of rock solid foundation throughout my life, until I was introduced the work of Kurt Godel, whose First Incompleteness Theorem, stating that any adequate axiomatizable theory is incomplete, and exemplified by the sentence "This sentence is not provable" because it is not provable in the theory, pretty much undermines math as I’d known it. In a similar vein, I was recently assured that I could go on believing in the Easter Bunny because it cannot be substantiated that he does not exist. So it is that I have lived my life, from math to an egg-hiding hare, on the foundation of shaky assumptions.

Create Believable Facts

But is that inescapable? Much of the time, I arrive at my assumptions because I don’t have all the information. And so rather than suffer the stress of the unknown, I create believable facts based upon what little I have to work with.

I’ll give you an example.

This week, Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree. All that anyone seems to know is that he was in Figi on holiday during the Rolling Stones Bigger Bang world tour and that he is unharmed. No one knows what really happened. Even resort employees wouldn’t comment. So, alas, we are once again left to the devices of our imaginations.

To properly consider this event, one might typically begin with “What the hell was he doing up in a palm tree?” though given that it was Keith Richards, the question might be better poised with less perplexity: “Huh. I wonder if he was carrying a bottle of Bacardi?” The picture that came to my mind was Mr. Richards shimmying up to the tree’s heights in the vain of a Gilligan, his quest less likely spurred by the mysterious impulse of an artist, and more likely by a desire to make a fresh piña colada. I’m imagining he was almost to the top, just out of reach of a coconut, when he slipped and fell to the sand below, between the deck chairs and discarded Bud bottles (Anheuser-Busch is proud sponsor of the Bigger Bang). I’m picturing people rushing towards him, not knowing what to do. I’m seeing a paunchy, grey-haired (pony-tailed) man, an agent or the type veiling his impulse to cry out “the tour is over” with “Call a doctor!” I see a bunch of people circling around him, and under the pressure of the stress of the unknown, starting to assume.

As Supporting Evidence

I have to say that if I were in Fiji gathered in that circle, and someone were to ask me, I’m certain I would offer up that, in my opinion, Mr. Richards was drunk. I might candy-coat it with the modifier “likely,” but that would only show an unwillingness to take responsibility for my opinion. A sixty-two year old man climbing a palm tree? And, he’s a rock star, I’d submit as supporting evidence. And Tom Waits said, "Well, the first rule is not to try to drink with him." Now I'm imagining nods of agreement making their way around the circle like the wave. Too much of ole John Barleycorn. No question about it. Keith Richards had been drinking. And that is the fact that we would all talk about at the water cooler on Monday.

I think that most of us who read of Mr. Richards' fall from grace would assume that alcohol was involved, and the stories created will be accepted as well-founded. And then it will become a kind of truth in our minds. Naturally, there's no truth to any of it until its substantiated, but we don't need proof. That's what troubles me. We have the ability to believe it, and then base more assumptions upon those assumptions until all of it begins to affect the kind of people we are.

Is it that we are wired in this way to process the slew of information we must face? Or are we aspiring to laziness, not willing to do the work necessary to finding the truth? Worse, is everything that I've written here based upon assumptions that I can't see? Toss me a bone.

First Review

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 13:53:00 -0700

Please click through to read it:

Kaye Trout's Book Reviews

Ms. Trout is an independent reviewer who writes for her own blog and for Midwest Book Review. She also included it her other blog, Kaye Trout's - In Search of Excellence - POD Book List.

She is very active in the promotion of marketing tips for publishers of POD books and is herself a writer.

Forgetting

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:19:00 -0700

Having lost my dad less than a year ago, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about what I expect of life, death and the urge towards immortalization. And, not surprising, much of the conversation on AoaN pushes up against those areas, from nick-naming to mausoleums. Narcissism and our tendencies toward it cannot be avoided if one is reflective on their life. And we have the choice of reflecting lightly or with weight, and some of us, like myself, end up doing both much of the time.

I think the most astute response to this very large question is summed up best by Woody Allen, who once said:

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”

Dreaming

It is dreaming the impossible dream, this idea of not dying. Obviously, I’m not considering here any spiritual element, and I may be naïve in thinking that it can so easily be compartmentalized as such; though I find it far from inappropriate for the purposes of this discussion, because the way I see it, the concept of immortalization has nothing to do with the spiritual. Immortality is implicit to anything spiritual. To discuss it as obtainable or not, is purely a pursuit of the physical world and makes no concessions about such implicitness. The two are apples and oranges.

So in a very simple understanding, we have two things to consider in this pursuit: life and death. Naturally, while I hope that I can fully pursue life, I am not going to pursue death in the same way; yet I still want to pursue it so that the living of my life can be free from the fear of death - if that’s even possible for anyone outside of an ashram. I would also like to register the disclaimer that I have no delusions that this discussion of dying is anything more than an ice crystal on the tip of the ice berg that is the Larsen B Ice Shelf. And even that crystal sounds grandiose to me.

Of Forgetting

When considering immortalization, I can’t help but turn to what its opposite would be, which I have recently filed in the paradigm of my understanding as "forgetting." Years ago I read a lot about Zen and other eastern philosophies and religions, most of which, ironically, I’ve forgotten. Or more accurately, most of which I’ve allowed to amalgamate into a cloud of misunderstandings and assumptions about eastern thought. Nonetheless, I do remember a lot about the need to forget the ego; or better, the self. And by “forget,” I mean the real McCoy. A “forgetting” that is for keeps. To truly forget is to never remember again. Never. Final. I know myself well enough to say here that my self will not let my self forget my self (lest I forget myself). No way in hell. Impossible.

As for my dad, of course, I will never forget him. That, too, is an impossibility. I also know that my niece, Megan, who knew him, will not forget him, but will remember less than I, and should she have children, they will remember less having never known him, until only photographs remain of this unknown person who has meant so much to me; until those photographs disintegrate along with the photographs of me and then the photographs of my niece will also disappear, until the day when my dad will be completely forgotten. And when the sun supernovas, Pablo Picasso, Adolph Hitler, Abraham Lincoln, Beethoven, Martin Luther, Ceasar and Plato, and even Zeus and Mickey Mouse, will all be forgotten, too.

The Blow

But before such solar systemic violence, think of all those people who have lived lives and are completely without record now. Completely and totally forgotten in this moment, not just by me and my people but by anyone that also lives or anyone who has lived. Imagine that! There have been people who walked the planet with as much self-importance as I do, as much urgency, stress, hope and desire, and yet they are now totally forgotten as though they never existed at all. I can only assume they existed, but for all intents, it is as though they were never born. Talk about a blow to the ego!

Well, such a blow is what I’ve been pondering lately. I wish to live a good life, a healthy and loving life; one in which I do not subsidize my vanity, such as through the car I drive or the hair I have cut; one in which I mature and feel pain as well as happiness; one in which I can give to people, in which, admittedly, I am remembered to Harold's Square. Above all, I am hopeful that I might reach a point where I can accept that I will be completely and totally forgotten and not feel lonely about it. If that means that I'll be walking on water at that point, then I'll be contented to do so in private. I want to be okay with being forgotten, because if not, can I be sure that I’m that much different from those who spend millions to be remembered?

And will that enhance the life that I’m living while I am remembered?

The POD Experience

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 06:47:00 -0800

I had always intended on using the AoaN Blog to share details about my experience with Print On Demand publishing, and since lately I've been contacted by writers in this regard, I will post my response to someone who emailed me the other day.

The following is the gist of my response:

I certainly did put an effort into getting my book published along more traditional channels - finding an agent to help, knocking on large and small publishing house's doors, entering contests. A year and a half of organizing mass mailings of query letters and “first 50 pages,” but to no avail. Eventually, I decided it was time to publish it on my own.

I have a history of professional work in film and television, as both a writer and in development, so I know both sides of that business. Currently, I have an agent as a screenwriter, but have found no success in finding a literary agent as a first-time writer of literary fiction. What I learned is that the exclusivity of the two worlds of books and movies is quite similar. It strikes me as though the Literary Fiction slice-of-the-pie is nearly perfunctory, set aside for those who have a big enough name to make the marketing of their work an easy sell. And even then its a risky business venture. Without a true genre, most agents and publishers are not very enthusiastic about trying to sell a book, regardless of the quality of the writing (the business of film and television showed me that the quality of a piece means very little).

One of the reasons I decided to start writing novels is because I grew tired of writing screenplays that sold or went into development but were never produced. I liken it to an architect who has a successful career of drawing up their ideas, only to never have a building built to reflect their ideas and creative effort. Such an architect can show people the blueprints of their vision, but that is not what the drawings are for. They intend buildings.

So as I approached the completion of my novel, I not only researched brick-and-mortar publishing, I also began looking into Print On Demand publishing, excited that there was a new technology that made it possible to order a book from an online company that would print it, bind it and ship it to you in the same day. Naturally, I wanted acceptance into the world of traditional publishing, and I still do; but I was nonetheless attracted to the idea of being enabled to turn a completed piece of writing into what it is intended to be: a book someone can hold in their hands.

As I’m sure you know, there are a number of companies that offer POD publishing with varying degrees of payment scales, I went with Booklocker for a number of reasons.

1. Exclusivity. Their claim is that, unlike companies such as iUniverse and XLibris, they do not accept all writers. Nor do they accept all kinds of writing. I had already tried to get a number of my plays published and they rejected me. This exclusivity, however considerable, lends a bit of credibility to the end product. Also, the fact that other companies will print anyone and anything, only serves to discredit the effort of companies trying to create a standard of quality in POD publishing

2. No hard sell. Booklocker does not try to upsell you. That is their claim and I’m here to tell you that that is the experience as well. Just get on XLibris’ mailing list and you’ll be hounded about specials and offers. Even when I hadn’t committed, they were already trying to push me into more expensive packages.

3. Booklocker was the least expensive. I was all in for $217. That’s an amazing figure comparatively. Granted, one is on their own as far as editing is concerned (which tends to be the major expense with other companies), and there are not a lot of chances to change what is submitted. But I saw that as a fair aspect of part of the deal, and thorough preparation makes this less of an issue. I’m also not sure that it is too different with any other company.

4. It is a mom-and-pop operation. I am more suspicious of large, sales-driven corporations. I liked dealing with Angela and Richard Hoy very much. They are fine people and want to work with you. They did with me, particularly with some exceptions to their own rules, such as footnotes and pagination. I always felt as though there were real people on the other end of my emails. Good response time, positive attitudes, a real pleasure to work with.

5. Word on the Street. Through a women writers’ ListServe that my wife belongs to, there were occasions where authors either recommended them outright, or berated POD publishing, but then added the exception about Booklocker and Angela Hoy specifically.

6. Exclusive Rights Remain with the Author. Most POD publishers have this agreement. It’s great if you change your mind and want to go another route, or if a big publisher finds your book and wants to reconsider their rejection of you. You are not obligated to Booklocker and the agreement can be ended in 24 hours.

So, I recommend Booklocker. Now here are some of the areas that I would advise other authors to be aware of when going with them, and possibly with the process at other companies.

1. Get an Editor. They won’t do it for you and expect that you can take care of it on your own. I don’t recall if they recommend someone, but I’ll bet they have some leads if you need it. There are a few typos in most books, there are in mine, but there is nothing more likely to break the trust of your reader than a lot of basic mistakes.

2. Don’t Expect Brick-and-Mortar Perfection. It’s laser printing, not offset, so it will look different on the page to real bibliophiles. Also, the paperback cover is a bit flimsy and shiny for my aesthetic taste.

3. My Cover Art. I designed my own cover because I have some experience with design and printers, so I knew what to expect. But this could be impossible if you have no idea what you doing. When my first copy arrived in the mail, the cover was printed off the dimensions I specified. There are two tabs of color above and below the image on the front color that are supposed to be identical - sometimes they come out unequal and it drives me crazy. I suspect that the technology for printing the cover is less than ideal. Also, you have no back-and-forth with a proof as you would in other printing circumstances - that is, unless you want to pay more money. They likely do it this way to keep the overall cost down, and probably don’t believe in the need for a professional looking cover, since they are an online outlet for books - no shelf space, or eye-catching images to worry about. But the lack of a sign-off on the final artwork is a frightening idea to anyone who has worked with print materials. As it was, my cover turned out more dark than I’d hoped. In the end, I would have liked to have the chance to tweak it some; however, I was not bothered by any of this to put in extra money to fix it.

4. Booklocker Cover Art. Obviously, I don’t know what a writer’s experience is working with their cover artists. It will cost you more money to use them (though $100 is cheap), and I assume most people use this option. To put it mildly, I was not at all impressed with the aesthetic of most of the books I saw on their site, but I cannot say that this was due to the work of their artists.

5. Turn-over time. It went a lot faster than they had said it would and Angela is always quick to reply with emails, a novelty in the world today.

6. Marketing Assistance. I had assumed there would be more specific information on how to market a book, as they promise access to a marketing area on Booklocker once you have signed. As it turned out, it was a blog run by Richard that was informative, but not to the degree I’d hoped. It has a lot of links to other pieces of advice, most of which I found intuitive. I’d anticipated a procedural plan of some sort. A checklist. Regardless, Richard is very informed on online marketing, and was also quick to reply with good answers to questions. He helped me a lot with the setting up of my blog and its promotion.

7. Reviews. Angela and Richard are convinced that reviews do not help their writers much and that energy and money is better spent in other marketing areas. However, if you are interested in giving it a shot with the big companies like Publishers Weekly and Kirkus, make sure you get them a manuscript 3 months prior to your date of publication. Otherwise, they won’t look at your book. Having spent my years in development perusing PW every week, I’d been looking forward to seeing a paragraph or two on AoaN, but I missed the boat, not realizing the 3-month rule. Nonetheless, I’m currently in the process of going out to lesser known reviewers and will answer any questions about it once I have a couple of those under my belt.

8. Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Getting content on your Amazon and B&N page was easy. Angela and Richard are very helpful in this way. As they advised, it hasn’t at all affected the sale of my book; and all my sales have gone directly through Booklocker, which is what I prefer because it means more money for the author and for Booklocker.

9. Websites & Blogs. Richard is an excellent resource if you are planning to set up an online presence. He’s helpful and informed and will advise you to go with a blog instead of a static website, because there are an entirely different search capabilities for blogs and the constant update of content has a higher potential for driving traffic to your site. However, the San Francisco Chronicle recently ran an article on blogs for businesses and the first rule they listed was “try to talk yourself out of it.” A blog requires writing content on at least a weekly basis, and that demands a lot of creative effort. I know. I am currently working on my next novel and I find that this blog is taking away from that time in a big way. I love the writing of the postings, but they are time-consuming, and I can see a point in the near future where I might have to reconsider this. I’m actually considering serializing my new piece on a blog as a way to tie in deadlines to its process.

For my next novel, I’m going to go down the same route as before: do whatever I can to find an agent, perhaps even before I complete it, and pound the pavement to get it published. Everyone wants to get published. And I try to be honest with myself enough to realize that, aside from creating a marketability of myself as a writer (once one gets published, its easier to be considered by publishers), getting published by a big name is simply an ego stroke. In truth, it is a novel, regardless of who prints it up. But, it does need to be printed up, and I will not hesitate to go the POD route if I am passed over again.

The POD technology is now only in its infancy. I predict that major publishers get on board with it at some point in the future, given that competition and more specific markets make the risk of printing a book a terrifying prospect for any business. We’ll see.

Unsolicitation

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 05:52:00 -0800

I've been in the process of getting AoaN to reviewers of late. It could take a while to bear fruit, if it takes at all. So, as if to tide me over until Midwest Review or other e-zines give their response, I recieved my first, unsolicited review.

On Amazon.

It may have caused me to dip below 1,000,000 to 604,656th place, edging out a biography on John Purdue.

Penis Revisited

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Sat, 18 Mar 2006 07:22:00 -0800

My sister, Lisa, had a friend who had a peculiar idiosycracy of bestowing upon those in her inner circle a name of her own design. Once renamed, you would then only be referred to by that name regardless of the circumstances. She was an adult, not a child, so I found the behavior particularly fascinating. For instance, Lisa became "Tina," not privately, but to everyone in her friend's world, all of whom had pseudonyms as well. Even my mom and dad were given new monikers. Everyone would go along with the charade in her presence, and return to their given names in her absence. I found it impossible to keep track of who was who in this group of renamed friends. To my knowledge, I was never christened as such, though no telling who I was in the privacy of her mind.

Creative Ownership

I acknowledge that "taking possession" of others, of anything, is common to all of our behavior in so many complex ways. And while it is not specific to narcissism, and doesn't fall under the categorization of narcissism put out by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is a foible common to the narcissist. It was a theme that I found throughout my research for AoaN.

Naturally, this was to become Tyler LePerdu's fate: to chronically claim creative ownership of the world around him, the people in it, the language used, concepts, paradigms such as psychology, and his own body. One way to capture this, I thought, was to exploit the preposterous cliche' of penis-naming, specifically the naming being done by the holder of the penis, so to speak. Doing so would both fulfill my needs for the character and indulge my hankering for the absurd.

Of The Celebrity

Imagine my elation when the following blurb from ContactMusic.com was brought to my attention:
Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin reveals his pet name for his penis in his new book Junior - he calls his appendage "Floyd." The actor is currently on a tour promoting the collection of stories, poems and personal observations. He explains, "I had to do a reading and I did a Q+A afterwards, and somebody asked me where I came up with the name Floyd. I didn't come up with it, if I was going to come up with something, it would have been "Kroll the Conquerer"... or something like "Enrique", something Latino...It was kind of bestowed upon me I guess you could say. If I could have picked something, it probably wouldn't have been that. Now the world knows, it's in print."

Guerilla Filmmaking

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan Foster) — Thu, 9 Mar 2006 07:36:00 -0800

Under the sidebar heading of OTHER PROJECTS, I thought to point you in the direction of another project I was involved with. This is a movie for which I wrote the screenplay, co-wrote the story with its director Jon Ward.

Let's Put On a Show

We had video equipment and a group of talented actors and an impending WGA/DGA/SAG strike coming down the pike, so we decided to pursue some good old fashioned guerilla filmmaking. Written in 8 weeks and shot entirely in 2 weeks in the woods east of Seattle, we came away with a feature length comedy - Bigfeet - that runs 89 minutes.

The best that has come from it is that this is where I met my wife, Linda Sue, who was Art Director on the film.

Time has passed. Movies have come and gone. But we kept dreaming.

All that's left to say is that I never figured it would make it to the Bigtime. It is currently sharing space with plaster casts of the original Patterson footprint.

Go to BigfootSurplus to see for yourself that dreams do come true.