Recently, on Facebook, a friend posted a picture of a baby being fed with a hands free system.  Her comments weren’t overly assuming (and I love her so I’m not trying to call her out or anything) but many of the comments that followed were terrible. (The picture on the right is NOT the picture posted but it is an example of a “hands-free” feeding system).

Some of the things said (I’m paraphrasing):

• “why even have kids if you don’t want to touch them?”
• “who needs moms?”
• “that mom is lazy.”
• “she thinks cleaning her house is more important.”

They knew NOTHING about the baby or mother in this picture. N.O.T.H.I.N.G.   A few people pointed out that she probably has twins (there was another empty boppy in the picture) but most didn’t think this was an excuse and some even said that breastfeeding twins is “easy”.

Gah!  You can imagine how that made me feel!

But here’s the thing – I would have said the exact same thing a few years ago. I remember actually seeing the Podee bottles in BRU and thinking “geesh, so lazy!”  Of course now I know those bottles to be life savers¹!

Then the last few weeks have been full of bashing extended breastfeeders (I prefer the term child-led) thanks to the TIME cover featuring Jamie Lynn Grummet nursing her 3 year old. The assumptions here were outrageous!  Some people called her a child molester.  They knew nothing about her or her son or the research on extended breastfeeding but they could make that massive jump from “wow, that’s odd” to “devil woman”!

It is like road rage.  It always struck me as odd that normal people could become monsters behind the wheel of a car.  My theory is that we allow cars to depersonalize us.  That isn’t another person trying to go about their day – that is a DRIVER IN MY WAY.  I DON’T CARE WHERE THEY ARE GOING THEY NEED TO MOVE!

I think our media saturated world does this too.  The anonymity of an image or a blog story allows us to depersonalize the issue and then we forget our humanity.  If you met Jamie Lynn in person and she nursed her son (probably NOT on a chair standing up) would you start screaming pervert in her face?? Most of us probably wouldn’t.  We would have a degree of respect even if we disagreed with her.

I say we challenge ourselves to STOP making assumptions.  STOP labeling people we know nothing about.  STOP treating “virtual” people differently than we would treat a flesh and blood person in our living room.  I guarantee if we can stop these things the positive energy will improve all aspects of our life.  That’s not me being new-agey – I literally think that love and peace are like a river and negative thoughts are like a dam.  It clogs the flow of ALL the energy not just the bad stuff.

Actually, Buddhism has a term for exactly this concept: Mettā (or maitrī in sanskrit).  Mettā, often translated as universal love, is a strong wish for the welfare and happiness of others.  Acharya Buddharakkhita talks about Mettā:

“Through metta one refuses to be offensive and renounces bitterness, resentment and animosity of every kind, developing instead a mind of friendliness, accommodativeness and benevolence which seeks the well-being and happiness of others. True metta is devoid of self-interest. It evokes within a warm-hearted feeling of fellowship, sympathy and love, which grows boundless with practice and overcomes all social, religious, racial, political and economic barriers.”

Imagine that! Overcoming social, religious, racial, political and economic barriers? What a radical change that would make in the world!
Of course, Christianity has the concept as well (John 13:34) but I love the way Buddhism talks of this.  The Karaniya Metta Sutta (Hymn of Universal Love) says it beautifully;

Cultivate an all-embracing mind of love
For all throughout the universe,
In all its height, depth and breadth —
Love that is untroubled
And beyond hatred or enmity.

Four Ways to Live Metta:

1. Stop commenting on other’s appearance

Even if they are “celebrities” on TV.  It is none of your business how much weight Jessica Simpson gained during her pregnancy, how quickly Beyonce lost her baby weight, or if Christina Aguilara “should” have worn a backless dress because of her body.  The excuse that they make it our business by being in the spotlight doesn’t work.  Remember we are doing this for our own well being.  Why did every description of Jamie Lynn mention her as “thin”?  Would it have been different if she was a fat mom?  Do we have a greater right to sexualize her because she’s pretty?  When you feel the urge to critique – compliment instead.  The more you do it the easier it comes.

2.  Stop commenting on other’s parenting choices.

Now, I don’t mean not commenting on the topics.  Speak out about the parenting topics you believe in but do it with a heart of sharing and support.  STOP making assumptions about the actual people behind the choices.  You can’t look at a ferber-mother and assume she has no patience for her kids.  Or a formula feeding mother and assume she doesn’t care about her child’s nutrition.  Or a non-vaxing parent and assume they don’t care about the health of the community. You can’t look at a baby using a hands-free feeder and assume mom is too self-absorbed to care.  Maybe she’s taking the picture to blog about how this thing saved her sanity?  If you don’t know all the facts then don’t speak.  Even if you do know all the facts – speak kindly with compassion.  Talk softly and carry a bug hug².

3.  Assign the best of intentions to everyone.

In gentle discipline we remind people to not assume their toddler is trying to annoy them or disrespect them when they throw a toy – but to assume they had a legitimate need.  Same here.  I always try to imagine that everyone is the best person they could be in that moment.  On the highway when someone cuts me off or gives me a rude gesture I try to think about what in their life is currently making them so angry.  Perhaps they are in a hurry on the way to the hospital to visit a sick loved one.  It would be an assumption to say they are just rude drivers when I don’t know the facts.  Basically, if you have to assume – assume the best.

4.  Stop and ask “what would I do if this person were in my living room?”

Most of us are very kind in our real lives but become “road raged” in an online environment or when we think we are removed by the cult of celebrity.  If you want to treat all people with kindness (and reap the benefits) then make it a way of life regardless of distance.  (right before publishing this I was sad to hear how this type of vitriolic attack has affected Mayim Bialik - she reminds us she is a real person.)

These four things were actually my New Year’s Resolutions back in 2002 and I can’t say enough about how they’ve changed my life.  I’m not perfect and I can snark with the rest of them (I have a hard time saying nice things about octomom or sean hannity, for example).  It is certainly a journey I choose to take every day.  I see people now wherever I go.  I never see a “driver”, “slow bank teller”, “rude nurse”.  I see people.  Good and bad – each living their own lives and trying to be the best they can be.

Acharya Buddharakkhita goes on to say that “metta is a “solvent” that “melts” not only one’s own psychic pollutants of anger, resentment and offensiveness, but also those of others.”  I have felt this work for me.  When someone is rude I don’t have to take on that anger and often my reaction is a balm to the other person.  Better yet, my kids see a mom who is (mostly) happy and accepting of all kinds of people.  My kids don’t see me call the guy in the car next to me a bad name.  I model metta and teach them to assume the best of intentions in people.

So, who’s with me? Let’s start a kinder world revolution by striving for Metta – An Assumption Free, Kinder World.

Take the Metta Kinder World Challenge!

If you want to challenge yourself to live a more metta life add your name here and you can add the optional badge to your blog or website! (If you don’t have a website you can put www.babydustdiaries.com in the url field since it requires a web address.)  Grab the code to add the badge:
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Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning – Your Stories

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

One of my most popular posts of all time was Breastfeeding Through Infertility Treatments IVF and FET which was really my own research and decision making process regarding the topic.

It is really a very difficult decision and most of the “experts” in the field are simply ill equiped to help you make this decision.

Lactivists and other breastfeeding advocates will simply tell you how important breastfeeding is. The answers I go when I asked on natural parenting forums was wait, wait, wait. Nothing is worth early weaning.

Reproductive endocrinologists and other infertility patients tend to have the opposite opinion. They say having another baby is way more important and you should wean, wean, wean. Nothing is worth jeopardizing your cycle.

Neither of these viewpoints work for a mother who is undergoing infertility treatments AND is an avid child-led breastfeeding advocate. Honestly, in my opinion you can simply NOT get a good opinion from any of the above. Only a fellow infertile would understand the needs of a cycle and only a devout breastfeeder would place the same level of importance on your breastfeeding relationship.

Please read the research on my original post so you understand the possible risks to you, your breastfeeding child, and your cycle. With that knowledge (and a good dose of thinking, talking with your partner, and prayer if you choose) take the following quiz to help you identify your feelings on key issues.

Should I Wean for Fertility Treatments?

Choose the best answer for each;

1. My menstrual cycle
1. has returned and been regular for at least three months with signs of ovulation (using Natural Family Planning methods)
2. has not returned since giving birth
3. has returned but has been sporadic or I don’t have signs of ovulation
2. My nursling
1. is over 12 months old
2. is under 12 months old
3. My nursling
1. nurses less than 3 times a day
2. nurses 6 times a day or more
3. nurses 4-5 times per day
4. My infertility diagnosis is
1. completely male factor or female factor due to Fallopian tube blockage
2. unknown or female factor with ovulation, luteal phase defect, or other hormonal issues
5. I am preparing for a
1. frozen cycle where I will only be using estrogen and progesterone
2. fresh IVF cycle where I will use drugs to superovulate
6. I can lie to my RE if asked if I am breastfeeding
1. yes
2. no
7. If I did not wean and my cycle were to fail
1. I would feel grateful that I still had my breastfeeding relationship with my child
2. I would feel that I should have weaned my baby to give my cycle the best chance
8. If I weaned my child and my cycle failed
1. I would feel I had taken something away from my child
2. I would feel I had done everything I could to make the cycle successful

If you answered mostly A:

You might be a good candidate to continue nursing through fertility treatments. The success of your cycle is less likely to be determined by any increased prolactin.

If you answered mostly B:

The success of your fertility treatment could be jeopordized by the increased prolactin due to nursing. And/Or your child is still highly dependent upon nursing (due to being under 12 months or nursing frequently) and weaning could be difficult or traumatic for your child. You may want to delay your treatment until your fertility returns or your child is more ready for weaning. If you do decide to nurse through treatment at this juncture be sure than you are comfortable that you have done everything you needed to give your cycle its best chance.

(the “c’s” are in the gray zone so count up your a’s and b’s and see where you stand.)

If you do decide to wean here are some tips on doing so gently use these tips to help make it a gentle transition for you and your nursling.

This is not meant as medical advice and should not be used as such. This tool is simply a way to look at some of the issues involved. Please do your research.

(This list will be live amind updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

• On Breastfeeding, Weaning, and One Mother’s Identity — Jessica at Natural Parents Network has been nursing one or more of her children since 1993 – breastfeeding is wrapped up in her concept of mothering and herself. She shares her thoughts on weaning.
• two tales of weaning — Aspen at Aspen Mama writes about their countdown to wean.
• Wean Me Gently — Tam at Please Send Parenting Books shares a beautiful weaning ceremony.
• You say potato, I say bleeeuuuuch… — Anelie at Mindcradle had read the books and knew just how to introduce her baby son to solids—unfortunately, he had other ideas.
• A Post Called Weaning — (Not) Maud at Awfully Chipper writes about how weaning her son took longer than she expected.
• On Weaning, Pregnancy and Emotion — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about her mixed emotions as she allows her son, Little Man, to guide her through his weaning process.
• half of her life — Staci at Springpatch Jam looks back on her nursing relationship with her first born.
• Is it just this After Forty Mom or is it harder to wean when its your last? — Amanda of After Forty Mom shares her emotional journey towards the impending self-weaning of her toddler daughter.
• Nursing Limits — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how she has weaned her toddler down to minimal nursing and her guilt about the decision to do so.
• Weaning Video Series #1: Preparation for the Weaning Process — Why is weaning such a taboo topic? Dionna at Code Name: Mama got mamas from across the blogosphere to start talking about weaning – on video. Come check out the first video in a series of five that she’ll be posting this week.
• On the weaning of the boy in the middle — Kelly at Witness To Hope shares the lessons of a little one self-weaning at 18 months in the middle of an unexpected pregnancy, after nursing his older sister for three years.
• Weaning due to anxiety — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how she had to wean to preserve her mental health.
• When Will I Wean? A Guest Post — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama hosts a guest post from a mama who contemplates when her breastfeeding relationship will end.
• On His Own Terms — Momeeezen shares her heartbreak from when her son weaned much earlier than she anticipated.
• Our Weaning Story – Sudden, Surprised, and Embracing a New Season — Weaning doesn’t always go how we imagine. That Mama Gretchen shares the story of her daughter’s sudden weaning and how she has embraced this new season of motherhood.
• A Tale of Two Weanings — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the similarities and differences of how her nursing relationships with her now six-year-old and four-year-old daughters came to a close.
• She Doesn’t Remember — Alicia at Lactation Narration finds that her 6 year old no longer remembers nursing, only one year after weaning.
• It’s The End of the World As We Know It — A story about the end of a tandem nursing relationship on Never Mind The Rain: A toddler moves on to a new phase in her life before mom is fully ready.
• A Natural End To Our Breastfeeding Relationship — With two self-weaning children, Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots does not know when the end will come, but that it will be natural and without regrets.
• Child-Led weaning: It’s Not Extreme; It’s Biological — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children explains why child-led weaning is based on biology rather than social constraints.
• 6 Years of Natural Weaning in 5 Steps — Jess at miniMum shares how and why she let her first child stop when he was good and ready.

• Is This Weaning?: A Tandem Nursing Update — Sheila at A Living Family bares all her tandem nursing hopes and fears during what feels like the beginning of the end for her toddler nursing relationship.
• Memories of Weaning: Unique and Gentle — Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares her weaning experiences with her two sons, each one unique in how it happened and yet equally gentle in its approach.
• Weaning Aversion’ — Gentle Mama Moon shares her experience of nursing and unplanned weaning due to pregnancy-induced ‘feeding aversion’.
• Three Months Post-Mup: An Evolution of Thoughts On Weaning — cd at FidgetFace describes a brief look at her planned (but accelerated) weaning, as well as one mamma’s evolution on weaning (and extended nursing)
• Weaning my Tandem Nursed Toddler — After tandem nursing for a year, Melissa at Permission to Live felt like weaning her older child would be impossible, but now she shares how gentle weaning worked for her 2 1/2 year old.
• Every Journey Begins with One Step — As Hannabert begins the weaning process, Hannah at Hannah and Horn‘s super power is diminishing.
• Reflections on Weaning – Love Changes Form — Amy from Presence Parenting (guest posting at Dulce de Leche) shares her experience and approach of embracing weaning as a continual process in parenting, not just breastfeeding.
• Weaning Gently: Three Special Ideas for Success — MudpieMama shares three ideas that help make weaning a gentle and special journey.
• Guest Post: Carnival of Weaning — Emily shares her first weaning experience and her hopes for her second nursling in a guest post on Farmer’s Daughter.
• 12 Tips for Gentle Weaning — Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting describes the process of gentle weaning and gives specific tips to make weaning an organic, joyful ripening.
• Quiz: Should You Wean for Fertility Treatments? — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries talks about the key issues in the difficult decision to wean for infertility treatments.
• I thought about weaning… — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her story of how she thought about weaning several times, yet it still happened on its own timeline.
• Celebrating Weaning — Amy at Anktangle reflects on her thoughts and feelings about weaning, and she shares a quick tutorial for one of the ways she celebrated this transition with her son: through a story book with photographs!
• Naturally Weaning Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses the gradual path to weaning she has taken with her preschool-aged twins.
• Gentle Weaning Means Knowing When to Stop — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes about knowing when your child is not ready to wean and taking their feelings into account in the process.
• Weaning, UnWeaning, and ReWeaning — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy discovers non-mutal weaning doesn’t have to be the end. You can have a do-over.
• Prelude to weaning — Lauren at Hobo Mama talks about a tough tandem nursing period and what path she would like to encourage her older nursling to take.
• Demands of a Nursing Kind — Amy Willa at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares her conflicted feelings about nursing limits and explores different ways to achieve comfort, peace, and bodily integrity as a nursing mother.
• Breastfeeding: If there’s one thing I know for sure… — Wendy at ABCs and Garden Peas explores the question: How do you know when it’s time to wean?
• Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Two, Three? — Zoie at TouchstoneZ discusses going from 3 nurslings down to 1 and what might happen when her twins arrive.

click to enlarge

The scale moves from highly structured on the left to completely unstructured on the right.  Most homeschoolers (and even unschoolers) fall somewhere in between or even hop around depending on their family’s needs.  You can also adhere to the tenants of a method but do it in a much less structured manner.  For example, Charlotte Mason focuses on learning through literature but you could purchase a Mason Curriculum with workbooks or you could use the information to incorporate literature into your Montessori or Enki methods.

I’m sure my exact placement of some of these would be up for debate and that’s fair.  My point was to show that there is a continuum – you could set up a blackboard and desk in your den and follow a prescribed curriculum for 4 hours every day including tests or you could let your kids learn what they want when they want – OR, you could do something in between.

For my philosophy I fall on the far right of the spectrum.  These are the Key Features that form my philosophy:

Child-Led

This follows easily from my parenting philosophy which includes child-led weaning, gentle discipline and generally allowing kids to blossom on their own timeline without pressure.

Delayed Academics

I’ve written before about the downfalls of early academics.   In the Cambridge Report they noted,

When the children moved into Year 1 [kindergarten equivalent in the US] we found some were regressing educationally and in their social and emotional development. They worried about their learning and this stopped them being effective learners any more. The transition from the foundation stage was such a drastic change. They were used to initiating their own learning and suddenly we were restricting them with literacy and numeracy hours, prescribing what and when they should learn.

One of the downfalls of teaching something too early is that it will be hard.  This leads the child to believe that learning therefore must be hard.  The effortless with which your child learned to talk and walk and all about the world around them fades away because now learning is “work” that has to be assigned by someone else.

In the coming months I’ll be sharing specific research about the power of delayed reading and delayed mathematics.

Interest Based

There are only two things a human being will ever learn: things that are required and things that are interesting to them.  That’s it.  You can’t make someone learn something they don’t need (or don’t perceive they need) or something they find boring.  It just isn’t going to happen.  The human brain is wired to remember only important things – things we learn from experience, observation, and interest.

For example, I would say that knowing how to type is required for my lifestyle.  It wasn’t fun to learn or interesting at all but I needed it to function in my environment.  If I had been born a Masai this would be useless to me and you couldn’t have made me learn and retain it if you tried till the end of days.  There is no need.  This is required knowledge.

On the other hand.  I find typography interesting.  I like knowing the difference between a double story g and a single story g and why the double story was preferred in Roman type.  If you don’t find typography interesting you probably want to stab me right now.  If I were your teacher I’m sure you could memorize it until I tested you but you would never, ever really learn and retain it.  This is interest-driven knowledge.

This leads us to the fourth reason my philosophy of education falls to the holistic;

No Universal Knowledge Inventory

The final feature of the unstructured end of the continuum is a belief that there is no universal inventory of knowledge that all people must have.  Think of all the time public schools spend teaching detailed grammar and linguistics.  Remember the schwa? That upside down e that meant a letter was a mid-central vowel used as a reduced vowel in many unstressed syllables when syllabic consonants are not used?  Yeah, me neither.  I had to look it up on Wikipedia.  But I remember 6 straight years of spelling tests that had the damn thing.

Why the hell does anyone but a linguist or phoneticist need to know this?  They don’t.  Most people need to learn to speak in a manner that helps them achieve their desired place in their desired environment.  This might mean something different for someone who wants to be a doctor than someone that wants to be a mechanic.  It might be different depending on what group you want to be a part of.  Saying a word incorrectly might be fine in one setting and make you lose a job in another.  Honestly, the skill of knowing the difference in acceptance of your speech to different people based on their non-verbal communication is probably a much more required knowledge than what a schwa is.

Every time you say or write the word “pencil” do you have to mentally remind yourself that the “i” is a schwa?  Goodness I hope not.

My point is that public education is really designed to be able to compare a student to something.  To other same-age learners.  To a standardized test.  To something.  The curriculum is the same for everyone so that we can compare and rank kids.  ”Is he on grade level?”  ”What grade does he read at?”

What grade does he read at?  What does that even mean!?!  Who cares!  He reads.  He enjoys reading.  He reads well enough to accomplish any task he wants.  Or he doesn’t yet.  What is the purpose of comparing him to other children?

The public school system has their reasoning (funding, statistics, etc.) but often homeschoolers, who are freed from the tyranny of this system, still choose to define their childrens’ “progress” in this way.  Often this is because homeschooled kids are judged by other parents based on how they compare to schooled kids.  I can certainly understand this pressure.  I know that my friends with kids in daycare know things Aellyn doesn’t know.  It takes a lot of trust to NOT compare an individual child to the masses.

Trust is the first tool in the unschooler toolbox.  That’s what my next series of posts will be on. I’ll explain how unschooling is not lazy parenting (it takes a very involved parent), how kids will ever learn ___ (math, chemistry, etc.) without a curriculum, and the ever present “what about college?” question.  Stay tuned for the How to Unschool series!

I am always looking for easy ways to get my family to eat more healthy foods. My kids eat veggies and fruit but who doesn’t love a cookie? I wanted a Yes Cookie. Something the kids could eat for breakfast or anytime and I’d still feel good about what they ate.

This recipe is inspired by a recipe in Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious. She uses chemical sugars and “food-like” stuff like margarine but it gave me a starting point for amounts.

Yes Cookies

1 cup organic coconut sugar
3/4 cup organic butter
1 organic egg
2 teaspoons organic vanilla extract
2 cups organic chickpeas, soaked, drained and rinsed
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups organic flour
1/2 cup organic old fashioned oats
1/4 cup ground flax
1 teaspoon aluminum-free baking soda

Take prepared chickpeas and purée in a food processor until you get a smooth paste.

Cream together butter and sugar. Add chickpea mash, vanilla and egg and combine.

In a separate bowl, combine dry ingredients except chocolate and flax.

Mix dry into wet ingredients slowly until well incorporated and smooth.

Add flax and chocolate chips and stir until just combined.

Drop by tablespoon full onto baking sheet (I prefer a baking stone). Use a spoon to flatten the cookie a little. These spread very little so you can put them close together.

Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes. On a stone that was not pre-heated my first batch took about 22 minutes and subsequent batches took closer to 18 on a hot stone. Different baking sheets and ovens will vary but look for the edges to get golden brown.

Delicious warm! The cookies are not cakey like I feel other healthy cookies can be. They have a smooth, chewy center.

I hope you like them!

Mix the following in a spray bottle and shake before each application.

Natural Bug Spray

1/8 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar

1/8 Cup Witch Hazel

1/8 cup Water

20 drops Eucalyptus Essential Oil
20 drops Tea Tree Essential Oil
20 drops Citronella Essential Oil

Aellyn: Mommy I have a tiny penis!
Me: You do?
Aellyn: yeah, look! (shows me her clitoris)
Me: I see. That’s called a clitoris.
Aellyn: Yeah!! My clitoris penis!

Later;
Aellyn: My boobs are going to get big!
Me: that’s right they will when you’re older. They’ll get big like mommy’s.
Aellyn: yeah! (grabs my boob) they’re big!
Me: do you know why girls get big boobies? To feed babies.
Aellyn: Yeah, like the boys drink mommy’s boobie milk.
Me: yep. That’s what boobies are for.

Sigh. Parenting is fun.

Highlights by year:

In 2006 I turned 31:

 At midnight tonight I turn 31 years old.  I have never hated my birthday before.  I’m not the type to get upset at getting old.  I wouldn’t be 21 again if you paid me (unless, of course, you paid me enough for IVF! ).  However, this birthday just makes me want to cry.  I don’t want a birthday or a birthday cake or any festivities.  I want a BABY!

In 2007 I hit rock bottom.  I have hidden the few posts I wrote because it wasn’t me.  You can read a synopsis here.  I think that rock bottom was a necessary part of my infertility journey.  By 2008 my husband and I had survived the hardest times in our lives and our marriage and decided that we weren’t going to let infertility take away each other.  I had overcome the darkness,

I feel so blessed now by my rock-bottom landing and bounce back.  Not only has it given me back my long-lost and much needed faith in God but it has had many other blessings.

One is a wonderfully renewed marriage.  More about that later.

I am amazed to find I feel no jealousy toward mothers or pregnant women!  I am free from that oppressive, dark emotion.  I feel overjoyed for them – they are being given (or have been giving) a wonderful gift!  I have several pregnant friends and I truly feel joy for them – not forced joy.

I wonder if I’m ready to be around or hold a small child?  That one still scares me very much.  Just thinking about holding an infant makes me feel this deep, dark, hole of pain in my chest.

But my hole of pain was about to be filled!  In February of 2008 and I sent off my application for the IVF grant Partnership for Families in my essay The Big Beg (still my favorite post of all time), found a support group in Still Waters.  Of course the darkness still tried to invade in my dreams.

And then in May 2008 (my most prolific blog month ever with 32 posts in 31 days!) I started my one and only chance at IVF.  I got my first picture of my beautiful embryos!  One of these is Aellyn!!!

Of course I didn’t know that until June 1 when I had my first positive HPT

The most beautiful picture in the world!

(those damn things *do* turn pink!)

The rest of 2008 was one of the best times of my life.  Being pregnant when you thought it was something that only happened to other people is like wining the lottery.  Every day I talked to Aellyn and we danced together in the shower.  I loved her so much long before she was born.

In 2009 I finally became a mother.  It was so worth the years of waiting and all the tests and all the shots.  My baby girl was so precious and perfect.  I kept waiting to hate the first few months as many of my friends had but with Aellyn nursing like a pro and sleeping cuddled right next to me my “babymoon” was bliss not stress (not that I didn’t have my moments).  Is was in early motherhood that I found I had a passion for parenting issues like gentle discipline, breastfeeding advocacy,  and vaccine choice.

Not  one to rest on my laurels I did my frozen embryo transfer in July of 2010 while also continuing to talk about breastfeeding rights.  This time I found out I was blessed with TWINS!!  It was not an easy pregnancy but in February 2011 my beautiful baby boys, Asher and Boston, were born at 32 weeks.

Later in 2011 I made the very difficult decision to quit my job after months of discrimination and harassment at work.  It was a horrible circumstance that ended in the best blessing of being a SAHM.  My life is so full now with this,

2012 is going to be a beautiful year.  Follow me while I explore un/homeschooling, gentle discipline, fat acceptance, and healthful natural eating and living like my Oil Cleansing Method, Lavender Rosemary Shampoo Recipe, Make Your Own Toothpaste, Make Your Own “Vicks” Chest Rub, and healthy, REAL food recipes like Sweet & Salty Cherry Almond Bars (Chewy too!), Make Your Own Mayo and Never Look Back!, or Cinnamon Flax Banana Bread.

Thank you for being an important part of my life.  If you are reading this please know you are a part of my village and I couldn’t do it without you.  Thank you and here’s to 6 more years!

(I think I just wrote myself a new “about me” what do ya think?)

Today is national Spank Out Day a day to give widespread attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior.

In honor, I’d like to share a story by Astrid Lindgren author of the Pipi Longstockings books.  She received the German Trade Book Peace Prize in 1978 and in her acceptance speech she shared;

“When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery–one can raise children into violence.”

The idea that some violence is ok and other types is not makes no sense to a child and if we look really deep in our hearts we know that it makes no logical sense to us either.  Gentle Discipline isn’t always easy, because it is so against the norm in our culture, but it works better.  I works better for a peaceful world, a healthy child, and a healthy parent/child relationship.  Give peace a chance starting with your kids.  You are all they’ll learn about violence – let it be that it is never ok.

Then I came across this great recipe from Betsy at The Green Phone Booth called Chewy (Not Crumbly) Granola Bars.  This got me on the right track but I still felt they were a bit sweet and soft.  After much tweaking (and credit to Betsy) I finally made the MOST DELICIOUS bar ever.  It is quite literally, IMHO, better than anything I’ve bought from a store.

Sweet & Salty Cherry Almond Bars

Ingredients:

4 cups organic rolled oats – (I love Bob’s Red Mill Organic Thick Cut because they really stay whole.)
2 cups raw slivered almonds
2/3 cup organic unsweetened coconut flakes
1/2 cup organic cold-pressed oil – (I used Sunflower Oil buy you could choose your favorite mild-flavored oil.  I’d avoid coconut oil in this step because you want to really coat the oats.)
2 cups dried cherries – (look for unsweetened and, although cherries are rarely dried with sulfur dioxide (more often used in apricots, apples, golden raisins, and peaches), check to make sure they are sun or wind dried as sulfur dioxide is linked to asthma and can be allergenic.)
1/2 cup organic cold-pressed oil – (I once again used Sunflower oil but this is a place you could also use Coconut oil for the health benefits.)

raw, unfiltered honey is thick and opaque

1 cup raw unfiltered honey - (I think this is what made mine less soft and melty and less sweet.  Unfiltered honey is opaque and the consistency of peanut butter and much less sweet because it still has wax and pollen in it)
2/3 cup almond butter – (make your own in a food processor and save money!)
2 Tbls Organic Vanilla
Kosher salt or flake sea salt

Instructions:

Prepare 9×13 cake pan with butter.  Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Combine oats, coconut, and almonds in large bowl with 1/2 cup of oil to coat.  Spread on a sheet pan and bake at 325 degrees for 20-25 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes. After toasting return to large bowl.

Combine second 1/2 cup of oil, honey, and almond butter in a sauce pan and heat slowly until just boiling whisking frequently (I heat oil and honey and then add the almond butter to make whisking easier).  Prior to boiling but after the honey and almond butter liquefy add vanilla.

Pour melted mixture over oats mixture and fold to coat evenly (also, put water in that sauce pan ASAP or it will be a sticky mess to clean!).  Immediately transfer to cake pan and use spatula to press into corners.  Use another pan or other flat object to press granola into pan.  You don’t want it to be loosely packed and then fall apart.  To do this place parchment or wax paper over granola and use smaller pan to press evenly.  This worked really well for me with a loaf pan as in the pic below:

use wax paper and a smaller pan to press granola

Sprinkle kosher salt on top sparingly – think a few grains per bite – if you think adding salt is weird remember that salt enhances sweet flavor and it makes an irresistible combo on the tongue.

Place the pan in the refrigerator to set for about 2 hours then set at room temperature before cutting.

Cut into squares or rectangles.  Individually wrap in wax paper for easy pick up and go!

I hope you love this as much as I did!  I roughly figure this is about $.34 per bar saving almost a dollar!

Are you imagining the possibilities?  I’m thinking dried cranberries and dark chocolate; peanut butter; dried apricots and pecans; chocolate and candied orange peel.  Drool!

Please let me know if you try these out!