tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42161786236860842772024-03-05T12:04:50.596+00:00The Bad AmbassadorThe un-Joycean, incoherent ramblings of... well, an un-Jocyean, incoherent man.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.comBlogger246125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-56278193881092465402010-01-18T10:54:00.002+00:002010-01-18T11:12:44.408+00:00Livin' In the Future.In March '08 I wrote about an accident involving a <a href="http://thebadambassador.blogspot.com/2008/03/woh-oh-oh-youre-in-army-now.html">traffic accident involving 3 military trucks and 2 cars</a>.<br /><br />Given our compensation culture and reactionary politicians I predicted that "<span style="font-style: italic;">our military trucks will subsequently be retro-fitted with seat belts, booster seats and Donald Duck window blinds</span>".<br /><br />So, I was delighted to <a href="http://www.independent.ie/national-news/trucks-get-new-system-to-help-protect-troops-2017488.html">read in the Indo</a> that:<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Troop-carrying trucks in the <a title="The Irish Defence Forces" href="http://www.independent.ie/topics/The+Irish+Defence+Forces"></a>Irish Defence Forces are to be fitted with a system to protect soldiers in crashes after 40 were injured in two separate accidents on Irish roads. </blockquote><br />Presumably the Donald Duck window blinds are on order - or maybe they are waiting for Dora the Explorer ones.<br /><br />Alternatively, as a money saving alternative to window blinds they could simply park each truck in any of the capital's business parks for 20 minutes. That should be sufficient time for some jobsworth to stick a stubbornly adhesive "DON'T PARK HERE" sticker to the window.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-60587338491711449122009-04-17T16:28:00.003+01:002009-04-17T16:59:04.290+01:00Wanna be in my gang?At some point in the aftermath of <a href="http://bocktherobber.com/2009/04/roy-collins-murder">Roy Collins' murder</a>, our fearless crime fighting, underpants-outside-his-trousers-wearing Minister for Justice, Dermot Ahern obviously thought "Shit - better be seen to act on this". And act he did - he acted like a man with a firm grasp on his brief (not the ones outside his trousers) and brought in a new law.<br /><br />The new, improved (and possibly lemon fresh) Criminal Justice (Surveillance) Bill 2009, will make it illegal to be a member of a criminal gang.<br /><br />To be honest, I would have thought that was fairly self explanatory - what with a criminal being an individual who partakes in illegal acts. But leaving that aside, I want to know how exactly will the gardaí know if somebody is a member of a criminal gang?<br /><br />One can only assume the McCarthy/Dundon gang are in the habbit of issuing laminated, credit-card sized membership cards for the aspiring gangster's wallet.<br /><br />Or else the yearly membership fee paid by a standing order made out to the <span style="font-style: italic;">McCarthy/Dundon Crime Syndicate</span> will be a dead giveaway.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-10885130216506552632009-04-02T13:09:00.005+01:002009-04-02T15:49:41.894+01:00Buckets of Rain..Dear Amina,<br /><br />It was lovely to hear from you again - and many thanks for your kind letter and the enclosed photograph.<br /><br />Amina, we have been writing to each other on and off for over a year now. During that time you described the poverty and daily hardships facing you - and other African children. You also explained how <a href="http://www.worldvision.ie/">World Vision Ireland</a> were using the money donated by many Irish families to help your community move towards self sufficiency, and to break free from the chains of poverty in doing so.<br /><br />I feel that I have shown great compassion when confronted with your plight. I have shown empathy and sympathy in equal measure. I have prayed for you, crossed my fingers for you and above all sent some of my pocket money to you.<br /><br />I even went so far as to devise plans for shipping Irish rain water to your village when you described how a lack of clean water - causing sickness and making crop farming an impossibility - was a major problem.<br /><br />Well Amina, quite frankly after receiving your picture in the post this morning I am beginning to doubt the veracity of your story. In fact, I suspect you are involved in the organisation and execution of a highly complex <a href="http://www.419eater.com/">419</a> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance-fee_fraud">scam</a>. What finally gave the game away? Well, I'll tell you - your teeth!"<br /><br />You say you live in a poor village in the 3rd world, that you have no money and very little food. If you are as poor and hungry as you have led me to believe I can't imagine a toothbrush and good fluoride toothpaste wouldn't be very high on your family's weekly shopping list. Even if you could afford such luxuries, surely the dirty water you've been telling me about would counter act the work of the good people in Colgate.<br /><br />Amina I live with my middle class parents in a relatively prosperous, first world country. We use Colgate whitening toothpaste, oral-b electric toothbrushes and Listerine (the green one - we tried the brown one, but Jesus it blows the head off you). Fluoride (which is essential for healthy teeth) is added to our drinking water before it reaches us - yet my teeth aren't nearly as white as yours.<br /><br />You have the type of gleaming white smile that would convince small woodland creatures it was time to come out of hibernation. Were Tom Cruise to see them I have no doubt he would feel his gnashers were comparable to those of Shane McGowan.<br /><br />Amina, this leads me to only one possible conclusion - not only are you not as impoverished as you have suggested, not only are you able to afford toothbrushes and tooth paste but you also have enough money at your disposal to afford a program of laser teeth whitening.<br /><br />This will be the last letter you will ever receive from me - please don't reply to it.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br />Molly<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGYCcQQi4QT5RdZUfZXqCEkvW9UrTBlQ1fTqTG978ufd-vzj4W9WtCjyR-x5yf9qd6X06BhXD4RK7KKnQA3QozFuXzr3lWa_wqEjVVmmYlfKcnXz7CQzs22wSVDVDefRqwgg636-6LDTS/s1600-h/banner_horiz_home_02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 130px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiGYCcQQi4QT5RdZUfZXqCEkvW9UrTBlQ1fTqTG978ufd-vzj4W9WtCjyR-x5yf9qd6X06BhXD4RK7KKnQA3QozFuXzr3lWa_wqEjVVmmYlfKcnXz7CQzs22wSVDVDefRqwgg636-6LDTS/s400/banner_horiz_home_02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320072982308482738" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-39223809119310570362009-03-20T16:00:00.002+00:002009-03-20T16:05:20.848+00:00I can't change....When you look up from your monitor to see your colleagues' aghast at your frantic head nodding antics, "Listening to Freebird - the 9 minute version" is a perfectly acceptable excuse.<br /><br />Isn't it?The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-16710948704893163762009-02-25T09:48:00.002+00:002009-02-25T09:55:07.686+00:00Misleading Headline of the Day #2From today's Irish Times...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2009/0225/1224241774255.html">Guidelines on child sexual abuse</a><br /><br />Because sometimes, under certain conditions, and if you keep within the rules, its perfectly acceptable.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-11448171480627301302009-02-20T11:21:00.007+00:002009-02-20T11:37:58.563+00:00The Friday Album Cover #33They want you to be Jesus<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><sup>*</sup></span>,<br />They'll go down on one knee,<br />But they'll want their money back, If you're alive at 33.<br /><br /><br />Bit of a toughie this week I feel.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbNJkypYOrdEc2vfHA-BY8sihWKLgakhf_E-CNAVQ0Mtk_pZ74nyNsZcu1wQjoSnzyoamEX4pQ_cqyHKXan10QFwHA0Il5MUFtXHIUgKZq8iFupYfhrfQa2oeVGaMGu-nRXujzjh3gaTqE/s1600-h/33.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 308px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbNJkypYOrdEc2vfHA-BY8sihWKLgakhf_E-CNAVQ0Mtk_pZ74nyNsZcu1wQjoSnzyoamEX4pQ_cqyHKXan10QFwHA0Il5MUFtXHIUgKZq8iFupYfhrfQa2oeVGaMGu-nRXujzjh3gaTqE/s320/33.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5304842072930316914" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><sup>*</sup></span><span style="font-size:85%;"> No John Lennon style "bigger than Jesus" proclamations here.... and, while I'm at it, there will be no "turning tricks" with or without<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><sup>**</sup></span> religous paraphernalia.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:78%;" ><sup>** </sup></span><span style="font-size:78%;">Pun completely unintentional... promise.</span><br /></span>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-50320622001526348262009-02-19T09:08:00.004+00:002009-02-19T10:50:55.787+00:00Millicent wore a surrealist comb(made of bits of mosaic from St. Peter's in Rome)<br /><br />Watching coverage of the protests outside Leinster House on yesterday evening's Six One news, I spied a placard towards the rear of the crowd saying<br /><br /><blockquote>No to biscuits</blockquote><br />"Good to see the surrealists protesting" I thought.<br /><br />During the 9 o'clock news I realised my mistake.<br /><br /><blockquote>No to bus cuts</blockquote>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-24384212316079841742009-02-13T11:52:00.004+00:002009-02-13T11:56:35.715+00:00The Friday Album Cover #32Dear Friday Album Cover <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Aficionados</span>,<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzS72Y0Vl5b4-FbNZx_tM2PLKZ7cBPBIuECTThHExE51Ym5d5vsaC1uGtk0lx9WsBTEDY8rPCw-QIIUeBQFnlQ_EaDGBzesZFojppNa4sbvP-6BPutBZxuwWIg2O1rm2uRpcpmhAnIbbC4/s1600-h/32.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzS72Y0Vl5b4-FbNZx_tM2PLKZ7cBPBIuECTThHExE51Ym5d5vsaC1uGtk0lx9WsBTEDY8rPCw-QIIUeBQFnlQ_EaDGBzesZFojppNa4sbvP-6BPutBZxuwWIg2O1rm2uRpcpmhAnIbbC4/s320/32.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5302248796391523618" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Love,<br /><br />A quickly running out of ideas AmbassadorThe Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-4202973726274835442009-02-11T14:42:00.005+00:002009-02-11T14:50:34.426+00:00When you're down and troubled....For Caro (<a href="http://lavespista.blogspot.com/2009/02/please-dont-take-my-picture.html">I feel your pain</a>) ...... and nerds everywhere.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaf-IEJsUsQSVGAeHQEnXjlB-pSEYPCZHLmi9MFnJIsi9cCEa1DDAb5yNs5hMdKgk5Nl-hxLzRqfKQA6nK-girIkOp8rrk8Cipxr0xLv-sqlalWsbxvTF13I2nji0t7q5gRtXaskWvs0w8/s1600-h/bobbytables.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 394px; height: 121px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaf-IEJsUsQSVGAeHQEnXjlB-pSEYPCZHLmi9MFnJIsi9cCEa1DDAb5yNs5hMdKgk5Nl-hxLzRqfKQA6nK-girIkOp8rrk8Cipxr0xLv-sqlalWsbxvTF13I2nji0t7q5gRtXaskWvs0w8/s400/bobbytables.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301550639607634610" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I must confess to splitting my sides laughing for a good 5 minutes when T-man sent this on.<br /><br />While I'm at it.... I've just head that Dublin County Council aren't happy with the duration of last year's Paddy's Day Parade. Apparently in an effort to speed things up, they are planning to change all the floats to ints.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-29741511743468947632009-02-09T10:20:00.003+00:002009-02-09T10:49:10.415+00:00I believe the children are our future!Cathal Ó Searcaigh, poet and scourge of Leaving Cert students (through his poetry!), was due to appear on The Late Late last Friday. At the eleventh hour, Ó Searcaigh pulled out (don't!) after RTÉ indicated their intention, based on legal advice received, to pre-record the interview.<br /><br />On Friday evening, unaware of Ó Searcaigh's withdrawl, I chanced<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>upon<span style="font-style: italic;"> The Late Late Show</span> while flicking through the channels<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><sup>*</sup></span> and caught Pat the Plank "interviewing" the judges of RTÉ's money spinning, soul destroying '<span style="font-style: italic;">All Ireland Talent Show</span>'.<br /><br />Given the diverse range of talents on display at the auditions, Pat the Plank was curious as to how the judges had gone about selecting the finalists.<br /><br />"How" Pat wondered, "do you separate a 5-year-old-fiddler from a young dancer?"<br /><br />Unfortunately the man best placed to answer that particular poser was home on his couch in Donegal.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><sup>*</sup></span><span style="font-size:85%;"> I </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >was</span><span style="font-size:85%;"> just flicking. Honest! It was just while I was getting reading to go out for a night of drunken revellry and substance abuse with the hip kids.</span>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-27183091756151557402009-02-06T09:17:00.003+00:002009-02-06T09:33:22.016+00:00The Friday Album Cover #31T minus 125 days. Eek!<br /><br />I haven't seen my bike in a week thanks to the snow (I may be stupid and foolhardy - but not to the extent that I would take it skiing). I miss it terribly.<br /><br />On the plus side, the complete "The Wire" box set arrived yesterday. I've heard and read nothing but good things about it so very much looking forward to that.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQMOP8W8e_bszVwYnoPuRMOyVXUTp6clNkgxt_ANa4hjdDbHtsEJeb1jxdx5T1cPP2UzOOVIdB5p5_B1iCe_pgN-ypeA0tLLEJJUTuiCkVcH7epwIQXnLu3-0V5u_JhRyzkuLuATWTO6E/s1600-h/dandywarhols_welcome_monkeys_house.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnQMOP8W8e_bszVwYnoPuRMOyVXUTp6clNkgxt_ANa4hjdDbHtsEJeb1jxdx5T1cPP2UzOOVIdB5p5_B1iCe_pgN-ypeA0tLLEJJUTuiCkVcH7epwIQXnLu3-0V5u_JhRyzkuLuATWTO6E/s320/dandywarhols_welcome_monkeys_house.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299611778344382466" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-42544831497420427382009-02-03T09:51:00.001+00:002009-02-03T09:52:55.115+00:00The Friday Album Cover #30 (Side B)And the answer was......<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEVLD-OYlYQBzMgI50fftPhj8zupHiyZHMK-mH7AxS2iqPYFrQePquDS9cRCsjocak91mb0NgNdWOirY0Hu_IgsYoCbpdtb55nDuS4EWrMFtfhEtXhhjrdYfC1MuzyqwVxKyCb9MGzg05Z/s1600-h/Texas_southside_album.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEVLD-OYlYQBzMgI50fftPhj8zupHiyZHMK-mH7AxS2iqPYFrQePquDS9cRCsjocak91mb0NgNdWOirY0Hu_IgsYoCbpdtb55nDuS4EWrMFtfhEtXhhjrdYfC1MuzyqwVxKyCb9MGzg05Z/s320/Texas_southside_album.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5298506772990230610" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-21203491054225973932009-01-30T10:36:00.002+00:002009-01-30T10:38:41.977+00:00The Friday Album Cover #30How did this reach 30 so quickly!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9nWcF6gNDAAvMt2gdr8K_UeS2SGvpr27MbNZ8wwJxzAPvsenwgpfWQkosc1iKeKNX9e16_YkwCRXkVkygXIo5lnm-YhLn4zMSleIY-aVV-hfHgvnz25pi911nt_kJUCcIIigO6FSshEV/s1600-h/30.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9nWcF6gNDAAvMt2gdr8K_UeS2SGvpr27MbNZ8wwJxzAPvsenwgpfWQkosc1iKeKNX9e16_YkwCRXkVkygXIo5lnm-YhLn4zMSleIY-aVV-hfHgvnz25pi911nt_kJUCcIIigO6FSshEV/s320/30.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5297034238683119378" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-57872638176098902542009-01-28T14:44:00.000+00:002009-01-28T14:46:44.232+00:00You put your left hand in....T-man just pointed me in the direction of <a href="http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/325071/6bb3c29d/time_warp_cirkelzaag.html">this</a><br /><br />As he said himself, "Crikes!"The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-68156681645197464602009-01-28T11:04:00.002+00:002009-01-28T11:10:45.609+00:00Anything you want - you got it!M's brother, D, is the type of guy who "knows a guy". Guys who can "procure" things, guys who can "fix" things - he knows a lot of guys. If I was looking for a doctor who would remove a bullet without asking questions, he'd be my first port of call.<br /><br />While sitting in her kitchen last week I noticed the new, futuristic looking washer/drier gleaming proudly under her counter top.<br /><br />With funky buttons and a digital display it looked like the type of contraption that, with a few minor tweaks, could be modified to offer time travel capabilities.<br /><br />"Very fancy!" I said nodding in the direction of the clothes washing, time-space continuum altering contraption.<br /><br />"Yeah" she replied, "€200".<br /><br />"Impressive! Where did you get it?"<br /><br />"Fell off the back of a lorry" she answered, matter-of-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">factly</span>.<br /><br />"D got it for you?"<br /><br />"No. It <span style="font-style: italic;">actually</span> fell off the back of a lorry. When it was being delivered. It left a dent in the side. The people who ordered it didn't want it so D.I.D were selling it at a much reduced price"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Note to self:</span> Mustn't jump to conclusions.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-52144343964708477642009-01-26T15:33:00.002+00:002009-01-26T15:38:17.679+00:00BodyrockI went to see the <a href="http://www.bodiesdublin.com/">Bodies Exhibition</a> at the weekend.<br /><br />Twice!<br /><br />If Interpol have a "Suspected Necrophiliacs List" there is now a good chance my name appears on it.<br /><br /><br /><br />I couldn't help noticing how tasty we look - like enormous boiled hunks of ham!<br /><br />Perhaps I should be on their "Potential Cannibals" list instead.The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-47340959929354516502009-01-23T14:19:00.003+00:002009-01-23T14:21:30.660+00:00Alright! Alright! Everything's gonna be alright!From <a href="http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0123/breaking38.htm">today's Irish times</a>...<br /><br /><blockquote>Ireland "has a thriving economy", and it would be wrong to compare the country's economic situation with that of Iceland's, Minister for Finance Brian <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Lenihan</span> has said.</blockquote><br />Phew! For a second there, I thought we were in the shit!The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-1475540568809013902009-01-23T10:53:00.001+00:002009-01-23T10:54:33.641+00:00The Friday Album Cover #29Another easy one - if you are an Irish child of the 80s. Can you recall the album name without Google's help though?<br /><br />This is a personal indulgence. It's an album cover I've wanted to do for a long time - but I'd never been able to find a picture of the cover. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXpDVsRUnEQoK-354RzLdGTHcMUcNxk0sOaJteKderyf-5QNPqnuV2Otu0XuCGIpE51BYgtDzCqPAGtX9QPQeqfTSMH4l68fvN0kCNaBD3PLS3v7qcyEmuP_MDm5wN-hkOBQw_NSliyd3t/s1600-h/zogabongs.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 298px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXpDVsRUnEQoK-354RzLdGTHcMUcNxk0sOaJteKderyf-5QNPqnuV2Otu0XuCGIpE51BYgtDzCqPAGtX9QPQeqfTSMH4l68fvN0kCNaBD3PLS3v7qcyEmuP_MDm5wN-hkOBQw_NSliyd3t/s320/zogabongs.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291904373816465826" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-15366341639871508582009-01-21T13:29:00.004+00:002009-01-21T13:55:34.508+00:00Answering Questions Posed in Songs #2<a href="http://thebadambassador.blogspot.com/2008/01/answering-questions-posed-in-songs-1.html">Answering Questions Posed in Songs #1</a><br /><br />The question is hidden as white text on a white background -it won't be visible unless you select it.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Q: <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?</span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Well that depends largely on the size of your life assurance policy and how much I stand to inherit.<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Q: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">What you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">gon</span>' do with all that junk?/All that junk inside your trunk?</span><br />A: </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>Hold a garage sale. My golf clubs won't fit if I don't get rid of it all.<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><br /></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Q: <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">doo</span> yeah?</span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Talk about stating the obvious. But yes, I have a rough idea what you're on about.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Q: <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">What I am is what I am Are you what you are or what?</span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> I'm what I am too. Look, this is getting uncomfortable Edie, I have to go now<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Q: <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Are we human or are we dancers?</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> I never realised the two were mutually exclusive. Can't we be both?<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Q: <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">How does it feel, to be on your own, like a rolling stone?</span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Perhaps unsurprisingly, it feels a lot like a being rolling stone.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Q: <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Why do fools fall in love?</span><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Love, like all emotions, Is inherently irrational. As such, fools are naturally susceptible to it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Q: <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Why do birds sing so gay?</span><br /></span><span>Isn't that a bit homophobic? </span>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-37119009651576361572009-01-20T09:47:00.003+00:002009-01-20T09:55:03.249+00:00Good AdvicesBeing neither a smoker nor an arsonist, I have scant need for matches. In fact, were it not for a few pub tricks, I would hardly ever use them.<br /><br />When I <span style="font-weight: bold;">do </span>find myself with a box of matches in my hands I immediately seek out the quip, quote or saying that is invariably printed somewhere on it.<br /><br />Much like a <a href="http://thebadambassador.blogspot.com/2009/01/calendar-girl.html">page-a-day calendar</a>, while some may be mildly amusing, most are hackneyed bits of advice ("<span style="font-style: italic;">A closed mouth gathers no feet</span>") or quaint, traditional blessings ("<span style="font-style: italic;">May you be in heaven half an hour before the divil knows you're dead</span>").<br /><br />Yesterday, I came across what was possibly the best piece of advice I have ever seen or heard, printed on a box of matches...<br /><br /><blockquote>Keep away from children!</blockquote>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-77653247665750272322009-01-19T15:47:00.007+00:002009-01-19T17:34:46.144+00:00Downhill from hereOne of yesterday's papers contained a short filler article outlining the main causes of (so-called) 'Postnuptial depression'.<br /><br />These post-honeymoon blues manifest themselves when the excitement of planning and preparing for "the big day" has passed and the newlyweds find themselves deep in debt ,with their ambitious plans to build an extension/buy a new car/get a new kitchen no more than a pipe dream.<br /><br />"Preposterous!<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><sup>*</sup></span>", declared Daddy Ambassador, "For a start, where did all these conditions and syndrome's come from?"<br /><br />"<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_Syndrome">Stockholm</a>?" suggested Mammy Ambassador.<br /><br />"For instance", he continued unperturbed, "there was no such thing as Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder when you were a 2 year old knocking holes in everything in sight. You were just being a little shit - nothing more, nothing less - and your mother and I had to teach you right from wrong. There was no 'Repetitive Strain Injury' or 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder' then either. When things got tough you gritted your teeth and got on with it. Now-a-days rather than take action to actually deal with hardship, people find it more convenient to invent some cock-and-bull syndrome that explains, justifies or excuses their behaviour."<br /><br />"In any case, it has nothing to do with post wedding blues, mountains of debt or some newly invented disorder. Young people get married expecting life to be like something from Friends or that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_About_You">thing Helen Hunt was in</a>. But life's not like that - not when you're married and certainly not when you have kids. Young couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations because of these shows".<br /><br />"Is that why you and Mam are so happily married? Because there was no 'Friends' back then?"<br /><br />"Exactly!" he replied.<br /><br />"All we had was Eastenders - and compared to that, anybody's life would seem like bliss".<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><sup>*</sup></span><span style="font-size:85%;"> Daddy Ambassador's grew up in Dolphin's Barn, so what he actually said was "Bollox!".</span>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-13131659656233459692009-01-16T10:05:00.002+00:002009-01-16T10:06:37.802+00:00The Friday Album Cover #28... and we're back. (Just about).<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdALzIcu64MOu1mSK_-hOXE12Lvxm8HxC8vRQYBDkETTy54sj1YvgnPA4pKBh7xhMs9VCIPF9kh33Ngc0xbFjhY8ggDePLxtMuyUHeNTJYQetkIRK_d_LmqxOpPi_ioX6bm4CPOVh7m94o/s1600-h/Truebluealbum.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdALzIcu64MOu1mSK_-hOXE12Lvxm8HxC8vRQYBDkETTy54sj1YvgnPA4pKBh7xhMs9VCIPF9kh33Ngc0xbFjhY8ggDePLxtMuyUHeNTJYQetkIRK_d_LmqxOpPi_ioX6bm4CPOVh7m94o/s320/Truebluealbum.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291830710522377186" border="0" /></a>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-25247120485944514132009-01-14T11:07:00.004+00:002009-01-14T11:30:17.309+00:00Calendar GirlA few days into January the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">CPF</span> was gifted a page-a-day desktop calendar - "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lifes-Little-Instruction-Day-Day/dp/0740774743">Life's Little Instruction Calendar 2009</a>" offering 365 pearls of wisdom from the pen of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._Jackson_Brown,_Jr."> H. Jackson Brown</a>.<br /><br />While such calendar's are hardly enough to base a whole belief system on, I've always liked them because among the trite, time worn cliches there are always a few gems that are original, quirky or funny enough to warrant committing to memory.<br /><br />I presume the instinct to seek out key personal dates on receiving such calendars is not unique to me. The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">CPF</span>, for one, does it too.<br /><br />Yesterday evening she giddily presented me with the calendar opened on the date of our fast approaching nuptials<sup style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">*</sup>. It said...<br /><blockquote><br />Marry the right person, its life's only shortcut to happiness.</blockquote><br />Of course that's not strictly true, there are numerous other shortcut's to happiness. Fast motorbikes, good wine (or simply 'lots of wine'), lottery wins, hard drugs, or the slow painful death of Louis Walsh to name but a few. It <span style="font-weight: bold;">is</span> a nice thought however - and far more preferable to the one I recently tore off and swiftly binned lest the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">CPF</span> see it and stick it on the fridge:<br /><br /><blockquote>It's never over until your wife says it's over.</blockquote><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><sup style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">*</sup> T minus less-than-5-months (and counting) to the big day.</span>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-42300995313825218712009-01-13T09:13:00.003+00:002009-01-13T09:19:54.642+00:00Sign of the TimesThese are tough times - companies are going up shit creek, down the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Swanee</span>, into <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">examinership</span> and out of existence on a daily basis.<br /><br />Yesterday was the turn of <a href="http://www.landofleather.ie/">Land of Leather</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deloitte.com/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Deloitte</span></a>, the examiners in question, have established an email address through which customers who have placed orders or paid deposits can find out where they stand.<br /><br />It seems one of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Deloitte's</span> techies is looking on the bright side, laughing in the face of adversity or engaging in some serious schadenfreude. The email address:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote>lol@deloitte.ie</blockquote><br /></div>The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4216178623686084277.post-17589430926328703522009-01-12T15:29:00.002+00:002009-01-12T15:40:22.274+00:00More, more, moreOut and about earlier, I found myself travelling behind an '08 Renault Espace with a taxi plate on the roof.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHqDBb5fn7cSYnQHF0ieN-9EOxZi0mvHPBsgrocJRlU3Y87nF2znKwvfWTGgaqrlPyqjGCuI6L2aAer2HjImjLzYnZvSA-_ff1nzHrA55t6H4NhyphenhyphenTzPMoqlIKVR_KpappNdEOgCyvenap-/s1600-h/renault_espace_14_02_06.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 202px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHqDBb5fn7cSYnQHF0ieN-9EOxZi0mvHPBsgrocJRlU3Y87nF2znKwvfWTGgaqrlPyqjGCuI6L2aAer2HjImjLzYnZvSA-_ff1nzHrA55t6H4NhyphenhyphenTzPMoqlIKVR_KpappNdEOgCyvenap-/s320/renault_espace_14_02_06.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290429947867620962" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Obviously deciding a few extra quid wouldn't go amiss in these recessionary times, he had stuck an A4 page inside his rear window advertising his vehicle for hire as a mini-bus.<br /><br />In addition to "Mini Bus For Hire" and the contact details, there was the (seemingly obligatory on all small ads) promise....<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"></div><blockquote><div style="text-align: center;">"<b>No job to big or small</b>"<br /></div></blockquote><br />According to <a href="http://www.renault.ie/vehicles/espace/espace_index.asp">renault.ie</a>,the Espace is a 7-seater.<br /><br />So 8 people might be considered a job too big then?The Bad Ambassadorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07904389496194186465noreply@blogger.com0