The B-Movie Blog.

Agency of Vengeance: Dark Rising

2015-04-27T08:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 2 Out Of 10

I am going to try something different. I watched a crappy Sy-Fy-channel-esque film and instead of holding to my own standard of what a good movie should or should not be, I am going review it compared to other films of it's caliber. "Agency Of Vengeance: Dark Rising" was written and directed by Andrew Cymek and stars Brigitte Kingsley, Landy Cannon and Julia Schneider. The movie is about a secret government agency whose goal is to protect people from monsters. Summer Vale is their top agent who is a mess after her fiance is killed by a giant monster on their wedding day, but she has to pull it together to stop the impending armageddon. Other than Michael Ironside, there is almost nothing about this movie I like. The story, dialogue and acting are all over the place. Also the special effects, which are terrible, are greatly overused. There is no reason for CGI blood when someone gets shot.

But when you compare this film to others in the made in the same style (or with a similar budget), it is still really terrible. The film as a whole just feels completely phoned in. It is almost like they were not even trying to make a good movie. The fact that I swear I saw one of the main characters look at the camera more than a couple of times just highlights how bad it all was. To be fair, This is a sequel and I have not seen the first movie, but if this movie is this bad then I do not want to see the original. What really hurts about the whole thing is Michael Ironside. I love that guy. I love most of his movies and the fact that he is in this makes me worry. Is he broke? He could do so much better than this.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Nurse 3D (10 CC's of Lame)

2015-04-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 3 Out Of 10

This movie has been sitting in my Netflix queue for quite some time and I finally looked at it and said 'Why not?' after having sat through the entire film I can actually think of several reasons why not. "Nurse 3D (2013)" was directed by Douglas Aarniokoski and stars Paz De La Huerta, Judd Nelson (yes, that guy from "The Breakfast Club (1985)") and Katrina Bowden. The film is about a nurse who also happens to be a serial killer who preys on married men. She becomes obsessed with a new nurse in her hospital and the high jinks begin. Honestly, the writing is bad, the dialogue is all over the place and the acting is just plain horrendous. Everything our main character says is said in this ridiculous sexy voice reminiscent of bad porn star stereotypes. You do not need to sound sexy when ordering medications or asking about a patient. After a few minutes it stops being fun and it just becomes really annoying.

I understand that this movie was made to look like an old "grindhouse" film from the 1970's but those movies did not just rely on style, although had plenty of it, they had real substance to them. A lot of those films had a point to make (mind you, not always a good point, but a point none the less) and this film just does not. It really is just a bunch of sex and violence for the sole purpose of showing people sex and violence. By the way, if that is your thing then do not let me dissuade you, this movie is right up your alley. But me, I need more than that and this movie just did not deliver for me.

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

Wolfcop (All Bark and a Little Bite)

2015-04-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 5 Out Of 10

I am a pretty big fan of werewolf movies. The problem is that for all the films I have seen from this genre, there are very few good ones. So whenever I come across a new movie I get a little excited thinking there is a chance I could have found another good werewolf movie. "Wolfcop (2014)" was written and directed by Lowell Dean and stars Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio and Sarah Lind. The movie is about an alcoholic police officer who is transformed into a werewolf while investigating a string of bizarre events and uses his new found wolfiness to better solve crimes. By the way, no, this film will not be added to my list of good werewolf movies. The dialogue is awkward and there are too many moments where the acting just becomes laughable. Another problem is that the longer the film goes on the more convoluted the story gets. By the end of the film I was getting confused over who was who and what was what. Do not misunderstand me, Normally I like a film that requires thought, but this was just plain confusing.

A big thing I always look forward to in a film like this is the transformation scene. I am happy to report this film features mostly practical effects and the end result is a pretty good (and gory) transformation. My only complaint about it is that the first thing we see transform is the main characters' penis. I get that it was meant to be funny and shocking but my first thought was 'That was unnecessary.' That being said, if there is another thing that saves this movie and it is the humor. There were a few moments throughout where I was laughing for the right reasons, just not enough for me to really be able to recommend this movie to anyone. Hopefully the sequel (announced for 2016) will get it right, because I really do like the premise.

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

Arachnid (Giant Spiders Done Decent)

2015-03-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 6 Out Of 10

I really wanted to hate this movie. From the moment I saw the cover I thought, 'Great, another giant spider movie.' But by the end , I wound up with some mixed emotions. I did not completely fall in love with it, but I did find a lot of positives in this film. "Arachnid (2001)" was directed by Jack Sholder and stars Chris Potter, Alex Reid and Jose Sancho. The plot focuses on a group of explorers who go to a small village in Guam to investigate weird insect bites and soon come face to face with bizarre arachnids in various shapes and sizes. The acting is only so-so but there are some gems in there, one scene in particular where a man has been partially cocooned and his trying to explain his condition to the rest of the team. The writing is a little all over the place. Characters are irrational in one scene and completely together in the next. Overall what really saved this film for me was it's use of practical special effects.

In 2001, CGI (Computer Generated Imagery) still was not that good looking, especially in low budget films. So the vast majority of the effects in this film rely on puppets and latex and paint and all that good stuff. The end result is genuinely creepy moments. I admit to getting itchy more than once while watching the movie. One scene I really enjoyed was a dream sequence where one character watches another transform into a man sized spider. So, in the end what we have is not a great film but not really a bad film. If your in the mood for some creepy crawlies and can put up with some awkward digital effects and nonsensical writing, give this film a go.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Fankenstein and the Monster From Hell (A Big Disappointment)

2015-03-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 4 Out Of 10

I am a fan of horror movies produced by "Hammer Films Productions." More often than not I feel that their versions of the classic monsters are some of the best around. Although once in a while even Hammer lets me down. "Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell (1974)" was directed by Terence Fisher and stars Peter Cushing, Shane Briant and Madeline Smith. The film is about a young doctor who begins trying to recreate Dr. Frankenstein's infamous experiment, but is apprehended and sentenced to five years in a psych ward. Once there, he finds the legendary doctor himself and they soon begin work on a new creature. The first problem I noticed with this film is the acting. Peter Cushing is fantastic (as always) as Dr. Frankenstein, but everyone else in the film is just plain terrible, Including the monster. To be fair, I do not put all of the blame on the actor playing the monster (David Prowse).

If you can not tell by the picture to the right, Prowse was wearing a lot of make up and some prosthetics and as a result it seems he had to play the role with out being able to change his facial expressions, much like he was wearing a mask. Conveying emotion with out people being able to read your facial expressions is very difficult for any actor, but not impossible (Ex: "The Maskmaker (1959)" starring Marcel Marceau). In addition to (mostly) poor acting the writing was also not very good. Nothing happens for literally the entire first half of the movie, and things do not really begin to pick up until the films climax (the last ten minutes or so). The whole film just feels forced, not as imaginative, or anywhere near as stylized as many of the other "Hammer" horror films that I have seen. In the end, I was just downright disappointed.

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

The ABC's of Death 2

2015-03-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

Score: 7 Out of 10

I will start off by saying this film is actually leaps and bounds better than the first. It has more humor to it and there were a lot more good segments than bad ones this time around. "The ABC's of Death (2014)" is an anthology horror/suspense film. If you are not familiar, the premise is that twenty six different directors each made a short film (some of which are only a couple of minutes long) based on one word and then they are presented in alphabetical order. The result is a film like only one other thing you have seen before. A lot of the shorts are humorous, some are genuinely creepy or scary, and a couple made me even want to look away from the screen for all the right reasons. Also there were at least three shorts that I would not mind seeing as a full length feature ("C is for Capital Punishment," "I is for Inheritance," and "V is for Vacation"). Although, despite the vast majority of the shorts being pretty entertaining, there were some hiccups.

The couple of animated shorts were just weird and confusing. I really did just sit there after both and think 'What the fuck did I just see?' Even a couple of shorts seemed to be just weird for the sake of weird. Another few shorts had really bad special effects, as if the person(s) who worked on them just did not care at all. Overall, I would say that I am impressed that a movie comprised of twenty six potential failures rolled up into one film had so few problems. The first one seemed like a real cluster-fuck with a lot garbage hiding the good content but this one seems to be just the opposite. And once again, I did have quite a bit of fun trying to guess what the word was going to be at the end of each short.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Cockney Vs Zombies (Couldn't Understand A Word)

2015-03-02T09:08:00.002-05:00

Score: 8 Out of 10

Normally I like to go into a movie blind (meaning I do not watch any trailers or read up on the film at all) and just be surprised, but admittedly I saw the trailer for this movie and decided I had to see it. "Cockneys Vs Zombies (2012)" was directed by Mathias Hoene and stars Rasmus Hardiker, Harry Treadaway and Michelle Ryan. The film focuses on a small group of bank robbers and a connected group of nursing home residents who are trying to survive a zombie apocalypse in London. The film is fast paced and funny. The info-graphic/poster to the left should give you an idea of just how fast paced this movie was. But what immediately struck me about this movie was in fact the humor. Ever since "Shaun of the Dead (2004)" there have been quite a few comedic zombie films (some good, some not so good) so when I first heard about "Cockneys" I instinctively rolled my eyes, but the more I watched the film the more I found myself laughing out loud.

The down side of this film is the special effects. They seem to range to really good and well thought out to bad and completely phoned in. Although, the acting (an jokes) in this movie is so good that even when the special effects did get bad I felt like I could excuse it. I have said many times before, special effects do not really make a movie, good story telling does, and that is what is at the heart of this film. Through out all of it I genuinely cared about what happened to the characters. The combination of humor and a good story are what really put this movie head and shoulders above most other comedic horror films. I might even put this in my top five favorite zombie films.

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Nymph (A.K.A Killer Mermaid)

2015-02-09T10:22:00.002-05:00

Score: 2 Out Of 10

I went in to this movie knowing it would not be good. I know you should not judge a book by it's cover but there are sometimes when you can just tell that a movie is going to suck. This was one of those times. "Nymph (2014)" was directed by Milan Todorovic and stars Kristina Klebe, Franco Nero and Natalie Burn. The movie is about a couple of girls who meet a man and decide to sail away to an island that is home to an old abandoned fort. Once they are there, they become stranded and something begins hunting them. To give you an idea of how bad this movie was, our main character is supposed to be a journalist yet she seemingly has no intuition of any kind whatsoever. This aspect of the film seems to be a metaphor for the entire rest of the film. It is a really nice idea, but it just does not seem to pan out at all. The acting is bad and the writing is all over the place. On the other hand, I have to admit the the cinematography was pretty good. This was a pretty gorgeous film.

What is really sad is that this film does have a lot of good things going for it. They do not show you the "monster" until late in the film and there is a nice plot twist in there. The problem really is the overall presentation. The film as a whole just feels like a cookie cutter horror movie. I got the impression that the writer sat down, watched a bunch of horror movies and then came up with a formula for how to write his own horror movie. The end result is something that just feels generic and lame. The most eye rolling moment of the film was when the creepy old man warned our protagonists not to sail out to the island. See what I mean?

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

The Virgin Spring (55 Years Later)

2015-02-02T05:00:00.000-05:00

Score: 9 Out Of 10

February eighth is the fifty fifth anniversary of "The Virgin Spring (1960)" being released in it's home country of Sweden, and believe it or not, I have just sat down and watched it for the first time. "The Virgin Spring" was directed by Ingmar Bergman and stars Max von Sydow, Birgitta Valberg and Gunnel Lindblom. The film is about a young women who is traveling with a farm hand to her church, but along the way she is raped and murdered. Her attackers, by way of coincidence (or possibly fate), come to be house guests of the their victims' family. No joke, this is the best movie I have seen in a long time. This film is so well acted and directed that one of the most powerful scenes plays out with only two lines of dialogue, yet is one of the most tense scenes I have ever watched. I also found it interesting that the sound cuts out twice during the rape scene. I am not sure if this was intentional but it did make the scene much more unsettling.

I was also fascinated by the amount of symbolism in this film, which was not in any way subtle and deeply religious. The film at it's core is questioning the existence of a higher power and by the end reaches some very surprising conclusions. Fifty five years after the initial release of this film it still holds up. If you have doubts about how good this movie is, just remember it is part of the Criterion Collection and it won the nineteen sixty one academy award for best foreign language film. The absolute best compliment I can give this film is that as soon as it ended I immediately wanted to watch it again and with another person so we could discuss how good it was.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Thale (Scandinavian Horror)

2015-01-26T14:09:00.004-05:00

Score: 6 Out Of 10

This movie has been on an off my radar for a while so I finally decided to sit down and watch it. "Thale (2012) was directed by Aleksander Nordas and stars Silje Reinamo, Erland Norvold and Jon Sigve Skard. The movie is about two men who are hired to clean up a crime scene and stumble upon a mythological creature. It is not long after the mystery of how the creature came to be begins to unravel. Honestly the film is not bad, but overall I felt it was to predictable. I kept guessing everything that was going to happen moments before it actually happened. Also, I had more fun reading the Scandinavian folk lore the film was inspired by than I actually did watching the movie. That is not to say that the film was bad, it was well acted, well scripted and well directed. One thing I found interesting was that through out the first half hour of the movie, the lighting kept moving from light to dark and back again. It made for a disorienting visual effect that really added to the suspense.

Another thing I genuinely liked about this movie is that there is a nude woman featured through out the film. I know that sounds like a typical guy thing to say, but what I specifically liked is that the actress playing the role (Silje Reinamo) was not portrayed as being erotic. The nudity of that character actually played into the story in a logical way and was shot very tastefully. The only things that really bothered me here were the films pacing and the overall predictability of the film. Horror films are best when they have a lot of surprises in them and this one just lacked overall.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Lust Of The Dead (A.K.A. Rape Zombie)

2015-01-12T15:19:00.001-05:00

Score: 1 Out Of 10

There were a lot of things that ran through my mind while I watched this movie. Why would someone make this? Why would someone agree to be in this? Why was this recommended for me on Netflix? I admit, I was completely flabbergasted for the entire seventy three minute run time. "Lust Of The Dead (2012)" was directed by Naoyuki Tomomatsu and stars Rina Aikawa, Yui Aikawa and Kazuyoshi Akishima. The film is about zombies taking over the world. The twist (as if you didn't see this coming) is that all the zombies are men and they only attack women. Instead of killing the women, they gang rape them. All of this is caused by climate change allowing radiation from space into our atmosphere, then the radiation affects the male genitalia in a way that turns us into zombies. After being raped, women are turned into evil spirits. That was a series of sentences so stupid I can not believe I just typed them.

Every thing about this film is just bad. The concept, the writing, the acting and the special effects (both digital and practical). I get that this movie was meant to be funny, but it opens up with a woman being raped and beaten by her husband. It is pretty hard to laugh at a movie after a scene like that. Seriously, there was not one person on set, maybe someone in the editing room or a producer who said, "wait, you want to film what?" Do not get me wrong, I admittedly have a pretty dark sense of humor but you have to draw the line somewhere. And once again, Why was this recommended for me on Netflix? Because I watched "Godzilla's Revenge (1971)!?"

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Daughters of Satan (Tom Selleck Vs. Witches)

2015-01-05T16:14:00.001-05:00

Score: 4 out of 10

When I was in high school I went through a phase where I watched a ton of movies (mostly from the 1960's and '70's) about Satan worshiping witches. Most of them involved the same few themes; people (mostly women) being burned at the stake, naked people (mostly women) being whipped and/or tortured and the numbers "666" being referenced in every way you could imagine (addressees, vehicle numbers, dates, etc.). So, was "Daughters of Satan" any different? "Daughters of Satan (1972)" was directed by Hollingsworth Morse and stars Tom Selleck, Barra Grant and Tani Guthrie. The film is about a guy who works for a museum who buys a painting of a few witches being burned at the stake specifically because one of them greatly resembles his wife. It is not long after that that a spooky mystery begins to unfold. so how does this film measure up to it's contemporaries? Honestly, not well. Most of the movie is pretty boring and predictable. There are a couple of nude torture scenes, but they even seem tame compared to other films in this genre.

To be completely honest, if it were not for the nude torture scenes this whole movie could have passed for a long episode of "Night Gallery (1962)." There was also no real mystery to the story. By a half an hour into the film you can pretty much guess what is going to happen and how the whole thing is going to end. There are a couple of scenes that are pretty cool (and there is one scene of a mortician singing to a dead body that really had me laughing) but the movie as a whole is formulaic, unoriginal and just down right boring. Even Tom Selleck's amazing, seventies mustache was not able to save this one.

Love,

The B-Movie-Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

P.s.

I could not find a trailer, so here's the whole movie. I'd tell you to enjoy but that's not going to happen.

Bloody Murder (How Not To Pay Tribute)

2014-12-29T15:38:00.003-05:00

Score: 2 Out Of 10

I have a question. At what point does your movie stop paying homage to another film, or film series, and just start ripping it off. This question popped in to my mind while watching "Bloody Murder (2000)" and I honestly can not come up with an answer. "Bloody Murder" was directed by Ralph E. Portillo and stars Jessica Morris, Peter Guillemette and and Patrick Cavanaugh. The movie is about a group of kids in their late teens who show up to work at a summer camp a couple of weeks before the children arrive, but it is not long before a psycho in a hockey mask starts killing them off. The first fifteen to twenty minutes of this film are a blatant rip off of the first few "Friday the 13th (1980-1982) " films. There is even a scene where a seemingly crazy old man warns the kids not to go up to the camp grounds. I mean, it is almost as if they are trying to trick you into to watching this by getting you to think it is part of the "Jason" franchise.

The picture to the left is a screenshot of the films antagonist, Trevor. Lame, right? After the first act, the film does try to do it's own thing and build an original story, but that actually seems to make things worse. The characters are very generic and sometimes behave completely erratically, the dialogue seems completely unnatural and for some reason, about an hour into the film, the over all sound quality goes down. At first I thought it was my TV, then my streaming service, but nope, it was the movie itself. The ending of this film is also extremely convoluted. I get the feeling they rewrote the ending of the film a few times over then decided to shoot and edit every single one of the rewrites. So, was this an homage piece? Yes, but even if you are a huge "Friday" fan, I cannot recommend watching this movie. Do yourself a favor and just watch a "Jason" movie.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

The House On Sorority Row (Not A Boobie Movie)

2014-12-22T14:52:00.001-05:00

Score: 7 Out Of 10.

I was settling in and browsing through Hulu (which is quickly becoming my new favorite place to watch movies) when this very poster caught my eye. I have seen it before and always assumed it was what my wife refers to as a "boobie movie" and started watching. "The House On Sorority Row (1983)" was written and directed by Mark Rosman and stars Kate McNeil, Eileen Davidson and Janis Ward. The plot (which should sound familiar as it has been done at least a dozen times) follows a group of sorority girls who accidentally kill their head mistress and hide the body. But it is not long before the girls themselves start turning up dead. So the term "boobie movie" does not really apply, but I was pleasantly surprised to see a pretty good slasher flick. The film is pretty well acted (I was actually disappointed to see that some of these girls have not acted in anything else) and the ending is something that I genuinely did not see coming. Although admittedly the movie had some slow parts, the pacing as a whole really is not bad.

What really got me here is the way the film was advertised. I have seen this poster/box art in a few different places before and have always glossed over it because I thought it was just another excuse to show a bunch of naked girls on screen (there is some nudity, by the way) and that it what I really think hurts this movie. Had they sold it as a serious slasher film, I think we would today be mentioning it in the same conversations as "Friday The 13th (1980)" or "Halloween (1978)." Instead, we ignore it when trying to decide what movie to watch. I should also mention that this movie had a remake released in 2009 that I saw when it first came out. Given the choice between the two, the 1983 version is far better. It is better acted and better scripted, although, the 2009 film was better marketed.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death

2014-12-15T19:21:00.003-05:00

Score: 2 Out Of 10

I was browsing Hulu and saw "The Criterion Collection" and thought I would watch some thing really good. Then I some how settled for this stinker of a movie. I am still not even sure why I selected it. But I did. In hindsight, I probably should have stuck with my original goal. "Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death (1989)" was directed by J.F. Lawton and stars Shannon Tweed, Adrienne Barbeau and Bill Maher (I get that people are pretty divided on Mr. Maher, so let's leave politics out of this and just focus on the movie). The film is about a feminist professor who is hired by the U.S. government to try and talk a tribe of cannibal jungle women into relocating so they can protect the nations avocados supplies. She brings a dumb but pretty assistant and a male chauvinist guide (also kind of dumb) along with her. So the film as a whole is not particularly funny (it is a comedy, by the way), but it does have it's moments and there is no shortage of scantly clad women. If you manage to watch this movie more than once color me impressed.

The real problem with the movie overall is that almost all of the humor behind this film was derived from stereotypes about men and women and how we interact with each other. This concept would be acceptable if at some point the film used some of it's humor to say something insightful but instead it just sticks to the same old "men are from Mars and women ore from Venus" jokes that you have heard since you were a kid. I honestly got about half way through this movie and started wishing that one of the "Piranha Women" would kill me. The best compliment I could think of to give this movie is that the tag line at least made me chuckle, but then I felt immediately guilty afterwards.

Love,
The B-Movie Guy.
Twitter: @BMovieguy

King Kong Vs. Godzilla (Father Vs. Son)

2014-12-01T11:12:00.001-05:00

Score: 6 Out of 10

While on a recent trip to the store, I lifted my son up (he will be three in January) so he could see what was in the five dollar DVD bin. The very first movie he picked up was "King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962)." I am a huge fan of "King Kong (1933)" and my son is a huge fan of "Godzilla (1954)." As you could imagine, we literally trash talke each other the entire drive home, then immediately watched the movie. "King Kong Vs. Godzilla" was directed by Ishirô Honda and stars Tadao Takashima, Kenji Sahara and Yu Fujiki. The movie begins with a pharmaceutical company kidnapping King Kong as a marketing gimmick. At the same time, Godzilla escapes his ice berg prison in the ocean. Eventually both monsters descend upon Japan for a kinda epic show down. In a weird kind of way, the semi-rivalry that developed between my son and I over the next hour or so is almost a metaphor for the movie we were about to watch. "King Kong" was, in fact, the film that inspired "Gojira."

The rivalry on screen plays out over about ninety minutes and actually set the pace for the next decade or two of Godzilla films and various other giant Japanese monster, or Kaiju, films. This was the first of the films to be marketed to younger audiences. As a result, people in the film tend to have silly reactions to the monsters rather than terrified ones. Also the monsters seem to appear more goofy than menacing. As a result, like most other films from this genre released through out the sixties and seventies, the film is silly and nonsensical. The special effects are bad and the acting is just plain atrocious. But for some reason, these films have a lot of charm to them. Maybe it is because it brings out the kid in me, or maybe it is seeing how much joy my son gets out of them. Either way, I am always happy to sit down and wastch one of these movies and "King Kong Vs. Godzilla," as silly and stupid as it may be, will from here on hold a special place in my heart.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Night Of The Demons 2 (A sequel to DIE for!)

2014-11-24T14:36:00.000-05:00

Score: 8 Out Of 10

Back when I was in high school, I used to frequent this little video store around the corner from my parents house. The store was loaded with VHS tapes and had a fairly large selection of obscure horror and sci-fi films. This is where I first saw "Night of the Demons (1988)." I fell in love with the film and remember watching it twice back to back. So imagine how elated I was to learn there are sequels! "Night of the Demons 2 (1994)" was direted by Brian Trenchard-Smith and Stars Amelia Kinkade, Cristi Harris and Darin Heames. The movie is about some teenagers who decide to party at the infamous "Hull House." It's not long before creepy things start happening and they decide to leave unknowingly bringing a demonic force with them. What makes this film good is it does not take itself too seriously. This film is not a dark comedy by any means, but it does definitely have it's fair share of laughs. I am also happy to report that for every laugh to be had in this film, there is at least one genuinely creepy moment. The other aspect of this film I really enjoyed were the awesome special effects.

A lot of nineties horror films experimented with computer generated imagery with some pretty awkward results. This film however, tends to favor home made effects done with paint and latex. The end results are some really wonderful and actually scary visuals. The downside was the dialogue was a little silly here and there. There were some moments where I was left thinking 'Who talks like this?' Also, I am not a fan of reusing scenes from the first film for things that should have been easy enough to shoot. Example: our main antagonist roaming the halls of "Hull House." But these minor irritants aside, "NOTD2" does not disappoint. It may not be as good as the first, but is does make for a pretty good sequel. Now let's just hope the third film is up to snuff...

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Le Fear II: Le Sequel (Kinda New But Kinda Not)

2014-11-11T22:24:00.001-05:00

Score: 6 Out Of 10

I will preface this post by saying that I have not seen "Le Fear (2010)" and did not read up on "Le Fear II: Le Sequel" before I started watching it. I did not even bother to reed the IMDB page for the film. Why? Because sometimes it is better to walk into a film completely blind and just let yourself be surprised. "Le Fear II: Le Sequel (Due to be released in the UK on April 11th, 2015)" was written and directed by Jason Croot (who also has a supporting role in the film) and stars Kyri Saphiris, Seye Adelekan and Leila Reed. The film is a comedy/horror/mockumentary that shows the trials and tribulations of a writer and director that has sunk five hundred thousand dollars of his own money into a film, but right from the first moment of shooting, our protagonist is plagued by a producer who seems to be more of a con-artist . The film is pretty well acted and very well shot. If I did not know any better I would almost swear that I was watching an actual documentary.

The movie seems to take pages out of the playbooks from more mainstream mockumentaries such as "This Is Spinal Tap (1984)" and "The Office (2001)" by building comedic situations based on awkward encounters and ludicrous problems. I'm happy to say that most of the jokes work, but in hindsight, the feeling I got through out most of the film was much akin to deja vu. I felt like I had seen almost all of the aforementioned situations in other movies and T.V. shows and the film as a whole was just unoriginal. In the end, It is a fun movie but I felt like they could have done better to offer new ideas rather than just rehashing the old ones.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Witching and Bitching (Good Movie, Stupid Title)

2014-11-03T19:16:00.001-05:00

Score: 7 Out Of 10

I will admit that the only reason I watched this movie is because the poster creeped me out. Every time I would load up Netflix for like two weeks I would see the poster and think, 'Eww, I should watch that, but the title is just so stupid.' "Witching and Bitching (2013) was directed and co-written by Álex de la Iglesia and stars Hugo Silva, Mario Casas and Pepon Nieto. The movie tells the story of three robbers (one being the twelve year old son of another older robber) who hit up a cash for gold store in hilarious fashion. Before long, police and the young boys mother are pursuing the robbers while they themselves are confronting witches in a small, creepy town. So finally, after a week or two, I gave in and watched the movie and I was not disappointing "Witching and Bitching" is a clever mix of both comedy and horror. For every moment I was cringing (in a good way) I was chuckling. I especially like the nods to European witchcraft films from the 1970's. Think "The Blood On Satan's Claw (1971)" and "The Wicker Man (1973).

What bothers me, on the other hand, is almost the exact same thing I liked about this movie. For all the inspiration it draws from older films, it does not offer us anything new. The horror genre the last ten years or so (and really almost all american mainstream cinema) has gotten stale. It is almost all remakes and rehashed ideas and this film is no different. Be that as it may, "W&B" is still a pretty entertaining film. There are plenty of surprises and laughs, but I just can not picture this movie having any long lasting appeal to older horror fans, but for younger fans who are new to the genre, there is plenty to love.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy.

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Full Moon High (Would've been better if I were...)

2014-10-27T20:00:00.003-04:00

Score: 3 Out of 10

In the first half of the nineteen eighties there was a rash of werewolf movies. Some funny, some scary, some just downright weird. "An American Werewolf in London (1981)," "Teen Wolf (1985)" and "Wolfen (1981)" are some of the better films. But for all the good movies that fit into this sub-genre, there were some really bad ones. "Full Moon High (1981)" was written and directed by Larry Cohen and stars Adam Arkin, Roz Kelly and Ed McMahon. Also keep an eye out for some pretty interesting cameos. No joke, Bob Saget is shown naked in the first three minutes of this film. The plot is about a high school football player who goes to eastern Europe with his C.I.A. agent father, is bitten by a werewolf, becomes a werewolf and then somehow magically time travels twenty years into the future. Yeah, you read the last part correctly. So the movie as a whole is supposed to be a spoof of werewolf movies but it is really more of a spoof of "I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)." It should come as no surprise that "Teenage Werewolf" was a much better, and funnier film; even if it was not meant to be funny.

Sadly, "Full Moon High" was meant to be funny, and for the entire ninety three minute run time I did not laugh once. I have a pretty dark sense of humor so dark comedies normally do well by me, but this movie was missing one key ingredient; humor. The jokes in this movie felt forced and half of them were just really bad puns (in hindsight, I guess if you like puns this movie is for you). Honestly, at a time when so many good werewolf movies were coming out, and even werewolf comedies, this movie just falls short. Do yourself a favor and skip this one and watch literally any other werewolf movie from the eighties. I promise you will not regret it.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Big Ass Spider! (Maybe too big...)

2014-10-13T16:28:00.001-04:00

Score: 6 Out Of 10

I woke up earlier than normal on Sunday morning. I could not get back to sleep, so I eventually got up, went to the living room and started browsing movies on Netflix. This little gem caught my eye and I thought 'why not?' Honestly, my Sunday was not off to a bad start. "Big Ass Spider!" was directed by Mike Mendez and stars Greg Grunberg, Clare Kramer and Lombardo Boyar. The plot is about an exterminator hired by a hospital to kill a genetically modified spider and it is not long before horror/hilarity ensues. Normally when I watch these Sy-Fy-channel-original-esque movies I get very bored about an hour into the movie and start staring into my cell phone. This time, however, I was pretty into it for almost the entire movie. The film had a pretty good mix of humor and creepiness that kept me glued to the t.v. for at least the first hour of the movie. The last half hour of the movie is where the movie started to loose me. If they had kept this film about a spider that is pretty big, maybe the size of a small dog, than it would have been better.

When the spider became giant is when the movie lost me. I have seen so many giant spider movies at this point that the whole idea is just boring now. If I ever see a giant spider in real life, there is a fair chance I might look at it and go 'meh,' then go about my day. When the spider was small the film was genuinely creepy and was actually setting itself aside from all the other low budget monster movies I had seen. Another thing that sucks about this plot twist is once the spider goes giant the CGI becomes painfully obvious and everything just starts to look like a cartoon. When the spider was small the CGI actually looked pretty cool. So I at least recommend the first part of this film. The first hour of so will not disappoint.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Strippers VS Werewolves (This Is An Actual Movie?)

2014-10-06T15:55:00.002-04:00

Score: 3 Out Of 10

That question I put as a subtitle, I find myself asking that a lot lately. I am still not sure why I even bothered to watch this movie. I have never been a fan of strippers and I tend to not like werewolf movies (although I have always loved the idea of werewolves). Yet, there was still a voice in the back of my mind that said, 'Maybe you will be surprised.' I was not. "Strippers VS Werewolves (2012)" was directed by Jonathan Glendening and stars Adele Silva, Martin Compston and Bill Murray (not the comedian and actor we all know and love, but the British actor who was in all those BBC shows i have never heard of). The plot is about a stripper who kills a werewolf chief and his crew who are now out for revenge. So besides what you can tell just by looking to the picture to the left, what is wrong with this movie? A lot. The pacing is bad. I feel like I spent more time waiting for something to happen than I did enjoying anything that actually did happen. The acting is pretty horrendous as well but I am guessing that is not a surprise to anyone.

None of this is to say that there is nothing good about this movie. There are some fun surprises and a nice cameo. I specifically like the references to older films that I actually enjoyed. In addition there some nudity in there (that is a good or bad thing depending on what kind of person you are, I won't judge) But none of those positives add up to a good movie. If the story is poor and is poorly told then you will still have a bad movie. For all the gore, boobies (not judging), surprises and hi jinks you can squeeze into a film, you still need a compelling story. And that is what this movie lacks. It is a fun idea, but maybe it should have just stayed as an idea.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

H.O.T.S. (Trashy AND Funny)

2014-09-29T15:13:00.000-04:00

Score: 5 Out Of 10

This is one of those movies where you invite some friends over, have a couple of beers, pop some popcorn and just laugh the night away. You and your friends, by the way, are not going to be laughing because the film itself is genuinely funny, but because of how ridiculously bad it is. "H.O.T.S. (1979)" was directed by Gerald Seth Sindell and stars Susan Kiger, Pamela Jean Bryant and Danny Bonaduce (I would love to make fun of him for being in this film, but who could blame him for wanting to costar with a bunch of Playboy Playmates). The plot is... well... Virtually nonexistent for one thing. It really seems like a group of girls start a sorority, get into to trouble with the dean for being too risque, then feud (for almost no reason) with another sorority. The feud, by the way, consists of pranks and a wet t-shirt contest and culminates in a (spoiler) game of strip football. So you have probably guessed by now that this is not a great movie, but to be honest, it was not meant to be a great movie. For your time and money it promises cheap laughs and lots and lots of boobies and to be fair it does deliver on both. The adult in me really wants to roll my eyes at this one but the teenager found it hilarious.

It really is, however, how over the top bad this movie that made me enjoy it. All of the high jinks the girls get into play out so terribly and so ridiculously that I could not help but laugh at all of it. The girls have a sea lion as their mascot. So rather than have a guy in a sea lion mascot costume, there is a hand full of scenes with an actual sea lion. And that is the kind of shit that made me like this movie. It did not have good acting or a good script or even a real budget (I could imagine that most of it went to the actresses) but what this movie does have is, like it's main characters, heart and charm.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

The Iron Rose (Pleasantly Surprised)

2014-09-22T10:04:00.000-04:00

Score: 6 Out Of 10

Most times when I watch a film by Jean Rollin I am left with two thoughts; 1) What in the actual fuck did I just see? And 2) This was a porno that he just edited into an actual movie, wasn't it? Honestly, this time, the latter did not occur to me and the first thought only occurred once or twice. "The Iron Rose (1973)" was directed by Jean Rollin and stars Francoise Pascal and Hugues Quester. The plot is about a man and a woman who meet up at a cemetery for some after hours love making and then realize that they are trapped inside and there fears are starting to get the best of them. Let me say here that this is actually one of Rollin's better films. It is dark, atmospheric and has a lot of shots that are just really pretty. There were a lot of moments where I caught myself thinking, 'Wow, that is a really beautiful shot.' On top of that, this film is also better acted than most of the other films I have seen from Rollin. Possibly related, this one of the few films I have seen from this guy that is not about vampires and did not begin life as a pornographic film. The film is actually a pretty good example of how to be erotic with out being trashy.

Although, like I mentioned earlier, there were a couple of moments where I just did not know what to make of what I was seeing. The picture to my right is a prime example. Like, is that Rollin's attempt at humor or is that supposed to be some sort of deep statement? Also, the film is not very well paced. There are at least a few moments in the film where I was just kind of waiting for something to happen or fighting the urge to look at my phone. Over all, "Rose" is not a bad movie, it has some flaws and some WTF moments, but trust me, I have seen much, much worse from Jean Rollin.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy

Loaded (A.K.A. Bloody Weekend)

2014-09-08T16:21:00.001-04:00

Score: 1 Out Of 10

Have you ever had to sit in a room with a group of people and one of them constantly acted like they were the smartest person in the world yet every one around them knew they were an idiot? That is exactly how I felt watching this movie. "Loaded (1994)" was directed by Anna Campion and stars Oliver Milburn, Dearbhla Molloy and Danny Cunningham. The plot is about a group of friends who drive out to a remote location to film a horror movie but things take a turn for the worst when they drop acid. This is another one of those "horror within a horror" movies that was so popular in the nineties. The problem here is that the movie itself seems worse than movie within it. If you had sat me down and showed me the film these kids were trying to make I probably would have had a better experience. One aspect of what makes this movie so bad is the story. The characters are completely erratic, even for people taking hallucinogenic drugs. It is difficult to get a sense of who someone is when there character seems to change every couple of scenes.

The next problem is the one I hinted at right at the beginning of this blog. I did not think it was possible for a movie to be pretentious but I stand corrected. Watching it, I almost got the sense that the film itself was looking down its nose at me. What this really means is that the filmmakers attempted to make an art film with out having any sense of artistic film making. This is a problem I have encountered before but this is the absolute worst. Do not, by any means watch this movie. If someone gives you a copy, consider it a personal insult.

Love,

The B-Movie Guy

Twitter: @BMovieguy